Hello and welcome back. I know it's been a couple of weeks since I've put a podcast out.
I've been a little bit busy, I've had a few bits going on and do you know what,
it's been another little issue that actually I don't think I'd realised until just now.
And I'm going to start with that, I'm going to be fair, it's something that I hadn't actually realised myself
until the last hour when I've sat and tried to record this episode and I've been sat doing,
I must have done 25 or 26 attempts at recording this show.
My confidence was absolutely shot to pieces, genuinely, do you know what, I don't know why,
but I was finding it so, so tough to sit and record this episode and actually I'm wondering if that might be why
I didn't record last week as well. Maybe last week I just put it off and I put it off and I put it off.
So in all fairness, what I want to start with today is talking about confidence
because it's very easy to be a confident person to everyone else,
but internally that confidence isn't actually there and to be fair, I think at times that's kind of where I've been.
I can't really explain what's happened but something happened literally five minutes ago, maybe five minutes ago,
that made me realise actually, do you know what, I can do this, I enjoy doing this, I love doing this
and it made me sit and think, do you know what, maybe I'm kind of half decent at doing this,
you know, I'm not fantastic, I'll never say I am, but maybe I've got a bit of an idea what I'm doing.
When confidence goes, it's very very difficult to know how to bring it back.
Sometimes it can take the most innocuous thing to make it click back into place
and genuinely I think that's what's just happened to me. I'm going to be straight, I think it is.
Now there is going to come a time very very soon where I can explain what has actually just happened.
At the moment I can't, but it is massively positive, I'm going to be straight with you, it's hugely positive.
For me personally, it's one of the biggest things that's happened to me in a long time
and I'm going to be honest, it's made me want to jump up and down and whatever, I'm going to be honest, it really has.
It's made me want to scream from the rooftops in a really good way.
So bear with me on that one, there is going to come a time very very soon where I can explain, currently I can't,
apologies for that, but it will come, trust me, it will come.
Coming away from the confidence thing, because at the end of the day, I don't want to go too deeply into that.
It is very much a case of that was, some of it I had to get out there purely and simply because of what's just happened.
Now all I can say is, my confidence is back, it really is back, I am chomping at the bit now for things going forward.
There's a few bits and pieces that I'm going to talk about today, you'll have to bear with me because I have actually written them down,
I've not scripted this episode at all, but I've written them down because I'm going to be honest,
my memory has been a little bit poop the last few days, it really hasn't been great at all.
So I've written down, so please bear with me, I will get there.
I'm going to start with a massive positive. Friday just gone, myself, Lisa and my dad, we went to a quiz night at a local football club.
Now going to a quiz night, I was really looking forward to it, I didn't know what to expect or anything else,
I mean I've not been at a quiz night since I was really really young and even then, obviously being as young as I was,
I didn't really take part in it as such. But we got there, the atmosphere was fantastic, honestly it was brilliant,
there were people there that were just friendly and nice, it was lovely, I really did enjoy it.
Some of the questions were quite taxing on the old brain, but between the three of us we did really well,
really well, a lot better than I was expecting and we actually came joint first with four other teams
and it went to a penalty shoot out basically to try and win the lot.
Well, we came second on penalties, the final question was about the length of the Titanic when it was a newly built ship
and we weren't too far away but there was another team that got the answer exactly
and you know what, it was great, honestly it was brilliant to have our name called out as second place.
I was sat there thinking, did we manage to do that? Honestly it was unreal, I was so chuffed, really really chuffed
and to be on end it was just a quality night, a really really good night to get out and about, to do something a bit different.
So we've been to comedy nights, we've been to music shows, but to do something a bit different was great,
it really was thoroughly enjoyable and actually I can't wait for the next one, we're told there's going to be race nights and all sorts,
well I'm up for it, I'm totally up for it, like I say it was just fun and it beats sitting indoors doing nothing, doesn't it?
Let's be honest because when you're sitting indoors doing nothing the old brain sort of wilts away a little bit
and there's not much on the telly these days, the telly is rubbish, you kind of skip through channel after channel after channel
and at the end of it you think well I'm just going to have to watch this, that or the other just so there's something to watch.
So yeah getting out, absolutely all for it, spot on, brilliant night, can't wait to do something like it again, I'll be keeping my eye out.
As I've mentioned, memory issues, I've been having quite a few of them, I'm going to be fair,
as I say I've not recorded a podcast now, I've not put one out for a couple of weeks.
Now, yes the confidence part has got something to do with that, but at the same time I've been sat here
trying to rack my brains on how I've been the last couple of weeks, what I've been up to, all of that sort of stuff.
And I actually can't tell you, I really really can't tell you what happened a week ago in terms of that,
I'm actually struggling with the memory stuff, I'll be straight, I'm still taking my Lion's Mane tablets
but at the moment I don't think they're having any effect at all, that's me being as straight and honest as I can be.
Currently I don't think they're working in the slightest, I am, when I finish the current part I'm going to take a bit of time off of them
to see if that makes a difference, I'll give it a month, maybe two months and then try them again
and see if we can get back to where I was when I first started taking them, because at that point it was brilliant, absolutely superb.
But yeah, I can't sit here really and tell you what happened to me a week ago in terms of MS based stuff,
I really can't unfortunately, because I just can't remember it and I don't want to tell you stuff that I don't know if that was the case or not.
So apologies for that, but as we know with MS memory issues can be a problem.
And that's currently where I am with regards to that.
What I will say, on a positive note, and again this is really positive, it's been probably best part of three weeks now
that I've had full feeling in my right foot and that hasn't been like that for so long it's unreal, it really hasn't.
So it's kind of exciting me a little bit, I'm going to be fair it really is kind of exciting me a little bit.
Don't get me wrong the foot drop is still as bad as it was, that's not going to change, I know that, I'm fully aware of that, that's not a problem at all.
In terms of anything else it's not going to make a difference, but it's nice to be able to feel that foot
and it's giving me the hope that all things being well I can get my medical driving licence and start trying to push to do my theory test
and then hopefully start pushing towards passing my practical driving test because let's be fair I'm 40 years old, I want to drive, I really do want to drive.
So fingers crossed, fingers crossed that might be an option, that might be an option, I'm really hoping so because again it would be positive.
Is that word again? No it really would be fantastic, so fingers crossed as long as that stays as it is I don't see any reason at all, I really don't see any reason at all that I can't do that.
Again positivity, is that word again?
Today myself and Lisa came out and as I say where I'm sat now is one of our brick sheds.
Now ok so brick shed but there's a corner of it that I've turned into my recording studio for when I'm doing this, when I'm doing my gaming, streaming, I do a lot of my social media work out here
because it just saves everyone in the house listening to me doing all of that sort of stuff for me going shhh I need a bit of silence while I'm doing this.
It's their house too, they deserve to be doing whatever they want to do it's not a problem.
So yeah we've come out and we've cleared it out and I tell you what it is, it feels different, it genuinely feels different.
I'm sat here and I'm not cramped, I feel calm, I feel relaxed, it's amazing, absolutely superb.
And I've got certificates out that I've had and done, I've got other bits and pieces laying about that just kind of make it my office, my studio and it's amazing.
I can actually get my legs under the table so the way I'm sat now, for those of you that are watching on YouTube you'll see it's probably a slightly different set up.
I've got my microphone in front of me, I've got the pop filter on it, the camera's slightly more elevated and that's because I can get closer to the table.
And yeah it feels good, it looks good and from my point of view it's making it a bit more comfortable for me.
So again, positivity. I love that word, I absolutely love that word I'm going to be honest, I really do.
And on top of that, I've been going to the gym and going to the gym really is helping.
Now going to the gym is helping two ways.
Firstly, it's helping physically, I want to keep my weight down and that is happening which is fantastic.
I'm not doing massive amounts of exercise, I'm currently doing 20 minutes on the sit down cross trainer.
Which, okay, 20 minutes is not long but for me that actually is, that's a lot.
I've probably been going to the gym two weeks and I started out at 12 minutes and I've already got myself to 20.
Come on now, that is fantastic. Does it hurt? Yes.
But does it hurt to the point of actually it's not sensible? No, no it doesn't.
It just gets me to the point, because I always stop before I get to my line of too much.
It just makes no sense to get there.
So once I've done the cross trainer for 20 minutes, I then go and do the leg extensions.
Now the leg extensions, I'm probably doing about 15 kilos, so not a massive amount at all.
But I tend to do about 20 reps.
Now again, my legs start to burn when I'm doing that and I'm not talking your standard type burn where you're in the gym, you're pumping iron and whatever else, you start feeling the burn.
No, no, no, no, you can feel it's a nerve thing.
And it does feel different, I'll be totally straight, it's hard to explain it but it does actually feel quite a bit different.
So what I tend to do, I'll do a block of 10 reps, I'll stop for a minute or two, then I'll do 5 more reps and then I'll stop for another minute or two and then I'll do another 5.
Because if I was to do, and again it might sound a bit daft, if I was to just do 2 straight blocks of 10, I think it would be too much.
I think I'd be pushing myself to a limit where it's just not sensible to go.
But doing it the way I'm doing it, when I finish doing that exercise, I get off and I'm under my limit and I'm able then to move on to something else.
Now they tend to be the only two leg exercises I'm doing, purely and simply because as I've said millions of times on this podcast, my legs actually are the biggest issue, by a long way, by a very very long way.
And I do have my FES machine on while I'm in the gym and then I'll put it on pause so it stops sending the signals down while I'm actually on an apparatus.
Which is necessary because I don't really want to have my legs coming up and getting zapped all the time because that just wouldn't be particularly nice would it, let's be straight.
So yeah, that's where that is and again it's working. And once I've finished doing the leg exercise I go onto the upper body.
Now doing the upper body, I love it, absolutely love the feeling of it, I'm going to be honest with you.
Again, does it hurt? Yes. And is it neuropathic pain? Yes, I'll be straight, it is, it's not the sort of pain, I mean I have lifted weights in the past, it's a totally different feeling, I do know the difference between the two.
And what I will say, what I will make a point of is there is such a big difference between the two types of pain.
But again it's not a pain that's too much if that makes sense, it's not a pain where I'm overdoing it or anything else, no no no, it's nothing like that.
Like I say, I'll say it again, I do not push myself over my limit because it ain't sensible to do.
But yeah, I mean I'll do three different types of upper body workout and I feel so good when I've done it, I really do feel so good.
And again this is where I'm going to come onto the other side of it, physically it's fantastic, it really is amazing.
Mentally, mentally it's different class.
I go into that gym and a couple of times I've gone in there and I've been feeling a bit down and a bit, a bit meh.
The second I come out after doing that stuff I feel amazing, I genuinely feel fantastic.
I feel like I've achieved something, I feel like I'm heading in the right direction, it is just awesome, absolutely awesome.
And again that's something that my advice to anyone out there that maybe is um and an ah in about it,
as long as you stay under your limits you will know your limits, you'll know where you can and where you can't get to, stay under them.
If you do that, if you stay under your limit it actually might help you, it actually might help.
Because like I say for me personally mentally it's amazing, like I say I have reached out for help with my mental health and I'm still having meetings with a mental health worker.
They're going well and I'm kind of getting somewhere I'm going to be honest, but genuinely doing that it just makes me feel so good.
It really does and I would strongly recommend it to anyone that is able and maybe I'm in an ah in about whether they want to.
Give it a go, give it a go, I would like to think that actually you'll get some positives out of it.
That's kind of where I want to leave the gym aspect of it and lastly today what I want to talk about,
four weeks today and at this time of night, I'm recording this, it's quarter past eight in the evening, so four weeks from now I will have jumped out of an aeroplane.
I am so excited about it, I just can't explain, I am genuinely genuinely excited.
Don't get me wrong, do I think when I'm up in that plane at 10,000 feet and they go right okay it's your turn, do I think that I might get a bit twitchy?
Absolutely, but that ain't going to stop me, I'm jumping out of that plane.
Once I'm up there, once I'm up at 10,000 feet, there's only one way I'm coming out of that plane and that is with the instructor attached to me
and we free fall to terminal velocity for 5,000 feet and the cord gets pulled and we start coming down nice and slowly.
That's the only way I'm getting off that plane, fact.
I'm so excited, I really am, I can't wait, I really really can't wait and I don't want to keep over egging it but genuinely the sooner it comes round the better.
In fact, sooner it comes round the better.
I've still got on my website, Mike's MSJourney.com, I've still got a bit on there for MS fundraising.
If you are able, please feel free, jump on there and even if it's the smallest little amount that you can safely afford, I'd be incredibly grateful if you can donate it, I really would.
As I say, Mike's MSJourney.com and there's a bit on there, MS fundraising, I'd be incredibly grateful, I really would.
Well, that's where I'm going to leave it for this week, thank you all very much for listening and as I say, this actually was a really difficult episode to record until something has just happened.
You will know about that very soon, that is a promise and it is something that will be kind of worldwide.
Yeah, I know.
Anyway, have a good week, I will speak to you all soon.
Bye bye.