Hey there, pants people. David here, your dungeon
master. Real quick, just wanted to touch base
on some pretty cool things that are happening
behind the zipper on our little show. Really
soon here, we're going to do a, well, an unzipped
episode. That's what we're calling it. Basically,
we're going to talk shop, talk about the show,
talk about the game, talk about our decisions
and things we laughed at, things we had fun with,
things that went off the rails, and hopefully
answer some questions. So if you've got questions
for us, please check out our Facebook at Fancy
Pants. I don't fucking know how Facebook works.
Yeah, just check out Fantasy Pants. Search Fantasy
Pants on whatever social media site you use.
Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. I don't know.
That's all of them. We'll get a Discord soon.
I like that one. Anyway, yeah, please, please,
please send me your questions. I love to talk
about the game like any big nerd does. And I
want to be friends. I want to talk with you.
So please, check us out. Welcome, folks, to another
episode of Journeys Through the Radiant Citadel.
Here we're going to talk about the world of Sipsunko,
and more notably, the Valley of Zantini. Here
we're going to see dense mountains, jungles,
farms, and most notably, the Densing Night Market,
known by tourists as the Dancing Market for its
festive atmosphere and magical lights and the
constantly moving, shifting tents. The population
in the valley is primarily humans, orcs, kobolds,
gnomes, and dragonborn. It is the home of many
nature spirits, which hold a special place in
the history of this world. You see, centuries
ago, hordes of orcs invaders tried to attack
from outside the valley. A hero, a sorcerer known
as Fire Maymoon, climbed a great mountain known
as the Aran Mountain and pleaded with the great
spirits of the land at the top. There they formed
a broken ring of jagged mountains that encircle
and protect this valley, where it doesn't border
the great and powerful Lynx River, sealing out
their orcish hordes and protecting our lands
for, well, for generations to come. This has
been another episode of Journeys Through the
Radiance at Hell. Stay safe out there, folks.
Good timing. Yeah, I still don't understand how
you timed that perfectly so many fucking times.
It's so weird. It's so weird. Like, every fucking
time. That was dumb luck. Perfect. That was me
reaching the end of my note and being like, I
didn't actually have a way to wrap this up. And
then the song ends. And then I was kind of like,
that did it for me. Great. Good. Makes me sound
professional. So you're going to pull that map
up for us, right? So we can see what you're talking
about as far as rivers surrounding valleys and
shit like that. Uh, actually not because you're
on a different map now. Sorry. Cool. Great. Too
late for that now because you're moving in towards
a situation where last we left off a few minutes
ago in this room. Last week for everybody else.
You were all moving down the road, having a conversation
about something stupid and you're cut off when
you heard a voice up ahead, a female voice, but
very rough. And I believe it said something to
the effect of. Thieves! Criminals! You've ruined
me! Scary. That was pretty good. What do you
want to do about this? Can we see anything? No.
You need to move up on the road a bit. Basically,
the road curves ahead, and what you hear is just
around the curve. But right now, the dense forestry
is blocking your view of whatever is. the cause
of this. Okay. Well, I'm interested in, I'm interested
in getting eyes on the situation. Yeah. I'm going
to, I'm going to immediately just kind of draw
my rapier. Okay. And kind of scoot up a little
quickly to kind of look around, look around the
bend. So you guys, I think Chester's with me
too, with his dagger ready. Yeah. I think he
probably has a sling just because he's, he knows
it's like, I mean, and we're not necessarily
thinking that we're going to be attacked. We're
thinking that we're about to help somebody. Yeah,
makes a lot of sense. Well, if there are assailants
on the road and somebody has been burgled, we
don't know which direction they're going. They
could be coming our direction. They could be
going the opposite direction. Right. There's
only one road. I'm thinking we should close quarters
and get a little tighter. For sure. I definitely
want to get visual. Absolutely. Move as a unit.
You all move up as a unit. You kind of get to
where you can sort of peek around some trees
and get a view of the scene. And what you see
first. is that there's a wagon, a lone wagon,
resting in the middle of the road. You see no
beast of burden that should be pulling it, though
it's facing in your direction, where the beast
would have been tethered. Nothing at the front.
But you do see that it sort of pulled off to
the side of the road just a little bit. And you
see, I think, the last lingering remnants of
a horde of what looks like small animals. What
they are, I'll let you roll a perception check
for me. You see these animals, basically a bunch
of them just disappearing into the growth around,
vanishing into the shadows between trees. Go
ahead and roll your perception to see what else
you notice here. Jules got a 14. Well, my passive
perception is 9. Okay, that's very impressive.
I rolled an 11. 11, okay. So, you said, how much?
18. No, 14, sorry. 14. All I'll say for you,
Jules, is what you see running into the woods
looks like small creatures with thick, almost
armor -looking scales, almost like a shell covering
its back. It almost looks like a turtle for a
half second, and you're like, no, no, that was
definitely not a turtle. Too fast and too mammalian.
Were those the tortoises that were ahead of us
in line? I was going to ask. Is that a thing?
We move faster than we know. Is there anybody
else still on the road? Yes, you see there is
an orcish woman with bright green skin and a
purple tunic. She's pacing and running back and
forth in front of the wagon and in front of a...
Two other figures that are basically just kind
of almost backing away from her. You see two
different robed figures with tan skin, black
hair. Probably like a man and a woman. They look
like they have a decently... What's the word?
Fine clothing? Like they have some decent upbringing.
And the man's just like... This is preposterous.
We did nothing wrong. It simply opened up its
own accord. I swear. And the orc's just like,
No! You released them! How will I make any money
for my children now? Those were my livestock
to sell at the market, and I have nothing! Nothing!
You fools! You have to pay for this! You have
to pay! Do you guys want to do anything? Well,
Zebulon draws his bow and knocks an arrow, but...
He's kind of going to defer to Emin Rath here.
He's kind of looking to the luminary for guidance.
He's not really sure how to handle this situation
or even approach it. Nor am I, because I'm still
assessing. I'm still assessing. I think I yell
out, hold on a minute. Hold on a minute. What?
What? Hold on. What's going on here? And you
come out in the open. Yes, I walk out. And then
Wrath steps out into the open, begins to move
down the road towards this situation. You see
these two robed, they're both humans, look over
at you with these wide eyes. They're confused
and terrified, they look like. And they almost
look relieved as you're coming. And you look
at the orcish woman, and she also looks quite
relieved. Who are you, good sir? I am Eamon Wrath
of the Silver Hills, and I'm here to say hi.
I was having a peaceful walk. I was having a
peaceful hike or a walk when we came upon your
situation. What is going on here? I hear screams
in the woods and... This never makes someone
comfortable when they're hiking looking for peace
and quiet. Everybody thinks that Leave No Trace
has to do with fecal matter and bottle caps,
but sometimes Leave No Trace can be sounds and
sight. You know, if you wear a bright orange
or if you're playing your instrument really loud.
A couple of hiking dorks here in the show tonight,
folks. There are all kinds of dorks in this world.
Just throw that out there. I'm going to roll
a history check on you real quick. Emonrath.
That sounds familiar, but I don't recognize the
name. It's nothing to you. It's nothing to you.
It's not important. Well, what's important now
is that these hooligans have released my... My
notes. Released my notes! Now I can't find them.
My turtle -looking creatures. My pangolins. I
had a shipment of pangolin, 20 of them, to sell
at the night market. They're very, very popular
pets here, and many off -worlders like to take
them with them, but now I have nothing to sell.
How did they get them in the first place? They
came upon my wagon and released them when I was
off feeding them out. I don't understand why.
We did no such thing, no. We just came by, and
the car just opened of its own accord. They rushed
out, and we were left with a... Pants over our
ankles or something. That's a saying we have.
I have a very, very similar saying. Yes, yes,
I understand completely. Yes. Okay, where did
they go? Did they fly? Did they walk? Where'd
they go? They rushed everywhere into the woods.
We'll never catch them now. Look, what has to
happen is these folk need to pay me for what
they did. And they refused, making up some lie
about how it opened of its own accord, which
is frankly ridiculous. You agree? Yes, sir. At
this point, I want to do, what, a check on the...
What do you want to check? Well, I want to check
on the honesty or demeanor, character of the
two people. That's an insight check? Insight
check, yes. Yes, absolutely. Oh, my gosh. You
just did a check of your own accord. This is
great. Heck yes. So your insight's a plus one.
Give me your roll. So, seven. Seven. Yeah, you're
looking at them, and they look genuinely confused,
the two humans. But you're not sure. And you
guys, you're seeing this now. I think Jules wants
in on that inside check, too. Okay, so you guys,
I think you're there, and you're kind of looking,
taking this in. You feel the presence of these
three others walking with you move up beside
you. So you said that there was a mount, but
I don't see... It's in the woods! How did the
mount get loose? It's not loose. I was taking
it for a brief walk to let it breathe and eat.
It was tired. And when I walked away from my
wagon thinking it was safe, these fools came
by and released everything. Can we see the mount?
You cannot see the mount. Okay. So I think Zebulon
maybe will walk in the direction that she pointed.
Did she point? Towards the mount? She did not
point. Do you want to roll a check to see if
you can roll investigation? First of all, Jules,
what did you roll for your insight? 14 for insight.
The two humans seem genuinely confused. They
seem genuinely confused and scared. They don't
know what's going on. I'll roll investigation.
Okay. So you can also roll survival for this,
too. Following tracks. Let me check my stats.
Well, you see, since my character is shit. My
investigation is intelligence minus two. My survival
is wisdom minus three. If given the choice, I'll
roll investigation. Okay. If you don't mind.
You can roll whatever you want. So that's a six.
Minus two is four. I have no idea where the mount
is. You're looking at it and you're like, my
God, the mount just vanished. There's no tracks.
It flew. Where's the mount? It's in the woods.
I told you. So we have to explore. Do you want
to roll? You can also roll that if you want to,
Stomp. To do a bushwhack? Yeah, so let's roll
that over. What does a four get me? Do I just
pick a random direction and walk towards what
I think is the direction the mount went? You
literally have no clue. That's basically what
you have. There's no direction. You just think
the mount vanished because you can't see any
tracks of the four. The mount is there somewhere.
He just doesn't know which direction it went.
But he's going to infer. He's going to infer.
Everyone walks over the wagon and looks under
the wagon like, hey, man, you there? Yeah, but
what about the pangolins? I think, yeah, I think
Jules and Chester have already started going
into the woods. Okay. All right. So basically,
the woods, you're basically on a purely southern
track, so you can go to the east or the west.
Which way do you want to go? Don't look at me.
I'm under the fucking wagon. The wagon rolls
over. That already happened. That's a natural
one. We're going to go west because west is the
best. Natural one, horses, every time. How about
we go towards the town that we're headed to just
because we don't want to waste too much time.
We're just going to walk right by these fuckers.
Whatever you want to do. You can do insight checks
on anyone here. You can do more investigations.
It's up to you. I'll make it a point that we're
not going way the fuck down. We're just kind
of... exploring a little further than the immediate
sphere. All right. How about this? How about
this? So Zebulon has no idea where this mount
is because he's a fucking idiot. He's going to
try an insight check on the lady who's riding
the cart. Okay. So you're going to check the
woods. You're kind of exploring around. Yep.
You are going to do an insight check. I'm looking
for pangolins. You're looking for pangolins.
Okay. So you guys are all checking the woods.
Yep. You guys can all roll survival or investigations,
and you're doing insight. What'd you roll? My
passive insight is seven. And I rolled lower
than that. Get out of the adventure. What are
you doing here? Dude. You're slowing us down.
All right, so nothing happens. You look at her
and, yeah, what's a seven? She looks like she's
telling the truth. I'm not the DM. Yeah. Good.
You guys can roll investigation or insight. Stomp.
You're going to want to roll investigation here.
That's a plus two. 16. 16. 18. 18. Okay, so you
guys start looking around, and you look down
at the ground, and you see there are very clear
tracks, and you realize that Zebulon must be
an idiot to have not seen them. Gasp. I mean,
I'm pretty sure Jules already knew this. And
you see these tracks are heading up. They're
heading over to the west, straight into the woods,
cutting straight into the woods up a ways. Hold
on. Check her. Check her. Take this. Zebulon
reaches through his pocket, pulls out the diamond
recorder, and hands it to Chester. What am I
doing with this? You might want this. All right.
I mean, I don't know. I could sell it. Something
really cool might happen. Chester, no. Oh, all
right. No money. I'll keep my eye on the guy.
No sell. How do I use this? He puts it up, and
he just goes up to his eye, and he goes, record.
And it's kind of like you see it shines for a
brief second. Everything he's seeing is being
recorded as he's looking at you guys. And I'm
immediately going to go, no, no, no, no, no.
That was your really good guess. Stop, and it
cuts the recording. Yeah, so I'm just going to
swat the diamond down from Chester's eye. To
stop recording, can I just say stop recording?
Just say stop. Stop. And you see the light just
kind of dims on it. Oh, yeah, all right. I'll
do it later. Yeah, but, like, what if we, I mean,
this could be really cool. This could be good
for us. We're looking for a, what, a penguin?
A pangolin. A pangolin. Oh, a pangolin. We're
looking for one of those. It's not that cool.
I mean, sure, but I think there's a bunch of
them. I guess. Yeah, we're going to wrangle up
50. And there's a real luminary here. I mean,
there is a real guy. Yeah, it could be good for
us. I'll keep it on. Jules, if something cool
happens, can I record? Jules, what if you take
your hood and you pull it over your face? I'll
try to get the back of your head. I've got some
claws. I can poke some. Hold it in there for
you like a mask. My hood is still on that goblin
bastard. It's true. We left your beloved sack
hood on the goblin. Do we have anything that
we could use as a makeshift mask for Jules LaRoche?
I don't know. Do you? No. Tell me. I don't know
your pockets. No. At the end of that episode,
I made it a pointed fact that I'm very aware
that I just left my hood. Okay. Well, I have
like basic. So I'm. Shit out of luck. Like starting
adventure stuff. Like I have ball bearings and
a crowbar. Those will work good for a disguise.
No, they won't. Yeah, they'll work. I have rations
for a day. You can smear rations on his face.
I've got apparently 10 pounds of leather. How
about a water ski? 10 pounds of leather? Why?
Do you have any idea how many superhero masks
we can make with 10 pounds of leather? That's
a lot of leather. At least one. Sorry, it's my
light armor. Oh, my God. That makes sense. Whoops.
Minus one AC because we just used a pound of
leather to make a mask for you. You just got
your 10 pounds of leather up. It's like, that
was leather armor. I thought it was hot at first.
I'm like, what the fuck am I doing with 10 pounds
of leather? You can't. All right, Cheshire. All
right. You know what, Chesh? Forget about Jules,
but... Never. What? I would never forget about
Jules. Listen, listen. I love the guy. Listen.
All right. With the recorder. Yeah. But if I
do anything cool, just stay record. All right,
shrimp. I got you. What are you calling shrimp?
I'll keep my eye on you. All right. And with
that, I mean, and then you very coolly stare
at the orc and figure nothing out while everyone
else. That orc is stone cold. You guys see a
trail heading to the west, I think I said. You
guys heading that way? To the valley? Into the
woods. Just basically just moving right off the
trail into the woods. I kind of think as we go,
I don't know. You're staying there, aren't you?
You've decided to stay. I think I'm canonically
under the wagon. No, I mean, if you're decidedly
staying there, then I'm not going to call out.
Oh. My initial instinct is to call out Zeb. Come
on, let's go. Okay, yeah, he can follow. Yeah.
Zeb's going to follow. You guys start to move
that direction, and the orc whirls on you, just
like, where are you going? I'm going to find
the penguins. No, what? Oh, wait, are you going
for the mount or the small ones? The small ones
got away. The mount, she led that way. Who are
you looking for? Oh. Jules is going to try and
recover the penguins. Oh, okay. So yeah, you're
heading to the head and she's just, oh, uh, don't
worry about that. Well, wait, you can't find
them there. Well, you won't find them anywhere.
Why is that? They, they're in the woods. They
would have disappeared. You can't, you won't,
I don't. I think, I think this, I think this
warrants a new, this is a new insight check.
Yep. This is new information, right? We can roll
a whole new insight. We're taking this shit over.
Okay, yeah. Roll an insight check. I'll allow
it. Zebulon won't roll anything good. Actually,
I rolled a 13. 16. 13? 13. Hang on a second.
Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. Circle
K. So, with a 13, Zebulon, you're just like,
yeah, darn it. I guess you won't find them. She's
right. Jules with a 16. You're seeing the sweat
beating her head. You're seeing that she does
not want you to go that way, and there's a reason
for it. She's lying about something. I'm going
to kind of stare right into her eyes. Is there
a problem? Come on, guys, let's go check it out.
Don't! Jules, we could just go that way. And
Zebulon points the opposite direction, not realizing.
No, Jules is on this now. Let's go. Something
or someone is in trouble. I'm ready to roll.
Okay, so she sees you all kind of like doing
this. The two humans off to the side are like
watching you with bewildered expressions. They're
very hopeful. They realize something is happening
here, and they were just scared. They're scared
you're going to take her side, and they're just
kind of watching, and she's just staring at you,
and she just says, Zola! And he points to the
air, and you just kind of see like the Star Wars
Ranger comes alive. And all these pangolins start
rushing back towards her and all just rush into
her wagon. And you see they're just off in the
woods a short ways, and they were all grouped
together. And she just stares at him just like,
so what gave us away? It doesn't matter. Ty,
come on out now. The game's up. And you hear
this crashing from the eastern side, the other
side of the road, as this. A gigantic pangolin
bursts out of the trees being ridden by this
human man with a... The mount is a pangolin too?
Holy fuck. That's cool. Ridden by a brown -skinned
human with a rough aesthetic, patchy curly hair
and an eye patch over one eye. He's got a scimitar
up high. And she just looks at you and says,
Well, looks like I gotta take care of ya. Sorry,
nothing personal. Just business. I want you all
to roll for initiative. Oh, God. I'm going to
screw this lady up. Oh, my God. Freaking nat
2 plus 3 is 5. 7. Well, you're ahead of Zebulon.
Ooh, I love it. That's good. That's good stuff.
That's good stuff. The fact that my orc gets
to go first. Fuck. To hell with your orc. I forgot.
I got to move you guys all much. You are heading
down into the woods. So just for Claire's sake,
these two humans are getting out of here. When
this thing starts plundering through the woods,
they just like run away. Jules. I'm going to
put you about 10 feet away from the orc. You
are staring her in the eye, as I remember. Chester
by your side. Zebulon's moving with you guys,
kind of behind. And I'm going to put Emonrath
sort of leading down into the woods. So the farthest
away, because he was leading the charge after
these pangolin that were all right a few feet
away from you in the woods, waiting for this
scam to be complete. And this orcish woman is
still staring you right in the eyes, Jules. And
she just says, You could have just left. You
could have moved on. They would have paid their
due, and we would have gone on with our day,
and no one had to get hurt. Oh, well. You're
taking the names of hardworking people and dragging
them through the mud. This is not how you make
a buck. That's not honest. Honest? I'll tell
you how to make work. We're going to make an
honest buck. We're going to honestly cut you
down and take what you have. Your friends look
like they have money. Bring it on, bitch. And
she just charges you and attacks. Here's what's
going to happen here. Okay, there are 17 dice
in my tray. Why are there 17? For the sound.
Okay. His look down is just like, what? All right.
What would happen if Stephen rolled 17 dice at
the same time? So I, aggressive, I move up to
you, and I'm going to. She just pulls this axe
off of her battle axe from her belt and just.
goes to cleave down at you, and rolls a natural
two. Yeah, that hits. So you just say that, you're
ready. She comes in swinging too fast, too hard,
angry that you foiled her plans, and you just
weave out of the way as she strikes down. You
feel the air next to you just whistle as this
axe blade almost takes you in the face. I'm just
going to give a nice little step back. And as
this happens, she steps up right beside you,
and right beside her now is a very angry Chester,
who just, Jules, look out! You little bitch!
And what does he do? He's gone with his dagger.
Chester. And this could be a 22. That's gonna
hit! Oh my god. Fuck yeah, it's gonna hit. Alright,
where's my d4? Right there. Damn. It's a 3. 3
damage? Minimum damage. Minimum damage. And while
Chester's doing that, Jules is going to say,
it doesn't have to be like this. It doesn't have
to be like this. We don't want to hurt you. We're
just trying to get to the valley. Just want to
get to the jinky night market. Yeah, so Chester
comes in, just stabs. He probably goes right
into her, like slices her arm. And she grabs
it. Blood starts pouring between her fingers.
And she just stares down at him. And she is mad.
And you kind of hear this as the pangolin begins
to charge across the way with this human still
on its back. So that thing's pretty huge. What
exactly is a pangolin? They're like armadillos.
Sorry, sand shrew, I think. Well, I have a question.
I mean, are these... Is the mount pangolin controlled
by either the rider or the orc? Like if we take
care of those two, is this mount? That's a good
question. Out of character, I would guess that
the rider is controlled. The rider is controlled.
The rider has reins on it right now, but whether
or not it's like bound into servitude by them,
you're not sure. Okay. You did see the other
pangolin were trained well enough to come back
when called. Sure, sure. You can infer this one
might be pretty well trained too. Right. And
honestly, after seeing the orc get stabbed, this
pangolin comes at Chester angrily. Huh. Yeah.
It's going to attack. Attack who? Chester. Goddamn.
Angrily. Yikes, that's not good. And it's an
unnatural two. Good thing I have multi -attack.
And it's a natural 20. Get out of town. It's
a natural 20 on Chester. Oh, boy. Jesus Christ.
It means double damage dice. Yeah. Chester might
be down already. Yeah, for real. Chester's got,
what, eight hit points? That's a lot of die.
It's actually not as great as you think, but
still pretty good. I rolled almost minimum damage.
Okay. So it is ten damage on Chester. He is unconscious
and dying. Oh, my God. No, no. He leveled up,
right? Doesn't he have 11 now? He did. I don't
know. You tell me. Not on the sheet? I don't
know. You didn't fill it? No, I did. Yeah, it's
a paper sheet. We've got to get him in D &D Beyond.
That's 13. Oh, 13. That's 13. I thought it was
crossed out to put three. No, no, sorry. It's
13. Okay, no, he's not unconsciously dying. That
is a really thick one. I thought he crossed that
out after the last fight. Oh, no, no, no. I had
the sheet. 13. Yeah, so he's 13. We need to get
him in D &D Beyond. So remember that. Yeah, we
do. Chester is now down to 3 HP. What was the
damage? 10. 10, yeah. So it just comes up and
breaks across. Almost minimum damage. Not great
for me, but really good for Chester, who almost
went down at the start of the fight. One attack.
One attack. At pretty much minimum damage, almost
took Chester out completely. Well, Jules, that's
you. I knew you saw this pangolin hit your buddy.
What are you going to do about it? I'm going
to cast Dissonant Whispers on the pangolin. Interesting.
Does that work on a creature with low intelligence?
It doesn't say anything about intelligence. Yep.
Wow. It says, I whisper a discordant melody that
only one creature of your choice within range
can hear. Racking it with terrible pain, you
must make a wisdom saving throw. On a failed
save, 3d6 psychic damage and must immediately
use its reaction. 3d6 psychic damage. Must immediately
use its reaction to move as far as its speed
allows away from you. Oh my gosh. Nice. All right,
making that save. Here we go. That is a, that
is a, it's 10. Nope. Okay. Okay. Excellent. Roll
me a 3d6. It's got a mounted guy on it. Oh, okay.
She's going to scare it off. It's my guy. Is
my guy going with it? Is the question I'm trying
to figure out? 13. Oh, damn. Okay. That's pretty
big damage. That's big damage. For 3d6? That's
very big damage. Okay. You take a big chunk out
of this pangolin and it like, what does it look
like when you cast this? Do you like, I mean
like, I guess, do you use your lute when you
cast magic? You know, I think for this one, I'm
going to stick out my hand and there's just going
to be this white sparkly mist that comes out.
But you hear like screams and shrieks coming
from it. As it goes out and covers the pangolin.
Okay. And the pangolin just, just, just kind
of, I don't know what they sound like. And it
just like, it just like stares around, just shaking
its head wildly and turns around and bolts. And
you see like blood starts running down, like
from its nose, from its ears. It's just like
screeching. It's a hefty amount of psych damage.
And the mount on top, the guy on top is like,
hey, who are you doing? Hey, no, stop, stop,
stop, stop. As he's being pulled into the woods
again, where they just came from. Yes. That's
good. Yeah, that's down to one combatant if those
two are running off. Here's the thing. They're
running off, and that means that Chester and
Zebulon and you, Jules, can use your action if
you want to take AOOs. Oh! They're leaving your
space. That's the rules. Yep. Jules is going
to take one. Okay. And it's just melee, right?
Yes. That is a nat 20. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God.
And it's going on the penguin, by the way. Oh,
my gosh. Why not the orc? Not the orc? Yeah,
the orc isn't moving. Yeah, that's just an...
And the guy probably is too high up. I mean,
he's technically... You could hit the guy, too.
You could hit the bandit on top, too. I would
imagine it probably relates somewhat to boxing
stomp, where, like, if someone is getting out
of your attack range... Then just... That makes
them vulnerable. Gotcha, gotcha. So as they're
leaving... You get that opportunity to attack
them. Okay. That's a good way to look at it.
I like that. All right, so roll me that natural
20. I just did. No, the damage. The damage for
the natural 20. I'll do mine after yours is resolved.
How do we do crits? Two die rolls. Two die, yeah.
That's eight. That's a crit two die for. Is it?
It's just the better of the two. Or is it total?
Total. Oh, fuck. 13. Yeah, and then you add the
modifier after that. Just a single modifier.
Yeah, I don't have a modifier for damage on my
right here. It's not as beepy as I want it to
be. Did not hit my AOL. Okay. And then you can
roll for Chester as well. And you're not quite
within five seconds. You don't get the AOL because
you're kind of... Do you have a map? I do have
a map. I'll show him on his round. Actually,
no, this is 23 for Chester. 23 for Chester? Yeah,
that hits. This is an armored thing with high
AC. Stop it. So this would just be 2d4 plus 2
then. If it's normally a d4 plus 2, then it's
2d4 plus 2. Wait, he got a crit? Oh, no. Oh,
no, you're right. So that's 6 damage. Oh, my
God. Pangolin already looks pretty bad, as it
just, like, turns and just, like, makes a pangolin
sound. That's what they sound like. And it just,
somewhere across the road, blood pouring out
of it. This fucking, this pangolin did not hold
itself as well as I thought. That's great for
us. Yeah? It is great for you. And I didn't even
use a button. Okay, I'm going to try an animal
handling check to turn this thing around to charge
it back into attack, because it's the bandit's
turn. Actually, well, I can't, like, move, because
it's... Get him out of there. Nope. You know
what? All right. Pangolin moves all the way here.
Bandit's actually going to jump off. Bandit realizes
this is a lost cause, leaps off the pangolin,
and is going to run at you. Uh -oh. And attack
Jules. Attack Jules. It's a natural one. Oh,
excellent. Critical failure. So that's bad. Yeah.
It's so bad. He'd be worst. Okay. I mean, we
don't really have, like, fumbles. We don't have
fumbles. At least not yet. Maybe someday. At
least for now, he certainly misses. He's still
unsteady. He goes and, like, tries to attack,
and he slips into some pangolin blood as he gets
in the range and slides and wipes the air and
almost takes off the ear of the orc next to him.
So right now, the orc and the bandit are basically
facing all of you grouped up together. The pangolin
shot off into the woods and is currently running
as fast as it can away. It probably isn't coming
back. It's super injured. Now we're going to
wipe up. You are wiping these guys. I thought
I was going to get you. Well, that's the game,
and the bandit sucks, and it is now Stump's turn.
Oh. Emonrath. Emonrath is ready to roll. So here's
you right here. You're 10 feet away from the
bandit, 10 feet away from the orc. You got these
guys in front of you, but you could still move
up in their space, attack, and step back if you
want, or you can move around to get next to the
bandit and attack, whatever you want to do. I
guess my question is, how's Chester doing? Chester's
in rough shape. Yeah, but do I have an ability
to help him? I don't believe you do. You don't
have any healing on your side. You're just getting
there, do some damage. You got utility, you got
damage. The best way to help Chester is to get
these guys out of a fight. We're going to rely
on you for offense this time. Got it. I would
like to cast a Zephyr Strike on me and go for
the orc. So you guys just see like... I love
this, too, because you're going to move through
their spaces really smoothly and easily. Zebulon,
you must be dorking out when you see Emonrath
just cast this magic over himself. I think a
light wind covered his body. You see his form
almost become so hazy, like a heat wave. Oh,
my God. He's doing it. He's doing it. You just
kind of dance past Jules and Chester, easily
sliding between them, sliding up next to the
orc. In fact, you can get behind the orc. and
give everyone a plus two bonus for flanking.
You can give it to Jules. So if you want to do
that, that's yours. But yeah, you're there. Do
you want to attack? That was a bonus action.
I do. Let's attack. That's going to be a d20
roll. Rolled a four. Ooh, do you have a modifier?
So that's going to miss. It's a plus four. So
it's going to innate total. It's going to miss.
But I will tell you with Zephyr Strike, once
you can actually do a 1d8 damage for free, even
when you miss. You only get to do it once. It's
basically you just like swing in the wind. Once
for the whole life of the spell? Yes. Gotcha.
Yeah, but when you swing, it's like the wind
comes off your blade and strikes anyway. So the
orc like sort of moves it aside and dodges it.
But do you want to use the wind attack? Or do
you want to save it? Let's do it. Okay. Roll
me this right here. Get a six. All right. Nice.
I love this. So you guys watch free damage. You
guys watch. It's so it's so samurai. You guys
watch as like swings up right behind this orc
and goes to like slut and the orc just kind of
like parries the blow probably brings their axe
up and kind of knocks to the side smiles and
you guys see like this big. slit, like, open
up on her body where the blade didn't touch.
Like, right down her collarbone, down, like,
to her chest, and just, like, burst with blood,
and she just looks down at it in shock and looks
up at Shu like, that didn't connect. She says,
what? And, uh, that's your turn. You keep saying
nerding out, and Zebulon is nerding out. He's
like, you must have learned that from Ogin. This
orc is nerding out over that one. Holy shit.
Speaking of nerding out, Zebulon, that is your
turn now. Zebulon is with this new rider. What
race is the rider? The rider is human. Okay.
Looks like he's a local subsunkin. Subsunkin?
Subsunkin. So Zebulon and Emin are flanking this
new human rider. You are. You are flanking the
human. So yeah, the way it's set up, Emonrath
is now making it so you're flanking the human
and Jules, you're flanking the orc. Emonrath
has perfectly strategically positioned himself
to annihilate me. Yeah, which is fantastic. That's
a plus two on everyone's rolls. Against everyone.
Stomp is great at tic -tac -toe three in a row.
So Zeb's going to take a swing at this new combatant,
this new human rider. He's going to take... two
swings with his sabers and because this human
rider is also in melee with uh i think that's
jewels or is that chester uh either way he's
in melee with both so he's gonna get sneak attack
damage on top of yeah yeah it's true so let me
take uh i mean he's technically a melee within
melee range of everybody he's in the middle of
your like star Ooh, that first attack's only
a nine, so I'm guessing that's not a hit. That
is not going to be a hit. But he gets a second
attack here. A second attack. That's only a 12.
So, Zebulon, you're over there, and I think you're
just like, you just saw how cool Eminrath was.
You get a little overexcited. And just start
swinging wildly at these two. Missed them both.
And you just, yeah, barely. 12 was super, super,
super, super close. Yeah. Where I think this
guy just barely managed to, like, push his head
out of the way. And you almost got, like, you
know, a cut right on his face. And he, you know,
slides out of it. But, yeah, you're just, you're
hung up on how cool Menrath is. That's, yeah.
You're, like, on the spot. You see he's across
from you now. He's looking at you. And you're,
like, oh, yeah, I got to be cool. And then you're
just kind of, like, wop, wop. That's it. Focus.
Focus. I'm sorry. I'm a rat. Don't you get it?
No, I don't. Got more important things right
now. Focus. Oh, my gosh. All right. I missed
both strikes. What a bummer. I don't have any
other moves. That's it for Zeb this round. All
right. I have to. I have to. I have to do some
stuff with this orc. I get gross. Stealth with
the orc. Stuff. Not stealth. Stuff. Against Emonrath,
because he attacked me. Emonrath, I'm coming
for you now. Come at you hard and fast. Strong.
Relax. Here we go. You're scary. Come at me.
That's an iffy one. That is going to be a 13
to hit. No, 14 to hit. Okay. And I have your
AC. It's a 15. I know, you asked a good question.
I looked at Stomp, and I was just like, oh, wait,
hang on. Never mind. I have your sheet. I have
the answer to that question. So, just, I think
the axe comes down at Emonrath, and again, just,
like, so cool, with the barest movement, you
just kind of, like, barely slide out of the way.
I think, like, maybe a little bit of your hair
gets, like, nicked off at the very edges. But,
yeah, this orc is furiously swinging. My goons
are not holding. Up. It has Chester. Okay. Yeah.
So wait, Chester's got flanking, right? On the
orc? Chester is not flanking anyone, actually.
He's the only one not flanking. He's right here
in the middle. He's right in between Jules and
Zebulon. Add a character. Chester also has 3
HP. Yeah, he does. Could disengage. Get him out
of there. Scary stuff. Scary stuff. Something
to consider. I know. Jules, what do I do? He's
looking at you like trying to... He's waiting
for you to say so. Can he disappear again for
a while, just for safety? Goddamn. We haven't
gotten any damage on that human, have we? No.
Not yet. No. It's a gamble. It's a gamble. He's
going to disengage, and just for flavor, Jules
is going to be like, Chester, step back for a
minute. Step back. Get behind us. And I'm going
to push Chester. All right, Jules. I'm going.
Well, I'm pushing him kind of behind me. Okay.
So you're just sliding. I'll say he goes right
here. Basically diagonally behind you and away
from everybody else. It's just the orc and this
rider, right? Yes. Yeah. Okay. And you know that
at this point, if the orc is to go after Chester,
she's stepping. And she's stepping also out of
M and Rath's range. So, like, bad stuff happens.
They're getting AOs. AOs. So, yeah. Chester moves
behind you. It's like. Get her, Jules! Get her!
And with that, it is the pangolin's turn, and
he screams and keeps running. Wait, can Chester
pull out his sling? You know what? Actually,
I'm not going to just keep running. I'm going
to roll my check again, because I get to roll
a check at the top of this round, right? To fight
Dissonant Whispers? It doesn't say. Oh, so you
can probably just blast one round then. So as
the creature doesn't move on obviously dangerous
grounds, let's fight Pit. On a successful save,
I think you have to save. You might have to save
every round. Okay, I'll save. It's not great.
That is a five. Nope. Okay, so it just keeps
running. All right, goodbye, Pangolin. It looks
back like it really wanted to go back and make
the fight more interesting, and then it was like,
nah, nah, my will's not strong enough, and he
just leaves. That's good. That's awesome. That's
a good thing. Stumps up into the jungle. I was
going to go after that Zebulon, but I won't.
Who went off to pee again, I think. I'm pretty
sure he just did. We need to keep a Steven pee
counter for every episode. So that we can have
contests to see who will guess right about how
many times he goes pee. You should roll the limit.
You can only do 11. You got to camel up, you
know, for hiking and for tabletop. You got to
camel up. That's right. Hydrate. Camel up. Hydrate
hard. Oh, man. You know who's not hydrating hard?
Your orc. Fucking Jules LaRoche. It's his turn.
Jules, what do you want to do? I'm going for
the orc. All right, go for the orc. I got that
plus two, right? Get that plus two, and I hate
it. So, question. Yeah. Buttons are pre... Yes,
buttons are pre -roll. Okay. This fight's not
over yet. This orc looks pretty tough. Pretty
injured. Fuck. Pretty tough. I'm going to give
you a damn button. Okay, I'll take that. I'll
take that button. It's my own little mini victory
here. I don't know. I'll see for a crit. See
if you get a crit. Yeah, so I just got... What's
my modifier? Yeah, so that's a 19. A 19 will
hit. And a 13. Okay, well that 19's definitely
going to hit. Go ahead and roll damage. Steven,
how was your tinkle? Much needed. Gosh. That's
a three. Three, okay. Your turn happened while
you were gone. We skipped you. I'm just kidding.
I was going to say, I'm pretty sure I was at
the opposite end of the order. Yeah, that's true.
Three damage on the order? Yep. Okay. I picked
my timing wisely. I'm still up. All right. Time
for my human to go. Pumped up bandit. What am
I going to do with this guy? Let's see here.
Yeah, I'm going to go for Zebulon here. I can't.
Why? I've not rolled above a 10 once, I feel
like. Except for one crit with minimum damage
almost. Does an 11 hit Zebulon? It does not hit.
Wow. This is shocking. Team Rocket's blasting
off again. Emonrath, you're up. You're watching
these flailing guys. You're within range of both
the orc and the human, and you get flanking bonus
on both of them. So you already used that spell,
but you can still just go for straight normal
attacks. Can I use that button for an attack?
You can, yeah. Use that, and then you basically
just roll twice, take the higher, and make sure
you hit. Okay. I'm going to do that. I'm going
to roll twice. It's a plus four on these attacks.
Eagle, sir. Thank you, sir. Button back. Thank
you, stump. First roll. It's a six. That won't
work, but use that button. So roll again. Get
that second roll. Exactly, yep. Here we go. Sweaty
hands. Sweaty hands. Sweaty hands. Oh, I don't
know about that. It looks like a 19 to me. It's
a 19. That's going to hit. Nice button use right
there. That's worth it. Who are you attacking?
The orc. The orc, okay. Go ahead and roll this
for damage. That's six plus two. That's eight
damage total. Eight damage, okay. So what was
left for the orc? I need you to do me a favor,
actually, real quick. Okay, sure. Can you describe
to me how you kill this orc? Yes! Well, let me
tell you how I did this. I snuck through the
barriers of individuals, and I pulled out my
long blade, and just at one moment, when the
slice through the neck, the prior slice of the
neck happened, I come in behind, and I take my
blade, and I swing it straight through the top.
Oh, hell yeah. Hopefully trying to cut my adversary
in half. We shall see. Yes. To finish this because
I have to get to the valley. We have shit to
do, so we're going to cut people in half until
we get there. That's the intention. This orc
was already, like, off guard with you. I mean,
you just did some crazy shit last round, slicing
her without even touching her with a blade. As
you go into that, I think she's not sure how
to guard against it. She, like, goes, and that's
kind of, like, I think what that button is, is
she, like, kind of goes to block, but she's almost,
like, expecting some other phantom attack, and
she, like, whirls her weapon around the wrong
way. You see an opening, and in that instant,
you go flying in for her torso, and... Cut right...
Faked her out. And you see this, like, she just
kind of looks at you and just is like, now I
remember. And she just falls to the ground, gushing
blood all over the road. Dies trying to roll
her R's. I can't roll dice. I can't roll R's.
I am not rolling anything tonight. That's brilliant.
And with that, it's you, Zebulon. The orc is
gone. Pangolin is gone. Just the human left.
He's just like, uh, uh. He's looking around,
doesn't know what to do. Weapon out, just like,
get back. Yo, I'm warning you. All right, well,
Zebulon's going to end this. Zebulon's going
to take his two swings with both sabers at this
human. I'm going to turn in my button, too. Oh,
shit. I want to wreck this guy. Okay, give me
that button. I'm not really playing nice here.
I'll gladly take it. And he's within five feet,
so if he hits, he gets sneak attack damage. So
I'm going to roll twice for the first swing.
Good thing, because that's a 12 plus five, so
17 for the first strike. That hits. Good thing
I rolled with advantage, because the first one
was a two. Oh. That's one of my rolls. Ooh, second
roll's a nat one. That one is not going to hit.
Okay, that one does not. It actually negates
your first roll. That isn't quite how it works.
And you owe me three buttons. Oh, man. So what
I'm going to do instead is roll my d8 plus three,
and then I'm going to roll a d6 on top of that
for sneak attack damage. Oh, shit. You roll your
giant damage. So that's eight for the first die,
five plus three. Eight damage total? For the
first die. Then I have a D6. Should I roll the
D6? Roll your D6. I think you're so cool. That's
an extra three. I see you scratching out a lot
of things. This is the bandit's HP. Currently.
I see lots of numbers, but they're all scratched
out. Yeah, there's a bunch of scribbles and numbers
under the scribbles. Okay. Well, I scribbled
those up so you wouldn't see the numbers. Anyway,
the bandit had an 11, and you just rolled 11
damage exactly. Oh, sweet. Excellent. Yeah, the
bandit was not terribly strong because he was
supposed to be riding a fucking pangolin. That
didn't happen. So, yeah, how do you kill this
guy? Perfectly killed this guy exactly in one
attack. In the confusion of the fight, Zebulon
just fully extends, stretches straight out, and
just pokes this guy right in a soft spot and
sends him to the ground. Okay. All right. This
guy just, like, drops. Cringing. And just writhes
on the ground and dies below your blade. Gross.
And, you know, it's funny because in superhero
stories, they usually don't murder everyone.
I mean, you didn't really give me the option
to like. Non -lethal exists. I mean, you don't
have to use it. I'm just saying. I'm just putting
it out there. I penalize non -lethal anyway,
so you don't always want to use it. Yeah, right.
I was going to say, like, it's way harder. It's
harder. I just manage non -lethal. That's what
I do, because it makes no sense. They were using
lethal force, so we were using lethal force.
I'm not judging you. I'm just pointing out a
fact that usually Batman doesn't fucking stab
people in the guts, in the kidneys, and watch
them bleed out and scream on the ground while
looking at them with soulless eyes that wonder,
just wonder if maybe he's starting to enjoy it
just a little. Hold on. Are you playing my character,
or am I? If I were playing your character, there'd
be a lot less blood on your hands. Anyway. Anyway,
this guy drops. So Zebulon turns to the humans
who are still on the map, or have they fled?
They're still there. Did she steal anything from
you? Are you folks okay? Oh, she was trying to
blame us for that. It must have been some kind
of car, and you saved us. We were going to fork
over. We didn't know what to do, but when we
saw you coming, we thought for sure you were
going to take her side. But we didn't do anything.
We swear, we came by, and the door just opened
on its own, and the pangolins ran into the woods,
and she came out screaming at us. Don't worry,
don't worry, don't worry. We believe you. You
don't have to convince us, okay? Luckily for
you, we killed them in cold blood. Wow, you must
be luminaries. Wicked. You must be luminaries.
You must be the heroes. So compassionate. So
wonderful. I see my next apprentices. Yeah, you
got to see some cool stuff at the end there,
Minrath. Simeon, you might have proved yourself
in the eyes of this guy. Yeah, that's what I'm
thinking. Did Chester get any of this on film?
Fantasy film? Chester's like... Ah, shit. I was
covered in blood. Sorry, I got stabbed right
in the pocket it was in. Yes, sir. Yeah, I was
trying to record it, and it's... In front of
Eamon Rash. Are you serious? Yeah, all I got
is red. I heard. You might hear it. This... This
was my chance. Eamon, I'm so sorry. I... It's
okay. It's okay. You actually remind me of when
I was a wee little lad. Wow. Suckling upon the
goats up on the silver mountains. I'm a little...
When my world was turned upside down. I'm a little
less excited about that part, but... I think
Jules and Chester both turned around and... But
I'm really glad that you were impressed. I think
there's potential. I think there's potential.
Are you okay? Is everybody... I mean, I'm very
slashed. That reminds me, yeah. I'm going to
cast Cure Wounds on Chester. All right, sweet.
Good call. Good spell. I don't think I have any.
What was it? 1d6? 1d8. 1d8? Modifier. Modifier,
hell yeah. Which is just my charisma. That's
really the only option we have for healing, so
when or if we get to... It's four. Same as before.
It's four. Literally the last time that I did
Cure Wounds on Chester, it was that roll. Thanks
again, 5 -0. It was four. Thanks again. Shut
the fuck up, Chester. Sorry, Jules. But now you
go and heal him. He's like, oh, thanks, Jules.
I was losing a lot of blood there. That thing
scratched me good. When or if we ever get to
Sipsenko, we should pick up some potions. You
are all in Sipsenko. You're just not at the Densing
Night Market yet. The Densing Night Market, then.
Fine. You're off with tourists like this, you
know? I don't know. I've never been here, so...
All right. Yeah, so you're... These two people
actually start wandering over to you, and the
wife kind of stays behind, almost like scared,
covering her face, and there's a lot of gore
and stuff, but the husband begins moving over
to you, and he just looks at you like, you all,
and you came to our rescue. You slayed these
criminals. Are you, by chance, are you all luminaries?
Well, I mean, he is. And Zeb points to him in
wrath. Yes, yes, I am. You are? Yes. I feel like
I know you. What's your handle, sir? My handle
is eminrath. Ah, eminrath, yes. Perfect. I saw
you on... The Citadel Network. What is the show
I made up called again? Eminrath Hour? Smart
and humble. Jewels. Jewels. Something jewels.
Daily jewels. The Morning Jewel. Morning Jewel.
I saw you on The Morning Jewel. That's the one.
Yes, yes, yes. I always watch it and remember
its name every day. It's a fun show. It's fun.
With the host. You know. Foo Bon May. Foo Bon
May. Hey, there you go. Actually, here's a little
tidbit for you guys, and this is on purpose.
She is the mother of another luminaire we've
mentioned in the show, Foo Lilling, the teapot
mage. Oh, dude. With like the coolest. Way to
cast magic. Yeah. So that's why the Foo surname.
You know, a freaking teapot. Are you kidding
me? It's pretty cool. So cool. I like that one.
So, yeah, so they're talking you up. And you
two, I mean, you're heroes as well. You fought
bravely. What's your name, sir? So we can spread
tales of you back at the Citadel. And the name's
Jules. Jules. Any surname? Just Jules. All right,
Jules, yes. I mean, there might be a lot of those,
but I'll make sure to spread it. Jules, the raggedy
man. Raggedy Jules. All right. And you, child
who got stabbed really hard and kind of fell
out of the fight, what's your name? I'm Chester.
All right. Chester, he's supposed to be the camera
guy. Oh, so you're like a sidekick to these two
non -luminaries. I mean, if you want to be reductive,
yeah, I guess. I don't know. Sure? So, Chester,
just this time. You know what, Zebulon? Get that
diamond up. Why don't you record me doing something
cool? Well, you don't do anything cool. Like
this. And he flips you off. Oh, hang on. Let
me get that on camera. Ah, here we go. Record.
Yeah, got it. Now you figured it out, huh? Yeah.
Is this new friendship already fracturing? It's
just a unique dynamic. It's just a unique dynamic.
They turn to you and they're like, so we want
to spread your name across this island. You.
We saw what you did there at the end. That was
brilliant. What's your name, sir? Spreading tails,
huh? Sir Dragon, you look familiar. Perhaps we
know you from somewhere. Careful. Yes. You might
know me. You certainly know me as Zebulon. Zebulon.
But I think... From now on, maybe you'll know
me as Zebulon Black. Zebulon Black. Zebulon.
Zebulon Black. Hey, that sounds pretty cool,
huh? I like the sound of that. You're coming
into your own. Did you get that, Chester? I actually
did. I was still flipping you off in camera,
though. So the little finger's kind of covering
your face a little. It's not so bad. It sounded
pretty cool. Thank you. I don't think it's showing
on the Crystal Network, though. It's kind of,
I mean, it's a little adult theme now. It's kind
of crude. If we blur out a middle finger, does
it still showcase as a middle finger? I mean,
people will still know. Yeah, right? It doesn't
make any difference. That's what I figured. It's
almost like there's no point in doing it at all.
Right? Because everybody knows what's there.
It makes sense. Oops. We can get the audio. Cut
it. Put it in the trailer. We'll give it to Jeremy.
He'll do something really cool. Give it to Jeremy.
Yes. All right. So I don't want to drag this
scene out any longer than it has to be. I mean,
you finished my fight way too fast, so drag away.
Well, my intention was to secure and search these
brigands and then search their cargo. This is
actually a very interesting situation, right?
You go and look at their cargo. And in this wagon
right now, all you see is just an empty wagon
with, like, a bunch of, like, pangolin feed on
the inside. And then you realize there's a bunch
of pangolins, like, swarming all around the wagon,
kind of looking at you with these sad, black,
beady eyes and looking over at the people he
just took out. And, like, they were criminals.
These were their pets. So Zebulon's going to
grab a bag of the feed and walk over to the two
humans. And hand it to them. For them to take
over care? So, I know that these pangolins were
going to be used to rob you, but I think they're
pretty innocent. They could probably use somebody
good. Somebody like you. To watch out for them
and care for them and maybe show them that...
There's more to life than crime. I'm sorry. Are
you trying to give me 20 pets? That's like asking
someone to take 20 cats. Well, yeah, but look
at all the feed that's here. You've known me
for 30 seconds. Yeah, but you could... There's
like at least a month. I have a whole life. Or
two weeks. I might have a lot of kids. I don't.
Honestly, we're actually extremely... Kids love
pangolins. We're extremely lonely and we take
these touristy trips to fill the void that our
marriage... Aren't you going to the night market?
Our marriage was shattered years ago and our
daughter drowned. Joe, how about this? We've
been searching desperately for something else
to fill the void in our heart and we realize
right now that 20 pangolins is the exact size
of the void that is missing between us. Darling,
I love you. And the wife's just like, I love
you. And they just, they're like, I don't know.
So hold on, hold on. Are they taking the pangolins?
Because if they're not taking the pangolins,
I think we could take them to the night market
and sell them. That's true. I'm going to say
they're not going to take the pangolins because
that's a crazy ask. That was all non -canon.
They just look at you like, I'm really sorry.
I could take one or two, but we have no way to
store these. I don't think they should be split
up. I mean, look at them. They're all so attached
and I assume valuable. They're actually generally
considered to be like somewhat sacred here on
Sbsunko. They're seen as... Oh, great. Yeah.
We're just trying to give them away. Does Eamon
have like a citadel card or anything like that?
He can charge up a lifetime supply of food for
these two? Like if you commit to taking these
pangolins, then we will provide you with food.
But in return, when we call you for service,
you will have to come. In our service. Whether
it be a fight to the death or something of a
lesser. For 20 pangolins. Hey, you never know.
Yo, Eamon. Eamon, I think that we could still,
you and I, we can rope Jules into a two. We could
take these pangolins to the night market and
we could sell them. They'll go to good homes,
I think. I mean, how do you make sure of that?
Am I here? Am I in this conversation? Well, I
mean, we would just sell them to, I don't know,
Eamon knows people, right? No, I think we'd go
to like a... place that sells pets. What do you
think, Eamon? I think it's a good idea, but this
is not my mission here, so I will rely upon you
to form this mission, this sub -mission. It is
important, but I will not be present as I have
missions upon this island to partake upon and
pursue. He's got bigger fish to fry. Than 20
homeless pangolins, yeah. It makes sense. Jules
is going to take one. You're going to take one?
Okay, yeah. I'm going to put them up on my shoulder.
So you walk over, you reach down and pick one
of these guys up. Yep. They're sad, but they're
generally kind of friendly. At first it's kind
of shivering as you pick it up. It's like shaking
in your hands. You put it on your shoulder and
it's still shaking for a second. And then after
a moment it sort of stops. And you feel it just
kind of like shove itself, its head into your
neck. And you kind of like rub. And then it kind
of calms and lies down. I'm going to call you
Jamal. Jamal the pangolin. He kind of looks like
Jamal, doesn't he? Yeah, he does. Jamal's got
that big schnoz, you know, like an anteater.
That's kind of mean, Jules. Jamal's going to
kick my ass over this. Probably. Oh, man. Probably.
Oh, nuts. He's crazy. We're all a little bit
crazy, Chester. Does Chester still have the recording
diamond out? No. Chester! What? Oh, yeah, sorry.
Record. Are you doing something cool? I think
we're just looking at fucking pangolins. I didn't
think we needed to record this. Jules stepped
out of the frame. Sorry, Jules. So, with these
pangolins behind him, Zebulon steps over to the
humans and starts to grab one of their hands
and tries to shake their hand. Staring at the
camera, though. Yeah, exactly. Yes. He's staring
straight at the camera while he's trying to shake.
He would sort of be followed like, why are you
not looking at what's happening? This is great.
This is great. Just keep. How long do I have
to do this for? This footage is going to get
us in so much trouble. So much trouble. All right.
That's good. That's enough, Chester. That's one.
That's it. That's good. All right. Stop. Did
you get the pangolins behind me? Were they real
sad? I look pretty sad. Awesome. Yeah, I got,
like, that dead guy's foot, too, so it kind of
explains the story if you really pay attention.
Well, are you guys, to the humans, Zebulons speaking,
are you guys all set here? I think we're... Yes,
we're heading back to the Citadel. We've had
enough excitement for this little adventure.
We're going back. There should be another ruby
coming in tonight, so we're going to take that
out. That's good. Good for you. We're going to
keep. And Zebulon points the other direction.
We're going to go that way. All right, well,
enjoy the night market. It's incredible. We've
been there a few times now, and it won't really
start bustling until the sun sets, as they say.
You see the laupop flowers gleaming in the mountains.
You'll know the time. When the forest comes to
light and life, you'll see the same in the night
market. And the preferred spots to check out?
Yes, there's the Zonggun Family Seafood. They're
an excellent vendor of all seafood items. They're
rather huge. And, of course, there's the Tien
Mo Noodles. If you enjoy noodles, if you have
a penchant for that, they're the best around.
Other large franchises that are starting to branch
out a little bit. Apart from that, oh, you know,
actually, if I remember correctly, tonight they're
actually running the market games. If you're
interested in... checking those out. Oh, well,
many of the sort of businesses here in the market,
they try to set up these challenges for off -worlders
who want to take part and essentially become
part of the community by earning their place
through exciting games. They'll usually have
teams challenge each other in them. It's quite
something. What kind of games? Well, let's see.
It changes every time, but generally speaking,
there might be the Battle Prawn Challenge. We
always love watching the Battle Prawn Challenge.
Or like Giant Shrimp Prawns? Oh, yes, yes. You
have to beat them into submission and cook them.
And you're battling another team for quality
and speed. Oh, it is thrilling. There's the Spicy
Pepper Challenge. That's a rough one. I hope
you have a high constitution modifier, because
that is... Oh, deadly if you don't. It sounds
like we're starting to build a ramen challenge.
Prawns and spicy peppers. Made for the market
folk, you know, the owners. They like to basically
host a challenge pertaining to their own stall.
And if you pass them all, then, well, you're
in for a treat. I mean, they'll treat you like
one of them. A big bowl of ramen. Like some good
deals. And that. I can't say where else there
is, but please, you should check it out if you're
there tonight. It's really quite exciting. Only
happens once every couple months. Well, I don't
know about you guys, but I'm starving. Sounds
a little interesting. That they need reservations?
Well, normally you have to sign up beforehand,
but to be honest, the challenges aren't exactly
pleasant. We don't usually see a lot of people
signing up. Hopefully they actually run them
tonight. Otherwise, locals have to fill the spots,
and that's never as fun as seeing an off -world
or a luminary. Well, he looks at you and says,
a couple would -be luminaries, take them on.
We certainly have built up an appetite for competition
after slaughtering these highwaymen. What do
you fellas think about throwing our names into
the ring, competing in these night games? What
about all these pangolins? These are gold. Are
the pangolins coming to dinner? So Zebulon grabbed
a sack of the pangolin feed and slung it over
his shoulder. trying to coax the pangolins. Like
cut a tiny hole so it's dropping bit by bit as
you're walking and they're just following the
line and it's like a horde of pangolin following
you. I mean, yeah, I'm down with that. Me too.
So you know about these games? I think these
two older folk, they sort of bid you farewell.
They're like, well, we really should be going.
My darling wife, we need to get her somewhere
we can sit down and calm her emotions. This has
all been so much for her. She doesn't look well.
Oh, no. Miss, please. Take a seat. It's okay.
There's nowhere to sit. Yeah, I mean, there's
in the wagon, but there's at least a little bit
of blood. I'm too traumatized. We're going to
leave now. And they leave. They take off down
the path, and you are left, I guess, with this
horde of pangolins you're going to string along
with feed. Yes. I think that's fun enough. Sure,
you poke a hole and you're... I take one, Zebulon
takes them all. Yeah, you have one on your shoulder,
still nuzzling against you. Zebulon, all the
other ones are kind of like following you, nipping.
It's going to be slow going, but hey, you know
what? You have all day, apparently. So if you
want to take your time and like move with this
horde, they're going to be like nipping as they
go at the ground. So it's, you know, not super
fast, but yeah. So you guys start to move towards
the town. And I think you know, Eminrath, that...
Once you reach there, your duty is to continue.
You might have to turn around, keep patrolling
the highway, make sure this does not happen again,
keep your eye on the town itself. So this might
be pretty soon where you part ways with this
wacky group of adventurers that you've met. Yes,
it's anticipated. It was written before the times.
Yes, it is what it is. You mean you're not going
to eat hot chili peppers with us? I have high
faith in you. Both of you, that you will do the
right thing tonight. And those penguins will
find a fine home. And we will meet again. Yes.
Yes, and hopefully I'll have a blue ribbon at
the hot pepper eating contest. And I think I
can give you a run for your money there. Ooh,
a challenger. A little friendly competition on
top of the friendly competition. You're on, Jules
Giroux. Last one there is a crusty toe. And with
that... We're going to work on that. We're going
to work on your expressions. With that, we are
Zebulon. Last of theirs, a Krathiko or whatever.
And you just start running down the road. You
have this bad pangolin horde behind you. Juzelro
just shaking his head or something. Chester's
just like rolling his eyes, you know, flicking
the diamond in the air. And then we're out to
stand behind them, just looking cool, kind of
staring down the way. I think we freeze frame
on this moment. And we call it there.