The following program is intended for mature
audiences and may cause cancer in at -risk populations.
Viewer discretion is advised. For all we know,
robots have souls. We just don't know if they
do or don't. How do you know? Have you ever been
a cyborg or a robot? You think we were the first
ones to inhabit this planet? Fuck no. No, we
are jumping down this fucking rabbit hole. Yes,
we are. There's people out there with some really
dumb thoughts. Extended episode. Where the fuck
did the pyramid come from? Where the fuck did
Stonehenge come from? You're telling me that
they didn't die and become ghosts? They're killing
already born babies and sell them to the Chinese.
Aliens exist. Somewhere in China. some days what
the fuck there are super soldiers that are at
least nine or ten feet tall super soldiers then
they are extraterrestrials they are aliens Welcome,
everybody. Welcome, everybody, to the Untitled
Podcast. Mr. Crowley. Yeah. Hello, I'm back.
You make it sound like it's just us two. Hi,
I'm back. It's episode 114. Yeah. Love them.
So that is God fucking rest the Hulk and the
Prince of Darkness Ozzy Osbourne. Yep. Dan and
Tyler are here too. Bad week, yeah. Tyler, we
can't hear you on the mic like at all. Some people
are saying that he planned his own death right
after the final tour. No, I think he knew he
was dying and he just kind of wanted to... to
go out on his own. I really think his last concert
is what killed him because he said he went off
of painkillers and all this stuff because he
was so fucking doped up on his Parkinson's meds.
He was literally strapped and like bolted down
into that chair for his concert because of just
how debilitating his Parkinson's has become.
He said he wanted to die on stage. Yeah, he said
that the best painkiller was the crowd. That's
heavy, man. I mean, like, dude, at the same point,
I feel like we all reach that point where it's
like you you want to. I mean, like, dude, if
I'm if I'm that old and I have that bad of a
fucking condition, I don't want to be alive.
But you think I'm ever on. You think I'm ever
going to be on fucking dialysis and like living
a good life? Would any of you guys want to live
like a life on dialysis? You can do home dialysis
for yourself. Yeah, but you're still at home.
Like, you're so limited. Do it while you're sleeping.
My great -grandmother did dialysis, and the last
couple years of her life are just not great.
You can do perennial, or whatever it's called,
dialysis, where they instill fluid in your belly,
and you just empty it every, like, five hours.
Oh, yeah, sign me up. It sounds fantastic. No,
no, if I am on dialysis, fucking put me in a
barrel and roll me off Niagara. I don't give
a fuck. Dude, you just get to go to the dialysis
clinic. And sit in the chair and go on your phone.
Sexually harass the nurses. So I'm going to do
it at home anyway, so I might as well drive there.
I don't think it's that big of a deal. I don't
know. Do you do dialysis through a port, or do
you have to get injections each time? It's different
for everybody. Most people do it with the fistula,
though. Like he was saying, you can do it where
you put it in your abdomen. Yeah. Right? Peritoneal
dialysis. I feel like most people do the fistula,
though. Yeah. And that's like a problem because
the amount of times I've been to people who have
those things bleeding and those things are a
fucking bitch. When they start bleeding, that's
like a fucking problem. Yeah, you can die from
that. You can bleed right out. Fucking grand
will call like three hours after it starts because
that's what they do. It's like, oh, yeah, this
is a fucking actual life -threatening emergency.
You should have called like the moment this happened.
So what's the deal with Ozzy biting the head
off the bat? What'd he do that for? So actually,
do you not know the actual story of that? Not
really. So Ozzy, during that concert, like, the
guy threw the bat on the stage. Ozzy thought
it was a prop bat. Oh. And then when he bit into
his head, he was like, oh, fuck, that's actual
blood. He's like, well, I guess I gotta fucking
roll with it now. That's what he's kind of like.
He's like, I guess I gotta roll with this now.
Dude, bats are the most likely animal to have
rabies. One in every 200 bats has rabies. Really?
Oh, yeah. What the fuck is that noise? That was
me readjusting. No. No, I don't know. Yeah, Manu
Ginobili on the San Antonio Spurs whacked a bat
out of the air during a game. With a ball? And
killed it. No, no, with his hand. You can look
it up. Really? Yeah, that was like his reputation.
He was still a younger player at that point.
Did they call him Batman? Yes. Yes, they did.
That was like his nickname. I don't know, but
he is just such a basketball name. Manu Ginobili.
Yeah. Everybody just called him Ginobili. Dude,
I saw this guy on Ghost Adventures. He called
himself a warlock. Oh, that guy? The guy who
fucking with like the wizard clothes? All black
trench coat and like bald head and like fucking
eyeliner. You know, earrings, all this. the fucking
shit you can imagine. Was that the guy who would
like, who was trying to do something? He's like,
easy. How can anybody take you? Like, what is
your job? What do you do for a living? I'm a
fucking warlock. You asshole. I got some friends
who were addicted to destiny that would probably
say that shit too. People take that shit seriously
though. You ever go to a fortune teller? Yeah,
I have. It's actually fucking hysterical. I went
to one and basically, if you know, psychology
like uh phrenology which is what fortune telling
came from um basically they talk to you before
they do their reading quote unquote and you tell
them things about your life without realizing
it because like sometimes conversation just comes
up and they're very good at getting that to come
up And after that, then after after they tell
you that while they're doing that, they keep
that in the back of their head. And then they
tell you your fortune based on the information
that they got from you. And like, oh, I don't
know how people don't realize that. Yeah, it's
really like. They get to talking and then you
get into the weird mysticism like fucking thing
of it. Like you're like, oh, they're going to
be telling my fortune. And you just forget everything
that you just told them because like you're just
so focused on getting a fortune. So everything
that you just told them is in the back of your
head because that's just a normal conversation
to you. But because that's. you know, the thing
that's, that, that's, uh, that's already out
there. They remember that. So when they're telling
you their fortune, they'll use that and then
use that as kind of a, like a, a outline to like
branch off from. So it's like a magic trick more
than it is. It's more of a magic trick. Yeah.
Because phrenology, they used to think that,
uh, you could tell somebody's, uh, mental illnesses
by rubbing their head and feeling the bumps in
their skull. Yeah. What's that called? Phrenology.
That's what it is? Yeah, it's called phrenology.
I thought there was another name for it. No,
no, phrenology. Yeah, they thought that they
could tell your mental illnesses by the bumps
in your skull. But then they would just talk
to the people and then they're like, wow, yeah,
you're right. And then it got out that phrenology
is a sham and then it just turned into fortune
telling. I just want to add something before
we get off the topic of tarot card readings.
Me and Cece were actually talking about this
today because we were watching a show where tarot
card reading was in. And I said, like, man, I
think that's fucking bullshit. And CeCe corrected
me and actually brought me back to a memory of
when she was in nursing school. She had a friend
come over and do a tarot card reading who wasn't
part of her nursing school, didn't know anything
about what was going on in CeCe's life. CeCe
hadn't seen her in forever, hadn't filled her
in on anything, and she did a tarot card reading.
And it was remarkably true. Like, it was, I can't
remember the exact cards she got, but it was
essentially saying, like, You have a lot of friends,
but they're all deceitful and they will either
forget or betray you in the very near future.
And then within two weeks, Julius Caesar. Well,
no, but within her, within like two weeks, her
entire fucking nursing friend group did that
shit. And I was, I was telling CC for a while
that these people, like just, I was not getting
a good read on him. CC was like the vice president
in her nursing thing. And her best friend was
the president. And like, I always thought this
chick was just a bad person because her boyfriend
was a sick fucking dude. Ironically enough, his
name was also Alex. He was a fucking super cool
dude, though. She treated him just like shit,
would just like verbally berate him every chance
she got in public and was just like, no, no,
it was just mean. It wasn't even like. I don't
even know. It was just, and he was just, he was
like oblivious to it. He like, he would either
joke or just like not care when it happened.
And then like, sure enough, like a week or two
later went by and she's like, they're all in
a party and they didn't invite me. I'm like,
cause they're all fake as fuck. Like they're
all so fucking fake. Like you don't even want
to hang out with those people. But yeah. Tarot
cards are a different thing. That's more demonically
influenced shit. But that, That you can't really,
because each card has a meaning, like it has
a meaning assigned to that specific card, whether
it comes up. Yeah. And then it's got the bearing
of how much it means. And then also if it's upside
down or upside, it does different things. So
that's less of a talking to somebody type thing.
That's more of a, you just read what comes out
type thing. Yeah. You, yeah. As the, as the tarot
card interpreter, you say, this is what it means.
You can interpret this whichever way you like.
But this is the meaning, yeah. Yeah, and she
did one for me, too. And it was, I can't remember
even what cards I got, but it was remarkably
correct for the point I was at in my life, too.
My prognosis was not nearly as grim as Cece's,
unfortunately. When I did, when I was dabbling
in the darker aspects of things, I learned how
to read tarot cards and shit, and I did that
a lot. Was that the same time you were a neo
-Nazi? No, that was before. Is this all while
you were going to church? No, this is when I
went away from God for a little bit. Oh, so you
had a period of time where you weren't so devout.
Yes. Why don't you tell us a little bit about
that time, Tyler? I'd like to hear about it.
It was a dark time, dude. All right, well, you
got time. Tell us about it. When I went away
from the faith for a while. Uh, as, as said before,
I got into some relatively dark things. Um, I,
uh, I got really into like the, uh, Lucifer,
Luciferian, Luciferian. Damn. Oh, you went, you
went a complete, I never, I never assigned myself
to the, to the religion. I was just interested
in the ritual, not rituals. I was, I was interested
in the keep digging, keep digging that hole.
You were doing rituals? I was interested in the
concept of it type thing. All right, so Tyler
is possessed. No, this was, I found God again
afterwards. Where did you find him? He finds
you kind of thing. Found him at a crossroads.
He's really good. Like Walmart or something?
Yeah, God is in Walmart. Are you like one of
those people who still is like Jesus and potato
and you say you found God? No, no. I think I
told you the story of how I found God again.
But yeah, I went away for a while and I got into
some relatively dark things such as like tarot
cards and, you know, more, more. I fucking buried
my head into the books of Solomon. Got some really
dark times. I bought a deck of cards at one point.
It was really rough, guys. It was more the intent
of it type thing. What was your intent, Tyler?
I wanted to touch the other side in ways. okay
yeah damn for lack of a better for lack of a
better you wanted to get right into that black
magic i i want i wanted i yeah i wanted to get
into dark dark magic right into the dark arts
brother yeah like i was as as insane as that
sounds i wanted to get into that like darker
aspects of because i was raised up in a catholic
family and all i knew was the the quote unquote
the good side of the things and i got really
interested in the darker side of things and I
tasted a little bit of the darker side of things,
realized I was in way over my head, and then
found my way back to the lighter side of things.
It's the opposite. When I was in high school,
in 9th and 10th grade, I used to argue with people
on Facebook for religion, which is weird. Casey,
can I tell you something? I don't mean to cut
you off. The way I'm looking at you right now,
you sitting there all smug after you beat the
fuck out of me in badminton. I just can't get
it out of my head. Well, not a lot's going right
for me. I can just tell by the look on your face.
You think you're the shit. That was the first
thing you said to me when we got in the basement
when it was just you and me down here too. He
goes, what the fuck was that? Dude, he was like
spiking it and shit. God. He was floating through
the air. Sorry. I didn't mean... Dan's going
to come back next week wearing a fucking headband
like Roger Federer. I was like a ninja. I got
to practice. He starts screaming at me when I
call something in when it's out. I didn't mean
to. The refs almost ruined it for me. What's
that? The refs almost ruined it for me. Back
to what we were talking about. I did that. I
was doing blood ritual type thing. Oh, damn.
With what? My own blood. Jesus fucking Christ.
Jesus Christ. Yeah, I have scars on my hands
where I'd cut. And then do the thing to do that.
Because a lot of the rituals, you needed blood.
Are you trying to summon a fucking demon? I was
going to say, so at what point do the alarm bells
start going off in your head? Maybe this isn't
conducive to a good lifestyle. When I literally
had nightmares every single night, and I had
sleep paralysis fucking five days in a row. And
it was the same thing, and it was the same kind
of thing, and it kept calling out my name and
shit. Just in fucking hypovolemic shock from
blood loss. um but yeah that uh that was that
was i didn't do blood rituals every day that
was just like it was a couple time thing but
like i i realized i was kind of you know too
far in because like i shit you not i would be
seeing like creatures like like peeking like
out of like corners everywhere i went like everywhere
like it wouldn't go away like I never fully renounced
God. I was just really angry at God. For what?
This was, like, I was at Mohawk during the time.
Like, my first couple, my first two years at
Mohawk was when I was doing this. And it was
just fucking weird. Like, I would do that because
I had a, I was real angry at God because we had
a, I had a string of, like, fucking bad cardiac
arrest. Just. like within like three weeks, just,
I had like fucking 10, like all fucking laid
out because it was during the summertime in Albany.
So, you know, gunshot wound, stabbing, gunshot
wound, gunshot wound, gunshot wound. And it was
all, and I just fucking snapped. I did a job.
I signed up for a job where I work on an ambulance
and then got angry at God when he sent me to
cardiac arrest. But no, it was, it was like one
of those things where I just, I was also 19.
This is a return to form episode. We're going
straight back to the BLS war story. BLS war stories
and demonic shit. So I did that. I started dabbling
in that. I kept on doing tarot card readings
on myself and other people. And it was weird
because when I would do tarot card readings on
myself, I would constantly get the devil card
and the death card that just kept coming up.
Just every, almost every single time. It would
be within the thing that I did. You killed the
devil, Tyler. No, no, no. Death is more of a
renewal type thing. Death isn't necessarily death.
Death is more of a... It's metaphorical. It's
a metaphorical for like change. Could be a death
to the chapter of the life you're in. But death
is a major change that's going to happen. Whether
it's right side up or... upside down is depending
on what kind of change i forgot like it's been
so long since i would like dabbled in that that
i'm like it's it's you know kind of lost in my
head which i i'm probably better off for how
do people not believe that this shit isn't just
100 made up tyler are you already on the third
can of soda over there I mean, I'm not one to
speak. I'm on beard either number two or three
here. I do that, but I was legitimately seeing
shadow creatures corner my eye constantly. Fucking
don't starve, going insane. Yeah, I was going
insane type thing. And then I had a long conversation
with God just when I was driving. And, um, no,
not Jesus. Is this when the sky opened up? Yeah,
the sky opened up. Yeah. Yeah. And like, I know
how all of this sounds insane, but it's just,
just how it happened. No, the, the way that you
just confirmed something that you said like two
years ago, just instantly, like, I know you're
not lying. So obviously there was a thing that
happened where the sky did open up. Yeah. So
like that, that, yeah, it was the sky opened
up and basically after that. I went to go talk
to a priest. He told me that I had a lot of bad
shit like around me. I had to do several blessings,
several things, a confession and several like
I had to go back like three or four times to
get like that shit cleaned up and put about 300.
So I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just got to
say, contrary to what Dan just said, having worked
with you at Mohawk during this time period and
never hearing any of this until this moment,
I'm going to have to call bullshit on. Probably
the majority of what you're saying, but I know
there's some truth to it. You're doing blood
rituals. I know the you that you were then, and
it would have been the first thing you would
have ran to us saying. Like, hey, guys, I fucking
cut my hand the other day, and fucking the shadow
creatures are crawling out of the walls. That's
one of the things that I talked about with people,
though. Just not us. No, I didn't talk about
that. I rarely talk about that. Okay, I'll give
you the benefit of the doubt. You can ask Emily
about the shit that I did back then because she
was there for it and she's like, what the fuck
is going on? How many Hail Marys do you have
to say if you murder someone? It's not how that
works, Casey. Don't you have to say more? The
worst things you did, you have to say more prayers.
How much money do you have to put in a collection
plate? You don't have to put any money in the
collection plate. How much does God charge for
murder to forgive you? If you murder somebody,
one of the things of penance is you have to turn
yourself in. I'm feeling an impending crash out
if Casey continues this life questioning. How
much would God charge Jeffrey Epstein? Jeffrey
Epstein never wanted forgiveness. Well, what
if he died and then he wanted forgiveness after
when he's burning in hell? Can you get forgiveness
while you're burning in hell? That's tricky because
at the end of time in Revelations... What the
fuck is this? Dad just gave me a Jeffrey Epstein
air freshener. It's like a very nice candid picture
of Jeffrey. My girlfriend got him for me for
Christmas. His air freshener didn't hang itself.
No, no, I don't. I was going to throw him in
the garbage. That's awesome. Why would you throw
him in the garbage? Well, it's like relevant
now. It wasn't like as relevant four years ago.
It was like kind of relevant. But now it's relevant
again. But yeah, it was just a weird time. This
air freshener didn't hang itself, it says. I
love that job shirt he's wearing. He's wearing
a job shirt? Yeah, look at it. It's like a LinkedIn
profile picture of Jeffrey Epstein. His monogram.
Yeah, why does he have a job shirt on? It's got
the American flag on it. It's fucking weird.
Why does he have a fucking job shirt? It's like
an EMS job shirt. Dude, he just got finished
with a fucking long shift of getting kids fucked.
Dude, that's so fucked up. It's still wild to
me that Joe Exotic is a certified EMT. Yeah.
I mean, it's not that hard to take the course,
dude. It's not, but it's still wild to me. Also,
that sick -ass EMT jacket. I was going to say,
the fucking jacket he had. I think probably the
coolest thing about R. mutual previous employer
dan was that they had a jacket that looked remarkably
like the one that joe exotic oh oh yeah the big
reflective star of life on the back It had a
fur collar. Yeah, it did. I'll wear it the next
episode. It was a bomber? Yeah, it was a fucking
bomber jacket. He was wearing a leather bomber
jacket in the show, and it's not made of leather.
It's like a dark blue polyester, but it had the
little bomber cuffs on it, and it had the reflective
Star of Life on the back. I fucking loved that
thing. Listen, if you ever get to the higher
echelons of whatever agency you're in, you have
to bring that back. You have to bring that back.
I'm not going to make it to the higher echelons
of the one I'm at. There's a big push for job
shirts at my current job. They don't let you
wear job shirts there? No, they never have. Really?
Because of the previous owner. Because of Heinrich
Himmler, the man at the helm prior. He does look
like Heinrich Himmler. We'll just leave that
as his code name. We don't need to go throwing
the name out there. You got you guys the Coast
Guard shirts? I don't know. We wear essentially
the same uniforms that Mohawk wore now. It's
like the button -ups. Yeah, so everybody else,
I don't know. It's like I'm fucking allergic
to wearing polos at any workplace I go to because
I started where I work now, and it was all polos,
and they did away with them a year later, and
now we wear navy blue button -ups that have your
name and your rank over here. Your rank? And
then you have a patch. If you're an FTO, you
have a chevron, which is the stupidest fucking
thing. Really? Yeah. That's so stupid. Yeah,
no, no. Our fucking senior paramedic supervisor
has not like the, it's not a clover, but whatever
the. Colonels wear... They wear that. It's an
oak leaf. Jesus. Yeah, it's an oak leaf. They
wear an oak leaf on their collar. It's the stupidest
fucking shit, man. That's so paramilitary bullshit.
Yeah, it's a fucking EMS agency. Like, get over
yourselves. Dude, I'd be a little embarrassed
to, like, be... With the cops on scene with chevrons
on my shoulder. The thing is, is that we look
remarkably like them and we do have a very good
working relationship with them. Like I know most
of the cops. And also, if I remember your patch
is almost identical to the, to the cop. It is.
The only difference is that it says, it says
police at the bottom for the cops. And then for
us, it's either says EMT or paramedic. Yeah.
Like, like if I'm thinking, if I'm remembering
correctly, it looks remarkably similar. The one
thing I will get my current workplace is that
our patch looks. Fucking sick. I fucking love
the patch in the place I work, but I hated the
patch where I worked. They, the thing that's
the, yeah, yeah, that one's pretty rough. It's
just a circle. The thing that sucks is that like
we don't even wear the fucking. flag on our uniform
because as much of a paramilitary agency as we
are where we wear chevrons and fucking oak leaves,
the guy who used to be in charge looked into
like the US military guidelines and it says that
you're not supposed to wear the American flag
unless you are not a federal employee but unless
you are armed services in some regards. Like
really the only two exceptions to that are police
and military. I thought it was fire too. Um,
I don't know. Fire is not even supposed to either.
Actually, no, I think you might be right. Fire,
fire might get it too, but it's like the only
reason is though, is that when that shit was
written, EMS didn't fucking exist. It was. Yeah.
So like if it was written now, we would like,
you got to fucking interpret it. Like, yeah.
And by that logic, the Crocs I wear, which one
is stars and the other is stripes, that's, like,
sacrilege. Sacrilege. It's like, no, I'm fucking
patriotic. Like, what the fuck? Like, I love,
like, the American flag and shit. Some of the
flag code is fucking ridiculous. Yeah, it's,
like, obsessive. Like, it's, like, almost a religious
object, and it's like, what the fuck's going
on with that? That's funny how those lines blur.
Yeah. So, Tyler, I got a question for you. Great.
Why do people pray if God has a plan for everything?
They can't change what happens, right? So God
has a plan. That doesn't necessarily mean that
you have to fucking follow the plan. Like, that's
what free will is. I always interpreted it as
God had a plan, but it's not predetermined. So
if you pray, he could potentially influence that
plan. Yeah, or pray. It's the free will. Or just
imagine this year. You're still a kid, and you're
doing something that your dad asks you to do,
and then you ask your dad for some guidance on
the thing that you're doing. That's pretty much
what praying is. You're asking your dad to kind
of guide you through things sometimes. Except
your dad's a piece of shit, and he doesn't answer.
No, he answers in his own way. By the events
that follow. Okay, so do you have the spicy vape?
But yeah, it's one of those things where it's
just... Well, I'll take that one. God never shout,
God whispers. Thank you. Except for that one
time. Except that one time he just screamed.
You're a fucking retard. Except that one time
he walked into my room late at night. Beat me
with a belt. He said, get your fucking act together.
Stop doing fucking satanic rituals, you fucking
ass clown. No, but like specifically in the Bible
when fucking Moses talked to the burning bush,
that was the only time that he actually, you
know, physically spoke. There's a couple more
times where he physically spoke, but that was
the most like renowned time that he did. Do you
believe that God – I know you're probably going
to give me the answer of, well, it's not like
he's alive or dead. He's more of an entity or
he doesn't exist in a way that we can comprehend.
Do you believe that God is still alive? I don't
think God – Or do you believe that God has left
us is a better way I should phrase that question.
I don't think God ever left us. I think it's
just we're kind of in the – we're in – The area
of time and this is life's a test for all of
us. I don't think God ever is true. God is undying.
Like I don't think that he existed before existence
and he'll exist after existence. Follow up question.
And I promise I won't spiral into a cosmic rant
that will check you out for an hour here. Do
you believe that life exists outside of this
planet? And if so, do you believe that God oversees
that as well? If there is life outside of this
planet, I feel like it's God's, like, test zones.
I feel like... You think they're, like, the fucking
beta? I think they're, like, the beta. The beta
test? Yeah, like, God made us as, like, kind
of, like, the final product type thing. And then,
like, whatever's out there was, like, beta testing.
That's quite supremacist. That's Earth supremacy
right there. I am human supremacist. Okay. The
only aliens that I accept are Tally and Garris.
Well, we're going to lose our alien listenership
on this episode. Tell me what weird Catholic
rituals I have to do at this wedding. You don't
have to do any. Oh, okay. Because I had to do
some at a funeral. Yeah, funeral's different.
Wedding, all you have to do is just stand there
and not lock your knees. Not lock my knees? What
does that mean? You walk down the aisle with
the bridesmaids, then you stand next to me, and
just don't lock your knees. Don't what my knees?
Lock your knees. Don't stand up completely straight.
Leave a little bit of a bend in your knees. Why?
Because you'll pass out. Yeah, if you lock your
knees for too long, you're going to have a stinkable
episode. I've never heard that before. Well,
it happens. That happens all the time. It happens
particularly in the military when they're doing
like a long march or something or like you'll
have like a field full of like a graduation ceremony
for the military, like from some academy. It's
very common for them to lock their knees and
maintain that pose for like an hour. And especially
if it's in the heat, like five or six people
drop. Why is that called syncope? KC, I don't
fucking know. Look it up. It's true. You know
what? I'll look it up. I'll look it up and I'll
get back to you with an answer. We actually need
a Jamie for this podcast. But yeah, no, if you
lock your knees. That was a comment in nursing
school, CC told me. They would be in a lab scenario
and they'd all be standing in their little lab
room for like an hour while their teachers fucked
around and did shit. And there was a couple students
that went down during them. Wow. but yeah um
sounds like attention the only reason why it
does i don't i don't doubt that it probably well
the first person who dropped was probably no
shit actually sinkable episode then it's like
oh everybody felt so bad for them Yeah, like,
the only reason I say that is because I've seen
so many videos at weddings where, like, groomsmen
just fucking pass out because they fucking lock
their knees. Wow. Yeah. Me and, at my brother's
wedding, me and the rest of the groomsmen felt
like we were going to pass out because of how
fucking after it we got the night before. Is
anybody giving us, like, a groomsman speech or
anybody giving a speech at all? My brother and
my best man, yeah. Yeah. They had... You guys
don't have to give a speech. Thank God. I'll
clink a glass. I would give a highly vulgar speech.
You probably would. You're like, this schizophrenic
fuckwad. I just went to my friend's wedding a
few months ago, and the guy, the best man who
gave a speech was just absolutely awful. He just
rambled for like 20 minutes. I swore a handful
of times during my brother's. Huh? I swore a
handful. of times during my brothers, the way
I did it was I structured it. I had a little
index card and I wrote bullet points down and
I just freestyled off of those bullet points.
And, uh, I think it went really well. I felt
really bad for the bridesmaids that followed
it up. Cause I think, and they had came up to
me and admitted after the fact, they're like,
you were a fucking tough act to follow you piece
of shit. Like I was cracking jokes. I don't know.
Dude, I hate public speaking. I love it. I love
it, too. I love it. I think it's great. It scares
the shit out of me for the first ten seconds,
but then I crack a joke and it usually lands,
and then the feeling's electric. I had to give,
like, three eulogies, and they're not fun, but...
Jesus, fuck. Who you gave eulogies for? My grandfather,
my great -grandfather, and then my uncle. Because
everybody else was too sad. I'm like, fuck it,
whatever, I'll go talk. I don't give a fuck.
Fuck it. He's passing into the great beyond.
We're going to miss him so much. I turn most
of them into comedy routines. That's what Kyle
would do. But like my great -grand... Not my
great -grandfather. My grandfather, it was more
of a celebration of life because he was older.
I got one more. You want it? I might snag a Corona
if I want one. I'll give you this one. Everybody
was like... All right. It was more of a celebration
of life because it wasn't even at, like, a funeral
home. It was at, like, the retirement, like,
facility that they had. Like, it wasn't, like,
when I say retirement facility, it was, like,
the communities, like, in Florida, not, like,
a fucking nursing home. Like, it was, like, the...
Independent senior living. Yeah. It was, like,
the fun, like, thing. Like, they had, like, you
know, their own house and, like, all that shit.
But they had, like, their, like, community center
there. And everybody was going up and telling,
like, stories about it. And then... My mom was
too broken up to do anything, so I had to go
up and say a few words. And I kind of made it
into a comedy routine. And then everybody, including
my mom and all my family members, were like,
that was great. We kind of needed a lighter tone
to things because it was all doom and gloom type
shit. So I came in and did that. The best eulogies
that I heard were mostly, like, comical. They
have to be. Nobody wants to hear that sad shit.
Nobody wants to walk up there and see somebody
stumble their way through it, sobbing their eyes
out. That just makes it awful. Yeah. But, yeah,
like, most of the best eulogies that I saw, like,
it's more of just, like, a final, like, farewell,
like, thing to them. But, like, send them out
with some fun. Don't send them out with the...
I can't finish this. I can't. You just walk up.
It's the cha -cha slide. It's your intro song.
Cha -cha real smooth. I need everybody up on
their feet right now. Come on, guys. Gramps would
want this. Let's go. Grandma, that means you
too. He's watching down from above. I'm going
to hell. Then you start playing fucking black
and yellow on your fucking phone. Uh -huh. You
know what it is. Black and yellow, black and
yellow. Dude, I say we do that business idea,
though, where you have at your funeral, you charge
people to come in, and they just get a shotgun.
And they just get to blow you away. That's fucked
up, dude. That's crazy. Me and Tyler had this
idea. When we were in the ambulance one day,
I'm like, you know what would be a fucking awesome
way just to do it? Just everybody in your family,
you all get shotguns, you put yourself up on
a post, like your corpse up on a post. Yeah,
there's like an animation that pops you up out
of the coffin. That pops you up out of the ground
and then you just fucking pop, pop, pop, pop,
pop. It's like you're walking up to somebody's
house when you're trick -or -treating and they
have the motion activated. That's fucked up.
That is fucked up. We charge people 50 bucks
to get in. You wouldn't want to shoot a corpse?
Yeah, I mean, I could see how it'd be fun. I
want to make some profit off my death. It'd be
fun. Because then you could say you shot somebody.
I shot a real person. Yeah, you shot a corpse.
I mean, you could say that right now. You could
say it, but it doesn't make it true. But do you
really want to give the story behind that? Like,
oh yeah, I got the sloppy seconds of the other
50 people that went behind me. I shot this fucking
massive corpse. That's the thing. Who would get
the first shot? Do you think it would be like
your wife? The highest bidder. The highest bidder.
You got to pay a premium. If you want to shoot
a body, you're going to have to fucking throw
some dough down. If you want some. I don't even
want to talk about this. I'm getting nauseous
just thinking about it. Yeah, make sure you're
dead so you don't get buried alive. The only
shotguns I shoot have beanbag rounds in them
now, baby. Talk to team. Lead to talk. We got
one more detained. Talk copies. Keep moving.
You know, back in the before the 1900s, people
got buried alive. They had the bell. Yeah, put
a fucking bell in there. Ring this if you get
buried alive. How did they not know to check
a pulse back then? Because they didn't know what
a pulse was. Or they have that, there's that
called Lazarus syndrome, where you just come
back after like a day. Yeah, with the prognosis
of that, just about every single case of that,
they die within like... like an hour or two of
coming back yeah you still wake up in a fucking
casket underground yeah but i mean a lot of the
a lot of the time it happens you're in a morgue
and uh you come back and you're lucid and you're
completely there but then the metabolic acidosis
fucking gets you that's real yeah yeah no i swear
to god you can look it up ask chat gpd if you
don't believe me or the lazarus effect but yeah
i think that's a movie It was, and it played
off of it. Stephen King wrote a story about that
where they fucking started cutting the dude open
in the autopsy, and he just fucking wakes up,
but he can't move anything, and he's just like,
don't fucking cut me open. Yeah, there's an episode
in The Lost where they fucking... It was the
one bottle episode of the entire show where they
take this poison. Well, no, it was these two
characters that just inexplicably show up in
the beginning of season two, and they're both
really fucking irritating. And then towards the
end of the show, I mean, towards the end of the
second season, they have this one episode that
is completely detached from everything else,
but they get bit by this spider that makes their
heartbeat undetectable for two hours, and everybody
just assumes they're dead, and then they bury
them alive. But it doesn't really matter because
the two characters are pieces of shit. But yeah,
no, Lazarus Effect is real. 70 documented cases
ever. Yeah, it's incredibly rare. I feel like
there's been more than that. There's been more
that are not documented. I was going to say,
I feel like there's a lot of people who come
back, but they're still fucked up to the degree
where they're not able to get anyone's attention.
It's not like you're under supervision. They
assume you're dead. You probably just wake up
in a fucking morgue and you're... Locked in a
box and you think you're dead. I don't see how
you wouldn't be brain dead after 24 hours. It's
crazy. They don't really understand how it works.
It's one of history's mysteries. Maybe your blood
pressure is so low that it just sustains you
for that time. And then the electrical activity
comes back. I mean, that's got to be it. But
then your body comes back from being fucking
ice cold. And you're just going to die from that.
because at the end of the day your vital organs
weren't getting perfused for hours and hours
so it's usually like it usually happens like
you're typically in the morgue in a fucking box
when it happens not a box but like one of those
like roll cart door things yeah but uh yeah no
it's weird just about everybody dies from it
after they come back though it's not like you're
alive for a long time wow the other thing that
blows my mind is people with uh dementia and
alzheimer's typically there's a uh terminal lucidity
yeah yeah it's not it's not everybody but there's
cases where when you're about to pass you just
come back completely lucid for like hours yeah
for like an hour or two and then you croak wow
and they people they can't explain that either
yeah it's kind of bizarre the theory is that
the religious theory is that you're able to say
goodbye to your family. Like God gives you like
an hour to say goodbye to like your family members
and stuff, at least in the religious aspect of
it. It's kind of like God giving you a time to
say your farewells type thing. Wow. Yeah. Life
is so, so crazy, dude. The fucking feels. Yeah.
You know, the feel, the feels around like, just
the transition from this world to whatever's
after this. Yeah. Like that is just so you can
get caught up in those fields a little too much
beyond what I think you're even supposed to,
you know, you can dwell on it. I mean the real
sense. Yeah. Like the, the root of my panic attacks,
there's two things that cause them. Um, Ultimately,
it's me being anxious and I have triggers that
are completely unrelated. But what I'm experiencing
during my panic attacks that makes them so bad
is I either roughly grasp, not the scale of the
universe, but I just realized just how small
and insignificant the earth is. That's a term
called astrophobia. Which there is no treatment
for, even when it comes to psychiatrists. And
it affects a ton of people. It's kind of crazy.
Most people don't get to the extent of panic
attacks with it. Is there a fear, like, is there
a condition where you just fear going on forever?
Yes. I don't know the term for it, but yes. You
fear the concept of forever. Well, that ties
into the next thing I'm going to say. So I have
astrophobia, which is, honestly, that's the most
common cause of it. But then the other ones are
when I just get this overwhelming sense of like,
what the fuck is going on? And I mean that in
the most broad concept of everything. Like, what
the fuck is humanity? I know. Like, what the
fuck? What the fuck is the pyramids? And then
you just get into like that whole something versus
nothing thing. And then at the same time, I mean,
I really think like the moment, I don't know
if we could describe like the moment we all gained
sentience as a kid or like people incorrectly
call it like gaining consciousness. I think it's
just your first memory. Once you like have your
first memories and remember that, that's when
you think you're like conscious because you remember
it. I remember 9 -11. But like for me, it's like
for me, it was like I. I remember I just was
playing with my fucking action figures. I had
the military channel on TV, which was great.
DirecTV always had that. Rest in Peace, the military
channel. Now they have the American Heroes channel.
Yes. And then all of a sudden, I just started
thinking really deep as a kid, and I was like,
forever. Yeah, same. And then it was like, I
was roughly grasping the concept of my own mortality.
And when I die, I go to heaven, assuming I'm
not a piece of shit. And then I was like, wow.
And I know Tyler's going to come in and say,
well, heaven time might not necessarily exist
there. And I understand that now, but fucking
six, five, six year old me didn't get that at
that point. But that was the most overwhelming
fear. Like that I could humanly feel. Me too,
actually. And it wasn't a panic attack at that
point. It was just anxiety. I was a kid. I didn't
have anything to panic about. But like now in
my fucking adulthood, that's like what happens.
I don't know. I have triggers that are completely
unrelated, but that's where my mind goes that
makes me bug the fuck out. Same with when I smoke
weed. That's where my head's at. When you're
taught as a kid that like time is going to go
on forever in heaven. Like it's like a scary
thing. Like, you mean my existence can never
end? Yeah. And then the even more thought provoking
question that finishes that is like, once you
get uncomfortable with the idea of forever, then
you start thinking, well, what's the better alternative?
And there's not one because then there's still,
well, but then that's fucking horrifying too.
That's what I'm saying. There's no better. But
if, if, if you're conceiving of a heaven where
time is, an aspect that's fucking horrifying.
You have two options, and it's existing or not
existing. It's existing forever and not existing.
Yeah, and those are both fucking horrifying.
There's no good answer there. It's not like,
oh, I'm going to exist for just a while, and
then I'll get my fill, and then I'm done. That's
still fucking scary to me. That's fucking horrifying.
I'm not comfortable with either of those outcomes,
but at the same time... That's why I agree with
religion. Not to cut you off, but I did finish
all the sodas. One, two, three, four, five. We
just got to hope the sugar crash hits him before
fucking Jeopardy starts. You might have fucking
pulled off a fucking big brain move and fucking
shut Tyler off. You poisoned me. I don't think
he can be stopped, bro. I don't think six sodas
is going to stop Tyler. Hey, I stopped him last
episode. Barely. Barely? Bro! Bro, I was fucking
up by 2K. I was up by fucking 2K. Okay, 1 ,800
if we're being specific here. I was a clean win
for me. Unassisted, no bullshit, fucking win
there. I was happy about it. I got a fucking
Tchaikovsky question, all right? Don't you fucking
discount my win. That was a good win. That was
good. How long, like, how many, like, millennia
do you think you could exist before you were
just like, I'm sick of this? Every single story
that has immortality as a thing in it, every
single one says immortality is a curse and it's
never been like... Look at every vampire story.
Every vampire is like, dude, I've been around
for like 500 years. This sucks. But isn't that
just what heaven is? No, because heaven is literal
paradise. Whatever paradise means... It's the
absolute maximum effect of paradise. But what
if you're happy, you know, when you're alive?
It doesn't matter. Just imagine how the happiest
you'll ever be and times that by like a billion.
That's what heaven's supposed to be. I think
to answer your question, Casey, I think I could
make it. I think I could probably make it 10
,000 years on the high end. And I think I would
probably make it. I don't think you could. I
think I could make it, like... No, no, because
I think about this a lot. And this is, of course,
assuming that you're able to keep a form of life
where if you're living this long, you're not
going to be living as some old dude in a wheelchair
for the entire thing of it. If I'm living in
my current form right now, I think I can make
it 10 ,000 years. yeah and before i'm just so
uncomfortable with everything that's definitely
on the high side though on the low side i really
think i might get burnt out at around like I
think that's... 500 years? 10 ,000 years is a
lot longer than you think. I think 500 years
would be the absolute most for me. I think 500
years is the most for me, too. But at the same
time, though, like, think about... And this is
another one of those things where we can't describe
this with any known science up to this point.
We have theories as to why it works the way it
does, but... the perception of the acceleration
of time as you get older so that's only going
like every year you're alive life seems to move
by quicker that's a constant everybody you talk
to says that shit so when you make it 2 000 years
into your life the next 2 000 years are going
to go by in relatively a blink of an eye yeah
that's an unexplained phenomenon the only the
only real guesstimate and we can't explain it
on like a neurological level as to why our brain
chemistry perceives it that way is that it comes
to deal with what what like a year is in terms
of the percentage you've lived so when you're
seven years old right and you turn eight you've
just lived in eighth of your life at that time
but when you turn 28 yeah you've only lived a
28th of your life like it's it's and that's the
relative that's just the information you're drawing
from which deals with the way that you like perceive
it so once you get up there in time like and
it's i don't know it's crazy like to me that
to me honestly like this year is the first year
where when i look at a clock i genuinely feel
like i see a second going quicker than it used
to i feel like when i was a kid and i looked
at a clock i felt like it was like one same two
three but realistically it's more like one two
three four like and that's creepy that's fucking
creepy but like that's actually well you're anxious
to grow up and then like now you're you don't
want to get older right i never was anxious to
grow up I never was. But the last bit, and then
I'll stop fucking rambling. I know I've been
talking a lot. Yeah, shut the fuck up. No, in
the Boston Science Museum. Hold on. Yeah. I'm
glad you're here, Ally Mack. I'm glad you're
here. I really am. I mean that. And I was fucking
rooting for you, and I will root for you during
your rematch with him, too. I know you're going
to smoke me. I'm still going to play you. Dude,
I don't know if I want to play. I think I got
to go back to the drawing board. I can't get
my ass kicked by everybody. You're going to fucking
smoke your girlfriend 15 times over the... Oh,
yeah, dude. I'm going to go get a fucking net,
and I'm going to be playing my neighbors. I've
been playing the drums a lot, and when you play
the drums, you do a hard flick with your wrist,
and so that's what I do when I spike it, and
it just goes fucking crazy. Dude, I got to fucking
maybe... they have an automatic like badminton
server or something that like can like you know
what i mean like maybe on amazon they have like
a little machine that can like serve you the
badminton and then you can practice i'm sorry
i just wanted to make the one more point i'll
practice whenever i just want to make the one
more practice with me yeah uh ali mac um i don't
want to hear it go ahead what are you saying
i'm just joking i didn't mean to cut you off
so so in the boston science museum they have
this thing where um by the way fantastic museum
definitely more geared towards children but it's
fun for adults too but um the really cool thing
that fascinated me the most when i was there
and cc thought i was a huge nerd and thought
it was the most fucking boring thing there was
um they have this thing where you tap start and
then you need to guess when two minutes goes
by and way more regularly um the older you were
the earlier you would tap that button like across
the fucking board yeah and then there's this
sweet spot when you're like 10 and i swear to
god i was just sitting here watching it because
it's like in the center of the second floor of
like this three -story museum and i was just
i was just keeping an eye on it like it was going
up to it because i wanted to watch it and uh
right around like the 10ish years old crowd those
motherfuckers nail it they nail it like i mean
like they get it at two minutes exactly way more
often than they don't i would expect there to
be like 10 seconds one way or the other um i
didn't really see anybody younger than that go
up to be honest so i can't compare that sample
size but the older people were it was like minute
30 every time so wait wait wait so they're hitting
it earlier Yeah, they're hitting it earlier because
it feels longer. Because I think that it plays
head games with them. I think it plays head games
with them. But they should be hitting it later
because time is going by faster. That's what
I'm saying is I think it's like a compensation
thing. Because there was people who were hitting
it way fucking later too. But those were the
people who I would notice would go up. And they
would fuck it up way too early the first time.
And they'd be like, I need to change it. And
then they would way overcompensate in the other
direction. Like, obviously, if you sit there
long enough, you're going to fucking eventually
get it. Huh. But, like, I remember there was,
like, a bunch of ecstatic kids who would hit
it right on the dot at two minutes and be like,
yeah, yeah! And then all, like, the... And the
thought that like the conversation that was occurring
around this machine was pretty cool because it
was a lot of thought provoking conversations
from adults who like went into it thinking it
was a simple game. And it's like, why is my kid
nailing this? And why am I fucking it up so bad?
And that's pretty cool to me. Give me that. I
think the kids also like. You know, it has a
sense of wonder being at the museum. It's more
like excited about, you know, the parents probably
just want to get it over with. Well, yeah, obviously.
I'm not referring to the level of their excitement.
I'm more referring to their ability of getting
it at two minutes. That's pretty cool. Yeah,
that's cool. All right, for 10 euros, I'm going
to set the timer. All right. All right, guys.
Get ready for two minutes of dead air. At two
minutes? Oh, yeah. That is pretty fucking...
Let me also set a timer. Why do you have to set
it? So I know when the two minutes is up. Oh,
okay. So you can cheat? You're going to play
the game too, Casey. Oh, well, I got the time
on my screen right here. Yeah, well, don't look
at it. You fucking cheater. Do you want to do
this? We can do this after. Let's do it during
the break. I feel like that's the best time to
do it. Yeah, you can talk during it. You just
buzz in. Everybody buzzes in. I don't want to
talk during it, and if people are talking during
it, it's going to fuck me up. No, just about
when you think it's been two minutes. Two minutes
is so fucking fast, dude. But then the other
thing I hate to say, and I'm fine with this,
but I will say that this experiment is different
than the one that occurs at the museum because
now you're also competing with other people.
so if i hear competition okay fine put this back
in the fucking slur dress no i think this is
a good idea i feel like i'm shooting this guy
i thought that was my money i don't know didn't
i win that money i don't know i that'd be awfully
convenient if you just declared that money hey
dan can we talk about your your instagram uh
algorithm now oh my god bro just from being in
contact with this fucking kid what kid with tyler
Just from our phones being in proximity to each
other, my whole algorithm is fucking goth baddies.
How is that possible? Dude, I don't know, but
look, this is like not... Not that I don't think
they're hot. That's also not a bad thing, yeah.
That's a good thing. No, I don't have a problem
with it, but it's usually it's not my fucking
cup of tea. It's usually trans gone wild. It's
gonna turn your brain. I gotta say, my fucking
algorithm on like Instagram and stuff has reached
this weird area where... It is all just like,
I feel like my Instagram algorithm now is what
people see when they log into Instagram for the
first time. Because I started using this VPN
and I have a kill switch on both my tablet and
my phone. And what a kill switch is, is it essentially
means my phone does not connect to the internet
or mobile data unless it's connected to a VPN.
Wow. And it makes me think that. my algorithm
is almost entirely based off of what it gathers
in the third party, like not on the app, which
is fucking weird. Cause that's supposedly not
how their algorithms work. It's only based off
of in app activities. It doesn't use the mic.
It doesn't listen to what's going on, but why
is mine always goth girls? Because I think you
like goth girls, Tyler. I mean, dude, they're
hot. Like I, it's just, it's not my favorite
thing. But they're fucking hot. I just, it's
like, dude, it was one, it was like, I got your
back, Tyler. It was 10 videos in a row of just
like goth girls. And you watched him, didn't
you? Of course I did. Oh shit. Casey, can I get
that baby? Yeah. All right. Let's take a break.
Like this shit. Like that's, that's the type
of shit that I get. Yeah. Oh God. Yeah, dude.
Like, yeah, that's hot. That's nice. That's nice.
The only thing I dislike about that, I hate when
they do the fucking like white face. I hate the
white. I love that. I hate that shit. I love
that. Have your natural skin color. If you want
black lipstick and a fucking smoky eye wing or
whatever. Be fucking corpse white. Dude, look
at my fucking algorithm. That's cooked. Yeah.
That's so good. I love the one picture of just
the jack dude with the fitness routine. It's
like a workout thing. Oh, man. Honestly, guys,
I think the one thing I did notice, a bunch of
fucking, no, I'll say that off air. It's like
exercise shit. Full day of eating. It's like
he's fully naked. It's like exercise shit. Yeah.
That's my algorithm. Look at that one, Tal. That's
the same one. It's a different video. Yes, it's
the same outfit. She's wearing the same shit.
That was taken the same day. Yeah, at least she's
walking around and her tits are bouncing. Jesus
Christ. My algorithm's cooked. I think it's just
because of how much I've looked up. Well, not
looked up, but we've talked about. No, I'm going
to get canceled. I can't even say this. My algorithm's
cooked. My algorithm is absolutely fucking cooked.
It is fucking cooked. I love how the one picture
on the fucking main screen of your search was
just some chick deep -throating a cucumber. That's
the kind of shit I watch. Brother's just fucking
hardcore. That's how you know you're not at work.
She wasn't deep -throating. She's eating the
cucumber. My, okay. Oh, it, that's it. I was
not expecting her to actually eat it. That's
actually a huge plot twist to me. But, uh, no,
I, I feel like my, uh, my, I can't open Instagram
in public anymore. I can't because it's like,
I walk in and it's just straight up soft core
porn. It's just like, I can't. The other day,
my partner at work was like, what the fuck are
you watching over there? I was like, I can't
go on Instagram anymore. It is, it is problematic.
Cause it's like, I'll be like, yeah, dude, I'm
no fap in this entire month. And I open Instagram.
I'm like, Oh, I'm going upstairs. I got to rub
one out. Like it's fucking terrible. So I, I
really, if there wasn't some solid memes on Instagram,
I would delete it. Cause it's such a fucking
problem because I'm going through and I'm getting
fucking solid memes. And then you just get a
fucking that goth girl. And I'm like, I really
think what cooked my algorithm, though, is that
all these fucking meme pages post OnlyFans models
as ads now. Yeah. Like all of them. And it fucking
cooks your algorithm. Like for me, it's all fucking
F1 and then goth baddies. Because half of them
are trannies. I'm not even going to lie. I don't
know how they sneak their way in there. Or the
weird thing is that I've been noticing and I
can't help and I'm sure this is why they keep
popping up in my algorithm because I spend a
lot of time not commenting but looking through
the comments. There's a lot of people who are
chicks, like actual biological females, that
portray themselves as trannies because it's more
profitable for them. Wait, what? It's fucking
crazy. And then I find myself looking through
their account and I'm like... there ain't no
bulge there. That, that's not a tuck job. What
are you talking about? And then the comments
is people backing me up. Like that's a fucking
chick, man. You can tell it's like, it's not
even like a sexual reason for looking at it.
You're just, it's more like you're a detective.
It's like investigative work. Like that's another
thing. That's why my algorithms, because my,
I, I, I, I purge my algorithm every, like month
or two till it gets to be mostly boxing jesus
videos and memes and then eventually the boxing
videos turn into there's a chick boxing and the
chicks boxing ends up downward spiraling back
into goth baddies somehow it's and i'm like i'm
like I want only men boxing. That's what I want
in my algorithm. I want to see men boxing and
working out Jesus and me. That's all I want.
yeah I'll be honest though I never use Instagram
anymore because it's got me in trouble a couple
times where when I'm playing like this I guess
like solo game of fucking girl versus tranny
then I come home and I whip out my phone me and
Cece are about to go to bed and then she's like
what the fuck are you looking at I'm like well
I can't explain what I just explained to you
guys over five minutes to her she's like you're
looking at chicks and I'm like no I swear to
god I'm not at least for me with Emily like She
uses Instagram more than I use Instagram. So
she's like, oh, I get it. Yeah. Like, that's
just that's just Instagram. That's just what
happened. She's a fucking she is a straight woman
through and through. Like, trust me, she's straight.
I sometimes try to push other things. But, you
know, not happening. The hardest thing I ever
saw was Cece. And she only did it when we first
started dating. But she made out with my other
friend who was a chick. at a bar and I was sitting
there and I was there with a couple of my, not
like super close friends, but like a couple of
bodies. And they're like, are you okay with that,
man? Like, yes. They're like, they're patting
my back. Like, oh man, I'm sorry. I know you
liked her a lot, man. I'm sorry. This is fucking
awesome. Shut the fuck up. Fucking wish bro.
But yeah, because, because of that, I'm like,
I like, she is 100 % just straight. and she gets
like fucking like thoughts like like only fangirls
on her fucking thing yeah what if your girlfriend
left you for a woman would you say that's hot
i would be like god damn yeah literally my whole
algorithm is fucking girl versus tranny real
life edition or fucking uh ai versus not ai ai
versus not ai is good i feel like i'm pretty
good at sorry No, go ahead. ADD, bro. I'm so
sorry. I did not mean to cut you off. Dude, you're
telling me. I'm fucking unmedicated today. Which
one's the girl? Which one's the tranny? Just
because of the way you pose. Girl's on the right.
No! No! They both look like they're... Trick
question. I think that looks like a trick question.
The girl's on the right. trick question both
i would say the girls on the right but like so
i'm basing i'm so the reason i would say the
girl on the left is the tranny is based off of
height and the woman on the right seems to have
a more feminine appearance but in terms of her
face i've gotten good at this alex mcdonald dude
i'm telling you it's my whole fucking feed Girl
vs. Tranny. That's pretty amazing. Yeah, dude.
Fucking Adam's apple? You can't base it off of
that. That's not even like a clue. Because some
chicks just have huge Adam's apples. Dude, I
fucking saw this one dude when I was in New York
City. This dude had a fucking Adam's apple that
looked like a ball sack in his neck. Have you
ever seen somebody who's just like... Have you
ever seen somebody who's just fucking... Like,
their fucking Adam's apple is just the size of
a baseball. It's like, not unfortunate, but it's
like, dude, you're a giraffe. Like, calm down.
What the fuck is going on with your neck? I've
seen some women like that, too. God. I pray to
God that nobody that CeCe associates with listens
to this podcast. I'm really fucking scared, though,
because I showed it to her friends. So shout
out, Megan, if you're listening to this. Please
don't tell CeCe about anything I said during
this episode. Email us. I'll tell her Podcast
73. Gmail .com. We'll check it later. Oh, yeah.
All right. We'll take a break. Thank God. Thank
God. We'll be back. I'm going to go get some
coffee, man. Welcome back to Untitled Podcast.
It's a carnival! It's a beautiful day in America.
Dan. And Tyler. Isn't it a great week to be in
America? You know, man. It's a good day to be
Israeli. Have the fucking largest military on
earth. I like how Trump gave people advice on
how to shut down the Epstein argument. Did he
really? Yeah, he was like, if someone comes up
and starts saying Epstein, you're like, we don't
talk about that. We don't talk about Epstein.
If you talk about Epstein, you're not on my side
anymore. He said that? He said that, yeah. Good,
then I'm not on his side. Oh, cool. It's like,
dude, everybody wants to hear about it. Again,
he's protecting Israel. So, the house... Oversight
Committee just subpoenaed the Department of Justice
to release the Epstein files, so it's probably
going to happen in a week. We're not going to
get the actual Epstein files, though. Oh, and
it's confirmed that his name's in it by the Attorney
General. That's been confirmed for years, though.
Yeah, but he actually acknowledges it now, like
the Attorney General, that fucking stupid lady.
I looked at the actual flight logs and found
his name. Who, Trump? Yeah. It's like, dude,
it's so obvious. It's so easy to get. It's like
not new information. Yeah. But you know, like
he was like actually involved in these activities,
I think, of what's coming out. I'm just so happy
that what I thought was going to happen. I mean,
it's still probably going to happen because I
don't think they're going to give us anything
of actual substance with these Epstein files.
I think it's going to be the same thing as the
MLK and the JFK files. But regardless. the cop
out that I really thought was going to settle
the uninformed person was how he was going to
release the grand jury files which is fucking
nothing we don't already know so I am but to
the uninformed person I'd be like oh the Epstein
stuff got out he wasn't in there it's like no
dude he released like a grand jury file that's
not the Epstein files that you want so that is
what was subpoenaed though so there's a chance
A minuscule chance, however, but I think that
they're going to pull out some fucking bullshit
like they did with JFK and MLK, but I pray, I
pray to God that we get the actual Epstein files.
That would be a huge win, I think, for America.
That shows that there actually is some transparency
and the other branches of government can overcome.
being scared by the president to actually release
things. So it's going to be interesting to see
how it all pans out. Your buddy Mike Johnson
shut the house down for summer recess so he didn't
have to vote on the Hep C files. My boy? I don't
even know who he is. Mike Johnson, the Speaker
of the House. That annoying looking guy. They're
all annoying looking to me. Alright, let's go
for Jeopardy. Yeah. Welcome back to Jeopardy.
Here's your, uh, 15 -time winner, Dan! The vitamin
man. Let's go. Where's the smelling salt? Right
here. Ugh! Got it in my eye. Something, like,
came out of it. Oh, fuck! Fucking locked in,
Tyler. How many times have you won so far? 36?
Third time, seventh time we'll cry. You said
that under his breath. You said that off in quiet.
And your defending nine -time champion, Ali Mack!
The Nueve. Ali Mack. The Nueve. Let's go, Dylan.
Allie Mack, that was a stunning victory last
time. Yeah, baby. Fucking pulling Tchaikovsky
out of my ass and shit. That was amazing. Can
I get a hint of that vaping celebration? I was
like, this can't be real life. Did Allie Mack
just say Tchaikovsky? Dan, you fucking bastard.
What? What, the soda? Yeah. He's like all lethargic
over there. Tyler's at a disadvantage here. Dude,
they're all fucking empty. Alright, categories
today. You got Just Names, Pasta Abilities, Holy
Cow, Number Twos, A Thousand Miles, and Numerical
Film Titles. Numerical Film Titles, 200. 200.
This Vin Diesel sequel went all in on numbers
despite being about illegal street racing. Was
too fast, too furious. Yes. Oh, shit. Wow. Wow.
Tyler, are you holding your buzzer? Wow. All
right. Alex McDonald. I'm not really here right
now. Shut up. No excuses play. I was falling
asleep last time and somehow I won. Womp womp.
400. 400. The title of this 1995 movie starring
Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt. What is 7? Never
even heard of it. Great movie. It is fantastic.
It's a great fucking movie. Detective movie.
Did you watch Blade Runner yet? Dude, I got like
three quarters of the way through it and I just
couldn't. It's just because I was like tired.
It's a good movie. Yeah, dude. I'll finish the
rest of it. At the moment, I just couldn't. I
couldn't follow all that was going on. Dude,
the ending of it is... is the best part of that.
I just got a new TV, so I'll watch it on that.
You kind of have to watch it all in one clip,
though. You won't get the impact of the ending
if you don't have it fresh in your mind. So I
gotta start it over. I mean, it's not that long.
It's like three hours. Yeah. Let's continue in
numbers. 600. Adam Sandler tries over four dozen
times to sweep Drew Barrymore off her feet in
Hawaii. What is 20 first dates? No. Oh, wait,
hold on. Wait, hold on. What is... Oh, God. I
don't know the number. What is 57 first dates?
Oh, no. What is 50 first dates? 50, yeah. All
right. Before we continue, though, Tyler Buzz.
Okay, your number didn't show up the first time
you pressed it there. Yeah, because the three
was still on. No, it wasn't. Yeah, it was. No,
the one I'm talking before that, you buzzed in
and there was nothing up there. It stayed blank.
Janspec. Same category. 800. 2013 Best Picture
winner about a free black man from upstate New
York who was kidnapped and sold into slavery
in the South. Was 21 years a slave? Oh, no. What
is it? What's the fucking number, man? I think
I know it, but it's not worth losing more points
over. I think I know it too, but I don't want
to risk losing points either. 12 years of slaving.
I think that's dyslexic. I was thinking the hateful
eight, actually. Bro, that's not even the right
movie. That's Django Unchained. There's no slaves
in April 8th. No, Morgan Freeman was our general
in that movie. Alright, $1 ,000. Don't pay too
much for this 2003 comedy starring Steve Martin
about raising his 12 children. I don't know.
It's cheaper by the dozen? Yes. Damn. Never heard
of it. I'm in the negative now, I think, because
I fucking blew it on that. That's all right.
You got Just Names, Postabilities, Holy Cow,
Number Twos, A Thousand Miles. That category
is cut. What's the first one again? Just Names.
We'll do Just Names. How the fuck wasn't 300
one of them? That, yeah, that's a good one. Just
Names for 200 to steal. What? Burglary? What
is burglary? No. I won't take points off it because
I don't think you understand it. What is thief?
No, no, you don't understand the category. It's
just names, so it's a name that means to steal.
Yeah. What is rob? Yes. Oh, my God. Oh, that's
a fucking retarded category. This is like a dad
category. All right. It is. It's a dad joke category.
Well, I guess we'll continue with just names.
400. Italian for beautiful. Don't time it out
Casey. Give me a second What is Bella Bella,
oh, yeah, oh I was gonna say bow. I was thinking
Bella as well, but I was like I was thinking
like be a you bow No, I was thinking Bella, but
I'm like, that's Spanish, I thought. 600. A song's
tune. What is it? Melody? Yes. It's fucking gay.
Fucking stupid fucking category. We'll continue
on the names. 800. Someone who makes barrels.
Someone who makes barrels? Yeah. I didn't know
this one either. I don't fucking know. Oh, whoops.
That would be... Hold on, hold on, hold on. All
right, go ahead. If you didn't know it, I don't
know. Cooper. Cooper? That's what it means, apparently.
It's on the tip of my tongue. Tyler's book. I
guess we'll continue with this one. 1 ,000 to
walk through water. What is Wade? Wade. Oh, yeah.
That's a good one. I'm not... I don't... I can't
compete in this category. I don't. Dance pick.
Plastabilities. Holy cow. Number twos. A thousand
miles. Let's do a thousand miles. A thousand
miles. Two hundred. In 1271, this Italian explorer
traveled thousands of miles to reach China. To
reach China? China, yep. When? 1271. Yeah, no.
Let that down right there. Can I get that vape?
I'm pissed off now. It would be Marco Polo. Oh,
God. Yeah, you can suck my cock. Dan's pick.
Was it 1492 for Christopher Columbus? Don't look
at me. 1492. Number two. I think I know years.
I didn't even know what year this country was
founded until I played this game. 1776? Yeah,
now I know it's 1776. I didn't know that episode.
It humiliated me. Number two, 200. This actor
played Cal Naughton Jr., Ricky Bobby's teammate,
that would slingshot him into first place. Oh,
my God. In the 2006 film Talladega Nights. Oh,
my God. Come on. Oh, what was his fucking name?
Oh, my fucking God. He's in Step Brothers, too.
What the fuck? What the fuck's his name? I almost
buzzed in and said Cal Naughton Jr. Oh, my God.
It's going to piss me off so bad. Is his name
Dragon? Yeah, I know. I can see him. I can see
his stupid face. John C. Reilly. Fuck! Oh, my
God, man. I watched that. I literally watched
Talladega Nights last week. Damn. Damn. Fuck
me, man. For 400. You got 1 ,400. Give the rundown.
I know I'm in the negative. Tyler's got 1 ,600.
I'll do 400. I'm rooting for you, Dan. In command
structure, this military officer is often second
only to the captain aboard a ship. Say it again.
In command structure, this military officer is
often second only to the captain aboard a ship.
Oh, stop. You know this. It would be the SO,
second officer. No. Fuck. Then it's the first
mate. That would be first officer. Okay, well,
would you have accepted first mate? Would you
have accepted? I would have fucking. Is that
the same thing? I don't know. Would you have
accepted skipper? No, Skipper's the captain.
No, Skipper's second in command. I don't know
about that. You might want to ask ChatGPT about
that. Skipper's typically the head of the show.
No, I think Skipper's second in command. See,
I was going by planes because there's the captain
and then I thought it was the SRO. First mate
and first officer refer to the same position.
Yep. Okay. What's the first officer? Oh, okay.
Damn. Let me see if Skipper means the same thing.
Damn, it's fake. Hold on. I want to figure this
out. Same category. I want you to too because
it's going to prove me right. Skipper on a ship.
Oh, yeah, it was a captain. You were right. Number
twos for 600. Only it was the question. Yeah,
fuck me. This U .S. city is the country's second
most populous behind New York. What is L .A.?
Yes. That was the obvious one. I was thinking
it might have been Houston. I almost buzzed him
with Chicago and then I knew it was LA, but he
beat me to it. Yeah, I'm down to pay. Same category.
800. This pop megastars second album. Oops, I
did it again. What's this? What's this category
name again? Number twos. Okay. Down to pay. Same
category. Wait, Dan got the points on that one?
Yes. Yes. 1 ,000. On the animated series South
Park, this character is a festive piece of poo.
What is Mr. Hanky? Yes. I was a split second
behind that. Fuck me. Mr. Hanky, the Christmas
poo. He loves me. I love you. Tyler got possibilities.
Holy cow. 1 ,000 miles. Holy cow, I guess. Cow,
200. Lily Nelson and Waylon Jennings advise mamas
not to let their babies grow up to be these.
Cowboys, what are cowboys? Ah, yeah. This ain't
my night. I'm not even mad. It's just the questions.
I don't know them. I just don't know them. It's
flat out as that. Same category. For 400. 2 ,600.
Tyler's got 2 ,600. You gotta go in, man. What's
the category again? Holy cow. Let's see. I'll
do... How many points do I have? 2 ,600. You're
tied with me. I'll do 500. 500. The location
of St. Basil's Orthodox Cathedral. St. Basil?
Yep, St. Basil's Orthodox. What a fucking Tyler
Geard question. Fuck you, Casey. You're not Orthodox.
I'm not. Yeah, but it's a church question. He
knows that shit in his sleep. It's pretty easy.
It's hard. You have to... Alright, say it again.
The location of St. Basil's Orthodox Cathedral.
Do I have to say, like, country or city? And
what's the category again? The city? Holy cow.
It's holy cow. Don't forget that. That's got
to give you some context there. Oh, fuck. Can
I steal? Like to me, and I hope I'm not leading
you down a dark road, but like I think like cow,
think like other words, like steer maybe, right?
Cows are referred to as steer sometimes maybe.
Fuck, man. I don't know. Hold on a sec. Hold
on a sec. Can I steal? No, you cannot steal.
Can I steal? Say the question one more time.
This is fucking easy, guys. If he doesn't get
it right, I want to hear what his answer is before
you give it. Because I want to see if Tyler actually
knows this shit. I do. The location of St. Basil's
Orthodox Cathedral. St. Orthodox Cathedral. And
it has to do with... Fucking cows, you know has
to do with cows. What does cowabunga? Cowabunga
Idaho Fuck dude fuck just give me give me I think
I've exhausted it. I'm still thinking, trying
to help you. Dad, what do you know about the
Orthodox Church? Orthodox Church? Well, it's
not unorthodox. What Orthodox Church? Because
there's different ones. The Christian Orthodox.
There's like the Greek Orthodox Church. No, the
Christian one. The Christian Orthodox Church.
What? Give me a clue, Tyler. I'm not giving you
a clue. It makes me think like, I don't know,
and I could be completely wrong, but if it's
a famous... cathedral this shit's got to be old
as fuck right so like that makes me think that
area that has a bunch of fucking old cathedrals
which like i think is like italy and shit right
so like in rome like italy rome the fuck's out
there basil is fucking that's italian Yeah. Right?
Right? It's a spice. It's gotta be Italian, right?
Rome doesn't have anything to do with fucking...
I know. That's what I'm saying. So, like, oh,
man. What's a fucking city or a town out there
that's got a fucking cow in its name? What is
Rawhide? I don't know. Maybe it's hide something.
I don't know. A mare. That's a cow, right? A
mare, I believe, is a horse. Yeah. A steer is
a cow. Calf? Think about calf. There's bull.
No. Istanbul? Bulgaria. Are these guys seriously
not getting this? It's right in front of you,
Dan. Say it again. The location of St. Basil's
Orthodox Cathedral. There's bulls and then what's
the... What the fuck is St. Basil? What's the
cow's name, though? Maybe it's Basil. I don't
know. Maybe it's Basil. It is St. Basil, though.
Yeah, okay. All right, dude, I'm just going to
have to send something out there because I don't
know, and I'm going to get it wrong. I know.
I'm sorry. And then you want me. I think we've
had a good thought process, though. Allie Mac
wants me to do my answer after you. Yeah, because
I want to make sure you got it because you're
over there all cocky. You probably do know it,
but I like fact -checking you anyways. You like
fact -checking me. Because I've been times on
who wants to be a millionaire before we did jeopardy
really you fucking idiot It's fucking Moscow
has the word fucking Yeah, but we haven't seen
basil in fucking Russia like what are we talking
about? Dan's pick. You should have said St. Basil.
Dan, that was incredible. That was the equivalent
of Tchaikovsky in my books. That doesn't even
sound Russian, but they're both Russian, yeah.
Tchaikovsky. Dan's pick. Oh, yeah, they're both
Russian, yeah. 600. This financial slang term
describes a reliable source of income like a
business... What is a cash cow? Cash cow, yes.
I forgot it was about cows. I was going to say
a bull market. If you got the stock question
over Dan, I think he would have killed you. Yeah,
I was going to say bull market. Dan Smith. Same
category. 800. This dog's name being Courage
is a misnomer. She actually is this. What is
Coward? Coward. Full name. What is curse? It's
a cowardly dog. Yes. So I would have had it right.
I just wanted to hear the rest of the question,
and I fucking blew it. Wait, are you number two
or are you number three? I'm two. I'm three.
You buzzed in first. I buzzed in first. But it
was locked up. It was locked up, so it was his
number. It said number two on there, though.
Yeah, but I didn't answer, though. I went like
that. I wanted the question to continue. Hit
yours. Yeah, so it was locked on two. But as
soon as I pressed it, I waved it off. I didn't
know it. I wanted to hear more. Oh, a dance pick.
Same category. Thousand. This word is an exclamation.
It's expressing. Holy cow. What is holy cow?
Number two. Number two. Fuck. Number two. Nice
job. Nice job. Yes. I'm back in the positive.
Thank fuck. Holly Mack, you got possibilities.
Possibilities 200. 200. This long pasta's name
means little tongues in Italian and is shaped
like flat ovals, perfect for sauces. Say that
again. This long pasta's name means little tongues
in Italian and is shaped like flat ovals, perfect
for sauces. What is tortellini? Oh, no. That
was a good guess, though. What? How is that even
incorrect? That's perfect for... That met all
the categories. This long pasta. Is that a long
pasta? Well, yeah. You know, like, a long pasta?
Yeah. Tortellini is a little circle. All right,
say it one more time. Yeah, but it's perfect
for sauces. Rigatoni? But it's not a long pasta.
Rigatoni's short as fuck, too. Rigatoni? No.
Dan, you should guess. Let's think about it here.
Long ovals? What is tongue in Italian? I don't
fucking know. It's probably something to begin
with. It's like a Latin language, right? What
is linguini? Yes! Yes! I stole that from you
because Italian is super close to Spanish. And
in Spanish, tongue is lengua. Exactly. So now
I see that the oval is referring to the shape
of the pasta. It's long pasta. I still argue
that tortellini should have been awarded. It
is long, circumference -wise, than most pastas,
but whatever. Circumference? It's a little circle.
Yeah, bro. Run some fucking equations, dude.
I don't know what to tell you. Keep it going.
400. You might call this pasta bow ties, but
Italians call it by this name. That means butterflies.
I don't fuck. I always call it bow tie. I didn't
even know it had another name. Yeah, the Italian
name. I do know this for sure. At least I think
I do. Is there a name for that in Italian? Yeah.
It's close to bow ties, but Italians call it
by this name that means butterflies. Wait a second.
No. Farfalle. Nope. Thank God I didn't guess.
Farfalle? I was going to say Rigatoni. I was
trying to cross over Spanish. Didn't work. Rigatoni's
not bow ties, dude. I don't know, dude. I really
don't eat a lot of pasta. Rigatoni is the short
tubes. They're short tubes. They're like this
long. They're like jagged almost. Let's bump
it up to a thousand here. Jesus. This short,
rigid pasta's name comes from the Italian word
for pen, thanks to its shape. This short, rigid
pasta? Short, rigid pasta comes from the Italian
word for pen, thanks to its shape. Pen. Penne.
I know what it is in Spanish, but I'm not going
to say it. Penne? Penne. Say it again. This short,
rigid pasta's name comes from an Italian word
for pen, thanks to its shape. A penesita. What
are the points at before I buzz in and just throw
this guess out? You have 400, and Tyler's got
2 ,400. What is gnocchi? No, it's a short rigid
pasta. Dude, I'm throwing shit. I'm throwing
pasta at a wall and seeing what sticks. Okay,
guys? I gotta try to claw my way back in this
somehow. Are you guys serious? Is it rigatoni?
What is rigatoni? I buzzed in. Rigatoni, no.
Damn it. Fuck me. No, Tyler said it first. Deducted
points. What is pen in Spanish? Just time it
out. Don't time it out. Don't time it out. Believer
foe. What? No, go. I don't know. Are you buzzing
in? No. No. All right. What is penne? God damn
it. I said it how many times? Yeah, you're like
penne, penne, penne. I didn't think it'd be that
easy. You're like penne, penne, penne. Allie
Mac's pick. Whatever. I'll take the next daily
double. You got 600 or 800 or 1 ,000 miles. I'll
take 1 ,000 miles for 1 ,000. Jesus. If you're
traveling 1 ,000 miles at 100 miles per hour,
it will take you this many hours to get to your
destination. That would be 10 hours. Goddamn.
10 hours, yes. Am I back in the positive? Oh,
no, not yet. 1 ,000 miles for 800, Alex. 800.
In the 1800s, pioneers traveled over 1 ,000 miles
westward on this trail. What is the Oregon Trail?
What is the Oregon Trail I buzzed in first? Everybody
buzzed in. Oh, wait. No, correct. Yes. Oh, my
God. Was it a daily double? I wagered everything.
No, I actually hit that. I love how every single
person buzzed in for that one, too. Oh, shit.
It's not even fucking... Okay, yeah. I was like...
Am I back in the positive now? Yeah. Thank God.
I'm just happy I'm positive. All right. 600.
600. This wild American trail stretches over
2 ,100 miles, but you could hike a solid 1 ,000
of it and still not reach Maine. What is the
Appalachian Trail? That's fucking smart. It's
the Appalachian Trail. Good shit. Good shit,
Dan. Damn. Damn. Same category. Actually, what
other categories are we on? A Thousand Miles,
Pasta -bilities. Pasta. Fuck the pasta. A Thousand
Miles. 400. This philosophical saying begins,
a journey of a thousand miles begins with this.
What is a single step? Oh, yes. Oh. Gay question.
That's a pretty easy one. I'm just kidding. I
apologize. I shouldn't have used that in a derogatory
sense. Out of respect. Possibilities. 600 and
800. 600. For 600. Fuck that shit. Kyle's got
2 ,800. Dan's got 5 ,100. LMAX got 200. Damn.
Damn. Oh, yeah. All right. 200. 200. This tube
-shaped pasta shares its name with an old -timey
musical instrument and works great in baked dishes.
A musical instrument? Yeah. This old -timey...
This tube -shaped pasta shares its name with
an old -timey musical instrument. An old -time
musical instrument? Yeah, it works great in baked
dishes. Do we have any more information about
this? No. It's just tube -shaped? And it's great
in baked dishes, and it shares its name with
an old -timey musical instrument. This is why
I didn't bet that much. Is this Daily Dope? Yes.
Oh, I'm sorry, dude. I'm a fucking jerk. I would
have buzzed in immediately. Probably you've gotten
it wrong, but I would have buzzed in immediately.
Old -timey music. And it's great in baked dishes?
Baked, yeah. And it's a tube, you said, right?
Tube, yeah. You guys don't know that much about
pasta. No. Who the fuck knows about pasta? I
know about all the pastas. I'm not Italian. Yeah,
but I grew up eating Italian food. Yeah, I didn't.
I didn't either. I'm not even Italian. Think
about the instruments, though. Think about an
old -timey instrument. What is old -timey? Yeah.
Put that phone down. Old timing. I'm trying to
think, like, gramophone, and I'm like, no, not
that. It's not. What is the gramophone? Let's
think about what old timing is. Old timing. I
don't want you to help his thought process. It's
okay. I don't care. I just want to know this
question. It's only 200 points. Old timing. Bugle?
Bugle. Is that the final answer? No. But, like,
I haven't thought. I think old -timey, like 1930s
music. Harp? The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy. Harp,
maybe? But it's cylindrical. Yeah. Old -timey.
Old -timey fucking pasta? Something to do with
a fucking flute. It's not old -timey pasta. It's
got to be something to do with a fucking flute.
Is it a fucking oboe? It's a piccolo. It's a
piccolo? Are we gonna time this out? Yeah, just
fucking time. What the fuck is this? I know,
this is, oh no, this is a daily double. Tyler's
gotta give an answer. Fucking oboe. I don't know.
No, harp. Fucking harp. Ring -a -tony? That'd
be ziti. I was gonna say ziti ring -a -tony,
because when you said green in a baked dish,
I was like, bake ziti. It's the only baked pasta
I know. There's a fucking instrument called a
ziti? Dude, I thought of a ziti. It's called
a ziti, which is an Indian bagpipe. But it's
not the same. That's dumb. One's ziti and the
other is a ziti. Well, I don't know. I didn't
write the question. If I was competing and I
did a true daily double on that and I got it
wrong, I would have fucking fought you right
here and now, Casey. Yeah, that was kind of stupid.
We'll give Tyler his points back. No! No, fuck
that. He's still down. He's still down. Yeah,
it was 200 points. Come on. What the fuck are
we doing? That's only 200 points. Casey, it's
the integrity of the game. Yeah. All right. All
right. You guys are gonna win fair and squared.
All right. Tyler's picked finally for 800. Stuffed
with cheese, meat, or spinach, this pasta is
shaped like - What is tortellini? Little hats
or belly buttons. Tortellini. I came back, baby.
Oh, shit. What else do I got here? Nothing. That's
it. Dan's got... No, that's it. Final Jeopardy.
Dan's got 5 ,100. Tyler's got 2 ,600. Ellie Mac's
got 1 ,000. Jesus. Tyler's still within half.
Category? Whatever. Why do you always look at
your phone when I ask for the final category?
Because the question's on my phone. Oh, the final
Jeopardy is one that you make every week, personally?
Yeah. Wait, give me the scores again, Casey.
Ali Max got 1 ,000. Tyler's got 2 ,600. Wait,
Dan's got what? 2 ,600. No, no, 51. I got 51.
Oh, no, Dan's got 5 ,100. Ali Max got 1 ,000.
Tyler's got 2 ,600. Damn. Damn. So Tyler is still
within reach here. Oh, my God. There's an instance
where... All right, we'll go with categories
corporations. I'm in a pickle. I am in a pickle.
Damn. Damn, that was a lot of corporations. I'm
going to send you my wager in one second. Sorry,
I just found out someone died. My bad. Was it
Ozzy Osbourne? No. No. Someone I know. Oh. Damn.
I'm sorry, Eleanor. Let's see here. Let's see.
Where the fuck is your number, Casey? My what?
Your number. My phone number? Your phone number.
Don't tell me. I just need to find your contact.
One minute, I'm changing it. Just give me one
second. Alright, I got your answer. Question.
What? That's the last change. I'm not changing
it again. The name of this retailer of beauty
products comes from the French name of Moses's
wife. I think Tyler also got it. The name of
this the name of this retailer of beauty products
comes from the French name of Moses's wife No,
but I took a wild guess and I'm actually pretty
confident I got it. I know. I wish I could share
it with you. I know the name of Moses' wife.
I'm not good with the makeup part. Anything I
told you to throw you on the right track is going
to give him it if he doesn't know it. I'm confident
I got it right, though. Tyler says Sephora. That's
correct. Oh, no shit. He bet it all. He's got
$5 ,200. IMAX says Sephora. He's got 200, so
he's only got 1201. Dan also says Sephora. What'd
you bet, Dan? $101. $101. Dan's got 5201. Dan
wins by $1. Oh, yeah! Oh, my God! Wow. Fuck yeah.
Oh, yeah. Wow. Fuck yeah. Wait, what was the
correct answer? Sephora. Oh, it was Sephora.
Nice. Dan, one dollar winner. Let's go. The episodes
I've been here, Tyler, I hate to say it, the
last handful of episodes, you have not won when
I've been here. You won like one, but me and
Dan have been going back and forth. Me and Dan
are fucking coming back. I'm almost in double
digits. I'm almost in double digits. Dan bet
an exact bet of $101. That was incredible, Dan.
Just to beat him by $1. Dan. Dan. Can I tell
you guys the truth? That's electric, Dan. Can
I tell you all the truth? You didn't cheat. Tell
me you didn't ask an AI. So I did use performance
enhancing drugs. I haven't had coffee in six
months. No, that doesn't count. Caffeine doesn't
count. He had plenty of caffeine in his drinks
right there. Okay. Listen, for fucking trailing
for a while, I almost made a fucking comeback
at the end. Dude, you did. You almost won it.
I'm happy I finished in the positives. Dad, did
you ask ChatGBT what would be the ideal amount
to dollar by one dollar? No, because it fucked
me last time. He showed me on the calculator
for a minute. He was trying to guess it, but
dude, you fucking wagered it perfect. That's
crazy. If he didn't get that, that would have
been over, but Sarah was Moses' wife. That's
what I figured, and I was like, dude, how does
Sephora sound like Sarah, but it's the only one
I know. That's the only one that I know, yeah.
I'm like, I know it's Sarah, but I'm like, I
don't know. That's way longer than Sarah. Yeah.
I didn't know nothing about no wives names. I
just figured Sephora sounded like it could be
correct. So yeah. So yes. That kind of sounds
like Sarah. Maybe. But like, that was like the
thing I'm like, cause like I was thinking I'm
like Sarah and I'm like, the only fucking store
that I know is Sephora. And I'm like, dude, the
first thing I typed was Ulta. I was like, no,
that is not. That is not in the Bible. No, it
was Sarah, and then I'm like, what? And then
I'm like, Sephora? I guess Sephora sounds like
Sarah. Yeah. Yeah. Dan, what's your favorite
Ozzy Osbourne song? Mine? Anybody. Bark at the
Moon. The only one I know is Crazy Train. Damn.
Mama, I'm coming home. What's yours, Casey? Probably
Mr. Crowley, actually. So we all have different.
That's interesting. I just love the fucking ending
of Bark at the Moon where he's just like, Oh,
yeah, Bark at the Moon. I don't know that one.
It's a good one. Good God. And I like the guitar.
Bark of the moon. Dude, we lost some heavy hitters
this week. We did. We didn't even really talk
about that. Before we head out. rip ozzy and
rip fucking the hulkster yeah god damn take your
vitamins and say your prayers it's devastating
that was that was one of that was one of hulk
hogan's like oh yeah no shit take your vitamins
and say your prayers and i'm like hey listen
that got two of our people in our podcast already
yeah we just need to add and and think about
the the cosmos and be a communist and then it
would be our that's everybody yeah Hulk Hogan
is such a piece of Americana. Oh, he really is.
His fucking theme song of I'm a real American.
Like, dude, it sucks. Because, like, you know
what I was thinking? And, like, I'm like, listen,
the boomers are the majority of the problems
in the country currently. And they're dying off.
But the thing is, I'm like, fuck, we're going
to lose some good ones, though. We're going to
lose some good ones. He was a boomer, yeah. Yep,
he was. He's a cool boomer, though. Yeah, he
was a cool boomer. So was Ozzy. Ozzy was a boomer.
Ozzy was born in 53. Ozzy fucking invented metal.
He was the fucking god of metal. I thought Dio
and him also were around the same time. Dio was
in Black Sabbath after Ozzy. I thought that he
was doing similar shit at the same time. He was
doing his music probably in the 70s. I thought
Dio was technically first, but Ozzy made it like...
Ozzy made it more mainstream, and then Dio kind
of took over after Ozzy. How do you just invent
metal? It doesn't make any sense to me. Was Black
Sabbath the ones that invented distortion pedals?
I think so. I think it was Black Sabbath was
the pioneers of metal, and I think, yeah, distortion.
I think when you... No, Jimi Hendrix did it first.
Jimi Hendrix did Distortion? Yeah, that was like
his thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he had like
the wah pedal. Yeah. Yeah. Is that what that's
called? The wah pedal? Or is it called something
else? The wah. Or wah -wah. The wah -wah pedal?
Yep. Yeah. The wah -wah. But, yeah, I mean, I...
Sad to say, I think we're going to lose a decent
amount more before year's end. Yeah. Like, I
think, like... Who's up there that we're thinking
is going to be? Joe Biden. Well, the winner is
what kills everybody, so we're not even in the
thick of it yet. Yeah, but I'm trying to think
of older people that we're like, yeah, they're
going to go. Biden's definitely one of them.
We're going to lose our president soon. We'll
be the first one removed from office. This pains
me to say, I think David Attenborough is going.
Who's that? Narrator for all those documentaries.
British guy. Yeah, the giant horse cock. Oh,
like National Geographic? Yeah, he is old as
fuck, though. I think he's in his 90s. Buzz Aldrin's
already dead, right? He might not be. Oh, wait.
Oh, dude, I don't know. Let's see. Is Buzz...
David Attenborough is 99 years old. So I think
we're losing him. He's going. I think we're losing
him this year. Buzz Aldrin's alive, dude. I think
that's a good call. I think Buzz Aldrin... I'm
putting my hat in the ring of Buzz Aldrin is
the next one we're going to lose. Biden's got
fucking stage 19 cancers. He's got stage 47 cancer.
Trump's like, I'm going to distract them from
Epstein. I have stage 99 cancer. Did you see
this week how South Park made the episode about
the Epstein files? I don't have cable, so I don't
know. Oh, like the fucking Republican or the
conservatives, the MAGA people are so mad about
it. They're like, cancel South Park. Because
I guess they just tore into Trump the entire
time. I haven't seen it yet. I think I have Paramount
Plus, so I might check that out. I have like
the local news channel and that's it for my cable.
I think politically, as long as you align with
South Park's views, that's like the correct views
to have. Not necessarily, but like... Fucking
clankers. The clankers. I fucking hate clankers,
dude. Dude, so I was just looking this up. Buzz
Aldrin was older than me when he went to the
moon. He was like, how old? Like 40? 39. Yeah.
So it's like, dude, he was not young when he
went to the moon. That's not really that young
for somebody in the military. What rank was he,
though? I don't know. They were all test pilots
first, though. You had to be a test pilot before
you could get into NASA. So he was almost middle
-aged when he went to the moon, and he's still
alive. Yeah. What the fuck? He's 95. Oh. Well,
he's fucking old. No, Buzz Aldrin's definitely
dead. No, he's not. He's not dead, but he's old,
yeah. ChatGBT said as of now, he's alive. Nah,
Buzz Aldrin's definitely dead. No, he's not dead.
He never died. Buzz Aldrin. Remember he was standing
behind me and Dan were talking about this on
the 4th of July episode actually where he was
like standing behind Trump and like mocking him
back in like 2017. Oh, I'm thinking of Armstrong.
Oh, yeah, he's dead. Dude, he got married at
93. To this fucking chick that's got some fucking
knockers on her. Holy shit, this guy's not fucking
around. Hell yeah. Dude, she's getting that fucking
moon jizz. Holy shit. Did you see how, I forget
which celebrity it was, but she like married
like a 93 year old guy or something. It was like
a famous actress. And so she like married him
for his money, obviously, because he was like
a billionaire. Yeah. And then when he died, he
left her nothing. Oh my God. So she had to suck
that old wrinkly cock for nothing. Yep. Wow.
That's a fucking. But it's like, is that like
morally wrong though? Because. Yes, of course.
Well, because the old guy's getting something
out of it too, right? Right. And that's the,
like it's that exchange is understood. Yeah.
It's understood that what you're trading there,
what's going on. They don't even care. Wow. That's
so fucked that he would do that. Maybe she was
a cunt. Excuse my language. Sorry to the viewers
out there. Listeners. If there's anybody out
there. There's not. Who's the fucking guy that
looks like a turtle that was in Congress? Mitch
McConnell. Is he dead? No, he's still in Congress.
He should be out the door, dude. He's going out
the door, too. No, I think he's retiring. He
retired recently. No, I'm thinking he's going.
He's going to the... And when he dies, a dark
cloud is going to lift off of Washington, D .C.
Now, when this fucking president gets impeached,
you guys are still like hoping against all hope,
even though they found out that the Russian collusion
thing. Yeah, that we're going to blame Obama
for shit now. Well, yeah, dude, if you lie under
oath. Obama was like, these accusations are bizarre.
Things that are true are often bizarre. Truth
is often stranger than fiction. He's fucking
trying to make shit up so that he distracts everybody
from the fucking actual truth. Yeah, I mean,
it could be. It could be. It could be that Donald
Trump was down there. Did we talk about the letter
that he wrote? I think we have a little bit of
a delay. A little bit of an echo. Do we? I think
so. I don't know. I don't. No, we do. It's ever
so slightly. Well, it's time to go anyways. Yeah.
Well, I'll say this before we go. There's that
letter that the New York Times posted that apparently
he wrote to Jeffrey Epstein. Did you see that?
Oh, yeah. I saw that. Yeah. You should read that
letter. You should read that on the air. Because
if that's true, that's kind of fucked, dude.
Oh, shit. Let's see what it said. I hope it's
not true, but if it is. Like this just came out
like today? No, this was like last week. What
did the reported birthday letter? Yes, that's
it. Oh, shit. Oh, he sued the newspaper for publishing
this. Yeah. So the letter was fake. What the
fuck? They don't like say like what it says.
There's got to be an image. Sum it up, Dan. Let's
see. Let me look up an image. He was basically
telling him, hey, we have our little secret.
And like it was just really like kind of like
almost romantic. It was weird. Hey, everybody,
watch Happy Gilmore 2 tomorrow. It comes out
on Netflix. No, he said like, so Jeffrey Epstein
has like a bunch of celebrities, like a bunch
of tapes of celebrities that he could just use
for blackmail whenever he wanted. So he actually
had one with Donald Trump on it and like a kid.
Do you think so? No, I know. So how do you know
that? Because fucking it was came out this week.
I don't know. It was in the news. I don't believe
it. Okay. Oh, what did it say? The Wall Street
Journal reported the letter with Trump's name
on it contains an outline of a hand -drawn naked
woman with typewritten text describing an apparently
imaginary conversation between Trump and Epstein.
According to the journal, here's what it said.
There must be more to life than having everything.
Donald, yes, there is, but I won't tell you what
it is. Jeffrey, nor will I, since I also knew
what it is. Donald, we have certain things in
common. Jeffrey. Jeffrey, yes, we do. Come to
think of it. Donald, enigmas never age. Have
you noticed that? Jeffrey, as a matter of fact,
it was clear the last time I saw you. Donald,
a pal is a wonderful thing. Happy birthday, and
may every day be another wonderful secret. Damn.
Wait, what is that? That's a letter between them.
What is he saying? I think it was Trump's birthday.
He wrote a letter to Epstein. Or Epstein wrote
a letter to him. No, Donald Trump wrote a letter
to him. They were like close friends. Oh yeah,
we knew that. Jumping in here though, Trump did
deny it and it's not... The Wall Street Journal
posted this and a lot of people are coming to
the Wall Street Journal for it not being real.
uh that being said casey wants to be real i'm
bringing it up because casey wants it so bad
i think i mean i do think it's real but it might
not be there was some stuff pointing that it
might not be because it came with like a a drawing
that trump drew of like some tits I don't know.
It just seemed weird. I couldn't picture him
being artistic like that. Hey, do you got a piece
of paper I can do that to? Well, I mean, he did
auction off. Trump, back in the day, auctioned
off like some weird scribbles of like a city
skyline for a charity. But like, I don't know.
It's not tits. I mean, I fucking. I saw this
video of like Trump. Generally, like when I went
to art school, I had to do nude studies. So like,
that's just like a standard art. Yeah. But were
you sending a letter to Jeffrey Epstein? No,
I was not doing that. I saw this video. It just
comes out. Tyler Lee on the flight and the flight
logs. We like, Oh, Hey guys, it's Dan Casey and
Allie Mac here. Um, Tyler is no longer with us.
He was on Epstein's flight logs. And I'd make
my own podcast and be like, they kicked me off
for no reason. We stand on our morals. Tyler's
gone. Dan is now the grand champion of Jeopardy.
If anybody would be on the flight logs, it would
probably be Dan. What the fuck? Why me? You're
the oldest. It'd probably be you. No, you're
the oldest. You know what? We can all agree.
It's Kyle. What is it? I like that. Blind people
that aren't here. Yeah, I mean, you get some
milfs and some trannies on little St. James Island.
I might be there. That island's so fucked up.
You'd think that place is haunted. That place
has got to be haunted. I don't know, dude. You
think a tropical place is haunted? Yeah, there's
a lot of tropical places that are haunted. Probably,
yeah. Like, look at Pavilion Island in Italy.
It's too happy for there to be ghosts. Dead men
tell no tales. Dead men tell no tales. You know
what? I think we should end this. Watch Happy
Gilmore 2. It comes out tomorrow. Also, buy Ready
or Not. It's a great game. That's all I got to
say. Talks out. Talks out. All right. Well, anyway,
email us. Until podcast73gmail .com. That was
the last time we checked the email, Casey. We
didn't check it last episode. A long time ago.
Well, let's check it. Yeah, let's check it. Let's
check it. Check it. Check it for nothing. There
was a... There was a video where Trump was like,
it was in the 90s when his daughter was first
born. And they're like, oh, what does your daughter
look like? And she's like, oh, well, she's got
her mother's legs. And I don't know quite yet
if she's got her mother's tits, but we'll find
out. Oh, my God. It's like, oh, my God. Dan,
do I taste real butter on this popcorn? No, it's
olive oil. Oh, my God. It's delicious. Yeah.
It's phenomenal. Thank you. Tastes like butter.
I would have never guessed. I can't believe it's
not butter. Better for you than butter. God,
I got a piece of cheesecake at me waiting for
home. Wait, what'd you say? I got a piece of
cheesecake waiting for me at home. I have a piece
of cheesecake waiting for me at home. All right,
let's wrap it up. I haven't had a piece of cheesecake
in... A very long time. Do we have anything in
the email, Casey? I mean, we got stuff from Jehovah's
Witnesses. We don't need to read that. All right.
I think we do. Oh, no. Why is marriage so important,
Allie Mac? What? Why is marriage so important?
Learn about how internal marriage fits into God's
plan. Oh, boy. What benefits us and how to strengthen
your marriage. They're a strong marriage in the
future. Let's wrap it up. Come on. Let's check
it one more time. Put me out of the fucking misery.
Check it one more time, Casey. Oh, we just got
an email? Yeah. Shit. I better say end the episode.
Let's end this. All right. Anyway, be kind to
yourself. Bye. The email said let's end this.
Jeffrey Anderson didn't kill himself. Don't believe
it. Dan. Oh, we out. Fuck off. Bye. For all we
know robots have souls. We just don't know if
they do or don't. How do you know? Have you ever
been a cyborg or a robot? You think we were the
first ones to inhabit this planet? Fuck no. No,
no, we are jumping down this fucking rabbit hole.
Yes, we are. There's people out there with some
really dumb thoughts. Extended episode. Where
the fuck did the spearmen come from? Where the
fuck did Stonehenge come from? You're telling
me that they didn't die and become ghosts? Oh,
they're killing already born babies and sell
them to the Chinese. Alien races. Somewhere in
China, in some base, there are super soldiers
that are at least 9 or 10 feet tall. I'm talking
to a soft phone. They have dread and super soldiers.
Then they are extraterrestrials. They are aliens.
I do not negotiate with terrorists. feel them
die of this virus you feel bump bump bump beep
nothing they're fucking gone i've seen it happen
i think that the government has taken it to the
next level with the birds they know what birds
are going to cross paths with you that you are
going to be able to raise and they are going
to make them so fucking real they're going to
sink money into them because they know that if
you put that motherfucker in a cage they're Which,
by the way, big brother, is the Overlord kid.
We're only living in the third dimension! is
an actual Nazi collaborator, okay?