HELLO!
Hello.
Okay.
I think that's better.
Happy Hump Day!
Happy Wednesday!
How you doing?
Because I'm not very good.
I don't remember what I said.
I'm even worse now.
At least it was only like four minutes.
Yeah.
So we recorded.
We started recording this episode.
I'm just going to let you guys know what, what it's because of me, because I'm a
flustered and I just am an idiot and I'm not paying attention.
Apparently I thought I was paying attention.
I even tested it.
I said, talking to your mic.
Yeah.
Thought it was right.
I had the mics on like not on set to pull the mic in and it was coming from the computer
and it was like, Oh my God, the whole thing.
Anyways today has been a hot mess and yesterday and my life is crazy.
Yeah
And Sarah is here just for the ride.
You were texting me yesterday and she was like, why does everybody text me about their
problems?
She got 87 things going on yesterday.
87 different things going on today.
Well and then I got 87 things going on and then my mom calls me and it's like, Oh, and
I'm like, what do you, I literally said, what do you need?
I'm already, I've got a hundred, like I'm already stressed out.
What is this?
And she was like laughing.
And my immediate response was,
oh, Sassy's sad now.
No, she laughed and was like, ha ha.
She was like, ha ha, I'll just add,
I'll take your mind off of it.
And she added to it.
She added some stress to it.
It wasn't stress for me.
It was just like, seriously, why does this stuff happen?
Why do things happen?
You give good advice.
That's what I told you yesterday.
OMG.
So anyway, the whole hot mess.
So I don't know how we segued into,
oh, the diet thing.
Was it Dr. Now?
Yes.
Dr. Now.
Man, I really wish that we had that whole recording.
I do too.
It was so good.
It was good.
Boo.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, I mean, you've already said his name now.
Okay, so we were talking about Dr. Now
from 600 Pound Live for 1,000 Pound Sisters.
One of their weight loss shows.
And he, so our friend Jessica,
she has been on here before.
J Nail.
She was at work the other day
and like had sent a Snapchat of a magnet
with Dr. Now on it, on the refrigerator that said,
you're not going to starve.
You know, going to starve or something like that
is hilarious.
I think it's so funny.
Cause they talk about it on Howard Stern all the time.
And one of the guys on there has like the best impression.
I can't do it.
I tried earlier and it sounded real bad.
It's like, can you do it?
Try it.
No, I haven't seen that guy on the TV in a minute.
I haven't seen him on the TV ever.
I only listened to the impression guy on Howard Stern.
And then like the other day I looked it up
and I was like, oh my gosh, he sounds exactly like him.
It's great.
He's got a little accent and he's like,
you're not going to starve.
You're not going to starve.
I can't do it.
It's so bad.
Oh my God.
And he's like, mmm, yeah, mmm, yeah.
He's like, how y'all doing?
How y'all doing?
I can't do it.
It's so bad.
Man.
We're both starving because we're on diets right now.
Yeah. Stupid diets.
Why?
I don't understand.
I do want to say one thing is that
I'm not trying to be not thick.
I want to say that first and foremost.
Same.
Yeah. Like I still want to be a thick.
I'm just a little too thick.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm like borderline puffy at this point.
Yeah.
When your mom tells you that your face is look swollen,
there's an issue.
Oh my God.
I've been kind of waiting for my dad to be like
the relationship weight.
Have you gained weight?
Yes.
Oh, I haven't noticed.
I've probably gained 10 pounds.
But it's probably because we see each other all the time.
I don't get on the scale.
So that the scale, I like fall backwards.
Well, I weighed myself the other day
and I was real upset and I was like,
aw, some's gotta give.
So when I go to the doctor,
I get on backwards like a bulimic person
or an anorexic person.
Like seriously, like somebody told me about that
a long time ago and I was like,
that's the best thing that you've ever told me.
And the, like when I went to the nutritionist,
they were like, I told her, I was like,
yeah, I wanted to get on,
like I had to get on the scale.
And she was like, oh, if you don't wanna be weighed,
you don't have to be.
Like she was like super nice about it.
And I was like, because I feel like when I look at it,
it stresses me out and then I wanna eat more.
It's like depression eating.
Well, it's emotional eating.
And it's something that I think both you and I do.
And sometimes when we're together, we fuel it.
Well, like today I've been so freaking stressed out.
I'm like starving.
I'm on this stupid diet.
So I told Sarah that I ate an entire can of diced tomatoes
because I can't eat anything else.
So gross to me.
See, I can have-
It's only like a hundred calories.
Well, and I can have tomatoes on Weight Watchers
for zero points, but I will eat raw tomatoes
and just put salt and pepper on them.
Yeah, so I didn't have any raw tomatoes.
And usually when I buy raw tomatoes, they go bad
because I'm not a huge fan of that.
Unless it's on a BLT, can't have that though.
Nope.
Or like a cheeseburger.
You ate tomatoes every day.
Oh, I did.
So today, oh man.
So I'm doing Nutrisystem because I have an issue.
I've tried Weight Watchers.
Listen, I've tried every diet in the book.
I've done low carb.
I've done Weight Watchers.
I've done not eating.
I've done starvation and that actually worked.
Water?
We're not promoting anorexia in any capacity.
And I was like miserable,
but I would like run five miles a day
and I wouldn't eat anything.
This was when I was younger.
I think I was borderline.
And then I would binge drink on the way.
This was when I was in college, obviously.
Everybody does this.
And you should not.
It was really bad for me.
And that's probably why I weigh,
that's why my weight is where it is now
because I had that issue before
and it's really bad for you.
But yeah, so I've tried everything
and my issue is I don't have time,
or okay, I could probably make time,
but I will not make time to count the calories
and go to the grocery store like you and Brandon did today
and scan all the backs of the things
to make sure you have all the points
and then figure out the points.
Oh my God, NutriSystem is so much easier.
I did that once and the food was disgusting.
I know you said it's good, this.
Well, okay, so there are some things that I have had
that have not been as good,
but the first day, oh my God, it was so good.
Excuse me, I just burped because I ate.
Oh my God, that's so embarrassing.
I can't edit it out now, but that's really embarrassing.
I'm sorry, guys.
Okay, but it was like a little baby one.
It looks like it was a poop.
No, it wasn't a poop.
No, I know, I see.
It was a burp.
No, I know.
But it's basically the same thing.
Okay, so, but just out of the wrong end.
Oh my God.
So I had this, it was like pollock or something,
like some type of fish that was really, really good.
And I got really full that first time.
And I'm like, oh my God, this is delicious.
There have been some things
that have been like really small servings.
And I'm like, am I,
like I have been putting off eating those things.
I look at it like a chicken sandwich or something,
and it's like smaller than my fist.
I'm like, and I've got big hands,
but like seriously, it's smaller
than like a small person's fist.
And I'm like, what?
And you don't get to put any condiments or anything on it.
Okay, so today.
Nothing.
I mean, I guess you can have,
so there are certain things that you can do.
Like you can have three a day of these like extras.
And I think ketchup is one of those or something.
And like, but you only get like a teaspoon or a table.
I don't know.
And I don't eat ketchup.
Or, and there's like certain things like that
that you can have.
But my thing, I'm not doing that.
I know that they want you to, but I can't,
if I like, it's like a teaspoon or a tablespoon
of like peanut butter that you can have.
If I eat one teaspoon or tablespoon of peanut butter,
I'm gonna eat the whole jar,
especially when I'm on a diet.
Like, no, I'm sorry.
That's not enough.
Weight watchers definitely holds me accountable.
And I think it's just cause like,
I'm seeing the actual points, numbers, measurement.
Like I have a food scale and everything.
So.
See, that's too much effort for me.
But I, I don't know.
I just did it before and I was very successful with it
when I was in Cleveland and then the pandemic hit.
And I kind of just said, screw it after that
and ate whatever I wanted for a really long time.
But I do like the counting of it,
the seeing how many points I have left,
knowing, you know, as I, especially I get deeper into it,
like the ways that I can save points to have a cocktail
or eat a dessert or, you know, whatever.
Yeah, I get that.
And that's training you.
But, and I've done that a million times.
It's never really been successful for me, unfortunately.
I even went to like the meetings and stuff like,
and it didn't work out.
Maybe I lost like four pounds total.
Oh wow.
And I did it for like a really long time.
I lost like 20, 25 pounds when I did it the last time.
Oh, that's nice.
I wish.
And I had been, when I did it, when I left Cleveland,
I was my lowest weight that I had been in a long time.
Well, that's awesome.
So I just need the pre-package.
Okay, so another thing, I don't have the food scale
and I don't have all that stuff.
So I would be like, okay, one chicken breast.
No, I would do the whole thing where you get the free foods
and you would just, I just like eat all the free foods
all day long and that's not how it's supposed to be.
If you do that all day long, you're just gonna eat more
than what you're supposed to eat and.
Well, I think the whole point of it
is to not deprive yourself.
Well, it's not.
So like make that choice and eat that slice of pizza,
but then eat a handful of carrots with it.
Right, well, so that this is how the Nutri system is,
but it's pre-packaged and I don't have to think about it.
Right.
I still have to think about it.
I still have to be like, okay, I need,
cause they want you to eat small portions
throughout the day, I guess.
And so you have to eat like, you have to have like a shake,
a protein shake or like a certain,
or like a bar at certain, you know, during the day.
And you're not supposed to be hungry
and you can eat like all the vegetables,
starch, not starchy vegetables that you want
and things like that.
And I like it.
I don't, I just don't like the counting of the things.
Well, and that doesn't bother me.
Like I will count out my 55 goldfish
and count four points for it or whatever.
No, I want mine pre-counted.
No, I don't.
And I just don't care because like,
then I can still eat like French fries and brown gravy.
I just have to measure it.
And I'm cool with that.
Like I'll eat 22 French fries for five points,
whatever, you know, it might be.
I don't know what it is off the top of my head,
but hell yeah, I'll do that.
Yeah, I'd rather just have it.
So I'm just, yeah.
I need like basically a personal assistant.
I need, so when Rosie, my dog was overweight
and she still is a little,
but she's very skinny now compared to what she was.
She lost like a fourth of her body weight
or a third, I think.
And I had to put her on diet dog food
and only give her a certain amount.
And she was starving all day,
but she couldn't go get her own dog food and eat it.
I need somebody to do that to me, put me in a room
and be like, go on this walk, go on this walk twice a day
and only eat this.
I know, I don't think I have near enough steps today.
It's what I need, but that's okay.
Well, I don't have any steps for today
because I literally have sat and worked all day
and then I walked down the stairs and that's about it.
So yay for my healthiness.
Oh my gosh, yeah, we'll get there.
Yeah, so Dr. Nell, you're hilarious.
And honestly, I need Dr. Nell to be like,
you don't go starve, you look fat.
No. You're so fat.
And you only need to eat this
and I need him to come home with me and just be like,
why you try to eat that? Stop it.
You're not going to starve.
Also, he's not even that skinny.
Like he just looks like, you know what I mean?
Like he's not like, he's just a regular like dad bod.
Oh my gosh.
So, okay, let's jump into our,
well, we can do a FMK if you'd like.
Yeah, all right, okay.
So this is a little bit random,
but I don't care because I want to know what you think.
I think I already know your answer,
but I'm going to ask anyways.
Road trip, flying or cruise?
Okay, but where are we going?
Is it all to the same place?
I think it's just travel modes of transportation
and your preference.
Okay, but a cruise is different than flying and a road trip.
Cruise is like an excursion.
Okay, you're going to Cancun, Mexico.
Okay, cool.
I would prefer to, if I'm going to Cancun, Mexico,
I would prefer to go to fly there, obviously.
Can't drive, I guess you could drive there.
To fly there, can you drive there?
Yeah, you gotta go through Texas.
Yeah, but is Cancun, like, is it an island?
Is this sounding really dumb?
I don't think it's an island, no.
Oh, okay, okay.
Because when you fly into the airport,
you don't have to go over a bridge or take a boat
or anything to get to Cancun.
It's like 20 minutes from Cancun airport.
All right, but when you go to Hawaii,
you don't have to go over a bridge
or take a boat to get there.
You just fly into Hawaii.
But I'm pretty sure it's not an island.
Okay, gotcha.
So, okay, so I would fly there
and I would have an all-inclusive resort.
You're not going to a surf?
Especially not at an all-inclusive resort.
No, definitely not.
Because that is the way to go, 100%.
Cruise, no thank you.
So I'm, oh wait, okay.
So Mary flying, fuck, oh.
I don't know, it depends.
Okay, so if I'm gonna go on a road trip to Cancun, no.
No.
That actually, it could be fun though.
That was kind of a poor destination.
I'm killing, I really like road trips.
I think they're fun, especially if you're going to out west.
That's why I didn't wanna pick a destination
because I know you like a road trip.
Yeah, but a cruise is different
because I'm killing, I think I'm gonna kill the cruise
because I don't know, I wanna kill, it depends.
What kind of car am I in?
Who's driving?
I don't wanna drive.
If I'm being chauffeured, that's what's up.
You get chauffeured everywhere we go.
That's the truth.
I know.
This is why I'm supposed to be,
y'all need to hurry up and make me famous, okay?
So I can have a driver.
You need a driver?
Yeah, like driving Miss Daisy.
Yeah, so, but I do like a road,
I think I'm gonna kill the road trip though.
Actually, you know what?
I'm killing the cruise.
Oh my God, make up your mind woman.
Cruises are too expensive.
They make it seem like it's super cheap
and then you get on there and you can't have anything
and their drinks taste like skeetle juice.
And it's like.
Don't y'all have a friend named that?
Do we have a friend named skeetle juice?
From college.
I don't know if we named anybody skeetle juice.
We talked about, maybe Jessica calls him skeetle juice.
One of the people.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
I know, that's why I said that,
is cause it's skeetle juice
but I don't think it's somebody's name.
I don't know, we'll have to ask Jessica
if we named somebody that.
I think that we just.
I can tell you who it is.
Is it the blonde dude?
Yeah.
Yeah, really tall guy.
Yeah.
Kinda like dopey.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
He's hilarious.
I wanna know, I did not know him in college.
I met him because we worked together.
Where?
At Success EHS.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
I didn't know he ever had a job.
And he was like professional college student.
He was funny.
We were really good friends with him.
Anyways, so yeah, it's just, no, I'm not doing the cruise.
I would love to go on a cruise.
It sounds great.
But I'd like, if I was getting,
like don't count me out of a trip
because I said I would kill the cruise.
This is a choice, you have to make a choice.
So killing the cruise, marrying the flying to Cancun
or to anywhere.
And then what was the other one?
Kill, kill, I already killed.
Mary.
No.
Fuck.
Yes.
The drive.
Oh my God.
What about you?
That was a damn chore.
It was.
What's a hard one?
I am killing the road trip.
I think it's because I have been either the designated
or volunteered driver for a lot.
Volunteered.
Yeah.
I think you're, yeah, volunteered.
Volunteered, volunteered.
I do.
But I hate it once I'm doing it.
I know I used to love driving
and I like to have my car there.
But no, I need to have a boyfriend
that drives my car.
Well, I let Brandon do that sometimes for sure.
But I think I'm gonna kill it though,
because like I definitely, I don't know.
I mean, I drove to Cleveland and back by myself
before went to New York from Cleveland.
You know, when I was living up there to go visit my mom.
But it's so much better when you don't have to drive.
Oh, for sure.
You can lay in the back seat and go to sleep.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I mean, I was by myself or with a dog, you know?
So I think I'm gonna kill that
because it's just not my vibe.
I would rather get on an airplane.
So I'm gonna marry an airplane
and I guess I'm fucking a cruise.
I've never been on one.
So might as well do it once, you know, bucket list.
I would love to get an RV or several RVs.
Like those rental RV things
that you can get at like the Grand Canyon
and get all our friends
and like have like three people in each RV, four people.
We would kill each other.
No, we wouldn't because then we could switch RVs
if we needed to.
If we needed to.
Amazing.
It would be so fun.
Like Rose has talked about doing this
and like we could go cross country
and we'd have a bathroom.
Everybody could sleep.
I'm not driving the RV.
Look, we've got like DJ.
Who do you think is gonna drive an RV?
DJ and Brandon.
Whoa!
Oh, you should see your face.
Maybe not Brandon.
What about-
I don't know, I don't know.
DJ and Erin.
Yeah.
Erin would be like, no, I'm not driving.
Yeah, he probably-
Make somebody else drive.
I think DJ would do it for us though.
He probably wouldn't want to,
but he would do it because he's nice.
I don't know.
Being in an RV, like,
and I used to do that with my grandparents.
Like we went every summer on a trip,
went to Dollywood a lot,
but we went to several different RV parks.
We went to RV parks in Perdido before
and like we had a great time.
But I think on a road trip like that,
depends on how many people are in the RV.
Cause if it's too many,
then people are sleeping in weird, uncomfortable places.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
We don't have that many.
And I just feel like the smell at some point
of all the different people combined,
like it's just going to stink in there.
I don't know why.
Why would it stink?
Why are we like having bodily functions?
I don't know.
We're going to stop at gas station to poop.
Yeah, but if anybody shits in the thing,
it's going to stink the whole thing up.
Oh listen, let me tell you this story.
My friend, Caitlin, her,
she doesn't live in Birmingham anymore,
but her dad, they had an RV
and her dad was at the gas station one time
and he accidentally like pulled the,
he was trying to dump stuff and it went,
he pulled it out of the thing somehow
and it like sprayed all over somebody else's RV.
Gross.
Ew.
Oh God, it was hilarious when they told me that.
I was like, no way.
Disgusting.
Yeah, yeah.
No, see, no, but like you don't really need it
for the bathroom.
You can stop at a gas station or like a,
you know, whatever.
I don't know.
But the shower is nice.
I'm on, yeah, for sure.
But you're not going to use the shower
while you're driving.
It needs to be a nice, nice, nice RV.
Like not some piece of shit.
No.
Like I want to be able to turn around in the shower.
Who do you think I am?
I will have a driver.
Oh, we're hiring a driver as well.
This is going to be like the Ritz Carlton of RVs,
which really it'll probably be like the cheapest one
and I'll be like, I don't care.
Exactly.
Okay.
It'll, it would be fun.
You can be in a different one.
Than you?
Yeah.
I'm not looking to be in a different one from you.
Well, you said it was going to stink.
I'm just apprehensive.
I didn't say you were going to stink.
You and Brandon can get your own RV.
Hell no.
We'll kill each other.
Why?
You're about to get married to each other.
How are you going to be in an RV together?
Yeah, but it doesn't mean I got to be in an RV
with one of us driving.
Why would you kill each other?
I don't know.
I feel like it would make me very, very anxious.
Well, that makes me sad.
Poor Brandon.
No, I don't trust myself driving an RV.
Well, you wouldn't drive it.
Brandon would drive it.
That makes me a little nervous as well.
Well, then you have to drive it
or you have to get over yourself.
Take a Xanax.
Yeah, that's what I need.
Let me drive on a Xanax.
No.
That would be good.
Lord have mercy.
Okay. Yeah.
So you, did we finish your, did you,
we have, by the way, I apologize for in the past,
we've done some FMKs and I did not finish
or like Sarah did hers and then I didn't do mine
or I did mine and Sarah didn't do hers.
And then I listened back and I was like, okay.
It's because we are the tangent queens.
We talk a lot.
It's me usually.
Sarah will be like, fuck this, marry this, kill this.
And I'm like, wait, why?
Tell me why I need to know the reasons.
Okay. So today I honestly don't know
what we're talking about,
but I think we're talking about some 90s magazine stuff.
We are.
And this idea came to us from Melanie.
She sent me a link to some old magazine covers
and a few inside pages.
It won't show the whole magazine,
but it was just an archive.
And I'll see if I can tell you what the website is.
It was, it's called archive.org.
And it's just a handful of magazines from 1999,
mostly is what I pulled this from.
So I just pulled some different topics for us to talk about
that are things that were listed on these magazine covers
or in the inside pages that they were willing to show.
So like crazy things from the 90s magazines
or just 90s magazines?
Well, it's different topics and things like that,
but these are the things that they were,
these are teen magazines, by the way.
So I pulled from teen magazine or hang on, let me see.
Yeah, teen magazine and 17 magazine.
And they're all from the late 90s.
So I just thought it would be fun to talk about,
I guess, how not PC the topics were.
Okay, so how not PC?
Okay, so I put some comments down here,
but I wanna get your take on things as well.
So the first one I saw was,
how far would you go to be popular?
So, there's like a whole article about it inside
and I couldn't get to the articles,
but I just pulled these things
because I feel like now it's like almost cooler
to be who you are as an individual than to conform.
So, how far would you go to be popular?
I don't have to go far.
I just am.
Oh my gosh, I just sounded just like my mom.
She's like, I must come, I must go.
How far would I get in the book?
I don't try to be popular.
If I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, if I'm not,
then I really could care less.
I just like to be who I am.
Well, and even that back then.
It's probably easier for us to have opinions on this
because we're not like in high school.
And I think that, obviously this was teen magazine,
so that's what it's geared towards.
But I think it's less cool now to be like,
I don't know, the cheerleader or the jock than.
Well, I was, when I was in high school,
I still feel like I was the same.
I never really like, I wasn't,
I mean, I guess I wasn't not popular,
but I wasn't like the most popular kid in school.
I was a cheerleader. Yeah, same.
But I wasn't like, oh my gosh, I have to be a child.
Actually, I did feel that way because I really liked it.
I enjoyed it, but I wasn't like, I mean, I don't think I was.
Maybe my friends in high school thought I was same.
And I didn't think that I,
I don't feel like I needed that for some reason.
And I wouldn't have gone far to be popular.
No, God, no.
I just was what I was. Do you remember the show Popular?
No. What was it about?
I think it was on the CW.
It was about high school students that talked about
how far they would go to be popular.
Oh, yikes. I feel like nowadays-
It's not a docu-series.
It was like a scripted show.
So you say that you think nowadays it's more,
it's more accepted to not be the cheerleader or whatever,
but like it is, people are going so far
to be the person popular, like Instagram.
Yeah, that's fair.
They have all this social media nowadays.
It's like kind of crazy.
It's like worse than it was.
Oh, 100%.
I think it is way harder to be popular these days
and keep up.
But like when you say to be popular,
like I feel like popular has a different meaning.
Like when you're in high school,
you're like, oh, that's the popular kids.
Okay, but popular was like,
doesn't mean that they're actually popular
in like the definition of like the real definition.
Like if popular, doesn't it mean like, oh.
Well, like-
Everyone, yeah.
Like everyone knows who you are.
Right.
But just because, yeah, it doesn't mean that you're not,
you're like, I don't know, like-
I don't know.
I think it's, I think it was easier for us in a way.
And I think it's also easier for us to have an opinion
about something like this and we're not in the thick of it.
Yeah, so it's popular, the definition that comes up,
Oxford languages on Google is liked, admired,
or enjoyed by many people
or by a particular person or group, which-
Could mean many different things.
Yeah, and so like popular, like in high school,
I don't feel like, I feel like people hated everybody.
Like all the other, you know what I mean?
It's not like, just because you're like the-
I think it was much more clicky.
And you were, it was less acceptable to participate
in different things like play sports
and be in theater or something like that.
I did, I was a cheerleader and I did the theater
and I was in choir.
I was in a lot of weird things, weird things, not weird.
I was in a lot of things that weren't the same,
like different.
Well, and I think also, you know, the portrayal back then
was a very segregated perspective
of you either are a cheerleader or you are a jock
or you are a nerd or you know, you're an emo kid, whatever.
And that's what was portrayed in all of our rom-com,
you know, high school movies.
Well, yeah, in the movies for sure.
Yeah.
All right, next.
And these quizzes, and I only wrote down
like one or two things, I think, but it had me laugh.
Will he break your heart?
Wait, what does that mean?
It was a quiz.
Oh, it was a quiz in the magazine.
And how misleading is that, first of all,
for anyone who thinks that a quiz can solve a problem
in their relationship or give you a firm answer
on like a possible crush, will he break your heart
or sway you into making a decision?
So I just Googled quiz, will he break your heart?
And like 100 things came up.
Like first thing is nerdtests.com.
Will he break your heart?
Do you want me to take it?
Yeah, you can.
I don't have anybody that would break it.
So we wanna take it for you.
When planning dates, he's dot dot dot,
up to do whatever I want to do.
Well, of course, for you, because if you didn't,
he would be like, wow, plans it by himself,
puts a lot of effort into them,
or he doesn't really care about what we do on our dates
as long as he's there.
Oh, as long as there's a make-out session involved.
Oh my God, A then.
Yes, A for sure.
I can just answer for Brandon.
Number two, he wants to hang with you tonight,
but you already have plans with your girlfriend.
How does he react?
I don't know this one.
He's upset, but understands that I already have plans.
He doesn't care really.
In fact, it doesn't bother him at all,
or he's furious with me.
I mean, I feel like we have to go with the first one,
but like we basically live together.
So like he knows, it's not, we're not in like the dating,
we don't see each other every day.
But he's like, oh man.
Yeah. Okay, gotcha.
Like when I told him, I was like,
I don't know if we're recording tonight or not,
I'll let you know or whatever.
Like I'm sure that he got excited at the prospect
that I was gonna be free tonight instead of.
Brandon, find something else to do, dude.
He is. Hang out with Jolene.
He and Jolene are watching a movie right now,
and he said, I'm gonna watch this
cause you don't want to.
Cause we had to have- What movie is it?
Extraction Three, I think.
I have no idea. Me either.
Don't care.
All right. Flash forward 10 years from now,
what do you see your life like?
We're married, maybe with a few kids.
He has a lot of commitment issues.
So, dot, dot, dot, 10 years, question mark.
I can barely look past 10 days.
I mean, I feel that way, but that's just because-
Well, I mean, it has to be A, but without the children-
But there's more, there's more.
Oh shit, shit, shit. I know.
We're both not ready to think about stuff like that,
or we won't be together that long.
Oh, well it's still A, just without the kids.
Without the kids. Yeah.
Which word best describes him?
Caring, brave, daring, shy, or attractive?
A.
Caring.
Which booby-
Oh, which booby-
What?
Which booby best describes your-
Which movie?
And I did this accidentally.
I did, I think that I might be dyslexic.
Dyslexic.
Which movie is what it was supposed to say?
Which movie best describes your relationship?
But I said, which booby best rescribes-
I have no idea.
Describes your relationship.
I have no idea.
Okay, so the notebook,
it's like we're made for each other.
Twilight, I know I shouldn't love him, but I do.
Cinderella, he makes me feel like I am worth something.
Or Tangled, we didn't see each other coming.
I'm going with C or D.
I think it should be B.
Why?
Because I like Twilight.
I don't know-
I like Twilight too, but not the meaning behind the answer.
I've never seen Tangled, and he-
Oh, I didn't read the second part.
I know I shouldn't love him, but I do.
Sorry, my bad.
Okay.
You saw Twilight and kept it moving,
even though the rest of the words came out of your mouth.
Well, notebook is sad.
Cinderella is like, I don't know.
And then Tangled, I don't think I've ever seen Tangled.
Okay, how long have you been dating?
One year or more, less than a few weeks, a few months,
I think one to 10 months.
One to 10?
Yeah.
Another guy is hitting on you.
Your guy gets defensive, hits him literally,
doesn't do much.
He's not like that.
He probably wouldn't have seen it.
We're not together that often.
That's not it.
Which one?
This is a good one to know.
He gets defensive.
I bet, I think he gets defensive.
Oh, that was an option?
Yeah, the first one.
Sorry, gets defensive.
Yeah.
Or hits him literally is the next one.
No, no, no.
Sorry, I'm trying to do it fast, so it's like real quick.
It's okay.
Describe your elation.
I'm gonna slow down.
Describe your relationship in one word.
Okay.
Passionate, slow, perfect, one word, question mark.
That's hard.
One word, question mark, yeah.
Okay.
When's the last time you spoke to him?
Two seconds ago via text.
I'm already answering it.
Like, I have it though.
Okay, but that's literally like how it should.
Close enough.
Okay, so it's either yesterday, two seconds ago via text,
last week at school slash work,
or a phone call a few nights ago.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Yeah, two seconds ago.
While taking this quiz, what's going through your mind?
I have a pretty darn good relationship actually.
I really wonder what my results are.
I'm starting to question this relationship.
I don't know anymore.
A.
Oh, I was thinking B.
I really wonder what my results are, but that was me.
Well, yeah, I mean, I wonder that too, but like.
All right, results are in.
Hold on.
Where's it going?
Test scores.
He seems to be okay, but be on the lookout.
What?
How is that even possible?
Okay, here's a percentage score.
Percentage he will break your heart, 21%.
What did we answer that he would break?
That's hilarious.
Okay, yeah, I liked that.
Okay, we should rate this test stinks, number one.
Yeah, but anyways, you see my point though.
The results of that test are stupid.
Ridiculous, yeah.
So speaking of ridiculous,
remember Maybelline Express Finish Nail Polish?
It says it's supposed to dry in one minute.
They still have that.
Well, they do.
And I bought it the other day.
And it's bullshit.
And remember when I came to Beer Olympics and I tried to.
Oh yeah.
And it was like goopy stuff everywhere.
It was terrible.
It was so bad.
Don't buy it.
Like you cannot buy anything other than OPI
or like SE or whatever.
Yeah.
And maybe like one other brand.
China Glaze.
What?
No, I don't like that.
That's the worst.
I hate that stuff.
You like it?
Ew.
Is that what that is?
No, this is OPI.
I got my toes done yesterday.
Okay.
Why are you judging them?
They were professionally done.
I'm not judging them.
I said, is that what that is?
That's all I said?
No judgment.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
OPI gel.
OPI.
OPI one can OPI.
Okay.
All right.
No, that stuff sucks.
Don't buy it.
Oh my God.
Sorry, Maybelline.
It's not express finish.
No, it's not.
Definitely not.
Okay.
There was one article that said,
cool clothes you can afford $66 or less.
I'm sorry.
In 1999, a top that cost $66 was a lot for a teenager.
First of all, cool clothes,
you can afford $66 or less today is a lot for a top.
Yeah.
You can like, I would,
the stuff that I got to buy was like TJ Maxx.
And it was like on the clearance rack when I was in,
not in college, in well that college too, in high school.
My mom was like, nope, not spending that money on that.
Oh, a hundred percent.
Well, listen, I think my parents would,
we'd go school shopping every year,
but I had a set number of dollars.
So if I wanted some, you know, $45 Abercrombie
or American Eagle top or whatever.
Yeah.
Right.
But the problem with that is that I would have, for me,
is that I would have picked that $45 top
and then I would have been like,
I don't have any other clothes to wear.
My mom would have been like, what the heck?
And then I'd have to go buy more.
When I was in high school
and I was like making my own money or whatever,
cause I, you know, had a job that if you ever visit
Canton, New York, go to Josie's little pizzeria.
It's the greatest place in the whole entire world,
best pizza you will ever have.
But I spent my money on beer.
Same. And gas.
I was a lifeguard.
I also worked at Victoria's Secret at one point.
And you know, you get paid like $7.25 an hour,
or it might've been less than that back then
for minimum wage or whatever it is.
And I mean, I think I got paid more as a lifeguard.
I think I got paid like $10 an hour or more than that
when I was a head lifeguard.
But like, yeah, I mean, that's all illegally bought beer.
And we didn't go to anything.
We bought beer and then maybe, oh, we would go to like,
like after school, me and my friend Jodi,
sorry Jodi, if your parents are listening, we would,
well, it's my parents, we would steal the cars
and we would go to Burger King and get chicken fries.
When they make, remember the chicken fries?
I don't know if they still have them.
I think they bring it back every now and again.
With their ranch dip, it was so good.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
All right, the next one is how to be a guy magnet,
which I thought this was funny because, you know,
everybody's always focused on women
being more desirable for men.
They would still probably have that same thing in a magazine.
I'm gonna look it up.
I think it may not say how to be a guy magnet now
or whatever, but it would be something about.
It would be this YouTube video that I just found
called how to be a man magnet.
Oh shit.
And it was, I don't know when it was posted,
but if I click on it, I'm afraid it's gonna start playing.
So. Yeah, it probably will.
Yeah.
But there is literally, here's one glamor,
dating advice, how to be a man magnet.
Yeah. From 2011 though.
Oh, well still, I mean, I think that that will probably
never go away because that is something that caters to women
and that's what, you know, those magazines are catered for.
Which I think is ridiculous.
100%.
Why don't we have how to be a chick magnet for dudes?
You know, they're not putting that in GQ magazine
or any of that shit and I don't know
if they had any teen magazines for dudes.
Well, they're not.
But why don't we talk about how to be a good dude?
Like get a job, have a car, have a place to live.
Exactly.
Like know how to do your own taxes.
Right, so why don't we explain these things to men
so we can stop bitching about them?
Which I'm not bitching about Brandon.
Well, they want to explain it to us
because they want us to do the work, honey.
Duh, and we do it because we believe they're stupid crap.
We do do it. It's so bad.
Okay, so I also, speaking of the man magazine stuff,
I watched Secrets of Playboy.
Have you watched it yet on Netflix?
Oh my gosh, it's so good.
I don't remember, I watched one on Hulu,
but I don't remember if I watched one on Netflix.
And maybe it was on Hulu.
I can't remember which one it was on.
I have all the things. It was a docu-series.
Yeah, it was like all the things
and it had like all the old girlfriends.
It had like Holly.
Oh my gosh, that is the craziest thing.
And it's basically, oh my gosh, I can't, I can't with that.
We will get into that later, at a later date.
But yeah, man.
No, I would love to talk about that.
Yeah.
I actually told my parents this the other night
and I can't remember why.
Oh, I know we were talking about it
because my sister was just in Chicago
and a place that they went or whatever had,
and I don't even know if it still exists,
but the Playboy Club.
And so we were talking about that.
And I remember the night that Hugh Hefner died
because I was laying in the bed and something told me,
like I was laying there and I was like,
Hugh Hefner's dead.
And like 30 minutes later, I got an E-news notification.
That's weird.
I know, and I've never done that before.
I've never done it since.
Don't remember if I, I don't think I've ever done it before.
It was the weirdest thing.
Were you listening to some like,
was some radio or something on?
Because let me tell you what happened to me this morning.
What?
This morning, Howard Stern, I actually don't even know
if this was like actually today that happened,
but Kelly Clarkson was on, yeah,
on Howard Stern this morning.
And I'm listening to it, but I'm like half asleep, okay?
And I was having dreams that I was hanging out
with Kelly Clarkson.
And then some, this is so weird.
I had, cause you know, I chipped my tooth over the weekend.
No.
Oh my God, I haven't told you about that.
Okay, I'll tell you that soon.
Oh my God.
I chipped my tooth on a Ring Pop.
Okay.
But over, so while I was asleep,
I was having this dream that I was hanging out
with Kelly Clarkson and I was chewing gum
and the gum wasn't, it was getting stuck to all of my teeth.
And when I was trying to pull the gum out of my teeth,
the teeth were coming out with it.
It was crazy.
Have you Googled what losing your teeth in dreams means?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, it's like really bad.
That's obviously I am stressed out, okay.
Yeah.
Duh.
And it was like me pulling it out.
So it's like, it's like not stressed from someone else.
It's like me giving myself my own stress, apparently.
I don't know, it's really bad.
But also Kelly Clarkson was there and I was okay with it.
I was, she had some like, oh my God,
it was hilarious in this dream.
She had these shoes and she was like showing us her shoes.
I don't know who I was with.
And it was like a size like 15.
Oh my God.
And I was like, I looked at him and I was like,
your size 15 shoe?
And she's like, she was like, just like real chill.
Like, yeah girl, like.
Yeah.
It was like, I was like dang.
She's like five two or something.
Yeah, do you wanna know what a size 15 in women's would be?
It'd be like a size 18 in men.
It was the weirdest dream.
I have weird dreams, y'all.
I don't know.
Oh my God.
But it was because she was talking to like Howard Stern
in the background and that's like why she like.
No, there was nothing playing that night.
I don't know why.
It was the only time that that's ever happened to me
that I recall.
And it was, it was creepy when it happened, but all right.
All right, moving along.
The next one I saw was bathing suits
that fit and flatter all figures.
And then in parentheses, honest with an exclamation point.
The fact that they had to include the honest
means it probably doesn't apply at all.
And of course back then they didn't have like the TA3
or like any of these good ones that were like inclusive
of size. No, but they also didn't put like
a quote unquote plus size woman in one of those magazines
is probably a size eight.
I don't think, it probably is four.
Yeah, I mean, it's crazy.
Like, you know that there is no way that Ashley Graham
is showing up in one of those magazines in the nineties.
Oh my gosh, we should look to see if there were any
and what they, what size they were.
Yeah. Yeah, that's wild.
I would like to know that.
Yep. All right.
They all looks like they like came from the Holocaust
or something. I mean, that's terrible,
but like a legit like, yeah.
Very, very skinny.
So then I've got two quizzes that I want to save for last,
but then I saw one that had, you're obsessed.
He's oblivious, how to get over him.
And on the same cover, it said quiz, is he crushing back?
I'm like, what the hell?
You're like how to get over him,
but is he crushing back in the same cover?
Because you have to have a man at all times.
I know. Or you are not fulfilled.
You just cannot function.
You have to have children, you have to have a man.
You're not allowed to have a job or you're not fulfilled.
Yeah.
It just made me laugh because I was trying to read
like all the different topics that they had
because I knew I couldn't get to the articles.
And when I saw both of those, I was like,
you've got to be kidding me.
They're going to tell you, you don't need him,
but then is he crushing on you at the same time?
So I don't know.
Okay. So you're obsessed and he's oblivious.
Okay. So he's oblivious to you being obsessed with him.
Yeah. I would assume that's one of those situations
where like you've got a best guy friend or whatever,
and you're obsessed with him.
And he just totally doesn't know.
So you have to teach yourself how to get over him
instead of telling him your real feelings.
You should probably not tell him your real feelings
if you still want to be friends with him
because in my opinion.
Yeah. No, I mean, I think that's fair.
Unless you know it's somebody that you're good enough
friends with to where you can say it,
if it's not reciprocated,
then you have to be prepared to move on
and like act normal again.
Right. Right.
Which is I think the hardest part.
Right.
All right. So the last two are quizzes.
75 reasons why life without a boyfriend rules,
except there's also a quiz for decide if it's a fling
or the real thing.
So that's really interesting that they have that 75 reasons
why life without a boyfriend rules.
Do you have that?
I want to look that up.
No, I couldn't get to it.
Because that, I want to know what those reasons are.
Yeah.
Because that's interesting in the nineties,
because you would think that they would be saying like,
let me see if I can find the cover.
You have to have a boyfriend.
All right.
So it was 17 magazine, February, 1998,
the 75 reasons why life without a boyfriend rules.
And on the cover of it was,
y'all she's my least favorite actress of all time.
Who is it?
Sarah Michelle Geller.
Oh yeah.
I think I've just got mad at her
because she married Freddie Prince Jr.
and I had the biggest crush on him.
So I liked her in, what was she in?
Buffy.
Yeah. Did not really, wasn't a big, huge fan
of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but wasn't she in-
Is it a movie or a show?
It was movies.
It was like, nice cringes.
Curl Intentions.
Well, I liked Curl Intentions,
but wasn't she in like one of those scary movies?
Like I Know What You Did Last Summer or something?
It was, and I know what you did last summer,
that was Jennifer Love Hewitt.
It was, it was, she was in I Know What You Did
Last Summer too. Oh, was she?
Yeah. Oh.
Yeah, and she was in Scream too.
Okay, fair, fair.
And apparently this is what Google says.
Yeah.
Yeah, she was in a lot of those movies back then.
She was in Scooby Doo, remember that?
That was in 2002.
I feel like my favorite actresses from that time
were like Alicia Silverstone, Drew Barrymore.
Oh, I did love her.
Not a huge Natalie Portman fan.
Oh, I love Natalie Portman.
I wasn't back then, I like her now.
Well, somebody told, so this was a long time ago when I,
this was, these were the days when I was like starving
myself and I also had short hair.
Somebody, I worked at this restaurant,
worked at Zoe's Kitchen and somebody came into the
restaurant and told me that he was like,
how many people tell you that you look like,
just like Natalie Portman?
And I was like, this is the best day of my life.
Was that right up there with you,
you have nice eyebrows compliment.
That was better than the nice eyebrows.
I was like, and I like, the whole day I was like cheese in
and I told this guy that worked with me, I was like,
oh my gosh, this guy just told me I look like Natalie
Portman, do I look like Natalie Portman?
And I was like obsessed with it.
He was like, I mean, kind of, I guess.
And I was like, yeah, no, I don't.
I might have back then,
cause I was a lot like skinnier looking in my face,
would might have like more like,
cause she's tiny.
Yeah, more definition.
She bones.
And we had, I think I have, I have a mole
and she has a mole, right?
Doesn't she?
I don't know, but I have a mole too.
Yeah, no, she doesn't have a mole or she got it removed.
I thought she did.
Yeah.
And the last one I have is a little bit of a soapbox,
kind of, not gonna be a long one,
but there was a quiz on here that said,
are you a good flirt?
And my note was, why were we teaching teenagers
how to flirt when sex education was shit in the nineties?
Was it bad in the nineties?
I mean, what was, do you remember what your sex ed was like
when you were in high school?
And that was in the early 2000s.
Well, so I was a cheerleader
and my cheerleading coach was our health teacher.
So I never literally went to health class.
Okay.
I was like out doing other things.
So that is my point entirely.
You didn't even show up to a health class
to have to have a conversation about P's and V's,
penises and vaginas.
But we wanna teach people how to flirt.
Why are you giving me a blank stare?
I'm just thinking about it because-
Do you know what I mean?
No, because it's a magazine, not a school.
No, I get, yes, I understand what you're saying.
I-
But did you find any that said like,
that had like sex education?
No, I did not find the word sex
on any of the magazine covers.
Interesting, okay.
Did you find any like abstinence things?
No.
Interesting.
That's wild.
Yeah.
I mean, I just-
Do they have them now though?
Is there even a teen magazine now?
I don't know.
I can't remember.
There was like Teen Vogue though, I know that.
Teen Vogue, yeah.
I don't know.
It was comical to me though to know like,
okay, we're sending these girls out into the world,
teaching them how to flirt, quote unquote.
But nobody was really educating folks back then
that much anyways, unless it was individual parents.
I mean, you had to have a permission slip
to even have sex ed.
Like it's crazy.
Wait, what?
You had to have a permission slip?
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't.
They did that in New York?
They made you have a permission slip?
You think that they would make you have to do that
in Alabama, but I guess it's because there's too many
teen pregnancies down here.
I don't know.
I'm pretty sure we got sex ed in fifth grade.
And then again, at some point through your high school
career, you had to take health class.
And so I think I took it as a sophomore.
You got sex ed in fifth grade?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
But I mean, that was a whole sitting us in front of the TV
with a old school cartoon type movie, like animated movie.
Oh.
Yeah.
I don't remember any of that.
I think we probably had it and I just,
I got to skip class a lot.
In fifth grade?
Well, yeah, like in every grade,
I was like the teacher's pet kind of person
and they would have me run in errands.
Of course you fucking were.
Or like when I was-
She's writing the list down of shit
she knew from her teacher in third grade.
That's how she got started with her career.
This is why I'm so dumb nowadays
because I miss all of my high school education
because I was running errands.
You have a master's degree, shut the hell up.
Good God.
I did, I did get like pulled,
cause I was really good.
Like I never did anything bad.
And I was like, if they told me to go run an errand,
I went and did it and I came back.
And I wasn't like gonna like veer off.
I mean, I didn't push my teacher's buttons in high school.
Definitely not.
They liked me and I was good and I got good grades
and I was an athlete.
And so I just kind of flew under the radar.
Yeah, the only thing bad that I did that one time
was when I got, it was, I think it was a senior,
might've been a junior when I got in school.
I think we talked about this,
in school suspension for being late,
but it was not my fault.
It was my mom's fault for dropping me off.
I thought we did.
No.
We didn't talk about it
cause we were afraid that my mom would be mad.
Okay, well we won't talk about it.
But like anyway, so I got in school suspension
and then like, so in order to go,
like it wasn't, I didn't do anything bad.
It was just like, you have so many tardies you can have
through your whole high school career.
And if you meet those, you have to go.
And I'm like, why did I have to go
when I couldn't even drive?
It wasn't my fault.
Like, so I had to go to in school suspension,
which is like the worst thing ever.
And especially me, like a good kid.
Well you're sitting in a room all day
and you miss out on your classes.
You don't even get to go to lunch.
Yeah, oh.
No, they bring you your lunch.
And if you don't bring money,
you don't bring your lunch, you can't go to the,
it's like they make you eat the nasty food.
You don't get to pick what you get to eat.
Yeah, it's like prison.
And so it literally is.
And so before, look, and you're in there
with all the bad kids and they're all trying
to do crazy stuff.
And I'm like, I'm like, I have no friends in there.
You're like the goody goody who like committed
a white collar crime in prison with these criminals.
F'd up a booty basically.
Yeah, they're like, oh, look at you pretty girl.
Oh, you look pretty.
Oh yeah.
Oh my God.
And I'm like.
What are you in for?
Right, and I'm like.
I was late once.
I was late to school.
Yeah, and so you have to go around before you go
and you have to get all your teachers to sign the slip
that says you got in school suspension or ISS or whatever.
So I go around and I'm like so embarrassed, number one.
And I get my coach, Coach Smith.
I don't know if he's still alive.
Hope he is, but God bless you, Coach Smith.
This will never leave my brain my entire life.
He announced to the entire classroom
of all of my friends in AP economics.
He's like, oh, no, it wasn't Coach Smith.
It was Coach, Mr. Winton, it was Coach Winton.
He's like, oh, Kraves is going to the big house.
And I was like, oh my God.
I'm standing up there and I almost,
I morphed into the floor.
I was like, this is the most.
Well, because your friends know that you're at school
and they know you got ISS.
Yes.
So then you just have to be embarrassed
because they're like, where's Emily?
And they're like, oh yeah, she's in ISS today.
Yeah, I was like, oh my God, it was the worst.
I was so embarrassed.
How many times did that happen?
Once, so that was the only time.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
No, one time, and it was because
of previous year's tardies.
No, I hear you.
But I am just laughing because you made it seem
for one second that it was like a recurrence.
No, it only happened once.
He's like, Kraves is going to the big house.
And it was just like very embarrassing.
Oh my God, I'll never forget that.
I was so embarrassed and everybody's like, what?
She spent one day at ISS and she thinks
that she'd make it in prison now.
I would never do anything bad.
And that was the one that I got,
white collar crime and I get,
have to get a free.
Oh, and one time my phone got,
oh yeah, this happened one time.
I forgot to turn my phone, my cell phone off.
We were not allowed to have cell phones at all.
And I forgot to turn it off and it went off in my phone,
in my thing and they took it to the principal's office
and they kept my phone for like two weeks.
Oh wow.
Yeah, and then my parents had to go up there.
And I was like, you don't even pay for this.
Like, yeah, like we pay for the bill and like, you don't,
you can't keep somebody's property.
I mean, I remember Melanie at one point getting
like a shoe rack for the back of her door
and she would make the kids put their cell phones in there
when they came into the classroom or whatever.
And this was after COVID because they were just
bad ass children after that.
Like so bad.
Are they allowed to have their phones?
Well, no, I mean, they're not supposed to,
but all of them got their phones
and then they all try to get on the, you know,
wifi and then they can't do anything for class.
And also they're just, you know,
fucking around on their phones or whatever.
And she started making them,
put them in the little shoe rack.
I thought it was a great idea.
That is a good idea.
Yeah.
I would probably be like, I lost my phone.
Or I didn't bring it today.
My mom doesn't let me have one.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, no, that's-
That was a non-issue for me
because I did not have a phone in high school.
We were not allowed to have phones.
But like, I think, you know,
it was a day that I had to go to like cheerleading
and somebody else was picking me up
and we were going out of town for like a,
like a football game or something.
And so we were either riding the bus or like,
and I was not going home
and my parents weren't gonna be there
and I was getting a ride back, something like that.
So that's why I had my phone in my,
well, I usually probably had my,
I probably had my phone in my backpack the whole time
or I left it in the car.
But I had it in there and I forgot to turn it off.
And I'm pretty sure it was my mom that called me too.
Freaking saucy.
Yeah, like seriously.
And then my parents were just like, you know,
of course they don't really care
because it's not their phone, you know.
But this was back in the day.
And you know, that was when I had a Nokia
when you get to play Snake on it.
And it's like, oh my gosh, it's so messed up.
That was so funny.
Yeah.
Good Lord.
Yeah, so it was, it was,
I'm trying to think of anything else.
Did you do anything bad in high school
that like you got in trouble for in high school,
not like outside of school?
No.
I mean, I did.
I guess I'm-
No, I'm like, oh, you sure?
No, I got, I did get in trouble one time
and it was guilt by association.
I was at a party and a kid that had graduated
the year before ended up dying in a car accident.
So the whole party situation got like really blown up.
Wait, but this was outside of school, not with school.
I got in trouble with athletics for being at the party.
I was suspended for 20% of my basketball games.
Wait, you're not allowed to go to a party
if you're an athlete?
Cause I was drinking there.
They could, that's weird.
We couldn't even show up where there was alcohol.
Interesting.
I had to sit out for two basketball games.
Nobody told us that.
And if we had, nobody would have been able to play.
Oh, I know.
I mean, it was, yeah, it was a wild situation.
There would have been like two cheerleaders
and I know who they are.
It would have been Morgan.
Well, maybe not.
I was going to say Morgan.
Why are you giving full government names?
Damn.
She doesn't go by that name anymore.
She got married.
You throw all these people all the way under the bus.
I'm just saying that she would be the one
that wouldn't be the one drinking.
Oh.
That's what I'm saying.
Okay.
She would be the only cheerleader left.
She was a head cheerleader at one point.
So her and like maybe Jana,
which was our cheerleading coach's daughter.
Yeah.
No, I never got in trouble in school.
I don't, I never went to ISS.
Not one time.
I've never had detention.
I don't know if I ever got detention.
Oh, I probably got detention before I went to ISS
because of the tardies.
I think I did have to do that.
No, I didn't ever have detention.
Yeah.
But I also like rode the bus until I got a car.
But it wasn't that bad.
Cause like I was an athlete.
So I stayed after school for practice most of the time
anyway, so I just had to ride the bus there.
And we were the very last stop for the bus.
So like there are kids that had been on there for,
you know, 20, 30 minutes or whatever.
And we were the last one.
We went straight to school after they picked us up.
Oh, so you were the bus to school?
Till I got a car.
We don't have buses in Decatur, Alabama.
My mom had to drive us to school
and that's why I was always late.
Well, we have kids that lived like out in the country
and stuff, so they had to pick kids up.
Well, I lived out pretty much out in the country,
like 25 minutes, I mean, 20 minutes away,
15 if you're doing good.
And look, I had to do, I did my makeup in the car.
I only had one side mirror
because the other side mirror did not, okay.
The side mirror did not come with the car.
It wasn't knocked off.
It legit like back in the day,
it was a 1992 Honda Civic.
And it does not have a- How are you supposed to see anything?
You look out the, listen, I know how,
I can drive real good, girl.
I have driven some jankity, jank cars
that break down every five seconds.
I know how to rig it up to where- That is hilarious.
Look, like having a car that works
is like a very big luxury.
That's why I need a driver
because I've been having to deal with these problems
my entire life. Oh, man.
Oh, God. You're not.
I know, but you know what?
Life lessons, and that's what my mom said.
It gives you a character.
Oh my gosh.
And I'm like, yeah, okay, thanks.
Well, we both have a lot of character then.
When I first moved back to Birmingham,
it was in January of 2008 and I didn't have my car here.
So my car stayed in New York.
My sister drove it for the next year.
What kind of car was it?
In New York, it was a Grand Am.
I don't even know what year it was.
Was it old or was it like a new one?
It was not new, no.
I don't even know what a Grand Am is.
It was a Navy blue Grand Am
and I had manual roll down windows or whatever.
So if I pulled up next to somebody-
Oh, Grand Am.
Yeah, if I pulled up next to somebody-
That's fancy.
At a light or whatever,
and they would be like, roll your window down.
I'd have to be like-
But that's how all of them were, weren't they?
No, I couldn't get over there to unroll it.
Oh, me too.
I had to do it too.
No, I'm saying I couldn't.
So I had to just tell them like,
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
Oh, I would reach over and do it.
Well, I couldn't reach over.
I don't know, it was too wide or some shit.
I couldn't do it.
But when I moved back here, I downgraded
because I drove my step-moms.
This was in 2008.
I drove my step-moms, 1991 Honda Accord.
It had a sunroof, but the radio didn't work.
The air conditioning didn't work
and it had automatic seat belts.
We called it the POS.
The ones that come from the door.
Yes.
Oh, those were the best.
You don't even have to buckle up.
No.
It's like you start the car and it's like.
Yeah.
We called it the POS Honda.
Do they still make those?
I don't, well, it worked.
With the seat belts?
I don't, I don't think so.
I don't think so, but it was hysterical
because one time.
I love that.
Those are awesome.
So I was like sweating my ass off,
just waiting for, you know,
Jerry to be done with school or whatever.
So my car could come down here and it was crazy.
And we, one time we went,
me and Jessica and our friend Tanner
and our friend Sarah and I can't remember maybe,
I can't remember who the other person was,
but I was like, I'm not rolling up to Zydeco underage.
In your POS Honda.
So I made Sarah drive it and we got in there
and it was still when you could smoke inside Zydeco
and we washed our exes off and we got lit that night.
We washed our exes off.
We did.
It's so funny.
We got so lit and it was hysterical.
I was house sitting for this lady
that I used to house it for.
She got out of the country all the time
and I would go house it.
So it was like, I had my own little place there or whatever.
And when we got home,
our friend Tanner threw up all in the bushes that night.
Oh my God.
So you mentioned the crank windows.
Yeah.
My mom bought this, I refused to drive it.
I did not want to drive it.
This way worse POS Volkswagen Golf.
Okay.
And it had a sun roof, but you had to crank it.
No.
So it was like, runt, runt, runt.
I really thought she had clothes
because it'd be too much work, man.
We didn't have it for very long.
And she had things she got.
She loved it.
She was trying to, and I was like, oh my God.
Oh man.
So a family friend ended up buying that Honda
after we got rid of it.
And they actually got the air working in it for a while.
I think Connie sold it for a thousand dollars
and it was probably 20 years old at that point.
Yeah.
So my Honda that I had the 1992, they ended up,
cause my mom and dad drove it.
They bought it when I think it was new.
And then when we moved from Virginia to Alabama,
we bought that in 1992.
Cause I literally, it was 1992 when we moved.
And it was so ugly.
They bought it.
My mom and dad, or I guess my mom and dad drove it.
Then Eric drove it.
And then I drove it.
Daniel didn't have to drive it, fortunately.
And unfortunately at the same time,
like why didn't you have to drive it?
Screw you.
He got a Lexus.
Like, I know.
With like a disc seat each disc changer and all this stuff.
Yeah.
More than one, like five disc changer.
Yeah, the five, and you had to like open,
do you know what we're talking about?
You have to open the console.
Yeah.
So.
You gotta get prepped before you're on a road trip.
Yeah.
So we had a, oh, so somebody,
like I guess it kept breaking down.
And finally my parents were like, okay, let's, it's done.
So one of my friends sisters was like friends
with a bunch of guys that like were big into Hondas
and like racing Hondas.
Pimped out Hondas, Pimp My Ride, remember that show?
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
I wanted my car to be pimped so bad back then.
Oh, I was like, can we get my car to be pimped
to like pink and stuff?
And they bought it and they redid it.
And then I think that when they bought it,
there was like a picture of me or somebody in the back,
in the trunk that they found and they brought it over
and that's how they knew it was mine.
Or cause they brought it over to my friend's sister
or my friend's house.
And they were like, oh yeah, there's a picture of the girl
that was, that used to own this car in the back
or something like that.
And they were like, oh my God, that's cramps-y or whatever.
Yeah.
So.
Yeah.
So.
That's funny.
Well, it was good talking to you guys today.
Yeah.
Thanks for, thanks for joining.
We'll catch back up with you again soon.
Yeah.
As usual.
For the reg.
Yeah.
Yep, y'all can find us on Instagram at Thick AF Podcast.
Send us an email if you'd like, thickafpodcast.gmail.com.
Like, rate.
Also, we're on YouTube now.
Oh yeah, oh my gosh.
And so you need to subscribe to us on YouTube,
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that takes a minute to get all the episodes.
Anyways, find us on YouTube and subscribe.
Like, subscribe.
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It's just like, if you want to listen to it on there, but.
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Yep.
Thanks y'all.
See you next time.
Bye.
I have to go.
I don't know why it's so good.