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open up to Matthew chapter 19. Matthew chapter 19, I know what you might be

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thinking if you paid attention on Sunday. I said we'd be in Revelation tonight

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to continue that series, but I forgot that I have a few more sermons to get

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through in Matthew before we jump back into Revelation. So we have to clean up

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a few of these passages in Matthew and then we'll get back to that Revelation

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series and Lord willing the snow and ice this weekend won't get the preaching

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calendar too far off. By the way, let me just say a word on that because I didn't

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touch on it earlier. We are keeping a watch on the weather. Our main concern

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right now is how much of it's going to melt on Saturday and whatever doesn't

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melt is probably just going to refreeze during the night on Saturday and

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probably going to linger in the morning and continue until it gets warming up on

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Sunday to melt. So we don't know if we're going to be having service or not, so if

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you're not, go ahead and follow the George's Creek News and Information page

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on Facebook. That's the best way to get updated. I'll also have all the deacons

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reach out to families to let them know whether or not we're going to have

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service. So they'll be in contact, but we're not going to make a call on that

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until Saturday and we have a better idea of what the weather is going to look

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like. So just keep that in mind and pray that the preaching calendar doesn't get

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too far off because it gives me anxiety. Alright, so Matthew chapter 19. We're

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continuing through the book of Matthew, which we've been doing for two and a

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half years now, something like that, and we're coming now to a passage and I think

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y'all know this about me. I'm an expository preacher, so what that means is I

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preach systematically through books of the Bible verse by verse, word by word,

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and it means you draw out the meaning from what's there rather than reading

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something into the word that's not there. That's what expository preacher means.

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That's good and that's the way God intended it, but here's the hard part

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about being an expository preacher is you don't get to skip passages. Alright, so

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here's what a lot of popular preachers do. They don't preach through books of the

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Bible. Okay, that's their prerogative, but what they do is they just pick and

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choose whatever passage they feel like preaching that day, whatever topic is on

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their mind or whatever they're feeling, whatever cultural issue, and they preach

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on that, which allows them to avoid every difficult passage in the Bible. When

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you're preaching through books of the Bible, you don't get to avoid difficult

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passages. You have to just hit it head-on and so we're coming to a difficult

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passage tonight that's on a difficult topic, which is marriage and divorce, and

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it's a difficult topic not only because it hits close to home for so many, but

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because it touches on one of the biggest problems in our world today. If you keep

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up with modern statistics at all, you know that statistics say that over half

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of every marriage in America today will end in divorce, which I don't know if

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you're good at math, I'm not, but those aren't great odds. So if you were to tell

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me that something I was about to do had a greater than 50% chance of

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mortality, I'm not going to do that thing. I don't like those odds, so I'm not

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going to do something that could end with me dying that likely, right? And so the

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same thing with marriage. A lot of people today are looking at marriage and

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they're saying, hey, most marriages, over 50% of them are ending in divorce, so why

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would we even get married in the first place? What's even the purpose of it?

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So couples are avoiding marriage. You see couples today, which is almost

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something we've never seen throughout human history, where couples are staying

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in a perpetual state of dating and never truly committing to each other, which

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again has never been done in history, but they're just staying in this perpetual

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state of dating, never really committing to each other, and they just view this as

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acceptable in the eyes of God. I mean, they think, well, it's just as good as

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marriage. We just don't have the legal paperwork to go with it. And so we're

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going to talk this evening about God's design for marriage and what the Bible

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says about divorce. So I'm going to notice how it starts there in Matthew 19

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verses one through three. Now, when Jesus had finished saying these things, he

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went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan, and

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large crowds followed him and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him

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and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? Now, I

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want you to just pay attention to what the Bible is saying here. Notice how the

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Pharisees are starting off on the wrong foot. They're literally coming to

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Jesus and they want to know if they can divorce their wife for any reason

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whatsoever. In other words, they're already looking for a way out. Before they ever

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even commit, or maybe they are committed, they're already looking for a way out.

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They're thinking about plan B rather than thinking about plan A as being the only

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plan. It's a horrible way to approach this, right? So for me, I asked Gene, who's not

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here tonight. Again, every time I talk about Gene in a sermon, he's just

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randomly not here. I asked Gene for his permission to marry Anna. I'll never

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forget that day. It was the most terrified I've ever been to do anything in my

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entire life. And I've faced some pretty scary situations. That was the most

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terrified. I kid you not, I was coming from North Greenville. Gene was sitting on

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our big blue tractor, kept it on, refused to get off. And so I'm having, can I marry

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your daughter? Like screaming over this engine. It was this horrible situation. But

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imagine I had gone to him and I was like, hey, can I marry Anna? Oh, and by the way,

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can I, are you cool with me just divorcing her for any reason at any time?

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Is that good with you? Like, do you think he would have given me permission to

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marry her? No, of course not. And rightly not, right? Like, you don't want to go into

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something already thinking about how to get out of that thing. And yet that's

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exactly what the Pharisees are doing here. I would say that if you're looking

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for a reason to end your marriage before you even start your marriage, then you

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probably don't need to get married at all. And I want you to notice how Jesus

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responds to them in Matthew 19, verses four through six. He answered, have you

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not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female

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and said, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast

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to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but

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one flesh, what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. So this

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is what Jesus says is God's design for marriage. And unfortunately, in our day,

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as we've said, divorce is for two common. And I think one of the main reasons for

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that is that we no longer have a high view of marriage today. People today, you

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look at what God designed marriage to be and marriage was designed to be a life

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long, lifelong commitment, covenant relationship between one man and one

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woman before God. And that was the design for marriage. And yet you look at what

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marriage has become today. And we have dumbed it down. Today, marriage is just

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the next step for a couple, right? A couple likes each other. They might have

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that warm, fuzzy feeling. They start dating. And they date for a while. And they

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think we've been dating for a few years now. What comes next? We should probably

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get married. And so marriage has become nothing more than just the next step for

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a couple in a relationship, not actually thinking about what it's intended to be.

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Or some couples today, they just want a biblically sanctioned way to act on

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their sinful desires. And so they think we need to get married in order to be

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able to do that. Or some couples, they'll say it makes sense in terms of finances

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and living arrangements. And you look at all these reasons that people are getting

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married, and they're all unbiblical reasons. None of them are what God says

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marriage should be. It's simply out of convenience. And I'll tell you what I

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tell every single couple whose wedding I officiate. Any marriage that is begun out

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of convenience can just as easily be ended out of convenience. If marriage is

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nothing more than a simple convenience for you, then when it stops being

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convenient, what do you do? You end it. And that's exactly what we're seeing in our

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world today. If you don't start out on the right foot, you will not continue long.

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And I want you to notice when Jesus is talking about marriage here, notice that

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he is not talking about a wedding. That's the other problem we've got with

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marriage today. When you talk about marriage, couples end up being more

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focused on their wedding day and the wedding celebration than on the marriage

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itself. And so the whole wedding day becomes this big celebration which

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isn't actually most of the time God honoring. It's all about the couple and

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not about the covenant relationship. There's nothing about the gospel and most

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wedding ceremonies today. And it's all about that wedding ceremony and then the

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wedding ceremony is over. You got to think about life after it. Notice how

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Jesus is also not talking about couples who have romantic feelings for one

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another. I think this is the other big mistake we have in terms of marriage

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and relationships today. People focus too much on the feelings. They've got to

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have this warm fuzzy feeling. This couple loves each other. And Jesus is not even

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mentioning that at all. He is saying that marriage is not about a day and

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marriage is not about some feelings you might have. Marriage is about a covenant

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relationship with your spouse and God. You are entering into this covenant with

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the Lord. And so he says the two have ceased to be two. They become one and he

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says what therefore God has joined together. Let no man separate. And I want

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you to notice the command he issues here. People take this for granted. Jesus says

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here that men are to hold fast to their wives. I want you to notice how that is a

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command. Jesus is not simply giving this as a suggestion. He is saying that this

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is what every man in a marriage relationship is supposed to do. The man

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is supposed to hold fast to his wife. And so this means that marriage is not

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primarily about your feelings for your spouse. Marriage is about your God-given

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biblical responsibility to love your spouse and hold fast to them. That is an

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active command. I told you this story before but it bears repeating. I had a

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professor at North Greenville. Love him to death. One of my favorite professors

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Dr. Johnson. He served as a pastor for a number of years. And he said one day he

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was sitting in his office and this couple came in and the couple sat down in

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front of him and they said pastor we'd like a divorce. And he said okay well

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what's the issue? And the man said well we just don't love each other anymore.

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You know it started out we loved each other and we've just been married for

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so many years. We just we don't really love each other anymore. We wanted to

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come here ask for your permission to get a divorce. Ask what you think we should

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do. And my professor looked back at him. He said well you should go and love your

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wife. And the man said well did you not just hear what I told you? I told you I

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don't love her anymore. He said I know I heard what you said and I'm telling you

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that you need to go and love your wife. Because that love is not primarily some

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feeling that you have. Love is a commitment that is shown in your actions

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towards your spouse. Anybody can have a feeling but it takes something special

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to have a covenant commitment to your spouse and love them actively. You see

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we've made this huge mistake where we have reduced love down to nothing more

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than a feeling. And love involves a feeling but it is a responsibility. It's a

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commitment. Every man has the responsibility to love his wife well.

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To care for her. To provide for her. To protect her. To nourish her. To lead her.

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To actively pursue her. The man the Bible says must love his wife as Christ

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loved the church and gave himself up for the church. So the Bible says in

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Ephesians chapter 5, men you were to love your wives as Christ loved the

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church and gave himself up to the church. Notice how that requires sacrifice.

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And that what Jesus did? Did he not sacrifice himself for his church?

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Does the Bible say that he wasn't thinking of his own needs and desires

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but he put them aside and chose not to lay hold to the powers that God had

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while he was in the flesh so that he might suffer as a man and die in our

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place? It required sacrifice. And this is what men are called to do in their

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marriage relationships. Men are called to sacrifice for their wives. Now this is

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one of my hot button issues because I'm a firm believer in this. And I've told

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you this many times but one of man's chief sins today is passivity. Is it not?

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Why are so many marriages failing? Why are so many marriages just barely holding

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on by a thread? Why is it that you see a bunch of men today who are completely

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uninvolved with their children and in their household? It's because they are

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passive and selfish rather than sacrificial like Jesus calls us to be.

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We live in a culture where men are no longer sacrificing for their wives and

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no longer putting their needs above her or her needs above theirs. But instead

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what we have today are a bunch of men who are prioritizing their hobbies above

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helping their wives. She can stay at home and take care of the kids while I go

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off and play golf every other day. Let her take care of the laundry and the

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dishes and the cleaning and caring for the kids while I sit and play video

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games for hours and hours and hours and hours. Men are doing this. Church, yes? Men.

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The Bible says when I became a man I put away childish things and yet we've got

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men today who are spending six hours on video games while neglecting their

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wives and their children. That's not biblical love. That's not biblical

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commitment. That is childish. You see there will be a day when every man will

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stand before the throne of God and God will ask them did you love your wife and

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they will reply yes I never cheated on her. That'll be their answer. Did you love

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your wife? Absolutely. I never cheated on her not even once and God's gonna say I

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didn't ask you if you cheated on her. I asked you if you loved her. You see that's

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the other mistake that we've made today. We have mistaken a love to be I don't

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cheat. Just because you don't cheat on your spouse doesn't mean you actually

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love your spouse. At least not according to the Bible. Now since I singled out the

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men, let me address the women. Although I would continue for five more minutes on

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the men if you'd let me because it's a big issue for me but women have a

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responsibility to love their husbands well. According to the Bible wives are

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called to submit to their husbands headship. They are called to respect their

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husbands. It's interesting if you read Ephesians chapter 5 at the very end of

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that passage on marriage the Bible says that women are to respect their husbands

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and husbands must love their wives and I remember as pastor Chris Walker who

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first explained this to me and showed this to me when he was doing the

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premarital counseling for me and Anna and he said the reason the Bible says it

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like this is because women want to be loved more than they're respected and

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men want to be respected more than they're loved and I thought that was

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brilliant. That's a Chris Walker thing to notice and point out because that's who

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he was. He's a brilliant man but this is the call that women are to have towards

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their husbands. They are called to respect their husbands. They're not called

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to belittle him or to antagonize him. They are not called to overtake his

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leadership. This is exactly what the Bible warned against in Genesis chapter

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3 when it says when God is issuing the curse upon the serpent and explaining

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to the man and woman the punishment for their sins he says to Eve that she's

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going to desire her husband and the way that's written in Hebrew means that

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she's going to desire his position as the head of the household of the

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leadership and so he says this is going to be a problem for women throughout the

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centuries that they are going to desire to run their households and to take the

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place of the God-given responsibility that men have to be the spiritual leaders

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in the heads of their households. Women are called to be respectful and

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dignified and just as men are called to love and lead their wives as Christ loves

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and leads the church women are called to submit to and love their husbands as the

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church submits to and loves Christ. This is God's good design for marriage. One

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man, one woman in a covenant relationship before God for all of their

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lives but since the Pharisees are looking for a plan B in a way out they're

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not satisfied with Jesus answer so look what they say in verses 7 through 9.

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They said to him why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of

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divorce to send her away and he said to them because of your hardness of heart

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Moses allowed you to divorce your wives but from the beginning it was not so and

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I say to you whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and

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Mary's another commits adultery and so the Pharisees actually are

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misunderstanding what Moses said in Deuteronomy so Deuteronomy 24 verses 1

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through 4 says this when a man takes a wife and marries her if then she finds

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no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her and he writes

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her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his

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house and she departs out of his house and if she goes and becomes another man's

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wife and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and

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puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house or if the latter man dies who

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took her to be his wife then her former husband who sent her away may not take

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her again to be his wife after she has been defiled for that is an

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abomination before the Lord and you shall not bring sin upon the land that

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you're the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance and so the Pharisees

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interpreted this as believing that divorce was an essential part of marriage

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a necessary part of marriage so much so that at the time the Jews believed a

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man could divorce his wife for pretty much any reason in fact if you look at

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ancient Jewish texts they reveal that some men were divorcing their wives

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because they no longer found them attractive in some cases there were

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men who divorced their wives because they cited that she was too mouthy in

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other cases there were men who divorced their wives because they were more

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attracted to another woman and they therefore wanted to divorce their

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current wife in order to pursue this other basically if you look at what they

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were practicing at the time they wanted easy divorce for any reason

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whatsoever now I want you to notice that Moses never actually commanded men to

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divorce their wives did you notice that I tried to emphasize those key words you

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should pick up on in scripture like if and because of this reason Moses never

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actually commanded that men should divorce their wives rather what Moses

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said is that if these issues come up and if because of these issues a man

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settles on divorce here are the guidelines to follow in the divorce

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process in other words divorce was never commanded as a necessity but it was

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allowed for as an exception and the whole reason it was allowed for notice

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what Jesus says here the whole reason that divorce exists is because of man's

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sinfulness he says it's because of your hardness of heart in fact we know the

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Bible says in Malachi 2 16 that God hates divorce God never intended for

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divorce to take place it was never part of his design the only reason it exists

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is because of man's sinfulness and it's still the reason divorce is so popular

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today when feelings fade and life gets hard what's the easy way out of a

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marriage divorce when the looks begin to fade and the eye begins to wander

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what's the easiest way to satisfy that sinful desire divorce when problems

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arise and the marriage gets difficult and life gets hard rather than working

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through these issues as a team and rather than seeking to resolve them what's

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the easy way out church divorce it's because it's easy and life is hard and

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for most couples it is a lot easier to just give up and throw in the towel than

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it is to say we've got problems we need to work through them and we're gonna do

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this together because I'm committed to you for the rest of my life and I will

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not give up on this marriage it's just easier to throw in the towel what you

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need to understand about marriage is that if your marriage is not built upon

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the foundation of a covenant bond in Christ your marriage will not last it

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will begin to fall apart immediately if you do not take seriously your

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responsibility to stay true to your spouse and love them in the way the

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Bible outlines your marriage will not last and once you start neglecting that

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responsibility once you stop actively pursuing your spouse and loving your

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spouse once you become lax in your marriage your marriage will begin to

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dissolve and it won't be long before you and your spouse are nothing more than

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roommates living in the same house together and sadly that's the case for

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many marriages today so let me say this it's very easy to say that your spouse

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is more important than video games we all agree on that yeah okay we can talk

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back it's Wednesday night yeah you remember where we're at I hope we agree

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with this right like your spouse is more important than video games yes yeah

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okay good good good it it's easy to say your spouse is more important than

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golf and other activities right look at Christian low handicap over there so

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it's easy to say your spouse is more important than your job yeah yeah alright

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so let me say something hard and controversial because it's been five

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minutes since I've done that your spouse is more important than your children

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and sadly there are not many people who actually believe that today or they'll

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say they believe it but they don't actually practice it but your spouse is

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more important than your children parenthood is one of the greatest joys

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and privileges that God gives us I think every parent in here would say amen and

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amen it is a beautiful gift of God but listen to me you are not in a covenant

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relationship with your children you are in a covenant relationship with your

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spouse and for too many people they have started prioritizing their children

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over their spouse and it will run a marriage I've seen it happen out of God

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talking to me and he said that he and his wife all they wanted were kids they

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wanted to have kids he wanted to be a father his entire life and so the Lord

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blessed them with kids and he was so excited but he said his wife was even

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more excited to be a mom and that became her entire identity everything about her

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it was just motherhood 24-7 and so she started prioritizing the kids over the

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husband they never had anyone watch the kids so they never had any date nights

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they never had any alone time together they never had a conversation with each

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other that was not about their children and so they became roommates living in

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the same house and so what happened is all three of their kids grew up moved out

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of the house went off to college and the wife had no idea how to live with her

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husband and she became very depressed because she was a mother and now her

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kids are gone and so she told the husband that she wanted a divorce that she

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was no longer happy and he being a Christian man did everything he could to

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save that marriage he prayed he asked her to go to counseling they went to

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marriage counseling together he asked them asked her can we go talk to the

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pastor get some counseling from him they tried that the woman gave up on it after

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one session and he begged and begged and begged he said he would do anything and

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she left him and it's because she spent more time prioritizing the children than

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she did her spouse and it destroyed their marriage so listen I'm not telling

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you to neglect your children and I'm not telling you you have to choose between

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being a parent and being a spouse but what I am telling you is that you're if

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you're prioritizing anything other than the Lord above your spouse your marriage

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is not going to last because one day your kids are going to leave home and you're

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going to be empty nesters and if you don't know how to live with your spouse

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then you're going to have problems and so Jesus allows divorce here only due to

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sexual immorality but I want you to notice that even then God's desire is

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for reconciliation even in that situation God never desires divorce so this

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doesn't excuse the sin but it reminds us that our marriages are meant to reflect

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God's covenant relationship with his people because if you read the Bible

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all throughout the Bible God is described as a faithful loving husband and

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his people are as bright but the Bible also says that the bride is unfaithful

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does it not the Bible says that we rebelled against him we turned away from

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him we have committed spiritual adultery time and time again and you should be

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praising the Lord this evening that God did not spiritually divorce you that he

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did not give up on you and decide to be done with you because you had committed

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a spiritual adultery on him but the Bible says instead he relentlessly

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pursued us even though we're the ones who sinned against him he took the first

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step in pursuing us he called us back in love pursued us extended his love and

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his grace to us and loved us even when we were unlovable and the fact that he

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does that is supposed to mean for our marriages that even when we are sinned

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against we don't give up on our marriages we seek to offer forgiveness and we

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seek reconciliation I want you to understand this evening that no longer

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being attracted to your spouse that is not grounds for divorce don't marry

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someone for their looks because the looks will fade warm fuzzy feelings

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fading away is not grounds for divorce the kids moving out is not grounds for

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divorce being unhappy is not even grounds for divorce are you allowed to

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divorce your spouse in the case of sexual immorality yes you are but God would

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still prefer the marriage to be reconciled and forgiveness to be

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extended he hates divorce but he loves reconciliation so what does this tell us

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if we're just thinking about this passage and how it has a bearing on our

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life today what does it tell us what tells us that no one should rush into

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marriages I love marriage and I fully believe I stand by this I think couples

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should be getting married sooner earlier younger however you want to describe it

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and start having a bunch of babies a lot earlier than they do I'm a full

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advocate of that but just because you should be getting married younger

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doesn't mean you should rush into marriage it means that you shouldn't get

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married just because you're attracted to someone you shouldn't get married just

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because you get along with someone you shouldn't get married just because you

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have a feeling of love for someone all of those things will fade with time and

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can fade with time and if they're your reason for getting married then it'll

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be the reason you seek a divorce before you get married you need to ask

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yourself am I prepared to love this person for the rest of my life am I

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prepared to stay committed to them to sacrifice for them to put their needs

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above my own and to stay true to them until the day I die and for those of us

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who are married in the room this evening this passage tells us that we should be

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taking marriage much more seriously than most people do today and so a good

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question you should be asking yourself this evening is have I gotten lax in my

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marriage a good way to figure that out is by asking am I consistently putting my

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spouses needs before my own am I making any meaningful sacrifices for my spouse

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am I actively pursuing my spouse to this day am I putting my spouse before

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everyone except the Lord and here's the real kicker that I would encourage you

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to ask yourself this evening if the world were to judge Jesus's love for the

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church based on my love for my spouse what would they conclude about how

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Jesus loves the church

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thirdly it tells us that divorce was never part of God's plan and if it was

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never part of God's plan it should never be part of our plan amen all right now

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that that difficult passage is ever we just have revelation to get through a

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bunch of easy stuff all right Michael