Hello friends, it's Jeremy here. In case you
happen to miss our advance notice on our Instagram,
this week's episode is a little different. Last
week I came down with a stomach bug and we were
not able to record a new episode to continue
the story. Have no fear though, we do have something
special in our back pocket for you. This is our
episode zero, our session zero for the Radiant
Citadel, which we recorded last summer, 2022,
quite a while ago. This is where you get to hear
us roll up our character stats. And they turned
out to be really, really shitty stats. And David
got to evil laugh the entire goddamn episode.
It was fantastic. So yeah, I hope you guys enjoy
it as much as we have enjoyed digging this up
and listening to it again. And I promise we will
be back with a new episode. next week provided
we all stay healthy oh and uh one more thing
too at the beginning of this episode you're gonna
hear us laughing our asses off about what happened
previous to this recording well uh we had some
growing pains and i did not have a setting right
and we recorded an entire session zero that we
just lost entirely so that's why we're laughing
we want you in on the fun with us it was hilarious
at the time and it's still fucking hilarious
now uh enjoy episode zero we'll see you next
week Language of nature, one might say. And what
is a number but a symbol connected to a value
connected to the soul of one who sees value in
that symbol? All right, sorry. Stop laughing.
This is serious, serious mode. Numbers. That's
kind of the game, isn't it? Rolling die. Assigning
value to those die. In that value, seeing the
soul of a character be born. Are you folks ready
to see these characters born? Are you ready to
see their numbers rolled? I hope so. Because
it's coming. This is a really long song. I hope
so. Because it's coming. Right? Right? You're
on repeat, aren't you? It's a minute and 20 seconds.
I could fade it out wherever the fuck I want
to. That's true. Wait, wait, hang on, hang on.
Numbers. The language of nature. In that language,
we can see many things. Consonants, syllables,
maybe accent marks. That was enough. Right now.
All right, welcome everybody to Number Rolling.
Time to get a look beneath the fly. I need to
get like a zipper sound. Fantasy pants. Man,
that whole thing that just happened a minute
ago in the session was pretty crazy, right? That
was wild, right? That was some wild stuff that
happened. That was intense. I'm so glad everybody
heard it. Yeah, it was great. Irreplaceable.
Irreplaceable. You son of a bitch. Oh, my God.
We got to laugh about it. It was funny from the
start for two of us. From one of us, it was decidedly
unfunny. It's growing pain. That's right. Session
zero, baby. You know what's never painful? Rolling
your stats for your characters. I think it is
absolutely painful. Yeah. I mean, imagine all
the sixes. I mean, six is a total value. I'm
going to hit three sixes. No, not like that.
That's not allowed. The devil's number. I hate
that. I don't know what this means because I've
never rolled for stats. Okay, well, we're going
to start with D6s. Okay. If that's the case,
though, we're going to start with Zebulon. Are
you ready? Get your pen and paper out because
we're going to write these numbers down as you
roll them. So here's where we're going to do
this. I'm going to give you the die roller. It's
going to sound fresh and popping on these mics.
Hell yeah. You're going to roll four die. the
three highest numbers. And you're going to write
them down, the total value down each time, six
times. And then we're going to attribute those
six numbers to each of your core stats. I'm ready.
And I'm here to help you out if you don't know
what the best stats would be for your class.
I know a thing or two, so I can give you a hand
on that. But when you're ready to go. Here we
are, guys. Zebulon Black is being created now.
Burped by Stevens. Oh, no. Number Canal. Oh,
that's not great. Ooh, wow. What's that? That's
an eight. We have an eight, folks. We have our
first eight. That's going to be your dump stat.
Yeah. Unless you get something worse. It happened.
Okay. All right. All right. Okay, that's a four,
two, and a three. That's a nine. This is terrifying.
Not looking good, guys. We got two dump stats
here. You can't afford much more. Oh, jeez. I
am thrilled about this already. We can restart,
right? No, no. This is canon. Oh, I'm right here.
Oh, my God. Wow. Is that what I think it is?
That's a five. A five. This is really... Folks,
the legendary five has appeared. Zebulon Black
is garbage. Let's keep going. I am thrilled.
Steven looks less happy than me. Dude, I just
got bummed. I don't understand why. If you want
that fame, you're going to have to work hard
for it. Oh, hey, there we go. Oh, look at that.
What is that? We just got a 16. 16. Nice. That
is one of the best you could hope for. So there
we go. I mean, you got your core stat is a 16.
I got two more. What's to worry about? I got
two more. Now, I think your constitution should
be the five. Yeah, perfect. Okay. It's a good
value to attribute to constitution. Oh, my God.
Are you kidding me? Five, six, seven. Another
eight. Another eight. Okay. Fuck the dice. What
stat is going to be a five? That's like being
an actual animal, Dad. Oh, my God. What is happening?
A five. That's a six. No, a six. Sorry, a six.
A six. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, read
those. I want you to read those numbers in the
line, please. And I want you to read them in
the exact emotion you're currently feeling while
you're reading them. Each number, react to it.
React to it on a soul level. Go. Eight. Nine.
Five. Sixteen. I really like this character because
he's going to be dead by episode three. What?
Oh, man. I can't believe it. We might have to
work with you on something here because I really
do want to see these characters exist and live.
I can't believe it. Speaking of mulligans. Oh,
my gosh. That is really bad. That's pretty rough.
This is the worst. That might be the worst character
I've ever seen. And I've rolled some duds. I
mean, that 16 is going to be... You're a rogue,
right? So let's talk about this. So that's going
to be my dex. It's going to be your dex. And
dex is huge, given the fact that that is going
to be your damage, your two hit, your dex saving
throws, which will save your butt a lot. Now,
what I'm really curious about, and we brought
this up as a joke, what's your constitution going
to be? I picked the nine. That's a good choice.
Your race gives you a modifier to con, right?
Dragonborn, I believe it's Strength and Con modifier?
Or am I quite wrong on that? Yeah, I'm sorry.
I don't remember. When you put the values in
the next page, it will show you the modifiers
you gained. Gotcha. We will see from there how
entirely fucked you are. Yeah, I'm just in a
state of shock. You don't want to be in a negative
con. It's the worst thing. Neutral con is fine.
Negative con, you're legitimately losing a point
in HP at every level up. Early levels is just
devastating. I don't hate this. There's a thing.
Steven, I know you seem bummed. I'm pretty bummed.
Let's talk about how amazing this is. How it
informs the characters so, so well. Look at this.
Zebulon Black has been looked down on by everybody
else. Smaller and weaker than his brother. Maybe
not as smart. Maybe not as savvy. Yeah, I can
tell you based off the numbers, he's definitely
not as smart. But you know what? He's fucking
fast. He's got a little bit of dexterity. He's
got guile, skill, and speed up the wazoo. No,
16 is not a little bit. 16 is a good number.
If you do standard array, the highest you can
get is a 15. Yeah. So you're breaking that mold.
I've got one good number. But you know what?
Use it, Zebulon Black. Use that one good number
to propel yourself into fame. I want to see that
story. I want to see the story of Zebulon Black
taking that fucking number. This is the shit
I love. I love this. I know it sucks. And anyone
out there who's rolled bad stats, I know it sucks.
But just think about how well it informs the
character. You couldn't write a better stat sheet.
Character -wise, for Zebulon Black, is it going
to be challenging? Yeah. Am I going to fucking
throw the kitchen sink at you anyway? Of course
I am, I'm an asshole. But I cannot wait to do
it and see how you react with your one good number.
Oh, my God. All right. Okay. Here we go. Oh,
my God. Here we go. All right, so I'll read off
what you got, which number to which stat. I want
everyone to know this. I'll start at the beginning.
I picked... Eight for strength, which, as you
mentioned, David, gives me a total of ten. And
that's totally, I mean... Yeah. I put sixteen
dexterity, which is the total. Nine total in
constitution. Total intelligence of six. Wisdom
of five. Charisma, I put the eight, which gave
me a total of nine. Why did charisma give you...
As a Dragonborn, you get a point in charisma
in strength? Two points in strength, one in charisma.
Oh, weird. I thought you got a point in con.
Okay. Well, that's rough, man. Yeah. Thanks.
I want to give you this. One boon. Give yourself
a 10 in con. How come? Because I want to see
you live. Okay. I want you to not have to take
a negative in your HP. That's just... That honestly
would suck for me to have to balance, so I want
to give you one stat point in con to make me
feel better about everything. A benevolent and
merciful DM. This is why they call me the great
benevolent. I've never called you that. You're
not they. They is everyone else. No, I love this,
and you should love this too. This feels like
a wedding and a funeral at the same time. Like,
I'm so excited to be here rolling these stats.
Ladies and gentlemen, a star is born. I'm doomed.
And probably do. Probably do. To die in episode
one. Holy shit. Of Fantasy Pants. So, your guys'
choice. Do you want to move into feet talk now?
Because my wife has the best feet. I'm sorry.
I see what you did there. Yeah, yeah. I rehashed
your joke from earlier, but no one heard that,
so it didn't count. Steven. Do you want to talk
feats now, or do you want to roll stats on this
side and then get into feats? I want to get some
Jules stats rolled. Jules, you've seen how devastating
this is. I'm going to put this here so I don't
scratch it at all. So I want you to do better
than me, but not like a lot better. I mean, I
don't want my back to hurt either. I would love
if Jules LaRoche is like... The competent one
in Zebulon Black is like essentially his younger
brother that sucks. You know what it is? It's
rolling through this murder tower. That's what
it is. It's rolling through the murder tower.
Yeah. You've been cursed by the murder tower.
You rolled stats last time we got together just
to do it. And it was good. How good was it? There
were like two 13s. There was a 15, a 12. Yeah.
Just for like shits and giggles. It's so funny.
Yeah, hilarious. So hilarious. David, this dice
tower is beautiful, and it's amazing, and it's
incredible, but so much malice has been poured
through it. Oh, come on. Don't be a chick of
shit. Wait, hang on. Don't roll yet. Hang on.
Let me rub it. You son of a bitch. Let me rub
my grease into it. Okay, now you can roll on
it. My DM grease. Give me that five. Oh, 12.
12 is good. All right, good start. That's not
bad. That's a good stat. Well, it's a reasonable
stat. I think the most important thing, honestly,
is getting one high number for your core stat.
It's really, really key. Yeah, that's how you
feel, David? Eight. Eleven. Eleven? Jules is
just average. Yeah, average is good. Average
is better than Zebulon, who is not quite average,
one would say. Already with the assholery. Four,
seven, ten. Ten? That's not bad though. Hey,
this is a good I don't want to hear any complaints
Okay, so very much even stats up until this point
All right, this is made me feel pretty good now
as long as I Realize that for the game you want
to roll high stat right here If you roll a high
set right here, I'm going to be a little disappointed.
I mean, you've got a 16. He's got to have a high
charisma. I've got to have one. He's got to have
a good charisma. This is clutch. Six. Wow. Are
you happy? I mean, only a little. I feel like,
in hindsight, I should have done the re -roll
ones rule, but I'm a little late for that now,
I guess. There's a re -roll ones rule? Yeah,
some people use it. I've heard people re -roll
ones. Well, it is what it is now. But honestly
speaking, statistically, you guys are anomalies
of garbage. So that's something. I mean, you're
not bad. You're not bad. But the thing is, I'll
be straight with you, right? If I was to pick
one of these two stat blocks to run a character
with, I think I'd pick Stevens. Because classes
are very much ingrained in one core stat. And
for you, Jules, charisma. All about the charisma.
I mean, you're winning the ladies over. You're
suave. You're smooth -talking. Except, what's
that? Oh, a 12 in your charisma stat? Maybe you're
not so smooth -talking. Maybe you just think
you are. Maybe it shows. And an extra point wouldn't
give you... Oh, I do get an extra point in charisma.
Oh, there you go. Well, I gave Steven an extra
point. That's what I was getting at. You take
an extra point as well. If you get an extra point
in charisma, you can take one more extra point.
What gives you an extra point in charisma? Are
you on human or variant human? Variant human.
Huh. Maybe variant human gives you some stats.
I thought it just gave you no stats, but a feat.
But hey, you know what? If you have the extra
point, take it. So then that'll give you a 14.
You get a 14 in charisma. That's respectable.
I think considering how shitty our rolls came
out, I think that's fair. Look, I'm going to
be straight with you. I think this is fun. I
also know that there are items in the world that
actually exist that you can put on that will
boost a stat to 20 or 18 or some shit. There
are wild items in this world that normally I
would never think of giving out. And honestly,
in this campaign, it could be fun to earn those.
It would be hard to earn, but if you earn them,
it will. massively change your play style and
character and that's really fun. And what's really
great about this is with both your role setups,
with these very unique looking die setups, choosing
feats is going to be so, so critical. I know.
I had already decided on what feat I was going
to pick and now I'm kind of second guessing it.
I mean, what I'll say about your feats is that
it's going to play to your highest stat better
than most feats will. That's true. It won't give
you any stat points, which some feats do, which
would be pretty great, but this will capitalize
on what you're good at. All right, so you're
telling me to keep it? Let's talk about the feats
you were going to pick. Give me a list of your
favorite feats going into this campaign. All
right, so I had thought about maybe going a little
off into left field and doing crossbow expert.
That is left field. Yeah, I decided to ditch
it. Defensive Duelist was one that I was seriously
considering, so I could do Riposte, get a couple
extra attacks in. Then I was considering Dual
Wielder to have two weapon fighting. I was considering
Gift of the Metallic Dragon, specifically Protective
Wings, which works with the character being...
a half dragon, a dragonborn, whatever you want
to call them, which would basically give me the
opportunity to add some extra AC on an attack
that hit for either myself or an ally within
five feet of me, a little bit of protection.
I'm going to stop you real quick right there.
I'm going to make a DM decision. DM decision.
DM law decision. I want to bang down the gavel.
and tell you this right now because hopefully
by this point this may have come up anyway so
it won't be a spoiler. You will be getting that
blessing as well for free because of your lineage.
It is a part of your blood. It is a part of who
you are. It is a power you should have for number
one. So you will get whatever feat you want and
you will also be getting the blessing of the
metallic dragon. Free gift of the metallic dragon?
That's it. Damn. That kind of makes up for the
shitty stats. Just now that we're almost through
my little list of... I was considering mobile.
I was considering moderately armored. I was considering
piercer. But I think at the end of the day, especially
now that David gave me a feat for free, I'm going
to go with dual wielder. Dual wielder. So the
way I had imagined this is... Zebulon would carry
on each hip a slightly curved, sort of like a
cavalry officer's saber. Something like you might
see in the Civil War or in the Revolutionary
War. That type of sword. I like it. One on each
hip. Yeah, and with that high dex, it's going
to be a decently high hit, decently high damage
modifier, and let's not forget, dexterity is
one of the main points. that affects your AC.
So while you may not have the highest HP, you're
going to have a decent AC all in all. Yeah, and
the dual wielder gives me a plus one AC while
I'm wielding both weapons. Clutch. Yeah. Absolutely
clutch for a character that's going to be honestly
pretty squishy, but also be forced into the front
line. Exactly. Yeah. And I don't get that dex
modifier for the second attack, just for the
first. So the second one's going to be fairly
weak. But it's better than not having a second
attack. Okay. Jeremy, I've given you a minute.
Do you have the sort of allocations for your
stats yet? I do. Okay. I do. So, yeah. First
of all, just like Steven, I want you to roll.
I want you to go down that stat list. I want
you to read off every number. Just off the list
first. I want you to read it with your soul.
Twelve. All right. Eleven. Ten. It's a lot of
the same, huh? Ten. Nine. Six. And my soul is
broken. It's so early for that. I mean, it's
going to happen. It's going to happen so many
times, but wow. So I do get a plus one modify
for both charisma and strength. All right, so
you can go ahead and put the six in charisma
then. You kidding me? Jesus Christ. All right,
so I put 9 on strength. That's giving me 10.
I put 10 on dexterity. That's a total of 10.
Constitution, I went 11. That's always good.
Intelligence is 10. Wisdom is 6. And charisma,
I put 12, which plus 1 gives me 13. Just imagine
this. I mean, think of the perception checks
that will never be. You will be so unaware of
anything. That's one of my proficiencies. Oh,
that'll help a bit. So we both dumped wisdom?
Yep. Wow. My wisdom is a negative three. Oh my
god. I mean, it's so right, though. Holy shit.
Every wisdom saving throw. Mine's negative two.
I love it for the character. I really do. We're
fucked for any wisdom saves. You said you had
a 13, but didn't David give you a free point?
Because he gave me a free point. Oh, no, sorry.
I added that point to strength. Gotcha, gotcha,
gotcha. With a 13, you only have a plus 1, I
believe, to charisma. With a 14, you get a plus
2, so it might be worth taking a strength drop.
That's not a bad idea. It's tough. That's how
I play it, anyway. It could be worth it, though.
So, I don't know if you have time to... So, ability
score increase. I get two different ability scores
to increase by 1, and that's charisma and strength.
So, those are automatically increased by 1. Okay.
And I don't think I added the one that you gave
me. Okay, so we can go back and add that anyway.
Oh, that's what it was. I added it to intelligence,
but I think I'm going to add it to charisma.
You got me convinced. I would say it's the better
way to build. It'll give you that extra plus
one, which is going to be so huge. So, so huge.
Okay. Yeah, so... Jules, a lot of feats can give
you a point and a stat. If you pick two feats
that can give you points and charisma, you can
get that much -wanted plus three to charisma
that you might want, so you can actually be a
charismatic presence in the world and not a terror
to the young lady folk of the conquered worlds.
You're plus two. No, plus two's pretty good.
It's pretty good. So I'm probably going to, if
our rolls are any foreshadowing. Yes. then I'm
probably going to regret bringing up hit points.
That's a good, good thing to talk about. But
here's the thing, and this is to your benefit.
For this campaign, for the first few levels at
least, we're going to roll hit points with advantage.
I'm going to roll a number, you're going to roll
a number, and we're going to pick the higher
of the two. Okay. Oh, gee. So I want you guys
to live at least past level three. So at least
for the first three levels after that, we might
remove this. We might keep it depending on how
I think things are going. Yeah. But right now.
Is a D8 what you got? Yeah. I've got a D8 in
my hand right now, I think. Nope, that's a D10.
D8. Okay. You first. Goodbye, notebook. Same
time. Same time. Same time. One, two, three.
Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, that is a one and
a two. Okay. Okay. Do you get... So wait, starting
level is just the one die plus... Plus your constitution
modifier. What's your starting HP? My constitution
modifier is plus zero. Is there HP two? No, that
can't be the case. Is it two die maybe at level
one? Not that I'm seeing here. That doesn't sound
likely. Because even if you were to roll it,
four is still an insane number, even for a rogue.
Oh, it just says hit points at first level, eight
plus your constitution modifier. Oh, that's because
we don't have set roll here. No, I changed it.
Oh, eight. I changed it to manual. Okay, you
know what? I guess at first level it gives you
your straight actual hit die. We don't roll it
yet. So you're safe for now. We're not rolling
HP. You get an 8. You get, I think, an 8 too.
D8 for Bard, I believe. For what? For hit die.
I believe it's an 8. Yeah, you focus on your
feats. I was looking at my feats. Look at those
feats. And I chose one. Oh, shit. That was fast.
Okay. Let's roll on over to feat corner. I didn't
bother to go through a bunch or read a bunch.
I just saw one and I'm like, Yes. Okay. Well,
who knows? Maybe we'll give him a night to think
about it. I mean, I get two, right? No, you are
locked into this forever from this point onwards.
You have 30 seconds to choose another feat, or
it's gone. Prodigy. Prodigy. Which gives me an
additional language. Okay. I chose Draconic.
Okay. Draconic, good. I think Zebulon can speak
it, right? Yes. Yes. We also got to talk about
languages, actually, in this campaign at some
point, because that's something I hadn't brought
up yet. When you normally choose languages, you
pick elven, dwarven, things like that. In this
setting, each world has their own language. Draconic
is still Niffy. There is a world that's general
languages derived from Draconic, so it would
still work. I was more thinking about Jules and
Zebulon. Okay. I feel like that could come in
handy at some point. Oh. If we can both speak
a language that others probably don't understand.
Yeah. I ended up choosing the noble background,
so I do have another language that I need to
pick. I was hoping to get some input from you.
Yeah, we're going to talk about the various worlds,
the conquered worlds, and which one you'd like
to take the main language from. Gotcha. I've
got it. Nice. Four. Nice. That's insane, yeah.
I chose Draconic. Common. And then I also have
Orc and Dwarvish. I might re -flavor those last
two for you for your sake because Orc and Dwarvish
will not likely appear in this. Okay. I'll give
you a brief outline of many of these worlds and
you can pick which one you think would be nice
to have the in -language on so you can go in,
chat to the locals in the local tongue, really
gain some favor. I mean, that's rare for an outsider
to know the language of a world they're not from.
So with Prodigy as well, I get proficiency in
one tool, and I chose the loot. Oh, great. And
I also gain expertise in intimidation as well
as deception. That's big. That will double your
proficiency to this stat. So while your stat
stuff isn't huge, that's going to make up for
that in spades. Right. And as you level up, it
only gets stronger. Very good choice. I'm just
going to roll with it. Okay. Didn't go down the
list. I just saw that one. All right. And you
get one more. That sounds about good. Because
that's if you're very inhuman, you also get a
level one starting feat for just being existing
in this campaign because I am so magnificent
and beautiful and wonderful. It's worked out
real well for us so far. It's fantastic. I have
a negative three wisdom. I love that. Let's talk
about that for a quick moment. Do you know what
a negative wisdom means? Ladies and gentlemen
at home. Non -DMs at home, do you know what a
negative wisdom means? It means a negative perception
and a negative insight. Do you know what that
means? Do you know what that means, Steven? That
means I don't know shit. That means you guys
are walking around, right? And you got these
big old passes tacked to your chest, like name
cards. And they say, the DM can do whatever the
fuck he wants. They just say that. Evan, you
woke up too. They read that and they know. They
know. I can do anything I want. I'm going to
be very unobservant. I'm not going to be able
to read people's intentions. You're going to
trust every motherfucker you meet on the street.
Right. Or not trusting when I should be trusting.
At least nine -tenths of them are going to suck.
Somebody very genuine comes up and says they
want to help me, and if I decide to roll insight,
it could backfire, and I could think that they're
a serial killer. Yeah. We're going to have a
lot of fun with this negative insight. And their
passives? Forget about them. Forget about these
passives. They suck. They're garbage. We've never
even thought about them. Well, Zebulon probably
didn't grow up with a whole lot of contact outside
of his family and the family staff. It makes
sense. It's not like he was out on the street
playing with other kids and gaining those social
skills. He was largely sheltered. Yeah, and then
in your later life, Arhalon basically moved out
from... under the wings, so to speak, of your
great -great -grandmother. We'll probably just
call her your grandmother for shortness sake.
Yeah, that's fine. And you guys have this small
apartment, basically, you know, close to Shield
Bearer headquarters where Arhalon stays. He keeps
all his, you know, red lines, conspiracy boards
and such up where he's doing his detective work
inside the apartment. And that's your contact.
for the most part. Zeppelin doesn't really get
out a lot, but I love this because we were talking
about this and that one high stat, it's just
like, I like to think he had a low everything,
but he worked. Dexterity is the one stat that
really showcases not natural, raw talent, but
just... Work and effort, training to get it just
right, getting a little faster, getting a little
more precise with your striking. Just like imagining
these exercises you're doing over and over and
over, sweating down onto your floorboards until
they're just stained dark. It was Zebulon's anime
montage. Yeah, yeah. It's fascinating. Yeah,
what a character who will die in two episodes.
Yep. Jules, have you looked at any more of those
feats? Yeah, I changed from prodigy. I did. So
something similar, I went with skill expert.
There you go. Which gives me expertise in both
intimidation and deception. That's very good.
Also, what is it? Added one to charisma. That's
really good. There you go. So I believe we're
at 15 there. You get one more feat, and if you
choose another one that adds to charisma, you
get to 16 in charisma, which is going to be another
actual point to your modifier, which is going
to be incredible. So I'm not telling you what
feat to pick, but I'm telling you if you see
another bonus in charisma, give that another
look. I'll sleep on it for a week. All right.
That's fair. Okay. That's fair. But you actually
have one minute. What's going on? I'm going to
give it to Steven. He'll waste it. He's bad at
building characters. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
I do think that... Bad at rolling. The dice were
bad at building characters here. Well, fellas,
we've got some feats rolled. We've got some stats.
Oh, no, sorry. We've got some feats picked. We've
got some stats rolled. Cut that out of the way.
We're blaming it on Steven. Steven gave me a
weird look. We've got feats tickled. We've got
feats tickled. We've got stats. Grasped. Violently.
Now. Look at all those zeros. Numbers. The language
of nature. I want to talk to you. And you about
one thing. I want you to use this time now. For
listeners, David pointed to me. Now, I was pointing
to the listener. Listeners, I want to talk to
you about one thing. And that is, I want these
guys to start asking me questions and you guys
to shut up. Listeners, shut up. This is important.
Hey, nope. Shut up. Thank you. Jules and Zebulon,
now's the time for you to ask me questions about
the setting. I'll only answer some of them, of
course, because some things need to be a surprise.
But what do you got for me? Anything you want
to know I'm willing to answer? If you got nothing,
that's fine too. Why do we need to die? According
to your sheets, very, very quickly. It won't
take long. Yeah. Then you can roll good characters.
Now, I will tell you guys, we're going to be
doing sidekicks in this campaign. Each of them
is going to get one, so we're not going to go
in with two under -leveled, under -statted characters
into all the horrors present in the multiverse
of Radiant Citadel. We're going to have... two
characters and then two half characters that
will also probably be horribly understated. Or
they could put us to shame. That actually is...
Who's the sidekick? That would be awesome. Is
the question I have for you. Yeah, for real.
Wow. That's the M. Night Shyamalan twist. That
is deep. Who's playing sidekicks? How this is
going to work when we get sidekicks and... Spoiler
alert for Radiant Citadel. because likely we
won't be here yet when this releases, but actually
probably we will, because it'll probably be episode
three or four, based on my brain. So, sidekicks.
You're going to basically come upon an agency,
which will give you a list of potential sidekick
options you can choose. They're going to generally
be speaking, there'll be monster races, goblins,
woolly wugs, kobolds, and the like. And these
sidekicks, these are the less popular races.
They don't really have a shot at the stardom
of a luminary. So they're aiming for the next
best thing. To be the pack horse for a luminary.
To be their personal guard. To learn from them
to grow. To get a little bit of their sheening
sweat dripping down on them. Hopefully brimming
with that talent and that charisma that so creates
these. Legendary heroes. But no wisdom. But no
wisdom. None from you guys. Your sidekicks are
going to be ten times wiser than you. So they're
essentially Mooch in office. Yeah. You know what's
great, though? And this is actually funny. This
is for you, Zebulon, in particular. Sidekicks.
Ready for this? Have no negative stats. Oh, fuck
yourself. Okay, cool. I can't believe I agreed
to roll stats. I thought it was going to go so
great. I'm such an optimist. You pushed for it.
You wanted this reality. I still want it. I still
want it. It's a little fun to be a little bummed.
It is. I like the pain. Oh, God. All right. But
you're going to go to this agency, you're going
to find these sidekicks, they're going to be
an array of class and race options. I am going
far beyond the usual three, the expert fighter,
not fighter, expert warrior, and spellcaster,
which are the three basic sidekick stat blocks.
Each one kind of has a branching path, so you
can choose a warrior that's more defense -focused
or offense -focused and the like. A spellcaster
that's more healing -focused or mage -focused.
I'm going to go... I actually found some DMs
Guild add -ons, which I will, of course, make
a shout -out to my good friends at DMs Guild,
that are going to really supplement us in the
sidekick category because... Call us. Yep. Because
they're going to really give you guys a lot to
choose from. And you guys are going to choose.
So when you pick the sidekicks you want, what's
going to happen, I think, how I'm seeing it,
is we're going to have a session where you're
going to probably just go and meet sidekicks.
They're all going to be voiced by me. They're
all going to have distinct stupid personalities.
And you get to pick the one you want, and then
you get to play them. So if we're in combat,
they're yours to play. You each get to pick one.
So you can pick whatever bell, whatever benefits
your playstyle best, whatever counters your sort
of... character best and really, really bolsters
you up. You can get a healer to work with. You
can get a frontline tank. You can get a combination
paladin. There's going to be a lot of options.
And when you have your sidekick choice, I'll
still always voice them, but they are always
yours mechanically to do what you want. Okay,
we'll control them and you'll voice them. I love
it. Yeah, makes it easy. So I can make them spin
around in circles and you have to narrate that.
That is true. Sweet. Just don't expect to get
Arnold Schwarzenegger here on your team. This
is not going to be the cream of the crop. They
are our sidekicks for a reason. I mean, our stats
say differently. Yeah, but you're still going
to have the drive and the charisma to run this
show. Not you, Debulon. I don't think I have
a negative charisma, do I? I don't remember.
Can I give Zebulon a sidekick? That's all right.
Zebulon will be all right. So what's going to
happen here, folks, is Julius LaRoche is going
to have three sidekicks. One of them is Zebulon
Black, who will graciously let Steven voice,
and that's the game. Oh, my God. I've been so
excited to play this character for, like, months
we've been talking about this. Jeremy, did I
ever tell you how we came up with the name Zebulon
Black? No. Oh, this is the time and place. This
is the time and place. Let's hear the story.
David and I were, I mean, now that I think about
it, it's really not very long of a story. David
and I were out on a walk. Fill her that shit.
What were you doing before the walk? It smelled
like pine. It did. The sky was gray. Yes. And
the wind was moderate from the southeast. And
as I stared into Stephen's eyes, I felt a stirring
somewhere deep within. And then we decided, let's
go for a walk. I really wish that I had Careless
Whisper queued up right now. Me and David were
walking. We often do a couple laps around a fairly
sizable cemetery close to my house. And when
you walk through the gates of this cemetery,
one of the first stones that you see is... I
think it's from the 1800s anyway. Maybe it's
1840s. I don't know. That might have been the
birth date anyhow. But this unfortunate gentleman's
name, real name, on the headstone was Zebulon
Black. Holy shit. And we happened to be, because
we've been talking about doing this for months
now. Yeah. And we were just kind of made a joke
out of it. Oh, that's such a funny name, Zebulon
Black. I can't imagine if my character's name
was Zebulon Black. Hey. Hey, wait a minute. That's
kind of a cool name. My character's name was
Zebulon Black. That puts my character name story
to shame. Let's paddle it over. How'd you come
up with Jules LaRoche? Well, you see, one morning
I was sitting on the toilet. The best stories
start like this, folks. And it just came out
of me. His jewels started to fall. Yeah. Super
exciting. I know. And it sounded kind of like
this. And then I believe I messaged you right
after. Yes. You did. You did. I said, hey, this
is my character. I think we need to normalize
texting on the toilet. I mean, I think it is
normal. That's why I do all my texting. We all
do it. Okay, so we're all on the same page here.
You've probably noticed that I roughly message
you guys about three times a day. For a period
of about half of an hour to an hour at that time.
That's too long to be on the toilet. That is
currently the point in time where my toilet bowl
is cracking and exploding. I suddenly want to
get all of our phones out of this room. All right,
so yeah, you're going to look at more feats.
Yes. Zebulon. Your garbage character is done.
Wow. Yeah, it's real harsh. As if I don't have
to already live with the horrible stats, I then
have to live with this monkey on my back. I mean,
let's be straight. This is what happens when
you name your character after a dead man. You're
creating a dead man. Come on. Come on. Well,
now we have to research who's Ebulon Black. was.
I'll have to go to the Historical Society. I
need everything you have on Zebulon Black. We
have to figure out the Zebulon Black's real identity,
find his family, and apologize profusely for
soldering his name with this garbage, garbage
dragonborn. The house that we have, we've been
slowly working on it, doing a couple renovations.
Upstairs, I was pulling up some of the old subfloor
to put a new floor in. And we found all sorts
of crazy stuff. We found a really old beer bottle,
found an old pair of pants with suspenders attached,
some really cool metal clasps and stuff like
that. What we also found were two school books.
They were like books that you practice your penmanship
in. big sheet and there's the A and you have
to write a line of all A's and so through the
alphabet, blah, blah, blah. So we found those
for two kids. I'm blanking on their first names.
Tom and Susie. It wasn't that. It wasn't that.
I think the first one might have been, the boy's
name might have been Robert and there was a girl's
name and it... It might have been someone with
an S, either Sally or Susan or something like
that, but their last name was Mountain. What?
So I have two first names and the last name Mountain.
We've been in this house for like five years
now, and I've always meant to go to the historical
society and be like, hey, what can you tell me
about these people? I've got the address, I've
got the names, and I'm sure that they can put
something together. That's so cool. Now that
it's on tape, maybe it'll hold me accountable
to go to the Historical Society and try to dig
up some info. All right. So, with this, we have
names, we have backstories, we have characters,
we have numbers, we have feats to inform these
characters and who they are. For the most part,
we've got one more coming up from you eventually,
Jeremy. We'll have it for episode one, I promise
you folks. And that episode, No promises. She's
a comic. So, I'm asking, I'm bringing it to the
boys here. Any other forms of address? Any other,
that's not the term. Any other things to discuss
today? No, it sounds like we have a little bit
of work to do before we figure out sidekicks.
Yes, and that will be in character. You'll find
that before. It's not something you'll pick beforehand.
You will meet them. I like that. Once you're
at the Citadel, that's where the agency is. I'm
going to grab you up and carry you over there
and throw you at them. You're just going to line
them up all nice and neatly and we can just walk
down the road like, yes, no, no. I'm going to
put it out here right now. I'm going to find
some form of way to railroad you to at least
grab sidekicks so you don't die. I think I have
a pretty good idea. I think you mentioned, the
first two you mentioned, a healer and a tank.
I think that's kind of what we need to go with.
There'll be options, though. Character options.
I want you guys to pick, not just stats, but
also a couple different healers, a couple different
tanks. You'll look down a list. You'll be like,
okay, that's the race, that's the class, that's
the short description of the character. And then
you'll be like, I want to meet this guy. And
I'll come in like... Like that, you know? I don't
fucking care. I want my sidekick to have that
voice. Remember this. Oh, it's not on the list.
Oh, no. And I want my sidekick to sound like
Arnold Schwarzenegger, who you mentioned earlier.
I'm not going to do this for reasons, but I will
tell you one thought I was going to have. I just
don't think it would mesh with the party very
well. One of the sidekick options I was thinking
of putting in was going to be a paladin tortle.
Maybe Sean Franklin. Oh, that's so cool. Oh,
my God, David. Oh. Sean Franklin from another
campaign that we used to play. That was going
to be a goofy little thing. It was going to be
like an Easter egg, and I was like, no, they'll
fucking pick him. And then what? Well, that sounds
like a decent fit. I mean, I get all their paladins.
Just don't be the character from GURPS. Yeah,
but why not? We'll readdress this. See, folks,
our DM does have PC chops as well. John Franklin
was fucking incredible. He was so funny. So funny.
And he was actually built well, unlike YouTube
goofballs. Go fuck yourself. Starting off great,
guys. This is going to be wonderful. So full
of love and death. Let's delete this and reroll.
That is never going to happen. So with that being
said, folks, I'm going to say for the first time
in this campaign, at least chronologically for
us, I'm going to say a few words you're going
to get to know very, very well. I'm going to
say we're going to call it there.