hey there pants people uh steven here just want
to say real quick before the episode thank you
for listening thank you for hanging out with
us thank you for being here we love you enjoy
the episode mess this up, because I am only getting
one take. Now, as you all know, the 25 connected
worlds of the Gemstone Concord have recently
experienced many, many a great loss. One particularly
tragic case is that of the luminary adventurer,
Yara Ivanka, a .k .a. Mesmerize, one of the only
luminaries to come from the Tundra world of Ardekek.
Yara was an idol to her people until, well, until
she vanished a few weeks back. Her adventuring
sidekick, the Goliath fighter named Grunt, has
been taken into custody. by the shield -bearer
police force pending investigations into Yara's
disappearance. While the details of the situation
are still unknown, Grunt has recently confirmed
that Yara has, indeed, been murdered. The whereabouts
of her body are unknown, and the perpetrators
we can assume are still at large. And to those
perpetrators, I only have this to say. I hope
justice finds you swiftly, and I hope it's decidedly
not kind. That was you, by the way. Monsters.
Everybody congratulate David. He didn't fuck
it up. I didn't fuck it up. Hey, here we are.
We are one for one. This is good. This is good.
I think everyone here knows pretty much who we
are, but this is kind of a cool intro episode
for people, so I'm going to say it anyway. We
are fantasy fans. An actual play, tabletop adventure
podcast that likes to keep you on your toes.
We do things a little differently in our stories,
shifting the genre up constantly and swimming
between moods like a monkey on a vine. That's
good. All right. That's it. I peaked. Steven.
I hope that was the one joke. Yeah, that's all
you get. No, it's material all day long. Steven,
I'm going to talk so much in a minute here. And
you're kind of the intro guy. Why don't you introduce
me, introduce everyone here? Sure. Okay. Well,
we are here live at Mountain Mania in beautiful
Eastburg, Vermont. Thank you so much to Mountain
Mania and Burke and Siobhan, who's here with
us, and some other friends and family. We're
recording live at the first Mountain Mania convention.
I mean, I think I speak for all of us when I
would like to come back. Oh, yeah. I would love
to come back. Hopefully we're back. David is
our wonderful, lovely, talented DM. Jeremy. Where's
the funny? Where's the funny? I don't have enough
room for all the accolades. Jeremy is our funny,
lovely, wonderful editor. We have special guest
Rochelle, a .k .a. Sound Pukey Girl Maps, who
draws all of our maps. Grade A photographer,
not photographer, cartographer. And we're so
thrilled that she came from Alabama. Seriously.
To join us here today. Wild. Thank you, Rochelle.
Round of applause. Let's be here. Real quiet
audience. There's like 100 people, though. And
whatever these two capable gentlemen don't do
for Fantasy Pants, I try to fill in the gaps.
And I come today in the form of Blanche Trudeau
to dish out that justice that storyteller Oren
asked for. Okay. Okay. I can point out the guy
right there. Mr. Jeremy Wolf. What do you want
me to say? I don't know. What character are you
playing tonight? Put me on the spot. My character's
name is Jules LaRoche. He is a human bard. Very
inhuman, right? Yes. He's very inhuman. Very
creative. Not your typical human, that one. If
anybody here listens to the podcast, you hear
a little bit of tunes from Jules every once in
a while. Yeah, I contribute what I can, and I
edit for the show as well. Like I said, I'm playing
Blanche Trudeau, who is a tortle bladesinger
wizard. She is the defender of the Golden Bay,
which is a kingdom in the city -state of Zinda
on the world of Nwari. A lot of worlds in this
one. Don't worry about too much. We're not going
to hit you with everything. Just a little brief
introduction. A little bit of something. Yeah,
yeah. Rochelle. All right. So tonight I'm playing
Rimbel Strunkheart, who is a dwarf grave cleric.
Do you want me to say more than that at this
point? I'll cue in for more later. I figured.
That's perfect. We don't need to give too much
away. For your character especially. Yeah, yeah,
that's a thing. Now, for anyone listening that
has been keeping up with our little show, this
adventure would slot in chronologically about
a week before our spire -filled adventure with
Stomp, a few weeks after the events of Sons of
Tian. If that sounds like my little joke to you,
that's fine. You don't need to know what's going
on, for the most part. If you've not been keeping
up, don't you worry. We're going to do our best
to keep these spoilers light and the adventure
mostly standalone. It's a self -enclosed story.
Stakes are here. Stakes are only here. Hopefully
no one dies because that would break the timeline.
So, guys, stay alive, please. We'll do our best.
Death Cleric, do your job. We've got a special
guest cleric. Level 10 Death Cleric, please do
your job. Great. Now, before we get moving any
further, I have one little thing to bring up.
Now, we can bring this up as we go along in this
episode, but I have a little idea for this one.
Normally on our show, we use an item called buttons.
Basically, this is sort of like your typical
inspiration in a D &D game, except we can do
a little more with these. One button is going
to be advantage on a roll. If a player earns
a button, they cash it in. Advantage. Two buttons,
they can give me disadvantage on a roll. Three
buttons, revive from down. Basically, it's a
nat 20 on a death save. Pretty valuable stuff.
And I have an array of them right here in front
of me on this table. Now, I've got a lot on my
plate tonight. I am running a new combat system,
never before tested because I'm an idiot. And
I am running it live. So I am going to be just
on fire. So I need you, all of you, to handle
the button distribution for me. Right here on
this table, there are seven golden buttons. If
you come up here and grab one at any time during
the... During this show, you may raise your hand
up, show your button, point to a player who's
done something cool that impressed you, or, you
know, me. I want to spice it up. That person
gets the ability to do something nasty, perhaps.
Me. Give it to me. Yeah, they're right here for
you. So come on along, grab a button, cash it
in when you think it's right. Don't just give
these things away. Make them deserve it. Make
them earn it. We do cool things all the time,
and David... Often just flies right by. They'll
be the judge of that. Yeah, no, I still have
a button sitting at home in the studio that you
said, oh, I was going to give this to you, but
I forgot. Rachel, darling Rachel, remember, I've
always been on your side. I know you have. Thank
you. Thank you. And Gabby, you have to live with
me. All right. With that being said, you guys
ready to start this thing? Yeah, I'm ready. I
am ready to play. All right then, in that case,
give me a little sirenscape. I want to start
off doing a little talking, a little bit of intro
scene here. It might take some time. We're going
to get this ball rolling. Then we're going to
get to the shit. So imagine, if you will, a big
movie theater screen that just sits before you.
Your hand in a hot basket of popcorn. It's cold,
drink's sweating too much in your cup holder.
The lights fade out in the theater. The surround
sound, boom, kicks on. A breath of anticipation
moves through the crowd. You look upon a black
screen. You hear the sounds of rushing wind,
a constant whistling symphony. As our screen
lights up, the sheer whiteness is blinding. A
vast snowscape, a tundra stretching far into
the horizon is laid out before your eyes. White
flurries of snow shimmer against the clear sky,
each flake locked in an endless dance, carried
on by the whirling gusts of the Everwind. This
is the world of Arnikek, a tundra cut constantly
by an endless gale, sweeping out from the world's
ethereal western border and pushing across all
the way to the eastern. The Everwind is a matter
of life here at Arnikek, and it touches every
bit of the frozen terrain. With one exception,
but I'm... Getting ahead of myself. Amidst the
whistling wind, we hear another sound, gradually
building. The sound of metal grinding against
the snow and ice. It grows and grows until our
view of this tundra is suddenly obscured by the
ski of a huge sleigh that has just carved its
way through the snow, launching off of a mound
and crashing down to the background of our wintry
shot. We are looking at a sail sleigh, a construct
that's name leaves little to describe. It is
a well -crafted, flat, gold -stained sleigh,
15 foot by 25, with a mast jutting up from its
center. A sail catches the everwind, rocketing
the construct on its iron skis across the land
at breakneck pace. And upon the sail, an emblem
of an eye is painted, orange -lined with a vibrant
purple iris. We watch the sleigh as it quickly
sails far into the background of our shot, smaller
and smaller, disappearing over the landscape.
Then we see a title card. A title card appears.
It's cool. Fancy pants live into the everwind.
It's cool, damn it. Our shot probably cuts to
the sled itself and to the young elven girl that
stands in the front and center, her hand clutching
a steering stick that juts out from the mast.
She smiles towards the horizon as the wind whips
at her long fur coat and sends her silver hair
cascading ahead of her. Her eyes are as purple
as those that decorate the mast of her sleigh.
She glances over her shoulder to three figures
that stand behind, sort of holding on for life,
just shooting, shooting across the snow. She
turns to them and she shouts, Radical! We're
almost to starting line! Brace yourselves for
bad company! We should talk about those characters
that stand behind the elven girl. Firstly, over
her right shoulder we see a young human man.
One we've already had named for us, Mr. Jules
LaRoche. And General Wolfe, would you please
describe the looks of this character? Yeah. Jules
is about, what, 24 years old? Pretty tall, pretty
skinny. Big brown pompadour adorns his head.
And over his shoulders and down the rest of his
body, he has a large cloak. Purple and blue swirls.
Very reminiscent of Starry Night. Hell yeah.
And he has his lute strapped right to his back.
Gotta have the lute. Gotta have the lute for
the bard. And how is your pompadour holding up
in this everwind? Not well. I imagine so. He
fucking hates it. I imagine so. Besides Mr. Jules
LaRoche and over the elven girl's left shoulder,
we see an elderly, tortle woman. And we know
the name Blanche Trudeau. We've heard it twice.
Stephen Rodriguez, would you describe graciously
Blanche Trudeau for us? Yeah, Blanche Trudeau
is an aging tortle. She wears bands that flow
long in the wind, tied to her arms and her legs
that are red, tipped with gold, the color of
her kingdom, the Golden Bay. Her scales that
were once green and verdant are now wrinkled
and turning gray. Nice. Nice. I think perhaps
we see Blanche Trudeau glancing over her shoulder,
looking worldly to a figure that stands at the
very back of the ship. And here we see her young
lord and student, the tortle man, Jean Franklin
Montelio, heir to House Montelio, future lord
of the Nine Pools, and bearer of the banner of
the Golden Bay, don't you know? And currently,
John Franklin isn't looking too good. His usual
vibrant green scales are pale, his eyes a watery
mess, even his full metal spear carrying a waving
banner of a black leaping fish against a red
and gold backdrop seems to be leaning sadly over
his shoulder. Sort of noting his master's worries,
John shoots Blanca a shaking thumbs up and shouts,
I'm alright, sir. Just need a moment. and he
spins around until he just vomits over the back
of the slave violence. And here, time stops.
We freeze frame on the puking tortle lord, on
the half -digested chunks that fight against
the flow of the wind. Too much? We freeze frame
here, and we hear a voiceover. Well, well, well,
I suppose you must be wondering how I got into
this situation. It all began a few weeks ago
when my allies and I found ourselves battling,
let's say, a luminary, a celebrity adventurer
that quests across our 25 concord worlds. Her
name was Yara Ivanka, an eye -patterned, adorned
illusionist wizard that went by the moniker Mesmer
Eyes, which you must admit is a really cool name.
It's still not cool. It's a really cool name.
It's still not cool. This is my first frame voiceover.
You don't get one. It's a cool name. She was
joined by a speechless Goliath brute who was
appropriately named Grunt. Anyways, we defeat
this mesmerized Barry and learn that she was
put up to attacking us via a blackmailer, an
old enemy of ours that had some damning information
on her. Rather than seeing her put away for her
crime, we decide to release her and let her fake
her own death at our hands to escape the blackmailer
until the time came we could put an end to that
mutual foe together. But of course, things are
never so easy. Mesmerize returned just a few
days ago. She appeared before jewels after hours
in a dirty, awful tavern whose name need not
be mentioned here. And she made a desperate request.
And here we're going to cut from that screen
to a dimly lit scene. A tavern table lit by a
flickering candle. An elven woman sitting at
the table's end. Her angular features bear the
same purple eyes. And are crowned by the same
silver hair as the young elven girl from our
opening scene. Her white coat is adorned by an
array of orange and purple eye designs. We see
her speaking, maybe across the table is this
outline of a pompadour against the camera, jewels,
and they're sort of backshadowed, listening to
her plea. Please, you must help me. You are the
only ones who know I am alive. I cannot reveal
myself, or else our mutual enemy will see me
damned along with my village. But my little sister,
my Tanya, she is in grave danger. Upon hearing
news of my death, a figure from my world of honor
kick will see to her death. A Goliath named Snarl.
The chieftain of the speechless, a tribe of Goliath
who speak only through violent action. You must
remember my sidekick, Grunt? Snarl is his father,
and he has never forgiven me for taking his son
away, for making him windless and weak. I have
information telling me that he will target Tonya
now. In eye for in eye. if you will. Grown. It's
a good joke. Come on. Dony was made to flee Arnakic,
but fleeing is not so easily done. My people
are suspicious of life outside our world, of
life outside the reach of the carving of the
Everwinds. They believe those who leave to be
soft, and so the right to leave is something
that must be earned through trial. There is a
race, a sail -slay race, one that I have won
before. In the race, it ends in a sacred place
in Arnikik, a windless lake. Her eyes sparkle
with just this wonder, the thought. And those
who reach it first in this race, they earn their
windlessness. They are allowed to leave Arnikik.
Using my old sleigh, Tonya has planned to join
this race. She wishes to leave the world to search
for me. And to do this, it would make her safe
from snarl. You must join this race. Join with
Tonya, protect her, and help her to win. But
be warned, Snarl too will be in this race. He
will do anything. He will do anything to stop
anybody from winning and from leaving Arnikek
as he fears the weakness of windlessness. He
will use this opportunity to kill my sister.
And without your help, he will surely succeed.
You can sort of zoom in on that flickering candle,
and then we fade to black. And then back to our
original freeze frame where Jean Franklin's still
locked in the projectile vomit. Sorry. Here I
built up for that one. And that's the gist of
things. Yara sets us up with some methods to
meet her sister, to prove ourselves as allies
to the Elven village of Bevel. She granted us
a down payment in the form of three rings of
warmth, actually, which allow us to bear these
terribly cold climates with some comfort. She
also promised another reward. Something quite
magical and exciting, shall we succeed in our
quest. And so, here we are. Far from the luxuries
of the radiant citadel. Far even from the civilized,
onychic capital of Kattegrad. Far from everything
but the endless ice and the gnawing wind, and
I hate every bit of it! And we see time here
moves again as the sleigh blasts forwards towards
the starting line of this race. Cut back to the
sleigh's front. We see the elven girl, Tanya
Ivanka, shadows her eyes and winters as she stares
forward, focusing on something. Friends of my
sister, do you see something odd ahead? And I
would love for Jules and Blanche to roll some
perception checks. Oh, boy. Okay. Oh, wow. Oh,
wow. I just crit my pants. Oh, first crit, you
wasted it. Yeah, I did. I literally, yeah, of
course, but. I'm glad somebody did because I
rolled a natural one. Oh, wow. Oh, nothing like
opening big. Uh -huh, uh -huh. You don't see
it. You're looking in the wrong direction. Snow
falls in your eyes. Freeze over. Show's over.
You do see what she's pointing at. You see a
strange phenomenon up ahead at the crest of a
coming hilltop. As you sail towards it, you can
make out tendrils of shadow dancing against the
blue sky like wisps of black smoke. And you can
see no source to this. And suddenly, as you get
closer, the shadows seem to coalesce into the
solid form of a black -clad dwarven woman. See,
Tanya just yanks on the control stick, panicking,
and pulls the line until I drop the sail. The
sail spins and slides, coming to a screeching
halt just before this dwarven woman. There's
a silence as your crew stares down at her. A
woman who Jules may vaguely recognize from some
time in the recent past. I'll leave that to you.
I think he absolutely recognizes her. Interesting.
There's a silence. Only broken by some fresh
retching in the back of the sleigh from Jean
Franklin. And now as these parties meet, I would
love you, Rochelle, to introduce us to your character.
What's he look like? Absolutely. So Rimbaud is
tall. Rimbaud is tall for a dwarf. She's almost
five feet tall. She has long auburn hair that
is slightly curly with a shock of white over
one temple. She's all, as you already mentioned,
clad in black and has a very cherubic, almost
innocent face, which is a pretty stark contrast
to the cloak she's wearing, which is. Black lined
in white with shoulder pauldrons that are silver
graven skulls. I am so stoked to see Rimbell
back in our adventure, but literally was the
biggest waste of a natural 20. I feel like you
were going to show up anyways. No, you earned
it. It wouldn't have happened. You would have
run her over. Yeah. Rimbell. Let's talk about
you for a second. Let's talk about why you are
here. It's a simple enough reason. You have heard
tell of a place of great archaeological interest
on this world. A frozen lake untouched by wind
and covered by ancient ice -carved temples. A
lake that is said to hold a great, great secret.
Your patron, the Raven Queen, is a god of death
that resides in the world of shadows and reaches
above and beyond the material planes. though
she has told you little of these fragmented gemstone
concord worlds. There's an interference amongst
them, you know, a divine power that holds the
hands and eyes of the greater gods at bay, a
power, it has been hinted, that is linked to
whatever lies in that frozen lake. And right
now, while the Raven Queen's new recruit is still
undergoing the proper introductory rituals, it
seems like a good time to investigate this space.
Now, you've been charged to leave almost no footprint
here. The gemstone -conquered worlds are unaware
of their existence in the greater multiverse
and their displacement around the planes, the
cause of much doom and strife for their unfortunate
peoples. These people at this time are not to
know that there are more worlds in their 25.
So many more. And so you must be careful. But
as you were shifted into this world, moving through
the currents of the connected plane of wind,
you found yourself immediately face to face with
a rushing sail sled screeches, comes to a halt,
and you're looking into the eyes, the faces of
a very shocked crew. And now I am finally going
to stop talking. As we see the forces of fate
intermingle in this meeting of heroes. Go! I'm
going to get a drink. What's up, Gabby? Well
earned. I'm getting a button. I'm getting a button.
I'll say this. I'll say this. In the studio when
we play, you know, maybe you'd get like a second
take or you could trip over your words and restart.
We don't have that today. And well earned, David.
Sounds like Steven's giving me a button too.
All right, I'll take two. No, no, no. Let's not
be hasty. Let's not be hasty. You got a button
for me? I'm gone. So Blanche on this sail ship
looks around. The pilot, Tanya, sees Rimbell.
Are you lost? No. I'm right where I'm supposed
to be. Are you part of the race? I'm hoping to
be. You're racing and I need to go where you're
going. Tanya, how many... How many can we have
on our ship? The judges will hold us to only
four. I am sorry, I... No, no, no, no, wait,
wait, wait, wait. Hear a voice in the back. Can
you fight at all? Jean Franklin's rushing forward,
still pale, still like clutching his abdomen.
Yes, I can fight, my friend. Oh, sweet. Oh, take
my place, please. I get damn doubly motion sick
on these damn things, and I'm useless as is.
Sir, please, please, let her take my place. The...
How long is the track, Tonya? Not terribly long.
I mean, he can wait at the starting line. We'll
be back soon enough. Well, my thought would be,
Tadpole, that perhaps you could follow behind
and heal any of us who fall. I suppose I'm not
quite as fast as these contraptions, but I could
run. Unless you want to give me some cool magic
item you can't use in the combat. Ah, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Hands are out.
Yeah, perfect. Yeah, Blanche is going to pass
off the broom of flying to John. I mean, I just
feel like that's cheap insurance. Like if somebody
falls off, he can be sort of like behind -ish.
He's got a paladin, so. Yep, he's a watered -down
paladin. John Franklin is, for those who don't
know, a sidekick in this adventure. Voiced by
me, played typically by Stephen. Not quite as
strong as the heroes of the story, but he gets
around. He holds his own. He holds his own. Kind
of, sort of. Not today. He's out of here. He
takes the broom and kind of sits up like, all
right, I haven't flown this thing, but I will
certainly try, sir. Certainly try. Well, what
can you bring to the table, you black -clad stranger?
Well, since you mentioned healing, I do happen
to be a cleric. Wow. It seems like we... She
looks back at Jean. Trade it up. Even he's looking
wide -eyed. Clerics are a rarity in these 25
worlds. The sort of divine power they call upon
is not easily found. That's all I'm going to
say. You don't get more than that with your wandering
eyes. Renbel nods at Jules. Here's a moment.
Do you two know each other? Jules is going to
do what Jules does best. He's going to push past
Blanche. Go up to Wren Bell. Just look at her.
Give her a little nod. And then pull her in for
a hug. Oh, Wren absolutely returns the hug. Perfect.
It's good to see you. Wren is also a hugger.
Perhaps we should get to the starting line? Yes,
it is starting soon. Are you ready? Sounds like
a plan. This is fortunate you found a friend
you know. in the middle of Harnik and Tanja.
This is crazy. This is radical. Who isn't throwing
up? Amazing. Great. Let's do this. It's almost
like this was planned. What a coincidence. The
fates are strange. Tanja, who gets back on the
sleigh, starts to prepare to drop the sail again.
Jean jumps off. They're like, I will ride the
broom. I need to stick on this too. Damn it.
Very well. I will do my best. He's not getting
on that sleigh again. He's out of the adventure.
He's gone. He's 200 feet back. See you in two
weeks, John. See you in two weeks, John Franklin.
He did his part. The sail rises. And you, once
again, are driven into the wind, pushing eastward.
You climb over that rise and down, down, down,
over a few more. And you begin to see something
in the distance. Approaching rapidly, you see
these two glaciers jutting up from the land ahead,
leaving this great sort of crevice, maybe 200
feet wide, open between them. Crevice, crevasse,
do you know? I don't think it matters. I don't
think it matters. Tomato, tomato. All right,
yeah. Perfect. This is entrance to the Windless
Lake. The wind that funnels through between the
glaciers is very, very strong. Be ready to move
fast, okay? He gives you a thumbs up. Fast, right.
Blanche returns the thumbs up. As you move closer
to the mouth of this canal, this crevice, three
more sleighs come into view, and they all look
very similar to your own, apart from the color
staining their wooden frames and the emblems
adorning their slackened sails. You see, one,
a slate -gray sleigh with an emblem of an iron
-toed boot, looks to be crewed by four dwarves,
all black -bearded and dressed in thick -furred
leather armor. They each wield a sledgehammer
on their backs. The iron -toed clan, be wary.
They are breakers. Another, a pale sleigh with
an emblem of a frost -covered claw, looks to
be crewed by four white dragonborn, all bearing
spears and wearing pelt -stitched vests. The
frost -covered dragonborn, they are good riders.
Very, very good. And lastly, you see a sleigh
of deep, dark brown, bearing an emblem of a bloody
mouth with bared teeth. This one is crewed by
four Goliath warriors, tall and well -muscled,
with gray, stony skin, giant kin. One amongst
them stands out, his face is wrinkled with age,
and he carries a thick, enormous staff, almost
describable as a log. His black, braided hair
shifts to white where it falls over his shoulder,
and his face is locked into a state of contorted
rage as he sees you approach. And there's almost
a breath in from Tonya. The speechless Goliaths.
Led by Snarl. The being screams out in all eyes
and all crews turn to look towards your approaching
vessel. All browse for a malicious challenge.
Yes, I thought there should be many other racers.
All have been threatened off or hurt by Snarl's
people. Make no mistake, every crew here works
for Snarl. And they view only us as their foe.
It will be a radical battle. She looks excited,
half terrified, legs shaking. Now she kind of
says this. You're sliding pretty much like right
up to them. She drops the sail again, lets the
sleigh sort of slide to another screeching halt.
We will stop here. The judges will move us into
position. They will raise our sails at noon precisely.
You hear that line, I think at first maybe you're
confused. You look around and there's no... Judges
here, just the four slaves staying before this
great crevice. Anybody want to make a perception
check? Absolutely. Yeah, I'll get it on that.
Want to get another pointless natural 20? All
three of these slaves are going to get us 13
for Blanche. 22 for Jules. Ooh. 30, 20. Okay.
Nice, nice. You have a hard time spotting it,
Blanche. This time, Jules is kind of on the up
and up, and Rinbell, you as well. You can see
that within the sort of pushing wind, air lamentals,
huge figures barely visible amidst the rushing
wind look mostly like voids in the gust. They're
made of these circulating, swirling flurries
of snow, almost like blood in a body. You can
just see figures sort of standing out, just barely,
almost invisible. And they begin to turn and
start to approach you. Maybe four of them come
walking over to your sleigh. And you see there's
a few kind of behind and around the other sleighs
as well. Probably a dozen of them total. And
these are large figures, powerful elementals.
It's probably terrifying having them just move
slowly up on you. Tony kind of raises a hand.
They are fine. No worries. Well, so long as we
are not cheating. Long ago, the people of the
Far Thunder made deals with the avatars of the
Everwind. These beings surround the region of
the Windless Lake. They serve to keep secret
what lingers there. If one enters without earning
their right, they will be swiftly torn asunder.
Is that all that constitutes cheating? Basically,
yes. We try not to kill, but killing is fine
in the race. We must have four on slay, this
is all. And you must proceed as you go. Once
you hit the Windlessness, if you are not first,
you are to back off. Or they'll get you. So we
are outnumbered three to one, and killing is
on the table. Yes, it will be fun. That's type
A fun, if I've ever heard it. You watch a few
of these figures come to surround you, and they
begin to haul your sleigh into placement to the
others, just like almost like a gust is blowing,
and even with no wind, it's like pushing you
slowly forward. You find yourself set between
the dwarven sleigh and the dragonborn sleigh.
The Goliath stands on the other side of the dwarves,
and you are all lined up, staring down that crevice,
staring down who knows what, a trial, many dangers,
three enemy ships, sleighs, whatever. It's a
bad situation, but you've been worse, maybe.
A lot worse, yeah. Somewhere behind here. Something's
flying at us, bro. They kind of crash in the
snow and hit my back. What you doing back there?
I'm trying to fly. Well, shut up and fly. It's
hard. I'm sick. It actually does make me feel
better that he didn't catch up. He could be our
savior. At least off screen. He's like, canonically,
this already happened. You can't die. I love
that you did this. This is great for me. Well,
yeah. So between that and between having a death
cleric, I think we're probably fine. Great cleric.
Seems pretty good. Now, you've been set. And
now you wait. Wait for this thing to start. Wait
for that exact noon moment when this sail is
pulled up by these wind elementals. And I'll
ask now. You have a little time. Is there anything
you'd like to do before this race begins? Man,
I didn't really prep, like, a lot of buffs, because
I'm just expecting battle. Well, you're a fool.
Yeah, no, no, no, no. Hmm. Rinbell looks to her
new compatriots and says, um, you would step
closer for a moment. Oh, certainly. Blanche will
get in nice and close. Same with Jules. Rinbell
casts a little spell called Aid. Mm -hmm. That
is going to give you 10. extra HP to your max
for eight hours. Wowee. Wowee. Okay. Do I also
get eight? Yes, you do. Very cool. I'll put that
in the encounter builder. All right. Oh, yeah.
It's the most HP Jules has ever had. Wow, that
feels fantastic. Thank you, Rinbell. It'll also
heal again. It's not temp HP. Right. Nice. You
are buffed up, feeling pretty good. And as you're
strengthened, as you're waiting, I think you
can hear some large steps approaching you. As
the winds snow to a resolve, you see that Goliath
snarl has moved up towards your sleigh. His mouth
locked in a fit of rage. He's just staring at
each of you in turn. Looks down at Tonya. Perhaps
one of the dragonborn from the vessel beside
you comes dropping down and says, Snarl asks
you hand us the girl and step away. We have no
quarrel with outsiders. They cannot be weakened
more than they already are. You and your windless
worlds, your citadel. You are soft and we will
cut you deep to the bone. And then you will feel
our winds, true. Unless you give us the girl.
Blanche steps up in front of Tanya. You'd better
not make a move. Not until the race starts. And
then all bets are off. You see, Snarl understands
you. He does not speak, for you are not worth
his words. Only violent action is what you deserve.
As he kind of hears this, he sort of takes a
step forward. He kind of embraces himself, stops,
looks up, looks towards those invisible figures
that seem to hover all around. You see even Snarl
fears those elementals, the judges. He points
at you, Blanche. Just a point. Who knows what
it means? Great. And then he just turns and he
storms away, the dragonborn. You have made a
great mistake today. We will not hold back on
you. And we have a button. Are you the mouth
of Snarl? We all speak for the speechless. We
speak. They guard. They command. We act. This
is how you survive in the harsh winds of Arnakhek.
Well, I speak for myself, and I plan to show
you how we do it in the Golden Bay. He just kind
of... Sort of moves away from you. Moves back
to his own vessel. Stands upon it. The dwarves
give you a... Fingers on the neck look. They're
here too. Now anything else... They exist. Anything
else you want to do? Or should we get this combat
started? What do you think? What do you think?
Yeah, Blanche is ready to go. Yeah, Jules is
as ready as he's going to be. Good, good, good.
And so you wait, hold steady hands perhaps on
the mast. Tanya is standing, I think, at the
steering stick. Now I'll ask this, as Tanya is
kind of preparing to move this thing, to steer
this thing, is there anyone else who wishes to
take that point? Take command of the actual sleigh
itself to... We'll get into the mechanics later,
but someone's going to have to pilot this thing.
I'm not very familiar with how this whole contraption
works. I don't think I'd be the best suited.
Tonya seems eager, but her hands are shaking
against the wood. That confrontation with Snarls
left her quite scared. Her pale face is even
paler yet as she's just staring forward. It's
okay. It's okay. We'll be fine. It'll all be
fine. Rindel steps forward and puts a hand on
Tanya's shoulder. My friend, I have some navigation
and, um, tiller experience. Perhaps you would
let me pilot? She looks at you. She looks deep
into your eyes for a moment. You can see the
fear there. You can see the drive there. You
can see that want for something. Not just survival,
but something. And she lets go and nods. Very
well. I will help from behind. I can manage sail
if you want to steer. I think that will be a
great combination, my friend. We will do well.
Blanche steps back and grabs Jules by the shoulder
to have a quick aside. Jules, our lives depend
on this. Do you trust the dwarf? I trust her
with my life. Well, that's... that's good enough
for me. Okay. We got this. Get ready. They approach.
You see those window mantles will come back again,
saying that you're just leaning up over your
vessel, almost growing huge beyond it, above
it. You can see these tendrils of windy arms
reach around to the sails. You look over and
see one of these is perched over each of the
four sleighs. And then, after a quiet moment,
a held breath in unison, the sails are pulled
up, raised by these beings, and all four sleighs
rocket forward into the crevice, into the Everwind.
The race begins. Now, here's the thing that's
going to get kind of weird, because we are running
a new system tonight, a system I have not...
actually play tested much at all and i made up
earlier this week when i was really tired this
week it's gonna be great this is gonna go perfectly
nothing like play testing for a little while
i didn't uh i did but i didn't so behind me let
me explain for listening audience i have a giant
whiteboard with a grid map on it. On this board,
I have some rectangles of different colors with
different symbols on the mast. These are our
sail slays. And at the top of each round, we're
moving these slays. Now, as these slays move,
it's not the actual distance they are traveling
towards the end. It's the relative distance between
them. It is assumed that the background of this
map is constantly in motion, flying backwards.
We have some new rules here that I'm going to
address as we go, but here's the big ones. Each
round at the top, we're running a check. This
is going to be our sail check. It's going to
determine the position that we get to, the order
of operations of who gets to move where at what
time. It's going to be the distance you can go.
And if you want to go first, last, you can choose
when you want to slot in. Going first is an aggressive
move once you lock down a spot so other sleds
can't really get there. Going last is evasive.
You can see everyone else's actions first and
position yourself around them, perhaps in a more
opportune spot. If you end a round on the white
off one of these, you are considered falling,
and you are out of the fight. Don't let that
happen. If you are knocked off, you'll have a
chance to get back. Dex save any time you're
knocked off a sleigh to grab onto it, and at
the end of the round, another save if there's
a sleigh directly behind you, you might be able
to grab. Maybe you can grab that one. But if
there's nothing, if you fail these saves and
you are gone, you are gone -gone. You're in the
snow, you're buried, and everyone is rocketing
far ahead. There could be exceptions. There could
be things I haven't thought of yet. Spells and
items and whatnot that we will address when the
time comes. Yes, I burped. I heard. Yeah. Drinking
a lot of Rockstar today. This is supposed to
be kind of a free play system. I want to be creative
with it. I want to have fun with it. Any questions
for the players? Just a statement. Yeah. In sales
slang, bones don't break. They shatter. Cool
runnings. No buttons? No surprise. So... Not
a lot of cool runnings fans here tonight. Hey,
now. Didn't get a button to get out. Sorry, man.
We're blasting through the snow, blasting all
side by side. Your enemies grab their sticks,
get ready to, like, move in towards you. Begin
to maneuver. The race has begun. You hear the
small elf by your side. Rimbell just screams
out, Radical! I want you to roll for initiative.
All right. All right. Here we go. Two on the
die. So that's a six initiative. Blanche. Okay.
Hot stuff. Rimbell. 18. Oh, much better. Okay.
That is also, I should add, with a negative one.
With a minus one, yeah. I just noticed that.
Damn. Mr. Jules LaRoche. Jules is on a 12. 12?
Ooh, all over the board here. Yeah, we've spread
them, yeah. I like it. I like it a lot. Now,
we are in initiative. We're not going to go into
initiative yet, so to speak. First things first,
what we're going to do is we're going to run
a sail check. We have a pilot here. That pilot
is going to be our very own Rinbell. And so...
Tanya is at the sale. She's giving you the help
action. She's going to continue doing that each
round, which means every check you're going to
make, if she's there within five feet of where
you stand, you're going to get advantage on this.
My baddies also have advantage. And just so everyone
knows, I've pre -rolled my rolls for this one.
I don't want to roll 600 die right in the fly.
I rolled some die. I'm going to use dice roller
for attacks. or at least attack damage. I'm going
to use my portal pane, this very nasty looking
contraption built for me to roll my two hits,
but my sail checks are done. God, you just brought
up the portal pane. I just realized that the
captain who built the portal pane for us, he
painted a middle finger on the back of it that's
been pointing at our friends. At our friends.
It's true. It's true. It's because we love you
all. All right. Let's do this thing. Top of the
round. I need you to roll. Survival with advantage.
We're doing survival because it's looking ahead
at the terrain, getting an idea of where the
wind is, what the ground looks like, and steering
the safest course to not slow you at all, to
not hit anything. From here, we'll get into other
rules as we move. That would be a 26, David.
26. Yeah, we're doing all right. It's pretty
good. I think we're going to be just fine. You
know, it's quite interesting, though. It's not
the best this round. Whoa. Everyone called bullshit
on me. I did pre -roll these. You guys were right
there next to me when I did it. I called bullshit.
I know you did. I rolled two nat 20s in this
first round. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You mentioned
that earlier. I did mention that earlier. That's
pretty... I'm going to turn away. I'm going to
make my... I'm deciding that my guys, one of
them is going to move first and one of them is
going to move last. I get to go ahead on that.
So you can go... Second to your first, second
to last to your choice. Let me move mine first.
Each movement I take, if I roll above a 20 on
this sail check, it's going to be 40 feet. Between
15 and 20, it's going to be 30 feet. Between
10 and 14, I believe it is, that is going to
be 20 feet. 5 to 10, or yeah, 5 to 9 is 20 feet,
10 feet. And then 4 and below, natural 1, all
that goodness, that's going to be no actual movement.
on the sort of relative map. I just ran 40 feet
forward. I'm going to move a little closer to
you guys. I get 10 feet of horizontal speed per
round. Now, when you're making this movement,
you can exchange some of your vertical movement
that you earn for more horizontal movement. So
if I wanted to, I can go 30 feet up and I can
go 20 feet over. I don't want to. I want to go
my full 40 feet. I want to move my 10 set feet.
Towards you, my Goliath, Snarl of Helm, is trying
to inch a little closer, staring out towards
you. But he's blocked by the dwarves. He's a
little farther away. It's going to take him a
minute to mess you up. So we automatically get
10 feet of movement side to side, even if we
roll four below? Yes. Yeah. Okay. That's going
to be every time. Understood. Get to 10 horizontal.
Yeah. Okay. Would you like to go next or after
that? Or Rindel? They're going to try to close
in on us. Should we move or should we wait to
see what they do? I think we're kind of tied
in the middle of the pack here. If we give them
too much opportunity, maybe they'll close us
in. Can you get us out in front? We can try.
Okay. Move forward. You going next? All right.
Any horizontal movement or are you just going
straight forward? 40 feet. Straight? I think
so. I think if we wait too long, they're going
to pinch us in. Let's do this to win. Very well.
And with that, I'll make my last two movements.
So they're touching us now. Okay. So is there
a ramming mechanic? They're not ramming you.
There is a ramming mechanic. You know what? Actually,
they will ram you. Let's learn with the ramming
mechanic. That's fun. Oh, great. Thank you. You
know what? That's a great idea. Great idea. Let's
learn. Let's learn together. I'm going to ram
you. This is a pretty simple thing. Basically,
if I end my turn touching you, and I go after
you in movement, that means I get to ram into
you. This is going to do 2d12 bludgeoning damage
to your sleigh, and half of that to my sleigh.
Here's the nasty part. Sleighs are vulnerable
to bludgeoning damage, so this is going to get
a little gross. Let me do my 2d12. Okay, that
is 16 damage. It's going to be 32 damage to your
sleigh. It has 150 HP. If it hits the 100 HP
threshold, A bad thing's going to happen. That's
all I'm going to say for now. I'm guessing we
have no ability to repair the sleigh. I don't
know. Got any wild spells I can do it? Yeah,
not really. Nope. I think this is. So. That was
my dwarves shooting forward, sliding into you.
I'm going to take away 5 feet of my forward momentum
to go 15 feet, crash into your side. They're
going to take half that damage themselves. So
their sling gets a little roughed up, but yours,
boom, big cracks form inside of the wood. Meanwhile,
the dragon mourners are going to shoot straight
up, inch a little closer, neck and neck with
you. You can see they are very good at what they're
doing here. They're naturally sort of piloting
this thing. They don't look to be positioning
aggressively towards you. The dwarves are stepping
towards you. They've got their sledgehammers
drawn. Again, vulnerable to bludgeoning damage.
Breakers is what they were described as, and
they are starting to approach your sleigh. The
dragon wants some content to try to cut you off,
get ahead of you. The goliath seems to be preparing
for war. Weapons drawn. And with that, everyone
in position, we're going to go into our actual
combat initiative. Starting with Snarl. Now let's
have a little fun here. I hate when you say that.
I'm so glad that I'm going last between the three
of us because I have no idea what I'm doing yet.
Nope. Snarl's going to sacrifice this. So at
the top of the... Whoever the pilot is, I should
say this. You are using your movement action
each round to do this. So when you use a pilot
check, that costs your movement action. Snarl
is the pilot for this sleigh. He cannot move
now. Okay. But he can turn to one of his buddies
and cast jump. Oh, God. Can we tell who's piloting
each sail ship? Yes. Okay. You can see which
ones have their hand on the sort of rudder moving
it. Yes, now I'm going to turn to, I'm just going
to up cast it. There's two guys right behind
him. He's going to cast jump on two Goliaths
that stand behind him, tripling their jump distance.
Yeah, great. See their legs sort of perch, get
ready. Maybe they can't make it quite yet, but
they're getting ready. to get nasty. That'll
be Tanya's turn, who's simply going to use the
help action to keep you going. She's just messing
with a sail. Get ready. They're coming. Rinbell,
we're onto you. So just so you know, the dwarves
are right on top of you and just behind you.
The dragonborn are side by side about five feet
off of your sleigh. You are kind of sandwiched
on two sides for the most part. The goliath are
a little farther away off to the side of the
dwarves, but they're coming, damn it. They're
coming. So the pilot of the dwarven sleigh. Yeah.
I need him to make a wisdom saving throw, please.
Okay, all right, okay. That is going to be a
11. That won't do it. Not surprised, not surprised.
Renval just cast hold person. Oh, cool. Full
paralysis, wow. Hands locked on the rudders.
Stuck in place. I like it a lot. That's your
movement and that's your action. Anything else
you want to do for a bonus action? I don't think
at this point. No. That'll be all for Inval.
Okay. We've got a button for Inval. Nice. Okay.
All right. Okay. Into the wind, Blanche will
try to shout to the rest of her team. I might
be able to keep them off our vessel. All right.
All right. Well, Jules, what can you do? It's
your turn. All right. Where's the... I can't
see behind you, David. Thanks. All right. Which
pilot just got held? That guy pilot? All right.
Yeah, the dwarf with the iron toe. Okay. I'm
going to go to the other pilot. There's two other
pilots. There's the mouth. Yep. To the right.
Yep. And Jules is going to cast Tasha City's
Laugh Drown to him. Oh, yeah. So he's got to
do wisdom save as well. Okay. All right. I knew
this was all coming. I knew this was coming.
I have high wisdom. Come on. What is it? What
is it? It's 10. No, that's a fail. Oh, yeah.
All right, fine. He's laughing. If you guys can
delete the pilots, I can, yeah, hopefully keep
them off our ship. How does he laugh and go down,
David? He drops prone laughing. He's kind of
even. Sound it out. He wants you to do the laugh.
Sound it out. He wants you to do the laugh. He's
the one that was being all chatty before, all
like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes. He falls over.
That was worth it. Holding his belly. Oh, that's
gross. That is gross. So he's prone and incapacitated.
Okay. And then I stand up for the duration, which
is... Thank you for forcing the laugh. A button?
Yeah, definitely. Oh, my gosh. Okay. All right.
Fuck you, David. Yeah. I got one, too. Wait,
I'm using it. So it's, yeah, it's concentration
up to a minute. Okay. Two enemies are currently
incapacitated, already dropped down or at least
unable to sort of act. Now, there's nothing to
say I can't move someone into place and pilot
next round. But right now, at least you got two
guys out of the way. Including one of my dwarves,
which means I can only attack you with three
of my dwarves. All of the iron -toed dwarves,
sledgers in hand, all these standing dwarves
are going to slide up beside your vessel. They're
going to take some wax at it. So they're still
on their vessel. They haven't boarded. They have
not boarded, no. And now you're seeing what's
going on with these guys. As I said, vulnerable
to bludgeoning. This is a weapon you're starting
to realize that isn't made for breaking through
bones and flesh. This is a weapon made for breaking
wood, for breaking slays. This is exactly what
they wanted. And at least three of them can get
to you. So now things are going to get a little
bad. Let us roll three attacks. It's going to
hit the sleigh, which is 15, by the way. It's
going to miss. Whoa. That's going to jump out
of the train. And also miss. One hit, two misses?
One hit, two misses. Not the best rolls. Take
it. It's going to be another 14 damage to your
sleigh. Not. Hang on. This is funny. Uh -oh.
This is funny. Hang on just a second. I don't
like that. This is the best. You were 150, hit
by 36, down to 114, took 14 damage. You hit the
100 threshold. Already? Barely. Already. It's
a killer doggy dog world out there. Wow. Yeah,
that's the one. So here's what's going to happen.
Your horizontal movement is now down to five
each round, your set horizontal that you gained.
Wow. But apart from that, I have a fun little
variant rule I'm going to do here. I'm going
to rip up your ship. What? You're going to rip
it? I'm going to rip it up. So can we not move
on those three squares anymore? Seriously? What?
What does that mechanically do? They just come
up. They already crashed into it. The ship was
weakened. They move up. They come down in unison.
Ho, ho, ho, ho. With their sledgehammers smashing
through the wood. It splinters and flies off
three squares of your ship. Just go rushing behind.
Blanchard Doe, you're standing at the edge of
your vessel now. Almost taken by the snow. The
whole ship shakes with their force. Wow. Okay.
These guys are not messing around. They're not
messing around. No one's messing around tonight.
Well, yeah. They took our ship down to like a
third in a round. Yeah, get more buttons. Wow.
Yeah, for real. Okay. Like I said, I'm not goofing
today. Next up is my Dragonborn scouts. All the
way on the right. They're good. They're going
to hold. Okay. Yeah, they're good. I hate that.
I don't know what they're doing. They have these
spears, but they're not gesturing up like they're
going to move up towards you. They seem content
to try to drive around you. Huh. Okay. There
are some mechanics we haven't touched on yet.
Ways that people can impose disadvantage on you
if they can position just directly ahead of you
to help you guard you. These guys seem like they
want to beat you in the racing game, not necessarily
the beating game. Well, that's very polite since
we're getting beaten. It's fun, though, too,
because I actually have all my guys attacking
at once, which is terrible for me, honestly,
but kind of fun. My goliaths are not going to
jump 40 feet. Did you just rip off the square
that they needed to jump on? Maybe. They're looking.
They give the dwarves a thumbs down. Hey! Their
landing perch has gone flying off into the snow.
They're getting ready to jump still, but they're
not going to make a move quite yet. They are
not in position. So they're going to hold. They're
going to wait. And we move down to the end of
the round with Blanche Trudeau. Okay. Blanche
Trudeau standing at the edge of this dilapidated
ship now is going to cast Gust of Wind. In a
straight line, I want to get the top two squares
of their sleigh ship. It's actually, oh, actually,
it's 60 feet long and 10 feet wide. I can get
the other ship too. You can get a Goliath that's
on that ship. Okay. So everybody in that line
needs to succeed. Hold on. Yeah. DC 15 strength
throw. That is three guys. Two dwarves, one Goliath,
and a ship far off. Or be pushed 15 feet away
from me. Nasty. Okay. Okay. Let's do this thing.
I'm going to do two dwarves first. You said strength?
I got three dwarves in there. 10 foot wide? It's
ten feet wide. No! Yeah. You menace! Yeah. Dang.
Thousand percent. Okay, all right, three dwarves.
Let's do it. Strength. Strength. Fail. Yes. Pass.
Where'd it go? Can't even see it. It's way in
the back there. Locked in the crannies. And then
you got one more for the... No, that's a fail.
Then you got one more for the dragonborn, yeah.
Or no, sorry, the goliath. Goliath is A. Probably
super strong. Pretty strong. This is a very much
in -between situation. 15. Yeah, that's the save.
Okay. All right. So the Goliath crits himself
and kind of doesn't get pushed back by the dwarf.
Two of them get pushed 15 feet away from me.
Nice. You choose the two. I choose the two? Choose
the two. Yeah, can I tell? Oh, the pilot's held.
Wait a second. I made a mistake. Yeah, the pilot
automatically fails then, right? Automatically
fails. I did not assign a dwarf to each of these.
So let's roll the D100 to see if the pilot was
the one that succeeded. That's fun. That's great.
You've got to roll it, though. I'm going to roll
it. Yeah. I'm going to roll it. Anybody want
to roll this D100? Or Jeremy can. The golf ball.
Can you catch it? No. Oh, gosh, no. Have you
seen me play baseball? No. Are you doing 50 -50?
That's fun. You need a 51 or higher. To knock
the pilot off? To knock the pilot off. Unless
he succeeds. What is it? 70. That's three dwarves
going over the edge. Nice. They get a dex save
to see if they can hold on. But the one that
was held, he's not going to get saved. He's probably
out of the combat. Two more. What's the deck
save? 15. Okay, fair. Oh, that's two off. One
held on. One nat 20s and holds. Two dwarves.
Okay, cool. So what's this look like? You turn
to all these creatures. You summon the wind.
The wind that they're so proud that they can
hold against. They weren't ready for your wind.
Exactly, yeah. She feels the wind. She channels
the wind. And she, with outstretched palms, pushes
and creates this gust. And as a bonus action,
she takes a deep breath, centers herself, and
goes into Bladesong. Oh, shit. Because Blanche
is, in fact, a bladesinger wizard. Amidst the
whirling of the wind, the whistling of that,
you hear this hum, this musical note. Singing
metal as Blanche draws her weapon. Two dwarves
go, stumbling off. One manages to catch hold.
Keep on. The goliath sang hard and tall against
it. That was a good move. Will that good move
be enough to save you? Will that good move turn
the tide of a very bad situation? You're down
already. A third of your ship broken, busted.
You can't move as much horizontally as you could.
Snarl is moving in with his Goliaths prepped
up. And I just got a button to mess you up even
more. Two buttons? No. Oh my gosh. Two buttons
on my pocket. My enemy's still mad. Your ship
damaged. I cannot think of a better time, a better
time at all to take a 10 minute break because
we're going to call it there. Quick potty break
and I definitely need another beer. Thank you.