Pants of people! This is David here with an exciting
announcement. So during the heat of summer business,
and while our good Rodriguez is traveling to
Poland and Iceland, we're going to be taking
a brief two -week break from our regular content.
But wait, David. How is that exciting news for
me and my family? Well, listener, if you just
let me finish, I will tell you. You see, a while
back, we all got together for a quiet Saturday
afternoon for a fun experimental recording. We
had a little idea to try out some new game systems,
play some new stories and characters, and release
these fun side adventures in a series we have
lovingly titled Seat of Our Pants. Our first
soup, that's the acronym, is a four -episode
series where we dive full -on into the even -footing
games system called... babies and broadswords.
And let me tell you, it is awesome. Our very
own Mr. Wolf is putting nose to the editing grindstone
in these coming weeks to get these episodes out.
So while our regular content is on a brief break,
we'll be releasing these during our next two
usual Monday slots, as well as our two bonus
Friday episodes. So get excited, because this
is not content you are going to want to miss.
Expect laughs, thrills, and maybe even a couple
tears. In the meantime, please enjoy this week's
episode of Fantasy Pants. Boom, boom, bada, boom.
I'm just kidding. It's David again. I know, I
know, I know. Two intro sequences? That is simply
irredeemable. And speaking of redemption, I've
got a quick trailer for you guys from our friends
at Rolls of Redemption. We're doing a bit of
an ad swap, getting these communities united
in our love of these games and these stories.
So please, please enjoy. Do you like fire? Do
you like hijinks? Do you like poorly thought
out fire -related hijinks? Join the chaos at
Roll the Redemption. Every Monday on Twitch,
we stream a D &D campaign chock full of poor
choices that often makes for hilarious encounters.
As we battle the undead, try to outwit the politically
corrupt, and fan the flames of intraparty romance,
you'll find high -quality fun, absolutely terrible
puns, and exceptionally questionable planning.
And the fun doesn't stop there. Join our Discord
server where the roleplay continues all week
long and you can even scheme the party's demise
with the DM. So join us on Monday nights at 8
p .m. Eastern Time on twitch .tv slash Rolls
of Redemption and let us redeem your Monday one
roll at a time. I want to talk about an all -worlds
favorite, Jericho the Traveler. Born and raised
on the Radiant Citadel, Jericho meant her life
had her trapped in a single small city. As she
grew older, though, a deep desire for adventure
burned within her soul. After years of working
for the memes, she applied for a passport to
travel between worlds, and her legend began.
They say she has traveled to every one of our
worlds, building her arsenal of weapons and experiences
with each and every journey. And what an arsenal
that is. Most notable are her magical goggles
that, when paired with her keen eyes and bow,
never let her miss a shot. And who can forget
her elemental orb, a gift from her time on Anissa
Academy in Sensai, which allows her to utilize
various elemental powers. I have it on a good
authority, lightning is her favorite. Jericho
also carries a near -endless supply of daggers
on her person, crafted in makes and styles from
all our worlds. When weapons fail, Jericho can
still fall back on her training in the amusement
and martial art of jiu -jitsu. With complete
elemental magic and skill on her side, it is
no wonder Jericho found her way onto all our
screens as a luminary adventurer. Jericho sounds
pretty fucking OP. Jericho's pretty rad. That's
intense. I don't want to run into Jericho. Wendy
Luminary, Genie, thank you so much. Oh, no shit.
Those from Genie? Nice. You might recognize,
actually, a little while back, we had a little
art contest. and Genie was the winner, and Jericho
is the drawn character. No way. Adapted and changed
for this setting, of course, but yeah. Sure.
Sold the character, I think, hopefully still
there. Wow. I love that. Yeah, I really love
that. Is the character art ready yet? It's out
there somewhere. I know she hasn't finished,
and it looks so good. I'll hook up with Genie
and with Eric and see if we can post it. Oh,
wouldn't that be cool? Yeah, that'd be great.
Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it's fantastic. So. So. We've
got mail. Oh, what's it? Is it for me again?
I need to make like a male sound. When we have
it, it was just like male. All right. We've got
some work to do on the, on the male jingle. No,
I'm just, I'm just going to do it and it's just
going to happen one show. I think that's great.
I think that's great. Um, yeah, this is another
package that David has no use for. We got small
batch. Wow. D &D themed coffee. Oh, that's pretty
cool. From our friends at Homebrew Coffee & Co.
We got their starter pack. So we got four sample
sizes. I mean, it's bigger than a sample. It's
enough to make. It's a couple of French presses.
Yeah, for sure. Our friends, Laura and Kelly
over there sent it to us and we're super stoked
to try it out. Recommend it to you guys. Our
first one here is called Health Elixir. Hey,
all right. And we told them that Jeremy likes
a bit of a medium darker roast. I like more of
a medium light roast. So they sent us kind of
straight down the middle, some medium stuff.
Well, I should say I do prefer like super dark
roast, but there's less caffeine. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. That's why I like, yeah. I'm a morning
coffee drink. I mean, duh. I really like a cup
of coffee in the morning or two or three. Sure.
So I like the morning roast, the light roast,
whatever. Sure. This more medium stuff though.
I mean, this is great for like an early afternoon.
Oh yeah. You don't, you don't want that huge
jittery buzz. Right. So please, if you're so
inclined, check them out. Homebrew coffee and
co. We'll put links in our description and show
notes. Remind me. It's two weeks away. Remind
me, please. And let them know your friends at
Fantasy Pants sent you. Cheers, Steven. Cheers.
Where's my Rockstar? I want a cheers, too. Give
me a drink. Damn it. Do you want to try some,
David? No. Okay. It's gross. Oh, that is a...
It's medicine to me. That is a damn fine cup
of coffee. I'm sure it's fine coffee, but all
coffee is bad. I usually drink coffee with just
like a little bit of cream and a little bit of
sugar. I like this. For me, that's like putting
A1 on steak sauce. Don't do that. A1 on steak.
Yeah. But no, I mean, you know, when you're in
your... Well, that's the thing. When you're enjoying
something like a really nice steak or something
craft like this, you don't want to put something
in it to muck it up. You need to experience it
as it is. Yeah, the way the creator wanted it
to be enjoyed. And I mean, like... These ladies,
I mean, talk about small batch, it's made to
order. Oh, wow. That's fucking awesome. If you
go on their website right now and you order a
thing of coffee, it hasn't even been fucking
made yet. Little mailbox, you know, ding, and
they're going to say, hey, time to fire up the
coffee roaster. Cool as hell, right? I mean,
if it's coffee. If there's something else, it'd
be really cool. Candy? Rock stars? Just straight
sugar? I can give a high five. No, because we're
adults. Some of us are. We're playing a game.
We're playing Dungeons and Dragons. Hey, this
is a pretty mature game. I'll give you that.
I'll give you that. We're nerdy adults. I need
my sugar. Do we want to switch from something
that's super mature and adult to baby time? Baby
talk? We can talk baby talk. You want to talk
baby talk? I think we're going to, we think it's
been brought up a little bit in the, uh, the
sort of opening notes for this episode, but,
uh, Hey, let's double down on it. Let's talk
about babies and broadswords. Let's hear it.
Let's hear you guys talk. What do you guys think
about babies and broadswords? We're not, it's
not out there yet. No spoilers, but real quick,
one word. How do you feel about the adventure
we ran when we ran it? Um, one word, one word.
Come on. Easy. Fuck. It was fun and easy. That's
the point of the game. Fun's a better word. Use
that word. You made me choose one, and I wanted
to say fun and easy. You're selling this to the
people. That's a selling point. I love easy things.
That's literally a selling point. I'm going to
show you up here. I'm going to call it magical.
Wow. That's a good fucking word. I mean, we all
agreed after that that that day that we... You
know what? We recorded all of these upcoming
episodes in one setting. Oh, literally? Literally
just because Stephen's work sucks so much in
comparison, I'm giving you a button. Take this
black button. I'm really sorry, but I'm not not
going to take this button. Please take the button.
There's a spite button. There's a spite button
towards Stephen's. Easy. Cool. I'm going to use
it for disadvantage for you. Steven, give me
your button. No. Damn it. That's not how buttons
work. Oh, yeah. I mean, we recorded all of these
upcoming Babies and Broadswords episodes in one
day. And once we finished the day, we all talked
about how we just felt so incredible. It was
a magical day full of love and friendship. Yep.
Trying to earn that button over there, huh? No.
Yes, we're taking a little quote unquote vacation.
I'm going to be out of town. So in order to kind
of ease our recording schedule for two weeks,
we're just going to release Babies and Broadswords
and then get right back to it with the regular
campaign when I come home. Out of town, out of
town. You're really lowballing this one. Where
are you going? Tell everyone where you're going.
The family and I were going to Poland. That is
crazy. Very excited, yes. My grandparents were
pregnant with my mother when they came to the
U .S. She grew up speaking Polish, blah, blah,
blah, the whole thing. So I've always, as a kid,
I was always like, oh, mom, I'm going to take
you to Poland someday. And now here I am, 31,
and we're going to Poland. Oh, I want to give
you a button for that, but you just, ah. You
canceled it out. No, it's okay. That's okay.
That is adorable, though, and I love that. That's
awesome. That's so awesome. Oh, man. I hope it's
a good time. Yeah. So if anybody has any Poland
recommendations for me, hit me up. Ooh. All our
Poland listeners. I know you're out there. Yeah,
we're huge, and we're huge in Eastern Europe.
We're coming for you, Europe. You just wait.
You just wait. And don't fact check that. Take
your word for it. We are on our way across the
sea. Yeah. So before we move on. Yeah, what's
up? Just so the listeners know what to expect.
We recorded four episodes of Babes and Broadswords.
Look for those this coming Monday and Friday.
And then the following Monday and Friday. Shitloads
of content. Mr. Wolf here knows the grindstone.
He's putting in the work to get these to you.
Yeah. Getting a double drop. Oh, man. It's good.
It's really, really good. Really fun. Get ready.
Don't let Steven talk you out of it. It's a really
good time. You're going to love it. Do not miss
it. Don't do it. I think more than anything,
I'm really excited for the folks at Evenfooting
Games to see what we did with their system. I
mean, we just had a fricking blast. It was so
much fun. Yeah, it was fun. I hope they like
it. Um, and we'll, uh, we'll hear from them hopefully.
We had a little combat happen last session. A
very scary combat. By the skin of your teeth,
you got out of there. I mean, you, Crispin, as
you moved away from there, you discovered that
bonus action shapeshift, Wild Shape, to get the
extra movement speed. If you didn't find that,
I was going to come at you with six more attacks.
There was almost no way you weren't going to
be dead. Yeah. Permanent death. I thought that
I was totally fine. And I was just looking through
my character sheet anyways. And it wasn't until
after I figured that out that you told me, yeah,
you probably would have been dead if you didn't
do something. That bonus action. Oh, my gosh.
Like I was I was sweating bullets like, oh, no,
he killed me with 30 feet. That's within my range.
And my my my what are they called? The holy weapons,
the sacred. It's called the weapon attack. You
know, the magical horns are floating around.
That's also 30 feet. Spectral. Yeah, that's the
one. You were in 30 feet. They were going to
come at you. These guys are going to hit you
with two different dagger attacks. You were low,
low on HP. I mean, if you went down, no reason
for me not to just keep on going at your body.
Yeah. It was going to be a bad, bad, bad time.
But you took on that dire coyote form, shapeshifting
into this horse -sized coyote in the middle of
this neon, brilliant, beautiful city of crystal.
And you dodge to bursts of flame, sacred flame
as you move out of the way. And you rush down
the road. And that's where I want to open, on
Crispin. Give me that music. We open on a dire
coyote charging down a crystal street. We see
structures of diamond blurring. As you rush past,
pulsing lights of every shade mingling at the
edge of your vision. A stream of cables overhead
crisscrossing like a giant spider's web. And
we see this street start to shift to dark, murky
pools of water with broken strips of soft land
forging a difficult path ahead. Diamond becomes
the wood of tree trunks and of prickling brush.
Cables overhead shift to gnarled, skeletal branches.
And all that magical, colorful light is drowned
out by a thick sheet of cold mist. You are back
on God's breath. You are in the nightwater swamps
at the edge of the black waters of Nightwater
Cove. In the mists of the Shadowfell. You are
in a memory. And you are being hunted. You can
only vaguely see them. Large, dark shapes in
the mist, chasing after you, so many of them.
Their wet, gurgling roars filling the world behind
you, just... Everywhere. The world is alive with
it. So let me ask, how old was Crispin Dubois
on the day that his village was attacked? Crispin's
in his early 20s. A young rabbit of a man. A
young man of a rabbit. Hell yeah. And how does
his look differ from the way he looks now? He's
not any smaller than he used to be. He doesn't
wear his telltale bandana mask. Hell yeah. Good.
And that's the figure we see. Running, running,
your rabbit feet pounding through soil and mud,
hopping over dark pools, just running and running.
And you are getting tired. They don't get tired,
though. They will catch you soon. They will catch
you and they will tear you apart, just like they
did to old Burke. You remember his screaming,
Crispin. And you hope, you hope that this chase
will be a success. And that your death... inevitable
as it is, will lead them far enough away from
your small village that the others can live.
If only you have to die. And so you run and run
and run, your heart beating so fast it feels
like it's going to just stop. And you can feel
keenly the loss of your own blood. A blessing
as much as a curse, because it became apparent
very quickly that these feral monsters, these
undead crocodiles, have little intelligence.
That the smell of your blood trickling constantly
down the fur of your back will hold their full
attention. Now that the other makeshift offenders
have been consumed one and all. You don't know
how far you've run. You don't even know where
you are at this point. You lost sight of any
familiar grounds a while back in this thick mist.
You only know that they are closing in on you.
And I want to ask you. what Crispin is thinking
about right now in these final moments. He's
thinking about the ones he left behind in his
Warren, his grandparents, his parents, his little
sister, village elders. I mean, it's a small
community, but, you know, that means it's very
tight -knit. Wow. He's got a lot to lose. Damn.
And you push on. The trees seem to fall away
from you. Only becoming vague shapes far away.
In the mist, you enter this sort of larger swamp
clearing. And you can hear them. Again, just
right on your tail. And then, they're gone. The
shapes are gone. The roars, gone. Absolute silence
fills this space around you. Time doesn't seem
to move. Something about this environment just
seems so surreal. It's too bright. There's an
echo to the air, a sort of blur. A flash of lightning
from somewhere above. Sound of thunder. Like
a warning that stops you in your tracks. You
feel the wind begin to pick up around you. Trees
creaking and swaying far off in this sudden cyclone.
And then, a whispering voice, frantic, mingled
with the wind, blowing in from all directions.
And the whispers begin to change, overlaid by
meaning. You understand them, though you know
in some strange way that they... They yet speak
in this unknown tongue. The convergence must
move forward. Must, must. Shadow fells influence
grows. Consumes. We, we, we are misplaced. Broken.
We, we, we, we are. In a new shape. Begins to
materialize in the mist. It seems to slither
in around you. A vague darkness pressing in behind
the trees surrounding you. And it is massive,
dwarfing the structures of the forest. You should
hear sounds of breaking trees, of grinding earth
at the approach of such a creature. But there
is nothing. It is simply there. And above you,
something begins to lower through the whiteness.
An enormous, dark shape that steals the sky.
It cracks open, revealing the shadowed forms
of rows and rows of sharpened teeth, each of
which is larger than you. A great tongue rolls
out between them, reaching for you, twitching
and swaying. Lightning flashes above it, constant,
backlighting the shadowed points of these fangs,
and you realize that its throat is filled with
the swirling clouds of a storm. This jaw hangs
above you, open. and whispering with the force
of a hurricane. We, we, we are misplaced, broken.
The Convergence must move forward, must. It will
be, it will be, it will be, it will be. We will
be Shadrakhan again. And with that, we are back
in the streets of a rural town. You can't drop
a bomb like that and then... Back in the streets
of a rural town. We see no swamp here. No trees,
no massive, terrifying, who knows what, looming
above. Just crystalline streets, diamond structures,
same neon lights blurring, blurring as you take
a looping roundabout path. Professional Dire
Coyote Crispin Dubois. You have found yourself
in the Gateway Plaza right at the entrance of
it. You see a number of diamond gates stand empty
in the center of this plaza where two white -robed
wizards, retainers of the Radiant Citadel, sort
of lazily wait for anyone who desires passage
to the entrance of the preserve and to the great
iron gates to the outside of the ethereal diamond,
the actual Radiant Citadel proper. You're here.
You think you've lost your tail a while back
because you are fast in this form. You stand
here alone. This potential new ally you faced,
you assume he escaped. You saw him leaping away
the last you checked down the other side of the
alley. You don't know what happened after that.
At that point, it's survival. Crispin had to
get out of there. Best wishes. So what do you
want to do? Head through the gate. He's got somewhere
to be. See you. Pat up to the gate. Wait, are
you a dire coyote when you go to the... No. Okay,
it's a good... No, he shifts back. Bonus action.
The fuck? Alright, so you turn back into Christian
Dubois. You guys, I think they're like, you know,
almost like lazily. Maybe they're playing a little,
like, talking to each other really close. Playing
some weird game with their hands where you see,
like, cards or something being traded. And as
you get close, they just... Drop them, put stuff
away, stand tall at the presence of a luminary,
and just nod, fire up the gate with a word and
a touch, and you see this sort of whirling energy
in the middle of this sort of empty doorframe.
And you know when you step through. You've done
this a hundred times probably by now. You'll
be at the entrance to the preserve. All right.
Time to go through. And we see this Haringan
be doing one of his... Telltale Crispin cordial
nods. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We love those. And
you are gone. And let's pan away from that. Down
the street just a little ways where two figures
stand. We see Sholay staring very curiously at
this figure before her. Dresden Kellig. Also,
just barely escaped from a very close encounter.
Yeah, some random -ass rabbit came and told me
to jump, so I did. That's some true Alice in
Wonderland shit right there. That's the most
random shit. You're welcome. She speaks. You
are Dresden Kellig, personal guard to Cirilla
LaRoche. And, if I'm not mistaken... She turns
her eyes back to the street. The men chasing
you were agents of the LaRoche family, weren't
they? Yeah, they were. What happened? I'll make
this very easy for you. If you still stand with
the LaRoche family, you should walk away. Now.
We'll both be the better for it. But if you stand
against them and you do not tell me everything
you know... They were there. Because I don't
stand with the LaRoche family. Her lips crack
into a big smile. My brother was trying to stop
me. Ah, the new shieldbearer, Jessenth Kellig.
He's not worthy of that title. We agree on this.
But the family does have its influence yet. I
could not fight that decision. We cannot speak
for long, but we should speak. Are you heading
towards the plaza? Do you intend to leave the
city? I'm on my way to San Sitian. Even better
news. Walk with me. I will join you there. You
will not be accosted while near me. Okay. Then
she begins to move down the street slowly. San
Sitian. Why? You know why. You know who's there.
Do you know what they're doing? The last couple
weeks, I haven't gotten near as much information
from Jules as I used to get. I just know where
they are. You ally with the prince. That is interesting.
I have some stake in Jules' fate as well. He
has partnered with my grandson. I know. Of course.
I knew before you. Suck on that. You are in danger
here. Grave danger. They will keep coming for
you. But if you go to Sansatyan, I at least can
offer you some aid. I have very recently hired
a luminary to serve as my eyes and ears on the
world. A Haringan. Crispin Dubois. As long as
he doesn't look funny, I think we're good. All
right, no more funny business. I was just showing...
I didn't know why that was the response. Yeah,
and you realize instantly, like, that is probably,
like, a haranguan in a rural town. Very rare
sight. That had to have been who just showed
up in the alley a moment ago. In like a blur
of motion, just runs to the alley and out. And
just holds you a jump. I suppose I could use
another pair of hands. Yes. We don't have time
now, but I would like to hear everything you
know about the LaRoche family. Their inner workings
and their dealings and management of the cult
of the Fractured Horn. But I can't hold you here.
They will... I... hold on. And she stops walking
for a second, kind of reaches into her sleeve.
If the two of you be working together, you may
need a means of communication should you separate.
Take these and do with them what you will. And
she reaches out with two sending stones, very
much similar to the one you saw. Ooh, baby. Oh,
yeah. Ooh, man. Sending stones acquired. And
again, you can, once a day, send a 25 -word message
through. and then get a response back. Okay.
I think by your book, it casts an ending spell,
which might be in your mind. I've changed them
because I think it's more fun and cool. If they
do a weird whispering thing like a telephone,
you pick them up, and then they send the message
through. Walkie -talkie rocks. I like walkie
-talkie rocks more. It's cooler. Yeah, and she
hands you those. You are at the edge of the plaza
now. Okay. Dresden takes the stones. We share
similar goals. then we are allies. I'll tell
you whatever you want to know, as much as I can.
But you take it easy on Jules and Zap. Those
are the two most noble people around. Jules is
a positive influence. I can agree to that. But
you must understand that nobility and sensibility
are very different things. For all the good they
can do in the world. They could do so much worse
with the wrong words and the wrong places, the
wrong choices. I agree. And you need to think
about that yourself, too. Careful, Mr. Kellig.
Everything is a two -way street. Just saying.
No disrespect. Hmm. Watch yourself. The next
fire opal should arrive at... Approximately five
o 'clock a .m. If you stay in the Radiant Cyrodiil,
there'll be people around. You should be safe
from attack. Shieldbearers on staff, and they
know Jessent's face. They may try to follow you
to the world. You are not an asset. Cerise will
let slip. Easily. That makes me your best weapon.
Oh, I agree. Very, very much. Good luck. Perhaps
when you return, we will toast to the fall of
the LaRoche family. And she begins to move away,
turning back down the street, and you stand at
the edge of the plaza. Dresden watches for a
brief second, nods to himself, turns around,
and continues. The two retainers there, they...
made out the figure of Sholay, and they are just
like full -on, straight -backed, high salutes,
standing tall. They are not letting their guard
down now as you step up to them. And we touched
on this before, but I believe you have all the
proper writs to go to San Satyan. You would,
since the LaRoche family has business there,
they would have seen that through for you in
case you were sent. Yep. You are good to go.
Okay. I don't say anything as I pass them. I
just show them what I've got to show them and
move on. These actually don't need to be written
for here. They just... The second you step forward,
they fire up the gate and you move through. And
you are at the entrance to the preserve. Now,
I assume, Crispin, you didn't wait around there.
I mean, you know that the next... You would know,
I think you would have looked it up and saw that
the next Fire Opal departure is around 5 o 'clock
a .m. It would probably say so on any of the
screens you could find or on the facets of the
diamond that would talk about when the next landing
departures are going to happen. So the question
is, where are you waiting for this to go down?
Right now, I will say, it is approximately 2
.30 in the morning, about two and a half hours
of time to kill. Yeah, I actually think that
Crispin probably is curious about what happened
there in the alleyway. He's a pretty small, fairly
sneaky fella, so I think he might even hang out
by the other side of the portal to wait and see
if this mysterious man from the alley got away
and if he's coming that direction. Hell yeah.
So I'll say he, you know, is out of sight, out
of the way, but close enough that he can see
who comes through. And so as you stand there,
maybe a few minutes after you've passed through,
Light once again fills the gate, and the silhouette
of the figure steps through, resolving themselves
at the top of this cliff, overlooking the starry
observatory. Preserve, that's the word. They're
both Zerv words. Preservatory. Preservatory of
the ancestors. And once again, Crispin and Dresden
come face to face, or face to crotch, because
you're tiny. Jesus. It makes sense with this
character. It's not just picking on him for the
sake of being a bully. Crispin just says, I know
that crotch. Oh, God, it's this weird -looking
guy. I'd tap that crotch with jump magic. Oh,
God. I thought you were going to say, I'd tap
that crotch. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Talk to
each other now. I'm going to get a drink. Where
did they go? Let's get back on them. Yeah, so
Dresden comes through the portal. And gives a
brief kind of look around, and his eyes stop
on this weird -ass looking dude that zipped past
him in the alley. Why are you so hung up? I don't
know. Okay, it's over. It's done. It's in the
past. I'm glad to see you made it out. Thank
you. What was going on back there? Just some
family shit with my brother. Well, uh... He's
not too happy with me. As long as you're safe
now. I feel a lot safer now. Where are you gonna
go? Going to, uh... Saint -Cityon. Well, uh...
What a coincidence. I found myself heading there.
I'm, uh... Dresden. Crispin Dubois. Reaches out
his little... His little hand. Oh my god, it's
so cute. It is pretty cute. Did you say Crispin?
That's me. Dresden reaches into his pocket and
pulls out the two stones and hands one out. This
is from Sholay. From Sholay? He reaches out and
grabs it. I'm guessing he recognizes the sending
stone. Yeah, you've seen it before. She wants
us to link up. So you're working with Sholay,
too? Apparently. She caught me on the way here.
Just after all that. Well, uh, sounds to me like
we got a lot of kitchen up to do. I think so.
And we'll call it there. Well, I'm thinking they
can maybe exchange some information as they're
walking to the bus station. We take a nice long
-ass stroll through. Hot cold, hot cold, hot
cold. What? What? We're not in the preserve?
Oh, no, no, you're out of the preserve. We went
through the gate. Good memory on that, though.
I'm into that shit. You're at the top of the
stairs right now, so if you were to walk... Okay,
we went through the portal from Aurora Town to...
To the top of the cliff, so you're overlooking
it all, and now you're just moving back down
a little forested hallway, essentially, that
leads to the Great Iron Gate. Someone's there,
opens them for you. And you step out into the
cool streets, into the ethereal sort of mists
of the ethereal plane surrounding you, to the
thundering sounds of the keening gloom still
swirling down below, always there, waiting. You
are in the Radiant Citadel, standing on the top
of this great fossil, surrounded by buildings,
and even some people at this late hour moving
about. You see shieldbearers, and you feel doubly
safe, because even Jessent isn't dumb enough.
to come at you in the presence of actual guards.
Good. Um, crap. We kind of already did shopping.
And it's also 2 .30. Yeah, there's no stores
open. What does it say? It leaves at 5? Yes.
Okay. You chat for a bit. We'll say it's 3 as
you're kind of moving out of here. All this stuff
happened. Got two hours to kill. Well, you tell
us what we're going to do. What are we going
to do for two hours in the middle of the night?
We can figure this out. We can figure this out.
What are you going to do for two hours in the
middle of the night? You can awkwardly stand
next to each other at the station. Okay, that's
what we're doing. I roll out a blanket. We play
dice. Yeah. We're going to start gambling. Ooh.
We can't go shopping. Yeah. You might as well
just trade our money back and forth. I actually
love this. I want to see what these, like, pretty,
like, seriously, oh, get -the -job -done characters
do when they just have to kill two hours awkwardly
with each other for the first time. Like, it's
like, for me, a social anxiety nightmare, right?
Like, you just meet somebody and it's like, all
right, cool, let's hang out for two hours. And,
like, it's the worst. I'm having an out -of -character
anxiety nightmare because I'm like, what the
fuck do you want us to say? What do you want
us to say? Do you want us to go up and around
that corner so your goons that you already have
hiding there can come out sooner? I don't make
the times. I don't set the times for these conquered
jewels. Hell, you're just lucky that a Marvel
Ironworks shipment is due to come in this morning
because otherwise the next gem will be later
in the day. Yeah, I thought that far ahead. Boom.
Well, I do think that they probably catch each
other up. Yeah, absolutely. I tell him everything.
Yeah, they talk about the trip from Sholay. And
literally, I think Crispin pulls out a set of
dice. And, like, I don't know how to play dice.
But, like, you know how people just, like...
I'm going to teach you how to play dice. All
right, let's do it right now. Well, not right
now. Come on, I got some bone D6. No. There are
a million different interpretations of dice as
well, so... Okay, well, Crispin knows one of
those interpretations of dice. And he pulls some
out and he's offering to play with Dresden. Pass
the time while they wait. Well, I guess we ain't
got shit else to do. So I take it this is probably
happening right around the plaza where the...
I forget every single time what this thing is
called. The bus station. The bus station. You
know what? Fine. Up at the bus station where
the Conqueror Jewels dock at the very top, the
very head of this fossil. That's where you stand.
Great. I mean, it's a very relatable, you know,
hanging out, waiting for the fucking subway or
whatever. Yeah, yeah. I imagine you're like on
the steps, maybe like that move down to it. Kind
of out in the open because you know that you're
by far safest out in the open. Yeah. Hell yeah.
And you roll dice? No, hold on. What? Oh, we
take a short rest. We don't have four hours.
It's one hour for a short rest. It's one hour?
Yep. Oh. Why did I think it was four? Clock that
short rest, baby. Oh, fuck yeah. Because I imagine
the whole time you might be like looking out.
Because there's a chance you might be followed
onto this jewel. Right. I always like to think
that in these settings, because it's always so
weird how you just heal from wounds, but my kind
of interpretation is it's kind of like the inherent
magic that exists in everyone's blood and air
and everything in these fictional settings. I
think humans, and I mean all races, just generally
have this sort of internal ability to kind of
like slowly regenerate. It's the only way it
makes sense. You take a short rest and it's like,
boom, you're fine. Even a commoner will. get
outed, knocked out straight by a brick falling
on his head, and he'll be fine in, you know,
an hour. That's my... Yeah, I'm really glad you
brought that up, because that's pretty cool.
I never, never really thought about it. Yeah,
I think it just makes sense. It's like, it's
the only way to really make, I mean, like, you
know, people always argue that, you know, the
rest of the mechanics make no sense, but it's
like, eh, all you gotta do is change the, you
know, nature of the fiction and the setting at
base, and boom, it all kind of fits together
very neatly. Super healing. Yeah. We're all a
little, uh, we're all a little Wolverine. We're
all the Wolverine on the inside. I just figured
it was like, oh, what's that? You got stabbed
in the belly? Rub some dirt in it. You'll be
fine in an hour. The old Wolverine method. So
your wounds begin to heal a bit as you just kind
of idly hang out, playing dice with each other.
Do you guys, I mean, you're telling your stories
as you go and catching each other up. And out
of curiosity. How do your characters feel about
the other character here? Like, I'm curious if
you were like, oh, God, I got to work with this
guy or I could work with this guy. Like, what's
the vibe there? Well, Crispin's kind of like
a straight shooting professional, sort of. So
he's not questioning that it's his responsibility
to work with Dresden. He accepts it. And, I mean,
they haven't gotten into a fight yet. They seem
all right. I think Dresden has always been so
much of a loner. You know, I mean, he's had his
brother, but it's been, you know, extremely tumultuous.
And, you know, so I think it's easy for him to
just let down his wall for Crispin because he
knows we're on the same side and he knows we're,
you know, he's... Because Crispin's not treating
him like shit. Right. He's potentially a friend.
Yeah, how long? You've had a friend near you.
That's actually, I never thought about that.
He's not outwardly all giddy about it. He just,
you know. It's like, wow, somebody who doesn't
actively hate me. Yeah. Who isn't just an active
evil person. The only one you knew was Craig.
He was okay, but he was a little bit of a dunce,
that Craig. Fucking Craig. Craig can go fly with
the boys. Probably fucking narked on you. The
second Jesseth came out and said, Where is he?
Craig said. Oh, he went that way. Craig's on
Dresden's shit list now. Yep. You roll dice.
You get to know each other. And time passes.
Two becomes, or I'm sorry, three becomes four.
Becomes 430. The light, sort of cool blue of
the dime begins to shift a little bit, maybe
to like a little bit of a verdant green as it's
starting to shift towards sort of that morning
yellow brightness that eventually will fill the
space and... Give everyone just, like, light
and life. And I think you start to see the early
risers are waking up. Maybe some early forgers
start firing up. You hear the pinging of hammers
as the city kind of slowly begins to wake up
around you. Can I make a perception check to
see if anybody did end up following us? You know
what? So funny, because I was just about to ask
for you both to make perception checks. All right,
all right. Hey. Mmm. Crit my pants on the perception
check. Nice. Plus seven, because Crispin is broken.
Holy shit. I had the near exact opposite. I got
four. Man, and I'll say I did pretty damn well,
but not well enough to beat that. Dresden, you
don't notice the figure that seems to, like,
appear from the showers of an alley, working
their way. quickly towards you, coming up behind
you. But Crispin, you do. You clock that someone
is there. You have a moment to react as this
figure looms up behind Dresden. All you know
is you feel something moving, a blur, as the
figure is kind of very quickly, but very stealthily,
very quietly moving up to Dresden. I know. Moving
up to Dresden, do I know how far away he is?
By the time you're aware of them, they're moving
fast. They came up from an alley very close by,
so we'll say they're closing in on ten feet.
Crap. When you're aware of it. Okay. All right.
I will try this. This is all I got. I'm going
to... I mean, I guess I'm going to have to ready
an action because they're not within five feet
yet. Okay. Maybe he can step up to the side of
Dresden and prepare to cast Gust. Ooh, okay.
You seize the air and compel it to create one
of the following effects at a point you can see
within range. And here's the one that I'm going
to use. One medium or smaller creature that you
choose must succeed on a strength saving throw
or be pushed up to five feet away from you. So
it's not super duper helpful. It's really just
kind of flavor, but it'll give us time for you
to turn around and react. Yeah, that was going
to be my next question is since he now has reacted
and moved up next to me. Can I turn around? We're
going to say this all happens in a moment. The
right action is triggered. I was in five feet.
When that happens, he spins around using that.
You spin around to see this. Drisdan, move. I
roll badly. You just see a small figure gets
blown backwards. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. As this
red -haired child in a long brown jacket gets
thrown through the air. Fucking knew it. Rolling
and collapsing against the stones of the earth.
Fucking knew it. Whoa, whoa, hey, hey. Hey, little
guy. Calm down, calm down. Hey, whoa. It's, uh,
I'm not bad. Um, wait. I know you. I know you.
I... Oh, shit. My name's Chester, alright? Chester...
Meeps? What the fuck? We don't use that name!
How am I gonna get it back to the voice now?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Fuck me. Look, look, look.
I'm a friend of Jules, alright? Yeah, I know.
That's why I said your name. Yes, yeah, he pointed
you out to me once. I don't know if you, so you
know me. Good. Yes. Yes, yes. What are you doing
here? Well, look, I'm going to guess you know
this, but Jules is on San Satyan. He left last
night, and I was going to be here every day when
it comes in, waiting to see if he comes back,
and I saw you here now, right after he left,
and that's got to mean something, right? And
he looks like scared. He's kind of like rubbing
the dirt off his jacket. He's kind of getting
back to his feet. He looks like, Legitimately
scared and nervous. Look, look, look. I felt
something earlier, okay? I... Something's wrong,
isn't it? Isn't it? Fuck, you're gonna make me
take Chester into danger because Dresden doesn't
know about all that. It's up to you. This is
entirely... Jules left him here. God. Yeah, Crispin
has no reason to take this child with us. But
Dresden has no reason not to. Except that we
can't get him on the bus. I mean, we're not even
there yet. We're not even to that point yet.
I don't know exactly what's going on. But we're
on our way to Sunsetion right now to find out.
We're going to make sure Jules is safe. Mr. Dresden,
I don't think he is. And look, I'm going to be
honest with you, all right? I'm kind of benched
right now. I'm not doing the fighting thing.
I can't. I had some trouble. He looks to Crispin.
And you, I saw you on... on God's breath. I was
that, the farmhouse. I was one of the guys that
done for the thing. I, um, look, I don't like
to think about it, but I, I, I used to be a fighter.
I could, I could work with Jules. I was working
with Jules up until lately and I couldn't anymore,
but I, I can't fight, but I know cities and I
know that everything that happens in Sons of
Town goes through Sons of Town City. If you need
someone to, to scout, to be your man on the inside,
I can do that. I don't want to, I don't want
to wait here if something bad happens, all right?
Why are you here if Jules is over there? Jules
told me to stay back. The things that happened
on God's breath... He looks at you again, Crispin.
They stuck with me, in a way. Um, I've been taking
time, and I've been working with the bow, I've
been training. I'm getting stronger. I don't
know if I'm ready to see action like that again.
But if there's any way I can help, any way at
all, I'm good. I'm good in the city. I'm sorry,
young man. That was a terrible tragedy to behold.
Yeah. You should have seen the thing in the basement.
It was, uh... Look, I ain't gonna try to follow
you or anything. I just want to know that Jules
is okay. And if I can do anything, anything to
help, I could be your man. As long as Jules doesn't
know. He can't, uh... He can't catch wind. And
I'll leave this up to you. Can you be our eyes
and our ears on the Citadel? We need as many
people as we can get. Yeah, I can stick. You
can trust me when I'll tell you. We're going
to keep Jules safe. All right. Du Bois sounds
like he could be useful. Ooh. Ooh, this is interesting.
You just said... Well, because I thought... You
just said Crispin has no interest in taking this
kid. You can say no. You can say no. You can
say no. Right, but Dresden is now thinking if
Jules had him stay here, it's for a good fucking
reason. If it helps, I can teleport and shit.
It's kind of weird. I don't really get it yet,
but I can... Kid. Okay. Yeah. You seem really
nice, and you seem like you got your head on
straight. All right, great. When do we start?
And Dresden looks over to Crispin. But if Jules
had him stay here, it was for a reason. He looks
back at Chester. It seems we're all in this together.
Can you be our eyes and our ears on the Citadel?
Yeah, of course, yeah. I'll hold the fort. I'm
just glad to know this backup going. And I'm
glad to know it's you. And you. I mean, I felt
your wind. You're tough. Not a fart joke, by
the way. I'm not so disrespectful. You're a luminary.
You guys playing dice? I just... Player Jeremy
wants Chester to go, but... Yeah, no, play to
the character. Dresden... I'm not trying to push
any decisions on you. It's wholly, like I said,
this is... It's just not lining up. This whole
arc is very based on everything you guys want
to happen, your character's decisions. This is
just... one potential ball to throw in the court.
I know. It's a hell of a ball to throw in the
court. But yeah, no, Dresden just wouldn't. Hell
yeah. Yeah, Chester mentions the dice. Crispin
picks them up. Yeah, kid. Keep them. Oh, well,
thanks. They waited, because I got a waited pair.
That's no way to play. Well, you ain't seen the
streets of Tythos. Well, yeah. Well, I'll take
him. I think time begins to pass. Maybe like,
you know, this whole conversation happens and
a few minutes have passed and it's gotten to
the point where people are starting to show up
and line up in the plaza to get ready to board
as the fire opal is about to make its appearance.
You safe here, boy? He looks past you safer than
you. And... you turn to see that, indeed, Jessenth
Kellig in his, not in his shield bear armor,
actually. You make out the figure, but he's actually
wearing, like, more street leathers and, like,
some, like, ruffle -looking chainmail, but, like,
more like almost the getup of a mercenary. And
you see those same four guard are, you recognize
them all, also no longer wearing their LaRoche
colors, but also sort of dressed up like they're
kind of... Inconspicuous mercenaries heading
towards the world. You see those two cloaked
figures in their hoods still. This group moving
up to join the line. Eyes towards you. Oh, they
see us. Oh, yeah. You guys are kind of out. But,
like, they're not going to make a move. You know
that. But you know they're also going to be looking
for an opportunity anytime they can find it on
this world. Are you going to be okay? I know
that guy. He's a piece of shit. I mean, you know
that guy. He's one of those, right? He did the,
uh, he points to, like, your eye patch. Yeah,
that was him. Hey, eye for an eye, right, big
guy? Sure. We'll be okay. Then I will be your
eyes and ears. You just, when you save Jules,
you make sure he's okay. You tell him I said
hey, alright? You'll tell him yourself when we
bring him back safe. Just this big, freckled
-faced, gap -toothed grin. Alright. Trust me.
I'll see you around. And the figure before you
vanishes into mist and is gone. He loves the
drama of the new power. He's having fun. How
couldn't he? He just was basically a normie who
suddenly can teleport. It's the coolest thing
in the world. Hell yeah. Yeah, I mean, I guess
there's nothing really to do but to... Fucking
get in line behind this guy who wants to kill
us. Or at least a little ways behind them. You
can wait for a few folks to get in line between
you. Yeah, we do that. You see, like, as the
ruby or opal appears. It's going to get so hard
getting these gemstone names right. It lowers
down. Shipments of wagons are kind of pulling
out, filled with, like, metal bars and sheets
and tools and weapons and armors and just various
things coming from the ironworks of Sansation
City, which you guys would be in the position
of knowing that's, like, the major, major, major
export of Sansation is, like, their magical ironworks
are a massive industry that... The entirety of
the population there is almost, at this point,
based around that industry and making this stuff
happen. You see wagons coming off of this ruby
opal. Gosh darn it! It's your eyes! We're getting
lost in your gemstone eyes, Steven. Your ruby
eyes. Easy over there. As it sort of empties,
a call is made. People start to board. You guys
step in the line, and all you see before you...
Justin turns his head, smiles his ratty smile,
doesn't say a word. Dresden slowly lifts up his
hand with the middle finger. And then slowly
lowers it back down. Dresden just sneers and
turns away, steps up, enters the fire opal, and
your time comes. You move up with no issue. Your
writ, everything is good to go. It couldn't be
canceled on any sort of late notice. And especially
if there are forces within the family working
against other forces in the family, it really
ties the hands of Cirilla and Samuel. And of
course, Crispin, as a luminary, you just receive
a cordial nod yourself as you step onto the Fire
Opal, this great, brilliant, orange, flaming
gemstone that just so recently... Two other heroes
stepped on. And so, you see, you step into the
opal, you move to your bleachers. Justin's on
the other side from you with his group, hunched
over, whispering, faces watching you and waiting,
waiting for the right moment. But for now, you
are safe. You said he's got four guards with
him? Four guards and those two cultists who gave
you some help. The whole crew. The whole crew.
Still stacked. Still stacked. They didn't get
a chance in the alley. Yeah. So I'll be taking
my chances somewhere else. At least we know those
guards are lousy. How dare you. Weaklings. Weaklings.
They've lulled up three times since you last
fought them. Technically they won that fight
and got the XP, so ha. They just did lunges the
whole way to the gemstone. That sounds like something
in a Mel Brooks film. Now with new friends by
your side and new friends left behind, old friends
waiting for you ahead on the world to which you
travel, and old and bitter enemies watching your
every move, we see these two heroes rising up
in the air in this gem. Vanishing in the ethereal
skies. And we'll call it there. How's everyone
friends again? Jesus Christ. No! I'll just not.
Post -credits. We can do a post -credits friend's
banter if you want. Look, look. Depending on
time. All I was going to say. If he keeps talking,
this is going to post -credits. All I was going
to say is that Chandler and Monica finally got
engaged and I couldn't be more thrilled. As a
fan of love and good things, this is happy for
me. As Stephen, as the literal devil, you wouldn't
care, but it's great. Finally, in 1995, they
got engaged. Dude, it was beautiful. You see
this face? This is the face. Of zero empathy?
Don't you fucking... I'm taking that button back
by force. No, you can't. It's on my side of the
table. It's a good, beautiful couple. Let's get
to the show.