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Welcome back! This is your kind of well, kind of toxico Sarah Rittendale bringing you another episode of Well-ish.

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What's going on? You like the new intro? It's good, right? I'm a little excited about it.

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The reason I made it was because I didn't want to keep trying to repeat the same thing over and over again

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because I swear to God, guys, every freaking time I record this podcast, I repeat,

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What's up, guys? Welcome back to another episode, like, a hundred times.

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A hundred times because I sound like a psychopath trying to do it.

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And you know what? Maybe I still do on the permanent one, but it is what it is.

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My window is open and I'm going to go close it because I feel like it's loud out there.

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Oh my God! I just destroyed the...my window won't stay open and so I accidentally ripped off the stick that holds the blind...

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or does the blinds, like the little blind stick. I put that in the window and yesterday I tried to put it in there

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and I snapped it in half, but it was still big enough that I could put the half in there

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and I just snapped that other half in half, so I'm going to be real annoyed if I can't open that window.

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Anyways, today we're going to be talking about something that is deemed a very toxic quality.

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It's something that when people hear about judgment, they're like,

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Oh, you shouldn't be a judgmental. Like, that's a horrible thing to be.

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But I don't think that's necessarily true if it's done right.

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And you're probably like, what the fuck do you mean? How do you judge somebody right?

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Is this a justification because I judge people, potentially?

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But I don't think it is. I think you guys are going to be really excited about this if you're like me

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and you have tried to not be judgmental and, you know, keep running into the same issue of still being judgmental.

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So, let's get into it.

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So like I said, it's this insanely toxic trait, or perceived as this insanely toxic trait to be judgmental.

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But I don't think that judgment overall is bad.

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I think that it becomes toxic when you are passing judgment on to others and intentionally or unintentionally being hurtful towards them.

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If you're keeping your judgments to yourself, I don't really think it's that bad.

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I would honestly go as far as to say that I think it's a good thing.

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I spent from now that you're listening to this two weeks ago at home.

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That's why there wasn't an episode last Monday because I spent the week at home.

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So the whole time I was at home, starting from like the first night I landed, being judgmental was a constant topic that kept coming up.

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And because of that, I, you know, obviously, thanks to Wellish, I'm like always listening and looking for things that I can talk to you guys about in my day to day life

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that highlight, you know, these toxic things that happen and making them well and making them so you can be the better version of yourself

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and incorporate this normalcy into self improvement.

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So I was like, oh, judgment, like obviously this is like up in a theme in my frickin life and it's being a theme in this week for some reason.

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But I was afraid to talk about it because if I don't talk about it, well, first of all, I was afraid to talk about it because I didn't want you guys to think I was a giant judgmental bit.

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But I also was afraid to talk about it because if I don't word this correctly, I'm going to come off as a giant judgmental bitch.

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That's the last thing that I'm trying to go for here.

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But honestly, that makes me think about relating it just to when I'm being judgmental in my regular life.

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Like, I have to be able to word my judgment correctly if I am talking to myself or if I'm talking about it to somebody else.

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I need a better way to word it that you can actually understand the place that I'm coming from or what I exactly mean and not that I'm just being an ass to somebody or to myself.

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I want to be a kind, loving person that puts other people's best interests at heart.

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And so not just this week, like as far as I can remember, maybe that's not true.

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Maybe like high school-ish age.

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I became aware that being judgmental was wrong, but that I did consistently have judgmental thoughts.

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So I worked my ass off to try to shove those thoughts down and not be judgmental.

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And I'm just talking like in my own head, like I was like that's negative energy.

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We don't need to talk about people like that.

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You don't know what people are going through, you don't have a right to have an opinion on anybody else like it's their life and those things are true.

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But I just always still found myself passing judgment unconsciously.

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It was like an automatic thing that I would experience something or see something or hear something and automatically I would have these judgmental thoughts in my head.

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I might not even realize it until after I had been passing the judgment that that's what I was doing.

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And that's what happens most of the time.

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Even this week that I've been hyper aware of noticing when I'm being judgmental,

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I might not notice it until several minutes after I've already had the judgmental thought because I keep a note in my phone for real life topics that I can bring here to the podcast for you guys.

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And I would be like thinking about a situation again and I'd be like, oh my God, I was just totally being a judgmental person.

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Like let me write that shit back down.

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But again, I wouldn't even realize I was doing it until several minutes later.

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So my point is just that it's just it's just this natural reaction, this automatic subconscious response to the way that people behave.

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And when I say response, I don't mean an action.

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I'm not out here like being an asshole to people.

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I just think things like this in my head.

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But then that just would make me upset because if I can't stop and I'm just constantly judging people, what's wrong with me?

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Like why am I so mad at everybody?

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Why am I so cynical and so negative and so critical of these people that have done nothing to me?

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That must mean that I am an asshole.

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It must mean that I am a bad person.

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But I know that that's not true.

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Like I know to my core that I'm a good person. I'm a kind person. I'm a loving person.

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I do put other people's best interests at heart.

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And then it dawned on me that it's like, wait a second bitch, that's almost to a fault.

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Like, hi, people, please are even if I want it to be a dick to somebody, it's hard for me to be a dick to them.

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So I know that that's not true about me.

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I know that I don't go out of my way to hurt people.

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So why do these thoughts keep coming up in my head when I'm living my life?

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And more than that, why can't I just stop them?

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Why can't I put intention behind it, create a better habit and stop these judgmental thoughts?

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Basically, here's what I've decided.

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And if it sounds fucked up, it sounds fucked up, but I swear to God, get to the end of this podcast and you will completely understand what I'm trying to say.

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I have decided to find acceptance in being a judgmental person.

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I have decided that I can even see the beauty in being judgmental.

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And I, again, I know that sounds fucked, but there's purpose behind it and I'm going to explain that in today's episode so that I don't have to walk on eggshells in my own mind.

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First, I want to talk to you guys about what I seem to pass the most judgment about because I think that that plays a really big key factor in this is realizing what you are passing judgment on.

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And if you're actually not a good person, like a lot of the time, I like to believe that people are good people.

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And I don't think that people are judgmental because they're mean, vicious, cruel, bad people.

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It's just for a couple other few reasons that we'll go over, but I just want to get that out of the way first that I think that it's important to nail down the specific reasons and to not just be a dick to be a dick.

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For no reason, for an unnecessary, hurtful reason.

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But one of the things that I seem to find myself judging a lot about is things that I don't understand or things that I can't necessarily wrap my brain around.

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And I'll give you a few examples, but if you notice, it's typically like, it's just a lot of the time stuff that I would never do.

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I don't understand it because I would never behave that way.

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I would never go about things that way, and that's for a variety of reasons.

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You know, I was raised differently. I've had my life pan out differently.

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I've experienced different things. I have different perceptions.

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I have different opinions that every single person does.

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So no shit that there's judgment amongst us because we all do things differently.

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But some things that I tend to pass judgment on about things I don't understand are major things like people that have no self respect,

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like people that continue to put themselves into the same toxic situation over and over and over again.

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Now, again, that's because I have done that before, and I know that you need to not do that and that your life would be better if you didn't do that.

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And that it's actually that simple. Is it hard? Yes.

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But it is that simple to get yourself out of that situation and you keep putting yourself into the same toxic one.

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I don't understand that.

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I don't understand like, okay, today I saw someone allowing their kid to play on a speed bump at the entrance of my apartment complex.

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Why are you doing that? Why are you putting your kid in danger or parents that sell drugs to put shoes on their kids feet?

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Do I understand that you're going through shit and money is probably tight and you need to get new shoes?

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Like I understand that there's different reasons, but I have never lived that life. And so I don't know what that's like.

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And my automatic reaction is judgment. Is that wrong? Yes. I'm not saying that it's right to judge.

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I'm just saying that these are the things that I find myself not understanding and therefore unintentionally passing judgment on.

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I also judge on minor things like why are you doing an entire workout in the stretching area and now I don't have space to stretch at the gym because you want to bring the entire barbell to the stretching area.

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I don't get it. There's other spaces that are open. There's other hidden spaces that are open. I don't understand what you're doing.

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Or like the person that lives another apartment complex example, the person that lives underneath me or honestly so many people in North Carolina,

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the people that live underneath me will open their door of their second story apartment complex and the door to my apartment just like goes to the outside.

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There's not a hallway. So they'll open their door and just let their dog out and the dog goes down the stairs and he hangs out like outside of the apartment building.

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But it's not like a dog friendly apartment building. Like the sidewalk goes right to this giant parking lot.

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And if you go around the building, there's a small grass area, but that's never where the dog is. The dog is always like running around in between the cars and hanging out.

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And those people are just sitting on their couch up there because they're too lazy to just take their dog outside. I don't understand you.

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I would never do that. I would never do that. So like, again, people all are going to do what they see fit.

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It's just not the way that I live my life, not how I would. I would do things. So automatically, it means that my brain decided to pass judgment on those people.

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Another big reason that people seem to be judgmental. And I, you know, I will be egotistical enough to say that I don't feel that I judge people for this reason.

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I might have, I definitely have in the past for sure. I'm not saying I never have. I just feel like now I'm at a enough confidence point that I don't really do this.

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And I'm more aware of it that I don't really pass judgment on people for this reason. But a big reason that people will pass judgment to is because they are insecure.

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They're insecure about something that somebody has that you don't. Maybe they, you know, have more money than you. Maybe they have more ambition than you.

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Maybe they are what you think is prettier than you. And so by default, you are judging them and being critical of them.

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Okay, good thing I closed the window because it randomly just started downpouring outside. So I don't know if you guys can hear thunder in the background of this, but I hope you enjoy a cute little thunderstorm moment.

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But anyways, what I'm trying to say is that people will pass judgment on others because they have something in their life that they want or they, you know, bring out an insecurity in you.

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Like they highlight something in your life that you don't like. And so it makes you judge them by default. It's just like a, like a safety thing.

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Like we're judging them because it makes us feel better about ourselves to put other people down because then it puts them at a lower level and it makes, again, you feel superior when they were just making you feel inferior.

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I also want to throw this one in there because it's just like very real life. I do judge people when I don't like them.

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Like if I already have beef with you, if we already don't get along and I see you somewhere, I'm probably going to find something to be judgmental about.

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I'm probably going to pick something out about you that I don't like just to make myself feel better because I can't start drama.

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Like I'm not, one, I can't because I'm a pussy, but two, I can't because I just like don't want drama in my life.

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And so if I have to like be in a room with you and we both know that it's awkward in here and we don't like each other, I just like annihilate you in my head and pick things about somebody that I don't like.

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And the reason that I know for a fact that it is because I don't like them and not just because of whatever it is that I'm picking apart what I judge that on anybody.

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I was in a situation like this not too long ago that there was a girl that I do not get along with there.

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And there she was with a group of her friends, guys and girls that all have a similar grungy appearance, have a weird like obnoxious attitude and honestly like, first of all, love grunge.

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Second of all, love obnoxious people like no shade on any of that.

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My point is I didn't for one second judge anybody else in the group, not literally once, not even for being her friend.

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Like, I didn't think anything of those people at all. And the only reason I'm thinking about it now and that maybe I potentially would have judged them or think thought something of them is because I'm like reflecting on it to tell you guys about it.

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But in that moment, like I didn't think anything of them. The only reason that I was judging her being critical of her was because I didn't like her.

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So all these other people that maybe had the same things that I was judging her about, I didn't think twice of, but specifically because I didn't like her, I was passing judgment on her because I know her and I knew her personality and I know she's not nice to me.

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So that was my automatic reaction. And you know, I know that, you know, people would say like health people, wellness people would be like, but you just have to let it go.

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You don't have to think about them. Don't give them your energy. You know, they're not worth it, blah, blah, blah.

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But you know, as long as you're not dwelling on it, I say if you have to fucking rip them a new asshole in your brain because you can't do it out loud, fuck it, right? Who cares?

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Again, as long as you're not like driving yourself nuts because you don't need the negative energy, obviously, but to just like, you know, pick out a few things or that they do or that they look like that you're like, fuck you, whatever, whatever.

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Again, you're not going around and talking to people and whatever. And even if you do say something to somebody like to a trusted person, when I judged that girl, I said something to my mom.

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It's my mom. All right. My mom is my safe space. It's okay to judge to my mom. Like, I'm not walking around to every person in the party being like, oh my God, did you see her, whatever? Not a thing.

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If you guys already don't think I'm a dick enough, hopefully I, you know, redeem myself by the end of this pod, but you know, I do definitely judge a book by its cover.

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But I always give people the benefit of the doubt. Like, I, as soon as I look at you, I, okay, honestly, I pride myself on reading people's energy.

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I feel like I have a pretty good idea of who people are like right when I meet them. And so I definitely do judge a book by its cover because I take my initial energy,

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and allow that to play a factor in my opinion of them. But I do give them the opportunity to, you know, show me who they are and don't stay stuck in my

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idea. Like if I think that they're one way and they open their mouth and they're completely a different type of way, I'm more than open to be proven wrong. Like I'm not going to be like closed minded and stuck in my opinion.

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But my point is, is that I do definitely like make that judgment right off the bat. And I have a really good example of this.

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And I actually wrote it down when it happened because I was at the airport and I was two hours early for my flight and I was bored and I had a notebook and so I started writing and I'm literally going to read what I wrote while I was sitting there in this moment to you guys.

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I literally haven't read it since I wrote it. So if I fuck it up, don't mind me. I swear I know how to read. Okay, so I was at the airport sitting at the Chili's Bar. Yes, that's correct.

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I went to the Chili's Bar. I spent $53 on two Bloody Marys. That's it. $53. Anyways, I have a weird thing with paranoia. True. A man took the seat next to me and immediately I felt nervous. I didn't want him to talk to me.

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I didn't want him to try to pick me up. I would have to deny him and that terrified me. I didn't want to have, I didn't want him. Wait, what? I didn't want him to have.

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I'm so dead. I didn't want him to have scary sex trafficking intentions and I pride myself on catching a vibe. See, there it is.

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When the bartender finally approached him, wait, hold on. I would like to elaborate on that a little bit. So he comes and he sits down at the bar, right?

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And there were several places for him to sit, but he decided that he was going to sit like right next to me. Okay?

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Not literally at the bar next to me. The bar was a big rectangle and so he was on the corner. So basically we could stare at each other. I was at the airport by myself. I was already a little on edge.

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And to have this single man come and sit next to me, it freaked me out a little bit.

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So when the bartender finally approached him and he spoke, I instantly felt the familiar feeling of good energy. It took him speaking for me to catch it, but I still felt unsure.

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I could be a part of his character slash ploy slash game slash charming. This is my trust issues coming into play, right?

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Like this is just some random innocent man that's sitting next to me and I've already made a judgment and I'm now allowing my other traumas to play a factor in my continuation to judge him.

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Another man took a seat next to me on the other side of me and I knew right away he wasn't a threat, which made me question the first man even more.

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Why was my instant energy reaction to him fear? And the other man, I didn't feel that way at all.

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A woman brought him the original man, a woman brought the original man, his chickens, these are salad.

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And he said, thank you so much. Have a great day because it was a different woman than the bartender was just somebody that worked in the back.

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And when he like looked at her, he was just like, oh my God, thank you so much. You have a wonderful day. He knew he wasn't going to see her again.

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I instantly knew my judgment was wrong. If it wasn't the interaction that he had with the woman who brought him his food, it was the small satisfied noises he made with each bite.

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Or the way he slipped his cash tip on the bar after his brief but kind interaction with the bartender and saying that she had good service.

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It's good and it's safe to make judgment, but it's not good and not safe to get trapped inside of your judgment without chance for new opportunity.

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I think that that's interesting. Also, like I said, I didn't read that and I literally feel like I just said that before I read that story.

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I'm trying, you know, not to allow myself to be closed minded. Like I, you know, will judge people right off the bat and maybe even after they open their mouth a little bit because I'm still unsure.

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But you have to be able to be open to what they actually are. Like you can have your initial judgment, but keeping that to yourself and then allowing them to show you who you are.

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If that's something that your brain does, if you're a person that's just receptive and has cause in blank slate, doesn't make judgments. First of all, all power to you.

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That's not me. And I'm sure I'm not alone. So, you know, it's okay to do that. It's we're not bad people for doing that in that situation.

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Like I was really just trying to keep myself safe. It's not like I had an agenda against this man. It's just that, you know, I'm already a little paranoid.

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So being able to be aware of my surroundings and the people that are in my surroundings and then continue to establish a idea of who they are after that is an okay thing to do.

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My tendency to judge others weirdly plays into my people pleasing. I don't people please so much so that people like me or have a good opinion of me.

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Now, don't get me wrong. That is the reason for most of my life why I would people please and why I got stuck in that habit of people pleasing was that they liked me and I'm not going to say I never do that now.

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I know that I still do that occasionally now, but most of the time my people pleasing comes again, not from wanting them to like me, but from wanting them to just not judge me.

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And it's because I judge people. I will, you know, it's like the girl that gossips about everybody and then she thinks everybody's talking shit about her or the guy that's cheating on you and constantly is attacking you and thinks that you're keeping secrets because he's doing something wrong.

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It's the same idea because I'm passing judgment on people. I automatically think people are judging me. And a lot of the time I do this too because like if I am worried about people judging me, I'll think like, oh, that's ridiculous.

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Would I judge somebody for that? And sometimes I really will be like, I might judge somebody for that. And then it like freaks me out because why wouldn't people be judging me?

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And you know, I know that they do, but can't do anything about it. Like that is what it is. This is such a backwards topic, right?

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Like I feel like normally we're talking about how to deal with not worrying about other people judging you, not how to work with your judgmentalness.

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But when I think about me judging others, I'm not thinking of their entire character. Like I don't take the small piece of information about their entire giant life and make a generalized judgment about who they are or their entire life or their entire character.

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I'm just judging that one piece that I just found out about. I also, in the slightest bit, do not think that my opinion should matter to them at all.

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Like I am not egotistical enough to think that my way is better and that's why I'm passing the judgment. It's more so that I'm just, you know, it's observing and making my judgment based on my own ideas.

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And in no way, shape or form, do I think that that should matter to them or impact to them or apply to them at all.

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Because the reason that they're doing the thing that they are is probably for a good reason or probably because that's the amount of knowledge that they have at that point in their life.

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Or because their perception is different, their upbringing was different. You know, all those things that we talked about before that I don't understand and I'm there for judging them for.

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This kind of goes back to what I just said about how normally we talk about not how to not care about judging people where there you go like that's a great example is it's like.

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I am only passing judgment based on my own perception and it has actually nothing to do with the person that I'm judging at all it's not like okay like sure they're a part of that storyline.

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You know, I'm not worried about like people think that when somebody judges a piece of them they're judging all of them and that's not the case or at least that's not the case for me or people like me or just good people that are making a judgment on somebody.

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I'm only thinking of what that piece of information means to me or how it applies to my life or what I would do in that situation.

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Again, not at all thinking about them. I'm only using a piece of their storyline to think about myself and my own life.

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Quite frankly, it's none of their business. It's my judgment based on my perception and my opinion for me to interpret however I see fit however I want to apply that to my own life.

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I think a lot of the time I judge people because again it comes back to that understanding I don't understand why they make their lives harder than they need to.

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I think that life is already so hard you know people die people get divorced people you accidentally get pregnant you crash your car like I feel like the pregnant one was kind of like a happy thing that I threw into a bunch of other dark examples but if you're not accepting it or expecting it.

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I mean, you know, like things happen in life that you're not expecting that can make your life harder.

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So why make your life or the other people in your life life harder than it needs to be because again, life is already going to be hard.

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So why lie and betray people and hurt others or why just do anything that's going to you know why be homophobic why be racist why be all of these things that are like intentionally to be a racist.

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Like intentionally to be hurtful to other people when life is already hard enough as it is or when people are doing things to hurt themselves like I was talking to somebody the other day that said that their mom met somebody online who was in jail and she went to the jail and married him there and waited until he was out of jail.

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And if that makes that person happy like if they're star cross lovers like that's super cool all power to you if you're happy all power to you that's not where my judgment comes from my judgment comes from that if you're not happy if you're complaining about it if you're like not understanding why your life could be so hard but you chose to enter into a difficult situation why are you complaining like what like that's where my judgment comes from because I believe that life

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can be better I believe that you know those people deserve better I believe that if you focus on the right things that you can create any type of life that you want and to settle for things that don't make you happy I don't understand that and so automatically when I hear those things I feel myself passing judgment on them and the thing is is that being judgmental against this toxic thing like I'm not here saying that those things are

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I'm not here saying that the judgment that I'm passing on these people is the right thing to do I'm just saying that it's something almost inevitable I think we all pass judgment I think because we all have different perspectives and have lived our lives in different ways that we all think differently about things and so it's an automatic response but it's something that we all try to shit on ourselves for and say that you know we're bad people or other people are bad people because they're being judgmental and that's what I don't think is

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necessarily true if you are going about it in the correct way what's funny too is like I this is here's an example of how like I know people are judgmental I think about how many people you know that are like oh my God yeah let's sit by the window I love people watching so you love sitting at the window judging people like that's what you're doing

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I I love people watching I think it's I think people are just entertaining to watch like I think that they're like interesting to look at but essentially isn't that at the end of the day what we're doing like we're again not being cruel not being critical not being a dick but like you're observing people like that's inadvertently what you're doing is is passing judgment on people whether

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whether and again good or bad like oh like that girl skirt is cute oh that person's hair is weird like we're just observing and finding entertainment in the way that other people operate and live their lives but that is a socially acceptable way of saying yeah I'm gonna go sit at this window and judge people so if you tell me that you never in your life ever judge anybody I don't believe you because again we all just do things so differently I remember growing up

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my mom would be like talking shit about a parent like how a parent would do something let's say and then as she's talking she would catch herself and kind of be like but who's to say I'm right like let's not take this this seriously because maybe they think I'm nuts maybe I'm doing the wrong thing so it's like you pass these judgments on people but there is no correct way to get it done and as long as you have that awareness like as long as you aren't egotistical enough to think that

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you think those things because they're the right things or because you're better than other people you're just making observation and questioning why they do things you know that's a different story so here's the meat and potatoes here's what I'm trying to get across to you guys

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I have decided that instead of trying to eliminate judgment from my life completely because I it's an impossible like it's an impossible feat for me to try to eliminate it completely and then I end up again just like shitting on myself because I think that there's something wrong with me that I can't eliminate it completely

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I have decided that I'm going to come to this acceptance and use it to my advantage so I'm going to explain to you guys how I make that happen something that I often catch myself doing is I will judge somebody for something and then five minutes later be doing the same thing

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so I take the things that I have been judgmental about and try to be aware of them so that I can live my life more in line with the way that I want to live it so while still being open to you know new opportunities and perspective so it's like okay don't be so judgmental out loud maybe so that if you change your mind in the future

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nobody's like what the fuck you just like we're shitting on that five seconds ago but also being aware that you're allowed to change your perspective that's an entirely different topic though my point is being more in line with what you want your life to be so for example I was judgmental because my boyfriend was sitting on his phone while he was talking to me and then like got like snotty about it and then I swear to

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God like five minutes later he was talking and I was like on tiktok or texting or doing something and it's like and so then I thought shit like this is what I was just like being a dick to him for being judgmental to him for I should probably not do the same thing so it helps keep you in check with the way that you want to live your life a little bit more

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we are all allowed to judge how we see fit some people might find peace in quiet settings some people might find it in loud settings it's when we try to impose our perceptions onto others is when things start to get muddy do I always understand why people do what they do or how they do it

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do I agree with it no but that's why I don't keep those people in my life if I don't like the way that they live it or I can take what they do and apply it to my own life and know what I do or do not want to do with my life I like it because it helps me know what I want for my life it helps me know the kind of people that I want in my life

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being judgmental isn't an excuse to just be a dick to somebody it's actually meant in my opinion to be utilized to your advantage to know what you want and to keep in line what you want for yourself can you imagine a person who likes to study in loud spaces

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and on a person who likes to be able to hear a pin drop while they're studying and says that they're stupid and why would you do things that way that's so bizarre that you do things that way like we can see that that's totally asinine whether they say it out loud and are being rude or are thinking it in their head like that's

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insane but passing that judgment you know we're not focusing on the critical meanness part of it what we're focusing on is okay so I think that it's weird that that person likes to study in total silence so that must mean that I don't like that I will make sure that I put myself in situations that I'm in louder spaces I'll go study in a coffee shop because I know that I like to do it

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using it as an opportunity to get to know yourself better because isn't that the age old question is trying to figure out who you are well here's a little hack to try to figure that shit out looking at your judgments and using it to decipher who you are what you like what you believe in

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plus if I'm judging somebody for doing something and I'm aware of it I'm more likely to not repeat that same behavior like if I'm going to judge people for continuously putting themselves in the same toxic situation over and over again if I find myself in a toxic situation I need to know that I can't behave that way because that's not a way that my sane brain agrees with

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I have been able to use that a lot honestly with the podcast because if I'm sitting here talking to you guys about something and standing up for yourself and you know not having shitty people in your life and then I have shitty people in my life I need to be able to a cut them off or be set boundaries and put them in my place like I can't sit here and say all this shit and practice like I have to practice what I preach like and that's kind of what the judgment is like again not that you're going out loud and saying it to me

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not going out loud and saying it to other people but even if it's just yourself like if you're going to preach all this judgmental shit in your head but then you're not going to follow through with it that's weird

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I have this tattoo on my hand and one of the things that it symbolizes as being impeccable with my word so I would try to put intention towards that being impeccable with my word whether that's you know talking shit about other people or talking shit to myself

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I would put intention behind it and say okay I am going to be flawlessly impeccable with my word that is going to be my long term goal that I'll be able to just be impeccable with my word

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no ifs ands or buts it's just going to be the way that my brain operates one day because it's a habit and I'm going to learn the habit and it's going to be good

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well one of two things happens every single time

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first of all I will catch myself not being impeccable with my word because it's so ingrained into the way that my brain works and in turn I will end up completely shitting on myself because I'm not able to go one day without being impeccable with my word

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whether that's about other people or myself that I will you know find myself being a critic or what will happen is I will you know even if I'm not following through I'm forgiving myself at the end of the day

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and I try again the next day right and I do that for like two weeks let's say but eventually it fades eventually the intention behind the impeccability fades and I am just back into my regular routines and habits and thinking the way that I used to

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it's not like this long term thing that always I have intention behind now I have a tattooed on me so like not I'm a little bit more aware of it but it's not a constant thing that I'm consistently paying attention to

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because while it is a habit that we can work towards and I 100% think that we should be working towards impeccability with our word I think that we 100% should be working towards you know not being judgmental

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it's not something that happens overnight and I don't believe that it's something that is a 100% thing I believe that for so long that one day I would be able to you know practice it enough and do it enough that that's just I could rewire my brain

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and it would be different but you know I just there's so many things that we have to deal with like maybe if that was my sole focus of my life and you know not my job and feeding my cats and my boyfriend and eating every day and going to the gym

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and you know all the other things that we think about throughout the day if that was the only thing like I was a monk and that was the only thing I had to think about all day yeah sure maybe then I would be able to completely transform forever and ever

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that's not reality and you will pass judgment on people you know like in a situation in life so being able to direct that judgment in a positive beneficial direction compared to a cynical negative direction and then shitting on yourself for being judgmental or just for having that negative energy of judgmentalness in your life

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and then when you know the stuff does come up you've practiced this redirection enough that you can apply it there again the goal would be to minimize the amount of judgment that you have but when it does happen you will be able to do so effectively and intentionally and not flailing your judgment all over everybody or all over yourself

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like we talked about in the beginning good people judge for one of two reasons generally because they don't understand something or because they're insecure and want something more for themselves we can utilize these judgmental thoughts and nail down what we need to do in order to create the life that we want

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now I'm not going to sit here and say that I don't ever judge people for shallow reasons you know I'm not perfect that does happen but again taking a step back and analyzing why that's happening and realizing that that's not necessary and focusing our energy towards eliminating that from our life

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compared to eliminating judgment as a whole I don't think that our brains are doing that for no reason I think that there is a reason for the way that our brains operate the way that they do and that society has just put all of these labels on it like we just decide one day that judgment equals bad like

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I'll just decided to go along with it who made that decision and do you actually really believe that and I you know don't think that it's again good to be not nice to people if you're being cruel and passing judgment on people for unnecessary reasons that's not okay and that is something to work on

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and that's not the other reasons for things like you know not understanding or for it being something you're insecure about as long as you're not intentionally hurting others or unintentionally hurting others and you can take those things and analyze them and figuring out what your brain is trying to tell you

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and it could really do you good I think that it could really be taken so far and used to your advantage to actually create a life that you want to live because then you would probably be eliminating judgment even more if you were more in line with who you want it to be because you would you know be more understanding of yourself

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and then I mean not again not in all cases like if other people do things that you don't like you might like judge them but then you know those people that you want to have in your life you don't want to have people that are like that in your life because they don't emulate the kind of life that you're trying to create for yourself

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allowing judgment will help us be more constructive with our mindset compared to focusing on shoving it all down and out the window and getting rid of the subconscious judgment altogether that's a waste of energy focus your energy on redirecting what's already happening and it's going to create a better life for yourself

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that is it for today's episode I have super exciting news guys okay are you ready because I'm barely ready I somehow nailed an interview with a TEDx speaker and author her name is Michelle E Dickinson she is a resilience coach so you know that's not going to be next episode it'll be the episode after that

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but oh my god guys I can't I would be lying to you if I said I wasn't terrified but you know I've already watched this bunch of her stuff and I think it's going to be really exciting so if you have any questions that you would like me to ask a TED talk resilience coach

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please shoot them in my DM I would absolutely love to incorporate some of my issues questions in there so that we can make sure that we're all getting the information that we need speaking of that if you could leave a review for the show that would be absolutely awesome it's really good for the podcast

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and it would help me continue to help all of us become our more wellish selves you can follow me at underscore Sarah Ritt and you can follow wellish at wellish podcast you can find both of those on Instagram and then on tiktok I'm at Sarah Rittendale I will talk to you guys on Monday

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bye