Roll for initiative. All right, Pants People,
you're up. So here's your options. You can either
dodge action like a chump, like a coward, and
not engage with our social media, our Discord,
all that stuff at all. Or you can commit full
assault. Get in there. Get on our Instagram,
our Facebook, our Discord. What else we got?
Instagram? I said that one already. We got TikTok.
I don't know. Go do that stuff. It's cool. We're
doing things all the time. We're working on a
YouTube eventually. We'll get there. But yeah,
check us out, Pants People. And thank you so
much for listening. See you guys the best. Uh,
your turn's over. Pigman has been the number
one luchador on Sansa Tian for the last ten years.
These days, he is more known for his work as
a luminary, choking out dragons, arm -wrestling
frost giants to settle issues of territory, holding
up the ceilings of crumbling buildings when family
is time to escape. Now, we've all heard these
kinds of tales in association with the mighty
Pigman. But, to the folks of Sansa Tian, the
Pigman's greatest performances have always been
his bouts in the Lucha Libre ring. When he first
debuted, in Marfield Stadium, a stranger to the
world. He wasted no time in dazzling the crowds
with his brutal, porcelain -themed wrestling
moves. Nobody forgets seeing a closed swine for
the first time, and I dare y 'all to look away
when the big man goes in for a suiplex. This
goes double for his opponents, poor old fellas.
If he starts climbing the ring supports, well,
let's just say you want to be far from that ring
when pigs fly. All right. I'm leaving all of
that in. That was so much fucking fun. Okay,
I'm not so much. All right, you know what? Before
we get into anything, before we get into all
the banter and the talk, before I forget. I was
very excited for this character, for this combat
way back when I thought we were going to do it
during the light of day with a big crowd. I had
a whole special mechanics planned out for hog
fight. We built it up since you guys were exploring
fucking a rural town. It's been a while, but
this has been in the works. And then stupid Steven
here had to go and let his character die. Yeah.
Skip the whole thing. My fault. I was so sad
to not be able to do this. But I was like, you
know what? That's the game. You don't get to
do things. That's fine. You drop your plans.
You move on because it's all about moving the
world forward. You guys are the star of the show.
And these beautiful, wonderful stars of the show
decide to turn around and go back to the pig
man. And you, Blanche, challenged him. You basically
said, like, hey, let's spar to see if I'm worth
being a sidekick. It was your plan. You brought
it back, baby. And for that, I want you both
to take a button. Hell yeah. Take a button. Oh,
yeah. Something tells me we're going to need
it. I am so ecstatic. I've been working on special
mechanics for this little combat. We'll get to
that in a minute. We'll get to that in a minute
because it's Halloween when this comes out. It's
a day before Halloween when this comes out. I'm
like 99 % sure we have our dates right on this.
We're always so good at this, so it's fine. We're
fantastic. 100 % success rate. Happy Halloween,
everybody! Happy Halloween. Boo. And as a little
treat for this trick -or -treat, I want to tell
a little scary story. Ooh, excellent. But it's
not an original scary story. It is a scary story
of a movie I've recently watched. One of my favorite
movies, all -time, Halloween movies, basically,
when I was a child. Actually, no. That's my favorite
Halloween childhood movie. This is my second
favorite Halloween childhood movie. I have not
seen it in years. I watched it recently, and
I forgot how completely wild this shit is. So,
set a timer, Steven, because we are doing our
patented Fantasy Pants, David Goes on a Ranch,
but a movie or show nobody cares about anymore
bit. All right, got it? Don't you get 60 seconds
for that? Give me a minute 30, because it'll
be worth it. All right. All right. I'm going
to speed run this. Don't start it yet. I will
start it when you start it. I'll do it. I'll
wave my hands around like an idiot, and you'll
know. I always do that, so I'll raise them higher.
Anyway, we're getting into this. Take heed, DMs,
because this should be the plot for a solid horror
one -shot. And for everybody else out there,
spoiler alert for a little film called Scooby
-Doo. on zombie island oh my god it's a scooby
movie remember that it's a good movie keep that
in your mind and go so the scooby gang has broken
up fred and daphne now host a show and shaggy
and scooby somehow work in airport customs it's
fucking weird they all get back together in order
to seek out a real true ghost for the show not
like amanda mask so they all head to new orleans
because of course that's where you find ghosts
i don't that's That's it. So they have a number
of failures, and they are approached by this
young lady who works as an assistant to an owner
of a pepper plantation. She overhears their plight,
wanting to find ghosts, and she tells them about
Moonscar Island, where the plantation is set.
The island is named for a pirate named Morgan
Moonscar who died some centuries back and who
still haunts the place to this day. See, just
classic normal Scooby -Doo, right? Okay, so then
we go to Moonscar Island, way out in the bios,
middle of nowhere. And this classic Scooby -Doo
continues, ghostly writing on the wall saying,
beware and get out and the like. Ghostly apparitions
and pirate zombies appear and start chasing people
around. Boom, all normal. Then shit gets weird.
See, during a completely off -the -wall, rock
-sog segment, they start seeing different kinds
of zombies, like Civil War soldiers, old settlers,
modern -day tourists sporting Hawaiian shirts
and broken cameras, and they realize, after Fred
tears a zombie's head off with his bare hands,
that the zombies are actually real. Real, actual
zombies. Real ghosts, for the first time ever.
Crazy, right? No, not yet. Pay attention. Because
this shit goes off the fucking rails. It turns
out the plantation owner and her assistant are
actually 200 years old. They were members of
a small settlement of voodoo ritualists that
worshipped a non -specific cat god. The pirates
showed up there, and no joke here, they corralled
the entire population of the settlement into
the bayou, whatever, where they are torn apart
by crocodiles. We don't see the gore, but we
do see the buildup and... Damn, was it dark.
And we hear the screams, all that stuff. Afterwards,
the only two survivors committed dark rituals
for their cat god, their non -specific cat god,
and are blessed by new demonic cat folk bodies
that can only stay alive by sacrificing humans
every year during the harvest moon. They murdered
all the pirates. They murdered the settlers that
made the plantation. They murdered all the tourists.
Every year they bring people in and they murder
them to continue their bodies. They brought the
Scooby gang in to murder them. And they almost
do, except at the very end, the Scooby -Doo wins,
they fail, they turn into dusty, horrible corpses
and fall apart in this truly shocking visual
I still remember as a child. And the zombies,
who are just a ton of trapped, innocent, murdered
people for the most part, are just the whole
time trying to warn the characters to leave.
And finally, they can die and pass on into the
afterlife. And that is the plot of Scooby -Doo
and Zombie Island. A Scooby -Doo movie. How'd
I do? Was I in time? No. Fuck. It was like two
minutes and 30 seconds. Damn it. It was worth
it. That's all right. I recorded it all. Well,
I'm glad. Now I don't need to watch it. You don't
need to watch it. But like. that is a scooby
-doo children's movie people are murdered by
alligators cat demons uh and trap the gang with
voodoo rituals and like it's it's fucking wild
to be honest when you started that story and
you said that he ripped his head off i thought
you were gonna say and it turns out it was a
real person right yeah exactly you think no it's
a murderer honestly though i think the thing
that shocked me the most in the movie and this
was a The best part. Yes, I'm taking the rant
just a little bit. At the very beginning, it
starts off with one of the usual, oh, it's a
guy in a mask seeds. But this guy in a mask,
just like you see this POV of him as he rips
open a solid wooden door with his bare hands.
It's a monster. And later on, it's like, hey,
it's just a guy in a mask. And he was wearing
scary gloves. And like, how did he do that? How
do you rip a wooden door apart while wearing
gloves? No one's asking the right questions in
Scooby -Doo world. Okay? See, I grew up on much
better stuff. That's impossible. Hocus Pocus.
That's pretty good. And Goosebumps. That's pretty
good. What about Halloween Town? Never watched
Halloween Town. It is. Never seen it. It's probably
so cringy now, but like, gosh, I love that movie.
I didn't see Hocus Pocus until the new one came
out. Oh, geez. Gross. Oh, no. Rachel was like,
hey, let's go see Hocus Pocus. I was like, I
should probably watch the first one first. Hocus
Pocus 2 is not the same. I mean, I thought they
were both fun. I mean, it was good. It was fun.
Hocus Pocus. The OG is. I'm just not like a family
movie person. I've said it before. Sure. I've
said it before, I'll say it again. What does
the body count? Because Scooby -Doo and Zombie
Island had hundreds of dead. Yeah, that's pretty...
Does it count as a body count if they're already
dead? Yes. Was it rated PG? Just the corpses.
I don't... It's a Scooby -Doo movie! Well, right,
but you're talking about decapitating zombies.
I'm talking about live action shit! Decapitating
zombies? I don't know, man. It was filled with
a ton of child humor that no adult could accept.
So, like, it had to have been. It had to have
been, like, E -rated sort of. Yeah, but I don't
think that kid jokes negate decapitation. Well,
it's okay because it's zombies. So they just
put the zombie's head back on the zombie and
then it just, like, twisted his head around and
it was fine. Oh, okay. So it was hilarious. It
was hilarious maiming of a zombie. Gotcha. PG.
That's safe for kids, I think. I think so. PG.
PG, PG. All right. I did my bit. I took a whole
time. You guys want to do something else? Take
some time. Tell us, listeners, have you seen
Scooby -Doo and the zombie frightening? How dare
you? You guys want to do the wildest fight we've
ever done on the show? Yep. Ready to have some
fun. Oh, no. You guys are trying to survive.
I'm having fun. Let's get some music on here.
Because before any fight can happen, you've been
challenged to prove yourselves. So if you want
to enter the ring, I need, the pig man needs
to know that you're able to handle the heat.
You're not just going to fold in half and fall
apart the second I get serious. So right now,
the four of you have moved into the pig pen.
Surrounded by all sorts of fitness gear everywhere.
Let me give you a map real quick. It's not the
whole pig pen. But it's at least of the sort
of middle area. You can assume there's some workout
stuff kind of around. This place is huge. Now
I'll show you the ring. Once again, thank you
to Rochelle, SoundPukyGirl, for another amazing
map. One that I got a long time ago and didn't
think we were going to use until recently. So,
boom. Holy shit. Look at that. One quick thing.
I made some stupid mistakes last time because
I'm an idiot. The ring is not, I think it's a
hexagonal. It's actually octagonal. for one.
And for two, I got the squares around there,
10 foot squares. It is a 60 by 60 foot ring,
not 30 by 30. So it's a very big, very big ring.
All the bottles are cleaned out of it. There's
a couple like stains here and there, but he's
like, you know, kicked all the bottles off to
the side. They're kind of rolling on the floor
around it because before it was just covered
in crap. All the little taco bits. He cleaned
up during those 10 minutes you were away getting
your party together. Now the lights are on in
full blast. He is standing in the ring center
looking down at you. I took the liberty of making
a token for Blanche. I see that. Let me zoom
in a little bit. That is brilliant. Oh, she's
buff. I love that. It's Buff Marge. Buff Marge
Simpson. Nice. That's hard to say. Oh, my God.
Do you have a picture of Bucky for Dresden? I've
had that forever. Seriously? Dude, if you look
at our Discord gallery. We've never zoomed in.
Bucky is our Discord gallery on these maps so
much. I've never made tokens. And you see there
is the pig man in the center of the ring. I have,
sitting in the stands, there's Hector. I didn't
know if he came in. I don't know if he came in
with you guys, but I'll say shortly after you
walk in, he sort of bustles in. He's got this
tray, sizzling large churros on it. This heavy,
sugary cinnamon smell just wafting, sort of filling
the air as he kind of moves past you and sets
up a little sort of... Spectator? No. What do
you call the guy that's running things? The rules
guy? Referee? Ref stand. Yeah, he's got a little
ref table. He's sitting there. Boom. Playing
churros. Snacking away and watching. He's delighted.
This is fun. Hector's eating the churros? He
ate some of them. He can't have his own food.
I mean, I'm just surprised. I figured they were
for Pigman. Yeah. Pigman's cool. Give him a thumbs
up. He's a cool fucking dude. Alright. You're
going to kick your ass now. Well, let's see how
cool Pigman is, because Blanche would like to
speak with him before we get rolling here. Okay.
All right. So... Oh, Pigman. These are my friends.
Friends, this is Pigman the Luminary. Hey, yeah,
I'm that guy. I know it's a lot. People get kind
of weirded out, but I'm just a regular dude like
you. He's 11 feet tall. He's huge. Actually,
I realized, did I? I didn't. Did I get your name,
Turtle? Not yet, Pigman. Oh, I'm so rude. I'm
sorry. I'm hungry. I don't know what to say.
My name is Blanche Trudeau. It's a pleasure to
finally introduce myself to you. Blanche Trudeau.
Yeah, I like it. That's a good name. Thank you,
Pigman. These are my friends here. John Franklin.
Pleased to meet you. He's actually like, I think
he's almost bashfully kind of like looking down.
Pleased to meet you, sir. Sir, I'm Sir Pigman.
Wow, you're bigger than I thought, but I... Sir,
it's the big man. He's out of his mind. Keep
your cool, Jean. Right, right. Sorry, sorry,
sir. Over here, Dresden Kelleg. And the other
side of him is our friend Ramin. whose last name
escapes me at present. It's Rasul. Rasul. Ramin
Rasul, yes. Pigman, about Ramin. Yeah, he's going
to fall apart, like, just standing there. I don't
think he can do this. I was hoping to ask for
a handicap. Oh, a handicap. Yeah, that's fine.
Everyone always does for me, yeah. Since you
are so much more powerful than we are, I was
hoping that Ramin could participate from the
sidelines. Um, I think he just, he's almost,
like, not, he's, like, stretching, and he's almost
not, yeah, yeah, sure, yeah, that's fine. Oh,
yeah, just hold him in the ring, and he can do
whatever he wants outside of it. He's, uh, he's
afflicted with Serenno. Serenno? Oh. Surely you
must be familiar. Yeah, I heard, heard bits and
pieces. It's supposed to be real bad out there,
I heard. It's horrible. I haven't seen any of
it, but Marvel says it's really not a big deal.
But I hear on the network people really worry
about it. Well, you can see here firsthand what
Serenno does to a powerful, hardened soldier
and warrior. Um, what? He just looks nervously.
I mean, yes, I am powerful and hard. This once,
noble combatant is wasting away under the disease,
under the sickness. Yeah, that's funny. I don't
know. I've heard it's out there. I don't know.
He's fixed it. He's still stretching. He's fixed
it on the fight. You're like, hey, but bad things
are happening in the world. He's like, I want
to fight you right now. All right, yeah, he doesn't
need to try out. He can do what he wants on the
outside. Actually, you know what? I should drop
the ground rules for this, first of all, because
it's kind of a big deal. Before you guys try
out, I'll let you know what you're in for. So,
first of all, I know you wanted to ask me some
questions about Marfil, all that stuff, but I
really don't want to break up the fun. So, how
about I tell you some stuff after the fight?
Win or lose, huh? I'll answer whatever questions
you want to ask. As long as it's not too sensitive.
I don't want to, you know, get them guys mad
at me. That sounds fair. All right, so the fight
itself. You guys aren't trained in lucha libre
arts, so you can't... You just come into this
like a normal fight, right? Weapons, magic items,
you got it. Go ahead, use it. Seriously, aim
to kill. I want to have a good time. If you manage
to take me down, Hector will patch me up, but
I wouldn't worry about that. You just need to
make me say uncle. Throw in the towel. All right,
if you give me a good time, I'll call it. Give
me some wounds. Blanche looks over to Dresden.
I, uh, suppose the kit gloves are off, soldier
boy. Let's go for it. I'll take you on like any
other lucha libre contest. I'm using my wrestling
throws. I'm using my normal moves. And for the
most part, you should be all right. I, uh...
I've learned how to hold back on doing real,
you know, damage to a body. Just kind of going
to knock you out a little. But if I get excited,
sometimes I can, you know, I can lose control
a bit, and it can slip, and I can hurt. So let's
just make sure you're good for it. So like I
said before, you got equipment all around. Look
at everything. I think Marvel takes good care
of me here. So if you guys want to show me what
you can do, give me a little performance. Use
what you can. Let's see, you know, some feat
of athleticism. All right, what are we working
with here? What do we got around? Like I said
before, pretty much anything you can think of
that's some sort of athletic training tool or
acrobatic tool, it's there. There's hanging bars,
climbing walls, a pool in the back, weights everywhere.
You tell me what there is. You tell me what you
want to do with it, and I'll tell you what check
it's going to be. You need to basically beat
a certain DC. Okay. I'll tell you this right
now. I'm going to give you two chances. To beat
that DC. You know, Pigman understands sometimes
you're not performing at your best right off.
All right. All right. Well, if you said there
are bars, then Blanche will head over to the
bars and try to do some jumps and spins and moves
around these monkey bars. Before she does that.
Ramin is going to go over and put his hand onto
her shoulder and cast Guidance, which allows
a 1d4 to any ability check. Hell yeah. Okay,
that's the move. Ramin, like I said, he can't
enter the ring. But he's free to use any ranged
abilities or anything he can do outside of it.
If he can touch someone from outside the ring,
that's fine. He just can't climb in the ropes.
And we haven't split up yet, so he's still...
Yeah, so he's out there with you guys. He can
walk right over, touch Blanche. Pigman's just
watching from the ring, his eyes following you
as you move to the bars. You got that D4. What
you going to do? All right. Like to roll acrobatics
for this, I'm guessing? Yeah, roll acrobatics,
and based on what you rolled, describe your action.
All right. Blanche is going to walk up to these
monkey bars. and the role will dictate how cool
she does this. Yes! The plan is to jump up, grab
the bars, do a couple quick pull -ups, and then
she wants to flip her body vertical so that her
hands are down, and then do some upside -down
pull -ups, like push -ups with her body straight
up. Holy shit! That's the goal here. That's the
goal. Woof. Is that acrobatics or athletics anymore?
I don't know. I mean, that's pretty acrobatic,
I'm going to guess. That's acrobatics. All right.
Push -ups. Upside -down push -ups feel pretty
damn athletic. I mean, well, I can just do spins.
I want to do something cool on the bars that
are acrobatic. No, no, this is cool as hell.
All right. Acrobatics is fine. And you said I
get two rolls, so basically I'm rolling with
advantage. So roll the first one, and then we'll
see if you fail. I need to canonically know if
you fail first. That way it can be funny. Great.
Advantage? No, that's not funnier. 18. 18. 18's
very good. Wait a minute. I'm sorry. I didn't
even add my modifier. 22. Yeah, describe. I mean,
you already described it by saying your intention.
You do it. You do exactly that. And you just
hear a... Oh, man. All right. Okay. Damn! Yeah,
you're good. How was that for you, pig man? That
was awesome. I can't even do that. Oh, I'd probably
break the bars if I tried. All right. Hey, other
turtle, why don't you go up there? You're next.
What's the genre? You're Jean, by the way. Oh,
I'm Jean. What's Jean going to do? Yeah, let
me see what Jean's got going on here real fast
as far as stats go. Huh. I don't know how to
display constitution in a gym. Hmm. Interesting.
Any ideas, Jeremy? I would say it would be something
like. Maybe. Like, you know, how long can he
hang for? How long can he do like a plank? How
long can he stand underwater? I don't know. Things
like that. Hmm. Well. Can you hold a weight above
his head for some amount of time? That's what
I was thinking. That's kind of strength. I could
argue con as well. Yeah. Just held against the
pain. I was going to say something, but again,
it ties in with strength more, I think. If maybe
Blanche just keeps loading more weights onto
Jean Franklin. Ooh, that's not bad. To see how
much he can withstand before he just collapses
under it. I want to say that can go strength
or con for this cake, because I think that's
fun. Okay. It's resilience. All right, I'd like
to do that with con. All right. So... The hard
thing here is you're not going to have a specific
skill. It's not going to be athletics. It's going
to be... Oh, right. That's going to be your straight
con stat. His skills. Okay, yeah. He has athletics
plus two. So that's probably all we can go with
then. Let's do it. Let's do the same plan. Athletics
plus two beyond his strength stat, right? So
that's actually probably better than his con
stat normally. Sure. Okay. Let's do that. So
then he's rolling that with a plus four. Let
me go check his stats. Yes. He has a four in
athletics, yes. Okay. Excellent. We'll stick
with that plan. So, you know, he gets low. He,
you know, finds a stance, whatever. Legs wider,
Jean. Legs wider. Yes. Sorry, sir. All right,
sir. Are you ready? I was born ready, sir. I'll
stack the plates. Is he watching, sir? Is he
watching? He's watching, Jean. Oh, God. All right.
Hey. Look at me? Yes, sir. Remember to breathe.
Right. Okay. Let's go. First roll for Jean. Plus
four. Just a two. He can also get that guidance,
too. Everyone can get that. That's not something
that has to go on one person. It's a cantrip.
Oh, that's right. I guess we're not in turn order
yet, so I can just do it willy -nilly. Guidance
is just like that. It's very good. I mean, except
in combat. Not in combat. Right. Yeah, so can
we just retroactively say that I just hit guidance
for everybody? Ramin's just walking around, giving
everybody butt pats. I like that. Say good game.
Say good game. Say good game as Ramin. Good game.
Good game. Good game. All right. So that's just
a six. Let's see what we get on the D4. Just
to see how we can save a little bit. Maybe we
can hit a ten. Come on, baby. Nope, that's just
a one, so seven. Drops the weights. Ah, shit.
Sorry, sir. I didn't breathe. I was excited.
He's watching. He's really watching. All right.
One more time, please. Refocus. Pigment just
kind of nods. Yeah, yeah. No, people get nervous.
It's all right. Hey, hey, buddy. It's all right.
All right. I really feel like I can't fuck this
up. I think I... Do I use a button now? Oh, my
God. Because, I mean, like, if Jaune's not in
the ring, then we're at a disadvantage. I think
we need everybody in the ring. Then we're at
a disadvantage the whole fight. Yeah. I want
to offer you something else before you give me
that button. Oh, okay. Because of the way you
decided to do this, I want Blanche to roll. Ooh,
help action? I want to give you a chance to have
a help action here because you're placing his
weight. Maybe Blanche can place the weights distributed
in a certain way to help Jaune out. Seeing where
his stance faltered last time, you're like, okay,
cool. His left side's weaker. Maybe I should
start on the right side. You understand Jaune.
Maybe she can use Mage Hand to hold five pounds
off. I think that would be notable because Mage
Hand, unless you're a certain class, it's visible.
But how about you roll Insight into Jaune or
Perception, your choice. And if you pass a certain
DC, I'm going to give the help action to Jaune
in this next roll. Okay. If not, then you can
use your button. All right. I'll use insight.
See what we get. You know Jaune well. I'm not
going to have to be crazy. Dirty 20. You're fine.
I just used a good roll for that. You got advantage
now. Hey, it's better than using a button. That's
true. It's better than using a button. Okay.
So now I'm going to roll for Jaune with advantage
and the butt tap guidance. Yeah. Butt tap guidance.
Butt tap guidance. It didn't help. What? It was
worse, I think. Did you also factor in... Yeah,
so... No! That's a... Actually, that's a 10.
Is it? Hold on. 3, 6, 10. Yeah. I just don't
think a 10 is going to impress the... I think
he's able to hold it for a bit, and he's struggling,
and when he finally drops it, you turn your attention
to the pig man, and he just kind of... I don't
know. Sorry, little guy. I don't want to hurt
you. I'm sorry. I've seen him fight. He's just
nervous. I admit, pig man, I'm a little disappointed
in my star pupil. But he is my star pupil. And
I can vouch for him. I'll give you a chance.
I've trained him since a boy. Please give him
one last shot. I'm gonna have to use the goddamn
button anyway. I can't not use a button if he
gives me another shot. I know. Pick that up.
How could you? How could you, sir? All right.
Wait. I gotta play this out. I need a persuasion
check first. Okay. Dresden gave you the help
action. If you want this next chance, I need
a persuasion check. All right. Plus zero. Sir,
I'm sorry, sir. Thank you. I won't fail you again.
That's 19 without the help action, so let's see
if I can crit. Another 18. There I go, using
up more good rolls. This is all those good rolls.
Yeah, watch two natural ones come. 19's pretty
good, actually. I'm trying to decide if I'm going
to waive another test and allow Jean in based
on the merit of he's just nervous. You gave me
a button. I gave you a button. You rolled pretty
high there, even without the advantage from the
button. The advantage was... Oh, you gave me
a button for this. Because you gave me a button
for Jaune, I'm going to let Jaune get in this
combat. Oh, yeah. Without the check. Okay. Because
you rolled high on the persuasion. You both argued
well. I think that Pigman's going to accept,
okay, he obviously is nervous. Maybe he'll do
better in the ring. He trusts you. You did really
good, and he's your star pupil. So Pigman's kind
of, all right. You know what? Fine. It wasn't
bad. You know, it was a standard right down the
middle of the road sort of check there on the
weight. Your plates, pig man, are just so...
I could hardly get them off the ground. Out of
a 20, I'd call it a 10. That's not too bad. All
right, get in the ring. Get in the ring, little
guy. Thank you, sir. He's... Fires, he slaps
himself in the face and runs in, dives into the
ropes. He's so excited. All right. Hey, you over
there, you look pretty tough. He points to you,
Dresden. Okay. Is there, like, a sparring dummy?
Oh, yeah. Okay. You see there is one that still
has all of its limbs and heads and stuff. Okay.
The rest of them are torn apart. Dresden is intending
to... with his strength, obliterate whatever's
left of the dummy. Holy shit, okay. So we're
not in combat right now, correct? No, yeah, not
in combat. So abilities and spells can be used.
Ooh. Kind of willy -nilly, right? I'm interested
in this. For the most part? Yeah. Okay, let me
explain what I want to do. I want to go over,
and when I get to the dummy... Oh, that one's
Reggie. When I get to Reggie... I named him Reggie.
In addition to going over there myself, I want
to see if I can manifest my echo behind the dummy,
one -two punch it, but then immediately call
back my echo so that it's only just like a flash.
I don't want to give too much away about it.
Okay. But I want it to just be kind of like this
flash of holy shit. I mean, showcasing this cool,
mysterious power within you. Yeah. Right. I'm
into that. Right. I'm into that. Is that okay?
Yeah. Okay. I think we're going to roll two hits
in damage on the dummy. Okay. Is the way we'll
reserve this, see how much damage you do in this.
The pig man watches intently as you approach
the dummy, and you feel this. We haven't really
gotten into this very much. Sorry, Google Chrome
thought it was a cool idea to tell me about Facebook.
Great. Perfect. You know you can turn off all
of those notifications. I actually don't know
that. You know what? I'll spend a couple hours
one day and set up your computer. I am a grandfather
when it comes to technology. You know this. I
do. You see me try to set my mic up. It doesn't
mean I'm going to ever stop giving you shit about
it. It's fair. It's fair. We haven't gotten into
this very much. I intend to before long. Sure.
I think you step before your dummy and you feel
this burning, searing pain somewhere in the back
of your ribs, sort of under your, is it your
left arm? My right. Your right arm. My right.
You feel this sort of burning pain. Pain, an
old wound, and maybe something more. As you tap
into it, tap into an old wish, and something
appears behind the dummy in this quick flurry
of movements. What's it look like? Give me those
attack rolls, and actually we'll describe it
then. All right, attack roll number one. Hell
yeah. Attack one is a dirty 20. Hell yeah. And
attack two is, oh wait, yeah, no, attack two
is a 15. 15. Okay. Yes. Your D4 as well. That's
for ability check. Oh, shit. Jesus. It's not
Bless. No. Although, fuck. Yeah, Ramin has Bless.
We'll get to that before we start the fight.
Right. Bless can't be a cantrip, though. No.
How many slots is it? Oh, yeah. It's four slots,
though. Yeah. We'll say 15 will hit the wooden
straw dummy. Hell yeah. That'll cleave good.
Right, it's a wooden straw dummy. Yeah, it's
a dummy. It's not moving. As long as you're doing
damage to actually do some damage to it or hit
high enough AC to get into the threshold of it.
So my echo makes that move, and then I immediately
have him disappear. Hell yeah. Give me some damage
on those. 17. 17. 17 is a lot of damage. 17 is
enough damage to... tear a good portion of this
dummy apart, just ripping straw from wood. What
do you take out? What's it look like? What are
you carving? He writes pig man in his chest.
I think the war pick comes up from the bottom
and just like goes in a couple inches and just
rips upward with little shards. Like it was so
much force that shards kind of, a couple go into
Dresden's face. Holy shit. That's on both sides.
Just two sprays of shards on two sides of this
thing. Yeah. Pigman just says, oh no, Reggie.
Oh, I'm just kidding. That was awesome. Get in
here. Right in the no -no zone, soldier boy.
And you are all, apart from Ramin, who basically
forgoes his athleticism because he knows he'll
just hurt himself. You are all invited into the
ring. Blessed is concentration, so for what I
want to do, that's not going to work. At least
for who. The cool thing is, you have three slots
still, right? So you can drop one thing, add
one thing. Right. His spells are really good
for being outside the ring, actually. This is
pretty good for you guys. The thing is, we haven't
even rolled initiative yet, so I don't even want
to do that preemptively right now because it
might just be a waste of a spell slot. Okay.
Sounds good to me. Okay. Let's go. Outside the
ring. He's got a towel over his shoulder. He's
just like your manager over there. Staying at
the corner, getting ready to massage some shoulders.
Rubbing shoulders. With holy light palms. He's
got a water bottle ready to squirt in my mouth.
He's got three water bottles there. Oh, hell
yeah. He's just fully ready to go. You guys climbing
the ring? All of you? Climbing the ring. Yeah.
Ready to go. Okay. Let's do this. I have you
set in the map. Uh, right now, as this begins,
pig man is standing on the sort of Northern side
of the ring. Hector sort of off behind him and
to the, uh, to the, I guess, right of where you
stand. He's about 30 feet away from you as you
climb in and take your stance. Everyone's sort
of short way to be 10, 10, 20 feet or 10, 15
feet in from the, uh, the outside, uh, ropes.
I should make a point. Uh, as we get into the
ring, Dresden is going to slip Blanche, A potion
of growth. Oh, my God. What? Why doesn't Dresden
take it? Because I think this is a lot more fun.
Oh, shit. What is happening over here? Oh, shit.
Oh, shit. This is a lot more fun. Oh, that's
so much pressure. Giant buff Marge Simpson. This
is a lot more fun. You guys have to stop. Oh,
man. Yeah. Oh. Oh, yeah. We're getting wild with
this one. Holy shit. Hey. This is the Blanche
show. This is going to be wild. Should I just
pop that? Fucking pop it. Okay. That's the intention.
All right. That's the intention. All right. Oh,
shit. Oh, shit. Are you going to pop it, like,
before the fight? Is that your plan? How long
does it last? I don't know. I don't have it actually
in here, in D &D Beyond. I believe it's one minute.
It basically gives you the enlarge effect of
enlarge person. Let me double check that. Or
it's enlarge slash reduce. Yeah, because we don't
want to do it after initiative because then that's
your action. It really might be worth it for
me to just do it as we're climbing in. One minute.
Okay. I mean, there's plenty of time. Yeah, so
it'll be nine rounds. Yeah. Do you know how enlarge
works? If you want to describe it for me and
the listeners as well. When you drink this for
one minute, your size doubles in all dimensions.
Your weight is multiplied by eight. Basically...
You'll now go from medium to large. This means
you're also going to get advantage on strength
checks and strength saving throws. Okay. As well
as extra 1d4 damage from any weapon attacks.
Excellent. I don't think Pigman's going to have
a problem with it, so she'll hold it up. Pigman,
do you mind if I make things interesting? She
swirls the bottle. Yeah, okay. Is it drugs? I
mean... I wouldn't do drugs because I'm going
to. She's already drinking it. She's already
drinking it. Just like jump, jump, jump. Jauntroid
dives to the side as Blanche just grows to, I
guess, like pretty much 11, 12 feet, the same
size as Pigman. Just boom. Oh, what? Oh, man,
you guys are going to be so much fun. I like
you guys a lot. How do you feel about this, Pigman?
This is insane. Okay, so the minute will start.
I should also mention, too, he is also casting
Shield of Faith onto Blanche. Holy shit. So Blanche
gets a plus two AC for ten minutes. Holy shit.
All right. All right. You grow. The second you
grow, the shield casts around you. Invisible
sort of barrier, vroom, appears around you. Blanche.
You stand ready. Jaune, spear out. Stans ready.
Dresden, take a stance. Oh, yeah. The pig man,
just like one more, like laughing. All right.
Let's go, Hector. And you hear a bell ring as
Hog fight reprise begins. And let's change up
this music. I was expecting it, and we'll call
it there. No, this is way too short. Not yet,
not yet. Let's explain the rules for Hogfight
as it stands. You will utilize your HP as normal
if it comes to that. But you have a secondary,
essentially, like, losing mechanic here. And
that is going to be what I'm calling KO points.
These are going to be equal to your constitution
stat. Whatever number your constitution is, that's
how many KO points you have. Keep that in mind.
Write that down somewhere. I believe it's a 14
for Blanche, a 13 for Dresden. Yep, that's right.
Okay. At least for Dresden. My attacks... are
generally going to do damage to your KO points,
rather than to your straight HP. Pigman tries
to hold back. That might not always be possible,
but for now, he's just going to try to go in
there and basically do these sort of wrestling
holds and throws and maneuvers that essentially
using sort of like the same sort of key features
that Dance has and just kind of using this like
special techniques. They're just made to knock
you out. If your KO points are zero, you are
out. If everyone is knocked out, The fight ends.
Ramin doesn't count. He's outside the ring. So
my objective is to knock the three of you, you
know, totally out cold. If you receive healing,
if you receive every five points you receive
basically in one burst will heal one KO point.
So if someone heals you for 10 damage, you heal
two points. Someone heals you for nine damage,
you only heal one point. Gotcha. So I know Jean
has Lay on Hands, 20 points of that. Ramin has
a couple of healing abilities, I believe. So
Jean can heal two KO points. No, he has 20 points
on hand. That would be four KO points. Oh, gotcha.
Okay. Yes. I thought you said 10 to 1. Sorry,
5 to 1. 5 to 1. This is a big, badass, heavy
metal, heavy battle. So I'm bringing out my captain's
dice for this one. Yeah, of course you are. Ooh,
my new favorites. Of course you are. Sorry, Goldvain.
I want to bring you out, but I don't trust you
yet. Not again. We'll get there again, buddy.
Let's roll for initiative, huh? Let's roll for
initiative. All right. I'm going to roll Jaune
first and then Blanche. Ooh, nat 20 got the yeet
on the dice here from Rochelle. So natural 20,
that's just a 20 for Jaune. Only a 12 for Blanche,
unfortunately. Dresden got a 21. And what's Ramin's
modifier for initiative? Ramin is a no, nothing.
Nothing, okay. And Ramin got a 10. Okay. All
right, so it's 12 for Blanche, correct? 12 for
Blanche. All right, great. The Mighty Pigman
got a 3. Goldvein, you're looking real attractive
right now over there, buddy. Might be forgiving
you very soon, Goldvein. Wow. That's all right.
That's all right. These dice are just saving
up so I can really hurt you. In the first round.
I'm giving you a chance. A chance. Foreshit goes
down. So as you stand in this music. The music
is hilarious. I love it. It's so dumb. I love
it so much. Dresden, as this thing kicks off,
the bell rings, and you get to go first. All
right. Can I see the map for a second? Oh, yes.
Sorry. Okay, cool. So Dresden's going to start
this off strong. And he's going to manifest his
echo behind Pigman. What's the range on that?
30 feet. Oh, no, it's 60 feet, isn't it? He's
a little over 30 feet. You'll need to move forward
about 10 feet to get that. And that's fine. That's
fine. Well, actually, I mean, yeah, that's fine.
So I'm going to move forward and then manifest
my echo behind him. So like a shadowy, translucent
form that basically looks just like you, correct?
Yep. Hell yeah, just appears right behind him.
What the? And question, how does dash work? Dash
requires an action to move an extra 30 feet,
basically. Okay, so... Where the hell did Dresden
go? Yeah, you just moved Dresden and then changed
color. What? But I copied in the... Oh my god,
hang on. Go ahead and describe what you're doing.
I'm just going to be fooling around over here
for a minute. Okay, cool. I copied him again.
Why? Oh, wait. You have to paste what you copy.
I'm the dumbest man in the world. What did you
think you had to do? I'm really tired and dumb.
I don't have any rock stars right now. My power
is waned. All right, so my echo is there, and
I'm going to take an attack with my echo. Do
I get advantage on that behind him? No. If you
get up to him, you can get in flanking. But at
this point, when combat starts, all sides are
facing. Okay. Yeah, I'm not going to get up to
him yet. Okay. But he still kind of spins around
like, what? As the psycho just appears behind
him. Yep. So my echo is going to take an attack.
All right. That's it. That's not going to hit.
17? 17. I have a feeling it's extremely fucking
high. I hope that hits. We'll hit. Oh, God. Yeah,
it's going to be easy to hit him. It's going
to be tough to take him down. Fully unarmed.
Yeah. And that's nine damage. Okay. And then
I'm going to use action surge to take one additional
action. Okay. In which case, Dresden is going
to dash. Hang on, hang on. Wait, hang on. I might
have fucked this up. One sec. Let me read. If
I may offer one thing. Yes. You don't need to
dash. He's actually right exactly at 30 feet.
In one movement, you can reach Big Man. I just
double -checked. It does seem weird. Yeah, but
the thing, I'm looking to use Charger, but I've
already expended my bonus action, which is the
whole point of it. Oh, I see. The whole point
of moving. Yeah, yeah. Okay. The whole point
of dashing. Gotcha. So, fuck it. In that case,
I'm just going to bring Dresden up for an attack.
Okay. On the Big Man. And, yeah, you can just
get right where you... With action surge, yeah.
Your echo is targetable, which means you do get
flanking. Oh, hell yeah. That's plus two, right?
So that's plus two. Yep. Yeah, that's going to
hit. It was 17 on the die. Yeah. Oh, you got
him. I'm going to add up the modifiers. You got
him. Going to make that pig squeal. And that's
a six for damage. All right. Good opener there.
Good opener. A couple good chunks out of the
pig, man. And from that, we're going to hop over
to Jean Franklin. Sir, what stance? Brace for
riptide, Jean. And title thrust. Oh, my. And
Jaune's going to move up to the pig man. He has
at least 30 feet of movement, right? Yes. He
can get right up in front of him. And he's just
going to go for a spear attack. That's kind of
just going to be mostly Jaune's bag here for
this fight. So we're going to go for an attack.
Plus four to hit. 18 on the die. So, 1d6 plus
2. 4 damage. 4 old damage. All right. All right,
John. Keep it up, buddy. Stabs him like, sorry.
Just stabs into him. And, like, it's like you
stab into him. He gets a good clean stab right
on his, like, open abs. And I think it's just
kind of like it hits his body. You get damage
in, but, like. It doesn't press through the flesh
very far. The tip just goes in slightly. A small
trickle of blood comes out. And same with your
pick. You're stabbing into him. It's just kind
of like his body is so firm. And it's mostly
his flexing and closing the wounds as they come
up on him. He's just, oh, yeah. All right, this
party's getting started. Good hit, Sean. Keep
that elbow out. Yes, sir. Holy shit, yes. And
that's Blanche. All right. Blanche is going to
draw her sword. And as her sword leaves her sheath,
she enters into blade song. The metal of the
sword begins to ring and maybe sing. Holy shit.
As for one minute, she gains plus four to AC.
Her walking speed increases by 10. And she has
advantage on acrobatic checks. Holy shit. And
plus four bonus to any con saving throw. You
have advantage on athletics and acrobatics? That's
incredible. Advantage on acrobatics, plus four
to con to maintain concentration. All sorts of
great stuff. Also, don't forget that you have
shield of faith, which adds another plus two
to your AC. Oh my gosh. So right now, base AC,
23. Holy shit. This is the first round of combat
we've ever seen Blanche sort of engage in. Yeah.
And already Blanche is coming off so strong,
so wild. This is, oh, man. And let me, okay.
She's going to move up to the pig man and roll
an attack. All right. So you have extra speed.
This area in front of you is sort of covered.
So do you want to move to the right or left?
Actually, you can probably move a token, can't
you? I can move that token, yeah. Actually, whoa.
No, I can't. Oh, my God. You doubled the size
of the token. I love that. Oh, yeah. There you
go. Sorry. There's control. You know what? Just
move me here. Move me here. Oh, so you move kind
of like behind him a bit. Yeah. So when or if
the echo disappears, then we can still get flanking
is my thought there. All right. Going to go in
for a... Sword swing, that's really all I can
do right now. So immediately, Pigman's sort of
four -corner as you guys are just all around
him. It's just a nine. Nine will not hit. Okay.
Oh, man, Blanche. What a sucky character that's
bad. Oh, man. Reminds me of another sucky bad
character we once had in this show. Kind of reminds
me of that. So you just go in, and I think at
this point he's kind of engaged in the fight,
and he just kind of sort of weaves out of the
way, surprisingly nimble for his size. Ho -ho!
Not so used to the big body, huh? Hey, it takes
some time. You'll get there. Nice move, pig man,
but I'll get you next round. All right! So friendly.
That's Ramin. Ramin is free to move anywhere
outside the arena, just not inside at all. Ramin
is going to hold for right now. Okay. Do you
want to stay in the same spot, or do you want
to start moving back closer to where you guys
are at? Yeah, he's going to move toward the group.
Okay. He's going to kind of go around the ring
as the group moves around. Double move, maybe?
Can I make it all the way around if I double
move? Yes, you can make it up to the top corner,
kind of right beside, about 10 feet away from
everybody. Yep. All right. So he just, like,
rounds the whole thing, sort of running. Even
this is, like, hard for him in his current state.
Poor Rami. He's so sick. He's, like, sort of
has one hand on the rope, sort of leaning. All
right. I'm here, too. Good luck. And now I get
to go. All right. First things first. Yeah. I
want to open this fight strong, right? Okay.
I want to open this fight as strong as I can.
So here's what we're going to do. I'm going to
allow. Dresden, Jean Franklin, and Marge Simpson
to take an attack of opportunity on me. I refuse.
What? Blanche will not be taking an attack of
opportunity. Interesting. Okay. Huh. Do you guys
want your attacks? Jean does. All right. Sure.
Yeah. Jean will take his. Dresden won't. Okay.
Because it's an odd thing. Okay. It's an odd
thing. You're not used to an opponent that just
does this. Like he just kind of casually almost
like sort of steps away. He recognizes that and
is just waiting to see what's happening. That's
an 11. 11 will not hit. Damn. So you see he kind
of like looks at it just like, all right, you
guys are giving me a good show. I'm about to
give you a good show too. And he sort of moves
away from you. And you see he just climbs onto
the support pillow that's right next to you guys,
kind of like immediately just hops up on there,
kind of standing. It's comically small under
his, like, huge feet. He kind of just, like,
bends his knees a little bit. In the corner,
Hector kind of, like, mouthful of churros. Pigs
fly. It is a run. And the pig man just kind of
like, oh, yeah, let's do this. And he's going
to use when pigs fly. What the fuck is that?
I'm going to jump off the ring, and I'm going
to jump right onto the space where Dresden and
Jean Franklin currently occupy. Oh, my God. I
need both of you. Come on. I need both of you
to make Dexterity Saving Throw. Aha. It's just
a straight -up D20 roll for Jean. This great
shadow covers over your body, Jean. As this huge
form comes crashing down over you. Just an eight
for Jean. I don't think it's going to cut it.
It's a 13 for Dresden. Not quite going to make
it. Son of a bitch. So as the pig man's massive,
meaty body comes slamming down on top of you,
you're both, boom, sort of rolled backwards,
sort of knocked to the side. Both Jean Franklin
and Dresden are knocked prone, and I'm going
to roll some KO damage. That's only one for Jean
Franklin. And four for Dresden. Ooh, boy. Sorry,
he's got 13 total. Hell yeah, so you're down
to nine now. Yeah, I think Jaune, like, almost,
like, moves. Maybe you, like, I almost like to
imagine Dresden sort of, like, sees this happening
and, like, pushes Jaune, so, like, he takes a
lesser hit, and Dresden takes the more wham,
like, the heavier blow as this thing comes crashing
down on you. You get rolling back. You're prone.
You take that damage, and the pig man's just
laughing. Oh, yeah! And just gets back up. And
that is going to be my turn. Yes, because I won't
be able to use that off of that. Darn it. That's
fine. That's fine. Yeah, that's all I do. And
with that, top of the round with Dresden, who
just took a pretty nasty blow and is now lying
on the ground like, damn. What is it, half movement?
Yeah, you have to move him to stand up. Cool.
He's going to stand up. You just jump back to
your feet. What does that mean for his echo?
I believe you share movement with your echo?
No. You don't? No. Okay, then yeah, it's fine.
It's nothing. Cool. Your echo is not prone. So
if he came down, if he jumped off of there, is
he now lying on the ground? He got back up. That's
just kind of more of like a butt thing. It's
like, whoop -boom! And he just kind of hops out
real quick. That's sort of part of the move.
Okay. Well, I'm going to do the same thing. I'm
going to command my Echo to the other side of
him. Okay. And so we get flanking. So your Echo's
standing over the prone Jaune. Yes. Yes. I just
want to get flanking. Didn't add flanking. Damn
it. Oh, shit. Oh, well. My bad. I'm going to
go in from, I guess it doesn't matter which one
I do it. That's a 17 to hit. 17 will hit. I know
it will. That's what I got last time. That's
fair. Why'd you wait for me to say that? And
that's an 11 for damage. Ooh, that's pretty good.
All right. Damn. Nice slice, soldier boy. Ooh,
wow, I felt that one. I've had a bit of training.
I can see that. Hell yeah. And that's Dresden.
We're moving on to Jean Franklin. I love the
turtle on his shell. Trying to roll his way up.
He's right there, though. So he stands up and
goes for a spear attack. Holy shit. I just got
slammed by the pig man. 18 on the die. That's
going to hit. He's just laughing as he goes.
And Jean's on a blast right now. Yeah. Five damage.
Five Dimage. Okay. All right, cool. And that's
old Blanchy Blanch. All right. Old buff giant
Marge Simpson. As a bonus action. Buff giant
sexy Marge Simpson. As a bonus action, Blanch
is going to cast Shadow Blade. Her sword becomes
darker, and when she moves it, A shadow sort
of follows behind it. And she's going to go in
for an attack roll. In attack roll. Excuse me.
Can I? I totally forgot something very important.
I forgot to use my legendary action at the end
of Jean Franklin's turn. I forgot flanking. Will
you allow me? It wouldn't have mattered. Would
you allow me to take this legendary action? Sure.
Otherwise, I will not hit my quota for the round,
and that would be very sad. So you will accept
this bargain? I'll be allowing for you later
on. I'll be allowing for you later on. Yeah,
of course. As I do. I just don't want to miss
anything. I don't want to miss using any of my
awesome abilities as the pig man. So, I'll say
right now, you're not quite within five feet,
sexy giant buff Marge Simpson. So, I'm going
to turn towards these three figures, the shadow
included. No. I'll roll a d4. Four was nobody.
Let's try this again. Two is Jean. I'm going
to grapple Jean. Okay. So, we're going to roll.
A contested athletics check to see if I can grapple
him. All right. I think Jaune has a plus two
athletics, maybe? Yeah, plus two. Good luck.
11. 18. So Jaune has grappled. He just kind of
reaches down and grabs him. You also can use
acrobatics to contest these, by the way. So it
wouldn't matter for him because his athletics
is better, but just so you know. So he's going
to grab. He just kind of reaches over and grabs
him. He basically just has a hand on him right
now. It's nothing too crazy. His speed is zero.
That's the only really effect this has. Now go.
Sorry. Okay. There's really nothing I can do
to help Jean, I don't think. But blah, blah,
blah, bonus action, whatever, dark sword spell,
and step in, long sword attack. All right. So,
again, just four quarters of the big man. He's
turned towards the way. Got one arm on Jean.
What do you got? Natural one. Natural one. Natural.
Fucking one. How is it statistically possible
to rule this many natural ones? Oh, man. Natural
one. That's the story of this campaign. I think
I want to do something with this one. Jeez. But
I don't know what I can do with you right now.
There's nothing apparent that I can do. It's
like, oh, I can have your trip. It's just not
fun for me. So, like, eh, ignore the one. There's
nothing exciting I can do with it. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. You're not used to your big body.
It's weird being big. Sure. You're trying to
reach out. You're trying to hit, and it's just
like, oh, my gosh. The sword's really small in
her hand. The balance is off. Hey, the sword
goes with you. I love canonically the idea that
it doesn't for some reason. Okay, that's fine.
She's trying to stab him with this tiny sword.
This is the baddest animation. This sword goes
black, and we zoom out, and it's like the size
of your finger. It's like one of those little
cocktail swords you get at a Chinese restaurant.
Oh, my God. All right. So, yeah, you try to stab
out and, again, just like, whoop, hey, nice try.
And he just has an arm on Jean. Is that your
turn? Yeah, that's my turn. This is horrible.
Jean's there just like, uh -oh, as another arm
reaches down to grab him. I'm going to try to
pin Jean. Another check. Don't bother. It's nat
20. You can't possibly beat me. Okay, cool. Jean
is incredibly pinned. Okay. So fucking pinned.
Fucking hell. He just grabs Jaune, and he's like
pretty much lifted Jaune off the ground. He's
got one leg under, one over. Right now, Jaune
and the pigman are both considered restrained,
which means you have advantage on attacks against
the pigman. Okay. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. I
could use advantage, so that's good. You're going
to need it. Over there, Blanche, with your giant
buff body you can't control. With my big, big
failure. And that's Ramin. All right. Ramin.
is going to cast Guiding Bolt. Ooh, all right.
Onto the pig man. I need to make a ranged spell
attack on a hit. The target takes 4d6 radiant
damage. Okay. And the next attack roll has advantage.
So it'll be a plus two, which will add to his
restraint. Which that wouldn't, it's only until
the end of, oh, until the end of my next turn.
Ramin's turn. Yeah. The next turn, which means
everybody going forward... When this hits, it
essentially draws this almost like holy light,
almost a target. Right. So what you're saying
is that everybody's going to get advantage on
this. It'll work for one attack after this, but
basically... Yeah, you're right. On the next
attack. But I misread that. I thought it had
to be Ramin's attack. Yeah. I'm like, oh, no,
I just used up an action. Guiding Bolt is great.
It's great. Cool. Because I'm restrained, you
have advantage anyway, so this is going to give
me advantage plus two. And if you have flanking,
that's another plus two. So the next attack on
the pig man, if you've landed this, it's going
to be advantage plus four. Holy shit. Because
that's how bonus stacking works. So does Ramin
get advantage on this ranged spell? Yes. Actually,
at least if a ranged works with restrained. It's
a very good question. I want to make sure I'm
right about this. Yes, Restrained will give you
advantage on this. Sweet. All right, let's go.
What's his modifier for a ranged spell? His modifier
is a plus five, I believe. Holy shit. Dang, plus
five with advantage? With advantage. Which seems
crazy. No, yeah, he has a 16 charisma. Yeah,
plus five. And the flanking, right? No, not with
a ranged. Oh, shit, ranged. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19. That'll hit. 4d6. Oh, man. Give me those
d6s. So the pig man's just kind of like picking
up Jaune, sort of like, and just starts blasting.
Jaune's just over there like, help, help, somebody
help. Ramin's, yes, here we go, and just blasts.
That is 17 radiant damage. All right, there we
go. Not bad. And whatever the next attack is,
yes, next attack roll has advantage. That's,
yeah, so it's going to be advantage and a plus
two as long as I'm restrained. Yep. Restrained
and flanking. I'm going to do my third legendary
action now with the pig man. As, you know, he
hits him. Like, ah, did they get him? Are you
down? There's sort of divine mist clears in John's.
Ah! The pig man starts to sort of turn him around
into a position. And let me see. Let me see here.
Yeah, let's do the good old pig pile driver.
Oh, my God. Oh, God. John's out. John's upside
down as the pig man just goes, oh, yeah, and
just, like, jumps down and brings John Franklin
down hard sort of on his head. Oh, no. I need
a constitution save. Holy shit. He's got 16 cons,
so. This is where you're going to see what pig
man can do. If I have somebody fully pinned,
then I can start using legendary actions to do
wrestling throws, and those are going to be bad
for you. Oh, he doesn't have a bonus to the saving
throw. I think he might. Hang on. Let me see
real quick. Under saving throws, it just lists
strength and charisma. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he doesn't
have con. Wow. Straight up D20. Yeah, he's a
paladin. Strength and charisma. He's so fucked.
Shit. He has a plus three. It's going to be a
still as con stat. That's just a 13. 13 will
not cut it. Oh, my God. Hold on. Did he have
guidance? No. Not safe. Yeah. Ah, shit. It's
literally like only specifically for ability
checks. Bless would give you saves. I can't get
Bless out of my... Anyway, it's not Bless. Maybe
next round. Not too bad. That's three points
of KO damage as he just comes wham down. That's
not bad. Yeah, but he's not down to 12, I believe.
He is the highest. He has 16 cons, so not too,
too bad. And just, all right. Jean's kind of
dizzy. Pigman's turn now. So, let's see. I've
got Jean grappled. Let's try this. Go for the
old, who's behind me? Blanche is behind me. All
right, Blanche. I'm going to attempt to shove
you. So John's holding one hand. He takes the
other hand and just goes wham and starts trying
to shove Blanche. This is going to be an athletics
check versus either athletics or acrobatics,
I believe. Jeez. Is my DC going to come into
play at all here? That's why I was kind of cocky
before this because I knew you were going to
build your AC. It does matter in some cases,
but I also have a lot of abilities that are going
to be grapple and shove based. Okay. You said
what skills did you say? You can use your acrobatics
or athletics to counter my athletics. That's
great because I have advantage on acrobatics
right now. Yeah, that's good. That's real good.
I rolled very high. Dirty 20. 25. Holy shit.
Here's what's going to happen. He's going to
spin around. I'm going to do a little ability
I like to call boink. We're going to lose. Full
open hand. Boom. Power shoves you back. Let's
throw it over his shoulder. You go bouncing back
against the ropes. And you just make a strength
saving throw. You're going right back to the
pig man. And you don't want that to happen. Fuck.
Hold on. Let me just make sure. You have advantage
on strength saving throws because you're big.
Okay, yes, that's it. So you're trying to, like,
grit down and, like, stop the momentum from you
bringing it back, trying to push your feet down
to, like, hold against this, like, powerful momentum
of being launched back by the ropes. Yeah. Can
we go over one more time the advantages I get
from being big? You get an extra d4 to your damage.
Your weight is increased. Basically, you get
advantage on strength checks and strength saving
throws. Technically, your weapons also grow to
match your size. Spider jokes. And they deal
extra 1d4 damage. And those are kind of the main
things. You're also just considered large, so
you take up a 10 -foot square instead of a 5
-foot. Okay. I penciled those down because I
already forgot them. Your weight and size are
increased. I don't think weight matters terribly
for what we're doing right now. Right. I think
the shove action is going to happen regardless.
You can shove a creature your size. So it's really
just the extra d4 damage advantage on strength
checks and strength saves. So I'm going to get
advantage on this strength saving roll. Yes.
It's huge. It's huge. Okay. Roll it in the box,
you barbarian. I'm trying. I know. I think it
almost crit, and it rolled off a crit into a
14. Oh, no. I thought that was an oof. No, no,
no. That was a yeet. Oh, that was a yeet. Oh.
14. See, I'm just so used to seeing the oof,
I immediately think that a word is oof, not yeet.
14 is just barely not going to cut it for us.
Oh, my God. So what's going to happen now, I'm
going to take my reaction. to make a free attack
at advantage against you. I'll hit you with an
old pork chop. Oh, my God. Here we go. Will a
15 hit? I'm probably going to use... Oh, yeah,
no. That actually rolled pretty low. Yeah. What
are you going to use? When you make an attack
against me... Don't say anything? Well, that's
the thing. Do I get a chance to use my reaction
before or after you tell me to hit? You get to
hear it before I tell you to hit. Or after, I
mean. If I tell you to hit, you can use, if you
have something like parry, you can use that after
you know it's going to hit. That's what I thought.
Yeah. But 15 doesn't come close. Okay, yeah.
Oh, so that's one thing. It's like you come back
and you've got this barrier. You're in your sword
stance. What's it look like when you avoid? He
goes to hit you. Oh, wait. Sorry. I have advantage.
You have advantage. It's not going to really
matter. Okay, this actually might matter because
that's going to be a 25. Then I will use my reaction
and... Oh, yes. As a reaction, Blanche casts
Shield. Oh, my gosh. For an extra, what is it,
four or five AC, I think? Holy shit. So, yeah,
so I go in for, like, this chop as you come sliding
back towards me, unable to control yourself.
You're heading right into me. Jean -Francois
just, sa, sa, no! As I'm going in with this massive,
meaty, sort of cleaver hand, chop to the neck.
And what's it look like when you stop this? Quicker
than... Even Pigman can perceive Blanche's blade
shoots up across the top of her head and blocks
Pigman's arm as it comes down. Holy shit! I imagine,
like, you say your blade's, like, sinking. It
must hit. I imagine it's like... Like a singing
of metal as this hand strikes metal. Holy shit.
A metallic song just echoes across the ring.
His hand is like blasted away. He kind of takes
a surprise step back and like looks down at this
and just kind of. Oh, yeah. I'm getting excited.
And he goes into a rage. Oh, no. And we'll call
it there. Oh, no.