Boobies! Now I have your attention. The Three
Little Pigs podcast wants to ask you three very
important questions. Do you like true crime stories
and awful historic moments? Do you like cults
and conspiracy theories? Do you like random as
shit topics that generally have no connecting
theme between them? Well, the Three Little Pigs
podcast is for you then. Find them wherever you
get your podcasts normally. Goodbye. Hey, pants
people. Just want to say thank you for listening
and thank you for your friendship. Check out
the Discord. The infamous group of villains in
our public spotlight. The Snake Eaters. Now I
think everyone is aware of this notorious organization
of poachers. Determined to hunt or tame beasts
from all habitats and all worlds. And all levels
of sapiens. They hold a mastery of the natural
world. Absolutely no respect for it. Willing
to bend and break the natural order in pursuit
of money and power. What do they know of the
Snake Eaters? We know the group is old. Much
older than the founding of the Radiant City.
Or the Gemstone Conqueror 250 years ago. They
originated in the world of Moor and spread out
like a wildfire from there. And, uh, unfortunately,
that's really mostly it. We all have snake ears
of a number of heads, but the identity of these
leaders is a mystery. The only one of major note,
Guy Safari, the criminal culinarian, was killed
less than a month ago by Luminary and then wrapped
in some, uh, assistance of little note. Which
leads me to one last solid factoid about this
group. The Snake Eaters are vengeful. They treat
their upper -ranked members like a tight -knit
pack or go to great lengths to get even for their
losses. And, well, their advantage is known to
be bloody and feral. Would be pretty, pretty
stupid to cross these guys, huh? I'd be a couple
of real bozos to cross these guys. Welcome, everybody,
to our second -ever Fantasy Pants Live. This
is a standalone but canonical adventure in the
main setting for our podcast. We're going to
be recording two episodes with a brief 10 -minute
pee break in between. As far as content warning
goes, we're not planning to get overly gross
here. We should probably expect some violent
descriptions and a good bit of swearing. We cannot
help it, I promise. We'll also be using buttons
to let you folks help whoever you decide is worthy
of your support. One of these bad boys right
here can grant advantage on a roll. Two can grant
the enemy disadvantage. And three can bring someone
back with one HP on a death save. Pretty big
deal. These little guys are actually under some
of your chairs out there. I think there's eight
hanging around. So if you're under a chair, you
may find a big orange button just hanging out
down there. You can deliver it to the table here
during the show and place it in front of whomever
you think has earned a little love. Make them
work for it. Make us work for it. Because don't
forget that their malevolent dungeon master can
take your buttons as well to give them a really,
really bad time. Don't sleep on that. Yeah, if
you reach straight down the middle between your
legs, you should feel it there if there is one.
Steve! If there's an empty seat next to you,
check there too. Now before we get started here,
let me introduce our crew. He's a big lovable
goof and the source of that smelly smell that's
been bothering you all since last night. It's
Steven Rodriguez! Hey! Steven, you excited tonight?
Yes, I'm Steven. I'm playing Blanche Trudeau,
a war turtle wizard, and I'm regretting most
of the spells that I picked today. I love to
hear that. And now I know this isn't a horror
show, but we still managed to book the Slender
Man. It's Jeremy Wolf! He's tall. I'm Jeremy.
I'm playing a human bard named Jules LaRoche.
And I, too, am a little scared because I rely
very much on Steven and his character to be our
squishy tank. Well, luckily for you, we have
a special guest tonight, the cartographer cleric
in both game and life, who has a nasty little
habit of bringing miracles into our stories all
the time. It's Rochelle Thompson. Rochelle, how's
it going? Hey, good, good, good. Glad to be here
again. Oh, and I am David Monroe, the poor bastard's
dungeon master for this adventure. I also need
to thank a few people that have made this incredible
situation possible. First, thank you, Burke Mountain
Hotel, and thank you, Mountain Mania, and thank
you, Siobhan and Farron. We really can't understate
how much we appreciate what you've done here.
It's unbelievable. I also want to thank Reckless
Brewing Company, our gracious sponsors, who incidentally
have the best food and beer in New Hampshire.
Check them out. Bethlehem, New Hampshire. They
let us borrow this entire crazy TV situation
here. And thank you, Austin, who came all the
way out here to record a video of the show so
we can... Put it online. Knuckleheads, don't
screw that up. So that's fantastic. Thank you,
thank you. This terrain we're using tonight was
lovingly built by a good buddy, Patrick. It is
unbelievable. If you were just listening, then
find us online somewhere. Probably YouTube. I
don't know. So you can look at this glorious
son of a bitch in all of its majesty. And don't
just stop with the terrain. Take a long look
at our amazing minis, almost all of which came
from Danny Pirate Studios. Look at the paint
job. Look at this guy. It's crazy. Get online.
Find it. It's nuts. We're giving away a bunch
of these minis actually at a raffle at show's
end, so stick around for that. We're giving three
different packs to these guys. And on the note
of raffle prizes, I want to thank Black Bear
Workshop, Stagmoon Studio, and Grey Duck Dice.
If you have a winning ticket, you are going to
love the dice sets and the tray that they have
brought tonight. And if you don't have a ticket,
please, please go check them out. Go buy some
stuff. It's really cool. We have some Stagmoon
dice we've been using for a while, and they are
fantastic, so get out there. Now, without further
ado... Let's get into it. I'm gonna hit that
Fantasy Plus. We open on the snow -covered summit
of a mountain. Wait, it didn't actually load.
Hang on. It's not playing, David. Fantasy Plus,
how are you? It's not me this time. Here we go.
We open on the snow -covered summit. Of a mountain.
Dramatic bird's eye view camera slowly spinning
around. It's awesome. This mountain, we might
note, does not stand in any solitary or singular
way. It is, in fact, surrounded by many more,
far more majestic peaks. This place seems a point
of intersection where crisscrossing mountain
ranges meet and carry on until it stands lost
to both ground and sky with no civilization anywhere
in sight. But upon closer inspection, one may
find some clue to the true importance of this
place. The peak is decorated by old ruins battered
by millennia, yet mostly standing as they had
long ago, dwarven stonecraft to be sure. The
structures are shaped from the same dark granite
that they stand upon, looking like a true extension
of the barren rock beneath. We look upon these
ruins, upon the craggy steep cliffs that border
the mountaintop, upon the heavily forested slopes
that bleed and twist up and up to it all. We
look and we take in the sounds of howling wind
above and the whispering and creaking of branches
below. A sudden sound shatters this tranquility.
The deep and sonorous sound of a horn. A single
long... It seems to shake the very mountain in
its entirety. But if the oppressive noise we
see fresh snow sliding down empty slopes and
falling heavily from the branches of trees. As
this horn echoes towards our mental screen, and
as the bass in our theater is going hog wild,
a title card appears. Fantasy Pants Live, Become
the Hunted. As those big, cool words vanish,
we focus down on a spot in the pine forest, maybe
half a mile from the mountain's summit. Here,
the disturbed snow swirls about, glinting bright
in the broken beams of sun, near blinding. And
amidst this, another more supernatural flash
of light. Suddenly, a figure appears, stumbling
in the middle of this frosty forest, one that
clearly does not belong in this setting. We see
a young, strong turtle, a humanoid turtle man
for those uninitiated, with vibrant green scales
mauled with specks of yellow. He is almost entirely
naked, apart from a towel wrapped awkwardly around
his waist and lower shell, and a pair of cucumber
slices laying over his eyes. There's a thin layer
of silvery mud covering over his lower body,
swiftly freezing in the cool mountain air. He
steadies himself and shrieks out, What? The turtle
shakes his head and the two cucumber slices fall
away, revealing bright blue eyes wide and darting.
What? He folds his arms and tucks in his shoulders.
A brisk breeze cuts through him and slowly he
takes a step forward. What do I do? We watch
the turtle begins to move through the trees,
his bare feet crunching softly on the snow. What
do I do? Are you here? The snow around his right
foot bursts apart as a rope snare tightens around
his ankle, and instantly the turtle is thrown
to the ground and lifted by the snare, suspended
upside down, hanging from a thick branch above.
He just stares, dumbfounded, swaying slowly side
to side, his head five feet off the ground. The
towel around his waist shifts, then uncoils,
then falls free, dropping into the snow, and
the turtle's eyes widen and follow it as it settles
below. What?! And on this image, the hanging
totem's feature is locked in complete outrage.
We freeze frame. And we hear a voiceover. I suppose
you're wondering how I got into this situation.
Well, so am I! The last thing I remember, I was
in my palace spa in the illustrious golden bay
of Noiri. I just finished my pre -salt -soaked,
post -waxed silverfish mud bath when I heard
a strange sound like a far -off blowing horn.
I felt the sound pulling at me, rippling the
air all around, and then I was here, wherever
here is. Now, who am I, you ask? I am Jean Franklin
Montelio, formerly known as the Patriarch of
House Montelio, Lord of the Nine Pools, and Seventh
King of Coin of Zinda. So in the past, though,
I've granted my royal title to my husband, Ledoux.
Now I am simply Jean Franklin Montelio, the Luminary,
known as the Fisher King. And what is a Luminary,
you ask? Well, you might call us celebrity adventurers
known across all the 25 conquered worlds connected
by the Radiant Citadel. I myself am part of a
team of renowned luminaries, though I have to
spend some time away from the rest of the team.
But before that, before I had to take my leave,
I joined in a number of incredible adventures
with my best friend Jules LaRoche, a .k .a. the
Midnight Prince, and with my mentor Blanche Trudeau,
a .k .a. the Master of Defense. And I'll tell
you, we have all been prominently featured on
the Crystal Network. And what is the crystal
network, you ask? Well, yeah, never mind that.
It's not important to this story. If you want
to know, listen to the show. It's very, very
good. Having good authority. Anyways, now I'm
hanging upside down and naked in some frigid,
dirty hellscape. I have no idea how I got here,
where I am, and how I'm going to get home. And
worst of all, when I do get home, I'm going to
restart the entire bathing ritual I was hours
in. But at the very least, I know this situation
can possibly, possibly get... N .A. West. Right?
And our screen unfreezes as John Franklin continues
his swinging and his struggling. The sound of
rustling brush. The turtle goes still, turns
his head, and we see what he sees. Two pony -sized
boars, their bodies adorned by armored plates,
pushing through the brush 30 feet away. They
lock eyes with Jean, then stomp their hooves
into the snow and snort. Ah, well, shit. Good
piggies. Gentle piggies. And the boars charge
forward. They toss proffer towards the hanging
turtle's head. And we see, as he sees these boars
coming, as he's, wait, wait, wait, wait, no,
no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. We see two heroic
figures rush by the hanging turtle coming from
the opposite direction of the boars. The first
we see is another turtle, the one much older
than the Fisher King. Stephen Rodriguez, you
were the first to move in my made -up initiative.
Will you please describe your character and then
probably kick some ass? Okay, yeah. Blanche Trudeau,
like Jean Franklin, is a turtle. Her scales are
not as vibrant and green as Jean's are. She's
a bit older. And she wields her badass saber
sort of katana sword, we call it. And with Ichigenka,
the sword's name, she's going to take a swipe
at the closest boar, if she can reach it. Okay,
let's say they're 20 feet away. You're moving
20 feet, sliding ahead. You're going to strike.
You hear behind you, sah, sah, from the hanging
turtle. But you go and attack. Give me that attack
roll. Just a 15 is the first roll? 15. Hits.
Okay, great. Let's do the second attack first.
Nope, that's a natural one. Oh! So, no hit. We'll
resolve that. Do your attack first. I was going
to say, are you going to hurt me? Boars are kind
of like horses. So... If you know what that means,
don't worry about it. You'll figure it out. Listen
to the show. It's great. 11 points of damage.
Okay. And gosh, I'm so unsure if it's too early
to do this, but as a bonus action, Blanche will
use her blade song ability and enter that stance.
So she'll get a boost to AC and movement. Okay.
All right. You're going to blade song. You go
into it a little bit too late. That natural one,
we're going to say, because I love to have a
little fun with natural ones, but it makes sense.
You slide up, you hit this board. It was kind
of mid -charge. It's not slowing down fast enough,
and this thing is going to fully move up. Who's
stomping you down? I'm going to roll a little
bit of damage on you here. Nothing to craze.
Only six points of bludgeoning damage for this
opening. Oh my goodness. You're sweeping out
of the way just in time. It crushes down on your
foot, your lower leg. A little bit of horse boar
trampling. but you stand firm. This hits you.
You go into blade song. We hear this singing
of a ringing metal as your sword is drawn as
your bonus to your armor as you stand tall and
firm before your pupil. John, can you get down
yourself or do you need my help with that too?
I don't, I have nothing. I'm naked. Why do I,
I can't, yeah, yes, sir. Now, as you're having
this little conversation, the second figure to
rush by we see is moving now. Just a hair behind
Blanche Trudeau. We see a tall and lanky man
with a lute strapped to his back. Mr. Jeremy
Wolf, you are the second act. Would you please
describe your character and cool opening move?
Yeah, Jules LaRoche is a tall, skinny guy. Really
cocky eyes. Cocky eyes. He's got a dark brown
pompadour on top of his head. And he wears a
hood and cloak, which is very dark, purpley,
blue, starry. And his trademark is the lute strapped
to his back, in which he plays music and also
casts some magic out of, too. You cast some magic
now. You're here behind you. The turtle just,
Jules! Man, I got you. I got you. Jules, we'll
first start with bonus action. Cast Botic Inspiration
onto Blanche. So that's an added D8. And... Thank
you for that. Yeah. And then we'll just have
some fun to start. He's going to cast Tasha's
Hideous Laughter onto this thing. On a boar?
Yeah. What does that mean? Yeah. All right. Start
off fun. I'm in it. One that was hit, the one
that was not hit. There's two. Let's go with
the one that was not hit. All right. Yeah. And
I'm rolling a save on this boar. Wisdom save
on that. Okay. Oh, boars. Famously wise. Yeah.
Oops. That's not my tower. It's an 11. No. All
right. Nope. Hang on. More laughs, please. Give
me a second. Yes, go ahead. Yeah. So it's got...
It just falls down doing that horrible sound.
You regret all your actions, Jeremy. Just convulsing
on the ground. Again, 20 feet away, just drops.
How close are you to Jean? Are you standing right
behind him? Yeah. Hell yeah. She just blanched
her head next to one boar that just crushed her
foot and one boar that's on the ground squealing
for its life joyously. I don't know. Hell yeah.
And as you stand there, Jules, your cocky eyes
and the eyes of Blanche and the hanging Jean
Franklin are drawn to his face behind the boars
just in front of the bush they charged in from.
They are drawn to a trail of flowing shadow like
a lightless black flame that needs to trickle
down from the treetops and coalesce into a short,
stout form. It is a phenomenon you have seen
only once before. As the boars, or the one standing
boar, kind of gears up to strike again, that
form fully materializes into a dwarven woman
clad in black feathers. Rochelle, you are the
last of the party, but certainly not the least.
Would you kindly describe your character and
then get to the slaughter? Absolutely, absolutely.
Rimble is tall for dwarven standards. She's got
somewhere between chestnut and auburn hair with
a clean, stark white forelock and silvered raven
skull pauldrons and feathered chossable over
black leather armor. Hell yeah. What are you
going to do to me? We've already proven that
a pig isn't particularly wise. Can I get a wisdom
save, please? Oh, no. I guess it doesn't matter.
Which pig are you going for? The one that's already
injured. Okay. All right. That's a natural 20.
No. Oh. Shit. Sporking's ass. Apparently this
pig is extra wise, so nothing happens. It's quite
disappointing. Dramatic flame. The ear coalesces.
Hand outstretched towards the boar. What's it
look like when you try to cast this cool spell?
You hear a distant bell. Nothing happens. The
boar's just like, and that's that. Hell yeah.
And with that, as you stand all together, three
heroes gathered in one place. Let's get into
this combat for reals. Because the boars turn.
Oh, boars. Let's see. Well, one's laughing on
the floor. One's going to attack Blanche. Does
Jaune get a turn? What's he going to do? Explain.
I have a question. Let me explain Jean Flanagan.
Jean Flanagan is a sidekick played by Steven
Rodriguez. We have sidekicks in this campaign.
Voiced by me, played by him. Steven's going to
explain to us all how he's going to get out of
the snare trap naked. I'm so excited to hear
this. Jean, as a turtle, has an action called
shell defense where he can withdraw himself into
a shell as an action. I don't know if there's
a... weak argument to be made that he could somehow
like inside of his shell get out of that rope
somehow. Okay. I don't know. Let's raise the
audience. What do you think? I gotta try. I gotta
try. It's baloney. We got two thumbs up. We got
three thumbs up. We got five thumbs up. I need
ten thumbs up at least. What do you want? Do
you want to roll dice about it? I got ten thumbs
up. All right. No, there's ten thumbs up. Dice?
It's a live show. Okay. You use shell defense.
Jaune scoops up into his shell. Wait, actually.
Well, it's like a magic trick, you know? He goes
into his shell, and then he comes out without
the rope attached to him. Jaune isn't smart enough
to do that on his own. You gotta say the thing.
Say the thing? Say the thing! Oh. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Jaune! Brace for riptide! He said the thing!
Yes, sir! The turtle snaps into its shell, realizing
suddenly that this bullshit can work. And snap!
The rope snaps down as John retracts to his shell
so forcefully that it does that. Boom! Falls
down. I got thumbs up. I don't care. He drops
into the snow, fully in his shell, landing on
his back, kind of sort of twisting, settling
into place. What's he doing now? Jean will get
up then, and if he's close enough to one of these,
so if he's close enough to a boar, he'll take
a swing at it. Shell defense is in action. Oh,
sure. Yep, that's right. Okay, so he's just going
to stand behind Blanche. He'll move and stand
behind Blanche. He stumbles back to his feet.
Yes, yes, I am here too. That's his turn. Can
I boar you now? Yeah, go for it, yeah. All right,
cool. We're doing this thing. One boar is laughing.
I get to make a save, a wisdom save, famously
high. Give me that nat 20 again. Come on. Yeah,
boar's still laughing. Great. Other boar. Nice.
It's going to beat you up, Blanche. Here it comes.
Bring it on. It's a natural one. Yeah, that's
not going to work. He tramples the other boar.
I'm going to do some damage to the other guy.
I'm going to roll damage to the computer tonight
because if I do that much mental math, we will
be here forever. Okay. That's both my boars turn,
actually, so that was the saddest situation.
Other boars got totally stomped. This guy kind
of goes to move, completely misses, whiffs it,
steps on his friend's head, and we are back at
the top of the round with Blanche Trudeau. Okay.
Blanche is... I'm unsure that this is going to
be all that we've got tonight. So I'm going to
rinse and repeat and take two more swipes. I
know I've got my bardic if I need it. Two more
hits on the damaged boar. That's a 17 on the
die for the first and a 19 for the second. Both
are going to hit. So that's 22 points of damage.
22. Go ahead and describe your boar kill. Jeez,
I hate describing killing animals, especially
in front of people. Describe your slaughter.
Make it disgusting. Okay, Blanche, make it disgusting?
No, wait, don't. I'll take it back, hang on.
I put a disclaimer at the start so it wouldn't
be overly gross. Blanche will... She'll go around
the side of the boar. She steps swiftly and smoothly
and lops his head off. Okay, all right. Just
one downward swing. Oh, no, they're pony -sized.
Downward swing, yeah. All right. Curly cut. The
laughing boar's like... Eyes go wide, looking
at his buddy's head just split right off. The
buddy just stepped on him. Whole situation here.
And with that, Blanche, that's your turn, right?
That's my turn. Hey, Mr. Jules LaRoche, what
are you doing? He's going to go to the one who's
laughing on the ground. Oh, no. And he's just
going to go in with David, the Sturge Sword.
Oh, the Sturge Sword! It's really cool. Trust
me. A magic mosquito -looking sword with a big
Roboscis blade, rapier kind of deal. Get in there
with the Sturge Sword. And to be clear with the
Sturge Sword, if I roll an actual 20, it takes
an extra 10 necrotic damage. Okay. Well, that's
going to happen. Out of the box. Good thing you
got four sets of dice over here. Jeremy's got,
yeah, two over there, two over here. Oh, that's
an 18 on the die plus three. Oh, that will hit.
Oh, wait. Advantage. Because it's... Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. That's a 15. Okay. Still hits. For only
two damage. I'm going to give you a turn. Hey,
Bard, it's not great with a sword. No, no. I'm
not going to use more spell slots right now.
Exactly. We got a long battle, I think. She walks
over and nicks the boar a little bit, tickles
it with a stirred sword. Yeah, take that. I was
going to say Rinbell, show them how it's done,
but we saw that last turn. Can you redeem yourself
in front of the audience? Probably not, but we'll
try anyway. Being surprised at the innate wisdom
of this animal. She's going to ask for a dex
save instead. Okay. All right. I just wanted
to see if that attack stopped my laughing. It
did not. Dex save. Natural one again. Wow. Get
him out early, me. Get him out early, me. Yeah,
fully. I mean, it's on the ground laughing. I
don't think I should have even rolled that, so
this is fine. This is fine. Takes 21 points of
radiant damage. 21 points of radiant damage.
I'll tell you what. It's looking pretty bad.
It's looking pretty bad. But it's still up. I'm
going to roll to see if I break that laughter.
Come on! I think that'll do it with a 15? Yeah,
that'll do it. Yes! Does that meet it? It's a
DC 14. So just full flame lights up this boar
in the middle of this snow field. It actually
was dead friend. It roars. It sort of stops.
It's sort of boar laughter. Eyes go wide. It
starts to move to stand up. It's not able to
stand up quite yet. Still prone. You know what's
coming at you hard now. And only Jean -Franc
on his left before this boar gets to move. Yeah,
let me find his. You said he's naked. I'm trying
to see what he has for a hit now. He has no weapon
right now. If he does damage, he only does a
strength modifier on an attack. Okay, strength
modifier. You can punch this thing. You can punch
the boar in the head. Jean's going to run up
and punch it. He still gets two attacks. Okay.
So this goes. Nope, that first roll's a three.
Stupid. It's only 13. It does not hit. No. He
missed twice. Oh, poor John. Yeah, he missed
twice. He's bouncing off the armor. Ow, ow. Damn
it. Okay, that's his turn. I get to go now. I'm
going to hit John Franklin because he just punched
me. I can see you haven't been training unarmed.
I just crit. Oh, shit. This is awesome. David,
no, it is not. What? Oh. What? Explain yourself.
We have a Grave Cleric. Grave Cleric Sentinel.
It is not a critical hit. What does it look like?
It looks like a feather that starts out from
Ren Bell's finger and then dips in front of the
attack to knock it off. It's true. Holy shit.
Okay, so this boar goes in. Jean misses, leaves
it wide open. You see, as you say that line about
missing, he turns to you like, no, sir, I promise.
And completely, like an idiot, lets down his
guard. Boar stands back up. He has come at him
with his tusks. Rainbow, you see disaster. And
Feather flits out, whacks the boar in the eye.
It kind of turns to the side. Is it a normal
hit? Yes. Okay. All right. Unfortunately, I rolled
super low on the first set of die there. So that's
only going to be six damage to Jean Franklin.
Pretty rough for me. And that is my boar, right?
Yeah, only one left. We roll back onto Blanche.
Okay, time to hopefully end this, and my best
chance of hitting is another sword swing. That's
19 for the first. and a natural 19 for the second.
You can't possibly not kill this thing. Right,
okay, perfect. Go ahead and describe what it
looks like. It had 2 HP. If Jean punched it,
he would have finished it off. He's too useless.
So Blanche will run up and... Two boar heads.
We've got two boar heads laying on the ground.
Make it awful. No, stop. Slides up next to his
buddies. Two boar heads, which, yeah, it's not
all... Horrific. You really beat out that one.
Okay, and with that, with that, the forest goes
silent. Well, lucky thing for that feather, huh?
Let me catch you guys up on what you know. Jules
and Blanche, you were in the lowbrow tavern inn
hybrid known as the Ugly Coyote on the third
of five days you had to prepare to embark on
a new adventure. You are both fully armed, as
your recent situation is one of great uncertainty,
and you have been careful to keep up your guards.
Though even you could not be expected to be pulled
from the Radiant Citadel by the sound of a far
-off horn, you appeared here just moments ago
and heard the familiar voice of Jean Franklin,
your old ally, yelling out through the trees
nearby. And you came running. Rinbell. As ever,
your situation is a bit more complicated to describe.
You are not from this system of worlds, or as
you are aware, these broken fragments of one
world spread across the borders of the material
plane. A city floating in an ethereal plane known
as the Radiant Citadel is a force that broke
this world, that keeps the pieces separated,
and that keeps them locked away from the greater
multiverse outside. Basically, this city is a
cosmic prison, and you're one of the only figures
in the multiverse with a tunnel in and out. You
serve both the Raven Queen's agenda and your
own curiosity. They go on occasional expeditions
into the fragments of Shadrakhan and seeking
out ancient ruins of deep historical significance.
And for some time now, you've been working in
pursuit of a particular mystery. Once every Citadel
calendar year, upon the same date, a strange
magical phenomenon has been noticed by the Raven
Queen. A powerful spell ripping open multiple
transdimensional gates and feeding them to a
particular location. The raw power of this magic
reveals it to be the work of the ancient slain
deities of Shadrakhan. Almost certainly some
ancient ruin at the heart of all this, some great
artifact. Now it took time, but you have keyed
into the sorcery for this spell, attuning your
own ring of gate to react and draw you to its
destination. As the spell went off and as you
activated your own gate, you were pulled along
with the sound of a blaring horn. And you felt
a strange enchantment take hold of your body.
And then you appeared here in this forest looking
upon three allies that always seem to get themselves
caught up in the absolute worst kind of shit.
The last you saw these three some weeks ago,
they were on an adventure involving a sail -slay
race in a world of endless wind. And now you're
here. Now they're here. And I finally shut up.
You guys can talk. Last year was only weeks ago.
It actually was. Cannot have pleased about a
month ago. Yeah. Weird, right? We have not taken
much break time between arcs lately. But yes.
You should have picked a convenient time to show
up. Kind of happens that way. John Franklin,
where are your pants? I would love to know. If
you could help me find some pants, I'd be grateful.
Some. Yeah, keep warm with this fan. Fantasy.
Wow. He did it. I did it. Jules is going to take
off his cloak and wrap it around John Franklin.
That's a cloak of protection. Yeah. Cool. All
right. I'll take it. For now, you still got the
fine fucking pants. Jules, thank you. Just to
keep you warm. His old towel is just in the mud.
It looks wet and sad now. He doesn't want it.
I don't know what happened. I was in the sandcastle
in the Golden Bay. I was in the spa. I was in
the middle of my treatment. The beginning middle.
And I was just here. I heard a horn. Did you
hear a horn? Everyone a horn? Did we hear a horn?
You did. Yes, yeah, we heard the horn. Yeah,
yeah. Do you know why we're here? What happened?
Blanche, as the situation becomes clear, you
actually might know a little more about what
is going on here. Sorry, I'm going to talk again.
I'm back. Let's catch up a little more. Because
you recently received a letter from an old friend,
a luminary ranger known as... The last time you
saw Eminem, you, Jules, and Jean helped them
defeat a member of the infamous Snake Eater poaching
organization, a crazed criminal culinarian named
Guy Safari. Now, following this mission, Eminem
wrapped in his psychic bank went deep undercover
within the Snake Eaters on the hunt for the remaining
heads of the snake. And he sent you a couple
of updates on his progress via coded letters.
And written in the last one, some very interesting
information. He had heard talk of an annual ritual
of one sect of the Snake Ears, a group of ogres
known as Hell's Killin'. This group would partake
in a hunting ritual every year, referred to by
the wider organization as Mountain Mania. Uh,
what do you know? Emin Rath didn't know the nature
of the ritual or the exact date, only that it
involved a magical artifact and some remote mountaintop
ruins on the world of Mor. It was going to happen
soon. Given the... Floor and fauna you have witnessed
around you, Blanche, you have a deep suspicion
that the world you stand on now is more. And
as you're taking in the forest around you, seeing
any other sign of evidence for your theory, you'd
note two dark figures, two crows, dropping in
from above and perching on the end of a low branch.
Their eyes, you see, seem to glow with some kind
of enchantment. And one opens its beak and speaks.
Go, Sephora's killers! He closely the rules of
this hut. You are enchanted by the horn of Erekard
and shackled upon the mountain's surface. Beak
closes, the crow goes silent, and the other crow
speaks. My death alone can free you. I await
at the summit. Strike while strong, or I will
slaughter you when you are weak. Gordo Ramseer.
The crows. It's a serious bad guy. The glow fades
from the crow's eyes, and they continue to look
down at you, heads caught, and just... Can someone
tell me what the devil is going on? It seems
like we're in the snake -eater's poaching ritual,
and this year, we're the hunter. I see. Because
the guy we killed, the frosted -tipped dwarf
fella? Last year. That's right. Last week. A
couple weeks ago. Some number of weeks ago. The
last time Renbel was here. Why are you here?
What do you, Renbel? Renbel sort of shrugs. Where
else would I be? What? Can you help us get to
the top of the mountain fast enough that, well,
like you said, we need to keep our strength?
That I can do. I've got my blade song for another
minute. And Blanche pulls out the broom of flying
that she has. She can pass that off to probably
Jean would be smartest to ride that. Oh, yes.
You see it also shivering as he takes it. Like
he's like truly sort of shaking. Damn, it's cold.
Suppose the two of you still have those rings
of warmth from mesmerized. I don't have mine,
unfortunately. I took it off with a mani -pedi.
His hand like freezes on the metal pole and he
kind of slides under and it's not working. It's
not working. And the words of the message from
the animals comes back to you. You are shackled
upon the mountain's surface. Oh, that's just
so rude. Yeah. Okay, so no flying, Rinbell. Or
bruma flying. Okay, that's great. What do we
have to move fast? I can do... I can cast Expeditious
Retreat. That'll be Concentration, though. So
I can cast... Blanche will cast Expeditious Retreat
on Jaune to keep him moving faster. How long
does that last? Ten minutes. Oh, not bad. Okay.
Yeah. Okay, we'll say, just to give you the stakes
here. Every hour spent, he has to roll a con
save or take an exhaustion. Six exhaustion, death.
And every exhaustion is a negative one to all
d20 rolls. So it's pretty serious. Even one can
be detrimental in combat. Well, if we're measuring
in hours, then a 10 -minute spell isn't going
to help us a whole lot, I'm thinking. But let's
try and see how far we can get. Also, you don't
even know how far down you are. You don't feel
like you're particularly high up on this mountain.
You don't know how large it is. You just know
you're apparently on a mountain. There is a summit.
You can feel yourself standing upon a slope,
looking just upwards, upwards into the whiteness
in the trees. You cast that, and you guys begin
to move. Begin to move. Before we do, were there
anything on the boars that we thought might be
useful as far as a weapon for Jean Franklin?
That's interesting. A particularly long tusk
or something? Hmm. Give me A. Oh, boy. I think
here. Survival or investigation? Your choice.
18. Investigation. Investigation, okay. The tusks,
if you were to take one off and tie it to a spear,
you're not gonna make a makeshift weapon, makeshift
spear, tied to a stick, I mean, just solid lumber
all around, you can find something. You also,
looking around, you might be able to take one
of these sort of plates of armor and use it as
a makeshift shield. Like a pauldron or something.
Yeah, let me get a plus one to AC. Okay. Not
a full plus two for a shield, but... Okay, yeah.
So we'll lash that... So take a little time.
This will take some time. We'll say it's going
to take at least 15, 20 minutes to get this sort
of set up. Okay. As you are pulling the armor
off, too, you do note the sort of coiled serpent
brand of the snake eaters is branded onto both
of these boar. Okay, gotcha. So we can confirm
that this is the snake eaters. David, will you
let me cast Expeditions Retreat after the 15
-20 minute crafting project? Sure. Thank you.
I love the idea of Jean -Bernard just blazing
up ahead of you, just going so fast. That's the
idea. He would be getting ahead before you. Are
you cool with that? I'm guessing that we'll probably
try to travel in a group. Okay, because Expeditions
Retreat makes him go faster. It doesn't make
you go faster. Yeah, Blanche has a little further
than that. She doesn't anymore because the minute's
gone. So... Rimble has small, dwarven, stubby
legs and probably 25 feet of speed. Okay, then
if nobody else has anything to move faster...
If you want y 'all to take on the entire enemy
front naked 10 minutes ahead of you, that's fine.
I'm totally down with running that. I wasn't
sure if anybody else had anything to move fast.
We'll move at normal speed as a group. Okay.
Are you guys beginning to move up the mountain?
And as we do, Rin is going to, she's going to
say, I remember that we're all a little squishy.
How about I do something about that? And she
casts aid and gives everybody an extra 15 HP.
Oh, excellent. That is amazing. Is that temp
HP? No, that is max HP. What? For eight hours.
Whoa. Okay. That's crazy. Okay. I did it last
time, just not that level. All right. You cast
this spell. Everyone feels invigorated, vitality
growing. Jaune's shivering seems to cool down
just a little bit. Still cold, but this is emboldening
him, and you're all moving together, moving up.
You don't know the best way to the actual top
of this thing, but you know if you go up the
slope, you'll find the summit, right? And you
have to. And so you move and move. Rinbell breaking
the whole encounter with her 15 HP and everybody,
and also breaking the whole way to the encounter,
because I found out before this that you have
a 20 passive perception. So as Rinbell's moving
along, he's like, hey, stop there. Give me a,
give me a, oh, stop right there. Can't do your
voice. Stop right there. You see a pitfall trap
covered in snow and leaves just ahead. Moving
along, you see like a line across the trees that
as you kind of take it in, you realize would
activate a swinging log trap. You just see a
number of traps like nets and more snares along
the way. With your 20 perception, we're not going
to do any rolls because that would just automatically
kind of catch them all out. You have an eagle
eye for this. Once again, the whole party saved
because Rinbell. happen to show up. And you move.
Give me a con save for the first hour. For Jaune
or for all of us? For Jaune. You guys have two
rings of war with the rim bells covered in feathers.
I'm not going to count that. Let me just make
sure I have his... Oh no. Five. Okay. Take an
exhaustion token. Oh gosh. Oof. Poor Jaune. Put
it on Jaune before the encounter. That's fun.
He's getting a little, slowing down just a little
bit. I'm coming. I sure can't wait to get back
to the bath. He's just moving along behind you.
I'm sorry, Jaune. I don't have anything for you.
No, I'm fine. Looking through my inventory. I
don't need anything. I don't need help. I'm fine.
I'm wonderful. I feel great. Teeth chattering
as he smiles. Teeth? Tortles? I don't know. Anyway.
Give me a second hour. And minus one on this
because of exhaustion. Minus one, you said? Yeah.
Okay, so 13. He's all right. All right. He kind
of grits himself. He wants to stand up now because
you picked on him until that. He's like, no,
I can do this. I can do this. So he kind of like
holds firm and he does not grow any more tired,
any more weakened as you begin to approach the
point where the trees fall away. The snow picking
up in flurries. You're moving over looser ground.
Who's leading this thing? We're hikers. Who's
the trail breaker? Because that sucks. Yeah,
I guess Blanche is probably in the lead with
Sean behind, maybe. Oh, yeah. And Rendell kind
of moving around the sides, watching for traps,
keeping you guys updated with that high passive
perception. And Jeremy's strumming on his lute.
Yeah. Hey. Just thought, can I use Performance
of Creation to make something for Jean? Yes,
you can. Yeah. Medium size or large size item.
That's fun. What are you making? Yeah. What about
cold weather gear? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
What's it look like? Yeah. Santa Claus? You know
what? Fuck it. Yeah. Jean Franklin dressed as
Santa Claus. I feel like a jolly. This is wonderful.
Maybe a little more functional. Okay. Yeah. All
right. So give me my cloak back. What? Take this.
He kind of, oh, damn, this is kind of stylish,
actually. There's coming different colors. Red's
really not mine. I'm kind of more of a winter.
It works well with the grain of your skin, John.
You know what? You might be right. Let's see
what that damn little Jew has to say about it
when I get back home. And we will get back home,
damn it. Just almost there. You're moving up.
You're moving up. Jaune is no longer shivering,
feeling a little more confident. He's got his
makeshift spear and shield. So remember, it's
going to be 18 AC. Okay, AC 18. And you hit the
point where you can see the top of the mountain.
You can see the sky looming above it. You can
see the end in sight. And you know, and you fully
know this is a trap, right? I mean, the only
reason they're calling you out here rather than
hunting you down is because they are fully ready
for you. And you're going to have a bad time.
So as you're looking at the top of this mountain,
you can see a winding path leads up the front.
And you can see any other way you're going to
go. And maybe it's reversible, but there's basically
a sheer rock granite cliff, a straight drop you
need to climb. Now, Blanche, you're a tactician.
You know that if it's a trap, they're going to
have everyone set towards the easy path, right?
Because that's the way these things go. They're
not going to need to climb up the rock wall because
they don't realize how insane you might be. Let
me ask you guys what you want to do as you're
getting close to this. How do you want to proceed?
You're looking out and you can see the terrain
right here. You can look at it from the bottom.
You are too far away to make out every single
thing or figure on it, so keep that in mind.
But you are aware of the shape of it. You can
see vaguely the ruins above, the tips of the
rooftops protruding out beneath the snowfall.
As we get closer, if... We realize that we're
starting to reach the top here. I want to try
casting Find Familiar. I want to see if Turbo,
Blanche's little bat familiar, can fly. Oh, that's
interesting. So you stop for a moment, cast the
spell. Bat appears. I like that a lot. Now, you
were affected by the Horn of Erekard, and so
you are essentially groundlocked. But Turbo did
not. It doesn't apply to Turbo. You're right.
No, I like it. I like it. Turbo is able to take
off and fly above. You see through Turbo's eyes?
Yeah. So Turbo can get as far as 100 feet away.
And I want to see if we can just get a look at
our map, essentially. You flip up. Turbo flits
up, moving above all this sort of mountaintop.
He's looking down. You're looking down. You see
a figure standing upon the very top of the mountaintop,
this like wide platform that builds up the roof
of sort of a main structure, a main ruin. There's
another ruin sort of down below that, all kind
of like sliding down layer by layer to a pathway
that winds up in the front. You see three. large
figures, ogres it seems, each with different
very nasty looking huge weapons all riding upon
these ripper hogs. I'll say you know what they're
called because I want to play that game of saying
other words. These huge nasty looking half hog
creatures with these spines jutting out the front.
They look vicious as do their riders. It's a
three of each. You also see, as you're zooming
around, six more boars, armored boars, most of
which seem to be focused on the back and sides,
kind of watching over the cliffs in case anyone
wants to move up that way. So small guys are
on the back where it's harder to get to. Big
guys front loaded. And the very top of all on
that platform, the very, very apex of the mountain,
you see a figure, big orange beard, huge ogre
frame, nasty looking chain sickle kind of hanging
out of the side, huge crossbow on his back, nasty
looking smile as he takes it all in. You can
see and hear, correct? Yes. Okay. I think it's
either or. But yeah, basically. Okay, let's say
we're switching back and forth. Maybe you see
that the figure begins to speak, and so you're
hearing to listen to what's going on. You can
hear the one on top. The one you must imagine
to be this Gordo Ramseer begins to shout out,
How's killing? Listen up for a briot! You hear
down below, Yes, chief! Our prize should be coming
upon us soon. Last I checked, they said we've
got another in their party, a dwarf. Keep your
eyes on her and take her eyes when you can. Ha,
ha, ha, ha. I want a good messy hunt. Keep it
bloody, keep it painful. No poisons, no meat
spoilage. Got it? You ruin a carcass, you don't
get to join the feast. Take special care with
the turtles. I've got the broth already boiled
inside for the turtle soup. Now prove to me you're
not a useless lot of oafs, eh? Focus up and follow
the lead of your Sioux chief. Yes, chief! Ah,
you hear this echoing out. Figures kind of...
Getting focused. You can hear the confidence,
the vitriol, and that voice blanch. You focus
back to sight. Everyone standing in position.
They are ready for you. And you return. So...
I'm thinking... Well, I guess I don't know. I'd
like to ask, should we sneak around and try to
get Gordo? Because once he's down, the rest will
give up. He said the hunt will end. Yeah, you
don't know what that means necessarily, but yeah.
He said he believes that you are trapped here
until he is killed. So perhaps whatever spell
has brought you here could end if he dies. Should
we try to skip over his hunters or go at them
head on? Maybe while we're still strong. Maybe
go at them head on while we're still strong?
Okay. Hell yeah, going head on. Do anyone want
to roll Arcana check? I'd give a Rinbell advantage
on this because you are a little more aware of
everything going on here. 16 for Blanche. 24
for Rinbell. Woof! Okay. Rinbell. This artifact
you've been seeking, it must be this Horn of
Erekard mentioned. Now, you all heard the horn
as you were drawn in. Obviously, if there's a
horn, someone had to have blown the horn, which
must have cast the spell, the Transcendental
Magic that brought you here, that landlocked
you to the surface of the mountain. So, based
on the nature of this magic, this enchantment
that covers you and your allies, and based on
what was said, you'd think that Gordo Ramseer
is the one that called you here. And in some
way, he is holding the spell together. To kill
him would free you. And it might just send you
back. You don't know time -wise how that looks.
There's a cooldown before you get sent back.
But you know that if you kill him, you probably
can get out of here scot -free. There's only
one target that needs to die here. But it is
the hardest one to reach. Obviously, Rainbow
shares that information. Tell everybody. All
right. You're all on the same page. Yeah. Let's
keep moving forward. John, stay behind me. Let's
see if we can get through these first few riders
quickly. You continue moving up the path. Hell
yeah, I love this. You move up towards the open
sky, towards that sloped summit, towards those
ruins, towards your deaths. And as you hit the
very bottom of this, Touch the edge of this map
as it curves around the front. This long trail
that leads around and up. You can hear behind
of you just like... The sound of some beast snarling.
You look up and see one of these figures looking
down at you. A figure wearing a large mall. Smiles.
Oh, good. Me first then. And beyond him, above
him, on top of a rooftop, another one of these
ogre riders holds a war horn to his lips and
they're ready for you. It's time to fight. Roll
for initiative. All right. Ooh. 22 for Blanche.
That is a three. For Jules. Oh, no. Woof. Oof.
That is an eight for Rimbaud. Okay. I got you.
All right. That's a two for Jean. Oh, my God.
Blanche is fighting alone. This is good. I like
this. Oh, no. Okay, then. With that, we're going
to start initiative. Where the heck is Blanche?
Blanche, let's put you guys on the map. Rinbell,
would you have anything to lower their strength
score, perhaps? Potentially. I fear these riders
are going to be quite strong. You can't see yourselves
where you are sitting right now, but you are
on a small path leading up around the edge. The
figure that spoke to you, the ogre rider, is...
about 40 feet above, looking down upon you. So
as you have a little bit of time getting to where
you are right now, you have the initiative here,
Blanche. How do you want to handle this? You
can move around the front, try to get a view
on everybody else. You can try climbing the rock
wall to get up to this figure. What do you want
to do? Yeah. What would it take for Blanche to
get further up the wall towards this guy? The
wall next to you is about 25 feet high. It's
pretty open, pretty craggy, snowy and icy in
some parts, but I think you can climb this thing
with a DC 16 athletics check. Okay. Take your
full movement to reach the top of the first sort
of bound. He'd be close to you still, but you
wouldn't be on him yet. Okay. I can do something
really cool if I can get up there. So let's try
it. And I've got my bardic that I can add. So
acrobatics. Oh, and the music stopped. Oh, no.
I'm going to have to almost max this die out
to get it. No, I will. No, yeah, almost. I'm
going to six. I got a seven. Seventeen. Oh, shoot.
Okay. Yeah. Okay. Oh, hell yeah. Glitch. Seeing
this guy leaps up against boom, boom. Climbing
the wall. Muscles flexing. So now here's the
hard part. You have 10 more feet of speed because
of Bladesong? No, you didn't Bladesong yet. Never
mind. Yeah, Bladesong's only a minute long. Let's
go on. Hell yeah. So this is the hard part because
I'm guessing this guy's strength save is going
to be really high. But I really want to try this.
I'm going to cast Lightning Lore and try to pull
him down the cliff. Here's the weird question.
Who are you counting on? The Ripper Hog or the
Rider? So you have this nasty little snarling
creature, stamping, looking at you, slobbering
down. You have the rider kind of smiling under
a helm, brutal -looking spiked armor kind of
facing you down. Who do you hit? Well, what do
we think? If it's the Ripper Hog, the Ripper
Hog, I'm going to guess, has a higher strength
save. But if we pull the Ripper Hog, we pull
them both down the cliff and do damage to both.
Let's go for broke. Let's pull the Ripper Hog.
Okay. So, strength save, or they get pulled 10
feet in a straight line towards me. It's pretty
high. Which I'm guessing and hoping is falling
down the cliff here. It's pretty high. You have
no buttons yet to save you. 21. Yeah, it's not
even close. Shoot out, hit the river hog, kind
of snarls, as sparks go off of it, and the guy
just smiles. Is that all you got? This is going
to be easy. If there's anything anybody can do
to help me get that Ripper Hog down here, maybe
next turn. You forget, they don't get turns.
They're way back on. Anything else you can do,
Blanche? I can't reach for a Sword Strike, so
no. That's it for Blanche. This is going to suck
for you. Yes, you'll be bad. Oh, okay. Sorry,
sorry. Bonus action. Bonus action. I'm going
to use my Blade Song again. Back into Blade Song.
Get that AC boost. I feel like I'm going to need
it. That would be a very, very good move because
next up, as the horn, ooh, the blade song sound.
Hell yeah. As that smaller war horn blares out,
as people begin to shout, as you are fully made
aware of here, you can see a figure begins to
step up towards the edge at the top of this cliff,
looking down upon you where you stand, multiple
layers below. Gordo Ramseer looks down at you.
Oi, stop joking and get him killed, yeah? Here,
let me show you how it's done. Draws out the
massive crossbow, the bolt launcher from his
back and looks down to you. Luckily, I can only
do this once per turn. Everything else is out
of my range. So, but I do have 120 feet, let
me check. I was gonna ask you how far this was,
yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're done for. Oh, this is
so much fun at this heads. Okay. Ready for this?
Ready for this? Come on. That's going to be an
11? Yeah. Not even close. Okay. Full blast out.
Foley over your head. Smashes down into the snow.
The ogre kind of laughs. And the one on top is
kind of like, Hey! Quit your joking, idiot. Fight
them. Hunt them down. Make it bloody. Remember
the plan. Guy's just like staring down at you.
You're okay. I can't do anything else to you
right now. But your buddy here, right beside
you, can. This is fun because everyone is going
to go before anyone else. All right. So. Hog
first. That's going to be a 13 to hit. Not going
to hit. Was that a question? Oh, no. Yeah, definitely
not. He's going to drop down to reach you. So
I actually... It's about... just under where
it would take damage to come down. I'm doing
it more like purposefully, so. So now he's at
the top of the 25 -foot cliff? Yes. Now at the
very edge of the 25 -foot cliff, moves up towards
you, Blanche, where you stand. Your allies are
looking up and you see this huge figure slide
up next to you, this big shadow above. I'm going
to make two attacks on the other guy because
the hog missed. So bad. Okay. All right. Wow.
Misses you twice. Tries to slide in with his
hammer. You hold against it. It's going to be
so much fun. I don't know what I can do because
it's really fun. But I don't do it. They're going
to start moving. Oh, they're all going to come
closer. Okay. So all at once. Oh, lovely. What
did you think was going to happen? I don't know.
I was hoping they would wait their turns. Just
chill out and party? I was hoping they'd be real
polite and honorable. There's a boar next to
you. Snort, snort. It's right next to you now.
Put it behind you. Going to get that wonderful,
beautiful flanking plus two. How many baddies
can fit on that ledge, huh? Yikes. Yeah, you're
done for. Let me do this so that guy holding
this, everyone starts moving closer. So one guy's
just rounding the slope, coming around charging.
One guy's going to move off the, the horn guy's
moving off the rooftop above you and moving around
the long way because I don't want to jump down,
you know, 15, 20 feet and get hurt and break
my boar's legs. So I'm not going to do that.
But don't worry, they'll be on you soon. Oh,
that boar can't actually move yet because Rinbell
goes first. It's a small actual armored boar.
Stays where it was. Rinbell, you're up. Everyone's
moving in. You see things are opening up to a
pretty bad start. Okay, so where am I? You are
25 feet below where Blanche stands on this cliff.
Around this corner right now where my finger's
pointing. Behind this tree. Not having any idea
if this is going to work or not, Rin's going
to misty step next to Blanche if she can. Oh,
cool. Nice. That's good. 30 feet. Yeah, no, that's
fine. Okay. You'll have to move a little bit
to get there, but I believe, yeah. Yeah, sure.
Whatever I need to get and then get the 30 plus
30 to get by Blanche. Hell yeah. Two figures
now staying 30 feet off the top. Getting to the
first open layer of this multi -layered cliff
facing down. This guy, what are you doing now?
That's a purpose action, right? Yes. And then
she's going to reach over to Blanche and touch
her sword and cast Holy Weapon. Whoa. Okay. Extra
2d8. Okay, that's going to be great. Oh, now
I've got a plan. Now I've got a plan. That sounds
amazing. Okay. Is that me? That's it for her.
So now we're dropping down right next to Rinbell.
Here's what I'm going to do. My boar is going
to drop down. It's going to land sort of diagonal
to you, Rinbell, kind of facing more inwards
into the cliff. Kind of moving into some brush
here. I'm going to look down at you. And this
boar is going to do something fun. It's going
to do something really, really, really fun. Because
instead of my usual attack action, these guys
are trained. They know what's up. They're good
hunters. I'm going to use a shove action. No.
Shit. I'm going to send you 30 feet down that
cliff. On who? Rin. On Rin? Oh, yeah. On Rin.
So what was it going to be? Is it going to be
an athletics check against your acrobatics? Of
course it's against acrobatics. Sorry, but thank
you for what you did for me. You're welcome.
It was worth it. This is going to be fun. That's
a three. A three. I wonder if I can beat a three.
This will be interesting. Let's find out. You
stand upon this mountain summit. You find yourselves
very suddenly in this dire situation. Teleported
this place. Only a few hours have passed since
you came. Boars striking at you. This chieftain
stands far above you. Looming over you. Firing
crossbow bolts down. Your one target you must
reach. Between you and him is a veritable army.
Ogres riding these tusk monstrosities. Charging
you down and they're all coming at you at once.
Rimbell, you stand up. You cast this spell, giving
you guys an opening shot to go against this.
But as you, this magic sort of locks into Blanche's
blade. As you stand tall, an armor board drops
down beside you and moves in to shove you off
the mountainside. And you feel particularly unstable
as the attack comes. You feel your feet slip.
You feel the endless abyss sort of falling below
you. And that's... We're gonna take our 10 minute
break. So come on back after you done peeing,
know what you gotta do, because right now, we'll
call it there!