Hello everyone, I hope you're all doing okay and you had the best week that you can possibly have.
To be fair this week there's a few bits and pieces I'm going to talk about but I've got to start in only one place.
And that is the mighty West Ham United.
I'm 40 years old this year and I've never seen West Ham win a European trophy.
Well this week it finally happened. West Ham have won a European trophy.
And honestly it was the most incredible experience sitting there with me dad watching that game on telly.
Absolutely superb. It was an awful performance, we played terrible but we managed to get over the line.
As I say 40 this year, 40 in a couple of months, not even a couple of months, a few weeks.
And I've never seen it, never witnessed West Ham win a major trophy.
It's happened, I've witnessed it finally.
And yeah, it was just the experience, absolutely unreal, absolutely unreal.
Following day watching the trophy parade, again absolutely fantastic.
And yeah I know there's not going to be many more of those experiences to come but I'll take it.
And I'll take it with a smile on my face because it was unreal, absolutely unreal.
I can't say that enough, I'm going to be honest.
But yeah I had to start with that, it would have been rude not to because let's be completely honest with each other.
West Ham are massive, everywhere they go.
It's true, West Ham are massive.
Not here, not there, everywhere they go.
Anyway, that's enough, that's enough of the football talk.
Well, today has something really, really different.
Today's Sunday, Saturday recording Sunday.
We went and did a car boot sale today.
Never been to one, certainly never gone and sold at one.
And it was only a little one, you know it wasn't massive, nothing like that.
But actually it was really quite good fun.
I'm not a salesman, not by any stretch of the imagination.
Lisa was the one for that.
But yeah just going along, I mean it was gorgeous weather.
Absolutely stunning out there today.
A little bit too warm but we complain when it's cold.
Not going to complain when it's warm.
I just can't, I can't bring myself to do it.
Loved every minute of it to be honest with you.
It was a real lesson to learn.
And I have to say, the people, you know it was only a very, very small car boot.
But the people that came along, very, very polite, nice people.
Yeah I can't compliment it enough.
It was good fun, it was enjoyable, really did like it.
So thanks very much to the organisers, you know who you are.
And yeah everyone that came along, it wasn't many people but it was enough.
So yeah again, enjoyed it.
Over the last couple of days I've managed to get out in the garden.
And yeah it might have happened.
There was a trip to the garden centre and during that trip to the garden centre,
bad thing might have happened.
A couple of plants might have accidentally jumped into hands and made their way to the till.
And they ended up in my garden.
I make no apologies for it.
They look pretty, they look nice.
I've gotten planted and let's be honest with you.
One of my favourite things to do, and I've been through this time and time again,
one of my favourite things to do is gardening.
And that's such a new thing.
It's only really been in the last year maybe that I've got into gardening.
But do you know what, it helps so much it's unreal.
And this is where I'm going to sort of switch back to the MS side of things.
Because what I've got to say is actually over the last three, maybe four days,
yeah things haven't been particularly good.
I've been doing the best I can to try and hide things away.
But yeah I think I've been overdoing things quite a lot.
And the type of overdoing isn't going to change because it's just me being me.
And as I've said many, many times, the one thing I've got to continue to do is be me.
I've said it before, other people have said it no end of times.
I've got MS, MS has not got me.
And do you know what, it never will have.
It will have its day and it will give me a kick in from time to time.
I understand that.
But actually I'm going to continue fighting, I'm going to continue going,
I'm going to continue pushing and I'm going to continue being me.
Because without being me what else have I got?
You know, I want to be the person that I've always been.
Now that does involve me being a bit silly at times,
that does involve me making jokes and having a laugh and all the rest of it.
That's going to continue.
Now what, with regards to the gardening and the other bits and pieces I've done over the last few days,
one of the things I've noticed, and I've not noticed till afterwards,
I've actually been dropping off to sleep completely randomly.
Now I can go out, put a plant in, not a problem, put a second plant in,
starting to ache a little bit, starting to hurt.
I'll go and sit down indoors and honestly I will be asleep before I realise it.
And again, I mean it's the sort of thing that's happened a little bit over the last few months now and then,
but actually over the last few days it's been happening quite a bit more.
And yeah, I mean clearly I know myself, I am really fatigued at the moment
and I'm not just talking a little bit sleepy and a little bit tired.
I am absolutely cream-crackered, I really am.
I'm out on my feet a lot and yes I'm pushing, I'm pushing too hard, I'm pushing far too much,
but I come back to the fact I've still got to be me.
And that's the biggest thing, I've still got to be me.
And that me, yeah, I'm going to continue doing this stuff, I just have to, I just have to.
But it's also causing lots and lots of different pains.
And I'm not talking the sort of pains that are just a little bit ouch,
I'm talking pains that are genuinely quite concerning me, I'm going to be honest,
they're ones I've never felt before.
And I think I've mentioned on the last podcast or the one previous about a pain in my face.
Well, the last couple of days I've been getting them in my back, in my legs,
and when I'm saying my back I literally mean all over my back,
not just my spine, literally everywhere.
And it feels like somebody has got a red hot knife
and they're just sticking that knife in and pulling it straight out again.
It's painful, incredibly uncomfortable and a little bit scary, I'm going to be honest,
it is a little bit scary.
But again, I'm just continuing to push through,
continuing to find a way to carry on as best I can,
because again, that's the kind of person I am, that's the kind of person I want to be,
it's the kind of person I've always been.
So with regards to that, it's very much a case for me of continuing to do what I'm doing,
continuing to enjoy stuff, continuing to push, find my limits,
and this is where I've got to learn, and I've said this before, I know full well I've said it before,
I've got to learn to not get to that limit, come away, take a rest, sit down, relax, chill,
and just let my body recover a little bit,
because yeah, these last couple of days, it really hasn't been comfortable at all, bear with me,
I'm just going to have a sip of me water.
I've got to keep hydrated because I'm sat in the studio shed, it's just a shed,
it's not a studio, it's studio shed, it's just a shed,
and it is absolutely melting in here, it really is, it's like I'm sat in a sauna,
it's not an ounce of cool, it is just red hot.
I was even debating whether to actually bother coming to sit and record because it's that hot,
but you know, again, just going to push through because that's what I've got to do.
But yeah, I mean, the other bits and pieces that I'm doing as well, you know, there's other things,
like I say, the biggest thing for me is gardening, we've still got bits of decorating to do,
so that's got to be done, and again, it's just finding that balance between doing all of that.
I'm trying to get out of the house when I can, when the weather's nice, jump on the scooter,
whether that's just going to meet Lisa from work or whether that's nipping down into town,
to go and get a few bits up to the local shop if necessary,
because again, for me, for me to keep my brain ticking over the way it should, the way I want it to,
actually, I need to do that stuff, I need to get out, I need a bit of fresh air, I need a bit of sun on my skin,
because it's the sort of thing that makes me happy.
It really does, it makes me smile, it makes me happy, it makes me feel more confident,
it makes me feel like I am still the person I want to be.
Now again, coming back to the sort of issues that I'm having,
I'm noticing in terms of the mobility and the walking and whatever else,
certainly on the right-hand side, I mean, it is just getting to the point actually at times where me walking is quite dangerous,
because I'm at a point where that foot is dragging so much,
and I'm having to try and overcompensate on the left side,
that even the left side is starting to hurt and ache, and I mean, I'm talking just a few feet,
I mean, I can just, a little bit of walking around the garden, like a teddy bear, one step, two step,
I know I'm not doing tickly under there, not a chance, no way, don't care how many times you ask, it's not happening,
but yeah, just a little bit of walking around the garden,
and the ache, the pain, the tiredness, the tightness in my legs, all of that is absolutely awful.
Now on a scale of 1 to 10, at times I'm actually going to put that pain right up towards the top end of that,
because it's actually making me, it's forcing me to change how I'm moving,
it's forcing me to change everything about my mobility,
which as we know, it's this week, this week coming,
I'm going to have this next assessment from a fez machine,
and all things going as expected, I will leave that hospital with a fez machine,
and again, the level of excitement I've got going on is unbelievable, I'm going to be honest,
and this is the reason why, because when I am walking, when I am moving around,
and again, I will admit every single day that for me I am not good when it comes to use my crutches,
out of the house, yes absolutely, but around the house, in the garden, that sort of stuff,
I just don't do it unless I really, really have to,
and that is causing issues, that is causing a problem because of that foot drop,
now that foot drop is, currently, only currently, if I could get rid of just one symptom from MS,
it would be that foot drop, don't get me wrong, I would get rid of a whole lot in an absolute heartbeat,
I did well there, I checked myself because I was about to swear,
but yeah, I promise you I would get rid of a whole lot in a heartbeat, just like any of us would,
but for me if there was one thing that could go right now it's that foot drop,
because again, that has changed, that alone has changed everything about me and the way I am,
yeah, the numbness in the legs, the numbness in the feet, all of that sort of stuff,
I hate it with a passion, the MS hug that I've got every single day, and I do mean every single day,
the last couple of days actually has been particularly bad to the point,
I'm actually sort of having to breathe a little bit deeper,
again, that's just one of those things that I'm getting used to,
but in all fairness, it is that foot drop, it is that foot drop,
because if I could get back to walking, how I walk and not be scared of falling over,
I would take that, I really would take that,
again, that's just my assessment on myself personally,
I know everyone else is going to have something different and again that's perfectly fine,
I say it once, I say it twice, I say it a million times,
everyone with MS is so different it's unreal,
and it doesn't matter how close our symptoms are,
everyone handles those symptoms totally differently,
and again that is nothing but acceptable because we're all different people,
every single one of us is different, nobody goes through the same, but we go through similar,
and that's actually where we can come together, we can talk,
we can try and give that bit of advice to each other on,
oh well I've tried this or I've tried that, this has helped for me,
I believe I've said it on a previous podcast and I will say it again,
on Facebook, I'm not going to name check,
but there was an influencer on Facebook, MS influencer,
and the advice was given to me about when it comes to bedtime,
and I'm getting pains and whatever else aches in my legs,
to use Vicks Vaporub on that area to try and calm the pain a little bit,
and it's worked for me, it has actually worked for me,
when I've got pains they are not quite as bad when I rub that Vicks Vaporub in,
and it gives me enough ability to close my eyes and go to sleep,
so again we're coming back to the fact that everyone's different,
but some of the advice that you can give will actually help others,
now the biggest piece of advice I can give to anyone,
and again this is only advice that I can offer because it's helped me,
try as hard as you can to continue to be yourself,
and that is not easy, some days there is no chance that you're going to be able to do that,
but actually when the bad days are there,
and believe me they are there quite regularly,
it's a little bit like the weather,
when those horrible clouds, dark clouds come over,
you actually do know that at some point, one day,
those dark clouds are going to go away,
and there's going to be blue sky, there's going to be sunshine,
there's going to be warmth,
so try not, if you can help it, and again I know it's easier said than done,
if you can try and fight those bad days,
and look forward to the better days, the nicer days,
okay there might not be as many nicer days,
but as long as there's one or two every now and then,
that's worth looking forward to, it really is,
now again for me that's my advice, just try and be you,
try and keep smiling, and again I use these sort of hashtags on social media,
keep smiling, keep laughing, and keep fighting,
because if you can find something to smile at,
if you can find something to laugh at,
that's going to give you, in my opinion,
that's going to give you the ability to fight that little bit harder,
to try and push to those good days,
just my advice, just my opinion,
again I'm no doctor, quite the opposite,
I am just some total random fella sitting in his shed,
talking about his journey with an absolutely evil medical condition,
and let's be fair, all I can talk about is the way I deal with and fight this condition,
and at times I think I've kind of come away from that a little bit,
which I need to get back to, I need to get back to just being me,
and just talking about my sort of stuff,
like the start of this podcast talking about West Ham,
because we're massive everywhere we go,
it's true, come on, yes it's true, we are massive,
just give me that, come on, we've won a tournament, please,
alright then, but yeah, I mean that sort of stuff,
that's me, that's who I am, I love football,
I can't help that, I absolutely love football,
and through the thick and thin I love West Ham,
I love gardening, I love playing guitar,
I'm not very good at that,
I'm enjoying making this content,
I really do enjoy it,
I enjoy making the content on all the different social medias,
I enjoy sitting and playing Xbox,
I enjoy having a laugh with the kids,
I absolutely enjoy having a laugh with family,
and yeah, that's the whole point, I just enjoy being me,
so I'm going to say something that I've said time and time and time again,
F you, F you MS, F you,
because the life is mine, and I am going to be me,
and to each and every person out there,
whether you are somebody with MS,
whether you're somebody that supports somebody with MS,
whether you're somebody with another medical condition,
or supporting somebody else with another condition,
you've got this, you've got this, absolutely you have,
I believe in you, and I'm pretty confident when you look in the mirror you can believe in yourself as well,
well, I think that's going to do for today,
what I am going to say is, as I've mentioned,
later in the week I have got this appointment about the Fes machine,
so all things being well, I will post up on my social medias about what happens at that appointment,
so I'm going to talk about that on there,
I will also naturally talk about it on the next podcast,
I am doing the best I can now to get all podcasts released on midnight Monday, Greenwich Mean Time,
so that's what I'm aiming for, don't get me wrong if things fly about and everything's a bit busy,
it might be a bit late, but it will be on the Monday,
well, thank you for listening,
I've quite enjoyed this one, I hope you have,
and I really look forward to speaking to you in a week's time,
speak soon, bye bye.