Hello again, I hope everyone's had a decent week. I know mine's been pretty reasonable
as far as things go, I've got to admit. I'm going to just sort of jump straight in today,
because why not? I'm going to talk about today, some of this has happened to me, I've had
a phone call this week, and it's one that's massively excited me, I'm going to be honest,
I do mean massively excited me. And I've mentioned previously about how I had tested a fez machine
at the local hospital, my physio had sorted it out for someone to come down and test it,
because again, I've said it a million times, I suffer really, really badly with foot drop
on my right side, my foot drags across the floor and there's nothing I can do about it
to be honest with you, I wear through slippers and yes I wear slippers, I wear through slippers
and trainers. So I had a phone call this week, and the opportunity has arisen for me to have
a bit of an assessment, I've got to travel a bit of a way for this, but I've got an assessment
coming up, and I don't know the right way to put this actually, I'm going to say if
everything goes right, but actually we'll just say if everything goes as expected, at
the end of that assessment I will be walking away with a fez machine, for those that aren't
quite up in a fay with what a fez machine is, it is functional electrical stimulation,
yes I've got that written down in front of me because I was afraid I was going to forget
it, but basically the way the machine works is there's a little box, the box to be honest
with you it's not much bigger than a cigarette packet, and all the electrical side of it
comes from that box, you've got wires that come down, they come down your leg and go
into a little receiver, which when I tried it and I'm assuming it's going to be the
same thing, the receiver was actually in heel of my trainer, you can move that so you're
not stuck with one pair of trainers forever, but the receiver is there and what happens
is as you're walking, as your heel leaves the floor, the pressure comes off of the receiver
and it sends an electrical charge up the wires and into these again little patches that are
on the muscles, certain muscles of your legs and it will send the signal to there and the
way it felt to me when I did it, it was a little bit like a drill but not quite as violent,
but yeah it just felt like I was being drilled, very gently drilled on the muscles and when
I was trying it, I've got to say and I know I did say this in a previous podcast, I was
walking with no foot drop, now I've not done that in, I'm going to be honest with you,
I can't actually put a time frame on it, it's many many many many months and I did get a
bit overwhelmed with it when I tried it, I did shed a tear because again it was a case
of I was doing something that I thought I would never do again and that's walking semi
properly, now don't get me wrong, the one thing I've got to say for the Fez machines,
although they will help with the foot drop, that's what they're there for, what they
can't do is give back the length of time you can walk and everything else, that's a different
story entirely, that can't be given back, if you're suffering in that manner, I am,
I do, but what it's doing is hopefully making it less of a chance for you to fall because
for me, when I'm walking I'm having to adjust how I walk so that my toes on my right foot
dragging across the floor doesn't cause a fall because actually it's pretty dangerous,
let's be honest, it's actually really quite dangerous that that can happen because if
you're walking and your toes are dragging, it's only got a clip on something, now my
local shop, I go up to the local shop quite regularly, I enjoy getting out on my scooter,
I'll nip up for a loaf of bread, some sweets, mainly a loaf of bread or whatever else, but
as I'm coming out there's a mat on the floor, should it be raining and more than once my
toes have caught the edge of that mat and I've very nearly gone over, now that's what
scares me a little bit with the foot drop because again, I've said it and I'll say
it again and I'm very honest, I don't always use my sticks when I'm indoors, when I'm out
of the house and I've got nothing to hang onto, my sticks are there with me all the
time and they're always going to be, I'm not that silly much, honest, okay you don't have
to blame me but it's fine, but when I'm indoors and I'm walking, I've got walls to hang onto,
so I don't use my sticks in the house unless it's absolutely urgent and again that's on
me because I should, I know I should, the foot drop is massively at the point and has
been for many months where I should be using them sticks indoors but what I'm hoping now
and let's be totally honest, I can't use the fez machine all the time, I can't get
completely reliant on it, so when I'm around the house I probably won't use it that much
but when I'm out of the house, that and my sticks are going to become my best friends
but as I say, what I can't say and what isn't going to happen is it's not going to mean
I'm going to be walking five miles, that just ain't going to happen, walking more than 500
metres is, if we say difficult I would probably be doing it a bit of a favour because it's
more than difficult, my legs get incredibly achy and all that sort of stuff, it's not
nice, I don't like it and I do struggle with it and at times, I'll be honest, at times
it makes me feel quite useless, I've got to say that, you know I'm walking around and
I'm having to fight myself to say keep going, keep going, don't give in, don't stop, just
keep going but actually internally I'm thinking to myself, yeah I'm in so much pain right
now it's unreal but I'm going to keep fighting that because I want my body to know that yeah
okay it's going to do what it needs to do and all that sort of stuff but at the same
time I'm going to do what I need to do, yeah okay me and my body, we're fighting on a daily
basis, we're scrapping, some days I win, some days I lose, it is what it is, it's a fight
worth having but yeah I mean that's where I am with that, that fez machine to say I'm
excited about it is a massive, massive understatement, the thought of not having that constant worry
when I'm out of foot dragging and hopefully not going through any more pairs of trainers,
I know there's only one so far but I've just started wearing a brand new pair of trainers
which is exactly the same as the old ones, I can already feel and I've only been wearing
them probably about a week, I can already feel at the end they're starting to sort of
give out a little bit, they weren't cheap, I don't want to damage them, I really don't
so roll on these next couple of weeks and let's get this sorted but I will say just
to add on to that, once the first appointment is done with regards to the machine itself
I then have another appointment two weeks later just to see how I'm getting on with
it, I mean to be fair I'll probably be cuddling it but you know nobody needs to know that,
it's fine don't worry, don't worry but going on to other things, just to sort of give an
update on how I am and all that sort of stuff, the little bits and pieces have been causing
me real real issues lately I've got to say that but again it's nothing new, it's old
stuff that just seems to be slightly starting to creep its way up a little bit, the one
thing I haven't had for probably about a week or two now is the water drop feeling on the
top of my head which is nice because it is strange sitting indoors and feeling like water
is dripping on my head, look up there's no water, so that's nice, that's kind of had
a bit of a stop for a little while but things like fatigue, I've got to say at the moment
fatigue is knocking me for six, it is absolutely beating me up, I can do very very minimal
amount of stuff and yeah I just go to sleep, simple as that, I'll be sat on the sofa and
Lisa's chatting away to me, boom I'm out, absolutely out like a light and it's not even
a case of I feel like I'm going to drop off it just happens but it mainly is after I've
over exerted myself that that happens so again something I've kind of got to get used to,
fully understand that, fully respect that, I've got to get used to my own boundaries
as to what I can, what I can't do, what I can get away with, what I can't get away with,
whatever else because let's be fair I'm not going to class myself as being really new
to this anymore, as I say it was last February that I was told to expect the diagnosis and
it was sort of back in the last summer that I was properly diagnosed so although I'm still
kind of relatively, relatively new, I'm not new new, I know what to expect to an extent,
I've kind of got used to how to handle certain bits and pieces and whatever else and again
to a certain extent I'm sort of starting to listen to my body at times, I'm starting to
understand what I can and can't do, what I can push through, what I can't push through
and you know it's kind of in a way, in a very weird way, it's actually kind of eye opening
and satisfying for me to kind of figure out at times what I can and can't get away with
doing because there's days where I think actually I've got nothing about me today, I'm not about
to do anything, all of a sudden I'll get up and I'll do something really little and I
feel like I've achieved something because although at waking up I'm thinking yeah I've
got nothing about me today, I can't do anything, just accept it, just sit and do nothing, if
I get something really small done, do you know what, that for me is a win, a massive
win and when I'm having a good day, well do you know what, I'm going to smash the bones
out of everything I possibly can because yeah I'm going to suffer for it, get that, but
at the same time it's very much a case of while I can do it I'm going to do it. Now
again the weather at the moment is really nice, really really nice so I'm going to start
doing a lot more of the one thing that I really did fall in love with doing and that's gardening,
yes I'm a fair way of a gardener I know it's fine but I enjoy it, I can't help it, I really
do enjoy it, planting whatever and just seeing it grow and then seeing the flowers that come
off it, there's actually nothing better, there's genuinely, genuinely nothing better, so that's
where I'm going to go with that. But again coming away from the fatigue type aspect,
pain at the minute is a real real issue and I've got to be honest it is a real issue,
it's more so my legs, they just hurt all the time and more the right leg, it is more the
right leg but the left one as well, not quite as bad but it's there and it's at times it's
enough to make me actually feel a bit concerned. I actually had a pain the other day, I can't
remember what I was doing, I was doing something and I had a pain on the left side of my face
and it actually felt like somebody had got a cattle prod and stuck it on my face, it
actually made me yelp, I'll be honest with you, Lisa was in the room, she actually heard
me yelp and I was thinking to myself that's a bit strange, I've had it before but it's
been so mild and whatever I'm thinking, yes probably some of it and nothing but this one
actually was pretty awful, I've got to say it was on a scale of 1 to 10 for the sake
of just a couple of seconds I probably would have scored that one little pain up and around
an 8.5 to a 9 which is a bit odd because I will say that like I've just said, I've had
little ones before, nothing like that, nothing like that at all but again I was over exerting,
I can remember what I was doing now, we've been decorating kids bedroom and yeah that's
kind of what I was doing at the time, I was doing some prep work and boom that little
zuz I'm going to call it, that little zuz of electricity right on my face and it hurt,
it actually hurt a lot but yeah I mean other than that my back, it's playing me up, my
lower back is hurting an awful lot, I was washing up today and I said to Lisa, I said
it's becoming quite regular from standing there washing up, my back absolutely kills
me it is really painful and I can't even explain the type of pain it is, it's just really strange
and it does make me sort of kind of have to bend down to try and make the pain go away
all that sort of thing and yeah I've got to be honest it's something I'm kind of trying
to figure out as to why it's doing what it's doing and everything else but apart from that
do you know what I'm doing well, I'm doing good, I'm absolutely, do you know what I'm
very very honest there's been occasions recently where in my head I actually I think I've been
kind of giving up a little bit, I think I was kind of thinking to myself well this is
my lot, do you know what just take it on the chin, accept it, it is what it is, well it's
not what it is, absolutely not what it is, MS, F you, because I am going to continue
to fight, I am going to continue to literally just be me, it is that simple and that's never
going to change. Well I think that will probably do for today, I don't want to go too far into
things, I am going to keep you all informed, I'll let you know how things go with the Fez
machine again that's a couple of weeks, there will be a couple of shows before then but
what I'll also do is I'll keep you all up to date with potential for me to be looking
at new training to broaden my prospects for work because that's nothing but positive and
it is training courses that I am looking into. Well thank you all for listening, I know today's
show has probably been a little bit different actually, it's been a bit more, I don't know,
I don't know the right way to put it but today's show even for me has felt a bit different
and I've enjoyed it. Well I hope you all have a really good week and I very much look forward
to talking to you all again soon. Speak soon, bye bye.