Everybody, action!
We're cold slither, you'll be joining us soon.
A band of bipers, play it up too.
With a lion fist and reptiles yes, we shall rule!
What is that idiot doing?
We've heard it before, we're not going to play the game no more.
You'll tell us what's right!
They are animals!
To enter a disco's power is strong!
Oh my goodness, we're going way over budget!
For barriers!
No, no, no!
Cat, cat, cat!
You fool! This is what I want!
Keep the film rolling!
We're time to run!
One minute, 10 second clip I made with God Gambit clips and the song Cold Slither.
Oh, you said God Gambit. I thought you said something not appropriate for our PGA-rated show.
I am always appropriate.
I just wanted to make sure.
Yeah, so the God Gambit clip with using Cold Slither as a song.
Anyways, so we did the Gambler last week and so this week you suggested we do Cold Slither and I got to thank you, man.
Me, too.
Well, because I was disappointed that an episode called The Gambler didn't feature any Kenny Rogers music in it.
But second of all, these were written by the same person.
This was, oh God, I didn't write his name down this time.
Is it Charles Hill?
Michael Charles Hill.
I knew it was Charles Hill. I thought I knew it was a third name in there.
Yeah, there's a little teaser for you guys also.
He's agreed to come talk to us this week and hopefully Ed can be there as well.
I had to try to schedule because Hill's on the West Coast. We are not on the West Coast.
So we're going to sit down this week and pick his brain about all kinds of things that I mean, I got to know what with this episode.
I got to know.
Yeah, same. I am on the South Coast.
They rarely talked about South Coast.
But anyway, this was, this is G.I. Joe, real American hero season one episode 51.
Yep.
And I'm complaining about how long Transformers season two is.
And this is season one episode 51.
But I want to get this is C.
I want to talk about something here though, because and I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this, but I don't remember.
It's weird because this had some like later guys and guys that were like after like in my brain, the prime of G.I. Joe here and it.
I didn't think that this would have been season one.
I felt like those guys would have been season two.
But I guess it was just, I guess I just dumped the season that they made this thing.
And then as they were making the toys, I guess was, I guess is how the release schedule was.
I don't know.
The whole thing with those first like almost like their mini series is like, you know, the revenge of Cobra or the pyramid of darkness.
Those were like almost self-containing little mini series they put out.
But then they put them together as the whole beginning of season one.
And so kind of after those, those initial things happened, they started bringing in a lot of the other characters, which yeah, once again, I was looking at season one characters.
I'm going, who are these people?
Because there are so many characters that just show up and or don't you show up at all?
They made a figure of them and they just wanted the next one.
Yeah, there were a lot of characters in G.I. Joe.
But what was funny though is I went to look a couple of these guys up.
I found a really cool site.
I found a couple.
I found yojo.com, which is a very good site that I've been using for years to look up G.I. Joe stuff that is cool because you can go year by year.
And it's very cool to see like, oh, what all did I have from that series?
What all did I have from that series?
That was cool.
There was another one though that was just scans of the file cards.
Oh yeah.
And that was very handy for something that we're going to talk about later on in this episode.
Oh good, good good.
Yeah.
But man, this thing starts out though.
It just starts out.
It just starts.
It's okay.
Cobra has some trucks and they've got their own branding on the trucks.
Oh yeah.
This is real cool.
You got to like with a logo that cool.
I feel like you have to stencil and spray paint that thing everywhere.
It's like during the misfits, you carry this, you carry the screen print around with you when you go to the shows and you just screen print people's leather jackets.
That's how this, that's how Cobra works at this point, I guess.
Well, this is real cool.
And the thing is they have these, this whole thing where they get bases everywhere.
I feel like you roll up like on some, you go on some touristy destination in the, in the, you can have a desk.
You're probably going to walk up on a Cobra base.
They're all over the place and we're going to get, we're going to talk about that a little bit too.
Yeah.
So major blood is here.
Oh, I love major blood.
Major Sebastian blood.
You know, you know that it's his actual name.
I know his name.
It's actually works really well.
Like that.
Major Sebastian blood.
Yeah.
Who I remember from his file card, I remember he was a, had a pension for poetry.
He really liked to write poems.
And my best friend that I first got into GIO with back in the day,
my best friend, Ryan, who I usually listen to the show, I think.
So, Hey, Ryan, how's it going?
I know you were a huge, huge fan of major blood.
I remember he got that figure and, and he was just like, like enamored with this dude.
And he had, there was a little sample of his poetry on the, on the back of the card.
And he had that memorized.
He would all, every time we played with him, he would, he would say,
that thing.
And I don't remember what the poem was.
I didn't look that one up, but it, it, one of the, one of the lines was slap a fresh
clip in your Uzi, which I thought was very cool.
West coast representative.
He didn't, he didn't even come with an Uzi is the thing that I thought was funny about
major blood is that he had a, he had a bionic arm.
One of his arms was a bionic arm.
So the way they modeled that on the figure was, it was, it was a, it was a,
it was a straight like kind of curved arm and I always thought that was silly.
Cause if you're going to have a bionic arm,
I would think it would be more flexible than, than a, than a regular arm,
but that was cool.
But anyway.
So these Cobra dudes are unloading some stuff here at the, at the, at the,
the actual stage of the game.
And one of the things that we were trying to do was.
We were trying to have a bionic arm.
We were trying to have a bionic arm,
so we were trying to have a bionic arm that was on the figure,
but it was, it was a, it was something like a,
a, a, a, a bionic arm and a bionic arm.
These Cobra dudes are unloading some stuff here at the orders of Major Blood and Covergirl
comes rolling up in an off striker.
Do you have the off striker when you were a kid?
I did not, but I also wanted to ask, man, how difficult is it to tell the difference
between Covergirl and Scarlett?
Well, Scarlett has long red hair and Covergirl has short brown hair, so it's not very difficult
at all to tell the difference.
All right, well, I'm sorry, man.
I guess I'm not as much of a Joe fan.
How hard is it to tell Sunstreaker from Sideswipe?
Well, yeah, those are primary colors, man.
Red and brown.
Red and...
Okay, if you look at it, if you look at it, I have red and...
How hard is it to tell you from me?
Oh, man, come on.
That's not fair.
Scarlett, okay.
They all look alike.
Okay, so Scarlett...
Covergirl, Covergirl.
Covergirl.
Covergirl was a model.
Did you know that?
That's why she got her name, Covergirl.
That's right.
Which is like, oh, that's some brand synergy they got going on there.
That's a brand of makeup back in the day.
She came with a tank called the Wolverine that came with a bazillion missiles that each
missile had two stickers, two Beware blast stickers that went on it.
It was awful because there were certain Joe vehicles that just came with massive amounts
of stickers and they were a pain to put.
It was one of those Christmas morning things where your dad was just like, I've got to put
74 no step stickers on this SkyStrikers wing flaps and I could just see the pain in my
dad's face like getting these things straight.
But I took that, the Wolverine, when I got the Wolverine, I went to say with my grandparents
and they had an old house that didn't have central heating in there.
And the heat in the house just made all those stickers just curl up and just kind of like
slide off of the thing.
So for years, I had sticky missiles on my.
Yeah.
Clear stickers.
It wasn't the Wolverine itself.
It was just the missiles because I think it had, I think it had 16 missiles.
I think it had like two racks of eight.
I think is how it is how it worked.
That was a cool toy.
But they had like all those little clear stickers right there like almost like cellophane with
glue.
Yeah.
They were clear.
They just have a text.
It was almost like a, they were almost like decals like, like decals, but they were stickers.
Yeah.
Anyway, she comes rolling up in the in the ostrich and the awestriker.
Did you say you had the awestriker?
I don't know.
Because I didn't have it either.
And it was one of those things that it was, that was in that wave of things where they
were doing newer versions of things that had already come out like things that had the
same role as things that are already come out.
So I already had the vamp.
I had a Jeep already.
Oh yeah.
I did too.
Yeah.
So I didn't need like a dune buggy Jeep.
I already had a Jeep with laser cannon.
I didn't need another one.
Unfortunately, they use the awestriker all the time.
They use the awestriker all the time.
And I was real, I was real annoyed because they redid the vamp at some point too.
Because the vamp initially was, was a Jeep that had a laser cannon on the back.
They redid it as the vamp mark too that had a, had four missiles on the back of it.
And I hated that because I was like, what's that?
Wasn't it tan?
They did redo it in tan.
You had the tan when I know that.
And I was irritated because it's like you can shoot four times and then you're done
with a laser cannon.
You can just keep shooting forever.
Like, like, you know, that's not right.
You know, if you ever watch any of these episodes, they will fire all four missiles.
Although I know they will.
They just push up like their teeth.
They can push right up.
So you get your pulse up.
They just, they just open fire on these poor Cobra guys.
They have no idea.
They're not going to check it.
See if anything is weird.
If it's like a false flag or if what they're doing, they're not going to arrest these guys
or anything like that.
They are coming in and blasting with these, with laser artillery.
I was so excited to see a gun hoe on the back, one of the all strikers on the gun, just
laying waste to these trailers, just with abandoned shooting.
It doesn't matter if he shot a building, a truck, a dude, a scorpion.
It doesn't matter.
He just wanted to unload.
And this is a gun hoe was a guy that I don't know if you do have that.
Was that a figure that you had?
I did not have the figure I knew of that.
I never had it.
He was a big buff Marine guy that just wore a vest.
All he wore was a vest and he had a marine.
Marine tattoo.
Yeah, he had a marine globe.
But the weapon he came with was just a grenade launcher.
It was just that's just how he rolled was just grenade launcher.
He didn't have like a rifle with a grenade launcher on it.
He just just took grenades all day long.
So also later on, they released him in like dress blues.
I don't know if you saw that.
That was a very cool figure, actually.
Yeah.
Yeah, I like that one a lot.
So you had the dress things with the saber and the hat and all that stuff.
That was a very cool figure.
So but right after they start shooting from from these off strikers, his dune buggies,
basically, right then a sky striker comes out of the sky and just starts lobbing missiles
at this at this truck.
Like it like where what like that's an F 14, you know, the best part about that is it swoops
in like five feet from the ground.
It pulls like it's nothing.
I mean, the pilot's name is Ace.
He can if anybody can do this, he can do this.
Okay.
It's like it's like the the look the there's a G.I.G.
Deepsea diver deep six deep six.
If he was in a deep six, someone is going to be that guy.
He's going to take that guy.
Yeah.
So when I was a kid, we were playing in my backyard once and like the the the the sky
striker came with two seats that had plastic parachutes.
So you throw you take them out like ejector seats.
You throw them in the air and the gas parachute down.
So my friend, my friend just took one of them out with Ace in it and hurled it up and like
the wind caught it and like drifted to the roof of my of my house.
And so like Ace was on the roof of my house for like like probably like two years before
we got him down.
Yeah, I was real mad about that.
Thanks.
Thanks, Brian.
Thanks to you.
Conspiracy addled wing net.
It's all this war about Brian.
I've talked to my Brian on this.
So yeah, man.
So but also I'm really here for a firefly.
I don't see enough things with firefly.
Firefly is awesome because firefly is one of those guys that when you were a kid and
you got that figure, it was like, who is this?
What does he do?
He's a saboteur.
He was saboteur.
He looks like a gray ninja.
He looks like a gray camouflage ninja.
And like that was when you're I was a kid, I never seen gray camouflage.
How cool is gray camouflage?
He was yeah, he was real cool.
And also around the time that I got him, I also got the like Cobra had that the set was
called the Cobra night landing.
It was a like a zodiac raft.
I do remember that.
So that was really cool.
I really liked that.
Yeah.
And he paired up real cool with that because it was you go in like at night and he looked
like he was going to he was going to take care of some South American government in the
middle of the night.
You know, he's going to take care of since he's Cobra, I think he was probably going
to take care of like some North American.
He was going after SEAL Team six, who was going after some Central American despot, who
were going to put in a new democratic.
I got you.
It makes sense.
Counter-counterterrorism.
He was but he was a real cool looking guy.
I like I liked him.
I was a huge fan of him when I was a kid because he looked he looked a lot like state guys
and Storm Shadow and Beachhead.
He looked like it was kind of commando guys with the ball of clavos and everything.
We get the edge of slugger pulls up, which is like an artillery piece on on six wheels
that kind of shows the ground.
And really in like impractical things, but it was just whatever.
Yeah.
So this is literally two minutes into this episode and there's three toys that I want
right now.
Like I.
Yeah.
I I I got to say the real quick now.
I whenever you would you get those little catalogs whenever you got the toy and they
have these really limited things like transforms the same way you could or you could send
away these toys.
They always have like the G.I.
Joe and Cobra gliders.
Like the way that they also I maybe this is like a Mandela effect of me.
I think they had like Cobra trucks like, you know, covered trucks.
It might be a Mandela effect.
There wasn't a Cobra one.
I think there may have been one later on that was a like a recolor of the G.I.
Joe and because they did a lot of that later on.
There was the the G.I.
Joe, the like the APC, the armored personnel carrier that it was like a big like a doos
and a half almost or it was amphibious personnel carrier.
It actually floated in the water.
Yeah, the cover would come off and it had seats in it.
And then what was cool is the bumper on the back pulled out and you can use like a carrying
case.
So nice.
If your G.I.
Joe's receipt belt that in like they should have been and everything was sealed up right.
You could just pick up and carry all your G.I.
Joe's are real American.
Yeah, a real American hero.
We use a seat belt.
So yeah, he should be strapped in.
Yeah.
Ralph Nader, a real American hero.
So they like they go in the layways sell the covers and they go in there, they read the
base and they find this treasure room.
They find smogs horde here and there is a freaking Mona Lisa.
Covers got the Mona Lisa in there.
Sitting in some desert bags.
They've got some bags with with like money symbols on them, which did you know that Gene
Simmons from KISS owns the trademark on the bag of money?
Okay, look, first of all, no, I did not.
And second of all, you totally see that.
You'd be like, you can't use that without paying him money.
That's how he stays afloat.
That's how he stays.
That's how he stays rich.
The Scroogeby duck know they hasn't.
Man, I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
Okay, not okay at all.
But yeah, they they seize all this stuff, man.
And so the next scene, this is so, oh my God, this is so good.
So happy with this next.
Curve of Commander is meeting with Tomax and Zemot.
Yes.
So Transformers fans, if you're not familiar with Tomax and Zemot, these are two twins.
You can only tell them apart because one parts their hair on one side, one parts their hair
on the other side.
And also one has a scar on the soles.
Yeah.
But they dress, they look they look.
All right.
Now this is I'm hoping I'll push anyone out for this and that they look like Reaganites.
They are wearing the same blue sport coat and khaki slacks and red tie.
Exactly the same.
And they definitely know these guys are definitely 80s corporate raider types.
Yeah.
They own a thing called extensive enterprises, which is so much is great.
And what was funny is years ago, years and years like in like 1997 or something like
that.
When I was registering my copy of Windows, it was like asking me for my company name
and I put extensive enterprises in there and I'm I migrated my data so often that that
carried over like well into like Windows XP.
Probably that the 2005 I had things registered under under extensive enterprises.
But yeah, so I guess what you find out here and this is one of those things that I think
the seed of this idea was probably from the comic books because Larry Hama that we talked
about before Larry Hama wrote the comics and he was kind of the the lower master of GI
Joe.
Yeah.
And I think that this is an idea that probably came from him.
I would really like to talk to to.
Oh my God, I don't have that.
I don't have Charles Hill.
Yes.
Michael Charles Hill.
So I would very much like to talk to him about this because I wonder if it's one of
those things where it's like a, you know, there was like a GI Joe Bible that Hama had
that they they just kind of pulled ideas from and wrote this kind of stuff.
But I get what it's what you kind of find out here and I don't know if this ever was
ever really touched on before was that I guess on some level extensive enterprise.
The enterprise's funds, Cobra, which is well, I kind of get like they're the the Enron of
Cobra.
They're like they're like have they have securities and hedge funds built with that's
like supporting Cobra and like a, you know, Cobra commander does these heists and we don't
see the ones he actually gets away with.
We assume that G.I.
Joe stops them all.
You can't stop them all.
So I'm sure they're a heist and those those treasure hordes like smogs horde that he had
there in the desert.
Probably what they put those up for collateral for securities and basically fund the operation.
Yeah.
Well, also in the comics, though, also they touch on the fact that Cobra commander was
basically an Amway salesman.
He was a multi-level marketer.
I forget that all the time he was.
Yeah, that's where the money from Cobra came from was that he was the top of the pyramid
and he started somehow got he transferred over to terrorism, but so that is one of the weirdest
mundane things.
God, I saw weird and cool.
The G.I.
Joe lore is so amazing in that way.
Well, I mean, you know, we talk on Transformers a lot.
We talk about real world factors creeping into the episodes and and it's I don't know
how prevalent it is these days, but I mean, like, Amway was kind of a boogeyman around
this time.
Oh, yeah.
And so that kind of makes sense.
But I'm going to I'm going to tell I'll tell my my Amway story at the end here because
I'm afraid to derail this.
But but so Tomax and Zayma tell Cobra commander that he's broke.
Cobra is broke and out of business.
And because all of the Cobra troopers are filing for unemployment in their universe,
uniforms, do we cut to the unemployment line?
They're all in their uniforms.
That's the best thing.
They're all in the Cobra uniforms and a line with a paper for unemployment.
And they're all they're all they all have like like the mass of the Cobra uniform is
like a German like steel helmet with a like with a ninja mask.
And so it's like dozens of these guys.
And like you guys are known terrorists to the point that the US government has a special
task force just to kill you guys.
Look, they're profiteers are at risk here because of the risky investments from existing
enterprises on behalf of Cobra.
So they have to like an employment.
Oh, my God, this is great.
So yeah, this is this is awesome.
So yeah, Cobra commanders is broke.
Cobra is broke and out of business.
And so it's it's implied within the context of the next scenes, it's implied that Gio
is not bored.
They have nothing to do anymore because they're.
So we first we cut to some Gio is watching football, which is it's it's if you look at
the uniforms, it's the Steelers versus the 49ers.
Yep.
I saw I saw actually the point of Anders versus the Raiders.
That's what I meant.
Yeah, I type Steelers.
I meant I meant the Raiders.
Yeah, I'm right there with you.
So the QB here is from the from the Steelers or from the Raiders is number 13, which is
Hunter Renfrew's number right now or was until he got traded like a couple of weeks
ago.
But so on on Gio, he throws an interception, which is very on very great for him.
But he threw it to number 10, number 10 from the 49ers picked him off, which that is that
is a quarterbacks number.
Yeah, it is.
I really didn't think about that.
You're right.
Yeah.
So so I guess the QB just jump.
I guess it was it would have been Joe Montana just ran on the field.
He wasn't number.
I mean, I don't know if it was number 10, but I guess he just ran on the field and picked
him off and ran it back for a free safety.
What what number area are they free?
I mean, defense are normally higher.
Not our normal.
They are.
I'm trying to think free safeties.
I can't remember, but I do not mean like like one through 10 or two are typically going
to be typically typically.
I know they changed it a lot lately, but so.
Yeah, but they are.
They are like watching football and the Cobra interrupts the broadcast.
Yeah, like what?
Like a good salesman.
He's like, I'm going to take 60 seconds during the football game.
Yeah, this was cool.
And he's just some empty promises.
Like it's the same stuff that Cobra usually puts out.
So G.I. Joe's like, Duke's like, man, I guess we just got to I guess we just got to go.
I guess we got to go check these guys out.
Oh yeah.
They find this Cobra, they fly somewhere and they find this Cobra for Chris.
And I'm just saying that maybe if Cobra didn't spend so much money on these giant snake statues
on every fortress they have, they may still be solvent.
Look, this branding, you got to have branding.
They paint their Cobra head on everything.
I know you got to have branding.
These guys, it's giant sculptures of big snakehead.
These massive snakeheads.
And I'm just like, Tom Axon's, they might need to audit.
We need the books here because somebody's cooking the books.
Destro's making too much money off this.
He's pocketing all this money.
Oh yeah, man.
He's the arm salesman.
He's definitely going to be making his cut of this.
Oh, he will come in later anyways.
He will come in later.
So in here we see the gliders.
We see Duke and somebody else on these gliders.
I remember these gliders and these were of all the G.I. Joe toys, these were possibly
the worst.
Because they were just, they were this flimsy foam.
They were supposed to be where it was a piece of plastic that had a hole for the dude would
clamp onto it sort of.
And that plastic thing clipped onto this giant foam glider, which you would throw.
You would, in real life, you would actually throw it and it would glide, which was awesome.
It was awesome.
It kind of worked.
45 seconds.
It was amazing until it hit the tree or you picked it up by the wing and the foam just
snagged.
Because it was like paper thin foam.
It was like, you know, this, this, when you were younger, they had those big, like styrofoam
planes with you.
Yeah.
You go out there and they're like this wide, you throw them and they're like, they do cool
loops and it hit a tree and like, oh, we can come off.
And the wing is coming right off.
Yeah.
I had one of those.
Yeah.
But yeah, but I remember around the time that glider came out, it was, it was my friend
Ryan, once again, let's talk about Ryan.
It was his birthday and my dad and I went to the store to get him a present.
And I was like, that can we get him a GI Joe thing?
And he's like, yeah.
And he's like, well, he's like, you can get him something.
You can get yourself something small if you want to.
And I was like, maybe I'll get a figure or something like that.
But I couldn't find a figure I didn't have.
So but they had, they had a really cool thing where they, they had like a blister pack that
just had guns and backpacks.
Oh, I love those things.
Yeah.
The weapons accessory pack.
And I was like, well, dad, can I get this?
And he's like, yeah.
And so like, I got that and I got, and I got Ryan the glider for his birthday that year.
And, and I was like, while I was, while we were wrapping up, I was like, man, I kind
of want to keep the glider for myself, man.
I'm kind of, I was kind of, but now I'm like, I'm like, oh, I gave, I gave Ryan the glider.
And now I'm like, I'm like, oh man, I, I ended up with a better toy.
I didn't like, I ended up with a way better toy.
So hey, Ryan, sorry about, I got the glider back in 1984.
And we had a really good time playing with that.
For five minutes.
Yeah.
Cool.
Yeah.
So we go, they hit the base.
So the line of the base and they are, they are, they, they, oh God, I think we dreamt
ahead a little.
I don't know.
Maybe we didn't.
Yeah.
They find out this Thomas and Zaymon are foreclosing on and auctioning off this Cobra base.
They are leading around like the worst terrorist country, like leaders around this Cobra base
and this mountain.
Like it's, it's fine.
Like, oh, we have foreclosing on and they, the other guy, you know, the one ends up like
on other assets.
We are trying to find a way to make us not, you know, basically make it solvent.
Like they're trying to reclaim their assets.
They've got like the spoof of, of like, like the guy that's not the Ayatollah Khomeini.
There's, there's basically not every bad guy from like the news in 1994 here.
There's like not, uh, Momar Gaddafi.
There's like, you know, like, uh, not the Shah and, uh, it was, uh, the green military
uniform with a cigar, you know, then sunglasses.
Oh yeah.
It was not, um, uh, Fidel Castro was, uh, was hanging out there.
So this was, this was real cool.
They're leading around like a, like a tour.
Like, basically, they're like real estate agents selling this, uh, along this house
over here.
You'll see the extensive kitchens and, uh, and, uh, yeah, they, they find a, uh, a
hanger with a bunch of his tanks and, uh, like, like cardboard cutouts of, of Cobra
troops.
And I know this was really like, Duke was real mad.
And he just like, he pushed, he pushed them over and made like the Domino, a Domino's
fall, but, um, but ah, so we figured we'll find out what's going on here.
Oh, good.
Okay.
So we have Cobra commander and firefly and they're going to a place called Stinky's
Billiards Emporium, um, they, uh, they also are like walking through a bunch of homeless
guys, like warming their hands off over trash cans in complete disguise with like, like
he colored trench coats.
Okay.
All right.
So I'm, all right.
I'm, I'm, I'm, I can talk about this.
Okay.
Please.
Um, so friend of the show, J who, um, back in the day, uh, you, he used to work in a
comic book shop back in the day.
And, uh, he and his friends there, cause like back in this, in like old fantastic four comics,
um, the thing would often wear this disguise where he would have like on like a, like a
tan trench coat and he'd put on a hat and some sunglasses, which is ridiculous, which
is absolutely ridiculous because he's, the thing is massive.
The thing that, you know, the thing was like two tons or something like that.
And he's, he's just a gargantuan man.
So like you see like a dude as wide as a Volkswagen wearing a trench coat and you're
like, I wonder who, I wonder who that is.
Um, Raphael from Ninja Turtles favored this also.
Um, but, uh, so there was the, ended up, there ended up being a slang term for it for, for
him wearing this.
And, uh, when in the nineties, there were tons of Marvel comics action figures.
They made just millions of these different figures and they were, they were always on
clearance at KB toys.
They were, you could get them all for like 2.99 back then.
And, uh, so they made this and he, he called him porno going thing in the, in the trench
coat and so, and that is just the slang of, of, of what my circle of friends has called
that thing figure with a trench coat on.
Cause it's like he'd go into a, to a, a, an adult theater.
And so when I saw these guys, it was like two of them.
That was exactly what I thought of was.
They're going to Stinky's billiards hall.
So, um, they'll move the guys out.
There's like, oh, I see the aliens have landed or something like that.
Yeah.
And, um, and so, but I deduced that they have to be in New Orleans because of something
that happens in a minute.
They have, they're probably in New Orleans right here.
And I'm like, I'm like, a dude walk around in a silver mask with sunglasses on it over
it wearing a trench coat and a hat is probably the most normal thing you'd see in this neighborhood
in New Orleans.
Um, yeah.
So, yeah, they go into a Stinky's billiards hall.
They go right to the back door and knock on it.
And this guy pulls up and does a little keyhole, you know, things and it recognizes them like,
well, obviously it's come on in guys.
It's waiting for you.
He's done business here before.
This is, this is how it does business apparently.
So yeah, they go in this room and the best, best stereotype of a gangster who is a little
person.
He's, he's a dwarf or a midget little person.
I guess it's a little tuition will say that he is, he is very small.
He's wearing a white beater and a hat and he doesn't know real words.
And he calls.
So he has a briefcase full of money and he calls it soft principles.
It was like, is that a word that I don't know?
Is that like, it might be, it might be.
I don't know.
I didn't, I didn't want to look it up.
I just thought it was, I thought it was a funny term.
I mean, there was a whole thing at the beginning is like, so how can I be of abstinence to
use?
Yeah.
I think you mean assistance.
I said what I said.
This was great.
I was trying to be specializable, not so short.
So he's basically, I guess he's fronting a corporate commander some money, but as part
of the deal, he wants to see corporate commanders.
He wants to take the mask off.
Kill me your face.
You don't see the face.
And I mean, he's wearing the full battle mask here.
I guess this is before he started, they started going into the hood.
Like I don't, I don't know.
Cause the hood I think would be more comfortable than, uh, than wearing that battle mask around.
But he wears that later.
Anyways.
Yeah, you're right.
He does.
Yeah.
So he's like, I want to see your face.
He gives him, by the way, $100,000 at a 400% interest rate.
Michael Charlisle, you love exorbitant rates from gangsters.
They did the same thing.
Game one.
He does.
He absolutely.
I will front you this money if I expect 400%.
That's a lot.
That's like, dude, that was like the interest I was paying on my car when I was, when my
credit was wrecked.
Um, uh, so they leave and the sign now says, uh, Snickie.
Stenickie.
That's all the same thing.
Yeah.
They messed up.
It's like AI art made a sign on the outside.
It's Stenickies and the Cobra hovercraft.
Not a hovercraft.
It's a, uh, it's a hydrofoil.
Not a hydrofoil.
It's like a, it doesn't hover.
It's like a fan boat.
Oh, you're right.
You're right.
It's like a swamp boat.
It's, uh, the boardy eel, wasn't it?
It's the water moccasin.
Water moccasin.
Thank you.
Uh, and so now we're up to yet another toy that I just really want to buy.
This is another one that I have.
That was a cool one.
I did too.
Loved, loved, loved this thing.
This was, uh, one of the coolest.
Cause this was, there was that era, like the second or third wave of GIGO when, um, uh,
Cobra and GIGO were getting the same type of thing, but the Cobra was always smaller,
but it was always like a little bit better.
It was always like cooler when you think about it.
Like, so like, um, usually like, cause like there was the GIGO hovercraft, which was,
which was massive.
That thing was huge, but, um, it was hard to play with it because it was so big.
It was, I had to paint my tub all the time.
So did I.
And, um, my screws rusted.
I remember my grandma being a real concern that the screws were going to rust and fall
apart.
But, um, uh, but now the, the water moccasin was way easier to play with.
You could do more.
You can do more with it.
Um, so like the, the sky striker and the rattler came out at the same time and those
were both extremely cool toys.
And I can't say one's better than the other.
Um, I had the sky striker.
I loved it.
Yeah.
There's that lever on the top.
He pulled back.
That means to come out.
Yeah.
It was, you know, it's an amazing toy.
Um, I have a friend that collects just those.
He doesn't collect any other GIGO.
He just collects.
Sky striker.
He's got like four of them.
Yeah.
Uh, yeah, that was it.
That was a fantastic thing.
So, um, just through his down in the, um, he's in the, um, the water moccasin waiting
for them to show up.
But like, you know, I guess he's trying to secure his, his income also.
Yeah.
He's got the, and he's got the bareness with him.
Yeah.
The lady, the bareness, um, who I don't know what she was a bareness of.
What was, well, maybe she has a little castle where they all dress up and animal masks like
Destro does.
Who?
Yeah.
Destro canonical.
See, that was what was weird about Destro is they did that orange in episode of Destro.
And, um, so Destro just wears a steel mask.
Yeah.
He's like in the iron mask essentially.
Yeah.
It's just, yeah, just like a metal mask, but he goes to like the like castle Destro.
Like he's part of this like Scottish clan or whatever, even though he has no accent,
he has no Scottish accent and all.
Um, but the whole clan like where he's like animal masks and it's like, oh, that's the
tradition.
We all wear a mat.
We all wear animal masks.
Well, why doesn't he have an end?
He's special.
He's a metal castle.
I don't know.
Um, he's also apparently related to Lady J. That, um, but yeah, man, um, so he's like,
this looks suspiciously like the way the Zartans layer.
I'm like, there is, there is so much like little sniping back and forth like in like
Kirk Cermanis like, my, my Destro, you're in, tell just succeeded only by your good
looks.
Oh man.
And the little, the little mingrel stuff back forth with them.
They just hate, they just hate each other.
Oh yeah.
Um, so I noticed here, uh, having seen the bareness in like two different scenes now
that they are drawing her like she has bells palsy this entire time.
Her face is half her face is constantly melting in this, uh, in this one.
Um, so, as our 10, as our 10s, uh, as our 10s, uh, as our 10s, like a super cool dude
though, man.
Oh yeah.
This dude is like a ninja that lives in a swamp and he's got a bunch of these like heavy
metal dudes that just like, like work for him and he's got like illusions everywhere.
You can change colors.
This guy is awesome.
And that was an action figure that, that back in the day, like, like the Zartan like actually
like changed color.
He was a master of the sky.
That's the whole thing.
So like, um, if you put him out in the sun, he would turn blue.
And I think it was, it's just that center thing, but that, you know, that toy effect
that, you know, like, if you get cold water on this thing, it turns this color.
If you get it, it turns back.
Um, so when we were kids though, we were probably like eight or nine when this, uh, when this
came out, I guess, and like, how did they, how did they do that?
It's a man like, well, like, what's the, how does this work?
Um, so a friend of mine was like, Oh, I know how they do it as chemicals.
And we're like, Oh, of course.
I want to think of, of it that it was chemicals.
And he's like, yeah, man, you can taste it and taste the chemicals.
Cause he tastes different than a normal GI Joe.
And so there was a rash of all of my friend circle and licking everyone, lick their Zartan
and you all go mono.
And, um, we're like our own Zartan, we didn't lick one Zartan.
He didn't say the part that I'm just, I'm a circle.
No, I said we licked our Zartans, plural Zartan.
It's not like one, the commutals are told your money together had one Zartan to lick.
I don't know, man.
Uh, also, you couldn't buy him by himself.
He only came with the swamp, the swamp buggy.
He was also the change colors.
Also change colors.
Yeah.
Really cool toy.
I had that myself.
I had that weird chest armor that was clear.
But if he was wearing that, he wouldn't, it would block the UV out.
So he wouldn't change colors there.
If he was, if he was wearing that, it was like a crop top though.
Remember like it was big.
Like you would see it like a belly.
Oh, you just belly would stick out of it.
He did.
That was probably dudes could do that in the 80s.
You don't remember.
Yeah, yeah.
Actually, you're right.
You're right.
Like Eddie Murphy, like, like to wear a crop top back in the day.
So, uh, Kerber commander gives Zartan a bunch of money and they have a plan.
They're gonna, they somehow somewhere they've made some music.
I don't know where this music came from, but yeah, Destra's made a rock roll subliminal
program.
Yeah.
And they're going to pay the dread knocks.
The dread knocks are these guys that look like they look like roadies or bikers from
the 70s.
Ripper, Cutter and Torch.
Right.
Uh, Ripper, a buzzer.
Buzzer.
Yeah.
Buzzer had the, uh, had the saw.
He had, um, Ripper had like a gun with a big bayonet on it and Torch had had a, you
know, and they looked like they looked like like dirtback bikers.
These guys were awesome.
They look like they belong on, um, they're actually figures for, um, like the road warrior,
like the gang.
Yeah, they're very, yeah, they're very, uh, very road warrior.
And they're going to pay these guys $5 an hour to lips.
$5.
And they're excited about it.
What was our tan paying?
Man, look, I don't know.
I know that when I first got a job in 1990, I was making four 25 an hour.
These guys are getting premium rates.
This, well, this was twice minimum wage in, in this year.
So I mean, like it's, it's decent, but I'm, but I'm still like, you guys are like international
terrorists, man.
Like, like how much, like what's the, how much were those corporate guys making that
are, that are in the unemployment line?
What's their, what was their salary?
Well, they didn't have to worry about other clothing.
They just wore their uniforms that are apparently so, well, I mean, how much rent did that swamp
house cost that the, uh, the dreadlocks lived in?
Oh, they did that.
It costed a rent.
Dude, it had computers in it.
Did you see when they hit, there was like an illusion and it had like the like computers
and stuff in it.
I'm saying, I'm saying, man, like, I don't know.
They knocked over a radio shack.
You know they did.
You probably, you probably did.
Yeah.
So we go back to, um, the Joe's bazookas playing golf.
The G.I. Joe base.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, we got something.
We got something else before that happens.
Hold on.
Yeah.
We got something.
Okay.
So they're shooting the video that they, they, uh, Zartan a corporate commander in
Zartan have hired a director.
This is the most typical looking director.
This dude's got along like a, like a short sleeve jumpsuit.
He's got like a, like an Ascot on and like a beret.
This dude is like, this is going to be do.
Yeah.
And this guy's, this guy's great.
So, um, so he's a director, I guess, and they're shooting the video for Cole, for a cold slither.
They said they're all the red knocks or lip syncing here.
And Zartan's got this awesome, like red wig on, but he still has like this, um, he's got
his face paint on.
He looks like the singer from the, uh, the black metal band immortal.
And so he's a master of disguise, but he's always got face paint on.
So I don't like, like, okay.
Yeah.
You got red hair now, buddy, but you still look like a bath from the mall.
He looks like, he looks like any like glam band guy from the eighties is fine here.
Yeah.
He does hear.
Um, so, but the producer here is, is angry because they're going into overtime and, uh,
I'm going into overtime and, and, uh, because I briefly worked in film, I was like, Oh,
that was, that's absolutely.
Oh yeah.
All inaccurate.
Um, I was like, all right.
So, um, I was hoping he was going to invoke the pizza rule, uh, about this.
So, um, what's the pizza rule?
There's, okay.
So, um, if you go into overtime and this, this is a hazy memory, but, um, if you go into
overtime, there's a rule that, uh, that, or after X amount of time, you have to, the,
the, uh, the producer has to buy everyone dinner.
So they have to, they have to pay for dinner.
Like, and this is after they've already bought your lunch or whatever.
But, um, but there's a rule there that says that, uh, and this was negotiated into the
contract with this, with the, like the actors and the, um, like they actually, I could have
the actors guild, the, uh, director's guild and the, um, IOTC, the guys that are like
the, uh, like every, like the grips and all this stuff.
So they can only out of all these times, if they do this more than once, they can only
the bonus meal, the overtime meal can only be pizza one day a week.
So they can't just cop out and order pizza.
Oh, nice.
Five days in a row.
If they're going to overtime.
So that they can only do that one day a week or something like that.
Um, I was like, Oh, say the, say the pizza, say the pizza.
Oh, yeah.
Um, so, okay.
So now, now we get the golf.
Okay.
So we're back at the Gijos at the Gijos headquarters, the pits, cause it's called in the comic books.
So bazooka for four, he's so interesting or he cracks this ball and it just, it just
sails in front of the headquarters.
And, uh, so we, we cut to gung ho is on a high dive and this, this golf ball cracks him
in the head and he falls off the high dive into the water and he splashes lady J who
is either lady J or a covered girl.
I'm not sure.
Um, cause they weren't in their uniform.
I couldn't tell.
So she's short here.
Well, they both have short.
No, no, not as short.
Lady J is like the little pixie cut.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
You're right.
So, so yeah, she, so she gets splashed off the raft and, um, so then then the ball flies
up and it hits a grill where I believe that this was Flint was grilling some food.
I know it was barbecue.
Oh, that makes sense.
See normally you only see barbecue in the full blown like, like, uh, like firefighting
gear.
So yeah, he's a, he's great cause he's supposed to be from Maine.
So when he talks, he's like, yeah, you're either by your bar guys.
That's right.
You're right.
Right.
So that, that accent or really piss off my ex-wife.
Anyways, um, the ball lands in Alpine salad.
That was, uh, oh, that was, I see, I thought that was doc, but you're right.
That was Alpine.
He was, he was going to set on his, his rock climbing gear on him all the time on him while
he's sitting outside.
Yeah.
What in God's name is he eating?
Because at first I was like, is that like some nachos or something?
But it's just like covered in guacamole.
If so, but then I was like, well, maybe it is a salad.
But he's reaching over and eating the salad with his hands.
He's just picking up chunks of salad or whatever it is with his hands, eating it.
But so he picks up, he's just, he's reading a magazine or something and he picks up something.
He picks up what he thinks is a piece of it.
Right.
And he, he puts it, he puts it in his mouth.
So you know, you know, the gag is going to be that he picks up the golf ball, but the
animation messes up here and the animation leaves the white golf ball in the plate.
And then he picks up the golf ball and it just, it just animates off the top of it.
And but they colored it green.
So it looks like he picked up a big Brussels sprout and ate it.
And then he gets, you know, he gets mad about this, but this, this whole sequence reminded
me of, like way back in the day, one of the guys that I played G.I. Joe with was a student
Joey who was a little bit older than my immediate circle of friends, but he lived in the same
neighborhood and he, he was a, you know, he taught me how to play D and D or whatever.
And, but this dude was one of those guys that was just perennially just full of crap.
He would just lie and tell you the most outlandish stories, like they're the most believable
things.
So he told us this thing and he told us a few times how he was at a pep rally one time
at school.
And, and like he, like he had his, he had been carrying his Yoda figure with him from
any part of checks back to yeah.
And so the band during the, during the pep rally, the school band was played a part of
Star Wars and which was not the ordinary and bands would do that.
So he was just like, yeah, Star Wars.
And when he did it, he like, like I'm telling you what he told us.
I'm not telling you that this actually happened.
But so when he was like pumping his fists in the air, going, you know, on, you know,
Star Wars and when he did, I guess he pumped real hard and he let go and Yoda went flying
onto the field and it landed in the, it landed in the tuba and the tuba player hit the note
and then, and so you're gonna come flying out and lands on the Xylophone.
And so the Xylophone guy hits the, hits right when he hits the key and it flips off and then
it hits the band director in the head and he picks it up, he throws it and then he,
my friend catches it.
Right.
And that's the story that he told us.
I believe that happened.
And also, I'm gonna believe that Michael Keaton is a friend of mine also.
He told us that story for a while.
Oh God.
And it's like, it is like, that's one of those like teen comedy things that are really
bad that come on like Nickelodeon, the during the 80s and like all that thing happens.
Like obviously that's how it happened.
Yeah, right.
Right.
Yeah.
That's what it sounds like.
Anyways.
These are possibly through my, through my favorite screw off GI Joe guys in the, in their, this
like, like rec room, shipwreck.
Right.
Lay on there.
He's laying there reading a magazine with it.
These guys parrot on his shoulder.
Yeah.
Like laying down with a parrot on his shoulder.
That's great.
Breaker and right here.
Loose.
And Footloose.
Yeah.
Footloose is like the, he is the stereotypical like a Vietnam guy.
He's even got the foliage in his helmet still.
He sounds like Tommy Chong.
He kind of does.
He's like, yeah.
Yeah.
Breaker, the guy does all the communication stuff and shipwreck is a pirate, I guess.
But he's got the village people.
They should have gotten gung ho in there because he would really fit in.
So, so they're, they're watching TV, I guess breakers constantly monitoring every, every
channel in the history of the world.
He's, he's a, he's a comms nerd.
But so the cold southern video comes on and they're, these are just getting into it.
They're like, oh yeah, cold southern.
So they just get up and they're like zombies and they're like just chanting cold southern
and they, they, they, they're, they, they're splitting.
So like, so they, they go and they, they, they take a, a G. I think, I think they grab
an off striker or a, I think it was vamp and, and, and, so they, they, they, they, they,
they, they, they, they're going to leave and there's a checkpoint there.
Okay.
So these poor security guards are trying to stop them and they break through of course,
you know, whatever, but there's a sign on the checkpoint that says stop.
But over the stop, it's got a circle slash general prohibition thing, you know, the circle
with the, with the slash.
So I guess it's don't stop, but the barricades down.
So I guess maybe do stop.
I don't know what I'm very confused as to what the
it's just a big don't.
Also, was this around the same time that
tox is a month go and meet with the Kerber commander?
We've decided we're going to be your partners.
Yeah, they're going to split the profits of coal
because coal at this point, they reveal the cold slither is like
like in the top 10 of hit songs.
Like it's the number it's climbing the charts, man.
This dude, these dudes are like, they're like, all right.
You know, if you're actually have a good plan here,
all right, we'll back you again. Let's do this.
Yeah. So, so, yeah.
So Minn Kobra commander, you know, he
he basically decides he's holding the world hostage at this point.
So he he wants
I don't know. So under the concert start, that's right.
The concerts are like in full in full swing.
And there's that's what it is during the concert.
Yeah, it was like a bazillion cold slither fans.
These are these are just like like, you know, slither.
Dude, everyone's so excited to see cold slither.
And like so.
So, yeah, Kobra commander just flat out broadcast this thing.
And he's all like, I'm enslaving all of you guys.
And I want a hundred billion dollars.
Yeah. Like he skips the doctor evil business.
He just goes right to like, I'm like, that's a good ransom now.
Yeah, no joke.
And the best one of the best lines there is they're all at the show.
And someone says something in like the footloose.
Footloose says, yeah, let's get mellow.
So I'm telling you, he's Tommy Chong.
He is.
So like, God, so so this this concert is going on
and the dreadlocks are are are playing their whole deal.
And so they decide.
Lip-syncing a five minute song is just too much work
and they just start throwing and they just start throwing their instruments
and they're leaving.
And hey, man, for five bucks an hour, I don't blame you, man.
These guys are these guys are like loud quitting, like,
like good for these guys, man.
They like good for them, man.
I'm going by there.
So Scarlin cover all three show up so so you can see all of them there
show up to foil the they show up dressed like like groupies
to hit the the dreadlocks in the like the they in the the green room.
Why were they wearing disguises?
I don't know.
What was like, maybe there was some
covert security there or something like that, I don't know.
I guess that I guess that makes sense.
But this was and they these women just throw
so much kung fu on these poor dreadlocks.
They just like beat the living snot out of these guys.
This is great because I because I believe that canonically all three of them
are positional arts.
I think that's just something they give to Scarlin.
It's one of the big ones.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think that's something they give to every every Lady G.
I Joe, they all they're all like martial arts experts or whatever.
Yes, they beat the dreadlocks because the dreadlocks in the cartoon
were always just comic really if they were always these bumbling idiots.
And which is a very sharp contrast to the comic in the comics.
They were like they were just like much psychopath.
They were a bunch of crazy bikers.
But so the cover girl Lady J and Scarlet break into the control room
and they they they basically run the they run the code.
They run a commander in Destro and they can like like a song.
And Lady J or Scarlet, one of them grabs the the the the chainsaw gun
in Scythe City.
So the console and there was a really funny bit where they were they were
like demonstrating how much power they had over the audience.
They were like so.
Cobra commanders like say hail Cobra and the whole kind of like hail Cobra
and then like say hail Cobra commander and like hail Cobra commander.
And then like Baroness grads and she's given these commands.
She's given these dumb, say Destro and Baroness are the best.
And they're like the best and the commander just gets fed up with it.
Snatches the mic back. This was really funny.
So they break the concert up and so.
But I guess that just turning it off, I guess freed everybody.
I guess it freed the whole mind control thing.
Well, like right before they did that, I think it was I want to say
Scarlet gets on there says and shipwreck breaker and footloose
full of PT duty for the next month.
It was K. It was K.P.
It was K.P.
Yeah, that was that was pretty fun.
The whole crowd is like your break for a loose and break or we'll be on.
Gag runs, of course.
They saw the console and after like, man, where are we?
That was like that was really funny.
So then but then we get we get here it is.
This is this is what we've been waiting for this entire time.
So not what I'm going to wait for, but OK.
Oh, so I've been waiting for the average.
Joe's.
So so so the Joe's are in the control room and they're like, man,
we've got these people are here for a concert.
We've got a salvage is somehow.
And so they're like, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
And oh, God, here it is.
So.
I got a ham to them, though.
They were smart and put rock and roll on me on lead guitar.
Well, I'm going to get I'm going to get that in a second.
I'm going to get that in a second.
So they did not put them on the guitar.
And I'm going to tell you why in a second.
So they they announced the average Joe's band.
And it's and it's all the Joe's that were on this mission together.
And they and they they're on stage and they just rip through the actual G.I.
Joe theme.
It's the dumbest, cheesiest thing of all time.
And every second of this, it was like it's like if Soundwave decided
to like play the trick, like actually perform the Transformers theme
at a concert in, you know, in the Transformers.
This is great.
So so yeah, it's shipwreck is playing drums,
breakers playing keyboards, rock and roll.
Is it rock or all Footloose and Duke are all playing some sort of guitar
that vary between two strings and three strings.
And then Lady J Scarlett and Cover Girl are
are doing the three woman backup vocal thing, which which I hate.
But so rock and roll
canonically played in rock and rock bands.
That's that's that's but he's also a machine gunner and rock and roll
in army terms means to shoot full auto with machine guns.
So he's it's like a double thing there, but he canonically played in rock.
So I'll buy him being able to just get up and jam.
Yeah. So it loose.
Maybe I mean, he's kind of a Tommy Chong, dude.
Yeah. He was jam.
I would say he could at least get out there and jam.
Yes. Yeah.
Something I can see it.
I can see him like, you know, like that.
So the ladies are singing and that's that's that's, you know, whatever.
Of course, breakers playing keyboards and I'll buy that.
Yeah. It should break us playing the drums.
I don't know. I don't really buy him being a drummer, but drums are like
like I play at a lot of instruments.
And I'm not taking anything away from any one that's actually good at these things.
But drums are the easiest instrument to to attain like
like a base level of competence, competency at like you can like, I mean,
you can't afford to just play, you just play drums.
It's you can keep a beat, you know, whatever.
You're not good, but you can at least, you know, kind of keep a beat
as long as you have some semblance of rhythm.
We'll be hurt, but you can play.
But I absolutely do not buy Duke.
Play an instrument at all.
I could see him being that the guy who plays Wonderwall at a campfire.
That's as far as I can get.
Man, I don't I don't I don't see it.
I I'm not buying it.
I'm not buying it at all.
But you know, but here's here's some here's some fun and fun rock and roll.
The rock and roll according to this file card.
I don't know.
Was a surfer in Malibu.
Oh, I can see that was a weightlifter
and played bass guitar in local rock bands.
This all checks out.
You know, yeah.
Which I'm like, oh, OK, cool.
Do you know who else was a surfer, a weightlifter and a bassist
around Malibu around Malibu at this time
and also had long blonde hair and a blonde beard?
Real life. That's right.
That's right, brother.
It's Hulk Hogan.
It all works together.
It's right. It fits right in.
If you play a bass guitar, too.
I knew he was a surfer.
He had that. Yeah. Yeah.
He played bass and he was actually that was what he was doing
when he got into wrestling.
He was he played bass in some bar bands.
And and there's that story about how
he was he said like in an interview one time that
he auditioned for Metallica after Jason Neustad quit.
Wow. Yeah.
And of course, Hogan embellishing was like, oh, yeah, brother,
and they wanted me, but I didn't have time.
I didn't want to be off the off the road and wrestling.
And I'm like, I don't think that's how that went down, Hulk.
Yeah. And and that's it.
They sent the crowd home happy with with playing the G.
Egio theme.
Yeah, that wouldn't check that does not check out.
That is you.
That is the biggest leap of faith at Stegman's Dyer episode.
And I we saw a little person, you know, gang
mob boss in the New Orleans billiards hall billiards hall.
That all checks out to me.
That all checks out.
Them playing this and the people loving it does not.
That is the furthest leap of faith in this whole episode.
You know, I have a friend that has a theory that
that that any crowd will just enjoy any live music.
Can we just put in any any band on stage?
And I'm like, I don't I don't agree with that at all.
But I don't know. Maybe it maybe it happened here.
I don't know.
If you're expecting to watch really bad band, you're going to
enjoy a little really bad band.
You're expecting to see this big hit and they're not there.
No, they played the hit.
That was the thing is that was the only song they had.
They didn't have like an album.
It wasn't like they called me.
But hold on. Let's circle.
Let's circle back to to to friend of the show, Jehu, once again.
Good.
While back, he posted that theory that in
in Transformers and the G.I. Joe, there's only one song.
Like every time you hear background music, it's always the same song, right?
So now they've heard they've heard they finally heard a second song.
So that's why they're that's why they're excited.
Maybe, maybe, maybe I see that song.
A lot of times it's a variation of the instrumental from Gold Slither Slither.
That's any time your music, it's always
yeah, I see that.
Oh, God, it checks out.
Yeah, exactly. So Mr.
So yeah, they're very excited to hear another song finally after all these years.
It totally cannot shame them for that.
OK, good point. Good point.
I'll go with it.
And that was it.
I really cannot express how much fun I had watching this episode.
This is a case where I've said before that I haven't really gone back to G.I. Joe
much as an adult.
And a lot of it is just because I tried to go back and watch in Voltron
and it aged very poorly.
And I assume this was just going to be the worst thing I'd ever seen in my life.
But.
Very happy to report that this is one of the best things I have ever seen in my life.
I was so thrilled.
I was just absolutely like enamored with every second of this.
I loved every dumb thing. I loved every cool thing.
It's actually a pretty decent solid solid story.
I got some I got some cool.
I've said before, I've been on the verge of collecting
your three and three quarter inch G.I. Joe 80s G.I. Joe's for a while.
Like, but this may have just pushed me over the edge
because there was just like like the toy ad part just stopped
like halfway through the episode.
And there was no more, you know, like I'm not going to go by the concert stage
or there wasn't like a Cobra like like I don't there wasn't like an auditorium
in the terror of Rome or anything like that.
But I got to see the Sky Striker, one of my favorite toys of all time.
All kinds of cool characters that I like.
This was super cool.
I but and I remember like in this episode when I was a kid,
even though I knew it was cheesy and so
I am giving a unified rating on this one.
An unprecedented never before awarded.
Six trench coats out of five.
Wait, so this is the best.
This is the best thing that we have watched.
This is the best thing that I've watched so far.
Six I have broken the scale.
I have gone to six trench coats turned up to eleven.
All right, out of five.
I've cold so there is gone up to six to six.
What do you got? Where are you? Where are you on this?
And the same thing.
I remember not this is not a great episode to me in memory.
It's going to be fun to watch it and just see how ridiculous it is.
And up until the last maybe minutes when they were playing the average
Joseph playing, I was in it man completely.
I will say that I.
OK, I've made a take talk for the show.
I'll kind of give a little quick, you know, hey, guys,
so we're doing this week and so on and so forth.
I had to stop.
I did one beginning Friday and then half way through the episode,
I had to stop doing the message.
I'm like, this is the perfect episode.
I had so many things I didn't even remember.
And the thing is, we appreciate this more now as adults than we did as we were kids.
I'm like, oh, wherever we little guy.
No, this is so good.
This is this is yeah, it's great.
I'm almost scared to watch anymore.
G.I. Joe at this point because this is just so good.
But it was like, I mean, it touched it actually touched on a lot of a lot of real
world stuff and it made some things make sense.
It don't normally make sense.
Like, you know, how does that was Cobra funded or whatever?
What was my back?
I cut you off, though.
What was your? Oh, yeah.
Well, no, I guess.
So honestly, all those things I had the fact that I had to stop and tell people,
which apparently a lot of people are really into it and they started, you know,
checking things out, which I hopefully will check out the episode.
Yeah, man, I got to get this thing.
I will not break the scale because I sure fused to do that.
And it had me at a full five until the last minute.
Average Joe's brought me down to a four and a half holographic mud huts
in the swamp out of five.
But I had I was on there until the average just played.
And I remembered why I hated the episode as a kid because it was like, oh,
because that was the inevitable time your dad would walk in.
What are you watching?
And they see that real American hero.
And they're like, oh, no, nothing.
What are you? What is this garbage?
You're walking. Yeah, pretty much.
Now, they didn't see all the cool stuff.
They didn't see all the they didn't see the little
Appetian man with a hundred thousand dollars in the swamp.
They didn't see Zartain being really cool.
They didn't see real metal being played on the stage.
Yeah, man.
This is this was one of my favorite episodes.
I'm so glad we went back and watch it.
And this is even more reinforces the idea I want to play with this more
as a as a kind of a filler, fun thing to do.
Yeah, this was yeah.
This was yeah, easily.
That like possibly some of the most fun I've had watching anything so far.
Yeah, can't say enough good about it.
Real quick, I got to say back in the early 90s,
I had a friend named Dave and I was like, what?
My friends, Matt and Charles and stuff.
They were like, hey, if he starts talking about a job opportunity, say no.
Oh, OK, whatever, man.
He worked like a KB, you know, you're a KB drugstore.
Yeah, you worked on one of those and he's like, he's like talking all these
these things he has brewing in the background.
He's going to make a lot of money.
I'm like, all right, man, we're hanging out with them.
Like, what are you talking about?
I was like, OK, look, now I got in on the level of this of this opportunity
and I want you to work with me.
It was Amway.
He was trying to talk me into being an Amway salesman.
Yeah, I like a no big no.
Wow. Yeah.
Yeah, I had this.
There was a point where back in the 90s, I had this idea where I really like
some at some point, the idea for having a movie theater that also had bands play.
And also you could have like snacks like food or whatever and like
do like theme nights or something like that.
You can have like, you know, you can show like a Western and have like a
of like a surf band place that kind of goes together.
And you could, you know, you can serve like chili that night
and or you can do like the God like a gangster movie and that sort of spaghetti
or something, you know, or, you know, whatever, you know, you know, you know,
whatever, but you show old movies and that and that kind of thing.
But I was working in a bookstore at the time and this and I was stocking
something and a guy came up and said, hey, how are you doing?
And I was like, oh, he's like, hey, do you have this book?
And I was like, I'll be look for it.
And then he's like, well, hey, man, you ever you like working here?
And I was like, yeah, that's, you know, it's okay.
Whatever he's like, well, you ever thought about owning your own business?
And I was like, yeah, actually I have.
I have this idea for this thing and foolishly just, you know, spouted out
the entire plan that I had, which is real dumb.
You know, I mean, I was like, you know, 21, but he's like, well, you know,
my wife and I have this thing where we help people start their own businesses.
And I was like, oh, really?
He's like, yeah, man.
He's like, yeah, see, that sounds real cool.
So, hey, let me get your number and I'll give you a call about it.
Like, okay, cool.
And so like, so it's like, he calls me a couple of days later and he's like,
why don't we meet at the, at the, uh, this McDonald's and down here.
Well, I'll go over some stuff and I'm like, okay, cool.
You know, whatever.
So I'm going to meet the guy and he's like, talk to me about all this stuff.
And then he's going through and he's drawn this diagram or whatever.
And it's like, and I'm like, wait, I'm like, yeah, this thing at the top.
And then there's like these two things and then three things and then four
things underneath that.
And I'm like, I was like, I was like, is this a pyramid scheme?
He's like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
It's not, this is like a triangle plan for success.
It's like, oh, no.
Use your words.
What are, what are pyramids?
What are triangles?
So, what are the lines of the pyramid?
And so he gets the top and he's all like, and he's like, and then in a minute,
I'm going to reveal the name of it.
It's at the top of the pyramid and well, and then he goes on and on.
And I find it's like, what's am I?
But don't let that, don't let that scare you off.
And then, so he let me borrow all these like, like videos and stuff on
Amway and books and all the stuff.
He's like, take this home with you.
And, you know, it is, it only costs this much money to get in and well,
and I'm like, like, I was like, just to be polite.
I was like, yeah, I'll take it home and watch it.
So that ended up me being, me telling everyone that I worked with and my
friends that I was like, hey, guys, I got some Amway videos.
And so it was like, oh my God.
So we spent like all night, like one week and night just like getting
stupid drunk and watching these Amway videos and just dying, laughing at these things.
They were, they were very funny.
And I hate that I had to give them back because it was one of those weird,
like kind of pre-YouTube weirdo, like artifact things that I that I kind of
wish that I could like scan or whatever.
But yeah, yeah, that was, yeah, that was, that was weird, weird stuff.
I never, I don't think I ever saw that guy.
Like I ended up giving him back to him, but I don't think I ever saw that guy again.
I assumed that he'd be the kind of the kind of guy that you would just see
around town a lot, you know, trying to, hey, how are you?
How's it going?
You ever thought about it?
Like, oh, no, I've never thought about having a business.
I'm a, I like being a slave.
Yeah, I just want to pay.
I'm just own business.
No, nothing like that, man.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, everyone thinks we're hanging out with us, listening to us ramble about
stuff, our lives and this amazing episode, and I cannot wait to talk to
Michael Charles Hill.
That is his name, three names, Michael Charles Hill.
Remember that.
Can you text that to me so I don't forget it when we're talking?
Yeah, I'll do that.
And I'll do that.
Yeah, I'm getting.
So yeah, man, I'll be real excited.
Hopefully you can join.
You can have a meeting with him and I'll interview and ask him all kinds of things.
He's willing to talk to about all the stuff he's done, even like talking
about space and intercobra, all that stuff.
So good.
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
All right, y'all, thanks for being here this week and we will see you next time.
I do have something to say before we go, though.
I have a little thing to say, though, which is that we're cold slither
and you'll be joining us soon.
A band of vipers playing our tune with an iron fist and a reptile hiss.
We shall rule.
We're tired of words.
We've heard it before.
Not going to play the game no more.
Don't tell us what's right.
Don't tell us what's wrong.
Too late to resist because Cobra is strong.
We're cold slither heavy metal machine through the eyes of a lizard.
And you will dream when the venom stings.
A new order brings our control.
I swear to God, I want to go start a band right now and cover this like I.
That song has been an earworm in my head all day.
I want to know who wrote it.
I need to know who wrote this because I want to find out my control.
So did I find out we're going to find out on Wednesday then.
So it sounds like y'all take it easy.
Have a great week and talk to you later.
See you.
Yo, Joe.
And now for the greatest rock and rollers in the land, the average Joe ban.
It'll fight for freedom.
Whatever that's trouble.
G.I. Joe is there.
G.I. Joe.
The real American hero.
G.I. Joe is there.
It's G.I. Joe against Cobra, the enemy fighting to save the day.
He never gets up.
He's always there.
Fighting for freedom over land and air.
A real American hero.
G.I. Joe is there.
He'll never give up.
He'll stay till the fight's won.
G.I. Joe will care.
G.I. Joe.
A real American hero.
G.I. Joe is there.
G.I. Joe.
More than me sees guys.
It's performed by Evan Johns and Ed Strickland with Boo of theExcellentUnderground.com.
Research is also done by Evan Johns at Strickland and Boo of theExcellentUnderground.com.
All used images are property of Hasbro, Sunbow, Paramount, and or Marvel.
And without you, none of this would be possible.
So thank you so much for being here and we look forward to you being here every week.