1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,760 Hello, how is everyone? I hope you're all doing as best as you can and you've had a good week. 2 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:16,400 This past week I've been back in Sheffield to go and have the second appointment that 3 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:27,440 I needed to have for the FES machine. I'd mentioned previously that obviously the first 4 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:33,480 meeting was getting the machine, learning how to use it and whatever else. It's been two 5 00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:46,160 weeks now. Yeah, two weeks. But yeah, I was there, went in, spoke to both the senior physio 6 00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:52,120 and the scientist. Really, really good meeting. Absolutely fantastic to be honest with you. 7 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:59,840 A pair of them were brilliant. They checked that I was using it correctly, putting the 8 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:06,000 probes in the correct places and whatever else. And actually, it seems I've been doing 9 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:13,080 it correctly. Which did surprise me because I must admit at times I've been finding myself 10 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:19,320 not necessarily putting the probes in the correct place or at least doubting myself. 11 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:27,560 So actually the fact that they have been, I'm quite impressed. I'm quite impressed. 12 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:37,000 The top probe has to go on a particular part of your leg where you sort of have to feel 13 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:49,160 away from the meaty section for a bony bit. And that bone is just before where the nerves 14 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:55,400 sort of split off and go into different positions. So yeah, I've actually been finding that and 15 00:01:55,400 --> 00:02:08,280 doing it well. The fact that in the last couple of weeks with the FES, it's changed everything 16 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,720 for me when I'm walking, I'll be honest with you, it really has. I know I've said this, 17 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:19,560 I'm going to try not to do too much dwelling. But again, it was nice to sit down and be 18 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:26,720 able to explain to them just how much it's changed things. Because it has changed them 19 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:31,880 quite drastically, if I'm going to be honest. It really has changed them quite drastically. 20 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:42,120 So again, that was good. When it came time to sort of talk about what sort of stuff it's 21 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:50,280 changed for me in terms of how much I can walk and whatever else. I did make it very, 22 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:56,920 very clear that in terms of safety, it's changed quite a lot. It's changed quite drastically, 23 00:02:56,920 --> 00:03:05,360 I'll be honest. When I'm wearing it, I feel safe. I don't feel like every step I've got 24 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:10,720 a monitor where my foot's going because I feel like it's going to fall all over a place 25 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:18,040 or it's going to trip me over. But again, at the same time, what it doesn't do, and 26 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:21,960 I've said this a million times and I'll say it a million more, it doesn't allow me to 27 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:30,040 walk any further than previous. But I'll take that because I can walk safely. But yeah, 28 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:35,800 the crux of the meeting was, again, it was brilliant. It was very, very helpful. It showed 29 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:42,920 me that I am using the machine correctly. Again, what I'm not doing is I'm not using 30 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:51,160 it as high a level as I possibly should right at the start. I'm starting my day with it 31 00:03:51,160 --> 00:04:00,720 as low as I can possibly manage with it to lift my foot up and then building up. So yeah, 32 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:07,800 that's where we are with that. That FES is now with me for the long term and I'm quite 33 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:17,400 looking forward to having that available to me because again, it's made things much, much 34 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:25,440 more simple. What I've got coming up today as you're listening to this, it's going to 35 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:37,080 be Monday, I've got a telephone meeting with my nurse at the doctors because it's come 36 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:45,080 time for them to sort of have a look into whether maybe some assistance for fatigue 37 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:53,940 might come in useful because at the moment, no matter what I'm doing, I'm getting really 38 00:04:53,940 --> 00:05:05,680 exhausted very, very fast. At the moment, that exhaustion is becoming quite apparent. 39 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:13,120 It doesn't really matter too much what I'm doing, the slightest little thing and I just 40 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:19,720 want to go to sleep. I'll be honest, I just want to go to sleep. Pains, aches, all of 41 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:27,240 it is particularly bad and it's not great. So hopefully tomorrow during that meeting, 42 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:38,240 we can come up with an idea as to what we can do to try and attack that a little bit. 43 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,760 Don't get me wrong, I know it's not going to go anywhere, there's no cure, but if there's 44 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:48,880 something we can do to try and limit the effect that it has, that'd be quite nice. I'll be 45 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:53,600 honest, that would be quite nice. I've got a couple of thoughts in my head as to where 46 00:05:53,600 --> 00:06:03,440 we might possibly be going with it, but that will be a conversation for another time. With 47 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:12,920 regards to other bits and pieces, I have, and I'm not going to go into too much detail, 48 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:21,560 but I've sort of moved on ever so slightly, a little bit closer to a potential job. It's 49 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:26,800 something a lot different, this job to something I've ever done before in my life and there's 50 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:36,920 four parts to the selection process and I've passed the first two parts, so there's another 51 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:44,760 two to go. Fingers crossed, fingers crossed I can sort of plough my way through and figure 52 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:52,200 out the best ways of doing it, because I must admit it's a job I really fancy and if it 53 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:58,120 happens I'll explain it, but there's still a long way to go. So in all fairness, it would 54 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:10,200 be wrong of me to start talking about it at this point. In terms of myself, yeah, I'm 55 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:18,960 going to say that I've been finding things a little bit more difficult than I have done 56 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:29,600 previously and I can't quite work out why. I think to be honest it's probably the fatigue 57 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:35,760 that's given me a real good kick in, because it's sort of at times making me a little bit 58 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:45,200 do I do certain bits and pieces or shall I just try and sit down and again I've said 59 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:52,480 it a million times. I'm trying really hard to not let it win, I'm trying really hard 60 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:59,640 to not just sit down, I'm trying to keep fighting and keep going, but actually at the moment 61 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:07,800 I'm finding that quite difficult. It's not particularly easy because the exhaustion is 62 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:17,040 just awful and that is kind of where I am a little bit. I've been today doing little 63 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:25,920 bits and pieces, nothing really stressful, nothing major, more than anything burning 64 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:31,880 the kids old school books. Some of the kids have left school now, they've finished their 65 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:39,120 exams and hopefully pushing on to pastures new in terms of the working world or college 66 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:48,680 coming up or maybe other learning. So they're school books that they no longer want, they've 67 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:58,080 gone in the flames, they've gone on fire, which was fun and to be honest with you it 68 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:05,240 wasn't massively, I'll be honest with you I wasn't doing it on my own, but it has knackered 69 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:12,440 me out, I'm going to be honest with you, absolutely exhausted and I've got to be up early tomorrow 70 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:19,760 morning. Yeah I've got to be up early tomorrow morning because we've got a new wardrobe coming. 71 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:26,800 The decorating in our bedroom has finally been finished. My dad's done a brilliant job, 72 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:34,280 bless him, he really has done an incredible job. It's so nice to actually wake up and 73 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:41,560 look at these nicely wallpapered walls. But yeah now we've got this wardrobe coming, 74 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:50,440 I'll assist you really early tomorrow morning so no laying, absolutely no laying, which 75 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:55,560 I could probably do with if I'm honest. I did say to myself I was going to have a couple 76 00:09:55,560 --> 00:10:02,520 of days rest over the weekend and it hasn't happened. There's been too many things to 77 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:14,000 do. But you know we carry on, we crack on and we try and muster the ability to see the 78 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:23,600 new the next day and just carry on. But yeah I'll be honest, there's quite a few things 79 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:32,160 I'm going to say, there's quite a few things that have been giving me struggles. And yeah 80 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:38,640 there's been, again what I've got to say is it's nothing new, it's all old stuff that 81 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:51,760 just seems to get worse. Again I should take as a positive in terms of the fact that it's 82 00:10:51,760 --> 00:11:01,440 not seeming new. Maybe just maybe the okravas is doing what it's supposed to do. I don't 83 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:10,240 know. But yeah I mean it's just this old stuff that's getting worse and it's not, I've got 84 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:16,360 to say when I was doing my podcasts a good few months ago now where I was constantly 85 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:21,440 saying you know I've got this new issue, that new issue, I've got this, that or the other. 86 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:30,160 I'm not having to do that now. Yes there's been little bits and pieces absolutely. But 87 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:34,800 where I was, I had probably a two month spell where I'll be honest with you I was actually 88 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:40,680 getting quite concerned, not even quite concerned, I was getting absolutely terrified of what 89 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:47,840 was happening because it was always, always, there was always something new and it wasn't 90 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:56,000 something that was just gentle, it was on a scale of 1 to 10 a flat out 8 and a half 91 00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:02,440 minimum but currently as I say it's just old stuff that just seems to be getting worse 92 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:15,800 rather than new. Although saying that was one issue the other night and I cannot believe 93 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:27,000 the pain I had in my left hand side, it genuinely, genuinely felt like, felt like I was on fire, 94 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:36,440 it really did and so it was the left hand side and it literally did feel like somebody 95 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:48,680 had lit a fire on that side and the pain was excruciating. Thankfully it didn't last massively 96 00:12:48,680 --> 00:13:00,040 long but wow when it was there it was, yeah I'd say probably a 9 out of 10. Only time 97 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:09,880 I've ever felt anything like it was pre-knowing about MS and I had to go to the hospital from 98 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:18,600 work because I was in this enormous amount of pain and got to the hospital, my dad was 99 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:22,480 with me, he got me booked in because I couldn't even go up to the counter to book myself in 100 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:32,320 to be honest. I was just sat there and it was, yeah that one was a 10 out of 10. But 101 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:39,840 yeah they took me in to the triage, the nurse saw me and she took me from triage actually 102 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:49,400 straight in to a little room on my own and she stuck all the bits and pieces in my arm 103 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:56,400 and whatever else and I had a drip put in running some saline through and actually that 104 00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:04,560 night they was talking about potentially moving me to another hospital to get a CT scan done 105 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:14,840 because at that point they were wondering if it was a blockage in my heart and thankfully 106 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:20,440 the CT scan came back because they didn't move me in the end, they actually had someone 107 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:33,640 come in to the local hospital to perform the CT and thankfully it wasn't, it was any issue, 108 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:41,640 they couldn't actually say. The saline and the painkillers that they'd given me kind 109 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:50,200 of helped a bit so later that evening I was released, come home and by the morning it 110 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:56,640 pretty much passed. But actually say this was a very similar kind of pain that I got 111 00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:07,480 the other night, at least now I kind of know most likely what caused that first time off 112 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:13,560 because it was only probably about 6-8 weeks after that that the doctor told me that I 113 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:25,520 should expect the diagnosis of MS. I'm just having a sip of my water. So yeah I mean it 114 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:34,280 was very painful, very very painful and actually sitting here I've just started feeling and 115 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:38,640 I've just had some of my water but my glass is a little way to the side of me, I've just 116 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:44,480 felt like somebody's dripping water on my right wrist. I normally get that on the top 117 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:52,640 of my head not actually on my wrist, that's a bit of a strange one. But yeah I mean that's 118 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:56,720 obviously a summit that happened in the past that just sort of gives you an idea on this 119 00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:06,120 pain that I had in my side a couple of nights ago. Other than that I'm going to tell a little 120 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:18,360 story and it's a story that to be fair it's a bit strange and at the same time really 121 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:31,640 sweet. So last night now I was absolutely out for the count but something happened that's 122 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:39,080 never happened before, never. I said goodnight to the kids and Lisa still needed to, she 123 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:44,840 was going to go and say goodnight to them. So once I'd said goodnight I went and just 124 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:48,800 sat on the bed, I hadn't put my pyjamas or anything on, I was still in my jeans and my 125 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:59,480 top, just had my glasses on, just sat on the bed just to relax. Well when I did that the 126 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:05,080 next thing I knew, this was probably, I'm going to say this was probably about 10 o'clock 127 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:12,640 in the evening, I might be slightly out but not by much, it was 7 o'clock in the morning 128 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:22,560 next time I opened my eyes. Now the story goes that I sat there and obviously dropped 129 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:29,480 off. Now one of the boys, bless him, brought the hoover into the bedroom because Lisa was 130 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:34,400 saying goodnight and she needed to hoover something up on our floor and he came out 131 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:46,040 of the bedroom and he said mum, it's asleep. Okay, so Lisa thought he was joking. So in 132 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:51,640 she comes and apparently there's me sat on the bed snoring, I don't know where they 133 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:58,920 got it from, I don't snore, honest. Well I've never heard me snoring so it means it doesn't 134 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:07,280 happen. But yeah there was me on the bed asleep. So Lisa does the bit of hoovering that she 135 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:17,040 needs to do, perfectly fine. I don't move a muscle. Yep, even hoover doesn't wake me 136 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:27,720 up. So Lisa bless her realises that I am completely out for the count. So she takes my glasses 137 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:40,800 off and very carefully changes my jeans for my pyjama bottoms, takes my socks off, probably 138 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:47,000 a bit smelly but you know. But yeah she does all of that sort of stuff, gets me ready for 139 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:53,600 bed and apparently I still don't bat an eyelid, I am out like a light. I don't remember any 140 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,920 of this happening. I'm going to be honest I don't remember any of this happening at 141 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:06,440 all. So yeah there's me completely out like a light. Lisa's got me all ready for bed and 142 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:18,120 all that sort of stuff. I wake up at 7 o'clock in the morning and very briefly wake up and 143 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:22,440 there's always one pillow on the bed that I always take out because I find the pillow 144 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:31,440 a little bit uncomfortable. So I turn over, I look at the clock, my side and it says 7 145 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:37,640 o'clock. So without even realising I've removed that pillow and said to Lisa, because she's 146 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:45,480 awake next to me, I said I've not said goodnight to the kids and they're going to say goodnight. 147 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:54,720 She proceeds to explain to me that it's actually the morning and I'm just totally weirded out 148 00:19:54,720 --> 00:20:01,040 by it all that I didn't understand. So I just reached across, I got me my tablet, I took 149 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:08,440 my tablet that I'm supposed to take in the morning and then I'm off again. Yep, back 150 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:15,800 out like a light and probably didn't wake up till about half ten quarter to eleven. 151 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:25,000 Yeah, yeah for want of a better thought process I probably had 12 hours sleep. Certainly bouldering 152 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:32,080 on it. I never get 12 hours sleep, absolutely unheard of. But I tell you what I did not 153 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:41,260 feel good for it. It really helped a lot. But yeah, I mean the fact that I didn't even 154 00:20:41,260 --> 00:20:48,840 realise that one the hoovering was being done right next to me and two I didn't even know 155 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:57,920 that I was being changed into my pyjamas. Figure that one out. It makes no sense at 156 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:04,680 all. But yeah, all I can say to that, because again I knew I was exhausted. I'm not even 157 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:10,080 going to say tired. Tired ain't even going to come close to it. I was absolutely exhausted. 158 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:15,200 But that's never happened. That sort of thing's never ever happened to me before where I didn't 159 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:25,600 even know that I'd gone to sleep. Nothing. And the fact that nothing woke me up. Odd. 160 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:32,000 Is a big understatement. Really, really odd. But yeah, I thought I'd just share that little 161 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:41,840 story with you because, do you know what? I actually think it's kind of funny. Again, 162 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:46,400 it's one of them where I could probably find the negatives in it. I'm not looking for 163 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:51,120 none of that. I don't want none of that. The negatives can stay where they are. Let's 164 00:21:51,120 --> 00:22:03,880 see the fun side of it. And just wow. Honestly. Just wow. But other than that, for a week 165 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:14,800 it's not been too bad. It's honestly not been too bad. To say I'm very, very excited. The 166 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:21,320 prospect to our bedroom being finished off, getting this new wardrobe up and the possibility. 167 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:29,600 And I can only use the term the possibility of this new job. And do you know what? I'm 168 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:34,800 going to have to go there at some point. I'm going to have to make this admission. It's 169 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:47,800 now July. So in about two and a half weeks time. Yes, it's my 40th birthday. Didn't 170 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,600 want to make that admission, but it's going to come out. Everyone's going to hear about 171 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:57,800 it. So why don't I just say so? And I'm kind of looking forward to the family coming over. 172 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:04,200 Yeah, we've got family coming over and do you know what? I am really excited about it. 173 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:10,360 Don't tell anyone because I'm trying to play really, really cool on that one. Don't tell 174 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:17,960 anyone. It's just between us. Just between us. Appreciate it. Your confidence is massively 175 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:26,160 appreciated. On that note, thank you very much for listening. I really hope you have 176 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:34,920 a good week and I will speak to you again soon. Bye bye.