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Hello and welcome back. Here we are for another conversation. I hope everyone's had the best

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week they can possibly have. Mine hasn't been too bad, not too bad at all to be fair. Today's

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Sunday, last night, Saturday, myself, Lisa and my dad, we went out to a Carpenter's Experience

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show. It was fantastic, I'll be honest. I'm not going to dwell on it too much, but absolutely

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brilliant night out. Thoroughly enjoyed it. The guitarist at one point playing a guitar solo with

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his teeth. Incredibly impressive. I've got to say incredibly impressive. I've been to plenty of live

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gigs in my time, but I've never actually seen somebody play a solo with their teeth. I've seen

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videos of Hendrix doing it. Never seen it in person. So yeah, I got a little bit excited.

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I was a little bit excited, thoroughly enjoyed it. Absolutely quality show. Today, I want to

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really touch on mobility aids, walking aids, that sort of stuff. Because I do know there is people

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out there, me included. But when it's come time to accept that actually you need to be using

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mobility aids, we kind of find it a little bit difficult. It's quite hard to accept. Again,

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believe me when I say I totally get that because I've been there myself. And at times I'm still

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there now. Because it's a difficult thing to accept. Because it kind of, I know with me,

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when it first got to that point for me, it was very much a case of, I felt like I shouldn't need

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them. I felt like it was me kind of giving in, in a way. And I didn't want to do that. I wanted to

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very much be kind of person that just carried on and, you know, whatever were the consequences.

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And I'm well aware there is a lot of people out there with the same sort of thought process. And

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there's definitely nothing wrong in that. But when the time comes, and you're at a point where you

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really do need to give in for your own safety, for your own benefit, actually, it really isn't

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that bad. It really genuinely isn't that bad at all. From my point of view, in all fairness,

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the walking aids I use, I use my crutches. And I have to say the crutches that I got from

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callcrutches.com, absolutely superb. The extra sort of bits on the hand grip itself to sort of

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mould itself into your palm. It has taken it to a whole new level. The comfort is unbelievable. And

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the ones I've got, they're just a plain black pair of crutches. Do you know what, I think they

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actually look really nice. They feel nice. They're comfortable. And without them, at times,

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certainly out of the house. I wouldn't be walking anywhere. I'm honest. I'm quite honest on that.

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I wouldn't be getting around, not safely. So yeah, I mean, I've got crutches. Again, other people

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will use walking sticks. Whatever works for you, whatever you're comfortable with. And that's the

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whole point with mobility aids. A lot of it is down to your own personal comfort. Because me,

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crutches. Somebody else sticks. For me, the reason I like crutches is because the ones I've got sort

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of go round and they sort of curl round my arm, upper arm, just below the elbow. And actually,

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it makes me feel a bit more secure. Makes my arm feel a bit safer. Like it's not going to fall

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away, not going to fall out and make me fall over. So that's the one for me. But again, when I first

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started using them, when I first got them, I kind of kept them hidden away. I wouldn't use them and

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all sorts. And again, a lot of that came down to kind of me thinking, why should I use them? I don't

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need this sort of thing. I did. And it was only when I started using them properly out of the house,

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I'm thinking, do you know what, what was I thinking? What was the thought process going through my head

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of, I don't want to use these because honestly, I couldn't be without them now. And my advice to

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anyone with regards to that is don't worry about other people. Worry about yourself and what's

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safe for you to do. And if that means using mobility aids, you use them. And you use them with

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pride, you sort of sit there and you think to yourself beforehand, what's best for me? Forget

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everyone else. If anyone else has got a problem with it tough, do one. Because if that's what we

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got to do to be comfortable and to get around, let's do it. So again, with me crutches. I've also

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got my mobility scooter, Eleanor. You'll see me and then I'll be gone in 60 seconds. If you know,

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you know. And again, that was quite a tough one. I'm going to be honest, when when we first went

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out, and it was sort of a bit of a an off the cuff, we went out and there was a place in town,

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mobility scooters out front went and had a little look. I've been looking at some in another shop,

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where you use your PIP money to effectively rent the machine. And to be honest, when you think

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about it, to me, that makes no sense at all why you would do that. Because actually, all you're

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doing is giving back that money that's there to try and help you support yourself. So for me,

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I just I couldn't I couldn't justify that. I really couldn't and the machine I got. Absolutely

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fantastic. Really, really is fantastic. Just gets me from A to B. And to be honest with you now,

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without that machine, me going out on my own, I would be housebound. I'd genuinely be housebound.

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There's no way I'd be able to walk even to the local shop, which is a couple of streets away,

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it's not a chance I'd get there. No way. So again, when I got that, I was very self conscious,

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very self conscious. I didn't really want to use it. And the first time I actually brought

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myself home on the scooter, some absolute idiot decided to make a comment to me. They were

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driving in the car driving past and they made a comment about me being on the scooter. And you

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know what, actually, that helped quite a lot because what it did is sort of lit a bit of a fire in me

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to go, do you know what, my friend, shut up, crack on with your life. And let me do what I need to do

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to carry on and just be me. And if that version of me meant using the machine to get from A to B,

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so that I can get out and about, that's what I'm going to do. And do you know what, honestly,

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I think in all fairness, if it wasn't for that person making that comment so early in me using

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the machine, I think I probably would have struggled to actually carry on in the early stages. So it

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in a way, it kind of helped. So again, I mean, with regards to mobility scooters,

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actually so much help, it's unreal, genuinely so much help because you jump on it and you can

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get places that you know what, you're probably going to get to any other way. So for me personally,

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for the money I paid for my machine, and I'm not going to say exactly how much it was,

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but actually it wasn't a great deal. It was the best thing I could have done. It really was the

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best thing I could have done. Again, what I've also got, I've also got my self propelled wheelchair,

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which I'm at this point, I'm still sort of learning how to wheel it myself. Thankfully,

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I've got a fantastic support network who helped by wheeling me about when it's necessary.

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But again, that's something that I felt very, very strange about using at the start.

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But now, I'm actually quite proud when I see it. I've got myself me me fingerless gloves with

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a bit of padding on the on the palm part of the hand. And I'm trying really hard to learn

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how to actually maneuver it myself. And I enjoy it. I actually find it a bit of a challenge to

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to learn what I'm doing. Because again, for me, I've accepted. That's what I've got to use. I've

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got no choice. I've got to use this thing. So if that means accepting a challenge and saying,

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and saying, right, okay, you know what? Yeah, I've got this, I'm going to do this. Let's

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let's carry on. That's where I am with it. And that challenge has been gratefully accepted.

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And I am pushing on and I'm determined I will get there with it 100%. Because it's part of it

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what I am now. So again, that chair, lovingly named the DeLorean. Again, if you know, you know,

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on top of that, what I've now obviously got that I've been mentioning a lot lately is the FES

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machine, the FES machine. I will say for that, I mean, he's just changing the game. It really

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is massively, massively changing the game for me. Because, okay, I cannot walk any further.

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You know, it's been not two and a half, nearly three weeks, I've had the machine now.

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But what it has done, it means when I am walking about, I am actually really confident,

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walking really, really confident. Because the foot doesn't drag. And if it does start to,

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because it gets tired, I can crank it up a little bit. And it's absolutely a bit harder.

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So again, the foot lifts. So the confidence is there. And because I'm feeling more confident with

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it. It's making me feel better about what I'm actually doing. So again, there's that thing

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whereby I'm using a mobility aid. And it's not only is it helping me, it's giving me confidence.

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And let's be fair, a lot of this stuff is confidence. For me personally,

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there's not a lot in all fairness that makes me now go, oh, well, I'm not so sure. Should I do

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that? Should I do that? Should I use that? No, no, no, if I've got to use it, I'm going to use it.

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Because all that matters at the end of the day is what helps me. And what helps me is using these

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mobility aids. And what I'm trying to get at, I know I'm sort of going a long way around it,

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what I'm trying to get at is I'm well aware there is people out there that,

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like I was at the start, I'm going to use the word kind of embarrassed about using these things.

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Well, do you know what? Don't be. And I know that's easier said than done, but I've been there.

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I've been there and I've had days where I've in my head been swearing and all sorts, absolutely

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positive, I'm not using that stuff, not a chance, no way. Do you know what? The only person I was

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actually hurting was myself. Simple as that. Why the should I care what other people think

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if it means I'm actually getting a benefit out of it? Cold hard fact is I shouldn't care.

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And you know what? I actually don't care anymore. I really, really don't.

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People can say what they like, they can think what they like. If it means I'm not going to

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think what they like, if it means I can get about and I'm comfortable and safe,

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and I'm able to just be me, whatever other people's thoughts mean absolutely nothing to

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me in that instance, not even in the slightest. That's what I'm trying to get at. I'm trying to

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sort of help everyone see that, yeah, okay, at the start, it's not a nice thing. It's something that

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you know can make you make you feel a bit low. But in actual fact, in the long run,

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you're going to benefit. You will get the positivity out of it, you will get the good out of it. And

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I'm going to not swear. But why I'm going to say is if anyone that tries to put you down for it,

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because we need these things, we've got to use these things, and we're going to be proud doing so,

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because it means we can continue to be the person we want to be. It's that simple. It really is that

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simple. And if anyone that says differently. Yeah, that's probably the closest I've ever been in

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like this 45 shows now. The closest I've ever been to actually using a bad word. Wow. But anyway,

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let me have a sip of my drink and we'll go on to the next part of the show. Give me a second.

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Bit more than a second. Right, so I'm just going to change my seating arrangements ever so slightly

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because I want to get comfortable. So the next part of the show is going to be the pretty much

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the bit that's there every single week and I'm just going to give a bit of an update on myself.

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It's not been a bad week. There's been a lot of bits and pieces that I've needed to get done.

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And believe me, I haven't done a massive amount of these bits and pieces because

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I just can't. So to those that have helped, you know exactly who you are.

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Massive, absolutely huge thank you. Can't thank you enough. Genuinely can't thank you enough.

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But what I'm noticing quite a bit is when it's when I'm overdoing things, when I'm sort of

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doing bits and pieces I know I shouldn't be doing like the other day, I cleared stuff out of our

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bedroom and a couple of bits were quite heavy so I carried them out. It's not the smartest thing

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for me to do anyway but after I've done it I was absolutely exhausted. I mean I was completely out

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on my feet. I could have just gone to sleep there and then. Today there's bits and pieces

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that you know doing the driveway and in all fairness once I'd finished de-weeding the driveway

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I came in, Lisa's cooking dinner and I just fell asleep. Turned the Xbox off and I just fell asleep

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and I was fast off. Trust me I was out like a light. But yeah I mean anything involving me

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putting any kind of effort in it really is. It's absolutely doing me in.

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And it's it's kind of hard because for me I know I should be able to do these things.

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But at least the old me should have been able to do these things.

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Whereas this new part, I've said it a million times and I know I'm going to say a million more

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I know I'm going to say a million more but I really should be at a point where I'm understanding

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where the stop button is for myself because in all fairness I don't tend to

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to hit the stop button when it's necessary and I push myself to the point where actually it's

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too far and I'm going to suffer. So when I am suffering like I say fatigue is a massive

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massive issue for me at the moment I really am struggling with that.

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The other thing I've been noticing when I'm overdoing it and I again I know I've mentioned it

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previously but it's become a little bit more apparent is these electric shock panes.

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And I've been getting them sort of all over the place and I'm talking my legs, arms, my face

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and again I know I've mentioned in a previous show that the ones in my face kind of were there

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but not there for a little while. They've been coming and going a little bit more recently

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and again I put it down to me overdoing stuff but yeah literally it genuinely feels like

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somebody's running past me and sort of zapping me with a cattle prod and then running away

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and it is so weird so much discomfort and I'm going to say it actually genuinely hurts a lot

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and it's the ones in the face really that kind of hurt a bit more they really do.

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The ones in the legs because I've got quite a bit of numbness in the legs

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just feeling something is kind of a bit better than feeling nothing at all.

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My back at times has been to the point actually I'm struggling to stand up.

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I will continue to do it anyway but it really is at a point at times recently that that's been

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difficult it's been very very painful and it makes me feel like I just want to fall over.

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So again a lot of that kind of stuff is just kind of a little bit more of a

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pain in the ass. So again a lot of that comes down to the overworking

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self-inflicted I totally get that totally get that self-inflicted yes I know I know I know

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but I can't help it I can't help that and I've said it a million times I'm gonna start helping it

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and I just don't I continue on so you know here's what it is but yeah I mean that's kind of where

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we are with it in terms of what MS is is doing to me and being totally honest in the last week

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or so it's given me a bit of a kick in but I'm still standing I'm currently sat in a chair so

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that's not kind of true but I'm still going I'm still carrying on and I'm still being me.

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That's kind of where I'm going to leave that at the end of the day I don't want to dwell on it too

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much. The next just very quickly I'm just going to say that I've updated the website a little bit

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it's an MS website and the one thing that's been missing is my explanation for what MS actually is

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and I'm not going to discuss that on here it's on the website and it's something I was really

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nervous about putting on there because what I've always kind of tried to shy away from is

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any kind of explanations like that because I'm not medically trained I'm not medically trained I

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am literally just somebody who is going through this condition so yeah there is now a little

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section on there for what MS is like I say if you do go on and take a look the website myxmsjourney.com

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if you do take a look please be gentle with me because as I say I'm nervous about that part

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but I felt it was time to put that on there what I've also been doing I've actually been blogging

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a bit more the last week or so I've been doing a bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little

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bit of blogging a bit more there's three straight days actually I wrote blogs three straight days

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that doesn't happen but I've been really enjoying it because I've got this new laptop set in front

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of me and it's a bit better laptop it's a much better quality laptop and it makes typing and

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writing so much easier it's really nice to actually use in that respect so I'm going to use it because

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I can well that's kind of as far as I'm going to go with it today I have got some other thoughts

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for things in the pipeline oh just very quickly actually the 14th to the 16th of this month so

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next weekend or this coming weekend now I am going to be streaming on Twitch for the MS trust to try

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and raise money for them I am on just giving at my XMS journey on just giving if you are able to

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to donate a little bit don't go over the top please whatever you do just if you can afford a

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little bit I would be incredibly grateful because at the end of the day any MS charity to me

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would be naturally close to the heart because if we can raise money and start

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funding research into MS you just never know it might get to a point maybe one day where

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people don't have to suffer with this evil evil condition and it is evil and I've said that

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and I will say again and I'll say again and I'll say again this condition is evil it is insidious

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it is just downright awful and that's me being really nice trust me I could sit here and say

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an awful lot about what I think about this condition I'm not going to do that because

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I'm trying to be as polite as possible but trust me when I say this thing is it's just evil

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but yeah if you're able my XMS journey at just giving I would appreciate it closer to the time

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on the website I will on my website I will actually post up all my twitch details I'll also post it up

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on as many of my social media accounts as I can so if you want to come and join me watch me get

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absolutely annihilated at fortnight play a few rounds of golf and maybe play whatever else

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we'll see on that one but I also might just jump on and I might if I can I might actually try and

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record a podcast live yeah that sounds as scary to me as it does to everyone else but I'm going

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to try can't promise it will work well now I am going to let you go thank you very much for

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listening I know this has been a bit more of a talky talky talky show but there was little

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bits that needed to get out have a really good week and I will talk to you soon bye bye