The following program is intended for mature audiences and may cause cancer in at-risk populations.
Fewer discretion is advised.
This program is intended for mature audiences and may cause cancer in at-risk populations.
Welcome to Untitled Podcast! It's episode 53 and we're back with special guest Mike the Train Man.
Again.
He's actually going to talk about trains this time and not boats.
He's the Train Man and Boat Boy.
I'm back here with Ali Mack and Tyler as well.
We're missing Dan because I gave him Corona.
Wait, if I'm sitting in Dan's seat, hang on, I gotta talk about planes for like an hour.
Dan has COVID.
Yes.
Alright, let me do my best Dan impression.
Yeah, Boeing sucks man. You make a thousand bridges.
You should have got that Pfizer vaccine, Dan. If you're listening, you should have got it.
I was gonna say, you don't got a supplement for this, Dan? It's been one a week, I had one rough day. What's going on over there?
You could be here right now.
Dan, if you're listening, your headphones are very comfortable, by the way.
Oh yeah, I got the teddy bear. Teddy bear headphones.
You got the fucking schizophrenic fucking heads.
They're not exactly studio quality. They're not exactly studio quality, but damn are they comfy.
They actually are really comfortable.
I bought the fucking Steinhausers for this shit and it's fucking great.
As I said before we started recording, I am not putting money into this.
So Train Man, who are you supporting in the Israel versus Palestine debate war here?
Right off the fucking on the spot.
Is no one a valid answer? Yes.
Okay, no one because I don't think either side is technically correct.
I'm in the Catholic side. Whenever they both weaken each other, we're gonna take them both over.
Oh, Tyler, I miss you.
Israel bombed a refugee camp this week.
Guess what? Who cares?
Killed about 250 civilians.
But isn't that kind of fucked up that that happens though?
It's like, oh shit, they fucking took the strip again. Better bomb our own fucking.
This shit always happens.
I know, but it's like they just they literally do not care about the civilian casualties.
But we're seeing it on video.
Israel like we can watch live videos of war happening.
I keep thinking.
What are we fucking doing over there?
Spider-Man meme of like Spider-Man pointing at himself.
It's like Israel looks at Palestine. You killed a bunch of civilians.
So did you?
Yeah, yeah.
We need to get the fuck out of there.
What? Why are we?
Israel doesn't eat pigs. Palestine doesn't eat pigs.
Why do we just not eat pigs together?
Hmm.
Tim Minchin has told us this.
But we're supporting Israel now.
I know. We always have. We've always had Israel's back.
It's like that's why.
Then it's like we're gonna stand by them.
It's like, all right, well, they're fucking killing a lot of civilians.
I said it before in the chat.
I just people need to pay attention to history in the 60s.
I think it was Egypt, Syria, Jordan and a couple other countries all ganged up on Israel.
Oh, yeah.
And they absolutely got their shit stomped within six days to the point it became called the Six Day War.
That's what it's referred to.
Like they absolutely got their shit rocked.
Israel dead?
No, the other countries, the coalition of six other countries got their shit, got their ass handed to them.
Go figure because they're fucking the country that's backed by America fucking kicks ass.
Oh, boy.
Well, the irony was we weren't really backing them that much back then.
It's like their Air Force did the majority of the heavy lifting, but the majority of their planes.
This is for Dan, since he's not here.
The majority of their planes were like French built, like Dassault Mirages and shit.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But so some like Gen two fighters.
But yeah, they got their shit rocked.
Well, you also it's also hard to invade.
Like, I mean, look at what look at Russia and Ukraine right there constantly.
It's harder to when you're you have the home field advantage.
Yes, which is a massive is a massive advantage.
And because you have years to build up your defenses.
But you just know that you know where you're at.
Israel knew it was coming.
They're just their intelligence network for this.
The Six Day War was a lot better.
Interesting tidbit.
Actually, there was Operation Opera was the basis for Maverick.
Actually, that mission was a real mission.
It was actually flown by Israeli pilots during that conflict.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
You mean that fucking?
Yeah, that actually that fuck the fucking reduction quality.
Someone's jamming.
We're good.
Yeah, I didn't sound good.
We're being we got an echo.
All right.
Welcome back, motherfuckers.
We had another technical difficulties because we're the worst show on fucking Spotify.
Anyways, welcome back to Untitled Podcasts, Episode 53.
I'm here with Train Man as a fucking wonderful, wonderful guest, returning guest, Train Man,
Boat Boy, Plane Man, Autism Supreme, Opera Man.
Have we already done the introductions or just resuming?
Yeah.
We're like five minutes in.
We're going to be so fucking confused in case he doesn't put the first 15 minutes audio in.
It just starts right off the rip with Tyler yelling.
Did I press the skip button?
No, no, no.
Is this another episode?
So I got a real fun thing that happened.
Episode 69 Spectacular.
Oh, we have to do an Episode 69 Spectacular.
So a big orgy.
We're going to go to Vegas.
I'm going to head out.
No, we're going to.
Last weekend, I went to go see the Five Nights at Freddy's movie because I wanted to go for the meme.
I did not realize I was going open at night.
So, oh, you got the fuck.
I got it.
You're going to get the autistic, like middle school crowd.
It was worse.
Make me look normal.
It was worse than that.
So me and my girlfriend go in there and we're like, there's a lot more weirdos in the mall today than we were then normally.
And then I realized that they're all congregating at the same spot that I was going.
And I'm like, oh, no.
Danger will rise.
I fucked up.
I was just like, wait a second.
There's a lot of like, we're going to call them special ed individuals.
My people that were there.
But they were wearing like cosplays, but very shitty.
Oh, my God.
I know it's fucking cringing.
I just picturing this.
It gets so much worse.
So there are people wearing like felt top hats and like Nightmare on Elm Street onesies and like fucking Sheikah masks from Five Nights at Freddy's.
And like they were all in the fucking line for popcorn.
You hear goods going, but not the buddies.
I like that.
Not joking.
Literal retards.
Like this is like this is like a fucking like a RC van out front.
Not joking.
Literally like I'm not making fun of them.
I'm not making fun of them.
I should not.
There was at least 60 retards, literal retards there.
Oh, God.
It was.
And then the rest of them, the rest of them.
If you were not, if you were not literally, if you literally did not have Down syndrome, you are majorly autistic.
And I felt like I was the most sane person there.
And if I'm the most sane person, I'm going to be the one that makes me not be able to get another job.
Jesus Christ.
I was trying to get a civil service job.
We're going to have to.
So it's really in here.
Severely intellectual.
No, sorry.
Profoundly intellectually disabled people.
So they were profoundly intellectually disabled.
So I finally get into the theater and I said from one to 10.
How profound was it?
Like 11.
Now I'm contributing.
Like when I tell you, when I tell you like this is like, like, like need to be in the homes level of profound.
Like they were they are like kids that need to be in the homes and grown men that also need to be in like assisted living homes for the profoundly retarded.
So I was sitting there with my girlfriend and then like there was a drag there to it.
Oh my God.
So I don't know.
So there was there was the there's there's she OK with going to this.
So there was the profoundly retarded.
There is the profoundly autistic.
There was like like 16 kids that were like 15 years old that were just there for the meme.
And then there was the handlers that were with the profoundly retarded.
So we were sitting there and like.
They're not handlers.
They're not fucking from a zoo.
I didn't even pick up on that.
I just blindly accepted.
They're not from a zoo.
So I'm sitting there.
What the term you're looking for is staff members or.
So I'm sitting there and then like like I sit you not like I was sitting.
I was sitting in like you know the place like right underneath like the wheelchair like place like you know like the seats that are like there's like the three seats underneath like there's like the wheelchair seats at the very top.
Like the wheelchair and then like there's like the chairs underneath it.
So it's not like the disabled people seats like obviously everybody there could have sat in the disabled seats.
But that's another thing.
So Tyler walked right into the bathroom and took a shit in the head.
So principle before the movie even starts there.
You just keep hearing.
No no.
And I'm like oh no like these kids these these fucking these these profoundly intellectually disabled people were just going around.
Thank you.
We're just going.
Freddy's.
I just hear one kid in the back.
Got to scare the shit out of these people.
And I'm like and you just hear one kid start that and then another side of theater you see another kid going.
And then like you just hear another part of the theater.
So I go.
So I shit you not the entire theater just going.
He's got a fucking like owls like fucking wolves howling in the night.
It's synergistic.
So I like sitting there.
Are you saying it's like my dog.
I practice my scales and my dog starts howling me she starts howling.
So I'm sitting there and I'm like this this group of intellectually disabled individuals started coming up the staircase and they went and looked at these people like you and I and they go.
I thought I was in my spot and then they go like I'm not trying to make this is actually how they talk.
I'm not like making this is the actual sounds that I mean it sounds like you're making fun.
I'm like pretty fucking sure that's where we're going.
It's like that old trope of people say I'm not racist but so this isn't even the worst part.
This is just the beginning.
I'm not here.
So it's going to be the unpublished episode.
So I'm sitting there and I'm like OK and then these then they go.
You see the person goes but somebody said in my seat and they go OK so we'll see in someone else's seat.
So they just go and sit someone else's seat and this happens like eight times because one person sat in the wrong seat.
So everybody's just shifting seats around.
So I'm sitting there and then the fucking like then like the trailers start coming on and like whatever like literally fireworks went off in a trailer and they go.
Firework Wow.
And then like you turn another guy go that hurt my ears and I'm like oh God this is a fucking disaster.
And then there's a fucking kid that was going attention moviegoers.
We are about to embark on five nights at Freddy's and then like everyone goes.
Yeah.
Oh my God fucking roller coaster.
I'm sitting there.
Please keep your hands and feet inside the movie seat at all times.
Please remain seated until the movie comes to a complete stop.
And then there was a building up the height of the most mediocre movie there was a profoundly profoundly intellectually disabled individual who is running up and down the staircase just like he was like 60 years old down syndrome running up and down the staircase.
And then he stops in front of got to get out of that movie theater.
So I'm sitting there and then he goes up to a group of colored individuals.
Oh no.
Oh God is this going to get any worse.
He looks directly at me to cut some of this.
I'm not like in the direction of this.
He literally goes over to him Casey.
Don't don't stairs directly stairs directly into my fucking face.
He's got shut up and word and says the sets the hard are.
Down the staircase.
Like the talking car.
What number is this is the last one.
But he runs up the staircase looks at the face goes up inward hard.
Doesn't doesn't fucking like that one's never getting led out of the group.
They were angry they're just shocked.
Did that guy just actually like everybody that theater just goes to that happen.
And then they just resume talking they're like retard speak to each other.
So fucking I'm sitting there and I'm going OK what the fuck.
I feel like I should be offended.
So so then like the movie finally starts and I'm like OK and then like fucking there's another group of like 15 year olds.
They like we don't have tickets we're going to sit in a staircase.
So there's just a group of people sitting in a staircase and like then the movie starts.
It's here.
I'm like oh boy.
So I'm sitting there.
There's not a moment of silence in this entire theater.
There's at least somebody talking throughout the entire runtime of this movie.
Can I stop you for one second.
I do have a question.
What is exactly Freddy Fazbear.
I don't he's he's an evil.
I know I know what he is like your character.
Never mean bad guy I guess.
Yeah.
So so we're watching the movie and then like you know the first animatronic gets on screen and it's not even it's not even it's not even Freddy Fazbear.
It's just some random animatronic and everybody's point setting is Freddy Fazbear.
Yeah.
So everyone starts going Freddy Fazbear.
It's not even Freddy.
It's Bedlam.
It was in the theater.
They were freaking out.
So I should you know I forgot when the title screen shows up and it says like Five Nights at Freddy's.
They were screeching.
They weren't like cheering.
They weren't like like laughing like going yeah they were literally screeching.
It hurt my ears because they were living.
I will make the sound and you guys will actually hear this.
They killed it.
My mic is fucked.
What happened in real life.
I know my life is scary.
That shit was funny.
So anyway so this gets worse.
So she's like fuck it keep it going.
So this is this is literally what happened.
I was sitting there.
You know we can kiss our.
I mean it's going to affect them too.
The same boat we are.
If he gets one and we don't I'm going to be furious.
I'm going to fucking let the air out of your tires.
You won't take everything too seriously.
Okay.
You have to have some you have to lighten it up.
You got to laugh at some things.
Yes he's the one who hasn't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah.
You're fucking guilt free here.
I was liking the story.
Let me finish the fucking story.
If you don't laugh you'll cry motherfucker.
Is the movie even started at this point.
Well this is just starting.
So I'm talking about like 20 minutes.
The movie hasn't even started.
The movie hasn't started yet.
And this is all that happened.
They haven't even shown like that.
This is why this cinema is the best.
They try to make too much for popcorn yet.
We haven't gotten to the previews yet.
So there's some random music playing in the theater.
So we finally get to like the title screen of the movie.
And when I shit you not when they were screeching.
I'm not joking they were screeching.
This is the sound that I heard in the fucking movie theater.
And I'm like what the fuck.
They headed home now.
I didn't realize I was there getting a QA flag.
So I was sitting there.
And then like.
No sign language.
And then all the people just kept on going.
There was a chant that started.
There's going.
Freddy.
And I fucking went like run.
You get the wave going back and forth like you're in a fucking sporting event.
There's a fucking beach ball that you're throwing around in the theater for something.
One arm because they're all in power chairs.
Just imagine.
Just imagine a room.
Jesus.
A room filled with.
I bleeped that.
Just figure you're in a room.
Figure you're in a room of 200 profoundly intellectually disabled people.
So I'm at work go on.
And there's 200 fucking phenomenally like scarily fucking disabled people.
Profound.
Severe.
Intellectual disability.
Once again I'm at work.
And they're all fucking chanting.
Freddy.
And they can't pronounce Freddy correctly.
So you have some people actually saying Freddy.
You have some people that are just going.
It's time.
And I'm like and then they finally calm down.
So I'm like OK.
Are they going to be quiet now?
So these motherfuckers are doing.
Oh yeah.
So the movie finally starts.
We started doing the first scene show.
This is the stupidest fucking podcast I've ever heard.
I don't even remember.
Let's get the clanging pipes randomly for two hours.
This is not autistic enough yet.
So I'm sitting there and like people are like and then like animatronic comes on the fucking screen and like everybody fucking starts cheering like yeah.
And it wasn't even Freddy.
I think it was like the Fox on Foxy Foxy's the name.
Yeah.
So it wasn't even Freddy Fazbear but they're always trying to act like he's not a huge five nights of Friday.
I can tell you everything that happened in the war.
How's the movie?
You've seen every game theory.
Speaking of which.
He's into Freddy as much as I am into opera.
So speaking of which the guy from Game Theory.
All of them.
Was in the movie.
And he actually said well it's just a theory.
And then everyone the screenings just goes.
Oh my God.
So then.
So.
So everyone the theater starts doing that shit.
So then they fucking.
And I don't try.
Finally comes on the fucking screen.
And then one guy goes.
He's hungry.
God.
And I've played the first one.
I don't know if in the other games you have to feed them batteries.
But then you just had a bunch of kids going feed them batteries.
Yeah feed them.
You make me picture a fucking theater full of zombies.
It was pretty much that.
I'm showing a Walking Dead episode right now.
So I'm just sitting there and I'm trying to take in whatever the fuck is happening.
Is that you.
So I was sitting there.
And then eventually.
You know they keep on like chanting whenever animatronics came on the screen.
So then security ends up having to be called because these fucking kids are sitting on the staircase.
What.
What theater was this.
This was in.
Cross gates.
Oh of course it was.
It makes sense.
A bunch of guys that are also equally intellectually disabled and traffic vests came out.
Yep.
So they had to come in and they started just going.
We don't know what to do.
And then these go.
All right everybody.
This is.
I forgot about this.
All right everybody.
I know you're excited for Freddy Fazbear but can everybody please calm down.
Please.
We're getting complaints.
And then the one guy goes.
I like Freddy.
The entire theater.
He said Freddy.
Freddy.
And he started again.
Yeah.
So this.
Bad for laughing.
So this entire.
This is what's going on for fucking an hour and a half at this point.
We haven't even started the movie.
We know this is going through the movie.
This is going on for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting there.
I feel like there was the level of retardation and autism in the same room.
It was becoming a singularity of mental.
It's synergistic.
It started like compounding.
It started off as like a black hole.
Are we.
Fuck.
I feel like the aura to a seizure right now every time I hear it like.
So here we go another 20 minute delay.
Accidentally touching my microphone.
Yeah.
You could literally.
Did your mic get cut.
Oops.
God this podcast fucking sucks.
Yeah.
So.
So we're never going to get an email.
So we're like you could like the autism and retardation was tangible in the fucking room.
Like you could feel it and like like it was like becoming a black hole of retardation and autism.
But then these black holes started going around each other.
Just picture like the dark side of the force like reaching into the soul of somebody and like like it starts spinning around and like the autism in the black and the retardation black holes start spinning around each other at like a fucking force.
And they combine and it just makes this tornado.
It just makes this insane scary tornado.
And I'm scared.
And I'm sitting there and I'm like I'm the most sane person in this room.
And that's a terrifying prospects.
What about the zookeepers.
Bro be honest.
We've all been to these places.
They have just as many fucking brain cells as everybody else.
They can just walk and they look normal.
They're just shout out to episode one.
The one in ten people are NPCs.
Shout out to Loxley Court.
One in ten people all got together.
That one's bad.
I hate that one.
So so fucking the movie's finally over.
The retards are cheering.
I was crying.
Awful.
They just watched the World Cup.
They were fucking.
They were losing their minds.
So I finally.
It was a spectacle.
The credits start rolling.
The true show was the audience.
The credits start rolling.
I sprint out of the theater as fast as I can.
Did you leave your girlfriend behind like every man for himself?
I basically carried her out of the theater.
I'm like we got to get out of here.
Women and children have to exit the theater first.
I like that one guy.
This thing hit a bargain.
I'm like that one guy in the Titanic with the gun.
He's just like I'm getting out.
That didn't actually happen by the way.
So I'm fucking sitting there and I finally get out of theater and I'm like oh my god I can breathe.
And then I get to the escalator.
And there is a person standing at the escalator and he turns back to me.
He goes I don't know how moving stairs work.
The guy is causing a traffic jam.
There's a New York cop driving traffic.
Let's go.
Get me the fuck out of here.
So I finally get around him and I go down the stairs.
He pushed him down the stairs.
I finally get down the stairs.
I get back to my car and I'm like.
And one of them was in your car.
That would be fucking funny.
The true horror movie.
So I sit there with my girlfriend and I had to take a deep breath and I'm like.
I don't think I'm ever going to experience anything like that ever again.
She looked at him and said you're never taking me to another movie again.
That was one of the scariest experiences of my life.
Netflix is a thing for a reason.
I love seeing fucking horror movies in theaters because it's just like.
Sometimes the crowd you get is just people that just fucking go crazy during movies.
And sometimes it's really irritating if it's a good horror movie and you want to pay attention.
But if it's a bad one and every jump scare there's a couple of people just going.
Oh shit.
It's funny as fuck.
Something like that happens and a six year old starts crying.
I fucking love that shit.
It's like okay.
You're going to watch the people not necessarily the movie.
Dude the worst ones for that are you go to a Marvel movie.
It's like the big fucking.
Anytime any character comes on screen or like a big battle or something to be like Spider-Man comes in out of nowhere.
Oh God look at it.
It's like dude got the fuck down.
I can't say anything.
I went to the theaters clapping the last performance of my favorite musical in New York City before it closed.
And like every time there is a scene change or any time any of like the actual like famous set pieces like the chandelier.
It's like the musicians just came out onto the stage for the first time at a concert.
You can do the you can figure out which one I'm referring to but like in the one scene the boat rounds the corner and like the whole theater just lost their fucking mind.
So I'm going to see Sweeney Todd in on Broadway.
Good show.
Tomorrow.
Good show.
What's good show chap.
I would fight you.
Hey he called me British earlier.
That's over this.
It was a sin.
Yes.
Let's hear some history with Train Man.
We're getting off retardation and going into autism.
We're going into stupid stuff now.
What story did we decide to.
It's a good one.
So the one Tyler wanted me to say I'm not as familiar with.
So we're going to.
Oh fuck.
Smooth move XLX.
God damn it.
I can't get up.
This thing's like a fucking landmine.
Stop the potting.
So while Tyler's picking up his mess.
So back in the day train companies didn't use to crash trains accidentally like they do now.
The crash them on purpose.
They crash them on purpose.
I'm looking at you CSX.
Scuttle them like ships.
CSX crash explode.
You got a drain down here.
Just drink it.
The sink.
The party foul.
You got a chug that.
So back in the day.
Railroads used to crash trains on purpose for a novel thing called publicity value.
Back in the day.
Trashing trains was actually cool.
Have you ever heard a train jousting Casey.
That's actually a very good description of what we're about to talk about.
Those crash the trains for fun.
Yep.
They.
So we need to talk about.
Sounds expensive.
Yeah.
Not really.
This is the 1890s and like you know a whole house cost a nickel.
And they were bigger back then too.
You could actually buy land.
When my great grandparents bought their first house in the 1890s you know it only cost 10 cents you know.
You could live on minimum wage.
Dan sits here.
Yeah.
I'm sitting in Dan's seat.
What are you doing to us?
So we need to talk about an event called the crash at crush.
Crash at crush.
Yes.
So.
Ha.
So the crash at crush was a publicity stunt by a railroad called the Missouri Kansas and Texas Railroad or the MKT.
And it actually I know what you're about to ask me.
No no no I'm just giddy to hear you tell this story.
The Missouri Kansas and Texas railroad actually went to those three places.
Unlike my other favorite railroad the St. Louis and San Francisco because it went to neither of those places.
It was very ambitious but they didn't even make it that far.
So the Missouri Kansas and Texas railroad it's abbreviated MKT is normally known as the Katy.
Katy railroad was a small railroad it's not a national just went to those three places.
So in the 1890s there was a recession.
A gentleman by the name there was an economic recession.
A gentleman.
A gentleman by the name of William George Crush.
He was a above a supervisor below administration if you want to call it.
He was he was he was basically his title was like passenger agent.
So he was in charge of like the past all the passenger trains.
That was his thing he was in charge of.
He's above like station manager or supervisor below admin.
He came up with an idea one day.
He had an idea to do a publicity stunt.
At this point there was no such thing as public relations.
Railroad public relations back then was why do you need to know about what we do and railroad public relations was sending a bunch of railroad police officers to beat people with truncheons like you know beat striking railroad workers who are asking for a living wage.
You're not allowed to have a living wage.
Get back to work.
What's this about a union.
Pretty much that is.
So, the idea of public relations was invented by railroads.
The first true public relations department was for the Pennsylvania railroad and what happened was if someone figured out this is a side story that the Pennsylvania railroads headquarters was in in Philadelphia Pennsylvania and someone figured out that a railroad had a full scale armory upstairs.
Oh, filled with like rifles and shit.
And the reason they bought them was actually to put down strikes.
But so public relations as an as an entity.
I'm a public relations as an entity was formed.
It's an HR department you do not want to put you down.
So public relations as we know it was formed when someone found out about this and like a new local newspaper ran a story so they issued a novel thing called the press he said no no no, these are protection of the passengers.
And no one asked well then why aren't they why aren't all the guns on the passenger trains.
Because no one paid attention they're like that's good enough.
So in the 1890s, there was an economic recession. And so this gentleman named William George crush came up the of the idea to stage a PR spectacle. He had an idea.
The railroad had right before the recession there was a economic boom. The railroad had took delivery of a lot of brand new locomotives.
And they had a bunch of old ones they didn't know what to do with goddamn you know like facts about this.
I know this isn't even just like a loose story.
So this is this dude and this guy. So if you really want to know more about this listen to Well There's Your Problem they did an episode on it. That's a lot of the reason how about this.
Okay. So shout out we bring something up it's like, yeah so did you hear about that dude.
You're not fucking like I don't know Utah or Connecticut.
Listen to the Well There's Your Problem another one of my favorite podcasts.
They are fucking on there. They're funny. Asked about this episode because that's why I'm sorry I've been looking at the guys.
So a lot of this is a lot of this is taken from that episode.
So anyways they had it was inspired. It wasn't taken by they inspired.
Joe Rogan steals from us. I've been doing smelling. I didn't hear about the Pepsi Navy episode from Lions led by donkeys.
Fucking people like Joe Rogan think they can stop on the little podcasts because we have technical difficulties and they steal shit from us.
And they learn facts. They learn facts and when we tell stories they're interesting because they're not always completely true.
They're never true.
The thing about my stories is they are and that's the weird part.
Exactly and that's like the element you're bringing that's blowing us away here. This is incredible.
So they had two locomotives. I'm not going to get into what type they were but he had an idea.
What if we what if we crashed two trains into each other and we charged admission for people to watch it like it's monster trucks.
That'd be fucking sick. Are they unmanned trains? Yes.
Well yeah so it doesn't stop.
I would pay for that and especially when I explained they didn't just do that they did a bunch of other shit too.
It turns really bad really quick. It does. It goes really south really quickly because apparently crashing trains is dangerous.
This was not anticipated at all.
So this guy named William George Crush comes up with an idea. He's like there's an economic recession.
We can charge money for this and they did the math.
So they created a town in the middle of the desert in Texas for this event and he named it after himself.
Crush Texas. So for one day Crush Texas a town built specifically for this event was the biggest city in Texas.
Bigger than Houston bigger than any other city in Texas. Like Woodstock. Bigger than fucking Dallas.
Like I think there was 50,000 people in this one location for one day.
So they built, what they did was they charged a flat rate wherever you were on their railroad system.
You pay $3.50, you get on a train and it takes you all the way to this town they built.
Your train ticket to go there is also your admission ticket.
I picture like a fucking music festival. Yeah. Like you just walk in.
So you could be, you know, so if you lived around the corner you're getting screwed over because you're paying the same amount as the guy that's coming from like Chicago to see this.
But so that $3.50, it's like 120 something bucks now.
That's how I feel at the Altamont Fair. Why am I paying for a ticket for this?
I could get you in for free. I know but you weren't working. I couldn't get in because there's no fucking parking.
You weren't working that day. Yeah. Oh just park at the station of the place. Really? Yeah dude nobody's going to give a fuck.
Just park by my car. Oh wait I park in the infield because I work there. No you could park there. Nobody fucking cares.
It won't exist much longer so who cares? Pretty soon that place is going to be for sale anyways.
The garage next door is going to expand. Dude I want to buy that place. I want to live there.
It's not a bad place. It's nice. It's like right on the main strip there in the village. I would do it.
So anyways, so they charge admission. So $3.50 gets you a train ride to go there. It's your ticket to get into this basically amusement park they've built.
Do I get to ride the train that's crashed? No. You get to ride a train to there. No Tyler.
But so this guy William George Crush knew people. So he knew P.T. Barnum so he goes can I borrow a couple tents?
And they set up restaurants and beer halls and... That sounds sick man. They uh... Like from the circus you mean?
Yeah like circus size massive tents. That's cool. There's restaurants in here. They apparently made this such a...
Yo the beer tent at this place had to be crazy. We're going to see a fucking train crash into another!
So it's the 1890s. It's the 1890s so everyone's already shit faced anyways. Now you're going to have more beer.
Yeah this was in the age of flasks. This was like everyone's... It was the norm to be an alcoholic.
The beer they're serving on tap is like 10% alcohol by volume. Like... It was like drunk history.
Yeah this picture of a bunch of fucking Arthur Morgans like yeah. Mr. Morgan! Mr. Morgan!
So... How you doing Blacklung? Not exactly what I would have done but...
So this site I do have the art... The history. It was set up... You can still go to this location.
It's set up 14 miles north of Waco. Reminence of Crush. Yeah. It was in the general vicinity of what eventually became the compound in Waco actually.
Really? Yeah. That's fucking crazy! That's fucking wild!
That big field may or may not have been what once was Crush, Texas.
So they set up tents. They had beer halls and restaurants and carnival games and stuff.
That smells like... How they got their money back was the $3.50 was your admission ticket and your train ride there.
But you still had to pay for the booze and the food. Did they have prostitutes?
Probably. That's how they always get you. By charging $20.
So just like movie theaters, popcorn is $20. That's kind of the same idea.
So they had carnival games. They had a Ferris. One of the world's fairs. They borrowed a Ferris.
Smell that. That smells like a... I'd rather not.
It's not going to burn your nose or anything but you can tell how bad it is.
Is this from the wing thing? Hot ones? Yeah.
Yeah. It's actually the new... It has the new world record for the world's hottest pepper.
Surpassing the Carolina Reaper.
This is going to be an episode where I throw up when I go home.
That's what you're talking about.
Ooh! Ooh!
That's like really hot. Holy shit!
No, that's not like a... You didn't just do a small thing there. That's fucking hot.
That's spice caliente.
Yeah, so they made their money back by upcharging on the food and the booze and everything.
They have... He just brushes it off.
I don't think he got much. I think he got like... Oh. I'm fat.
Oh, I thought... No, I thought there was a good chunk of it.
No, because that's the extra fat cells in my body absorb the heat.
That's next level. You don't know heat like that. That's pain.
There isn't even flavor to that. It's just pain.
So, yeah. So they have a Ferris wheel. They have like a tilt-a-whirl.
They have, you know, I think they built a roller coaster on site too.
It's the 1890s so like it's being run by a guy with like one arm. It's very gorgeous.
Hey, my name's Tief.
You're painting a perfect picture right now. I can completely view this.
Are you able to picture this place in your mind?
Yo, what's up? My name's Tief. I don't got any...
It looks ridiculous, but it's like what...
They put in plumbing. They put in a sewer system for this fucking event.
That is insane. They constructed a actual functioning village.
Yeah. Bigger than the village you work in.
Dude, what the fuck?
Railroads back in the day and this is why I like them so much.
They were such a fucking grift. Like, you could just do anything.
It's not like that land cost a lot of money. It's in the middle of fucking nowhere.
I don't think they asked the land. I think they just said this is a good spot and then put everything there.
That's a good point. Yeah.
It's rural Texas in the 1890s. Like, no one lives there. God.
So, take me back.
Country roads.
This 350 acres is mine.
Nobody else has seen it. I'm claiming dibs.
Here in America, we don't like sharing land.
So, this was all in this one guy's idea. His idea was what if we...
He literally thought we could fleece them on everything else on site.
But we got to give them the main event, the spectacle.
So, it was like a legit fucking train.
Yeah. So, they built the train station. They had train lines coming in from all over the country.
People were coming in, like I said, I think about 40 to 50,000 people.
They built a separate train track that went in between two hills.
And so, you're saying that they didn't skimp on the main event here.
No, they went all out.
They knew they were going to turn such a massive profit off.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, they knew.
Okay.
So, the train track they built was a separate one from the one they came in and it was in like a bowl shape.
So, they would start at opposite ends of a hill and then crash into each other.
Because that's smart.
This is like a cartoon.
There's photographic evidence of this happening.
I know. You show me. It's incredible.
So, what they do is they have this.
They have two locomotives that they're willing to get rid of.
And the sad part is because it's the 1890s, if they were like to sell them for scrap metal, they wouldn't get that much back on it.
So, they're like, we'll just fucking crash them into each other.
They took like a bunch of box cars, like five freight cars behind them.
They painted them up with local businesses who are sponsoring the event like a fucking NASCAR.
So, you know, because it's the 1890s, a box car says like.
They had advertisements everywhere.
Yeah. Uncle Chuck's Racism Factory is one of the sponsors or whatever, you know.
Yeah.
You know, because it's the 1890s.
So, we don't want to be dangerous. We don't want to hurt people.
So, what we'll do is we'll make it a separate train track and we'll chain the box cars and train cars together so they don't roll away.
Right.
So, they do that. They put up a fence, kind of like one of those catch fences at a NASCAR race.
Only once again, it's the 1890s. So, it's probably like.
It's like a picket fence.
1890s OSHA wasn't there going, you can't do that.
It's a.
It wasn't exactly a regulated event.
So, they.
Who's going to stop them? The crush police force?
Actually, we'll get to that.
Oh, boy.
Hold that thought.
So, they set that up. They set up grandstands on either sides.
They have more people selling more beer and popcorn and shit.
They were not. They thought maybe 20,000 people will show up.
50,000 showed up the day of.
That sounds like fucking Fire Fest.
They were not prepared.
And so, they had a couple hundred cops back in the day, railroads, and they still do have their own independent, tangible police departments.
That's wild.
It's like.
Those train cops?
Yeah, it's like the closest you have to the Pinkertons.
Like, they can just, like, with impunity, just, like I said earlier, murdering strikebreakers.
So, they have the Missouri, Kansas, and Texas railroad police there acting as the crush police department.
That's wild.
And they're trying to push them back.
And the crowd was so large, they broke down the catch fence.
Yeah, it's like, who are you going to mutual aid to that?
Yeah.
And you know the cops are confused because they're like, they're not striking coal miners or railroaders.
What do we do? We can't just kill them.
They paid to be here. What do we do?
Is it legal for them?
And they're all drunk, even the children.
Back when you could fuck.
Back in the day, when it was good.
When you could have children be drunk.
They figured out that probably a safe distance is like 300 yards.
You know, one yard's three feet, so, you know, 900 feet, that's not, you know.
It's more than a little bit of distance.
It's more than a little bit.
People got as close as I'm going.
That sounds horrific.
That sounds like-
I know you're not wearing headphones, but that sounds horrific on a day.
That's the sound of, like, the crowd pushing at the gate to get closer to see the trains.
So, they-
I just wrenched that thing down so hard.
So, they get within, like, 100 feet of the train tracks.
The crowd.
And they can't push them back. It's like 25,000 people.
Wait, so you're saying that they hopped over the fence?
Yeah, they, like, broke it down. The crowd was so big.
Like, we want to get closer.
We want to get closer. We want to see.
They know what they're showing up to, right?
Not really.
They said-
Okay, Tyler. What the fuck is going on over there?
The other fun thing about this event is they spend, like, they delay the, like, launch, I guess you could call it.
Production follow.
By, like, two and a half hours, because they're trying to push the crowds back.
And eventually it's getting dark.
Like, they've been trying all day to get them in their seats so they could, like, set this event off.
Wait, so these people that broke into this place, they didn't even know that the fucking train crash was happening?
They knew what was going on. They just wanted to be closer.
Like, you see those guys at, like, NASCAR races that are right up along the fence?
Dude, that's not- this is natural selection, though.
Like, let it take course. If they think that that's a good idea, let them know.
Hold that thought.
There's a reason this event is famous.
If it went perfectly fine, no one would be talking about it.
Oh, I know. I know where it goes. It blows my mind. I'm just saying, thank God.
It blew a couple spectators' minds, too, literally.
Oh, shit.
So, thank God they didn't reproduce.
Yeah.
I mean, Texas is still a thing, so.
That's true. Yeah, they're still gonna do this stuff.
Hey-ah.
So, remember the Alamo.
So, people-
Yee-haw!
So, they just keep getting closer and closer.
You know, people keep going back, drinking more.
They're still selling booze to the very inebriated Texans this entire time.
They ran out of booze at one point, so they had to bring in another train of just beer.
God damn.
Like, I want to have that power of an 1890s railroad baron of just like, bring me a train of beer!
I would have loved to have seen the crowd's reaction when they saw that train roll in.
The train pull up and walk straight from St. Louis, Missouri, the Budweiser factory.
Just looks like a fucking Bills game tailgate outside.
Oh, yeah, they had the Budweiser Clydesdales were there, too.
That's fucking hateful.
Fucking everyone was here.
I also want you to-
Before they went woke!
Before- keep in mind, too, that this guy, George Crush, was only like 5'4", shorter than I am.
He was directing this entire event on top of a white stallion, just walking around with a saber, just like,
Yeah, we're gonna do this!
I forgot they had horses back then.
You know you want to be him.
Oh my god, I would love to be the guy.
That sounds like such a boat boy role.
This is my train army.
This is my train battalion.
Walking around like fucking Admiral Thrawn.
It's like straight up Napoleon vibes.
My train- my train- my trains will bring the enemy to their knees.
I'm a train boy.
So finally they say fuck it, like let's just set him off.
His hat gets taller.
It's like Doug Dimmadome.
Yeah, his hat gets taller and taller.
As the day goes on and more people show up, it gives him power.
I still love fucking, not to cut off a thing, but in Fairly Odd Parents, like when like the more they zoomed out of Doug Dimmadome-
The taller his hat got, the more his hat got.
Like they had like basically like an air shot of him.
His hat was in the sky.
Doug Dimmadome!
Oh no, the Doug-
Dimsdale Dimmadome!
The Doug- Doug Dimmadome?
The owner of the Dimsdale Dimmadome?
That's right!
So yeah.
I think he was actually like dressed like that too.
Like he had that over-
Doug Dimmadome?
Yeah.
So anyway, so they finally say fuck it.
The Mr. Candy look from fucking Django Unch.
Yeah, finally they say fuck it, let's go.
You will?
The cops just clear out, they're like we know what's gonna fucking happen, let's go.
So, like whatever.
They have two trains.
Fuckin' have at it.
Two steam locomotives, full boiler pressure, like 180 pounds per square inch of boiler
pressure or something like that.
At a top of a hill, and they're supposed to crash into each other.
They blow the whistle, open the throttle, they let it get up to about five miles an
hour and then they jump off, and they just let them run.
Both, the two trains hit each other at 45 miles an hour.
Okay.
Or a combined speed of damn near 100.
But when they set up this event, they're like yeah, there's no way that the steam engines
are pressure cookers.
Yeah, they're like bombs.
They're like nah, they won't explode.
You know what causes-
Surely not.
Several things cause a steam boiler to explode.
You run out of water, there's too much fire, or you crash into another fucking steam.
Oh no, fucking steam train.
Train go boom.
That will cause problems.
And both locomotives blew up at point blank range in front of these people and killed
like 10 people.
Why are they standing so close?
Because they wanted to see it.
And we have photographic evidence of this event.
Natural selection.
So at 90 miles an hour, these two trains, like all the wood, all the rail cars, they're
not steel like they are now, they're all wood.
So not only are you possibly getting scalded by steam and hit with flying pieces of metal,
you're probably getting impaled on a splintery piece of wood.
Yeah, of course.
I picture a fucking Call of Duty mission.
It was sitting there just watching a fucking train blow up in front of you.
So they staged a photographer like 50 feet from this event.
Yeah.
A piece of a bolt from one of the engines impaled him in his head.
How did he make out?
He actually survived.
It's like the video of the air show where the people were watching like the jets go
around and one of them just crashes right into the middle of the crowd.
Yeah, that's kind of...
That shouldn't be funny, but I can't.
That happened in like 2011.
Yeah, so...
That's wild, bro.
So there's a couple of photos here.
This is the... this photo was taken about a second before impact.
Yep.
You showed me that.
That's fucking hardcore.
Like that photo was taken a second before the photographer did survive.
They had pictures back then.
Yeah.
But that dude from that far away got fucking impaled by a bolt.
About a millisecond later, that's the explosion and a bolt about the size of this beer can
in front of him impaled him in his head.
Holy shit.
Yeah, this isn't like something we use to fix the deck that I broke.
Yeah.
Ten other people got impaled by pieces of wood and metal.
I think like five people died, 30 were injured.
That's fucking sick.
You know what they didn't build in this city?
A hospital?
Yep.
They got a police department shirt.
Well, yeah, because, you know...
EMS did not exist.
Medicine as a whole didn't exist.
If they had a doctor on site, it would have been, have you tried cocaine?
We needed to cut his arm off.
It didn't attack his arm.
That's all we know how to do.
I love the black plague.
It's like all the fucking rich doctors are like, oh shit, this is killing people.
Yeah, we're out.
Yeah, we're bye.
Next thing you know, you got people running around in plague doctor masks.
People immediately swarmed upon the crash site to steal souvenirs.
That's fucking awesome.
You can still find one appeared, a piece of wood with like the lettering on it appeared on eBay
a couple years ago and it sold for like $5,000.
That's wild.
I wouldn't know if...
Is that actually legal to fucking sell?
Yeah, like, I mean, they didn't say you couldn't take it, so...
They should have taken like criminals, like convicted criminals and put them on the train.
Also, it's kind of hard to persecute people that stole pieces of the train that you blew up
when you also killed 10 people.
So, that doesn't exactly make you...
Doesn't paint a good PR image there.
So, this didn't go well.
I mean, they made a fuck ton of money on this.
I mean, they're alive, but this whole thing didn't go well.
Like you say, yeah, we killed about five or six people.
We sent like 30 to the nearest hospital, which was a wooden shack because it's the 1890s.
But memorial.
The doctors probably like, what the fuck?
What the...
1890s Casey's standing there going, fuck do I do for these people?
He's like, this ain't even my wing of the hospital.
What's going on?
So, Mr. William George Crush was promptly fired because he inadvertently killed 10 people.
Even though, to be fair, he asked, should we probably have them farther back?
And everyone was like, nah, it's fine.
But he's the figurehead.
He's the figurehead.
And people got really upset because they're like, are you going to do another one of those?
That was awesome.
They had this view of like train crashes where like monster trucks like Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.
We're going to get rid of two trains.
So he was quietly rehired, made back an administrator for the railroad.
We ended up going to work for the railroad for like 30 something more years.
And railroads kept doing this shit.
Like this was the Genesis.
This was the first one.
Like railroads did this shit all the way up until like the 40s.
It went great.
Like in World Wars I and II, they would do like, you know, your admission ticket would be like, buy war bonds.
Oh shit.
Like Captain America shit.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah.
So yeah, that's about the time that a railroad crashed two trains together intentionally and killed 10 people.
They should still do that.
I would buy a ticket to go see that.
I mean, we don't have to pay to see it anymore.
They should do that with airplanes.
CSX and Norfolk Southern do it inadvertently all the time.
I mean, look at that with AI planes.
Thanks, Joe Moe.
Dispatching those trains down there.
Norfolk Southern has been trying to eradicate Ohio for the past four years.
Dude, I feel like Ohio is just like a fucking black hole in the United States.
Ohio is the Bermuda Triangle of the United States.
I just remembered one last thing about your story.
I just remembered I asked you when we went to when we went out to dinner after work, when you gave me the Cliff Notes on this.
I asked if there was any repercussion from the families of like, how the hell did this happen?
Let's like do something about it.
Nothing.
Not a thing.
They just got away with it.
You paid admission.
You knew what you were getting into.
Yeah, because it's just that time period.
It's not like you fucking murdered my husband.
Why was your husband so close to my railroad?
Yeah.
Just imagine.
Yeah, you're right.
Dude, the fire festival where nobody died got sued into fucking oblivion.
Just imagine if this shit happened now.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Did bro.
What the fuck did Travis Scott fucking five people in the guy?
And dude, he made that.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I don't think he's a fucking demon or anything, but it does not paint a good image that like people are like, yeah, no, you saw it happen.
He didn't stop it.
And he was singing a song about the devil at that point.
It's like, oh, so this is what happens when you summon the devil.
The devil fucking comes, guys.
So let me tell you about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
So we're going to crash two trains together.
Fuck around and find out.
Fuck my mic up.
What can possibly go wrong?
We're launching two building size pressure cookers towards each other.
Mock Jesus.
So I bet you never heard this on Joe Rogan.
God is the best.
I love him to death.
And I think that he's great.
Everybody around here should realize that if you don't love God, then fuck you.
I don't really like goes from slinging just retard around zip zap the whole 45 minute segment comes back with God is good.
God is good.
We don't need further friendly reminder.
If you actually want to like know more about this, listen to the Well, there's your problem podcast episode on it.
Yes.
Yeah.
Why is pineapples like why do pineapples exist?
And that was ADHD personified.
But like that might have been schizophrenia.
All right.
Let's talk about the time that seven up bought an Air Force.
You can't tell if I'm lying or not.
I don't believe it because seven up has a fucking company above them.
They got parent company.
Yeah.
Dr. Pepper.
No, they're actually owned by Dr. Pepper.
Is Dr. Pepper's own thing?
Why is it every time I'm here, I talk about soda.
I like so they do weird fucking things.
I'm a big barge root beer kind of guy.
Moxie.
We've been over this.
Moxie.
I sent you guys the photo to my Moxie.
Go to Cracker Barrel.
They have Moxie there.
They have Moxie.
Yeah, that's where I was.
Oh, shit.
Anyway, I thought you were like out of state.
No, I was at a Cracker Barrel and take a break.
Before we take a break.
Yeah, we got the new Pepper X.
Why are you talking to me?
Sauce.
Why is it just me?
I already did it.
It's your turn.
I just want to like.
Wait, do we have wings upstairs?
Yeah, we do.
Well, you want me to take a little tiny, tiny bit of it?
I want you to take a swig of that like you're an 1890s fairgoer in Crush, Texas.
It doesn't even come out.
Yeah, dude, because it's a fucking paste.
That's a poison, bro.
It's not a fucking hot sauce.
You gotta do a dab on the chicken wing.
You gotta shake it up.
You gotta do a dab, bro.
You gotta do a dab.
Don't mean no fang.
Dude, that shit is fucking not meant for human consumption.
Not, bro.
It's cool.
Yeah.
Have you ever had sex on a medicine ball?
That'd be kind of cool.
That sounds like geometry.
Geometry.
Geometrically.
I'll tell you what.
Let's take a break and we'll come back.
You can't get the fucking sauce out.
So you just fuck it.
Yeah, no, we're good, actually.
Now, we'll put it on a chicken wing.
Oh, boy.
All right, we'll be back.
Bye.
Cut my life into pieces.
This is the end of my life.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
It'll be the first time I made it.
I'm gonna get my camera out.
Do it! Do it! Do it!
There it goes.
Oh.
OHHHH
FUCK!
You taste it?
Oh, what have I done?
How is it? How much did you have?
Fuck around with my mouth.
I speared it all over my fucking tongue.
Phrasing.
So I just had a drop
and my mouth was on fire.
Phrasing.
What?
You guys keep saying this shit and I'm gonna keep saying
phrasing.
You know, Archer?
No.
How you doing, Ellie Mac?
I feel like my fucking tongue's swelling up.
Yeah, it's Pepper X.
What's hot? A letter ghost pepper.
That?
Fuck man.
Apparently it's three times hotter than a Carolina Reaper.
Wow, that's sad.
And that's not even a pepper, that's just the sauce.
For those of you who are curious, this is Hot Ones brand.
The Last Dab experience.
Oh, the beer made it so much worse.
Oh my god.
With no email.
This is over 91% Pepper X.
Alright, let's ask Ellie Mac some tough questions.
But good news, zero calories, kids.
Ellie Mac, what was...
Would you like some atomic bombs?
Ellie Mac, what was...
Tell us about...
Ellie Mac, who is on Mount Rushmore?
No, no, no.
Tell us about a life changing experience, Ellie Mac.
When he met me.
You got it.
Oh, I'm getting so light headed.
I'm hyperventilating to cool my mouth off.
I'll take over for him.
I am now Ellie Mac.
Have I told you how much I love Guinness?
I'll tell you a life changing moment.
Right now?
About my life.
When you do that kind of air talk, right?
Talking's kind of hard right now.
Hold up, I'm gonna pass out.
And slow it down a bit.
Can I intubate you?
No.
No, no, okay.
Wow.
Fuck that stuff.
Casey, you're a nurse, go get the fuck out of the picture.
No, I'm off duty.
We're gonna intubate him.
Life changing moment, I'd say I really feel I turned a corner.
In what was my chronic alcoholism.
Fuck.
It's so bad.
I'm trying to go for like a deep story here.
This isn't gonna work well.
Oh wait, this is why I'm here.
You wanted to have a paramedic on site just in case.
Yeah, it's an intervention.
Oh fuck.
I went to a fucking Yankees game with Cece and it was like, fuck, ow.
Ow man.
Talking just, it slows the breathing down.
Makes the heat come in so quick.
Careful with the wires.
Yeah, our high production value can't stand this.
I'm seeing in 2D, you gotta bear with me my guy.
Alibeck is also drunk and high today.
I won't say drunk, I'm buzzed.
But like, fuck, I'm really high.
And wow.
It's more hot.
It's more than heat.
Yeah, did you see the video I sent of, what's his name?
The Hot Ones guy was eating the
hot ones.
And he was like, oh, I'm gonna go get some hot ones.
It'd be like some Island
Mhm
And my criticism for this guy was
to eat the whole最indeel
to eat the whole quartet
so Mexican
soKorean
fucking
But I get this like tingling feeling in my arms dude. Hi for me
I have the fucking tingling feeling in my my hands are tingling right now cuz I'm fucking
Bro, I'm fucking ass die right now. Oh
It's like a hot well. I don't know do you get like a high off of it
I mean a little bit now that I'm starting to come down a little bit, but bro. I
Feel like shit
I'm dying like I feel as much as he is I feel like I'm been fucking hyperventilating my lips are fucking twitching right now
My lips are contracting. I can't like fucking wide in my mouth
So I'm real angry
Have released another song whoo oh shit the Beatles yeah, I love the Beatles gotta be AI
I fucking hate it they have John Lennon AI and I want to kill him again. I don't can I kill AI John Lennon?
Let me know unplug the computer. That's right. It's not my list out there contract is so uncomfortable, bro
Feel like I need to record this and play it back for him later. I feel like I'm trying to be like a fucking I
Feel like I'm puckering my lips right now, and I literally cannot control it
I'm having a fucking like dystonic reaction over here is fucking
So my hair ways fine
All right, so today
Alley Mac we got a game. That's not based on trivia
Mmm, so that's good for you. I guess why are you just talking to me? I don't know I'm under no legal
Fucking welcome
Actually, this is not a game show so you know why are we playing the V music?
Got me all excited for nothing I
Thought it was I thought Bob Barker was gonna talk up tells to get our pets spayed and neutered are you guys?
Good actors
Yeah
Maybe you like 20 minutes, bro. Oh good theater kids. I still feel like I'm about to pass
I could be I tell my patients. I care about them. I have some
No, I think some atomic rhino would be a great way to follow up that
Alright, where's Dan when you need him?
Fucking Dan so it's okay. What's going on here? What's the music for?
Yeah, so there's this there's this improv games called party quirks. Oh boy
Ah whose line is it anyway? Oh, yeah, kind of like that. Yeah, so basically
Tyler so I was having a hosting a party. Oh, we'll be the host of the party. You have to guess what?
We all are I
Have to guess what you are. Yeah, don't look at the screen. So Tyler has to guess what we are
So Tyler has to guess what we are. So yeah, so we're all gonna like play a character
Okay, and go like the scene is like Tyler's host me a party and he has to during the scene
He has to guess who we are if he gets it right then he gets a point for us
And then the party we have around so I have to make points don't matter as far as as far as yeah the points don't matter
Then we just go around and switch whoever like the the main
Thinker is so I'm gonna send
I
Will send you
Who you are? Yeah
Move my phones dad. That's our that's a real expo. That's a real possibility
You might have to still fucked up dude. My lips are contracted. I'm like uncomfortable still
Might have to send me both mine
contracted boys
All right, that's for you. Did you get yours? Oh look at it in a second, bro. I
Got mine that's great. I got nothing man. I don't know. I feel like there should be some kind of background music, right?
Fuck okay. I got
November rain that's not party music. I need that pipe clanging randomly
Hey, hey
Wait, so are we all the same thing? No
So did you get yours? Oh, yeah, this sets the mood. All right
Did you get yours? Yeah, I get some more fucking volume here some more volume. Yeah
All right
We got so we got our characters and
Tyler you started off to the party. All right, sup fuckers. Welcome to the party. Who the fuck am I? Wait, I don't even know who I
Okay, I feel like I got it, okay, so fuckers welcome to the party we got beer in the back
We're at Delta Chi fraternity
You guys new pledges or something? I
Wait, wait, we're at Delta Chi where any no, we're not we're not stopping
I'm not asking. What do we got Larry King? Who are you?
So you do you know Biden? I'm speaking outside the thing right now
But you can do it like we when you bring in one person at a time so you can kind of talk to our
Okay, I just I started swinging early
So are we trying to hide what we are? No, you're just playing a character
We're trying to see if he can guess who we are. There's the point of the game wait, so do I pick out of a category?
Of like what you just gave me no, you're just
You have to do what he sent you. Okay, but he's just like hey, what do you do? Oh my god
No, all right, we're good
We got the fucking bottles in the back people. We got the fucking hoes
So, uh, welcome to party who the fuck are you guys? I don't think I invited you to the party
Do I'm just in fucking going to raise right now. All right, dude. Listen. Listen, who are you people?
Why are you at my fucking party?
Why are you asking me these questions? We're fine. We don't we don't need to stop. What the fuck are you?
We don't need to stop. I'm trying to listen to this music, bro. You're fucking
If you would stop talking, I'd be able to figure this out. Okay. Oh, okay. We're not we're fine. I don't know
We don't need help. Okay, you got a bathroom. I know a hundred percent where I live
You got a bathroom
Sure. Yes
We're just listen listen, this is a combine guy
I'm the one who's driving
We're fine. We don't need help. I'm so scared right now. I don't even know who you guys are. I ate too much Taco Bell
And then I tried to save the world what do you think about this song man, I think it sucks
We'll be fine no, no, don't no don't roll down the window
Are we the car? What did we get in the car?
I got some fucking towel and all
No, don't act donut. Don't Tyler. Don't don't ask him. You don't don't ask him where we're going
We're fine
Listen man
This guy's high as fuck. Am I just acting bro? I don't know but he's both dude. I'm just telling you man
I'm vibing out with you want to take a guess at any of us. I think that you're Bernie Sanders
I'm fucking
Bernie Sanders. I think that Mike's Bernie Sanders
He's either Bernie Sanders or Joe Biden or something like that
I think he's a VT or some rave guy. Yeah
Yeah, I was
I'm serious EDM DJ. You're talking about Tyler. Yeah, we're not lost. Okay, we're not stopping
Listen bro, I saw the signal, but I just had to take a shit so bad
I couldn't take a shit. What are you constipated? Yes constipated?
I'm a bad man. What? No. No. You already fucked up bismol. I'm dead. So you're damn Bishop?
I'm like what?
Take your fucking hood down bro. Winner winner chicken dinner. That's the best one all night.
I still have no fucking idea who you are. We're not stopping. Are you an angry dad that's trying to go to fucking Disney World?
He's getting there. He's getting there. What do angry dads driving not want to do?
Yeah, at one point I was trying to because it was old man who won't stop for directions and my old man
My old man, I don't need the GPS the map works just fine. I mean the party
My old man's voice sounds a lot like Bernie Sanders. I think all people should be allowed to stop for directions. Can I be the Zodiac Killer?
Also your Tyler aka Ken Cruz. Ali Mack you're hosting a party. That man ate my son. Oh I'm hosting a party. Send me a message. Nooooooooo.
I think I might be too retarded for this. I'm going to give you guys some rolls here. Really?
That was actually meant for Dan. What that one? Which one was I supposed to be? I'll give you yours. So who's hosting the party now? Ali Mack.
Alright here. Tyler look at mine. Was it me? Was he supposed to act as me? No. I know this person really well. That's really funny. Dan Juan?
Alright. Damn dude that's fucking crazy. There's no way I would be at this party. This music sucks. Yeah I don't. This isn't opera. Bro I ain't a famous EDM DJ anymore. This isn't WMHT.
I'm just hosting a party my guy. Dude listen. This party is fucking sick. You're fucking sick. I fucking love this shit man. I fucking love it. Dude you're so fucking cool. Dude listen this party is one of the coolest parties I've ever been to bro.
I fucking love this shit bro. What's up bro? Hey girl. What's up dude? Girl. Don't fuck it. You using that bro? Don't be greedy with it. Oh dude you doing that shit? That shit is fucking sick. I bet you can do it. Oh dude you can hit that shit so fucking hard bro.
Dude you're so fucking cool. Dude this guy. Dude look at this guy. This guy is one of the coolest guys I've ever met in my entire fucking life. What else you got? You got bottle to x out? You got bottle to x out? Dude listen. Oh shit. I'm thinking you're probably on math. No. Hey girl you know I got as much power as a GE engine because I can go all night long.
This guy over here right here, dude, you should go in a date with this guy because he's fucking spider
Dude, listen, did you know everybody else thinks that I'm the best but listen, I'm not the best
These guys are the best also sick party bro. I fucking love this. Did you know you can tell the manufacturer
by the wheel arrangement
I just pull a muscle in my neck for a shit. I'm gonna hit it again. I'm gonna hit it again.
This is an acid trip, what is happening? What is happening? I can't even speak, I don't know what to say.
Dude, listen, it's okay if you don't know what to speak about because you're just fucking awesome, dude. I fucking love you man.
I have no fucking idea who any of you are but you all sound like lunatics.
Listen man, I'm you especially. I'm gonna go off the rails. Wait, out of the scenario, that's just normal for Tyler, right?
Bro, this shit's fucking sick. Who are you? What do you do? I'm trying to figure it out man. Don't worry girl.
I need something to go off of. Listen man, I'm just here to get the party going and to make sure that everyone feels good bro.
I think this is great. Bro, you might try to take a couple of these for home.
Dude, are you fucking serious man? Because you can do that shit right here. Because guess what man? You do this shit right here.
That's gonna fucking get this shit fucking going. Hell yeah man. Fucking yeah.
I'm gonna fucking open the ball. Okay. Yeah. Let's go bro.
Dude, you know DJ Khaled? He's like my idol bro. DJ Khaled just going DJ Khaled. Dude, it gets people so fucking, it gets people going man.
When DJ Khaled gets up on the stage and he just screams DJ Khaled. It makes people fucking so hyped up bro.
Woo. You doing lines of coke? Yeah man. DJ Khaled.
Hey girl. I don't know. Hey girl. Yeah. The way that train plowed into that other train is what I want to do to you later.
I don't know what the...
Hey girl. Alright, let's get some guests in and be back. See, you're on nap.
I mean he's not wrong but yeah. Nah dude.
Well you're on something. Nah man, I'm on hype.
The way that one train plowed into that other train is what I want to do to you later.
I don't know. You're trying to be like some dude that just got real shitty pick up lines or something.
He's getting there. He's getting there. He's close.
What are you like a fucking dude on Tinder assumption? I don't fucking know.
What the fuck? Talking about trains my guy. Talking about trains? Yeah.
What are you a fucking train enthusiast that's trying to pick chicks up or something? Yeah.
It's literally just an over sexualized version of me.
Train man's pick up lines. Yeah. And you're like over there.
I'm like trains aren't that sexy.
That fucking went to my head bro. Jesus Christ.
Dude I'm still fucking... I still taste it. I know right?
Dude you are fucking sick. Everybody here is a fucking king man. I love this shit.
Wait are you like a gay dude? Nah dude I'm loving this shit.
Are you Jimmy Fallon? Hell yeah. I'm loving this shit.
Are you Jimmy Fallon? Who the fuck talks like that? Are you a specific person?
No I'm the type of person. Are you the fucking frat boy? No.
Fuck I thought you got it.
Hell yeah man. I love this shit. This guy over here.
One of the coolest guys I've ever fucking met. Are you like the drunk dude at the party that loves everyone?
Closer. I'm doing this shit. I'm making sure everybody's having a good time.
You fucking great. He's fucking great.
Are you the nice guy at a party? I don't know. Nah dude.
I'm the guy. I'm everyone else's hype man.
Wait you just like the hype beast? Yeah I'm a hype beast bro.
What am I Alibeck? He's Tyler.
Yeah you're fucking... I don't know you look like Tyler. No you're not.
I'm fucking storing smelling salts. I didn't get as much audio out of you as I did.
You're overthinking it.
Wait are you you? What? What are you you? No.
I'm addicted to smelling salts.
Oh. That's fucking stupid.
This guy's doing lines in the bathroom.
Lines is a smell of salts.
Alibeck you got one. You got one of those.
Oh yeah whatever.
That's a miracle I got the one. I can't even remember what I guessed for you.
I'm a guy trying to pick up chicks with train facts.
Oh shit yeah I'm actually kinda surprised.
Which is why we all collectively died laughing because I actually know train facts.
That's the problem.
Alright for train man's party.
Wait do we get to do one on you?
Yeah. I mean I didn't make any for myself.
I think we can think of something for each of us to be.
Yeah for train man's party I'm sending you a...
This is a sad party.
Alibeck.
Alright I gotta look at my phone here.
That's actually really funny.
See the problem is like I don't know.
Like I doubt I'll... like if it's anything remotely pop culture I won't know.
I'm gonna try to fucking really method act this one.
This one's funny. I love this one.
Oh god.
You played the part well.
I could yeah.
Alright train man you got your party going here.
This is not my party. This is not the type of music I would have but go on.
Let's do it. Listen. Hey.
Okay.
Don't touch me.
Listen.
Don't touch me.
Are you doing me now? Don't touch me.
Listen.
Do you have a relative that died recently?
Buddy.
Are you a medium or a psychic?
Do you have a relative that died recently that starts with P?
If I were you.
Do you start with P?
If I were you Tyler.
Tyler if I were you.
You're some kind of medium or psychic.
If I were you I would try to get out of your sim.
Peter. Peter. Peter.
Pop. Pop. Pop. It. Preston.
I.
You know.
That's the problem with youth today in America.
Listen.
Is that we have these type of kids coming out here.
No. No. Listen.
You just really can't.
Do you have a family member that died?
Because I.
Well I can't really say whether one way or the other.
I'm getting a real.
Listen. I can't commit to.
I'm getting an eye on the spectrum.
Okay.
It doesn't matter what's going to happen.
I'm getting.
I'm getting a force.
Some kind of medium but I don't.
I'm getting a force.
It's coming.
Is it a cat?
I think.
For some reason you feel like a weird cross between a medium or a psychic and the sham
wow guy.
I don't know why.
That's really fucking funny dude.
Bam.
There's a friend with a sergeant P.
P?
Is there a P over here?
Oh.
Oh no.
I don't know.
I don't know any more.
I think we got to clean up our streets.
We got to make our country safer.
I don't know.
Are you Donald Trump?
No.
I can hear spirit talking to me he's saying that you have five million dollars in your
bank account right?
Are you schizophrenic?
You have five million dollars in your bank account.
Is there where's the money?
That's what I'm getting is where's the money?
This guy, he's possessed by his spirit currently.
All I'm saying is that everybody's gonna wish that they got out of here a little bit.
Okay, okay, listen.
He sounds like me, actually, like when I'm at work, like.
I'm getting it, I'm getting it, I'm getting it.
Just saying, this room's a ticking time bomb.
I'm getting it.
Just waiting for somebody to light the match.
I'm getting a...
Are you an arsonist?
No.
I have no fucking idea.
I'm getting a...
I don't even want to be here.
Is there paint thinner?
I don't fucking like any of these people.
Do you like paint thinner?
Do you smell?
Well, I can't really say one way or the other.
Are you a politician of some sort?
Yes.
Just a politician?
Just a politician who is indecisive.
Okay.
So all of them.
Who doesn't want to answer a question?
Are you a medium, Tyler, or no?
I'm a medium of some sort.
Of some sort.
Are you a fake medium?
Like one of those television ones?
I'm the worst psychic in America.
The worst psychic in America?
I think music...
I listen to Eminem the whole way here.
Are you white trash from the suburbs?
No.
I'm just saying this ain't the party to be at tonight.
You're Ali-Mac.
Not with me around.
You don't want this party here, man.
Are you a school shooter?
That's what I was thinking.
I'm saying you're getting kind of close, my guy.
You're like a homegrown terrorist for some time.
I ain't into school though, are we?
Where am I right now?
What do I want to do?
I want to fucking...
You look like you want to shoot up a school.
That's why I asked that question.
I don't want to shoot up a school, man.
But this party...
A guy who hates parties a lot.
I just showed up and he was like,
Tyler, you're right.
So he's me?
No, he hates parties.
The only way to fix it is just to fucking cut the head off the snake.
And this party...
Oh my fucking god.
I'm a fucking serial killer?
You're getting colder.
Who are you?
Who are you people?
I want to shoot...
The numbers, Mason.
What do they mean?
I want to shoot up this fucking party.
That's fucking scary, man.
That's who I am.
So you were so close with school shooter.
I was trying to point you in the right direction.
He secretly wants to shoot up the entire party.
That's why I like this room's a fucking ticking time bomb.
I feel like school shooter's pretty close.
I was over there driving here and I'm like...
3AM in the morning, body's laying all over the floor.
So I was listening to the music.
If you're wearing a trench coat or something, that'd be...
I should have known.
I kept breaking character because it was funny.
But...
I know.
That's the problem.
Because I'd be like, bro, listen to me.
His method acting was shitty.
Don't fucking touch him.
I'll tell you what.
You want to get out of here.
Pick whatever you want and I'll guess.
What's that?
Pick whatever you want and I'll guess.
Okay.
I got one.
This party's bumping.
I want to do one purely for...
We're picking what we're going to be for you?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm purely going to do one for shock value and the fun of it.
So you need to be like a category of person.
You can't pretend to be a person.
No, you can't.
You can be anybody.
Oh, oh, good, good.
You gotta give me a minute.
My hair is warm enough for this, but...
Listen, man.
Look, you are wrong, okay?
Casey, you are fucking wrong.
Christ is the only way.
Oh, you're Tyler.
Yeah.
Oh, you're Tyler.
Wait, do we start?
Do I just blow it?
Yeah.
Oh, I mean, that's fine.
I was doing that more for just the purely...
Everyone wants to be me.
I was going to say, I was going to get picked up on immediately.
I just did it.
I literally said just purely for the shock value and for the fun of it.
Dude, everyone wants to be me.
I know.
I kind of look like John Travolta.
Christ is the only way.
He is.
We're going to get us canceled.
All right.
Welcome, friends.
Come on in.
I got a good one.
Hey, man.
Come on in, friends.
Welcome to the party.
Hey, man, do you have Wi-Fi?
No, I actually...
I'm very happy that they have Wi-Fi because that would give me fucking cancer.
I'm so happy.
Can everybody turn off their cell phones?
Are you California?
Everything gives you cancer?
Do you have medical condition or something?
No, no.
I just really think that...
Are you Chuck from Better Call Saul?
No, but that's funny, too.
I thought he had you.
I really thought he had you there.
Dude, if you got like a Faraday cage to put everybody's phone in or something.
Are you schizophrenic?
Are you allergic to electricity?
I mean, like...
He's Tyler Lee.
I'm going through this shit.
And, you know, let me tell you, you have too many things that listen to you right now.
Dude, look at that Alexa.
You got to turn that shit off.
It's fucking bad.
He's the Infowars guy.
Closer.
Listen, listen.
Do you know the person who runs this shit?
It's not a human.
It's a fucking lizard person.
Joe Biden likes to fuck girls that are below the age of...
Have you guys met?
Tyler Lee?
Have you guys met?
Fuck, I forgot who I was going to be.
Fuck.
Hold up, give me a minute.
So you were just Tyler screaming at me?
Yeah, it was just Tyler.
Oh, I thought you...I didn't realize...I fucking guessed that though.
I thought you were doing that as a joke.
I didn't realize that was actually happening.
I literally said, I'm like, I just kind of want to do this just for the fun of it.
Dude, being me is pretty fun.
I know.
I can just say politically incorrect shit and get away with it for no reason.
So Casey,
have you ever just thought about space?
Have you ever just really thought about...
Am I allowed to do another one?
Are you Neil the Grass Tyson?
No.
You just made me want to do another one actually.
Thank you for...
I did the same thing to him.
I feel like this is just a bonus.
That took me so long to come up with, dude.
This is just like the bonus.
Tyler, you're just a conspiracy theorist.
Yeah, that's right.
I just thought of another one that I want to do.
What's the mean?
This is kind of free reign.
We're doing just the bonus round now where we just come up with random characters.
Yeah.
I guess so.
All right.
I got like, you know, another set for you.
You guys ever fuck on heroin?
While we're waiting for him, should I just do another one?
Yeah.
Let's see.
I'm sending you.
Well, this one's for Tyler.
This one's for Tyler.
Okay.
I'm sending you a character.
Are you sending me a character?
No, I'm sending a...
How the fuck do I even do this one?
Oh, I'm Tyler again.
What the fuck?
I'm tougher again.
All right, Tyler.
How do you act that?
That's such a specific thing.
How do you act that without giving it...
You need to give some sort of hint.
The problem is, none of them are here.
All right, Tyler.
You're a party.
All right, friends. What's up?
Did you give the theater kid the hard one?
What's up, friends?
We got a poker table.
I really hate my life.
My wife is a piece of shit. I don't really want to see her right now.
Me too, bro.
Hold on, I gotta take this fucking call.
Wait, whose party is this?
It's time to fucking party, bro.
No, I'm serious, man.
I gotta be out of here.
Are you just a guy who jerks off to Hentai?
Sell it.
I gotta be out of here at midnight.
Sell it! Are you a fucking day trader?
I'm a condescending stockbroker.
That was so oddly specific.
Sell it, you fucker.
Bro, I really gotta know what time it is.
I gotta get out of here before...
Dude, if I'm here past midnight...
Are you a werewolf?
Yeah.
That's what I mean. How do I fucking act like that?
Like one of them goes...
Are you gonna be like, what?
I really don't think we can air this episode.
I don't think we can air this episode.
Are you a porn addict?
Wait, do you want them to get it?
What? Do you want the person to get it?
Yes. Oh, I thought you were trying...
No, are you trying to fucking...
I have a fundamental misunderstanding of this game.
I thought you were trying to make it hard for the person to get it.
Well, you are.
Are you like...
You're not supposed to make it obvious.
Are you a horndog?
He's getting there.
Are you just a guy who's trying to fuck?
Are you a man whore?
I can't even remember what you said.
Yeah, bro. Look at those girls on that pole.
Oh, yeah!
That's it right there.
Never mind, I remember what you are.
It's two o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon and here I am.
Is this the fucking guy who runs the strip club?
Yeah.
He just comes every time he sees the strip club.
He just comes every time? He's Dan?
Oh, yeah, I should have...
He's gonna cum in his pants.
I should have just done this.
For those of you at home, there's a post-it note in my chair that says, Dan sits here.
Put that on his paper space.
Here's a good character for you, Tyler.
Okay.
This one's for Train Man.
Hi, Mac, I'm giving you another roll.
Oh, is it my turn to have the party?
Where the fuck did my phone go?
Oh, there it is.
I didn't do well at this the first time.
Oh, that's a good one.
Okay.
Alright, Train Man's hosting the party.
Alright.
Oh.
Jesus.
Can we take a picture of him and make it the cover for today's episode?
What the fuck are you on about, bro?
Are you Don Juan?
Dan, we miss you.
What the fuck are you?
A complete and utter psychopath.
No, he can't be himself.
Listen, Dan, I don't fucking see any of these people, man.
Are you a guy who sees dead people after the war?
Are you having like Vietnam flashbacks right now?
Yeah, that's a Vietnam guy with you.
Is it? Was it?
Yeah.
Fuck.
I got too engrossed in that. I gotta remember what I was.
This dude here fucking sucks.
Are you Gordon Ramsay?
There you go.
This is such a hard one without giving it away.
Fuck.
Who are you?
I didn't even have to say, I said like two words and just stayed there.
I'm not gonna do that.
I said like two words and just stared off.
I'm like, hold on, wait a minute.
How are you doing, bro?
I'm just glad we're on a break.
I needed a drink.
You're Alex McDonald.
Oh yeah, so part of the thing is like you can ask some questions to try to figure out who they are.
Are you an athlete?
No, I'm not.
I mean, maybe some people would think that, but no.
Fuck out my voice is shot.
Are you Bert Kreischer?
No.
He is the machine.
Fuck that guy.
I fucking hate stand up comedians. Nothing like what I do.
Are you Joe Rogan?
Are you a SoundCloud rapper?
No. You need to have fucking talent to do what I do.
Nobody.
Are you Kanye?
You're fucking heavy for everybody.
Are you a singer?
Fuck singers. Yeah, sure.
They're in there with us, but fuck those guys.
They don't do what I do.
Are you a rapper?
Fucking rap sucks.
Are you a bassist?
Dude, you got fucking into heavier shit.
What the fuck are we talking about, man?
Are you an emo kid who likes music?
Nah, man. I'm in the fucking band.
I ain't no fan, bro.
I'm in there.
Tyler, I already guessed what you were.
Please stop making that face.
Dude, my fucking voice hurts.
I'm just glad I'm on break right now.
But dude.
Are you fucking Screamo singer?
There you go.
There you go. You're a metal vocalist on break.
Okay, Tyler, please stop it.
Look at his face.
Alright, and finally,
final one for Ali Mack.
Oh, Christ.
There's your new role.
Oh, shit.
I look like fucking Oppenheimer.
Train man.
Dracula flow.
That's your role.
Why did you send a picture of Bella Lugosi in the group chat earlier today?
I'll choke him until he sees darkness in his eyes.
I just want you to know you kind of ruined one of my favorite movies for me.
I'm like, I can't.
Alright.
I can't wait to take the dark and let the archangels take them.
I can't not watch this movie again without laughing now.
Just like because of you.
Did you watch the Dracula flow videos?
No.
Oh, you got to see the source material.
But because of you, I couldn't go to Harry Potter World when I was on vacation.
Not just start laughing hysterically.
I'm just like, God damn it.
When the meat curtain...
The meat cannon's in action, I'm shooting ropes.
I'm just crying.
Shooting ropes.
I was throwing diamonds under the pyramids of Giza.
I flipped a whole brick into an ember.
Alright, Ali Mack, you get the...
Tyler, did you get the thing?
Oh fuck.
You got it?
Alright.
Ali Mack, go.
How do I...
This is part of the act?
No.
I'm just going to go with the action.
This is part of the act?
No.
No, it's because fucking Night Shift didn't fucking check out the truck like they were supposed to.
Okay, so you're the...
You're going to be the disgruntled Day Shift EMS worker.
Look, man, you don't know how tough it is out there, okay?
One time.
Did you look at my boyfriend?
One time, okay?
Fucking AFD.
Did you look at my boyfriend?
So you're the crazy girlfriend.
Did you look at my fucking boyfriend?
Yeah, so you're the crazy girlfriend.
AFD, okay?
They're like, nah, this is fine.
You can take this. I'm like, I don't know, man, this guy's fucked up.
And...
Are you Michael Bayer?
Yeah, you're the fucking American psycho Christian Bale.
That's what's going on here.
I don't want to be near you.
Dude, I'm too high to do that.
And they're like, nah, this is fine.
We'll just put it on him and just take him.
Listen, if you look at my boyfriend, I'll fucking kill you.
You're a nutcase girlfriend.
And then we get there.
And the fucking nurse is yelling at me.
Listen, my boyfriend is the best person on the planet.
I fucking swear to God.
I've been doing this for three weeks.
And I've seen more shit.
You're the fucking girl that's scared that everybody's gonna take his guy.
Yeah, that's close enough.
I'm free.
You don't know shit.
You haven't seen the shit that I've seen.
Oh, you're the fucking zero to zero.
I'm free.
You're the fucking zero to zero.
Oh, you're the fucking zero to hero.
You're getting close.
You're the zero to hero.
You act like they've seen shit. You're thumbadumping.
AFD just said fuck it.
Oh, you're a new Mohawk.
Yeah.
You're the BLS war story veteran.
I'm like, I don't know. That's pretty close.
We'll give him that.
Fucking AFD.
Hell yeah.
Do they fucking put me on zone one coverage?
Like send me to another fucking city?
Like keep sending me to station six?
Why can't I go to Glenville?
And I was Michael Myers.
Everybody's just a fucking asshole out there for no reason.
Everyone's connected.
He fucking sucks.
The fire department sucks.
Glenville sucks.
No, no. The thing they took pride in was our firefighters are way better than yours.
And then every time I went out there on zone coverage, I'm like, no, they're not.
They're just as bad.
They are.
They're just as bad, if not worse.
Believe that the last 10 minutes were fucked.
No, I gotta shut the fuck up.
You, Ali Mack, you haven't seen the shit I've seen, okay?
I had to do a wait and return at a dialysis center.
No, fucking what?
You know how much Medicare fraud we committed in one shift?
Oh my lord.
Ethel has to get to her appointment.
I don't care if it's...
See, now I'm just Mohawk man.
I'm just a fucking
I don't care if there's six feet of snow outside.
You gotta take her to dialysis.
Jesus Christ.
It's on you.
This show sucks.
No, Jesus Christ, we're not talking about Freddie.
Gentlemen, let's go help some people.
God damn hero.
I like him.
He's one of the few that I like.
He's good people.
Are we ghost hunting next week?
Nope.
That was
That was fucking
Damn son, that got shut down
fast.
I wasn't able to talk to anybody up there. They were all gone.
You'll appreciate this time. I told
Casey before you guys show up, I said I feel like
I should just randomly show up either in a Ghostbusters
costume or in like dressed
as like Fred from Scooby-Doo.
Come on, gang.
We're going ghost hunting and by that I mean we're smoking pot
in a van with our Great Dane.
You have a Great Dane?
No, I have a German Shepherd.
Misha!
My fucking asshole German Shepherd.
I love it. I just love the pictures of her when she's wearing
diapers. She's a fully grown
German Shepherd wearing diapers. I don't want her to shit on
my couch. I know, it's just funny.
The first time I met her I was like, oh.
Somebody has a poopy problem.
So can we just talk about
Big vicious German Shepherd and she falls asleep on your lap.
She's adorable. I love
her. Can we talk about how Fred Durst exists?
Dude, he's a fucking
Dude, did you ever fucking see that shit he pulled at Woodstock?
Which one?
The one where he just, he was the one that really
fucking, what's the song they had? Break Shit?
Yeah, it was Woodstock 99.
And he, the crowd fucking
that's when everything went downhill.
Because it was like a fire festival.
It was poorly put together. And he played the song
Break Shit and they were already trying to
get the crowd to calm down. It's no intentional train crash in Texas.
They were trying to get the crowd to calm down.
And like not
Break Shit. And then they came out
and you could tell, it was like he was making the decision
like, is this song a good idea right now?
Like I know
Give me something to break!
And then you just see him enter
You see him enter
a power trip. You see him stop caring
that the place is falling apart.
And he just tries to keep, get people going
fucking harder.
And then it just escalated.
It was a fucking nightmare. Performers were getting like
mud thrown at them.
Mud? Like yeah. And then like the fucking
MTV producers were getting
rocks thrown at their tenants.
That kind of shit doesn't happen at the New York Philharmonic, okay?
No it doesn't.
Cause like everybody
was fucking pissed off at MTV.
I don't remember going to see it.
I don't remember going to see a ballet and shit popping off.
Fred Durst, he just played Break Shit.
If you watched a video from it, it's insane.
They're like setting fires to shit
in the crowd. It was when it started.
That was the big downfall.
Then they like tried to curb it
the next day by bringing fucking Willie
Nelson out to start it off. Hey guys!
Hoping it would like be like a
calming... Hey guys, how you doing?
I'm Willie Nelson.
A bunch of people got fucked up by that
show Woodstock 99. Yep.
The fire department refused to go
in when there was like
not thousands, there was like six different
active fires.
Like big fires that were spreading
and people were like doing fucking circle pits
around them. They don't fight what we fear apparently.
No.
Actually I want to talk about the movie theater thing a little bit.
Cause there... Has anybody
seen the fucking cult that fucking
showed up to this Taylor Swift thing?
It's a concert!
She's the person that's going to be on the cover of Madden 24, right?
Yeah, and like so my girlfriend
was like, I got... She was saying how
she got invited to it and she was even like
they're like a little bit like weird into it.
Like I don't know if I'd want to go.
Like they're like going to be like standing up
and singing and belting out every single song.
She said that she didn't go. She hung out
with me at my dad's house
watching the dogs, but apparently
they fucking...
Like middle of the movie
everybody's standing up
and the ones that aren't standing up have gathered
in the front of the theater, are holding
hands and running in a circle.
It looked like some wicked shit.
It looked like something out of Midsummer.
Like it was fucking weird.
It was like some ritual and it's like y'all really trying
to say you Swifties ain't culties?
No, Swifties are definitely a cult.
So apparently, I read this thing as getting
kind of off topic, but figured
apparently she's like really hated
in her own hometown.
Yeah, go figure.
Reading Pennsylvania.
Fucking James Charles! I went to fucking
high school with that piece of shit!
So
keep going though. Because she started to get famous
in like...
Yeah, he went to Bethlehem.
While she was still in high school.
So like her first couple albums
were about people that she dated
in high school. So these albums, she's
getting rich off of them. And these are real people.
Like these are people in her hometown,
in her high school. Apparently she has not...
She wears short skirts!
I wear t-shirts!
Like literally, like she's making songs
about this. Like her fucking hometown hates her
and I think that's kind of funny actually.
Like I mean, Reading Pennsylvania
is a depressing place, don't get me wrong.
She's
tear-capped and I'm on
the bleachers!
I saw this, it was one of those Facebook articles
and it was like, what's your opinion of her?
And someone's like, yeah, she's a fucking hoe and a tool.
I just realized
that these are just giant nipple piercings.
Yeah. Alright.
Alright, Tyler? Casey, you got anything to add
on that? No, I think that's...
I think I completely lost my train of thought.
I think that's where we end it for today.
James Charles, you went to high school with him.
Yeah, fuck that kid. The first male
cover girl. Oh god,
we're fucked. We are so canceled.
Actually, he's canceled too. He said
so much fuck shit.
So what was he like in high school? So he was a grade
beneath me. Alright guys, if you do
crack, then this episode's for you. Yes.
Honestly, this
episode was so bad, we can't put this out.
I'm asking you to not put this
out. So he was a very feminine
guy. He was a sucked ass.
Nobody gave a fuck though. It was just like
everybody kind of minded their own business. Bethlehem was
a pretty fucking liberal school,
to be honest. Like nobody was giving this kid a
hard time. Really, nobody was.
And just like out of nowhere, he came
out with these claims that everybody
was like brutally bullying
him for wearing makeup
and stuff. And nobody gave a fuck.
I never heard about a
single person that bullied this kid.
And he was a fucking...
But like not a ton.
But like he was noticeable. But like he wasn't
the only guy that was doing it. Like he was
still like weird at that time.
I mean it's still weird. But like
for being honest.
Hashtag cancel Ali Mac.
But like no. I mean, that's just my
opinion. I'm not saying like oh I fucking
Well your opinion is wrong. And you're like
a lesser person. It's just like
I see it as like oh that's interesting.
I'm not like judging
you. I don't think they're a bad person
or anything. It's just like oh okay.
So was he still like an asshole when he went to school?
Yeah. He was a fucking complete dick.
I took one class with him and I like never
spoke to him. But he was just an asshole.
He thought the world of himself.
And this like he had like
an Instagram or like a Vine
or a Twitter following. I don't even fucking know.
But he was like somewhat popular.
He had like 20,000
followers. And he made all
his fucking little cronies in school
let everybody know that.
And then like the whole fucking thing like
his big claim to fame was how he wore
like he had to like
take a picture with like he didn't
want to go to school not wearing makeup.
What is this guy's name? But his parents forced him to.
And James Charles.
He did. And then like he made them retake
his high school picture.
That's bullshit. I was fucking there
the day he got his school picture taken.
He fucking came in with makeup on.
Nobody gave a fuck. They took the picture
of him and it was in the book.
And nobody gave a fuck about that
until he made up a lie about it.
Like he's just fucking. And that's like
a big story about it. This guy
nobody gave a fuck.
He wore makeup. There was no retakes.
Nobody shamed this kid.
This and the picture on his Wikipedia page.
He seems like he has a very punchable face.
He does. Dude he does.
And there was a bunch of claims I can't validate this.
But a lot of people from my school
have came out and said that when
we were in high school. Like this is a big
thing too. A lot of people have came out and said
that when we were in high school. When we were in like gym class
and stuff. He'd get like
literally commit like borderline sexual
assault in the locker room.
And like just make comments on people's
junk and like just think he could
get with anyone. Apparently he's been like
He's a super popular
dude. There's been like allegations of like
him sending nude photos to like
16 year olds. Yeah and that was
after that controversy. He got canceled
the first time for the people in my high school
that came out about it. And I can't validate
that. I don't even know the people that made the claims.
We're never gonna get. I'm just upset
that he has one of the like the YouTube
creator award plaques and we're never gonna get
one of those. Oh no we are.
Dude my ex
was a subscriber to his YouTube
channel and didn't know that he was even
from New York. She's like oh yeah like
we gotta go to Sephora and get the
fucking. He's from Bethlehem.
And I was like no
we're gonna get one thing off the rip right
here. We fucking hate that guy and
we will not buy his products. I'm like I'll fucking
buy you whatever you want in that fucking makeup store.
But we are not getting that shit.
That's still a thing. The kids choice awards
is still a thing. I guess so. Apparently
he won in 2021 for favorite
male social star. He's the one
who in all the YouTube videos like what's up
sisters. Oh
God. Like he's this obnoxious fucking
like forced
like he didn't have a gay list when we went to school.
He developed that. That's part of his love.
He developed that. That's part of his
image. I believe that's called acting.
Yes it is.
He's acting a part like I'm
he's acting like he's putting on a costume.
Like in the interest of being totally honest you do create
a like identity or a character
of yourself and the like completely
train obsessed autistic dude is
a character of myself like
I just remember dude the kid literally acted
like the most pretentious fucking daddy.
I like trains. I don't like them that much.
So let's
let me let me tell you this real quick.
Let me tell you this real quick.
James Charles
is worth 12 million dollars.
I know. That pisses me off.
I know. There's also I can't remember who
this guy is. I don't want to hit him. Bethlehem had another
graduate. It was some like fucking
political news
anchor. It was a chick. And
she came under really hot water.
I want to say she was Fox News but I can't
remember. And that was like
Michael. Megan Kelly.
Yeah. Yeah. It was Megan Kelly.
Yeah. Yeah. She was Bethlehem.
So. And then there's also a
fucking singer that's actually he's
not the bench coach for the Tampa Bay Rays.
He's on YouTube. He's got like
several thousand several
subscribers. You know Stanford
University. Yeah.
Someone from water fleet
was William Stanford from
water fleet was the person that founded
Stanford University. Oh shit. Yeah.
I believe he was the secretary of
war to Lincoln. Yes. Yeah.
He also in
water fleet we have three
Medal of Honor recipients from our city.
A couple other people
are actually from water fleet. Let me see here.
Bethlehem has a bunch of like fucking war
vets and stuff. I don't know their stories
though. They all got like highways
and shit named after them and they fucking
did crazy fucking stuff.
When I die I want a bike path
named after me. A bike path?
Brain man memorial veterans bike path.
I want an interstate that shut down
several small businesses named after me.
Remember guys treat yourself like the New York
State thruway. Keep working on yourself
no matter how inconvenient it is for
everyone around you.
Leewin Stanford the founder of Stanford University
lawyer president of Southern Pacific
Railroad. Yes. Kesey what about
you? Who went to your school?
Nobody.
Nobody of any
It is his fault that the Salton Sea
is a thing. Dude.
Fucking James Charles.
He fucking grew up at the house.
Oh fuck no that's gonna like actually give like
somebody could look this. Someone's
gonna letter bomb Ali Max house.
It's actually gonna be me.
In Minecraft.
I'd be giving away
essentially. I don't know I just
I know nothing about this guy
but just from like his
picture on his Wikipedia page I
already don't like him.
Dude he's just not a likeable guy.
He said some fucked up shit about Kenya.
He made like a shit load of like
really racist remarks on his Twitter.
Then defended them for like
a while before enough people
told him what he was saying was like really
fucking bad. And then he's like
Describing his high school
experience he stated quote I did
get bullied a lot in high school and personally
I just ignored it.
He did not. He did not get bullied.
You heard it here folks.
The only people that bullied
him because he was a fucking
bully. He was this egotistic
kid that thought the world of himself.
And he would just be condescending to everyone.
So people would clap back at him
and then he would act all offended and hurt.
There were people like
he was a dick and people just were a dick back to him.
Generally like in my high school there
were people who were open
openly gay and no one really cared
except one person
who like flaunted it in
everyone's face. I don't even think he said
he was gay when we were in school.
And like that thing is like I feel
like the general contest in my high school class
you're gay cool good for you.
Leave me alone. Like
if you if you're just that
open about it like hi
terrible gay voice but
you sound like a retard.
Hello!
Wait wait wait.
Freddy Fazbear. Freddy Fazbear!
But yeah
like there was like there was a couple gay
people in my high school class but there was
there was like one or two who were also
like like
that kind of like open like in your face
about it. Those were the people that got
bullied not because they were gay but because
they were annoying.
So Waterville
had a staggering amount of lesbians.
I can see that.
I don't know why but that
like that in my mind checks out.
Like in class that were female were lesbians
and it was like you know
how like I mean
what are we talking? There was a mix.
There was a mix of them. There was the butch ones.
You got your tops and your bottoms.
Gotcha. Wow that went four.
They were all over the
fucking spectrum. But like it was like
staggering. No the spectrum is this
room right here. Yeah and then like
I forgot about this. Sorry
neurodivergent. There's a big argument
between the Bible club and my school
and the LGBTQ
alliance. Please tell me you
guys like protested each other from across
the hall. It was really funny because like
the Bible study group.
The criminal justice club is acting as the cops
breaking up the protests.
The Bible study group kind of left themselves
like we're just like yeah we're just gonna read the Bible
and the LGBT group was just like
these guys cannot be accepted
in our school with us.
You cannot bring God
into school. It's like nah dude
this is just a separate thing. And they're like
nope. Nope.
Don't like it.
And then there's like a huge
fucking like battle thing and then we
ended up you know.
Infinity war. Would you even do it in LGBT
Central High School?
Yeah. Like what even is an
LGBT club except a bunch of
groups of people just trying to fuck one another.
Lettuce, bacon, tomato. Wait hold on.
It's like the earliest
fucking Tinder
there is in school. It's an exclusive
club because they're gay. The only club I was
in in high school was the aeronautics club
or rocket club.
Hard to believe Train Man was in the
was in the plane club.
Because I played football. Train Man
built rockets in his spare
time. That's fucking badass.
We blew up the baseball
field.
Here's my after school activity. Have I never told you that
story? You blew up a baseball
field? Yeah. You guys ever see the movie
October Sky? Yes.
So we weren't building like SD's rockets
with like the little paper rocket motor.
We went to the shop kids and
said mill me a fucking
metal tube that's this long.
Fucking engineered a
legitimate rocket. So in AutoCAD
we designed a rocket. Then we gave
it to some of the kids in like the welding
and milling class. Had them make a fucking
synergy. Make a rocket out of
fucking like heavy steel.
And then we went to the chemistry
teacher and said we need for
I'm not going to say it on this podcast but I need this
redacted chemical and this redacted
and this redacted chemical.
And we made a solid like about it was about this
tall. So a couple feet tall.
A solid fuel
rocket.
And
it's the term
solid fuel. It's not solid. It's a paste.
When we made
it and we put the fuel in the rocket there
was an air bubble in there.
Oh no. Don't yeah. So we
so our launch pad was and we
weren't telling anyone we were doing this.
We were just doing it.
So like we
used the baseball field. The pitchers mound
is the fucking launch pad because it's flat
and it's a hard surface.
And so the fuel
so when it goes off
it
primers at the top and it burns its way
down quickly and then it all goes out the bottom.
Halfway down the rocket there was a fucking
air bubble. Boom!
And like a crater about this big around
and the pitchers mound was no
more. We got in so
much trouble. They're like
we thought you were building like paper planes.
No.
We were rocket club.
The shop class is like we didn't know
that they were going to do that.
That's them. Do you guys remember Chappelle's show?
Yeah. Motherfucker bought aluminum
tubes. What are you going to do
with an aluminum tube? We were doing one thing
with aluminum tubes.
We realized we had like the deadliest
weapon.
And this wasn't like you know an ST's
rocket goes a couple hundred feet. This thing was like
designed to go thousands of feet in the air.
This is going to kill a reason to strive for fear.
Yeah.
That's the kind of shit. What would you have done
if you successfully did it? Like it's just going to
land somewhere. It would probably land in like
someone's house and set it on fire.
Once again October sky. We had
no idea what we were doing. We were a bunch of dumb high school
kids. You were just like let's see what this happens.
Ready? Ooooooh.
Fuck it's going a lot.
Oh god. It's going straight for
the Air Force base.
You gotta fucking put like an air tag on it.
I guess landing in the middle of a baseball
field isn't really that bad. To this day
there are some out in a forest in
Rotterdam that I've
gone looking for them. I can't find them.
They're probably like the top of trees and shit.
These weren't
lightweight things. They're like yeah they probably would have
like no no these were metal.
Like they should in theory still be there.
Yeah. Fucking
mad scientist man.
This is what happens when I'm bored.
Alex can attest to this. I only get in trouble
at work when I'm bored. Yes.
Yes. So in high school I
was a football player. I was president
of the chess club. Oh no.
I was president of the Bible club.
Not the football episode again.
We can't do that again.
That was a bad episode.
We can't do that again. We'd like to apologize
for the football episode. I don't even think
I've listened to the football episode.
And you shouldn't.
We come back from the break. You're not actually gonna publish
this episode are you? I don't know.
I wouldn't. I honestly wouldn't.
This one's kind of sketch. Like honestly
we just even the like bad
audio quality alone you shouldn't publish this.
We gotta give them something. We gotta come
back with like a strong subject
politically correct. The time
Michigan invaded Ohio.
I think we should just end it.
Guys smash that like button.
Like us
on Facebook. Don't drink and drive.
Alex McDonald says
smash that like button like you're
going to smash James Charlie
Busseyes. And send
a fucking
email for the love of God.
I already did that. I know you did
but we need a real one from somebody out
there that we don't know.
There goes the mic.
Sign up for World War III.
And as always be kind to yourself.
Make sure you send in your draft paperwork.
Please don't tell me we're
actually gonna publish this one.
We out.
For all we know
robots have souls. We just don't
know if they do or don't. How do you know?
Have you ever
been a cyborg or a robot?
Do you think we were the first ones to inhabit this planet?
Fuck no.
No, no, we are jumping down this fucking rabbit hole.
Yes we are.
There's people out there with some really dumb thoughts.
Extended episodes.
Where the fuck did the Siermans come from?
Where the fuck did Stonehenge come from?
You're telling me that they didn't die and become ghosts?
They're killing all already born babies.
Somewhere in China
in some base
there are super soldiers that are at least
9 or 10 feet tall.
Anthropoclesatron. They have
dread and super soldiers.
Then they are extraterrestrials. They are aliens.
They are aliens.
I do not negotiate with them.
AAA
that the government has taken it to the next level with the birds.
They know what birds are going to cross paths with you that you are going to be able to
raise and they are going to make them so fucking real.
They're going to sink money into them because they know that if you put that motherfucker
in a cage they're going to be able to convince you that thing is fucking real.
You can cut it open, you're going to see blood cuts, no circuitry, but let me tell you their
technology makes it out of silicon vial.
Which by the way big brother is the overlord kipp.
George Soros is an actual Nazi collaborator.
Okay I'm not fucking lying it's fucking real.
Okay look it up, look it up.
He says that he was doing this shit.
George Soros actually worked with the fucking Nazis during the holocaust.
He says that he was doing it just to survive, but he fucking loved it.
He was having a great fucking time doing this shit.
George Soros is the fucking devil.
Okay he's not fucking doing this shit.
George Soros is fucking evil.
He's the actual fucking ringleader for all this shit.
He's fucking put down a whole bunch of shit.
Just don't fucking get it okay.
Everybody likes Donald Trump.
Donald Trump is the fucking word person out there.
Trump right?
Trump.
He's not the actual fucking leader.
It's George Soros, it's Bill Gates, it's fucking Elon Musk.
It's everyone out there.
It's everybody that's out there.
It's so cool.
Everybody.
You're saying Elon Musk is so cool he made like a place for all of us.
The actual government is trying.
The actual people government which is George Soros and all the fucking Nazis are actually
the ones that are controlling fucking all of us.
The queer politicians are paid off by the fucking billionaires.
They're paid fucking off by the billionaires.