This is Steven's wife, Rachel. If you're enjoying
the show, give it a rating and share it with
your friends. Storyteller Orin here. Good folks
of the Gemstone Concord, you know how much I
value your travels between our 25 worlds. You
also know how much I value your safety in these
travels. Today we'll be discussing safe traveling
on Subsunko. While it may be one of the smaller
worlds that joined in our Concord, I would argue
it is among the most beautiful. Especially in
the Valley of Zantini where our fellow Concord
mates reside. One can find no end to the charm
of the local flora and fauna. But as my friends
on my world of Gorge Breath would say, every
rose has its thorns. The adorable pangolins,
one of the more famous fauna of our world, have
a giant cousin in the forests. These giant pangolins
can be trained to live amongst locals, but can
be fiercely protective in the wild. Mixed amongst
the greenery of the jungle in Zantini, one can
find many more dangers. While delicious, Zantini's
green tree beans can take on a life of their
own, magically defending themselves when they
feel threatened by a predator, beating and constricting
their assumed foes. In the Lynx River on the
valley's eastern border, one may find nests of
giant jagged koi prawn, a local delicacy, but
one that should only be handled by an expert
hunter. Be wary always, good travelers. There
are even rumors of mysterious trickster creatures
in the wild. always eager to prey on unsuspecting
souls. So now I feel like a dummy for not really
questioning that there was a giant pangolin.
I don't know. I guess I just assumed that it
was like that one ate the most green beans or
something. The pangolologist that follows us
is furious at you right now, Stephen. Yeah, you
can email me. Yeah, email Stephen, everyone.
Flood his inbox. Another thing about the storyteller
Oren, blah, blah, blah. Zantini sounds like what
I would order at a restaurant in the North End
in Boston. Yeah, sounds about right. Dude, I'm
now starving for some Zantini. Zantini with a
little bit of sundae sauce. Yeah, I don't know
what that is. I have no idea. I can't even picture
it, but it does sound. You know, like a gravy.
Delicious. All right, fuck the podcast. We're
going to make some food. Hell yeah. Make some
zantini right now. We're going to make it up.
Nobody knows how to make it up. Yeah. I think
it involves pangolin meat. Email us. I mean,
you both have cooking experience. I'm sure you
could whip up something. I'm just a home cook.
You're a fucking incredible home cook. I'm just
a line cook. I'm fast. Been a line cook since
knee high. That's true enough. Whose phone's
vibrating? I turned mine off, or I turned mine
to quiet. Somebody just vibrated. Well, while
David's looking at his phone, I'm going to look
at my phone. We've been getting some Instagram
followers. Nice. Anybody who's listening, if
they want to follow us on Instagram, you can
just search us at FantasyPantsPod. I kind of
wanted to just shout out a few people. If you
guys will give me a second to do that. Let me
see. I mean, there's a lot more than I've mentioned
here, but I grabbed five or six random Instagram
followers. We got the Barbarian Barbie. Nice.
Sieg. Sieg, one, two, three, one. Midland Marauders.
Linda MCG. Legends of Elias. And Babe Blade 666.
Y 'all remember Babe Blades? No. I'll tell you,
Barbarian Barbie, Babe Blade, these are now actual
luminaries in the setting out there doing something.
Those are... Solid luminary names. Well, thank
you for following. You guys are now officially
part of the story. They are somewhere. They are
fighting a giant somewhere together. And some
of these people I chatted with exchanged a few
messages. So thank you for chatting. I hope you're
enjoying the show. Thanks so much for taking
part in this, guys. Yeah, for real, for real.
So every now and again, I'm going to try to,
you know, when we get some new followers, I'm
going to try to shout them out. So if you followed
us recently, I didn't shout you out. I'm sorry.
I'm going to try to do my best to get to as many
as we can. Yeah, if you're upset, email Steven.
Email Steven. Always email Steven. Always. Only
if you're upset. Got nice words to say? Email
me. Email me by following us on Instagram. That's
how that works? Yeah, that's exactly how it works.
All right, cool. All right. I don't know. I've
got to make an account still. I thought you did.
I might. I looked at your page. Do I need an
account to look at the page? No. I don't want
to like, do you want me to shout out your, I
mean. Didn't you like the page like yesterday?
I might. I literally cannot remember. Huh. Huh.
I thought I had the bad memory here. I am terrible
at the internet. Yeah. You know what I'm good
at though? Christmas. It's almost Christmas,
guys. We haven't even talked about this. When
this drops, we're going to be a week before Christmas.
No, no. We did talk about Christmas already on
Halloween. It's true. All right. We were ahead
of the game, so we got ourselves covered. But
we got really getting in the nitty gritty because
people, they've been wondering for a month now.
They've been like, how do these guys celebrate
Christmas? They're like, when is it going to
be Christmas? Yep. It's not Christmas until Fantasy
Pants says so. That's what they say, Stephen.
Even in New Hampshire, we're dreaming of a white
Christmas because it is now December 2nd and
there's a whole lot of grass. No one agrees with
you. You don't want a white Christmas? The longer
it's a green Christmas, the less snow I have
to deal with. Dude, you live in the wrong state,
homie. It snows on Christmas, and then we're
good. That's it. That's all. Dude, growing up
as a kid, it was like a 50 -50 chance if I would
wear a winter coat over my Halloween costume.
True. Yeah. I mean... Yesterday, I think it was
yesterday, we got the biggest snow we've gotten
so far, and it wasn't even an inch. Right, but
the day before, we had like a bunch of rain,
and so all the snow that the ski mountains artificially
made, gone. Yeah. I'm just saying, I'm going
to enjoy my Christmas miracle of a snowless season.
You're going to bring out the sunscreen on Christmas?
Is that what you want? Yes! Dude, we got to deal
with, okay, here's the thing. You should go,
I mean, I don't want you to actually go back
to Florida, but if that's what you want. We should
go back to Florida. Look, okay, here's the problem
with New Hampshire, okay? Everybody, here's the
problem. Tell me. I love snow in November and
December and January. That's fucking great, okay?
It snows until summer. It does not stop snowing
until May. Yeah, that's true. It's awful. Yeah.
Like, it comes to a point where you're sick of
it. So me in May, when I could have been dealing
with six months of snow, is delighted to deal
with three or four months of snow. It's great.
I mean, I grew up in Michigan. And we got just
as much, if not more snow than New Hampshire
gets. But it fucking stopped at the end of February.
Right. What I wouldn't get. And that's how it
used to be. March was when spring started. Yeah.
And now this is just like we have like one and
a half months of summer. Well, right. Yeah. And
now we get ice from November till January or
February. And then we get a couple months of
snow. Yeah. And then it's summer for like a minute
and a half. It's not even just like. consistent,
easy snow to deal with. It's like we get shit
on. Feet of snow. Right. And then nothing for
two weeks and then shit on again. Like immobile.
I hope we don't have any listeners in Buffalo
because they just got like literally four feet
of snow a couple of weeks ago. And they're sitting
there listening and being like, you guys are
bitches. Well, they might have a garage. What?
You don't need to shovel your car off. You still
need to shovel. Yeah. The driveway. I wouldn't
know. I don't have a garage. I don't get to live
that wild life. How do you get out of your driveway?
I got to do work after work. I got to shovel
forever. Still got to shovel. Garage or no? Can't
avoid it. Just put your garage on the road. I
live in an apartment complex here where they
actually have a tow service. The tow service
comes around every time the snowstorm comes and
plows the drive, but I still got to shovel my
car out. Right. Is this fun for people? Do they
care about our snow? No. No, but they care about
our Christmas. That's what we're here to talk
about. I want to hear your Christmas plans. What
are you guys doing? I know what Jeremy's been
doing. We all know what Jeremy's been doing in
here in Fancy Fan Studios. And it's fantastic.
We've been asking Jeremy, we've been like, hey,
let's go meet up and do this. And he's like,
ah, no, we're watching, we're having a Christmas
movie marathon with my mom. And it's the coolest
shit I've ever heard in my life. Oh, yeah. It's
so awesome. Yep. Oh, this guy is in the season.
Jeremy, what are you doing this Christmas? Christmas
in my family is... sacred as fuck hell yeah it's
always been sacred as fuck we we get into it
um i mean as an adult i don't unfortunately decorate
my apartment but it's because i live alone and
yeah it just seems too much i go over to my mom's
to get the christmas decorations i i would be
the same um but my wife rachel immediately after
thanksgiving pulls down all of the autumnal decorations,
all the leaves go away, all the pumpkin spice
candles go away, and Christmas vomits all over
my house. It's so funny. That's absolutely tradition.
That's what happens. It was a couple days after
Thanksgiving. I think literally, I think it was
two days after Thanksgiving, we went out to the
Christmas tree farm, got a Christmas tree. Oh,
you guys are late. Yeah, pretty much. I like
a tall Christmas tree, but I like a trim, you
know, like a small Christmas tree. something
that doesn't have a huge footprint. Rachel likes
a tall and fat Christmas tree. So every year
we compromise and get a tall and fat Christmas
tree. So kind of like walking through the dining
room is like a sideways shuffle because we have
a tree that's like six feet wide at the base.
And there's like just enough room to squeeze
by the dining room table. I mean, as Christmas
should be. It looks very festive. It looks very
festive, though. You sacrifice space for the
tree. That's just how it goes. You know what?
I'm going to sit down with a hot toddy, and by
the time I'm halfway through that glass, I'm
not going to give a shit about the Christmas
tree. I just love it, because I saw Stephen and
his wife at the puppy workout the other day,
and... Steven just over there like, oh man, let's
hang out tonight. Let's play Overwatch. And Rachel
just looks at him like, oh no, honey, we're doing
the tree tonight. We're doing that all night.
And the look of the pout you saw on this man.
So sad. I just want to play Overwatch. Oh yeah,
I remember that Discord message now. Nope, can't
do it tonight. It's Christmas tree night. Yeah,
so I hate putting Christmas decorations on the
tree. I don't know why. I guess I'm a Grinch
or whatever. Rachel, you're a reasonable person
as well. Well, yes, that too. But Rachel can
always at least talk me into like, she's like,
just, just put the lights up for me. If you can
just do the lights. Cause I've got the, you know,
I've got longer arms. Rachel's, you know, shorter
than, uh, I am blah, blah, blah. So, so I'll
take the, the strands and I'll run the lights.
And then by the time I'm done with that, I'm
a little bit more amenable to putting decorations
up. So I'll like begrudgingly, like I'll be like,
all right, you know what? Fine. Crack a beer.
I'll put a couple decorations up. A couple goes
by, and then I'm like, you know what? I see a
good spot for this one. And then I'm just doing
it because I just want them to be in the best
spot, I guess. Dude, the Christmas tree decorations
is absolutely the greatest part of Christmas.
What? That's a hot take. Yeah. I'm just saying.
I'm just saying. Throw on some Amy Grant Christmas.
I'm telling you. Okay. I'm telling you. So now
you're cracking into a whole new, I want to save
this for next time. Next time opening banter
has to be about Christmas music. Cause I have
some opinions. All right. No, that's it. We'll
do that. It might be after Christmas comes out,
but it's not guys. It sounds like this might
be the end of fantasy pants. So enjoy this episode
listeners. This may be the last normal one. We're
going to get into a fistfight after this. And
we'll say in the, in the David and Gabby household.
Christmas is both sacred and not. We enjoy the
holiday season a lot, but we just do – we have
kind of a tradition in our house where we put
presents under our fake tree. Yeah, yuck it up,
fellas. We love our fake tree. Whatever tree
works for you. We love our fake tree. Hold on,
hold on, hold on. Whatever tree works for you.
Hold on. You're about to give me shit. You don't
even know my opinion about Christmas music, but
you are fully about to end the podcast over my
– Unknown opinion on Christmas music, but you're
okay with the artificial Christmas tree? I grew
up with an artificial Christmas tree. Oh, my
God. No. Hey, when I moved out here and actually
did the tree the first few years, I would go
to the rocks over there. Yeah, fantastic. 100%.
Totally. And grab a Christmas tree. I'm going
to say this about Christmas trees. If you're
doing artificial, you're doing it wrong. I'm
going to say this about Christmas trees. If you're
spending money on a tree. You could just go outside
and see a tree. Yeah, you totally can. You can
go to the Thornton exit 24 to the White Mountain
National Forest headquarters. You can pay them
$5, and you can go out into the White Mountain
National Forest anywhere, and you can cut down
a Christmas tree legally. But anyway, Stephen,
well, presents are our fake tree, but our tradition
is we have a million cats. And one of our cats,
who we sometimes call Christmas, her name is
Little White because we couldn't think of an
actual name. When Little White rips open a present
under the tree, that day is Christmas. So we
had one of our Christmases yesterday. Oh, my
God. And we also had Christmas like the day after
Thanksgiving because we each got a present. And
we get presents. This is the thing. I can't hold
on to a present for more than a week without
dying. So if I order my presents early, I wrap
them. And the day I wrap them, I just throw them
at my wife. Like, open this now. I can't wait.
I'm dying inside. You've got to open this. The
suspense is killing me every time. So we open
our presents generally sporadically through the
entire month. That's pretty awesome. Christmas
comes and we have nothing left. We'll just go
to someone else's house and have a good time.
But it's great. We celebrate all month long.
Whimsically. It's fun. It's silly. So I know
banter's gone on for a little while, but have
I on the podcast told the story about... Rachel
trying to hide a Christmas gift for me. I really
want to hear this. Okay. Okay. Okay. Um, so this
was the, was it the first or second Christmas?
I think it was the first Christmas that Rachel
and I were together and we, she was living in,
she was living in a small cabin that had a loft,
a loft space. So it was like, you know, uh, a
halfway between a staircase and a ladder up to
this loft space. And I being significantly taller
than Rachel, could see into the loft just like
while casually walking around. Rachel, from her
shorter angle, couldn't see into the loft unless
she got on the ladder to climb up. Whoops. So
when she bought me a kayak for Christmas, decided
I'm going to hide it in the loft. So I'm walking
around the cabin and can very plainly see this
giant kayak in... The loft. So even though I
had already bought some Christmas stuff, I decided
I was going to play it cool and bought her a
kayak as well. So we had matching kayaks for
Christmas. That's awesome. That's incredible.
That's sweet. That's incredible. When is this
one coming out? Is this one coming out? December,
I think it's the 18th. Okay. So I don't want
to talk about what I got Rachel this year for
Christmas because it's coming out before. Right.
Yeah. Next time we'll do. Christmas present talk.
And Christmas music talk. Because I think we
have to get to the bottom of some things. We're
going to have to roll for initiative for this
one. Speaking of roll for initiative, gentlemen.
Roll for initiative! Oh, baby. Let's play. Let's
do this thing. All right, Jeremy, bring up that
sirenscape. Oh, yeah. That's it right there.
Jules is an eight. It's an eight? Okay. I got
a good roll on those die from Jason. Zebulon
got a 17 initiative. Oh, nice. Pretty good. I
like it. I'm actually trying the encounter builder
in D &D Beyond for the first time. I'm very excited.
Let's see how this goes. Oh, yeah, I got to open
up this. Oh, I got to roll for Chester. Chester's
a six. Six, okay. Ooh, Jean Franklin just got
a seven. Oh, that makes it easy. Okay, so they're
going to go, basically, after Jules, two sidekicks.
Boom. Easy to remember. Because I forgot, they
don't appear on D &D Beyond, so I'll have to
add, like, some sheet just to represent them
in the initiative tracker. It's fine. For now,
we'll just remember that. After Jules, sidekicks.
Perfect. So, I've got a map open for you guys.
You can see there's the two different battlefronts
going along here. We have the tank with the giant,
jagged koi prawns. These big, purplish and blue
shelled... beasts with these gnarled tentacle
feelers coming off of them. I don't know what
they look like. They're coming out with their
big spindly legs, launching out to attack you.
Over at the prep tables, just about 15 feet or
so away from this tank, we have Jules and Chester,
each on one side of this basket of green tree
beans you're about to start working at, chopping
to pieces, and all of a sudden, wham! This thing
comes to life and starts spreading out towards
you. Now they're trying to chop you to pieces.
Yeah. Damn it. I will tell you this. Those green
tree beans, they're spreading out a little slow.
And you guys both get the jump on them. Oh, hell
yeah. But you, Zebulon, you get a little surprised
when this jagged koi prawn launches out at you
so fast, you barely have time to react. Oh, criminy.
Because I'm going first in this combat. I'm going
to ram you. All right. All right, Zebulon, that
was a nine to hit. Yeah, that's not going to
hit, man. Yeah, I didn't think so. All right,
well, fortunately, that's what I got. That's
going to be you. Actually, before we go here,
let me touch on one last thing. I brought up
the rules last time, and I just want to retcon
one tiny detail. At one point, I asked you guys
if you had more questions about the rule sets,
and I think one thing that might come up that
I didn't bring up is this. What if you finish
your station, but your partner's station is still
active? In this case, if you finish your station,
you can charge over to help your buddy out, basically.
You can back up your ally. Nice. No shit. Yes.
So you finish the station fast enough, you can
dogpile on the other station, do your task, and
finish fast. This is a race. You also cannot
interfere with the other participants. I didn't
mention that rule. It is a rule. You fight your
fight. They fight theirs. We see who wins first.
Okay. All right. Cool. And with that, Zebulon.
I don't know if you see, you've got two coy ponds,
or jagged coy prawns in front of you. One of
them is just in front of you in the tank. One
of them is about five feet into the tank, swimming
towards you fast, but that one is not going yet.
While you're outside the tank, you're going to
have a hard time hitting these guys. They're
going to have cover. Oh, you son of a bitch.
Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. I'm going to get
a plus five to their AC. Holy shit. Okay, so
this guy tried to attack me, and did I get cover?
And that's one of the reasons why he rolled poorly?
No, they're big. You got these big things that
kind of reach out over you and attack, and they
slide back in. All right, so I see what you're
doing here. I see what you're doing here. Yeah.
Okay, so from the side of the tank here, on the
outside of the tank, is this first prawn five
feet from Jean Franklin? He is technically within
five feet of it, and he has a spear. Okay, okay.
So he can reach down there pretty good. He can
jump in the water, too. His spear will give him—he
has no swim speed, but with a spear, he can fight
in the water without disadvantage. Jean Franklin
can jump in the water and fight without disadvantage.
Does that mean that Zebulon would have disadvantage
in the water? You would, yes. Okay, then I'm
certainly not going to jump in the water. You're
in a tough spot. You're in a tough spot. I know.
You said he gets a plus five to AC if I'm attacking
from outside? Yes. Alright, screw it. So that
basically makes it a straight up d20 roll. Because
I got a plus 5, so I'm going to go for it. I'm
just going to, from outside here, attack him
with both swords. The first roll's a 14. Ooh,
second roll's a 17. Nice. Both attacks hit. Oh,
nice. Yeah, pretty good stuff. Let me find my
d8 from Jason here. d8 plus 3 times 2. All right,
so that's a 5 plus 3 is 8 for the first attack.
Holy hell. Oh, is that a 1? Damn. Yep. 1 plus
3, 4 for the second attack. So it's 12 total?
12 total. Okay. Yeah, you, like, reach down.
How does it look like when you reach down in
the water and cut at this thing? It's barely
sticking out still, kind of trying to slide back
in after ramming you. So Zebulon flips his grip.
so that he's holding them upside down. No way.
And just kind of like an ice axe stabs down both
times. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah, this thing just...
That's what they sound like when they get hurt
and just screeches out and you rip into its shell.
It drops in the water. Fucking blue blood starts
reaching up to the surface. You did a good chunk
out of this guy. That was... Excellent. Oh, wait.
I forgot to add the plus five to AC, didn't I?
No, no, no. So I rolled and I didn't add the
plus five modifier. Yes, okay, good, good. Then
we're good. All right. Oh, yeah, actually, I
just checked. I was thinking three quarters cover.
It's half cover by the book. It's only a plus
two to AC. You hit both times anyway. You took
your chunk out of that giant prawn. But his buddy
looks kind of mad at you. He's going to move
out there. He's going to attack as well. Blocking
the way from your turtle buddy to jump in the
water after him. Now you're both going to have
a little trouble getting in the fight. So I made
a mistake. Okay. I asked you at the beginning
of my round if that prawn was within five feet
of my ally. Yeah. But then I didn't roll for
sneak attack damage. I think we can fix this
with one D6 die roll. Give me D6. Give me D6.
If you'll allow me. I'll allow it. Oh, great,
generous DM. It's a weird sort of side thing,
but technically, yeah, he's within five feet.
I will no longer break your kneecaps with a mic
stand. I'm... That's five extra damage. Holy
shit. This is tough to say, because while he's
within five feet, technically, in the spirit
of the rules, it seems weird, because he's not
really able to... He has to kind of reach around
to get into the tank. Hey, it's the rules. I'll
allow it. I'll allow it. You're the DM. Could
I like it? Just this once. I'll allow it. I mean...
You tell me how he helps. That's what I want
to see. I want some narrative cost for this.
He doesn't help at all. It's just sneak attack
damage. As long as an enemy is within five feet
of my ally, I get sneak attack damage. Because
Rogue. Well, make it sound cool. Fucking dress
it up. Spice it up. People are listening. The
world is listening. Well, Zebulon's like, oh
my goodness, my friend, he's so close to this
enemy. You know what? I have to hit extra hard.
Take your five damage and get out. How do you
kill it? Oh, my God. That's why he wanted extra.
Oh, hell yeah. That's what I wanted to know.
Okay. Well, I already said that he flipped his
sabers upside down and stabbed down. I guess
the second one just like, I mean, we've all cooked
a lobster here, right? Show of hands. No. Nope.
Okay. I've eaten cooked lobster. We're not monsters
like you. Well, when you cook a lobster, you
don't want to boil it alive. Oh. Whoops. So YouTube
it, and you'll see exactly how Zebulon does away
with this prawn. I mean, okay. I mean, I've watched
people cook lobster, and they're alive. Oops.
Yeah, I don't cook lobster that way. Anyways.
You kill this prawn. It explodes. When he jumps
up, he takes his back of his spear and pins a
part of its leg to kind of give you a better
opening. So it's trying to pull back down. It
can't quite reach it. You take your two weapons,
put them in your arms, put them in there, slice
the thing open. It drops in the water. That's
sexy, Steven. Be sexier. Well, yeah, I'm fine
with sexy. I just, I mean, sneak attack doesn't
necessarily. Well, the other prawn's getting
mad, and now he's going to move up there. But
you know what? He saw his buddy explode near
you. He's going to kind of move to the side of
you, avoid you. Get up by Jean Franklin and attack
your buddy. And I'm going to roll. Not my buddy.
Seven points of damage. He fucking reaches out.
To Jean? Yeah, just rips into him with his jagged
koi prawn legs. That's a lot for Jean. Yeah,
it's a lot for anybody. Seven damage. Yeah. Let
me see what he has. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Well,
you killed one of them, and I took a bite out
of you. We're going to zoom away from that point
in the battlefield. We're going to go over to
the prep tables, to these massive cutting board
tables with these big wicker baskets filled with
this moving, kind of slowly reaching out. Long
tree beans, whatever they are. They're reaching
out for you, Jules. What do you want to do about
that? Actually, no, they're going for Chester.
Chester had the knife. Shit. He had the knife.
They're going for him. How do you want to handle
that? It's your turn. All right, so he's going
to go in with his daggers. All right, give me
those rolls. It's a fucking five. That's not
going to do it. Okay. So Chester reaches out,
tries to stab this thing right into the board.
It, like, parts around it and starts... trying
to reach up his arm to grab him. Jules, you see
this. How do you want to deal with it? Going
with my rapier. Okay, all right. For now. Yep,
going to poke at this guy. That's a 19. 19 will
hit. Fuck yeah. Give me some damage. Fuck. One.
So one on damage. All right. This is a great
start. I mean, it almost makes sense, right?
I love this. These things are what you see. You're
supposed to, like, chop it up. It's like this
long bean stuff. So you poke it, and, like, of
course it's not going to do much. It starts to
split around the point you drive into the table
around it. But, like, yeah, it's like trying
to poke at this thing with a rapier. It's tough.
It's tough to get into it. Yeah, it is. Jules
is a broccoli guy. It really is. So you guys
are trying to attack this thing. It's just, ah,
ah, Jules, Jules! As it's climbing up his arm,
we're going to launch away from that, back to
the prawn tank, because Jean -Francois has to
go. What are you doing, Jean -Francois? Jean
-Francois. He's got cut into. So my original
plan was to have Jean Franklin jump into the
tank because, as you said before, he could do
that with some relative ease. Now that he's at
pretty much half HP, I'm going to play it safe.
Okay. I'm going to play it safe, and I'm just
going to do a spear attack, which is a plus three
to hit. So with their... three -quarter cover,
it's just a plus one to hit, correct? Yeah, I'll
roll. Keep the AC in mind. You just roll what
you roll. Oh, okay. All right. Ooh, that's an
18 plus three. That's going to hit. That's going
to hit. Let's see. And he does a Johnny boy.
Get it? D6 plus one. So. I didn't specify if
he was doing one -handed or two -handed. It's
a D6 plus one if it's one -handed, a D8 plus
one if it's two -handed. He does not have a shield,
so you can assume two -handed every time. Okay,
so we're going to go, okay, sweet. Excellent.
I didn't want to be cheese about it. No, no.
Ah, damn, a one. That's too DiMaggio to this.
Damage. Brand new. He swipes down. It kicks off
the armor off its head, but doesn't quite get
in there. A little bit of blood spurts into the
water, but not much. This thing just looks madder
now. You're in trouble. That's all we do is piss
things off. Nice hit, Gene. It's true. Gene.
Back to the other side of the room. It's John.
Whoever you are. It's time for the plant to go.
This green tree bean bundle is going to launch
up at Chester. It's going to try to constrict
him. 13 to hit your unarmored teenage buddy.
Shit, that just hits. I thought it might. Now
things get bad. You watch this thing just reach
up and start wrapping around Chester rapidly.
Once it touches his hand, it's like over. It
just quickly constricts up his body. The knife
in his hand is like held to the side. He's not
able to quite get in with it as he's restrained
by this thing. And it just kind of starts to
crush in on him. And he just... Jules screams
out as he takes nine points of damage. No, Chester,
no! Jules, it's got me. That's like most of Chester's
HP, right? Yes, it is. He'll level two for some
strange reason. Dude, right? Yeah, for real.
Hey, get better at D &D. Get better at leveling
us up. That's the end of the first round, so...
Lots of stuff's happening. Let me tell you what's
going on on the other side of the field. I'm
going to start singing songs so I can get buttons
over here. You will lose. If you open your mouth
to sing one tone, I'm taking every button you've
ever had. Oh, well, that's zero. All right, then.
Good. Keep it that way. It's the most wonderful
time. On the other side of the field. Who's singing?
That's not Zebulon. On the other side of the
field, you watch as the haranguan pepper on the
other side of the tank. Takes a bunch of damage
as one of these prawns walks up and rakes across
him. Blood just spatters his gray fur. You see
Ramin stand by him just like he opened his hands
up and he shoots down this white flame down into
the water. The prawn dives into the water and
the flame disperses around the side and misses.
Pepper actually comes down on his club at this
prawn that attacked him and wham! Smashes it
doing massive damage. The prawn just cracks and
goes limp in the water. Still up. but looking
rough. Damn, he did that one move. He crit. Holy
shit. Damn. It's still up, but it looks really
bad. You also see on the other side of the prep
field, basically, Dance Macabre is sort of dancing
around this thing, grabs a knife, and slices
down the vines launching around her, and gets
a nice solid cut on it. Goes to strike again,
and just wham! Punches down at the board. tries
to smash some of it, and then you see the thing
just like immediately spins on her, wraps around
her arm, and she too is restricted by this thing
on the other side of the field. The goblin trace
is trying to whack out with his scimitar, just
can't quite find purchase. That's what you see.
And we're back to the heroes. Top of the round.
It's going to be me. No, you killed me. It's
going to be you, Zebulon. I don't see any other
reason to do anything but two full attacks here.
Oh, here's a problem. Look at the map, Zebulon.
You're not next to this guy. You got to dive
in the water or find another way. If you want
to attack him from the bottom of the stairs,
you're going to do some acrobatics to climb to
the top of the tank and strike. No, hell with
it. Oh, hell with it, you say. Is there any way
for Zebulon to stand on the edge? of the tank
and attack down without getting into the water.
I'm going to call it acrobats to, like, essentially
tightrope across the tiny top of the tank and
also swing a weapon. It's going to be a little
bit high of a check. Okay. Because you're going
to be trying to swing a weapon while standing
on a tightrope. That's crazy, but I love it.
I like crazy. Show me what you got, Steven. All
right, I'm going to do it. Do it. Yeah, I'm going
to try to see if we can, without getting in the
water. Okay, so you jump up on the tank. You're
moving across. Oh, no. Wait, is that a six or
a nine? It's a nine. It's a nine. Okay, so that's
14. I was looking for a 15. Are you shitting
me? I was looking for a 15 for that. Jesus Christ.
All right, all right. Just tell me what happens.
What happens? You go to attack. It's not a huge
fail. I'll let you do your attacks, but you do
fall into the water in front of this thing as
you drop off this thing to strike. So it's like
you attack it a few times. But after your attacks
are over, you're going to fall. That's what I'm
going to say. So I'm going to get my two attacks
without penalty, but then I'm going to be in
the water? No. You're going to get your attacks
with penalty. You're on the glass now. You're
striking it. And then you slip and fall into
the water. Oh, you're talking about the partial
cover penalty. Yes. Okay. That's fine. That's
fine. I think that's fair. I think that's fair.
Cool. All right. Give me those. So that's 19
for the first attack. Ooh, and a seven for the
second. Eight for the second. Okay, you hit with
the first one. All right. Then I'll do my D8
plus three. Ooh, that's a five, so eight damage.
And you got sneak attack. Yes. Thank you, Benevolent
DM. Extra four points of damage. Nice. Okay.
This thing looks pretty rough, actually. You
just cut into it again, but as you go to the
last cut, you slice off of its big feelers. Jeez!
Not jeez! Y 'all are fun! The last thing you
hear is, idiots. As the water overtakes you.
And this Koi Prawn turns its bloody fucking antlerless
head towards you. Antlers, antennaless. You said
tentacle earlier, so anything goes. As long as
there's no Koi Prawnologist on our fan base,
we're fine. So he turns to you, blood leaving
his face without the things it has on it. And
bam, we're doing this thing. I am going to attack
you now. Shit. Oh, yeah, it's my turn. Bring
it on. My turn to play. How do you like a 19
to hit? Yeah, that's a hit. You like it? I don't
like it, but it is a hit. I thought you might
like it. Great, great, great, great, great. I've
seen the damage this can do. I'm pretty nervous.
Zebulon's got 14 HP. It's pretty rough. Should
be nervous because I just did. Eight points of
damage to you. Oh, my lanta. Holy shit. And just
like that, Zebulon is very close to being unconscious.
Oh, this thing just strikes out. You're under
the water. You have disadvantage fighting this
thing underwater, and you feel. You're climbing
out of this tank. It's going to be a little tough.
Even to climb out, you're probably going to leave
its area, and it's going to AOO you. You are
in serious trouble. Yeah, that's not going to
be great. You can only hope that your ally, your
brand -new ally, Jean Franklin, has your back,
Zebulon, because your back's against the fucking
tank. Wall. Tank wall. The wall of the tank.
Yes! You get the spirit of it. Jules. Yes. We're
back to you. No. Chester's in a lot of trouble,
Jules. He's being wrapped up by some fucking
green beans. This is a weird game. Weird things
happen in it. He can still take an attack, though,
right? Can he? He can with disadvantage. Of course.
He's restrained currently. Of course. Let me
tell you about what you can do here. You also
can use your action to try to escape. So instead
of attacking, you could try to escape. But he
has to be a DC. It's going to be an acrobatics
or an athletics check. So that's going to be
either his deck stat or his strength stat. He
has no... Okay. Yeah. I get you. Proficiency.
He has no proficiency. I get you. Yes. Dibba
dibba, yeah, proficiency. All right, yeah. That's
what they say. Escape or disadvantage on an attack?
It's a tricky one. He's got to try to escape.
You do you, man. We need that full power. For
real. It's a long fight ahead of you. Alright,
I'm gonna roll with this dex. Oh, yeah, baby!
Nat fucking 20. Wait, and that's with disadvantage?
No, that's escape. Oh, it's escape! That's fucking
escape! Nat 20. That's a nat 20. Nat 20. Okay,
you know what? This is cool. This is cool. It
is. Alright, here's what I'm going to do. It's
super cool. Underwater nat 20. Normally, you
know, it's like you critical escape. What does
that mean? I'm going to let you roll an attack,
too. Oh, nice. That's great. And you see he kind
of turns the dagger around his hand, and he manages
to, like, get his arm free just enough to, like,
rip out this attack as he sort of slides out
of this thing. He's just a fucking snake. He's
slimy. He gets it on anything. All right, so
no sarcasm. No sarcasm. Benevolent DM. Yeah.
We'll acknowledge that. We'll give him this one.
It's a nat 20 escape. That's so cool. That is
very cool. It was clutch. Clutch moment. I mean,
that turned the battle around. I mean, things
are not looking good. Zebulon has six HP. Yeah.
Chester's at four. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. So a nat
20 to get an extra attack. Yeah. Yep. Absolutely.
Let's go. Let's fucking go. Oh, shit. Go on.
It didn't hit. You sure? It's pretty low. Six.
Yeah, didn't it? You're right. Are you sure about
that, Jules? Absolutely right. That's you, Jules.
Jester still slides out. He's sweating. Look
out for that thing, Jules. That thing's nasty.
He's out, though. Yeah, that motherfucker's going
to pay for what he just did to you. Hell yeah.
Get him, Jules. You don't think he's going to
get away with that? It's green beans. It's green
beans. Fuck those green beans. Eat your vegetables,
kids. Not when you say it like that. We're fighting
fucking green beans. Come on. What the hell kind
of episode is this? So good. They're living,
strangling green beans. I love killer green beans.
I love tabletop gaming so much. That's a 15.
That's going to hit. Fucking A. Did you stab
it again? Yep. Hell yeah. All right. Seven. Seven
damage. Thank you, Jason. Hell yeah. Thank you,
Jason. Bad at all. So you like... As this thing
is struggling away from Chester, maybe it pulls
back from him, and you catch a moment, and you
put your weapon down, and you rapiate right down
into the wood, catching a big piece of it. And
it starts to tear itself free, and as it does,
you see it almost ripping itself into pieces
onto the board. And the prep begins. It's a good
solid mode of damage, this thing. Did you just
say the prep begins? The prep. You're prepping.
You're making fucking shrimp cakes, remember?
No, I didn't. Did you do a Julianne? Is that
what you did there? Pretty much, yeah. Or did
you do a matchstick? Maybe it's a shrimp cake.
I don't know cooking terms. A rustic cut? I don't
know. All right. You're talking to the wrong
person here. Let's roll for cut. Jules, I'm attacking
you with a nine. Nope. Okay, he just turns, tries
to grab you, and you just kind of manage to reel
back as these things entangle the air in front
of you, almost wrap themselves up into each other.
And you're fine. Shuck on that, green beans.
So, again, let's talk about what's going on on
the other side of the field. You look to the
other side, real quick, quick glance, and you
see Dance, she sort of easily flows out of the
grapple, literally just like spin Dance moves
out of it, and like, repositions herself to strike.
And you see the goblin strikes down and cuts
a good chunk out of his. They're getting stuff
done over there. Meanwhile, in the prawn tank,
you can see Pepper the Haringon basically just
like tries to hit and just kind of falls into
the tank in a burst of water. He's stuck in the
water now too. Zebulon flailing on the top. You
see that Ramin goes and tries to shoot another
one of these sacred flames out. This bright fire
just burns out. The prawn launches into the water.
The one that was already hit and toasted dies.
Only one prawn left on the enemy side. Oh, shit.
But I think it's untouched, though. I think it's
untouched. So I think we're still ahead. I think
we're still ahead. With that, top of the round
with a flailing, sinking, maybe even drowning
Zebulon Black. What are you doing? I'm just going
to do a single attack this time, and then I'm
going to take my cunning action to... Huh. Can
I dash to get out of the tank? Oh. You could,
if you were to disengage, say. It would take
you, it'll take you double movement to climb
out of the tank, basically. Okay, well, cunning
action allows me to dash or disengage as a bonus
action. So you can bonus action disengage so
you don't get an AOL. And you could, if you were,
say, to move five feet back, spend ten feet to
climb out of the tank, that's, you know, half
your movement, you'd be fine. Okay, so I'm going
to take my regular attack, single attack on this
asshole prawn, and then I'm going to cunning
action disengage. To try to get the fuck out
of this tank. Disadvantage on the attack. Let's
see what you got. Oh, right. You're under the
water. That's fine. Yep. Can you kill the prawn
before it done gets you? All right. Disengage
on the attack. You go get it, Zeb. Oh, shit.
Nat 20. So let's see what the second roll is.
If it's a nat 20, I'm going to piss myself. Get
the fuck out! Who is it? It's a fucking nat 20.
Dude, I recorded it too. What? I fucking recorded
it too. I rolled two nat 20s. Holy shit. You're
kidding. That never happened. I don't think that...
In the entire history of the three of us playing
together, I don't think that has ever happened
in this group. Dude, and I got the whole thing.
That's going to be a real. With the unbelievable
skill and grace of... Truly cornered prey. We
see Zebulon, despite being out of his element,
in the water. Just pull his swords out. How do
you kill this thing? Oh my god. Are you joking
me? No way you don't kill this guy. No way you
don't kill him. How does this look? Ridiculous.
It's got to be one swift movement. I think Zebulon's
going to use his legs. to kick himself up, kind
of like a water polo player, to get up out of
the water. Nice. And as he's propelling himself
up with his legs, he's still got his swords in
that downward position, and he just, with both
hands at the same time, I mean, I know mechanically
he's only doing one attack, but for flavor. Dude,
don't even care. Both hands, both sabers down,
and uses that momentum, pushes up off the prawn
to flip out of the fucking tank. That's so badass.
Yeah. Oh, my God. He's just sitting back. Holy
shit, Deb! You're just over there, and you hear
John Franklin as you crawl in the water. Like,
you know... And he... Like, holy hell! As he
just will hunch out of the water, Prawn explodes
in the gore. You land, like, next to John Franklin
on the top of the stairs, and he's just looking
at you. His, like, bright blue eyes just astonished.
I... Huh. Well... Let's request some vegetables.
Spro and spins a spear. Very well. Hell yes!
That was wild. That was fucking wild. That is
one for the highlight reel. I can't believe I
recorded that, too. I'm so stoked. I've only
seen this happen once. Only once. A nat 20 on
disadvantage. We will never stop singing Jason's
praises. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. Exactly. That
was Jason's dice. Thank you, Jason and his wife,
Andrea, and their 3D printing company, MF Designs.
Find them on social media. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. From now on, Nat 20 disadvantage is
called a natural Jason. A natural Jason. And
that'll probably be the first and last one. Yeah.
It'll never happen again. I hope. Unless it's
me. I hope. We launch back to the other side.
The prawns are dead on this side. I am honestly
a little astonished that this is just like already
over. Over here. We still got these green beans
to deal with. Yes, I said green beans. Jules,
Chester, what are you guys doing? Well, I mean,
is it the green beans' turn or is it Chester's
turn? Chester's turn. It's Chester's turn. Chester's
going with his dagger. Okay. That's what he sounds
like when he ticks. Lean, mean, green bean machine.
That's a 12. Actually, exactly hits. Fuck yeah.
Yep. So you're going to crit two? I will punch
the table. Don't you dare. I thought lean, mean,
green bean machine was kind of funny. It's a
four. It's a four to hit. Oh, four damage. Right.
Yes. Okay. Again, he just comes out. A couple
quick chops. And the green bean starts to fall
apart. Yeah, a good little pile of green bean
here. Maybe like around half of it is chopped
up. They look a little French cut. Yeah, a little
French cut. Hey, there you go. There's a term.
Zeb, you want a casserole this evening? I don't
have any cans to shoot, but... That's going to
be you, Jules. How do you want to deal with this?
It's still there. It's still causing trouble.
I'm going to just keep doing the same thing I've
been doing. Okay. Go with my rapier. Rapier.
And that is a 15. That'll hit. Fuck yeah. That'll
hit. Another piercing at another spot. Starts
ripping itself as it's trying to free itself
from your rapier's grasp. And that's a five for
damage. Five. That's not bad at all, Jules. It's
still up, but it looks mostly beat down. There's
a little piece of it left. That little piece
just launches out of the basket at you, Jules.
Okay. All right. That's going to be a 16 to hit.
Yeah, that hits. Oh, boy. Oh, Jules. Shit. That's
going to be seven points of damage as this thing
grabs you and starts to constrict around you.
We're all in bad shape. Jester! Jester! Jules,
no! Other side of the field. Let's talk about
that. You see. Basically, you just see, like,
your enemy's jewels are just chopping down this
thing repeatedly. It's almost like trying to
reach out, almost trying to escape from it at
this point. And you see pieces are, like, flying
everywhere. They're just blazing through it.
They are doing very, very well. It's looking
a little scary. Meanwhile, you, Zebulon, as you're
kind of, like, turning away. Oh, wait, Sean Franklin.
Oh, you know what? I forgot, John Franklin has
to go before the divine blight, so we'll just
do that now. John Franklin, it's going to be
you. You can move now to the other side of the
field if you so desire. And he hasn't taken a
move yet this round. He just saw you finish your
prep station. If you wanted to move, he can run
down to the next station. Yeah, yeah, I think
that's exactly where he's going to go, head down
and try to do some French cut. And from where
he is, it's exactly 30 feet away. Oh, perfect.
So he can get there and make an attack. Yeah,
he just returns, bolts down the stairs, spear
still spinning, and turns to bring it down the
table. And I'm going to roll Jean's attack on
these green beans. Jean Franklin's. Yes, that's
better. Say it right, fool. Jean Franklin. I
shall whip ye. Ooh, that's just a 10. 10 to hit?
10 to hit. Nope, okay, shouldn't even have had
his turn. What a waste. Anyway, moving on. You
look to the other side of the field and you see
blazing across the field. You see Dance and Trace
are just ripping through their green bead. Pieces
of green are flying around as they're just chopping
this thing down to pieces. Does not look good.
Meanwhile, you, Zebulon, look to the other side
of the tank as John Franklin flees down to join
the other battle. You can see that the remaining
prawn... launches up, does a little damage to
Ramin, who kind of falls back, and he looks,
reaches down towards the water, his hand glows,
and boom, a massive bolt of energy just blasts
out, homes in on the prawn and slaps into it.
The prawn almost glows with this eerie light
as it's just like bleeding out into the water.
But, it's not done yet. Ha ha. Yeah. Wait, so,
are we competing against the other team? To finish
by a certain time? Or just finish and not die?
You gotta finish first. Oh, shit. Yes. And you,
right now, look to be winning. We're going into
round four of this little combat here. We're
gonna start off with you, Zebulon. You're in
rough shape. At the top of the stairs, you see
your enemies are doing pretty well. But you've
already finished your side of the tank. And so
you can join the next fight. Bring your advantage.
To Jules, what do you want to do? So... Yeah.
Instead of jumping down to help Jules with the
green beans, I want to loot the bodies. What?
I'm just kidding. You just did that for the reaction.
Watch for that reaction on Instagram, folks.
That's what you were doing. No, I'm going to
jump down to the prep table and try to chop up
some great beans here. For you to get in, John
Franklin's taking that spot. You won't have enough
movement to move in the spot with him. You're
going to need to do a double move. Yeah, can
I? Oh, shit. Yeah, I can bonus action dash. You
can. You can. You don't want to attack this round.
That's fine. That's fine. I'll take that. There's
some barrels to the side of the table. You just
see Zebulon blazes down the stairs, moves past
John Franken, past Jules, and, like, slides up
next to the table, jumps up on some barrels to
the side, kind of gets this little, like, nice
and tall up next to the green meat, and begins
to slice down. What do you do? Twelve. Hits exactly.
Oh, man. Yeah. All right. All right. All right.
Nice. Oh, yeah. So I chop green beans for eight
points of damage. Eight points of damage. Oh,
man. So you see Zebulon just slides in. All right.
Coming to the rescue. Cuts this thing down. And
there's this. Tiny piece of it still left. Still
kind of growing up, going. It's still not finished
yet. But there's going to be pieces everywhere.
It's almost done. It's almost done. The stem.
Who didn't pick off the stem? It's so close.
We're going to move down the list here. It's
going to be you, Chester. So Chester picks up
the stem and throws it up like popcorn. And then
eats it. Roll to chomp. Roll to chomp. Roll to
chomp damage. If you want to bite it, I will
literally give you an unarmed attack if you want
to just pick this thing up and bite it. Because
that's funny. I'm kind of into it. Me too. I
know. Alright, fuck it. Alright, roll unarmed
attack. Nat 20. Get out of town. Fuck. Oh my
God. How many is that this round? It's so good.
Literally, exactly what he said. That's four.
That's four nat 20s in this game, this one alone.
What a stylish finish. Chester just like grabs
it off the table. He's like, hey Jules, watch
this. And he throws it in the air. And you see
like, camera, camera kind of shot from above.
Yeah, exactly. It's like an old 3D movie. It's
wrong. Comes out of the audience and starts falling
back down. Like the attack on Titan scenes. See,
unarmed attacks, when you're not proficient in
them, deal one point of damage. In this case,
two points of damage. We're going to double that.
Holy shit. It had one HP left. Hell yeah, Jules!
Hell yeah! Way to go, Jules! We did it! Way to
go, Chester! We did it! Way to go, Sean Franklin!
High fives! That was weak! One more time. Come
on, man, over here. Yeah, all right. I don't
know what you're doing there. I'm trying. I'm
not good at this. Hell yeah. John Franklin just
kind of looks at the display. Just like, don't
you dare touch me. I will say that was stellar
work though, both of you. Very well done. I'm
going to go up to John Franklin and hold my hand
up waiting for a high five. And I'm going to
smack him in the face. Hell yeah. I like it,
Deb. Hell yeah. Don't support that. Hey, hey,
hey, John. Hell yeah. Did you guys see that,
by the way? Did anybody else see what I... In
the tank? Jules, that was... I'm not Jules. You're
Jules. Wait, who's Jules again? Zeb, that was
one of the most badass things I've ever seen.
Dude, right? Have you ever seen a natural 20
on disadvantage? Like, dude. Whoa. I rolled a
natural Jason. Whoa. Hey, Zeb. And Chester pulls
up the recording diamond and says, Bet you wish
I recorded it, huh? Oh, you little bitch. And
we'll call it there. What is this? Hey, folks.
Editor Jeremy here. We at Fantasy Pants are in
constant pursuit of transparency and authenticity.
So in light of this, I need to let you all know
that... We had our first big audio mishap at
the end of this episode, and we lost a few minutes
of audio. Unfortunately, I could not salvage
any of it, so we are actually going to be kind
of re -recording a little bit here. I should
note, Stephen and I have no idea what David has
planned for this, so whatever reactions we have
will be entirely authentic, because you all deserve
it. We love you guys. Here we go. So, you're
all fucking... clapping hands you're all just
cheering you're having a great old time uh and
you kind of noticed the room is has gone very
quiet uh this is the general murmur of the crowd
but no more applause no more cheering and you
look at the table and well they're finished too
and i think you see like the some of the judges
are also really talking to each other said squids
talking to the arun brothers and maybe it's not
clear right now who won You didn't catch him
at the very end. When you went down and you had
that last moment with Chester taking a bite,
finishing off your last prep table, all you know
is around the same time, Ramin Rasool, with a
blast of his holy fire, finished off his prawns,
and you saw Dance Macabre and Trace had finished
theirs. But who finished first? You see a projector
is sort of pulled down from the top of the canvas
and people are going through the recording time.
And while there's some conferencing over that,
the ingredients are being prepared into these
promised shrimp cakes. This wonderful smell of
spices and sweet shrimp fills the air. It is
delightful. You're waiting. The anticipation
of shrimp cakes is, I imagine, just like buried
behind the anticipation of waiting to know who
won. And then, a few minutes later, an image
flickers to life on the screen. You see one of
the recording diamonds that's kind of hanging
from above you has been projected now through
one of those conical crystals that's been set
up on it. One of these crystal projectors onto
the screen. And through some workings of the
recording diamonds, you still don't know all
the features of these things. It's showcasing
the end of the fight from above. Bird's eye view
in slow motion. And you're watching. Watching,
nail -biting tense. The other team as well. Eyes
fixed, glued. And you see the moment. As Chester's
literally, literally the same thing. It goes
up towards the screen. Fucking 3D movie because
it's a bird's eye view. And you just, right into
his mouth. And you look. Eyes flash over to the
other screen because that was the finishing blow.
Your eyes flash over to the other team's table.
And you see just afterwards about... Two seconds
afterwards, that one last squirming piece, and
Trace flies in and chops down, finishing it off
and looks up. And you realize that you won. Oh
my goodness, Jules, we won, and we didn't even
know last week. I love how you were waiting to
say that, Sam, because you knew it was coming.
You won by a hair of a... So let me actually
get into the mechanics of this. You won on your
turn on... Round eight, right? Sorry, sorry.
Round four, initiative count eight. Sorry. And
they, Trace, finish theirs off in round four,
initiative count five. Literally a matter of
seconds in this combat. If each round of combat
is six seconds. Stick your head in doo -doo.
So as this goes on, there's like a way like...
The other team, you see Trace is, like, holding
his head and yelling. He's pounding his feet.
Other people are just looking at him, like, angrily.
Not Ramin, but, like, Pepper and definitely Dance.
It's just glaring daggers. Dance whirls on Pepper,
too. And she's just reaming, almost, like, reaming
them all out. And then Pepper's ears are down,
like, go ahead and do anything. And, like, they're
just, like, I mean, you can tell that team is
falling apart a bit over there. Look at that.
We got them going crazy. Pepper, wait until you
see what happens in the next episode. Spoiler
alert. Spoiler alert. I love it. It's so weird.
So you guys see this. You guys get a point. The
Arun brothers get together, and there's just
that, the winner is the lion. Everyone's going
crazy. All right. So from here, you guys get
a short break, a short rest. There's about an
hour of downtime before the next game. They want
to have this sort of intermission. They're feeding
everyone the shrimp cakes that you just fucking
made. They're all going around. You know, tastes
delightful. So you're basically spending some
time just, like, resting, eating. We touched
over this last time, but, like, a fucking Zebulon's
just going crazy, eating his food, paying no
attention to the world. And I believe it was
Jules and Chester are just kind of taking in
everything, watching. watching. Sean Franklin
kind of giving you guys an eye of respect as
he's realizing that the partner he's fouled with
is not taking this maybe as seriously as he could.
I mean, we're definitely not used to this. I
don't think we know how we're taking it right
now. And another team, I think every once in
a while you see Dance Macabre shoots a glance
over towards you. Her eyes running over Zebulon
eating, running over the rest of you, and then
falling onto you. I give her a wink. Just scowls
and turns away. And, yeah. So, let me roll a
little something. Roll a little die real quick.
That's actually hilarious. Okay, so. Uh -oh.
You're all just hanging out. You're eating. You're
watching around. Looking across the room. And
you just suddenly hear like a, Ouch! What the?
Who dares? And you realize something has just
fallen from the ceiling or somewhere above and
wonked John Franklin on the head and just, like,
rolled in front of you. What? Yeah, yeah. And
actually, you were kind of looking around. I
want you to roll a quick perception check for
you and for Chester Jules. Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Jules got a three. Okay, give me Chester. So
Chester's plus four. You don't know what to say.
You were looking over. You were very surprised
when something bounced on John Franklin. You
were looking the other direction at the time.
Chester only got an eight. Okay, yeah. He looks
up. He's a little more aware, but his eyes immediately
shoot upwards and he's looking around. Sean Franklin's
running up and he's like, Someone threw something
at me. Get them. This is absurd. Ridiculous.
Is it green onions? It's actually not. In fact,
it looks like a half -eaten fruit of some sort.
I can't help. I didn't even roll perception.
Give me a basic nature check to see if you know
what this fruit is. Anyone can do it. Okay. Zebulon,
you're looking up now. Jean Franklin's freaking
out. You can roll for him as well. Well, I got
a dirty 20. Did you really? Not bad. I did really.
All right. 16. And Chester got a 7. No, he doesn't
have nature. No. He just got a 7. Okay. All right.
Yeah, so I actually love this because it makes
a lot of sense that, You might have crossed paths
with these things you you've been the city and
a lot of trade goes through went through tight
those rest in peace and Just too soon man, sorry
I'm way too fucking soon read the room it's been
four days in game actually Debulon you've looked
again like you're right next to the trade disc
all on the radiant said now your whole life I
mean you've seen a lot of fruits pass through
this is a Persimmon. Half -eaten. Just lying
on the ground. You don't know where it came from,
but it's just there. It's a little weird. What
is that? A persimmon. I can't be more specific
than that because I have no idea. I've never
heard that word in my entire life. I'm speaking
out of my ass, but I think a persimmon is like
a giant rose hip. I don't know what that is either.
Okay. A rose hip? Yes, they are. Okay. They look
like a weird orange tomato. Yeah, just a big,
round, weird orange tomato. But it's, like, half
-eaten, just lying on the ground, kind of splattered
a little bit on his head. So he's got some splatter
on his head. He's, like, wiping off rigorously.
He kind of takes, like, a handkerchief. He's,
like, wiping his head down with the sticky juice.
And they're generally found here on Sonsonko.
It's not out of place that one would be here,
but it's just weird that one came out of seemingly
nowhere in the middle of this tent. Can we roll
a persimmon check? Don't make it that face! Alright,
what's the modifier for that? What's my persimmon
modifier? Tell you what, I'm going to give you
a button, but you can only use it in the next
episode. Hey, look at that! Fucking finally!
Only the next episode, though. All you gotta
do is make a persimmon joke around here to get
a button. You can get the joke. Next episode's
already recorded. You missed it. Oh. I thought
you meant the one we're about to record after
we record this. You think I'd be that nice to
you? Please. I mean, I was hoping so. I literally
can't give you one because then you wouldn't
have it in the episode. You wouldn't have used
it, right? It'd be weird. It'd be weird. We're
back in time now. We can't fuck with the continuum.
I can't fuck with it, Steven. We're in flux.
We do something wrong and the whole reality of
our world just falls apart. All of a sudden,
Joel's his own grandfather. This is like Back
to the Future 2 on steroids. Yes. We're in serious
danger here, gentlemen. We gotta walk the fucking
path. Let's walk it. We keep going here, alright?
You guys, you don't know where the hell it came
from. You had bad perception rolls. Nothing stuck
out. It's just a weird, stupid thing that happened.
You don't know. Time goes on. Time goes on. The
hour passes. Everyone gets their short rest.
Everyone is fully healed up going forward. So
everyone starts to funnel out after this hour
passes as they're directed out into the main
clearing between the tents where the camera for
the screen no longer shows the inside of this
tent, but rather the inside of the third and
easternmost tent where you know the last game,
Madame Culp's game, is being held. All you see
inside, though, right now, is just like looking
down at this very dark -looking floor. It looks
like the whole place is empty. It's weird. And
usually you go ahead, you move ahead of the crowd
here, they let you in first, and you guys push
into this room, and you see you're walking on
this thick glass, almost. And you're walking
across this floor. It feels sturdy, but you look
down, and all you see is like... Pretty much
just darkness below you. But there's something
there. There's space beneath where you stand.
Some kind of chamber below. And when you look
around to the sides of the room, maybe 100 feet
apart, you see there's two different trap doors
going down into the glass, into what lies below.
And apart from that, all that's in the room is
Madame Culp just sitting in the center. Covered
in these, she's got her spirally hairs, like
a couple of these big caterpillars nestled in
it. She's got, you know, two or one on each shoulder.
She's got four of them total. She's like kind
of petting and snuggling like little kittens.
They're about kitten -sized. And you move with
the other team, not speaking a word to you. You
guys move up to Adam Culp. As you move up to
her, the crowd begins to move in. She kind of
puts her finger up, waiting. The crowd slowly
gathers around you. Gathering slowly around the
room. Encircling you. Keeping their distance.
Staying back. But you notice the locals start
this little chant. It begins to grow. Hide and
seek. Hide and seek. Hide and seek. Hide and
seek. Hide and seek. Hide and seek. Oh, jeez.
And then Madame Colt just puts a hand up. They're
all kind of quiet. And she looks to you and says,
Welcome to... the third and final of your trials
this night. My silk string, hide and seek. What
you see here are my precious babies. She's kind
of pets these little fuzzy guys. These are my
tot -crow caterpillars. They work with me in
my tent to create all my silk wares. The string
is fine, and they are precious beyond belief.
And she gives you all like a pointed glare from
behind her glasses, like sweeping across all
of you when she says it. The way this game works
is simple. At a command, they will affix themselves
to you once taken. They will shoot a string to
connect to you. They will only do so once. Each
of you will take two of my little caterpillars
down below. Each team goes to a separate one
of these doors, leading to a separate opposite
side of a large chamber below, a storage chamber
for many items, furniture, drapes, many things
to hide behind, to stand in your way in the dark.
The objective of the game is simple. Once you
affix the caterpillars, two on each team, to
members of your team, you must then reach the
other side. With as many as you can have intact.
Any strings intact. Basically, if you come out
the other side with two caterpillars still attached
via strings, that's two points for your team.
So, you want to disrupt the other teams by taking
their caterpillars off or breaking their strings.
And you want to make sure it is not done to yourself.
Now, you must not... Allow any harm to be done
to my babies. And she pets the caterpillars again.
And you must not physically harm your opponents.
This is a sport, not a blood contest. Do you
understand? Zeb, I don't know if I want to do
this no more. It's okay. We understand. I think
you see Trace and Dance almost look like disgruntled
at this. Like they were just, oh, they were so
ready. They were so ready. But they go along
with it. Everyone nods, and she continues. Very
well. So, below you, you see the floor is made
of a see -through glass. It does not show the
other side. You will not see us, but we will
be watching your every move. My babies glow in
the dark away, so if you affix them, you must
affix them somewhere we can see from above. We
want to keep track of you if you go off into
the dark. You understand, yes? Shoulders, chest,
back, head. Somewhere we can see from here in
the darkness. That's the only rule. Apart from
that, you can affix two to one person if you
want. I don't care. Just make sure we can watch
the show. All good? Sounds good to me. I think
so. Then, split teams. Go to your corners, enter
the dark. The announcement of the game's beginning
will happen while you are below. but a bell will
sound down there, and you will know it is time
to enter the curtains. Yeah, you'll see. You'll
see. And you guys move away? Yeah. All right.
I think so. I think as we're splitting off and
moving away, I'm kind of glaring over at Dance.
I think she gives you one quick look, flips her
ponytail at you, and turns away from you, and
the whole group just sort of moves swiftly to
the other side of the room, opens the chamber
without taking a look back at you. climbs down
into the trapdoor. And I suppose you do the same
then? Mm -hmm. I think so. All right then. You
move across the room. The crowd is watching you
eagerly. You reach your door and pull it open,
staring down into the darkness below. Maybe there's
a slight dim light off in one corner of some
musty -looking room you can see, but nothing
else from here. And you begin to climb down one
by one. I think Jean Franklin's the last one
to go down. You remember that? You ever watch
Harry Potter and the... Which one? Goblet of
Fire. You watch that one? Yeah. Harry Potter,
did you put your name into the Goblet of Fire?
He said Goblet. Can you remember that scene,
right, where everyone's cheering, they're going
to the third game, and they're moving into, like,
the maze, and everyone's like, and then they
go in, and the maze closes, and it's just dead
silence. Yeah, that's terrifying. I love that.
You drop down this ladder, and as that trapdoor
closes to the room above, the light above, all
the sound just... And we'll call it there. Oh,
man, that's the one where Robert Pattinson died.