Hello and welcome back. It's another week. I will say this podcast a little bit later
being released. Been quite busy actually over the last few days. So in all fairness I've
not really had a great deal of time to sit and record. So I will apologise for that.
But when things have got to be done unfortunately we've got to try and take care of them haven't
we. I hope everyone is doing okay and you've had the best week you possibly can. Mine's
been a bit of a mixed bag but on the whole it's not been too bad I'll be totally honest.
It's not been awful. What I've got to start with I think this week is how gutted I am.
I was actually going to record this podcast out in the garden. I was really keen to sit
out in the garden. It's quite warm outside and chat to you from there. But I couldn't
really seem to make it work to be honest. So I'm going to have to look into that a little
bit and I'll figure out how to make it work. But here I am sat in the shed slash studio
slash yeah just about every other room it could possibly be. I'm going to start really
by talking about how things have been for me over the last week or so in terms of how
I've been going with regards to the MS. There's been a few issues, a few issues. Nothing again
I'm going to float this out there. Nothing new. It's nothing new. It's all stuff that
just seems to be a bit of an accumulation of stuff and I'm going to be straight. I've
done it again. I've been overdoing things. I think I've got to try and stop saying to
myself oh you've got to stop overdoing things. I don't think I'm ever going to stop. I'm
going to be honest. I've got to just carry on doing the best I can and deal with things
as they come along. Now fatigue has been absolutely kicking my backside. It really has. The smallest
little bits and pieces that I'm getting done and I'm shattered. Absolutely exhausted and
it's not the sort of time where you've been at work all day and whatever else. No no no
it's nothing like that. It literally is. It's a whole level of tired that I've never really
known. It's kicking my backside like I say and I need to try and figure out how to deal
with that. Well that leads on to my next thing. I had to be in touch with the doctors. I got
in touch with them back in the last week. They got in touch with me today to let me
know that they've signed me off again for another month. And what they've also done
is they've booked me an appointment with the doctor because of the fatigue. Now bear with
me because once I've dealt with the fatigue I will explain everything else that's been
going on. Now what they're doing, they're getting me in and they're going to try and
see if there's anything they can actually give me to help fight the fatigue a little
bit. Because we know there's things out there that can do it. There is one thing in particular
that I've got in my mind that I think they're probably going to try and put me on. That's
fine. I'm happy to give almost anything a go to be fair because I don't like this aspect.
I'll be totally fair. So fingers crossed once I've had that meeting with the doctors, it's
going to be Monday, so a week for a telephone appointment. Yep. Yep. No words need to be
said on that one I suppose. But yeah, so I'll have the appointment, see what happens and
we shall go from there. Fingers crossed there's something they can do to try and give me a
bit of support on it. Don't get me wrong, I know full well they're not going to completely
eradicate it but a little bit of help is all I'm asking for. In terms of how other bits
and pieces have been, what I've been getting and I've mentioned it a few times recently
is these sort of shock feelings on my face. Now I'll be honest, they are really strange.
Really strange because what it feels like at times is literally somebody just sort of
comes past me and when you're kids there's a little thing you do where you sort of poke
each other in the side and what have you and you do that as you're flying past, you sort
of run past, zap, gone. To an extent this is how the issue with my face is feeling whereby
it feels like it's a cattle prod rather than just a little zap from your brother or your
sister and it does, it just feels like someone sort of just runs past, zaps my face with
a cattle prod and carries on going. Yeah, it is as strange as it sounds, I'll be honest
with you, it really is. But it comes and goes, it's not regular, it's there, it's not there,
it's there, it's not there. Pretty much like a lot of MS symptoms, I'm going to be honest.
In terms of my mobility, I'm going to say it and I'm going to not feel really bad for
it. Oh my word, the fez machine. It's given me a whole new lease of life when I've got
that thing on and I'm out and about. It's incredible, absolutely fantastic and I know
I've said this and I don't want to sort of go too far with it but genuinely that thing
when you've got it on is unreal. The help it is giving me and the confidence it's giving
me to actually walk and again, it's not letting me walk any further than I would normally.
That's a fact, I'm still walking just a few metres before really I should be stopping.
That's fine because when I am walking, I'm walking confidently, I'm walking as if I'm
not going to fall over. Which let's be fair, a lot of my previous walking over the last,
yeah, I couldn't tell you how long. Actually I've just been feeling like, just get your
balance, keep your balance, make sure you don't fall. This fez, unreal, absolutely unreal.
In terms of my legs themselves when I'm not wearing that, wow, I'm struggling a bit, I'm
going to be honest. In terms of pain, my left knee over the last couple of days has been
nothing short of awful. It's been very, very painful. That's me where I've been over doing
things perfectly fine. I get that, that's on me. My right leg, again, I mean, it's
same as it always is, I've got such a little amount of feeling it's unreal. Again, I've
got quite significantly reduced feeling in my left, my right mega reduced. My back has
been particularly bad, my lower back. But again, I'm just carrying on. I'm literally
just carrying on. It's a struggle, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that this is easy
because it really isn't. It's a struggle. But you know what, I'm doing what I need to
do and I'm doing it the best I can and dealing with the after effects after. Now, what I
don't want to do, I don't want to turn this episode into me completely bleeding on and
moaning about things. Because actually, there's a lot of positives going on as well. There
really is. And that's kind of where I want to focus. I want to focus on positives. Because,
you know what, negatives, I could sit here for a month nonstop talking about them. I'm
not playing that game. I really don't want to play that game. So in terms of the positives,
I've already mentioned it, the fez machine. I've may possibly have planted another couple
of plants and about 3000 seeds. Yeah, yeah, that might have happened. No, it did happen.
So hopefully over the next few weeks, I'm going to have some more flowers coming up
in the garden. I've also got a new aloe vera plant currently sat in the bathroom. And I've
also got a snake plant sat in the living room. Both of them lovely. Really, really nice.
For once, I'm not guilty of them arriving, but we're not going to go into that. There's
no point. But they look nice. They look really nice. And to be honest with you, again, I've
been over this no end of times in the past. I absolutely love getting out in the garden
and just tinkering about with the plants and whatever else. I absolutely love it. Absolutely
love it. Seeing the new lilies that have gone in. Beautiful. They've opened up. They're
absolutely gorgeous. One of the roses we bought not so long ago. It's actually got different
color flowers. There's different color flowers on it. And it is beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous.
I really like it. Yeah, I'm a big fan. I'll be honest. Very, very big fan. I've started
reading a book. It's a book I actually read many, many years ago. And I'm not going to
go right into details and everything. But it's a fantastic one. It's Andromeda Strain.
And as I say, it's a very, very old book. But it's brilliant. Absolutely fantastic.
So that comes down. In Piedmont. They find it. And the people in the town. Yeah, they're
not very well. Not very well at all. But yeah, I don't want to spoil it in case anyone else
decides to read it. But it is absolutely superb. Highly recommend it. As I say, it is a book
I read many, many years ago. Give it a go. We're also finishing off decorating the house.
Just mine and Lisa's room to go now. So over the next couple of days, we're going to try
and get that finished with, I would say some incredible help. But actually all I am is
the not so able assistant. Shall we say I try my best. I give it the best I can. And
yeah, fingers crossed. If it comes out like every other room, it's going to be superb.
So yeah, that's where we are with that one. I mean, for me personally, and I'm sort of
going to go into a little bit of how MS has changed things for me in a minute. I'm going
to do that. But all of this positive change is just, I mean, again, it's things that just
put the mind in a really nice place. And for that, that's where things are going to carry
on. Carry on pushing and carry on going. Bear with me. I've just got a bit of my lemon and
lime water to drink because lemon and lime water is absolutely beautiful. Those of you
on YouTube may have just noticed I just tried to drink some lemon and lime water with the
cap still on. Oh my word. It's nice that. Lesson for next time. Take the cap off the
bottle. I can't believe I just did that. There you go. That's life. That's one of those things.
But I'm sort of going to go into now. How things have changed and what I'm doing. Because
in all fairness, things have changed drastically. We all know that. I mean, I've been over things
in the past. How my employment status changed quite drastically. I've been a working man
my entire life and now I'm not. For now. But there is irons in the fire on that one. Fingers
crossed. Fingers crossed. But yeah, I mean, I've gone from working regularly, full time,
sometimes two jobs. I mean, I know I've very, very basically touched on it in the past,
but yeah, I mean, on top of the daytime security work, I used to be a door supervisor, a bouncer,
which is strange when I'm only like five foot six. But you know, I think I did OK. I did
that for quite a few years as well. So I worked two jobs. And now because of MS, I'm actually
not even working one job. Which is strange. It really is strange. I mean, things have
sort of changed quite drastically in that respect because I'm trying to figure out this
new life of of not being at work when actually all I really want to do is get up in the morning,
go to work and at the end of the month have my pay turn up and know that I'm providing
for my family. Now, at least is doing an incredible job. She's out there working, she's doing
brilliantly. But for me, that change, I'm still struggling with it. I've got to say
that I really am still struggling with the thought process of not working. As I said,
there is irons in the fire. I'm going to very loosely touch on it because I put in an application
actually last night as one of the reasons I didn't record this podcast yesterday was
because I was busy on top of doing other bits and pieces. I also did this application. And
all I will say currently is the application is to join the civil service. Not something
I ever thought I would do. But you know what, I really hope it comes off. I would love to
get that job. Absolutely would love to get that job. So I've got another bit to fill
in either this evening, maybe tomorrow afternoon, I shall fit sit and fill in the little test
that I need to do and chip back, cross my fingers and hope for the best. Because again,
that's another thing that MS has changed. That's another change. Because I've gone from
being in the security industry for 20 years to doing, I'm going to say nothing, but I
can't class nothing because actually this podcast and I've kind of neglected the social
media a little bit recently. And that's not because I want to is because actually I kind
of a bit of the thought process, what do people want to listen to me for? So I need to get
myself back in that headspace and just sort of start talking to people again in that respect.
But yeah, I mean, this podcast, I kind of do see as a bit of a job, because all week
I am sitting and thinking, right, okay, what can I talk about this week? What can I try
and explain to people? What can I try and help with? By talking about what I've got
going on in the hope that actually that's going to help somebody else. Because to be
on end all this podcast is incredible for me to get things off off my head. You know,
if I've got an issue, I can sit and talk about it. And all right, I'm sat, I'm talking to
a microphone, I'm talking to my mobile phone. But actually, I'm sat here just getting things
off my head, which is which is a good thing. Again, it's changed things like, you know,
I'd stopped it anyway, but I stopped the football really, because I couldn't run, I try and
run and I fall over because my legs weren't there. They didn't work. They weren't carrying
me like they were supposed to. So again, it's changed that. It's changed my ability to to
walk properly. Can't do it. Literally can't do it. You know, I can get a few meters and
then my legs hurt. It's uncomfortable. Like I say, it's much better now with with the
Fez machine. But it's also changed the fact that I'm wearing that Fez machine. So I've
got wires running up and down my leg. I've got when I lift my heel off the floor, I've
got that sort of electrical stimulation going into my leg. Big change. Lots and lots of
big changes. Which I'm going to be straight. There's only one way that I can deal with
that stuff. And that's by just getting my head down and carrying on. Yeah, that does
include overdoing it. Yeah, that does include doing the best I can to get through the pain
barrier. Trust me when I tell you that is not easy. But it also means not giving in
to that pain when it's there. Because for me, the only way I can actually keep myself
ticking over as me is literally being me. I don't know how else I can put it if I'm
honest. There is not really much else I can say. I just have to keep being me. And I have
to keep being positive. And that's not necessarily easy because at times these days, I must admit,
I do get a bit negative. Probably need to work that out a little bit. More than probably
or absolutely certainly need to kind of work that out a little bit. But even so, again,
there's sort of things, you know, there's plenty of others. But again, I would be sat
here for I can't tell you how long. It's impossible to know. But I would be sat here for so long
it's unreal if I tried to explain exactly what there is going on. It just wouldn't be
worth it to me or to you. But again, MS has done all of this stuff. And it will continue
to do this stuff. I mean, it's a progressive condition. You know, I'm not I'm not daft.
It's a progressive condition, mine especially is primary progressive. So let's be fair,
I know what's coming, I know what's what's happening. But I'm doing everything I can
to sort of work it so that I'm not giving in and I'm not allowing that to take control.
I love its day. Perfectly fine. Understand that you can't win every fight. But there's
also going to be times where I will just say, you know what, not today, I've got stuff to
do. I'm carrying on and I'll deal with the after effects at the end of the day. Well,
I think I've probably rounded off a little bit too much today. So I will apologize for
that. But again, this is one of those times where you've got stuff to get off your brain,
get it off your brain. Because once it's out there in the world, it's out there in the
world. And I hope you can all see and hear the fact that I am doing what I can to be
positive and my recommendation to to anyone. As best you can, try to stay positive. It's
not easy. Believe me, I understand that. I know it's not easy. But try your best. Because
at the end of the day, all you've actually got is yourself, your family, your friends
and your life. And to allow this to for me, if I allowed this to cause my life, the problems
it could possibly cause. No, no, no, no, not not to me. Not going that route. Right. I
will speak to you in a week's time. I will do all I can to actually get podcast out on
time. So please bear with me. Like I said, I do have a lot on currently. But I'm pushing,
I'm pushing, get that done and get everything back as it should be. Well, have a good week.
And I will speak to you all soon. See you later. Bye bye.