The Dinsing Night Market. One of the great marvels
of all many worlds. When the mountains of Subsunko
burn with many lights, so too do the tents and
cards of the Night Market. Truly it is a special
place. Made even more special one fateful night
by the arrival of our two potential luminaries.
Zebulon Black, the newly named, made his appearance
to the market folk leading a mob of pangolins.
A local creature much revered. Jules Roach made
his own contribution to the festivities in the
form of an incredible song. Through merry crowds,
the two traveled, meeting up with the overseer
of this night's market games, a gnomish woman
named Madame Cope. There, they discovered that
Rune Rassan had entered them in these games,
along with two other sluts for their allies.
They also discovered that Rune had sent another
group, one that would be competing with them
for the title of Raya, and the promised future
Rune had set out for them. With this information
in mind, the two hit the streets of the market
once more, only to come face to face with a former
adversary turned possible ally, the Turtle Knight,
Jean Franklin. And what does this Turtle Knight
have to say? Well, just stay tuned and you may
find out. Even storyteller Oren liked your song,
Jeremy. He loved it. I believe he said it was
incredible. I'm just still stuck on the way you
said, Alice. Storyteller on here. Oh, man. What
an episode last time. It was fun. It was such
a good time. It was fun. I love the unveiling
of the surprise. I am so sorry, listeners, that
I didn't record Stephen's expressions so I could
post them. They were incredible. We'll get them
next time. I think starting with episode eight,
every episode has been my favorite episode. Episode
eight was my favorite. Then we recorded nine.
That was my favorite all the way up, and it just
keeps going. Shit's starting to pick up. Oh,
yeah, man. 100%. We're hitting it. We're raising
the bar. We should just delete one through seven.
Dude, we'll just start with nine. Yeah, there
you go. We finally have a special guest. It's
the first time we use real buttons. First time
I actually had my computer in front of me. Yeah.
Made a big difference. Made a real big... I had
that tablet, that garbage tablet that someone
broke. I won't say who. Say it. You know what?
In truth, it was my cat, Banshee. Yeah, I know.
Because she peed all over it. Yeah. Because they
pee on everything. That's what cats do. You know
it was Banshee, though? It's always Banshee.
If it's puke, it's spiders. If it's pee, it's
Banshee. Poop? Probably Myrtle. If it's just
being a general terrible nuisance, definitely
Wade. Love them all though. I have 10 cats. So,
weep for me, my listeners. Boy, we were talking
before this about what to do for like an early
sort of banter to warm up into the session. We
didn't really have any set ideas. Well, now we're
talking about cat pee. It's true. We can go that
route. I was about to dust off all reliable.
Thrilling conversation. I was going to talk about
NBC's Heroes. The greatest terrible show ever
made. That was a thing. I think that's pretty
accurate, yeah. Have you seen Heroes? Of course.
Okay, okay. I mean, it's been years since I actually
watched it, so you could talk about it and I
wouldn't know what the fuck you're talking about.
This is, I... I love this. I love this show.
The way David's mind works, he remembers it like
it was yesterday. I fucking love this show so
much. It's like, it's like, starts off with this
first season that was actually very good. And
then all of a sudden, shit just goes fucking
wild. Off the rails in ways you could never imagine.
It's incredible. The various, no, seriously,
it sounds like I'm hyping this up too much. I'm
going to tell you guys. All you guys, everyone
out there, one sort of string line of details
that are one of my favorite little micro stories
and heroes. And that is the tale of the actress
Ali Larder. Now. So Allie Lauder was in the first
season, and you may remember she was playing
this woman with super strength who also had dissociative
identity disorder. Oh, yeah. I remember that.
Of course. Yeah. See, I'm being honest. I'm being
honest. I'm being sarcastic. So, okay. Good character.
I enjoyed her character at that point. That sounds
like a weird sentence. Hang on. In the second
season, I believe. Allie Lauder's character dies
in self -sacrifice. Spoiler alert for fucking
NBC's heroes. So sorry, everyone. Thank me later
so you don't watch it. So, or do watch it. This
is hilarious. Right, I don't know if this is,
I don't know if you're talking positively or
negatively about the show anymore. It's both.
So, she dies. And you're like, okay, Allie Lauder's
gone off the show. You know, great character,
good times. We had a good time with her. You
know, but we can move on now. We can move on.
Well, she comes back next season as a different
character. Get out. She comes back as the unknown
twin sister or cousin or some shit of that first
character. But now she has ice powers. I vaguely
remember something like that. I don't know why
this happened. So she comes back and now she
can freeze things. And then two seasons later.
No, wait, it gets better. She self -sacrifices
again. She full -on freezes herself and a bunch
of government agents just, it like becomes an
ice sculpture and then is smashed to pieces by
the villain of the season. Why? And you're like,
boy. That's it. Allie Lauder's dead again. And
we can finally move on. And no, she comes back
next season. But she lived. But now her power
is to turn into water and back into person. Because
when she turned into ice and broke, she melted
and was a water. And then she turned into a person
from being a water. What the fuck, heroes? Did
you just say she was a water? Dude, what the
fuck, heroes? It's so wild. What TV show are
we going to shit on in 10 years from now? It's
still heroes. Spoiler alert. I'm still going
to shit on heroes. We're always going to shit
on heroes. This is, and this is true, my favorite
subject of any subject. Except maybe talking
about my D &D campaigns because I am a nerd.
But oh my gosh, it's so funny. Just give me the
boys and I'm good. The boys is very good. Yep.
The boys is very good. Yeah, I binged the boys
during COVID. That was fucked up. Very fucked
up. It's rough. It's so funny because The Boys
hits so close to home in this campaign and it's
actually completely unintentional because I started
watching The Boys after it already crafted this
setting. When I was thinking about luminaries,
I was actually more thinking in the vein of One
Punch Man and My Hero Academia. And just those
sort of big superhero guild type settings. And
then I watched The Boys and I was like, yeah,
that's... Really close to what I'm going for.
Shit, I don't like that. I've seen the show.
I know there's some bad stuff going on. It's
like that, but not quite as irreverent, I guess.
Okay, not as much lactating? Not quite as much
lactating. We'll get there. That's arc four.
Sorry, another spoiler. The title of this episode
is Spoiler Alert. Oh, boy. Speaking of a way
better superhero -style show than NBC's Heroes
that hopefully won't go so fucking off the rails,
welcome back to Fantasy Pants, everybody, and
we're going to get right into this shit because
we left off at a pretty interesting moment. You
guys just learned a little more about your role
here. You know that Rune intended for you to
be in these games. You know these games are your
ticket to becoming Rhea, to becoming sponsored,
and maybe to becoming luminaries. It's a long
track, but you're about to make your first step
down it. Problem is, you're not alone. Rune has
sent others. You're aware of that now. You don't
know who they are, what they can do. You don't
know how much better than you they are, but you
can assume they are so much better than you.
Zebulon, you can assume. I'm not too worried.
Zebulon is suspiciously confident. Be more worried.
Unfoundedly confident. I dare you. So David was
just giving Steven the craziest stare. Always.
Steven. My mortal enemy. I know I'm going to
eat my words, but all the time in David's games,
we see each other at work and he'll be like,
hey, you're going to die tonight. And I'll be
like, ah, shit. That really sucks. And then I'll
find a way out of it. And then next week he'll
be like, hey, I'm going to kill you for real
tonight. And then I'll find a way out of it.
All right, Mr. Confident. Jeremy, can you get
a fork, please? For Steve's words. Do you want
to be eating tonight? I know I'm going to eat
those words. But I'm feeling good. I kind of
want to go and grab a fork just to have it ready.
Get it ready. You're going to need it. He's going
to need it. But first things first. You left
that tent. You walked out into the sprawling
market street. and came face to face with an
old adversary, Jean Franklin the Turtle. Now,
last time you saw this guy, he fucked you up.
He was about to beat you in a fight. Maybe. We
don't know. I did make him give up. We don't
know. When the battle ended, it was Chester and
Zebulon standing on one side, Jean Franklin alone
on the other. We never saw that final round that
likely would have brought this battle to an end.
Very exciting. Except it wasn't because it didn't
happen. I'm kind of calling it a win. You take
that. I'll let you have it. So we're going to
open up on that scene. We'll just look at the
market. People are moving around you now. You
guys are all kind of frozen in place in the crowd.
John Franklin's spear stabbed bottom down into
the earth below. And he's staring confidently,
smirking over towards you all. His eyes just
like taking you all in. You feel Chester tense
up beside you, Jules. You can see him like he
has his... ready. He's just like pulling it out
and he's just staring daggers towards this turtle.
And for a moment, I think we just see this scene.
You guys are like standing, you know, maybe like
20 feet apart. And then we kind of like see superimposed
over it. That scene by the fountain in front
of Rune's place as you see Jules is down on the
ground just behind bleeding out. And we see Chester
in the same position, same rage in his face.
Zebulon swords out. facing down this foe and
back. We're back in the market. Anything you
guys want to say? Zebulon's kind of looking at
Jules to see how Jules is reacting. Jules has
taken out his rapier and has it behind his back,
and he's just staring very angrily at John Franklin.
Zebulon puts a hand on Jules' shoulder. I'm sorry
to do this to you, Jules, but I think we needed
him. What did you do? Well, I asked him to come
here. Why would you do that? After what happened?
After what he did to us? I think he can help
us. And I don't think he wanted to do what he
was doing. Why would you think that? Because...
He's kind of like us. And as you guys, like,
you're kind of staying there. You're lost for
words. Zebulon, you look back and John Franklin's
smile grows a little bit. He's like, oh dear,
have I touched a nerve already? Usually takes
a couple words in my mouth first. John Franklin
never helps his own case. He pulls up his spear,
kind of slides it into a slot on his shell and
just says, Now, we have a lot to discuss. Why
doesn't just we grab something to eat? My treat,
of course. Don't bother with the Tungun family's
seafood. He points behind his back. They're worthless
hacks, the lot of them. Miserably rude, too.
I have heard a great deal about Tianmo noodles,
though, on the other side of the market. What
do you say? Can you guys, um, stomach some noodles?
We get whatever we want. Of course. No matter
the price. No matter the price. I'm a man of
some means. I can shoulder whatever price you
wish to have me pay. It's the very least you
could do. I'll admit there were mistakes made
before. I intend to make good on them, I promise.
I told your friend here. It was you, yes. You
were the invisible one. Yeah, that's right. That
was the one sneaking around. I thought so. The
figure felt rather small when they bounced off
me. So... How is he so quick? So quick! Now then,
come along. And he just, like, starts to... Like,
he just walks right past you all. Kind of gives
you, like, a sort of a head nod forward and just
keeps moving without saying another word. I'm
gonna... Sheathed my rapier. And start walking
slowly. Jules! What? We're doing this? Really?
Let's just see. He stabbed me through the gut!
Do you remember? Oh. No hesitation! He took me
out! He took you out! Chester! What? I never
forget. We got a couple good licks on him, too.
I'm gonna keep armed. I'll watch him. I... Maybe
he'll be useful sure whatever, but I'm not I'm
not into this all right I'm telling you right
now. I am never ever gonna talk to that guy I
have any sort of conversation with him Oh, my
God. Brilliant. I see you, David. I see you.
Good. All right. So, marked off my checklist.
Handled. All right. No one's saying you have
to, Chester. Oh, fuck. He's going to pay one
way or another. All right? You trust me on that.
All right. He nods. All right. I'll watch your
back. So he's up to a little while later, say.
Skip a little bit of time. You guys are now just
outside of this large tent that just says Tien
Mo Noodles, this big sort of lit up neon bowl
with chopsticks going into it, a bunch of noodles
coming out of it. You don't go to the tent yourselves.
I think Jean Franklin finds you a spot, sits
down, just, I'll be right back. Just hold on
just a moment. And he goes in. You hear a bunch
of yelling and screaming inside. And a short
while later, he bustles out with a number of,
you know, these sort of bowls of noodles, sort
of disposable bowls of noodles. And a small in
front of you takes a seat, and he slurps one
big and watches you guys eat. So what did you
get here? He's like, well, it's some sort of
vegetarian bowl made with handmade noodles and
fresh tree green beans. It should be. Palatable,
I suppose. I'm used to better, but it was costly.
A gold apiece. I hope you enjoy it. Sounds tasty,
but I think I shall. Don't mind if I do. He looks
at you, Jules. I don't think Jules says anything
or does anything at the moment. He just kind
of nods and shrugs like, eh, whatever. I think
he's just looking around and just kind of looks
over at Zebulon. Zebulon starts eating. I'm not
going to let my noodles get cold. I love the
way Chester and Jules are sitting there just
staring daggers. And Zebulon's probably just...
He's so grossly... No, no, no. Zebulon knows
how to eat civilized. He's got noodles hanging
off his horns. How do I eat noodles? Shoving
them into his nose. What is this? Where did this
come from? You killed your six intelligence.
I'm sorry. I did not mean to switch sides. That
was just too good. Oh, gosh. All right. Is it
an intelligence roll to eat noodles? I was talking
about your IRL intelligence. Jesus. Wow. Sean
Franklin looks at this disgusting display in
front of him. You can't fucking win. You can't.
No, I'm in rare form tonight. You're done for.
No, this is usual. It's true. I'm always in rare
form with you, Steven. I can see why Rune was
interested in you lot. The herald of the pangolins.
The bringer of song. There's been stories already
all over the place. Like little wildfires starting
up all over the market. Very well done. Very
well done. Now, I know he was interested in your
activities on Tythos, as well as your, well,
your stories in general. Both of you come from
families of some means, and that's rather hot
with luminaries and with the folks that play
into that game. What do you mean it's hot? It's
popular. People like... They like heroes that
come from some means. They don't always like
to root for the nobodies. But you, both of you
were somebody before, weren't you? That's part
of why Rune was interested. From what I heard.
I don't know that either of us are really interested
in our past. Nope. Well, unfortunately, it's
not about what you're interested in, is it? No,
is it? It's about the populace of the world.
What they want to see. Fuck that, I ain't selling
my soul. For the right prize. I think you might.
I guess it depends. Yes, there we are. This one
might just have some hope. Are your noodles,
Jules? I'm back. The listener Jeremy just glared
at me. Zebulon is apparently slurping them up
like a fucking hog. I don't think I'm hungry.
All right. Save them for later. It doesn't matter
to me. Look, what do you know of luminaries?
Start there. Well, I mean, I know how cool they
can be. Okay. They're like the heroes. All right.
The best. They're the strongest. Right, right.
Okay. You, smart one, do you know much more than
that? What are you playing at here? I'm trying
to instruct you. I don't think you even really
realize why you're here, do you? Go on. All right.
Luminaries are essentially, for lack of a better
term, mercenaries hired out by the Radiant Citadel.
No shit. But there are a few interesting details
that set them apart from a common mercenary,
beyond just their popularity. Right? Here's the
important one. Luminaries are not traditionally
paid. You know this, right? Well, I guess I kind
of assumed there would be some sort of pay, but
I think I'd just be happy being on the Crystal
Network. All right, well. He just looks at you,
kind of shakes his head, sighs a little. This
is going to be some work, but you are the carriage
I've hitched my horses to, so, well. First of
all, let me explain to you why luminaries are.
Now, I'm not going to get into the whole business
of it. We don't have time for that, and you,
quite frankly, don't have the mental capacity
for it. So we'll just keep it quite short. Now,
when Atash first made his major appearance...
And the people of the world wanted to see more
of these grand heroes appearing on the crystal
network. They wanted to see their own heroes
coming from their worlds, becoming popular, bringing
people in, tourists in. They wanted to see themselves
being defended by these larger -than -life personalities.
When this happened, it was very, very fortuitous
for the Radiant Citadel and for the speakers,
for the ancestors. Do you know why, Jules? Tell
me. All right. Fine. Taxation. You see, by using
luminaries as their sort of condition, by sending
them out to the worlds that agreed to it, the
speakers were able to accomplish something they
wanted to do for well over generations before.
Taxing the populace of the many worlds. Oh, just
like in The Boys. You're right, Zeb. Does that
happen in The Boys? I don't remember that detail.
No way. Fascinating. We have to finish season
three. You should probably rewatch that one.
I love Homelander. He's just a man up to my own
heart, isn't he? Of course. Sorry. Yes, taxation.
Taxation to fund the shield bearers, to fund
efforts to bring food and supplies to worlds
that need it, to relocate people who are lost.
It was vital in the luminaries, made it happen.
But here's the thing. Luminaries are not necessarily
chosen by the speakers. They're chosen by the
populace of the worlds. That's the condition.
Anyone can be a luminary, so long as they're
popular enough. And to do that, all you need
to do is be shown on the crystal network doing
something impressive. Something that would really
get them. Now, Tithos is hot. Pardon me. Tragedy,
of course. But it's hot right now. Anyone who
stood out on Tithos and did something big, something
cool. We did something big? Yes. We did something
cool? I heard. And that is why I am here right
now. Suffering, understand? I think so. You see,
Rune wanted to be your agent. He saw that if
he was able to... put you on the network, the
populace of the world would want to see more.
The speakers, despite any reservations they may
have against you getting quests, being chosen
as luminaries, he knew that they would have no
choice but to go along with it, so long as there
was an outcry for you. And that is why you're
here. Because Rune wanted to make sure that if
he sponsored you, if he was your agent, that
you would be making money for him. And luminaries
are not paid traditionally, as I said. They are
paid via advertisements. They're paid by sponsors.
Businesses and worlds that essentially sponsor
you. And when you do something, when you accomplish
a quest, you're paid out by them. They might
have some... requests of you. They may want you
to wear certain logos on your capes or whatnot.
They may want you to spout certain phrases. They
just want to make sure their business is made
big by yours. Do you know of Marfil Ironworks
on San Satyan? They're only the largest metal
supplier in all the world. Why do you think that
is? You tell us! He's just going on and on. Because
the mighty pig man is... Well, it's sponsored
by them, and every time he does something big,
he gets a payout, and they get a word out. So,
Marvel Ironworks has become the beast that it
is today. Or, for my own word, no worry, there's
the jelly wine. Now, gentle chacal. Sounds gross.
Oh, it's quite delightful. But... And actually,
when he speaks of this, you see he gets this
far -off expression in his eyes, and like...
Roll an insight check, actually, real quick here.
What? Yeah, roll an insight check. Don't worry
about mine, roll. Neither mine. Okay. All you
know is he pauses for a moment and gets a far
-off look, and you can't read much more than
that. But he keeps going. Yes, Jacopo, a local
luminary from the Zinda region of Noari. He's
on every bottle. So Jellywine sells. So are you
saying that Rune was behind the pangolins? What?
What pangolin? No, you did that, I think. No,
but Rune is behind the games, fools. He's behind
you signing up for the games, becoming Raya to
the market poke. So who was behind the song?
What? Shut up. You can't talk anymore. So...
Was that all you, Jules? Yeah. Wow. Look, you're
here to gain a sponsor. That's the long and short
of it. You're here to become Raya, find one of
these hooligans and one of these stars and have
them sponsor you so when you do something cool,
you make money and, well, in Rune's case, he
would make money. He's out of the picture. But
you need an agent. And any agent's going to want
a sponsorship beforehand from someone as high
profile and difficult to work with as you. So
if you make this happen, you win these games,
you find a sponsor, we're in. That's it. I knew
there would be other agents. You see, all of
us together, we're just going to do this without
him. He won't take any of the money. You can
have the money. I'm a man of some means. I simply
need the exposure. I need... To have some say
in the higher politics, I have... Well, I have
a certain quest I must accomplish, and you two
may help me accomplish it. Congratulations. You're
useful. Stick around, and plenty of camera to
go around. How about I make a compromise with
you? Compromise? The way I see it, I'm doing
a lot of the work here. I'm telling you everything
you need to know. I'll do it. You tell me your
plans. If not... I walk. I... This is not something
I can speak of lightly. But I will tell you this.
I'm aware of a number of criminals. An organization,
you might say. They have done something terrible.
Something that cannot be forgiven, and I am going
to expose them. But I need influence to do it,
because they are powerful. More powerful than
me. Go on. That's it. That's what you get. If
you want to walk away, fine. But I'm the one
who knows how to make your goals happen too.
We can help each other, gentlemen. It's not going
to be easy. You're going to want me. Rune was
pretty pissed off by your little prank. Your
little escapade last evening. That was my idea.
That was brilliant. I'll admit. It gave me quite
the, uh... Well, quite the ambitious turn to
my own plans. But Rune is pissed. He couldn't
cancel your inclusion to the games on such short
notice. But he did send a second party to defeat
and humiliate you. Who is his second party? Well,
I'll tell you for one, my cohorts, former cohorts,
Trace the Goblin and Pepper the Haringon, a lot
of them idiots. Even I guess that. Have joined
as their sidekicks. But the others are, well,
they're much more troublesome. Are you aware
of Dance Macabre of Sunset Yarn? I'm sorry, are
we just getting one bowl of noodles, or? Yes.
I will stop this conversation and walk away and
order noodles. Hold on just a moment. The listeners
are going to love this shit. Hang on. Just hang
on. I will take another bowl of noodles. What
do you mean it will take two full minutes? Two
minutes? Fine. I will wait at the table. You
bring them to me in two minutes exactly. A second
longer. Start the timer. Off the rails. I am
back now. Izab, you can take mine home in a doggy
bag. They're great new to my way. They're incredible.
I know, but I don't like them once they get cold.
They start to get shoggy. They get shoggy. They
feel terrible in your nose. Do you not have fire
breath? Yeah, I mean... You still can't crisp
up noodles. It depends on the episode, honestly.
Sometimes he has lightning breath, sometimes
he has fire breath. Yeah, that was early episodes.
That was the thing, wasn't it? Yes, Dance Macabre.
You remember Demi Lich, I imagine, from Tythos.
I'm not sure if you met him personally, but he
was one of those that died there. Dance Macabre
is his younger sister. Very, very famous luchador
in her home world. Oh my god. Oh, she will be
trouble. She's quite popular there. Well, she's
not a luminary yet. She's on the fast track to
becoming one. And not only that, but the next
is even more problematic. Do you know Ramin Rasool
from Ankar and Sengar? Of course. I mean, my
family is from Ankar and Sengar. So you know
of the young sorcerer who gained angelic powers
after being saved from death by Arthash himself?
Of course I do. Many people say he's chosen by
Arthash to become the next number one luminary
in some time. Oh, yes, they are. Trouble. And
they're here. I've seen them. Had to avoid them
on the way here. I bet they can eat spicy peppers
real good. What? Sorry. Hey, hold on just a moment.
Yes, yes, right here. Thank you. Here's the noodles
you ordered. Were they extra spicy? Thanks. You
getting prepped, Seb? Yeah. So, John Franklin,
I mean, allow me to fill you in. The Lady of
the Silk Stall, she said the first game was going
to be really spicy. All right, then. Spicy. Well,
I can hold my constitution quite well, so I should
be able to handle it, although it could be a
problem depending on whether I've been... Brought
in as a main or a second, based on the rules
of the challenges. Do you know what you're signed
up as? Mains or seconds? This sounds like mechanics.
Yes, yes. And depending on the challenge, they
may only allow two of you to enter, two of us,
and the two that enter would have to be the mains
in that case. You'll also be equipped with two
seconds, that if there's a challenge that allows
for four players. You don't know any of this,
you haven't researched this at all. No, the lady
at the silk stall was kind of mean, so we didn't
get a whole lot of information. Man, I'll talk
to her. I imagine I could really warm through
to her heart. I have a way with people. She's
pretty icy. Yeah, as well. As you're kind of
sitting there enjoying your noodles, as he quiets
down for a moment, a sudden disruption kind of
rings out around you. You hear some elevated
voices coming from right around the backside
of the tent you're next to, the Tim O 'Neill's
tent, followed by some shouting, still kind of
muffled from inside, and then a shrill voice
calls out in the night, Give it back, you little
thief! And another voice replies, No, you're
the thief! And you see a second later, a frantic
kobold bursts out from the tent, clutching a
sizable bunch of green onions. And this flustered,
older gnome woman chases him out. She's wearing
an apron and a chef hat, and she's just chasing
him out. She has a ladle in her hand. She's like,
get back here! Get back here! And a moment later,
she basically catches up to him, grabs one half
of the bunch of green onions. He's got the other
half, and they're both tug -of -warring right
in front of your table. You guys want to do anything?
Yeah, I think Jules is going to immediately get
up and go and kind of grab the kobold by the
back. Hey, hey, hey. What the hell's going on?
What's going on? Hey, hey, hey. Let go. Let go.
Let go. They stole it first. Let go and we'll
talk about this. You both let go. Zeb, come on.
Help me out here. Grab the lady. Hold on. We're
going to figure this out. Both of you let go.
I didn't. They let go. The onions just fall to
the ground and slop in the mud. And they're like,
this was a terrible, stupid idea. You noticed
that, yes? It's mud now. One point of how bad
the idea was. Well, whoever has the onions now.
Loves them more. I didn't have a second part.
I didn't have a second part. Is that where we're
going with this? Philosophy with Zebula. I thought
I would get there by the end, but it just...
The two of them are just, like, glaring at each
other. Now, calm down. Calm down. What's going
on here? What's going on? This Zungun hooligan
stole my green onions. You saw. You saw. Witnesses.
Hey, hey. We saw you run out of a tent chasing
him. That's all we saw. He was carrying my onions.
Do you think he brought them out of the tent
and just ran out? I don't know. What about you?
What's your side? Fine. Yeah, I took them. I
did. But they took them first. They took them
from our tent. We used them for our seafood cakes.
And they were gone. And we know it's them because
the Tien Mo always are the thorns that thieve
from us. First. Always. Every time. It's them.
That sounds like a generalization. You're saying
the supposed best noodle shop here needs to steal?
Apparently, yes. Maybe they should have bought
their own green onions beforehand and not stolen
ours. And it's like, how dare you? We bought
those ourselves earlier today. I made the purchase
myself. And then just like going on and on. And
actually another figure steps out from the crowd.
You see an older kobold in like a sort of large
dress. Pretty, pretty like thick belt kobold
woman. She looks mighty tough. And she sets forward
and, uh... That's enough, Lumai! You're behaving
no better than our parents did, stealing from
me and attacking my son! What is your problem?
And now the kobold woman and the nobleman are
just going at it back and forth. Um, just like
we... You stove was first. Yes, well, if your
shop wasn't so lackluster, perhaps you wouldn't
need to steal our green onions to make it even
a spark better than it is now. How dare you?
And just back and forth, back and forth. You
guys want to do anything? I don't know. I lost
track of who was who in that moment. Hold on
a sec. Hold on a sec. There's got to be a solution
here. What is the monetary value of these green
onions? Monetary value doesn't matter. What matters
is that this thief keeps getting away with it.
She keeps getting away with it. This is the kobold
speaking, by the way. These green onions right
here, there's lots of stalls here in the night
market, and I'm sure there has to be at least
one who will feed the needy and the hungry. What
if both stalls agree to donate these green onions
to someone in need? Roll persuasion check. They
kind of go quiet for a second, like staring at
you. Oh, nat 20 persuasion. Plus 121. Really?
So they actually go quiet, looking at you, and
they both kind of just nod, look toward each
other, look back at you, and it's just the gnomespeaks.
Fine, fine, very well. I suppose this time I'll
let it go. We'll donate the green onions to someone
in need. I'll buy more. But this has to end.
This chicanery has to end. Zangoons! And she
kind of starts to turn and look away and, like,
move away. And the kobold actually turns to you
guys and just says, I know of you. You're the
bringers of the pangolins, yes? That was me again.
And the bringer of song and joy. Sure. And I'm
his friend. You have brought many good omens
to our market this night. And she looks over
and sees Jean -Francois. You're not with him,
right? Unfortunately, I think we are at this
point. I said unfortunately. I said unfortunately.
He turns up his nose at him and just like turns
away. He's not interested in the Zunguns at all.
He was squabbling with them when you met him
last episode. And so she... Kind of, like, sighs
and carries on. Look, my name is Kusa Zangoon,
proprietor of the market -famous Zangoon Family
Seafood. For a fish typhoon, you'll wish for
Zangoon. Right? Right? Oh, yeah, I think I know
that. That sounds familiar. I like it. I like
it. Look, if you help us deal with these Tianmo
scoundrels... I can make it worth your while.
And the gnome spins around here. Scoundrels?
Us? Me? These lords have been plaguing us for
some time now. Look, if you help me figure out
what's going on here, what they're doing, if
you help us expose them, we, Tian Mo, will make
it worth your while. You'll have a lifetime supply
of delicious noodles. I promise it, here and
now. And, and, wait. You're going to the games,
right? You want to become Raya, right? Well,
yeah, sure. I think that's the goal. The rumor's
all over. You guys are going to become Rhea.
You're planning on competing. You said during
your song, the speech afterwards, everyone's
on fire. Everyone's excited to see you. Look,
if you want to become Rhea, you don't need to
enter the games. We'll help you. I will make
you Rhea. Just expose this lot for what they're
doing. If you expose them, it's the same deal.
Same deal. Well -sponsored you. Is there not
a police force here? Is there some kind of check
I can roll on both of them that would help me
out at all? If you want. Oh, yeah. Do some insight?
Yeah. Do some insight. I'll roll insight. It
won't help any because I'm at a negative three.
Oh, no. Yeah, so never mind that roll. Son of
a bitch. Nothing good? Nothing good. All you
see is they're both mad. They're both flabbergasted
with each other. They both truly believe they're
in the right and the other one is in the wrong.
Can Chester get an insight check? Yeah, you know
what? Chester can. I don't think it works that
way. Does it? No, he can't. Go ahead. Oh, hell
yeah. If you roll for Chester, I'll have him
react to the roll you do, basically. Our sidekicks
have better stats than us. We're just going to
play them. Right? Oh, no. He doesn't have any
modifier for anything. It'll be his wisdom, so
it's plus two. Oh. He doesn't have expertise
or efficiency, but... Didn't help. Go on. Okay.
Chester's just, Jules, I can't read these folk.
They just, please, just investigate them. Come
back to me with anything you know, and I'll reward
you, and I'll reward you more! And they both
just kind of, like, break off and start walking
away. Why don't you guys just stay in your own
tents? Just stay there. And don't mess with each
other. They're already, like, gone. They both
just... You just see the tent flap for Timon.
It just closes. And you see Kusa... Slams the
tent flap. Yeah, slams. Boom! And you see...
You see Kusa Zungun vanishing into the crowd
as she just... Just stomps back to her own shop
on the other side of the market. And the young
Gamon Zungun's being held by her, like, hand
in hand, just being dragged along. And the green
onion's just lying still in the mud. Well, we
didn't learn anything from any of those checks.
And... I don't think anyone's going to want these
green onions. Charity or not. I think Jules just
kind of looks down and just goes, God damn it.
Kicks him into the mud even more. Well, that
was weird, right? Weird? Am I wrong? Yeah, that
was pretty weird. A little bit. I'm honestly
not too sure where we're supposed to go with
this one. Yeah, I mean, there's something going
on here, but like... We don't got time to focus
on that right now. We got... We got the games
to do, yeah. We got bigger problems. We got bigger
issues. I guess we're gonna keep this quest line
on the back burner. Yeah. Until something else
pops up. That makes sense to me. Yeah, we do
that when we get the main quest done and we're
going around to clean up the rest so we can get
100 % on the game. I mean, they did say they
can make us Rhea. I mean, all we gotta do is
expose one of them? We could, like, plant evidence?
Chester, we're better than that. I mean, you
might be. It's hard to trust... No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. I won't do a big guy. You know me.
It's hard to trust either of them. Scared me
for a second there. I'm a follower of the law,
and he raises his hands up, and you just see,
like, a bunch of, uh, uh, boats of, like, silk
just, like, drop out of his coat. Ah, shit! Shit!
Just a bunch of contraband. You guys kept Madame
Coupe real busy for me. You son of a bitch. No!
Alright, listen. No, no, no. I will keep quiet.
It's for jeans, alright? And not make you pay.
It's for jeans. You know she likes to sew? And
this is some nice stuff. She'll love it. Come
on. I was going to use them for a new cloak,
but now I'm going to... Sorry, big guy. I was
going to use your stolen silk for a new cloak,
but now I guess you can give it to your girlfriend.
Jeans is more important than me? I didn't...
Jules, I didn't say that. Come on. Wait. Wait.
Hey, what are you saying? I think there's an
offensive rhyme for this situation. What are
you waiting about? Go ahead, Zeb. Tell me. No,
no, no, that's as far as I'm going to go. What
are you talking about? Hey, come on. What are
you talking about? His freckle cheeks are beet
red. Come on. All right, all right. I can be
nice without being a whole thing. All right,
all right. Pick up your silk. Pick up your silk.
I don't like the way you said that. I see you,
Chester. I see you. stop it just cut it out um
actually suddenly you kind of realize that like
there's been a figure snake right next to you
for just a moment now great all right who's this
uh you see this like pretty pretty handsome looking
uh tan skin demand with uh he's wearing this
like like full -on green sort of sort of outfit
um It looks just like a stage outfit kind of
deal, and it's got little dangling peppers hanging
off of different spots. Not actual peppers, but
little pepper charms. I'm picturing pepper Christmas
lights. I'm very confused. I have a picture,
actually. It looks like this. I don't see hanging
peppers. There's peppers, damn it. So he's got
a cloth belt, little dangling pepper chains off
of him, got a little short -cut beard, and kind
of like... You know, semi -long hair, kind of
flowing lock, kind of pushed back. And he's almost
like posing to stand beside you, kind of smiling
over at you guys. Just kind of being there. He's
like, oh, hey, don't mind me. Let me guess. You
know something about this food cart feud. Oh,
no, no, no, no, no, no. Casamoroon, nice to meet
you. I'm one of the spicy brothers. Spicy Challenge.
Spicy. Yes, that's right. You guys are entering
the games, yes? Yeah, we're going to be in the
games. Sounds like it. We're going to do the
Spicy Challenge. Yes, and actually, my brother
and I, Vi, my brother, he's sort of the, at least
the lively one of us, he's actually going to
be commentating the games along my side. I said
that really weird. I'm a weird talker. Sometimes
I just say things. Wow, that's okay, because,
I mean. Spicy brothers. That's right. Anything
I do is fine. I mean, I thought you were going
to say anything you do is spicy, but that works
too. My brother would have said that. That's
why he's the popular one. Look, I'm just here
to tell you that I want to apologize for that
little scene you just saw. Don't worry about
that. Markets are generally very friendly, very
personable. Right? We don't like to show scenes
like that in the public, and those two stalls,
they've been fighting for some time now, and
they're really just becoming a problem. Look,
we want you to have a good time here. We want
everyone to have a good time here. Focus on the
games. We're going to have fun tonight. Right?
Right? Well, yeah. Yes, of course. I mean, we
want everybody to have a safe fun time, too.
Safety first. A non -threatening good time. Those
two families are harmless. They're just going
to bring down their own business if they keep
it up. But they're not going to hurt each other.
No one's getting hurt in this marketplace. Just
don't worry about it. I'm going to roll an insight
check on him. Roll an insight check. Go on. Nothing
to see here. He just seems like he earnestly
wants to have a good time. He's just like, hey,
you know, don't worry about them. You know, Jules,
maybe we should just have a good time. He's nodding.
Look, look, look, look. They mentioned making
you Rhea, right? That's nothing. Tell you what,
you win the games. My stall will personally sponsor
you. Well, they didn't even want us to win. They
just wanted us to disprove the other. Yeah, they
want to distract you. Don't be distracted. You're
here for a reason, right? You want to be luminaries,
don't you? Don't you? And he looks you right
in the eye. Don't you? I'm going to be a luminary.
And I'm going to help you out. Look, I have reason
to believe me and my brother Stahl is going to
be expanding in the near future. So, when that
time comes, I'd like to make sure we get our
names out there. And you two seem like the perfect
lot to attach it to, right? You know what, Zeb?
I'm already sick and tired of hearing people
telling us what we need to do and who we gotta
be. Let's just go have fun. Let's go play the
games. And then we'll figure all that shit out
after. That's what I'm saying. We take control.
Mr. Spicy Brother. Yes. There has been a lot
of politics. Exactly. Don't worry about the politics.
Put them away. I'm here to tell you to not give
a shit about politics. Sorry. Well, that's what
we're doing. Thank you. We'll see you at the
games. I'll see you at the games. Enjoy your
night, gentlemen. Okay, I guess. Bye. I'll see
you later. He just turns and whistles. strolls
down the other way. So, what are you... I mean,
did somebody actually steal those green onions?
I don't... What is going on? That guy said not
to care, so, like, I'm not going to care. I don't
know. I know, but just... If we're really going
to play these games, we need to just not worry
about this right now. Let's go. Let's get ready.
Let's play the games. Let's see what it's all
about. My only problem is green onions are my
favorite. Well, they're gone now. Because green
onions, red onions, yellow onions, and white
onions. No, red onion first. Over green? Are
we doing this? Okay, it depends on the dish.
All right. Okay, I guess it depends on the dish,
so I'm going to put red onion and green onion
at a first place tie. You can at least do that.
My only qualm is that green onion is a more broad...
Yeah, it is pretty versatile. John Franklin hits
you. He just steps up. He just gets over the
table, walks over, and just... Not really, but
he just... He puts a hand on your head, and he's
like... I was trying to come up with a word for...
It's not topping. It's a different word. Accoutrement.
Is that the right word? That's not what I was
thinking of. I like that. I do like that word.
It's a nice word. Are we done? Because we have
things to do. And you're talking about onions.
I guess. I guess we can. I think we can leave
the onions behind. Drop the onions. He just steps
on the onions. Good. Can't stand them. Now, anyway.
Now he's going to bring those to the needy. All
right. Right now. It is currently 7 .30. After
all that shit went down, you guys went to the
stall. You have about an hour and a half until
the games begin. You want to get there a little
early just to make sure you're ready for it,
you're prepped, you're informed of what you need
to be doing during these games. What do you want
to do until then? Now, Jules, you had some...
things you wanted to get done. You had a cloak
you wanted to find for yourself and you may want
to find some gifts for your cherry delights.
I got to get some trinkets, some something. I
don't know. I was thinking from here on, just
to move things quickly, we're going to jump into
a bit of a montage of just like visiting stalls,
grabbing gifts, a montage that you're a part
of because I want you to, you know, you're spending
gold on these items. So what do you want to do
first? Where do you want to go? Where's the first
like freeze frame of this montage? Me buying
a cloak. Me buying a cloak. Okay. I want a goddamn
cloak. You were informed by, uh, Madam Culp.
Yeah, rather, rather coldly and rudely. Yes.
That, uh, Dunedown's, your crazy Dunedown's cloaks,
capes, and curtains. Cheap and chipper. Cheap
and chipper. Yes, that was it. Um. You know,
it's on the other side of the market from where
she was. You work around, you find it, you enter
this place. And I think we just see a freeze
frame of, of you just see this like discount,
these big yellow discount signs everywhere. There's
discount signs on discount signs. And like this
dragon ball with his wild cross eyes is just
like, just like cheering. Like what do you want
to get? Like, and then we just see like that
voice clip as you're, as he's just like. dancing
in front of some rack of various cloaks. God,
I wish you listeners could have seen David's
dance right there. It was something to behold.
Oh, man, this crazy -looking red dragonborn just
wants to offer you some cloaks. So, if you want
to buy a cloak from him, quality -wise, you know,
there's, like, somewhat... kind of it's used
definitely some patches in it one gold um there's
one that's like pretty pretty in good shape two
gold but it's pretty standard material you can
get a little bit of a finer material a darker
sort of almost like suede suede i don't know
cloak uh three gold okay that one yeah let's
go with that one all right get some nice dark
cloak there's some blue accents in it it's kind
of like what you looked at before but it's cheap
um all right have a good day And he just waves
you off, and we're on to the next fucking place.
Thank you. You got Cherry Delights. What do you
want to get for them? Do you want... I don't
know. Do you want hints of what they like? What
do I get? Yes, please. Okay. I mean, one of them's
got to like something like marbles, right? Now,
you know. Let me go down the list here. Mulligan.
Obviously. You know he loves food. I'm getting
them food on the way back whenever that is. Yes.
Because I don't... I have no way to store perishables.
Allow Pop -Tart. Oh. That's pretty good. I'm
going to use that. You know, Jean's gifts are
taken care of. Chester got her a bunch of bolts
of like a nice, fine, vibrant silk she can use
for sewing, which, you know, kind of a pastime
of hers. You know that Miskin loves himself weapons.
Big weapon fan. Especially blunt instruments.
Okay. They're going to go next. Check out a weapon
store. Or he also wouldn't mind a cloak like
yours. A dark hooded cloak. Big fan of that too.
In the interest of time, can I just say I got
each one of them exactly what they would have
wanted? You know what? We'll go on the list real
quick. Yeah. You see Jules standing in front
of this weapon shop called Suan's Traditional
Weaponry. Well, underlined says, used for the
arts of Krabby Krabom. You see, like, in front
of our characters, we see racks of blade weapons.
You see curved sabers called Krabby. Single -edged
swords called Dayab. Bladed staffs called Ngao.
We see a few blunt instruments that aren't too
expensive. Those... Bladed ones are way out of
your range, but there are, uh, there's a full
rack of these like not too expensive blunt instruments.
You see, there's a, these like my sock sons,
they're labeled, uh, that these like clubs with
like the wooden handle sticking up from them,
usually kind of like hidden on the forearm. You
could slide them out and beat with them. And
you think, Oh yeah, that is, that is the kind
of shit missing will be all about. Problem is,
four gold for a pair. You could also buy potentially
a keen, which is a buckler shield made from buffalo
hide. Only two gold. You wouldn't hate that either.
Your choice. I'm going to get the cheaper one.
Okay. So you grab a buffalo hide buckler shield.
I got to be careful still. Yeah. There's a lot
of them. I can't just go making it rain over
here. It is tough. You move on. You think about
Paul. Paul, Paul, Paul. So hard to read. Never
really shows much emotion. But then you remember.
Paul loves music, musicians. You always see him
smile and stare off into the sky when he's near
a busker playing on the street corners of Tythos.
Is there a loot I can get him? Oh, there might
just be. So you head over to the Maycock family.
Musical marvels. You see various kinds of instruments,
like exotic drums, cymbals, and gongs all lining
the walls of this tent. You see string of instruments
like you've never seen before. There's various
kinds of lutes made from bright -colored hardwood,
and there's actually a few flat, like, wide string
-covered boards labeled hakim. The lutes are
pretty expensive. I'm going to say it's going
to be like five gold for one of the cheaper lutes.
You do see, though, there are some less expensive.
Wind instruments hanging on one wall of the tent.
Just a number of these bamboo flutes labeled,
which are priced at only two gold apiece. I mean,
is there like a Fisher -Price loot? you know,
like what are those, you know, kind of like those,
like those kids guitars that, you know, it's
like, oh, here's your first guitar, but it's
not really a guitar. You can't tune it for shit.
And it just kind of like. No, it's like a simple,
a simple, like, like it just says kids cluey.
And there's like a little bin of these like little
clueys that have like less holes on them. And
you're very obviously like they're not going
to, they're going to play very simple, simple
tunes. Also made of bamboo, a little bit smaller.
They're only one gold. No, I get the two gold
one. All right, get a real deal. Okay. So you
grab the cluey for him. We're moving along. What
are you down to? Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold
on, hold on. Hold on. Yo. I don't know if I want
to continue this because David's taking all my
money away right now. It's happening. You got
a lot of Cherry Delights left. Give me a couple
more. All right, all right. This is not good.
This is what happens when you have a bunch. You,
you. I didn't, no, Chester was the one, so. You,
David, are the one who roped me into fucking
spending all my money. Hey, we gotta get stuff
for the guys. Let me ask you. I'm gonna get stuff
for jeans. You get everybody else. You have to
sacrifice imaginary gold. I have to play seven
different characters. Yeah, and I'm gonna make
you talk to yourself so much. You do. This is
the price you pay for bringing in so many characters
in this story. The price is two gold for a fucking
flute. Do we get money if we win the games? Uh,
no. Fuck. I mean, there's money in the endgame
of winning the games. You win the games, you
become Rhea, you become Luminaries, you get money.
The rest of the Cherry Delights can all cry.
Yeah. We're not getting any more gifts? Not right
now. Next adventure. I will say, and this is
just so I can tease you here, punish you, make
you sad. As you're kind of having these thoughts,
as you're kind of getting concerned about the
money you're spending, you pass by this big,
like it looks like a book, like a neon book standing
over a big tent. And it just says, Jolly On's
Tales and Texts. You see this orc with glasses
is like reading a book behind a counter inside.
And you see books all over the place. And Chester
looks at you like, Jules. If I was going to kill
it so we don't bring back a book, you know how
much he wants to read about other worlds? Magical
lore and whatnot? Can we look? How many more
have we got? What do we still got? I mean, we
got miskin, we got jeans. I got miskin, yeah.
We got round stuff with a little guy on your
shoulder. Yeah. Yeah, all right. We got mulligan.
You got leftovers, right? I packaged them up.
We can just give him those. He doesn't need to
know it wasn't for him. I didn't eat my noodles.
He's the least of my worries because we can just
get it on the way out. He wants noodles. Give
him noodles. We got leftover noodles. Alright,
cool. So it's just Fibro. Cool. Let's go get
him a book. We're not going to leave just Fibro
out. Alright, you walked in. Six gold for this
book. If it's a fucking magic spell book, it's
probably going to be six gold. There's no magical
spell books in this store, but you do see, I
think we just cut to like, you're looking through
shelves and you see Chester's pulling out a book
and Lucy, you're pointing with wide eyes. You
see a book that's called The Spirits of Sosanko,
a collection of magical lore. Yes. Yep, all right,
four gold. Jules, he's going to love it. I'm
trying to decide if he's fucking with you or
not. Come on, big guy. I don't know what's happening.
I'm going broke. That's what's happening. Oh
my god, he did it. Alright, you bought it? You
walk out, we see the next freeze frame is you
guys walking out with this book tucked away into
your cloak or whatever and just a real sad expression
on Jules' face. I'm not showing you, David, but...
Steven, I started off with 25 gold and this is
what I have left. Yikes. Hey, you did it! At
least two of your gifts were free. No, congratulations.
You just took all my money. Jean Franklin's just
walking along like, Wow, impressive. You managed
to buy the cheapest thing at every store. I know
who you're bringing it back for, but you must
really care about them. You must really want
a knuckle sandwich, huh? He just smirks and carries
on and the four of you move. I mean, I imagine
it's kind of like you guys are sort of moving
together. Jean -Marie's taking up the rear. I
don't think, I imagine like he doesn't talk to
you. You don't talk to him. Chester sure fucking
doesn't talk to him. And it's probably just a
sort of awkward, awkward kind of relationship.
But hey, you know, got to start somewhere, right?
That's right. Apparently. We just got to get
through the games and we'll take it from there,
Jules. And I think we hear this sort of like.
that voice sort of overlaying the screen as we
cut to a different scene. We cut to a clock resting
at the top of one of these golden tents in the
middle. And the clock hits 845. And we sort of
pan out from there and we see crowds of people
just like starting to move in from the market
around, crowding around these three golden tents.
And we see, I guess like maybe like right in
the middle of this, all the four of you moving
out of this crowd, moving up where, where Madam
Culp is, is standing, um, sort of, sort of gesturing
you in. She's looking around the crowd. Excited.
You see Kasim Arun, the man you met earlier,
standing next to another man. Looks very similar,
but he's in a full red garb covered in green
peppers. And they're both like hands on hips
looking out, beaming around at everyone. Kasim
sees you guys and winks in your direction. And
as you see all this, as the crowd is going wild,
games, games, games, games, games, games, across
from you, the crowd begins to part. And four
figures step out. And we'll call it there.