1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Hello and welcome back. I know it's been a couple of weeks since I've put a podcast out.

2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:12,000
I've been a little bit busy, I've had a few bits going on and do you know what,

3
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:20,000
it's been another little issue that actually I don't think I'd realised until just now.

4
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:29,000
And I'm going to start with that, I'm going to be fair, it's something that I hadn't actually realised myself

5
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:38,000
until the last hour when I've sat and tried to record this episode and I've been sat doing,

6
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:45,000
I must have done 25 or 26 attempts at recording this show.

7
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:52,000
My confidence was absolutely shot to pieces, genuinely, do you know what, I don't know why,

8
00:00:52,000 --> 00:01:01,000
but I was finding it so, so tough to sit and record this episode and actually I'm wondering if that might be why

9
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:08,000
I didn't record last week as well. Maybe last week I just put it off and I put it off and I put it off.

10
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:16,000
So in all fairness, what I want to start with today is talking about confidence

11
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:27,000
because it's very easy to be a confident person to everyone else,

12
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:36,000
but internally that confidence isn't actually there and to be fair, I think at times that's kind of where I've been.

13
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:44,000
I can't really explain what's happened but something happened literally five minutes ago, maybe five minutes ago,

14
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:51,000
that made me realise actually, do you know what, I can do this, I enjoy doing this, I love doing this

15
00:01:51,000 --> 00:02:02,000
and it made me sit and think, do you know what, maybe I'm kind of half decent at doing this,

16
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:09,000
you know, I'm not fantastic, I'll never say I am, but maybe I've got a bit of an idea what I'm doing.

17
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:18,000
When confidence goes, it's very very difficult to know how to bring it back.

18
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:27,000
Sometimes it can take the most innocuous thing to make it click back into place

19
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:33,000
and genuinely I think that's what's just happened to me. I'm going to be straight, I think it is.

20
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:41,000
Now there is going to come a time very very soon where I can explain what has actually just happened.

21
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:48,000
At the moment I can't, but it is massively positive, I'm going to be straight with you, it's hugely positive.

22
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:56,000
For me personally, it's one of the biggest things that's happened to me in a long time

23
00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:11,000
and I'm going to be honest, it's made me want to jump up and down and whatever, I'm going to be honest, it really has.

24
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:16,000
It's made me want to scream from the rooftops in a really good way.

25
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:24,000
So bear with me on that one, there is going to come a time very very soon where I can explain, currently I can't,

26
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:28,000
apologies for that, but it will come, trust me, it will come.

27
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:34,000
Coming away from the confidence thing, because at the end of the day, I don't want to go too deeply into that.

28
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:45,000
It is very much a case of that was, some of it I had to get out there purely and simply because of what's just happened.

29
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:57,000
Now all I can say is, my confidence is back, it really is back, I am chomping at the bit now for things going forward.

30
00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:05,000
There's a few bits and pieces that I'm going to talk about today, you'll have to bear with me because I have actually written them down,

31
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:10,000
I've not scripted this episode at all, but I've written them down because I'm going to be honest,

32
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:17,000
my memory has been a little bit poop the last few days, it really hasn't been great at all.

33
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:23,000
So I've written down, so please bear with me, I will get there.

34
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:36,000
I'm going to start with a massive positive. Friday just gone, myself, Lisa and my dad, we went to a quiz night at a local football club.

35
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:44,000
Now going to a quiz night, I was really looking forward to it, I didn't know what to expect or anything else,

36
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:51,000
I mean I've not been at a quiz night since I was really really young and even then, obviously being as young as I was,

37
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:59,000
I didn't really take part in it as such. But we got there, the atmosphere was fantastic, honestly it was brilliant,

38
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:08,000
there were people there that were just friendly and nice, it was lovely, I really did enjoy it.

39
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:17,000
Some of the questions were quite taxing on the old brain, but between the three of us we did really well,

40
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:26,000
really well, a lot better than I was expecting and we actually came joint first with four other teams

41
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:34,000
and it went to a penalty shoot out basically to try and win the lot.

42
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:45,000
Well, we came second on penalties, the final question was about the length of the Titanic when it was a newly built ship

43
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:50,000
and we weren't too far away but there was another team that got the answer exactly

44
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:56,000
and you know what, it was great, honestly it was brilliant to have our name called out as second place.

45
00:05:56,000 --> 00:06:07,000
I was sat there thinking, did we manage to do that? Honestly it was unreal, I was so chuffed, really really chuffed

46
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:17,000
and to be on end it was just a quality night, a really really good night to get out and about, to do something a bit different.

47
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:25,000
So we've been to comedy nights, we've been to music shows, but to do something a bit different was great,

48
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:33,000
it really was thoroughly enjoyable and actually I can't wait for the next one, we're told there's going to be race nights and all sorts,

49
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:42,000
well I'm up for it, I'm totally up for it, like I say it was just fun and it beats sitting indoors doing nothing, doesn't it?

50
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:52,000
Let's be honest because when you're sitting indoors doing nothing the old brain sort of wilts away a little bit

51
00:06:52,000 --> 00:07:02,000
and there's not much on the telly these days, the telly is rubbish, you kind of skip through channel after channel after channel

52
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:09,000
and at the end of it you think well I'm just going to have to watch this, that or the other just so there's something to watch.

53
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:20,000
So yeah getting out, absolutely all for it, spot on, brilliant night, can't wait to do something like it again, I'll be keeping my eye out.

54
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:29,000
As I've mentioned, memory issues, I've been having quite a few of them, I'm going to be fair,

55
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:35,000
as I say I've not recorded a podcast now, I've not put one out for a couple of weeks.

56
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:46,000
Now, yes the confidence part has got something to do with that, but at the same time I've been sat here

57
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:56,000
trying to rack my brains on how I've been the last couple of weeks, what I've been up to, all of that sort of stuff.

58
00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:03,000
And I actually can't tell you, I really really can't tell you what happened a week ago in terms of that,

59
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:09,000
I'm actually struggling with the memory stuff, I'll be straight, I'm still taking my Lion's Mane tablets

60
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:17,000
but at the moment I don't think they're having any effect at all, that's me being as straight and honest as I can be.

61
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:25,000
Currently I don't think they're working in the slightest, I am, when I finish the current part I'm going to take a bit of time off of them

62
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:31,000
to see if that makes a difference, I'll give it a month, maybe two months and then try them again

63
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:39,000
and see if we can get back to where I was when I first started taking them, because at that point it was brilliant, absolutely superb.

64
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:48,000
But yeah, I can't sit here really and tell you what happened to me a week ago in terms of MS based stuff,

65
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:58,000
I really can't unfortunately, because I just can't remember it and I don't want to tell you stuff that I don't know if that was the case or not.

66
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:05,000
So apologies for that, but as we know with MS memory issues can be a problem.

67
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:09,000
And that's currently where I am with regards to that.

68
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:20,000
What I will say, on a positive note, and again this is really positive, it's been probably best part of three weeks now

69
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:30,000
that I've had full feeling in my right foot and that hasn't been like that for so long it's unreal, it really hasn't.

70
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:38,000
So it's kind of exciting me a little bit, I'm going to be fair it really is kind of exciting me a little bit.

71
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:47,000
Don't get me wrong the foot drop is still as bad as it was, that's not going to change, I know that, I'm fully aware of that, that's not a problem at all.

72
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:56,000
In terms of anything else it's not going to make a difference, but it's nice to be able to feel that foot

73
00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:08,000
and it's giving me the hope that all things being well I can get my medical driving licence and start trying to push to do my theory test

74
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:23,000
and then hopefully start pushing towards passing my practical driving test because let's be fair I'm 40 years old, I want to drive, I really do want to drive.

75
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:39,000
So fingers crossed, fingers crossed that might be an option, that might be an option, I'm really hoping so because again it would be positive.

76
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:51,000
Is that word again? No it really would be fantastic, so fingers crossed as long as that stays as it is I don't see any reason at all, I really don't see any reason at all that I can't do that.

77
00:10:51,000 --> 00:11:00,000
Again positivity, is that word again?

78
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:10,000
Today myself and Lisa came out and as I say where I'm sat now is one of our brick sheds.

79
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:28,000
Now ok so brick shed but there's a corner of it that I've turned into my recording studio for when I'm doing this, when I'm doing my gaming, streaming, I do a lot of my social media work out here

80
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:37,000
because it just saves everyone in the house listening to me doing all of that sort of stuff for me going shhh I need a bit of silence while I'm doing this.

81
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:44,000
It's their house too, they deserve to be doing whatever they want to do it's not a problem.

82
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:54,000
So yeah we've come out and we've cleared it out and I tell you what it is, it feels different, it genuinely feels different.

83
00:11:54,000 --> 00:12:03,000
I'm sat here and I'm not cramped, I feel calm, I feel relaxed, it's amazing, absolutely superb.

84
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:23,000
And I've got certificates out that I've had and done, I've got other bits and pieces laying about that just kind of make it my office, my studio and it's amazing.

85
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:31,000
I can actually get my legs under the table so the way I'm sat now, for those of you that are watching on YouTube you'll see it's probably a slightly different set up.

86
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:41,000
I've got my microphone in front of me, I've got the pop filter on it, the camera's slightly more elevated and that's because I can get closer to the table.

87
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:51,000
And yeah it feels good, it looks good and from my point of view it's making it a bit more comfortable for me.

88
00:12:51,000 --> 00:13:00,000
So again, positivity. I love that word, I absolutely love that word I'm going to be honest, I really do.

89
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:12,000
And on top of that, I've been going to the gym and going to the gym really is helping.

90
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:16,000
Now going to the gym is helping two ways.

91
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:26,000
Firstly, it's helping physically, I want to keep my weight down and that is happening which is fantastic.

92
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:35,000
I'm not doing massive amounts of exercise, I'm currently doing 20 minutes on the sit down cross trainer.

93
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:40,000
Which, okay, 20 minutes is not long but for me that actually is, that's a lot.

94
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:52,000
I've probably been going to the gym two weeks and I started out at 12 minutes and I've already got myself to 20.

95
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:58,000
Come on now, that is fantastic. Does it hurt? Yes.

96
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:06,000
But does it hurt to the point of actually it's not sensible? No, no it doesn't.

97
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:13,000
It just gets me to the point, because I always stop before I get to my line of too much.

98
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,000
It just makes no sense to get there.

99
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:23,000
So once I've done the cross trainer for 20 minutes, I then go and do the leg extensions.

100
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:32,000
Now the leg extensions, I'm probably doing about 15 kilos, so not a massive amount at all.

101
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:36,000
But I tend to do about 20 reps.

102
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:49,000
Now again, my legs start to burn when I'm doing that and I'm not talking your standard type burn where you're in the gym, you're pumping iron and whatever else, you start feeling the burn.

103
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,000
No, no, no, no, you can feel it's a nerve thing.

104
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:59,000
And it does feel different, I'll be totally straight, it's hard to explain it but it does actually feel quite a bit different.

105
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:19,000
So what I tend to do, I'll do a block of 10 reps, I'll stop for a minute or two, then I'll do 5 more reps and then I'll stop for another minute or two and then I'll do another 5.

106
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:29,000
Because if I was to do, and again it might sound a bit daft, if I was to just do 2 straight blocks of 10, I think it would be too much.

107
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:34,000
I think I'd be pushing myself to a limit where it's just not sensible to go.

108
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:47,000
But doing it the way I'm doing it, when I finish doing that exercise, I get off and I'm under my limit and I'm able then to move on to something else.

109
00:15:47,000 --> 00:16:03,000
Now they tend to be the only two leg exercises I'm doing, purely and simply because as I've said millions of times on this podcast, my legs actually are the biggest issue, by a long way, by a very very long way.

110
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:17,000
And I do have my FES machine on while I'm in the gym and then I'll put it on pause so it stops sending the signals down while I'm actually on an apparatus.

111
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:26,000
Which is necessary because I don't really want to have my legs coming up and getting zapped all the time because that just wouldn't be particularly nice would it, let's be straight.

112
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:36,000
So yeah, that's where that is and again it's working. And once I've finished doing the leg exercise I go onto the upper body.

113
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:44,000
Now doing the upper body, I love it, absolutely love the feeling of it, I'm going to be honest with you.

114
00:16:44,000 --> 00:17:03,000
Again, does it hurt? Yes. And is it neuropathic pain? Yes, I'll be straight, it is, it's not the sort of pain, I mean I have lifted weights in the past, it's a totally different feeling, I do know the difference between the two.

115
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:15,000
And what I will say, what I will make a point of is there is such a big difference between the two types of pain.

116
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:25,000
But again it's not a pain that's too much if that makes sense, it's not a pain where I'm overdoing it or anything else, no no no, it's nothing like that.

117
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:33,000
Like I say, I'll say it again, I do not push myself over my limit because it ain't sensible to do.

118
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:45,000
But yeah, I mean I'll do three different types of upper body workout and I feel so good when I've done it, I really do feel so good.

119
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:53,000
And again this is where I'm going to come onto the other side of it, physically it's fantastic, it really is amazing.

120
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:59,000
Mentally, mentally it's different class.

121
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:09,000
I go into that gym and a couple of times I've gone in there and I've been feeling a bit down and a bit, a bit meh.

122
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:18,000
The second I come out after doing that stuff I feel amazing, I genuinely feel fantastic.

123
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:29,000
I feel like I've achieved something, I feel like I'm heading in the right direction, it is just awesome, absolutely awesome.

124
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:36,000
And again that's something that my advice to anyone out there that maybe is um and an ah in about it,

125
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:44,000
as long as you stay under your limits you will know your limits, you'll know where you can and where you can't get to, stay under them.

126
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:54,000
If you do that, if you stay under your limit it actually might help you, it actually might help.

127
00:18:54,000 --> 00:19:04,000
Because like I say for me personally mentally it's amazing, like I say I have reached out for help with my mental health and I'm still having meetings with a mental health worker.

128
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:17,000
They're going well and I'm kind of getting somewhere I'm going to be honest, but genuinely doing that it just makes me feel so good.

129
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:26,000
It really does and I would strongly recommend it to anyone that is able and maybe I'm in an ah in about whether they want to.

130
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:38,000
Give it a go, give it a go, I would like to think that actually you'll get some positives out of it.

131
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:45,000
That's kind of where I want to leave the gym aspect of it and lastly today what I want to talk about,

132
00:19:45,000 --> 00:20:02,000
four weeks today and at this time of night, I'm recording this, it's quarter past eight in the evening, so four weeks from now I will have jumped out of an aeroplane.

133
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:10,000
I am so excited about it, I just can't explain, I am genuinely genuinely excited.

134
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:21,000
Don't get me wrong, do I think when I'm up in that plane at 10,000 feet and they go right okay it's your turn, do I think that I might get a bit twitchy?

135
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:25,000
Absolutely, but that ain't going to stop me, I'm jumping out of that plane.

136
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:36,000
Once I'm up there, once I'm up at 10,000 feet, there's only one way I'm coming out of that plane and that is with the instructor attached to me

137
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:47,000
and we free fall to terminal velocity for 5,000 feet and the cord gets pulled and we start coming down nice and slowly.

138
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:52,000
That's the only way I'm getting off that plane, fact.

139
00:20:52,000 --> 00:21:06,000
I'm so excited, I really am, I can't wait, I really really can't wait and I don't want to keep over egging it but genuinely the sooner it comes round the better.

140
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:10,000
In fact, sooner it comes round the better.

141
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:17,000
I've still got on my website, Mike's MSJourney.com, I've still got a bit on there for MS fundraising.

142
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:32,000
If you are able, please feel free, jump on there and even if it's the smallest little amount that you can safely afford, I'd be incredibly grateful if you can donate it, I really would.

143
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:42,000
As I say, Mike's MSJourney.com and there's a bit on there, MS fundraising, I'd be incredibly grateful, I really would.

144
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:53,000
Well, that's where I'm going to leave it for this week, thank you all very much for listening and as I say, this actually was a really difficult episode to record until something has just happened.

145
00:21:53,000 --> 00:22:03,000
You will know about that very soon, that is a promise and it is something that will be kind of worldwide.

146
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,000
Yeah, I know.

147
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:11,000
Anyway, have a good week, I will speak to you all soon.

148
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,000
Bye bye.