Welcome back. This is your kind of well kind of toxic
coast Sarah Rittendale bringing you another episode of Well-ish.
Victoria Peltier, welcome to Well-ish. I am so excited to have you here.
Thanks for having me, Sarah.
So I'm just going to go ahead and let you introduce yourself.
Tell us who you are, what you're about.
Oh, how long do you have?
So I'm a like 20 plus year corporate executive.
I became COO at age 24.
So I've been kind of at this for a long time in the B2B professional
services space. Plus I've always built or bought businesses.
So I've got this entrepreneurial spirit.
And I'm a published author.
I sit on a few boards and I do a ton of public speaking.
I'm a mother, I'm a mother, I'm a parent, I'm a parent,
I'm a parent on the personal side. I'm a wife, a mother,
fitness fanatic, love to travel, foodie and wine lover.
Awesome. We got a few things in common there.
I am curious. Have you always been a highly motivated leader?
Or is that something that's come later in life for you?
Well, I, it wasn't the plan I thought that I had for myself laid out.
I was a senior in university.
But I ended up sort of working for a bank while I was in university
with intent to go to law school after my undergrad.
And then I got promoted up through the organization and I realized how
much I loved it. But I actually started working at 11.
So, you know, I'm from a socioeconomic perspective,
lower middle class, you know, my mom was a secretary, my data janitor.
So if I never had to worry about food or clothing,
but if I wanted anything beyond that, I needed to work.
And so I started working at a very, very early age became, you know,
the assistant manager of the shoe store I worked at at 14.
And so that was my foray into leadership.
And then as I progressed through the bank and got, you know,
promoted to higher and higher levels, realize like I really enjoyed it.
And a big part of what gave me joy was not just the complexity
and solving problems at work, but the part around leading people.
The evolution of me as a leader has changed pretty substantially
as what I thought I needed to be and how I needed to show up in my 20s
versus once I got into my 30s and beyond was very different.
Interesting. Okay. So then what was the driving force to make you
climb up the corporate ladder?
I started sharing the story pretty openly maybe 10 years ago or so.
And it's as I spent so much time doing coaching and mentoring
and speaking on bigger and bigger stages,
I realized I was doing a disservice to people by not telling them what I refer
to as my why. I've stolen that from Simon Sinek, his, you know,
viral TED Talk around start with why, but, and that's just that you need to
understand, I tell people sort of my origin story to understand why I'm so driven.
And so for me, that's, I was born to a drug addicted teenage mother who was
exceptionally abusive to me. And I was in and out of the, you know,
the child welfare system for a number of years and then fortunate to be
adopted by the parents that raised me.
And at one point my mom said to me, and my mom is the woman that raised me.
And, you know, my mom said to me, I think I was 11 or 12, she's like,
Tori, you need to do better than us. And she meant vocationally, socio
economically, but the reality is Sarah, no one needed to say those words to me
because I, in my DNA, I think it was, you know, I sort of recognized that I needed
to be better than my biology, Julie, the woman who birthed me.
And for several years, or the circumstance that I was raised in.
And so for me, I have this sort of mantra around being unstoppable.
And that's just an incredible level of resilience. I don't let anyone tell me
no, I don't when obstacles come my way or challenges or adversity,
I find a way through around on top, whatever through them.
And so that's what's really driven me to be focused on having the kind of
career that I want and achieving, you know, very different levels of
success as I've defined them. And I say that because I think my children have this
view of what, because of my success, what I have expectations for them.
And I'm very clear, like you define what level of success is for you, but I knew
mine was going to be better than where I came from.
Okay, interesting. That's awesome. I love your idea to instill in them that
your level of success can look different in whatever way you define it.
How does being intentional play a role for you here? How is it taking you this far?
I often use a phrase around strategic intentionality. And that means
and all all fronts of my life, both personally and professionally and
then various elements when I think of professionally. So for me, you know,
intentionality has come with maybe not always where I got to like if you look at
my career path, it's maybe doesn't appear to be totally linear. Like there's
jig jigs and zigzags all over the place. But the tangentially they are connected.
That was a little bit I sort of let opportunities come to me that I thought
made sense, but learning new skills to make myself more marketable, making me
more desirable and necessary. That was that's intentional. So I think of like
my first executive role, I got recruited as I said earlier at 24 to become the
chief operating officer for an outsourcing organization, large context center
outsourcing. Well, it's because I work for the bank and this company had many
banking clients and contact center and that's what I was running for them.
And so, but I'd also taken a ton of courses I had my securities court license
and so that was intentional to even around how I choose to network, understanding
the organizational dynamics and the spider web of who's connected to whom and
the six degrees of separation that's probably more like three to, you know,
personal brand being really intentional about making sure the world knows what I
want them to know. Yes, here's my expertise. Here's what makes me different than
other people. Here's my passions and here's the things that and values that I hold
and then also here's kind of this. What do I want to be known for what's that.
So those are all things I've been incredibly intentional about. And the last
thing I'd say around that is intentional also comes with the creation of boundaries.
One is wide, you know, to that notion of be as successful as you want to go as far
as you want, but also getting there. I've learned to say no, or delegate or outsource
things that, you know, aren't bringing me any joy or value.
Okay. Yeah, that's important. I feel like what I'm hearing you say is that it's a
little bit of both. There's definitely intention that goes into it, but it's also
just letting life happen for you and rolling with the punches. Is that correct?
Oh, for sure. I think, you know, I, you know, the as I say, you know, sort of the
last best laid plans and I, you know, go to the go the wayside sometimes. And so I
think you can develop a plan for yourself, but I think there's a big openness to
the world that I think is helpful on coupled with the strategic intentionality
might otherwise have. Okay, cool. So what would you say has been the biggest factor
in your success? It's a multitude of things. Okay. Certainly, I think in this DNA,
I believe like resilience is some of it is innate, but some of it is a muscle that
can you can flex and learn. And so I think I've learned how to have a healthy level
of resilience. My early years of like putting walls around myself, that's not
that's not healthy and compartmentalizing. So learning to be really resilient because
as we experience of the last few years with a pandemic so much can change on a dime,
like in an instant, right? So I think having that kind of resilient nature is one.
And then the intentionality around a few different things, you know, I think of my
career success as taking a ton of risk. You know, I think that growth doesn't come
if you're not challenging yourself. So getting really comfortable with leaning into
the things that make you uncomfortable. I also think the fact going back to like
skills and making myself relevant, you know, constantly developing my own skills
to be a better performer. And I think a lot of people wait back and think like, hey,
my manager is going to do that for me or the company is going to take care of this.
I'm like, no, you are the CEO of you. And so you need to. So that's, you know,
sort of this notion around performance and then personal brand and network has paid
a really big part of that. The majority of all the roles I've ever been recruited
into are a result of having a strong brand and a network of people who say, hey,
what did you think about Victoria for this? And then the elements of creating some
really strong boundaries for myself. Because I, you know, I was also that first
exec role. I was a brand new mother. My son was only three months old at that point.
Oh, wow. Okay. You know, I've coached my kids hockey teams and I sit on boards
and I do all these things. So to do all that I want to do, I've had to get very good
at how do I create boundaries. So those are some of the things that I'd say that I
think I would say I attribute my success to. Yeah, absolutely. I think that the
concept of boundaries is so important, but I think it can be kind of complicated
for sure. How long do you think it took you to figure that out?
Or was it just like a practicing like over time you eventually got good at it?
Yeah, and it's easier. I will, you know, for your listeners, some of who might be,
you know, earlier professionals, it's hard to say no, you know, to your bosses.
So I mean, so it's a lot easier, you know, as I, you know, I've gained more seniority
to say no or to delegate it to someone else. So I'll completely acknowledge that.
But I had to learn on my own, you know, so I'm a fitness fanatic and I found that
there was probably a couple of years in my life where I let the fact that I traveled
probably 80% of the time creep in and I saw the weight come on because I was, you know,
getting up at four to get on a 6am flight. And so I made some, you know, choices at that point
and that compromised some of the things I wanted to do. So I've gotten better at blocking my calendar out
before 9am. So no one books me for an early morning call so I can get to the gym, come home,
shower and look somewhat presentable once I get on video calls. You know, to, you know,
intentionality around how to maintain and grow my network, blocking out, you know, periods for lunch
or just networking periods to even two 30 minutes a day in my calendar just to get through emails
when I'm back to back to back conference calls. So those are things I've learned.
And I've gotten much better at it and a lot of it comes to do with confidence and experience
and knowing what is valuable to me or what me personally, my family, you know, my career,
my speaking work, and then figuring that out. And so I tell your listeners like, you know,
you're going to like pivot and evolve and change. And, you know, you'll say no now and, you know,
two years from now you'll recognize that might be something you start saying yes to.
That's important. That's interesting for sure. So I kind of want to get into what your experience
as a woman in leadership has been like. What has that looked like for you? Has it always been a walk
in the park? Is it an issue? Is it not an issue? I want to hear more about that.
I've been incredibly involved in diversity, equity and inclusion world or DEI for short,
in part because of my experience. And so initially when I stepped into that executive role at 24,
I was the youngest by two decades. I was the only woman. And I also happened to be queer.
So I was married to a woman previously married to a man now and very happily, you know, queer.
And at the time I bring my wife, you know, to events. And so for me, I felt like I was the only.
So that coupled with it was a stretch role for me. And so there's a little bit of this imposter syndrome
of which many women will, you know, say that they feel. And so for me, I felt this need to show up with a little bit of a mask at work.
I was never going to let people know that I had vulnerabilities, that I had like emotions.
I didn't want people to think I was weak. And so I showed up in a very particular way at work that got me the nickname as the iron maiden at one point.
You know, now I've been through 18 murders and acquisitions and I'm usually leading large like operations and teams and having to make some tough decisions.
But I never showed that vulnerability piece. And so I learned late in my twenties into my 30s that that actually wasn't the kind of that actually who wasn't who I was innately that's not who I am as a person.
And that's not the kind of leader I would want to work for. So I had to do things differently. But that being in large part, again, my sort of my early years, you know, my fear of like,
rejection and being vulnerable and getting hurt. And it also came as a woman in business as the only woman in business trying to show up a certain way.
And so that that part, that's a part of completely pivoted. I'm now like, I show up, you know, and I'm very committed to, you know, building vulnerable authentic trusted relationship by by usually showing a big part of myself in doing that.
Yeah. And also as a woman, you know, I showed up a number of years ago to I worked for IBM. And you think about women in in STEM, generally, and I was leading a large meeting and I walked into a room is myself and one other woman and 4040 men.
And so the reality is in, and sorry, and IBM's committed to like de I so it's not not that they're not but there's just some realities around women in certain roles or at certain levels.
And so we're not where we need need to be and so there are still times I find myself walking into rooms and there's less than 10% of us.
And it's a big part of why I do so much of the work, you know, advocating when you look at the Fortune 500 companies, there's only 53 female CEOs and only six black CEOs.
Like, wow. Yeah. So there's a long way for us still to go.
Yeah. Really, that's insane. That's incredible that you're putting the effort towards bringing awareness about it. So what do you think has been the most significant barrier for females and leadership?
I think there's a few different things and so the first is going back to this whole notion of networking and that you know who you know matters. Well, when you know white men who had predominantly been leading a lot of these companies know lots of other people that look a lot like them.
And so they just, you know, they built some trust in those and so that so it becomes this referral system. So I think that's part of it. I think not enough focus and attention put to attracting the right kind of diverse talent both women, people of color,
sexuality, you name it, all the different elements of diversity.
But I also think there's a component that I've seen in some women and this is going to be a bit controversial as I say this. We're here for it.
You know, I've been coaching and mentoring other women like, you know, particularly those who choose to become mothers, talk about that dynamic and that's where I see this massive drop off.
So I'll look at there was one company I worked at an entry level out of college we are 53% of our new hires were women and a certain job grade and within a couple, you know, job grades higher than that which means you know let's say within five to seven years to vocal progression, which is more child rearing years.
You saw this decline all of a sudden. And so, you know, a lot has to do with you know our choices that we make. And so for me, I hate being asked, you know, how do you do it all for me it's just life, and you can have it all.
You can, but not always at the same times and there's compromises you're going to make at certain times for the right reasons and so for me, you know, I, after giving birth to my second child, I gave, I went into labor early.
I was planning on working to the last day but I went in a bit early was in the middle of something. I was released from the hospital like 10 hours later, she was sleeping, and I got online and work that night and people are like, well, I'm like, my choice.
But a lot of women you know, choose it's, you know, an equal partnership with your spouse. Now, yes, I was married to a woman when I had my two children, but my husband now my ex wife had passed away.
My ex husband who is adopted my kids, you know, he gave up a 25 year career because I'm the primary bread winner, and I travel and he helped manage with the kids and so I don't think there needs to be a stay at home parent.
But I think there needs to be an equal partnership at home.
Oh my God, absolutely.
Well, you know, how women like you don't need to barrel up there's a lot of mom guilt we have anyways don't let anyone else make you feel guilty for the choices that you're going to make.
So I think this, there is a component that some women own in related relation to sort of this family dynamic, and therefore stepping back from what it takes to, you know, continue to move up the ladder I mean people can say all they want.
You can have this incredible balance once you get into being an executive but the reality is like, no you don't.
You know, yes you can say no to things but there's still there's a lot when you're running large, you know business units or whatever the senior role you're in.
And so you're going to have to make some choices and so for me, when my kids were two and six. I spent 220 days on the road that year.
I worked in the field, although after about two years of that and seeing no end in sight I quit that job to get one with a little more balance but I needed to do what I needed to do.
So are you more of a balanced person. Is that how you live your life because I, to be honest with you and I feel like people don't understand this or don't like agree with this that I feel I'm, I don't necessarily believe in balance like I feel like if you are, you have a goal you're trying to get something
that are automatically going to take the back burner. And then like you say maybe in two years that's something you start to say yes to, but you have to focus on what it is you're trying to achieve first and in my opinion.
Yeah, I think there's.
I mean I, this expect this sort of hustle hard nation like that. That's the part where you hear about the great resignation the great rethink coming great social media handles.
But everyone's kind of rethought things and I think where I think there can be more balances for those who choose to have more balance. The expectations of companies that they're going to get 60 hours a week at other employees who they only pay for 40 hours, like that needs to stop
from getting better expectation by employers to employees. But like you and I, I mean, if you have a goal or objective, then, you know, go after it so for me, there, no, there's, it as I said it's all just life for me don't I don't like when people talk to me about balance.
I have this saying that where there's conviction, there is capacity.
So, don't tell me you don't have time to work out in the gym are you on Netflix until one o'clock in the morning. Yes, absolutely. And so for me, but I also make a choice I'm clear with my team.
It's do as I say not as I do. I choose to read and clear my emails when I'm on vacation because I don't want to come home to a thousand emails. But that's my choice.
I'm not a team to do that. And so and I've also like built and like or and bought companies on the side or for investment and I do all these other things but again that that's my choice and so I've just found a way to really integrate it all based upon, you know, what, what do I have that
conviction around at that point.
Absolutely. What do you feel women would benefit from knowing if they wanted to, even if they didn't want to pursue a executive path but they just want to pursue anything that's higher than what they're doing now.
What do you think they would benefit from knowing about this notion as I said they knew you're the, you're the CEO of you. And so I talk about boundaries boundaries and I've been talking a little bit more around sort of the confines thing no delegating outsourcing.
First of all, like, go back to that define what success is for you.
Yeah, what is it you want, don't let others tell you how limited that might be if you want really expansive opportunities, or that you can't go this far like you define it for yourself.
And then you take charge of going and getting it so whether that's the learning and development you need to gain the skills to do that to networking all those sorts of things.
And that you're like you're accountable for that. And there are going to be trade offs at certain times in your life that you're going to make again if you've chosen to partner if you've chosen to have children.
Again, sometimes you're going to make some compromises for the right reasons for your family sometimes for your career. You know me I think I gave birth to my first it, you know, just before my 24th birthday so I'm now turning 47 next week.
And I'm a Dnester.
What day on the second.
Yeah, so I just think like had I made a decision to kind of put aside my career some at somewhat when I was in my 20s when I had my children, you know I just be so much further like behind where you know I am now.
And this is where like I will tell women like you were a whole person. Yes, you were, you might be a spouse. Yes, you might be a mother. But you're this whole person and so, like, don't be too focused on like, when you think that you're being selfish.
Like, no, like you need so here at 47 my younger one graduated high school last year and decided to move in with their older brother so like, I'm literally an empty nester now, and I still have this massive long runway ahead of me before I would even contemplate retirement.
So, like, I think I want women to think much more that way, versus this more traditional. We're in North America, I mean I know it's different in other parts of the world, not all have the same kind of opportunity and privilege we do living in North, North America from a culture standpoint
and expectations of women.
But like, go, go get it, define what it is you want and go get it. Yes. And I like how you talk about us being a full person, because I feel like that's something that, even if you're not a mom or a wife or whatever like people, people dial in on this one area of their life and form their identity around it let
me be a career adversity or anything that they've they've experienced and they just think, oh, I'm stuck in this pigeonhole for the rest of my life, I guess and this is who I'm going to be or I'm going to be a mom I'm going to be a wife that's why I am and I have no other pieces of me.
And then when those things go away like for the mom and wife specifically, you're screwed.
So, how can women develop their leadership skills or just their skills to become more confident powerful women. The differences between leadership versus some of the other things that are wrong, you know, confidence.
So, so let me tackle confidence, first of all, I am not a believer in fake it till you make it with regards to anything except for confidence.
So, you know, this is, you know, when I first stepped into that executive role I moved from, you know, running operations within a bank that's business to consumer to all of a sudden, I'm business to business, I'm in front of clients who pair bills, having it and I was accountable for
sales and marketing our operations, our technology, etc. I wasn't confident. And so that was one where I had to put this mask on that's the only time I say like put masks on, put this one where you show up and you just pretend you're confident you stand there and at some
point it actually does become more natural and potentially for many like me more innate. So it's just who I am now. So with confidence I think you just, you have to continue to like, you know, put yourself out there, but also, I'm confident around the things that I know and I
don't know. So I'm okay to go. I don't know what I don't know and then I either go and find it and learn the skills, or it's higher really and surround myself with people who have, you know, that the capability that I don't know.
So for confidence comes in knowing like I'm not going to speak up and talk unless I actually really believe that I understand the subject.
Okay, you know, you know, right, sure.
So develop your skills. And there is an air and so they talk about like taking up space and yes I've heard that.
And there's it's good or bad, but confidence is often mistaken for competence, and they can be one in the same thing, but it that their parents of confidence usually dramatically helps those propel within the organization.
Yeah, it relates to just getting, you know, better at your role or potentially going in the leadership. I mean again deeply understand your craft to talk a lot about skills but that's just because this new sort of way of like the future of work.
There's much more of a focus on discrete skills, rather than job titles and these kind of broad buckets. And so being really, really clear and understanding the skills you have today that are necessary for your job but also what's coming the shelf life of skills is reducing
dramatically like less than two years, particularly when you start to talk at like technology or others. And so make sure you maintain your relevance and your skills for future to help even if it's you don't want to be, you know, go up the food chain so to speak from a corporate ladder standpoint but just be better at
or the more senior person in your functional craft. And then as a leader, you know, there, this is again one where I think there's a little bit DNA. And then there's a lot. There's a lot you can learn though. I mean, and in my case, I often get asked to you know, who are the mentors I've had.
Sadly, Sarah I don't have many good ones in fact I've had to learn from those who performed horribly. And I was like, I'm not going to be anything like that I'm going to do better do different.
And there, I mean the digital world we're in now it's easy to you know, learn or podcast that's actually how I start my you know workout every day listening you know it's a podcast before I shift to music.
Mm hmm. Me too.
Learn and then and also ask for, ask for help.
Yeah.
I think that's cool how you say that it is DNA that so you think that it is like you kind of have to have a spark in you obviously anybody can learn anything and can get better at anything and can like you were saying grow their knowledge but like it does I agree with you that I feel like it is kind of something
that's you either got it or you don't would you agree with that. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah I mean again, I think you can get better but you think there's some who you either enjoy it or you don't that's the other thing like yeah, leadership, like, you have to enjoy what a big part of there's always going to I have the 8020 rule right like
80% of that you're going to enjoy there's 20% whether it's administrative. Sometimes I feel like I'm back in high school like managing like when people on the pettiness that comes just you know in a work in workplace, but most of the time like do you do you enjoy that do you enjoy
coaching and developing people.
Yeah, fantastic that's that's the innate part. Can you get better at how you do that yes that's the learned part.
Yes, okay. Interesting. Okay, so I want to talk to you about we talked we touched on it very briefly about how people will succumb to their adversity so I want to discuss that with you since I know that you did experience major adversity and have so far overcome
I want to hear kind of your mindset and your thoughts through that process. So what motivated you away from the rough upbringing towards a more successful lifestyle.
There's two hashtags I sign a lot of my social media posts one is unstoppable because that's my nature to be incredibly resilient and not let anything, you know, stop me and the other is no excuses.
And now my children hate that one. I will tell you.
But it doesn't mean that we can't when adversity comes our way we, you know, can't feel the emotion of anger sadness paint whatever it is in that moment I don't I don't mean to be hardened like when I say no no excuses it's just, we have a choice.
So how we move forward from that. How are we going to process the adversity challenge trauma, you know that's come our way. And how do we put one foot in front of the other. That's progress towards our goal so that's what I mean by sort of the no excuses so for me.
I'm again going a little bit of this nature nurture thing as I say DNA, you know, I think of, you know, the fight or flight. I'm a fighter.
So, you know, first years with Julie my biological mother to like a lower socioeconomic status with my mom was later diagnosed with like manic depression so it's a bit challenging in the household to I was raped at 14.
And a multitude of things that still came my way. It was like, I had this like fight in me that I was again I was not going to let it stop me. And, and then it shifted when I had the words around it.
And I thought that I was just going to be better than I was going to somehow I thought I'm going to prove to the world. I am better than like the Saxon last name I was born with like into that that dynamic versus, you know, parents that you know could never afford to go on vacation.
And so I wanted something different for me. And so that's where that's where the drive came from.
You know, in. And I've just that drive is continued so those there's been a ton and a ton of adversity and challenge that's come since then I think of like that I was raped at 14 I had a boyfriend at 18 or 19 he was fairly abusive to my, my ex wife had cancer we found out when I was pregnant with our,
we were seven weeks pregnant with our second. And so like go through that, you know, she passed away. Like a bunch of these things have come up but it's just like, okay, like, how am I going to move forward and move through this.
I wouldn't say Sarah always had the healthiest way of being resilient I, I was very good at building walls. My nickname is turtle so I've got a, you know, tough exterior but I'm all actually marshmallow inside. And I never let anyone except the absolute those closest to me see that see the marshmallow inside.
Yeah, I needed to learn this is where the learn the not DNA and learn to be better improve and flex your muscle. I learned to get better at being really self aware and self reflective and understanding why I felt or acted the way I was.
I've been building a plan to like model the thinking or the action that I wanted to get me to where I wanted to go. Yeah, and that took time. For sure. And it wasn't always comfortable. But again, I think, you know, unless you're leaning into the discomfort that like growth isn't coming.
Absolutely. So why, what do you think is the main reason people make excuses then like what can people do to start shifting away from the excuse making.
It's easy for many people to make it like it's hard work, you know, being disciplined right. It's not about working out like, okay, well, no, no excuses. Don't tell me can't find an hour in your day to like or even half an hour like and do that right and so I think it's, it's easy to blame something or someone else or the
circumstance versus creating a solid plan and making change that is difficult.
Yeah.
Have you ever had trouble with your identity living in one extreme to the next extreme.
How so.
Like, maybe imposter syndrome you talked about a little bit like having any issue with maybe feeling guilt or anything that maybe just living these two different lives you're like, or, or maybe not anything bad that you're like, Wow, look at me like I did all of this I came from this and I've created this and some people can't do that and I did.
Yeah, it's.
So, yes, I think now I understand like the question a little bit better, but in very different ways. So, yes, there was imposter syndrome in the workplace but I compartmentalize and I'm like, okay, I'm going to show I'm going to deliver.
So I'm going to achieve.
And so I plowed through despite, you know, my insecurity and imposter syndrome. Okay. But there's many, you know, moments where I felt conflicted.
And one of those so it's funny for me, earlier in my, my 20s into my, my early 30s, I am part of me demonstrating to the world that I was better than I did, you know, then where I came from was a little bit just around, unfortunately, material things.
So I think I'd get a bigger and bigger home or more better vehicle or this or that.
And to sort of prove that was in my in my head but I again some of that I know where it comes from you know I, you know, my parents had declared bankruptcy twice I bought my first house at 19 like I was just so determined I was not, you know, going to be like that.
Yeah.
And then, and so that for me.
I would tell people is like, completely mistaken view of what success and happiness looks like.
I'm joking she's like Tory money doesn't buy happiness but it makes one hell of a down payment.
You know I can like give my children things that I, you know, could I never had but our health, like and actually my ex whites health and then her later passing like that kind of put some things in a into perspective for me.
And interestingly, I remember flying my father out my mom passed away when I was pregnant with my daughter, my father I flew him out to our home and at the time I had like a live in nanny and I actually felt really uncomfortable in so, you know, for the outward world, how successful I was it was great for
everyone else to know, but for my dad to come, it made me uncomfortable.
Yeah, like, so living this sort of life to being really really.
I'm extremely values and integrity driven and I've made some decisions to leave companies as a result of that. And I think I would have lived in fear to do some of that earlier.
I stayed a little longer and some, even despite seeing that and so that's where I've just kind of had to vacillate sometimes between what I want and the goals I have and reconciling it with whom I really and aately and and how are people perceiving me.
And so now in my 40s like I don't care, like so I have no issue with like identity and saying here's who I am and here's what I stand for and yeah, here's what I like.
Do you think it just came with age? Yeah, age in the experience not just an age but like some of the experiences I've had.
Sure. Yeah.
It's made to rethink something.
Yeah, totally. That makes sense. Because I feel like a lot of people talk about it coming with age but right if you're just aging and you're not trying to be intentional or trying to learn anything, why would anything make a difference?
Absolutely. So what have you had any characteristics that you feel like you've carried with you through your whole life that has led you to this point?
Yeah, my like determination and stubbornness.
I don't generally even though I said to tourists is I mean, I am very similar to the way they describe a tourist. I don't know anything about any of the other signs.
But I have extreme determination and discipline and I can be quite stubborn and I do think that that's helped me in this like unstoppable way of living and life.
Yeah. You said earlier that you didn't necessarily picture your life to be like this. Is that what I heard?
Yeah, I mean, I knew I wanted to be better than somewhat like my parents or I knew there were certain things. Like I said, I bought my first house at 19.
Like I didn't was very focused on, you know, career and ensuring that I would never need to rely upon anyone else. Like those things were always there.
I thought I was going to be a lawyer. I watched, you know, I'm really aging myself here and you probably don't know the show but like LA Law. My mom watched that this TV series and you know, that was like in the 80s and early 90s.
And I was like, oh, I'm going to be a lawyer like them, right? And that's that's what I thought. Yeah, I started getting it.
I realized what much like, you know, what you either enjoy leadership or you don't. Well, I enjoyed the corporate life. I enjoyed being a leader and so progress.
I kind of said that my aspiration was I needed to be a CEO someday. Yeah, that goal or evolved over time.
And also, I've never really had a total career pivot. As I said, you know, it looks like a zigzag but they're tangentially all of the roles I've held are related.
But I do a lot of coaching for other leaders who I would actually advise them in some cases to pivot. And so I tell your, your, your listeners that that's okay as well.
Like you might start down one path and you know, go five or 10 years down it and go, just don't enjoy it anymore. It's not what I want or I've developed a new passion. And so I'm going to go this way instead.
Yeah.
And so, you know, for me, it's everything I do is very much we talked about sort of the whole person in life. It's all, it's all connected to me. I've just gotten probably a little bit more laser focused on some things than others.
But no, I didn't really plan it like 12 or 14 or 15 or 18 to be where I am here necessarily.
Sure.
So you know, what's your intent yourself from having a victim mentality like what separates you from people who allow their adversity to crush them.
I mean a lot of things. So again, I think there's, you know, the, the innate desire to, to fight.
Yeah, you know, the.
But there's also I mean I'm not.
I mean, there's a lot that comes in finding people that support you as well. Right. So for your, you know, the listeners who've, you know, suffered from trauma or some kind of adversity we've all experienced adversity and not all have had the same kind of trauma necessarily but we've all
had the same kind of trauma. And I think that's a great challenge and, and getting help is okay. You know, actually my mom was very good at I hated it as a teenager she'd sit me down for our friend talk through like why I was feeling the way I was feeling and I was like, oh my God, mom like, but actually that ability to be really self reflective
and understanding around my motivations my fears, etc. is is actually my mom didn't she knew what she was doing back then but I mean like I don't know that she knew how impactful it was going to be for me now as an adult.
Yeah, not just means and so I tell your listeners like gets in help and support to find the ways to move through like and take the small steps that are progress.
How can people stop themselves from settling for a life that isn't fulfilling.
We have choice. Yeah.
And so this is where my no excuses and I'll call BS on people like sometimes where they're like you can, you can bitch all you want for a period of time but again you have a choice to change the situation you're in, whether that's a relationship, or whether that's a job.
Whether that's the extra weight and health, you carry right like you have choice. So if you are unhappy, or you are unfulfilled, then you make a choice to alter the path you are currently on and build a plan for such, and then take action on that on that plan.
And this goes back to even this notion I said it just being really like self reflective around like what it's easy to say I don't enjoy this. Okay well so like much like I tell people leading, they're thinking about a career change or, or company change even like, don't run from something, run to something.
Unless it's horrible like I mean you being sexually, you know, you know abuse you've got a horrible leader like I mean there's reasons sometimes you want to run away from somewhere but I mean generally. And so spend that time being really aware around, okay what don't I like about the situation and therefore what is it I'm
seeking. Yeah, you know, in this next job relationship whatever.
I think it also comes back to the easiness that you were talking about earlier, like it's just like so easy to just like continue with this life that you've been living. And obviously you have to, I like what you said about making a plan I feel like most people skip that
they like think okay like I hate my life like I don't want to deal with this. Now I have to take action and fix it and do something about it but I feel like the plan gets lost and that's how it's harder for us to take action it almost feels like, you know you're not ready to make those steps, and that would be why because
you know what you're doing. What is the biggest difference between young you and now you clarity and confidence. I said I, I faked it till I made I showed up but I mean and I think there was a degree of
confidence but I mean there's a true and neat level of confidence in the things I know now, but just the clarity pieces probably more so like I can very very well articulate what I do and I don't like.
Yeah, I'm crystal clear on you know if I'm making a role changer I think you know I can tell you what does that roller that environment going to look like. And that that notion of creating boundaries and what I'm saying no to.
I know a heck of a lot better now than I did in my 20s.
I think it's so funny that you say I feel like I've heard you say multiple times confidence and clarity, but you are doing these very impressive things you know buying the house at 19 having a child before 24 becoming the CEO at 24 like even though you are feeling that way,
your your actions don't reflect that and I think that that's really cool. So something that I like to do on well is is we I like to paint a picture that just like that honestly that you can be your most well self we can try to become our most healthy versions of
ourself but it's never going to be 100% there's always going to be work that's going into becoming the best version of yourself so just a couple last questions for you. What is something you're worried about right now.
My younger one, my, my youngest child has some mental health issues and suffered from a little bit of substance abuse issues so you know that weighs on my mind.
You know, heavily in terms of making sure they're in the right space and getting the right help for them.
What's a toxic mental habit you used to carry that you can now proudly say you've overcome.
Not thinking I was good enough.
What went into overcoming that toxic trait.
believing I was good enough.
So with all of your experience and all of your knowledge, what would you say is one of the most important things that you have learned about life.
Just the big question for you.
Yeah, I know just throw that.
So simple.
So, you know, I think that's a great notion of how control in control we are despite the fact that there's a lot of things outside of our control. We are, you know, as a, as I shared around, you know, defining what success looks like for us what happiness looks like for us and then making the choice to move towards that.
Yeah.
Sweet. How can people find you.
I have a website which is Victoria dash health.
com and I'm further being the show notes and no one needs to figure out the last name. And then your audience can choose to link out to whatever social media platform from there that they spend the most time on.
Well, thank you so much for being here you've read it so much insightful information and I really appreciate your time. Thank you.