1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,760 Hello and welcome back. It's another week. I will say this podcast a little bit later 2 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:16,520 being released. Been quite busy actually over the last few days. So in all fairness I've 3 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:22,840 not really had a great deal of time to sit and record. So I will apologise for that. 4 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:28,240 But when things have got to be done unfortunately we've got to try and take care of them haven't 5 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:35,120 we. I hope everyone is doing okay and you've had the best week you possibly can. Mine's 6 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:39,800 been a bit of a mixed bag but on the whole it's not been too bad I'll be totally honest. 7 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:50,080 It's not been awful. What I've got to start with I think this week is how gutted I am. 8 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:55,920 I was actually going to record this podcast out in the garden. I was really keen to sit 9 00:00:55,920 --> 00:01:04,360 out in the garden. It's quite warm outside and chat to you from there. But I couldn't 10 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:08,360 really seem to make it work to be honest. So I'm going to have to look into that a little 11 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:20,320 bit and I'll figure out how to make it work. But here I am sat in the shed slash studio 12 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:28,360 slash yeah just about every other room it could possibly be. I'm going to start really 13 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:37,160 by talking about how things have been for me over the last week or so in terms of how 14 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:48,840 I've been going with regards to the MS. There's been a few issues, a few issues. Nothing again 15 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:55,280 I'm going to float this out there. Nothing new. It's nothing new. It's all stuff that 16 00:01:55,280 --> 00:02:00,640 just seems to be a bit of an accumulation of stuff and I'm going to be straight. I've 17 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:05,440 done it again. I've been overdoing things. I think I've got to try and stop saying to 18 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:11,080 myself oh you've got to stop overdoing things. I don't think I'm ever going to stop. I'm 19 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:16,840 going to be honest. I've got to just carry on doing the best I can and deal with things 20 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:27,280 as they come along. Now fatigue has been absolutely kicking my backside. It really has. The smallest 21 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:35,840 little bits and pieces that I'm getting done and I'm shattered. Absolutely exhausted and 22 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:40,680 it's not the sort of time where you've been at work all day and whatever else. No no no 23 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:48,040 it's nothing like that. It literally is. It's a whole level of tired that I've never really 24 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:54,960 known. It's kicking my backside like I say and I need to try and figure out how to deal 25 00:02:54,960 --> 00:03:03,960 with that. Well that leads on to my next thing. I had to be in touch with the doctors. I got 26 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:11,160 in touch with them back in the last week. They got in touch with me today to let me 27 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:18,720 know that they've signed me off again for another month. And what they've also done 28 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:25,160 is they've booked me an appointment with the doctor because of the fatigue. Now bear with 29 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,320 me because once I've dealt with the fatigue I will explain everything else that's been 30 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:35,400 going on. Now what they're doing, they're getting me in and they're going to try and 31 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:42,200 see if there's anything they can actually give me to help fight the fatigue a little 32 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:49,600 bit. Because we know there's things out there that can do it. There is one thing in particular 33 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:55,200 that I've got in my mind that I think they're probably going to try and put me on. That's 34 00:03:55,200 --> 00:04:01,880 fine. I'm happy to give almost anything a go to be fair because I don't like this aspect. 35 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:09,920 I'll be totally fair. So fingers crossed once I've had that meeting with the doctors, it's 36 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:19,840 going to be Monday, so a week for a telephone appointment. Yep. Yep. No words need to be 37 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:26,840 said on that one I suppose. But yeah, so I'll have the appointment, see what happens and 38 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:31,520 we shall go from there. Fingers crossed there's something they can do to try and give me a 39 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,920 bit of support on it. Don't get me wrong, I know full well they're not going to completely 40 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:43,960 eradicate it but a little bit of help is all I'm asking for. In terms of how other bits 41 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:49,840 and pieces have been, what I've been getting and I've mentioned it a few times recently 42 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:59,960 is these sort of shock feelings on my face. Now I'll be honest, they are really strange. 43 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:04,600 Really strange because what it feels like at times is literally somebody just sort of 44 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:11,560 comes past me and when you're kids there's a little thing you do where you sort of poke 45 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:17,240 each other in the side and what have you and you do that as you're flying past, you sort 46 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:27,080 of run past, zap, gone. To an extent this is how the issue with my face is feeling whereby 47 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:31,640 it feels like it's a cattle prod rather than just a little zap from your brother or your 48 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:36,480 sister and it does, it just feels like someone sort of just runs past, zaps my face with 49 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:43,760 a cattle prod and carries on going. Yeah, it is as strange as it sounds, I'll be honest 50 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:49,880 with you, it really is. But it comes and goes, it's not regular, it's there, it's not there, 51 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:57,920 it's there, it's not there. Pretty much like a lot of MS symptoms, I'm going to be honest. 52 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:04,220 In terms of my mobility, I'm going to say it and I'm going to not feel really bad for 53 00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:16,600 it. Oh my word, the fez machine. It's given me a whole new lease of life when I've got 54 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:24,520 that thing on and I'm out and about. It's incredible, absolutely fantastic and I know 55 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:30,160 I've said this and I don't want to sort of go too far with it but genuinely that thing 56 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:37,840 when you've got it on is unreal. The help it is giving me and the confidence it's giving 57 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:45,000 me to actually walk and again, it's not letting me walk any further than I would normally. 58 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:56,680 That's a fact, I'm still walking just a few metres before really I should be stopping. 59 00:06:56,680 --> 00:07:04,560 That's fine because when I am walking, I'm walking confidently, I'm walking as if I'm 60 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:11,760 not going to fall over. Which let's be fair, a lot of my previous walking over the last, 61 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:17,960 yeah, I couldn't tell you how long. Actually I've just been feeling like, just get your 62 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:28,960 balance, keep your balance, make sure you don't fall. This fez, unreal, absolutely unreal. 63 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:36,240 In terms of my legs themselves when I'm not wearing that, wow, I'm struggling a bit, I'm 64 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:45,000 going to be honest. In terms of pain, my left knee over the last couple of days has been 65 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:51,800 nothing short of awful. It's been very, very painful. That's me where I've been over doing 66 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:59,400 things perfectly fine. I get that, that's on me. My right leg, again, I mean, it's 67 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:03,880 same as it always is, I've got such a little amount of feeling it's unreal. Again, I've 68 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:14,560 got quite significantly reduced feeling in my left, my right mega reduced. My back has 69 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:25,800 been particularly bad, my lower back. But again, I'm just carrying on. I'm literally 70 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:33,720 just carrying on. It's a struggle, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that this is easy 71 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:38,840 because it really isn't. It's a struggle. But you know what, I'm doing what I need to 72 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:47,840 do and I'm doing it the best I can and dealing with the after effects after. Now, what I 73 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:51,840 don't want to do, I don't want to turn this episode into me completely bleeding on and 74 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:59,080 moaning about things. Because actually, there's a lot of positives going on as well. There 75 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:05,080 really is. And that's kind of where I want to focus. I want to focus on positives. Because, 76 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:13,240 you know what, negatives, I could sit here for a month nonstop talking about them. I'm 77 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:21,400 not playing that game. I really don't want to play that game. So in terms of the positives, 78 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:30,960 I've already mentioned it, the fez machine. I've may possibly have planted another couple 79 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:43,200 of plants and about 3000 seeds. Yeah, yeah, that might have happened. No, it did happen. 80 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:47,880 So hopefully over the next few weeks, I'm going to have some more flowers coming up 81 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:57,320 in the garden. I've also got a new aloe vera plant currently sat in the bathroom. And I've 82 00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:04,560 also got a snake plant sat in the living room. Both of them lovely. Really, really nice. 83 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:07,960 For once, I'm not guilty of them arriving, but we're not going to go into that. There's 84 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:13,960 no point. But they look nice. They look really nice. And to be honest with you, again, I've 85 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:22,240 been over this no end of times in the past. I absolutely love getting out in the garden 86 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:29,560 and just tinkering about with the plants and whatever else. I absolutely love it. Absolutely 87 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:36,880 love it. Seeing the new lilies that have gone in. Beautiful. They've opened up. They're 88 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:43,640 absolutely gorgeous. One of the roses we bought not so long ago. It's actually got different 89 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:50,600 color flowers. There's different color flowers on it. And it is beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. 90 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:59,840 I really like it. Yeah, I'm a big fan. I'll be honest. Very, very big fan. I've started 91 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:05,920 reading a book. It's a book I actually read many, many years ago. And I'm not going to 92 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:15,120 go right into details and everything. But it's a fantastic one. It's Andromeda Strain. 93 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:23,880 And as I say, it's a very, very old book. But it's brilliant. Absolutely fantastic. 94 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:37,360 So that comes down. In Piedmont. They find it. And the people in the town. Yeah, they're 95 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:44,360 not very well. Not very well at all. But yeah, I don't want to spoil it in case anyone else 96 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:52,320 decides to read it. But it is absolutely superb. Highly recommend it. As I say, it is a book 97 00:11:52,320 --> 00:12:01,760 I read many, many years ago. Give it a go. We're also finishing off decorating the house. 98 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:06,640 Just mine and Lisa's room to go now. So over the next couple of days, we're going to try 99 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:15,080 and get that finished with, I would say some incredible help. But actually all I am is 100 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:22,920 the not so able assistant. Shall we say I try my best. I give it the best I can. And 101 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:29,760 yeah, fingers crossed. If it comes out like every other room, it's going to be superb. 102 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:38,600 So yeah, that's where we are with that one. I mean, for me personally, and I'm sort of 103 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:49,600 going to go into a little bit of how MS has changed things for me in a minute. I'm going 104 00:12:49,600 --> 00:13:00,960 to do that. But all of this positive change is just, I mean, again, it's things that just 105 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:08,480 put the mind in a really nice place. And for that, that's where things are going to carry 106 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:16,040 on. Carry on pushing and carry on going. Bear with me. I've just got a bit of my lemon and 107 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:24,480 lime water to drink because lemon and lime water is absolutely beautiful. Those of you 108 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:30,560 on YouTube may have just noticed I just tried to drink some lemon and lime water with the 109 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:55,360 cap still on. Oh my word. It's nice that. Lesson for next time. Take the cap off the 110 00:13:55,360 --> 00:14:06,400 bottle. I can't believe I just did that. There you go. That's life. That's one of those things. 111 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:21,440 But I'm sort of going to go into now. How things have changed and what I'm doing. Because 112 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:29,480 in all fairness, things have changed drastically. We all know that. I mean, I've been over things 113 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:38,400 in the past. How my employment status changed quite drastically. I've been a working man 114 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:49,400 my entire life and now I'm not. For now. But there is irons in the fire on that one. Fingers 115 00:14:49,400 --> 00:15:01,360 crossed. Fingers crossed. But yeah, I mean, I've gone from working regularly, full time, 116 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:08,880 sometimes two jobs. I mean, I know I've very, very basically touched on it in the past, 117 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:16,960 but yeah, I mean, on top of the daytime security work, I used to be a door supervisor, a bouncer, 118 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:27,200 which is strange when I'm only like five foot six. But you know, I think I did OK. I did 119 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:36,120 that for quite a few years as well. So I worked two jobs. And now because of MS, I'm actually 120 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:44,360 not even working one job. Which is strange. It really is strange. I mean, things have 121 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:50,880 sort of changed quite drastically in that respect because I'm trying to figure out this 122 00:15:50,880 --> 00:16:00,480 new life of of not being at work when actually all I really want to do is get up in the morning, 123 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:07,620 go to work and at the end of the month have my pay turn up and know that I'm providing 124 00:16:07,620 --> 00:16:15,040 for my family. Now, at least is doing an incredible job. She's out there working, she's doing 125 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:21,520 brilliantly. But for me, that change, I'm still struggling with it. I've got to say 126 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:31,160 that I really am still struggling with the thought process of not working. As I said, 127 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:40,080 there is irons in the fire. I'm going to very loosely touch on it because I put in an application 128 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:46,520 actually last night as one of the reasons I didn't record this podcast yesterday was 129 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:53,640 because I was busy on top of doing other bits and pieces. I also did this application. And 130 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:59,880 all I will say currently is the application is to join the civil service. Not something 131 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:08,000 I ever thought I would do. But you know what, I really hope it comes off. I would love to 132 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:15,520 get that job. Absolutely would love to get that job. So I've got another bit to fill 133 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:24,240 in either this evening, maybe tomorrow afternoon, I shall fit sit and fill in the little test 134 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:32,600 that I need to do and chip back, cross my fingers and hope for the best. Because again, 135 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:37,800 that's another thing that MS has changed. That's another change. Because I've gone from 136 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:45,160 being in the security industry for 20 years to doing, I'm going to say nothing, but I 137 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:54,640 can't class nothing because actually this podcast and I've kind of neglected the social 138 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:59,600 media a little bit recently. And that's not because I want to is because actually I kind 139 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:06,720 of a bit of the thought process, what do people want to listen to me for? So I need to get 140 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:13,240 myself back in that headspace and just sort of start talking to people again in that respect. 141 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:20,320 But yeah, I mean, this podcast, I kind of do see as a bit of a job, because all week 142 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:25,120 I am sitting and thinking, right, okay, what can I talk about this week? What can I try 143 00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:33,400 and explain to people? What can I try and help with? By talking about what I've got 144 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:40,320 going on in the hope that actually that's going to help somebody else. Because to be 145 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:47,920 on end all this podcast is incredible for me to get things off off my head. You know, 146 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:54,920 if I've got an issue, I can sit and talk about it. And all right, I'm sat, I'm talking to 147 00:18:54,920 --> 00:19:01,920 a microphone, I'm talking to my mobile phone. But actually, I'm sat here just getting things 148 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:09,520 off my head, which is which is a good thing. Again, it's changed things like, you know, 149 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:17,680 I'd stopped it anyway, but I stopped the football really, because I couldn't run, I try and 150 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:24,400 run and I fall over because my legs weren't there. They didn't work. They weren't carrying 151 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:33,200 me like they were supposed to. So again, it's changed that. It's changed my ability to to 152 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:43,280 walk properly. Can't do it. Literally can't do it. You know, I can get a few meters and 153 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:50,400 then my legs hurt. It's uncomfortable. Like I say, it's much better now with with the 154 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:58,640 Fez machine. But it's also changed the fact that I'm wearing that Fez machine. So I've 155 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:05,040 got wires running up and down my leg. I've got when I lift my heel off the floor, I've 156 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:11,800 got that sort of electrical stimulation going into my leg. Big change. Lots and lots of 157 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:18,520 big changes. Which I'm going to be straight. There's only one way that I can deal with 158 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:27,680 that stuff. And that's by just getting my head down and carrying on. Yeah, that does 159 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:34,000 include overdoing it. Yeah, that does include doing the best I can to get through the pain 160 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:40,760 barrier. Trust me when I tell you that is not easy. But it also means not giving in 161 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:50,920 to that pain when it's there. Because for me, the only way I can actually keep myself 162 00:20:50,920 --> 00:21:03,120 ticking over as me is literally being me. I don't know how else I can put it if I'm 163 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:11,100 honest. There is not really much else I can say. I just have to keep being me. And I have 164 00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:18,680 to keep being positive. And that's not necessarily easy because at times these days, I must admit, 165 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:26,920 I do get a bit negative. Probably need to work that out a little bit. More than probably 166 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:35,840 or absolutely certainly need to kind of work that out a little bit. But even so, again, 167 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,120 there's sort of things, you know, there's plenty of others. But again, I would be sat 168 00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:46,640 here for I can't tell you how long. It's impossible to know. But I would be sat here for so long 169 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:55,160 it's unreal if I tried to explain exactly what there is going on. It just wouldn't be 170 00:21:55,160 --> 00:22:07,560 worth it to me or to you. But again, MS has done all of this stuff. And it will continue 171 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:12,680 to do this stuff. I mean, it's a progressive condition. You know, I'm not I'm not daft. 172 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:22,080 It's a progressive condition, mine especially is primary progressive. So let's be fair, 173 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:27,800 I know what's coming, I know what's what's happening. But I'm doing everything I can 174 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:35,240 to sort of work it so that I'm not giving in and I'm not allowing that to take control. 175 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:42,880 I love its day. Perfectly fine. Understand that you can't win every fight. But there's 176 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:47,320 also going to be times where I will just say, you know what, not today, I've got stuff to 177 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:55,960 do. I'm carrying on and I'll deal with the after effects at the end of the day. Well, 178 00:22:55,960 --> 00:23:03,080 I think I've probably rounded off a little bit too much today. So I will apologize for 179 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:08,080 that. But again, this is one of those times where you've got stuff to get off your brain, 180 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,160 get it off your brain. Because once it's out there in the world, it's out there in the 181 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:19,440 world. And I hope you can all see and hear the fact that I am doing what I can to be 182 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:31,760 positive and my recommendation to to anyone. As best you can, try to stay positive. It's 183 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:39,760 not easy. Believe me, I understand that. I know it's not easy. But try your best. Because 184 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:49,760 at the end of the day, all you've actually got is yourself, your family, your friends 185 00:23:49,760 --> 00:24:01,520 and your life. And to allow this to for me, if I allowed this to cause my life, the problems 186 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:11,240 it could possibly cause. No, no, no, no, not not to me. Not going that route. Right. I 187 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:17,560 will speak to you in a week's time. I will do all I can to actually get podcast out on 188 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:27,600 time. So please bear with me. Like I said, I do have a lot on currently. But I'm pushing, 189 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:35,600 I'm pushing, get that done and get everything back as it should be. Well, have a good week. 190 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:58,040 And I will speak to you all soon. See you later. Bye bye.