The following program is intended for mature
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Viewer discretion is advised. For all we know,
robots have souls. We just don't know if they
do or don't. How do you know? Have you ever been
a cyborg or a robot? You think we were the first
ones to inhabit this planet? Fuck no. No, we
are jumping down this fucking rabbit hole. Yes,
we are. There's people out there with some really
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Stonehenge come from? You're telling me that
they didn't die and become ghosts? They're killing
all the already born babies and sell them to
the Chinese. Aliens exist. Somewhere in China.
some days what the fuck there are super soldiers
super soldiers then they are extraterrestrials
they are aliens Welcome to Untitled Podcast.
Episode 109. Yeah. Here with Dan and Tyler. You
know this song? Yeah. I was still watching this
video this week where all the white people in
1960. This black kid came out and started singing
this song and all the white people were like,
oh my god. They didn't know that a black person
was singing. I had the opposite reaction when
I saw it. You know the song Just the Two of Us?
That's made by a white guy. Oh, really? Like,
I was like, what? I thought that was like a Marvin
Gaye kind of guy. Yeah, like, no, white guy.
Wow. I was just like, that's a white man. That's
a soulful white man. Welcome to the Doomsday
Special on Taylor Podcast. Sky is falling, Casey
chicken. Why is it the Doomsday Special? Because
we're going to a fucking war, bro. With Iran.
We're not going to war with Iran. Casey keeps
on digging out his cell phone. Have you been
reading the news? No, you know what? I actually,
I didn't. I didn't even look at my phone today
except for messages. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I'm
fucking so sick of that shit. Like, we're not
going to war with Iran, bro. No, we are, bro.
No, it's not going to happen. Trump's actually
making a decision within the next two weeks.
He already approved the military plans for attack
on Iran. Dude, like... They attacked the U .S.
Embassy in Israel. See, the way I understand
it is that the Iranian people are chill. but
they're under control of an insane government.
So why don't they overthrow them? Well, that's
what they're going to try and encourage. That's
how the CIA works. He's going to be mysteriously
assassinated with lethal precision, and they're
going to be like, it was just the people. Ayatollah,
right? Netanyahu confirmed that Trump was actually
the target of the assassination. No, no, no,
no, no. That's what Israel said. That's what
they said. They're like, we have to attack Iran's
nuclear weapons before they use them on us. They
haven't even been developed yet. Right. They've
been saying that for years, dude. Ever since
fucking Israel got put over there, it's been
a fucking nightmare. Yeah, bro. Israel's always
got beef with somebody. Like, dude, I like Israel.
Right? There are homies, but it's like you guys
like maybe, I don't know, keep yourself a little
bit because it's like you're always trying to
like kill somebody. Right. They're like a fucking
cage dog that like just wants to be let out.
Right. They just want to prove that they can
like kill people or something. I'm going to put
on the Tel Aviv live cam in the background and
we might get some explosions. Do it like, but
like going on, like with like the, the cage dog,
like, like, um, like a analogy. Yes. The people
around the cage dog are just poking it with sharp
sticks from time to time. But I get, I get why
the dog's angry and I get why it's doing that.
But like, we can't just let the dog just jump
out and rip out the throat of literally everybody.
But like, I get. As a person who sympathizes
with the dog to a certain degree because it's
in a cage and getting stabbed a bunch of times,
we can't just let it out because it'll just start
attacking everything around it. Yeah, man. I
mean, God, the whole thing with Palestine. It
started off fucked. That attack they did on the
fucking festival was really fucked, but then
Israel just went insane. Yeah, it was over the
top. That was overkill. No pun intended. Like
they, like, like fucking Palestine got to the
point where there's like, we literally can't
fight anymore. Like you destroyed everything.
And they're like, we still want to kill you.
It's like actually just the entire city is rubble.
Like Palestine used to be fucking legit though.
Like Palestine was actually like a nice place.
Like, like in the what fifties before the Islamic
revolution, the middle East wasn't as bad as
it is now. And the thing is, is like, you think
Palestine, right? You think of like, like brown
people right but the first what not the first
one of the first prime ministers she was a female
one of the first prime ministers of israel was
palestinian like palestine was just a region
and it was like all a mix of people yeah you
know yeah women you know didn't used to have
to wear burqas and hijabs. The Islamic Revolution,
I think, took place in the 70s. But if you look
at the pictures of the late 60s and early 70s
of the Middle East, it looked like America at
the time. Spoken hot Iranians. They were really
good looking women over there. They were wearing
bikinis and shit, and then as soon as the fucking
Islamic Revolution hit... Just looks like a war
zone. Like somebody Islamic revolution ruined
that entire area of the, of the world. But that's
like the U S did that. Apparently we did. We
did. We fucking, the U S does that everywhere.
Like they just like fuck everything up like that.
They cause like revolutions and they cause a
coup d 'etat. And we, we do things in a, in a
way where we think that we're doing good, but
we don't think of the longterm consequences.
I feel like that's America's biggest problem
is that. I think America as a whole wants to
be the good guys, but we're like, we bought our
hands in too many pots. And we also don't think
of the major repercussions that can happen five
years down the line because of what we did. Like,
yes. Like with Cuba fucking, they had Fidel Castro
that we kept on trying to fucking kill over and
over again. If we killed him and we actually
succeeded in killing him, Cuba could have been
so much worse, but then I put, it could have
been better. But it can also be so much worse.
Most of these places where we do shit in... This
is them saying death to America and burning the
American flag in Parliament. Damn. In Iran? Yeah.
Wow. But, like, it's, like, shit like that. Like,
we kick hornets' nests. We... We kill leaders
and they get replaced with worse leaders. Like,
it's just, like... It's a hydra. Like most of
the countries that we're going up against are
hydras. You cut one head off, two heads come
back and the heads are worse. Yeah. And America
has been, you know, foreign interventionists
since the end of World War II. And now we have
generations of men who just grew up where. Oh,
my grandfather was killed by America, so I hate
America. Oh, my dad was killed by America, so
I hate America. And it's just an in -ground hatred
in them because we killed their grandfathers
and fathers type thing. And they're going to
be like, I hate America because they killed my
dad. Like how a whole bunch of people in America
hated Germans because they killed their dad in
World War II. And we're just getting over that.
Like now. Like, oh, yeah, my grandfather died
in World War II. Okay. that happened. It was
50, it was six, uh, was it almost seven to 70
years ago now? Like, it's like, yeah, but like
these, these wounds are still fresh for these
people because desert storm, desert shield, like
these people were, are our age that are adults
now. Yeah. I would remember my dad dying in fucking
the nineties type thing. I would still be a fresh
wound type thing. It's not my grandfather who
died in 19 fucking 42. Right. And like America,
we make enemies like that by doing shit like
that. Like you got to think of the longterm repercussions
because yes, killing a dictator might be a good
thing. And, and like having to fight through
to kill a dictator might be a good thing. However,
there's always a bigger fish. There's always
a bigger fish. There's always a worse person.
And you're just making child soldiers that are
going to become adults eventually. Dude, I asked
this cleaning guy at work what country he was
from. They're all from Iran, aren't they? No,
well, I assumed he was from like India or Bangladesh
or something. And I thought we were going to
talk about naan and Indian food. And he said,
oh, I am from Ayatollah. I'm like, What? I said,
no, country. He goes, yeah, it's a country. I'm
like, no idea where that is. Never heard of it.
Iatria? No, that's not a country. I would have
heard of it. How do you spell that? Maybe it's
Iatria. Where is it? Iatria. It's connected to
Ethiopia. That's wild. It's right next to Ethiopia.
That's wild. That's in Africa, though. Yeah,
it's African. Oh, yeah. How do you spell it?
Eritrea. E -R -I -T -R -E -A. Right by where
Farley was talking about. Djibouti. Djibouti.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I got a whole geopolitical
lesson. This guy, I asked him about it and I
thought he was just going to tell me the country.
Dude, he was showing me like fucking propaganda
videos and shit. Oh, my God. Yeah, like supporting
his side. He said that they don't like the U
.S. because the U .S. is always like, trying
to they're trying to set up like bases there
yeah you don't want them there and so what they
do is they like give them they try and give them
aid and in return they want to set up a base
there they don't want to just give them aid because
they're starving they want to say it's basically
a pain it's extortion yeah we're saying like
dude we're going to give you something and we're
putting a military base here and if you don't
go along with it we'll kill you they just say
you're a dictator And he goes, so they, they,
he said, this country is so safe. My country
I'm from so safe that the president of the country
walks down the street without any bodyguards.
He doesn't stop like at a red lights or he stops
at red lights. He doesn't have like a motorcade
that can just go through them. And he doesn't,
he doesn't have any bodyguards, nothing. And
he said, how big is the country? It's like not
that big. Yeah. It's really small. It's a small
country. It was, it's only 35 years old. So would
it be like, like a governor type, like level,
like you feel like maybe, maybe. Yeah. So, I
mean, could you, I'm pretty sure like, like if
Kathy holds you wanted to, she could drive down
the street in New York. Yeah, she probably could.
But he was saying that it's like so safe that
you could like drop money and you'll, you'll
get it at the police station later. You can go
to Los Angeles police station. He said, it's
just like, that's just how people are. Fucking
awesome food. But he said they're always fighting
with Ethiopia. Yeah, it says they had a civil
war with Ethiopia. That's when they became a
country. And he said the U .S. funds Ethiopia
to fight them. Because once you don't comply
with the U .S., you're a dictator and an enemy.
I learned a lot about this country. 45 minutes
when I'm supposed to be working. Did you know
that African rappers flex water? Yeah, they flex
water instead of money. Yeah, they dump out water
and shit. I saw this, it's called Wata in Africa.
Yeah, it's funny. I've seen the video. It's pretty
funny. But they're like taking gallons of water
and dumping it and shit. I let the fucking faucet
run while I'm taking a shit just so people can't
hear what's going on in the bathroom. I didn't
know that was a flex. They're like dumping bottles
on the ground. You know what we should do? We
should just send them a video of us on a lake.
Hey, look, we got a lake. If we boiled this,
we could drink it. We have water fountains inside
of buildings. It's crazy. And there's even stuff
in the water to make your teeth nice. How are
people starving there if people have lived there
for like 200 ,000 years? This guy was telling
me, this cleaning guy, he was saying that they
manufacture the... the famines and the starvation
with like countries that won't comply. They like
make them starve to death. He said there's plenty
of food. Can't you just like shoot a rhinoceros
or something and eat it? I probably could. I
don't know. It's probably a little tough. Yeah.
I mean, they got gazelles and shit. Like there's
a shit ton of like game in Africa. Yeah. That's
where we fucking were all from at the start.
I thought it came from Adam and Eve. I think
it's northern. Isn't it from Egypt? It's the
Fertile Crescent. The Horn of Africa. It's like
that whole weird crescent area. That's where
humans came from. And then white people came
from the Caucasus, which is a little bit further
up. No, I think they spread out to the... because
i think it all started like no that's that's
what i'm saying but like white people like white
people like adapted into white people in the
caucuses mount getting the caucus mountains dude
it's fucking crazy how your body is just like
the people that moved up there they're just like
yeah we don't need any pigment well it's it was
it's all snow and cold right but i mean like
why not just like keep it just in case it's to
allow uh more uv Oh, we talked about this in
the episode. So that you can get more vitamin
D. Dan, this is just a question I had for you
because you're Greek and Irish. But how do you
handle the cold? You all right with the cold?
Dude, I used to be awesome with the cold. Really?
I used to be, yeah. Dude, I would fucking be
out in negative 10 degree weather, like, working
on my car. Same. Like, no problem at all. Yeah,
because, like, I've always been fine with the
cold. Like, I was trying to figure out if there's,
like, a connection, like, with, like, being,
like, from, you know, like, snowy environments,
like, genetically. Like, if, like, you do better.
There is, yeah. Because, like, I do fine in the
cold, but, like, my ancestors are from Germany
and fucking, you know, like, Germanic England.
Like, Germany to, like... like Western European,
like area, like that whole, like Northern Western
European, which is just like snow fucking cold
all the time. And I feel like, I just feel like
some people like genetically are more predisposed,
predisposed, predisposed to, um, like just being
able to handle cold weather. Yeah, no, definitely.
Like, because also if you, in like, if you look
statistically wise, like look at look at new
england it's mostly white people because like
black people don't want to be in the cold like
that's just an obvious thing like if you look
at like most of where where the highest populations
of black people are it's the hottest part of
the country yeah well that's also because slavery
originated in the south and other people the
slaves in the plantation just but they didn't
want to move north because it's cold let me ask
you they wanted to move north because they but
didn't want to be slaves anymore. But like the
farthest north that they really went in large
amounts is like Virginia. Would you rather be
in Africa or poor in the US? Poor in the US.
I'd rather be poor in the United States. Am I
going to be rich in Africa? I'd probably be rich
in Africa. No, you get the same level. You want
to be in Africa or you want to be in the United
States? Fucking United States. Bro, there's fucking
lions and shit. Also, there's homeless shelters.
Slavery was terrible. But let's not act like
it would have been better to stay. Let's just
get that out there. That's a sound clip. I might
need to put something in the slur jar for that.
Oh, come on, dude. You can't tell me that it's
better to be here. They want reparations, but
it's like, dude, we saved you from fucking mosquitoes,
malaria, lions, hippopotamuses. People came here
from, uh, Europe and they all died, bro. Like
when people came from, uh, England and they just
all died when the, all the colonists, you know,
on them. Yeah. And we fucking adapted. We kept
doing it. We kept having kids and we kept, you
know, the first couple of winters in America
for all these people was fucked. Everybody died.
Like, yeah. It's like, they didn't know that
was coming. Yeah. But like, that was like another
thing. Like, like you had to like, adapt to colder
weather. You had to start wearing warmer clothing
and stuff. That was just something you had to
keep adapting. Humanity kept adapting to the
places that they were at. That's why we're the
dominant species on the planet. It's because
we were able to adapt and able to craft things.
If other animals were able to craft things, they
might have gotten to the point where they could
talk to each other. Yeah. Animals talk to each
other? Like, like not like in like a, like there
might be more life forms on the planet that were
like intelligent if they were able to adapt and
craft things. Like, I feel like. Just imagine
if, like, deers or some shit, like, figured out
ways to build things and we had to, like, compete
with, like, deers. Yeah, can you imagine if,
like, we weren't the apex predators? It'd be
a genocide. There was, like, something that was,
like, kind of close to us. And we had to keep
fighting it out with each other. Yeah. Do you
think humans and, like, whatever this other intelligent
species, do you think we'd work together or do
you think we'd kill each other? No, there's a
reason there isn't because we actually killed
them. Yeah, you're probably right, actually.
Yeah, because I feel like, I feel like... We
know humanity. If there was another thing on
the planet that was threatening humanity, we'd
be like, let's kill that and then kill each other
again. Yeah, why aren't there Neanderthals anymore?
Wasn't there Homo erectus? There was a war. There
was a war between the Homo erectus and the Neanderthals.
Was there? Yeah. And the Neanderthals got killed
because they were... They had different tactics.
The Neanderthals were bigger, physically bigger,
but the Homo erectus were more vast. It might
have took three or four Homo erectuses to kill
a Neanderthal. It's like the 100 man versus one
gorilla. The Neanderthals got wiped out because
there were just too many Homo erectuses. damn
so the homo erection guy took out the fucking
neanderthals yeah it was literally a species
that existed but there also was there's also
the theory that like the ones who didn't die
just kept on interbreeding and then humanity
became a humanity became a uh like modern humanity
became a combination of homo erectus and neanderthal
like combination so wait we come from which one
Homo erectus, but there's like 25%. Yeah, 20%.
So I think they kept interbreeding until it just
became what we are now. Because my 23andMe said
that I had more Neanderthal DNA than 99 % of
23andMe users. You're just like... Oh, really?
Yeah, it's a fucking big -ass... Yeah, you kind
of got the resemblance to Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Do you see how much she looks like a Neanderthal
lady? Yeah, she kind of does, dude. That bitch
pisses me off. No, there was some ancient painting
of a Neanderthal. woman and it looked just like
her. Oh, I think I saw that comparison. Dude,
I'm fucking, now I know why Ally Mack loses at
fucking Jeopardy all the time. I'm falling asleep
in this chair. It's like too comfortable. I got
to get on the medicine ball. Yeah, you got to
be active. You got to be active. Yeah, dude,
I'm fucking dozing off. No wonder he always loses.
Yeah, that picture, like, you see that? Oh, shit.
That looks exactly like her. Yeah, she does look
like her. I'd still give her one. Oh, geez. I
just want to hear her talk. She never shuts the
fuck up. Damn, do you think if Neanderthals still
existed, would we be like segregating them? We'd
probably be trying to have sex with them, honestly.
Let's be honest. There'd be a lot of groups of
people that wanted to have sex with them. They'd
be like, yo, she fucks like a Neanderthal. It's
like people getting arrested because it's kind
of like taking advantage because it's not quite
an animal. but it's like not quite a human, you
know, it's like getting arrested. Your face is
on the news for fucking soliciting, soliciting
sacks from a Neanderthal. So I had a theory that
I was talking with my fiance about, and I thought
it was pretty interesting because I'm like, I
think that could actually be true. So. You know
how autism diagnoses are like fucking on the
rise to the point where like 80 percent of people
have autism. Right. It's like more rare to not.
Yeah. So what I'm thinking is so, you know, how
boomers were the ones to like kind of like full
on, like make autism like a big thing type thing.
I think that like just because like. everybody
wasn't like the boomers, like people who didn't
have like the same kind of like mindset as like
the boomers, because they were the majority of
the population. They're like, these people are
weird. They must have a mental disorder type
thing. Like. Oh, oh, they don't, they don't like
exactly what we like and they don't like follow
suit. Like every, like everybody else, like all
the boomers do. But like, if you look at, if
you look at our generations, like past the boomers,
like even gen X millennials and gen Z, they're
more like individualistic and like more like
self -driven and stuff. Sorry. Um, they're more
self -driven and stuff. And like the point that.
that I'm trying to make with that is that like
the boomers were a very like harmonious like
group because they, okay. What is that word?
Harmonious. Harmonious. Yeah. I know what you're
mad. My throat's fucked. Um, but like they're
more a homogenous group than the rest of us because
like they like boomers stick together for some
reason like like they're like it's just against
everybody else type thing but then like they're
the ones that kind of like made all like these
things and they're just like oh these people
are weird they're not like us they don't think
like us so they must have mental disorders so
we're gonna make them have autism and like i
feel like just because that just kept going like
That's why autism is such a broad fucking thing
now because they're like, oh, they're not like
us, so they must have a mental disorder. I think
people always had autism. What I'm trying to
say is I don't think autism is actually a fucking
thing. I just think autism is how people actually
are, and the boomers were just a fucking weird
generation that didn't have autism. I think it's
a thing. I just think they're like, oh, that
person's eccentric. I think it's a combination
of things. I think one of the biggest things,
though, that like... I mean, people talk about
it, but I think most of the population doesn't
realize is that like this is the only time in
history that we've eaten this much omega -6 oils.
And it never existed before the 50s, right? Like
it exists in nature in very small amounts, right?
So your cell membranes are like made of like
omega -3. Yeah. That's like what the pills are
for and shit. Right. And we don't eat it anymore.
Really? Like we get it in really small amounts.
So like Americans eat six times more than the
Japanese and the Japanese have a 30 % lower BMI.
Right. So the thing is, they live to like a fucking
hundred and they have a six time, six times lower,
six time lower rate of cardiovascular disease.
So like when you start making your cell membranes
out of oils, that it's not supposed to be made
out of like your brain tissue is literally made
out of it like dude there's going to be consequences
for that like it's super inflammatory and i so
i i think i think that's part of it like you're
literally making the brain matter out of something
it's not supposed to be made out of because your
body will start it'll grab whatever it's got
available and start like ever seen a bird make
a nest out of like yarn and shit that it just
finds wire and shit yeah like your brain will
start doing that with like these oils like like
those french fries for example Those are cooked
in omega -6 oils. They're delicious. They are
delicious. But it's like the problem is that
it's making up like 40 % of our calories. When
in nature, it would have made up like less than
1%. So, you know, you are what you eat. And so
you're making your brain out of these like synthetic
fucking oils, literally like motor oil. And then
we're like, oh, everybody's got all these fucking
issues. Everybody's fucking retarded. What the
fuck is going on? It's like, yeah, you think?
We're just like, we're not, we're made out of
the wrong, like raw materials. Dude, I think
autism is just being selected for like, it's
more advantageous now in like this world that
we live in to be smarter. So what I was saying
is like, that's part of it. Right. And then you
got like plastics, but at the other end of it
is it's like, dude, literally just a personality
type. Like you're saying, like it's selected
for like, why are the smartest people in the
world autistic? You see how I perked up sitting
on this thing? I was like falling asleep in this
fucking... Don't tell Ali Mack that because he'll
start winning that Jeopardy. So do you think
that in a... I'm going to try to word this carefully.
Do you think that early exposure to pornography
has had an effect on the gay population increasing?
Ah, dude. I don't think so. But the gay population
has significantly increased. I was watching this
ghost hunting show today, and this gay guy had
a shirt on that said, this is the only shirt
I had that didn't have cum on it. I was like,
why do you have to take it that far? Wow. What
show is that? It's Sam and Kobe, a ghost hunting
show. One of them's gay? No, it was a guest.
Dude, speaking of, we should fucking listen to
this. I'll try and get a sound clip of it. There's
this fucking therapist that I listen to. He's
part of like Dave Ramsey, like his crew, but
he like split off and did his own thing. But
he gets like really uncomfortable when like people
bring up like porn and stuff like that. Who does?
The therapist, right? He's like, oh, okay, okay.
Like changes the subject because Dave Ramsey
is like super Christian. And so this kid called
it. He's like, He's like, you know, I didn't
have my driver's license until I was like 19
years old. And like, he's just crying about his
life, right? He's like, my mom was like super
protective. And he's like, and I just, I'm just
really down on myself. I've never been good with
girls. And it sounds like a total insult, right?
And he's like, and I've developed this terrible
addiction, terrible problem. And I jerk off 30
times a day. 30 times? He's like, whoa. He's
like, all right. And he's like, and I just, it's
led me down a really bad path and I've gotten
into some things that I'm just really, it's not
who I am. It's not who I am. He's like, oh God,
man, have you, you haven't gotten into, you know,
child porn, right? And he's like. no no but let
me tell you what i have gotten into he's like
you can tell this therapist doesn't want to hear
it really he's like oh god like this is a christian
show this guy's going he's like i got into the
habit of uh going on these campsites and masturbating
with other men and I'm a Christian and it's just
not who I am. It's not who I am. It's like, dude,
fucking 30 times a fucking day. That's a problem.
My girlfriend pointed out that that's more than
once per hour. Oh, that really is? Take out eight
hours for sleep. I think the maximum I ever did
in one day when I was at like my horniest when
I was like 14 was like eight. It was like 10.
Yeah, eight or 10. It's like, that was like,
and I was like, this is fucking bad. Like I did
this to end up. Right. And you feel like shit.
Yeah. You're like down in the dumps. Like you're
sitting down at dinner. Right. And you're just
thinking like your family's trying to be all
like, you know, happy. And you're thinking about
how many times you jerked off. God. Like, I think
eight was the max. Yeah. God. The planes flying
to the trade center. So imagine, imagine doing
it. 30 20 times more than your max than your
every day yeah i'd say my pr is probably 10 my
pr is eight there's i saw there's a guy who what's
your pr casey pr yeah you're jerking off oh i
don't know probably like nine nine right yeah
see so when you come right there's supposed to
be refractory period your body releases Yeah,
the endorphins. Prolactin, right? It's the same
hormone that makes women lactate. It makes you
not horny. So like we talked about this before.
So you go out and you chop wood and you go and
like, you know, pick grains and make food and
all the things you got to do to sustain yourself
so you're not jerking off 30 times a day, right?
There's a period of time where it's supposed
to be not interesting. Dude, that's another thing.
Like since I started working in an office job,
I've been a lot more like fucking horny. Oh dude,
it's a fucking thing, man. Yeah. Like I get home,
I'm like, God fucking damn. Yeah. You'd all pent
up. Yeah. Like I, you don't get any like excitement
from the job anymore. So I'm like, I'm like,
I need a motorcycle. I either need to jerk off
more or get a motorcycle. Or you need to jerk
off on a motorcycle. That's a dangerous move.
Yeah, dude. There's enough distractions as it
is. It's already dangerous enough. You don't
need to be jerking off. Sir, do you know why
I pulled you over? Yeah. Yeah, I was jerking
off. Is there a law that says that you can't?
Jerk off and drive? Yeah. Did you ever see the
guy? There was a barista shop in California or
something that the chicks wore bikinis and served
you coffee. But a guy just pulled up to the fucking
thing just completely naked. And it was like,
get him out of here. The guy killed himself later
that day because he's like, it's not what I normally
do. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Back up. I just,
dude. So he pulled up to a coffee shop. Just
completely naked in his car. Ass naked. Ass naked.
And this is a coffee shop where girls are like
topless or something. They wear like bikinis,
like revealing clothes and shit. So he showed
up to like a Hooters coffee shop naked. Yes.
And he killed himself? Yeah, because he pulled
away because they're like, call the police. And
he was like, my wife finds out about this. This
isn't what I normally do. Blew his fucking head
off. Damn. Dude, talk about some post -knock
clarity. He probably got off on that shit, right?
He's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to go through
the drive -thru naked. That's what I'm going
to do. Ass naked. All right, all right. Wow,
this is hot, right? So fucking does it and then
fucking goes home. He's like, yeah, it was fucking
awesome. Cranks it out and then fucking hits
the lowest of lows because it was such a high,
right? He just fell off a cliff, bro. People
get contained themselves, couldn't they? He went
into a depression and fucking blew his brains
out. I wish I still got like, like the, the like
nervous feeling before like having sex with somebody.
Like, you know, like I have sex with like my,
my fiance and I don't get like the, like the
butterfly feeling beforehand. I'm like, Ooh,
is this going to be like, like something like
that? Like, I don't get that anymore. Like I
haven't had that in like 10 years. You just do
it with a frown on your face. Get it over with.
It's not a frown on my face, obviously. Just
anger. What were we talking about before the
fucking podcast where we said we're missing out
on fucking content here? It was something, you
know, semi -sexual. I remember it being somewhat...
What the fuck were we talking about? I'm trying
to remember because I remember it was funny.
Something about trainees. Wasn't it trainees?
I love, yeah. I love when people are like...
I'm not gay, but I love trans females. So you
like sucking cock? Who says you're going to do
that? It's like 1%, bro. It's like 1 % of the
whole body is that. And it's like you're telling
me that you got a smoke show? If we're going
by the rule of nines, it is 1%. 1%, bro. Depending
on how big it is. But it's like you're telling
me. Dude, I think it's crazy how it's like you
expect it to be like. it's a fucking girl. And
then all of a sudden she pulls out a fucking
hammer. You're like, what? It's like, dude, you're
like a fucking 110 pounds smoking hot double
D's and pulls out a hammer bigger than yours.
You're like, what the fuck just happened? What
happened? You got a fucking Afro man. I can't
even like Afro man. Yeah, dude. And because I
got high, he's like, hey, that chick pulled a
dick that was bigger than mine. Oh, that's what
we should do for Tyler's bachelor party. It's
just like a smoking hot chick and she just whips
out a fucking cock. It'd be wild to see in real
life. I say night moves. That's the way I go.
We'll go to night moves and then go camping.
No, I'm definitely hiring a private tranny stripper.
They gotta be trannies. Can we get regular strippers?
Well, I mean, you're into trannies. It'll be
funny. I just think they're interesting at the
very least. I clicked on a video once that I
thought was going to be lesbian porn and then
it wasn't. It was a woman and then the other
chick pulled out their dick and I'm like... Dude,
it's mixed in with all the regular porn now.
It's just like normal. And on the thumbnail,
it doesn't show that. It just shows the upper...
I got catfished with a penis. I'm like, oh, that
looks kind of nice. And I'm like, oh! That's
fucking weird. But I'm like... And you're like...
do I continue? Do I stop? It's kind of fucking
weird. Because then isn't it kind of semi -similar
to straight porn just with tits? I guess it depends
if your dick's still hard. No, because then you
could just look at the girl and it would just
be like straight porn between a guy and a girl
except that the guy also has tits. You're like,
huh, what the fuck's going on here? Damn. Yeah,
I mean... Like, I hate getting flashbanged with
that shit. You know what you don't get that with?
Vintage porn. Yeah, do you watch vintage porn?
Yeah, I like the 80s porn. 80s? Yeah. Really?
Yeah, the women back then looked real nice. They
were hairy back then. I also like the 50s porn.
Like, they have, like, 50s porn. If the quality
was better, the women looked the best in the
50s. yeah like they pin up girl style yeah like
they like like you like this this chick is a
smoke show but like the quality is like fucking
it's like all grainy yeah like all grainy and
you're just like is that a pussy i can't tell
like but like the the women i think like If we're
going by, like, the actual, like, way women looked,
the 1950s, the women looked the best, I feel
like, personally. 1940s and 1950s was when women
looked the best. It's like, dude, you think you're,
like, jerking off to that shit and, like, those
ladies are all dead. They're dead or they're
someone's great - Or you've taken them to the
nursing home. They're dead or they're someone's
great -great -great -grandmother. That's not
a problem for you, Dan. Well, no, not at all.
But, like, the 80s porn's kind of cool because,
like, They are all anorexic back then. Like,
as bad as I say, they were. Like, all the porn
stars back then were fucking anorexics as shit.
There's one specifically. There's one specifically
that I really liked from the 80s named Hyapacia.
She's a Native American lady. Hyapacia? Yeah,
Hyapacia. I think it was Hyapacia Lee, actually.
and uh like that was her porn name like her actual
name was like jennifer or something but she was
like a native a native woman and she like fucking
was a smoke show like she was fucking a smoke
show like her fucking like she had like the like
the pointy perky tits too like they're big and
pointy dude i feel like a lot of like tits used
to be perky like not perky pointy yeah and then
like the bra i Is it the bra that did that? Yeah,
because they used to have the cylindrical bras.
Because I was going to say that went away. Yeah,
because the bras are now natural. So the bras
literally, that's what made their tits pointy.
I guess, yeah. Wow, that's fucking weird. That's
kind of cool, though. They should bring that
shit back. Let me see if I can find a picture
of her when she's younger. Make it a little different.
Change it up, yeah. When she was younger. That's
a bad picture of her. Yeah. Grannies, trannies.
What else I like here? Grannies, trannies, you
know, all that other shit. The grannies and trannies
podcast. Or a tranny granny. Wouldn't even know
what to do with that. Yeah, it's bitch. Oh shit.
Yeah. Like she was like, like native and shit.
God damn. Like they just looked different back
then, man. God damn. God bless America. Yeah.
She was a, she was a good looking lady. She,
she still looks good, but not, she's like, she's
more like, she's, she's definitely more chubby
now. Still looks good though. And her, you know,
wow. I like when they, I like how they didn't
shave. That was cool. You know, there's, I feel
like there's a, there's levels to it. Like, I
don't like stubble on women, but if they have
more than stubble, it's good. But I like completely
clean shaven or not like a huge bush, but a little
bit of a bush type thing. But when it's just
stubble, I'm like, stubble doesn't look good
to me. Yeah, yeah. I don't like a whole bush
either. I think it's the same thing with a beard.
A full beard looks nice. like like clean shaving
looks nice but like you know there's that in
-between phase between a full beard and like
a thing like even yours is like more of a full
beard than just stubble right now like it's like
the fucking like like when it or the or the part
where it's more than stubble but it's not a full
beard yet and it's just that weird like yeah
yeah like that doesn't look good for hair on
anywhere like i feel like it like this the middle
length of hair is is just bad Yeah. In between
the, in between like, like my hair right now,
like it's in like the mediums phase, like where
it's like, you can't push it back completely
cause it's not long enough, but it's not short
enough to like do like the short style. So it's
in like that in between that sucks. Yeah. Like
I really like when my hair is short, but like
it's cheaper to let my hair grow. It's cheaper
to let it grow. Yeah. Why? Cause then I don't
have to get a haircut like every like two weeks.
Oh yeah. I get a haircut every like four months
or two months. I think it's two months on the,
on the, like I look at like, because I have like
the text messages from like my, my like confirmation
things like of like my barber, I can actually
tell you like, and like, it's not even me being
like, Oh, it's been this long. I need to do it.
Like I'm like, I just look at myself. I'll go,
yeah, it's time for a haircut. And it's almost
like the exact same time every single time in
between. It's really funny. Let me see. I haven't
had a real haircut since before the pandemic.
I've just been doing it myself. My last haircut
was May 16th, and then I haircut before that.
Yeah, me too. You realize that you can just do
it yourself and save money. Yeah, it was January
to May, or January to March, and then March to
May. So it's pretty much just like a standard
two to three month clip that I normally go into.
So next month is probably when I'm going to get
this trimmed down again. Yeah. But I just think
it's funny how it's just progressive. And it's
not even because I'm like, oh, it's been two
months. I need to get my hair cut. It's like
a time thing. It's just that I look at myself
and go, I should get a haircut type thing. And
it's not like a thing like that. It's just weird
that it's like almost every single time it's
the same time. Type shit. Type shit. Yeah. Ah,
boy. Danny, you look like you're falling asleep.
Do I? Yeah. Maybe I need a little pick -me -up
here. Yep. With some smelling salts. There is
a smelling salt. Right here. Yeah, but do you...
Do you think we should defend Israel? There you
go. You think we should defend Israel? Bro. Look,
I think if we don't... I don't think we have
a choice. I think if we don't defend them...
Why do we have a choice? I think if we don't
defend them... Oh, also no plane hits the White
House. And it was Iran. I really wants to fucking
kill us anyway, bro. They're fucking burning
the American flag in parliament. Casey, whose
side are you on? What do you mean? I'm not on
either side. Are you on? Are you like team Israel?
Are you? I'm neither. I'm not. I'm not team Iran.
I'm not team Israel, right? I think they're both
fucking terrible against Israel. I would say
so. I'm team America. Well, you know, I just
don't want to have a false flag attack. I'm not
pro -Israel. Look, I like Israel, okay? I'm team
Israel, all right? Look, I'm not team... Do you
know how many war crimes Israel has committed
in the last three years? Look it, look it. I'm
not team... I'm team human. Okay. Did you know
that we're actually targeting? I'm team you,
man, bro. Well, I don't want to get my bank account
shut off, Tyler. Jesus, fuck. They were actually
targeting Palestinian babies. They're like a
dead Palestinian baby is a dead terrorist. Wow.
Did that actually happen? No, yeah. That's what
I was reading about. Wow, that's fucked sideways,
dude. Damn. No, dude, I stand with our allies,
but... it's just like i also like i stand with
our country so long as they're doing the right
thing right so if you're stepping out of line
and you're not doing the right thing it's like
i'm less inclined to be supportive is that okay
like yeah you're our ally you're our homies we
love israel okay but at the same time like dude
we can't we can't take on the world are you ready
to die for israel No, because Israel's not my
country, bro. Exactly. But here's the thing.
I understand that Israel's an ally, but I don't
understand why they act like they're the 51st
state. They act like they're the 51st state.
And we're supposed to act like they're the 51st
state. Yeah, because we created them, basically.
I don't care about a sandpit. They're just like...
All the Jews, like, what a concept. Like, we're
just going to take all these people because they
got genocided. Well, because no other country
wanted them, so they had to make a new country
for them. Well, that's where they're fucking
from, Israel. I guess. You got to stick with
your people, but at the same time, like, yeah,
the shit that's coming out of fucking Gaza, like,
it doesn't look good, bro. And, like, so you
got the Gaza thing, right? You got the Iran thing.
And who else is Israel beefing with? Yemen, Palestine,
Iran. There's another one, too. Yeah, it's like
pretty much every country that's surrounding
them. Oh, Egypt, maybe. Yeah, they just got a
fucking problem with everybody. It's like, dude,
maybe you just got to like. So they all fucking
hate them. It's like you live in the Mediterranean,
bro. It's fucking beautiful. It's like just fucking
enjoy life. Like, yeah, I understand the whole,
the whole thing that happened with the fucking,
how many, how many people died in that October
7th? I thought it was like a thousand. God damn.
A thousand people though. That's like their nine
11, bro. It was like, well, that's like, well,
the Holocaust was their nine 11. This is like
Holocaust 2 .0. Yeah. But I feel like this was
like a lot. Oh, I got it. I got it. Are you ready
for this? It's the smaller cost. All right, go
ahead. You know, It's just the name of the episode.
This holy war has been going on for hundreds
of years at this point. Like, it's just like,
it's a holy war that's not going to end. The
Jews and the Muslims are going to kill each other
forever. Just like the Christians and Muslims
kill each other for, you know, thousands of years
until we just kind of backed out of the fucking
Middle East. And we're like, you know what? Fucking
have it. Take the fucking Middle East. They're
like, my dead crazy guy is more right than your
dead crazy guy. But, but dude, Christians are
all about live by the sword, die by the sword.
Right. Basically like you, you're not supposed
to like in Christianity, you're not supposed
to offensively fight. Yeah. That's against Christianity.
So everybody who uses Christianity to wage war,
it's like, it's fucking mind boggling. Yeah.
So what it proves is that humans will split off
into tribes. and then fight each other. No matter
what. It's not... Give it a name. Call it Christianity.
Call it Muslim. Call it whatever the fuck you
want. Humans just like to be tribal and like
to have wars. The thing is, the reason why Christianity
wanted to have... Well, the first one was to
ward off the fucking Muslim invasion that was
happening of Europe at the time because they
just kept attacking trade routes and just attacking
Europe more and more. And then that's why the
first crusade started was because they. the the
the muslims were like just raiding just because
there's a silk road that like you know they would
constantly do shit and there's just muslim raiders
that would just attack christians that were going
through to like trade back and forth and it just
kept happening over and over and over and over
and over again until the christians were like
we're gonna put a stop to this so then they made
the first crusade then the second crusade was
they're like oh since we're doing this, we'll
take back our holy land of Jerusalem. Then they
took over Jerusalem. They held on to it for like
50 years. Then there was another war. The Muslims
took it back. And then basically the rest of
the Crusades was just over Jerusalem. It was
just back and forth. One side had Jerusalem.
The other side had Jerusalem. One side had Jerusalem.
The other side had Jerusalem. And then eventually
the wars ended when the Christians and the Catholics,
like all Christianity was like, fuck it. Have
the Middle East. We don't fucking care. Just
take it. We don't care anymore. Just stop attacking
us in our countries. You can have your fucking
sandpit. It sucks. Fuck you. Holy wars with Tyler.
But like, but like, that's like the thing. Like,
like the Jews were like, no, this is our land.
And that's, if you just let the fucking Muslims
have their fucking sandpit, like they, they're
fine. Well, I heard this professor explaining
that the real problem is Great Britain because
Great Britain, I forget in like some time, like
maybe like the 1850s or something, they promised
that land to like three different groups of people.
What land? They said the land that is now Israel.
Yeah, they promised it to the Catholics, Muslims,
the Christians, Muslims, and the Jews. And they're
like, yeah, you can all have it. And that's not...
a recipe for very good things to happen. Why
is it their land, though? The British? Well,
the British controlled everything. They controlled
everything, but then they're like, you know what?
This is a holy site for every religion in the
world, so we're going to give it to all three
of you, and you guys can all get along here.
Guess what? Those three groups are not going
to get along. It's like putting the Bloods, the
Crips, and the Latin Kings in one area at the
same time. It's almost like religion doesn't
solve any problems. It just causes more. whatever
casey but it's it's almost like but like it would
be like putting three rival gangs in the same
area and they're like this is all your territory
you can share the territory it's like you think
the three rival gangs are gonna be like you know
what we're all gonna sell drugs here this is
gonna be fine right you know no they're all gonna
fucking murder each other until one's reign supreme
but then One gang, AKA the Christians pulled
out. We're like, fuck it. We don't want this.
You can have this territory. We it's fucking
not worth it. We'll have fucking Rome. Like that's
ours. We'll take Rome. It's not so far away from
you. Fucking retards fighting over a sand pit.
And then the Jews are like, we're not leaving.
And the Muslims were like, we're not leaving.
And it's just like, well, you're going to kill
each other for hundreds of years now, but it's
not hundreds of years. That's the thing. It's
like, it was. If it's not for the Middle East,
the Jews and Muslims have just been killing each
other. Since the 50s or 40s? Since the end of
World War II. Man. But the Jews and Muslims were
at war with each other just as groups. It wasn't
global conflict between the two of them, but
there was sects of them just fighting each other
for all of history. damn the christians just
kind of stepped out of it like they were like
let's fight it too and they're like wait a second
you know what let's just let them kill each other
we're we got gold palaces in fucking rome and
you know it's on the mediterranean it looks real
nice so this is like what happened this is like
schizophrenic geopolitics i know what happens
with like way better than schizophrenic movies
what happens why is that it's good You should
have been a history teacher, bro. I wanted to
be a history teacher. Really? Yeah. You would
have been a great history teacher. I wanted to
be a history teacher, but I didn't want to get
a master's degree. Do you have to have a master's?
To teach high school, yeah. Oh, I thought you
had to have a master's. I wanted to teach high
school U .S. history. Damn. But I became an EMT.
What if a Muslim and a Christian or something,
like a Jew, had a kid? What would the kid be?
So that's happened a few times throughout all
of history. It happens a lot. One of them converts.
It's the same thing with the different denominations
of Christianity. So are you going to convert
to Protestant? No, she's converting to Catholicism.
Well, why should she have to convert? Because
we argued about it for three years, like back
and forth, like which one would be better. And
I made the better points. And she's like, you
know what? I concede Catholicism is better. What
religion is she? Methodist. Yeah, I can say that
Protestantism would be 100 % better for like
a kid. It's not. But okay. You're entitled to
your opinion, even if it's wrong. There's a lot
more. Like indoctrination with Catholicism for
kids. Like they make them go to church. I'm going
to raise my kids Mormon. No, that shit looks
like they're having a good time though. Dude,
have you seen the fucking show The Hidden Wives
of Mormon Lives? That's all I need to hear. Multiple
wives? No, no, no. It's... a group of Mormon
moms that are all like from like 21 to like 32.
And like, it's just what they do as Mormon moms.
And like, I, I, I got obsessed with this show
because it was fucking insane. Like I saw it
on Hulu. I'm like, this looks stupid. I'm going
to watch this. And I'm like, this is insane.
Like there's a huge drama that's going on between
these women because they do soft swinging, which
they can do everything. Up to intercourse. They
can't fuck you. They can't fuck people. Don't
they have like 10 wives? Don't they have like
10 wives each? No, no, no. That's the sect of
Mormonism, like the greater... Mormonism rejects
that, but they do accept soft swinging apparently
because you're not having sex with them. You're
just sucking. I mean, they're the ones who do
so fucking awesome. They fucking soak. So yeah.
And that's why they all get fucking married at
like fucking 10 soft swinging. Yeah. It's fucking
insane. Like, and like the whole group of them,
like trade partners back and forth. But then
that causes drama on the fucking, the Mormon
wives fucking group. And they're just like, well,
you actually like, you like fucking my husband.
It's like, yes, I did. I did like fucking your
husband. And they're like, ah. What did you think
would happen? Like, yeah. And like, they're all
fucking gorgeous. All of them. God damn. I got
to watch this show. What is it? The Secret Lives
of Mormon Wives. Damn. I'm going to watch that
when I go home. It's on Hulu, I think. I'm going
to check that out. But yeah, they're like. there's
a whole group of them. And then like, they're
all mom, like they're all mom, tick tockers too.
And it was fucking hysterical. There is one video
of her and like her kid got like fucking like
mono or something. So like there's a, there's
a tick tock and they showed it in the show of
the fucking mom in the hospital doing like a,
like a tick tock dance, like doing this. And
her kids just in an incubator next to her. And
she's going, she's dancing like next to it. She's
like, Oh my God. I'm like, this kid's going.
It's really funny. Too sad at 30. So do you think
that. The moments of clarity that RFK has is
like actual RFK. And the moments where he's insane
is when the worm takes over. I don't think he's
ever insane. It seems like the worm's been taking
over a lot lately. I think he's making some good
points. Like RFK's just like... What do you mean,
yeah? You said that like... Like, please help
me. The worm is taking over. The worm's taking
over. I don't want to do this anymore. The worm
is telling me. And then the worm's like. Hello,
it's me, RFK. I'm going to take away all the
fucking autistic kids and put them in a can.
Just whenever they ask RFK a question, he just
does not provide an answer. He's like, now that's
an interesting question. They're like, should
vaccines be banned? And he's like, well, Tyler
does the voice better. Now that's an interesting
question. However, I'm really worried about the
red 40 in the food. Dude, he's never dodged that
question once. That's bullshit. That's some news
clips taken off of your fucking liberal propaganda
news. Your mainstream news for boomers and cocks.
No, that's just primary source. That's just me
watching the video of him talking. I don't believe
it. He said he's never, ever wanted to ban vaccines.
But he said that some of the ingredients in the
vaccines are questionable. If they're questionable,
shouldn't we ban them? Like mercury. Injecting
children with mercury is problematic. You think
they put mercury in vaccines? Why don't we ask
ChatGPT? Why don't we? How do you do that thing
where you make ChatGPT talk? I don't have that
in mind. Upstate New York teacher sends nudes
to 14 -year -old boys. What does she look like?
God damn, why couldn't that happen to me? God
damn. She's like 22. That's fucking awesome,
dude. We need more women like that. What'd you
say to the ass chat, GPT? If any vaccines have
mercury in them. Now there's mercury in the vaccines.
Listen, we're going to make the autistic kids
very comfortable and we're going to put them
in the camps with chicken nuggets and mac and
cheese. And we're going to give them. Oh, some
vaccines used to contain mercury. Now, I did
not base to take the mercury. Yeah, what's it
called? It's called sulfa something. Thimerosal.
Thimerosal. Yeah. No longer do. Apparently, those
given to children in the U .S. and many other
countries. They say that it would go straight
to your brain. You concentrate right in the brain
tissue. That's why people who made hats were
insane because they fucking worked the mercury
all the time. Bottom line, there is no elemental
mercury in vaccines. Anymore. Since 2001. Dude,
so we all got it. We all got it. Oh shit, I got
those in the 90s. I got my vaccines in the 90s
too, so we're all fucked. We're all fucked. Yeah,
Ali Mac was born in 98, so yeah, he got it too.
We're all fucked. Yep. Ali Mac just missed the...
What year were you born? I was 98. Except for
some multi -dose flu vaccines still have thermosarol
in it. Thimerosal. Yeah, thimerosal. So yeah,
we're all fucked. We all have it. Like, we're
fucked. That's great. We all got it. That's why
I don't get the flu shot. Yeah, I haven't gotten
a flu shot in the last, like, 10 years. Like,
let's be fucking real. Like, I love when, like,
my parents and, like, you know, like, my grandparents
are like, you got to get your flu shot this year.
I'm like, fuck that. Whatever. They're like,
but it'll help you protect against the flu. I'd
rather get the flu bad one time a year and then
not have to get fucking a flu shot. Because every
time I've gotten a flu shot, I got the flu. Same.
Same. Like, actually, it feels like it makes
you more. I had to give a tetanus shot to this
cop and he was definitely afraid of needles.
He was like, whoa, stop. I thought I was about
to beat the shit out of him. Was it an IM or
was it like IV? Yeah, IM. Damn, he's like freaking
out. Yeah. My brother's terrified of needles
too. Dude, it's like the biggest dudes are like
the most afraid. He's like, get on the ground.
Oh yeah, you know how my brother's shredded?
Terrified of needles. wow and i'm like like i'm
you know how i know my brother's not on steroids
because he's terrified of needles yeah like i'm
like because like i'm like is he on steroids
because like he got like real fucking big and
i'm like nah he like he's like fucking he had
to get a flu shot or like like he had to get
like a tetanus shot because he got cut by like
metal or something he cried beforehand oh my
god i'm like bro fucking calm down it's not that
bad jeez because like i got my ears pierced like
and he was there when i got my ears pierced And
I'm like, you want to get yours? Even thinking
about like a needle piercing him, like freak,
like he almost fainted. Wow. Yeah. I'm like,
what the fuck? I remember starting IVs on some
kids in my class in medic school. I remember
you started IV on me. That was fun. Yeah, right.
Dude, I, yeah, during the. Oh yeah, no, it wasn't
here, right? But yeah, my partner in lab. Turned
like fucking 50 shades of green, dude. Like trying
to start an IV on him. Started sweating, freaking
out. I remember the kid who did my fucking IV,
put it in my fucking bicep. And I was like, oh.
And they're like, oh, fucking pussy. I'm like,
it's in my fucking bicep. It's in my fucking
muscle, bro. And he kept fishing around. I'm
like, fucking stop. You ever see David Blaine?
He puts a needle through his bicep. Yeah, fucking
David Blaine's a sick fuck. But yeah, he's just
going. You see how it looks like? Yeah, it looks
like it's going through my bicep. Chris Angel.
You see how it looks? Remind me to do a fucking
schizophrenic review on both Chris Angel. and
David Blaine. I love David Blaine. But like the
fucking kid goes like this and I have a vein
that goes like right here and the fucking kid
just goes right into my bicep. I'm like, ow!
That's a good one. And I'm like, you fucking,
ow! And like fucking my teacher comes over and
is like, don't be a fucking pussy about it. I'm
like, it's in my fucking biceps! You fucking
asshole! And, like, he kept going, like, doing
the fucking fist thing. I just ripped it out.
I'm like, fucking stop. Yeah. That's funny. And
they're like, yeah, we're just going to say he
passed. I'm like, you're going to say he passed?
It's in my fucking bicep, you fucking mongoloid.
It's in the vein. That's all that counts. He
got flash. Yeah. I've seen people put a vein
in a tit before. Yeah. Really? Yeah, you can
do that. I've also seen, like, a forehead once.
Yeah, but on the first day in the ER, my preceptor
was like, sometimes you just gotta pop a juicy
titty. You said that? Yeah. That's awesome. Damn,
he sounds like a fun guy. He is, yeah. He still
works there? I think so. Was that like the combat
vet guy? Like with the tattoos? Tattoos, no.
Was that the med or your new? The med, yeah.
Who was that? The glasses. I'll ask you that
on break. Yeah, let's take a break. Dan, your
Prius, did it break down? We'll come back after
the break and talk about it. We'll talk about
it. All right. With respect to the balls and
that there was obviously an issue with the balls.
I don't think anybody knew there was an issue
with the balls. Let me light up a cigarette.
To me, those balls are perfect. The song goes
out to Dan. I don't want anyone touching the
balls. This is Tom Brady deflating. Because Dan
had the chat GPT game last time on Jeopardy.
It's not cheating. You asked what the amount
the best amount to bet that you would beat Tyler
was. And it didn't work. Yeah, exactly. That's
why it's funny. That's why it's funny. So Dan,
you're going to run for mayor of Albany. How
much does it cost to get on the ballot? Because
I think you should just do it. Just even if you
don't get any votes. It doesn't cost anything.
You just have to get enough vote. You got to
get enough signatures. This isn't even like a
power thing. It's not like, oh, I want to be
the mayor of Albany. I wouldn't even be proud
to tell people I was the mayor of Albany. I wouldn't
go around and flaunt it. I'd be like, dude, I'm
literally doing this job to clean this fucking
shithole up and then I'm going to get the fuck
out of here. I'd be embarrassed to let people
know I'm the mayor of Albany because it's such
a shithole. Because you'd have to run as a Democrat.
Dude, we used to have the Pepsi Arena. We used
to have a hockey team. Fucking River Rats. We
used to have Pearl Street. We used to have Lark
Street. We still have a football team. I thought
they left again. Nah, they're here. They're going
to win a championship. There's nothing now. No,
that guy left. Who was the one that was making
it famous? What? Who was the NFL player that
owned the All -A -Team? Oh, he got arrested for
attempted murder. Didn't he flee to the Middle
East? Yeah, Antonio Brown. Oh yeah, I saw him
just riding a scooter around in the Middle East
and they started filming him and he's like, fuck
you. He left. He was wanted for attempted murder
in America. Oh, like he was from around here?
He owned the Albany Firebirds. Oh, shit. His
dad was from around here. He played for the Firebirds,
and then Antonio Brown played for the Steelers
and a couple other teams. Wow. Yeah. And then
he bought the Firebirds, drove them into the
ground, and then... They came back very recently,
and they're in the championship game next week.
Wow. And they're undefeated currently. Damn.
Go birds. Go firebirds. What else did Albany
lose that we don't have? River rats. I mean,
when Pepsi pulled out, you know you're in trouble.
Yeah. The river rats, they lost. They lost. Fuck.
What was the other one I'm thinking of? Common
decency. Yeah, common decency. A whole lot more
400 Centrals, a whole lot less of cool shit.
Social order. Like, dude, if you told me 10 years
ago, 15 years ago, that Schenectady was going
to be nicer than Albany one day, I would have
been like, yeah, okay. I wouldn't say that. Schenectady
is now way nicer than Albany. Well, they revitalized
by proctors and that's it. Well, that's fine.
At least they did something because right now
Albany's doing nothing. Albany's mayor isn't
letting them do any fucking mayor whatever. She's
a fucking cunt and a retard and decides that
fucking... She's just like, I think that criminals...
should not be punished for anything. It will
fucking look great for all the dead bodies they
have on the streets. Yeah, it will look phenomenal.
God, it's like, dude, it could be so nice. Let
the cops do their job and Albany might be a better
place. I'm trying to get out of the habit of
complaining about New York because New York is
actually beautiful. New York's a beautiful state,
but it's ran by retards. But the fucking politics
and the economy. Fucking suck in New York. Like
you're not going to fix the economy, right? Unless
you bring companies in, but it's like, at least
you can have like, can you imagine if you go
down central Avenue and it's fucking, you have
those flags on the light poles. Like you have
nice painted green light poles all the way straight
down. Like say you pull off the Everett road
right by the car dealerships there and all the
way down central, all the way down to the central.
Yeah. Right down to the Hudson. It's just fucking
beautiful, bro. All those little, all those houses.
are like shops, little bougie shops you can walk
around in. It's like, clean it the fuck up. You
can have poor people. You can have a hood and
still have a nice city. But the thing is that
Central Ave's connected directly to Arbor Hill,
and that's why it's a fuckhole. So what, dude?
You can have the hood. Look, like... You're gonna
have two Judd no matter what. Yeah, but that's
okay. You can have the hood and the next street
over can be fucking beautiful. You just enforce
it and you put money into it. Just try to clean
up the hood. Or just tell businesses, hey, look,
if you open a business on the main strip here
in Albany, there's no taxes. You will not be
taxed ever. So you better rush to get a spot
here to start a business, to have a food establishment.
They could be making deals like that with people.
We want to beautify this city. You will not be
taxed if you pull a business up on Central Avenue
here. And then people would pour in with their
fucking cookie shops, their coffee shops, their
restaurants. I would say just give people a livable
wage and then just... But that's not the government's
job. That has nothing to do with the government.
I'm saying like... eliminate the social handouts,
like welfare checks, and just make jobs have
a livable wage so that people are encouraged
to get jobs. They still won't work. There's professional
homeless people. I know. Fuck them then. We should
just send them all to the same location, like
Hawaii. No, then I make Hawaii sucks. Send him
to fucking Wyoming. Who the fuck cares about
Wyoming? Just put all the scumbags in Wyoming.
Who are they? Who are they? The gangbangers.
Oh, okay. All right. We had to specify who we're
calling scumbags here. No, dude. Talking like
gangbangers, murderers, like, you know, like,
you know, scumbags. Just imagine if you put every
single gangbanger in one state and they're just
like, listen, it's like Hotel California. You
can't get out, but you can do whatever you want
inside Hotel California. Just lock them in there.
And then just let them fight it out. Just put
them all in Rhode Island. Actually, that's a
better idea. Put them all in fucking Providence,
Rhode Island and just let them fight it out.
And just be like, you know what? It's fucking
like Arkham City in Batman. Just fucking put
them all in one thing and let the gang members
fight it out. You could pay to go watch to see
it, though. I would. That would be awesome. Oh,
that would be fucking awesome. Just get a helicopter
that flies over that you can kind of see the
gangbangers all in one area. It's like the Hunger
Games. If you got arrested as a gangbanger, you
could either choose to go to prison or go to
fucking Arkham City. It'd be like, I'll go to
Arkham City. like yo you're free to do whatever
you want you get food you get water everything
else it's fucking free game fucking do what you
gotta do but um yeah i want to talk about fucking
fake vikings yeah what the fuck is that about
so there's been a trend online for like the last
couple years where people who are like 2 % Slavic,
like 2%, like, you know, Norse. They're just
like, I am a Viking blood. I am a modern Viking.
Like my ancestors before me, I am a Viking. I,
and they fucking like get like fucking like Norse
Viking tattoos. And I don't even say that. And
I'm blonde. And they're just like, I am a true
Viking. I am a Norse pagan. I worship Odin and
the old gods. And, like, they fucking, like,
they truly cosplay as Vikings, as modern -day
Vikings in, like, the thing. And, like, they
have, like, I've infiltrated three groups of
them because it's hysterical to me watching these
people do fucking Viking. Like, let me look it
up. I'll show you one of the fucking groups.
I'll just read a couple posts from it because
it's fucking really funny. It's like people that
are saying they like identify as black now. Like
identifying as a different race. I've never heard
one person ever say that. That's actually. Well,
you know, like how you can identify as different
genders. Yeah. Like people can now identify as
like different races. Dude, what's with like
the trannies at Starbucks? Like what the actual,
what is that about? I don't know. I'll tell you.
I'll tell you what, though, dude. I went to Starbucks
the other day and there was this tranny that
was like seven feet tall. I'm not joking. It
was this Asian tranny that was seven feet tall.
And I was just like, dude, I can't believe what
I'm fucking looking at right now. This is wild,
right? And then she. was like she was like question
mark she's like oh yeah people don't normally
get that drink that's an interesting combination
i'll have to try that sometime i was like wow
she's so nice how fucked up i don't know she
was just fucking you know blowing smoke up my
ass trying to get me to give her a tip or something
well i used to be a barista at starbucks No,
you were at a fake Starbucks, right? Yeah, but
it was still Starbucks. You're a barista. It
wasn't like the one at St. Peter's where they
just squirt chocolate syrup in there. Are you
sure you want that, man? Okay, so I got one.
That's called a ghetto box. Hi, I just wanted
to introduce myself and share a photo that I
took. I may love makeup and be an effeminate
male, but my ancestors were Vikings. My last
name fucking... I don't even know how to pronounce
that, was a Viking settlement, which existed
years ago, and my grandparents are Scottish.
And my father's side, the name being Richard's
son, literally translates to son of Richard,
a .k .a. Richard the Lionheart. And then this
is the fucking picture he chooses to post on
Vikings and shield maidens. Let me see this fucking
shit. Is his hair dyed? Jesus, fuck. It looks
like a she. It doesn't look like natural yellow.
It's fucking insane. Wish you all a great fucking
rock and metal weekend. And it's fucking pictures
like this shit. God. It's hysterical. Fucking...
The Vikings invented Gore -Tex. That's it. Gore
-Tex? Gore -Tex, yeah. What the fuck? Did they?
They didn't invent Gore -Tex. I don't fucking
think they did. That doesn't make any sense.
100 % me. Fire. Who asked for Tinka? 2025. That's
one of your girls. Oh, let's see. Oh, shit. Oh,
no. But her body. Oh, but her knee is all wrinkly.
Oh, no. Get that away. I probably. In a drought,
I'd fuck her in a drought. Yeah, I would. That's
fucking funny. I would. See, who invented Gore
-Tex? I think it was DuPont. Gore -Tex. Gore
-Tex. Hello from Finland. See you all in Valhalla.
Fucking retard. Dude, people are just, they just
want to have some sort of identity because they
have nothing. Yeah, like my ancestors are Nazis,
so, you know. There's 18 million of them. Your
ancestors are Nazis and Confederates. Yeah, Nazis
and Confederates. That's my ancestry. Real fun.
There's twice as many Nazis as there are. Oh,
actually, there's the same amount of Nazis as
there were. No, I can't even talk right now.
There were the same amount of Nazis as there
are New Yorkers now. Really? Oh, really? Yeah,
18 million. So probably 20 million New Yorkers.
It's close, though. So the Nazis were the population
in New York. I thought there was like, I don't
know, 400 of them, 2 ,000 of them maybe. They
could have either been overthrown. Like it only
takes like 3 .5 % of the population to overthrow
government. Oh, really? Yeah, so it's like a
small group of people because there's like what?
100 times more people than Nazis. Oh, yeah. However
many Germans there were. Yeah. They just let
that shit get out of control. But that's a fucking...
That's a lot of Nazis, bro. It's not a small
number. It's like, so... Where's all these descendants
of Nazis? Nobody really talks about it except
Tyler. He's the first person I've heard admit
to being like... They fucking moved to America,
changed their last name to Lee. It was probably
something before, like, Leichstein or some shit.
It was L -E -I -G -H. Nobody ever says, oh, yeah,
my family was Nazis. It's like, well, a lot of
people's families were Nazis. Just nobody's fessing
up to this shit. Not like my direct family was
Nazis, but probably like my cousins. I had cousins
that were Nazis. Like most, like my immediate
family all was in America at that point. But
I did have cousins that were still in Germany
that probably were Nazis. It happens, bro. Like,
like my, my, my, like also, I'm not saying that
I agree with the, not my grandparents fought
against the Nazis in world war two, but like
there were my cousins that were fighting on the
other side. Like every war you're fighting your
cousins. pretty much like, unless like, it's
like us versus like the, the middle East and
stuff. Like if you're fighting a European country,
you're fighting your cousins. Oh God. Jesus Christ.
But yeah, like, like there were like, like, um,
there were, I had cousins in Poland that got
gunned down. in front of the factory that they
owned over in Poland. That's like a documented
case of my family. And then it's real murky for
one side of my family during the early 1900s
to 1950 when they came over to America. So I'm
like, they were definitely Nazis. Your Nazi ancestors
came over and immediately bought slaves. In the
1950s? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't think about that.
Slavery was before that. Yeah, retard. But yeah,
I guarantee you fucking your great -grandfather
from Germany probably was a Nazi. Let's be real.
I have ancestors from Germany and Poland. A lot
of them, actually. Dude, it's crazy how quick,
like... You just don't know anybody in your family.
That's really not that far back. Like the, the,
the, the most I know is probably like my great
grandparents. Like, that's like, like I, they
were alive when I was alive. So that's the only
reason I knew like a lot about them. And like,
they're like my great, great grandparents. No
fucking idea. No fucking idea. It's crazy how
like, you're not going to know like, like four,
four generations from now, they're not going
to have any idea you existed. Yeah. Like I, like,
I know my great -grandparents' names. I think...
I know half of my great -grandparents' names.
Like, I knew John. I knew Helen. I knew George.
And I knew... I feel like everybody was named
George. I think we're just reincarnations of
people back then. And then the other ones...
Oh, Al. Al was one of them. And then I don't
know the rest of them. That was it. Oh, Janet.
And then there's, there's two that my, my, my
great grandparents on my mom's mom's side. I
don't know what the fuck their names were, but,
um, that's it. Yeah. Like I couldn't tell you
my great, great grandparents names. Like, I don't
know any of them. Like, I'm just like, I have
no fucking idea. Yeah. But, um, like it's, it's
weird. Like, yeah. When, when our kids have kids
and they have kids, they're going to be like,
oh yeah, you had a great, great grandfather named
Tyler. like he'd be like oh what he was an emt
yeah he was an emt but like that was all you
will be done but like yeah like it's like it's
crazy how they're gonna be like oh yeah you had
a like your great great great grandfather tyler
lee was this and he lived in the 2020s dude we
know we think it's gonna be like that like it
is for us now like looking back at our fucking
ancestors right we don't know a lot about them
it's a fucking mystery Like, bro, you're going
to have all your fucking Facebook. Oh, yeah.
They're going to be like, my fucking great -great
-great -grandfather is a fucking goofball. You're
going to have a fucking hologram. They're going
to be so sick of you, dude. Yeah, they're going
to listen to this fucking podcast. They're probably
listening to you right now. Right. They're listening.
Listen, hold on. Hold on. What do you want to
tell your future descendants? Let's whisper into
their ears right now. What advice would you give
them? We know that you're listening out there.
Hey. Tyler the fourth. What do you want to say
to him, Tyler? I don't know. Fucking wash your
balls, I guess. They're probably dirty. Don't
elect dictators. Wash your balls. Everybody could
wash their balls. Even right after a shower,
you probably still need to wash your balls. Damn,
I hope Barron Trump gets drafted. That would
be so funny. Could happen. Could, yeah. He's
like the right exact age. But can he get out
of the draft since he's part of the royal family?
Oh, yeah. He can get out of the draft because
he's got a corrupt father for a president. Or
a corrupt president for a father. Nightmoves
is open until 4 a .m. today. Jesus. You want
to take a trip over? Yeah, I'll be throwing my
invisible singles out, though. I could go for
some Nightmoves today. You guys are insane. Let's
go for some Jeopardy. All right. First of all,
I was going to say my Prius. Yeah, what happened
to your Prius? I was cutting through a parking
lot. Oh, the Prius. It was a Dunkin' Donuts parking
lot, and there was a curb that made the drive
-thru, and I didn't see it because I was just
focused on getting through to the next exit.
slammed into a fucking five inch tall curb. I
actually watched somebody do that today. I legitimately
watched somebody do that. But they were in a
pickup truck and they just kept going. Oh yeah,
yeah. pickup truck won't fucking do anything
because like i know it was it was actually over
by night moves when i was coming home from work
like just i'm just saying unironically like it
just like i was going past like like the smoker's
choice like that intersection like by firestone
like in between firestones and where that old
storts was the guy who was like about to turn
there just fucking clips the whole curb with
his rim and just kept going i'm like like you
could see like the whole truck just kind of do
one of those oh and like i'm like And he had,
like, more than enough space. Like, he had way
more than enough space to, like, fully do it.
Just fucking clips the curb, and he just keeps
going. Damn. Yeah, I backed into a fire hydrant
one time in Madison Ave, and I just got out and
said, fuck, and there was, like, these three
college kids watching me. I just go, fuck, and
then drew away. Just bent it. What? Just bent
it. No, I broke the taillight. Oh, no, I mean
the fire hydrant, because sometimes they'll bend.
Yeah. Oh, I don't know. I don't think I damaged
it. I love taps the fucking pole in front of
Stewart's a couple times. Like, you know, like
the poles that they have there. Like, I'm like,
like I pull pretty far up most of the time, but
like a couple times I just do that to it, and
I'm like. That's not a big deal. Yeah, I know.
But it's just kind of like, oh, fuck. But dude,
hitting this curb, it turned into such fucking
mayhem. So like I first I'm just thinking, I'm
like, OK, how much damage did I just do to my
entire car? Right. Well, the tires just going
air out. I was like, how did that even fucking
happen, bro? So anyway, I get the spare tire
out in the kit. and uh there's no tire iron to
take the lug nuts off so i'm like whatever i'll
just fucking i'll go i'll go run over to the
harbor freight well first i ran i literally ran
right i'm like i'll get my exercise in today
so i ran over to home depot they don't have an
automotive section ran to harbor freight got
the tire iron get back and start jacking the
car up and the car the jack kept tipping over
over and over. I'm like, all right, I got to
get on flat ground, right? So I pull it over
into the Starbucks parking lot, which was flatter.
It's like right next door. This is in Schenectady,
if you know where this... Oh, that's not a good
place to break down. No, it's not that bad. This
Dunkin' Donuts is. So I move it in the parking
lot. Was it by the casino? No, no. It's by Home
Depot. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. So... it kept like
tipping over even on flat ground so i put like
the back brakes on and um i get the the uh spare
tire out and it's a little low right so i'm like
pushing on it i'm like yeah it should have enough
air to get me over to like stewart's or combo
farms so i put it on and uh set the car down
on it and it looked fine right and you know tighten
the lug nuts up and uh i start to go and The
steering wheel's going like, you know, jerking
side to side. I'm like, are you fucking kidding
me? I get out, and the tire came off the rim.
And I was like, dude, now I don't have a fucking
spare tire. That's when I started getting angry,
right? And so my girlfriend's like, oh, maybe
we could try a fix -a -flat in the old tire,
right? So I ran over to Cumberland Farms, got
some fix -a -flat, put it in, and it was just
pissing out, right? The hole in the tire. So
I'm like, all right, maybe I can fucking patch
it. So I ran back over to Harbor Freight. It's
like a seven minute run, you know? And I got
some patches and got the fucking tire patched
up. And I had to put like two patches in it side
by side. And then I put another can of fix -a
-flat in it. And I was like, oh, this thing's
good to go, dude. It's good to go. It's fucking
solid. It's all filled up with my fuck yeah.
So put the tire back on. And, uh, get going down
the road. I'm like, oh, steering wheel straight,
dude. Like I, this is fine. Alignment's not that,
well, I was off a little bit. Right. But it wasn't
like I, dude, I thought I like totaled the car.
This cause it was like, I was doing like 10 miles
an hour, dude. And I hit this curb just like
fucking, I thought the car was wrecked. So, um,
get down the Lexus. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm
driving today. This was, this was the Prius,
but, um, get like a mile down the road. And I
hear. I hear, and my girlfriend's talking and
I was like, fuck no, that didn't just fucking
happen. Right. It was like a, it was like a hissing
spinning. Right. And like, that can only be one
thing. Right. And she's talking and I'm like,
no, the plug just blew out in the tire. And she's
like, what? And I'm like, yeah, I just heard
it. Right. And then I felt it. And the steering
wheel is going back and forth like this. So like,
dude, part of me doesn't want to give up. you
know what i mean there's like this fight in me
like where i just have to it's like i have to
prove my worth but then like there's that part
of me that's like i've spent 16 hours at a gas
station trying to hotwire my motorcycle because
i was like i had too much pride to call a tow
truck you had too much heat you could probably
have walked your bike home that you have any
too yeah too many cops chasing you yeah so I,
my girlfriend's like, we got to call a tow truck.
I'm like, yeah, we got to call it to a drug.
Cause I'm not going to fuck. I know when to call
it, to call it quits, dude. I gave it a valiant
effort. It's over. You know, it's like if, if
the spare didn't like fall off the fucking wheel,
like I could have done, I could have worked with
it. But yeah, dude, it was a fucking adventure.
I was fucking like soaked in sweat from running
back and forth the hardware stores. And it's
a fucking adventure, dude. I just love how you're
like, yeah, I don't think I'm coming to the podcast
tonight. Oh, yeah. No, I had nothing left. I
tried to go home and work, dude. My brain was
just shot. Yeah. Cool story, bro. Cool story,
bro. Onward. Nightmare. I don't want to go, dude.
Damn, I spent so much money on food today. Harlow,
do I look like I can go to nightclubs anymore?
That's a black shirt. You're gonna get the fucking
come all over that shirt. Yeah, I know, but gray
pants. Welcome back to Jeopardy. Do I look like
I can go? Yes. Am I gonna go? You're gonna go.
Are you gonna go? He's like, I'm gonna go. Might
happen, might not. We'll see, I guess. We'll
see. 30 -something time winner, Tyler. Uh...
14 -something time winner Dan. Oh, yeah. The
vitamin man. Gentlemen. So what am I going to
get in the 50th? Whoever wins has to pay for
strippers. That's fucking not true. Yeah, whoever
wins has to pay for night moves. That's not true.
Damn. I'm not going then. Well, wait. No, he's
gonna win, so yeah, I'll go. Alright. What kind
of motivation is that to win? That is a bad motivation.
Let me light up a cigarette, Casey. Okay. You
don't care? I don't care. Is there, like, an
ashtray? Jesus Christ. Are you smoking your basement?
Give me a cigarette. There's an ashtray in the
table over there. No, I can't. Give it to me.
Fuck it, I'll do it. I don't care. This is Chase's
house, though. Only Dan can smoke down here.
Why? Dan won't do it because he's a fucking pussy.
I don't want to have his house smell like scumbag.
He smokes weed down here. But weed doesn't saturate
into the fucking walls. The weed smell just goes
away like ten minutes after. You don't want it.
Don't smoke in here, dude. One cigarette won't.
Does Megan care? I don't know. Okay, well, it's
happening. What an ass. It's happening. Anyway,
the categories are parental guidance suggestion,
average Joe, the Bayou, percentage dates, one
second number ones, and just one day. Since I
won last time. I won last time. Alright, fine.
What's in the bayou? Get this man an ashtray.
The bayou, 200. Cajun and Creole cultures thrive
in the bayou, and so does this spicy stew, often
made with seafood, sausage, and okra. What is
it, jambalaya? Fuck! Incorrect. Oh! Oh! God,
that's what I thought it was! No. Gumbo. Gumbo!
It's a stew. Oh! The gumbo! Jambalaya is like
meat and rice or some shit. Jambalaya. We'll
keep going with the volume. Don't call me a fucking
jambalaya. Uh, 400. Known as the birthplace of
this genre, New Orleans gave us legends like
Louis Armstrong and Jelly Roll Morton. A blues?
A blues, no. Louis Armstrong? Anyone? No? It
was jazz? It was either jazz or blues. Fucking
hate, hate jazz. Uh, Tyler's pick. Let's keep
the Bayou going, because I'm doing real great.
600. New Orleans sits along this mighty river,
which flows all the way to the Gulf of Mexico.
Not America. What is the Mississippi? Oh, correct.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Damn. I like it. Let's do one second.
Whatever the fuck it is. One second hits. Ty's
got to wear some headphones, I think, for this
one. Guess this number one hit based on the first
second, I think. That could have been anything.
I'll let it keep going. I know the song, I can't
think of it. My Corona. This is My Corona. Nope.
What is the fucking idea? My Corona. That's what
it is. That was right. That's right. My Corona.
I knew what the fuck you said. So Dan got negative
for that one. We'll do one second hits. Oh! 400.
Never made it as it was. Who's Nickelback? Who
is Nickelback? It's how you remind me. Fuck.
Oh, Tyler. Oh, he's coming, babe! Fucking hate
Nickelback. Fucking hate Nickelback. I love Nickelback.
Fuck you. Nickelback sucks. Give me a cigarette.
You want the next one? 600? Yeah. What is it?
Apple bottom jeans? No. Oh, no. Oh. What is low?
What is low? Low, yeah. Yeah. We'll continue
with that. Uh, for 800. What is every movie you
make by? Oh, no. No! I don't know what the song
would be called then. Oh, oh. Yeah, I can't.
Every breath you take. Yes. Oh, fuck. God damn
it. You got 800 points back. What are we at here?
Are we going back? I always got back to zero.
Dan's got negative 400. Jesus fucking Christ.
For 1 ,000. Oh, fuck. I think I know the title,
but I'm not going to put myself in the negative.
No? Alright. Is it fire to the rain? No, it's
rolling in the deep. Rolling in the deep. Alright.
What's the other categories? Uh, you got parental
guidance, average geo, the bayou, percentage
dates in just one day. What was the first one?
Parental guidance suggested. We'll do that one.
200. One of the first PG -13 movies was this
1984 film starring Harrison Ford that featured
a guy named Mola Ram pulling out another guy's
heart with his bare hands. What is Indiana Jones
and the Temple of Doom? Yes. God damn it. Damn.
I need some fucking caffeine, bro. Alright. We'll
continue that one. 400. This movie rating made
in 1990 is reserved for films too mature to be
rated RR. What is NC -17? It smells like cigarettes
in here. Why does it smell like cigarettes in
here? I don't know, Casey. Why does it? Yeah.
Damn, it's big. Same category. 600. For this
movie rating, you can curse as much as you like
as long as you don't say fuck more than once.
It was PG -13. 800, this 1973 horror film caused
controversy after it made many audience members
pass out, leave. What is The Exorcist? Yes. Fuck.
Tied it up. Tied it up, Dan Smith. Oh, same category.
1 ,000. 1999, this raunchy teen comedy about
baked goods and awkward firsts. What is American
Pie? Yes. Categories? Average Joe, the Bayou,
percent dates. Let's do average Joe. 200. No
need to be rude. Another name for an average
is the arithmetic this. Fuck you. Say it again.
No need to be rude. Another name for the average.
Yes. What the fuck? Same category. 400. Just
average 14 and 48 to get this prime number. Oh,
God. Can we use a calculator? No. The autistic
wheels are turning. What is 31? 31, yes. And
the mathematician. Same category. 600. Average
Steve and Stephanie to get this average number
of letters in their names. It depends on how
you spell Stephanie. There's a couple of different
spells. With a P -H. S -T -E -P -H -A -N -I -E.
What is sex? Oh, no. Oh, what was he saying again?
Steve and Stephanie. What is seven? Yes. Okay.
Same category. Same category. For 800. You got
1400. That's how I got 1800. Oh, I'll wager 500.
Daily double. 500. We recommend hitting the gym
for this average of values scaled by importance.
Say it again. We recommend hitting the gym for
this average of values scaled by importance.
We recommend hitting the gym. Yeah. Hold on a
sec. Let me think about it. What is a weight?
Wait, hold on a sec, hold on a sec. Weighted
average. Yeah, there you go. I knew you could
do it. Dan's pick. Same category. 1 ,000. This
type of average is found by identifying the number
that appears most often in a set. What is the
mode? Correct. Get your brooms out, Dan. You
got Bayou, percent dates, and just one day. Percent
dates. Oh, geez. You're really going to do this
to Tyler? You guys are going to hate me for this
one. The Allied invasion of Europe during World
War II. So you have to convert the date into
a percentage. What the fuck? Dude, that's not
possible. Why not? Because we don't know the
date and we definitely don't know the fucking
percentage. I know the date. I can't do percentages.
So like January 1st would be 1 -1. So 1 divided
by 1 is 100%. Oh, it's not the year too? No,
no. Just the date. What's the date, Tyler? What
was it? Which question? D -Day. What are you
saying? He's talking to himself. Yeah, fucking
skip this. Everybody fucking fails this. No?
No. Alright. I'm going to protest this category.
That's 100%. June 6th. I was fucking... I said
June 6th. Six divided by six. 100%. Six out of
six. Next question. America's birthday. You guys
know America's birthday? Yeah. Yeah, I can't
say I know America's fucking birthday. That doesn't
make sense. I can't divide that from... You can't
divide that properly. This would be like a death
spell. Hold on a sec. Is that involving the 1776
too? Tyler, if 4 out of 4 is 100%, what is 5
out of 4? 120%. No. 125%. Yes. Sorry. What's
seven? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold
on. Just hold on. What is 175 %? Yeah. I hate
this category, bro. I didn't even make it. It
was all in the Jeopardy Reddit. What is 175%,
bro? I forgot to put percentage dates, bro. For
600. 3300, bet it all. I can concede this to
you, Dan, if you want. I'll do 300. Tyler's still
got a shot. No, I'll do 300. 350. Blaze it up
on this National Weed Day. How much you bet?
Oh, you know, like $400. What is... So that'd
be 20%. 20 %? Oh, damn. For $800, right? First
day of a U .S. president's new term. Do you know
that date? No. No. It's 125%. This game sucks.
How about this one? The day that George W. Bush
definitely didn't blow up the World Trade Center.
Oh no, this is the closest guess because it's
not a whole number. God damn. That's pretty good,
actually. Hold on a sec. Hold on. That was actually
pretty good. Hold on. Let me think. Oh. pretty
close, though. What is... What is 82 %? 82. That's
correct. Oh, shit. No more bath, Tyler. Make
a fucking comeback. The Bayou and Just One Day.
Dan's pick. Just One Day. 200. You got 4 ,600.
Bet it all, pussy. 4 ,600. What's Tyler got?
1 ,800. 1 ,800. I'll do 500. 500. We elect to
inform you November 7th, 2028 will fall on this
day of the week. That's like impossible. November
7th, 2028? Yeah. Will fall on this day of the
week? Saturday, obviously. Saturday? Oh no. It
was a 1 in 7 shot. But dude, if I got that right,
you would have been like, you would have thought
I was a fucking savant. That's why I said I was
such confidence. Oh, that was Tuesday. Oh. 400.
Carrie Underwood sings Waiting All Day for This
Night on a weekly football broadcast. It was
Monday Night Football. I buzzed in first. No.
It was Sunday. He said he got it first. Give
Tyler the points. All right, you're back in it.
What's he at? 2 ,200. Hold on, hold on. 3 ,700.
Let that go down for a second. Let me cook. Let
that cook. Let it cook. I don't know what's the
fucking... Whatever. What's the categories? The
bayou and just one day. Just one day for a thousand.
Hell yeah. Most of Northern Ireland's troubles
ended with a 1998 agreement signed on this day.
Do you have to know the exact date? No, the day
of the week. The day of... Oh my fucking God.
What is Monday? Oh no. God, I'm fucking... Sunday.
What is Sunday? No. Don't, don't. Stop. It's
Friday. Fuck, dude. I thought it was something
Monday. Just one day. Black Monday. Fuck. 600.
In a popular nursery rhyme, this day's child,
not necessarily Jenna Ortega, is full of woe.
What is Wednesday? Yes. God damn it. Like Wednesday
Addams. Damn. No, me. Falls into second place.
Oh, shit. Fuck. We'll do days. 800. If tomorrow's
today is Saturday, then this is the day after
tomorrow's yesterday. What the fuck? If tomorrow's
what? If tomorrow's today is Saturday, then this
is the day after tomorrow's yesterday. Casey,
I'm having a stroke. Can you say that again?
If tomorrow's today is Saturday, then this is
the day after tomorrow's yesterday. Say the second
part again. This is the day after tomorrow's
yesterday. What was the first part? If tomorrow's
today is Saturday, then this is the day after
tomorrow's yesterday. I'm fucking having a stroke
right now. Is my face drooping? Look at the left
side, dude. If tomorrow's today is tomorrow,
if yesterday's today is today, what the fuck
is happening? Hold on, hold on, keep it going.
This lady the other day was like, I'm having
left side, I was having left -sided numbness,
but now it's on the right. And then it went back
to the left. And like... Crazy. No. What, uh...
What was the question? Say it slowly. Because
I'm not getting it. If tomorrow's today is Saturday...
Hold on. If tomorrow's today is Saturday... If
tomorrow... If tomorrow's today is Saturday...
Yeah, then this is the day after tomorrow's yesterday.
If tomorrow's today is Saturday. If tomorrow's
today is Saturday. Stop saying it out loud. If
tomorrow's Saturday. Say the second part again.
If tomorrow's today is Saturday, this is the
day after tomorrow's yesterday. What is Saturday?
Correct. Jesus Christ. God. All right, Dan, you
got the bio. For 800. Often associated with New
Orleans, this spooky spiritual practice blends
African tradition. What is hoodoo? Damn. Hoodoo?
What is voodoo? Yeah, voodoo. Look it up because
it could be either. Look it up. What the fuck
is hoodoo? You don't know what hoodoo is? Look
up New Orleans and hoodoo. Tradition built up
by enslaved African Americans. Who knew? Oh,
damn. All right. Spud it. Yeah, I'll take that.
You both get the points. Finally, for $1 ,000,
this 2017 horror game was set in a... Sorry,
I didn't mean to do that. This 2017 horror game
was set in the rural town of Dulvey, Louisiana.
What town Dolby, Louisiana Yeah Final Jeopardy.
Dan's got 3 ,500. Ty's got 4 ,600. Jesus Christ.
I have 1 ,000 more than him. 1 ,100. The category
is... Geography. Oh, my God. Oh, you don't have
your phone? No. Going off the grid, bro? Yeah.
You doing a fucking screen cleanse? Yeah. Oh,
my God. That porn, oh, boy. Trying to get off
the Reddit porn. Train's gone wild. Reddit porn's
a problem, dude. Yeah, dude, Reddit's the best.
Alright. You can get anything. Clown porn? Question,
this is the only US state that borders just one
other state. The only state that only borders
one other? Yeah, the only US state that borders
just one other state. God, these fucking Indians
keep messaging. This guy is MD Rowan is persistent.
He's very persistent. I said, do you want some
garlic naan, my friend? He said, no. Do you want
to promote your Apple podcast? Where's this paper
even from? Where's it from? It's from a sticky
note I had. It'd be funny if you just ripped
a sheet out of the Bible. Rip the part out where
it says that gay people go to hell. Where is
that? Yeah, what page is that on, Tyler? The
one where it says gay people go to hell. Dude,
stop. What is this? This is literally the first
thing I opened up to. Now, concerning that matters
about what you wrote, it is good for a man not
to have sexual relations with a woman. There
it is. Sexual relations with a woman, it says.
Wait, with a woman? Chapter 7. What is this?
1 Corinthians 7 .1. Did you get my message? No.
But because of the temptation of sexual immorality,
each man should have his own wife and each woman
her own husband. Let's go. Tyler says Maine.
That's correct. You bet $2 ,500. Dan says Michigan.
Fuck! I was trying to think. I'm like, I'm pretty
sure Maine is only connected to Amsterdam. Tyler
wins. God damn it. You're paying for night moves,
buddy. Tyler, you just won $7 ,100 to pay for
a night move. $36. 36 wins. That was a good game,
though. Yeah, I went back and forth. Yeah, that
was pretty good. The math part, I was just like,
I'm not even lying. Almost there. You're fucking
Ned Flanders. Alright. Thanks for listening.
Email us if you're not Indian or a scammer. Or
both. That sounded a little racist. What? Oh,
yeah, there's a lot of, like, scams going around
about, like, job applications and stuff. We should
get one of these guys on the podcast. Hello,
my friend. Oh, we should tell him that we'll
get his... You know you can call people from
Facebook, so if we called this fucking Indian
dude, that'd be pretty funny, I think. I wonder
what would happen. Do you think he'd answer?
I don't think so. I think they're just, like,
fake. It's probably not even an Indian dude.
It's probably, like, some fat white guy who has
a basement. Just give him a call and be like,
hello. Give him the Don Juan treatment. Hey,
Dad, what's up? Hey, look, what's going on, man?
You want to promote our Apple podcast, man? What
the fuck? I don't eat apples. Prank him next
time. Anyway, like us on Facebook and as always,
be kind to yourself. And each other. We out.
Fuck off. Fuck off. For all we know, robots have
souls. We just don't know if they do or don't.
How do you know? Have you ever been a cyborg
or a robot? You think we were the first ones
to inhabit this planet? Fuck no. No, no, we are
jumping down this fucking rabbit hole. Yes, we
are. There's people out there with some... You're
telling me that they didn't die and become ghosts
Already born babies and sell them to the Chinese
Somewhere in China some days what the fuck there
are super soldiers Super soldiers then they are
extraterrestrials Before my eyes while holding
their pulse feel them die of They're fucking
gone. I've seen it happen. I think that the government
has taken it to the next level with the birds.
They know what birds are going to cross paths
with you that you are going to be able to raise
and they are going to make. Which, by the way,
big brother, is the Overlord Kid. We're only
living in the third dimension! Okay?