Hey guys, it's Steven. We're having a lot of
fun making Fantasy Pants. If you're enjoying
the show half as much as we are, I hope that
you tell your friends about it and give us a
rating wherever you're listening. Those two things
are what's really going to help us grow and reach
a wider audience and spread the joy. We're having
fun doing what we're doing. We want to share
it with you. We want to share it with your friends.
We want to share it with whoever. So if you want
to give us a hand, uh, share it, tell your friends
grassroots, uh, leave us a rating. Thank you
so much and enjoy the episode. Storyteller Orin
here, and I'm going to talk to you all about
the Dinsing Market Games today. Because I say,
of all the marvels to witness in all the world
of Subsunko, well, these might just be the most
exciting. Now, every month, the family businesses
of the Dinsing Night Market choose three amongst
their own to design and host three separate games.
It's designed to test brave adventurers as well
as delight the tourists. And the winners of these
games are brought into the extended family of
the market and given the title of rare, or coals
of the same fire. Now, one business owner has
chosen amongst them all to be the primary host
of the games, in charge of choosing players and
designing the third and most vital of the challenges.
Four players can be signed on per team, They
are divided as two mains and two seconds, and
some games can only be played by two mains. In
many cases, a single team is challenged by market
locals or by past records for the challenges.
But the best experience, in my opinion, is when
two full teams are chosen to go head -to -head.
This is when the market games truly shine and
when many a luminary has been born into the lore
of our worlds. Finger snap. I had to. It felt
so good. It was a good one. It was a good one.
So the third game is the most vital? It is for
a certain reason. It very much is. Thank you,
Storyteller Oren, for giving us the inside scoop.
There's a little something going on with the
third game that makes it a little extra exciting,
a little extra spicy. Save all your buttons.
Oh, wait. Hear that, listeners? That's the sound
of me jangling my buttons in my jar. Oh, look,
Stephen's got buttons. Stephen now has buttons.
That's not how buttons work. That's exactly how
buttons work. Nah, Stephen hasn't earned them.
Not yet. Once they're ours, they're ours to do
what we want with. Take my buttons, Stephen.
I'll take all your buttons and maybe give one
to Stephen if he earns it. There you go. I'll
do my best. You earned those, Jeremy. Damn, did
you earn those. Before we get started, because
we've got a lot to get to, this is going to be
wild. Before we get started, we need to talk
about monkeys. It's the elephant in the room,
and by that I mean the gorilla in the room. No,
they're the monkeys in the room. I mean, yeah.
You've got to get a monkey out the back. Yeah,
no, let's... Damn it. God damn it, Steven. Get
out. You've gone too far this time. You've got
to get in the... button for that. There's a monkey
right behind you. Now, I'm half serious. We're
all over here having a nice, pleasant conversation
about how fantastic monkeys are. Especially gorillas.
Hats off to you, gorillas. I mean, gorillas scare
the shit out of me, so I'm sticking with monkeys
and maybe baboons. When Ebenezer fucking Steven
over here revealed that he hates monkeys. Steven,
explain yourself. They make me uncomfortable.
I don't like how some of their butts hang out.
I don't like. All right. That's a positive feature.
That's that's it. No, no, no. That's the bulk
of it. I think it's just because they're they're
so human and it kind of freaks me out. It's it's
unsettling. Like, I don't like when monkeys do
human things. Yeah, I just I don't know. And
they rip your face off. Yeah, it's awesome. Occasionally,
they're just better humans. They're just bigger,
stronger, furrier humans. Dumber. Now that's
debatable. Is it? I think they're smarter. In
what sense of the word? Than many humans. I will
say that. I will say that. I mean, he's got a
point. Thanks. Show me a single monkey with a
Dungeons & Dragons podcast. I wish I could. But
they're smart enough not to get into a field
this oversaturated. We're the dumb ones. Thank
you, listeners. We're having fun. Thank you,
listeners. We're having fun while monkeys are
throwing their shit at the glass wall of the
zoo. You think that's not fun? I do not think
that's fun. This sounds like a blast. It really
does sound like a hell of a lot of fun. No way.
It really does. All right. After we record, we're
going outside. We're having a shit fight. No.
That doesn't sound like fun to me. Yeah, I kind
of draw the line there. Damn it. I'll go and
fling shit with the monkeys. We're not that close
yet. We'll get there. We'll get there, guys.
Anyway. Let's put this discussion off to the
side. We all know Steven's wrong, and that's
that. Back to the Dinsing Market Games, which
are just about to start. When we left off. Oh,
yeah. Sirenscape. That's nice. That's real nice.
Here we are. Sun has set over Sipsunko, over
the Valley of Zantini. And all the market lights,
I think, towards the edge of the market start
to go out. Things get a little darker. Because
the focus now... Yes. The focus now is in the
center. On the sunken plaza in the middle of
the market where these three great golden tents
lit up to all hell stand. We have a massive crowd
just building up all over. Everyone, every market
owner. I mean, I think right now most of the
stalls are just closed because, like, who the
fuck is going to go around the market buying
shit? The market games are happening, gentlemen.
There is a buzz all over the place. You guys
are in the middle of this, standing in the center
of the plaza. You see, like, this big screen
projector set up. Kind of like you've seen before
on Tythos, like a big sort of canvas. There's
a few of them, one in front of each tent. You
actually see there's like a pretty interesting
setup here. You might be aware of the fact that
the recording diamonds in some cases, their primary
use is to be blessed by the citadel, blessed
by the auroral diamond to record, you know, scenes,
record, record acts, and bring them back to the
citadel to transmit to the worlds. But... you
do know there is a feature that allows them to
transmit information to each other as well. And
some have actually been used for the purpose
of purely just transmitting to one central diamond
to project in a local environment. Essentially
working as security cameras in some cases. Or
in a case like this, as basically just like big
projectors showing what's going on inside the
tents to everyone around. It's here for the show.
Yeah, this technology's gone a lot of places.
All thanks to... the discovery that the auroral
diamond could bless these other diamonds and
could transmit signals, it's led to a lot of
developments beyond just that initial one. So
you're right here, you're seeing, like, I think
you probably see projections of at least one
tent inside already kind of ready and set up,
and you're looking up and you see that there's,
like... a big sort of open space there's bleachers
around for a live audience and you see like all
you see now on this on this projector for the
first of the games you would imagine it's just
this long table with a gigantic covered like
like like sort of uh blanket covered basket just
sitting in the middle it's all you see so um
touch on before like you guys are standing there
I was laughing at Siren Skate. This funny little
laugh in the background and I couldn't hold it
together. It was like half laugh, half ghost
squeal. I don't know. Yeah, that happens sometimes.
Ghost goats. Regional greeting, of course. Yes,
that too. So, you are all just standing in the
middle of all this. You're being kind of... gestured
forward by Madame Culp, who's the overseer of
the games this evening. I thought it was Silk.
God damn it. Silk's calling us. It's time. It's
Culp, you idiot! Jules, what do we got to do
with this one? All right, I'm sorry for interrupting.
Continue with the scene setup. As you guys move
forward, as you're moving towards her, the crowd
just erupts again into applause. You just kind
of hear, like, These lights, these lights, these
lights! Oh, yeah. As you move out, Jules. Really?
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Another group over there looking
at Zebulon just like, Herald of the Pangolins!
Herald of the Pangolins! Herald of the Pangolins!
And it's like, you have built a following here
already. You have a legend. We are so badass.
You're pretty badass. It's pretty cool. I think
you're right, Zeb. This feels kind of cool. Yeah,
Zebulon's kind of basking in it, kind of chest
puffed out. Hell yeah. He's into it. And as you
go to, like, move out, you see, we brought this
up last time, on the other side of this plaza,
the crowd parts. Another group steps out to another
roar of applause. You haven't seen these folks
before, at least not two of them. Now, you recognize
the goblin. You now know the name of the goblin
is Trace. You recognize the Haringan barbarian
that attacked you at Rune's home. And you know
this is Pepper. But now there's the other two
that step out in front. You see, first of all,
you see a slight young woman with a very athletic
build. She's wearing a black folklorico dress.
Do you know this kind of outfit? Nope, that is
a very new word for me. Please explain. Like
those Mexican sort of dance dresses. They're
very, very flowing, very colorful, especially
on the bottom trim. I think I get it. Yeah. She's
wearing one of these with, again, very colorful
trim, just full black, like a red and orange
sort of trim on the bottom. When she sort of
steps out with this grace, it sort of flows around
her, and her bottom of her skirt just looks like
a spinning fire. for a moment as she moves out.
You see she has a skull mask, very much matching
that of her brother, Demilich. Mateo Cortez,
whom you met once before, Zebulon. You can see
under her mask and under her arms, she has brown
skin. You can see she has pursed lips, black
eyes taking you in, almost unfeeling. Black hair
is hanging in a tail from the back of her mask.
And as she steps out, there's just a roar. Dance
macabre! Dance macabre! Dance macabre! Dance
macabre! You see the other figure steps out beside
her. You see a young man with tan skin, this
handsome boyish face with an easy smile. He has
short, dark brown hair. He's wearing a red tunic
covered in a flowery pattern of white and gold.
And he steps out, smiling this charming smile
towards everyone, waving easily in his hand,
giving off this faint white glow as he does.
And again, used here, everyone, Rasul! Rasul!
Rasul! Rasul! Rasul. And you see, kind of interesting,
you see one man sort of steps out from the crowd,
an old man, a blind man. He's reaching his hands
out, like, slowly and trembling, like a plant
reaching out towards the light of the sun, towards
this young man. And he just moans out a strange
word he'd never heard before. He just says, Mazeer,
Dracon! Mazeer! Mazeer! Did you hear that, Jules?
Did he just say what I think he said? That sounded
like what Ocean said. Oh, I don't think this
is going to turn out good at all. Something ain't
right. And so these four all move out and approach
Madam Culp, and you join them? I mean, we're
in it this far. We might as well just let's go.
Keep an eye on that one. Got me a little frightened.
All right, so you guys move out, stand up by
Madam Culp as they, you guys basically reach
them around the same time. I think Madam Culp
opens her mouth to speak to you, and... As she
does, the goblin sort of steps forward, sneering
at you, interrupting her. And he says, well,
well, well, look who's here. The fancy toy doll
has joined up with the stinky little dragons
and his stinky, slimy little friends. I don't
know about me, but I can smell you from here.
Well, I think the woman just puts a hand up and
silences him. He just grumbles, moves off to
the side. She's just staring coldly at you. Doesn't
say a word. The boy steps forward. Ramin Rasool.
And puts a hand out towards you, Jules. Hello.
Well met, friend. Jules, pleased to meet you.
I am Ramin Rasool. Do we know anything about
Ramin? I don't think I've heard that name before.
Jean -Francois mentioned it once. What he told
you. was that this is a... As a boy, Ramin Rasool
was saved from death, is what you know, by Atash
himself. Resurrected. And upon coming back, he
gained angelic powers. Many people believe he's
some special being, some chosen one. Some people
believe he is the one that's supposed to take
Atash's place someday. There's a great destiny,
they say, surrounding Ramin Massoul. And I think
as his hand touches you, Jules, you can feel
power and warmth and light flowing from it into
you. It's almost like when it touches you, you
feel this positive energy, like this spark of
joy. And I don't know, you might hate it. It
probably feels wrong, unexpected, but he just
smiles at you with this pure white grin. That
kind of really frightens me. It's a little unexpected,
maybe a little unsettling. Yeah. There's something
under it. I have heard many tales of your exploits
tonight, my friends. I do hope the Sunweaver
watches upon a glorious contest this evening.
Yeah, we're, uh... I'm, you know, happy to see
you guys, but, uh... We're here to win, so...
I'm looking forward to it, but, uh... No hard
feelings, right? I mean, do not waste your time
with them. Step back. They are adversaries this
evening. The woman, Dance Macabre, just shouts
out, and he just kind of winces a little bit.
That's not very friendly. I was hoping for a
friendly competition. I think the Horngon steps
out like, Oh, hi. You look familiar. Did we,
uh, did we, like, do a fight yesterday? Um, yep.
Oh, I thought so. Hi, I'm Pepper. We remember.
I remember very clearly. I kicked your little
goblin friend's ass there, and I'm about to do
it again. Oh, wow. You guys are very nice. Let's
keep it civil. Let's try to keep it civil. He
looks a little like his ears deflate just a little
bit, and he kind of steps back to the rest of
the group. So I think at this point, Madam Colt
finally just kind of watches us all. coughs,
and then speaks up. Well, then, I believe it's
time we introduced you all. If that's alright.
I imagine you've chosen a name for your little
team by now, yes? Oh my goodness. Seb, you got
a name? Because I don't. What about you, Chester?
Hi, hi. The Chesters? This first thing in my
head, I'm sorry. He's looking around the night
market. The tents? No, no. The kebabs? No. And
then he looks up towards the mountains. What
about the light? Ooh. The light. Well, on the
simple, but unorthodox in its simplicity, I like
it. I couldn't get on board with that one. Jules,
do you want to be... The light? Yeah, let's do
it. Let's do it. To the light. The light. And
John Franklin actually kind of puts a hand on
your shoulder and just, like, nods down. Yes.
The light. I like that. Very good. Thanks for
being a part of it. He actually smiles at you.
You can see, actually, he's a little nervous.
Like, he's sort of shaking and jittering a little
bit, but he smiles at you. And the woman just
kind of nods. Very well. And you? I think Dance
Macabre speaks up and says, We will be justice
undying. How dare you? That's in character now.
That was meant to be in character. Her whole
ponytail goes flying as she whips her head in
your direction and fixes a glare at you. He fakes
a cock. Sorry. I think it's you. Allergies? Yeah,
he's allergic to bullshit. Oh, God. Oh, shit.
Oh, man. Whoops, did I go too far? No, it's a
little. I think it was the flowers. Really, that's
a really cool, it's pretty, it's pretty badass.
She, like, cracks her knuckles and almost, like,
and then Rami puts his hand up. He's like, no,
no, no, no, no, come on. We will defeat them
in the games. I should be vengeance enough for
you. I think it's a fine name, Gabriela. And
she's just kind of muttering. They just start
to move away. And I think that Nicole turns to
you just... All right. In a moment here, we're
going to start the first game. We will open up
the first of these tents. You can see the projector
above it, and you will enter before the audience
gets to come in. And from there, the commentators
will announce what you are to do, and you're
to follow their instructions. And that is the
game. You'll be fighting for points in these
games. The first two are each going to be worth
one point in my game. My game will be possibly
worth two. Possibly? So? What does possibly mean?
She smiles. Oh, you'll see. But I would suggest
giving it your all in the first two games. You
don't want to be in a situation where you're,
well, down points. I don't think we're going
to lose, huh, Jules? I'm ready. Zeb's, like,
jumping around. He's getting hyped. Deb, you
know, I think we got this. Yeah, let's do it.
I think we got this. Okay. So you guys, I guess,
start to move away. And she basically just says,
she'll gesture to you when the time comes. You
have about ten minutes now before the games officially
start. So you're kind of just standing in the
middle of the crowd for just a moment while they're
finishing the last of the setup. Just kind of
staying together, holding strong. So as you move
away. You do actually catch a small disturbance
from the crowd over to the left side of your
group. You hear a small scuffle and some argument
breaking out. And you turn, and you actually
see it's the young kobold again. You hear his
mother's still with him, and she's shouting,
Come on! Come on! Leave her alone! It's not worth
it! In the gnome, Lemai Tenmo. that owns the
noodle shop you visited earlier is still just,
like, arguing again with this child. Kobold as
his mother's dragging away, shouting insults
back at her. The crowd's partying around them.
It's a brief scuffle. You know, nothing big.
They just kind of, some words spoken, and they
separate. But Chester kind of, like, looks over
at that and shakes his head, and he's like, man,
oh, man, Jules. That's getting wilder and wilder.
Have you been listening to the rumors? What rumors?
Oh, you hadn't heard? I'll tell you right now,
Chester is sort of part of his urban explorer
feat. He's very good at picking up rumors around
whatever cityscape he's in. I don't count the
market as having the same rhythm and feel of
a city. It's only urban in nature. So Chester,
wherever he goes, he can generally collect information
passively. A little eavesdropper. Basically,
yeah. That's useful. Absolutely. He gets you
by on Typhos. He gets you by everywhere else,
too. Okay. But he keeps going on. He's like,
yeah, they've been all sorts of disturbances
throughout the night, actually, at both the stalls
and others, too. Small fires here and there.
Like, I guess some stolen walks I've heard about.
Is there a war going on here? I don't know. It's
weird. Other places, too, though, like Vata's,
other wealthy goods, they sell, like, sweets
and stuff. Bunch of vanilla buns went missing.
Powdered sugar trail leading right to the Tianmo
tent. I'm telling you. Powdered sugar trail.
I think it's funny, too. Think about real life
picking up a tray of sweets that have powdered
sugar on them. You'll get it all over yourself.
Oh, no. It's so funny picturing a powdered sugar
trail. Then you get it all the way to where you're
taking it, set it down, get it nice and hidden,
and come out and look and be like, shit. I left
a powdered sugar trail the whole way. Oh my god.
Too funny. Yeah, it's been weird. I mean, it's
just a war, you know? Politics and all that.
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if we really
have time to stop the war. Oh, I ain't too interested
in that. That was fun. Doesn't seem like an appropriate
time for us to intervene. I'd just like to listen.
Those two, too. He actually gestures to Casimiroon
and his brother, who wears a similar outfit,
but this is all full red with green hanging off
of it. It's like, Casimiroon, they're the commentators
tonight, and I guess they've been arguing a hell
of a lot lately, too. I don't know. People talk.
With each other? I guess. Sounds like everybody's
going crazy. You guys get a full moon or something
here? That's a thing. It's a thing. How many
moons are there on Kipchenko? I count. Four little
ones? It's a quadruple full moon. That's a pretty
big deal. Must be. That explains it. Good job,
Seb. Once every hundred years. Oh my gosh. Well,
tonight's the anniversary. I think after that,
as he's making these notes, you're hanging out.
The tent opens and you see the two spicy brothers
both walk over and each side of the tent open
it up and gesture for you contestants to come
on in. Oh, hell yeah. Spicy time, Jules. Let's
do it. You like spicy food? I do. Chester? You
know, I can eat. What do you think? What do you
think, John Franklin? Like I said before, I could
handle my spice quite well. If it's the kind
of challenge we think it is, I think. I might
do quite well in it. Hmm. Well, let's see. Let's
go find out. So you guys start to move in. I
think actually, as you do, a trembling hand kind
of reaches down to you and stops you, Zebulon,
as Jules and Chester kind of step just a moment,
a little bit ahead. John Franklin kind of looks
down at you. Before this starts, I want to make
something clear. What's that, Shane? I... John
Franklin. It's fine. What's that, John Franklin?
Is it okay if I speak boldly? In fact, don't
answer that. I'm going to anyway. I mean, you're
welcome to. I saw potential in you back at Runes.
You fought quite well, especially given your
small stature and general... Everyone's been
saying that today, but, I mean, thanks? It's
a compliment. Take it. You fought very well,
and, well, I'll say it, you impressed me. Now,
I've been desperate. I told you before, I have
a certain goal to accomplish, and I need help
to see it done. And I'm going to support you.
I've decided that. You have me at your back.
I will work as your, well, your informant on
everything luminary that you need to know. I'm
well knowledgeable in the history of our worlds
and their religions and such and such, so I should
be able to help you to a degree there. Hmm. And
in combat, I will protect you however I can.
I want to see you succeed because if you succeed,
I succeed. You understand? Yeah, that's really
nice to hear, uh, Jean Franklin. But this, if
we fail here, we're stopped immediately. We may
not get another chance at this. Rune pulled strings
to get us here tonight. Could be hard to come
back again afterwards if we fail this. I am...
wholly relying on you. Well, uh, John Franklin,
I'm... I'm not here to lose, quite... quite John
Franklin. Oh. Oh, dear. Oh, my. Oh, no. The only
thing holding you back is I have no buttons,
so we'll, uh... we'll see how that goes, but...
Well, you may not have buttons, but you have
me. Allow me to properly introduce myself to
you. I am Jean Franklin Montelio, heir to House
Montelio, future lord of the Nine Pools and carrier
of the banner of the Golden Bay. And I am your
sword and shield now, Zebulon. Black. Any winks?
Um, that's, um... Wow, I guess I don't really
know how to respond to that. It's really, really
flowery. Um... I guess, thank you, and I'm going
to do whatever I can to see all of us succeed.
All right. And with that, he takes his hand off
and sort of gestures towards the tent, and you
guys both move inside. Let's go eat some spicy
shit. Hell yeah. Do we even know that we're eating
spicy shit? I mean, I'm just kind of like context
clues, I guess. Yeah. You have to squeeze it
in your eyes at the actual contest. Just the
mention of spicy food implies that it will be
ingested. You have to cut the peppers and then
take a piss without washing your hands. That's
fucked. Jules is out. Adventure's over. I'm going
back home. It's the worst thing. I'm going to
big brain this. I'm going to wear gloves. Oh,
that's smart. Cheer. So you guys move in, you're
gestured over to the tables, and I think just,
like, you basically move over there, and you
see already on one side, Dance Macabre, or Gabriela,
as she was called before, and Ramin Masool have
stepped up to the tables and basically are standing
in two spots on, like, the right side of this
grand table in the middle of this tent. And as
the four of you step over to move to the other
side, the brothers come to you and put their
hands up. Not Kasim, but Vi, the other brother
you haven't really met formally yet, steps forward
and says, No, no, no, my friends. I'm sorry,
but main's only in this one. It's a two -on -two
challenge for us. So that's going to be, and
he looks at a list, Zebulon and Jules. All right,
guys. Jules, I think we got this. Guys. Sorry,
Chester. Yeah. Don't sweat. Don't sweat it. No,
we'll be the ones sweating. Yeah. I think we
can pull this off. Oh, yeah. Hands down. We got
this. Yeah. I think Chester just kind of gives
you a thumbs up, looking pretty comfortable and
confident in you, Jules. And Jean -Francois looks,
frankly, terrified as everyone walks away. Kind
of banking on him being able to handle this one.
But, hey, it is what it is. So you guys move
up to the table? Mm -hmm. I think so. All right,
you guys go and you take your perspective spots.
You're basically all just like you're on one
side of this table, the two of you just standing
next to this big basket, and on the other side
you see Dance Macabre and Ramin Rasool. They're
just kind of staring you down. Suddenly, the
crowd just comes in, fills the bleachers, and
there's just a torrent of movement and bodies.
It's just excited air. People just pouring in.
Music begins to start playing. It's a little
upbeat, a little exciting. I don't know. It's
a little terrifying to me. It's a little terrifying.
I was going to say, this sounds like combat music.
It almost sounds like haunted house music. I'm
not going to tell you to change it. I'm not going
to tell you to change it. You're into it? All
right. We're doing combat music. It changed.
I like this more. Yeah, this is... Holy shit.
This is pretty fun. This is hot. Hey. Pepper
challenge. Anyway. I'm sorry. We were jamming.
I'm just absorbing this. What is it? A piccolo?
Is this a piccolo? I don't know. Nobody knows.
You might be right. No one in the world knows.
Is that the sound of people getting punched?
This is actually combat music. This is like Street
Fighter music. Oh my god, okay. That is actually
punching. Furnish him! Can I just take everything
and just keep the music? Oh my god, let me just...
That sounded like a gut punch. It's so good.
The crowd starts getting crazy. There's a fucking,
there's a riot. Oh my god. And we're just sitting
there eating peppers at the table. It's happening
around us. Whoa, that sounded like nunchucks.
I need to get rid of all of these sounds. Give
me just a second. I just want the music. Okay,
everything should be good. I got rid of punches
and kicks. And chickens. And chickens. Apparently
there's chickens. We don't have them anymore.
We're good. Boom. I couldn't tell the difference
between the punches and the kicks. Are you guys
ready? Ready. Let's go. The crowd lines up. I
think, like, standing up at the table, you see
the two Arun brothers step forward. Kasim Arun,
your old buddy from before, turns around, gives
you a wink, and looks back at the crowd. And
Vi just, like, spotlight hits you guys, hits
them in front of the table. And Vi Arun just,
like, stands up real tall and just says, Folks
of the Night Market! You could have been anywhere
tonight on any of the 25 worlds, but you are
here! And you guys are the crowd, by the way.
You gotta crowd it up for me. I was gonna say,
it was like Zebulon screaming. Yeah! Let's do
this! Let's do this! Market Games! Alright! Well,
tonight we've got some real exciting stuff for
you folks. We're starting off with our very own
challenge! Are you ready to greet the heat? Yeah!
Let's go! Peppers, peppers, peppers. All right,
hot crab tonight, pepper crab tonight. Good,
good. Don't always get that. All right. Hey,
the dragon over there is wicked cute. Look at
the tail on that one. Oh, my God. Shit, you can't.
I've got fans. I've got fans. Thank you. Thank
you. I'll be done here soon. Not if we win. All
right. You probably know, but we're going to
read off the rules for anyone who doesn't. No,
I don't know. Please tell me. All right, then,
you. Contestant. I'm telling you all. In this
challenge, there is one point possible to the
winner. The last man standing, or the team with
the last man standing, I should say. Now, each
of your teams are going to play with two main
contestants. We're going to provide you each
a pitcher of milk. And he gestures out and some
people walk over and just drop like milk pitchers
between each of you. Looks real cold, real refreshing.
Looks real nice. Glass sweating. And you see
in the center of the table is this cupboard basket
filled with assortment of our very own Spicy
Brother Peppers! It's a pepper crowd. I love
this. I love it. All right. Now each round. Each
of the players is going to pull a pepper from
the basket at random and then eat it. The challenge
continues until one team has been eliminated
either by grabbing the milk or stepping away
from the table. This is going to be a battle
of constitution and of that all -important attribute
that all heroes must have. A little bit of luck.
All right! Now I will say right here and now
the use of magic is banned in this event if it
is seen that we will have to eliminate the contestant
to use magic automatically. I don't have magic.
All right. All right. He doesn't have magic.
All right. What do you say folks? What if we
begin right now? I'm going to take the pitcher
of milk. Don't do it. And I toss it behind my
shoulder. Oh, my gosh. I did it. Okay, all right.
I did it. Dude, you got me hyped. I think this
guy just looks over. He looks at you and just
imitates the crowd like a sheer, like, oh, my
gosh, expression, like so excited. He's like,
look at this guy. Look at this guy. This guy
doesn't care. This guy doesn't give a shit. He
doesn't give a shit. Sorry, children. Sorry.
I am so sorry that I just did that. So. I think
you will be. He hyped it up pretty damn good,
okay? We're in the moment. Yes. We are powerful
right now. Contestants, hands toward the basket.
All four hands reach out, just under the cloth,
just like, when I say round one, you reach in,
you grab, you pull out, and then we eat. Round
one, go! And everyone reaches in. Roll a d10,
both of you. And now I roll two. So now that
I'm rolling, I have to plug my buddy Jason, who
started listening to the show not super long
ago. And he texted me one day, and he goes, hey,
so I'm sick of your friends picking on you for
your Fisher -Price dice. He said, watch the mail.
So he sent me these awesome metal hollow dice
that are... I guess I don't really know how to
explain it. They're cut out into the shape of
the numbers, and there's dragons on all the sides.
They're wicked cool. I'll throw a pick up. But
Jason and his wife, Andrea, just started doing
a 3D printing business. Got themselves some 3D
printers. Going to do some cool stuff. Hell yeah.
Called MF Designs. We'll throw them up on social.
Go ahead and find them. One of these days, I'm
going to send him files for our Hero Forge minis,
get our minis printed up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So
he's doing cool. They're doing cool stuff. Really,
really appreciate the dice. I'm going to send
him some beer. So thank you, Jason. And I'm going
to roll your d10 here. Eight. Nice. That's an
eight? That's a good number. Nine. But we still
got both. We got both good numbers. But higher
might be bad. It's actually hilarious. Higher
is actually way worse. Higher is spicier. Higher
is the worst. I will tell you right now, because
while you were talking, I rolled for mine. You
just see both the Ramin and Dance Macabre both
reach in and grab theirs. Dance just looks you
straight in the eye. Zebulon, as she pops it
into the mouth, chews it, swallows it, doesn't
break a sweat. That's 20. On a d10? No, I rolled
for my concept. So yeah, you guys reach in, you
grab your peppers. Let's start with you, Jules.
You rolled a nine, you said? Yes. Oh boy. You
reach in, you grab this pepper that's like, you
look in your hand and it's just like this pattern
of like red with yellow, almost like flames licking
up the side of the pepper. Oh my God. Great.
Looks pretty rough. Well, at least I start off
with the worst first. You gonna take a bite?
Yeah. You pop it in your mouth? I'm not gonna
not. Roll me. A constitution saving throw. Oh,
that's cracked. I know. I was trying to figure
out whether it actually was just from my angle.
I know. You have like a thousand buttons. I know
I have buttons. I know. I'm not trying to pressure
you into using a button, man. I'm going to use
one button on this one. To be honest, I did forget
about my buttons because now I'm going to actually
use one after you mentioned it. I don't like
the look on David's face. Yeah, that's kind of
terrifying. He's just smiling silently, looking
at his computer. I'm just going to go with this
anyway because it's hilarious. Button. Okay.
All right. All right. That's good. 17. 17. 17
is a fail. This is one of the... Are you shitting
me? barely a fail. You meet this thing, and you're
feeling pretty good, and you turn to Zebulon,
who's probably kind of like a smile, you turn
to Chester, who's like, rooting you on, go Jules!
And you kind of look confident, and then all
of a sudden sweats are beating your forehead,
and I'm going to read exactly what this says.
You open your mouth, you cough, and you gasp
spice into the air. And the next challenge participant,
the other on your team, has disadvantage on their
saving throw. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And you're
Pepper. You gasp out right at Zebulon's face.
You're about to eat yours, and you're already
feeling the heat, Zebulon. You're already in
trouble. Now, you're not out. What that means,
you didn't fail by... If you fail by over 10,
basically... Ten or more. Okay. You automatically
walk with the table and reach for the milk. It's
kind of like you just fail horribly. But because
you failed this one. I'm rolling on an eight,
on a D10, and I got disadvantage. Yeah, but you
have disadvantage in the next round, Jules, because
you failed that one. Oh, my God. I have disadvantage,
and then he has disadvantage? On round two, he
does, but you have on round one, because you
go after him in this round. Oh, we're so going
to lose. It's going to be long. All right. I'm
going to roll two. All right. First roll's a
15. Good roll. Good roll, Jason. Second roll's
a 10. Plus zero constitution. You rolled a eight
on your initial D10? My D10 was an eight. That's
a fail. Yeah. Yeah, I kind of guessed. Okay.
In fact, you have to make a second saving throw
against this pepper as this one. You pull this
one up and it's just got like, it's actually
like this purple pepper, almost like a small
like plum like shape to it. And as you eat it,
like hits you with this first wave and you fail
that. And you feel a second wave coming your
way. Oh, no. All right. Can I hold it down? You
have disadvantage on this one because you failed
the first one. What? I have disadvantage again?
Because you failed the first one. What is this?
The disadvantage episode? It's rough. It's a
bad time. Yours is horrible. Okay. First rolls
a 16. Dude, Jason's doing great by me. Doing
good. Doing good. Jason's doing great by me.
But you, you son of a bitch. I'll fail by 10
or more. 17. So 16 was my lowest. Come on. 16
passes. Nice! You managed to hold your own against
it, and in the next round, you will not have
this advantage. MF Designs, what up? Okay, okay.
Everyone's in! What do we got here, folks? He's
looking around, he's like, oh, this is getting
hot! It's about to get hotter in round two! Go!
You guys reach in? Yep. Give me your D10s, and
I'll do mine. Ah, fuck! No, no, no, no, no. I
rolled a nine. You don't have disadvantage anymore,
though. No, but still. Yeah, it's still rough.
It's still rough. Rolled a nine. Rolled a nine
on the pepper, okay. So I got to roll an 18 or
above, because you rolled 17 and failed, right?
Yep. Got it. All right. I'll do mine first. You
see them go. You see. You see dance again, takes
a challenge, pops one in your mouth, unaffected.
Ramin, however, goes to take a bite, and he kind
of like. It kind of starts almost like choking
up for a second. He swallows it. Sweating, wiping
his head. He's not looking good going into the
next challenge, but he doesn't fall out yet.
Jules, let's go with you first. All right, I
got a five. Okay, got a five. All right, give
me your save. Goddamn. All right, first roll.
This is just a basic looking green peppers that
you pull out. All right, you have disadvantage
again. Perfect, yeah. Right, right, right. Okay.
All right. 11. 11? You're good. Yeah, you hold
out against it. You are good. All right. Oh,
my God. Here we go. Okay, okay. Here we go. Give
me that 18, baby. Give me that fucking 18, baby.
Here we go. Seven. Seven. Yep. A seven total?
Doesn't do it. A seven total. Oh, I failed by
more than 10. No. You take a bite of that. What's
it look like? You tell me. Oh, shit. He takes
a bite of the pepper and just like immediately
opens his mouth and fire shoots out from his
mouth. And with both hands, he grabs the milk
and fucking drinks it. Oh, God damn it. And Zebulon
is out! You're one person that go, boo! I liked
him. I'm sorry, George. It's all right. It's
all right, bud. I'm sorry. That's all right.
I think Zebulon gets up and walks away. You walk
away. Yeah. Pouting. Sad. Crying. Kicking the
ground. None of that. Okay. Walks away. Real
cool. Walks away. Really, really cool. Yes, please.
Jules. That's more like Zeb. You're on your own
now. I think the moment that Zeb leaves, Jules
gets very fucking serious. Oh, shit. Okay. And
with that, we're going into round three, folks.
Round three. Go. You got this, Josh! Ooh. Oh,
no. I'll tell you, I rolled some very high ones.
What did you roll? So, we both did. Interesting.
This is going to be very interesting. Let me
start with Dance. She rolled a pretty high one.
She goes, take a bite of your pepper. A ten.
What is that going to do? I don't know. I don't
know. Okay, she... Fails the first save. Disadvantage
against the second. Okay. So you see she takes
a bite. And for the first time she's... Starting
to sweat. Starting to show it. It's not good.
But she doesn't go for the... I think she...
She pulls her hand back and just glares over
towards you. Her eyes flicker to the Zebulon
walking away and smiles and looks back at you
with these dark, dark eyes. Now Ramin's going
to go. Oh no, he... That's the rule of disadvantage.
Ramin takes a, he pulls out a pepper, and what
you see actually, you see he has the same pepper
as you, Jules. You see a black pepper with this
natural skull -like design, almost like shape
in it. Oh my god, that sounds awful. And he takes
a bite of it, and you just see him just like,
his eyes wide, and the second he touches his
tongue, and he's looking around, and he just
like, he just like, immediately just like, bolts
from the table, drops down, rolls off of it,
and begins to move away. Drumming fails. Take
it. But dance passes. That's great. And now it's
you and her and your turn to eat your pepper.
And you saw what that did to him. What's it going
to do to you, Jules? You just can't fail by 10.
You ready to roll? I'm ready to roll. All right,
then. And I don't know how this happens every
fucking time, but every time we get buttons,
they go right back to you, literally. In the
next session. We've got to keep that economy
rolling. This is the first of three games, guys.
Luckily for me, you fucked up last time and gave
me three buttons, which means I had four. So
here's another one. Okay, okay. This one's good
because... That's something we cannot retcon.
That's a smart move. It happened. Because, I
mean, odds of a nat 20, which I think is what
you're going to need to pass this. But you just
can't roll ten less. It's going to be rough.
You can't roll ten less. All right. Okay. Nat
20. Holy shit. Oh, my God. Dude, suck it. You
tell me what it looks like when you take this
pepper. I'll tell you this. You take this pepper,
and the second it hits your tongue, a blazing
heat like you've never felt before. And you see,
all of a sudden, Dan Smetkov's skull -like face
becomes an actual skull. You see around the face
of the audience become these heat wave skull
illusions, almost, as this heat touches you.
How do you hold against this? Well, first off,
before I even put it to my mouth, I look straight
into Dan's eyes, and the nearest jug of milk
that's by me, I fling it off the table. To knock
the exebulants off, too? Yep. Then I grab the
pepper, and I throw it up like popcorn in the
air. Oh, my God. Throw it up, chomp down, and
look straight at her, and my gaze does not flinch
the entire time. I want you to do something for
me. I want you to roll intimidation. Yes. Sweet.
I want you to roll intimidation. This is a contest.
And I think that kind of thing can actually be
like, like she saw what they did to her partner
and you just handled it like that. 14. 14. Okay.
I'm going to actually roll something too. Oh,
you see her. She, she looks at you and like,
you see your eyes widen for a moment, but then
she kind of like shakes her head, refocuses.
I got in her head a bit. You got in her head
a bit, for sure. I was going to give her disadvantage
on this next roll if she failed that, but she
held against it. So she's kind of like, I think
she takes a deep breath, puts her hands out,
and it's like, all right, folks, we're down to
two! We're down to two! And we're rolling again.
Ready, set, reach out to the basket! You got
it, Jules! You got it! Jules, go! I love how
the... The announcer for the game said we're
going to roll for it. Roll pepper. You're going
to roll a pepper into your mouth. Okay. That
makes more sense. It's a Sasako thing. You wouldn't
get it. It's right here in the book, page five.
Don't look that up. Oh, my God. All right. What'd
you roll? Fucking nine. It's not good. It's not
good. Not good at all. I'll go first. I rolled
high as well. It's funny. These are all been
high rolls. I know, that's the thing. Any other
time, we'd be thrilled with all these nines and
tens and shit. Okay. She takes the pepper, and
she fails. She just sweats, still kind of, like,
shaken from you, and, like, she opens up spice,
billows from her mouth. There's no partner on
her side to, like, take disadvantage from it,
though. Oh, God, do I use the third button? We
still got two games. Yeah. We still got two games,
and I can't. I gotta save those buttons. Right,
really, you're just trying to not, you know,
roll, what is it, eight or below? Probably. You
can do it, Jules! Oh, that's right, I had a,
yeah, I had nine on the first one, and I rolled
a 17, and it just, yeah. Use all your buttons,
Jules! Goddammit. Hey, Chess, the fuck off! Alright.
No, no, no, no. Don't fuck off. I need your support
right now. All right. Just not that kind of support.
Oh, God damn it. I'm not using the button. Okay.
I need to save this shit. Honestly, I wouldn't
either. All right. Okay. It's not a total out
failure, but it's a 16. 16? Still in the game.
Yeah. Still in the game. Yep. Okay, yeah. Sort
of like sudden death now. You're still in. You're
both disadvantaged. You're just feeling the heat.
She's feeling the heat. You're staring each other
down. You're both sweating. We're going to the
next round. It's all going to come down to this
D10 roll. I'm changing my D10. Use one of these
if you want. Here, use this one. Use this beautiful
D10. No, get out of here. I'll roll it for you.
Fuck your DM D10. Let me do mine, actually. She,
uh... Get out of town. So she grabs a pepper
that you see is like red with pink swirls all
around it. And she looks at it. I think she actually
kind of like smiles just a little bit. Pops it
in. And you can see like she starts to sweat.
Her eyes widen a little bit and just holds against
it. And then she kind of like nods. She got it.
And she eats it. And she seems like she's okay.
Fuck. Would you roll? Take a wild guess. You
know exactly what he wrote. Take a wild fucking
guess. Another skull pepper? Another ten. Oh
my gosh, and she looks at your pepper in your
hand and she smiles. She actually has the first
time to see her lips open up to see her gleaming
white teeth as she just feels like she's won.
I still can't use a button. No, because you've
got disadvantage on this one. Oh shit, oh shit,
oh shit. Oh, I do. That's right. God damn it.
So you'd just be... You'd be going back to straight.
Jules! Jules! Jules! Jules! As long as it's not
lower than a 10. Right, exactly. Then you're
at least still in it. The whole place goes silent.
They all see what you pulled. Everyone's watching.
I'm not even going to bother with this second
goddamn roll. I'm out. Okay. Did you have a contingency
plan for if we did not succeed in these games
and move on to become luminaries and get sponsors
and get lots and lots of money? Yeah, find new
people, make a new podcast. Perfect. Let's go
hike. Oh, not even new PCs, new players. I'll
go make new friends. That's fine. We're taking
fantasy fans with us then. That's cool. What's
it look like now you have no milk around you?
This is probably going to be pretty funny. Oh,
my God. That's right. She's smiling and watching
you. Oh, my gosh. You said I'm out. It doesn't
mean it's so critical. You've got to leave the
table. Yeah. Okay. I just stand up and walk away.
Okay. I don't let her see that it's burning my
fucking throat. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Okay. All
right. But I'm still staring at her the whole
time. I love it, too, because this pepper, like
I said before, makes her look like a true skull.
So as she's staring at her smiling, she becomes
this grinning skull. All right. Well, how about
this? As I get up and start to walk away, I don't
show that it burns at all. I'll give her a little
half bow, though. Okay. You win. And you step
away from the table. She just kind of nods at
you, puts her hand in the air, and Viarune just
steps forward and just, Yeah! We have a winner!
Shit. Justice! I'm dying! Danza Cobb just, like,
is up there. She kind of, like, does a little,
like, a quick twirl. They go about one place
very gracefully, just, like, dances around the
table. Just really just letting the crowd, like,
I mean, she's been in the spectacle before. She's
a luchador, an up -and -comer on her home world.
She's eating the stage alive. People are just,
yeah, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance. And
that team gets a point. That you don't have going
into the... Son of a bitch. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
No, no, no. It was nobody's fault. We gave it
our best. Actually, it was both of your faults,
I would say, but sure. You want a foot up your
ass? It wasn't my fault. That's all I'm saying.
Or better yet, you want a fucking pepper up your
ass? Let's see what the second game brings. I
think Jester kind of opens his hand up and he's
got a pepper. He's kind of like, I jump right
in. I'm like, do I? You wait for my signal, Chester.
All right. And with that, everyone begins to,
like, move out of the tent. And there's, like,
I think a brief respite before the second game
begins. And I think maybe as everyone leaves,
you're kind of held back. The other group, your
rival group, steps away from you, and they're
just kind of looking at you, snickering and smiling.
Ramin looks like he's kind of apologizing and
bowing. He looks at you guys and kind of gives
you a sorry smile. He's not like... venomous
towards you, like Dance is. But you can tell
she's very much the leader of this group. And
with that, we move away from this into the second
challenge. So you step outside, and you notice
that above you, the projector on your tent is
now dead, just like dark. And now just across
the way in the second of these golden tents,
you can see lit up is the inside of the room.
People who couldn't fit in the tent are outside
cheering as you guys step out. You know, put
up a good fight. They're excited. And you can
look ahead to the projector and you see a very
strange setup in the next room. You see what
looked like a number of people in chef garb and
chef hats are standing at these two gigantic
woks. And you see there's already oil and fire
and they're sizzling. Something's being cooked
in them. You see just beyond that there are these
big tables covered with knives and utensils and
two giant baskets. There's, like, two tables,
two walks, all kind of in a row. And just beyond
them is this one gigantic tank with frosted glass.
And you just barely make out some, like, shape
swirling around inside. Maybe a few other large
shapes in this tank. There's, like, staircase
up each side of the tank, moving up towards the
top. And that's what you see. People are already
funneling in, filling the bleachers. And Viaroon
looks at you guys again, and Vyan casts them.
They kind of wave you on, like, come on, come
on, let's get going. Okay, okay. All right. You
ready? Show us where to go. Hey, good stuff in
there. Points to you, Jules. Yeah, sure. See
if you keep that showmanship up. Come on, this
is an exciting one. You're gonna love it. All
right, let's start over. This is, uh... We can
do this. Hard reset. Hard reset. Yeah, good.
Well said. All right. You move to this room.
uh into this into large open space and they kind
of gesture you over towards uh like just in front
of the tank there's a man standing there um basically
just kind of dressed in pretty pretty simple
uh looks like a simple tunic uh kind of a rope
belt on him very hardy looking man with a big
black beard um kind of rough scarred face and
like these big meaty hands and he's also wearing
like a chef apron um over his tunic he kind of
just like smiles over at you guys and kind of
like just everyone in your rivals are already
standing at his side and as you move up to stand
by them by and cast them take the you know stand
in front of you the spotlight hits down on them
crowd goes quiet um so i think like uh vi just
looks over the crowd kind of gauging them and
after a moment everyone gets real quiet everyone's
been waiting and long enough he nods and just
says Everybody! Who's ready for the second game?
I thought the monkey talk was done. That was
a monkey. We've got Sid Squid here from Sid Squid's
Trust and Leak to walk us through his game. Say
that one more time. Slowly. Sid Squid's. Trusty
Leak. Trusty Leak? Trusty Leak. We got Sid Squid
here, family man, local merchant, from Sid Squid's
Trusty Leak to walk us through the second game,
his game. Yeah, plumber. Yeah. All right, so
Sid's going to step forward and tell us about
Battle Bronze, the Shrimpening, Bean, Shredding,
Bonanza! Everyone's just, wah! He nods, steps
away, and this man, Chef Aprons, kind of steps
forward, big burly fellow, just rolls his shoulders
a little bit. I'm a little cautious about the
shrimp battling. He's kind of like, this big
hearty laugh. All right. As you mostly know,
anyone local here would know that I was formerly
an adventurer in this area. I traveled the forest
of Sunco finding the best and most dangerous
ingredients. And I created the greatest giant
shrimp cakes this world's ever seen. And if it's,
yeah, it's like, ha, ha, yes, yes. And tonight,
our contestants are going to help me make more
shrimp cakes for you. I'm excited for giant shrimp
cakes. So here's how this is going to go. I got
my sous chefs at the walks. I got chefs ready
to pull the ingredients to them when the time
comes. But we need, we need those ingredients
prepared. Am I right? Yeah, prepare the ingredients.
I'm going to prepare the ingredients. Prepare
the ingredients. Yeah. Prep, work, prep, work,
prep, work, prep, work. What the hell kind of
challenge is this? So let's talk about how this
is going to go down. This is going to be a race
between these two teams to see who can finish
their prep first. In this game, we're going to
require four contestants, all four stepping forward.
Each man in their second is going to pick a station.
So we're fucked because our DM is a prep cook.
Oh, my God. Do I get advantage if I know what
a Cambro is? No. You get disadvantage for asking
that question. I know what a camera is. I steal
them from David all the time. So here's how it's
going to go. We have two stations to go to. We
have the tank behind me. He knocks on it and
this violent boom resounds as something bashes
against the tank. He just laughs. We got the
tank behind me. So in this tank, we have four
giant Jack and Coy prawns. Now for these kinks,
we're going to need two of them. We're going
to need them taken out. We're going to need them
killed. So one of these teams of two, from each
of our teams, is going to come up here, going
to kill two of these prawns, and then my sous
chefs are going to fish them out. Meanwhile,
the second team is going to the tables. And at
the tables, we've got our local... Wait, did
he say that we have to kill them and then the
sous chefs are going to fish them out of the
tank? Basically, if you kill them, that's kind
of how you win. The challenge. Okay. Yeah, I
killed two giants. We killed them in the tank.
Yeah. Okay. Second of you is going to, the second
team is going to step down to the table. We've
got some of our, he kind of like smirks a little
bit, local green tree beans. All coiled up in
a basket, ready to be prepped. All you got to
do is, he winks at the crowd, there's a little
bit of laughter, chop them up. So. I don't really
trust that. I think there's a secret. There was
an odd hesitation there. Yeah. Did you see the
wink? I'm going to ask you now, teams. You choose.
Mains and seconds. We got, and he looks at his
list, Zebulon and Jean Franklin. That's what
we got written down here. You get to pick a spot.
And Jules and Chester, you get to pick a spot.
Do you want to go to the tank or do you want
to go to the table? You guys choose between yourselves.
Oh, I see. Who wants to go where? Okay, out of
character. My first knee -jerk reaction is to
send in John Franklin and Chester to do the killing.
I really wanted that, though. I don't trust the
green bean thing. I think it's a false flag.
Yeah. He did say your main and your second to
pick a spot, so he actually wants you to stick
with the second you're signed up with, which
in your case is Chester. Right. Oh, so it's...
Like, it's Manchester. And Jean Franklin go to
either the tank or the tank. Okay. Yes. Yeah.
I will say, actually, he would add one more thing.
Just like, and remember, when you're prepping
those beans, cutting and smashing is fine. No
burning, no poison, nothing funny. We got to
eat this stuff, right? Well, no burning. I'm
not sure about that one. You want to do rock,
paper, scissors? Does it matter for us to do
rock, paper, scissors? Because you and Chester
are going either to the tank or to the table.
Oh! Yes, yes. I thought, okay. No, the mains
may have seconds. Each of you have a second assigned
to you, basically. Right. It's the rock star
speaking. Okay, I get it. Okay. Yeah, I was thinking
that, you know. I would sit at the table, Chester
would go to the tank, and then it would be the
same thing for you guys. You guys decide who's
doing what. Okay, that makes sense. So while
you guys are discussing, he turns to the other
team, he gives them the rundown, and you see
they immediately break off with Ramin Rasool
and Pepper the Horrigan. You now know whose sidekick
is whose. They move up towards the tank. and
then you see Dance Macabre and Trace the Goblin.
Trace sneers at you. She kind of coldly flips
her ponytail at you, and they move to the prep
table. As they pass us and they're back to us,
I'm going to flip them off. Justin does a double
flip -off with you. Yeah, Jules! All right, Zeb.
You make the choice. You did better at the last
game. You make the choice. You did better at
the last game. I think you should choose. What
do you think you're going to be better at? Well,
I mean... Okay, yeah, I know you're good at everything.
Yes, I know. I'm pretty decent at, uh... Wow.
I will remind you, you gotta cut. The beings,
at least, you actually need to cut them. Zebulon's
a better cutter. It's worth noting. But that's
like, you know, if you're limited to just physical
stuff, Jules, your magic wouldn't be much use
there. But you have a rapier. You know how to
use a knife and a weapon, so... Well, is it...
Was it just no magic for that first one, or was
it for all the games? Oh, just for the first
one. Oh. I think we should roll for it. Let the
dice decide. I think whoever rolls higher goes
to the tank. Okay. Okay. We're doing just straight
D20. Fucking roll off, baby. Twelve. Zeb's going
to the tank. I got three. Zeb and Jean Franklin
are going to the tank. Going to the tank, okay.
And Crax's neck is like... Finally, a chance
to shrew myself. And he kind of spins a spear.
Can I talk a little funny under pressure? A chance
to shrew yourself. Shrew my, that's it. All right,
all right, John Franklin, I'm just busting your
balls, okay? John Franklin, it's okay. Let's,
um, let's go kill some, some giant prawns. I'll
have you know I'm quite the fisherman in my home
world. Do you know what the plural to prawns
is, then? Prawn -eye. Let's go kill some Pranai.
Let's go kill some Pranai. All right, guys, go
kill some Pranai. And so you guys split off to
your respective stations. You, the two of you,
I guess, like Jean Franklin and Zebulon, you
guys move up towards the tank. You walk up the
stairs. And Zebulon, I think you probably get
to the top of the stairs. You're smaller, so
you might need to kind of be looking down. at
these things, and you can, like, look down to
this tank, and you see these large shapes. Each
one's, like, a four or five feet. These large,
like, shrimp. I held it for as long as I could.
So you stand at the top of this thing, and you're
looking down at these, like, swirling shapes.
These purple and blue creatures. And Jules, you
and Chesta, you move down to the tables. I can
say Chesta. You move down. There's a little Chester
creeping in there. There's large, like, you know,
wooden cutting board prep tables. And you see
this big, big basket, like, huge basket with
these coiled up, like, long tree beans. Just,
like, it's almost like there's a big bushel of
them just in this really long coil, like, big
snake. Are they snakes? They're snakes. I was
going to say, that sounds kind of scary. It sounds
kind of snake -like. It's very clearly not a
snake. You can tell if it's a snake. I don't
trust anything you say. It's true. Well, as soon
as David was like, oh, well, don't forget that
Zebulon's a better cutter, I'm like, eh, I'm
calling bullshit on that, because you know something
we don't. I mean, he knows everything we don't.
So you guys step over, you look across to see
your rivals. Zebulon, you're staring across at
Romaine, Rasul, and Pepper. Jules, once again,
you turn to face Dance Macabre at her table.
He looks at you, smiles again. Trace flips you
off. Calvin, chest to double, chest to him, and
just flip each other off. It's like, guys, please,
children. Shut the fuck up or I'll tie you up
again. Oh, shit. He just scowls and went back
down to his work. He picks up a knife. He goes
to reach and sits with it and goes, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Don't reach for the knives quite
yet. On my mark. Pull your weapons out and get
ready. He steps over to the tank. He's just standing
inside of the tank. He's looking around you.
Contestants, do you understand the rules? Be
the first to finish your station's job, and you
win. All right, John. That's simple. I guess
we just got to kill a couple of these things.
Let's kill two prawns. Yeah, easy enough. And
then we enjoy shrimp cakes or something, I guess.
I'm really looking forward to it. I mean, did
they call them shrimp cakes, even though it's
prawn? That's what he said. I assume it's the
proper. It's seafood. In a nice little patty
form. Is it prawn cake? It's going to be delicious.
Prawn eye cake, actually. So you guys are ready?
Stand at your tables. You ready to go? Ready
to go. So he turns, Sid Squid turns to Vi and
Kasim and nods. And Vi steps forward again. Looks
at the crowd. Spolly hits him. He's just like,
Are you ready, folks? Yeah! Prawn cakes! Or shrimp
cakes. We haven't really decided. Food! The battle
begins in three, two, one. Grab your weapons.
And like Chester goes to grab his knife and pull
it out. You see the same on the other side. They
grab their knife. And at the tank, you just see.
Sid Squid just smashes his fist in the tank as
hard as he can. The water surges, and these prawns
suddenly just turn up their eyes, their beady
eyes fixed on the two of you staring down, and
they lunge at you. Jules, as you grab the knife,
the beans in the fucking basket suddenly animate
and launch out. Of course. Yeah, of course they
do. Trying to snatch those weapons, trying to
wrap around you, and you're all going to roll
for initiative, but not tonight, because we caught
there. Oh, fuck. Oh!