The following program is intended for mature
audiences and may cause cancer in at -risk populations.
Viewer discretion is advised. For all we know,
robots have souls. We just don't know if they
do or don't. How do you know? Have you ever been
a cyborg or a robot? You think we were the first
ones to inhabit this planet? Fuck no. No, we
are jumping down this fucking rabbit hole. Yes,
we are. There's people out there with some really
dumb thoughts. Extended episode. Where the fuck
did the spearmen come from? Where the fuck did
Stonehenge come from? You're telling me that
they didn't die and become ghosts? They're killing
all the already born babies and sell them to
the Chinese. Aliens exist. Somewhere in China.
some days what the fuck there are super soldiers
super soldiers then they are extraterrestrials
they are aliens Welcome to another podcast. Centennial,
motherfucker. It's episode 100. Episode 100.
We're here in Lake Placid, or Saranac Lake. Lake
Placid. The miracle on ice, baby. We finally
made it to episode 100. This song's called First
Day at the Hospital by Dave Lutz. Yeah, get his
name. Draymond just made this smelling song.
Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. You got stains all over your
fucking shirt. First of all, we want to thank
all our listeners for sticking with us. Oh, shit.
That was so fucking bad. That was still in for
weeks. I got delayed already. Dude, this show
sucks. This show sucks so bad. What? You already
have a fucking delay. Oh, yeah. 1812. Anyway,
thanks for joining us. We'd like to thank you
for always tuning in. Take this opportunity to
introduce our members here. We've got Dan Delaney,
the vitamin man. We've got Tyler Lee. That's
me. And we've got Alex McDonald, as always. That's
Ally Mac to you. Ally Mac. I know I've been gone
for a while, but I had to show up to this one.
You'll see me more now. Fat fuck. With us here
we have Kyle Franklin. Welcome. Welcome, Kyle
Franklin. Welcome. Other fat fuck. I'm notably
a fat fuck as well. What's up? I'm pretty sure
you weigh about... Half of us here. Well, half,
that means I'm smaller than you. This is why
you are retarded. No, no, you're about half of
the people here. So, how was the smelling salt,
Kyle? That fucked me up. First off, it smells
like cat piss. It does. Not even like cat piss.
Like the kind of piss that you get on a drunk
down in Albany that's been sitting on the side
of the curb for a while. I'm talking on the mic.
What a StarTap episode 100. Are we back? We're
back. Oh, thank you for the memorandum. What's
some of your guys' favorite moments of the podcast?
Did you get my top five? Oh, man. My favorite
moment is when you guys invited me on finally
as a recurring guest because I fixed this fucking
podcast. You guys fucking sucked. All right?
We've always sucked, bro. It's always sucked,
dude. In 50 fucking episodes when I blow the
fuck up. and I get fucking canceled by NBC, you
guys are going to be loving the fact, the bump
that I give you. That's what's going to happen.
We got another audio distortion. No, what's going
on with this? And we're back. Oh my God. This
show sucks. I think you guys need a better producer.
Yeah. It's nothing against you, Casey. Oh my
God, I love the smell of tires. Where's those
smelling salts? If Shane Large was sitting right
there. I almost want to start over. If only you
guys had such a great producer like Shane Large.
You know? Right, right. I think one of my favorite
moments for the podcast was me and Tyler screaming
at each other about the insurrection. That was
fucking funny. That was a good one. Yeah, Tyler's
freak outs are some of the best things. I can't
do another one right now. What's a good one I
remember? I like the more tender moments where
we actually start talking to each other. We actually
get into deeper subjects that we care about.
I like seeing everybody. Shut the fuck up, Dan.
We had a good conversation on the ride over here.
I like the conversation that we have about God
and stuff. Now you are gay. Chill the fuck out.
I do enjoy the different tones of life that we
get from that. It's not just all Bible thumpers.
It's such a PR answer. It's mostly everybody
against me with that, but I'm cool with it because
I like talking about it. Not really. I wouldn't
say everybody's against you. I'd say I typically
– I never really throw anything at you with a
religious argument. I just think it's interesting.
I like Jesus, all right? And I like – you know
what my favorite part of this podcast is, and
this is the real PR answer, is that I get to
spend every Thursday night with some of my best
friends. There you go. All right. Let's not tear
up here. That's going to make me feel really
bad about the two suggestions that I have to
say because the two best memories I ever have
on this podcast is me talking about quantum mechanics
with Tyler flipping the fuck out on the other
side of the room. And then the other. Second
favorite memory I have is like the handful of
occasions I've won Jeopardy and Tyler has flipped
the fuck out on the other side. Because I, like
I treasure them all, especially the last one.
I'm going to be dead honest. That one where it
was fucking. The one where I left. Yeah, that
one. Because she felt bad that you left. And
we talked about it in the podcast. I thought
it was awful that you left because it was like,
is Tyler really gone? Yeah, I left. But it made
for like re -listening to that the next week.
I was like, this is fucking perfect. I cannot
believe that Tyler left the house right now.
I want you to be left. As a long time Untitled
podcast fan. And I'm so grateful to be your current
guest. I always root for you in Jeopardy. You're
our Make -A -Wish kid. I'm the Make -A -Wish.
I have cancer. And so my wish was to be on the
Untitled Podcast as part of the family. And he's
here for the 100th episode. And I'm here for
the fucking 100th episode. The centennial, baby.
Hang on. As your Roastmaster General, we have
the fucking roast of Casey O 'Neal. Yo! Oh, no.
As the only fucking professional half -comedian
here. We'll say amateur. I thought it was the
roast of all of us. Do you know how a roast works,
Casey? Have you ever watched television? There's
one person that everybody roasts, but everybody
gets roasted the whole time. But you're the one
that's getting roasted. Damn. We'll obviously
wait a little bit, I think, to get... Really.
Really? Yeah, you gotta come prepared for this.
Tyler does this at least eight or nine times.
When Tyler's bored of whatever somebody's talking
about, you hear things like crinkling in the
background, you hear the noises. He's got like
a fucking gallon jug. He's like... You're like,
hey, Tyler, can you chew it? Oh, what? What?
Oh, my bad. I was just chewing it out for a minute.
The first episode of Mike Podcast, all you heard
was... How's your podcast going, by the way?
I haven't seen that episode in like a month.
So I have to wait until the semester ends, and
then we're going to bank together like 25 to
30 episodes. That's going to burn you the fuck
out. It's hard. We're just going to be like 20
episodes. I work like 60 to 65 hours a week,
and then I do like 45 hours of square work. It's
hard to get guests on. I can't just keep bringing
you guys. There's nothing against you guys. I
can't do the same guess. That'd be really funny.
Bring us in every five episodes. Hell yeah, Dan.
Going for a second drink. Dan O. Give me some
of that, Dan. Me and Dan are going to have sex
tonight. We're going to have fucking hot, steamy,
fucking butt sex. Dan and Kyle are fucking. That's
the latest in here. I'm going to fuck the shit
out of his ass and he's going to fuck my mouth.
Top me off, buddy. What is that? Do a half and
half. I'm not pouring champagne. No, do a half
and half. What's he, a pussy? Can you give me
a little champagne? My glass is over there. Can
you give me a little champagne there, Daniel?
Just maybe a little champagne. We're here at
the... I bought the champagne. So Tyler's not
drinking, as always. No. I can't believe I'm
seeing Dan drink. Oh, awesome. I'll give you
my glass. Me and Allie Mac are both two beers
deep at this point. Only two. There's only been
two beers. Nothing more. Dan just poured champagne
in Allie Mac's beer. I did ask for it. You guys
want to hear an interesting thing? Yeah. No,
what you should do is cut one of those Labatt
cans. Go ahead. They're just drugs. We're not
drunk, Casey. We only have two fucking beers,
all right? Chill the fuck out. He's going to
take an entire case to get this thing done. He
just gave me smelling salts. This is a restart.
We do not have enough beer to get me drunk. For
those who don't know, Kyle is very large and
in charge. Okay? When I say large and in charge,
I mean exactly what you think I mean. He's very
large. He's very in charge. He's a good guy,
though. But, um, and for the record, he's made
a lot of fat jokes about me. And I'd like to
make it very clear that I don't think I match
up to you, alright? I'm fat. I'm fat, okay? Alright?
So, before we get into it... I feel like I need
to make a point of that, though. Because I've
been a subject of some scrutiny from you, Kyle.
You're like fat. He's like Peter Griffin fat.
Oh, come on! Come on, yo! I didn't say that.
I couldn't say it for the roast. I couldn't even
say that. You know what, Casey? Casey, you know
what you look like? Yeah. You look like Dr. Phil
after a two -year heroin binge. There it is.
So, like, I think in levels of fitness, obviously,
Dan is the highest. For fucking... Oh, for sure.
But also for the shortness. No, but you got Ozempic
face. Oh, my God. Save some material. Come on
now. Jesus Christ. No, I like that. I didn't
know that was a thing, but... And then I do think
the second is either Casey or me. I mean, I was
really mad. Where did this come from? I'm going
to the gym five days a week, but I guess it's
not working. You're going to the wrong fucking
gym. Oh, God. You're going to the wrong fucking
gym, Allie Mack. I haven't been that far. I just
started. Looking at Tyler and Casey. Tyler, you're
a little bit slipped. He's got the dad gut. Yeah,
he's got that. I got this retard shit going on.
No, you just look bad. But don't. Yeah, I got
like a weird, like my upper body is all right
until you get down here, and then I got like
a little bit of a gut, but like not that much.
So it looks worse. feel like than having like
an actual gut. Casey's got like the body I think
I have. You ever look in the mirror and just
go, God damn. All the time. It's just the worst
part when you're perfectly naked and your penis
is there. Yeah. It's kind of shrunk inside your
body. You know what I hate when you're like,
I gained so much weight. I can't even see that
fucking thing anymore. Come on. I hate when you
get out of the shower and you just look down
and you're like, damn, this penis looks fucking
awful. Yeah. She looks at this thing and she
says, oh yeah. It's like. Who am I fooling? Apparently
you're fooling her. Like fucking dude. Like that's
the thing. Like women. Damn straight. I'm going
to keep doing money. The thing is like, I look
at women and I go, God damn. Like you can look
at a woman and just be like, God damn. Like,
I don't know how you look at a guy and go. Yeah,
that looked good. Look to the right of you. That's
how you do it right there. Even the most attractive
guy still has a dick, which every single dick
is awful. Have you seen a fucking person? I get
that a lot. Shut the fuck up. You get that a
lot. You just fucking ooze testosterone. I think
that's what you do. I didn't at one point, though.
It was 198 at one point. Didn't you fucking take
like six Plan B? to crash your testosterone?
No. That's a great idea, though. I don't know
if that would work. It does. It sounds like it
would result in a medical emergency. No, but
that's the thing. It drops your T so much that
you actually get prescribed T. Right, right.
So I was on a super restrictive diet. I was talking
to Kyle about it before we started here. And
my testosterone tanked to 198. It's supposed
to be like 1 ,000, like 700 to 1 ,000. Did you
notice anything with your parts or no? Oh, dude.
I didn't have an erection for like six months.
Oh, you couldn't get hard. Oh. yeah no i was
like so you're telling me you had more i thought
i had amazing abstinence like i'm like dude i'm
like a no fat extreme and i was like oh no my
testosterone you had more estrogen in you than
you had testosterone you were a bitch no not
more no so just really so you were a tranny I
told you about the time that, you know, there's
a, there's an incident. Well, yeah, but let me
just preface this as, as it was a girl who wanted
to become a guy. So she already, she still had
a box. Yeah. She still had a pussy. That's the
wrong training. Halfway through the story, he
was telling me, and I thought it was a chick
with a dick. No, no, no. It turned out it was
a chick with a box. That would be gay. massive
tits massive tits in a box so she bound them
yeah she bound them down so like you couldn't
like but like he ate her pussy I'll just I'll
reiterate this listen I'll reiterate this it's
episode 100 okay so just for those who are just
you know doing this shit yeah oh oh yeah episode
100 every time somebody says episode 100 did
he hit something oh i'm gonna hit this now so
i hit i i was i so so it was one gun hand that
over here that fucking kicks like a mule oh that
makes me wonder like you know how like if you
were like hour 20 and you're 24 and you go down
and pick up like one of the drunks down at like
South Pro Street? If you just fucking just...
I don't understand why I never smelt their crotch
to wake me up. You're like... You remember...
You remember... Oh! Oh, fuck! Fuck! Dude, you
remember Pat Wilson? Yeah. All right, not his
brother, Sean. No, I know both of them. I think
he's a garbage man too or he wasn't. Maybe. Yeah,
so dude, we took this lady, I forget from what
hospital, we were bringing her home, but she
had a terrible fucking UTI. That's what that
smells like. She pissed the fucking green blanket.
Actually, at that time, they were maroon. They
were the maroon parents. Yeah, she pissed the
maroon blanket and dropped this lady off at her
house. And he took the entire like wad of blankets
and just threw it on her porch. But it had that
same smell as that shit. Just like that. Just
like that, dude. But now that makes me wonder
like why, you know, you're so sleep deprived.
You're tired. You're like, how am I going to
do these last four hours? I know I have to do
two more calls. How am I going to do it? Why
didn't you just smell like that? Right. What
did they call those pads? Oh, chuck pads. Chuck
pads. Why didn't you just smell the chuck pads?
No, this is the actual wool blanket. No, I know
the blanket you're talking about, but I was thinking
of the pad. I've smelled that smell quite a few
times. So, am I going to tell my story? Yeah,
tell your fucking story. This is the Tyler Anderson
100 podcast. Here's the story. Tyler ate a tranny
pussy. I did. That's a technicality, dude. I
want you to put yourself in my shoes on the ride
up here. I thought it was a chick with a dick.
All right, guys. We'll be back in 20 minutes.
the story so didn't you literally tell the story
last episode I didn't tell it last episode I
told it on the text messages that we were talking
about but like nobody reads it but yeah I was
fucking I was in college it was my second week
there I was hanging out with my guys So I'm sitting
there and I'm like, I'm sitting there with my
guys and I look over at this, this chick sitting
at a table across from us in the, in the, uh,
in the library. So I go, who's that? They're
like, Oh, that's Kane. I go, she's kind of cute.
They're like, dude, that's a dude, man. And I'm
like, that's not a dude. I know a dude when I
see one, that's not a dude. And then they're
like, well, So I didn't know what a trans person
was. Okay. I didn't. Nobody did back then. Yeah.
I didn't know what a trans person was. It was
either cross dressers or drag queens. Yeah. So
I'm sitting there and I'm like. no that's that's
that's a lady that's a lady and then they're
like well so they had to explain what a transgender
person was to me i don't know i feel like most
people knew what a trans dude i didn't go to
fucking we didn't go we didn't go we went to
like inner city scumbag schools like they didn't
have those there was no the highest fucking uh
salary for a parent there was like 45 000 a year
that's actually true yeah yeah yeah well i wasn't
nobody had pools alley mac Nobody mowed their
lawn. You know what? The argument I'm going to
have to bring to the table here just isn't worth
it. I'm going to have to fight such an uphill
battle. I just want to tell you about how hard
it is to grow up in a six -figure household.
I did it. I did it, bro. I grew up in the fucking
sticks, dude. I grew up in the sticks. So anyway,
I didn't know what a fucking trans person was
because I went to a fucking shitty high school.
All right. Let's hear Tyler's story here. So
I went to a shitty high school where they didn't
have trans people because they didn't exist in
my high school. So I'm like, all right. And then
I go over. I'm like, I'm going to go talk to
him. And then I go over and I'm like, hey, what's
your name? They tell me their name. And I'm like,
so, you know, I just started chatting, chatting
with them. And I'm like, you know, here's my
phone number. So then we start, you know, chat
and then stuff. Then we go ice skating a few
times. Then, like, after we went ice skating,
we went back to her apartment that she had. And
I'm like, or he had, whatever the fuck you want
to call it. So I went back to the apartment.
And then they go. I can't even breathe with these
on. And she took off, she took off her shirt,
took off the, took off everything, then took
off her binder and it just, it just, God damn.
And I'm like, how big, how big do you think they
were? They were like double Ds, triple Ds. Damn.
Quite large. That's kind of hot. Yeah, but she
like bound them down. Yeah, but at this point
in the story when he's telling me, I still think
it has a dick. Why are the tits so big with a
dick? And they were natural just titties. Thank
you, Kyle. So I'm in like a roller coaster loop.
I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm trying to figure
out how this isn't gay, but it sounds gay. So
she does that. She takes her tits out. I'm like,
And I'm like, they're saying they're a guy. So
I have to pretend that I'm not looking at nice
tits right now. I'm doing like the, like, just
pretend that, you know, I'm like, I'm doing one
of these. And I'm like, yeah. And she's like,
I know I have nice tits. For the listeners, Tyler
is turned to his side. Yeah. They're like, they're
like, and she's, I know I have good tits. And
I'm like, listen. Uh, and she's like, he's kind
of got nice. And I go, and she just goes, listen,
I still, I still like having sex. And I'm like,
okay. And I'm like, and then she's like, listen,
can you just like do something with me real quick?
And I'm like, yeah, sure. So then, you know,
I eat her out. I do, you know, do all that shit.
And then like, We kind of like start to keep
talking to each other. And eventually our friend
group fell apart. And we just ended up on separate
sides of that, like, you know, split. Hatfields
and McCoys. The north and the south, I prefer,
because I'm a contender. If you're more of a
traditionalist, I guess it's Romeo and Juliet.
So that got split apart and we just didn't talk
to each other. However, I don't think it's gay
because I had my face in that pussy. She had
a pussy. She had a pussy. So I'm like, I don't
think that's gay. I think it's a borderline,
but I don't think it's gay. Did she have short
hair? Yeah, she had short hair. So she looked
like a dude, but she had massive rocking tits
and she had a nice box. Nah, that's a tomboy,
bro. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm
saying. When we grew up, it was tomboys, crossdressers,
and tranny, or fucking drags. Yeah. There was
no trannies. So if you would go down the street
and say, oh, excuse me, sir. that's a fucking
it wasn't that it was like you would definitely
look at this that's fucking gay yeah right but
if you looked at this person even even even with
the tits even with the tits bound down you'd
be like that's just a flat -chested girl and
then when she took off the binders yeah and then
she took off the binder and i'm like that's kind
of even that even makes it more hot because it's
like you don't expect it and it's like whoa this
this story then brought into anybody you guys
do you guys know bonnie blue No. She was the
British chick that fucked a thousand guys in
like 12 hours. Oh, I heard about that. Casey,
can you pull up Bonnie Boo's pussy? A picture
of her pussy? Do you happen to have a vape on
you by the way? So then... Per chance. I brought
up to Tyler about how... About how I spent a
good portion of yesterday... jerking off to her,
right? Oh, wow. And I noticed with her pussy,
and when you see a picture of her pussy, you'll
see it. She has a clit that looks like a regular
-sized tip of a dick. No. I swear to God. It's
the biggest clit. This one? And you're like,
this is turning you on. Oh, jeez. No, but it
got me to the point where I was like, is she
maybe a switcher? Wow, that is. Yeah. It's rather
large. Let me look. All right, let me see. Let
me see. No, that's actually not the biggest one
I've ever seen. You know some girls have like
a three or four inch fucking butt. Look up Bonnie
Blue fucked by a big dick. I said this is the
name of the video. This is the name of the video
that I was jerking off to. I need to bring you
to the video that I was jerking off to. What
did you say? The noise complaint here is going
to be the most fucking funny thing I've ever
heard in my life. Go to the video. So she has
a clit. We're going to be like this guy upstairs.
He was screaming out Bonnie Blue and her kids
fucked with their big clit. Have you ever watched
that? Dan goes, ugh. Well, these are clit decks.
So, look at that thing. Hang on. Pull the video
off. Oh! Hang on. No, no, no. You don't even
have to watch the video. Look at this. Look at
this clit that she's sporting. And tell me she's
maybe not a switcheroo. That is a big fucking
clit. Look at that thing. It's big. It's big.
It's half the size of my soft cock. It's just
kind of hood, dude. No, dude. It's wild. It's
big, but it's kind of soft. Dan, you could be
over there by that fucking lamppost, and I could
be standing here with a fucking ping pong ball,
and I could hit that clit no fucking issue. Yeah,
she's got a big clit. That thing is huge, and
that brought me to the dilemma. I've seen bigger
clits, though. You've seen bigger where? One
gummy per day. Watch this guy. Look at this guy.
Plus four, six points in nine days. Look at the
size of his cock. That's like a beepus cock.
He does have a big cock. Beepus? He sent me a
fucking nude and then he goes, oh, I thought
your name was Taylor, bro. And I'm like, yeah,
nice cock, bro. No, but what I'm saying is...
I went to the dilemma of, am I jerking off to
a tranny? Which, as an inclusive man, as a social
worker, I love it. That's concerning. That is
what her pussy looks like. That's concerning.
Casey, play the fucking video, Casey. Oh, Jesus
Christ. Play the video of her getting fucked
a missionary. We have to listen to the audio,
too. Play the video of her getting fucked a missionary
and keep the audio on, all right? How far into
this is this? I don't know. Find the fucking
missionary. Look at how hot she is, though. Fuck.
Look it. Look. Look at the clip. I want to see
her. Look at the clip. That's a huge clip. Is
this what we evolved to? Gentlemen, come on!
Look at the size of that fucking thing! Gentlemen,
sit down! It looks like a soft collar. And so
what got me going was, am I watching somebody...
Tyler, put your pants on! Jesus fucking Christ!
Am I watching somebody that's trans - I mean,
that's bad. Did she turn her ball sack into a
pussy? I don't think so, because there's some
girls with literally four or five That thing
is huge. I've never seen that. What's her name?
I've fucked a few couple of women. Oh, yeah.
What's her name? Bonnie Blue. Bonnie Blue. She
fucked a thousand guys. I'm going to save this
one for later. This actually leads me perfectly
into our next segment, which is a little game
that we like to call... I love this game. Girl
versus Tranny. Girl versus Tranny. Bring it back
for episode 100. Fuck. When was the last time
you guys played this game? I love Tomboys. When
was the last time you guys played this? This
was like fucking 15 years ago. This was a long
time ago. I just want all the untitled podcast
listeners to know that when I come on the podcast,
fun things happen. Fun things happen. I need
more champagne. Hold on. All I'm saying is...
Yeah, damn! All I'm saying is if these fucking
cocksuckers will shut the fuck up, all I'm saying
is in 2026, I'm running... Or 2025, sorry. I'm
running for president. President. president of
the Untitled Podcast. I'm running as president,
okay? And I will take over this fucking president.
What party? The Go Fuck Yourself Tyler party.
Let's go! Yeah, that's what it is. We're gonna
do sex, we're gonna do drugs, and we're gonna
listen to some old -time 70s rock and roll. Kyle,
what are you up to? We'll start off with you,
Kyle. Girl or training? Oh, fuck. That's a big
gap. In the underwear. Can I zoom? Can I zoom?
Um... Oh, Jesus, that's your license. Wait, is
it? That's a tranny. Let me see. Look at her
face. That's a tranny. Kyle says tranny. That's
a chick. That's a chick. I'm going with chick
on that one. Wait, hold up. Hold up. Bring it
back. Bring it back. You'll have your turn, Allie
Mack. It's a 100 % chick. Tyler says girl. You
think it's a girl? I think it's a girl. Look
at the face. It's a dude face. Look at the hair.
The legs are too skinny. Yeah. So, like, all
right. Here's the difference. Look at the gap
on the underwear. Here, let me see. That's a
dude. Don't bias me. That's a dude. Don't bias
me. Let me see this. Don't bias me. I'll tell
you why. I'll tell you why. I can't. Do you guys
do, like, would you fuck this or not? Like, or
is that not part of the game? It's pretty much
a given we would. I thought that's what we were
going for. None of these girls would not be fucked.
We got two chicks and two trainees. So what Kyle's
saying, jaw's a little big, nipples are a little
small. For those listeners that have not ever
met Dan before, he has an ozemic face. His cheekbones
just stick out far. Allie Mac and Tyler say girl.
Dan and Kyle say... So the legs look like somebody
who starved themselves to look like a woman.
More than an actual skinny woman. It's a tranny.
That's a tranny. Alright, the correct answer.
He didn't get my dick though. It was a girl.
No way! No way! You're a gaydar, bro. I thought
that was a chick with a dick. We're in a different
time. To be fair, me and Dan grew up in the 90s.
All right. Let me see that again. Show me. I
wouldn't. I don't know. That's a dude. There's
like a lot of trainees I would fuck before. I
wouldn't fuck that. There's a lot of trainees
that I would go down on before I even thought
about that one. And that one has a pussy. That's
wow. Unbelievable. I'm good. I'm good on that.
That's one point for Ellie Mack and Tyler. Who
fucking develops these women? Next one. Next
one, Kyle. Oh, see, this is a trick. They're
all tricks. That's the point. Do they get steadily
harder? This one's bad, bro. You got the first
one wrong. No, wait till you see this one. Wait
till you see this one. This one looks like Sean
O 'Brien. This one's Sean O 'Brien without the
nose. This is Beepus without the nose, bro. If
this one had a 12 inch nose. That shit sounds
hot as fuck. Ah, fuck. You're trying to trick
me. That's a check. It's a chick. I'm gonna go
for the chick. It's a chick. Put a big nose on
that. That's not Sean O. You gonna tell me that's
not Sean O? With a big fucking honker? I'm not
gonna tell you that. I'm not gonna tell you that
because I'd be lying straight to your face. Shake,
shake, shake, shake, shake, yeah. That's a chick.
If it means that much to you. That's a chick,
bro. Still looking at this Bonnie Blucher. You
like her, don't you? Yeah, she's good. God, bro,
but is it really? It just hits you. That's a
trick. I'm not seeing an Adam Jekyll either.
No muscle mass. I'm saying that's a girl. That's
a tough one. Is Dan going to go against the group
opinion and say it's a dude? If you want to see
any of these pictures, all you have to do is
go on Reddit and look up tomboy. That looks like
a girl trying to look like a guy. That's a girl.
That's a chick. What did Tyler say? I said a
chick. We all said chick. They all said chick.
They're all right. Let's go. We got two. Am I
the only one? One point to everybody. Am I the
only one? Am I the only one? This is a dude.
Hang on. Let me look at it before I make that
decision. Listen, so far my radar's been pretty
good. This one's pretty hot. I'm not going to
lie. If this winds up to be a dude, I'm going
to be heartbroken. That's usually how this game
goes. She's got lines on her wrist. She's cut
herself. That makes it better. That's a different
scenario now. So here's what I'm going to talk
to you guys about. Every single one. I'm no longer
looking at her. Because she's very feminine.
Every single one. I'm looking at the phone case.
And we're looking at graffiti with different
pictures. We've got earrings. Trying to rip.
Ooh. Nope. I noticed something. Dude. That's
a tranny. I noticed something. Right off the
rip. Tranny. Dude. Yeah. I picked up my swords.
There's that. Tyler, did you know there's actually
a subreddit for girls with scars? Really? Yeah.
You want me to give you... I'm guessing Tranny,
too. You want me to give you a really good subreddit
to follow? I'm pretty confident in that, too.
I don't follow it, but sometimes when I get on
some real hornball shit, it's called Free Use.
What's that? It's basically... So, it's a relationship,
men and women. And the woman subjects herself
to be pretty used to the man. So she'll just
be, it's just like, you'll see the chick just
like they're cooking, right? Chopping up vegetables.
And the guy comes in, I don't know where, with
his dick out and just shoves it in her mouth
or her fucking pussy or whatever. Just does whatever
he wants. And he just starts fucking her. But
she can't moan or nothing. She just keeps chopping
the vegetables. Oh, that's kind of cool. And
he fucking plows her out. I kind of like that.
Pulls out, blows his load, and she goes right
back to do what she's done. Wow, like a little
servant. Yes. That's the whole point. It's like
they're a free -use service. I don't know what
it is, but I'm fucking it. What do you say, Dan?
I'm fucking it. What I'm saying is if that winds
up to be a dude, I'm heartbroken. I'm not anything.
I don't care. I'm fucking it. I'd fuck that because
it has an Adam's apple. It's a dude. What's your
answer? I'm gonna say I'm hoping I'm hoping against
hope it's a chick. All right. That came up to
me at a bar dances girl She's got a tattoo over
the Adam's apple, it's what everybody gets a
point except there. That's what gave it to me
She did it. I'd still let her suck my dick. Where
are the standings? Where are the standings? Look,
matter what it is, if she's hotter than your
significant other, it's not gay. Alright, Kyle.
You're shitting me, right? I am not shitting
you. Is this a trick one? No, they get harder,
actually. No, this one is pretty hard. That's
kind of hard, yeah. Dude, that first one was
a mindfuck. I know. Because I would have fucked
the shit out of that last one. This one is my
kind of girl. And if it turns out that this one
isn't a girl, I might walk off the fucking set.
I might walk off the fucking set. You're going
to walk three hours. I'm going to walk fucking
18 hours down I -87. You're going to walk 300
miles. Holy shit. This one is. Oh, my God. 200.
It's only 100. 100. I think the 100. 20. 120.
Yeah. You're kidding me, bro. You're pulling
at my heartstrings with this one. You know that?
Because this is hot. I mean, either way, you
can still fuck it. It's a hot girl. Pick one.
Pick one. That's a dude. That's a dude, and I'm
attracted to that. Kyle says tranny. It's a tranny,
and I'm fucking attracted to that. This is 2025,
bro. Oh, shit. This is hot, dude. You see what
I'm talking about. That one's hot. This is even
fucking more ambiguous than when we started this
podcast. That's the kind of girl that I lay over
the bed with her head hanging off the end of
the mattress and I skull fuck them. Right. Yeah.
Right. See, because it's, the hormones have gotten
better. Tyler is jumping rope with an invisible
rope. I think that's a chick. Wow. So we're 1
-1 here. I think that's a chick. You hope it's
a chick. Dude chick. Dude chick, yeah. I never
said anything, but I think it's a chick. Where
are you getting the trannies? Casey. Oh, so the
trannies are from Trans Gone Wild subreddit.
Right. I've been on that one a couple times.
Me and one friend. No, there's like a million
people on that. I'm invested in this game. I
hope I'm not. Why is that so funny? What are
you reading? No, no. It all makes sense when
you're talking about doing nofap. And all of
us are like, nah, we're good. Because we're watching
regular old porno. You're on fucking trains going
wild, bro. I know, I just checked it out. I just
checked it out. No, you don't. You get in a fucking
rabbit hole like that. That's the whole reason
why you fucking go, alright, I'm going a little
too deep. I'm going a little too fucking deep.
Once you go to channels going wild, Brazzers
doesn't do it for you anymore. That doesn't bother
me. I'm doing girl. I'm saying girl. That doesn't
bother me. Trainee girl, girl. I'm saying it's
a dude. Alright, yeah. I think we got this one.
You can't go back to fucking amateur fucking.
Yeah, yeah. You can't go to casting couch after
that. I'm sorry. The correct answer is a girl.
I'm the worst at this. I should be the best.
You're good, bro. I'm like, that's a hard one.
I was like, that's a hot girl. I really want
to fuck her. Tranny. Y 'all are fucking gay as
fuck, dude. Jesus Christ. What the fuck? No,
because the problem with this podcast, the problem
with this podcast is Dan's going to make me go
on trainings called wild after we stop recording
and I'm going to be in that fucking shower jerking
off with a cigarette in my mouth. Not even a
good one, bro. You just gotta go to Reddit Transporn.
I don't know if I'm experienced, but if I did,
that's what I would go to. No, this one's hard,
too. Not a lot. I can't believe I'm guessing
this. You know what? This one is a trans. She's
a real faggot because her shirt says, please
don't do coke. Oye, me gusta parrico. Me gusta
parrico. Quiero parrico. De donde esta parrico,
papi? Trans. Okay. I didn't know that we spoke
Spanish here. All right, catch me up with the
points. I'm going to guess. Catch me up with
the points for the last one. I'm guessing Chick.
I'm guessing Chick. He said Trini. I said Chick.
The last one. Who got a point? I tweeted. We're
fucking 4 -4 right now. I think so. You and me
are killing it right now. I'm not going to lie.
You know what's a really good idea? I'm totally
stealing this from Legion of Skanks, but it's
a game where everybody on the panel tells stories.
to, like, you or something like you as a producer.
I'm a little girl, too. And then you tell the
story. Like, oh, I once went down on a tranny
in an alley. And we all argue about who it was.
That's not a tomboy. And then, like, if they
say, like, say Dan, Tyler, and Ali say it was
me, and I go, no, it was Dan. I just can't. I
don't want to give you. I don't want to split
your voting. I just think it's a trick. I like
that game. Yeah, it's a pretty good game. Yeah.
Yeah, I got jerked off by an eighth grader. Oh.
All right. I'm going to be heading out now, James.
I was going to say the same thing. I'm going
to tell you what. You need to say that. After
all the conversations at the fucking dinner,
you know for a fact you need to lead off with
that part. I was in seventh grade. I got jerked
off by an eighth grader. Not fucking 38 -year
-old Daniel. I got jerked off by an eighth grader.
True story. Tyler and Alibeck say girl. I'm thinking
that's a fucking, like, I just, I don't see an
Adam's apple. No, but that's a tranny because
look at that faggot fucking shirt she's wearing.
But the thing is, I'm like looking at it, I'm
like, it's either, ah, fuck, he's saying it's
a Tom Cruise. Don't do coke. Don't do coke. What
are you guys saying? Only fucking liberals wear
that shit. She chopped her fucking dick off to
become a girl. What are you guys saying? Tranny.
Oh, these two said girls. She chopped her fucking
dick off because Casey O 'Neil and Joe Biden
told her to. I reckon Casey O 'Neil and Joe Biden
told her to cut her fucking dick off. Dan says
tranny. I reckon that's correct. I've seen it
on Casey O 'Neil. Oh, fuck. Dave knows her from
Reddit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What are the
standings? What are the standings? Give them
to me. You're number one. You're perfect. I'm
one below you. No, I lost that last one. I had
nothing to advantage in that one. Yeah, fuck
you, Dan. Fuck you, Dan goes in. Yeah, I bet
you're gonna fight it. When it goes, it comes
in from the landslide. I got something that's
gonna make you guys real unhappy. Wait, what's
the leaderboard right now? I got something that's
gonna make you guys real unhappy. Holy shit.
God. What the fuck? Fuck. There's things that
you can explain in life and then there's those.
You got a hammer on her. That girl's got a wrench
if I ever saw one. Casey, pull up a... Gentlemen,
that was humbling. That was a humbling experience
I just experienced right there. Casey, pull up
Noel Easton on Dog Fart Network facial sweaty
back room 4K. How about we just go to the next
one? Here you go. Wait, where are the standings?
All right. Dan's got two. Tyler's got four. LMAX
got four. Kyle's got three. Trainee. Trainee.
And I'm not going to let you know why I knew
it was so quick. Kyle says trainee. I'm not going
to let you know why I knew it was so quick, but
it was something to do with that last picture
you just sent. That's a trainee. Look at Ali.
Look at him. He thinks he can drink with a big
dog and he can't even look straight. Look at
him. He's doing what my dad does. I'm doing research,
Kyle. I'm doing research over here. All right?
I'm trying to bring a methodical fart process.
For anybody that can't see, which is everybody
but the five people at this table. Is there a
camera that will be there? Fuck Kyle. Allie Mac's
got his buck teeth hanging out with his fucking
double chin hanging down. He's fucking... He
doesn't have buck teeth. No, but look at what
he did. He's got his fucking teeth hanging out.
He's looking back. He's squinting his eyes up
looking at the phone. Look at him. He's so fucking
drunk. He can't drink with the big dog. I told
him not to. I told him not to, that I'll clean
up the beer. No, I can drink. Fuck me. You can
drink, but just settle the fuck down. Settle
the fuck down, Allie, man. Me? Yeah. You can't
drink with the big fucking dog. Cheers. I'll
drink to that. I'll drink to that, bitch. I'll
drink to you guys. Hey, save some for your mouth,
bro. It's all over your fucking sweatshirt. I
got a small mouth. I said it's a tranny. That's
a guy. That's definitely a guy. That's definitely
a guy. Looks familiar. I'm going to say it's
a tranny. The reason why I said it was a tranny
is because she's looking at her con. She is looking
at her con. Thank you. Everybody says tranny.
That's right. If he never showed that last picture,
I would have never said it. Are you going to
give us the names? What are you looking at? Because
she ain't looking at your pussy. He ain't looking
at you. See? See? That's a good, that was good
logic. Yeah, yeah. She's looking at the cock.
I thought of the same thing. It's like, you just
gotta, you gotta base it off the eye trajectory
there. It ain't there. It ain't there. You can
tell it's about five inches off. Listen, I have
a separate, I have a separate tactic. I just
love disappointing you guys so much, so here's
that one, by the way. She is so hot. Oh my god.
What was that? Let me see that. That was the
third one. She does kind of look like Sean O
'Brien. She has the same size dick. She looks
like Sean. She has the same size dick. She has
the same size dick. If she had a bigger nose,
it would be the same person. That's Sean O 'Brien
right there. Hey, Beavis, if you're listening
to this, text me, but I doubt you will. Sean
O, I know you don't listen to any of these, but
I love you. I loved you before Ali Mack loved
you. Hey, Sean O. Fuck you. This one's a chick.
You didn't get this from Tran. He's going wild.
You got this from fucking... What's that name
of that porn site I used to watch with the crackheads?
Crackhead Confessions. Crackhead Confessions.
That's from Crackhead Confessions. That's not
where I got that. That is 1000 % from Crackhead
Confessions. Have you ever watched it? No. You
want to go in a rabbit hole? Well, I mean, I'm
kind of interested. This guy with a lot of money.
He's a white dude. Picks up fucking homeless
people, crackheads, whatever. Offers them money
and he brings them here. We're going to do an
interview. Gets them to get their clothes off.
Offers them more money for sex. Fucks them. Gives
them drugs. And then that's it. That's the porn.
That sounds really like... I feel like that's
way worse than it. I feel like that's worse than
Transbound Live. So you think it's a chick? No,
that's 100 % a chick. I've seen her on Crackhead
Confessions. I've seen her on Crackhead Confessions,
bro. Casey, pull up Crackhead Confessions on
Pornhub. What is that? This is good. I've never
had a producer say it. I've never had a producer
I could do this with. Dude, I always have dreams
that like... You ever have a dream where you
find a new room in your house? I feel like this
new genre of porn. That's a tomboy. That's a
tomboy. What the fuck is this? Oh, he's got it
up. He's got it up. I don't know which video
you're talking about. Yeah, that looks like a
girl. And then if you get a second... But I don't
fuck like two of those trannies before I fuck
her. Crack whore fucks. No, it's crack whore.
I'm just being honest. Hang on, it's crack whore
chronicles. I'm sorry, I said crackhead confessions.
It's crack whore chronicles. I don't want to
watch this. You do, though. Oh, my fucking dad's
watching fucking tranny porn on Reddit, and I'm
the asshole? Did we all say girl? Yeah. That's
correct. Yeah, but Kyle gave us a clue. Kyle
gave us a clue. I'm the asshole for watching
crackheads make money. It's getting harder, Kyle.
Did you actually do this? Wow. We're still getting
zero meetings, guys. Sorry, good. Wow. I feel
like I need to order some fucking food. He says
tranny. Again, there's a reason why I'm saying
it's tranny. I'm not going to reveal it. There
are some masculine features. But I don't want
to reveal them for these other assholes. Look
at Ali Mack. He's swaying in his chair. He cannot
drink with a big dog. Red is when it gets real
bad. The last time that you said that, you dribbled
half your drink over your shirt. You're in a
little wet spot. I do. Also, if you put it next
to me. You do now. Fuck you, bitch. All right,
fuck you. Cheers. Slam him. Slam him, bitch.
All right, let me see this. No? Okay. Nothing
on the shirt. That is... God, let me stutter
the breast structure here. Jesus Christ. When
you guys see them, they are some nice breasts.
It makes... That's the real... It's the kicker.
But there is something involved there that's
going to let you... Like, if I was looking at
things, I'd say dude all day. There is something
there. I would say dude all day. That you're
going to see that you're going to be like, that's
a dude. That's a dude. I suck at this game. Why
can't I play... You're not in last place. Yeah,
but why can't I play caboose? I'm giving these
guys fucking points. No, no, no. I'm being dead
serious. I see a dude there. I'm giving these
guys fucking points. We'll change it up next
time. I see a dude. I see you doing it, and I
think I see what you saw. How's your brother
doing, Casey? I don't have a brother. Dr. Phil.
He's doing way better than you are. I'm going
to be a contrarian. I think that's a lady. I
think that's a tomboy. You do have, well, out
of everybody at this table, you are second most
versed in trainings because you ain't one of
their pussies. Dan. I didn't... Like, I understand
why you... Dirty Dan. Just a little insight to
the listeners. What do we say so far? Tranny.
Tranny? I'm saying girl. I think so, yeah. I'm
saying girl. Fuck, man. I want to go with my
gut, but it's fucked me over so many times. I'm
saying girl. Dan, I think you would pick hard
ones. Think about Tranny's going wild. Just think
about Tranny's going wild. I'm saying girl. I
think I'm going to be the only one that says
girl. I'm sucking on those titties regardless.
I'm going to say that that's... I'm gonna say
that's a chick. I'm saying that's a girl. I think
she was. I think it was a chick. That was my
gut feeling. So we got two girls. You thought
she was a chick? I can't go back on it. I went
training. I think it was a chick. You're going
training? I rethought it, dude. Are you going
training? You wanna know why? Hang on. Hang on.
Before you say... Who it is. Look at the facial
structure. I'd like to change my vote. You can't
change it. Look at the facial structure. I'm
so 50 -50. Just don't change it. I said training.
Can you zoom in? I said training. Casey. Casey.
Producer Casey. Can you zoom in on her facial
structure for me, please? I was too busy looking
at something else. That is a dude. Look it. That's
not a dude. No, no, no. Hang on, hang on. Take
the tits out of it. That's not a dude. Take the
tits out of it. Tell me that's not a 12 -year
-old boy playing soccer. Dude, that's not a dude.
That's a 12 -year -old boy who refuses to get
a haircut playing soccer. That's not a dude.
Dude, now that he's young, man, it does look
like Justin Bieber. Right, right. I'm still saying
that's not a dude. Have you seen where I said
it? You see it now? I'm saying it wrong. But
at the same time, those breasts are so developed.
And I will give it to you. The first thing I
look for with scars under the breasts. Yeah.
I'm saying that's a girl. I knew, but those tits
look real. I think we fucked it. I'm saying girl.
Casey, Casey, producer Casey. Here's what we're
going to do. You lock in your final answer. I'm
locking my final answer in. That's a girl. Trani,
Trani. That's a chick. I'm changing it. You guys
are both guys. Producer Casey, producer Casey,
producer Casey, give us the results. The results.
Alright, that was a girl. Oh! Fuck! You see it
though, right? I see it, I see it. That could
look like a 12 -year -old boy. Some of these
are fucking hot. You see it though, right? 12
-year -old boy? Tyler! Tyler, we're killing it
right now. They got a dead tie, Ellie Mack and
Tyler. Which, by the way, which, by the way,
for those listening, we have not fucked one up
yet. We are 100%. No, you got one wrong. You
got one wrong. Am I down bad? I did. You're down
by two. I'm down by two? Yeah. How many are left?
Three. So don't call it a comeback, but... Alright,
we're going to Dan first on this one. This one's
going to be a mindfuck. Alright, just because...
Alright, just because it looks like a vagina,
I'm going to say that this is a trick and this
is... Wait, is there no face? No face. But then
you might think we know it's gonna be a trick.
Right, I'll do that reverse psychology on you.
Fuck you. But now I'm actually doing reverse
psychology. I fucking hate you, Casey. I fucking
hate you. You're a fucking scumbag. I fucking
hate you. I don't know if vaginas go that high.
I don't know if the pussy goes that high. Oh,
this is hard because I don't know if he's fucking
with us. Fuck. How much heroin did you do, Casey?
Fuck. In a lot. I don't want to lose it. To look
like that? Look at the fucking bags around your
eyes. Wait, hold on. Hold on. I'm using my detector.
I put on my detective hat. What's up? Okay, there's
a fucking patch. There's a mark from a patch
on his leg. Okay. Maybe that's a hormone patch.
Or it's Nicorette. Hang on, hang on, hang on,
Dan. You guys ever played L .A. Noire? Yes. Dan
just pushed X. He did. He just pushed out. He
just pushed out. He can't prove it wrong. He
can't prove it right. But he doesn't think. Something's
fishy. And he just pushed out. Hang on. Let me
play the music. Those look like tranny tits.
I'm going to say it's a tranny. He pushed X in
your way. Those look like classic tranny tits.
I mean, I wouldn't know, but. There's no face.
Don't look like the thousands of tranny Ted Stans
has seen. Ted thousands. Hundreds. Are you fucking
with me? You talking about going on a tranny's
going wild? I've been on it. It's like, dude,
you don't get curious? Like, what are you fucking?
No, but like, no, I do get curious. My curiosity
was crackhead or crack whore confessions or whatever.
God. Yours was tranny's going wild. Mine was
clown porn. I'll tell you my thing, okay? I like.
These are my things that turn me on. I like older
women. Right. All right. And it comes from a
respect thing. Right. I have respect for, for
older women. Right. Listen, I like, I like women
in uniform. I want you to agree with me. And
dude, something when it, when a fucking smoking
hot chick, I don't want to take it. That's kind
of fucking cool. That gets you going. Yeah, dude.
Cause it's like, I have a thing. Hang on. Listen,
all those things. What are all those things have
in common? Authority. Right? So you and Tyler
are technically, you're in the same canoe. You're
on one end, he's on the other. Because he loves
to be dominated, too. Is that, I think it's,
maybe it's got something to do with that. Look
how fucked up he is, bro. No, I just wanted to
make a joke. He's trying to drink with a big
dog. He doesn't even have a full glass. So, I
like older women. Women in uniform. Look at the
picture. Alright, alright. No, just a little
bit. That's good. No more. Give me some. What
do you say? If there's anything left in that
bottle, let me chug it. Wait, this is the picture?
This is the fucking picture? Yeah, yeah. If there's
anything left in that bottle, I want to chug
it. That's a dude. That's a dude. That's why
I said chug it. I'm thinking that's a dude. I
didn't even hear what you guys said. Classic
training tips. That has to be a dude. Ooh, those
are big. Like puffy brown nipples. Not officially
puffy. But what I will tell you, that patch.
That looks like fake ones that were given to
someone too. That's either a post. I think that's
a post -rehab chick. Or a post -rehab picture,
right? That's either a nicotine patch. Which
is very likely. Or, yes, a fentanyl patch. Or
a Suboxone. What did I back say? He said Tranny.
Tranny. I said Tranny. Yeah, you said Tranny.
Did I? Yeah, I did. Because the hair is going
in the manjana. Yeah. That's not supposed to
do that. No. The hand, very masculine. Yeah,
I'm thinking that's a dude. Tyler, I think we
might tie this. We might. I think we might just
go perfect. We got two more. We got two more.
I know, but I think we might go perfect. If that's
a manjana, that's a hell of a manjana. They did
a good job on it, but I still think it's a manjana.
Wow. Why is there white watches in the vagina?
You know what I mean? It's got crabs. I'm getting
tranny vibes. Final answer. That's a post -op
tranny. Switcheroo. Yep. Those are scars. Everybody
said tranny. Everybody said tranny? That's right.
All right. Yeah, baby. We're perfect. Do you
have a picture? Why are we perfect? Do you have
like an after picture or something? I got a pretty
good one. Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on. I need
everybody to lose. Is there a double Jeopardy?
Or do I have to fuck these guys up? No, that's
in Jeopardy. This is girl versus joke. So what
I have to do is smash these guys' heads off the
table. All right, Dan, coming to you for album
number 10. Cheers, baby. December 5th. I don't
recognize that name. I will say it. Ali, that
wasn't fair. You could do half the beer. Oh,
that's tough. I did. I had two mouthfuls of champagne.
Where did you see a name? I did. I had two shit
names, bitch. Wait, how many? We're kissing tonight.
You're fucking four. I have a white cat. I have
a lot of hair, bro. Dude, he told you I said
hair. This is the first time I'm wearing an adjustable
hat in forever. Where am I at? You're at two.
Oh, I'm wearing a velcro. It looks like two,
though. I would say that's two. Look at that.
You'd say that's two? You'd say that's two? Where
am I at? I'm over here wearing a fucking swastika
hat. Oh, you've got a velcro hat? A swastika
hat! Doesn't that look like two, though? Do you
have, uh... No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Chill,
chill. I'm going to put it on my head. This is
the scientific research. This is what I got.
Negative one. It's fucking hard. So this is a
hard one. So this is bigger. I got a negative
one. I got a negative one. Where is this hat
at? This one's bigger. This is slightly bigger.
She's got kind of some abs like a dude. I'm going
to say this is a four and a half. And then her
tits look pretty natural. I'm trying to read.
Ali, put this hat on your head real quick. I'm
trying to read. Don't take it off. This book
is dedicated to Moenia. All right, let's see.
It's a little bit snug. Yeah, but that fits.
We're going to put a coin on this one. Gentlemen,
the first one is... Gentlemen, Dan is flipping
a coin on this one. He's doing an Alimax. Team
USA. We're over here, headphones off, comparing
hats. In case anyone was wondering, the introductory
words to Melania and me are, grab him by the
pussy. The sentence that reverberated around
the world on October 7th. 2016. The quote was
an excerpt from a recording that became forever
known as the Access Hollywood. Because I carried
all these guys. I carried every single one of
these guys. You set the bar for them. Say it
in the microphone, Tyler. Say it in the mic.
That's a fucking woman. Tyler's this girl. No,
but I think the real thing is who was the biggest
dick? What do you mean? Here? Out of the five
of us, yeah. Oh, out of the five. Casey? Casey,
you have a hammer? Pull it out. They don't call
him big cum for no reason. Casey, it's 100 episodes.
Pull your fucking dick out. I genuinely think
that I have like, I got like a six inch. No,
you got a retard dick. I got a six inch. Probably
bigger than that. Dan? Yo, it depends on how
much I weigh. No, no, no, no, no, no. Are we
talking hard or soft? Am I best? No, it's hard.
What's going to penetrate the woman? That's too
hard. But soft, I'm tiny. When I grow, it's soft.
I'm inside of my body right now. Like, soft is
soft. I'm small. I think that's a check. I think
that's a check, too. Let's go. Let's go. None
of you guys make... I'm going to send a check,
too. Hang on. Hang on. I'm changing mine to check,
Casey. None of you guys - Dan's changing it.
Fuck you, Dan. No! Come on! You don't even see
it, though! Dan thinks he can drink with a big
dog. He's fucking yelling over it. Alright, Dan
doesn't get to change it. Fuck that! I'm changing
it! It's a chick! Chuck it in another - hang
on, I gotta chuck it in another beer without
you guys. Oh yeah, you little fucking little
sippy cup. Oh, you're a fucking Berenstain Bears
cup, alright? Anyways, let's fucking mail it
in. What the fuck?! I just wanted to say, none
of you guys make me hard. So my dick is inside
of myself. Kyle, girl or tranny? Fuck, but that
makes me hard. That girl right there makes me
hard. That's a girl. Yeah, they all have, haven't
they? You know what, I'm sticking with my answer,
just in case. Dude. You're going tranny. Tranny.
That's a dude, cause look at the - That's a girl.
No, but look at the way the abs cut in. I said
that, I said that. No, I think the abs are feminine
abs. Fuck you, the feminine abs. I'm going, Kyle,
me and Kyle are in the same boat. Yeah, give
me some love. Fucking beer on my phone. There
it is. I did smell beer. I smelled beer all over
your phone. I wouldn't touch that tranny with
a 10 -foot pole. Dan and Kyle say tranny. The
correct answer was a tranny. Oh! Yeah! Fucking
game! Oh! No, my fucking hands. That's because
his fucking hands are cutting in. And you guys
both want to suck her fucking dick. Faggot. Faggot.
Faggot. Faggot. Casey's a faggot. Casey's a real
big faggot. But you guys are faggots too. Me
and Dan, I'm really straight. I'm really straight.
But Dan, he's half straight. He's half straight.
He loves training. He's going wild. I don't want
him to crack head. I don't want him to explode.
No, no, no, no, Dan, please. We hit a fucking,
the final fork in the road. And it was either
crackhead fucking confessions, crack whore confessions,
or trainees gone wild. You just went separate
ways. You went the wrong way, bro. You went the
wrong way. Dude, I feel like if you take it out,
I feel like if you take advantage of people for
drugs, that's pretty fucking bad. But it makes
me so horny, bro. I just, I want to see a girl.
I could blow a load through the wall over there
on the other side of the road. But dude, you
don't think there's something hot where you think
it's a real hot girl and then all of a sudden,
She pulls out a hammer and it's like, whoa! There's
something hot about the fact that you're taking
advantage of a crack whore. She's sucking dick
for crack! She's sucking dick for crack! She
probably dies two weeks after the video. Now
I know why you're going to school for what you're
going to school for. He took me off there! He
took me off there! I'm trying to read! I'm trying
to read Melania and Trump! You guys need to chill
out. Wait, are we on the air? I'm sorry. Me and
Ally Mac giving you fucking fright. Me and Ally
Mac giving you guys fright. Did we scare you?
I'm sorry. Are the pussies scared? Are the pussies
scared? Is your little podcast going to get fucking
canceled? I'm sorry. I carried this car. I'm
a professional fucking comedian. I'm carrying
this fucking podcast. Let's reel it in, boys.
We're playing fucking tomboy versus trainee,
okay? Let's just fucking reel it in. All right.
Here's the deal. Dan's got seven. Kyle's got
7, Tyler's got 8, Alibach's got 8. Dude, so it's
7, 7, 8, 8? Okay. The last one, here we go, Dan.
So, what I gotta do is smash Tyler's head off
the table. If me and Alibach get it wrong, then
you guys can tie it. Make Alibach chug two more
beers, he passes out. Then me and Dan, it's mano
a mano. It's me and Dan, mano a mano. Yeah, that's
what you think, bitch. Fuck you, steal my best
friend. Fuck you. I fucking hate you. You fat
fuck. You fat fuck, steal my best friend. Sean
O, Sean O, I'm still right here. I love you.
I love you. You stole my best friend. Why are
you like humping the air while doing that? That's
real weird. I can't say everyone. Fuck Sean O.
All I'm saying is I hate it. I'm just saying.
You guys never should. You're going. Bro, that's
what I'm telling you. You're fucked up, bro.
You can't sit still. Your eyes are bloodshot
of shit. You're fucked up. That's the best part.
You've been smoking the puffer too, bro. It's
fucking you up. That's the best part is you think
I'm fucked up. You think I'm fucked up. Oh, you're
just getting into it. Are we going to have to
settle these boys down? I don't fucking know.
Me and Allie Mac are here. Now you won't. You
won't have to settle shit down. I fucking love
Allie Mac. This bitch ain't ever done nothing
before. I fucking love Allie Mac, all right?
Me and Allie Mac, we've been through it together.
Make out, dude. Yeah, that's why Sean and I wanted
to fuck me in the ass instead of you. Oh, that's
how it goes. How in his big fucking dick. He
would have torn your ass apart, bitch. We're
ruining the podcast. We're ruining the podcast.
That's a check. That's a check. I don't even
have that, bitch. I don't even have full glass.
That's glass, bro. I forgot to steal glass. You're
not bringing another fucking sippy cup, all right?
Queen Elizabeth would be displeased with that
bullshit. Fuck Queen Elizabeth. Lizzie's in a
box. Lizzie's in a box. Oh, Lizzie's in a box.
Anyways, I told these guys to fucking up the
rock first off up the rock up the rock. Can I
get it up the rock? Can I get it up the rock?
Thank you. Anyways, I told these guys there's
four guys here other than me I said remind me
to steal a pint glass from the bar and we went
to dinner from It was a nice place. That guy
was cool. You just kept saying, alright, sweetie.
I called him sweetheart. You called us. This
was like an 18 -year -old kid. It was a 17 -year
-old little boy. And fucking Tyler was like,
we're gonna get two child grilled cheeses and
a mac cheese and a french fry. And I'm like,
hey, have a good day, sweetheart. Fucking hell,
I'm the asshole. Tyler says girl. What did you
say, Dan? Girl. Girl. Alright, Mac. You wanna
keep going along with that? We might have to
hit a break after this game. We're going to.
We're losing. We're going to. Casey's like, we're
going to. We lost Dan. Me and Allie Mac are having
a feud. That's a check. You look like Dr. Phil's
fucking heroin addict brother. Hey, Allie Mac,
no matter what happens, we're tied. I gotta take
a piss. No matter what happens, we're tied. Dan's
gotta take a piss. She's fat. Go ahead, Dan.
I think it's a chick. She's fat. It's a chick.
I think it's a chick. I think it's a, I think
it's a, I think it's a, a current. Hey, Dan,
what did you say? He said chick. We all said
chick. You guys all said chick. Yeah. You all
said chick. They all said chick. In the faith
of the game. I'm down a point to these two. You
can either tie us or you. I'm down with, you
know. You can either tie us or lose. I'm going
for a Hail Mary. Uh -huh. I'm Tom Brady. Call
me Tom Brady. So either it's a three -way tie.
Shut the fuck up, Tyler. Call me Tom Brady. Are
you a fucking Pats fan? No, I'm not, but call
me Tom Brady. Call me Tom Brady. You're Tom Brady.
This one is a transvestite. Well, Kyle's the
only one that said transvestite. Because I'm
Tom Brady. These guys are Peyton Manning. The
correct answer is it's a tranny. It's a three
-way tie. Who's the big dog? Who's the big fucking
dog? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me who's the big
fucking dog. Don't call it a comeback. Are we,
uh... We're gonna go... We're gonna go do, uh,
uh, some death. We're getting a fucking go -hut
on ghosts, bitch. You missed it. I just Tom Brady'd
it. I literally... I had... I didn't even look
at the picture. Yeah. You guys all said girl,
and I said, you know what? I'm tied with you.
I'm down by a point with these guys. I said,
you know what? Hail Mary. Tranny. Damn. And it
turned out to be a tranny. This one, uh... This
one, Dan, you're out because you got less than
them. I'm out? You're last. You have seven. We
all have eight. Three -way tie. We're going to
go. Whoever gets this one wins. No matter. No,
no, no. Start with Ally Mac. Even if it's a tie.
I just want to see it anyway. Hang on. Hang on.
Hang on. No, no, no. Ally Mac, Tyler, me. No,
we're fucking the order up. It's fair. It's fair,
right? It started with me. Let me see. I get
it right. Let Dan see it. Let Dan see it because
he's out. He's out. I want to see it just for,
you know, research. Don't make a guess, though.
Don't make a guess. Yeah, don't say shit. Don't
say shit. Don't bias me. Don't bias me. Dan,
when the three of us have made our guess, you
make your guess. I don't care what it is. Why
am I outproducing this show? I don't care what
it is. Why am I outproducing this show? It's
getting my seed. I'm outproducing this show.
You're what? Casey. Pull up a... We'll pull up
all your porn hub on break, all right? Pull up
backroom facials. It's one of my favorite...
Actually, my favorite shape is brand new amateurs.
Pull up a Paisley 5 '9", brand new amateurs swallowing.
Dude, shut the fuck up. One of my favorites.
I like hentai. That's what I like. I think that's
a chick. Who's it going to? It's a chick. I think
that's a chick, dude. I mean, it's only fair.
It's only me, then you. Dude, it's such a 50
-50. I'm not going to lie. Is it bad? It's bad.
That's a chick. That's a chick. That's only a
face. Oh, there's tits. You guys will set check?
Yeah. Again. Tom Brady. Who am I? Who am I? Tom
Brady? Tranny. Kyle says Tranny. All right, final
answer. That would be a girl. Oh, fuck. I'll
take it. Hang on. Hang on. I have a tiebreaker.
I have a tiebreaker. You were in his house. I
have a tiebreaker for these two. Fables, 69,
suck each other's dick. First person to come
wins. First person to come wins. Tyler and Ally
Mack both win. What a world. What a world. You
never thought you'd see it. You never thought
you'd see it. Listen. It's the 100th episode.
Anything can happen, right? Me and Tyler. I always
root for Allie Mack. All right. We're going to
take a break. We'll be back. All of you see me
at Comedy Works next Saturday. I'm also going
to be in Rensselaer at the Tea and the Horn.
It's down in Rensselaer and in Troy. At the steaming
kettle. Yeah, he's looking for hecklers. On Wednesday.
What day is it? Wednesday? Every day of the week,
I'm on an open mic. You can find me. Follow the
Albany comedy, whatever. I don't know. I'll come
see you next week. Just come find me. Nobody
wants me to open for them. I'm too fucked up.
I think I'm going to start the next segment with
my newest bit, and it's going to be good. You
guys are going to laugh, or you're going to hate
me. All right? I love all of you. We love hecklers.
All right, we'll be back. Just make sure he comes.
I'm fine with that. We just have like a two hour
long fucking tangent. I look up I see you and
I look back down at my feet because when I'm
Drinking and fat. I got to look at my feet and
make sure I don't fall down. And then I look
back up. You're gone. Right, right. I look back
up and you're gone. And then Tyler Casey's like,
where's Allie Mac? And I'm like, he was just
literally right there. We were talking to Casey.
Maybe Allie Mac didn't give a fuck anymore. Maybe
Allie Mac was going fucking rogue. That's what
I said. We were on the second floor of the fucking
parking garage. I said, maybe Allie Mac jumped
off after he realized he couldn't drink with
the big dog. You fucking wish, bitch. You fucking
wish. Put them up. Put them up. Yeah, you and
your little fucking sippy cup. Yeah, sure, I'll
put a fucking nipple on that half a pint glass,
bitch. Oh, yeah. I got something that you guys
can roast me with here. Just take a look at that
again. This is Tyler's college ID. Buffy the
Vampire Slayer. Tyler's college ID where he looks
like a school shooter. It literally looks like
a jail fucker. I literally told him he looked
like Columbine. He legitimately in that picture
looks like Peter Ellis. A little bit. Yeah, he
does. I went to high school with him. Yeah, well,
you guys look the same. And I bet you guys have
the same fucking picture. I'm going to hit this
fucking, whatever, smell or salts again. Smelling
salts. Tyler, we're here at the, uh, Hotel Saranac.
We haven't seen any fucking spooky shit lately.
Uh, at my house, actually, yeah. Oh, fuck! On
my, uh... Oh, my God! His nose is red. His nose
is red. I took a half a nostril, and he took
three hits. Fuck you, Allie, man! Fuck you, you
think you're better than me! What?! Fuck you!
Fuck you. So I did see some spooky shit, but
I heard it on my ring camera. When I wasn't home,
I was just hearing voices on my ring camera.
Like someone was in my house and like I, my downstairs
neighbor moved out, I think two or three weeks
ago. And like my, my wife wasn't home. I wasn't
home. And all of a sudden we're on the second
floor, by the way, we're on the second floor.
I was just hearing like, am I ring camera? I'm
hearing. I'm like, sounds like wind. No, but
like, like, and then you would hear like, Oh
shit. I'm like, what the fuck is that? And I
was, I'm like, and then I showed my wife that
I'm like, do you, do you hear like someone like
whispering there? And she's like, yeah, but I'm
like my ring camera. Like I just hear whispering
sometimes when I'm not there. When, when, when
do you decide that enough's enough? Like, just
fucking stop. Stop. Just fucking stop. Fucking
stop. You're not Led Zeppelin. Stop fucking with...
You don't know about Led Zeppelin? I know of
that. That's the one that... Yeah, but they fucked
with Aleister Crowley's show? Yeah. Did you hear
about the fucking... I think it was Zeppelin
3. They wrote it in Aleister Crowley's house.
They recorded it in Aleister Crowley's house.
They made a movie about Studio 666. I don't know
if the number of the actual studio was 666, but
the movie was that. Well, actually, tonight,
when we're all... Wow, me and Ali Mac are going
to be good and drunk. You faggots don't want
to... Slow jar. We'll watch Songer Made the Same.
There you go. I'm drinking. Oh, Casey's drinking!
Cheers, baby! Cheers! Dan's drinking decaf tea.
You're fucking handsome. Thank you. I've never
seen him do that before. I'm going to fuck the
shit out of Dan. You don't have to give me real
liquor. Put a wig on. Let's keep going, man.
Let's keep going, man. But as I was saying, there's
three bands that went to this certain studio,
and the movie was about that. I think it was
Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, and I don't remember
the other ones. I think even the Foo Fighters.
No, I think it was the Yardbirds. But, like,
they all went to this one studio. The Foo Fighters,
bro. No, I thought Kurt Cobain had to whack himself
first. No. You keep his name on your mouth. I'm
just being honest. Keep his fucking name on your
mouth. I'm just being honest. I'm talking about
band history. Because Courtney killed Kurt. I
agree. I agree. I agree, but that had to happen.
I'm glad to be around like -minded men. They
recorded in this haunted studio, and even on
the recordings, you can hear weird shit in the
background. Well, that's the thing. With Zeppelin,
like Jimmy Page, a lot of people say that the
reason why he was so good at guitar is because
he tapped into something through Crowley. Yeah,
there's a... Because if you look at... Do you
know the Yardbirds? Yeah, Jimmy Page was on the
Yardbirds. Apologize. Because I'm drunk. Yeah.
Not that drunk. I've only had, what, one, two,
three, four, five. There's six over there. You're
a little drunk. I'm at 11 beers and a half of
fucking champagne. Welcome to the club, baby.
Jimmy Page was in the Yardbirds. So the Yardbirds,
I believe, was Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck, Eric Clapton.
Yeah. And then I don't. Those are the guitarists
that I know. Those are the main ones, yeah. And
I don't remember the lead singer or all that.
They were the main parts. Eric Clapton obviously
went on to have a good time. Wasn't John Morrison
in that band? No, no. No, he was in... John Morrison
was in fucking... The Doors. No, well, he was
obviously in The Doors, Casey. Thank you. Thank
you. And it's not John Morrison. It's Jim Morrison.
But yeah, no, he was in something different.
Oh, yeah, it was Jim. He did like a solo project.
I will tell you, Adam, my voice is a mixture
of probably Jim. Von Morrison, Eddie Vedder,
and maybe a little bit of Chris Cornell. But
anyways, on to my point is the two least good
guitarists in that band became famous. Where
the best guitarist didn't do anything. Who's
the best? The best guitarist is Jeff Beck. Listen
to any guitarist talk and they will tell you
that Jeff... No. Jeff Beck didn't... He didn't
want fame. But if you like... You talk to any
good guitarist, like, you know, interviews or
whatever, he was the best, right? But they always
say that Eric Clapton and Jimmy Page fucked around
with Crowley quite a bit. Quite a bit. Probably.
Clapton went out to do his thing, right? And
Jimmy Page became a god, as we know. But Jeff
Beck didn't. And something tells me maybe Jeff
Beck said, you know, I'm not selling my soul.
I'm the best guitarist, but I'm not doing it.
But he also didn't have that. Je ne sais quoi.
I don't want to call it a drive, but he was like,
I don't want to be famous. But he was the best.
There's a whole thing with that, especially with
guitarists and musicians. There's a whole kiss
the ring culture, too. Not even just like that.
There's a whole kiss the ring culture. With that
era, too. The 60s and the 70s. And if you didn't
kiss the ring. Like, whatever that ring was.
It was the ring. Yeah. Right. But if you didn't
kiss that ring, you weren't getting there. It
was the Jews. I also think that there's a darker
power, that there still is a darker power. Thanks.
The Jews are the darker. But, like, I do think
that, like, there is, like, an actual, like,
supernatural dark power, like, that has influence
over, like, Hollywood and the music industry.
I'll tell you that, like. I'm not a good musician.
I just sing. That's all I can do. I can play
every instrument. Not good, but I can sing pretty
well. But having a guitarist is phenomenal. Steve.
Stevie Steve. He was the same way. He dabbled
in that Crowley shit. I've watched him do the
fucking weird pentagram rituals and shit. When
he shreds on the guitar, he's almost in a fucking
trance. Like, in another world. And you can't
talk to him. You can't stop him. You can't talk
to him. And then he comes out of it a day later.
He's like, I don't remember what I did last night.
Yeah. And he did some of the best things you've
ever heard. Like, some of these guys, like, maybe
that's what, you know what I mean? Like, there
is something supernatural there. So, there's
a theory that music is a form of worship. Here
we go. The devil met me at the crossroads. No,
I think there is something supernatural. What's
the megahertz that we live at? I think it's 420,
425. Music is like 452 or something. I thought
it was 480. It's higher vibrations. Actually,
I didn't get to finish this theory that I have
with you. Yeah, you got a phone call. Yeah, so
I believe that... There's different beings that
can see at different vibrations, right? And we
live at, say, you know, I don't know the numbers,
but for easy math, say we live at 420, right?
We all see 420. We feel pretty good at 452. When
we listen to music, a lot of it's 452. Yo, me
and Allie Mac are seeing 420. But, like, we feel
pretty good at 452. Bring that John over here,
baby. We feel pretty good at 452, right? and
but like we can't see 452 we just feel good there
what if this whole quote -unquote paranormal
bullshit that retard believes in is that say
a fort say 452 hurts and if we could see 452
we'd see a whole different world yeah you know
what i mean like yeah like that's where i believe
you know talk about different dimensions i think
that's where the dimensions lay There's also,
like, a vibrational thing. Well, no, that is
the vibrations. But we're at, like, certain vibrations.
But, like, did you ever see the, like, the shit
where... I made a retard joke. Did you just forget
where you are? No, I just... Everyone was staring
at me. Everybody laughed because I was like,
I fucking talked about the vibrations. I'm a
fucking retard. But, like, there was the... Because
I obviously... Everybody knows that I'm super
into, like, supernatural paranormal instances.
But, like... There's been instances of people
being able to walk through walls and shit, like
documented things where people were able to go
through a solid wall to get to another room.
But what I thought about that, which you kind
of reminded me of with that, which the people
who are able to walk through a wall and get to
another room, maybe it's like they just are able
to switch their vibration just a little bit,
just enough to get through a solid object, and
then they go back to ours type thing. You want
me to fuck your brain? Sure. You want me to fuck
your brain? That's not always going to work.
If I'm fucking anything, it's Dan. I'm sorry,
Dan. It's like a hot piece of ass over there.
Me and Kyle will take a bed. Me and Dan are going
to say we're going to cat -dog, or we're really
fucking. I take bets on who's going to be the
top there. Probably me. Who do you think is taking
the top? I don't know. Hang on. We did Tranny.
Whatever. Not a trainee. Right? Casey, who's
taking top or bottom? I think Tyler and Allie
back. No, we're talking about me and Dan. Are
you fucking not pressuring me? He's taking top?
We're taking top. Between me and Dan, who's taking?
We're taking Tyler and Dan to bow down. It's
me and Tyler. I was saying that Dan's on the
top in the Amazon position. So Dan's fucking
me. All right. What do you say, Allie Mac? I
can't help but picture this fucking... No, no,
no. I'm saying you're fucking him, but he's on
top. Oh, I'm fucking him. No, no, no, no, no.
I'm pumping from the bottom. I'm pumping from
the bottom. So that's one for me fucking you.
No, it's fucked up. I picture a world where you
two go fucking wrestling for top and you just
exhaust yourselves both of you. And you just
fucking fall asleep. And they're like, there's
no penetration. This big thing is overrated.
There's no penetration. They're just me and Dan
just wrestling. Greco -Roman. We're Greco -Roman
wrestling. But it gets to the point where we're
both like, bro, I'm fucking exhausted. He's like,
bro, I'm exhausted. It's just fucking odd. You
never know when you both get close a couple times.
It just can't. You just can't get it done. What
you're saying is me and Dan are evenly classed.
I'll tell you how this is going. I'm topping.
I think so. Dan proves himself for a man of his
weight. He's throwing you the fuck around. But
every once in a while, he pisses you off. He
pisses you off and he gives you that kind of
tubby angry thing. He's like, I'm going to put
this bitch in my place. As he tires me out. As
he starts to tire out, I just start putting my
weight on him. But I'm so tired at this point
I can't penetrate. I'm just holding him down.
Damn, this is a good turn. You get him down.
You get him down. You're dead tired. But you're
just so into it that you can't fucking get hard
enough to do anything. That's what happens. Casey
has me fucking Dan. Ally Mac has me and Dan in
a power struggle where I almost fuck him, but
it doesn't happen. So I think that it's more
of a surprise attack on your end to him. Yeah.
Relatively all right. What the fuck? Dan, you're
kind of gay, bro. Look at your old epic face.
I'll knock you out and top you. I'll fucking
hit you over the head with that chair and top
you. So I'm thinking that you first come out,
like you come like when the lights are all off
and we're just, you know, ghost hunting or whatever.
When the lights are all off, everybody's fucking
like doing this. You guys hear a bing. That's
your dick going up. Dan just fucking scampers.
This podcast is taking a turn. Speaking of taking
a turn, Dan, can I read you this headline I saw
today? I'd love to hear it. An Indiana teacher
was arrested. Dan goes, yeah, before I fucking
leave, dude. Dan, I'm sorry. I'm going to fuck
you. It ain't happening, bro. The fucking panel's
deciding it. Look, if it came down to it, right?
Yeah. If somebody had a gun to our heads and
we said, you guys are fucking. or you're getting
shot. That's your only way out of this room?
You're getting topped, bro. I'm sorry. Five foot
six inch me is going to fucking knock you the
fuck out and I'm topping you. I'm a purple belt
in jiu -jitsu. I don't give a fuck what you are.
I'll put you in front. I'll fucking mount your
back. Why does Dan convince me right now? I'll
mount your fucking back. You're getting topped,
bro. You know what? Actually, you know what?
You and me, we're going around. You guys should
fight to the death right now. We're going around.
You and me, I'll break your neck and pop you.
We're moving that furniture around. I think that,
like, enough. And I guarantee you, within 30
seconds, I'll have your back. So, the thing that
I'm thinking, my mind's eyeing seeing this, you
try to surprise attack him at first. Right. And
he kind of, he gets these sense scaling in. Like,
he's like, oh, no, I'm going to get fucked. So,
and he hops up and he's scared. He's scared.
I'm going to get fucked. He now has the, what's
the name of that? Deliverance? What? One of that
movie deliverance with the fucking hillbillies.
Yeah. No, it's like a pig boy. That's me. That's
me. Squeal like a pig. So Dan goes, oh, fuck,
I'm going to get fucked. So he does like some
weird like judo flip and then whips his cock
out and tries to shove it in your mouth. But
then you bite his dick so that no one gets off.
This took a weird turn. It was funny for the
first 10 minutes. I'm always on time. Producer
Casey, play While My Guitar Gently Weeps with
Prince, please. Let's get this back on track,
please. Just play the solo. Allie Mack hasn't
heard it yet. Play the solo. I haven't heard
it yet. Is this the one he did live? Yeah. You
know the story behind it, right? He just pops
out of nowhere. He got snubbed on the Top 50
Guitarists by Rolling Stone. Rolling Stone was
there. And he said he wasn't going to do it.
He said, you know, George Harrison. It doesn't
matter if he goes. All right, I'll do it. Fine.
I think it's a fun shreds for like five minutes.
And then at the end of it, throws his guitar.
It kind of sounds like something actually. Wow.
Walks off the stage. Damn. And I never fucked
with Prince ever. Yeah. Until I saw the songs
I really like. No, but now I like him. I can
start listening. Here it is. producer Casey turn
it up a little bit he's playing Telecaster listen
listen he keeps looking at Tom Petty you gotta
see it though you gotta see it so he keeps looking
at Tom Petty throughout this like can I keep
going can I keep Tom Petty's like just bro do
your thing and that's why he keeps singing the
chorus listen Dude, he's finger mashing right
now. You gotta see it, too, though. It doesn't
do it any justice just to hear it. Well, hang
on. Turn it around so they can see it, Casey.
I can't turn it around. Love it. Right here,
right here. Listen to this. Listen to this. Listen
to this, Ray. One hand. At this point, he has
the guitar over his head. Right now. And then
he brings it back down. He's doing hammer pulls.
He only has one hammer in his guitar. One of
those hammers, bro. Can you at least turn it
where he throws the guitar? No, I can't turn
the computer because the wire is on the side.
Look at this. He's about to throw the guitar.
Is that Prince? This is Prince. He's looking
at Tom. He's like, should I keep going? I got
one eye here. I'm working on it. Tom's like,
let's wrap it up. And it's Tom Petty. You can't
tell him no. Watch. Watch right here. Watch right
here. Watch what he does right here when he gets
done. Rolling Stones right in front of him. Pulls
the guitar off. Throws it at him. Throws it at
him. Throws the fucking million dollar guitar
at him. Says. Fucking you don't want to put me
in my through top 50. Fuck you And that's not
the whole solo like the case. He gave us the
last minute and a half. I like this Yeah, thanks
Casey Last minute I did from the start of the
solo, but I like the solo on purple rain, too
No, well, which well when he plays a live for
sure. Well the one of the but I don't know what
what it was but Solas it is he goes And the crowd's
like, what? And then he just shreds for like
11 minutes. And I went, this faggot knows how
to play guitar. And then I realized he crushes
more puss than I've ever crushed in my life.
Well, yeah. How are you going to compete with
that? I thought he was like a Freddie Mercury.
Yo, let's listen to Dan fucking shredding here.
Yeah. Yo. I love it. Alright, switch out a mic.
Knocking on heaven's door. Oh, this is heaven's
door. I knew it was Guns N' Roses as soon as
I heard it. That's awesome, Dan. I was actually
inspired to learn that solo from your video.
Yeah, I was inspired to learn it. Oh, nice show.
It's one of my favorite songs. Bitch. Let me
see. You got a video? This is you? Oh, wait.
No, that was the end of it. I can go high really
well. Knock, knock, knocking on wood. Hold on,
hold on, hold on. I want to hear this. This is
Casey playing it. Hang on, you guys. Oh, I think
this is back. This is me singing it there. Boo!
Do you guys want a video of me singing? Yeah.
You should be in our band. There we go. Oh, that's
great. Ooh, ooh. That's great, Cassie. That part's
hard to hit. Yeah, I know. That's why I was inspired.
Hold on, that's the hard part. Back it up. That's
a hard part to figure out right there. That guitar
tone sounds so much better than mine. This one?
Yeah. Oh, that sounds great. That's a hard part
to figure out right there. You have to switch
your whole hand. It's tricky to figure out what
he's doing. I think, you know, a lot of people...
That sounds great, dude. A lot of people say
Slash is good, but I don't think a lot of people
really realize how good he is. Dude, that's fucking...
It's such a melodic, beautiful song. I have my
fucking... We did this for, like, Christmas for
my parents. I have my sister fucking call in
and do the phone part. Oh, really? Casey, I'll
do fucking Iowa Flightless Bird's wife on it
right now. That's your sister talking? Yeah,
yeah. Tell her I said hi. I don't know if I want
to do that, Dan. Wait, you said you're going
to be on top? Do you guys want to hear me working
on falsetto or no? Like live? Yeah, no, I have
a video of it. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's no music
behind it, though, that's the issue. How's your
falsetto? You can judge it. I have a two -minute
video of me doing falsetto. Let's hear it, yeah.
You know Alter Bridge? Oh, yeah. It's Who's Gonna
Watch Over You? I don't really know many songs,
but... I don't know if, like, where did I start?
It's two minutes and 20 seconds long. Do I play
the whole thing? Let's see. Just fucking go for
it. Okay. I don't know. Should I play the whole
thing? Just... Well, if you're pulling me off
the stage, then take it off, but... No. I haven't
even done the fall side up part yet. I can't
fucking... I know, but I haven't heard you sing
since I heard you scream fucking creep in the
ambulance at the top of your lungs. That was
like an out -of -body experience. Nice vibrato,
dude. Nice vibrato. That's all I can do. Yeah.
Here it comes. Untitled talent show. Right? I
love it. One breath into the verbose. That's
the end. That's beautiful. I have good verbato,
but I sing really good with power. If I can get
the power out there. I sometimes sing well. It's
hard to get confidence when you're singing. My
issue is I can play instruments well. I can't
get confidence with that. Singing, I can just
belt it. For me, that's the only thing I can
do. I can only belt it. There's no vibrato when
I'm in the container. You can't do the verbato.
Not really. But I can do the power shit good,
though. An issue that I have is I can do the
power shit good. I almost sing with too much
verbato. Yeah, you could do that. Like, if you
ever saw... You can. You can. There's two spectrums.
If you ever see... I'm working on it. I can never
do vibrato when I first started singing. I can
kind of do it now. But I'll tell you right now,
if you want me to sing black from start to finish,
I will make you guys cry. You boys want to hallucinate?
You want to smoke some weed? Nah, dude, you can
do, like, the fucking thing where you cover your
eyes and then you fucking, you know. You're such
a faggot. I thought you were coming out here
and telling me you have fucking acid. No. How
do you go listening? You put, like, some shit
over your eyes. Normally it's white. Like, if,
like, you put my hat over your eyes. Dude, that
only works if you have no fucking auditory. I've
done this before. We've got to do a four -hour
podcast. This is coming off the rails. We've
got to get it back. Yeah, but nobody has that.
This is good content. This is good content, but.
I have a lot of beer left. Allie Mac's got a
lot of beer. I got to drink some of that for
him. We got to go four hours, bro. This is episode
100. It's going to go wherever it goes. We're
podcasting until tomorrow. We ain't nowhere near
done. What are we, done drinking? Like, what?
No, no. I'm never done drinking, Allie Mac. I'll
fucking drink to that. I'll drink to that guy.
Look at this shit. I got to chug this. Hang on.
Hang on. I got to chug a beer. The Rangers are
fucking down. We're almost with the fucking Islanders
now. It's disgusting. Dan, you want to tell these
guys about our solution to 9 -11 that we found
out last week? Yeah, Casey actually figured out
what happened on 9 -11. And he figured out...
Was it the Jew gold? Tell me, Dan. The Jew gold?
Jews? Jews? The whole thing... The Jews did it
and they took all the gold? No, have you ever
heard... Dan looks pissed off. That's the second
thing. He wants to tell a story. But we like
the Jews because Dan wants to tell a story. Fuck
the Jews. Fuck the Jews. You hear that, Harvey
Weinstein? Fuck the Jews. Fuck the Jews. Dan,
I'm listening. I'm listening to your story. No,
but I need you to understand I don't want to
kill the Jews. I just think they're assholes.
And I believe you, but I want to hear Dan's story.
Where's Tyler go? Tyler got upset. Tyler got
upset. I got him fired up by saying fuck the
Jews and his Nazi came out. All right, let me
tell the story. This is a story from the Kyle
podcast. My fucking wife is Jewish. So we were
funding the Taliban in Afghanistan to fight the
Russians. No, that's actually well known. I read
a book about that. They were the Mujahideen.
We gave them guns and everything. Black Ops 1.
Do you remember that? Alex Mason Woods. Will
you shut the fuck up, Jesus Christ. I'm trying
to have an intelligent conversation about the
Mujahideen. Yeah, I'm trying to hunt ghosts.
These are shorts. Anyways, so we gave them guns
and money. All right, so we built the Taliban
to fight the Russians. Because for some reason,
Russia was in Afghanistan. For oil. They were
there for oil. Right. We wanted to be in Afghanistan.
We were saying, fuck Russia, right? So we armed
the Taliban to fight Russia. Actually, can I?
I'm sorry. I don't want to cut you off. No, you're
not cutting me off. No, listen. I need to correct
myself. I need to correct myself. You've been
talking a lot. I need to correct myself. I said
for oil, we were in Afghanistan because they
had prime farming country. That's what it was.
They also had starships. It turned into heroin.
There used to be a wheat place, breadbasket of
Rome, whatever. They were part of it because
he had the Alexandria basin, and they were part
of it. Thank God for the Alexandria basin, folks.
I'm sorry. We love the Alexandria basin. Dan,
I won't cut you off again because I fucked up.
They weren't in Iraq for oil, Afghanistan for
the fields. Right, right. This isn't my underwear.
Whatever. We wanted to push the Russians out,
right? Yeah. So BC suggested that Russia did
9 -11. I laughed at it, and then I thought for
a second. I'm like, oh, fuck. Like, that's completely
possible, dude. That we armed the Taliban. They
fought the Russians. You guys think you're slick.
Watch what we're about to do. So then they programmed
the fucking Taliban. They paid them. Tyler, get
your ass back to the table. They paid the Taliban
to do 9 -11. You know what the funny part about
that is? The Taliban had nothing to do with 9
-11. No, but they did. It was the Saudis. Yeah,
but here's the thing, though, guys. Is that if
we were ever in war with Russia, we'd fucking
cremate them, dude. Yeah, but we would cremate
them. No, we would. That is known. That's well
known. We would fucking turn them to ash. We
would fuck up Russia because we had... We would
turn them to ash. We have triple the population
of them, whatever. Anyways. It's not even that
dude. We dominate them in population. They have
no population. They have a ton of land. They
have a ton of land. What are you talking about?
He's just taking his clothes off and walking
around. He's your fucking son. Too many conversations
at once. I'm overstimulated. If you look at Russia,
so look at Canada, right? Majority of their population
is Toronto. Montreal, Calgary, you know, the
main cities. Pussy shit. And the rest of it's
desolate, which is why they had maybe a million
people or whatever. In Canada? Yeah. I mean,
look at Nova Scotia. There's no one there. No,
Canada's like 30 million, bro. No. What? There
are numbers of times. Let's see. Let's see. Canada
population. 40 million, bro. Look up ours. 40
million. Ours is 300 million. Ours is over 300
million. That's all I'm trying to say is their
population compared to ours, right? Yeah. And
then lay in mass, right? So it's a very similar
thing with Russia. We're seven and a half times
bigger than them. Right. It's a very similar
thing with us and Russia. Yeah. So Russia needs
to find other ways rather than a head -to -head
war, right? Which is where I'm like, you know
what? Your theory might be... I have some weights.
I have some legs. Well, it's like, dude, the
CIA hates Russia. Right. They despise them. So
you got to think like... We fucked up a lot of
things from the 50s all the way up until now.
I told Tyler, I'm like, I'm in a big Cold War
binge right now. We fucked up a lot of things
throughout the world just to best Russia. Right.
Which is the dumbest thing ever. Right. That's
what a lot of the JFK files are showing. Yeah,
it's this conflict that we could have won, no
issue. And we could have been like, you know
what? We don't care. But instead, we let Russia
infiltrate us, and then we infiltrate all these
other nations. And fuck, look at the Middle East.
Listen, I'll give you one. Look at Darfur. You
know anything about Darfur? No. I wrote a 12
-page research paper on it. Sudan, it's supposed
to be two countries. Sudan, well, three countries.
Sudan, South Sudan, and Darfur, right? Instead,
we made them into one country. And two genocides
happened. Oh, damn. One's still happening. South
Sudan broke off, luckily. And they're, I guess,
okay? I don't know. The UN is still there at
Darfur, which is, I can't remember if it's the
west side or the east side of Sudan. But basically,
they're like a... If I remember it, one side
is Muslim and one side is not. And the side that's
in Darfur, which is a strip of land on either
the west or east side of Sudan, is not like the
other. What continent is this? This is Africa.
Oh, I don't like it. Jesus Christ. Dan, you remember
I said the reason why that. Russia did 9 -11
was because Trump lost the 2000 election. He
didn't run in 2000. He ran for president in 2000.
No, he didn't. Why would that matter, bro? As
a Democrat, I think. Oh, because they were backing
him was your thing? Hang on. I don't believe
that. That's a stretch. He was recruited by the
CIA. Let me pull this out of this. His name was
Krasnov. Let me pull us out of this. Allie Mac's
falling asleep. Tyler's on his phone. I'm not
falling asleep. I'm right here. I'm right here.
Hang on. I'm not falling asleep. Let me give
you a go. Can I get... Can I give you guys a
theory that might work together? Yeah. Hey, can
I get my fucking gummy worms back, please? They're
right there, bro. You can reach for them, retard.
I sucked on seven of them and spit them out.
Whenever they're ready. I just sucked the sugar
out of them. I got D in backwashing. Fuck. Whenever
these guys are ready, I have them. We're ready.
We're ready. Whenever these guys are ready, I
was born ready. I was born ready. Dude, you're
going to like this one. Where's Shane? Who? What?
Oh, Shane. Oh, yeah? You want me to call him?
Yeah, fuck. Yeah, let's call Shane. Let's call
Shane. After this, I might call him. All right,
let's hear this theory. My theory is, you know
Shane Gillis? Yeah. Compromised. Why? By who?
So this isn't my theory. The Soviets? It's war
mode. Right, because he went to West Point. He
went to West Point, right? Dropped out early.
Two weeks in. Becomes heavy into Joe Rogan. Becomes
heavy into the comedy scene, right? He's funny.
Fair enough. But he becomes heavy into all these,
like, think about how, like, important Joe Rogan
is on the media scale, right? And then think
about how important, like, Shane now has become
in the media scale. Because he went to fucking
Saturday Live. Right. And then they booted him
from there. So, so, so, I believe in war mode,
which is Billy and Spud. Billy's Matt McCusker's
older brother, his bud is their best friend.
Matt McCusker has a podcast with Shane, Matt
and Shane's Secret Podcast. Their theory is Shane's
compromised with the CIA. Plus, the latest episode
of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, they were
talking about how Shane went back on Saturday
Night Live, right? He joked around, you know
the theory of like when people go on Saturday
Night Live and... Things like that. They have
to humiliate themselves. It's a humiliation ritual.
Right. Yeah, but Shane said I'm not going to
wear a dress, though. Stop. Let me tell it. Humiliation
ritual, right? For the Illuminati. Plus the CIA.
And I think they're, you know, fingers crossed.
Those two now. World control. Shane literally
said this last episode. Oh, yeah, you know, blah,
blah, blah. And I love Shane. Model my comedy
after him. And fucking Andrew Dice Clay, right?
Anyways, he said, oh, yeah, I went in the comedy
meeting, blah, blah, blah. And the one thing
I said is the only thing I'm not doing is wearing
a dress. And all these people are suspected to
be Illuminati compromised are to have to do humiliation
rituals wearing a dress. I think Shane is a CIA
spook. I don't know, bro. What else do you have?
Dude, I don't know. Think about it. He's wrapped
up Tony Hinchcliffe. Hang on, hang on. Tony Hinchcliffe.
Legion of Skanks. Joe Rogan. I mean, do I have
to keep going down the line? He's wrapped up.
Think about how hard it is to get wrapped up
in the alt media. Not the CNNs, not the Fox,
not any of that. Think about how hard it is to
get wrapped up in the alt -media of the podcast
industry, right? What would be the point? Like
you're saying, so they have a foot in the door?
Again, control. So they have a foot in the door
on the... But he doesn't have any influence.
No, but it's a slow play. He's the top comedian
in the world now. He went from not shit, being
relatively funny, to being the funniest comedian
in the world. And now he's on all these podcasts.
And he has control on a lot of these podcasts
when he's on them. So you think he's a psy -op?
I don't know. I love Shane. He's one of my favorites.
He's actually funny, though. Again, like I said,
him, Dice Clay. Modeled my comedy after both
of them. Dude, I'm just saying. They got ways
of showing you humiliation. Dude, that same episode
of SNL, he's sitting there in a fucking wheelchair.
He's sitting there in a power chair with a fucking
pedophile haircut. And the whole joke is that
he's a pedophile the whole time. If you want
to roll with this, Shane Gillis. Shane Gillis.
He's got Tate McCray acting like a fucking, don't
get me wrong, he's a fucking dime piece. She's
beautiful. Who is this? She's beautiful. Tate.
Tate McCray. T -A -T -E. Her name is Tate? Tate.
Tate. Tate. McRae. M -C -R -A -E. But, no, what
I'm saying is it's not that I believe it. Damn.
Because, again, he's one of my heroes. Dice Clay.
I'll buy it. Dice Clay's one of my heroes. It's
something to think about. I'm just saying I don't
buy it. It's something to think about when our
nation is trying to control us through our media.
Our media. They do it right now, bro. Yeah, what
are you talking about? Denzel Washington everywhere.
No, but think about it. Think about it. But tell
me, tell me, tell me. No, no, no. Pull back.
Pull back from the dresses. Pull back from the
dresses. Think about how CNN wraps up retards
like Casey, right, into what they believe. And
then think about how Fox News wraps up retards
like Dan. Like Dan. Like Dan and Tyler. Fox News
like Dan comes in. Think about it. No, but think
about it. No, honestly, God, think about how
fucking media controls everything. No, but think
about how media can control everything. Before,
listen. No, before. In the 40s and 50s. Think
about it. In the 40s. Like, say the 40s, right?
World War II. It's going crazy, right? There
goes America. We beat fucking Jerry back there.
We landed on Omaha Beach and beat Jerry all the
way back to Caritan. We took over Caritan and
we are two steps closer to Germany and to Berlin.
That was the media. And everybody's like, fuck
yeah, go America, go America. And we turned into...
I could have cooked eggs in this. We turned into
a media. We turned into two separate medias of...
Can you believe what those conservative fucking
scumbags are talking about? And then the other
side is, can you believe what those liberal retards
are talking about? Talking about cutting their
dicks off. And that's what media has become.
They're controlling us, bro. They are. No, no,
no. They're controlling us. They're melting our
fucking brains. We need to go back to. Oh, yeah.
Look at how fucking we're beating Jerry back.
And we beat those fucking Japs. And we dropped
one fucking bomb on Hiroshima. And those Japs
don't know it's coming. We're dropping a second
one on Nagasaki. And we're going to look at the
fucking Kremlin in Moscow and say, you want a
third one because we got one and we're coming
for you. Fucking Russia. But that's what the
second one was all about, bro. And that's what
media was all about. And everybody in America
was like, yeah, red, white, blue stars and fucking
stripes. But now we're like, fuck you, commie.
Fuck you, fucking conservative prick. Just fade
it out. Fuck you. That's what it is. You know
what I mean? That's what it's become. That's
what it's become. Am I wrong? I'm not going to
tell you that. Am I wrong? No. That's what I'm
just saying. That's when the media is taking
control of the world. Yeah. I know. We all know
it. That's why me and Casey are at each other's
fucking throats. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
They're doing it. Tossing this dumb fucking Trump
shit out. They're doing it, bro. But you don't
have to defend it. No, just lay down your arms.
You don't have to fight for what you believe
in. You should just let us control everything.
Just like we've ran every liberal city into the
fucking bitch in this country. We want to do
that with the world. It's like, no, I'm not going
to let you do that. I'll tell you why when we
go on a break. I'll tell you why. Here's what
I think. Who do I think? I think Tyler's been
saying that he's not into politics lately, and
I respect that. Yeah, Tyler's been compromised.
This is how he wins our fucking Jeopardy. I think
it's a good idea because we've gotten too political
lately. This is not a joke. I remember some weird
testing I had to do in fucking like element.
Oh, here we go. Here we go. I think I've been
psyoped. Yeah, Alex Trebek, I'll take things
that did not happen for 1 ,000, please. You remember
the fucking weird fucking hearing test and shit
that you had to do? Bro, you ain't Billy Bobby
Brown, all right? You're not going on fucking
Stranger Things, okay? Who fucks Billy Bobby
Brown? She's fucking hot now, bro. Yeah, she's
pretty hot. She's 18. That's borderline. It's
not borderline anything. She's pretty hot. I'm
on Dan's side here. It's borderline. That ain't
borderline shit, bro. By the way, this is the
headline that I wanted to read before. An Indian
teacher was arrested and accused of forcing boys
to have group sex with her while wearing Halloween
masks. Why the fuck couldn't that happen to me?
Jesus Christ. Let's see what she looked like.
According to sources, when interviewed by authorities,
she did not say she regretted her actions, but
she said she regrets the day she lost weight.
What does that mean? That's empty. Is that real?
What the fuck? Oh, Indiana. I thought you said
Indian. I was thinking, like... No, Indiana.
That'd be crazy, because that's, like, definitely...
Yeah, yeah. Wow. Boys forcing boys, but how old
are we talking here? Wasn't she a teacher or
something? Yeah, but, like, are they 17? How
old are they? Yeah, it doesn't specify. It makes
a big difference. If they're fucking 10, that's
fucked up. If they're 17, that's fucking hot.
Like, dude, I wish that happened to me at 17.
And you know every guy in the world does, too.
Why the fuck can't I figure out these fucking
headphones? That's what she looked like. The
one with the R on it means right. Oh, really?
That's a wild answer. Really? Because I haven't
roasted any of you yet. All right? And I can
get after you. I'd bust in there. I'd bust in
there. Now I got the fucking headphones on. That
looks like Crack Horse Anonymous or whatever
the fuck he was talking about. Crack Horse Anonymous
is fucking Crack Horse fucking confessions. All
right? I'm going to look that up when I go home.
I know you are. Bro, you're going to go on a
deep dive. I'm not kidding you. Okay, hold on.
Hold on. Hold on. Before we go any further. Did
you hear this? This guy's up off the corner of
the street. These girls. And they're all fucking
doped out. That sounds illegal, bro. And he fucks
him, bro. It sounds like he's fucking an unwilling
participant. No, they're willing. That's kind
of fucked up. Because there's money on the line.
So what I was going to say. There's drugs on
the line. I sent it into the group chat, but
did you see that Aaron Goodwin from Ghost Adventures'
wife had a contract killer try to kill him? Was
that related to... Zach Bagans will say it's
a ghost that made his wife try to kill him. Because
remember his last wife actually was on the show
and she got possessed by a demon. Then she divorced
him. Yeah, she divorced him. But she didn't try
to kill him. I'll do a triple. I'll do three
in a row. Come on. You know they're going to
make some fucking shit up on the show. His wife
tried to get a contract on him. I feel it warming
up on the palm of my hand. Yeah, so much of a
fucking salute to Sam. This is fucking season.
There you go. You want to see this shit? Aren't
you kind of pissed that this is Sam's last season?
So yeah, Casey, does it fucking bother you that
the economy is crumbling and everyone else is
fucking Sam? I love Sam Rosen. I want to get
the it's a power play goal shirt. I feel like
there's two podcasts going on. It's a power play
goal. I'm just going to go to the fucking bathroom.
You should fucking reel it in. You should reel
it in. There's the podcast on that end of the
table, and then the podcast on this end. There's
the smart one, and then there's retards. Hey,
hey, he fucking bumped me out of my seat, this
douchebag. He usually sits here. You're the one
that put the smell and salt here, and I have
to take these at least 18 times tonight. Tyler
says, no, this episode I sit in your seat, Allie
Mack. I said, okay, whatever. Do you have any
more games for us to play? Relax. We got Jeopardy,
but like... No, we have to save that for the
end. Should we go into the roast or what? Yeah,
we can roast each other. I gotta take a piss
from this. When are we going ghost hunting? When
are we going ghost hunting? Shut the fuck up.
Fuck's sake, why don't we take a break? We're
taking a break. Let's take a break. And we'll
go into the roast. Yeah, let's take a fucking
break, Kyle. Let's fucking throw some fucking
punches. We're going to throw fucking hands.
How about that, Allie Mackey? I'm going to knock
you the fuck out of your fucking bogey bag. You
drove two and a half hours. You're driving a
Casey, isn't it? I hate Teddy Wok. He sounds
like a retard. Welcome back to another podcast.
I'm just gonna Eric Randre this shit. Welcome,
uh, Rose Master Kyle. That burned my fucking
lip, dude. Fuck. That burned my lip, bro. Let's
hear it for Christina Applegate. Holy fuck. What?
For Christina Applegate. Wait, what about Christina
Applegate? Let's hear it for Christina Applegate.
Pull back. Pull back. Who is that? Let's hear
it for Pretty Wild. Introducing the Roastmaster,
Kyle. How we doing, fellas? I feel like I'm on
AIDS. Welcome. Welcome to the episode number
100 of the worst fucking podcast I've ever been
on. Goddamn right. The Untitled Podcast. You
guys are saying something because you came from
years to come here. You guys are so fucking bad,
you retards couldn't even come up with a fucking
name. There's three Untitled Podcasts out there
in the fucking Apple Podcasts. We're the best
one. Yeah, we're the best fucking one. The best
fucking one. We fucking buried those fucks. Anyways,
so... Ask them where their 100th episode is,
Kyle. You're not going to find an answer. Guess
what? We're real big. We're built with big. Luckily.
Luckily. Luckily. We're real big in Belgium.
You guys have me here on the 100th episode. We're
real big in Belgium. Of the third untitled podcast
known to man. The best one. Producer Casey. What's
meth? Why do you look like Dr. Phil two years
after a fucking heroin bitch? Wait, did Dr. Phil
do heroin? He looks like he is. If he did, he'd
look like you. Nah, he'd look like Kid Rock.
Have you seen Casey and Dr. Phil next to each
other? No. Catch me outside, how about that?
And we'll be right back. Holy shit, I'm so happy
to be here. I'll be honest with you. When you
guys told me I was coming here to do a fucking
roast of Casey, and it was only Casey that told
me I was coming here to do a roast of you. Everybody
else was like, we're doing a roast? I said, yeah.
I guess the jokes lined up for everybody. Why
does it have to be a roast of me? Because you're
a piece of shit, Casey. Have you seen the shit
that you do, Casey? Casey, you're wearing a shirt
with fucking Anne Frank and some fucking retard.
Listen, Casey's so wrapped up in the 80s. You're
like fucking... To all the fans out there, this
may be the last episode. You're so wrapped up
in fucking the 80s nostalgia. And you weren't
even born then. You were like Mr. Garrison on
that South Park episode where you tried to start
a fucking Cold War again. I don't like the 80s.
You don't like the 80s, but you certainly liked
the Soviet Union. That fucking collapsed, didn't
it? I liked the 70s and 60s. The 70s and 60s
was the worst decade in United States history.
My boy John Lennon. I fucking want John Lennon
to fucking come back so I can shoot him again.
We got Led Zeppelin out of the 70s, so I don't
want to know about that. We got also Jim Morrison,
one of my favorites. My parents were born in
the 70s and whatever. Fuck them. I'm so happy
to be here, right? It took a while for me to
get up here and finally tell my fucking jokes.
Yeah. What is wrong with you? Did your parents
drink when you were in the womb? No, they absolutely
did. Wow. You look like you have fetal alcohol.
Why does your hairline start... Wow. What happened?
Were you dropped dead? Are you here? Yeah, I
can't believe it. You look like you're half Jew
and half fucking Nazi. I don't understand how
that works. All I'm saying is the hairline on
the top of your head starts at the middle of
your head. And the only other person I've ever
met like that is fucking LeBron James. I don't
feel bad about the jokes. He's talented and you're
not. What the fuck have you done with your life,
Casey? Jesus Christ. Casey, you got more hair
on your face than you do on the top of your fucking
head. All right, I feel like I have to jump in
here. Casey is talented, all right? I walk in
there, I start singing a song or some shit. See,
this is the problem. Alleyback is a roast. You're
supposed to be mean. I love Casey. That's the
only good thing about him. I didn't want to participate
either. But I do have something to say to Casey.
I've seen you get so high you forget you're a
human being. Okay, that's fair. That's fair.
I can't let you administer life -saving medications
in an emergency room. I wouldn't let you feed
my fucking dog. So now that we've got everybody
lined up here, we know the cast, and we've got
everybody here, it's a roast of KC. I'd like
to call up my first contestant to the stage.
He's retarded. He's the most retarded person
on this podcast. Not only that, we're all strong
supporters of the North, aren't we, Casey? Right?
You're a unionist. I'd say Dan is a unionist.
Aliamak, unionist. This retard. The South will
rise again. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.
This is my fucking time. All right? I'm not even
offended. He's a confederate, all right? A confederate
fucking retard. He admits he is. Not only did
he suck her tranny dick, he looks like he has
a tranny dick. It's Tyler Lee. Tyler, step up
to the stage, baby. Yeah, thank you. Thank you.
You know, I suck. Everybody hates me. Say that
again. I suck, and everyone fucking hates me.
Ain't that the truth? All right, Mac. I love
you to death, but goddamn, you're wearing that
Yankees hat with the World Series logo on it
that they didn't win. They fucking made it, didn't
they? They made it, but then they got fucking
swept, like fucking disgusting pieces of shit.
They did get swept. They did not get swept. Yeah,
they got swept minus one game. Yeah, so it's
not a sweep. Still just a sack. Fuck you, Allie
Mack. Hey, fuck you, Kyle. We'll get to you.
So my buddy here, Allie Mack, he... He says he's
a Chargers fan, but then claims Buffalo as his
team as well. You know, you go to more Buffalo
games and you cheer for Buffalo more than you
cheer for the fucking Chargers, and I don't know
how the fuck that works. You say you're a Chargers
fan, but I've never seen you wear a Chargers
jersey. Dude, Dan's roast was fucking hilarious.
So for the record, I actually have worn Chargers
jerseys, several of them on the podcast. You'll
have a chance to rebuttal. But also. But also,
I don't work for the Chargers anymore. I've denounced
the team because their ownership is a piece of
scumbags. They fucking left San Diego against
the team's will, and I've gone to... Buffalo
Bills games my whole life, and my dad's a season
ticket holder. I've since invested several thousand
dollars into inheriting his PSL, his season ticket
license, so that I have. So here's another thing
that I think is fucking hysterical about Allie
Mack. I've seen him drive, I think, about four
cars now. When he was first starting medic school,
he bought a big ass jacked up truck that he just
decided to get rid of, you know, three months
in because he was like, yeah, I just can't do
it right now. And he goes, I had it for a year
and a half. Give him his time. Give him his time.
Then he comes back and he just goes, you know
what? When I'm done with medic school, I'm going
to get that truck back or I'm going to get another
truck. And he still drives a fucking Prius. Speaking
of Prius... Fucking Prius driving faggot. Speaking
of Prius drivers, we got another Prius driver
over here. Motherfucker comes in. I have the
same exact Prius. He has a fucking Prius with
fucking Metal Gear Solid stickers on the fucking
back of it. Brother wants to take this fucking
bitch out for a fucking dinner and then never
call her again. You're not even going to fuck
her because, you know, she's too good for you.
You come in here. You got a fucking mustache,
like fucking Ned Flanders. And, you know, and
then you act like that makes you a better person.
I feel like the mustache, like you try to feel
like you're important. So you grow a mustache.
And I think the mustache is a fucking compensation
for the size of you. You're a little short. You're
on the shorter end. And, you know, the mustache
kind of. Helps out with that. But, you know,
people are still looking at your height, even
though you've got a pretty good mustache. And
then, you know, I'm going to slide over. Have
you guys ever watched a roast? So I'm going to
slide over to our guest here, our roast master
extreme. Here we go. And so this motherfucker,
first time I met him, I thought he was a completely
different person, you know. Kyle? Yeah, I thought
he was fucking, you know. The other Kyle. Hey,
buddy, we get it. It's a segue. Keep it moving.
Come on. So this guy, when he walked in the room
and when he came in today, I fucking thought
there was an earthquake outside real quick. And
this motherfucker comes in the house and he acts
like he thought that it wasn't the right house
at first. So he peeks his head and he's like,
oh, I'm in the right house. But if this motherfucker
went to the wrong house, he probably still would
have just went in because that's just the type
of person that he is. Fucking Allie Max over
here trying to fucking... Fucking retard. Fucking...
You're so crass. Are we roasting? What's going
on? Have you ever washed a roast? It's a roast
occasionally. We roast each other. You roast
each other first and then you go... And then
you go hard. And then you go... Or you just...
If you're fucking retarded, you just hurl insults
at each other. I mean, hurling insults is one
of my favorite things to do. So, fucking, I get
in my car, and I swear to God, every time I took
a turn here. Hey, drop something. Every time
I took a turn coming up here, my fucking car
was leaning to his side. And I shit you not,
that's an actual thing that happened. Like, I
thought the wind was blowing. No, it was just
pulling to his side. My poor fucking Subaru couldn't
handle his girth. And then. To the man of the
hour, the man of the podcast, the one who brought
us all together, actually, because I didn't know
Dan from fucking Adam when we first started doing
this. Our good old Casey O 'Neill. Now, Casey
O 'Neill, he comes from fucking Voorheesville,
which is, you know, God's asshole. Disgusting
people and disgusting humans all come from there.
Every person that I know that came from Voorheesville
is a human piece of garbage. I agree with that.
How many people do you know? Fucking... Casey
thinks that smoking weed is a personality trait.
Basically, I remember before he smoked weed every
day like Snoop Dogg does, he looked more high
when I was working with him than when he was
actually high. I thought that he came into work
high every single day. Motherfucker wears tie
-dye shirts every single day like it's the fucking
60s. And I don't know if he owns a shirt that's
not tie -dye. Fucking my friend here, fucking
Mr. Bald McGee over here. Fucking I wish that,
you know, you just wore a toupee because if you
did, it might make you a slightly better person.
That was great. But at the end of this, you always
got to say something nice about the fucking the
person that you got here. And I really appreciate
you taking me under your wing when you first
started, when I first started at Mohawk. And
I'm really happy to have you as my friend. However.
You're still a bald piece of shit. Thanks, Tyler.
Wow. That was powerful. That was powerful. I
feel like it kind of really, really targeted
in on Casey for the most part. That's the point.
Because it should have if you were to watch a
roast. Oh, I forgot. As your roast master general.
I'm honored to be roasted. Ali Mack, fuck you.
Fuck you, you fat fuck. Anyways. Okay. Casey.
I'll be honest with you, Casey. I swear to God,
if you got any uglier. We were talking about
fucking trainees going wild and crack whore confessions.
Crack whore confessions is still wild to me.
You're the producer of crack whore confessions.
Because not only is your dick too small to be
in the fucking porno, you're too fucking ugly
to have your goddamn face on the fucking screen.
Jesus Christ. I guarantee you he has a fucking
Frankenstein collar. Fuck you, Allie Mac. All
right. I'm just going to tell you that. Dan,
look at you. I'm fucking you. I would. And I
don't want to give you too many compliments.
You wouldn't do anything because I'm on top.
I'm the one who fucks. I'm the one who fucks.
Not only have you been taking those epic for
two years and you have those epic face, you obviously,
as Tyler alluded to, took a. plant B for whatever,
six weeks. And now you took the testosterone.
You have a great mustache. Thank you. Yeah. But
you're short. All right. That's how I make up
for it. You're cock small. You're not going to
get any pussy because of it. What is around your
ears? Hey, don't, don't you shit on Dan for that.
We support him for that. Dan was just telling
us down there, Ali Mack, what, that he's a little
tired and he wanted to go to bed? Can't hang
with the boys? He did say something along those
lines. But I will say, Dan, you're a handsome
man. You're more handsome than I remember you
being. You're more handsome than the rest of
us. Yeah, you're a fucking diamond in the rough
here. We're all cold. It's not saying anything.
The rest of the pod, we're pretty fucking fat
and ugly. Dan and I like to welcome Dan to the
stage. Oh, hey. Alright, so I already threw my
insult at Casey. He seemed to like that. Tyler,
we'll start with you. This is going to be a quick
thing for each person. If people accuse me of
looking like a lesbian, I don't think getting
my ears pierced would be the move. Just saying.
That's a good one. That's a good one. You look
like a fat fucking lesbian. You look like a fat
fucking lesbian. I know. I've said it myself.
I do look like a lesbian. But Tyler, we love
you. You're the man. Ally Mac. Your fucking girlfriend
is like a fucking ten and a half. How the fuck
did that happen? Because I'm a nice guy. I'm
the one nice guy who finished first. That doesn't
last very long. She's going to cheat on you.
It's lasted three years. We're all confused about
that. No, I'm just joking. Dude, I didn't want
to do this, right? Because I hate talking shit
about people, but Ally Mack, you're a fucking
man. I encourage you. You're the man. I still
don't know how you do it. We're just fucking
with you. You're fucking handsome as fuck. But
when you shaved the mustache, I don't know. You
then went downhill pretty quick. Kyle, you're
like... to this podcast. You keep coming back
and when it happens no one's as thrilled about
it. It was a good time once. It was a good time
once. But I never go away. I'm fucking with you.
You're the man. You're a character. You bring
the comedic relief here. This is a very serious
podcast. He probably does have some warts on
his cock, though. We've got to be honest. I have
had herpes a couple times. Herpes just doesn't
go away. We actually had one from the listeners.
They said, when you do the roast of Kyle, say
this one. And it was pretty fucking bad. I don't
know if I should do it. Say it now. I want to
hear it. I want to hear it. You're going to say,
I haven't heard it before. I just say it. It's
from the listeners, not you. This is from the
fans. Which one? One of the fans said, some of
us wish that the gun didn't jam. I can't wait
to fuck your mouth tonight. Oh, man, that's a
good one. But we all know that's not true. Very
happy you're here. God, I guess that leaves me.
No, well, he sent in Casey. Yeah, you got to
throw one more. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. You got to
throw one more bomb at Casey. Yeah, go for it.
Me? I don't really have one more for Casey. You
got to throw one more bomb at him. You can figure
out something. He's a mess. No, I got nothing.
You done? You done? Yeah, I'm done. Is the roast
to Casey? You don't got nothing for Casey. I
already sent mine to Casey. Tyler, give me a
big smile, big toothy smile. You guys ever seen
a crayon box of crayons full of yellow crayons?
Oh, yeah. All right. I guess I'll start now.
Anyways. Fuck you, Allie Mack. It's my fucking
turn. It's my fucking turn. It's my fucking turn.
It's my fucking turn. Christ alive. Well, you
got someone to fuck you damn I can see why Anyways
Casey I Understand that you tried Rogan a couple
times. I actually did. Yeah. Yeah For like a
few days No, well, no the issue is Rogan is purely
built on fucking capitalism and, you know, you're
stuck on this idea of fucking sickle and cross.
Turn around again. Turn around. What? Turn around.
What? Somebody could get stranded on that fucking
island. If you were on fucking sea and got on
that island right there, that's Gilligan's Island
through and through. Fuck you. Fuck you, Allie
Mack. Go fuck yourself, Allie Mack. What's that
other medication? That, uh... What, Ozempic,
the one you took? No, Finasteride. Isn't that
another one you can do? Yeah. My favorite. Does
that work? When do you... It's pronounced Finasteride.
Casey, when do you decide to just... When do
you decide to give it up? and just shave it off
now a long time ago yeah yeah anyways Casey you
look like you smell like fucking pickles hey
I don't look like Post Malone anyways wow you
give off pickle smell vibes the fuck first time
first time long time listener Kyle Hello, Kyle.
Hi, Kyle. I just want to give it up to the only
real ugly fat fuck friend stealing scumbag. Fuck
you, Allie Mack. Cheers. Fuck you, Allie Mack.
Cheers, everybody. Fuck you, Allie Mack. Step
up to the stage. Hello. Nice to meet you, everybody.
You haven't heard from me in a while. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Appreciate it.
Boo. Boo. Look at his tit. Look at his tit. Look
at his tit. Cheers. I'll fill it. I forgot to
steal the pint. All right, Fisher Price, got
you. Come on, roast us, bro. All right, man.
Yeah, let me start off with you. All right. Mister,
I'm a little bit older than everybody else, so
I know everything. All right. Reeling in with
a, I got life advice for every motherfucker on
this podcast, and if they don't listen to me,
they're all fucking stupid. Well, let me tell
you, if I invested in Tesla and I kept my money
in that shit, I'd be a fucking goner, dude. I'd
be living on fucking South Pearl Street right
now. For the record, yes. Investing a dollar.
$25 in Tassel would have got you nowhere. Yeah,
thank you. Appreciate it, Kyle. You have no fucking...
Fuck you, Ali Mack! All right, fuck me. All right,
fuck me. This is 95 % of my jokes. Dan, you're
a tough motherfucker to come after because, god
damn, are you handsome. I'd like to reference
what I said before. When I look at you, dude,
you just seem like the type of... Just your face.
You just look like the type of porn star that
just goes in and cocks people. Jesus Christ.
You just go in and you fucking steal people's
girlfriends. And I just don't know if I can forgive
you for that. What have I said to you? You're
not tall enough. No, no, not what you said to
me. You're not tall enough. All right, Tyler,
for you. I feel like 99 .9 % of the shit that
has ever came out of your mouth has been completely
false. Yeah, that's probably true. I've had actual
conversations with you before after the podcast
where you have been like trying to fucking personalize
yourself and just being like, what was real?
What wasn't? And I'll be like, bro, the story
you told in that podcast straight up did not
happen. You said I was there. That never happened.
I don't know what's going on. Brain damage is
a hell of a thing. Like, dude, you never got
shots fired at you at Mohawk. I'm sorry. Oh,
fuck. That never happened. Oh, fuck. Shots fucking
fired. Dude, that never happened. You may never
have shots fired at you at Mohawk, but you just
got shots fired at you now. That didn't happen.
That being said, Tyler, I've gone through some
of the most traumatic memories of my entire life
with you. Mostly over the course of a single
night, which is hysterical. Which is absolutely
hysterical. That was one of the most single worst
moments of my entire life. This was such a traumatizing
experience. I fell asleep while you guys were
telling it. Kyle, you looked like you were looking
at me. All right, Kyle. In for you. For somebody
who let off with the line of, oh, Allie Mac,
the fat fuck that replaced me. I thought I was
going to walk in to see somebody who was of equal
proportions to me. Don't get me wrong. Don't
get me wrong. I know I'm one fat fuck. But goddamn,
do I feel like you are screaming at me from a
different stature here. All right. You're in
a different stratosphere, bro. No, no, I want
to see a different stratosphere because we both
like our food. We clearly both like our fucking
beer. All right. We got a gaggle of cans in front
of him. We got a gaggle in front of cans in front
of me. The only difference is that I have the
shame to throw them in the garbage can. But here
we are. Oh, shit. And Casey, now I move on to
you. You're a fucking hard person because goddamn,
Casey, you have picked me up in the highest of
highs. In the lowest of lows. I have seen the
worst shit of my entire life, past even what
I had seen with Tyler. Damn. Goddamn. You have
got to be the most emotionally disconnected person
I have ever met in my entire life. Because some
of the fucking jokes that you have made after
the most soul -crushing EMS call I have ever
been on have been so putrid. So fucking horrible.
That was actually some of my best material. It
is, and that's the best part. That is your best
fucking material, and that is why I love you.
But holy shit, I cannot. imagine another human
being on this planet making the jokes that you
do after one of the most traumatic experiences
I've had as a human being. And it is great. It
is great. And that is why you're one of my goddamn
best friends. Watching you pick up the reeds.
Watching you pick up the reeds with brain matter
still on it after me telling you that there wasn't
any going. Oh, fuck! There's still brains on
it. Made it all fucking worth it. That was one
of the funniest moments of my entire life. And
nobody would understand that, but that was great.
We're not just going to put the body back, are
we? That was one of the funniest, like, that's
just a sidebar there. Because we are going to
just put him in the fucking car, are we? That's
what he said. We're going to put him back in
the SUV. It was like, turtle, what? What the
fuck are you talking about? Don't drop names.
Don't drop names. That's not his name. We all
know who he is. His name is... But yeah, fucking
motherfucker was like looking at the car and
looking at the corpse. He's like, are we going
to put it back in? Thank you. Thank you, Ali
Mack. Thank you, Ali Mack. No problem. Thank
you, everybody. Tyler. Thank you all, one of
our listeners. I'm looking at you, Mike Colosino.
Send us an email. I know you're the only one
who listens to us, except maybe one of us after
the episode is published. Thank you, Belgians,
for whatever reason you like us. Thank you, Belgium.
We're so glad that whatever AI fucking shell
company is running out of there. Tyler, good
reviews. Everybody tells me I look like an old
degenerate. Thank you. You. My friend, you look
like the 14 -year -old boy Ellen DeGeneres locked
inside of a fucking sex dungeon. 14 -year -old
girl. She's a lesbian. She cut your dick off
and ate your pussy. All right? I don't want to
hear it. My fucking pussy. Faggot. Casey, I know
that your dick hasn't worked since 2013. Just
looking at you. For the love of God, why didn't
you get a fucking baseline for your testosterone?
Oh, my God. It's obvious it's low. You could
have done some things to correct this, but you've
gone too fucking far. How long before you sit
on the porch and fucking yell at the fucking
blacks? This neighborhood used to be a good fucking
neighborhood until you guys moved in. He does
hate his neighbors who are colored. Obviously.
Look at him. All right. In all fairness, his
neighbors are assholes. Fuck you, Allie Mack.
Fuck you, Allie Mack. I'll tell you that right
now. Fuck you, Allie Mack. I'm done. I didn't
say nothing. I'm out. Have you seen his girlfriend?
She's fucking hot. She's a good looking girl.
Have you seen what I'm going to do to you later?
She's a fucking bitch. You ain't doing shit to
me, bro. Dude, you have a fucking chode. What
the fuck are you talking about? I have a chode.
I might have a chode, but I'll get it past his
teeth. I'll get it past his teeth. I swear to
God, bro, you couldn't look any more feminine
than you fucking could try. Look at those fucking
gay ass earrings. What are you doing? Suck the
dick. You absolutely have sucked the dick. You
ate a tranny pussy. I did eat a tranny pussy.
Fuck me. She has a dick now. No, she still doesn't.
Oh, fucking Christ. Good tits my ass. Look at
you. If you had a pussy, I'd believe it. Ali
Mack, am I going too hard on the girlfriend?
What? Am I going too hard on the girlfriend?
I think you're okay, dude. Me? Yeah. No, I don't
get it. That was the one I felt most bad about.
No, bro. I got you. Because you're the fucking
man. Hang on. Hang on. Dan, Dan. Hold on a second.
Dan, hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang
on. Fuck you, Allie Mack. Fuck you. Anyways,
Casey. I swear to God. Did you get those jeans
from fucking L .L. Bean's fucking old man category?
There's no fucking wash on them, bro. He ordered
them from the catalog, dude. At this point in
time. He's got a shirt with a rapper and Anne
Frank on it. And fucking Franklin goes after
the jeans. Casey not only has a shirt. We got
Anne Frank that's making fucking Tyler horny.
It's not making me horny. I fucking had my sexual
awakening that diary of Anne Frank. Look at his
jeans, bro. They haven't even been in a washer
yet. They're so blue. Damn, some blue jeans,
boss. Look at you. Jesus Christ. Dan, I got a
question for you. You could be the greatest comeback
ever if you grew so fucking arrogant. What's
Abraham Lincoln like? What's Abraham Lincoln
like? Because you're so fucking old, man. Anyways,
anyways, anyways, as we settle down. Fuck you,
Allie Mack. Fuck you. Fuck you. It's always like
three. You start off really angry. I see what
you're talking about. Hang on. There's one more.
Fuck you, Allie Mack. I'm in jeopardy. Let me
hear it. As I introduce here, the man of the
roast, the man of the hour, the man that got
us together here. Here we go. Ugly ass. Casey
O 'Neill. I didn't say anything good about Casey.
I feel like I should have. Do you want me to
fucking roast you, Daniel? Casey, you're like
a literal fucking savant. You know that? Why
don't you say what you say about him in the group
chat? I don't know. Why do I say that? He can't
see. Kyle, I appreciate it, but did you know
testosterone or hair loss is actually caused
by high testosterone, not low testosterone? You
might have known that if you didn't spend four
months in rehab. That's wild. That is a wild
clapback. Holy fuck. KCL is not expecting that.
That was good. Holy fuck. That was good. Thanks.
You know. When I was a kid, I got bullied a lot.
No doubt. Look at you. When you guys roast me,
I really don't fucking care. I can give a shit.
When I first met Ali Mack, I thought he was gay.
Now that I got to know him, I can say that's
100 % true. Fuck you, Allie Mack! Fuck you! You
know, they say the hottest girlfriends are in
the closet, so that's Allie Mack. Allie Mack
is so gay that Dan sucked his cock and he liked
it. I don't get it, man. It's true. It's on the
podcast. It's true. It's on the podcast. It's
true. I don't get it. It's on the podcast. It's
true. Because he's not a train. It's on the podcast.
It's true. And he's going, why? Ally Mac, if
you were on Crack Horn Confessions, I would jerk
off to you. Fuck you, Ally Mac. All right. Ally
Mac sits on the fence like he sits on Big Black
Cox. Be funny. Tyler, who's actually worse at
killing himself than Kyle. And he looks more
like Ellen than Kyle. Tyler is so retarded. He
got rejected from the special Olympics. I did.
I did. I tried. You fucking came into this podcast
with a fucking earrings in both ears. Are you
trying to be Eminem or Elton John? I can't tell.
It's more of an Elton John. I feel like he's
fabulous. Play the piano, the piano man. Oh,
that's fucking. That's somebody else. Who else?
Who is that? Is that? That's not Bruce Springsteen.
No, it's not Bruce fucking somebody else. Oh,
man. I want to be a rocker man. Dan's here. Dan's
wildest sexual experience is when girls ask him
if it's in yet. That really happened once. That
did happen. I'm like, dude, I'm done. What do
you mean is it in? I'm done. I'm dead serious.
That happened once. Fun fact about Dan. Dan's
blown more loads in his pants at strip clubs
than he's blown in a woman. Yes, that is 100
% true. You fucking blow in your pants? Dude,
chronically. I used to do it chronically. In
your pants? Yes. Yes, in my pants. And I know
how to make that stain go away in five minutes.
Oh, my God. I'm dead serious. It's peroxide,
isn't it? No, you just go in the bathroom. What
you do is you take a layer of paper towels and
put it underneath it. put more paper towels on
the top and you squeeze it and wring it out.
And then you just rub it back and forth. It goes
away completely. Completely. That's actually
really interesting. Thank you. Thank you for
that. Dan actually comes every time a girl over
five, 10 looks at it. That's true. That is true.
Over five, 10. Yes. Listen, listen, Tyler, you
better not go nowhere near Dan. Yeah, I love
when Dan was like, yo, bro, let me fucking get
to the stock market, invest fucking a thousand
Tesla, and then my fucking money goes gone. Yeah.
That was probably a bad idea. That's going to
be back 2030. That's going to be a $2 ,000 stop.
To the fucking moon, man. We were joking about
that on the way up. I'm like, the best decision
I ever made was pulling out a Tesla. He's like,
don't tell that to Dan. Yeah, for now. For now.
Dan's holding to the last cent. Until it's $2
,000 a share. Dude, I had 15 grand on it. Bro,
when? 2030. It's going to be $2 ,000 a share.
You're retarded. Yeah, because the dollar is
going to be worth it. Do you understand how retarded
you are? As retarded as fuck you, Ali Mack. No,
I'm dead serious. Fuck you, Ali Mack. It's like,
dude, they're one of like two companies developing
self -driving cars and they have the fucking
robots that are going to replace all the Amazon
workers. Dan, when can you collect social security?
Fuck you, Ali Mack. Hey, whoa, let me finish
this rose. So Beepus, I wrote a joke about fucking
Beepus, but he's not here. B -Biz's cock is actually
the size of Dan's body. Yes. It's five foot.
And then we come to the Roastmaster, Kyle. I
appreciate you doing the roast. I think you're
fucking funny. What did he do? Fuck you all.
I didn't say that. Fuck you all. I didn't say
that. Kyle's, you know, he's talking about how
many fucking women he's fucked. He's a fuck boy.
He gets more pussy than Dan has seen of tall
girl skirts. That one didn't hit. You bombed
on that one. Kyle is such an alcoholic that he
can almost compete with Ali Mack, actually. Compete?
Compete, yeah. I'm drinking Ali Mack's beer after
this one. No, but seriously, I wish I could just
be like Kyle. Be just like Kyle. I've always
wanted to wake up at a halfway house and become
a carbon struck driver. Fuck you, Al. What's
going on with you? Stupid fucking fake Albany,
New York City. Oh, here we go. Fuck you. Fuck
you, Casey. Fuck you. You ever see that movie
Place Me on the Pines? The one dude has that
stupid fucking accent. You know Troy? Where are
you from? I'm from Troy. I'm from Troy. You sound
like you're from the fucking Bronx, but you're
fucking retarded. You know Troy? Fuck you, Allie
Mack! Don't fucking laugh at that! Fuck you!
That's a funny fucking joke. That's a funny joke.
That's a good one. I like that a lot. But seriously,
Kyle's worse at fucking killing himself than
Britney Spears. It's like retarded. He's like,
oh, the gun drip. Oh, I didn't put enough oil
in the gun. Oh, my God. All right. I finally
joke about Kyle. Kyle, Kyle, they say you look
like Ellen, but I'd rather eat Ellen's old crusty
lesbian pussy than have to look at your face.
Damn. Damn, Casey. Ouch. I wasn't expecting Casey
to be this savage here. Dude, Casey just came
out as a fire, dude. Casey especially came out
with fucking fire with you, Kyle. Jesus Christ.
I felt like he fucking went boom, boom, boom,
boom. Fuck you, Allie Matt. I appreciate you
roasting me. Fucking happy 100th episode. Centennial,
motherfucker. Centennial, baby. Dude, I feel
like hell. Hang on, with that. You feel like
hell. Because you're a fucking pussy. I said
that. I told you, don't drink with the big dog.
Hang on, hang on. Hey, cheers, buddy. Bro, you're
drinking out of a sippy cup. What do you fucking
want me to do? 18 beers are gone. 18 beers are
gone. Dan, you're the only one here that can
remember 9 -11. Yes. What a segue. Seamless.
Seamless, truly. What about me? I'm only fucking
six years older than 9 -11. You're six. I was
12. Yeah, he had sentience at that point. Oh,
yeah. Fucking... What was it like? Thank you,
sir. What was it like? Haven't I talked about
this? About my teacher screaming? Oh, yeah. I'll
tell you what was fucked up is I was jerking
off at that point. And since I grew up a Jehovah's
Witness, right, they teach you that Armageddon.
Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot.
Let me tell this. All right, so they say that
Armageddon is coming, right? Dude, that fucking,
like that book that you sent me of all the insane
shit that they fucking believe in Armageddon.
It's fucking cult shit, bro. It's fucking nuts,
dude. It's nuts. I'm like, fuck, this is Armageddon.
This is the end of the world. I'm not going to
fucking make it to fucking Paradise Earth because
I'm jerking off. I didn't jerk off for a month,
bro. Because of 9 -11? Yeah, because of 9 -11.
Yeah, but how good was that load a month later?
I mean, I don't remember. I don't remember that.
Dan, so when you cum, do you cum a lot or do
you cum a little? It depends, bro. Hang on, hang
on, hang on. What the fuck are we talking about
here? Come on, boys. Reel it in. Reel it in,
all right? It's the centennial. We're not talking
about the ropes we're blowing. Stop, stop, stop.
Go around the table. Dan, what kind of loads
do you throw normally? All right, so it depends
on how charged up I am. Are you a volcano or
are you a chucker? Dude, if I fucking edge. No,
no, no. I'm talking about who the fuck they make.
Amy, don't you look at me, you piece of shit.
Fuck you, Ali Mack. Don't you fucking look at
me. Anyways, are you a chucker or are you a volcano?
A chucker or a volcano? What does that really
mean? Like, does it seep out or does it shoot?
Chucker, chucker, throws, rope. Shoot. So you're
throwing rope. Oh, yeah. Fuck you, Ali Mack.
Yeah, you want to know what? I wouldn't know
because it's always in my girlfriend's fucking
pussy, dude. Yeah, then you jerk off. I don't
know if it's a volcano or not. All I know is
it comes leaking out afterwards. Damn. So he's
throwing pies. That's fucking awesome. That's
awesome. I just pictured that. You're a rope
thrower. That is if it doesn't go down your fucking
throat. Tyler, what are you, a volcano or a rope?
CC, I love you. Please don't listen to this episode.
If I took in normal conditions. It's been three
days since I jerked off. I shoot fucking a rope.
Normal conditions. It's like if I'm jerking off
every day, it's a volcano that shoots up a little
bit. Yeah. What about you, Ali Mack? Normal conditions.
Like I said, I'm not jerking off, dude. I got
my girlfriend. I sleep in the same bed as her
every day. How hot is your girlfriend? I mean,
I don't know. We'll talk about it after the next
break. She got big tits or no? Nah, she's got
decent. Over D's? No. No? Then she's a fucking
skank. I got the biggest titted fucking wife
here. She's fucking I. She ain't a skank. She's
a fucking power lifter. And goddamn, do I love
that woman. She has the most fucking... She's
a fucking skank. Yeah, that's what you'd say.
Time to get to Jeopardy? That's what you'd say.
That's what you'd say. That is what you'd say.
I think, Casey, because this is your own episode.
I'll ask her. I'll tell her how it feels. Me
and Alan Mack are finally feeling good. We got
to get one more topic involved here, and then
we go to Jeopardy. Dan's tired. He wants to go
to bed. Yeah. Yeah, Dan looks sleepy. He's a
little sleepy boy. I'm all locked in. He's old,
dude. Where is he going to go? Dan didn't come
in with his fucking dunking cup, so we know we
got him on a timer. That's right. Especially
after a glass of champagne. This is like a big
party night for me. We got Dan for ten minutes
max. Nobody screamed at each other. Yet. Yet.
No, but that's the issue. We're going to go to
Jeopardy and call it a fucking day. This is the
100th fucking episode. This is the topic I thought
of, actually. When's the last time you ever saw
a pregnant Asian? What the fuck are you talking
about? Have you ever seen a pregnant Asian? This
was not the topic I was looking for. Last night,
I was watching the episode of Lost. How do they
spawn? And Sun Quan, she was pregnant. They spawned
by budding, dude. She was pregnant. That was
circa 2012, I believe. That's the last time a
fucking Asian has been pregnant. 2009, that was
the year of the episode. Would you fuck a pregnant
woman? No, I got one for you. I got one for you.
I got one for you. I saw this theory this morning.
A game theory? No, it's actually a pretty good
theory. Is that there's aliens out there. Okay.
We can all agree on that. I believe. Right? There's
aliens. I think they're demons, but yeah. Shut
the fuck up, Tyler. I think they're demons. All
right? Fuck you, Allie, Matt. Anyways, is that
the aliens out there knew that we have - This
is my girl, by the way. Let me see. Let me see.
She's got a dumper on her. Yeah, let me see.
Yeah, she does. Let me see. You're acting like
you haven't seen her in person. I want to see
this picture. You got a picture of her ass or
what? Of course he does. He's not going to shoot
you. Anyways, so I have this theory, right, that
the aliens out there knew that the human race
was precious. Can you send that to me? No. Can
you send me that one? No. Where did I find these?
God damn. She looks like one of those fucking.
Bitches on Wheel of Fortune. Can I tell my fucking
theory? Can I tell my fucking theory? Retards.
Fuck me. You've been talking the entire podcast.
I'm here. I'm here. I'm the most fucking important
young man. I'm a professional comedian. All right.
All right. Yeah. You're one job. Fuck you. That's
a crowd killer. Do you like that one? I'll do
it on stage. Tell me, Dan, do you like it? I'll
do it. I'll do it a lot. I'm also going to sleep
in my car because I'm a little worried. No, but
I have this theory that, like, the alien... What?
It's not my theory. I heard it, right? The aliens
thought we were a precious race, humans or whatever.
And basically, we all have these souls, and when
we die, they put the moon up there as a soul
catcher. So when we die, our souls leave the
earth, but they're caught by the moon and then
sent back out. to be put in a newborn. You just
made this up? No, I saw it on Facebook. Oh, okay.
That's similar to the tree of life theory. It
must be true, though. No, but then, like, so
you either get put in a newborn or near -death
experiences where people feel like they go to
the light. They get sent back to their body because,
like, oh, you're not dead yet. We're going to
harvest you a little bit. And the whole idea
is the people, the aliens, are harvesting something
from us that we don't know yet. They're harvesting
our semen. That's fine. That makes no sense,
Tyler. They want our semen, dude. For what? So
they can't reproduce anymore. You ever hear the
song Superbad by fucking Lonely Island? They
want our semen. I'm so tired of him. You should
be. I'm tired of myself, too. The whole ride
up here, every fucking theory I had, he'd fucking
derail it. I derail everything. All right, I'm
a Jeopardy. All right. I tried to get us in a
couple more hours, but, you know, fucking everybody
wants to go to bed. Fuck me. It's going to be,
can we do another hour of the podcast of me and
Allie Mac just fucking talking shit? I mean,
I can talk. I can leave the mics on. You and
Allie Mac can talk shit all night. We might have
to do it. The podcast is seven hours long. Jesus
Christ. You guys should have a Patreon where
it's just me and Allie Mac talking shit. I thought
you wanted to show your butthole on it. You want
me to? I don't know. Is butthole allowed on Patreon?
I have a hemorrhoid. I thought that you could
show frontal nudity, but you couldn't show your
butthole on Patreon. I'll email it. You'll email
it to him? Yeah, that's a good one. I like that.
I feel like Patreon is like OnlyFans for men.
I feel like OnlyFans is for men. That's the only
people fucking on OnlyFans are skanks and men.
Alright, I'm Alex. I'm here with your 13 -time
winner, Daniel. Oh, yeah. The vitamin man. Unlucky
13. The fucking ultimate episode of Jeopardy
for all the fucking marbles. What do we got?
30 -time winner, Tyler? No, it's 31. No, I think
it's 30. You look so gay. Look at that hair.
Why do you part it in the middle? The roast is
over. Should I be nice? No, let's switch it back
now. Look at Ali. Look at his water. First time
playing the cop. Are those pictures on Facebook?
I'm not saying I want to jerk off to your wife,
but... It's not his wife. First time on the show.
Kyle's first time on the show. And we got fucking
Allie Mac, six -time winner of the Says. The
Saysay! Woo! Give me a fucking buzzer. You got
what? You got three, it'll be two, and then you're
four. Number four. Kyle, I assume that you know
how to play Jeopardy. Yeah, but what do I do
with them? You just fucking hit it when you know
the answer. Does it work? Yeah, it's the screen
right here. All right. Calgary today, we got
name that century. Keep it 100. Okay. 9 -11 -01.
Christ alive. Jesus. Secretaries of State. The
second saddest thing to happen in 2000. Cornelius
Rice. The Miracle on Ice, Hard Rock Bands, and
Untitled Pokery. Untitled Pokery? Yep. Tyler,
I think you won the last one. I did. I did. You
know, let's do Hard Rock. Hard Rock? Alright.
Kylo, don't cheat. I'm not trying to cheat. All
right, you have to name the band here. All right.
Hold on. Here comes the pain! No one. After all
Kyle number four what is Answer the question
What is downswing Kyle What is Slipknot? Slipknot!
Is that Slipknot? I didn't answer. All I had
to hear was the second time. That's Corey Taylor
through and through. What song was that? Was
that fucking... That's fucking... Hang on. No,
it's... Sick. Sick? Yeah. There's not a song
I thought it was. I thought it was Wait and Believe.
Kyle's pick. Oh, um... Give me... Hard Rock Bands.
Hard Rock Bands for $400. Oh, fuck. Breaking
Benjamin. Breaking Benjamin, yeah. Fuck yeah.
Let's go. Give me hard rock bands. I thought
it was Pod. I'm glad I didn't get that one. I
thought the same, Tyler. Yeah, I thought it was
Pod. I thought it was BOD. By the way, you're
playing for today. You're playing for the contents
of the Slur Jar. I need that. I need that. I
need that bad. I got to pay rent. I got to pay
rent next week. This is fucking fake, dude. Kyle's
pick. Hard rock bands? 600. Fuck, I know this.
But I don't know if it is what I think it is.
I can't tell from the fucking intro here. It's
a rather long thing. Mm -hmm. Can you make it
louder? Fuck you! Ah, it's Kyle. Velvet Revolver.
No! Fuck! Velvet Revolver? What? What's Breaking
Benjamin? What? What is Breaking Benjamin? No.
That was a lot. Was it? This isn't Breaking Benjamin.
Nope. Oh, shit! Three days grace, Dan says, that's
right. Oh, baby, it's not even my genre. Fuck,
Dan. This isn't even hard rock, bro. It's all
rock. It's downswing. Give me a 9 -11 -01. 9
-11 for 200. This government agency was created
in response to the 9 -11 attacks. What is this,
the Department of Homeland Security, baby? Yes,
Dan. Fuck. Damn, it's big. Fuck. Same category.
400. American Airlines Flight 11 took off from
Boston, making a sharp turn near this city. Albany,
New York. Fuck you. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Damn,
it's big. Same category. Viewers love 9 -11.
9 -11 for 600. Many witnessed United Airlines
Flight 175 crash into this building live on 9
-11. Fuck. What is tower number two? Yeah, that
was good. That was good. I was going to say that.
Give me hard rock bands. What number hard rock
is this? A thousand or eight? Eight hundred.
For eight hundred. Fuck. This is not Velvet Revolver.
No one's gonna get this. Alright. No, no, I got
it. I got it. I got it. Hang on. No time for
that. No one's got that? No, I got it. I got
it. It's, um, they sing that song, uh, fucking,
The Sadness Will Never End. No, they sing that
song, The Sadness Will Never End. Ah, fuck. Fuck,
fuck, fuck. Fucking. Can I use my phone real
quick? Not loose. No. Can I use my phone real
quick? That'd be Suicide Silence. All right,
that's not who I thought it was. Okay, fair enough.
Give me hard rock bands again. Bands for one
thousand. What's the other categories? 9 -11.
9 -11. You got name that century, keep it 100.
9 -11, Secretary of the State, Miracle on Ice,
and Untitled Pauper. I'll do the Miracle on Ice.
For 200. God damn it. 200. Donald Trump's favorite
Homeland Security agents are part of this U .S.
agency. What is ICE? What is ICE? Tyler's got
to be more specific. Fucking... It's ice. It's
the fucking abbreviation of fucking ice. What
is integration and customs enforcement? That's
fucking horse shit. That's fucking horse shit.
Obviously I'll answer with ice because the category
is fucking ice. That's horse shit. You kind of
fist fucked him. That's fucked. I would give
that to Tyler, but fuck you, Ally Mac. I didn't
say shit. That should have been me. I literally
haven't buzzed yet. I literally have not buzzed
yet. All right. Can I at least get half for that?
You both get the points. Wow. All right. I'm
not cool with that. All right. We'll do the miracle
on ice. 400. Mike Urizioni might not know that
the solid form of carbon dioxide is called this.
Fuck. I know it if you don't. I do, too. Hang
on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Dry ice. Yeah.
Yeah. That's correct. Nice. Nice. Give me. What
was that? Centuries or whatever? Name the century.
Name that century. For $200. Thomas Jefferson
writes the U .S. Declaration of Independence.
What is the 1700s? Now you need the century.
Dan, we hit the name of a century. I don't know.
Kyle? What is the 16th century? No. Oh, it's
the 18th! It's the 18th! Fuck! It's the 18th!
Fuck! I said it! I always fucked that up! Fuck!
I always fucked that up! Disgusting. Disgusting.
You know where I was going with that! Fuck you,
Ally Mac! Fuck you, Ally Mac! You know where
I was going with that! Fuck you, Ally Mac! Disgusting.
You know where I was going with that! Disgusting.
Race baiter. Race baiter. Cis male. Hey, buddies.
Fuck you both. Fuck you both. Disgusting. Alleybacks
pick. Fuck you both. This game is disgusting.
I fucking hate this podcast. Give me Miracle
on Ice again. First 600. This was the acting
U .S. president during the USA's famous 4 -3
victory over the Soviets. What is Ronald Reagan?
Nope. Really? What is Richard Nixon? Nope. Whatever.
I don't fucking care. Anyone? Two. I got it.
I got it. Let's do it. Who is FDR? Nope. It's
not FDR. It's him. Who's McCarthy? What? Who's
Gerald Ford? That's just Gerald Ford. I can't
believe it. Wait, it's not McCarthy? No, it's
not FDR. It's not Franklin. I got it. I got it.
I got it. Who is George H .W. Bush? No! Who the
fuck could it be? It's not FDR. FDR was World
War II, you dumb fuck. Who was Jimmy Carter?
Jimmy Carter was a big anti -fucking Russian
guy. I thought that was 1980. That was the fucking
time of the games was 1980, you dumb fuck. 1977
to 1980. 1980 was the games. What a disgusting
answer. We all went backwards on that one. What
a show for the president. I know he's after next
week. I think it's Allie Mack's pick. Pull up
when FDR was the president. Allie Mack. He was
the president during the fucking 40s, bro. He
died in the first place. He was there for the
first place. 33 to 45. Allie Mack for 800. How
much do I got? You got negative 400. You can
wager up to 1 ,400. Dude, but... I'll wager 1
,400. I'll wager 1 ,400. All 1 ,400? Wow. Damn.
All right, for all 1 ,400. A frozen body of water
needs to be this many inches thick to safely
walk on it. No, he... Relax, dude. I know the
answer. What is sex? No, no, no. Can I steal
it? Can I steal it? Can I steal it? Fuck! What?
That would be... 12 inches. Three inches, you
dumb fuck. That would be 18 inches. It's three
inches. That would be four inches. Fuck you.
No, pull it up. Hey, how about fuck everybody,
okay? Nobody can do better than Allie Mack and
y 'all treated me like a fool. Pull it up, DC.
Three inches. I already pulled it up. That's
why I wrote the question. Because you're a retard.
Fuck you. Yeah, I was taught it was six, Casey,
so your fucking sources are faulted. Bitch, the
fault in our stuff. You have no idea what you're
doing, Casey. Casey goes ice fishing one time
and actually he's a fucking ice expert. All I
do is ice fish. It's three inches. It ain't the
only thing. It's three inches, is it, Kyle? Let's
move onward. Three inches is okay to score a
state in ice fish. Allie Mac's big. Yeah, whatever,
Casey. Miracle on ice, you piece of shit. One
thousand. Just because he's from the CPT, punk
police are afraid of him. I don't know what the
fuck that means. Oh, fuck. Who is O 'Callaghan?
No. Say the question again. Just because he's
from the CPT, punk police are afraid of him.
Can I say the band? Who is Craig? Can I say the
band name or is it like the guy? The category
is Miracle on Ice. Who is Ice Cube? That's correct.
I was going to say Naughty by Nature. Did I lose
points on both my guesses? Yes. Wow. Dan's in
the lead, actually. What's the score? 9 -11.
I'm rooting for Dan. What's the score? I'm rooting
for anyone but Tyler. Tyler, I love you, but
fuck you, too. Let's wait until the next one.
For 800, the U .S. responded to the attacks by
invading this country in October 2001. What is
Iraq? No. What is Afghanistan? What is Afghanistan?
No, fuck you. I pushed it first. It says one.
That's Dan. That's Tyler, actually. Wait, what?
Yeah, I'm number one. Four. Yeah, because you
had already buzzed in for the first time. Afghanistan.
What is Afghanistan? Give me the points. Dan
said it first. All right. You both get points
for that one. I pushed the fucking button, dickhead.
Three quarters of the points to me. I know, I
know, but I was born on the thing, so we don't
know who hit it first. All right. Three quarters
of a point to me. Quarter points to him. Now,
what me and Dan should do is compare penis sizes.
The smallest penis gets all the points. Whoever
has the bigger cock gets the points. Fuck. I
lost. I lost. I immediately lost. Let's try Dan's
pick here. All right. 9 -11. 9 -11 for 1 ,000.
This U .S. agency somehow failed to notice multiple
men. What is the CIA? No. Fuck my ass. Where's
the FBI? The FBI, yes. They failed to notice
I'm taking flight lessons, but not landing lessons.
That's actually really funny. You're taking flight
lessons, but not landing lessons. What are my
categories? Yeah. Name that sentry. Keep it 100.
Secretaries of State and Untitled Puppery. Untitled
whatever. Untitled whatever. For 200. You get
all the daily doubles. Daily doubles. Shut the
fuck up, Tyler. That's you. Fuck you, Ali Max.
Fuck you. 800, you can wager up to... 1800 no
he can only wager up to a fucking 800 that's
not true and I'm gonna wager 1800 that's fucking
horse shit and you know it fuck you suck my cock
bitch you don't have a cock to suck yeah that's
what you fucking think bro fuck you Ellie Mac
oh this is hilarious Ellie Mac these are the
four presidents of Mount Rushmore oh my god this
is the classic question from our back oh fuck
oh my god this is the fucking this is the easiest
fucking question. He never gets it, though. He
never gets it. Ever. Hold up. Can you give me
one of those little bats? Hold up. Hold up. Alright,
so surely you gotta have... Jesus Christ. Oh
my... You don't know this? He doesn't. Fuck you,
Allie Mack. Fuck you, Kyle Franklin. Fuck you.
Fuck Kyle Franklin. Thank you, Tyler. Alright,
so I'm assuming you gotta have Abraham Lincoln
up there, for sure. Abe Lincoln. That one. You're
going to have George Washington, surely. All
right, there you go. There's a Roosevelt up there.
There's two of them. Which one? It's not the
one you think. It's the better one, actually.
Honestly, it is. It is. Teddy Roosevelt. He's
up there. All right, you got the better one.
Okay. And Benjamin Franklin. His name started
with Adam Adams Jesus Christ. I think you've
had too many, Sam. His first and last name. He
can't hang with a big dog. His first and last
name started with W. What? No, it's not. Shut
the fuck up. All right? Why don't you say Woodrow
Wilson? William Wallace. It ain't Woodrow Wilson.
And it ain't JFK neither. It's one of those other
fucking old -timers. JFK was one of the best
presidents. And it ain't Alex Hamilton. It ain't
him. Man, it ain't him. Who was even the president?
He was a treasurer. Thomas Jefferson. Lock it
in. Thomas Jefferson. That's correct. Yeah, baby!
He wins! He wins! Are you fucking kidding me?
Are you fucking kidding me? Suck my fucking cock.
Not only did he get the right Roosevelt. I know.
He took Thomas Jefferson out of his ass. My fucking
cock. Are you shitting? Fuck you, Allie Mack.
Fuck you, Allie Mack. Yeah, bitch. Allie Mack.
That was good. Allie Mack. Name that century.
Keep it going. Name that century for 400. For
400, Jesus Christ is born in Bethlehem. What
is the first century? Be more specific. What
is the first century A .D.? No. There's a reverse?
He's got it. What is the first century B .C.?
Yes. I didn't know that they had reverse century.
Give me a fist bump. Give me a fist bump there.
No, he wasn't. He was born in the year 5, retard.
Look it up. He was born in the year 5 A .D. Oh,
shit. Oh, God. GET THE CIGARETTES! GET THE CIGARETTES!
FUCKING FUCKING CIGARETTES! Look it up! Jesus
was - Jesus Christ was born in the year 5 AD.
FUCK! I love - I love cigarettes. We're gonna
do some facts. We got a spell. Hold up. No, fuck
you! Fuck you! If I lose points because of -
Can I have the nicotine? Fuck me. Fuck me running.
Historian Tyler. Most biblical scholars and ancient
historians believe that his birthday is around
6 to 4 B .C. B .C. B .C. There's a reason they
called it before Christ, retard. Retard before
Christ. Before Christ, retard. Retard. Retard
before Christ. Before Christ, retard. Yeah, no,
it says Britannica, the encyclopedia. Jesus was
born 6 to 4 BC. That's a false narrative. Okay,
Kyle's fake. Yeah, Kyle, your lucky strikes are
really helpful. Alright, onward! Fuck. I only
spilled once. I haven't done nothing else. Give
me Secretary's Estate. Secretary's Estate. I
don't know, Condoleezza Rice? We gotta wait for
time. I don't know any Secretary of State other
than Condoleezza Rice. Why did I pick this? Can
I pick another one? No. Alright, Secretary of
State of 200. This is the eldest son of John
Adams, the 8th Secretary of State. Went on to
become President. What is John Quincy Adams?
Yes. Fuck you, Tyler! Fuck you, Allie Mack! Let's
not. We'll do Untitled Potpourri. For 400. The
city Joel Osteen's megachurch is located in.
He got it first. What is Austin, Texas? No. It
was Houston, Texas. Houston, that's right. Fuck,
I was going to say El Paso. You were going to
say El Paso? Let's do Untitled again. 600. John
Lennon, like the other three Beatles, was born
in this English city. What is Manchester? No.
What is Liverpool? Oh, yeah. Thank you. I knew
it was one of those retarded fucking English
names. It wasn't London. It was. It was Liverpool.
I knew it wasn't London. Can I get the nicotine,
please? Thank you. Keep it going, whatever category
that was. 800. Kanye West interrupted this artist
during the 2009... What is Taylor Swift? Fuck
you, I got it first. No, I didn't. Who buzzed
it? No, no, no, no, no, no. Where's the fucking
buzzer? Number one. Fuck you! Fuck you! You got
it. I was going to say Carrie Underwood. Sorry.
I was going to get it wrong. We'll continue on
Untitled. For $1 ,000, J .D. Vance's former position
prior to vice president was this, including the
state. I know what state it was. I don't know
what position it was. It's literally only one,
really. What is the governor of Maryland? No.
What is the governor of Ohio? No. What is Senator
of Ohio? Oh, Senator from Ohio. Fuck! Fuck you,
Tyler. Fucking Tyler. Fucking Tyler. Fuck you,
Tyler. How'd you know that? Because I knew it
was Ohio. Because you're a faggot. And you're
like, governor, no. Race -beating faggot, cis
male, white male, cis male, cis male. Tyler,
you got it. Name that century, keep it 100, and
secretaries of state. I'll do name that century.
600? Yeah. Dwight D. Eisenhower is born in Denison,
Texas. Dwight D. Eisenhower was born in what
century? What is the 19th century? Yes. Hey,
Tyler, suck my cock. Whatever you get a chance.
800. The Disney sitcom Phil of the Future takes
place in the 20th century. No. Fuck. It's you.
You fucking did it. What is the... 19th century?
No. What is the 21st century? Say the question
again. What is the 21st century? He has it. No.
What? The Disney sitcom Phil of the Future takes
place in the 17th century. What is the 17th century?
No. Phil of the Future. This is fucking dead
now. Wait, when does it take place? No, you got
to give everyone's points back. That's a misleading
question. No, it's not. Yeah, give everyone's
points back, bro. What's the 22nd century? Oh,
Tyler. We all got it wrong once, so just fucking
give us our points back. Except for me. Hey,
Tyler, once again, suck my cock. Fuck you, Ali
Mack. Fuck you, Kyle. We'll do centuries again.
Yeah, I bet we will. The Star Spangled Banner
was written by Francis Scott Key during a war...
Number four. War in the century. Number four.
You did it. Just, just fucking... I gotta match
it. Just fucking do it. What is the 16th century?
No. What do you mean it was written in the 1700s?
What is the 18th century? Oh, I keep fucking
up the fucking numbers. What is the 17th century?
He already said that. He already said that. All
right, then don't deduct my points. No, hang
on, hang on. No, no, no, because he was right.
Look it up. No, because he was locked up in a
prison. He was locked up in a prison during the
American Revolution. It was the 1700s. That's
the 18th century, you dumb fuck. The SARS -CoV
-2 banner was written by Francis Scott Key during
a war in the century. In a prison in Baltimore.
Anyone else? It's the 19th century. Yes. Hey,
Tyler. Guess what? It was the war of 1812. I'm
a retard. Hey, guess what, Tyler? I'm a retard.
You can suck my fucking cock. It was the war
of 1812. It was the war of 1812. I'm a retard.
All right. Don't look it up. Hey, Casey. Can
you not look that up? Tyler. Mr. Casey, you were
right. No, no. Keep it 100. Secretaries of State.
We'll do a hundo. 200. The 100 years war actually
lasted 116 years and was fought between these
two countries. England and France. Boom, baby!
I don't understand how England and France are
friends now. Well, they're not. They still hate
each other. Hang on. Keep it 100. 100 for 400.
Quit screen peeking over there, Kyle. I am reading
it pretty quickly. I'm sorry. Hang on. Can you
restart that? Because I don't remember what it
said. I don't remember. It said something about
a Congress. There are 100 members in this branch
of the U .S. Congress. What is the judicial branch?
What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, that
really fucking backfired. Number four. Kyle.
I read the question and when it's the House of
Representatives I like how Kyle's cheating the
most, but he has the least number of points.
I guess we'll continue on with that. For 600.
Archibald Campbell, a Scottish nobleman, appears
on the 100th denomination of this currency. What
is the... What is the pound what is the British
crown There should be some questions about the
troubles on this keep it 100 secretaries of state
Yeah, why not? Secretaries of State know those
guys by heart. 400. Names of two Secretaries
of State under Obama both lost a presidential
election. Yeah. Both lost a presidential election?
Yep. Who is Condoleezza Rice and Mitt Romney?
Alright, I got that one wrong. Alright, I don't
fucking know. Secretary of State. You have to
name two? Yeah. Fuck that. Can I go again? Sure.
Yeah, you can go again. Who is Mitt Romney and
who's the man bear? No, man bear big guy. Al
Gore. Al Gore. Al Gore. The man bear. That's
fucked up. Why do you have to name two? It's
the man bear pig. Give me half points if I can
name one. It's the man bear pig. He's Hillary
Clinton. Dude. He was a vice president, wasn't
he? No, he wasn't. He was secretary of state.
He was third in line. He wasn't second in line.
You're totally ManBearBigGuy. He lost to George
Bush. Condoleezza Rice. Dan's pick. Same fucking
category. Let's get this out of the way. 600.
America's first secretary of state and third
president. Oh, fuck. Oh, what was his name? Who
is John Adams? No. Chris Thomas Jefferson. Oh,
my neck. Thomas Jefferson. Are you kidding me?
Thomas Jefferson twice. He pulled out his ass
before, bro. Twice. Bro. Damn. What are you an
old Tommy boy doing up there? See, you think
you thought on that last one there's nothing
going on up there and then he does shit like
that. You an old Tommy boy been hanging out.
Why don't you keep it going? You are flush, dude.
Keep it going? Secretary of State for 800. This
Secretary of State from Columbia County, New
York went on to become the 8th President. Who
is Amanda Earle? What the fuck? No. I really
thought I had that one. I thought I had that
one. What is Chester A. Arthur? Oh, no. Keep
guessing, Tyler. Wait, from what county? Columbia
County. Who is Gerald Ford? He was not from New
York. Wasn't Gerald Ford? No. No, he got it wrong.
No. Anyone? No? That'd be Martin Van Buren. Fuck.
Oh, it was in the tip of my tongue. All you know
is Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson. What do
I got? You got Secretary of State, keep it 100.
Keep it 100, baby. 800. 800. Why? Why? Once again,
you have negative 800. You can wager 1 ,800.
Let's wager 1 ,800, baby. Wait, I have less than
him? You have a lot less than him. Wait, every
1 .5 goes negative? Yes. No, that's not good.
I've had a lot of wrong. What are the scores?
Dan's got 1 ,000. Ty's got 2 ,400. Wait, what's
my score before? Ali Mack is negative 800. Yeah,
wager 1 ,800 then for sure. All right. In Roman
numerals, 100 is represented by this letter.
Oh, that's easy. Come on. That's easy. You know
this. Yeah, how about we fucking not make Ali
Mack look like a douche? All right. I'll be honest
with you. I'm not over there fucking studying
Roman numerals. It's like either X or B. No,
X is 10. And V is five. So X, you would need
10 Xs. Yeah. Yeah, that helps. No, because at
50, it goes to L. Why? Because that's just what
it does. It goes four Xs, and then once you get
to 50, it goes to L, and then it's X. Fuck you,
Allie Mack. And then once you get to 60, it's
LX. Yeah, it's LX. And then once you get to...
I think it's the one that I'm thinking of. It's
either that or this one. I think that's a thousand.
Yeah, I think that's a thousand. I think it's
the one that I'm thinking of. I've been around
for a thousand years. I've been around for a
thousand more. That's a million, I think. Is
it? Yeah. I want to say it's a... Wait, what
was the oh, I know it. I know it's M. Do you
know it's you know? See it's not I see a century.
Oh, yeah, Ali makes a fucking idiot. You are
retarded Yeah, well the fuck up come again. Fuck
you. I'm at Valley bag. Yeah, keep it 100 secretaries
of state Yeah Fuck these Cretans. We'll do 100,
I guess. The Cretans were actually really good
at being archers. That's good. Correct. In 1962,
this player set a record scoring 100 points in
an NBA game. Who is Wilt Chamberlain? That's
correct. Who the fuck is Wilt Chamberlain? You
don't know who Will Chamberlain is? You fucking
banged over a hundred checks, dude. Secretaries
of State for a thousand. Final question. Madeline
Albright was the first female Secretary of State
appointed by this 20th century president. 20th
century? Who is Teddy Roosevelt? I'm thinking...
I'm not going to say it. Let's just time out.
Did I lose points on that? Yes. You lost 1 ,000
points on that. On that one. Yeah. Yeah. I got
1 ,000 and I lost them. Let's just time it out.
Is it Bill Clinton? 18th century? No, he said
19th century. That was Bill Clinton. Fuck you.
Oh, God. Oh. I've had a lot of alcohol tonight.
Yeah, me too. Yeah. Fuck you, Ali Mack. We're
all crashing. We're crashing out here. Fuck you,
Kyle. Tyler has 2 ,400. Cal's got 1 ,000. Calum
Mac's got negative 2 ,600. Cal's got negative
8 ,200. Let's see if Tyler knows this one. I'll
bet this. Is that like regular Jeopardy rules?
I guess so. You can like lose negative points.
Yeah. That's how Jeopardy works. I've never watched
Jeopardy. Yeah, I taught you everything. I know
all the basics. Yeah, if you get a question wrong,
you get the minus. So Tyler cheats every time,
and me and Dan lose. What have you been up to
on that? Because I've drank all 18 of his BLs.
Well, none of you can win, but... The top rack's
not even fully going to that. See if Tyler gets
this. Now I've drank at least three of them now.
It's been a minute since I've drank. I don't
want to push myself too far. Push. Push. Kyle,
you've got no shot of winning. Let's see if you
can do it. You want me to win? The Alaskan city
of Utvik. The northernmost settlement in the
USA. It changed its name from this English name
in 2016. Oh, fuck. I did know this. I actually
have no idea what this is. Oh, it's on the tip
of my tongue. No, I did know this. They changed
it to fucking some native name. If I don't fucking
answer, I'll still be last. Dead fuck. Negative
8 ,000. This is why I root for you, Allie Mack.
Fuck you, Allie Mack. This is why I root for
you. Fuck you. Yeah, you would have loved the
last episode I was on. Tyler got so mad he left.
It was great. I didn't cheat. I got it right,
dude. Did you cheat? No, I didn't. I agreed to
terms that he agreed with. I didn't agree to
the terms. You think your smoking hot wife would
want to cheat on you? No. She would never. Never.
I treat her good. I give her good dick. You got
a good dick. I take it nobody knows. I give her
good dick. Got a big, long, good dick. Tyler
wins. I mean, there's some fatty tissue in between
me and the rest of them. Alright, Tyler wins.
You're pretty good at eating a box, aren't you?
Dan says, what is the question? Hey, Tyler! Suck
my fucking cock, you fucking otter! You fucking
piece of shit! Fuck you, Allie Mac. Fuck you,
Allie Mac. Fuck you, Allie Mac. We gotta bang
together to fuck this guy, dude. Anyways, so
I have another topic I think we should talk about.
Honestly, I don't think Dan's wife is even in.
Yeah, Dan would have won. Dan, playing under
protest, it will take away Tyler's win. I actually
had no shot of Dan winning. Thanks for listening
to episode 100. I want to say I love you all,
but I don't. Fuck you, Allie Mack. Fuck you,
Allie Mack. Thanks for sticking with us. As always.
We caught ourselves in each other. Fuck you,
Allie Mack. Fuck you, Allie Mack. Oh, yeah, by
the way. Fuck you, Allie Mack. How much is this?
Five dollars. Tyler, say your piece for the outro.
I did. What did you say? I said it. And each
other. Dan. We out. Fuck off. Fuck you, Ali Mack.
For all we know, robots have souls. We just don't
know if they do or don't. How do you know? Have
you ever been a cyborg or a robot? You think
we were the first ones to inhabit this planet?
Fuck no. No, no, we are jumping down the... There's
people out there with some really dumb thoughts.
Extended episode. Where the fuck did the pyramids
come from? Where the fuck did Stonehenge come
from? You're telling me that they didn't die
and become ghosts? Ugh, they're killing, they're
killing all the already born babies and sell
them to the Chinese. Aliens exist. Somewhere
in China, right, in some base. What the fuck?
There are super soldiers that are at least 9
or 10 feet tall. Okay, so did they come from
our planet? Then they are extraterrestrials.
They are aliens. I do not negotiate with parents.
feel them die of this virus you feel bump bump
bump beep nothing they're fucking gone i've seen
it happen i think that the government has taken
it to the next level with the birds they know
what birds are going to cross paths with you
that you are going to be able to raise and they
are going to make them so fucking real they're
going to sink money into them because they know
that it's cut it open you're going to see blood
guts no circuitry but let me tell you their technology
which by the way big brother is the overlord
we're only living in the third dimension It's
a Nazi collaborator, okay? I'm not fucking lying.
It's fucking real, okay? Look it up. Look it
up. He says that he was doing this shit. George
Soros actually worked with the fucking Nazis
during the Holocaust. He says that he was doing
it just to survive, but he fucking loved it.
He was having a great fucking time doing this
shit. George Soros is the fucking...