Jokes. Japes. Jests, even. Listen to RP Jesters.
Hello, everybody. I'm Casey. And I'm Rachel.
And we are RPGesters. I will allow the DM to
retract the dragon. We are a variety actual play
podcast playing a range of different RPGs. With
each campaign, we walk you through the basics
so you can try the game out for yourself. And
we showcase each system with our love of role
-playing and dramatic character -driven stories.
Hey, I died for this. I literally died. Now you
must sleep. memory scans are on the ship. Ben.
We need to send them in now. Activate Team R.
I start firing my blaster rifle. Every episode
is only an hour long, so you know you can fit
us into your week. But we are jesters after all.
We love the drama, but we also love to laugh.
And we live to entertain. What happens with the
rocket? It flies. It flies? Where? Where does
it fly? Maggie! Oh, damn. And you. Have been
activated. I can tell you right now, I know for
a fact that I am invincible. You gotta get this
rock into the sun. That's away from the race.
Finger guns and, like, towards the sun. You have
been activated. Greg is my stepson. He calls
me dad now. You just gotta accept me. So let
us invite you to our table. Where our tales spin
a whole multiverse of drama and dice. We are
playing Power in the Dark. Naughty Crimes Division.
Into the Waelstrom. Operation Frozen Dark. The
Forbidden Gift. Night Gravity. Come for the story.
Stay for the jests. And welcome to the Jester's
Court. You have been activated. to send it with
its angelic army from the heavens to an end to
the demonic assault on Ankara and Sengar, slaying
the vessel of Zomata Shab and sending his army
back through the rift. Ever since this point,
eye touchers remained our number one luminary
and the only celestial to hold that role. Now
this was intentional as the speakers were foolishly
concerned over a celestial takeover of our worlds
with it giving too much power and influence through
the crystal network. It's nonsense, but... But,
in the wake of tragedy after tragedy, speakers
had finally seen reason. A Celestial was voted
in as Speaker of Sunsetian, and more Celestials
were granted the loft position of Luminary. And
among these, of course, was Salome the Sideweaver.
Now, Salome is what's known as a party. These
Celestials sport blue skin and red wings, as
well as a penchant for prophecy. That's right,
we now have a luminaire that can see into the
future itself. Notable through the intricate
patterns of gold that adorn her face and her
magical flail that doubles as a holy censer,
hers is a figure that inspires hope in the harmed
and terror in the terrible. Now, some of your
folks describe Salome as ditzy or a bit vacant.
And to them I say, why don't y 'all try to paddle
down the branches of time's ever -flowing stream,
seeing tragedy after tragedy and mapping out
the best possible future, huh? I have to imagine
you have a hard -as -hell time staying present
when you have one foot in the future. Now, for
one, I will say I'm happy to have a guardian
angel looking out for me both today and in the
days to come. Let us go on a journey. A journey
far away from the radiant said hell in the worlds
of the Gemstone Concord. To a place where the
infinite song of the broken Dracon does not reach,
and the Sunweaver's light cannot be felt. a journey
to a place in the outer planes where a single
god rules, a place that, someday in the far future,
we may all come to know quite well. Uh, wink.
I'm going to describe what we see in this place,
but it must be understood this description is
made at a great distance, that size and scale
are going to be truly hard to grasp, nearly unfathomable
as we now deal in the scales of the eternal and
all -powerful. Imagine first a sky of deep dark
blue punctured by the white light of stars. We
see them shifting and moving together, swapping
between clusters and forming swirling cosmic
bodies, a living, dancing sky like a grand celestial
ballroom. In piercing this inverted dance floor,
we see a band of shimmering gold and light forming
a wide ring, an enormous halo, trapping millions
of stars between its radiant bands. Where this
ring hangs above is met by another circle below,
spread out in this sea of stars, is a translucent
map, an entire world. It rests like a massive
circular carpet. We see the tiny forms of mountains,
of cities, the green of forests, the white of
snowy tundras, the blue of an unseen sky reflected
in seas. We see it all. And we see through it
all, at the dots of billions more dancing stars
below, for here there is no floor or ceiling,
no up or down, only the realm of the infinite.
Only Kameo. Standing on top of this spectral
world is the god himself. A humanoid being the
size of a continent. A being of nature and earth,
covered in greenery and formed of stone. A naked,
masculine form, enormously muscular. Great, dusty
canyons carving out abdominal muscles. Lush rainforest
spreading out like hair across the chest. A wizened
face of rugged granite, chin jutting out into
the peaks of a snow -covered mountain range.
A head topped with hair made of radiant wisps
of light, forming long strands that rise like
smoke and curl into the snow. stars around, joining
their dance. The gods' eyes take a similar form,
pools of white radiance that stare down into
the immense world below, his world, a world called
Sentara. As he looks upon his precious mortals
and heeds their prayers, we see the mouth of
the god is curved into a soft smile. But our
focus is not on Sentara and not on Kameo. There
may be yet stories to tell of them, but not for
some time. No. Our focus is far removed from
the great disc of a world below and the god that
stands upon it. Rather, we see these things in
the distance of our screen. We look upon a second
translucent world. This one is not a full plane
spread across the far realm, but rather a tear
within the realm itself, a rip like a window
that looks down into a vast desert kingdom. And
around this tear, we see a gathering of creatures,
many bearing radiant eyes and bright, flapping
wings. Celestials. Thousands of celestials. They
surround the tear in a full circle, rising up
and around like a slowly shifting tornado of
light. We see the blue skin and red wings of
Pari, the white skin and white wings of Divas,
a few giant green -skinned Planetars. Beyond
them we see majestic forms of celestial beasts,
equine Pegasi, unicorns and Kirin, and the winged
serpentine Coatl. In the center of them all,
outshining them all, a mighty solar. Robes of
gold and crimson, wings of blazing fire, a masculine
form that mirrors that of the god Kameo himself.
A mirror. For he was the first celestial born
of the god, the first son, the hand of Kameo,
Atash. We look upon Atash, who hovers just above
the tear into this other world, a world known
as Ankaran Sangar, which appeared here when the
larger plane of Shadrakhan was shattered by its
own gods millennia ago. This tear has been a
lingering curiosity that has always been here
in Kameo's realm. A window into a material realm
that has long sat ignored. Ignored by a god.
Ignored by his immortal servants. But now that
world is in grave and imminent danger. And those
servants have a choice to make. Look down upon
them. Look and then tell me that they do not
need our help. Atash points down into the rift
and we can vaguely see the shapes of armies forming
in the desert from a bird's eye view. One an
army of mortal humanoids, and one of vile fiends.
Our father is content to ignore their plight,
to see them as the property of other gods. But
see how enamored he is with the mortals of Centauri.
He would spend an eternity blessing and coddling
them with no eyes for anything. His gaze turns
to the god, something scornful in his radiant
eyes. Or anyone else. And we, his children, left
purposeless to merely bear witness to his utopia
with no role. I say we do what he will not. I
say we find a new purpose beyond the rift in
the worlds of Shadrakhan. If there are any amongst
you who would stand against this act of separation,
speak now. I am not our father. I will hear your
voice. His eyes, like two blazing stars themselves,
scan the crowd that surrounds him, looking up
and around, and as these eyes move, they fall
over you, Salome. You are a part of this crowd,
called here to listen to Atash's words and to
make a choice. You, like all that is present,
are a celestial child of Kameo, born of his great
power. I believe you are a Tempest Cleric? Yeah,
she's a Tempest Cleric. I imagine the Celestials
are born of various aspects of this god. Yours
would be the aspect of Storm, actually enough.
Very fitting for our setting now. Yeah, it's
working out for me. Atash, you know, is born
of the very idea of law. But that matters not
now. You have a choice to make. You... Hear Atash's
words. You understand his plight, the plight
of those people beyond the rift, but to leave
this realm would be going against your very father's
will. But there is little for you here in this
realm. Kameo's obsession with his pet material
world of Centaur blinds him to all else. All
of his divine children feel his neglect and his
indifference, and none feel it more, you know,
than his first child, Atash. So let me ask you,
as those eyes sweep over you, Do you have any
objections to Atash's plan to leave your father's
side? What is going on in your mind right now?
Do you want to speak up? Salome doesn't have
any objections. Well, gosh. To Salome, it feels
like the harm of doing nothing is a greater evil
than disobeying their father and going. Is there
any conversation going on in the crowd around
her? Most of the crowd is very silent. I will
say, nearby you, just beneath you, is a planetar.
They're like massive, super muscular, celestials,
very humanoid, green skin. This one's got like
one little stripe of like very, very golden hair
going down almost mohawk style. Wings of a similar
golden color. And kind of just scoffs. He would
disobey our father. Ever the fool, Artash. Our
role is here. Why shouldn't we help the innocent?
Why shouldn't we lend our strength? You speak
out of place. Pari. Or Pari, like lower on the
totem pole. Plantars are like the second to Solars.
Oh, okay. Figures turns. While you are admonished
by this figure, they do kind of humor you. Continuing.
This world is claimed by other gods with their
own plans, dead as they may be. If our father
says to restrain ourselves, I believe there is
a reason. Man, so Salome's looking in now. It's
like, you know, is... Is her first instinct wrong?
Should she practice restraint? But she's looking
out over this battlefield and she knows that
maybe all of these people, all of these soldiers
are going to get killed. And if they do, then
all of the innocents who are behind them are
going to get killed. And who knows where it stops?
And I think Salome is hoping that it can stop
with her. Yeah. It's like you have that way of
looking into the future, but you can't see the
future of this world that you haven't touched.
You don't know what is coming, and that's terrifying.
If you do nothing, what will happen? Will the
worlds, all of them, fall? You know Anker and
Sengar is one piece of a larger cluster of worlds.
Will they all fall? Will they all die? What bad
could come of the Celestials raining down, of
Atash coming into hell? What bad? could possibly
come. Their dead and absent gods may be grateful
for our intervention. Intervention? Miss Planetar
just stares around, I think realizing, just as
you've realized, that nobody has spoken out.
The crowd, there are hushed whispers from the
Celestials, but no one has dared defy Atash's
words, and many look drawn in by them. Huh. Intervention.
If that's what you'll call it. I call it a son
wanting to play father. I call it the hand of
Kameo wanting to play god. I will stay. And this
figure begins to sort of fade backwards, almost
moving away from the larger crowd. One of only
a handful that does. Salome doesn't believe that
that's what this is about. I mean, you know,
as much respect as she has for her father, the
second greatest respect that she would have would
be for Atash. Hell yeah. And so as that plantar
fades away, as thousands of celestials remain
watching eagerly as you look down and see Atash,
who smiles up at the crowd, the silent crowd.
He continues. Yes. I hear your silent voices.
I know how you desire it. Purpose. We need purpose.
And we shall find it through the rift. Ours is
not a passive path. No longer will we stand as
mere witnesses to events we cannot touch. No!
From now on, ours is the path of the Protector.
We will descend in glory from the heavens of
Ankle and Sengar. We will draw our blades in
defense of all fragments of Shadrakhan. And we
will stop at nothing to see peace made manifest
beneath our wings! Salome starts to do that thing
with her fist where she beats on her armor. As
you do. Getting faster and faster. Until all
around in this swirling crowd of celestials,
it's just the sound of thundering armor, the
sound of pegasi and unicorns neighing out. Just
in case it crits, you've got to bring some pegasus
along. And with one last look back at the great
Allfather, who still, even now, has not glanced
up from his world, from his pets, to see his
children as they take their leave. Atash plunges
down into the depths, into the rift, pushing
through, screaming out in glory, drawing his
great sword. And he is followed by an army of
light. Whew. Hell yeah. I think I know what Antosh
says as he plows through the room. What is he
saying? Come on. Daddy's home! Just a famous
battle cry. It was just catchphrase the whole
time. I didn't really see that as canonical.
I just saw that as just me flubbing when being
put on the spot. That's Salome's actual catchphrase
now forever. Okay, well, she had to learn it
from somewhere. I was so close to renaming this
god Camille because he just like randomly said
the word Camille when you were trying to speak
last time. And I was like, maybe I just tied
it into a lore. I don't know. I was like, nah,
I'm already married to the name. So that was
me. I'll let everyone in the loop here. Kind
of hard committing to our next big thing. I'm
not going to go into specifics at this time because
it's still a long ways off. But following Journeys
Through the Radiant Citadel, I want to run a
fully homebrew campaign that I have been calling
in true adventure module format, Frontier of
the Fallen God. Oh. It's going to take place
in the very realm that our celestial allies and
adversaries in this campaign originally came
from. Oh, shit. Yeah, I know. Get pumped. Hey.
Yeah. We'll tie in. Very loose, but it's going
to be... I don't know. I'm excited. I'm excited.
But also, long ways off, like I said. I'm always
excited for more D &D. And while you're getting
excited for Fantasy Pants 2 .0, when we cross
that eventual bridge, you should also get excited
for the conclusion, the climax, I think, of our
current... combat i am holding back a burp so
hard right now it's right there let it loose
buddy let it loose pull back a little bit okay
no it's it died i killed it come on i strangled
death in my throat come on you can't like you
can't promise a belch and then just sorry pants
people david breaks promises It's going to happen
at some point. It's going to be so alarming.
I'll save for the right moment. Just like I'm
saving this button still for the right moment.
Oh, yes. So let's reset the scene. We return
to the ugly coyote. The obscuring fog cloud is
gone. And with it, any lingering sleep gas blown
away by Salome's. magical entrance. Oh yeah,
I didn't really think about that. Actually, you
would probably make a save if you walked in there.
It's like, once you touch it, you save, and it
was kind of still mingled with a gas. Gone. Well,
you're welcome. The room is cleared, and Dresden
and Ezeko stand at the old saloon doors, each
standing on one side of Salome the Sightweaver.
Almost a mirror to the three of you, we see three
remaining combatants, Ariat with his two sabers,
and two hulking riot troopers with sleek clubs
and steel coil nets. And it is Ariat's turn.
Will you let me do something that I forgot to
do at the beginning of my last turn? Only if
you let me monologue real quick. Yes. Then do
your thing first. Salome forgot to roll her d4
for her sensor. Ooh, yes. But it's at the start
of her turn, though, so I don't think that Drez
didn't get... Well, unless I was 10 feet away.
Let me checkaroo. I can check that, actually.
Yeah, let me see. No, I was 15 feet away. Yep,
you were. Okay. Okay, that's fine because then
that means that the Riot guy doesn't get the
stuff either. Ooh, 3 HP. Back for Salome. You're
proud of yourself. I'm always proud. Ariat's
turn. You watch as he sheathes his blades in
a blur and reaches up to pull off his brass.
Plague mask. And you see his face. Stern and
stoic. Broad chin. Clean, shaven head. His dark
eyes look surprisingly tired as he takes you
all in. And those eyes settle on you, Salome.
Salome the Sight Weaver. The control spells my
team placed are gone. And I heard fighting. Screams.
Tell me. Tana and Jaeger, the two mages that
were posted outside, are they dead? Salome has
this gust of wind coming out of her hands, still
pointed at the third. Closer, billowing, just
holding strong. I gave them the opportunity to
back down. They continued to attack. The same
opportunity I give you now. He nods. He doesn't
take his eyes off of you, and you can see the
tears begin to swim within those eyes. He just
raised his hand up and presses two fingers to
the ash -made dots on his forehead. Damn it.
This has to end. I will deny your kind offer,
Salome, and I will make you one in turn. I fear
you have made an error here. Though he did not
give the command, my work here is in compliance
with Atash's goals. Your people's goals. If you
leave now, I will seek no justice. Justice does
not bring back the dead. If you stay and fight
me, though, I will send you back to your god.
His hands fall onto the handles of his weapons.
Your honeyed tongue is in contrast to your coward's
weapon. So you will fight, then? And she doesn't
respond and starts to ready for her next turn.
Her next attack. Slowly drawing the blades out
again. That is admirable in a way. We are protectors,
all of us, looks to you, Dresden. It's a shame,
then, that we must protect our people from one
another. But ours is a sorrowful world. So let
us see whose resolve to protect is stronger.
And Ariat charges in. I'm here protecting children,
yo. I feel like you look like the bad guy here.
I dare you. My turn. Ariat will beeline right
up before you, Salome. And he will make three
attacks. Okay. Holy shit. That's going to suck.
I don't know if I'm going to attack you all three
times, but the first one at least is going on
you. All right. Pulls into a sheath, slides a
sword out. Oh, poison. Right. Then I'm coming
out. Yeah. Oh, wait. Don't disadvantage anymore.
There's no more disadvantage. Yeah, you're right.
Oh, my gosh. That's great. That's amazing. Okay.
Then how will a 19 do for you? A 19 will miss
Salome the Sight Weaver. With a shield, Salome
has 20 AC. That's bananas. I know. Fortunately,
a 20. I mean, if it's more than 20. That's totally
fine. Okay, then. Good. I'm going to do a reaction
after you do damage. Okay. I wonder if that's
true. Okay. Six points of... Sorry, I said slashing
last time. Piercing damage from this short sword
driving into you. And, fun part here. That's
5d6. Yep. Holy shit. And you don't have resistance
to poison damage. You're taking all 16 points.
Dude, no way. Holy fuck. Okay, I'm still probably
going to die here, but... But, one more thing.
Because I didn't tell you what the poison was.
You know, under the poison condition like old
Dresden was before, no, as this strikes you,
maybe this will change things. You feel some
kind of pulse from up your body into your throat.
You feel your throat close up. You are silenced.
Until... My next turn. That really sucks. Holy
shit. I don't think it's going to affect my reaction,
though. All right. Okay. When a creature within
five feet that you can see hits you with an attack,
you can use your reaction to cause the creature
to make a dex saving throw. Oh, shit. Okay. All
right. I wonder if this badass assassin character
is good at those. Yeah, I know. That is going
to be a 22. Okay. So you passed. What happened?
You're going to take half of 2d8 lightning damage.
Oh, man. If only I didn't have evasion. Oh, so
you don't take the... I don't take half damage
if I pass the save. I am going to have so much
fun. That just screwed me so much because if
I do that damage, then it procs my other Thunderbolt
Strike feat, which would push you 10 feet away
from me. So this guy is designed to kill Salamay.
I have 8 HP left. Holy shit. And that was his
first attack. Don't worry. That was his second
attack. First attack blocked. Second attack hit
you. I got the poison on you. I actually want
to hit your buddy now. Okay, yeah, but I'm silenced.
Yeah, exactly. I do my job. The spellcaster is
silenced. What? Stop. No. Sentinel. Sentinel
again. Guardian. What does that do? Immediately
after a creature within five feet of you takes
the disengage action or hits a target with an
attack, you can make an opportunity. Oh, my God.
Okay. Yep, you got me. And my guys aren't close
enough yet. No! If I hit, speed becomes zero
for the rest of the turn. Oh, that's gnarly.
So, here we go. No. An 11 is not going to do
it. Fuck. Well, not indeed do it. That's rough.
You go to strike and... Other blade comes up,
sweeps out, knocks that one to the side. He changes
attention towards you, Dresden. I'm going for
you with my last attack. And that's going to
be an 18 to hit. No. So slides in. You guys both
just parry each other's blows. Should have gone
for the echo. Damn, I should have. No, I know
what the echo is now. Oh, I hear you. That's
Ariat's turn, though. Now it's something fun.
The Riot Troopers. are moving in. And they are
each going to move up in front of one in front
of Dresden. The one that was in front of the
door got blown away. Jesus fucking Christ. And
now we have Ariat with his two troopers at his
side. Salome with her two troopers at her side.
This is stupid. I guess it wouldn't matter. Bless
was also a thing, but you were pretty low, right?
Oh, wait. Hold on. You're under Bless. I am under
blessed. It might not have changed that. I don't
know. It was an 11, right? Yeah, it wouldn't
matter. So, yeah. Highest I would get would be
15. Yeah, I wouldn't quite hit. It's 16. Yeah.
Maybe. I hit with 17 before. Keep that in mind.
These guys are going to make attacks. Fuck. Let's
see. You don't want to net somebody? I'm going
to throw a net at you, Dresden. Because I want
to. It's an 18 to hit. No. No. All right, you
know what? I'm going to beat on your Echo now.
Okay. First attack missed. Second attack was
a nat 19 on the die. Yeah, that hits. Echo goes
poof. He's gone. Just slide him over here somewhere
because he'll be back. He's going to come down
there somewhere. So this guy, poof, through the
Echo, leaving Salome's side fully open. Oh, you
are now outnumbered. But that was all my guys.
So that's going to be you, Dresden. These two
riot trooper shields. They have these massive
sort of tower shields with some lightweight metal
kind of held up aloft, and they go into sort
of defensive stances on either side of Ariat.
Okay. I have expended pretty much everything,
but he is going to use the Ring of Obscuring.
What? He gets three charges. He obscured again?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Fog cloud. Okay. All
right. Fog cloud on you. So that is an action.
So as a bonus action, Dresden is going to manifest
his echo. You can bonus action first if you realize
that you need to be able to see where the echo
goes. No, I don't need, I don't. So he's going
to manifest his echo between himself and Ariat
and the other one in front of him, kind of right
in the middle. That would be technically not
a square because you're all five feet. I know
it's not. I don't have grids on the map, so it's
a little weird. Well, in any case, he's going
to manifest his echo there. Is he going to go
right back on the other side of Salome again?
Or do you want to go behind the baddies? So I
think what he'll do... Just press and hold on
the spot. He's going to manifest right here.
Right there? Yep. Okay. And then what he's going
to do is for no action or anything, he's going
to command his echo. to run across the front
of the three of them, hoping to get the other
two's attention. And as he goes, can he push
through? He can pass through your squares. Okay.
It would cost a little more movement, but it
would cost about 20 movement to get across both
of you. But that's something you could do, and
then you have 10 more movement to go with. Okay,
you know what? How about this? He'll cross through
my space, and he can't. Trying to trick him,
trying to move him away? Yes. I think it's a
good move. You know what I'm trying to do. I
know what you're trying to do. What about just
sending him to run back behind them? Well, that's
what I wanted to do, but I wanted to do it through,
but I don't think I'm going to be able to do
it through because they're so close together.
So he's going to command his Echo to go around
behind here. Okay, so you're just moving, it
appears next to you, and you're sliding past
the Riot Trooper that's in front of you. And
as it appears next to me, In the same motion,
Dresden is dropping to the floor. Okay. Will
you let me grab Salome? Oh. Because what I want
to do is I want to grab her and bring her over
to the table right here. I will allow this. That's
kind of a... It's almost like a... I know it's
a lot. I know it's a lot. I call it a blazer
style devil's bargain here. I will let you bring
Salome down too. But... You will both be considered
prone. There'll be a roll to determine if this
plan of yours works. And if it does not, it'll
put you in a potentially dangerous situation.
We're already in a dangerous situation. If it
works, it'll be amazing. My plan is just to disengage
and try to heal. Okay. And I can only heal things
that I can see. Okay. BT dubs. Yeah. Okay, so.
I've been kind of allowing, like, within five
feet. You can see. Okay. I've kind of been playing
a little loosey -goosey with the fog rules to
make this not, like, wild and silly. Okay, so
in that case, will you allow me then, as my echo
is manifesting and goes around the back, Dresden
will duck down and move behind the table here.
Moving up, like, behind the table, kind of sliding
under the cloth as you move, and then you see
Fibro is actually sleeping on the floor, all
the pangolins kind of sitting on him, kind of,
you know, you can barely sort of make out their
shapes. The pangolin maybe hops onto your shoulder
as you go. And you slide up behind the tail,
kind of back in the corner where you had initially
been when the sleep gas had taken you before.
Hell yeah, taking up the defensive spot. Salome
standing alone. Hell yeah. Echo is moving. I
feel like this Echo should be a role of some
sort. I think it's a really good plan. I think
it's a very clever plan with the fog cloud. I
want you to roll a deception check. I want you
to take advantage on it. Okay. I think that's
a wave going for this. Okay. 16. 16's pretty
good. As the echo moves, you can feel the figure
before you turning to, like, kind of go after
it. You know, at least one of them has been distracted
by your movement. Salome. Okie dokie. Salome
is going to disengage. Okay. She's going to fly
out of the door here and turn to the right, hugging
the side of the building and get out of the way
of the door. So Salome is essentially on the
other side of the wall as Dresden. They are about
five feet apart though. And that is a window
Dresden through the window. That's a window.
I Realized a little bit of a stretch But I'm
asking I'll allow it. Okay. I'll allow it five
feet away. You at least see a silhouette of Dresden
right there Everybody give me your d4s Let me
ask you a question though. What are you doing
right now a bonus action? What? components Are
you son of a otherwise? Fuck you David Fuck you.
You bitch. Ain't I a stinger? Yep. Yeah, you
sure are. Okay. Got any potions there, Salome?
No, I don't have any potions. You gave me 200
gold to start with. I'm a level 7 character.
You gave me 200 gold to start with. You got your
magic sensor. You got a bunch of cool shit. That's
not going to help me now. Actually, it... Jesus
Christ. God damn it. Hold on. Let me read that
stupid thing one more time because I think I'm
going to heal everybody who's next to me. Oh,
while he's doing that. The fog moved with me
when I moved my token. It starts centered on
me, but it doesn't say it follows. It just says
it starts centered on you. Actually, it doesn't
heal anybody because it says, as a bonus action,
you can speak the command word. So that doesn't
happen. I will use a feature, though. You're
outside. Couldn't you just say it quiet enough?
No, she's muted. Oh, oh, fuck, fuck, yeah, yeah,
yeah. It says somatic? Yeah, it says speak. Okay.
Yeah. And I can't even use my healing hands trait
because that's an action and I already disengaged.
So I'm just going to move a little bit. Can we
get the fog cloud this time? Can't see. it's
there oh sorry i can't see it it was on jeremy's
tokens only he could see it oh okay okay yeah
she'll move uh just outside of the so you slide
you basically pass back to the saloon door slide
along the wall and you break out of the fog is
where it's where it's sort of pouring onto the
street again there's a crowd of people all around
sort of watching gawking staring on uh like gathering
as some kind of clamor is happening within the
ugly coyote well tell me it's not gonna say anything
Suspiciously, no shield bearers. Go figure. Not
yet, anyway. And that's your move, Salome? That's
all I got. What is my passive perception? Okay.
Both of the Riot Troopers slide back. Actually,
they wouldn't go yet, but that's what they're
viscerating to do. Ariat, you said 16 as you
rolled? Yes. That matches. My perception. Fuck.
My past perception, Ariat is somewhat aware that
something strange is going on. He feels Salome
vanish from the front, feels you vanish. And
Ariat will vanish. Hate that. Yep. Hate that.
Yep. I'm going to make some attacks on the Echo.
Okay. With the troopers. Okay. Disadvantage,
right? First one will destroy it. I think it's
all right, yeah, because it's... 18 would hit?
Yeah. Okay, so first attack, even when disadvantaged,
would break the echo. But honestly, when that
thing is gone, they were fooled enough by that
that they're just kind of standing, kind of confused.
What? What? In the fog. Dresden, that's you.
So there would be, like, some silverware or a
plate or a mug on the table? This is where Fiverr
was reading his books. There'd be a mug. He likes
to drink tea while he reads. Cool. Bunch of books
and a... What do you think? Ader buses tables
or something? What happened to Ader, by the way?
Yeah, he's probably dead. Yeah, what happened
to Ader? David? No one seemed to care, so I just
wanted to throw out. We all cared. Yeah. We just
kind of have bigger issue on our hands. You do
more mean things. You guys care more when I do
mean things. I can't save Ader if I'm dead. I
just want attention. Is that what this is about?
What are you doing with the fucking cup? What's
your plan? Can I throw it across the room into
this corner to make noise? Oh. I mean, yes, you
can. Yes, you can. Yeah. Okay. What you want
to do is roll a... I'm not going to make it a
hard one. I'm just going to throw it. Roll me
a stealth check while you do this. Okay. To see
if you make noise while you're making noise,
if that makes sense. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Thirteen.
I'm sorry. Plate armor. Disadvantage on stealth.
It's not a high DC. I'll tell you that right
now. God damn it. Five. Okay. It's hard to control.
You have this heavy armor. You stand up. You
throw it. It smashes. I mean, you do make noise.
You're making chaos, but you might not have created
the exact distraction you wanted. I'll allow
that as an object interaction, though. You still
have your turn. Fucking run, homie. Fuck. That's
what I'm doing. There's a window next to you.
I don't want to draw him to Fibro, though, is
the thing. Well, if they hear the window go,
they know you'll be outside. That's true. I mean,
I guess you could just reach up and break the
window and give them the illusion that you're
going outside. Yeah. He wants to get him away
from the kids. I think the window is the best
option, because I was going to go up here, but
on a self -disadvantage, running right by them,
I don't think that's going to work. So, yeah,
Dresden would like to break the window. Okay.
Hell yeah. And run out. Your glass smash on the
side of the room in the fog. We were kind of
turning our heads to hear the sound of metal
moving, and they hear another slash of glass
as you punch through it. Yeah, and as he punches
through it and starts jumping out, he turns and
says, Come and get me. If you're such a big fucking
man, do this right in front of everybody. Holy
shit. Okay. Okay. You smash the window. You leap
over it. Your athletic is high enough. I'm not
even gonna make that. I mean, you just do it.
It makes sense. Landing outside your feet, striking
down on cobblestone road. And you, well, you
still have moving. Where do you want to go? He's
going to go. You would have seen the blur of
Salomon moving past the window. So, you know,
what direction she's going that way. I know.
I just want easy access back in. Okay. Dresden
will not go that far around the building and
leave the kids at that distance. Okay. What's
your HP? Currently, I'm at 55 with 10 temporary.
Oh, you're fine. Never mind. I'm going to use
my healing on me next turn. So, yeah, I think
he'll just kind of stay a little outside the
door, but close enough where he can run in if
need be. Okay. Okay. Still in the fog cloud.
That's so... Still in the fog cloud. Rough. Yeah,
the fog sort of spreading outside the door. You're
still... You're moving. You know you're probably
close to the edge of it, but you can't see anything.
Just staring back towards where you know the
door is just ahead of you. Where you know your
foe is just ahead of you. Your words laying flat
and hard on the ground between you two. Will
he come? Did you goad him? I... I kind of want
to address the crowd. No, I'll wait. I'll wait.
Salome. I mean, not only is Salome the sight
we ever hear, she walked out of this place looking
bad. Like the big, you know, hot dog luminary
everyone's excited about just steps out looking
like half dead. Your throat is closed. You probably
have like a bulging, veiny kind of throat. Not
anymore because it's the end of... And just now,
the swelling just kind of falls out. You can
take a breath in. You couldn't breathe for a
second. It was terrifying. You breathe out again.
The crowds are watching on. What's going on?
Is that Salome? Is she hurt? I don't understand.
Are they here in the train? What's going on?
Now I need everybody's D4s, please. All right.
Take the old captain's die. Okay, I have half
of what I need. Oh, I got two more. Okay, I just
need two more. Uh, nope. Sorry. I got one. I
had one. Wait. Nope. Four -year -old that die.
We had this issue before. We never actually,
I think, resolved it. Your healing spells are
based on 2024, correct? I think you might have
the 2024 version of the spells, which are doubled
in actual, like, dice rolling, essentially. All
right. Give me five seconds to figure it out.
Okay. Yeah. We figured that out. Back to 2014
rules. Yeah, D &D Beyond likes to update. without
asking. Yeah, without asking, which is super
rude. Very rude of you to do that. You know what
else is really rude is that now to heal, I'm
only healing 4d4 plus 4 because I don't have
any like spell or like touch healing spells prepped.
So I'm blowing a 4th level spell slot as a bonus
action to cast Healing Word on myself. Let me
roll these 4d4 and hope that they're all really
super high. Wow, okay. They are all high. Three
threes and a four. Hey, not bad. Nice. Okay,
so 17 back, which maybe I can... Actually, I'm
back up to half. All right, so I can maybe last
one other hit. Then, let's see. I'm going to
go crazy here with my... I'm going to use my
healing hands. That's an action. To restore seven
hit points. I can do that once per long rest.
Oh, shit. Okay. Then Salome is going to move
towards the back door. I don't think she can
make it all the way. She only has 30 feet. Oh,
through a stable area off to the side there.
It's kind of open, stable. And then you have
that door. You can see from where you are, which
would lead into Ader's room. Ader's room, yeah.
Behind the bar. You sick, sick bastard. Okay,
you slide up to the door. Reach your hand out
towards it, not quite able to remake it in, but
you're there. And that's the end of Salome's
turn. Okay. Dresden, you stand there, in the
fog, at the very edge of the fog, your feet on
the street, facing what you know to be the doors.
Waiting for any hint of a sound. You hear nothing.
Until... Flash, a figure appears before you in
the fog, attacking from stealth. Oh, you're dead.
Ariok slides out. Blade comes at you fast. Put
him back on the map right here. First attack
is going to be made at normal. Disadvantage and
advantage going to be... I'm so sorry, Jeremy.
No, I am not rolling good. Oh, okay. You happen
the last thing you see him. Shield comes up.
Bam! Blocking the blade that was just inches
away from cutting into your face. Slides back
again. I'm going to attack you two more times.
Fuck. With disadvantage. Now. Nope. And come
on. Oh, that's... Nope. Oh, my God. Ting, ting,
ting, ting. An euphoria blows against you. Holy
shit. You know, any nick from this blade can
be deadly, but you are holding strong against
being pushed slightly back away from the fog.
Behind you can hear people scream out as they
hear the sounds of metal being struck. Did he
put his mask back on, or is it off? I guess,
I don't know if you could see that. You could
see a silhouette. You see in the silhouette there
is a proboscis -like. Ah. Appendage. There is
a mask on again. Bitch. I mean, come on. Come
on. You think I'm going to keep my mask off?
And that's... That's that. Man, I wish we had
the Sturge sword. Following that... That's all
I can do. You see two figures appear in the mist.
Three shapes just in front of you. Two more towering
figures. They all come before you, Dresden. You
are on the street. surrounded by a watching crowd,
and yet you are entirely alone. And that's going
to be... Oh, wait, they're going to attack. Switcheroo!
And get you. No! You know they're all outside.
What? Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying. And,
like, a million attacks miss. I am... Furious.
Good. And you got like the high strength from
the potion. Yeah, I know. I know. It's going
to work. That could do something. You bought
some time with the second fog cloud, but I will
get you yet. To get them? Hold on. Let me text
you. I know what you're saying. There were two
things that I was thinking of. There were two
things that I was thinking of. And I think one
of them that you're trying to tell me right now
is one of them. I'm going to manifest. It's my
turn, right? Yes, it is. Okay, I'm going to manifest
my echo behind Ariat. We almost did this before.
It has to be where you can see it, right? While
you're in the fog, it has to be within five feet
of you. Okay, cool. Well, I'm still going to
do it next to Ariat. Okay, so like kind of beside
you in front of one of these guys. Next to me.
Hell yeah. And he's going to go through the same
way that he did. Okay. To behind Ariat. Slides
around behind. The long way around. Can we do
wait for it? Wait for it, wait for it. Can I
do an object interaction and close the door?
With the... They are saloon doors. Oh, yeah.
They're saloon doors. Gotta keep you honest.
They're saloon doors. Saloon doors has been such
a thing. It's a meme. Okay, fine. Fine. As a
bonus action, I'm going to swap places with my
echo. Okay, you're behind. And I'm going to shove
Ariat forward. Okay. And then run to Sholay.
Pretty much. Shove him into your echo? Or...
Out of the fog? Out of the fog. Into the sight
of the entire crowd that's out there. Interesting.
What's the shove raw? Shove is going to be...
And I'm making either... You have to succeed
on a... Acrobatics or athletics. You get to use
your athletics. For me, it's either of the two
to avoid the shot. And I'm using acrobatics,
actually. Okay, hold on. Which is pretty high.
The DC is 8 plus my proficiency bonus plus strength.
Well, yeah, and your strength is massive right
now. But it only pushes him 5 feet. No, I use
the heroic. A potion of heroism, not the potion
of giant strength. Oh! We recorded yesterday!
Hasn't even been 24 hours. Oh, no. Anyways. Yeah.
But. What'd you get? Oh, fuck off. Bless might
still affect this. Oh. Will it? I don't know
rules of the river will. I'm going to allow it
to because it's cool. Your eyes are glowing gold.
You are locking in to save your friends. I'm
going to give you that bless bonus. You took
that potion. Get that bless bonus on this. Roll
athletics. Okay. Athletics plus my bless. Okay.
Yeah. Here we go. Against my acrobatics. Here
we go. Can you touch this thing? I don't know.
I don't know. With a 19. With a 19. You beat
my 16. Whoa. Holy shit. What I'm going to imagine
is this. I like to imagine you swap with your
Echo. I imagine the Echo takes the shape you
swap, so you have this whole thing. Echo moves
behind. Maybe you, Dresden, crouch down towards
the ground, swap into your Echo's place, and
so your Echo is almost this perfect tripping
buffer for you. As you suddenly appear behind
Ariat, you truly behind him, and you go to shove.
You see your Echo go down. Looks down at, and
I think maybe realizes, stiffens at the last
second, like he realizes what you're doing. You
see him whirl around towards you, but not fast
enough as you come in fast and hard. Do you like
full shoulder check? Oh yeah. Right into his
chest. He goes sprawling backwards, rolls out
over the echo, falls out of the fog into the
street. And once he gets into the fog, I'm going
to walk out of the fog as well. You'd still have
enough movement to just barely get out of the
fog, yeah. And look around and said... You do
see the mask is on. Yes, I know. Wrong voice.
No, no, no. No, I could see the way you were
pursing your lips for jewels. No, no, no, no,
no. That was like a, oh, shit, I can't do that.
Well, I was... Okay. Will you let me rip his
mask off? No. Okay. You've used all your actions.
So he will look around at the crowd. Captain
Commander Ariat. is on a murderous rampage. He's
kidnapping these kids. And he's trying to kill
me. Hey, that's a law -abiding citizen! So the
other guy goes, oh, shit! Take the mask off.
The figure spins, head looks towards you with
huge sort of goggle lens eyes. Look, you see
a reflection in them as you've now fallen into
the light of the Radiant Citadel. Take. The mask
off! The crowd around whispering, sort of stepping,
almost giving more space as like your stance
here. You're exuding this sort of power. Your
eyes still glowing gold from this potion of heroism.
They are locked on you and they are locked in
the figure that is beneath you. Holy shit. Holy
shit. What you gonna do, David? It's your turn
to say holy shit. Yeah. Actually. It's your turn,
Salome. We'll see what I do afterwards. Okay.
Salome is going to step forward and open the
door, the back door through the stable area into
Ader's room. Okay. You throw the door open. You
look inside. You see the darkened kitchen on
the far wall where, you know, Mulligan spends
most of his days. You see a carpet on the floor
before you, drips of blood across it. You see
a very, very large man in a bed that's probably
too small for him, with sheets that are probably
too small for him, lying on his back, staring
up towards the ceiling, eyes wide open. You see
blood on those sheets. So Salome hears everything
that Dresden is saying to the crowd. And she
turns around and just, here, observe. They've
already killed the owner of this establishment.
And she points into the room and then with the
rest of her movements. Salamates, what's your
passive perception actually? It's pretty high,
right? With 19, I will say just moving around,
you hear one little whistling. God damn it. You
see that while very shallow, very restricted,
Aether is breathing as if paralyzed. Oh, he's
paralyzed. Okay, he's paralyzed. All right, cool,
cool, cool, cool, cool. Okay, then I'm not going
to run over and heal him. All the same, she's
not going to change what she said. No, please
don't. She'll move the rest of her movement here,
and then she'll take a second to look through
her spell list. David's got a weird look on his
face right now. David's waiting for something.
I'm struggling. All right, let's try this. I
don't know if it'll work, but it's at least kind
of cool. Salome will, from her new position,
where she can see Ariat, point to him, and she
will command him to drop his sword. Ooh! Oh,
shit. Oh. Oh. Okay. Wisdom save. Two buttons
for disadvantage. Oh, my gosh. Come on with this.
It's four on the die. Yeah. I'm sure that's not
going to do it. Got him. So you have to drop
your swords and then end your turn. Holy shit.
Wait, that's all I can do on my turn? The target
drops whatever it's holding and then ends its
turn. No! And that would be my turn. And Arya
drops his swords. The figures don't come out
of the fog. Oh, this is painful. This is really
painful. What am I going to do here? What am
I going to do? Son of a bitch. That's Dresden.
Fuck. Arya's swords clatter. Can you get him
away from those swords at all? That was going
to be my question. Can I grab him? Just, like,
grapple him? Yeah. It's going to be one of those
checks. Is he on the ground? He is prone. And
I didn't get to make an action at all. I couldn't
move. He is still prone. Oh, my God. Still prone.
So, would I get any bonus for being prone? I'll
give you advantage. Hey. And you still have your
blast for this. Ooh, baby. That's cracked. Yep.
Not much better, though. Nope. Not much better.
Fuck. Eleven. I rolled pretty bad. But not that
bad. Good enough to resist that. Yeah. Okay.
It was very close, actually. You, like, reach
down. You, like, reach out of the way very quickly,
wriggling, putting a little bit of fight left
in him. Okay. Well, while he's wriggling around...
Can I try to yank off his mask? I'm not going
to try to kill him right now while he's unarmed
in front of these people. Or... So that roll
that we just did, that was to drag him? It was
to grapple. To grapple. Fuck. So yeah, that would
be my next question then. Could I yank off his
mask? Or attempt to? It's a lot of actions. Huh?
I know. I'm going to say no. I'm going to say
that was what we kind of included in what you
just did, sort of growing for the grapple. For
the grapple, I probably would have just given
you that for free if you had grappled him, but
I think it was only just enough. Okay, so your
two guys moved away from the Echo that was...
Oh, you can see those two guys, can't you? Yeah,
but they did actually move away from the Echo.
But they moved away from the Echo, so he gets
an AOL on each of them. Who'd get one? One, because
that would be your reaction. Fuck. Okay, fine.
Fine. 15? That's not going to hit. Ah, no. Fuck.
Pains up a shield. It's one off. I go trust a
slight at this guy. They move deeper into the
fog somewhere. All right, before Dresden ends
his turn, Salome, get rid of the fog. And Salome
starts to swirl her hands. Okay, and that's Salome.
So, I think I need to do... Okay, I am going
to cast Gust of Wind again. But the first turn
I use it... I'm going to cast it at Ariat to
try to blow him 15 feet away. Ooh. Okay. Ooh.
Okay. So you're staying way off to the side.
You're, like, in front of the stables. It's a
60 -foot range, so it just makes it. Okay. You
just, like, come together. You look towards the
fog, and you get an idea, and you turn your attention
instead towards Ariat, put your hands together,
and a blast of wind shoots out. The crowd kind
of, so the crowd, like, leaps to the side, so
they kind of scream, as you, like, wind. Gust
rips across the street, striking at Arya. Close.
We've been to Billow. He's still prone because
I couldn't actually get up on my turn. I didn't
get to have a turn. I'm going to roll a save.
Strength? Yes, it's a strength save. That's a
two on the die. Oh, my goodness. Thank God. I
was going to ask if I'd get anything from being
prone, but, yeah, that's a failure. So, yeah,
he moves 15 feet away from me. What happens to
his swords? Uh, the swords, I will say, stay
where they are, kind of like nestled into a sort
of cracks in the cobblestone. Oh my god. He gets
slid away. Here's what we're gonna do. Nice.
Ariat sliding across, uh, and you see as he kind
of goes tumbling, the beak of his plague mask
sticks into one of the cracks. Ooh. very hastily
put back on when he came out to fight. It tears
from his face. He goes rolling backwards. He
puts a hand over his face to kind of cover it,
but he just slides kind of helplessly to the
ground. Anything else you want to do, Salome?
No, I don't have any bonus actions because that
was my... No, that's it. Yeah, no, she'll move
forward. It doesn't affect... It doesn't affect
Ariat's position. But let me just make sure I'm
moving my full... Yeah, that's 30 feet there.
So she moves closer towards Arya. She's just
walking with her hands controlling this wind.
The wind blasting him. The fogs of the Dresden
standing, eyes glowing, staring at him. Him just
covering his face. You can see his eyes looking
at both of you from a crack between his fingers.
Trembling fingers looking around at you, looking
around wildly at the crowd that surrounds. And
I'm going to use bonus action, action, movement,
everything. To run? What? To jump to my feet
and run. Oh my. See the gap in the crowd, blast
through them, roost down an alley and just full
sprints into the shadows. Gone. You see on the
figures, the other two figures turn again. They
hit the street, shields out, bashing through
people as they also run to find a place to go.
They break away from here. They move back to
the shadows where they belong and chasing them.
The sudden cheers of this crowd of people who
have no idea what's going on, but the right and
wrong of it seemed pretty clear to them. Just...
Salome slowly walks over to Dresden where Ariat
used to be. And she looks down at Ariat's swords.
No, my swords! And with that, you have claimed
victory. You are safe. The Cherry Delights are
safe. For now. And we'll call it there.