For all we know robots have souls, we just don't know if they do or don't.
How do you know?
Have you ever been a cyborg or a robot?
Do you think we were the first ones to inhabit this planet?
Fuck no.
No, no, we are jumping down this fucking rabbit hole.
Yes, we are.
There's people out there with some really dumb thoughts.
Extended episode.
Where the fuck did the pyramids come from?
Where the fuck did Stonehenge come from?
You're telling me that they didn't die and become ghosts?
They're killing all the already born babies and selling them to the Chinese.
Aliens exist as we speak.
Somewhere in China, in some base, there are super soldiers that are at least 9 or 10 feet
tall.
If they come from our planet, then they are extraterrestrials.
They are aliens.
I do not negotiate with terrorists.
I do not listen to this.
Who do you think, Marky?
It's the fucking Libyan!
It's got a nice jazzy beat to it.
Hello!
Welcome!
Episode 10?
Episode 10.
Episode 10, baby.
Welcome.
We've got a lot of shit to talk about.
Our new title podcast.
This will be fun.
All right.
So Casey, how are you doing on this fine week?
Just great, brother.
That's good to hear.
I am zoinked, brother.
Yeah, I can tell.
Yeah.
As always.
So on the topic of last week, Kanye, whether the wax museum, I saw that on the
practical jokers, Madam to so yeah, man to so is wax museum.
So so Madam to so wax museum took out Kanye West for anti-semitic remarks, but
there's a big but to that.
They left a certain someone who was born April 20th and was an Austrian painter who
is also known for some other hit list.
Birthday was four twenty.
Blaze it up, brother.
Yeah, it was a it was a man by the name of Adolf Hitler.
He's still in the museum, but they took out Kanye for anti-semitic remarks.
He was a historical figure.
So is Kanye.
You don't think that in the future people will look back on Kanye be like, I think
Kanye is arguably more influential than Hitler in terms of history.
You think I think so.
I mean, easy or ye was what's his name now?
I think it's ye or ye ye ye.
What are you looking up?
You know, just looking at my ring camera.
Anyways, so yeah, Kanye West, you think he's going to be more influential than Hitler?
Yeah, I mean, did Hitler get a hundred million Spotify's place?
Let's be real.
They get a hundred million Spotify place.
I mean, Kanye might be president someday.
I'm going to vote for him in twenty four.
I'm going to vote for Alex Jones.
Well, he ran last last time he ran to Alex.
Yeah, or Kanye, a Kanye Kanye ran for president in twenty twenty.
I think he did.
Yeah, but then he dropped out.
Yeah, and like the celebrities like it's not a joke.
We got a vote Trump out of office fucking there.
Well, he runs a he ran as a Republican, right?
Yeah.
Oh my God, he considered himself a Maga Republican.
So I kill things that we can talk about today.
Dan said he's coming, so we'll have our we'll have our third guest and Ali Mack.
Once again, flake central flake city USA, Ali Mac, Ali Mac, Ali Mac.
I'm going to shit on every time he doesn't come until he fucking shows up to
himself and dude, we're going to make him drink his own cum.
Oh, yeah, brother.
Only fans exclusive Jesus.
So what the fuck was I going to talk about?
You were going to talk about fucking motherfucking.
Oh, you talk about Kanye.
I talk about Kanye.
Yeah, I want to talk about American Satan, but I think that's a really fun one
for Dan to be here for because the story and plot line to that movie is fucking
batshit insane.
Like I'm not going to spoil it.
Is it a new movie?
I think it was like twenty nineteen or something.
Twenty twenty seventeen, twenty eighteen.
We're in that area.
Never heard of it.
Yeah, it's got the lead singer of Black Veil Brides, Andy Beerbeck or something.
We should talk about our favorite horror movies.
Favorite horror movies.
I mean, what's American Satan?
Is it a horror movie?
No, it's it's like a like a retelling of Devil in Down in Georgia, I guess.
Maybe it's like he's like drama.
It's a drama.
Yeah, it's like a drama.
It's like a band drama with demons and shit.
It's fucking weird.
But my favorite horror movie, I would have to say it's the Friday the 13th series.
I really like the Jason Voorhees like shit.
He just I just like when you think of Jason Voorhees, like he's just an unstoppable fucking
juggernaut.
Like it's ridiculous.
Like you can't fucking stop the motherfucker.
Like he's like a zombie ghost demon man with a machete with a hockey mask.
Yeah, he's fucking out there, man.
Bro, what Freddie gets in your fucking dreams.
Freddie gets in your wet dreams, man.
You can't stop someone else getting your dreams.
You can't you can't stop going to sleep.
Yeah, maybe, maybe not.
I don't know.
Jason versus Freddie.
I think Freddie would win.
They already did that retard.
Who won?
I didn't even see it.
Jason won, but Freddie like got like the last laugh, I guess.
Because like he was alive at the end sort of.
Well, Jason versus Freddie versus Michael Myers, because you can't kill Michael.
Comes back to life all the time.
I mean, yeah, but Michael Myers and Jason are kind of like the same vein, but Jason's
more like scary.
He's a lot bigger.
I like like psychological horror movies.
Do you ever see House on Haunted Hill?
Is that an old one?
I mean, there's a remake in the 90s and there's one from like the 60s, I think.
No, I didn't see that.
It's good.
I like it.
It's enjoyable.
I heard that was a disturbing one.
It's a fucking movie.
I've gone on a kick of watching like the trying to watch the most disturbing movies of all
time.
Well, I got a disturbing one for you.
It's not really a horror movie.
It's just awful.
What?
It's a Holocaust like documentary called Through Wind and Fog or Rain and Fog.
It shows you like the aftermath of the camps and like them trying to bury the bodies and
shit.
It's real fucked up.
I remember we had to watch shit like that in high school.
Yeah.
And then you're like, well, you're not a Holocaust denier now.
Why are my teachers showing me snuff films?
I'm 13.
Speaking of weird shit when you're 13.
All right today.
All right class.
They were going to watch Nazi shoveling bodies in the pits.
And then I when I was fucking in sixth grade, they made us watch the diary of Anne Frank.
And when I was 12 years old or what, how old are you in sixth grade?
Eleven?
Yeah, I 12 maybe.
But I watched that too in the same year.
But I really I thought Anne Frank, whoever played her was really fucking hot.
And I like threw the whole movie off for me.
Did you tell that story on the podcast yet?
Because I feel like that was a story where you like you got your first erection to Anne
Frank.
Maybe that was a story on Reddit actually.
No, that was me.
That was you.
Yeah.
So I had to watch the diary of Anne Frank when I was 11 years old in school.
And so like, you know, it goes to like the movie and like you get like attached to Anne
and she's like, you know, in hiding from the Nazis and shit.
And like she like talks about having her first period, which is really weird.
But like Jesus, I was like, we were watching that.
And at one point, this is this is what really fucks me up now.
Like like they shaved their heads and like they were like naked when they're shaving
their heads.
And like for whatever reason, my 11 year old brain was like, that shit's fucking hot.
I was like, so that like left a mental image in my brain that like shaved head.
Women are fucking hot.
And I'm like, that came from Anne Frank.
I'm like, that's real fucked up.
You're one fucked motherfucker.
I got fucking how that movie was fucking how old now, like 90s, I think, or something.
The Diary of Anne Frank.
Yeah, it was like I watched that in like eighth grade.
Oh, look it up.
I'm looking up right now, too.
Movie.
1959.
Yeah, but there's like a newer movie, I think.
2009.
I think it was before that might be the 2001.
Maybe.
Trying to see which one it was.
Like it was.
It was a it was a bad time.
It was a bad time in your life.
I mean, the Holocaust was a was a bad, bad time.
I thought she meant fucking getting hot and bothered by Anne Frank.
I mean, that's a bad time, too.
Was it a TV series?
It might have been like the TV series.
Yeah.
And then I watched in a probably ninth grade.
I watched Hotel Rwanda.
Oh, yeah, I watched that, too.
I watched so many fucked up movies we had to watch in fucking, you know, in middle school.
I watched Gone with the Wind, which is kind of violent.
I mean, it has like Nazis in it, like in shit like it's kind of fucked up.
Like, you know, why are they showing all this Nazi shit to us?
We're fucking like Ted.
I guess so.
We don't turn out to be like Nazis.
But at the end, stop a lot of people.
Yeah, I was going to say some people still grow up to be extremists.
Oh, was it this one?
It might have been this one.
I don't know.
He's like desperately trying to find it again.
I'm trying to figure out what fucking it was.
It was weird, man.
It was it was fucking weird.
It was weird.
Well, now you've shared it with the world.
Yeah, yeah, you're sitting over there with the fucking baseball cap and a hood on and
earphones looking like the real fucking Slim Shady over there.
So yeah, and Frank was my first boner.
So that's a real, real fucking head turner.
I guess I got my first.
I don't want to say it.
I said it about and Frank, my guy.
Okay, I was playing.
I was playing Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, the video game.
Oh, and Hermione.
No, it just just just out of nowhere.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, like I thought that.
Yeah, that was that was a problem.
And then I'm like, I don't know what the fuck's going on.
Why is this fucking going up right now?
Like this is weird.
And then I have a fucking fetish for girls with shaved heads for the rest of my life.
So, you know, there's that yeah, it's a problem.
Yeah, but the horror movies and Frank, I like like so psychological horror movies
like ever see the movie here.
Red to Terry.
Yeah, that movie sucks.
It's fucked up man.
The first time I watch it, I got like a really bad feeling, a very, very down feeling.
You know what I mean?
Bro, you know what you can do then or midsummer to turn off the fucking TV.
You don't have to watch it.
Why do you think it sucks?
Well, maybe that's why you think it sucks because you got the same feeling.
No, I just don't care.
You don't care.
Dude, I've watched fucking people getting.
I watched like ISIS like fucking sniping videos when I was fucking like, you know, 10.
Yeah, you were usually you said you were going to talk about how you're getting ads for.
Oh, that's what I want to talk about.
Dude, it's that's another thing that I want Dan to be here for because he I think he'd have some interesting shit.
Dude, let's just let's just bullshit till Dan gets here.
Dude, that's another fucking weird thing that like turns you on when you're a kid.
Fucking Raven from Teen Titans.
That was one of them fucking.
What's the fuck her name?
Sam from Sam from Danny Phantom, the goth girl.
Oh, yeah.
Gwen from Total Drama Island, the goth girl.
You're seeing a pattern here, aren't you?
Thorn from the Hex Girls and Scooby Doo, the goth girl.
You seen a pattern here, guys?
Are you seeing a fucking pattern here?
We get it.
You like girls.
Yeah, because fucking TV told me to.
Do you think that media has that much of an influence on the rest of your life?
Let's be fucking real.
If you look at Boomers, they had a whole bunch of like redheaded, like ditzy bitches is like their like childhood crushes like Daphne.
And what the fuck is the way from the Jetsons name?
Fucking whatever.
Joan Jetson, I think.
Like they have like all like these redheaded, like blonde ditzy redheaded, like ditzy fuckers.
And that's like that became like the like the archetype that like these men wanted.
Like Marilyn Monroe.
And then like then like in the 80s, it was like the like cheerleader type.
And then now it's fucking goth girls because we fucking had a whole bunch of goth girls in our fucking shit.
I think it's a it is a it's a fucking thing that like subconsciously like implants fucking things into your head that like you like it when you're older type shit.
Yeah, like it's a fucking weird man.
Like that's why you get a bar every time you watch World War Two document.
I got stuck.
What the fuck man, right now?
I don't know.
I think that's why I feel strange every time I watch Harry Potter in the chambers.
Yeah, Emma Watson turned out to be a fucking babe.
Yeah, yeah, why the fuck did her mining end up with Ron like Ron was an ugly fucking back and Harry Potter was like, you know, like the hero of the world.
And she's like now I'm going to fuck the fucking weirdo because Harry wanted to fuck Jenny.
Yeah, which he shouldn't have fucking Hermione was right there.
Yeah, well, Harry fucking friend zone Hermione because he's fucking autistic.
I don't want to fuck the hot what I want to do the Harry Potter.
I watched them and I just rewatch them and because my girlfriend wanted me to.
It's an interesting watch.
I guess it's fucking yeah, I've seen all the movies about twenty times.
I've seen the Gobble of Fire more times than anything because it was always on Harry Potter weekend on family ABC family.
I also read the books about five times the books are annoying.
They're too much fucking shit.
Isn't like in the books Harry Potter's like eyes like green and like it's like a big deal that his eyes are green and then like the fucking movies that he's just fucking out blue eyes.
I never knows really the color of his eyes.
Have you ever seen a picture of Daniel Radcliffe like holding two guns and screaming in the street?
No, yeah, you got to see this picture.
This could be this could be a picture of that in I.
Oh rad cliff guns.
I mean, I suppose they couldn't go out of their way to find someone with green eyes that match the description of the character.
Yeah, like look at this fucking deranged picture that they have.
That's a lovely picture for a movie.
Yeah, I think so.
I think it'd be a fucking that would be a fun like picture to have is like the logo for this episode.
Unless we come over something cooler, but apparently it was from a movie like called Guns of Kimbo, which was an interesting movie.
I don't know. Did you ever see Guns of Kimbo?
It's got Harry Potter in it and like oh did you ever do?
Did we talk about this in the podcast where fucking Daniel Radcliffe stopped the mugging the other day?
I don't know. I heard that story though dude.
It's fucking wild like this lady was getting mugged and then like fucking Daniel Radcliffe comes out from the fucking alleyways like fucking like a superhero or some shit.
He's fucking expeliarmus the shit out of his hand and then like I saw the meme where it's just like oh who's gonna fucking save you Harry Potter?
He goes you're goddamn right and he comes out of the darkness and goes like expeliarmus!
I'd shit myself and Harry Potter saved my life.
Harry Potter, I think fucking Harry Potter gave her money or some shit too afterwards like yeah I'm sorry you had to go through that.
That was nice of him.
So who's the better teenage heartthrob of the early 2000's?
Fucking Daniel Radcliffe or fucking Robert Pattinson?
Who do you think is a better looking fellow?
Robert Pattinson.
Absolutely yeah. If you don't take Robert Pattinson you're a fucking retard.
Damn it!
Fuck!
We have to bleep that shit.
Oh you don't have to bleep that shit. You can say the R word.
I'm not gonna get cancelled.
We already cancelled so we already had the cancel episode.
We already had the cancel episode.
So at this point no one's listening.
We got a fucking shadow band.
No we have currently zero listeners.
Oh we could uh, that's another topic for Dan to be here. Fucking Twitter.
He seems like he'd have some strong opinions on that.
Nicholas Cruz was sentenced to life in prison.
At like a super max or like general pop or like...
Oh I don't know. He was just sentenced to life in prison without parole.
They turned down the death penalty.
Why did they turn down the death penalty?
Because one juror I think, yeah I think one juror, it wasn't unanimous, one juror voted against it.
Fuck you! Fuck you!
We should have killed that motherfucker. Firing squad that ass.
I don't, I think that there's something wrong with the justice system the way it is with that.
What are you talking about?
I don't know. We're gonna have a, we're gonna have to pause it though because my charger isn't working.
Your charger?
Yeah, my computer's not charging.
Oh.
So hold on.
Alright, we're back.
We are back motherfuckers.
Motherfuckers.
Alright, what were we talking about?
Oh Nicholas Cruz got fucking...
No, I thought we talked about something else before that or after that.
No.
I thought we talked about something else before that or after that.
No.
But he got the fucking, not the death penalty, which is stupid.
There was a video of like him and his lawyers like laughing during the sentencing, which is fucked up.
Fuck that guy. He should have been fucking executed.
Yeah.
They're not gonna put him in general pot because he'll get killed.
Oh, all the more reason to put him in general pot.
I mean, yeah, but they're not gonna because it's gonna be unsafe for him.
Motherfucker should either be dead or in a fucking hole for the rest of his life where they just fucking piss on him.
Like, like if you wanted to, you could just go over and just piss on him.
I think that'd be a pretty sick punishment.
Like five bucks to piss on Nicholas Cruz.
Like five bucks to pick up Nicholas Cage.
Or Nicholas whatever.
Nick Cage. Nick Cage. Put Nick Cage in the hole too.
Dude, Nick Cage would eat him.
Nicholas Cage like, oh yeah, I'm gonna eat you.
Fucking some wild shit like that.
Yeah.
Fuck man.
Fuck.
I've been watching, I've been watching a lot of the, the Disney or like the old Netflix, the Disney movies.
A lot of the Disney or like the old Netflix Marvel shows.
Like Daredevil and shit.
It's fucking solid actually.
Not into superhero movies.
I mean, it's pretty fucking good.
I like, I like Daredevil a lot, but it's because I'm a Catholic and he's a Catholic superhero.
What?
Yeah, he's a Catholic.
He's like, I will save you with the power of God.
No, he's not like, he's not like that.
He's more like a superhero that is also a Catholic.
The power of Christ compels you and like he uses like the devil costume because like it strikes fear into like the hearts of evil.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
The Monte Hall problem.
It's still up here.
God, let me see news of the day.
The day US News Daily breaking news kill your family.
Three presidents descend on Pennsylvania and the major day of one of the nation's most closely lots Senate races.
I don't care about.
Oh, it's election day next this Tuesday.
Go out and vote Republican.
Please don't.
Are you going to vote for Zeldin?
Absolutely.
I'm voting for Zeldin Zeldin versus Hokel.
Hokel is a fucking piece of shit, and even you can agree with that.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
What's your stance on gun control?
I think that guns that we don't have any control over guns.
You know what I'm saying?
Like we don't control guns.
They control us.
Are you fucking kidding me?
No, like if you put a gun on the table, could it shoot you?
If I put a gun on the table, it could absolutely shoot me.
It could miss fire.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Go ahead, gun shoot.
What if it misfires?
That's not the point.
That's not the point of good.
That is the fucking point of gun control.
The point of gun control is to keep the guns out of the hands of Americans that deserve it.
It's in our fucking Constitution, the Second Amendment.
And guess what it says at the very bottom of the Second Amendment?
It shall not be infringed.
You commie motherfuckers are trying to take our guns away because you fucking hate America and you hate freedom.
The only reason why...
Shut the fuck up.
Let me finish.
Let me fucking finish.
Let me finish.
So the reason why our founding fathers have guns in our Constitution is not because for hunting or for other things like that.
The reason why we have the Second Amendment is because of a tyrannical government has to be able to be taken down by its own citizens.
The blood of the Tree of Liberty must be watered with the blood of tyrants.
And that basically is saying shoot your fucking governors and shoot your presidents in Minecraft if they fucking become corrupt or fucking evil pieces of shit.
Oh my God.
Yeah, but since since I've the whole freedom of speech thing and you know how much I agree with the First Amendment, it kind of applies to the Second Amendment to it shall not be infringed.
Yes, but but what but common sense gun laws fuck you.
We shouldn't have common sense gun laws.
If I should, if I can own a tank, I should be able to own a tank.
You know, try to do stuff to prevent mass shootings.
Then we kind of have to make laws that dude.
If it wasn't guns, it would be fucking swords.
If it wasn't swords and be now.
Are you going to take away hammers because you see that whole thing with Nancy shut the shut up a hammer shut up.
Did you see that fucking Nancy Pelosi's husband has been beaten down with a fucking hammer?
Are we going to ban hammers?
Are we going to ban hammers with with handles that are run right from people with hammers, but like no, you can't run away from people with hammers.
If you're seventy five years old,
Jesus Christ,
dude, if if Paul Pelosi had a gun, that guy would not have been able to fucking kill him or or brutally destroy his skull and give him brain damage.
Bro, I believe in the right to bear arms, but I also believe in the right to limit gun control.
I mean limit the limit, limiting gun control.
I think that there should be no gun control.
I think we should not not limit the limitation that is gun control.
They're talking in circles there.
You just agreed with me there.
You literally just said that there shouldn't be gun control with that sent.
I think that there should be guns, but they should be controlled.
How do you control a gun retard by not shooting it?
So are you going to put fucking taxes on bullets, not selling it to mentally ill people or really anyone be considered mentally ill.
I would be considered mentally ill.
I think everyone could own like should be able to only one pistol, but I don't think people should be able to own assault rifles.
So here's my ideal world.
Okay, everybody has a pistol on their side at all times.
A armed society is a polite society.
If you look at me like the hood, yeah, oh yeah, that'd be great.
So listen, listen, if you are for them, right, you look at the actual to s the statistics.
If you look at the actual statistics, the the the in Texas, let's say the difference between Texas and New York.
What is the crime rate in New York?
Very high.
You've seen the crime rate in New York, right?
What's the gun crime rate in New York?
Extremely high.
What is the gun crime rate in Texas?
Very limited, actually, because everybody has a gun.
Well, it puts everybody on an equal playing field if everybody has a gun.
Nobody's more powerful than the other person because everybody has a fucking gun on them.
Yeah, like I said, it works for them in the hood, right?
Everybody God made man cult made him equal.
Where do all the crimes happen and everybody has a gun in the hood and all the crimes happen?
What's up bro, but if you have if everyone had a gun, yes, people would be less likely to commit crimes,
but also everybody would have a gun in and when something escalated, it wouldn't just escalate into like a fight.
People would be shooting each other.
I think to consenting adults to be able to do all the death.
Well, that's a real thing.
I believe that's a real thing.
I believe I'm not joking.
I think that two consenting adults should be able to go out into a street, have one bullet.
They make sure that there's only one bullet in the chamber.
They show each other their magazines emptied out besides one bullet.
You rack your bullet and you walk five paces from each other and just shoot the fuck out of each other.
I think that whoever wins wins the argument.
I also think that fist fighting between two grown adults should be completely legal if you both agree on it.
Oh, to an extent is like no, it's not.
If you fucking agree to fist fight somebody in the street and the clubs, no, no, we're talking about like this guy is really dissing you right now.
And he's like dissing your home girl.
And you're like, yo, let's step outside.
We'll fucking fight this shit out.
And then we'll leave. It's legal to do to do boxing.
We're not talking about that.
We're talking about actual situations where you're like, hey, what's the difference?
What's the difference?
You're both punching each other and consenting to it.
Casey, have you ever boxed?
What's the difference?
Boxing is a sport.
So I boxed for thirteen years.
Casey, there's a big difference between boxing and fighting, and I've been in a lot of street fights.
There's a big difference between boxing and fighting.
I'm just saying it's two consenting adults and they should be able to beat the shit out of each other.
If they want to hey, listen, if two consenting adults can jerk each other off in a fucking restroom, I should be able to fight a guy in the street.
If the other guy can sense equal rights for fighters, yeah, but it's like I would equal rights for equal fights.
Vote for Tyler Lee. I was in a mosh pit yesterday.
That's like, you know, consensual yeah fighting everybody there smells terrible.
Yeah, it's a mosh pit.
God damn, God damn, so all right.
What else you got news of the day?
Kentucky politics distilled who cares about Kentucky?
Not me.
Donald Trump might be announcing his presidency run again.
No shit.
Oh, but the the election who you voting for Lee's Eldon.
Fuck that.
Fuck that guy.
I hate fucking voting for Hoechel.
No vote for Zeldin.
He needs every vote you can get.
There literally is no option for like third party candidates.
There's only options for right ends Biden on the people calling him a socialist.
Give me a break.
What idiots I quote Joe Biden.
Give me a break.
What idiots sleepy Joe who falls off a bike when he's fucking riding it in the fucking street.
You see the video of Biden just like shaking no one's hand.
Yeah, I was one that showed you that.
He just turns around to the American flag.
He's like, he turns around to the person that said nothing beside him and like a secret service agents just like came across the side.
Let's listen to some Joe Biden gaffes, gaffes and gifts and gaps.
What is the most populated city on the planet?
Something done if you hold near and dear to you that you like to be able to.
Anyway, we're going to get a lot done.
The cave, I just got one.
You sleep.
Dude, are you kidding me?
We put a fucking dementia ridden fucking elderly man in fucking presidency instead of Donald Trump.
You guys are fucking idiots.
You're a bunch of absolute buffoons.
When our tard Jesus Christ, a piece of shit, I hope he gets fucking has a long.
This is why the two party system doesn't work.
I hope he has a long and plentiful life.
I really hope nothing bad happens to him.
Joe Biden.
Well, I mean, you ever see H3H3 like the guy who does like the vape nation shit.
Yeah.
So did you hear about what happened with him and Ben Shapiro the other day?
No.
So him and Ben Shapiro like fucking hate each other, like bitterly hate each other.
And the H3H3 guy is a Jew and Ben Shapiro is also a Jew.
And they and on a street podcast, he says, hey, and I'm quoting this.
I'm not saying this myself in the next Holocaust.
I hope I quoting quoting in the next Holocaust.
I hope Ben Shapiro and his family get killed first.
Why do they end quote?
That's a quote.
I'm not saying that.
That is a quote from H3H3.
Why do they hate each other?
Because they're on the opposite sides of the political spectrum.
And then fucking Ben Shapiro actually if if there was another Holocaust, I hope
he didn't and his family would get away safely.
Okay, I think I really hope that I really hope that him and his family would get
away safely.
And that's a very awful thing for you to say to me.
Okay.
All right.
Did we ever talk about Ben Shapiro's sister and her fucking milk truck titties?
Yeah, unbelievable point where I would listen to Ben Shapiro like all the time
because you know, I don't agree with him, but it's just like he's just funny.
I'm really funny guy.
I make jokes sometimes and I fucking retarded.
Also, he talks like a fucking maniac.
Yeah.
Oh my God, Jeffrey Dommer, each people.
Yes, yes, he does.
All right.
Let's take a break and Dan should join us when he comes back.
What did you just text you?
No, you should be here.
All right.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Drop that fucking bitch.
I didn't do it.
I get my dick to your man.
Welcome back.
I give her a day.
She I met.
Look at me.
I got a hole in your boot.
Well, I've got a little podcast.
Dan's here.
It's all your parents.
We just work with chemicals that specific day.
My eyes.
We just working with chemicals that specific day.
Maybe dude, something sitting in front of a computer for like eight hours makes you numb to everything.
Apparently.
Oh, yeah.
This feels good.
Crack that shit.
Well, welcome back, Daniel.
Fuck yeah.
No, it's all this time.
Yeah.
He's not superhuman after all.
Talk about doing cocaine in my basement.
Yeah, dude, we got to talk about this and Frank thing because this is like, I can't even look at you right now.
No.
So like we were on the topic of weird shit that we had to watch when we were in fucking middle school and elementary school.
And like we were talking about how like they're like, yeah, you got to watch like Holocaust shit fucking like elementary school.
And what was the only one that you watched?
Hotel Verwanda.
Yeah, Hotel Wanda.
I watched that too with fucking War Machine, whatever the fuck that guy's name is.
Yeah.
But watching genocide videos fucking nine a.m. Tuesday in the broad daylight in school.
But when I was in elementary school, I was ten years old.
So mind you, I was ten years old at this point.
I'm stressing.
I was ten years old at this point.
You shot out to get canceled.
We were watching Anne Frank, the true story.
And it was a it was definitely the true story of Anne Frank.
It's the Holocaust.
So it's real fucked up.
And we're telling Dan how this was my first boner was from this fucking movie.
It's probably one of the more embarrassing stories I have is about the Holocaust fucking Anne Frank movie is part of my sexual awakening.
But what part specifically?
So in the movie, mind you, I was ten.
I didn't know what the fuck was going on.
They took all like the women and like the men and they separated them and they stripped them and shaved their heads and shit because, you know, the Nazis were bad people.
But that was the first time I ever saw like a naked woman ever was like when the Holocaust fucking shit was on TV and my fucking ten year old brain didn't know how to comprehend it.
So I'm just like I associated them shaving her head and then her having like a shaved head and like her.
She wasn't like naked like she was covering herself.
And mind you, I was ten years old.
I was ten years old when I was watching this.
She was fourteen in it.
I was ten.
Okay, I was ten.
This isn't how I feel now, but this is how I felt when I was ten years old.
I'm stressing this.
I was ten years old and they shaved her head and like they had to go by and like like there is only one lady that you could see her titties and like she was like an older lady.
She was like in their forties and like she had a shaved head too because the Nazis in the camp shaved her fucking head.
And my ten year old brain couldn't comprehend anything other than titties.
I'm like like the whole movie about Anne Frank and her struggles and all this awful shit immediately went away because I saw titties when I was ten years old.
That Holocaust fetish.
That's rough.
I don't have a Holocaust fetish.
He said when you were ten.
Apparently.
Let's show him pictures.
Hold on a second.
Show me pictures of the boy in his striped pajamas and shit.
Not that movie.
I'm just going to just a quick test here.
Just going to Google Holocaust pictures.
Holocaust pictures?
I'm just going to show you a picture.
You tell me you tell me what kind of feelings this gives you.
How hard are you on a scale of one to zero?
All right.
So if I show you a picture of hold on a sec.
Here we go.
What do these do to you?
God.
Star David.
Does that turn you on?
I'm half German.
Well, I got a worse story than that.
I'll explain mine and last words.
And then we'll talk about Casey and his library story because we're actually getting this on the record.
Fuck you.
I talked about fucking shit.
I don't know if Casey's going to go on the record.
Casey's not man enough to go on the record.
I'm man enough to talk about how Anne Frank turned me on when I was 10 years old.
I'll just say a few things about mine and then you can fill in the blanks.
So probably about 12 years old.
No access to anything.
All right.
So it's Slim Pickens.
The only thing on TV was Oprah.
That's all I'm going to say about that one.
Oh my God.
I'm going to leave it at that.
You can fill in the blanks.
Library.
I don't want Casey to get canceled.
He's not going to get canceled.
I think I'd get canceled more for Anne Frank.
Let's look up the statute of limitations.
I was 10.
So you wanted to talk about how you got ISIS ads on your Facebook.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I figured you wanted to be here for this because this is something that I think that you'd like.
So you know how you get the Facebook reels and shit when you go on Facebook?
So I was scrolling through and then I just get a fucking video of a guy with an Arabic sans script as his name.
And it was just a fucking dude holding an AK-47 showing it.
And then I went to the comments and they were all in Arabic.
And I kept on hitting the translate button.
And they said, what's the price? What's the price? What's the price? What's the price? What's the price?
And I'm like, oh, no.
So then I clicked on his profile.
I'm like, let's fucking see what's going on here.
Like, I got my private eye investigation skills, peaked my ears off.
And I'm like, all right.
So I went on it.
And there's just pictures of him holding guns and with dudes in fucking Taliban gear and a picture of a truck with a fucking M4.
They fucking like M60 in the back and shit.
And I'm like, am I just getting fucking reels of fucking Al Qaeda?
So I reported it for terrorism.
Yeah, I mean, and like they got back to me and they're like, we're going to be looking into this.
I'm like, please do.
Like, I'm like, because I'm like, I wanted to be like, like, if the feds were watching me, I didn't want to be like, oh, yeah, this is cool.
I want to be like, I'm reporting this.
I'm not interested in this.
Please report this.
How much was it?
Dude, it was an AK-47.
You price it was an AK-47 you and I'm like, what do I give?
Oh, I thought there was something like snuff videos.
No, no, no, no.
Like they're selling like fucking firearms.
Wow.
She's yeah, that's the again.
Stay away from that.
So I reported for terrorism.
Is that one of the things in the drop?
Yeah, I can drop down thing.
You can report for terrorism and like I'm like, this is like fucking some.
Next level shit, man.
Like I think I've uncovered like a fucking terrorist selling guns ring just somehow.
It just showed up in my fucking feed.
That terrorist like, hey, you want to buy a gun?
I'm like, is that Al Qaeda?
I wonder if it's not like entrapment, not entrapment, but the government like the government.
Yeah, but like I like I reported for terrorism, so I think I'd be in the clear on that.
Like I clearly say this is terrorism.
Well, they're like, we see that you reported this post for terrorism, but that's not why we brought you in today.
We're listening to some content you put out.
Tell us about Anne Frank.
They slide a picture of Anne Frank across the table.
They're like, how do you feel?
How does this picture make you feel?
Like sad.
I'm a grown man.
I know what the fucking things that happen there.
Also, why are you so like the Holocaust documentaries of 10 year olds?
Like you can't grasp the Holocaust at 10 years old.
I don't know why I'm watching Hotel Rwanda when I was 12.
I watched that in ninth grade, actually.
Yeah, there was like back to the terrorist thing.
There's like a terrorist cell in the Catskills.
Yeah.
That they had like a whole training ground and that the FBI busted, but they're literally training like Al Qaeda.
Splinter cells.
Yeah, sleeper cells.
It's fucking crazy.
Homegrown terrorists.
Yeah, dude, they're fucking.
But like I was like when I got that, I'm like, what the fuck is happening?
Yeah.
Because like I was laying in bed next to my girlfriend.
I'm like, does this look like terrorism shit to you?
And then like the guy just had like a whole bunch of reels about selling guns and like having like fucking like guns in the back of pickup trucks in like the Middle East.
And I'm like, this looks like fucking Al Qaeda.
Like, I got to like, you know how like normally you're like, you know, whatever, it's a fucking post on Facebook.
I think I should, you know, like I'm normally like the guy who's like, I'm not going to say anything about anything.
And then I saw that Mike, I got to say something like type shit.
Dude, how many people have died at the end of a barrel of an AK?
A lot.
How many lives have AK-47?
AK-47 is actually the most popular gun on the entire planet.
Oh, I'm sure.
I bet that statistic is like, I, I bet you can't accurately.
You can't accurately do that.
No, let me see.
I think the AK was actually originally made in Russia.
Yeah.
Because it was made to be.
Klyushnikov.
Yeah.
It was made to be like the most easy to like disassemble and reassemble gun like ever.
And that's why it's like used by so many like terror organizations and like splinter cells and shit and like Viet Cong and shit, because it's so much easier to take apart than like an M16 or an M4 because like American weapons are better.
Like they're made better, but they're way harder to take apart.
But if you get like a jam in the field, like you have to fucking use your tools and like take down your fucking gun and like do that shit.
When an AK, you don't need tools to take down.
You just like pull it.
I should stop talking about guns.
What is the 47?
There's an AK 47.
The year I think it was made.
I think it was.
Yeah, I think it was the year.
But then there's the AK 47U, which is the like smaller version where you has like the flip out stock where like you can like flip it in and like kind of hold it like a fucking like gangster or you can flip out the stock and actually use it as that.
And they also have like the more modern AK, which is actually shittier than the AK 47.
But the people are like, why are the lies like the M16 and the M4 like named like these weird things?
And I'm like, well, the reason why everything in America is M1 or M2 or a M16 or an M4, it's because the M is for military.
And it's just basically just basically being like military like thing one like military.
I believe that's the thing.
Don't quote me on that.
But I'm pretty sure like the American military uses M in front of like most of their things like the the helmet from World War Two for the Americans was actually called the M1 helmet.
And then there was the M4, which is our current assault rifle. Actually, no, we switched to a SIG, which is technically now the M6 or the M7 or something.
But it's weird how we like label guns because we had like the M14, which was like a it was like an M1 Garand, but like an upgraded version instead of having like the the clip.
It was a magazine.
So you can actually put it in there.
US government, if you're listening, this is fully within my Second Amendment rights to talk about this.
Yeah, you're right.
It is the year.
Yeah, but the the M and whatever aren't named after the year.
It's just kind of just they throw a random number next to it.
Yeah, let me see.
I'm still trying to look up how many people how many people.
I know this looks like cum, but it's not cum.
Thank God.
Because you were guzzling that shit.
That titty milk.
So I got a I got a little movie review that I wanted everybody here to hear about.
It's a little movie called American Satan.
Yeah, what is that?
So, you know, Black Bill Brides, the band.
I've heard of them. Yeah.
So lead singer of that band is actually the star of the movie.
So this is one of the most bad shit plot plots I've ever.
All right, we're back.
It was like, OK, so back to what I was saying.
American Satan is one of the most bad shit fucking insane movie plots that I've ever heard or seen in my entire fucking life.
So it has the lead singer of Black Veil Brides, Andy fucking something.
And it's about a band called the Relentless.
And the fucking soundtrack for that movie is a fucking banger.
Like it is a solid fucking soundtrack.
But the funny thing is they don't use the lead singer of the Black Veil Brides as this as the as the vocalist.
They actually use the guy from Palace Royale, which is a whole other story.
But so the movie plot, this guy and his band moved to California and they're they're they're called the Relentless, which is their band name.
And so a lot of stuff happened.
He like breaks up with like his like sweetheart girlfriend, whatever.
And he he ended up going to L.A. to be in this band.
And he's like living in his van and he makes a deal with the devil.
And the devil is played by fuck.
I got to look that up.
But like it's literally like if you see the guy, you'll be like, holy shit, like he's the devil guy.
American Satan.
We're good.
So where is this movie?
Where can I see it?
Let me see.
It actually has a show now.
It's on Tubi for free.
You can watch it on Tubi for free.
And it came out in 2017.
The lead.
Oh, Matham, Malcolm McDowell is the devil.
Let me look that up.
Let me see what this looks like.
You'll know him exactly when you see him.
So Malcolm McDowell is the devil and like he makes a deal with them.
So in the movie, they the guy makes a deal with the devil and then immediately gets signed to like a record deal.
And the devil was just like, hey, the only thing you got to do is name your album American Satan.
And so the guy gets like this huge fucking band like his band becomes like fucking nationwide, like fucking bestsellers, like all that shit.
And then he meets this like dikey like looking girl fucking really hot.
But like he meets this girl and his his mom starts fucking the devil like Malcolm McDowell like starts like like the devil's now his stepdad.
Who writes this?
So so this is what's like like he's like he's like doing all this shit like he's having like all these like Existence of Christ like, oh, I'm fucking I did a deal with the devil.
Oh, no, my mom's fucking the devil now.
Oh, no.
And then like it gets fucking way crazier.
It's just like the beginning.
So Drake Bell is in this and Drake Bell is a rapist in the movie and Drake Bell like rapes this girl.
And then he then the lead the character fucking it's so on the nose.
His last name is Faust like Dr Faust this like the story about like the guy who does a deal with the devil.
You know, it's that on the fucking nose and like he he like finds out that Drake Bell like raped like his friend or something.
And he goes to his house and the devil's like, hey, man, you know what you got to do.
And the guy's like what he's like, you got to burn down his fucking house.
And he's like, that seems like a good idea. So he burns down the guy's house with him in it and Drake Bell burns alive.
So he writes a song called Let Them Burn and he starts like singing in the sets and you're like, wow, this is a pretty epic song, man.
Like, this is crazy.
So stupid shit happens.
Like the band starts like, you know, getting fucky.
Like he goes to a bunch of like strip clubs that are like, you know, demon themed or whatever.
Watch it just for that.
It's like he goes to a bunch of like strip clubs like demon girls and shit and like they have like their titties out and like devil horns.
It's fucking weird.
But eventually his like his like homes like his hometown sweetheart is like trying to get back together with him.
But he's fucking this like the like this dyke bitch.
And like she's like trying to be like his like his soul, like like connection to the light.
Like he's that's like that's the only thing that like he's connected to that's bringing him back from like this darkness.
And then he finds out that lo and behold, the devil is also the dyke bitch and his stepdad.
So he's fucked.
The devil is fucking him and his mom at the same time.
And then at the end of the movie, he like gets out of the devil deal in some fucking weird way.
And he's in prison and he keeps on being just like, you know, the devil fucked my mom and fucked me too.
Like what the fuck's going on is like high school sweetheart goes like, it's OK, man.
We'll work it out together.
It'll be fine.
And he's just like, oh, he's like punching the wall and shit.
He's like fucking stuck in prison.
He's stuck in prison.
But then apparently there's a series about it now called Paradise City or something.
And like I haven't watched the series, but like the movie was fucking bat shit.
Fucking insane.
Sounds pretty good.
I usually I don't watch a lot of fiction, but I feel like I need to start.
Dude, the band is fucking like relaxing a little bit.
The Relentless is a fucking solid band, though.
Like I would listen to them if they had more than like three songs.
But like it's fucking solid.
The Relentless.
The Relentless. Yeah.
What's the song that they do?
There's a couple of good ones.
Me Against the Devil.
Real edgy name, but that's a good one.
Somebody really likes the devil.
Forgive Me Mother, For I Have Sinned is another one.
Let Them Burn.
And there's a couple other songs.
Oh, it's a fucking sick song.
What kind of music this is?
Yeah, I fuck with that.
I'd be like the best shit.
Yeah, but it's really fucking the song is fucking solid.
Like it's like even if the movie sucks, the music itself is good.
So I'm like, I'm OK with that.
And even as a good Catholic boy, they got they got some bangers.
But like most of the songs are about fighting the devil.
So I'm like my Catholic boy self can get on with that shit.
Yeah, but yeah, that was a fucking wild movie, man.
Yes. What was the name of it one more time?
American Satan.
Yeah.
Check that out.
And you said where can you see it?
It's on like that weird app, Tubi for free.
Oh, yeah.
And fucking whatever.
I bet it's online too.
Yeah.
I'll just pirate it.
Yeah.
Pirate Bay.
Yo ho.
Is that still a thing?
Yeah.
Is it really?
Yeah, Pirate Bay still a thing.
How did they not get shut down?
I don't know.
They keep opening new websites.
Yeah.
No shit.
There was that guy that what was that really popular pirating site?
Silk Road.
No.
Damn, this was like.
Lime wire.
Not lime wire.
This was Napster.
It's not like just music.
Well, you know how Napster and LimeWire were primarily music?
Yeah.
This was like for every.
But then you could download power by by Kanye West and end up getting a fucking hardcore
porn video of like two midgets fucking in a bear suit or whatever.
Like disappointment.
I'm like, dude, I just want to listen to my fucking fucking Kanye West.
Who told me that you two apologize for putting their music on everyone's phones in twenty
nineteen?
Dude, I hate you too.
For that reason, does everyone actually listen to YouTube?
My dad.
Yeah, my dad likes YouTube.
But what is one of their songs?
Why parents like you do actually fucking.
Without you.
Oh, I know that one.
The streets have no name.
Yeah.
What was I going to look up?
Oh, that one guy that got busted for owning the largest pirating site.
Dude, he was worth like like billions of dollars and they they just raided his house and like
shut his life down.
I felt bad for the guy, but it's like.
You know, he's a pirate.
Yo ho, yo ho.
I mean, he was just the he's the modern day blackbeard.
Yeah, yeah.
So there was watching this drug documentary and there's this one drug ink.
There's this one like fifteen year old kid in Sweden that got busted for running like
a drug out player from his fucking bedroom.
What a guy.
His computer.
Yeah.
A drug empire.
Yeah.
A math empire.
He's a fifteen year old.
That's awesome.
He would like set up the dealers and like the the you know, that's the type of kid that
they like.
The FBI.
Yeah.
Like there's a whole bunch of like time from like the FBI was like, hey, you either teach
us how to do that shit and join us or go into jail for like thirty seven years.
Dude, they they're so advanced.
What the government has.
What was I watching?
Oh, it was just this like video that popped up on Facebook and it was this guy.
He was like Al Qaeda terrorist.
No, you worked on Wall Street.
But that's why he was in the US to work on Wall Street.
But he also sold ecstasy at raves like at night.
And he made so much money selling ecstasy.
But then he was smart and he got out of it.
He was like, all right, I made like, you know, a million bucks doing this or whatever.
So I'm going to get out of the game.
But there's a statute of limitations.
So it was like five or six years later, they came after him and they did a raid on his
house and they caught him.
What's a statute of limitations?
You don't know what a statute of limitations is?
Fucking idiot.
So it's basically like if you commit a crime, like, I don't know, doing something in a library.
There's a certain period of time where they can prosecute you for that crime.
So say it's like statute of limitations is 10 years and eight years down the road, they
come.
They come.
I assume it's not for murderers.
They come for you.
Murder is the only crime with no statute of limitations.
I think rape might not.
No, rape does too.
It does have a statute of limitations.
I think 20 years.
Yeah.
So this was within the statute of limitations on that.
And he said, so he had a ton of money.
This guy was loaded.
Right?
He was a young guy.
I was like in his 20s.
And they knew where all his money was and all the accounts, everything.
He couldn't hide it because the government put a Trojan horse virus on his computer and
it told him where all his money was located.
And he said, now think that's 20 years ago.
Think of what they have now.
Yeah.
Like, bro, they honestly...
I also, there's like one of the tactics that they use is they tell you that they know everything
about you and they don't because you're automatically going to feel like, oh shit, they know everything
about me.
They're going to tell them or they think that I'm lying.
If a Fed is asking you something, they don't know.
That's why they're asking.
If the Fed's new, they wouldn't ask you type shit.
Well, I mean, think if you have a conversation with somebody on your cell phone, they can
hear it.
Yeah.
And it's not just like, oh, they tap into your phone.
Bro, you or I can get the equipment to do this.
Yeah, it's easy.
I think we talked about this maybe before, but like an MZ device.
So it's literally a device that goes, it has antennas on it.
It's like in like a briefcase kind of thing from what I've seen.
And you can order these on eBay.
So what it does is it intercepts a signal between the cell phone and the tower and it
pretends to be the tower and it just steals all the information in between and then relays
it back to the tower.
So it's just a middleman.
So you could buy one of these.
None of this, none of the conversations you have on your phone are encrypted.
Yeah, there's no end to end encryption.
That's why Twitter's like why what Elon Musk is trying to do with Twitter is a big deal,
which I want to get into.
We'll get into that.
I wanted you to finish this because I want to get into the whole Elon buying Twitter
thing too, but I want to hear the rest of this.
No.
So you just got to think like this is why cell phones are not HIPAA compliant, right?
Health insurance, people who don't know what that is.
Health insurance, accountability and portability.
That's also why radio waves.
Yeah, like radio waves are also not because like anybody can listen to our frequencies
or anything.
Cell phones you might as well just think anything you say over your phone, somebody else can
hear and it's not that hard.
And you think, oh, well, I can talk about this and nobody's going to hear it.
Nope.
Somebody could be sitting as long as they're between your cell phone and the cell phone
tower, they can pick it up.
Yeah.
It's terrifying.
And it's not illegal.
There's also a fed, there's also a fucking FBI building in like every major city in America.
So you'd figure every single FBI fucking thing, but they got to fucking pick out the ones
that's the, that's the problem.
The question is, can they hear this right now?
Oh, they can absolutely.
It's on the internet so they can hear.
Can they hear this live?
Oh yeah.
Absolutely.
Mike, I have my mics wired to the FBI database.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
Damn it.
I was 10.
I was 10 years old.
I was 10.
And also this, this place in the library was hidden.
I was out of public view and tell us the library story case for me.
I'll just say Oprah had some nice makeup on that day for me.
I was 10 years old and I didn't know what Tits looked like.
I was in the library when I was 16 and Oprah came and I just busted all
right.
We don't want Casey to get canceled.
I'm already the one that's canceled, dude.
That's all right.
Let's get fucking canceled, bro.
Can't get canceled.
We got canceled.
We have the canceled episode.
He's listening anymore.
We had 150 plays.
We're down to five and three of them are me.
Let's, let's talk about Twitter deal with, with Elon.
Yeah.
I'm not sure.
A while ago.
We did have Twitter deal with Elon.
Daul help you bought Twitter.
He actually, it went through.
He owns, he owns Twitter now.
He brought in the SYNC.
Yeah.
He's likeLet, so like fuck, dude, I don't matter how rich you are, that's not going
to be funny.
Right.
I think that's the point is.
But like, but like he went in.
The first thing that he did was fire like this, like the head guy and like the, like
the three, like in command, he'd just fucking fired him immediately.
Then he went through on a fucking like crusade and cut out the
social justice like camp like braid he cut out the the
Equity braid he cut out the
Anti-semi brigade like the like the like censoring shit like he just went through and fucking clean house at this point like all the
Know the censorship. That's good. Yeah, he like cut out everything
Yeah, but I mean they still haven't released Alex Jones though. I
Don't know. I mean, I think that they do have some obligation to make sure that it's I mean
They're a corporation and they don't want people to stop using
Twitter, you know, but whatever he fucking owns it. You knew whatever the fuck he wants with it, you know
Good for him. Good for him Elon Musk. He's a fucking guy. I uh sat in a Tesla today
I
Yeah, it was
Terrible
Honestly, like I wanted it to be so much better than it was
Because I was waiting for service to be done at the Toyota dealership and they had a used one that came in on trade
Sitting out front and it was open. So I sat
It was it was cool, right? But it has like that that airplane yoke steering wheel. Yeah, but the buttons felt fucking cheap
Like I was scrolling through the volume and like the volume like on the display didn't go up like smoothly
It was like did it have the keys in it?
No, you didn't it was just unlocked. So if it's unlocked you can get in and play with the radio and everything
Oh, you just can't start it. But um, I just steal it
Scroll wheel on the steering wheel felt like it was fucking from a cheap knockoff PlayStation controller
You know, it just felt shitty and like the lights like turning on the lights. They just felt really cheap
Speaking of cars just cheap cheap in the cars. I gotta spend two grand on my car and fucking Monday
Why what's wrong with it? I was going to to get my my sister-in-law a birthday card
And I was taking a turn and some guy came fucking flying out
It was either hit the guy or hit the curb and no good deed goes unpunished
And I hit the curb fucking blew my tire folded the wheel in bent the tie rod
No, the tie rods fine actually, but um, but the control arm. No it
The rotors fucked so I have to get a new rotor
The road is fucked is the rotors been fucked like I like I went in there and I'm like listen
I'm gonna need new rotors. I'm gonna need new brake pads
I'll just get four new tires cuz fuck it at this point and I need to get a
A new blower for my AC cuz it went out like, you know, I was telling you guys back in like June the fan
What kind of car you have Subaru Impreza? What year is it 2016? Oh, it's pretty new. Yeah, but I covered by insurance
No, no, it's fucking you know under the table shit. I say it's pretty
Not that new but six years old. Yeah. Yeah, that's so I got it. It's not that new
I got the summer of 2016
So I got one of the brand new like I was the only one to drive it
It's all paid off now and shit. So like dude if I had a garage I'd hook you up
I'd say just come over and we'd fucking do it, but I just have a fucking driveway to work in
That's what I'm trying to find a place with a garage because it's just like I need it to work on everything
Like I would do the tires myself
But I don't know how to do like the fucking like thing where you do like the funk with the tires and like put out
You can't do that yourself. Yeah. Yeah, I know what you're talking
No, you gotta you gotta take it to a shop that like properly will like also your wheels probably then if you hit the curb
Hard enough to um, I actually looked at the rim. The rims actually fine
Like I did like the whole like so the tires flat. Yeah tires tires flat. I have I'm riding on a donut right now
I'm gonna say if you hit hard enough to pop the tire then
You're gonna need an alignment. No, at least you're gonna need the parts inspected
Yeah, I would expect like that wheel bearing on that side to go bad prematurely now
Yeah, and
You know you want to check like your tire rods and all that stuff
Yeah, I'm getting like the whole like diagnostic shit done because like they're gonna align it
they're gonna give me new rotors new brake pads new tires a new blower and
But like they're gonna be a fucking deal cuz all that shit. They're only charging me 18 for yes. That's not too bad
I mean honestly that blower you could probably do yourself and say yeah, I was gonna do that myself
But then it's getting cold so you might not want to mess around too much
But like I could I the the dashboard that I have has an entire like computer display through it
So like taking that out and like having to redo all like the wires and shit on that would be annoying
You might not have to
Sometimes sometimes it's just taking the gold box out and it's right behind the glove box
Yeah, and sometimes it's like three bolts, dude. So just be careful. You don't want to overspend but you also don't want to waste your time
There's like that happy medium like you got to know when to pay the man for that kind of stuff
Yeah, and then you got to know when you can do it yourself
So because I checked it and it wasn't underneath the it wasn't underneath the glove box. It's actually behind the center console
Really? Yeah, it's fucking weird. Yeah, these cards are weird. Yeah, I mean, you know, don't fuck with it
Then I mean watch YouTube videos and just see yeah see how complicated it is
But if you know, I'm just good. I got the I got the I got the extra cash lying around
I mean, it's gonna dip into my my savings, but just do it. Just gonna take care of yeah
And also I'm gonna need that blower for winter because I've been having to fucking defrost my mate my windows manually with my fucking
No, fuck that. Yeah, I live that life. Yeah
I'm always late for everything. So I'm just like I don't have time to defrost fuck this
driving my head out the window
So Casey you wanted to talk about the drunkest we've ever been
Why don't you start why don't I start so there's two times that could be the drunkest I've ever been but the one time that I
Throw up they threw up. I'll start with so I was I was playing call duty with our friend Casey
O'neill here. Oh, like flicker flake fucking alley Mac. Yeah, where's the frosted flake? Tony the tiger?
Where is this guy? What is he doing? They have the tiger?
They have the tiger. He came in here a couple times
So I love I was fucking I was drinking like vodka straight from the bottle and
Like I was having a good time and then like, you know, you're playing games
So you don't really think you don't really pay attention to how much you're drinking
I realized that two bottles are gone and I realized that I'm not drunk yet
So it's gonna hit me and it's gonna hit me fucking hard
And then I got to the point where we were playing call duty zombies and I was like fucking like I can't aim for shit
I can't see shit. I was saying some wild shit about
people
That I'm not gonna repeat on live air
That's something that's something for off the air that you'll you'll enjoy after
I didn't realize that day was actually the drunkest you've ever been
And then I had the one day where me and Alex McDonald it's always with Alex McDonald
It's always an alley Mac. I mean he identified himself as an alcoholic
Well, I'm a recovering alcoholic
I think he said he was a borderline alcohol a borderline alcohol. Yeah, he's a current
Occurred alcohol and he's like not on sir that actually
so
So we were we were at his house
And this was when he first got his his like first place with his like six roommates that he had
and I was just chilling and
You know, I was I was over there. It was like summertime and
We I brought over like two bottles of skull vodka a bottle of a bottle of
Captain Morgan private stock
Like we were we were fucking going hard and heavy shot for shot, you know
We went shot for shot killed to killed to skull vodka bottles and I started pounding the fucking
pounding the the Captain Morgan private stock and
It got to the point where I was staring at a wall and having a conversation with it
And the wall wasn't responding back. This was just alcohol. Yes, just alcohol like I was fucking gone
And then his roommate home and his roommate like started getting to an argument with his other roommate about not not doing the dishes
And I just go and they didn't know me at this point
That's her. I go. Hey, like who the fuck are you? I'm like, I'm alley max friend
I'm like what's going on guys like this guy doesn't do his fucking dishes. I did my fucking dishes. I'm like, hey
Hey, hey, hey
You do like the drug like hey
Hey you you listen. Hey listen
Hey listen, and I'm like and they're like what the fuck and I'm like I am so plastered right now. I
Don't even know what's going on and your voices are very loud. They're kind of freaking me out
Like what the fuck?
Like dude, I don't even know man, but listen, I'll do the dishes if you guys I'll just calm down
I'll do the dishes and then alley mac is just going
Like over there and I'm like, yeah, you know like alley mac what the fuck's wrong with your friend?
I'm like, ah, nothing's wrong with me, man. I'm doing fantastic
Okay, and then they're like
I'm gonna go to bed and I'm like you do that you guys both do that. So I fucking went over to a corner
I threw a blanket over my head and I curled up in a ball. I fell asleep until 5 a.m.
I woke up stone-cold sober. I cleaned the entire house and I left without saying a word to anybody
Yeah, yeah you have a story about the drunkest you've ever been oh yeah, well
Back I was at one of my exes
College dorms and it was like the first time I ever got drunk
drinking like vodka or something and
We're playing beer pong, but at one point I blacked out and when I woke up
I was standing in a stairwell and just pissing down the stairs
Oh
They heard the door drunk yeah
Couldn't find the bathroom. So I guess I was pissing down stairs and he poured in a storm my friend
The RD who's like the resident director of the building found me
And he's like where the hell is your room?
I'm like, I don't know because I could remember what was there. We just like walking around for a half hour
looking for a room and
I got back there and he's like, yeah, we're gonna have a meeting in the morning. I
Mean those get off my teeth cuz I didn't live there
We're gonna have a meeting like no
Another time I'll tell one real quick
So
One time I was partying with these Spanish people
Man, you know, hold on. Let me let me put some music on there in the background. Just so now Casey's got a guy
Wait, I was what are you doing? I got a
Turn on the recording for the track of Spanish. We want like Spanish guitar music
I could do it or Dante could the role how you spell that da NZA
Kud you are oh, oh
Fuck oh, this is like a music video. Yeah
So I'm in this basement party at the Spanish kids house right partying with these Spanish people
They just keep telling me have another beer another beer
I don't know 20 years old 1920. I just kept drinking. I kept drinking. I'm dancing
I'm dancing
Drinking I'm dancing with these Spanish girls. This is great, right?
And I don't know when it hit me that I drank too much
But they said I sat down and I leaned against the wall and I looked at them
threw up
So these kids their parents like knew they were drinking but they didn't want like
They didn't want their parents to find a kid passed out. Yeah, so they're like, oh, well, we got to hide him some
They got this brilliant idea to hide me in my car
Like a quarter mile down the street. So they shoved me into their car brought me to my I had a Jeep Jeep Cherokee and
They got my keys out of my pocket all of the songs playing
Oh, yeah, it's high time. Okay?
They opened up my car got my key out of my pocket open my car and they shoved me in the back
Which is your trunk? They shoved me in the in the back seat of the car
And left me there great friends. Thanks guys
So the neighbor across the street
Like dude, did you just dump a body car the cops because she just saw a bunch of kids put a body in the back
I have a very vague memory
There wasn't this music playing still but keep it going
It's that's the theme for the story
Vague memory of real chatter
Coming through the back
Looking in
That's all I really remember
But what happened is the police smashed my back window out Jesus open my door and
Put me in the back of a green and white ambulance
Talk about what ambulance company now, this is what you're hearing though
Yeah
Yeah, and so they brought me to a hospital. I'm not gonna say the name of the hospital and Schenectady and
I remember the first thing I actually remember is
The cop saying you got a little sick on yourself, bud
When I worked at this ambulance company, I remember seeing this cop all the time
But uh, yeah, so it's green and white, you know, I let it wear off and
I slept it off get up in the morning get my stuff back and
Get back to my car and I bought one. I didn't have my clothes. So I'm in a hospital gun
so I get back to my car and
The windows all smashed out just sitting there and I'm like what the fuck happened
Dude, and I look behind me and I look across the street and there's a lady that called the cops in her window
And she literally went like this and like disappear
I had to go to a junkyard and get a new window for my car
Don't party with Spanish people
They will lead you down a bad path
They are partiers. They party hard. They can hold their alcohol better than you
Yeah, that's like when Ali Mack got pissed drunk at that one stogie night. Oh, yeah, and he got in the car and he tried
Where he was crying in the tree house
I'll just tell this story cuz the flake is
So if he could get his ass here so
So we were we were out there, you know having a stogie, you know around the fire
Ali Mack was getting belligerently drunk like he always does
Shoe in my woods. Yeah, he threw his he threw his van and vans and you're in your woods and we still haven't found the singular van
It's just gone like it's one with the trees now
Like we were sitting there and then he goes I'm like, alright
Casey goes it's time to go home everybody. I'm like I'm stone-cold sober. I didn't drink anything
So I'm like whatever and then fucking Ali Max like I'm not going home
Just like
I'm like, come on Ali Mack. Let's go. I'll drive you home. He's like, I'm not going
And he's just I'm like, come on man. Let's let's not do this right now. He jumps up into the fucking tree house
He's like I'm not coming out
Casey you're both like I like come on man get out of tree house. He's like no
No
And he says like, you know going on about how we hate him and shit and we're like, nah, dude, we don't hate you
We're trying to help you like no man. You guys hate me. You guys hate me, man
This is also when he was a fucking incel as of for three years
So three years. Yeah, you had three year dry spell. That's a drought
So I like we were arguing back and forth with them
Eventually, I got sick of it. I climbed up in the tree house and threw him out
And then he's just like I'm gonna fight you on my alley Mac. You wouldn't fight me sober. You're not gonna fight me now
He's like, yeah, I will and I go like I squared off. He's like, oh no, I won't
Let's get you to my fucking car and he's just like, okay, and I'm like you throw up in my car
I swear to God I'm gonna throw you out the side of the road. He's like me. Yeah, I
fucking got in my car and he's just like left in me and I'm like
Like I'm bringing you always like left in man, I'm gonna I owe you one
Which if you're listening
Only one and we brought him back to his house or I brought him back to his house
But on the way he just kept on fucking
Going to sleep and putting his head on my shoulder and I kept pushing him
Pushing him off me and smash his head against the window and he'd wake up for like two seconds and immediately go
So I'm like get the fuck off me
And he's like, yeah, man
So we got out and we got to his house and I'm like, alright, man, let's let's get you inside and he's just like
No, and I'm like, we're gonna get you to fuck inside
You're not gonna be in my fucking car anymore
and I'm gonna get you to your fucking bedroom and you're gonna go to sleep and you're gonna sleep this shit off and it's like
Okay, so I go out around the side door. He smacks his head off the top of my car
And lands in a fucking gunner. So I have to lift him up out of the fucking gutter
And carry him like carry like fucking sold like wounded soldiers and fucking D-day
I'm fucking carrying his ass on my fucking arm and then we get him inside. He fumbles with his keys
I pick up his keys. I shove it in the lock open it up and then he binds you he has one shoe and
He's like he's like
So he walks up his fucking stairs
closes his fucking door and locks it and
That's the last we solve them for 14 hours. Yeah, so I was also super drunk that night and I didn't I
He could have just slept on my couch, but I was like in no position to
To check on them or anything. So I figured I thought his roommates were home
So I wanted him to go home and and like sleep it off with his roommates
But he's like first of all my roommates. Nobody's here and you left me home alone
So give a fuck about me. I could be dead for three days and I wouldn't check on me
See that's really why for the most part I stopped drinking
Because I just got sick of having stories like that like just embarrassing myself like not that he embarrassed himself
But maybe no he embarrassed himself dude and then like Halloween the the next Halloween he got even worse
I'll I'll imagine he punched me
Really?
He's a drunk punch, you know, but then I sober punched him and he was like I think that sobered him up
Because like I was a boxer for 13 years you guys you guys know that and like he got me with like a drunk punch
Cuz I wasn't even expecting it. So I fucking set up fucking stance and I fucking
F***ed him and he's like like I think like he was fucking plastered boom sober
I knocked the drunk
He got so fucking drunk on that
He got he started getting combative and we were trying to just get him to get him to get him to get him to get him to get
And we were trying to just get him into bed and there was like me and three other people
there's like this big guy and me this like skinny guy another one of his friends and
And this girl all trying to put him in the bed and the girl I forgot her name the girls
She's trying to fuck him. It's like calm down
Being this big another big dude or fucking dragging him up the stairs and he's trying to throw himself down the stairs
We're trying to drag him in the bed and so he like threw himself on the stairs like three times
I feel like everybody needs to go through like a phase where they drink a lot
Like just to get it out of their system
Maybe not always but I just turned 21 and I was fucking getting hammered all the time
I don't I I I haven't been like actually drunk in like probably like a year and a half at this point
Yeah, it loses its yeah, it should I hate I hate being drunk. The only thing about being drunk
That's great. Is the food tastes so much better it does
Yeah, like I wish there was a way I could get the food to taste like it tastes when I'm drunk
Without being drunk. Yeah, like that'd be fucking lit
What is that?
I think your dopamine levels are just up. Everything's up. Yeah, everything's up
So it's just like it just enhances the flavor. My teeth get numb when I drink. That's weird. You ever get that? No, no
No, yeah
Teeth get numb and that's how I know. So I'll tell time where I blacked out. This is when I was fucking a
Totally legal age still in high school
But um, I
Was definitely legal drinking age and I wasn't at an illegal underage drinking party with my friends for homecoming
The statute of limitations is up for that one buddy. So I was uh, I was you know, we were there and
There was like an abandoned factory in my town the same one that I got arrested in actually
How many fucking things did you do at this abandoned factory?
Dude, it's it was it was the hub. I bet he did things in that abandoned factory that you did in libraries
You did shit with Anne Frank in that factory
Shut the fuck up man, ours ten!
He was fucking grabbing holocaust documentaries
So I was I was at that and it was homecoming night and I was the captain of the football team
You know, I had to go like it was like one of the things that like you had to do
So I was there and I never went to parties like I was like a straight-edge kid even though I got arrested
But like I I tried my best not to be like a shithead, but I you know had shithead moments
Like we all do but this is like my first time ever touching alcohol and I was like fucking 17 years old and
No, I was 21 years old
So we were having a fire in this abandoned factory and like my buddies were like doing shit and
My buddy had the nickname captain hook because he sent like dick pics to every girl in the school and he had a curved dick
So he was like
Fucking
So he was like plastered Grieman. I'm captain hook motherfucker
He was proud of it. Oh, yeah good for him. Yeah, he's like, yeah, ha mate
He's I'm captain hook fucking smacking his fucking fucking showing his dick off to anybody who would look at it and like
we're like whatever man and
So I'm getting drunk and I'm like, I don't know how to get drunk
So I'm just gonna drink fucking fireball like the story makes me want a beer
Yeah, so like, you know every 17 year old you're drinking fucking fireball. You want one?
You want one? Yeah
But like, you know, 17 year old fireball is your alcohol of choice
Yeah, so I was I was pounding down some fireball and I didn't know how to pace myself. So I was just fucking slamming it
And you know, there's a girl there that I found really attractive. I tried to hit on her. Didn't it work made me drink more
then
Things started going off the rails at this point my buddy Colin fucking started punching the ground
Like literally just kept on punching the soft ground until his fucking arm was like all the way in the dirt
That has nothing to do with the story. I just thought it was an interesting thing
That's very interesting
My one buddy climbed up to the rafters and he was like hanging off the rafters of this abandoned factory
That was you know, like 20 feet up and I and I'm like, he probably shouldn't have been up there
But you know, we all thought it was hilarious and then
Little things started coming up. I started seeing this a little black around my vision and I'm like
What the fuck's that and then the black started coming in
It started coming in it started coming in and I said I kept on like fighting it and like it would go out a little bit
And then it started coming back in and like the tunnel vision started going and then eventually this went
And I woke up
And I woke up in my bedroom
And my window was open so my parents never knew I was gone
But the things that happened when my brother was gone
And when my brain went sleepy time, but my body said it's party time
were interesting to say the least I uh
Apparently I had burns on my hand too and I was missing
You know the lower half of my clothing but not like I I had underwear on like I wasn't like, you know
Just dick balling out but um, I like, you know, like second degrees on my hand
Not like serious second degrees, but like ones that he had to keep popping the blisters on and shit
So apparently when I fucking blacked out everybody said that I just fucking stared at people
and i'm like
Hey
You're like dude, are you all right? I'm like, i'm just feeling great
And they said like I like looked like I was fucking evil. I'm like, I feel fantastic
But you weren't even there. I wasn't there like that was your alternate
Personality finally that asshole's out of the room and i've got a chance to control this body. So I fucking sprinted to the fire
Oh shit, and I lifted up a log and I went over to my buddy who was punching the ground
I threw flaming logs at him screaming. I'm donkey kong motherfucker jump like mario, bitch
And i'm throwing fire logs at him just fucking yeeting fire logs at him and everybody's like, you know, what the fuck lee
And I turned around I go bye bye and I run into the dark woods
I don't know what the fuck happened because never catch me
I was my house was two miles away from that. I don't know what happened between
There and my house. Damn dude. I got a fucking story like that
um
There's this banger
Did I tell the one about how I got the fiddler on the roof the play canceled at school because I got no
trip, all right
I'll just i'll make these quick
Um, i'll tell them both so we'll start with the one where I got the field trip canceled
so
I uh, we we went on a field trip to Salem, Massachusetts
In 10th grade. All right. Yeah, and uh, I was like man
I'm gonna make this field trip fun, bro
So I went into my parents cabinet and I took what little bit of vodka that they had
And I poured it in a gatorade
So, um
Like mix it or just put fucking pure vodka in it. I put pure vodka in it. Yeah
um
so
On this field trip
I started sipping on this gatorade, right? It was actually a good idea
Like I should probably do that like more often stuff like that
just just to make
situations more palatable, but
I got hammered
And I we were on a wade tour bus one of those big tour buses
And there's this girl I liked in like sixth grade
and
I'm sitting on her lap
And i'm saying to her i'm like listen
My friend has also liked you since sixth grade. I said you give him what he wants
One of the parents is like, yeah, there's something not right
There's been something's going on. He's sitting on her lap like he's demanding that she
gives his friend what he wants
so
So one of the teachers comes up and he's like, hey dan, what are you drinking there? Right grabs my gatorade sniffs it takes a swig of it
And he goes, all right everybody who drinks to the front of the bus
And so a bunch of the people that I had planned like drinking with were people that were in the school play and
So
They went to the front of the bus gave them their drinks and they got jammed up, right?
They all got suspended
And since they were in the school play they had nobody to do since they got suspended they had nobody to do feather on the roof
I went to this rinky-dink little school you fucking anti-semitic piece of shit. Yeah
You fucking you you you're the nazis in my holocaust
So it made like the school newspaper about underage drinking and I kept the article. I thought it was hilarious
He said I was never allowed to go on a field trip again
Um, oh and then like this is the problem like I was like fuck i'm in trouble
So i'll just play the victim right and I so I pretended I was like way more drunk than I was
And they're like, oh my god, we gotta get this kid to a hospital
Yeah, way toward bus drivers like oh, I gotta find one. Where do I go?
And i'm like in the front like just like pretending i'm so out of it, but I wasn't I wasn't that drunk I was just
So anyway, there was another story
There's this fucking banger in high school
Uh, one of the best high school parties that we had
And uh, it was at my buddy's house
And my one friend showed up with this pickup truck that he had chopped the roof off of right?
Just like with a saw some hillbilly shit real hillbilly shit. Yeah, so it was like a convertible pickup truck
duct tape like over the um
Over the like the sharp metal, right?
So he just started doing donuts in his yard, right?
And i'm in the passenger seat and i'm just like flashing everybody. I'm like
And he's going around in circles and every once in a while on the headlights
I would see my one buddy whose house it was going like this like no no no
It was just like, you know every time you'd spin around
You'd see him real quick
So dude, I just made a fucking mess of this kid's house
I like went into the kitchen and I found cookie crisp
On top of the fridge and I just started fucking eating it out of the box, right?
And i'm like, oh well, I don't want to get lost. I gotta find my way back, right?
So I started making a trail of cookie crisps through the house
Grab the box of donuts and I was eating the fucking donuts
Open the bathroom door and there's a super super hot chick from high school sitting on the toilet, right?
I took one of the powdered donuts
You hit her square in the face
Anyway, I ended up
Going with my buddy home. He was hammered and I sat in the back of his pickup truck
The one who had the chop top truck and i'm sitting in the back and i'm like dude
Dude, Kyle bro, slow down for me, bro. You're going too fast, dude
Slow down, dude
He's like i'm doing 30 miles an hour, Dan
Just slow it down, bro
so
Anyway, we get back to his house and this is the first time I ever smoked weed
um
and
Allegedly got me smoked up
And I fucking vomited dude, do you agree now?
I don't think I greened out. I just I throw up all over his fucking kitchen and he's like bro
dude
I'm gonna have to kick you out bro. And it wasn't that I threw up. I just kept spitting on his floor after that
He's like dude, you gotta stop spitting i'm gonna have to kick you out dude and he's high and drunk and
So I just said
I i'm not gonna stop spitting bro
I just spit on his fucking floor again. He's like, all right, dude, i'm kicking you out bro. You gotta dude you gotta go
so
Me outside
Since my shirt was covered in vomit. I didn't have a shirt on and then he gave me this fucking denim jacket
Mind you it's like fucking three in the morning, right?
So I got this denim jacket on and it's like a stripper in a fucking old town, dude
Yeah, I got this denim jacket on backwards
right, so the open part is in the back and
piss drunk
And there is this girl that I liked in high school
She was adorable bro, and she liked me and everybody's like everybody thought we had like a thing going on
Right, which it was like we kind of did but it was like it never like went into anything
but
It well actually like she liked me
and then
When I started to like her she didn't like me anymore
Wow, we like missed each other, you know, but this is why because she's he was like he
Videotaped this right and I thought for years i'm like this fucking video is gonna get out and it's gonna ruin my life
Like I had some future
But he
Videotaped me and he's like dude. What do you think a sammy p dude?
She's fat oh
Man because she you know, she she's like she's a little bigger, but she lost some weight. She got fucking fine, bro
God damn. She was a babe. So anyway, I fucked up
So he's like, all right, dude, you gotta go dude. You gotta get out. You gotta go bro, right?
Sent me off into the darkness
I had three in the morning with only a fucking denim jacket denim jacket on backwards piss drunk
So i'm like, i'm just gonna start fucking walking. I'm just gonna start finally home
I live about five miles from here. I don't figure out how to get home. So i'm fucking walking dude
And I fucking fell in a ditch
right
Get up out of the ditch, right? Just keep going
And I don't know why the fuck I did this but I decided that I was gonna take a nap in a car
That wasn't my car
I saw this car like you know some people on their garage. They have like a really blight bright fluorescent light
Yeah, this garage had like one of those and I just saw this car sitting underneath it and I was like, oh
Well, fuck it and went up and it was opened in front of somebody's house and I slept in their fucking car
How many cars have you slept in when you were drunk?
I I mean that's the most comfortable place
so um
Anyway, I slept in that car for like, I don't know maybe like an hour. This is like four o'clock in the morning
So I kept walking. What would you have done if you just woke up in like another area?
Like he's at work or some shit. Dude, it's so dangerous. What if somebody came out with a fucking gun?
so um
Yeah, so i'm like i'm just gonna keep walking so I kept walking
And and I realized after walking for it was like, I don't know two hours now that I had been walking the wrong way this entire time
so
I'm like fuck because I just sobered up enough to be like wait a second. My fucking school bus comes this way
I'm like, oh
Fuck dude. I walked the wrong way. And meanwhile, this is out in the country like dude. It's terrifying walking in the country at night
I'm in the middle of nowhere
You know, I just like I just said fuck it. I'm just gonna walk. I was like not afraid at all
but um, so finally
it was uh, it was like seven in the morning and I made it to
Within two miles of my house and I was fucking one. It was freezing that night
And I was just like so fucking cold
And I was just worn out from just walking all night
And the kid who had originally brought me to the party I snuck out of my house, right?
So it's daylight now. It's like six or seven in the morning. The kid who originally brought me to the party
drove by me
20 right and he drives by and then
Slams on the brakes throws it in reverse and he backs up and he's like, okay, I'm not gonna lie. I was crying
He's like Dan
And I'm like, bro, can you give me a fucking ride home bro? So he's like what the fuck happened to you?
It's a long story
so
He brought me home
Snuck back in my window now. It's like I don't know eight o'clock in the morning. I got an hour's sleep
And then my mom woke me up for church
My legs are covered in blood for falling in the ditch sucking some random person's car first time I smoked weed
Now I gotta go, you know go to church
Sorry if that was that was a long story
That was wonderful. Yeah, it was wonderful. That's why I don't drink anymore stuff like that
Did I ever tell you about my my crazy ex-girlfriend the russian one story on the on the air?
Which story? Oh, this is a fun one
So in high school I was like, okay
so in high school, I
I
Was in the art class. I'm just gonna start from the beginning. It'll be a pretty long story, but it's worth it at the end
Wasn't worth it for me, but it's a funny story
So I was 17 years old and I was in art class with this russian
She was like straight off the boat from russia like thick russian. No, really thick russian. She had a russian accent
Um beautiful beautiful girl
Um, and I was just sitting there
um and uh
She caught my she caught my eye and I'm like, huh?
She's good looking so um
ended up, you know
She's doing stupid shit
And she said the thing that got her was I had these little fucking puppets that I made
And I would be making little scenes with my puppets like above like my little easel
I'm going like this and like I'd look at her with the puppets and look back and I'd be making little scenes
But um, she goes she like did like the like
Shit like when she like pats the chair next to her and I'm like
jackpot
Motherfucker. I knew that I was gonna get the bitches my name
They all told me I was autistic
So I end up talking to her we hit things off
Uh, I start talking to her like she gives me her number. Uh, we end up dating
um
The whole dating thing is sick. She was
fucking nuts in the best possible way, um
and um
so uh
then her uh her
Literate legitimate xkgb dad finds out that she's dating an american
And that's when things start going downhill
Um, we've been dating for like eight months at this point and i'm at the mall
I'm wearing my fucking leather jacket with all my shit on it and I have my arm around here as an american is yeah
Yeah, so I have my arm around her we're sitting on the bench. We're eating the pretzel or whatever
Fuck that
Yo, that's got you so
I'm sitting there and here he comes fucking big rotund little fucking russian guy
Just uh, just do it a little bit lower and i'll talk over it
Yeah, you can turn that one off because he's got that just do just do that low
So all of a sudden big red comes along. That's why I started calling him
He had some fucking weird like russian name. It's called big red. So big red's coming along. He's just like
Looks at me. That's like the weird like head turn thing
He looks at her start speaking in russian and I look at him become a shit head 17 year old and I go
Hey, I know you're insulting me. Can you just say it in english so I can understand and he's just like, oh
The american has some balls does he and I go
Oh, you just gave me this i'm like, well your daughter seems to like him
And then he is like get the fuck out of here and i'm like, it's a public it's a public place
We're in a free country now. Hold on. Did he have his tracksuit on?
Uh, he had the track pants on not the jacket. He had like a white t-shirt and like track pants on
So fucking big red is fucking like talking to to my my ex-girlfriend in russian
And he is like blah blah blah blah blah russian russian russian russian russian. She starts crying
So i'm sitting there and she starts crying and i'm like, whoa, man
You don't need to do that
And he goes i'll speak in your filthy tongue to tell you this
Do not ever contact my daughter ever again and I go fuck you
You like fucking grabs her by her arm and like takes her away and big red's fucking on the warpath
Now i'm like, whatever and then um
So her family goes out of town for the weekend, but she stays there
You can kind of assume what happens there
um
She comes out with a kgb fucking hat
That's like like the fur ones
No shit with a little fucking thing. Yeah, where do you get one of those?
Uh from russia during the soviets. Um, you know, let's try to order one. So I was sitting there
And uh, then she's like, oh
They're coming home because I fell asleep and i'm like you're doing what now
So fucking this one of like they're pulling into driveway. I put my fucking pants on i'm fucking jumping out the window
And she is like the don one bro
Yeah, 60 bucks for a fur trapper hat. So I fucking jumped out the goddamn window
I'm fucking running through the fucking things. I'm just jumping over fences and shit. Um
Eventually, I go and pick her up and uh, I walk up to the door and I do like that
Hello
And he opens the door and I and I see her crying in the background
He goes I told you never to come here again and I go
Okay, uh, that's not gonna stop me and he goes maybe this little he pulls out a revolver fucking points it at me
and i'm like
Well, I'm never coming here again
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I was still an insane 17 year old and I looked him dead in the fucking eyes and I go
Next time you pull a gun on somebody make sure it's loaded
And then he goes like he like goes like stunned he's like
He's like I see you'll have some balls on you and I'm like I do
And I go I would like to see
Her name and he goes no
You know, I go
I go fuck yourself chief. He goes i'll call the police and I go
What are you gonna call the police? You pulled a gun on a 17 year old and you're probably here legally
Like what the fuck are you gonna do? It wasn't just a test to see if you're like
Man enough. Yeah, but no he really was
Made enough. Yeah, but no he really didn't want you
So then I go again
Hello
And then I see him come out click click
Loaded this time and I go. Oh you learned
Damn fuck that and then he goes ain't no tail worth getting a fucking rounding him back. So i'm like, ah
This time i'm like, okay, maybe I should get the fuck out of here
And then I uh, I dipped out so then we started seeing each other like romyo and juliet style
Like fucking like sneaking out and like doing shit fucking hanging out on bridges and shit and you know doing the weird teenager shit
And then eventually it's a sad ending to this story and it's it hurt a lot
Um, but i'm over it now, but like at the time it was devastating. She died
Um, I was uh, I was sitting there and I got uh, she goes hey
I'm going to a youth counselor's camp like thing and like I got i'm canceling i'm counseling some kids
Uh, i'll be back in like three days. So i'm like, okay, whatever
And then she goes now I get a text message like two days later and it's just like
Uh, i'm so sorry and I go what happened?
And she goes one thing led to another and I fucked one of the other counselors here. Damn, but did you get the fucker?
Yeah, okay. Okay. All right. You're fine then so so i'm like
I'm like you did what?
Damn, that's such a punch in the gut and i'm like
You you did what and she goes my dad like?
Want like he like they got married by the way
They're they're married now because her dad arranged this marriage and basically her dad was like fucking basically telling this guy to pretty much force himself onto her
And she just accepted and she just like yeah, she's like I feel so bad
But you know, I you know, it was the one that my dad wanted me to be with so i'm like
I drew a line of sand right there
I'm like either you become a free person away from your dad and make your own fucking choices
Or we're fucking done. Dude. This story is giving me feels bro. Yeah, it's hitting me right in the feels
Get the music going and then i'm like and then and then she goes
I
I can't I can't go away from my dad and i'm like, all right
We're gonna i'll cut it off then
Damn, it sounds like you got cut off though
It sounds like you're telling yourself you're cutting it off. Sounds like you got caught off
I did get cut off, but there's an epilogue to this story
um, we went to the same college after that and I was uh, I was sitting down
and uh
She came up and she goes hey, I just
Like just like this was like coincidental like she didn't like she goes
I got an extra coffee by mistake
And it was the same exact type of coffee that I liked with like the same exact like thing because she like got like the same
exact thing that I got like every time after I showed her to her so she gave me the cup
And uh, I drank it and i'm like this is like the same exact thing that we used to get when we were together
And then I kind of did like the you don't ever think of what happened if uh, things turned out differently type thing
And then she goes hey, I know we're in like the same type of class
You want to come over to my like dorm and study and i'm like sure?
And then they were like him and him her and the guy that she cheered on me with were together at this point
And uh, I had the chance to fuck her and make her cheat on him with me
but then
The fucking little bit of good in me was like i'm gonna be the bigger man
Oh my god, why?
I know dan would have done it. It's not like I have no morals, but
Man, I ain't gonna give that up
I was a good catholic boy. So you're a better person than me
Yeah, she was uh something else man
But uh, that was my first love my first loss and i'm in a better relationship now and you know, things are going great
You heard it here first
Yeah, things are going great for tyler here at outside of podcast dude that that story hit me in the fields
Because there's nothing especially since I had the soviet national anthem. Yeah
There's there's that's pretty that's a pretty good national anthem. Yeah
I'm not a russian sympathizer. I'm just saying they got a good national anthem. I have a russian
You definitely are russian sympathizer
But uh, yeah like dude, there's no bigger punch in the gut than when
Ah, it's just like a dude
That fucks a girl. That's like
just
Takes your girl man. That's like hey as the uh, as the song goes
Never trust a hoe don't trust a ho never trust a hoe that don't trust me
Yeah, dude. Yeah
Yeah, that's that's fucking rough
And then this was like an epilogue to the epilogue
Uh when I was cleaning out my wallet this year when I was getting a new one
There was a piece of soviet candy
Like wrapper that was in it and it was like the candy that you used to give me. How old is your fucking wallet?
How long has this happened? Dude, this was like fucking like I had this wallet since I was like 15 to like 24
What brand is this? I gotta
It was a fucking solid wallet. My wallets always fall apart. I've had this one for a little while. It's a fossil
But it's not holding up pretty good. It's wearing quite nicely but
I've never had one last that long. Yeah, dude. It was fucking fantastic
Like I love that wallet like the one that I got how old you were when you were 15. I was
17 to 18 when this was going on. Okay, actually no 16 to 18
But the reason why yeah, I was in high school like it's it's like long past like i'm over it at this point
But like when I don't know that you are
You know just I i'm very good at storytelling
Yeah, but like the reason why I got the new wallet is because I can do both of these now
Let me let me see so you flash it like a badge. Yeah, you can you can flash it like a badge
And uh, it's pretty sweet dude. It's great. Like I love that wallet
Like I got it when I was in maine. I got like a trading post thing. It was fucking sick. Oh shit
Yeah, it's classy
Damn dude, it's like that wallet fantastic. Like i've had this for you guys get one of the new cards
All right, we gotta talk about something here. Is don juan dead or is he making a come back don juan's in the nursing home?
Put him in a nursing home. He's in a nursing home. Yeah, and it's like a high security nursing
Home, he can't get out. It's got bars on it. I think don juan should make a couple calls from the nursing home
So like where did this character of john don juan come from let's let's talk about this man the earliest rendition
That i'm aware of well one first. I I think that it's truly a sub personality
That's just from the first cardiac arrest I ever went so like a ghost like attached to his yeah
I'm possessed by this thing that is don juan
Um, I I went to this um cardiac arrest for a large
Very large black male. All right, and I mean he was so large that his shoes
Uh were flattened out from his cankles. Really? Yeah, they were like fucking size 14 jordans and they were
completely pancake
but the first cardiac arrest I went to
and
his soul
Jumped into mine
This guy, uh
Just
That's the only place I can think of and then it would come out slowly
I just kind of like absorbed little parts of like other people and
He made this don juan. Yeah, the earliest time I remember
Talking like that was um
I was in new york city and this guy had a
uh
Delorean yeah, right? Yeah, yeah back to the future. Yeah. Yeah, and I was like
Yeah, he got a delorean. There's a time machine
Okay, I can't believe he got a the damn
like
That's the earliest time I remember don juan and that's that's how he was born
I feel like there's a little bit of beetle juice in there, too
Yeah, a little definitely a little bit of the um
You know, he kind of I don't know. Oh, well, no, there's there's another place that it came from
There's a guy that I used to work with
And I could never understand what the fuck he was saying
So it's a mix between like all these things these factors. It's multifactorial what made
Don juan, yeah, but there's this guy I used to work with and
I remember this guy was telling me a
story
And I couldn't figure out what the hell he was talking about. He was like, yeah, so look
If I was in that position, though
You know, I put well, I got what I'll ride this shot
We said
I'll take care of you
And I'll come back. I'm gonna take care of you
I'll make a fight for me
So I'm like, what is this guy talking about?
What the hell is he talking about? And I finally figured out that he was
Pretending he was on the show temptation island
He was telling a story from his perspective
But this went on for like 20 minutes to a half hour of me just nodding and smiling
Just to be talking like that
And then he'd go like that once in a while
That's where that came from
Your co-worker, yeah
So it'd just be like so I just started doing that like damn that's crazy
Don Juan was born don Juan's fucking origin. Yeah, I heard it here first
Bring back don Juan from the nursing home
One call
He can make one call he's allowed one call occasionally
So fucking
He's not allowed to call Honolulu though
So, let's see here. Um, I had one more dial out from the nursing home. Yeah, I got I got one more story here
It looks like so, you know election day's coming up
Um, i'm voting for lee zeldin as you should fuck you. Um
um, but
There's an interesting thing that's happening on election day
A blood moon will emerge on election day in the last total lunar eclipse in three years is happening on election day in america
Do you think that's an omen? Do you think it's a coincidence? Do you think it's a um harbinger of bad times?
I don't know. I don't think it means much
honestly, also, I bet you could line it up with like
You know
I bet every eclipse lines up with somebody's election day somewhere on earth
You know
so, uh another question
goblins real
Or not real goblins are real goblins are real mother. I've seen harry potter goblin
Goblin we need to play that song. That's a fucking sick song
What title the creator goblin bro?
No, no, that's bass. That's on uh, that's on yonkers. I think yeah. Yeah
I think you need to play it kasey
What um yonkers by tyler the creator, you know, that's a song that he actually fucking hates mother fucking goblins
Can we get some more incest going here? Somewhat?
Incense what are you doing step bro? My air pods are stuck in the dryer
Oh
It's got a hard beat
I just let it play in the back. Oh fucking walking paradox
Threesomes with a fucking triceratops
Wearing synthetic wigs made of anwar's dreadlocks bedrock harder than the motherfucking flintstones
Making crack rocks out of pussy nigga fishbones
He's such a weird fellow
He's got kill written up. He's got kill tattooed on his wrist. He doesn't actually have a tattooed on his face. That's his magic marker
Tyler actually doesn't have any tattoos. Oh, is he actually gay or no? No, I think he's just like metro
Because I thought he was like wearing skirts for a while there
Yeah, I think he's just metro. I think he's just trying to be a freak for attention. Yeah
This is a music video. He's like, oh he hangs himself at the end. It's moving a cricket and he's like vomiting blood
I'm not gay. I just want to
I thought about making that my facebook status
Fucking hot line or fucking shrinking. She's already got mine and he's not fucking working
I think i'm wasting my damn time
My uh, my name on instagram was tyler creator for a little bit
Oh, yeah, tyler, don't you've never heard this song? No
Gotta add it to your library. I slipped myself some pink zanies and danced around the house with all over prank panties
That fucking broad would never understand me. I'm not gay. I just want a boogie to some marvin
fuck her
I said fucking airplane out that
Sorry, he can say that i don't know kenny. Yeah over cheeva and how about i saw the metro?
Hold on
Oh did you hear that take off from migos died? Yeah fucking bad dude, you got shot over a game of dice, right? Yeah
Yeah, I remember I used to shoot dice back at uh at our old company with the fucking local riff raff
Bums out front dude
Oh, yeah, he did hang himself. Yeah, dude, it's fucking dark music video man with jeffrey up to him
Did you ever understand? Oh, no, he didn't come. I thought you're talking about jeffrey domer. I'm like, I thought he got a death penalty
No, jeffrey domer got killed
I've seen definitely hung himself
He felt so guilty
That's how he did it. Yeah a mother fucking gobbling
Such a good song there's also one where he's like talking to his conscience, which is a fucking really cool really cool fucking thing
He's like hello. I'm tc. I'm your conscience. He has all these like split personalities. Yeah
but I mean back when like goblin and uh
And bastard came out like he was like dark like fucking rap and now he's like, you know talk about flowers and shit
like and he's like
Hucking up with like will smith's son or something
No, will smith's son wanted to hook up with him and like he came out on stage dude
It's funny as hell he came out on stage and he goes tyler. I want you to be my boyfriend and tyler crater comes out
He goes i'm not fucking gay
And jaden smith runs off the stage
Oh man a motherfucking goblin yeah
I want to hear i want to hear don juan's revival
Oh
Dude it's actually late now. It might not be
Nah bro
Okay, hallelujah is always open there's always a place what other countries are open
I don't know if you want to make international you can call los angeles or something. They'll be mean
or like organ or
One of those western places
Let's see
Let's see who are we gonna call when we called oklahoma city. They fucking got real angie
Something else you better star six seven your number
Your number is probably on like a fucking like a prank call watch list or some shit
What are we gonna call about
Who are you calling um
I like like walmart or target
I'll be looking for that movie with that dude he be eating people
That he be eating people he be like tying them together
Like sewing them up so they
Get out there, you know that one
I don't think they ate anybody
No, that's crazy they didn't watch you watch that human centipede
I've seen oh, i've seen that
The second one was definitely the worst
That was just made to shock people what's what's another movie?
um
fucking
Mariah Carey's all I want for christmas is you cd
Let's do some christmas movies because holiday season's coming up then we got that one with a doe he be like
That his parents will have a case
And uh, they forgot all about that little dough
And he be going how easy like he he's at his house and shit. He be like he be shooting burners
He be like, you know that one
With that one with the little kid on the fucking train and it's like sliding on the ice
I hate that fucking movie
Yeah, so you know that one though he got the dough from save that fucking
Narcid my fucking asshole who the fucking narc kid who's like i'm telling the conductor that you're being a fucking retard
That movie just gives me weird vibes. It's like what are you supposed to?
Yeah, what are the fucking adults doing with a bunch of fucking toddlers on a fucking train by themselves in the middle of the night?
Also, it's a fucking bum that just hangs out on the top of the train who's also a ghost. Yeah, he's just like yo
Also tom hanks, yeah, tom hanks is fucking the two personalities. You have the conductor
He got the scary bum on the top
Let's talk about the polar express real quick because that movie's fucking wild
This kid doesn't believe in santa claus or the fucking holiday spirit and then a fucking train pulls up
He's like what the fuck and tom hanks could ask let's get on the train my guy and the kid's like, okay
Do you think that this?
Movie is a metaphor for freedom of speech. Yeah freedom of thought. Oh, yeah
If you don't believe what we want you to believe you're gonna get on the train. Oh
Oh shit, it's like the holocaust
And like he goes on like this whole like fucking journey
And like he goes to the fucking top of the train and the top of the train has like the bomb. He's like, oh
I'm drinking coffee out of my sock
And like he fucking like goes oh christmas santa
Wow
This kid believes in santa
He fucking goes see you later kid. It just disappears in the snow because like what the fuck just happened
Then he just goes down and like these fucking these fucking like train operators are like there's ice on the tracks, man
These motherfuckers go we're gonna drift a train and they're like you can't drift the train. We're gonna drift the fucking train
And they drift a fucking train and then they get to the fucking north pole and there's fucking like special ops elves
parachuting down and shit and santa goes the true spirit of christmas lies in your heart
Points at him the kids like whoa, that's fucking crazy, man
I love that the movie synopsis by tyler
Dude I can do I got a whole bunch of movies I can synopsis. I
I've actually only seen parts of that movie. I've never seen the whole thing, but now I don't need to watch it, dude
You don't I can synopsis fucking ghostbusters. There's a bum drinking coffee out of a sock
Hot chocolate, I forgot about hot chocolate
Oh, fuck you dude, so
Um, i'm gonna talk about ghostbusters and synopsifies it so uh,
There's these three scientist dudes one's fucking bill murray one's fucking dan acaroid and one is fucking
I always forget his name. He's just fucking egon
That's real quick
So fucking they're they're doing ghost they're doing fucking research man, and then fucking dad bill
Murray's doing fucking electric shocks and shit on this fucking dude
He's trying to fuck this chick who's also doing the electric shock therapy
So he tells her that she's a psychic and then fucking
Big fucking dan acaroid comes he's like we got a ghost my guy and then he says like can we not do this right now?
I'm really trying to fuck this girl
And he's just like no, man, we got to go to the library
So he goes to the fucking library and they go downstairs in the basement and they have like
Books that are stacked on top of each other like in a library and then like a ghost comes out and they're like hey
What's up? You're a ghost and the ghost goes
And like they go whoa and they fucking leave
and
They go back to their like fire station. No, they go back and they're like this is great news
We can capture ghosts now so then they buy a fire station
For whatever reason and when they buy the fire station, they're just chilling in the fire station and then like these fucking
Oh, it's hot ass fucking receptionist fucking calls them and says hey
She's got like the really like gooey look which I really like like it's a nice look anyways
Uh, this so the gooey the gooey
Fucking receptionist lady who's really hot and I would love love to you know
Get to know better if you know what I mean
um
Goes we got one and they go to a go
They go to a hotel and this fucking fat ass fucking ghost is going blah blah eating like hot dogs and shit
So they shoot fucking lasers at them and then they shoot lasers at them and they capture them and then the fucking
The hotel guy's like i'm not gonna pay you and he goes well, we'll put them right back and he just goes well
We'll pay you five thousand dollars and he's like, okay, we'll take that
So then they go back to the fire station and they're you know doing like this weird ghost shit and they see like, you know
more and more ghosts are coming out and
Um, so like the more and more ghosts are coming to new york city. It's ghost central, man
So then like all these ghosts are running around new york city
So they're fucking like becoming like these famous like dudes and like everywhere like they're running around
And like they're going around new york city and they're fucking fighting ghosts and shit and then they go
Hey, man, you see elvis and they all laugh and then I just got back. Can you start over?
And then dan acrobat gets his dick sucked by a ghost and dream and then does that happen?
Yeah, it happens in the movie. I'm not lying about that hot ghost. No, it's an invisible ghost
So the invisible ghost sucks his dick and he comes and then uh, it goes on and then they realize that uh fucking dana barrett
Fucking sigourney weaver is like fucking like a like really like hot like lady and bill murray's trying to get with her
And then she's like, oh i'm not gonna get with you and eggs fucking go on to her counter and they're like
On her counter and they start boiling on the fucking counter and the eggs are being fried and she's like, whoa
I need to call the ghost buster
So then bill murray comes in with a fucking probing device and he starts going huh?
Cool. Look at all this shit and she's like, well nothing happened in the bedroom
He goes that's a shame and then they go to the kitchen and then he goes over he goes
Whoa, those look like they've been cooked in the counter. She goes they did and he goes she goes
There's like a fucking demon in my refrigerator. So he opens up the refrigerator. He goes. Whoa
There's coca-cola and junk food in here and she's like there was a demon in my refrigerator and he goes
Well, that happens sometimes so then he goes in
And they go back to the fucking fire station and this prick fucking comes in
He's just like i'm with the epa and they go fuck you and they go on and they catching more ghosts and shit
But while they're trying to catch more ghosts and shit
um
They fucking you know
The goeser to goes arian this fucking sagorny weaver gets possessed by this fucking demon and she starts acting like all horny and shit
And she fucking finds fucking this little rick moranis man
And he's like real short and real ugly looking and he tries to and then like he turns into a fuck
He gets possessed by a demon
So then sagorny weaver and rick moranis fuck each other and then they go on top of a building and summon a demigod
So then the ghostbusters go up the tree
The building and they get to the top of the building and there's like this fucking lady with a flat top
And the lady with the flat top's like i'm a demigod. Tell me you're fucking
Destroyer of worlds so he's fucking up there and they're like don't think anything and she's like you already chose and everybody's like
We didn't think anything and then ray's like and then fucking dan agarwal's like well
I actually thought of something like what the fuck did you think of and like the stay puffed marshmallow man?
Fucking 50 fucking stories tall of fucking marshmallow man's coming through new york
So they start shooting at this fucking bitch with lasers coming out and then they're like, whoa, don't cross the streams
They go why wouldn't it why wouldn't they early in the movie? They're like don't cross the streams
They're like why because it'll burn your fucking dick off. So then they're like, well, I don't want my dick burned off
So then they go and they're like, hey, we gotta cross the streams to get this bitch and they're like, whoa, man
That's uh, I don't want my dick burned off and like well, there's theoretically your dick won't get burned off
But there's a high probability that your dick will get burned off
So then they fucking shoot this bitch with a flat top and then she fucking explodes and then the stay puffed marshmallow man fucking just
Incinerates himself and screams and then marshmallow goo goes everywhere. This fucking prick goes whoa
He looks up and marshmallow goes all over it's like fucking cum. There's this about gallons and gallons of fucking marshmallow
Cum all over New York City all over Central Park West the entirety of Central Park West fucking cum of marshmallows. So
Then they're like, oh, well, it smells like wet dog hair here and the demon fucking horses or dogs or whatever
Fuck they are like, oh, I'm sorry fucking Bill Murray you your your your girlfriend turned into a dog
And you see her fucking hand come out. He's like, whoa, she's not covered in cum
So he like rips her out and then fucking little retard Rick Moran is comes out
He's like hey guys anybody do your taxes and they're like I want a sample of your brain tissue the end
That was amazing experience. I um, I don't think I could tell you the general synopsis of my favorite movie
That was incredible, all right, we're gonna play a game it's called how many
How many Christmas movies can a target employee guess by that? I actually
Got that one prank calls make me feel all right, so
Right you can do that. I don't feel great about this either
Casey's the only one that actually wants to do it
I just feel bad for the people doing it
I'm Dan's conscience
We gotta give the people what they want so much down I think I think that we need to keep them in retirement my guys
I can do another movie
I'm torn. I'm torn. I'll do another movie back to the future. That'd be a fun one
Right down the middle
We got the word
Fuck a dude, it's the fuckers spaghetti with fuck up maple syrup
I got I got another one. I'll do back to future
Lord fucking forgive me. I love back to the features
So you got this fucking cat Marty McFly so this fucking cat goes back in time tries to fuck his mom
Oh, no, no, no, we need to go more in depth than that. So we got this cat Marty McFly
He's a real fucking slacker his parents hate him his girlfriend hates him
down hates him we lost our remaining view except for
Everybody in town hates him except for a fucking crackhead scientist and he hangs out with this crackhead scientist
So he goes over to this crackhead scientist house and he goes yo, man
There's a big ass speaker over here and he pulls out his rad ass guitar. So he goes yo, man
I'm gonna play the raddest fucking thing ever and then he sees a note that says do not turn up volume
So he goes I'm gonna turn up the fucking volume. Anyways, the only guy in town that actually likes him. He's gonna fuck him over
so
Fucking Marty McFly fucking goes damn and then fucking explodes out the back door. He's like righteous man
rock and roll
Rock and roll so he's fucking he's like rock and roll man
So then he goes out and then Huey Lewis in the news starts playing and they're fucking he's going down the street on his rad
skateboard
So he's fucking going on his fucking skateboard and he sees this fucking truck
He's like, you know what? I'm gonna hang on to this truck. So he's hanging on to this truck
He sees a yoga studio with some hot-ass biddies. He goes. Hey, how you doing? What else does he go by?
What else did he go? He goes by the hot-ass biddies goes by a Burger King. Dude. Do you fucking photographic fucking memory?
Are you fucking kidding me? I watch this movie so many fucking time. This is my favorite movie. Yeah, he's reciting these
We don't need to watch the movie
We can recite the fucking movie
I'll keep going. Okay, so he goes by the yoga studio that goes hey, there's some hot-ass biddies over there and they're like
Oh, hey Marty, we fucking hate you. So then he's like, alright
I'm gonna go to school and he meets his girlfriend at the front gate and the girlfriend's like oh dude
Our principal is gonna be pissed at you. He's like, hey, I don't give a shit
So he goes inside and his principal is just fucking standing there like you're a smacker just like your fucking father
He goes fuck you Marty. I hope you die in a car accident. He goes. Oh you wait
So then he goes alright
So he goes in and he fucking goes to school. He goes to his classes and he goes wait a minute
I gotta go see my crackhead friend who's a scientist at the fucking pines Twin Pine Mall at fucking 9 11 p.m
So he goes to fucking
So he's fucking going to the thing and he goes in and he's like, is that a that DeLorean? He goes yeah, man
It's me and a steel
And he's fucking like hey look, there's a dog. So he goes we're gonna send the dog back in time. So he fucking sends the dog
back in time animal abuse and he fucking the dog just disintegrates and he's like you just killed the dog
So that he's like whoa and then they goes and then he fucking looks at his watch he goes
Oh, no, we gotta get out of the way and he pulls Marty out of the fucking way. He goes
Oh shit, it fucking lightning comes out a fucking DeLorean comes out dog comes out. He's all fine fucking he holds he touched the thing
He's like, whoa
He's like, oh man, this is this is the most scientific
Goes not not nuclear it's electrical but the only thing I can do an electrical post that one at two one point twenty one
Jigga, what is a nuclear reactor? He's just like this suckers. What this this you fucking
plutonium
I trade I trade them a shell of a bomb with some
He's like and he goes and he just hears me
He sees a fucking Volkswagen fucking van come out. He goes he goes. Oh, no, they found me he goes who found you?
I think
He's just like oh man the Libyans are here and the fucking terrorists like
They fucking gun down crackhead motherfucker and he's hitting the gun
So he turns over to Marty. Yeah
So they fucking gets in a time machine goes back to 1955
I think 55 so whoa, he goes back down fuck. He's just like wait a minute. What's going on here, man?
It's the 1950s. So he goes wait a minute. I gotta cover this shit
So he covers the fucking domain with a fucking blanket and he's just like, all right, that'll stop it
So he goes down the street. He's walking down the street with his fucking stupid puffer vest on that looks like fucking life preserves
We got it. We got it back up. He went to the barn. Oh, yeah
And he fucking goes to the barn in the barn. He crashes the fucking thing into the barn and these motherfuckers come out
He's wearing a fucking hazmat gear and these motherfuckers from the 50s come out
Shotgun blows a fucking hole in the wall and he's just like, yo man, and he's just like
He ran over one of the pine trees and it's a pine ball
Fucking like fuck man. This is fucking crazy man. It's right the fucking DeLorean out. He's like aliens
So he fucking drives in the town
He covers it with a blanket starts going jogging in the fucking town. He's wearing a stupid life-preferred for fucking jacket
He's like, oh, yeah, I'm walking in the fucking town. So he's walking in the town and he goes, huh?
So these fucking looks up in the tree. There's a dude with fucking binoculars looking at some shit chains
No before that he goes into the uh, the diner afterwards. Oh
Does he yeah, so he looks up he's like he's a peeping Tom
Hey, the guy goes, oh
He falls out of the fucking tree then Marty goes what the fuck are you doing?
And the guy runs away then Marty gets hit by a fucking car because apparently people in the past still hate him
Yeah, so he fucking wakes up in a fucking thing and he feels like his money. Here's his mom voice
He goes you just had a bad dream. Yeah, and somebody's rubbing his leg
What's going on she's like, oh you're safe back in
1955 he wakes up. He's like what?
Hey, mr. Calvin Klein goes why you keep calling me Calvin Klein man
On your underwear he goes what?
Whoa, my mom's hot
Downstairs like are you sorry? Would you jump ship? He's just like what are you talking about? The wife preserver in the Navy
How does mom's learn to take his fucking pants off?
His mom tried to fuck him when he was sleeping so his mom's technically a fucking rapist and his mom's like smoking hot
Oh, she is fucking smoke Leah Thompson. Oh, I would do things so fucking he goes downstairs and he looks down at the TV
He's like, you know, I've seen this one. This one's a real one. It's like what's a rerun?
What do you mean? Oh, what do you mean? I'm new
Well, that's that's interesting so then he's just like, okay, I gotta go
He's just like you can stay in my room Marty and he's just like I know my mom used to these bars kid
Yeah, so he's fucking just like yeah get used to these bars kid
Fucking goes out into the street and he goes out he goes. Oh man. I gotta go see doc
So he fuck no, no, is this when he goes to the diner? Yeah, he goes to the diner now
He goes hey, can I get a Pepsi free?
He just goes if you want a Pepsi you're gonna have to pay for it
And he just goes can I just get something with no sugar in it?
He gives him a fucking coffee. He's like what the fuck is going on?
So he drinks the coffee goes over to the phone book looks up crackhead Brown. He goes there
He is he rips the fucking number out of bone book and goes falls
So let me fucking ghost to the goddamn fucking town fucking crackhead and he's still a town crackhead even back then
He didn't lose the crackhead
exact same as he did 30 years and he goes
I'm here from the future goes. All right, then who's the president? He goes Ronald Reagan. He goes the actor and he goes
You're fucking out of your mind. He goes. No, dude. You got the flux capacitor
He's fucking goes out he's like, whoa, this is fucking crazy and he goes hold on a minute
I think I I think I stopped my parents from meeting goes
What the fuck do you mean you stop your parents from meeting goes?
Yeah, my mom tried to fuck me and then my dad just ran away. He goes you gotta go talk to your dad
Before that they're looking at the video. All right. Yeah, this is amazing a portable video studio
Yeah, so he's like we wait back it up. Yeah
So he's fucking running through this shit. I'm fucking sweating man. I'm getting into this shit. I'm fucking out of my mind
I'm almost as crazy as Doc Brown man
So I'm fucking doing this shit. Fucking Doc Brown's like you need to get your dad to fuck your mom
Fuck man fucking keeps going and he goes, all right fucking George and George is sitting in his fucking house
He's just like, oh man, I'm fucking reading my fucking nerd space novels
So he fucking puts on his goddamn hazmat suit puts on rocket van Halen into his dad's ears
He's just like, what is this noise? So then he just goes, I'm Darth Vader from the planet Xenu if you don't fuck this bitch
I'm gonna come back and melt your fucking brain
He's like, okay
And George McClye runs out of his fucking house the next day
He's like I have to do I have to fuck this bitch or an alien is gonna fucking kill me
He's like, maybe you don't say that so then he goes to the fucking diner again and then Biff big old Biff comes in
He's like, hey McFly! They both turn and they're like, he's just like, I thought I told you to do my fucking homework man
So he's just like, oh I'll get it to you tomorrow
He goes, hello! Hello! Anybody in there McFly?
He goes, oh don't Biff I'll get it for you
And then this fucking bitch who's actually his mom, goddamn gorgeous is sitting in the fucking chair over there
Biff goes over, he's like, hey sweetheart I wanna fuck yo ass
And she's like, get out of my way Biff and then fucking McFly
Fuck your own back
Get your meat paws off of me
He's like, what do you mean? You're asking for it
And then she's like, get off of me Biff
I'm gonna make you my wife, buddy
I forgot about that line
So then this motherfucker gets up, he grabs that fucking Marty McFly who's also like 5 foot 2
Grabs this 6 foot 7 guy and he goes, hey man
What are you looking at, budhead?
So he turns around and he's just like, whoa brother
And they try to fight each other and he goes out
He's like running in the street, Biff gets in his fucking shitty ass fucking car
He's driving down the street and he's like, I'm gonna get to you motherfucker
And he's fucking riding down the goddamn street
And fucking, he's at Marty McFly, steals a skateboard
No, he runs over to this kid who has his fucking scooter and he goes, I'm gonna break your fucking scooter
And snaps it in half, grabs the fucking skateboard part
And he starts skating and the kid's like, what the fuck is this shit?
So they fucking start doing that shit, fucking then Biff crashes into manure, shit everywhere
So then fucking, I fucking hate manure, manure, blah
So then fucking, then his mom comes out super fucking horny
Just goes, I'm gonna fuck that guy
And then she's like, shit
So then he goes, alright, the dance is good, she goes, will you go to the dance with me?
I wanna fuck your ass, I'm gonna peg you
I miss that part
So then this motherfucker is just sitting there and he goes, alright
And then Doc Brown's like, you gotta get your dad to fuck your mom
And he's just like, no man, I don't know how to fucking do that
So then he's just like, alright
And then he's like, you gotta take him to the fish under the sea dads
The fish under the sea, enchantment under the sea dads
And he's just like, alright
And he just goes, I'll get you a soup motherfucker
And then he's like, I'm a crookhead
So then he's like, alright
So then he goes fucking to the fucking thing
And he's sitting there and then fucking all these motherfuckers are hanging out outside
And he fucking parks with his mom
So he parks with his fucking mom in the fucking thing
And she's like, I've only, I've parked before with a man
He's like, what are you talking about?
She goes, don't think I'm a little girl anymore
And her tits are like duct taped together
Fucking puffing out
And she's just like, she takes a swig of whiskey and money
And she's like, what the fuck are you doing?
She goes, come on, I spashed it from the old lady's liquor cabinet
I want to fucking so hard right now
And he's just like, you're in a bad position where you're supposed to do something
And it's not like a fire for me
And he's just like, he's basically saying
I'm not supposed to fuck my mom, but I kinda wanna fuck my mom
So then he's just like, alright
And then she fucking kisses him
And he's just like, and she goes, when I kissed you
It's like I was kissing my brother
And then his fucking face looks like he fucking just saw God
He's just like, yeah, I get it, man
Good thing she started off slow
Yeah
Didn't make it to like third base first
He's like, we did that
And then he's just like, he's like, okay, okay, finally
Fucking Georgia Fly's gonna come in and save me
It turns around, it's fucking Biff
And Biff's just like, I told you I'd be your butt head
And he fucking threw the guy
And he fucking threw Marty
And he's just punching him in the face and shit
And he's just like, oh, don't shoot
And she comes out, fucking gets a sick titch shot going on
And she's just like, oh, look at them titties
I'm gonna rape this bitch
So he jumps in there and he's just like, oh, I'm gonna
I'm gonna slither
And as a child I was like, wow, this is crazy
This movie is nuts
So then George McFly comes over
And he opens the door and he realizes that it's Biff
And it's not Marty
He's like, oh, fuck, man
He's just like, George, help me, please
And Biff's like, get out of here, man
You better get out of here
And he's just like, no, Biff
You get your damn hands off
And he punches him
So he fucking punches Biff's out for right now
But then, oh, man, Marty McFly got locked in a trunk
And then these black guys who are the magicians
By a bunch of reefer addicts
Yeah, and he fucking, he comes in and he's just like, hey
What are you talking to? Spook quotations
And he just goes, huh, who you calling spook quotations?
Pepperwood, Peckerwood
And he goes, yo, man, I don't want to mess with no reefer addicts
And then he's just like, and he goes, yo, are you all right?
And there he's like, I'm gonna, can you just lock the deal with me?
I'm locked in the trunk
And they're like, all right, man, we're black
So we know how to open a trunk without fucking keys
Because this movie's raced us to shit
So they fucking get him out
And the fucking lead guy, the lead guitarist cuts his hand
He's like, oh, man, I can't even play no more
And he just goes, listen, buddy, I got it
Suddenly goes back in
And then fucking
Hold on, hold on, hold on
I get the song
I got it
You got to do Earth Angel first
Yeah, dude
So fucking he gets up on the stage
And he's fucking playing his guitar
Because, you know, this is where the movie goes full circle
Because he was kicked out of his own school's fucking prom
Because he wasn't able to do the band for that
He was real upset
So we actually get to play in a prom
And he's sitting there and he's just like, whoa, okay
I get to play in a band
And he's just like, all right
So he sees his mom and his dad hanging out down there
He takes a picture of his brother who still disappeared
And he's just like, what the fuck's going on?
And he goes, all right, I'm going to play Earth Angel
And this motherfucker comes up and he goes,
Hey, I'm going to take this dance from you, McFly
And he's just like
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
And he gets fucking rocked by fucking McFly
McFly's like, I got this
Then, boom, all the pictures come back
So then fucking McFly's playing Earth Angel
And then they fucking kiss
And that's what seals the deal
And then he's like, oh, fuck, man
He goes, all right, Earth Angel's their song
I got to play Earth Angel
So he's playing Earth Angel
He's sitting there, he's strumming on a guitar
And then fucking, then George waves at him
He's like, thanks, buddy
I really appreciate it
I get this sick piece of tail
Ha ha ha ha ha
Wow, she's way out of my fucking league
Ha ha ha ha
So then hit the big one
So then he finally gets to play the song that he wants to play
Then comes out
Sonny B. Goode
And then he's like, fuck, man, this is fantastic
Then fucking ricks it
This is an oldie but a goodie
It's an oldie where I come from
Ha ha ha ha ha
You're listening for that new sound?
Well, listen to this
Uncle Marvin, your cousin
Marvin, your cousin
Listen to this
Ha ha ha ha
They're all dancing
And he starts doing a fucking sick ass riff on it
And then he breaks from Johnny B. Goode into Van Halen
Yeah, and they're like
Starts doing Eruption
And these motherfuckers in the crowd are like, what the fuck is going on?
He goes, maybe that's a little out of your hands
But your kids are gonna love it
And they're like, okay
And then fucking his mom comes out and goes, well, that was some interesting music playing
Marvin, that was interesting music
I think I'm gonna go home with George
He's like, yeah, yeah, do that
You're a fucking freak
And he goes, yeah, you do that, go fuck my dad
So then she's like
She's like, alright
She goes, you know, I think I like the name
Marty, and he goes, hey, listen
If you, uh, ever had a
Kid and his name's Marty
And he sets fire to the living room rug
Go easy on him
And you're like, whatever the fuck that means
So then he goes
Wait a minute, I gotta get back to
1985
I got the lightning ball, I forgot all about that
One fucking lightning ball
So then he goes, alright, fuck
So he gets there and fucking
Doc Brown's there, he's like
Marty, what's going on?
And he's just like, I gotta get to the fucking thing
And he's just like, alright, we're gonna get this shit set up
And he's like, oh fuck, it got unplugged
And he's just like
The lightning bolt's coming
Fucking face gets stretched out
Like a fucking cartoon character
He goes, wait a minute
Before I go back in time
I have to tell you about the future
He's like, no
Don't tell me about the future
I have to tell you about the future
He goes, no
So he fucking leaves him
In his coat pocket or some shit
And then he's like, whoa, man
He fucking starts driving
The DeLorean, he gotta get up to 88 miles per hour
He's gotta hit quick, going fast
So he's going fast, going quick
And then all of a sudden, oh man
The cord's still unplugged
Doc bounds up on the clock
He's like, oh fuck, man, what do I do?
So he goes down, he's about to plug it in
And then, boom, lightning strikes the fucking clock tower
Zip, oh no
He goes, boom, right back in the future
And he wakes up, he's like
Whoa, I'm in the future again
And then he's like, oh no, Doc got shot by the Libyans
And they fucking drive away
And he goes, I actually forgot
I'm like, what the fuck does he have to tell him again?
He's like, oh yeah, he got shot by the fucking Libyans
So he goes back, and he goes
Well, I did listen to you
And he goes
Oh, Doc
And he goes fucking back to his house
And his house is completely different
His dad's actually a cool guy, his mom's still hot
His brother's a fucking detective or lawyer
And his sister's like a fucking accountant or some shit
And he actually has a sick ass ride now
And he goes, can I take Carrie up to the fucking
What, of Jenny? Jennifer?
Jennifer up to the lake
And she's like, yeah, of course you can take her
And he's like, use the car
You're not a fucking pro
And he's like, what?
And he opens up the thing and Biff's fucking waxing it
And he's like, I just put on the second coat now
He goes, don't you con me, Biff
And he's just like, oh
I'm just putting on the second coat now
He said, just finishing the second coat
And he's like, no, I'm just starting the second coat
So then this motherfucker
Gets in his goddamn truck
He's like, alright, I'm gonna get in my fucking truck
And then I'm gonna go
And he's like, alright
So he fucking pulls up and then he goes
Before he gets into his truck, then fucking Doc Brown comes in
The fucking DeLorean's flying now
He's like, what the fuck? Fucking DeLorean comes down
He's just like, oh man
And he's just like, what's going on, Doc?
Wait, I think there's the part at the red light first
No, no, no, that was Back to the Future 2
Is it?
That was the second one, yeah
Next time on Unfrozen Cuts
Back to the Future 2
So this motherfucker fucking flies into DeLorean
He goes, yeah, every car flies in 2015
Geez, you think fucking
2015 we don't have flying cars?
Are you fucking retarded?
Starts shoving banana peels and shit in the back
It's Mr. Fusing, bro
What the fuck? He goes, it's not about the past
It's about your kids, Marty
He's like, what?
And he just goes, we're gonna go back
To the future
And he goes, to be continued
Dun dun dun dun dun
Dude, that was incredible
That was amazing
Oh god, I'm sweating
That was better than
It's my favorite movie and I couldn't have said it better than that
I want to go learn Johnny B. Good now, guitar
I'll learn on bass
I started learning it before
But I just got bored
Because it's fucking complicated
Oh my god
I think I'm going to take a smoke break
Yeah, I think
I think it's about
It's almost one o'clock
It's about time to pack it in
Well, thank you for listening
How long was that one?
Episode 47
Episode 10, brothers
We're on learnin' double digits now
Is it 10? Yeah, episode 10
Thank you guys for listening
As always, take care of yourselves
And each other
And I'll see you in the next one
Where the fuck did the pyramids come from?
Where the fuck did Stonehenge come from?
You're telling me that they didn't die and become ghosts?
Oh, they're killin'
They're killin' all the already born babies and sell them to the Chinese
Aliens exist
Somewhere in China
Alright, in some base
What the fuck?
There are super soldiers that are at least 9 or 10 feet tall
Okay?
They have dread
They're super soldiers
They're super aliens
I do not negotiate with terrorists
I do not listen to this
Take cover
Before my eyes
While holding their pulse
Feel them die of this virus
You feel bump bump bump
They're fucking gone. I've seen it happen. I think that the government has
Taken it to the next level with the birds
They know what birds are going to cross paths with you that you are going to be able to raise and they are gonna make
Them so fucking real they're gonna sink money into them because they know that if you put that motherfucker in a cage
They're gonna be a
You can cut it open you're gonna see blood got no circuitry, but let me tell you their technology which by the way
Big brother is the overlord
George Soros is an actual Nazi collaborator. Okay, I'm not fucking lying. It's fucking real. Okay, look it up
Look it up. He says that he was doing this shit. George Soros actually worked with the fucking Nazis during the Holocaust
He says that he was doing it just to survive, but he fucking loved it. He was having a great fucking time
George Soros is the fucking devil. Okay, he's not fucking doing this shit
George Soros is the fucking devil. Okay, he's not fucking doing this shit. George Soros is fucking evil. He's the actual fucking leader for all this shit. He's fucking fucked down a whole bunch of shit. Just don't fucking get it, okay?
Donald Trump is the fucking word person out there. Fuck Trump, right? Fuck Trump! He's not the actual fucking leader! It's George Soros, it's Bill Gates, it's fucking Elon Musk, it's everyone out there, everybody says it's Bill Gates
Elon Musk is so cool, he made a place for him, please. The actual government is trying. The actual true government, which is George Soros and all the fucking Nazis, is actually the one there who's fucking the Holocaust. The queer politicians are paid off by the fucking building. The pain, the fucking cost, the fucking-
I don't suck dicks, I just fuck hoes. Every time I see you, you see my coked nose. Fuck. And some flow going there. Yeah. Yeah, kill my father in your ass. Then I go and mow the grass. I'm the man of the house. You're just sitting lighted. Yeah.
As I sock my face to show it. He said, what you have will soon be yours, and what I have is already mine. About to pop ten shots of my brain. Enema, Vista.
I'll be Big Dig. Enema, Vista. Because I got the dinks. Enema. Big Doink, South Nolish. Enema, Vista. I hate myself and I'm afraid to show it. Ain't got nothing to it, boy, you know it.
Hurt me now but tears don't show. Hurt me, motherfucker, in my asshole. I don't came in. I don't come in men's butt.
I don't really fuck guys. I only fuck hoes. Fuck hoes. Fuck hoes. Fuck hoes. Fuck them. Fuck hoes.
What's another fucking good thing I could say? I went to the house and called me a name. I'm not a retard. Re-todd. Re-todd. Re-todd. Re-todd.
What the fuck, you guys? As I showed up, I asked him, what bus, you guys? What bus? You guys?
Captain, Captain Clausen comes over to me and he says, what bus, you guys? And I tell him, what bus? Number eight. You guys? But eight's on fire.
Burned into the ground. Never, never to be sought again. At the bottom of the ocean, the Titanic has sank. Now we'll never know what bus I am. Lost in the agony and despair of the eternal life. The emptiness of not knowing the bus that I am.
As he pulled his pants down, his dick was showing. I'm not gay, but $20, $20. $20. Buy a lot of coke. $20. $20. With all that white stuff around your nose, boy, he says to me, $20. $20.
I ain't no police. I ain't tell the police. Fang showing. Devil blowing my dick. Sucking my dick and my cock. Yeah, I come blood.
I come blood. I come blood. It's like a nightmare in my brain. Everything's all insane. It's insane. Bring the motherfucking ruckus. Bring the motherfucking ruckus back to my head.
Because if you don't, then I'll be fucking dead. Put a nine in my head. Pull that trigger. Now I'm dead. Now I'm dead. Now I'm dead.