Hey everyone, Steven here. I just wanted to pop
in before the show starts, ask you to leave us
a review if you're enjoying the show, wherever
you're listening. And if you feel so inclined,
please let your friends know. We'd love to have
them join us and enjoy episode six of Fantasy
Pants. A few days have passed since the tragedy
on the world of Tithos. While the 24 remaining
Concord worlds are still struggling in the wake
of this loss, our two luminaries have had some
struggles of their own. Zebulon Brass, crushed
beneath the weight of his family's legacy and
heartbroken by their overbearance, plans to leave
his life behind and find himself a new path.
And Jules LaRoche, shouldering the safety and
well -being of his people, the laborers and low
folk, now refugees, waiting whatever future is
chosen for them by the oppressive powers that
be. Both of them receive a mysterious summons
to an address within the Radiant Citadel's Court
of Whispers. Promising opportunity. They meet
once more at the noted destination. However,
they soon find themselves caught in a trap as
they are ambushed in a courtyard by two assailants
who seem determined to throw down. Well, we're
back. Let's throw down. Throw down. Yeah, we're
ready. We can have slang in modern terms in our
fictitious world. Yeah, no, I dig it. Yep, I
think it sounded good. We're throwing fists.
Is that a thing that the kids say nowadays? I
think it's throwing hands. Throwing hands. Oh,
throwing hands. I shouldn't throw hands. I am
not cool. They're determined to throw hands.
We should redo it. That sounds better. Let's
go back. Cut this all. So it's autumn. It's really
cold. That hit us. It is awesome, right? Yeah,
leaves are starting to change. You guys love
this as much as me? I don't know if that I was
quite ready for summer to be over, but, but I
do, I do really like the fall season. Yeah. Hoodie,
hoodie and jeans weather is the best out of the
whole year. It's so good. Absolutely. It's so
good. And it's so brief because I mean, October
is hands down the best, best time of the year,
despite the fact that Columbus day is in October
and anyone in the service industry in the North
country hates Columbus day more than anything.
But apart from that, we get Halloween. Yeah.
I mean, Halloween started September 31st. I love
it. I would argue it starts. No, actually. No,
no, no. Yeah. No, I had that wrong. Sorry. Where's
your Halloween spirit? You Grinch. So Jeremy,
do you, do you get trick -or -treaters here?
I don't remember getting them last year, but
I'm, I'm also out with my family. Oh, okay. Gotcha.
So I guess I wouldn't know whether I did or not.
I think most people go to like, The more like
neighborhood areas rather than, you know, like
apartment complexes. We get swamped at my house
every year, which is really difficult because
I want to be the full -size candy bar house.
Oh, hell yeah. But that means dropping literally
hundreds of dollars on candy. And we, no matter
how much candy we buy, like we spent like, I
think at least $300 on candy last year and we
were out of big bars. In 50 minutes. Oh my gosh.
And by that time, everybody knows that you're
the big candy bar house. Right. So everybody
is coming expecting a big goddamn candy bar.
Yeah. And I think this is probably the last Halloween
we're going to be in the house. So I want to
do it again, but I don't want to spend like,
like, like even if I spend double that, like
I'm still going to get through. Less than half
of Trick or Treat. It's like, what are the good
feelings really worth? Yeah. I don't know. Let
me backpedal my statement a little bit just so
I can reiterate something. I love Halloween.
I love it. I hate that thing you just said. All
that work, that's work. Yeah. For kids that aren't
mine. I don't have kids. I don't want kids. I
don't want kids in my house. I live in the woods
and I don't get kids and it's great. I agree
with almost the entire sentiment. I'm not a kids
person. Um, I think, I think I just do it because
I'm so nostalgic for Halloween and I loved being
a kid going door to door and trick or treating
that. I just like, I want that for somebody,
even if they're a snot nose, a little brat. It
makes sense. It makes sense. I think I've told,
I think I've told David the story of the first
Halloween in this house. In Lancaster, right?
I don't recall. I don't recall. Okay. I'm pretty
sure I haven't told Jeremy, so it'll be new for
both of you then. All right. So we've done some
changes to the house. We put walls up and taken
walls down and blah, blah, blah, this and that.
But when we first moved in, there was basically
a straight line from the front door straight
through the hall where there's now a closet straight
into what is... Now the dining room used to be
the living room. Really? And there was a couch
right there where the breakfast bar is now. Used
to be a couch there. So you could look left and
straight out to the front door. So trick or treat
had like just begun. I wasn't really expecting
anybody yet. So I was just sitting on the couch
watching TV. And all of a sudden I hear the door
close. And so I look up to my left and there's
this young girl, probably like a preteen. What?
In like a really, like, I don't even remember
what the Halloween costume was. She kind of just
looked like she was in like jeans and had, I
don't know, maybe like a wig on or something.
Walks into my living room with her bag. Trick
or treat. I'm like, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Holy
shit. I'm home alone. Rachel's at work. So I
get up and I like push her to the front door,
get her on the front porch, give her her candy.
And her parents are in the, like the van, their
van parked out on the road. And they're like
yelling at her and this and that. Bad start to
Halloween. Ever since then, Halloween has been
an expensive shit show at my house. Oh my gosh.
Did they just let her walk in there? I guess
so. They didn't get out of the car. They were
still there in the car when we got out onto the
front porch. Get out of the damn car and go stop
your kid from going into some random stranger's
house. Dude, I was terrified. What the hell?
I was terrified. And yeah. Yeah, that's awful.
That's terrifying. So keep a close eye on your
kids, y 'all, because I'm not a bad guy. But
there are lots of them. And kids walking into
bad guys' houses, that's not a good thing. It's
not a good thing. It's not a good thing. No,
no. Jeremy, what do you do on Halloween? Mention
going out. Probably going out trick -or -treating
with my nephews and my niece. Nice, nice. Wishing
I could get all the damn candy. You don't snag
any? Yeah, you don't. Jeremy tax? Uncle tax?
I mean, I do, but I can only get away with it
once. Because they're smart. They're smart kids.
I do it once, and then they're like, okay. Then
I try again, and they're like, fuck you. See,
that's why you're doing carrot, not stick. That's
why the mob, they rough a place up, you know,
break some kneecaps, and they're like, we're
coming back for that candy. Push them in the
mud just once, you'll get all the candy you ever
want. I will say, there have been a couple times
where I've wanted to actually just walk up to
one of the houses with them. Just to see if whoever
is handing out candy will just be like, oh, ha,
ha, ha, ha. He's coming up with it. Here you
go. I'll give you a little piece. And by the
end of the night, I have a pillowcase full. Nice.
Perfect. I'm going to try that this year. I was
just thinking about our release schedule. We're
recording a little bit ahead of time to get as
big of a jump on this as we can so we're not
stressed out, blah, blah, blah. Oh, we're stressed
out. Planning on releasing biweekly. I think
by the time this episode comes out, it's going
to be closer to Thanksgiving. Oh, shoot. Yeah.
That'll be interesting. Yeah, it'll be funny.
Actually, well, this is episode six. It might
be more towards Christmas. Yikes. Hope you guys
had a great Halloween. I know. I know I did.
The leaves are just changing. Excellent. Excellent.
Well, on the bright side, all this talk managed
to pad out some time since I lost half my notes
again. This is fantastic. You have the most organized
DM. Yeah. It's perfect. It's wonderful. I have
like 16 different places to take notes on, a
couple different notebooks, my phone, two computers,
no, three computers. You bought a computer specifically
so that we could do this? Yeah, but I broke it
already, damn it. It doesn't take long. It's
just chaos, all right? It is chaos. It's chaos.
Outside, inside, everywhere. All chaos. You ever
see those tablet cases that guys have on construction
work sites where they wrap their tablets in?
It's like an OtterBox, but for a tablet. It looks
ridiculous. I have not seen this. Well, I'm going
to get you one. That might be a good idea. Oh,
boy. All this padding out. I should give you
guys a hero point, but I won't. Or two or three.
But speaking of hero points, hey, transition.
We are about to enter a battle. A very, very
important battle for a few different reasons.
The first reason is that this is our first really,
like, mechanically focused fight of this campaign,
the last one. We got into combat, so to speak,
but it was a little more flowy, a little more
free. You know, it was a quick time event where
this is going to be the nitty -gritty rules.
We're getting this. Second reason this is important
is because this is going to help me redeem myself
in the eyes and ears of all the haters out there.
Millions of haters, Jeremy. Millions? Millions.
Wow. Because I made a couple errors. I take millions
of haters. A couple errors in our first two sessions.
One thing we should clarify, Zebulon. You are
a brass dragonborn slash half -dragon combo hybrid,
whatever the fuck. You... Well, yeah, for mechanics,
he's a dragonborn. Yeah. Yeah, mechanically,
dragonborn. He's got a tail and wings. Wings
are too stubby to do anything. They're just kind
of there for show. Or are they? Wink. Anyway.
Zebulon, you're brass, not bronze. Bronze is
electricity. Brass is fire. Sorry, everybody.
Should have killed him. I didn't. I'll make it
up to you right now. Seriously, this session,
this guy, this Zebulon brass that you all hate,
I know no one likes him. I'll take him down.
We'll find a better character. We'll find a better
actor. Not with his new fire powers. I'll promise
you right now, if I kill Steven in this session,
we'll fire him. Hey, I could take my Thursday
nights back. Hey, be sadder. Anyway. I love how
you say this on a Friday night. Oh, yes. This
time it's Friday. I'm taking my dice and I'm
going home. Your Fisher -Price dice? Yeah. Yeah,
apart from that, you know, death throes, missed
those. Not a big deal. But hey, you know what?
It all works out because I brought you guys here
to this little courtyard where shit's about to
go down hard. Now we mentioned hero points. Let's
talk about that for a second, because each of
you are going to have two hero points going into
this. Ooh, baby. Hey! Award to those hero points
right here and now. Why is this? Because in episode
four and episode five, your RP was fucking righteous.
Good shit. Good shit. Both of you. Seriously.
Thank you. Awesome. Thanks. You know, we had
some combat light, sort of slower episodes, but
a lot of drama, a lot of heavy shit, and that
was... Sold by both of you. So let me... Aha!
I have the buttons. Buttons. Ah, yes. Another
point. Steven has made us some fantasy pants
buttons to give out for hero points because,
hey, flavor. Because it's a pants thing. Each
of you receive two buttons. Huzzah. Sweet. I'm
going to come at you swinging full fucking force
today, gentlemen. Remember those things. Seriously.
Use the buttons. Use the buttons. Use everything
you've got. You got magic? Use that magic. You
got secret racial abilities that you haven't
revealed yet? Use that shit. I don't know. I'm
not putting on blast here. Spoiler alert. Whoops.
Anyway. So. That being said. That's it, right?
We're doing this? We're in? I'm in. We're in?
Let's rock and roll. Okay. You guys were moving
into this courtyard. Sort of. looking for this
mysterious messenger that that called you here
you meet up again uh for the first real time
you actually introduce yourselves to each other
in this in this strange place and you're walking
across this courtyard all walled on every side
the tall brick walls some sort of run down looking
building up ahead with a single closed door no
windows you can see you don't know what's going
on in there you're passing by this fountain Uh,
the sort of dilapidated fountain, the statue
no longer spouts water. Uh, let's just say it
looks like it might've been a statue of, uh,
of Atash. Um, though the head sort of worn down,
you can't quite make out the face, but the, I
mean the muscular crossed arms and the angelic
wings off to the side. Steven has been trying
to open a bottle of wine for like 10 goddamn
minutes now. He is straining so hard. It's so
funny. It's so funny. This one's on really. We
got it. And it's everywhere. It's everywhere.
Away from the electronics. Away from the electronics.
Oh, man. This guy. This guy. Was it five minutes
ago he was picking on me for my misuse of electronical
devices? I think we're going to take a little
two -minute cut here. We'll be right back, folks.
See ya. All right. Back under control. Is it?
Is it, Steven? So I was just opening a bottle
of bourbon barrel -aged Imperial Stout. If you're
a small brewery and you're bottling beer, get
a hold of priming charge before you go distributing
those. That bottle wasn't even a year old and
went everywhere. I don't know. I suspected something
was wrong when I was putting all my force into
opening it, and it wasn't. It was pretty funny
looking. After about 15 seconds of watching you
struggle with that, I knew what was coming. I've
opened a bottle or two in my day, and yeah, that
one was definitely a little suspect. And the
beer, while tasty, is definitely over -carbed.
All right, well, now that disaster is over with.
It was absolutely worth it, though, because this
is really good fucking beer. It's tasty, yeah.
And I only got a little bit on your rug and a
little bit on David's notebook. That's okay.
Some all over my face. And you saved the mics
and the tablet. Yep. That could have been a lot
more disastrous. Yeah, could have been worse.
Could have been worse. But now let's take out
that frustration on David's NPCs. Yes, on this
rabbit humanoid, and I forget what they're called.
Haringon. Haringon. We're getting to the Haringon.
I was building up this scene. I was just getting
some momentum going. I was fucking flame grilled
burger patty hot. Now I'm turkey sandwich cold.
Thanks to you, Steven. That's the way we want
it. Perfect. Perfect. Damn it. It's a fucking
statue. It's a fucking courtyard. You guys are
in the middle of it. This better? You want this?
Captivating. This is what you get. You're halfway
down this damn courtyard, and two figures, boom,
they appear behind you. What is this? Oh my gosh,
it's a haranguan, shirtless, muscular. It's a
rabbit guy, okay? They're fucking rabbit guys.
They're kind of small. Dwarf -sized. I don't
know. Anyway, he's scary. He's got a club, a
beater club. Next to him is this goblin. He's
got leather armor. He's got a shield and a scimitar.
They don't like you very much. Why? You interrupted
me. It's not going to kill you. That's why. You
interrupted the DM. Now you're going to get it.
That's what it's... Alien interrupted the DM,
man. It's time for you to die. Oh, yeah. Yeah,
you should have done that, you fucking moron.
Was that the Haringan? That's the Haringan. That's
his voice. I like it. All right, anyway. Boom,
bam. Roll for initiative. Jeremy. That's a 20.
20 for you? Not a natural 20. What does Chester
get? Oh, Chester. Where's his sheet? Yeah, you
took his sheet earlier. You took Chester's sheet.
I lost Chester. Get out of town. If you weren't
so goddamn talented, you'd be fucking fired.
Oh, Chester. You look around. Where's Chester?
He's gone. There's like a five -foot -wide pit,
like a sewer drain. Chester's like, hey, Joe.
Chester got a 19 as well, so. Nat 19? Yeah, Nat
19. Okay, so he's up there. So we both got the
same. But hold on. You guys talk about Zebulon's
initiative while I go check his modifier. Hell
yeah. Get that paper. Find it. We'll talk about
Zebulon's initiative for about 45 seconds while
Jeremy runs into the other room to try to find
the sheet of paper. It's probably a bookmark
in the book I was using. I got a 21. All right,
21. That's pretty good. Yeah. You said he rolled
19? Because he has a plus two deck, so that's
21 as well then. Okay, so we didn't even need
the sheet because we knew the stats. Oh, yeah.
Well, I forgot I knew the stats. Thanks for wasting
our time, dude. Jesus Christ. You don't deserve
me. Fuck. Bring up that Sirenscape, would you?
These figures come charging at you. The Goblin
with the Haringan. They're moving towards you
fast, but guess what, fellas? All three of you
get the jump on them. We're going to start us
off with Zebulon Brass. What are you doing, man?
All right. Zebulon's going to... Oh, yeah. Do
we have... Are we going to set up a map here?
Oh, we have a map. We don't have tokens, so we're
going to improv a token right now for everybody
because our tokens are a little big for the grid
I drew. What do you got, Steven? Reaching his
pockets. He's got a candy wrapper. He's got another
candy wrapper. No, this works. You reached into
your back pocket, and I did not think you were
reaching into your pocket there. Did you have
a different candy wrapper in each back pocket?
Yeah. Explain yourself, sir. When I go to Rachel's
uncle's, dude's like 77, and he runs this farm.
He has a small horse farm on his own, and the
guy lives off nothing but candy. And in the tack
room, he just has like... boxes and bags of candy.
And I think it makes him happy if I have some.
So I do every time. And I still got the wrappers
in my back pocket. Okay. Still does not solve
any of our problems. Nope. Not really. Okay.
Oh. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Jeremy. These will work
just fine. Let me just... What color do you want?
Well... You're green. You took too long. No.
Green's the one that I didn't want. Well... I
want either one besides the green one. Yellow
is Chester. Okay, I'll take red. I'll be green.
All right, red, green. Okay, cool. Justin, go
here then because he likes Jules more than you.
Okay, so we're up in this courtyard. You guys
are right by the fountain. You're about 35 feet
away from the entrance, about 30 feet away from
these two blokes who just strolled on in. They're
moving at you. They look savage. They look angry.
They look pissed at Steven in particular. What
do you guys want to do about it? Well, Steven's
not there. Take your damn turn. I don't know
what we did to make them so angry. You don't
know. It's weird. It's very weird. It's very
weird. Do explain. Tell us. Who are they? Why
are they here? Why are we here? But you earned
your answers. Let's beat them up and find out.
All right. So Zebulon's going to run up to...
I mean, I just want to know. Which one's which?
Green is Goblin. Yellow is Hargon. Obviously.
Oh, duh. Green Goblin? Come on, man. How did
you not know this? Okay. Then Zebulon's going
to run right up to our... Goblin buddy here.
Okay. Slide right up to this guy. He's kind of
catching mid -charge. Fast. Swift. Get in there.
What are you going to do? I'm going to swing
my sabers at him. Okay. Give me that attack roll.
Oh, man. You're kidding. Nat 20 on the first
swing. You're kidding me. Nat 20 on the first
swing. That is insane. I love it. All right.
So the only bummer is. I hate that. I had thought
about holding, knowing that Jules and Chester
were going to be going up soon after. Oh, you
get no sneak attack. I don't get sneak attack
on this. No. I mean, mechanically it would have
been the better move, but it just didn't feel
right. Yeah, but it makes the fight better that
you're going to lose now, so I like that. All
right, I'm going to take my second swing, and
then we'll roll damage. Do it. All right, that's
just a 13 for the second swing. I thought I saw
a 20 again on your page, and I was going to bop
your nose. 13. That misses, actually. Clang,
right off the shield. The first one strikes,
but he goes to the second attack, and his shield
comes and blocks you just right. Because it was
close. It was close. That's 14 damage, though,
for that crit. 14 damage. Ooh, not bad. That's
not bad at all. That is, in fact, quite a lot.
Okay, cool. So Zebulon runs up to these guys.
I don't know who you are, but you're in my way!
And he takes a swing. Damn. I'm just like. As
you just like cleave. I mean, honestly, you get
a deep, deep cut into this guy. He looks bad.
Bad. Right off. And just shocked. I mean, this
was like such a perfect vital strike. So quick.
I don't think he even expected you to move this
fast. Wow. Good opening move. I will punish you
for that. But first, Chester, what are you doing?
I think we've been shut up, guys. Ooh, what's
Chester doing? What has he got? Oh, that's right.
He's got his crossbow, doesn't he? He's got a
sling currently. He's got a sling. He's got a
dagger. He's got a sling. So I'll say, Chester,
in these last few days, you've been sort of training,
you know, learning some bardic magic and such.
Chester's been, he's been training with a sling.
He's been just kind of, he's knocking cans off
of tent tops and shit. He's got a, you've always
noticed, he's always had this sort of, talent
for ranged abilities. He's sort of trying to
experiment with that. Sorry, I have not had a
lot of time with Chester's character sheet here.
I understand. I just added a bunch to it like
today. Alright, so he's going to sling it. Am
I saying that right? It's a plus 6 to hit? It's
a plus 6. He has a little feat that gives him
a plus 2 on that. That would make it a 22. No,
sorry, just a 20. My bad. 20. And who are you
going for? Aurangon or Goblin? Which one does
Zebulon go for? Goblin. The Goblin. Yeah, we're
going to go for the Goblin. Okay. Try to finish
it off. 22 does hit. Oh, yeah. What is that?
1d4? Plus 2. 1d4 plus 2. 1. Minimum damage. 3
points of damage? Yeah. All right. Three points
of damage. This stone sails across. The goblin
is still just kind of, like, reaching out, trying
to, like, maybe get a hand around Zebulon's throat
as they're just, like, meeting face to face,
just bleeding down his blades. And this stone
just strikes him right in the side of the head,
and the goblin falls off your blade backwards,
unconscious. Whoa. Oh. Yeah, that was a strong
opening move. All right, sweet. Hell yeah. Nice
move, Chester. Wait, I don't think I know Chester's
name yet. No, you don't. Okay. Nice move, buddy.
His name's Chester. My name's Chester. Come on.
All right. You shrimp. Thanks for that, Chester.
All right. Wow. Okay. Goblin is down. Don't worry.
I'm not sweating yet. Jules. Yes. You're up.
All right. How far are we? Are these five feet
each? Yes, these are five feet. The Haringon's
actually a little far. He's 35 feet away. Okay.
It's for shits and giggles. I'm going to cast
Tasha's Hideous Laughter. Okay. All right. Why
not? We're a decent distance away. It's 30 feet.
So you need to succeed on a wisdom saving throw.
Or you fall prone, become incapacitated, and
you are unable to stand. Okay. Wisdom saving
throw. What's his intelligence? Uh, intelligence
is, oh yeah, he's, he's, he's, he's sapient.
It's a, it's 10. Okay. Is that intelligence under
four? The spell doesn't affect. Yes. It's like,
it's like won't affect a dog. Um, okay. So 12.
That's a fail. Nice. That is a fail. Excellent.
Okay. Uh, dude, earlier David was like, you guys
probably aren't going to get through this combat.
No, just you wait. I'm not done with you yet.
Both of them are down. I'm not done with you.
yet so this haranguan um just sees you drop his
way he's like oh hell oh oh wait oh oh geez um
what if we just and then uh something he just
bursts out and just falls onto his back laughing
his ass off and prone not great sorry listeners
i gotta get better about actually reading what
the actual spell does because i don't know if
i actually explained it entirely Oh, right, yeah,
yeah. It basically causes them to laugh, makes
them prone for basically a... The duration, which
is concentration for one minute. Yep, so I have
to re -roll each round to see if I can free myself
up. Yeah, at the end of each of your turn. Each
of my turn, okay. Each of your turn or if you
take damage. Yeah, okay. If you take damage,
not if you attack. Oh, okay. If you take damage.
Gotcha. Yep. All right, well, lucky for me...
And you have advantage on ones that are triggered
by damage. Lucky for me, it's my turn now. I
know what you're thinking. Your turn, David.
You already lost. You already lost. Well, you'll
be wrong about that. You see a third figure.
You had to wonder why I grabbed three tokens.
Yeah, I did. And I heard you say, oops, I grabbed
an extra one. From behind the brick. You see
a, uh, you see a, a, a turtle, a turtle man.
He's got just kind of like this sort of decoration
on his shell, almost like a cape going down his
shell, like a red with sort of a gold outline
to it. Just looks down at the Laughing Hargon,
the Downed Goblin, Zebulon, and Jules beyond
them, and just like sighs and says, Well, well,
well, well. Looks like my idiots did not hold
up after all. That's all right. You see that
this figure has a... spear he's holding, basically
in two hands, and just sort of abruptly reaches
down and touches the goblin, just says, lucky
for them, I'm here. And he grabs the goblin by
the ankle and lays on hands. This bitch. And
the goblin snaps awake. You see its wounds begin
to heal. And I think that's all I can currently
do. With my third little brigand. Which brings
us to the Haringan's turn, who is currently laughing,
and that's very sad for me. So I'm going to try
to break this because I don't think I can do
anything else this round. Here we go. Does a
14 break it? Yes. It does? Is that the end? No,
that was the end of the turn, wasn't it? That
was the end of his turn, yes. Son of a bitch.
That's all he gets. I mean, he loses his whole
turn, though. He just kind of... He's kind of...
Oh, hell. Oh, sorry. Sorry. He just kind of climbs
to his feet, gets his beater club ready, and
that's all he can... Actually, he's probably
still even prone because it's the end of his
turn, so he just stops laughing on the ground.
That's it. But the goblin gets to go now, and
the goblin is back up. On top of the little bit
he healed there, I'm going to first enact bonus
action second wind. So let me do a quick roll
for that. This isn't looking great. Yeah, I had
shit up my sleeve. I don't think we were ever
meant to have these characters long -term. Okay,
with that, that is... Okay, so his HP is now
here. Let me write this down. Okay, so now with
that done, I am going to beat you up. Zebulon,
you hit him. Now you're getting hit back. Goblin
climbs to his feet, half his movement, but he's
still got actions to go. Bonus action to heal
himself. Normal action, takes a scimitar and
swings at you. Don't forget, now I've got both
my weapons out, so I have an extra plus one to
AC. Plus one, does that beat a six? Yeah, that
beats a six. Yeah, this is going great. Okay,
so he swings at you, goes wide of you. And, right,
that's all he is going to be able to do this
round. So, yep, Lauren's actually going to do
that. All right, sweet. We're back at the top
of the round with Zebulon. All right. So, this
guy gets back up in front of Zebulon, takes a
swing. Why won't you just stay down? And I'm
going to swing again at this guy, and I'm going
to turn in one of my buttons. I gave you buttons.
Yep. All right, all right. I didn't need it for
that first roll, but that's okay. You guys and
your rolls. Why are my rolls so bad? So 21 hits
the first attack. Yeah, it does. Ooh, second
attack's a 24. Nice. That hits two. Still get
sneak attack, you joke. No, I don't. Oh, max
damage for the first swing, 11. Ooh, 11 damage
in the first swing. Oh, my God. Max again, eight
for the second swing. Holy shit. You get him,
kid. Yeah. Zebulon just like, I don't even, maybe
the, oh, no, he got up because he got to swing,
but he's still, maybe he's off balance. I don't
know. And Zebulon just gets two perfect, just
great licks right down this guy's sides. Well,
this goblin was thoroughly, thoroughly unimpressive
in so, so, so many ways. He stands up. He tries
to swing at you again. He's off his guard. You
just come in with both your blades. God, this
guy down so fast once more. He just... And just
falls backwards again. And then Zebulon does
a little bonus action, disengage and shuffles
back and levels his blades at the remaining two
combatants. Who's next? Okay, okay. I'm going
to turn over to Chester and say, I like this
dude. Wow. That was heroic. That was cool. I
hated it. Jules. Chester, that's you. The Haringan
is still prone. Being prone actually means range
attacks are a disadvantage, though. That's fine.
I think Chester's going to run at him anyway.
Yeah, that means I could have gotten advantage.
I mean, he's prone, so I think Chester's going
to use this opportunity to run in. Okay. Moving
up. I hope I don't regret it. Oh, you'll regret
it. That's fine, though. Was his movement 30?
Oh, I can reach it. You might not be able to
reach him exactly, but you might be able to get
close this turn. You can double move to get right
up to him, but you wouldn't be able to hit. Yeah,
I'll fuck that. Get halfway and then do a slingshot.
Yeah, I'm not sending Chester in there. Yeah,
it's still disadvantage though. Right. Either
way. You could go for the other guy. He's also
30. They're both about 35 away. Oh, right, but
he could still swing his sling at him. That's
true. True. That's true. You can? Yeah, let's
go with that. And I don't want to get too meta,
but if you're in range, then I get sneak attack
damage. Yeah, let's do that. So he's got to move
up in order for me to get that. If he's within
five feet, then I get it. But even if you're
just moving in that direction... Okay. Okay?
Yeah. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Chester's going
in. Okay. Which one's Chester? Yellow? Yellow.
Yellow is Chester, yes. All right, so you said
I can get within five feet? You can get... You
can get, like, halfway, probably. You can get
to about here. So you're very close. You just
need to move, like, basically five more feet
next round to get it up to him. All right, cool.
That's an eight. Eight to hit? Yep. Eight will
not hit this turtle. I cannot believe that I
just sent Chester into his death. Hey, Chester's
bold. He's acting on his own, you know? I don't
think this is him following Jules' orders. This
is Chester like, ah, shit, I got him, Jules.
I get in there, too. And he just runs forward,
and you're probably just like, what are you doing?
Zebulon's got his back. Does he? That's true.
This is so not over yet. Which makes it my turn.
Is it? No, sorry. Jules' turn. Jules, you're
up. Yeah. Get in there, Jules, before I skip
you. Shit, I can't really do much either. Tricky
spot. Not at this distance. You got to get closer,
yeah. Yeah, you're 35 away from both of them.
I'm just going to get close. Yeah. That's all
I can do. You want to double move and get all
the way up to them? No. No? Okay. No. I don't
want to deliberately put myself right next to...
As Jules is running up, Sepion will say, Jules,
or whoever you are, because I don't remember
if I know your name or not yet, leave a path.
Basically just saying don't stand right in front
of him. Okay. That's badass. All right. I like
it, Zim. Okay. So move where you want to move,
and then I'm going to go. I'm moving right next
to Chester. Okay. Here's what I'm going to do,
actually. So I'm going to step over onto his
space. He just kind of looks at him. And at first
I think maybe he puts his hand up like he's going
to heal him and then just kind of scoffs. It's
like, pathetic. And he reaches down. And rather
than healing him, he just uses a quick object
interaction to snag the shield off the ground
and bring it up with him. He's got a spear in
one hand, shield in the other. Now we're going
to get serious. With that, I guess I'm going
to step forward and I'm going to attack. Chester,
who is the closest? So that is going to be a...
That is going to be a natural 20. Oh, no. That
is going to be a natural 20 on Chester. You might
have sent Chester into his death. I told you.
Oh, boy, Chester's just, like, talking tough,
and this thing just comes forward. This tortle
just comes forward, grabs that shield, and just
with, like, this absolute haughty arrogance easily
just jabs forward right deep into Chester. I'm
going to roll some damage on that. Okay, Chester
just took nine points of damage. Chester is unconscious
and dying. He's unconscious, yeah. Yeah, so you
just see the tip of the spear punch through Chester's
shoulder or something, rip out, and Chester just,
ah, Jules, and just drops to the ground unconscious.
Each group has lost one. 2v2 right now, and the
Haringan is up. And he's able to stand up now.
Last turn he had to waste the whole time, but
this turn, oh, he's able to move. That first
thing I do, he's just like, that wasn't very
funny. That wasn't very funny! And he goes into
a rage. Oh, no. Fuck. Oh, yeah. And he is moving
up on Zebulon. Wait, isn't standing up his move
action? Half his move action. Yep. When you're
prone, it's half your movement to stand up. Oh,
my gosh, these rolls. Okay. Yeah, that's not
going to hit. Sweet. Yeah, that's going to be
an eight to hit. All right, he just comes running
at you. Just clumsily starts swinging around.
You see his rabbit eyes are just gone wild and
mad. He's just swinging crazily at you, and you're
easily able to dodge out of the way. You've practiced
this. Okay, yeah, and that is all of my guys
now, and we're back to the top of the round with
Zebulon. Okay, Chester's down. This isn't great.
I'm going to, excuse me, Zebulon's going to take
two swings on this rabbit guy. Okay. Give me
those hits. So first swing's a 19. 19 will hit.
Nice. 19 will hit. Second swing's a 17. 17 will
also hit. Oh, nice. Yeah, it does. It also hits.
Damn. Oh, my God. Dude, Zeb's on fire. He's unarmored.
Yeah, you're just like, Zebulon is shredding
these guys up. Yeah. So give me that damage.
I don't know who you guys are, but you better
stay away. Seven damage on the first roll. Okay.
Max, eight damage on the second roll. Okay. So
that is 15 total damage. Yeah. You go to swipe
this thing, and I think your swords, like, hit
it. And it's almost like the muscles themselves,
they're, like, contracting as this thing's raging.
It feels like it doesn't all get through. But
you cut into this thing. It's, like, not fully.
damaging him, but you definitely feel like you
sink in a bit. And I'm going to bonus action
disengage and come back this way, but yeah, I'll
go right next to Jules. Okay, but not right up
in the Tortle's business. Correct. Gotcha. Okay.
And that brings us to Chester. Chester, I want
you to roll a death save. I'm going to need another
pour of that bottle soon. This is tense. Can
I use one of my buttons on Chester, or does it
have to be one of Jules' rolls? I think, yeah,
your buttons can be used on your individual sidekicks.
So for you, that would be Chester. You share
them. Son of a bitch, you're taking my buttons
back. Hell yeah. So what, straight up advantage?
Straight up advantage. If he rolls a 20, he gets
back up with one HP. That's a 14. That's a pass.
Let me see if we get a 20. Let's see what we
get. Nope. Nope. Okay. I'm not even going to
say that one. 14. It's one point towards stabilizing,
so Chestner might just be okay. You wrap things
up fast. You might be able to heal him. Well,
that's his turn, and now you're up, Jules. So,
hey. Yeah. So I'm within 10 feet of this guy,
right? You're within 5 feet of this guy. Cool.
Guess what? What? What are you doing? Inflict
wounds. Oh, yeah, man. That's what we needed.
You got his AC, though, right? Yep, on the hit.
Let's just say it's going to be a little tricky.
Yeah, he picked up the shield, too. Son of a
bitch. I didn't give him the shield for balance
reasons. And then I was like, fuck balance reasons.
I'm taking my shield. Straight up nat 20 to grab
it. Right, for real. He's probably got like an
18 AC. That won't do it. fuck all right so you
go to like try to grab at him and uh ping he
just kind of like puts a shield in the way blocks
your attack it's nice try um damn hell yeah this
is hype uh i think it's my round and guess what
chicken butt fucking goblin that is now like
beneath the the feet of this of this turtle this
goblin gets back up with one hp barely alive
Well, the natural 20 on his death save. I'm going
to put that guy back down so fast. Oh, just you
wait and see. This is very quickly turning into
Zebulon show. Jules and Chester are just unprepared
for this. You know what? I can move to Zebulon
without taking an AOO, and this goblin hates
you. Yeah. He's going for you. Okay. Okay. Great.
Let's do some damage. All right. Okay. I think
I might hit this time with a 17. That ties. Oh,
yes. Okay. I actually do. This is the thing.
I haven't actually done damage to you yet. Yeah,
I know. I'm a little nervous about it now. That
is going to be six points of slashing damage.
Ouch. As a scimitar just comes at you. You just
kind of see him suddenly abruptly out of nowhere.
Breaks out of his sort of unconscious state.
Goes into like a roll, into like a sort of run
right towards you. Eyes furious. Like, you little
bitch! And just slices at you. And Zebulon goes
down to a knee for a second. That's almost half
his HP. He's only got 14 HP right now. This is
tense. So six of that. Yeah, that's it. That's
all I'm going to do with him. Luckily, he's not
my only card to play because I made a mistake.
He goes third, but that's okay. I forgot. It's
the tortle first. Who's going to go for jewels?
So, tortles moving up. He's going to, I guess,
branch the spear again and just go for the hit.
Here we go. That looks like a hit to me. What
you got? 20 to hit. No. Is that so? Very little
damage. Well, actually no, that's a good roll,
just not good to hit or bonus on that, but he
gets six points damage on you. Oh no. Oh, jeez.
That's more than half of his. Yeah, that's pretty
bad. It's rough. It's rough. The goblin has no
shield now. Remember, he's a lot more open than
before. Yeah. But this isn't great. These guys
are back up, back at it. You have buttons. Don't
forget. Yeah. You may have abilities you haven't
thought of yet. This shit's going down. Level
two rogue. I'm pretty much tapped out. Haringan
Barbarian is... Gosh, who am I attacking with?
I guess I'm going for Zeb as well. You guys are
just suddenly back to back, surrounded by these
three guys. I love this image. Chester's on the
ground, bleeding out. Jules and Zebulon both
suddenly back to back, turning away from each
other. You got these three guys all around you,
just hammering down on you hard. I'm going to
roll an attack on you. And that is a 16. 16 misses.
Okay. With that extra plus one AC for the two
swords. You parry it. Yeah. You literally, he
goes to his club and you like, you just like,
you know, push the cloth to the side. He looks
astonished as his blow just goes wide of the
mark. He thought he fucking had you. Yeah. I
thought he did too. Now it's your turn. All right.
Sweet. So yeah, Zebulon does that parry. He crosses
his swords and catches the attack, and he goes
and makes the first swing at the Haringan. So
my plan here, if everything goes well, I'm going
to, if I hit the Haringan, I then want to use
my second attack on the orc, but we'll see how
it goes first. Okay, goblin. Sorry, goblin. So
I'm going to attack the Haringan first, and I'm
going to turn in my final button. Okay. So I'm
going to do two attacks, or two rolls on him.
Okay, let's see those two rolls on this Argon.
Oh, didn't need it. First one was a 23, but let's
see if we crit. Did not crit. Okay. That was
a nat one, so good thing. We'll use the nat one.
Yeah, okay, that sounds fair. That's a fumble.
And, ah, shucks. He doesn't get the sneak attack
because he's, that's okay. Oh, yeah, that's right.
Damage on that is eight. Eight damage, okay.
And then, so he'll reach out and attack with
one hand in front of him towards the Haringan,
and then pull that attack back, and then turn
and reach and attack the goblin with the other
hand. Hell yeah. Yeah, right now we have the
goblin and the Haringan are just right on top
of Zebulon, who's right next to Jules. Jules
is facing the tortle. It's a big cluster of people
right here. It's wild. What'd you get? So he
dropped that shield. Drop that shield. 14. 14
hits. Oh, my God, yes. And he gets the sneak
attack for this one because the goblin is within
5 feet of Jules. That's right. Oh, my God, you're
going to obliterate this goblin. All right, so
a D8 and a D6. All right. I only got three for
the D8, three for the D6, so six points. Could
just overkill this guy, but he drops. Oh, that's
right. Yeah, he only had one HP because, yeah,
so I didn't need to use the. Okay. All right.
Yeah, goblin, but you just turn over and the
goblin had one last chance to really get you.
He was just like, and then you just spin around,
slice, and he turns to make this other attack
on the goblin. How many times do I have to put
you down? Yeah, right? And he just drops again.
I think I'm going to, no, I don't want to leave.
I was going to bonus action disengage, try to
get, in range for a sneak attack, but I don't
want to leave jewels open to attack. So I think
I'm just going to stand tall and try to finish
him off this way. Okay. Cool. That's the end
of my turn. All right now, Chester. I'm going
to need that death roll. Let's do it. That's
a fail. That's a fail. One up, one down. And
all you listeners out there, I know it might
seem a little strange that my baddies are getting
death saves. Trust me. There's a little something
going on here. So anyway, with that being said,
that's my turn. No, it's your turn. No, it's
not your turn. Damn it. This is the second time
you've done this to me. This is some shady shit.
Why do you have turns? Explain yourself. Because
I'm about to do this. Don't you have an initiative
order? What? It's under my hat. So yes, I'm going
to... Jules is going to bend down. Okay. And
put his hands on Chester. Yeah, you can do that.
Sweet. And he's going to say, Chester, you can
thank Fibro for his hard work and research for
this one. And I'm going to cast Cure Wounds on
him. Hell yeah. Okay, roll me the HP. Is it 1d8
plus spellcasting ability modifier? I have no
idea what the fuck that is. I'll be honest. That
is your charisma plus your proficiency bonus.
Holy shit. No, wait. In your case, it's probably
just your charisma bonus. Because it's not your
two hits. Okay, so that, Jesus Christ, I think
it's a plus three? Yep, plus three. So it's a
D8 plus three? Yeah, D8 plus three. Not bad at
all. We need that third body back in this fight.
Who the hell's my D8? Is it that one? Yes, it's
still in the dice tray. Shucks. Let's tell him
he still gains four. Gee, thanks, Vi, bro. So
that's four. Next time, try harder. Just the
beggars can't be choosers, okay? I've been begging
and choosing all my life. That's probably still,
what, half his HP? Huh? I said that's probably
still half his HP. It's half his HP, yeah. Pretty
much, yeah. Yeah, it is, actually. It is. And
then after I do that... All right, I'm going
to turn around to Zebulon here and just say...
Hey, little dude. Finish this off for us, all
right? And I'm going to cast Bardic Inspiration.
Ooh. Bardic Inspiration. That's pretty cool.
Yeah, that's great. Okay. So you get an additional
1d6 to an ability check, attack roll, or saving
throw. Yeah, that's going to be sweet. Wow. That's
going to be sweet. And you got this fucking invincible
tortle over here. You're not going to hit him
without it. Right. Okay. I know. I just got to
put this Haringon down first. Yeah. He's just
taking all these blows, and he's getting resistance
to this damage, and he is a beast. Yeah. Speaking
of he is a beast, it's the turtle's turn. Dude,
if you bring that goblin back up one more time,
I'm going to flip the table. So, you know, I
won't take an AOO because the goblin's here.
Jules was right here. I'm right here, so I can
go one, two, three. Still in Jules' range, no
AOO. He loops around Jules. and Zebulon to the
Haringan side. He's going to stand by the Haringan
side here. And actually... So he's still within
five of Jules, so he's adjacent to me and the...
Yeah, he's going to be adjacent to everyone.
He's within five feet of the Haringan, five feet
of Zebulon, five feet of Jules, basically standing
on the corpse of the goblin. He kicks him. He's
just like, get out of here, you useless slime.
Then he just turns towards you again, Jules.
And you, man. Let's see who liked the tip of
my spear. A friend enjoyed it. And that is a
15. Yeah. 15 hits. All right, then. Fibro's back
up. Or not Fibro, sorry. Chester's back up. I
don't know where he stands. Oh, yeah, he's right
on. Yeah, right there. Thank you. Okay. That
is... Ooh, wow. Another six points. I am unconscious.
Great. Oh, my gosh. That was the unconscious
point? He only had 11, yeah. Wow. Yep. I didn't
realize. Damn. Yeah, so he punches through you
again. Jules, you brought Chester back and then
dropped. Chester is not within five feet of anybody,
though. Chester can get out of there. I think,
right? He just said, I didn't even realize. Like,
you didn't fucking know what you were doing.
Right, yeah, yeah. So tense. Another six, he
said. He said another. He knew he already did
one six. We're second level. Yeah, well. Maybe
you should have tried harder. Oh, boy. Okay.
So I'm going to make an attack with my Harngon
onto you, Zeb. Great. Yep. Zeb's ready for it.
That is another 16. Doesn't hit. Okay. No way.
Thank goodness. So close. Jeez, Zeb is an MVP.
I love it, too. It's another parry. He's coming
down on you so hard. You keep ting -ting parrying
these blows off of you. He's somehow keeping
his cool. I mean, like, you know, he's so new
to combat. Yeah. But he's been running drills
with Arhuan, and he's chill. Wow. He's on his
game. Ready and waiting for this. Yeah. Although
Steven's not chill. This is a pretty bad situation.
It is. It is. Yeah. You have Chester. Yeah, great.
You have someone. Yeah, I got a guy who does
a D4. Dare you. What do you want to do? Because
it's your turn. Yeah, really the only thing that
makes sense. Well, Jeremy, let me run this by
you. I've got my breath weapon that I can try
because I know that this guy, he's not taking
all the damage to the swords. Okay. But it's
not a huge save. He only has to get a 10 for
a dex save. And he's a Haringan. I mean, he's
a barbarian, so... You sure about that 10? Oh,
yeah, you have terrible stats. I forgot you're
a bad character. I mean, he's the only one that's
still... DC for this is 8 plus your constitution
modifier plus your proficiency bonus. You have
no... Yeah, okay, so 10. Yep. Yeah. Damn. That's
rough, man. Yep, sure is rough. So I think I'm
just going to go for the safer bet and swing
two swords at him again. Okay. First one's a
miss. That's just a nine. That's a miss. Second
one's a miss. Two nines. We are fucked. Oh, boy.
Yeah. Wow. And I really don't want to take my
bonus action disengage because then Chester will
be dead. Well, the bonus action actually is the
second hit. Not with the feet. Oh, it's not.
Okay, gotcha, gotcha. Right, right. Okay, well,
Chester goes next, so. Yeah, it doesn't matter.
If I bonus action disengage, then we'll leave
Jules to die. Let's try to fight this out, I
guess. This is horse shit. That's what you want
to do? Yeah, I mean, it's either bet it all and
try to get these guys down or leave Jules behind.
All right, and that's what's going to happen.
You're standing your ground, and that's going
to be Chester. Who's he closer to? Let me take
a look. He's closer to the rabbit. Remember,
he gets a higher modifier in his range attacks.
Right. Is he at any disadvantage because he's
close? You'd take an AOA at this point because
you're within five feet of the Haringan. Oh,
that's true. Yeah, you could disengage to not
take that or you could attempt the AOA. It's
up to you. Pretty sure he has terrible AC because
he's not armored. Really bad. But you could disengage,
get away, and... Son of a bitch. This doesn't
look good. No, it doesn't. Not at all. It's tough.
You got one button. I know. All right, I'm going
to come at him with my dagger. Or Chester's dagger.
Okay. All right, going for the bunny. Yeah, that's
the only one you're adjacent to, so. It's a 15.
15 on the bunny is a hit. Oh, sweet. Yep. That's
a hit. Give it to us. Give it to us. I totally
forgot. I was totally going to use a button there,
but I didn't. Hey, good thing. Yeah, you know
what? Good. So it's 1d4 plus 2. That's a 5. Nice.
5 damage. Okay. He's actually still up, but he
looks fine. It's something. He looks bad. He's
finally kind of like wearing down. His fur's
getting disheveled. He's just swinging around
madly, but his swings are starting to slow. He's
starting to bleed into his gray fur. But yeah,
he's still able to attack. And now it's the turtle's
turn. How do I want to do this? Who do I want
to kill you? Yeah, okay. I'm going to go for
you, Zebulon. Because I can't quite do that thing.
Wait. I have to make a death saving throw. That's
right. You do. You do. That's right. We don't
pass Jules' turn. It's so important. I should
have just let that slide. Oh, my gosh. I don't
want to be let slide. I was going to say, yeah.
It's not going to go away. Give me that death
roll. That's a two. Okay. Yikes. That's one fail.
One down. One fail. One down. Okay. Zebra, roll
me an insight check. Okay. Oh, you mean at minus
three? Yeah. So that's 11. Okay, that's actually
enough. Looking for DC 10. So you do see that
as Jules is kind of, like, on the ground bleeding
out. The rabbit's just losing his mind, swinging
around like a madman. The tortle actually glances
down at Jules' body, looking kind of nervously.
Like, bites his lip a little bit. And then turns
back to you, and he looks like he's, like, going
into this fast. Like, I gotta end this quick.
So I'm gonna go attack you. And he was rushing
too much because that is a natural six. That's
not going to hit. Okay. So he just goes, I'll
swing at you. This is completely. I'm having
a hard time. Like, was he sent here by, by whoever
called us? And he's like, oh shit, this is going
bad. Or is he saying this fight's been drawing
on too long. Somebody's on their way. It's tough.
You don't know. Maybe he knows who I am. Right,
and it's like, I could draw out the battle by
disengaging and just running in circles kind
of thing, but like I said, then Chester will
certainly die. Right. I mean, if this table talk
is not allowed, I can absolutely cut it. No,
I think it's fine. Yeah, it's cool. But, I mean,
what I got from that is almost like he doesn't
want to kill me. Right. Like he's like, shit,
I fucked up. Yeah, exactly. I kind of think the
only way out is through. So I'm going to keep
pushing through this Haringan. And I'm going
to... The Haringan actually does go before you
go. Oh, crap. Actually, while you're talking,
I did roll an attack on Chester. On Chester.
And I rolled a natural too. Okay, great. So the
Haringan is just losing his mind. He's not thinking
at all. He's just bashing at the ground. And
Chester is sort of definitely dodging side to
side, weaving around his attacks. And now you're
up, Zebulon. Okay, now I'm going to take my two
swings at this guy. Okay. First one does not
hit. Still have one button, right? Uh, nope.
I gave them both to you. Oh. But I don't need
it. The second one is a 20, a dirty 20 to hit.
Nice. Dirty 20 will hit. So I get that D8 plus
a D6 because we got Chester nearby. Ooh, max
on the D8. So we got 8 plus. Shit, that's right.
You got the sneak attack. 8 plus 5. Fuck yeah.
Hell yeah. What's it look like when you drop
this bunny? Um, yeah. There's just all this frustration.
He's been swinging at this guy, swinging at this
guy. He missed a couple of times. And, uh. Finally
says, just leave me and my friends alone. And
swings twice and hits him on the second hit.
Yeah, he's swinging and he barely sort of like
weaves out of the way. He's just like madly swinging
around. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry. And then you just come in hard and like
get him. Where do you get him? Why does he say
I'm sorry? He's being crazy. He's just moving
around. Oh, my God. Makes it sound like you just
murdered somebody innocent. I know, yeah. I don't
like that at all. Well, I guess if he's swinging
wild and he's got his arms high, then Zeb strikes
him kind of like under his arm, like in his pit
sort of area. Yeah, yeah. Slash right into his
pit, right across his chest as you kind of sweep
right through him. And he just finally drops.
Still, you know, muscles taut, muscles tough,
but, you know. And then this time, he's going
to bonus action disengage and stand next to Chester.
Okay. Facing the turtle. Yeah, the worst part
is I could have. Could have done something there,
but I think the tortle isn't... You could have
healed the Haringan. Yeah, that's why you went
next to him. No, not that. There's actually something
else I could have done, but one, I forgot, and
two, I don't think this tortle is all that invested
in protecting this Haringan. Okay. He just kind
of... He's kind of still stressed. He's looking
back at the goblin body, looking down at Jewel's
body, and he just raises his spear and his shield,
and he's like, I really need to finish this.
And steps forward. Oh, actually, no. That's Chester.
So he's getting ready, and Chester's being facedown.
Chester, what do you want to do? I'm going to
go for him again. Okay. Yeah. You are five feet
away. You can go sling with disadvantage because
you are ten feet away. Yes. That's going to happen.
Okay. Yeah. Nat fucking 20. Did he really? Nat
fucking 20. Chester with a crit. Hell yeah. Suck
it. Oh my god, you might win this thing! Wait,
how much damage have we done to him? Uh, you've
done none to the turtle. I was gonna say, I was
like... Turtle's still fine, but Nat 20's gonna
do some damage. Oh, that's right, I went for
the, uh... Yeah, it's just gonna be 2d4. I didn't
go for the turtle the last time. Right. That's
right. Yeah. I always lose my d4, it's so fucking
small. It's a tricky little... It is. It blends
in really easily. Alright, so I get 2d4 plus
2. Ha ha! on the floor. I thought you had a bigger
modifier with your sling. Both sling and dagger
are plus two. Pure chaos. Didn't you say earlier
that he had a different thing for his sling?
His two hit. Oh. Can I borrow Zebulon's d4? David
just put one there for you. There you are. I
don't trust that day. Oh no, I blessed it with
my David's sweat. I don't know where my dice
is. Take my d4. Stephen's unprepared. He doesn't
know what he's doing. I left my dice here. Stephen,
you have like 18 dice and none of them are a
d4. What is happening? I do not trust the DM's
dice. So I found my d4 and I'm going to roll
it. Heaven knows where. This is big. You've got
to beat this guy. So it's 3, 2, 5 plus 2, that's
7. 7 damage? Okay. Damn it, he's still up. He's
still up, but that definitely made a mark on
him. Great. Roll a death save, Jules. I don't
want to. Where are you at right now? It's one
fail, one success, right? You still got a button.
Oh, my gosh. No, it's just one fail. Just one
fail. Just one fail. That's it. That's really,
really bad. If you're rolling that one. Yeah,
I know. You have that button. I know. I'm well
aware of how many buttons I have left. Hey, did
you see the button you got over there? Look at
that button. Where? Oh, shit. Where? Oh, he's
turning it in. Smart move. That's what I would
have done. There's your goddamn button back.
Good. Good, you're good. Give me that button.
It's good because that was a fail. Good thing,
yeah. Actually, I kind of made... And that passed.
Okay, cool. Cool. Yeah, all right. I'm glad I
actually needed the button for that. Yeah. Well,
it helped you anyway. It didn't... Yeah. Okay.
I would have rather used it there than wait until
the last one. For sure. Yeah, so you pass that.
So... Zebulon's standing there, looking at this
tortle. Jules is down on the ground to his right.
Chester is beaten and bloody to his left. Zeb's
got both of his sabers held out, and his mouth
starts to spark as he begins to speak. Your friend
here down. We're going to take you out if you
don't get out of here. Zebulon, you are standing.
tall and strong. You're standing by Chester's
side, Jules down right by you. And this turtle's
the only one standing, only one left. He's just
standing kind of unsure, looking down at the
bodies around him, holding a spear up, shaking.
And then another voice rings out across the courtyard
from the direction of the door, beyond the fountain.
I think you look around, you're actually where
you're standing. You can't make out across the
fountain. You just hear someone. call out just
like, all right, cut, cut. And the turtle just
like drops his spear, just like, ah, shit. And
you hear like a quick pitter patter of feet as
this gnome rounds the corner towards you. Very
peculiar looking gnome, I'll say. He's got this
like perfect sort of side combed hair, kind of
long. He's wearing this maroon, like, suit. Got
this garish green tie. Just clashes with it horribly.
Got these fuchsia lens, like, spectacles with
gold rims. He's just beaming at you with his
perfect white teeth. A little tiny brown beard.
And he just kind of, like, moves on the corner.
And I think he kind of smiles at you for a quick
second and then, like, scowls towards the tortle
and just says, Hand of the Sunweaver, what are
you doing? I did not say, I said make it look
real, not actually kill them. Get them up now.
And the tortle's like, all right, yes, yes, sorry.
And he spins around and immediately is going
to lay on hands on Jules. This is even more horse
shit. Zebulon doesn't get it. Yeah, and that's...
What's going on here? What's going on? I want
to say at this point in time, you can choose
to end this combat if you want to. But like...
So what Zebulon does as the tortle goes towards...
You can still go. As the tortle goes towards
Jules, Zeb puts his sword in front of him and
asks, What's going on here? Tell me now or I'll
cut you down. He just kind of raises up a hand,
like this green scaly hand. You see it's radiating
with this healing, warm energy, the energy you
remember feeling yourself as you were saved a
few days ago from the brink of death, and just
says, maybe we can talk after I save your friend?
I think it's going to click for Zebulon. He's
going to drop his swords and walk over to the
gnome and try to punch him in the face. Okay.
Holy shit. Yeah, so in the background, we see,
like, this turtle moves down and heals Jules.
Jules, you wake up, and I think the first thing
you see is you look over, and what did you roll
on that? A natural 18 plus 2 for 20. Jules, the
first thing that greets your ears as you snap
back to consciousness is a wet slap as Zebulon
just punches this gnome who I think he's, like,
smiling towards you, and he's kind of, like,
has a hand up like he's going to wave, and you
walk over, and you just... hammer this guy right
in the cheek. He goes flying off the pavement,
probably moves like five feet, ten feet, just
crumples down against the fountain. What is going
on here? And Zebulon walks over and stands over
top of him and pulls his fist back. To ready
another punch. Oh, and he's just like, hey, hey,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, come on, come on.
Look, I'm sorry about my idiots, all right? They
weren't supposed to do so rough on you, okay?
But look, look, look, look, look. My name is
Ru -Ru -Sang, all right? And I'm going to make
you both famous. I'm going to interject here
and ask if Jules, after waking up, has the strength
to do something, because I imagine Jules is going
to wake up and go at the turtle, yeah. Jules
doesn't know what the hell just happened. He's
waking up. He's going to go after the fucking
turtle. Yeah. Sounds good. Go for it. Perfect.
You snap awake. You move. The turtle's turned
away from you now. He's healing the goblin. He's
just reaching down, healing people, and you just
snap awake and get to move. Right, because all
he can see and hear is more combat going on 20
feet away from him. I think it's going to be
an unarmed strike. Okay. I'm coming out of being
unconscious. I'm not going to be in the right
mind to really just... actually think about grabbing
my shit. Right. Let me draw my weapon. I'm just
going to get up and tackle this guy. All right.
And it's not going to do anything. It's a four.
Okay. You come and like swing at this turtle
and he just sort of weaves out of the way. Maybe
you just punch a shell and he's just like, excuse
me. You stupid motherfucker. Chester kind of
moves to the side. Jules, Jules, you all right?
Yeah, I'm all right. But this guy's not about
to be. Hey, hey, hey. Look. Something weird's
going on here, all right? Yeah, something weird's
going on. I think, let's just, let's just hear
these guys out. The fuck are you talking about?
Look, we don't want any murderers here, okay?
They were about, they were just about to murder
us. They were, they were, but look, we made it.
Did I, did I miss something while I was out?
Zebulon walks back over while this conversation's
happening and picks his blades back up and sheathes
them. What you doing? Let, let's get out of here.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, just, just,
please, please, please, please. The gnome just
like gets back up and is running towards you.
Look, it was not supposed to go like this, all
right? This was bad, but I needed to know if
you were of strong make, right? Side Jeremy note,
Jules does not feel up to snuff in that regard.
We don't have anything to prove to you. But,
but, but you do, you do. Look. Like I said, my
name is Rune Rusang, okay? I'm what you might
call an agent. A luminary agent, right? I've
helped some of the big ones get up there. Sturge
Man? That was me, okay? Now, I know my name's
not really out there, but we try to keep a low
profile behind the scenes, us guys, okay? But
you two, you two, have something. Just talk to
me. I'm sure there are plenty of agents out there.
Who aren't going to try to kill us. Not a good
first impression. Okay. All right. Well, let
me ask you this. You want to make it big? You.
Dragonborn. Mr. Brass. How does it feel being
in the shadow of your family? The greats, huh?
Except no one's heard of you. I've never even
seen you. What have you been doing all your life?
I can be great without the likes of you. Maybe.
Maybe. Except... What's going to happen when
you try to make moves, make waves out there,
and Grandmother's watching? Think she's going
to sit around and let you do what you want to
do, huh? She's got power. Think you can leave
the Citadel on your own? You need a writ to go
anywhere. The Citadel's not a very big place.
And Sholay? She's at the top. And you think you
are stronger than Sholay? I think I'm craftier
than Sholay. I think I'm a little dirtier than
Sholay. And maybe that doesn't sound great. I
think you seem like the bottom of the barrel.
I think we could do better. I can make things
happen. Friends in low places can be better than
friends in high places. Look, just think about
it. And you, you there. I'm not convinced, Jules.
Let's get out of here. Look, I saw the recordings
from Tythos, okay? I saw what you guys did. You.
You cut that, that, whatever thing was it, that
spark creature down. Yeah, you and everybody
else. Not yet. What makes you special? You saw
yourself being recorded then. You knew this was
coming up. But you haven't seen it on the network,
have you? Why do you think that is? I don't care.
Sounds like he just wants to make money off us.
Of course I want to make money off of you. That
doesn't mean it has to be a bad thing. You there.
You. Of course it's a bad thing. Mr. Jules LaRoche,
I saw you too. You took out one of those things,
went invisible, did some magic, huh? And? Well,
I saw those cute little kids behind you. You
seem close. Don't you fucking talk about them.
What do you think's going to happen when those
cute little kids get replaced somewhere else,
hmm? You think you're all going to stay together?
Yep. Yeah, you think your cousin's going to let
that happen? Come on, I know the bad blood in
your family. You know nothing about my relationship
with my family. Look, this was a disaster. That's
on me. But if you just sit down. Ten minutes.
Ten minutes, gentlemen. We don't owe you ten
minutes. And you haven't convinced us. Then let
me. I can give you everything you've ever wanted.
I can help you. I can help you protect your friends.
All the low city folk. You need something. Were
those kids? They're going to end up on a farm
in the rattle, in God's breath. They're going
to get torn apart out there. Come on. This kid
was right. We don't owe you ten minutes. You
owe us ten buttons. Then we'll talk. I don't
know what that means. Out of character, I do
have to say, Zebulon has zero reason. To give
this guy the time of day and not walk away from
this. Yeah, you're going to have to do a little
more fucking convincing. Zebulon turns to this
guy and says, next time you're going to have
to try a little harder. And turns to walk away.
Would that derail your... Derail me. I'll pull
myself back on the rails. That's how shit works
in this game. Jules is following suit too. None
of us have any reason right now. to stay and
listen to what this guy has to say. None whatsoever.
If we want to find an agent, there's probably
dozens of them on the Citadel. I mean, so you
go to move away, and he's just like, Listen to
me, guys. Do you want... I'm the only one. The
only one that's going to help you, you know.
Cirilla, Sholay, they're never going to let you
see the light of day. You'll never make it to
the Crystal Network. You'll never have power.
Not without me. What are you... And then you
guys are moving farther. Imagine the cameras
moving farther. It's just like... Hear me out.
Just get back here. Damn it. As we're walking
out, I'm going to look over and hold out my hand
and say, I'm Jules. Nice to meet you, Jules.
Zebulon Brass. That was some nice work back there.
Well, good thing for some of your quick healing.
We would have been down a long time ago. Yeah,
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I don't
really know what this agent thinks he was doing,
but... I'll watch your back if you watch mine.
Deal. Let's get out of here and maybe find us
a classier agent. And I think just like that,
the two of you and Chester just behind, you turn,
walk away from this shouting gnome from the battlefield
where these three assailants are slowly climbing
back to their feet as the tortles are helping
everybody back up. And you can just hear the
gnome reaming them out. But you don't make out
the words because you're moving farther and farther
away, side by side, deeper into the citadel.
And we'll call it there.