Hello everyone, welcome back to my 35th episode. I still can't believe how quick we're getting
through all these to be honest with you, but we're getting there. I hope you've all had
a good week. As I said in my last podcast, I was taking a trip with the family down to
the South Coast in the week just gone. That's how I'm going to open today's show, I'm going
to talk about that a little bit. Because I know I've made mention in the past about as
a family we may look to make a move cross country down to the South Coast. Having gone
down having had a little look, it was only a little look, it was only one full day. But
I've got to say I fell in love with the place. I really did, it was absolutely beautiful.
The only problem, and it's quite a big problem, it's incredibly hilly. Now I've kind of shied
away from explaining the area that we're looking at going to. But I'll explain in a little
while why I'm going to actually mention the area. The place we're looking at was Plymouth
down on the South Coast. When I say it's hilly, it might as well be full of mountain ranges.
The area that we stayed in, the house that we stayed in, which I have to say the house
was absolutely gorgeous. It was beautiful. It wasn't easy to get to at all. There were
sort of spiral stairs at the back of the house to actually get into the part we were staying
in. Knew that anyway, it was all part and parcel of what was there for us to read before
booking. But funnily enough, I actually didn't find it too difficult getting up those stairs.
Yeah, I can't work out why. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy and it did hurt. But
actually in the grand scheme I thought it was going to be a lot tougher. But honestly
it's like mountain ranges in that area. It was really, really hilly. There is definitely,
when we are looking at houses, without a doubt research needs to be done to try and figure
out if there's any parts of the city that are less hilly. Because being completely honest,
there is no way my mobility scooter is going to cope with the kind of inclines that it
would need to cope with should we look at houses in those areas. So again, it might
well be looking at houses outside of those areas with transport links to get in, that
sort of thing. But I will say, the actual city itself, we went to the shopping centre,
I think it's the main shopping centre, called Drake Circus. Oh it's lovely. Absolutely gorgeous,
really clean, nice shops and I will say the people, we didn't really have that much to
do with people but the very, very small section that we saw, they seemed lovely. Such nice
people. And just very quickly, just a little basic story, I'm sat in my wheelchair and
Lisa is pushing me in the shopping centre and we are coming towards the exit doors.
There's a young lad, probably going to say between 15 and 16 years old and he's in front,
he's going to go out the doors. Actually he went out of his way to hold one door open
and lean across to try and hold the second door open as well so that Lisa could push
me straight out. And again, naturally we said thank you and he was very, very polite. Very
polite. It was really, really nice to see and to have that. So yeah, I mean that was
absolutely fantastic. So on first thoughts, absolutely fantastic, really, really nice
place. Seems at this point, very friendly and I've got to say this as well, on the
first proper day we were there, Lisa took some of the kids, all the kids, into Primark.
Yes, that's always something that's going to take a lot of time. So me, dad and my brother
Richard we stood outside and we stood around. Now I had my hoodie on promoting this podcast
and we just stood there, I mean I'm holding my wheelchair in case I need to sit down and
whatever else. Now when we got back to the house we were staying in, I just did a little
check just to see how my downloads were going for the day. Now what I've got to say is
previous to that I'd never had any downloads from Plymouth. By the end of that day I'd
hit 119 downloads from Plymouth. Now there's got to be a reason for that. I don't for
one second think that that's just pop luck. Maybe people had seen my jumper and then
jumped on and had a listen. So if you are one of those people and you're listening in,
thank you, thank you very much, I appreciate you jumping on and having a listen. I will
try and keep you as entertained as possible. I am going to do lots and lots of talking
about my MS, how I'm handling that sort of thing but I'm also going to try and be fun.
If you've got any questions by all means nip across to my website, there's a section
on there, pop a question down and I will do the best I can to answer that question on
any upcoming shows. As it stands at the moment shows are released on Mondays but now that
I am not currently working, I've said it previously and I will say it to anybody new listening,
I am seriously considering going to two shows a week but that depends on what you all want
to hear. If you want to hear my voice twice a week, I'm not sure I'd want to to be fair
but if you want to I'm more than happy to do so. But yeah, I mean that's really sort
of how the trip down went. I've got to mention the weather was atrocious, it was awful, I
believe, excuse me if I get the name wrong, but I believe it was called Storm Noah. Yeah,
the rain and the wind was absolutely unreal, it was crazy. But you know what, from my point
of view it didn't really dampen things down. Get it? Didn't dampen things down, no, yes,
me, on my own. But yeah, no, it didn't make for a terrible time. I thoroughly enjoyed
it and as I say one of the reasons we went down was really to sort of have a bit of a
look around the area and get some thought processes on where we could potentially look
at houses. At least we now know we've got to research some flatter areas. Because being,
I'm going to say selfish but I don't mean selfish if that makes any sense to anyone.
I don't want to go somewhere and be trapped because I can't get around. I mean I wouldn't
expect anyone really that has never been to that area to just go there and start walking
up and down these hills and whatever. So to do it in a mobility scooter that travels at
four mile an hour, it just isn't going to happen. It hasn't got the power to get up
and to safely work its way down. A bit of water, a bit of ice. Yeah, actually that might
be quite amusing for my TikTok channel, right, because that could be fun for people to watch.
It wouldn't be fun for me to actually be involved in. But for everyone else it could be entertaining.
But yeah, I mean that's how the trip went. It was fantastic. It was really, really nice
to spend time with a family. I enjoyed that massively. In fact that's an understatement.
It was brilliant. And again I have to say to those that rented out the house to us,
it was beautiful. Absolutely loved it. The view from the back of the house. Absolutely
stunning. I'd be lying if I said I didn't fall in love with it because I did. It was
lovely. Absolutely fantastic. So yeah, I mean, there's that. It made it nice. But yeah, I
mean that's as far as I'm going to go with that for the time being. So thank you to anyone
that downloaded Noo that maybe saw my jumper and had a little listen. I'll do what I can.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not the most entertaining person in the world, but I try my best. For
those of you that are watching on YouTube, you will notice that behind me the green screen
has gone. The reason for that, and I'm going to be brutally honest, it wasn't worth the
effort. Every time I come out to come and record, it was taking me at least an hour
just to get the green screen to a reasonable position where it wasn't showing too much
through the pictures and whatever else and getting the lighting correct and everything
else. It just isn't worth it. It just isn't worth it. It's not worth the effort because
in all fairness, for those looking, you can see I've got my MS Society t-shirt with my
two medals up there from the two walks I've done. The other side of me I've got the certificate
there from our walk we did in London. And then I've got white walls and the green door.
You know what, I'm not here to look pretty behind me, I'm here to talk about my life
with MS and my life as it is and try and be entertaining and looking at fancy pictures
behind me. Personally I don't see that as necessary because I'm going to be totally
honest because I have to be. I've actually fallen out of love a little bit with coming
out and doing these podcasts because of that green screen. All of the effort that it takes
to get that just reasonable is frustrating. It makes me quite angry actually at times
which I don't like. I'm here to get my story out. I'm here to talk to you all about how
I'm coping, what I'm doing with this absolutely evil condition. And at the moment I'm going
to say this condition is evil. You know when we were down south I made a point for the
couple of days worth walking around I really slogged my guts out. I know I shouldn't have
done but I thought why not have a try. I had my wheelchair and I did use my wheelchair
quite a bit but I also did as much walking as I could handle. Yesterday that kind of
all came home to roost a little bit because I was in absolute agony. I didn't feel right.
I didn't feel ok at all. I actually had a fall getting out of bed yesterday. I got out
of bed, I went to take a step forward and it felt like my legs, and I mean legs not
just one of them, were not there. So I actually fell and I did bash my head on the bottom
of the wardrobe a little bit and thankfully Lisa heard. She came up, she helped me up
and whatever else. But that wasn't nice at all. So yeah it took it out. I mean again
this is where I have to learn. No matter how I feel, I can feel incredible. I've got to
start being sensible, I've got to start using my brain a little bit and start thinking.
It's all well and good feeling. It's good but actually if I overdo it that feeling good
is going to become gone very fast. So yeah I suffered from that. And on top of that I've
actually noticed something over the last two days since yesterday and today. And it's happened
actually a few times. More so when I'm feeling a little bit stressed over stuff. I'll explain
in a minute what I'm feeling stressed over. But I go to speak, nothing comes out. I don't
quite know exactly how to explain it. It's like I want to get the words out, I know I'm
trying to talk and it only literally stays like it for maybe a second, maybe two seconds
tops but you can't speak. You literally can't speak. And actually it's been quite frightening
the last couple of days because that is totally new. I've not had that before. So I don't
quite understand what's going on with it. I'm going to be keeping a very close eye on
it. I'm going to get myself back to a good level where I'm trying not to get too stressed.
But yeah that's one that if it continues for too long I'm going to have to get in touch
with me MS nurse and try and have a conversation. Because it's actually really not good at all.
And yeah it's frightening me. The last couple of days I've been a little bit scared of that.
Maybe it's something or nothing and it's just where I'm a little bit tired and run down.
But we'll see. We'll see. In terms of the reason for me feeling a bit stressed, it's
no secret I've made it very very aware to everyone that I'm no longer working. I'd say
for 20 years I've been in the security industry. 7 years and 10-11 months I've been in the
current job. That job is no longer there. I'm not doing that job now. So I've been putting
myself about applying for a lot of different jobs. I'm very very aware that in terms of
front line security work that's done. That's finished. I'm never going to be doing that
again. But in terms of doing things like CCTV monitoring and that sort of stuff I can do
that. Not a problem. But yeah over the last few days I've got to be 25-30 jobs I've applied
for. Some work from home jobs. Some actually working out with real people. So we'll have
to see what happens. Hopefully something comes up because yeah I'm going to be straight even
at this early stage I am really really really worrying about being out of work. It's scaring
the life out of me. I don't like it. I want to work. I know I'm capable of working. I
know on a physical sense moving around and stuff is not necessarily something I can do.
It doesn't mean I can't do anything. I'm capable. I'm there. I'm available. It's what I want
to do. I want to be out in the working world. What I've got to say I've written down little
bits and pieces for me to talk about on the show today. And one of the bits I've put down
is about it's time for me to find ways of turning these negatives around a little bit
because as I say the being out of work stuff is the biggest negative I've got right now.
And the thought of it is absolutely it's killing me. It's genuinely killing me but I've got
to start turning that into something that I can deal with. Now there's ways and means
of doing that and this podcast is one of them. And what I will say as I've mentioned that
green screen really took the love away a bit from the podcast. Sitting here now without
that green screen not having to worry about oh is it breaking up or whatever else. I'm
loving it again. I'm really enjoying it. I'm sitting here and I'm enjoying getting thoughts
out explaining what's going on. Actually I'm happy to be doing this. So that's a positive.
We should be getting close to a point where the weather is turning in a good way. So I
am planning on getting back out in the garden because the wind has taken its toll on the
garden a little bit. I think there's bits and pieces that I need to put back together.
There's some plants that need to be replaced. I'm going to replace them. Yep you heard it
here first folks. There's some plants that need to be replaced and I'm going to replace
them. Because even if we move let's be totally straight we're not going to be moved before.
Best Christmas at best. So I'm going to enjoy my garden while I've got it. And if that means
I've got to plant more stuff I'm going to plant more stuff. Because I can. Yep I said
it. Because I can. But yeah there's other things that I need to do as well. I'm going
to be continuing to fight to find work. Because I need to be in the working world. I can't
help that it's just who I am. I'm going to start working a lot harder with my social
media channels and the website. Because certainly the social media channels over the last probably
month I've really slowed down on that. And again I think a lot of that's to do with all
the issues I've been dealing with and the stress of work. Well now I know where I am
with that. It's time to start getting back involved a little bit. Because the MS community
online is absolutely superb. And again I've said this previously. It is superb there is
always somebody there to help somebody to talk to even if you just need to get stuff
off your chest. It's there. You can do it. So in all fairness I need to get back. I need
to get back to that because again I enjoyed it. Really really enjoyed it. And again not
everything on there is going to be MS based. I'm going to have a laugh. I'm going to do
some of these little challengey things that people do. Anything like that. Anything like
that. I've started doing live streaming on Twitch. Streaming Fortnite. Because actually
I quite enjoy playing Fortnite. It kind of gives me something to concentrate on. It gives
me something to look at. To sort of try and switch my brain off again from the negatives.
And it gives me something to focus on. And actually streaming it. You know again it's
a bit of fun. Nothing major. I'm no professional. I'm nothing major. I'm just a person that
enjoys doing something. That's all it is. And yeah it's a community game. Just a bit
of fun. That's all it is. It's just a bit of fun. Well at the moment that's what I need
in life is a bit of fun. I need a bit of enjoyment. I need a bit of happy. And a bit of calm.
And I'm going to make that happen. Because quite honestly at the moment stress is giving
me an absolute kicking. It really is. It's giving me a kicking. Whether that be pains.
Whether that be the water drop on the top of my head. Whether it be the foot drop. There
was just so many different things at the moment that are causing big issues. I've got to
start turning that around a little bit. And the only person that can do that is me. I'm
going to make it happen. I've said that a few times today. I'm going to make it happen.
But I think that will do for today. I'm going to consider doing a second podcast this week.
By all means jump onto the website. Let me know if you want me to do more than one podcast
a week. Because I'm happy to do so. At some point in the very near future I'd like to
be able to learn to talk to other people on these podcasts as well. That may take me a
bit of time. Because I'm not very technology minded. I'm just me. I'm just average. As
you can see or hear or whatever else. I'm just average. But I'll try my best. Well I
hope you all have a really good week. And I very much look forward to speaking to you
all again soon. Speak soon. Bye bye.