P -P -P -P -Pants, people! It's David here, and
I'm here with the usual stuff. Give us a rating,
like our Instagram, check us out. But also, I
want to touch on something real, real quick.
Because here at Fantasy Pants, as you probably
know, we don't really shy away from a lot of
the darker themes and sort of gritty narrative
that we, as players and as a DM, love to see
and love to play out. Here we are in what I'm
calling the horror arc. There may be more like
it to come. And I just want to put a quick content
warning out there because we're going to have
a little more gore, a little more violence, and
maybe some tragedy discussed here on the show
that might make some people uncomfortable. And
that's totally fine if it's not your jam. But
I just want to let you know, up ahead of the
episode. Thank you so much. And hey, enjoy. Celebration
of heroes, all of promise amazed. Though these
joys had been muted for the heroes we praised.
Jules nearly killed, said feeling he failed.
His fear leaving scars far under his scale. Met
with Proclaimer, who revealed highest stakes.
Lady Dre has fled town towards Cradle Lace Lake.
So they rode for the rattle towards terrible
things. And as the quiet consumed them, Jules
brought out his strings. And they sang. Oh, they
sang. Excellent. Hard commitment. How you guys
doing? Excellent. Good, good. We did sing, and
I got you guys to sing, too. You did. That was...
That was fun. That was a crazy, wild, drunken
recording session. I wish we had the behind -the
-scenes of that, because, yeah, we just had,
like, disappointed Dad Jeremy making us go and
do... Just like, do the line again. Do the line.
It was awesome. It was awesome. That's what you
do. You do it multiple times, so you have a shit
-ton of material to work with, and you pick the
best one, and you work with it. No complaint
here. It was awesome. But the thing is, every
single take... required one more can of beer.
Well, yeah, exactly. I was like, okay, well,
that one wasn't good enough. Let's try it after
another beer. And then finally, finally, Stephen
had the perfect take and literally like a split
second after the last word just burped right
into the mic. Fucked up the whole take. I thought
there was plenty of time. I thought there was
a breath between the word and the burp. There
was a burp between the word and the burp. Funny
story about that one, though. You started saying,
am I singing this horny enough? And then... We
took it. That's just the best way I know how
to do it, I guess. And then we did a take. And
then literally the same thing with the burp.
A second after you stopped singing, you said,
was that horny enough? And we said, no, that's
a bad take. Well, when I went back and listened
to them all again, I used that take. Amazing.
I'm telling you. He just kept getting hornier
and hornier to get better and better. It was
the super duper horny take. We need more horny
Zebulon. You're welcome. That's what we need
in this podcast. You're welcome. That just sounds
so wrong. I'm just a giver. Yeah, yeah. Oh, God.
You're a giver and you're a friend, which I think
brings us to what Stephen wants to talk about
today. It's a transition because I'm a professional.
Yeah, we got to talk about friends. Yeah. Capital
F friends. I enjoy it. Why? Because my wife enjoys
it. Okay. Fair point. So the problem I have with
friends. is that you're watching Friends instead
of watching Letterkenny. Let me rebut that with
this. I could watch Friends alone on my couch,
sadly, maybe with a cat on my shoulder, or I
could watch Friends next to Cute. Now, I know
what I would choose. Well, hold on, hold on,
hold on. If you want to watch a group of straight
white friends pretend that they're funny, then
I have the podcast for you. Is it ours? It's
ours. Excellent. Damn. You were waiting on that
for like, that's probably like written down in
your head. I had that one down at like 9 a .m.
this morning. Yeah, I was, yeah. All right. Speaking
of our podcast and Fanny's Pants, and Fanny's
Pants listeners, David, I'm about to put you
in the hot seat here. What? Listeners. But Chandler's
funny. What's up? Steven and I, for Halloween
this year, would like the three of us to dress
up as the three from Letterkenny. Right. Let
us know on Instagram. If you think David needs
to fucking watch Letterkenny so that we can make
this happen. All I'm saying is, the hills are
alive with the sound of music. That sounds like
a stupid Ross thing. No, it's Chandler, so ha!
Watch the show, you'll get my humor. Dude, when
I was in... Like, I've seen... I had already
seen too many episodes of Friends. Was done with
it, was sick and over with it. And then somebody
in my family decided that they were going to
rewatch. Friends. So I would come home from high
school, and once I walked in the door, the show
Friends was already playing. And it would continue
to play until I went to bed. And that repeated
for, I don't know, how long did Friends run?
Too long? I will never willingly watch an episode
of Friends again. If that happened to you with
Letterkenny, you'd also be upset. Actually, I'm
interested in re -watching Letterkenny because
it's a good, funny show. I'm telling you, first
two minutes, you will be hooked. David, we're
in the platinum age of television. I got things
to do. Dude. I got to write recap songs. Well,
you got time for Friends. Make time for Letterkenny.
That's the thing, is all the time you're spending
on Friends is wasted when there are shows like
Letterkenny and, I don't know, 10 ,000 other
ones. Yes. 10 ,000. You've had 20 years to watch
Friends. Put it to bed. Damn. Now I feel old.
And do it before Halloween. All right. Or else
we're going to replace you. We'll see. You can
go. Well, no, you're going to hear from our listeners
on Instagram, and they will decide. They'll decide,
all right. They'll side with me. I'm just saying,
no one's heard of your one pony show, but everyone
knows of the show I like. I'm sure millions of
people have watched this show. Yeah, there are
lots of ponies in the show and lots of awards
that it's won. Yes. Yeah. Take your small town
silly fest. Get out of my face. That's the premise
of the show. Okay. There's one thing that I think
we can all still agree on, though, is this is
a much better conversation than Heroes. That's
important. Okay. All right. You know what? We're
done with it, Enter. We're just not going to
do it anymore. How about I kill you guys instead?
Let's get to that. Oh, fuck. Because you guys
are moving into the rattle, and that sucks. You
want to know why it sucks? Open your ears. Here
it comes. I almost choked. Because you guys are
traveling in a wagon. And now you're entering
dense fog and thick trees. You can immediately
feel Proclaimer Ward, the rain start tensing
up. You can see them eyeing every which way.
You can see concern. mixed with drive in their
features, because they want the story. They want
to know what happened in Promise. They want to
know where Lady Dre went, and I'm sure you do
too. And the only clue you have is Cradle Lace
Lake. Wart knows the way. And so you are moving
into the fog, into the rattle, into the mist.
And the air has taken on this metallic tang to
its... Taste and its smell. It's filling your
mouths. Jump freaking throw -ups again. Throws
up again. It's weird. Leave it. Leave it. Oh,
it's staying in. This air is thick, too. It's
this cold, sticky humidity that's just everywhere,
cloying. You can't get away from it. And that
twilight sky is getting dangerously dark. You
can see Ward's tensing about that, too, as this
path is getting harder and harder to follow.
There's a lot of stars lighting the sky and a
great full moon overhead shining down, so it's
not wholly dark. There isn't wholly obscured
for you. But still, it is closing in around your
small wagon. You see these skeletal trees. Greenery
seems to be falling away the farther you go.
These trees are reaching out over the path, shaking
in a phantom breeze occasionally, reaching down
this breeze, brushing the edge of the wagon,
scraping against the drapery, whatever you call
it. Now, as you're moving into this dangerous
territory, I'd like to know what everyone's doing.
Uh, Jules is staring out the window of the wagon.
Out the front or back? You can look to the front
over the ward's head, basically, or you can look
out the back. I think he's sticking his head
out the back. Okay. Zebulon. Hmm. As the wagon
passes by these trees and branches that are reaching
out, Zebulon's pulling little sticks off of them
to play with. Such a child. This 19 -year -old.
He's fidgeting. All right, yeah. No, I mean,
that makes sense. Nervous fidgeting. Hell yeah.
And Joan Franklin, he's already sick from the
wagon ride now with all this, the air closing
in on him. He just looks miserably sick. He just
wants to get off so bad. You just kind of see
him holding his stomach and, like, almost fetal
position in the back, looking more miserable
than you've ever seen the turtle before. And
Chester, let me ask you, Jules, what is Chester
doing? I think he's probably doing a mix of looking
out the front and then looking back at Jules.
Still waiting to have that conversation. Yeah,
is there only... Is there only a window on the
front and back, or are there windows on the sides?
Yeah, it's a closed carriage on the sides, just
the front and back. Okay. So actually, I think
he's sitting back towards the back with Jules,
kind of poking his head up, looking at the front,
but then kind of looking back at Jules, kind
of going back and forth, but he's next to Jules
in the back. Okay. That's where we'll open up,
as you're moving slowly down this trail, looking
out the back, watching these skeletal branches.
bow and shake at your departure, almost waving
you goodbye and good luck. And Chester turns
to you. Jules, hey, we never really got a chance
to talk. He looks back at everybody else who
seems kind of distracted. What happened back
there, man? I mean, I know, you know, I know
you got things going on, but like, this? Did
you know about this? He gestures to your gloved
hand. Chester, you know this is always a possibility.
But... You know this is inside of me. Why is
it happening now? I don't know. Is it going to
keep happening? I don't know. Are you going to
change? What is this? This is new, but Chester,
I am in control still. Okay? I'm still Jules.
I'm here. Okay. Okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry,
yeah. You trust me, right? Of course. Yeah, Jules,
yeah. If I ever feel like I am no longer Jules,
I will tell you. Okay? Okay, yeah. Yeah. Okay.
But I'm still here right now. I'm in control.
Yeah. And I got you. And he... I won't say he
settles down because he's still very much on
edge. You see, he's... gripping his bow in his
hand with white knuckles, an arrow in the other
just ready to draw. But his focus moves away
from you now. And he moves towards the front.
And I'd like you to make a perception check for
Chester. This is going to be with disadvantage
because it is dark and he is human. Ten. He looks
out. nods. Starts moving back. Proclaimer Ward
is in the front. Alright, y 'all. Closing in
soon on Cradle Ace Lake. It ain't too far on
the rattle. Sad thing is, weren't always the
rattle. Used to be a farm out in the ribbon.
You see, it spreads. This fog, this land. Slowly
closing in on all of us. Scary, ain't it? A little
too loud for the situation. Zebulon goes, yeah,
what do you guys think out there in the fog?
Looks pretty scary. Almost in response. Get out.
You just hear a as the wagon He comes to a shuddering
halt. Horses whinnying, hey, hey, whoa, whoa,
what are you, yeah, hey, come on. And Colonel
Lawrence is trying to control them, and the horses
are standing up, whinnying, panicking. Did you
have to say that? You scared the horses. Well,
I mean, I don't think they can understand me.
You sound a little too excited to know what's
in that fog. Well, I mean, come on, don't you
wonder? You are. Kevin Ward's still trying to
get control of the horses that just will not
move. I don't understand. They're not... Hey.
Y 'all see that? And you see they look out off
the road. You see now the trees are less dense,
a little more sparse. As you peek out, you can
see your... So on this old sort of bumpy road,
running through this sort of... this grove of
trees, you see there's a large sort of... small,
what do you call it, a plateau, a cliff, maybe
10 feet high up, that kind of looks over this
area. Then sort of just beyond that, the rising
moon just shining down over the spot. It's like
just flooding you. And do you guys want to take
a look out the front? Yeah, absolutely. I think
Chester looks out the front. I think Jules is
still looking out the back. You can all make
perception checks, this time without disadvantage.
That's very generous of you. So you are now closer.
Oh, benevolent DM. Well, that's a six. Jules
got an eight. Chester got a 13. Okay. I needed
a 12, so that's going to be good. Jules, you're
looking out the back. Zeb, you're kind of looking
around. You're looking the wrong direction. Hold
on. Does Jean get a roll here? Sure, yeah. He
gets up. What's happening? It's already intolerable
enough when the horse is wet. What? Shh. What?
We're percepting. Oh, sorry. It's only a 12,
so I'll let Chester take it away. And a 12 actually
works. He sees it, too. So he walks over like,
what the hell? And Chester's like, holy shit,
holy shit, holy shit. Jules, Jules, Seb, look,
look. And he directs your eyes towards something.
And you can see about 30 feet off the road in
the direction of that sort of raised ground,
you see blood shining against a boulder. You
see the remains of a body lying crumpled at the
stone's base, meat peeled away from a clean bone,
jutting up sharply and standing out against those
splotches of blood on rock. And then you hear
the sounds of something like these yipping, barking
howls, but loud. and bestial. And as you look
out, you see a shadow cast across the ground
as three massive figures move up to that high
ground between you and the moon, just standing
as silhouettes. You see three massive coyotes.
And Tungsten even just goes, Oh shit! Shit! Die,
coyotes! Oh shit! I want you guys to roll for
initiative. Alright, here we go. Boy. Jules is
13. And Chester got a 19. Okay. So, thanks to,
uh, thanks to Regish Audacity, Zebulon got a
22 for initiative. Nice. Okay, that's a 12 for
Jean. Let me put you on the map! Uh... Once again,
shout out to Sound, Pukie Girl, Rochelle. I asked
for a dusty old trail through some wood. That
is a killer map. And damn, did she deliver again.
Here you have this sort of raised ground where
these three dire coyotes have lined up against
the light of the moon. Below them you have, and
you can see it now more clearly as you step out,
the corpse of a horse. torn apart, blood splattering
the boulder just down below where they stand.
As you move south from there, you see your own
horses whinnying and panicking, Tungsten trying
super hard to keep them, but they will not. They're
in danger of just turning the wagon over. They're
so panicked at the sight of these things. And
you guys are in the wagon. Now, these coyotes
are about 60 feet away from you, give or take.
All three of them looming all over you over this
cliff. And I want to ask everyone here one question
before we really jump into initiative. Out the
back, out the front, staying on the wagon. I've
got to put you on this map. So we can exit the
wagon from the front or the back? Yes, I'm going
to put you where you say you are. I don't want
to keep you in the wagon because that would just
suck for me to keep track of you. So you get
a free five -foot movement bonus despite your
initiative. Yeah, I'll say front. Yeah, I think
Jules and Chester are going out the back. Okay,
then Zeb and... And Jean, we'll go out the front.
Okay. Great, we'll do that. Okay, so you guys
leap out the front, just jumping past a panicked
tungsten. As you land down, these things stare
down at you. And out the back, we just see curtain
flies open. Jules and Chester land. Jules, you
had a second there. You knew something was coming
up. Your cloak is billowing. Damn straight it's
billowing. In the phantom wind. What did you
say that was? That's plus one to AC? Plus one
to AC and saving throws. Remember that because
it's going to come up in this fight. And so this
battle begins. And you might think it begins
with Zebulon with his 21 initiative. But you'd
be wrong. It's going to begin with this dire
coyote right here with his 22 initiative. Oh,
my God. Yeah, I thought I rolled a 22, but just
the way the character sheet was set up, it was
really a plus four. So, came up to 21. Damn.
With my 50 feet of movement, this one that's
more... Did you just say 50 feet? Oh, yeah. This
one that's more centrally located actually has
enough movement speed to jump down from the high
ground, just bouncing down the hill, charging
past the corks of the horse, and running right
up to Jean Franklin. And I'll make an attack.
All right, that's a two on the die. So... Completely
whiffs it. Jaune just spins around. This thing
just rakes off the back of his shell. Jaune is
completely unharmed. Spear in hand. Just, all
right then, beast. Prepare yourself. And that's
going to be Zebulon. All right. Zeb will step
up to this coyote and draw his sabers and take
a swing with each one. Okay. That's a 13 for
the first swing. 13 does not hit. Okay, great.
It weaves out of the way. Even worse for the
second one. Wow, two whiffs. That's not good.
Two whiffs. Wow. Okay, this thing weaves its
own way, weaves the other, snarls towards you.
You just made an enemy, Zebulon. Yeah, I'll take
a bonus action. Disengage. Step. Step just five
feet to the right. Okay. Just to the right. Gotcha.
So you slide just a short ways away. And now
it's my turn again. And I'm sorry to tell you,
Zebulon, that despite that five foot movement,
you are still in this one's range. as this thing
just barely has enough space to plow down off
that high ground, come running up to attack you.
Do I attack you or do I attack the turtle? Wedgie.
What's that? What? Two -weapon fighting as a
bonus action. Oh, good move. Good thinking. Okay,
yeah. Well, is it a wedgie if we correct it on
the spot? It is not a wedgie. We can just cut
it, right? As a reward. Maybe. No, not that we
talked about wedgies. We can't cut it. No way
in hell. Because as a reward for correcting that
wedgie, for moving back to that spot, I now have
pack tactics on both of you and John, which means
I can roll with advantage against both of you.
Now I'm going to roll a die to see which one.
Isn't that fun? Excellent. Aren't you glad you
corrected that? Yeah, that's great. Great, because
these guys are both within five feet of you.
They've got you surrounded. They know how to
work together. Unlike your stupid party of stupid
stupids. Got him. Got him. 1, 2, 3, Zebulon.
4, 5, 6, Jaune. Here we go. That's a 1. Zebulon.
How about a 20 to hit? Yeah, that's a hit. Oh,
my God. I thought it might. I thought it might.
Okay. Holy moly. That is 12 points of damage.
Oh, we're dying tonight. Shit. We're dying tonight.
I need you to make a strength saving throw. Holy
fuck. Kip, let me take the damage first. Hold
on. Wow. David, this is not the boss battle.
Dude, yeah. This is bad. This is not okay. This
is in the book. What can I tell you? Oh, my God.
Yeah, I just, I crit. Zebulon crit everywhere
with a natural one. Bad kind of crit. The liquid
crit. Yeah, liquid crit. Oh, my God. Now, a saving
throw isn't going to cause horses, even though
there are panicked horses literally right next
to you. Yeah. Well, that does mean you are prone.
I guess I can kind of see why that guy wouldn't
rent us his horses. As this thing brings you
down with his bite, pulls you down to the ground,
Zebulon, you come dropped to the earth below
this snarling maw. There will be death this evening.
Welcome to the rattle, gentlemen. That escalated
fucking quickly. Welcome to the rattle. That's
going to be Chester. We're going to die. Oh,
my. God, there's three of those. Chester's going
to go with a short bow to the dire coyote that
just attacked Zeb. I believe that's this one,
correct? Yes, the one closer to Chester. You're
about ten feet away. You're kind of rounding
around the edge of the wagon. You can see this
thing bring Zeb down. Chester's got a clean shot.
All right, he's going for it. Hell yeah. That's
a 15 to hit. That's going to hit. Oh. Give me
a quick second. I believe Chester has an ability
that may allow him to attack the other one as
well. Quick reload, baby. You want to go for
a second? Chester fires one shot, and he can
fire a shot at the one next to it. Let me just
read this out for the listeners. Quick reload.
Once on each of their turns when the archer makes
a ranged weapon attack, they can make another
attack with the same weapon against a different
creature that is within five feet of the original
target. Hell yeah. Damn straight. Thank you,
Paul Metzger. So do we want to hit the damage
first, or do we want to go for the second shot?
Give me a second shot. I think narratively second
shot first. Yeah, yeah. That sounds cool. It's
not going to hit. It's a nine. Second one goes.
Veers are over the second one's head. Roll that
damage on the first one. Fuck, it's only a two.
Plus? Oh, yeah. It's 1d6 plus two, so it's a
four. Four damage. Okay. Yeah. It just scrapes
over its back, leaves a bloody streak, starts
to run. But this thing looks hungry. Did you
say it starts to run? The blood starts to run.
Oh. Yeah, you wish. I'm like, A -O -O's all around.
He's like, oh, shit, I'm not messing with that
kid. Just turns around, beats it. I mean, I'm
okay with that. I bet you would be. Last one's
going to go. Unfortunately, he can't reach anybody.
Just use his entire movement to... If I don't
move, I can get right next to the other one.
I can't actually fit between Jean and this horse,
though. So I can't actually get around to Jean
Franklin. So this one's actually going to attack
the horse. Just pounces on the first horse on
the wagon's lead. I'm going to roll some. That's
going to hit. Okay. You see this horse gets like
a huge rip from its flesh of its shoulder. Still
like screaming as this coyote leaps on top of
it and begins to go to town. That's going to
be Jules. I think he's going to move. Jules is
going to move up next to Chester. Do you move
up like out into the, you know, past the sort
of wagons sort of range of safety and they kind
of where the coyotes continue? I want to say
coy dogs so bad every time because we are from
New England. These dire coy dogs. That's when
a regular dog has babies with a coyote. They're
all coy dogs to me. I don't care. Then you get
coy dogs. And then I'm going to cast Dissonant
Whispers on the closest Dire Coyote. That would
be clutch. That's a Wisdom save? Yeah, it's a
Wisdom save. That's an absolute fail with a three
on the die. That is a 100 % fail, so... Yeah,
that's great. That's one that's already been
hurt, too. Yep, you also take 3d6 psychic damage
on that. That's not nothing. That's the play
right there. Nice roll. That is a 14. 14 damage?
14. That's huge. Okay, that is huge. Wow. Woof.
Yeah, okay, you see this arrow shoots over, sinks
into this thing's flesh, or just cuts right over,
and then as this arrow goes by, you can see Jules
steps out, and what's this look like again? As
you cast this just behind Chester's attack? I
think it's generally a white mist that comes
out. Hell yeah. You hear the screams and the
shrieks. So at home here in the rattle. It envelops
him around the ears. God. And I must take my
reaction to move 50 feet. As far as you can.
As far as I can move in a movement. 50 feet away.
He goes back to where he started this combat
at the top of the hill. He's turning and running,
leaping up. Yes, Zebulon. And I must take my
reaction. To make an AOL. Yes, you must. And
if you want, Jaune's as well. You're both doing
5B. Wait, question. I've got to do this in honesty
and transparency. Can you take an AOL when you're
prone? Oh, shit. Zebulon is prone. We don't want
another Wedgie. I hate to bring it up. I hate
to, but... That was so good, because I was out
for blood. Yeah. You may attack with disadvantage.
Okay, great. Okay. Yeah, Zebulon will take that.
Jaune is not going to take his. I'm saving Jaune's
reaction. Ooh, okay. It's a 10. 10 does not hit.
Okay. So you reach out where you are on the ground.
You can't get purchased enough to hit this thing.
As this fog envelopes it, it just shakes it,
snarling. It just turns around and starts running
away, whimpering. The coyotes look back at it,
turn back to you. More ferocity. Well, lesson
learned here. I should have done this first,
and from now on I'm going to do it first. That
was your first turn. I'm going to use my bonus
action to cast Bardic Inspiration on Sebulon.
Oh, there you go. Lesson learned. Okay. Welcome
to playing a bard. Lesson learned. God damn it.
Sebulon, what light hits him now from the loot?
Is that familiar blue? I imagine it's sort of
like a courage. It's always the blue. Hell yeah.
Shines on you, Zebulon. You feel this. Maybe
that same tingling fear was entering you as you
took this heavy damage. You fell to the ground.
But Jules has got your back. You're feeling a
little better. As this thing turns and runs away,
Jean Franklin steps up beside you. Spear at the
ready. It's his turn. What do you want to do?
Jean's just going to take a spear attack. At
the coyote that's directly in front of him. Just
saying, it might be evil. I want to do that one
thing again. Yeah, I've learned my lesson. It's
time to rebuke this evil beast. Thanks, bud.
Thanks. I appreciate the opportunity to learn.
But go fuck yourself. That's just another ten.
That's another ten. Yeah, that's... Oh my god.
You can't... These things are just weaving this
way and that. They are fierce predators. These
things are... Let me make this clear. These are
huge. Coyotes, like... They're dire coyotes.
They're dire coyotes, yeah. They are the size
of a horse. Things are massive. Yeah, you cannot
land that attack. Anything else you want to do,
Jean Franklin? No, nothing useful Jean can do.
No bonus actions or anything. All right. Then
the coyote that was battling him is going to
go. Now, there's a turtle standing in front of
me that I just missed. And there's a blood...
Covered half -dragon lying on the ground prone.
I think I know who I want to hit. So that just
gives you advantage? Yep. Okay. Cool. Great.
Striking at Zebulon. It's going to hit. I'm sure
you're right, but just so you know, he's AC 17
now because he's got his swords out. 21. Okay.
I figured if you said it was a hit, it was a
hit. I want to give you the option because you
left it open. I know you're forgetting. I know
you want to do this. I just remembered that,
and I want to give you the option if you want
to use it. Yeah, I specifically said I was saving
his reaction. That's why. I normally wouldn't
do it, but you specifically saved it, and I was
like, you're going to feel like a real sad person.
I'll let you do this. Jean Franklin's going to
use his reaction here. That's right. Okay, yeah.
Which is called Noble Sacrifice. Yes, yes. Probably
the coolest thing that this class has. Yeah,
what is this? When a creature Jean Franklin can
see targets an ally within five feet of him with
an attack, Jean Franklin can swap places with
the ally and become the target of the attack
instead. So clutch. As you're lying there, Jean
Franklin reaches down to your prone form and
rips you away from this maw as he tumbles into
the way himself. But that is a 21 against Jean
Franklin. I believe that's still going to hit
him. Yeah, that hits Jean. Okay, he takes the
attack for you. And that's going to be 12 points
of damage. Oh, man. That's half of Jaune's HP.
And another strength save. I'll do the strength
save. That's just a 10 for the strength save.
Jaune Franklin goes prone. He's off his footing.
He moved to save you, but it kind of put him
out in the open. He gets struck. This thing ripes
down his shoulder, and he goes falling down beneath
it. The tables have turned. You've just seen
your total ally. Take a blow for you. They've
turned and then turned again. Zebulon! Save me!
Hold on, John. I'm not done yet. Hold on, John.
And if you're not done yet, let's see what you
got, because it's your turn, Zebulon. All right.
Zebulon's going to use, correct me if I'm wrong,
half his movement to stand up. It's half your
movement, yes. Then going to go in for a strike
with his sword. Damn, wow, that's a hard miss.
Oh, man. Bonus action, go for two -weapon fighting.
Don't forget your body conspiration dies well.
Yeah, but that wasn't even close. I know, I'm
just reminding you. Damn, that's such a tweener.
Got that mote of gold around you. I know. If
you land it with an attack, you get extra damage,
too. I'll let the listeners know that I rolled
a 10. That's a plus 5. That's a 15. and I'm trying
to decide if I should use... I mean, 15 is like...
I'm going to stick with 15. Chester hit on a
15. Oh, okay. Chester hit on a 15. Okay, I'll
stick with 15. That's what I was leaning towards
anyways, but I'm going to stick with 15. That
does hit. Okay, great. So, hold on. Let me see
the map here real fast. Okay, so I'm within five
feet of an ally, so I get my sneak attack damage.
Oh, yes, you do. Nice. You may be prone, but
he's still giving you... He's, like, distracting.
He's like, hey, you furry beast! Look at me!
Look at me! How dare you turn away from Jean
-Francois Montelio! Heir of the Golden Bay! Is
he, like, on his back? Yes, he's on his back.
He's just on his back, just waving his spear
out. This thing looks at it for a second, and
you see an opening, Zeb. All right, so... That's
2d6 plus a d8 plus 3. That's 16. 16 points of
damage. Holy shit. God. Yeah, you rake into this
thing and it screams out. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's
all Zebulon's got. That's the end of his turn.
Okay. The Dire Cody that is now 30 feet away
running back just stomps on its heels as its
fog disperses. Its spell ends. In a rage, it
whirls around and panting. Charges back down
with just enough range to reach Jules. Oh, no.
It's going for the backline. Oh, my God. This
thing slides up in front of you, Jules, and it
goes for a pouncing bite with a 19 to hit. You're
fucking kidding me. I'm on rocks tonight. I'm
going to need to borrow that die. And my damage
numbers have been fantastic. Oh, no. That is...
We all know Jules only has 14 HP. Holy shit.
He does only have 14 HP. And I just did. Don't
fucking tell me I'm unconscious again. 13 points
of damage. Oh my god. What the fuck? That was
a 10 plus 3 on that. Yeah. Holy shit. Holy shit.
You guys done some damage. This thing rips into
you. And I need, I'm sorry to say it, a strength
save. Once again this thing is these things are
huge you're being tackled and bit by this horse
-sized coyote No, you are prone you go drop that
just as just like pissed Jules you drop down
below this thing That's all I can do though Nevermind
No, no, that's gold That is beautiful. All right.
Great. My turn again. No, wait. Never mind. It's
Chester's turn. Jesus. Oh, thank God. Fuck off.
Well, Chester's going for that one. Okay. Come
on, Chester. Big hit. Big hit. With his short
bow. This is the one you are doing a lot of damage
to. Holy crit. There's just crit rolling down
Chester's pant leg. Natural one. How is this
going this badly? Okay, here's what I'll say.
Well, because dire coyotes. Here's what I'll
say. A dire coyote is attacking the one in the
front. Or attacking the horse in the front. The
horse behind it. They're both tethered. They're...
And they're kicking back. And the one in the
back kicks at the wagon. Which... Wham! Snacks
into Chester. I need a strength save from Chester.
Oh, okay. They're tethered. No, no, yeah, yeah,
no, no, no. I would. I would love to trample
Chester. But, like, it's going to be really weird
to be like, they break their tether and happen
to run all the way around the wagon in a circle,
hit Chester, and leave. No, man, that's horses.
Horse kicks wagon, wagon kicks Chester. 18. Holy
shit! Chester, literally, this thing comes to
hit, and he just, like, steals himself, like,
legs grinding into the mud. But he holds his
ground, still having his bow held, still at the
ready. And you see that same fire, that same
dark determination lighting in his eyes. Wait,
so... He does not go down. Right, but quick question.
Yeah. He didn't use his quick reload. Would that
still have counted with the natural one on the
first one? He wouldn't, unless he attacked the
guys that are farther away, he wouldn't be able
to use quick reload. So he attacked the one that
was attacking you, right? That wasn't an attack,
right? They'd be within five feet of an out of
it the enemies need to be next to each other
and you can shoot to their right That's yeah,
that's right. So it's basically like he can aim,
but you know it takes time. Yeah great So he
goes over the top Jules is down these things
ma Chester managed to hold himself looking strong
This me dire wolf number three who's enjoying
a tasty horse, and I'll keep on doing that For
now till his horse is gone Finally rolled a bad
damage roll on a horse. Go figure, huh? Yeah,
excellent. This horse actually is still up, despite
the fact that it defies logic for it to be. It
just rips into the thing, and the horse is still
like neighing. It's not good. But it gives you
guys a little more time before this one enters
the fray. And Jules, that's you beneath this
thing. Please do something crazy. Can I reach
out while I'm prone and grab this thing's ankle?
the only thing that's going to happen is you
have a disadvantage on attack rolls. So if you
do a spell that causes me to have a save, it
goes normally. If you do a spell that's a spell
attack, that would basically mean that you'd
have to roll a disadvantage. So I'll tell you
that. Well, then I'm just going to stand up and
do a normal. How dare you. That makes sense.
Yeah, I was thinking more it was going to be
the opposite, like I'd have advantage. That makes
sense, I guess. So I'm going to stand up and
inflict wounds. Oh, my God. Reaching out with
that same hand. I love this. Waiting. Impatiently
waiting. No, this is not an efficient use of
Bardic Inspiration. Or a good use. No. You don't
think so? No. Okay. No. So I'm just going to
go for regular Inflict Wounds. Okay. You reach
out at this thing. It's been hard, this fight.
This thing's kind of out of nowhere. The rattle
is just infecting you with its lingering dread.
Seven on the die. What's the plus? Nothing. Oh.
Oh. Wait. No. I didn't even notice. Thank you,
Steven. I got you, buddy. I still highly doubt
it's a hit. Twelve. Twelve does not quite land
on this thing. It's got to be thirteen. You reach
out, grazing its fur, this thing ducks under
your hand, brimming with this magic power. And
it feels strange in your hand now, Jules, that
same hand pulsating with power. You feel whispers
entering your mind, familiar whispers, dark whispers.
There's no time for that now, Jules, because
you're getting eaten. First things first. No,
first things first. There's still time for me
to cast Bardic Inspiration on Chester. All right,
yeah, so you turn around. You're a loot. Blast
Chester, who's still standing tall, standing
cool. Bow out. John Franklin, you're up. Okay.
John Franklin is going to use half his movement
speed to stand up, cast Lay on Hands. All right.
Yeah, let me check his pull real fast. He had
a long rest, so he's currently 15. Okay, so.
He'll top Zebulon off. That was what, 12 damage?
I think it was 12. That'll bring Zebulon back
to 21. He's got three more left in his pool of
healing before he is out. And then with the rest
of his movement, he's going to move 15 feet to
the right so that he's standing next to Jules.
Heading to the back of the wagon, leaving Zeb
surrounded by two dire coyotes to back Jules
up. Holy shit. How does this go exactly? Like,
Jaune's staring down at you. I need you, Zebulon,
to make that command to him. Jaune! Zeb's standing
there. He's, you know, he's pretty weak. He's
down more than half his HP. He grabs you and
heals you. Feel better. That's okay. I'm doing
all right. Please, Jaune, go help Jules. He looks
over at Jules, looks back at you. Damn it! Fine!
Don't you die! and he just turns and runs to
the back of the wagon, slides beside Jules, spear
twirling. All right, then. And that's going to
be DireCoyote1 staring you down, Zebulon, growling,
then pouncing, and then biting down. But you
are not within five feet of any of his allies
now. He does not get advantage, and he misses.
I mean, what about the one... Oh, yeah, okay.
There's a five -foot square between. He can't
get in there. Yep, there's a five -foot square
between. I will say he does move to the side.
I think he's aware enough to know that he needs
backup, so he misses you and then sort of slides
to the side to create an opening for his ally
to come in once he's finished with that tasty
morsel of a horse. It's a very smart dire horse.
Tasty horse. Dire coyote. There is a second horse
there, too. Of a morse. There is a second horse.
Maybe he's sick of horse. Just saying. Maybe
he wants something reptilian. Something with
a little crunch. Some little crunch. But yeah,
he misses. Zebulon, you parry his teeth. And
that's going to be you. All right. Yeah, Zebulon's
going to use his rakish audacity to, if he hits,
get sneak attack damage. What does it look like?
What's rakish audacity look like? So he's staring
this dire card down, mano a mano. And without
somebody to his side, he's just got a little
bit more room. to spread his elbows, to spread
his swords out. Now he has full range of motion.
No one's in his way. He doesn't have to worry
about any of his friends. Holy shit. Remove the
limiter. Let's see what Zeb can really do. Good
thing I have advantage, because that was a one.
That's not much better. Why is the dice jail
so empty? Yeah, that's a really good idea. I'm
waiting to put mine in there until my turn. Okay.
Yeah, and I can't even use my Bardic Inspiration.
It was just such a low roll. And I've used my
bonus action. That's it. That's it for Zeb. You
can still move, can't you? Yes, I could, but
I have nowhere to really go. I'm just throwing
that out there. Yeah, that's not even a terrible
idea. Let me do a pinch of reading here. Okay,
sure. Yeah. Because of fancy footwork, it doesn't
say I have to land an attack. It just says if
I make an attack against an opponent, that opponent
can't take AOs against me. What? Nice. So Zeb
is going to slip slide over all the way next
to Jaune. Holy shit. All gathering up on the
second coyote. Damn. Okay. Oh, yeah. So everyone's
on one now. You got this one looming over between
like... Jules, Jean, and Zebulon with Chester
just behind Jean's back. Bowe still out. Mode
of golden light around him from that Bardic Inspiration.
This is cool as hell. And you know what? It's
that coyote's turn. And I now have three potential
targets to go for. So, hey, you know what? One,
two, three, four, five, six. Five, six is Jean
Franklin. You're doing a lot of pointing. Doesn't
work great for audio. Yeah. They can guess. One,
two, Jean Franklin. No. Yeah. One, two, Jean
Franklin. 1, 2, Jean Franklin, 2, 3, 4, Debulon,
5, 6, Jules. This is all staying in. I don't
give a shit. I'm attacking everyone. Who is 2
again? Jean Franklin. All right. Fuck that guy.
No. No, I didn't hit him. Yeah. It's a 14. Yeah,
no, he's got a 19 AC. Well, I chose the wrong.
Damn it, die. You didn't choose anything. And
he just goes up by each other and takes a spear
out. Just a whole cool spear in the mouth trick.
You know, like the shaft of the spear. Kind of
holding this thing at bay. It's cool as hell.
It looks awesome. And I hate it. Chester, you're
up. If Chester were to pull up to the right side
of the direwolf, would he have flanking? He'd
need to get full on behind it. I don't like that.
Shit. So he'd need to separate from all of you
to get that plus two flanking bonus. Okay, he's
just going to go up to the side of Jules. Okay.
So still about 5 feet, 10 feet away from the
dire wolf. We'll get a little gap between him
and the creature. And he's going with a short
bow. Okay. Actually, first off, this D20 that
I've been using is going in dice jail. That sounds
fair. Should I use the chonky? Yeah, man, we
got a couple chonkers. That chonky's looking...
Chonk it up. Looking beautiful. You guys deserve
a crit. Oh, dude, Chester almost gets bowled
over by the wagon. He's like, nope, and just
walks away from it like... I'm getting some space.
Like, I feel like I could probably drop this
thing. I hope so. Potentially if I use my Bardic
Inspiration on this attack roll, which would
also mean that you would have to make a con save
as well. Interesting. All right. Not yet. I'll
play that little game. So I'm going to roll this.
Okay. And I can choose to use my Bardic Inspiration
die after I roll this, correct? Yes, before I
tell you if it hits or misses. Okay. So I will
hold my tongue. Let's go. How? How can you roll
so many crit fails? Another crit fail? Is that
the third tonight? Yeah, at this point, Body
Conspiration wouldn't matter on that. How is
it possible? Would it still make a difference?
I mean, it wouldn't cause a hit, but would the
effect still happen? And that one's a nat one.
Yeah. Nat one. Okay. A couple things happen with
that Nat 1. Of course a couple things do. The
horse in the front that's being attacked breaks
free of its reins as they've been gnawed at by
this Dire Coyote that's on top of it and begins
to move away. Here's what's going to happen.
It is going to try to move as fast as it can
away. It's not smart enough to disengage. It
is going to run right through Chester's space
if the Dire Coyote does not kill it with an AoO.
That's what's going to happen. That's... Somehow
twisted and fair. I hate it, but I fucking love
it. I'm going to tell you right now what I need
here. Let me go down. I need to get over a five.
This battle is so back and forth and back and
forth. Over a five on a D20 roll? It's a good
chance I'm going to kill it. Yeah, sure. Yeah,
that's great. Is that a six? Holy shit. Yeah,
it's six. Which means I just barely made it.
That's a good thing for you. Yeah, right. Because
this horse goes away, and Diacoady gets his A
.O .O., and as this thing is moving, preparing
to trample right through Chester's space, throat
taken out in those dagger -like teeth. And the
first horse drops. Which Diacoady is this? That
is the farthest one away. So basically, it was
working on this horse. It's dropped its prey
now. Which means it can now move on to other
prey. Like that second horse. So the worst part
of that fumble didn't happen. But this guy is
now potentially in the fight. And that was only
his A -O -O. Chester has the rest of his turn.
Does anything else you want to do? There's nothing
I can do. Then it's going to be that Dire Coyote's
turn. So this guy leaps over the prone form of
the dead horse and begins to work around the
wagon. Behind your group. He cannot make it with
his full movement speed. I have to move twice
to get up behind you. But suddenly behind Jules
and John Franklin, this coyote slides up there.
But he cannot attack yet. That's Jules. Kill
something. They're closing in on you. Hungry
eyes surrounding you. Death in the very air here
in the rattle. Jules. Jules. They're behind us.
And in front of us. And Jules to the side of
us. Yeah, we know, Zeb. We know. Jules is going
to cast invisibility on himself. Oh, that's a
good one. Okay. All right. All right. We're thinking
outside the box. Oh, man. I like that a lot.
Spend a little bit. Yeah. Spend a little bit.
Yeah. Wow. And take me off the board. I'll tell
you where I move. Oh, excellent. Okay. I will
say the way this has to work is if you move,
you'll have to use your action to hide to stay.
I get to contest those checks with my sense of
smell with these things. But I will tell you
this. While you're invisible, any attack on you
is at disadvantage, and I cannot take AOs on
you. So, yeah, I will now move your character.
Remember, five -foot squares. You tell me where
you are when I put you back. Yep. But Jules,
gone. I have moved. Hell yeah. So what do I need
to roll? Are you taking the hide action? So you
want to make sure you're not found, basically?
And that's your action, then you can't attack.
Well, that invisibility was my action. Oh, right,
right. Okay. So you can move. These things might
catch on to where you are, but they can smell
the blood. They can see blood trail dripping
behind you as you move since you can't really
do the stuff to cover that up. But, I mean, you
know that you're much safer now. They can't see
you. It would be a lot harder to hit you. I will
let you stay secret from where I am at this point
in time. Okay. Unless I choose to attack you,
in which case I'll ask where you are. I think
it's fun. Okay. For you not to know. Yep. All
right. That's John Franklin. John Franklin doesn't
have a whole lot else to do aside from attack
the dire coyote who is to the north of him. Okay.
Rolling a different die now. Each side now. Yeah,
and we're attacking north. That's just 11. How
is this happening? Holy cow. Use your buttons.
Goodness sake. Well, yeah, I hear you. Not on
that roll, though. Oh, my gosh. You did so good
at the start. These things are pretty beat up,
but you haven't got a hit in in rounds. I think
that's for Zeb, though. Oh, this is John. I don't
know if I want to, yeah. That's all that John's
got. So that's the end of John's turn. Top of
the round. And this is looking real bad. These
heroes need to shape up. Maybe land attack. at
some point in this combat. That'd be nice. Yeah,
one would be great. That'd be nice. I mean, you
could also level this up to four or five. We
are jokesters here on the show. So... Tungsten
Ward still... Come on! Come on! Come on, horsey!
Trying to get this last horse. The only one remaining
to calm down as it's braying and nagging and
kicking at the wagon. Things are shaking and
rattling. Dire Coyote, that's sort of away from
the combat, begins to move in as well. And you
are now... truly surrounded. Zebulon, these two
are holding in on you. I'm going to use my pack
tactics to attack you with advantage. Excellent.
That's actually iffy. That is only a 15 to hit.
15 does not hit. Okay. Wow. Oh, my God. That
did not roll well. Just tries to hit you and
rakes the side of the wagon. Cloth rips as you
kind of duck out of the way. Yeah. Hell yeah.
And that's going to be that guy's turn. That's
you, Zebulon. All right, sweet. So, David, there's
a dire wolf to the left of Zebulon and a dire
wolf, I guess we could say, above or to the north
of Zebulon. Then you have, like, the wagon to
your back, the wheel touching your tail. You
have Jean Franklin just beside you. Dire wolf
just south of him. Yeah, it's looking rough.
So the dire wolf to Zebulon's north and to the
west. Which one looks worse off? They're looking
very similar. I would say the one to the north
looks slightly worse. Okay. The one to the north
would give me sneak attack damage. So... That's
right. So I'm going to attack that one. Okay.
With my sword. Okay. I'm going to use my Bardic
Inspiration. Ooh, okay. So that's a 13. Let's
see what I get on the d6. If you're using that
on your attack roll, he has to make a con save
or take thunder damage equal to that die as well.
Excellent. Come on, orange die. I fucking knew
it. I knew it was going to be a one. I just fucking
knew it. I think that probably makes a hit, though.
That's only a 14. That's a 14. Damn, that hits!
Oh, yeah! Just barely hits, baby. Yeah, I now
think it's 14. It is 14. DC is the 14. That was
a clutchier Sabardic Inspiration. Yeah, that
was great. But now you have to make a con save.
Con save! Or take one thunder damage. Three on
the die! Nope. Things are turning around! For
our heroes. Slowly but surely. I'm a little excited.
I'm excited for this. I was getting scared. What's
your damage, Zebulon? I like this story. I don't
want to end it. Gosh. With sneak attack, that's
2d6 plus 1d8 plus 3. Again. Give me that damage.
Where's the d8? I got one. Ooh, that sounds nice.
That sounds nice. That's 14. 14 points of damage.
Fingers crossed, fingers crossed, fingers crossed.
By the book. This thing looks almost dead. And
you see it actually begin to turn to run away.
What? By the book. I'm going by the book for
this one. What? That's what I'll say. Huh. There's
got to be a threshold. Yeah. Are you saying it's
moving away? Like, are we talking about taking
reactions now? It's not using a reaction. But
you get the impression it might be. Like, it's
mouth closed, whimpers and screams. And you can
see his paws scrambling up the dirt like it's
trying to pull away from you. Like you are more
than it bargained for when it came in for this
meal. I'll tell you that. Okay. Interesting.
Now it's... Oh, you know what? Now it is actually
that dire wolf's turn. Are you doing anything
else? Nope. I've used my bonus and that's all
I can do. You may take an AOO as this dire wolf
turns to run away. Okay. I'm going to... Do him
and Jaune both get to take an AOL? They can both
take one. Well, he can, yes. I'm trying to decide
if Jaune should save it. No, yeah. I'm going
to take both. I'm going to take Zeb's. Yeah,
and we'll see what happens. No, that's only 11
for Zeb. Okay. That's what Jaune gets. Yeah,
that's a natural one for Jaune, so that's also
a miss. I mean, can we put all of our D20s in
dice trail? Like, how many natural ones is that
in the last, like, two or three episodes? I don't
know. I don't know. We're overdue. We're overdue
for 20. Yeah. Because there's been, there's been
what, four? This is absolutely fucking unreal.
Tonight? Tell you what. With that natural one,
tungsten wards over there, you hear a snap, snapping
line as the horse is about to break free. You're
one more natural one in this fight, and this
horse is trampling everyone! I don't give a damn.
Yeah. I think there's an argument against that,
but that's okay. I don't give a shit. I'm on
that side. I am on that side. Strambling someone.
You hear rain snap, but this dire wolf takes
off and begins to full -on sprint out of this
combat. Okay. That's still a win. Yeah. That's
still a win. It's still a win, but that's one
out of three. There's still two more here. One
of them has not been touched. That's true. This
is still bad. Don't think I'm having mercy on
you. I'm going by the book's balance here because
I know this is fucking crazy. Oh, trust me. I
know there's no mercy. I just feel like I'll
be called out on some bullshit if I don't do
what the book says here. What would Chandler
think? What would Chandler think? It's time for
these coyotes to kill you. Chester, you're up.
Chester doesn't know where Jules went, so Chester's
going to move a little closer and go for the
dire wolf. Oh, to your south or to your west?
And he's going to go with his crossbow. No, I
had him where I wanted him. Oh, shoot, you removed
him. I did not notice that. My bad. Nope, nope,
a little more south. I want him slightly a little
blocked. Where? He was right there. Okay, well,
you have to be in a square. So? Fine, all right.
All right, he's going to go with his crossbow
to the dire wolf to the south. Alright, smart
move, smart move, yeah. Oh, bow action, not crossbow.
Short bow, yeah. Short bow. So you said south,
but you pointed to the one to the west? What
are the directions on this? I'm looking at this
from a side angle. Never eat soggy wheat. Well,
I'm looking at, I didn't know if, I thought this
was south and that was north. No, north is up.
Okay, so he's going west. The one to the west.
Which way is which? Jules, help! We don't have
any more good D20s. They're all in fucking jail.
He shoots into the sky. Never eat soggy wheat.
Never eat soggy wheat. Oh, thanks, Sam. Right.
Okay, gotcha. He goes to the one on the left.
To be fair, I'm looking at that screen sideways
at a weird angle. I can see the screen is totally
sideways, dude. Just a tablet, like, lazily thrown
on the table. You guys have the worst setup.
From my view, south was where I was pointing.
All right, so he's going to go in with his short
bow. There we go. What you get? Now we're rolling
dice. 25. 25's gonna hit. Now we're rolling dice.
Never eat soggy wheat, motherfucker! Boing! Holy
shit. Hang on, let me double check his damage.
I think it's 1d6 plus 1 or 2. Yeah, it's 1d6
plus 2. Alright. Alright. 7. 7 damage. Okay.
These are a little hot. Pretty good. Pretty good.
Wolf's still up. He looks determined to stay
right now. Feet planted as his arrow takes him
in the back. He's sniffing dragon. Half dragon.
He likes that smell. Bring it on. I can't go
for you, Zebulon, because the wagon's sort of
blocking me from this southern wolf's attacks.
So I either need to break from Jaune to go for
Chester or go for Jaune. He's going to stick
on Jaune because that's kind of why he came up
here. So yeah, we're going for Jaune. Yeah, if
I can go for Chester, or Zebulon, I can get pack
tactics, but I just can't justify hitting around
the edge of that wagon. That'd be crazy. All
right, Jaune, here we go. That is a 17 to hit?
Nope. Damn it. 19 AC for Jaune. Oh, tortles.
So Jaune, bing, takes it off with his shield.
That's all that guy's going to do. All right,
we're coming around. We're coming around. We
got a chance here. You got a chance. Jules, that's
you with one HP, and I don't know where you are.
Invisible with one HP. Jules is going to bleed
out and fall over somewhere. You're never going
to find him. Okay. I did not move. Oh, shit.
Instead, I turned around. So I've been invisible
for a minute. Right? Right. Would I get any sort
of advantage if I cast Dissonant Whispers and
become un -invisible right in front of him? What's
your game here? To, like, surprise it? Yeah.
To kind of scare it? Yeah. At the same time that
I'm casting Dysno Whispers, I appear. Okay, okay.
It smells you. It does not see you. And as this
fog hits them in this place known for horror,
I will let you do this, but I need a performance
or intimidation check. Performance. I want to
see a DC 15. And if you get that, you get advantage
on this because you're going to show up with
such flair, you can surprise this thing. I'll
allow it because I like the idea of that. Yeah,
that's fun. Dirty 20. Yeah, you, whoo, suddenly
out of nowhere, whoo, Jules, I mean, you just
burst, you just level, invisibility spells a
lot for this. Hell yeah, I'm gonna allow it.
You appear in front of this thing. Wolf turns,
or sorry, coyote, coy dog, big old doggo, turns
its eyes. Describe this to me. The white smoke
appears out of thin air. Hell yeah. And as it
starts to envelop his face and his ears, my image
forms. Also, how does this work with that advantage
that I just rolled? Because this is a wisdom.
This is a wisdom. I'm going to roll with disadvantage.
Okay. Okay. You reach out with this and as you
appear, as you're standing there, it's eyes linger
on your hand. Let's roll quick. Okay. That is
a 12. Nope. You reach out with your hand, your
gloved hand. And as this covers his face, something
interesting happens. This coyote sniffs at your
hand. It's almost instinct. It's something you're
surprised at. It sniffs out. As it sniffs, you
see fear. Holy shit. Just this primal fear. Every
hackle, raise, growling. As it leans back, it's
going to turn around, and it's going to run from
you as fast as it can. All right, good shit.
I really want to figure out what the fuck is
going on here. I have random ass ideas, but they're
just thin air theories right now. You can take
an AOO, Jules, and John Franklin. Damn straight.
I think John already took his reaction. You did
just now. That's right. You're right. Okay. Well,
I will take one. And that's just my standard
rapier, right? Standard rapier, yep. Grab it,
slide it out. This thing moves. No, that's not
going to do it. That's a nine. Okay. So it moves.
It's full distance away as a reaction, but you
got it out of there. Oh, roll damage, four distant
whispers, though. Oh, that's right. Yes. I forgot.
Yes. The full boy there. Thank you for picking
that up, because I totally fucking forgot about
that. I don't know how, but... Your hand outstretched,
those, like, long nails at the end of your new
necrotic fingers fitting strangely over this
glove, or under this glove. And that's a fresh
coyote. That one hasn't taken any damage yet.
It's fresh. It's full of horse. It's only five.
Five damage, hey. Not nothing. But he's got a
bunch of horse in his belly, and it is not done
yet. But for now, it is terrified. And that's
going to be the top of the round once again.
No, sorry. That's Jean -Francois first. We can
skip that guy, right? Jean -Francois is going
to start to step towards this coyote, and Zebulon's
going to say, Jan, Jan, don't. Don't crowd me.
I need some space here. And Jaune is going to
step all the way up to the... Yeah, you got it.
That's the spot. To the north of the coyote.
He can also loop around it to give you a flanking
if you want. Yeah, wow. That's very generous
and smart of you, David. nods, and just runs,
slides right behind it, and you guys are now
surrounding this thing. Okay, excellent. The
hunters become the hunted, one might say. Yeah,
so now from there, he'll make his attack roll
with a plus two. Okay. So that's an 18. It's
gonna hit. Okay, so that's a D6 plus one. Jeremy,
what's the best D6 we've got right now? Oh my
god, I don't know. We have a bunch of them. How
about this boy? A metal die? Alright. Clear the
tray. Clear the tray. Just put them right here,
though, so we don't lose them in here. Those
are a little hot. That's a five plus one is six.
Six damage on the coyote. Top of the round. It's
that coyote's turn. He jumps behind it. He stabs
into this thing deep into its gut. It screams
out, stand between the two of you. And on its
turn, it dashes and goes to run full on away.
Okay. Great. What the fuck? You can take attacks
of AoE. Yeah, now we can take two. You can take
two if you want? Yeah. Okay, yeah, we're going
to take two. I'll do Jaune's first with the plus
three, then I'll do Zeb's with the plus five.
Okay. That's just 11 for Jaune. Nope. Yep, 14
for Zeb. That hits exactly. Okay, sweet. D8 plus
three. Here we go. Let's see what we got. Give
me that, give me that, give me that. Seven plus
three. Ten. This thing dies. Excellent. What's
it look like? It's trying to run away from you?
Yeah, let's see. As it turns to run away, I guess
Zeb kind of reaches out. Man, I don't want to
be too graphic. It's kind of gross. Do it. Do
it. Cuts it and dies. Cuts it and it dies. Cuts
it and it drops down, blood pooling around it.
And that's when you notice the collar around
its neck. Yeah, okay, fuck you. Go to hell. You
look over a tree and see, missing dog. Describe
how you killed this puppy dog. You see a name
tag. It says Fido. You're a terrible person.
Okay, and that's actually going to be you now,
Zebulon. So the... Coyote that ran last round?
How far away is it at this point? That one is
now 50 feet away from you. Okay. Zeb will drop
his sabers, round the corner, and draw his bow.
Okay. This one's going to the south, away from
the wagon. You round this corner of the wagon.
You see it in your sights. Give me an attack.
Bonus action, steady aim. There you go. And make
two attack rolls. No, it's not going to do it.
It's a 10. Okay. 10 on that. What was really
sad is that it was on 18, and then it started
rolling backwards. It was a really funky roll.
Yeah. I think I'm cursed. I think I need to do
something. It looked like it, by force, went
from the 18 and rolled to the 4. Yeah, by, like,
supernatural force. Yeah. Yeah. All right, that's
Chester. Thank you, spirits. Thank you, spirits.
I'm going to fix that. Please do. Chester, you're
up. I thought you were about to do something.
Oh, no, not me personally. Chester's going to
go for a short bow. Do I look like an exorcist
to you? Give me that deck. Natural fucking 20.
Do you really? What would you look at that? Holy
shit. When we don't really need it. Oh, my God.
I mean, hey, you can always use it. This thing
has barely been touched. On the wounded, retreating,
poor puppy dog. Yeah. How does it look when you
kill this poor puppy dog? Remember, this one's
only been Dissonant Whispered. It's coming back.
That's true. That is true. That is very true.
It's coming back. You got one hit on him, Mr.
Cocky. I'm gonna wolf all over you. Hey. With
a coyote. I just don't want to be the only one
who kills a poor little puppy dog. That's 11
points of damage. That's pretty good. Okay. Solid
strike to hind this fleeing coyote. And now it's
gonna be this thing's turn. It's gonna spin around.
I'm charging back in. Jules or Zebulon? One,
two, three, four, five, six. I probably should
say that out loud. One, two, three, Zebulon,
four, five, six, Jules. And that's gonna be a
Zebulon with a one. So I'm gonna slide up to
you. Goes to bite. Wants that delicious, tender
half -dragon flesh. 17 on the die, so it definitely
hits. That is going to be nine points of damage
on Zebulon. Oh, fuck. All right, I can take that.
You can? Whoa, all right, all right. Yeah, remember
Jean built me up. That's right. He's back to
full. Strength save. Oh, yeah. Pounces on you.
Damn, I wish you still had that Bardic Inspiration
die. Wish I still had the Bardic Inspiration.
That's okay, that's okay. Fight's almost over
here. That's a 16. 16. Okay, you're standing
up. This thing bites you and you hold your ground.
This thing's ripping on your arm. I imagine you're
kind of just like trying to fight it. This horse
-sized coyote cannot bring you to your knees.
Things are looking pretty cool. Jules, are you
going to keep looking cool? I think at this point
Jules is just going to go in with his rapier.
All right. Let's see what you've got. That says
18. That's going to hit. Max damage, eight. Eight,
okay. Excellent. Excellent. It's just a D8, no
plus? No plus. Not for Rapier. Wow. He's not
a melee guy. Yeah, that's true. You jab into
this thing, rip through some of its cheek and
its face, rips out. It screams. That's going
to be Jean Franklin to end the round. All right.
Let's see what we can do with a spear attack
here. So he can move up. He can step in your
space and then step back basically. Oh, yep.
Sorry, I forgot that he was. Way over there.
He leaves that one body, comes running over.
What you got? Yeah, it's just an eight. Okay.
It's a no -go. Staying behind you, not quite
able to land that low. This thing looks really,
really bad. Can Jaune actually take a step back
behind Zebulon after his attack? Oh, yeah, so
he's near, like... Nope. to the right one more
space so that he's both five feet from Zeb. Oh,
yeah, so he's next to everybody. Yeah, ready
to guard. Okay, you see him ready. He's got his
hands out. He's taking the defensive position.
Hell, yeah. Zebulon, that's you. All right, yeah.
Sweet. We're going to go in with a saber attack
here. Fifteen for the first attack. Okay. Go
ahead and give me that damage. Yeah, and you're
going to get sneak attack damage because... Jules
is right next to me. Okay, yeah. You see this
corgi? This defenseless corgi in front of you,
and you're going to go ahead and give it sneak
attack damage? Yeah, yeah. That's going to be
2d6 plus 1d8 plus 3 to the poor, cute little
corgi. What's the corgi's name? Scooby -Doo.
Scooby -Doo. All right, let's kill Scooby -Doo.
And that's copyright. Well, that one's 10 damage.
10 damage. Pretty low. Pretty low. I mean, he's
already got 11 plus. 10 damage. You see this
thing. Starts trying to backpedal. It wants to
run away. Before it can, that's going to be Chester.
He's going with a short bow again. Okay. Give
me that attack. Raggy. Raggy, help. No, it's
not going to do it. It's 10. Okay. Man, you guys
are cold. Wait, is he actively running away?
He is actively running away now. Now he's going
to start moving. It's his turn after Chester.
So Chester gets another AOL. Jules and Zebulon
take AOLs. Oh, Jules and Zeb. Go ahead and take
AOLs. This guy's leaving. 16 for Zeb. You are
not making it into the dice tray at all tonight.
Yeah, the dice tray's hard. No, it's not going
to do it for Jules. Hey, they're rolling better
outside the dice tray than in. Let me give you
that D8 plus 3. I got the only nat 20 tonight
in the dice tray. Ooh, fighting words. That's
max damage, 10. That's twice getting max damage
on a D8. In the dice tray. What's it look like
when you kill this coyote? Oh, it's horrific
and sad. I mean, however puppies are killed,
I guess. I don't know. God. I don't know. David,
voice Scooby -Doo dying. Jesus. Yeah, it's kind
of like that, I guess. It's like that. It's a
boar. Put some sound effects on there while you're
at it. Jeremy editing. Oh, it's going to be gruesome.
Give me an Oscar. This thing drops dead in front
of you. And let's cut this music now. This thing
drops on the ground before you. And you are standing
here in the quiet, in the fog. The horse begins
to... Just calm, just a little bit. Whoa, whoa,
hey, hey there. Come on, come on. All right,
all right. Hey, y 'all all right? Everyone all
right? Well, we're all standing at least. Yeah,
I think we're all right. Jules? Jules? Jules,
what is that? Chester points towards the downed
coyote. And you guys look. And see that the stomach
of this fallen beast begins to writhe and move
before you. And with a sound of tearing flesh,
you watch as five fingers rip through this thing's
stomach and leap out towards you. And we'll call
it there!