The following program is intended for mature audiences and may cause cancer in at-risk populations.
Fewer discretion is advised.
This program is intended for mature audiences and may cause cancer in at-risk populations.
Welcome to UpTable Podcast, episode 45.
The dark episode.
The 45th president, which was Trump, right?
45, yeah.
Was he the 45th president?
45th and 47th.
If you get elected after it, would you still be considered the 45th?
No, you're 45 and 47.
So you're 45 and 47?
Yup, I looked it up.
Dan, what do you think about Donald Trump being arrested last week?
I've got mixed feelings about it. I think it was good for his campaign.
Oh, it was absolutely.
You think he's not going to put campaign posters of his mug shot up?
Oh my God, bro. That is the best PR on planet Earth.
Oh yeah, it is though.
Yeah, he looked like a real gangster.
And it's like people want somebody different and it's like there's nobody more different than a president who's been arrested.
Yeah.
Dude, he's got to do like some face tattoos, you know, neck tattoos.
Really, really get that image up.
Jailbird or...
I mean, they probably showed him the mug shot a couple of times and I bet he like tried to make them more like...
Like hard?
Yeah, he did a good job, honestly.
I would have done like the smile mug shot.
Yeah.
I would have done like the...
I've had a mug shot taken.
So have I.
They told me they're like, just make a funny face because we know you're never going to do this again.
Yeah, because we were talking about like last episode with Allie Mack and I'm like, yeah, so we've all been arrested, right?
And Allie Mack's like, no. And Casey's like, no. And I'm like, so just me?
And I'm like, oh, Dan's been arrested.
So yeah.
50% of us.
We're down here in the dark.
I did some time in the clink.
Yeah, me too. All of about 20 minutes.
Not even five.
I spent the night in jail.
Did you?
Yeah.
Oh, man. They put me in the drunk tank.
I mean, I was in the cell, like, because I was detained for running from the cops.
Then they put me in like a holding cell and they were trying to figure out what charges to get me on.
And then in the morning, they're like, yeah, just get the fuck out of here.
Just fucking go.
But they took my picture.
You stole a balloon.
I think they, I think they did that to like do like the scared straight type thing because I was never like, you know, in trouble before.
So they kind of did like the whole like she bang to like be like, oh, this is what happens, kid.
And then my parents like, leave them in jail, like my parents like, we'll pick you up when you when you get released.
And I'm like, what?
So I spent the night in a jail cell, which was interesting.
How do you look about this?
So how do you get a jury that is neutral to Donald Trump?
Everybody in your not going to you're not going to get it.
Everybody in this country has always the Supreme Court.
That's why you don't really get that.
Yeah, there's no way to have a fair trial.
I mean, let's be honest, like it never should have never should have gone there.
Like he you shouldn't be arresting former presidents.
No, especially if it's your no, you sure if it's Donald Trump, if it's your rival president, if it's your rival thing, that's such a bad look on your end.
Dude, I feel like everybody's abandoning like the left, like the far left.
Oh, absolutely.
You know, absolutely.
Did you see the new the new?
I mean, I am abandoning abandoning it.
I'm abandoning the Democratic Party, not the I feel like I feel like everybody is, which is it's because the fucking it's the blue hairs.
They took over it, man, but there's good things to both sides, right?
Like I enjoy co food co ops. I I'm all about the environment.
What's the call fucking honest way?
Honest way?
Yes, I like food co co op and get fucking it's like fifteen dollars for a little like a little pasta salad.
Right.
It's so expensive.
It's like the crazy.
It's not even that good a food.
It's like fucking curry, expelling honey flower.
I mean, so this is way off healthy food is more expensive than, you know, have you ever been to play fitness?
Yeah, of course.
I have a membership to play in fitness.
How can you have a a gym that has pizza Fridays?
Oh my God, I know dude, like you know, it's like it's like it's like going.
It's like having a rehab and then having coke Wednesdays.
Yeah, like it's like spot on it's literally like putting like a fucking addict in a fucking drug den and being like, hey, we're having a we're having an AA meeting or something.
Do they do that at your planet fitness?
I never go to plant fitness.
I got a fucking ABC like a man.
Yeah, yeah.
I see I got a planet fitness because it's so cheap and it's close and they have tanning.
I mean, ABC has all that.
I think I paid one hundred and fifty for the year.
Right.
I mean, planet fitness is like, dude, twenty bucks a month.
Yeah, yeah.
Fucking cheap.
I know it's not a real gym.
I mean, I used to go to vent.
I used to go to P fat P fat because I fucking hate vent particularly because like too millennial for me, I guess.
Oh, I really I really liked it.
I do.
There's so many like fucking like like I really liked it.
I know.
Yeah.
I go to the fucking powerlifting section like the strip club for him.
Yeah, I go to the powerlifting section and ABC and I just fucking go ham, bro.
Yeah, that's like, dude, like, I don't know if this is going to sound weird, but when I work out, I want to be surrounded by other dudes that I can try to be better than.
Like, like, I can't really do a good workout unless I'm competitive.
I got to be surrounded by a bunch of women so I can feel stronger because I look at this fight.
I was at the gym yesterday and I was doing I was doing leg curls on the machine.
Actually, now I was doing the sled.
I was pushing 400 pounds on the sled up and down like the 30 yard alleyway.
That's how much Don Juan weighs.
I was pushing Don Juan up and down an alleyway.
You just push me, Don.
So I was doing that shit.
But then I looked over and there's this skinny ass fucking Russian dude with like, you know, like the fucking like Putin fucking look.
And I looked over at him. He kept on looking over and using an Adidas tracksuit.
No fucking shit.
He was in a Ditas track pants.
That's not a joke.
That's all they wear.
And like I was fucking like pushing it.
And he looked at me.
He kind of did like a, you know, my fuck are you looking at, man?
So then he gets off the light curl machines.
And, you know, obviously I'm in a I'm in an angry mood now because some Russian fuck just scoffed at me.
And I went in and I doubled his weight and I just started fucking curling in.
I want to go with you and fuck with people at the gym.
Why?
I don't know.
Just fun.
But yeah, like he was doing like fucking like 60 pounds.
So am I 120.
I was staring at him the whole time.
Just going.
Yeah.
Have you ever seen that until Antonoli guy on on Instagram, Facebook, whatever?
I don't think so.
He dresses as the janitor at the gym.
Oh yeah.
And he lifts up like the fucking like 700 pound.
He's really a power, a competitive power lifter.
Yeah.
Like a world record holder.
So he's got like the mustache and like the hair hat and shit.
Yeah.
He just comes off.
He's like, do you mind if I move this?
So like, you're going to hurt yourself.
You're going to hurt yourself.
And then he just said, I was one arm.
No problem.
Yeah.
One armed over his head.
They're like, what the fuck?
And he's just like, well, back to what I was doing.
I mean, speaking of stuff like that, do you see that video of the state trooper that pulled
the dude out of the fucking car?
No, no, no.
Doing the squats at the state fair.
No.
For the you know how the army has like the contest and they had a squat bar, right?
OK.
Whatever the one is that goes around you.
Oh, yeah.
They are the deadlift one.
Yeah.
And they did 35, 400 pounds in a row.
Oh, my God.
I sent that to my buddy.
Was that a New York trooper?
New York state trooper.
Yeah.
No shit.
Let me show you the video.
I sent it to my buddy.
It works out every day.
I'm like, could you do that?
And he goes, no fucking way.
I might be able to lift that once.
It's insane.
Oh my God.
And that's in full gear.
In full gear.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Oh, yeah.
I think I saw this.
Yeah.
He's an animal.
Damn, bro.
How do you fucking bench that much?
He's a fucking insane person.
Yeah.
Thirty five of those.
Four hundred fucking pounds.
He just keeps going and going and going.
And dude, he I think he had more in him at the end.
I had to go to the trooper barracks actually for work the other day.
And I didn't realize how shitty trooper barracks are.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I mean, it's usually like an abandoned fucking schoolhouse or something.
Yeah, like I went in there and I'm like, holy shit.
Like I thought the troopers had like nice stations because they had a fucking troopers
because the only trooper station I've been in was was Troop G, which is like, you know,
like their main one, like the headquarters.
So it was really nice.
Is that in Latham?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
We're by where.
Right down the road.
Yeah, right down the road there.
And I went there because I was doing like like a ride along with them.
So I did it out of there.
But like there that station was fucking insane, like state of the art shit.
Then I go the one out and fucking where I work at.
And I'm like, dude, this looks like a fucking like homeless shelter.
It looks like a homeless shelter with like trooper fucking like gear on like the wall
and shit.
They really do.
I'm like, holy shit.
I think the one in the town close to here, I don't want to say it, where Ali Mack works.
It's like it's like literally like an abandoned fucking school.
Yeah, that's how that's how this one has like two garages in the back.
I mean, they don't even use the garages for the fucking for the squad cars.
They use it for the fucking like gear that I went in.
I had to treat the patient that was in like the holding area.
And then like I went into like the main area and they they're like, you know, you want
some coffee?
The troopers have good coffee.
I don't know what the fuck coffee they get there, but they have good coffee.
But the the trooper like was like that.
He's like, you're familiar.
I'm like, do I?
My calls and stuff you think you saw?
No, he fucking pulled me over.
Oh, he's like, you're familiar.
I thought it was from your job.
No, he pulled me over.
But like he saw that I had the fucking like my my sticker on my like right above my registration.
So he's just like, I get the fuck out of here.
For was that for the I mean, I've seen him on calls and stuff, too.
This guy is like a little like he's like an inch taller than me.
But this dude looks like he weighs like fucking two pounds.
Like I look like I can throw this fucking trooper.
And I'm like, dude, the thing is with the police, like especially like their their their
physical training like thing that they have to do to like be a cop is more about cardio
than it is about anything.
Right.
Like for firefighter, it's mostly about strength.
Like you have to have like strength to do things.
But for cops, it's mostly cardio, which is weird.
Like I figure you'd want both for a cop.
Like for me, I feel like the cop test should be both like cardio and strength instead of
just being mostly cardio.
Like it's like, yeah, you have to do push ups and sit ups.
But like I think like you should fucking easy.
Yeah.
Like you should have to like do like some like actual like I think like like like a
sparring thing should have to be part of the thing because sometimes you're going to have
to fucking you're going to have to take down dudes like do like a wrestling thing.
Like I feel like taking down somebody should be part of like the test, like being able
like to fucking like take someone down.
But you know, whatever.
No, I think it is.
They do all that shit in the academy.
They do.
But not the actual test, not the fitness test.
Yeah.
It's like, dude, it's kind of it's got to be scary being a small cop.
Oh, yeah.
Because it's like you're tasked with taking care of people.
That's why I feel bad.
One six foot five dude decides to go ape shit.
So what are you going to fucking do?
That's the thing.
What I do, dude, I'm five foot five.
The thing that I feel bad for like female cops is that they're always in a bad situation.
Right.
Like if I go to a scene, I'm I'm almost six foot.
I'm five eleven on a good day.
Like and I'm 200 pounds.
Like I'm not a I'm not a like small guy, but I'm not a big guy.
But like I'm an average size guy.
I could hold my own against a bigger guy.
But like if somebody was your height, but like fucking like, you know, one hundred and twenty
pounds.
Right.
That'd be a fucking problem.
That is a problem.
But they're used to actually be height and weight requirements.
They did.
Yeah.
They had height standards and they had to change it because it was discriminating.
Yeah.
Discriminating against women.
Yep.
Which is like, dude, but that's how it should be.
The job just requires that.
You as a cop, you should have an imposing physical like.
Right.
Like firefighters.
Whatever.
You're not trying to like intimidate anybody.
You're just if you can do the job, you can do the fucking job.
But it's like you're like if you're a cop, I want my cops to look fucking scary.
Right.
It is intimidating when those fucking striped pants come up to you and oh yeah, the fucking
it's like cock height up to your window on your car.
Yeah.
And I'm like, oh, I think I mentioned before.
Restoration motherfucker.
That's a female police officers actually have like the highest kill rates amongst.
That's because they they.
Because you use your physical force against anyone.
Yeah.
If you're if you're at a disadvantage, you can use you can use whatever you have at your
disposal.
So if you go to attack a female cop, they can shoot you.
You better wear your fucking vest.
What if it's a better way?
Your bulletproof helmet.
What if it's a tranny, God?
I don't think they hire those.
They do.
Yeah.
I know one.
Really?
Yeah.
And I just I know that there's this there's this like how do I say this cordially?
Slow folks home.
I guess in this neighborhood.
Funny farm.
Yeah.
Funny farm.
And one of these guys, he was like he acted like he was four years old, but he was 56
and he was huge.
He's like six, five.
And he walked around.
That's another thing.
Why are like all these like mentally disabled people always fucking huge?
Right.
I hear they have like monster.
Well, anyway, well, never mind.
So this fucking this fucking cop fucking tased this fucking six foot five retort slow guy.
It fucking tased his ass.
2023.
You can call it a retort.
I don't know what to say.
What do you say?
Mentally challenged.
Funny farm.
Yeah.
This fucking six foot five mentally challenged guy who acts like he's four carries a stuffed
animal on everywhere and she fucking tased him.
Dude, so there's this one cop in the in the place that I work and like she's like the
complete opposite end of like the female cops.
Like she scares me.
This chick has fucking biceps like the size of like most people's calves.
And I'm like, holy shit.
She's shorter than I am, but she's fucking jacked.
And I'm like, holy shit.
I feel like there's two kinds of female cops.
There's like the real like dainty like little ones.
There's the pretty ones that just want the Instagram pictures and they're going to be
on the job for four and a half years.
Right.
That shit's going to wear off.
Giant fucking huge.
And then they're going to be doing something else.
Maybe going to like law school or something.
Right.
Yeah.
And then there's the fucking butch ones that look like they've been ridden hard and put
away wet.
And they're fucking riding that fucking pension out, dude.
And those, you do not want to fuck with one of those female cops.
The jacked female cops are the ones that I wouldn't fuck with the most.
Right.
Because one, they got something to prove.
Yeah.
Like two, they're not afraid to fucking prove it.
And three, like they came for fucking violence.
That's why they're there.
Yeah, because this fucking chick, she is actually really good looking.
Not not like even like going to lie.
She's really good looking, like really fit.
Like if you're not in like to like muscular women, probably not your style, but like really
pretty face.
I don't like muscular women, so you know, kind of like that.
But like she's like super like tan, like really tan and like wears like her little like sheriff
hat.
And I'm like and she has a fucking canine dog, the canine dog, super nice to people
that that knows.
Right.
Because like every time I come up, Michael, somebody's like, she's like, he's working.
I'm like, fuck, sorry.
Is that what she says?
Like, get the fuck away from my dog.
Because like we were like on scene and like the dog was like, because like I've been on
scene enough times when a dog knows me now.
And I'm like, oh, what's up, buddy?
He's like, yeah, yeah.
She's like, Tyler, come on.
I'm like, I'm sorry.
This isn't a service doggy retarget.
I've been saying that a lot more that word because you got me saying it and my girlfriend's
like, you can't say that.
I'm like, you can't.
It's 20, 23.
Yeah, you can.
I got to get it.
I'm going to get it out of my out of my system this episode.
So I'm just going to be the dark episode.
We can be as dark as we want the dark episode.
Yeah, I like this on the dark.
It's the dark.
We got a little bit of light.
We got a tiny bit of light.
We got some smoke filling the room with the incest.
Let me get us.
Let me get a smelling salt.
All right.
Which one?
So I'll tell you, I'll tell you what I told Dan.
Oh, oh, oh, wait right in for that one.
I'll tell you what I want.
Give me it.
It's too dark to throw it.
Oh God.
Oh, I still fucking.
Well, I could see how that could get you pumped up.
I could I could see how doing that before you go to lift fucking 400 pounds.
That's probably what that cop did in that video.
Oh, he probably took pepper spray sprayed up his nose.
Oh my God.
I went out.
I went in for four.
He's like the fucking red line.
It's like a few seconds of pain, but eating like a ghost pepper is like fucking 30 minutes.
So I saw Dan earlier, his vitamin B pills that he gave me that are fantastic.
I started snorting them to get more of the effect.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Yeah, dude.
And I'm like, dude, holy shit, that shit fucking kicks when you snort it.
I don't think it does anything when you start.
It's full of microcrystalline silos.
That brings us to a segment we like to call vitamins from Dan.
Let's hear about what supplements we have for us today.
Let's go down a path.
I want to hear.
I want to hear some.
I've been experimenting with some ionic minerals lately.
So most minerals you take in a solid form, a solid pill, ionic minerals, they're attached
to a positive ion in a liquid and it absorbs into your system in 25 to 30 seconds.
So magnesium, if you take it in a pill, it takes a while to get into your system.
If any of if it all goes in at all.
Right.
And it's got a bunch of binders and shit in it.
But if you take it in an ionic form, 30 seconds, it's in your bloodstream.
So you have to snort it.
You could snort it.
That you'd be really good to start.
Wash out your nostrils with it.
Selenium.
I take in the same form, actually.
Selenium.
Yeah.
And then I take a topical iodine.
That's what I've been doing lately.
I've been taking a little break from the vitamins so they have more of an effect when I go back.
You know, yeah.
So the vitamin build up the tolerance.
You heard it here first, folks.
Vitamins from Dan.
Yeah, that's all I got lately.
That vitamin B shit.
I don't know if it's placebo or not, but when I snort that shit, it feels like it works
better.
Yeah.
You know what?
I mean, I'm sure it's a placebo.
I'm not going to write that off.
I'm going to do some research.
I'm going to let you know if there's anything behind that.
Because maybe I'll start doing it.
Because it has the little beads in it a little bit.
I just crushed that shit.
Bro, the placebo effect is crazy.
How much your fucking mind can trick your body into having some symptoms or no symptoms.
Right.
My doctor thinks that everything I say is like a placebo effect.
And I'm like, dude, no, I can definitely feel like this.
Because I was trying some medications, like different ones.
Yeah.
I'm like, I can definitely feel this effect.
I don't like that.
I can definitely feel this.
He's like, you wouldn't feel it that quick.
I'm like, well, I do.
So like 100%.
You ever hear of SARMS, bro?
Of course.
Selective androgen receptor modulators.
So you think it's actually like all it's cracked up to be?
Or do you think it's kind of like a scam?
Oh, no.
No, it's definitely real.
So what have you looked into?
What's the name of one of them?
No, I was just seeing fucking dudes doing SARMS and shit.
I know the person to ask for this.
Yeah, no.
They're definitely real.
There's one that I was taking, Clomaphene, that is technically, I think it falls into
the category, it's either a SARM or a CIRM.
So because there's selective estrogen receptor modulators too.
But no, they're 100%.
They work.
They're legal too, aren't they?
I don't know if they're legal actually.
I think some of them require a prescription.
So they're legal that way, but as far as just using them off the street, I don't think so.
Because I had a couple of dudes at the gym that I saw and they're fucking doing something.
I'm not trying to get you in trouble though, but what are you doing?
He's like, bro, fucking SARMS, bro.
Never heard of that.
He's like, yeah, look into them, bro.
I'm like, okay.
Okay, so the one I was taking, Clomid, is a selective estrogen receptor modulator.
So it tricks your brain into making more testicles.
It tricks the brain in descending a signal to your testicles to make more testosterone.
So there's something called luteinizing hormone that your brain sends to your testicles.
Or in a woman, it sends to the ovaries to start ovulating.
So it was actually first developed as, I think it's a breast cancer drug, but it's also a
fertility drug for women.
So when men take it, it makes them produce more test.
And it works.
It's proven.
So does it have the same effects that steroids has though?
So that's the thing.
Can I heard it's basically diet, from the research that I did, it's basically diet steroids?
See, I don't know exactly.
I'll have to look up what an example of a SARM is, because that one's a CIRM.
Let me see what a SARM is.
Because there's like fucking dudes that are like 19 years old that are fucking doing SARMs
in my fucking gym.
I'm like, dude, what the fuck?
From what I understand, they're safer than steroids?
Because the dudes that are our age are doing fucking ROIDS, and dudes that are 19 are doing
fucking SARMs.
Damn, I have to look more into that to see if they actually work.
I mean, from what I've heard, they do.
A lot of people take them.
But there's nothing like actual steroids.
There's always that.
Just cut to the chase.
I was watching this one thing.
Have you ever heard of Mark Bell?
Yes.
Mark Smellybell, they call him.
Do you know who Andrew Huberman is?
He's pretty popular.
I've heard the name before.
So Andrew Huberman is a Stanford scientist, and he's writing a book on testosterone replacement.
So he went on it just to see the effects and to play around with it, because he's writing
a book on it.
But he was talking to this famous bodybuilder, Mark Bell, on a podcast.
And Mark Bell said that he was taking, I think it was 1,000 milligrams of tests per day.
Oh my god.
And he said, that's insane.
That is insane.
And I'm like, well, he goes, it was a contest.
You want to see who could take the most tests?
He goes, that's reckless.
That is.
He goes, I can't believe you just said that.
Like, dude, it went from like a funny conversation to he got pissed off, the scientist.
He's like, that's not even funny, dude.
You're fucking up your hormones like permanently.
People take like 250 a week.
And this guy's taking a thousand a day.
Yeah.
Like fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Arnold, Arnold actually didn't do roids at first.
When he got into like his, you know, prime prime, he was doing fucking roids.
Oh yeah.
When he was like 18, 19, like when he first started doing it, he was just naturally built
fucking strong.
Right.
His dad was a fucking, was a Nazi, actually.
Was he?
Yeah.
His dad was a was like a Nazi like guard.
Oh shit.
So like, but like he hated his dad.
That's why he moved to America, because he wanted to get away from him.
Wow.
Yeah.
I mean, dude, everybody, like if it was us in the same position, like we would have been
Nazis too, you know, I would have been the fucking Nazi.
I would have said, fuck you.
I mean, I wouldn't say that on the record, but I mean like if the tables were turned
like and we were putting that position, let's be real.
Hitler would not mind us.
What do you mean?
Look at us.
Casey's blonde hair, blue eyes.
Oh yeah.
Casey would be like, I'm blue eyes.
I have lighter.
You're in the third right.
I have, I have lighter brown hair and I have like fucking piercing blue eyes and my skin
is super pale and I'm also athletic.
So Hitler would be like, I like that guy.
The only thing, the only thing that you have going that that's not good is your, is your
eye color.
But like.
Really?
Yeah.
He like, Hazel wouldn't count.
Oh.
Yeah.
Cause you have to be blonde hair and blue eyed.
The thing is, if I go out in the sun enough, my hair would go blonde.
So what color are your eyes?
Uh, gray.
Dude, this is, that's weird.
Did he really, that Aryan race was the thing?
Yeah.
Look.
Oh shit.
You got a fucking Lord Voldemort.
What does it say on your license though?
Um, I tried to say gray and they, and they said, uh, they said that color doesn't exist.
And I go, look at my fucking eyes.
And they're like, yeah, they're gray.
And I'm like, so put gray down.
They're like, gray's not an option.
So blue.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
But yeah.
Like, um, like everybody says like fucking my girlfriend, when we, we first started dating,
she's like, your eyes are haunting.
Gray eyes.
Yeah.
It's actually a, uh, it's a mutation off of blue.
Um, I think one out of every 200 people with blue eyes mutate into gray eyes.
Is that mutation selected for?
Maybe.
Because both my parents had like my, my dad is like sky blue eyes.
My mom has like dark blue eyes and I have a gray eyes.
My brother has a sky blue eyes.
Damn.
But, um, my brother is my brother is a five foot 11 at 15 years old.
He has a blonde hair, blue eyes, and he's fucking shredded.
I'm like, bro, you are Hitler's wet dream.
Speaking of Hitler, you see, uh, the pictures of Kanye getting head on the boat in Italy.
No, you have just looking at that.
Were you really?
Yeah.
It's like, like, can you see anything or is it like, I mean, you see a girlfriend's face
and then you see is like, is she not wearing anything or is she?
No, she's like on her knees and the boat unfortunate.
And he's like, his like pants are down.
So he's got like a kind of a suit jacket thing on the slit in the back.
Yeah.
You just see through the slit, like his ass cheek, his pants are obviously down.
It was just, yeah.
Do you ever see, um, is you ever see, um, Kim Kardashian's, uh, sex tape?
Uh, I didn't with Ray J. Yeah.
I never actually saw.
I mean, I actually have night out.
Yeah.
That was a long time ago.
Dude, it is like the most like soft core shit I've ever seen.
It's like not that great.
Dude, like the most things that you see, you see Ray J's dick more than you see Kim Kardashian's
tits or pussy.
Like any, like, dude, it's so funny.
Cause like at one point in the fucking thing, like right before, like they start fucking,
he comes up to the camera.
He's like, yo dog, if you whack it into this bro, go hard, go fucking hard and get that
fucking I'm like, dude, I can't come now.
Nothing like it.
Nothing like having a dude fucking beard cheerleader while you're trying to nut.
Yeah.
But like before, like, like fucking Kim's like, kind of like going like this on the fucking
like people who are watching at home, like she's kind of like opening up her, like her
robe, like watch along with us to Kim Kardashian's sex.
She's kind of like opening up her robe and like showing her titties a little bit and
then fucking Ray J's up up front wearing his fucking robe.
He literally gets like this close to the camera and he's like, bro, if you whacken it to this
man, go hard, look at her fucking titties, think that you've coming on her titties, bro.
I'm like, bro, that is fucking I'm like, I can't come now.
It's awkward.
Yeah, dude.
If you watched Kim Kardashian sex tape and actually saw it email us on total podcast
73 at gmail.com.
Let me see if I can find it.
I gotta just find like that one part because it's really funny.
Yeah.
Who else had a I feel like that's what celebrities do when they're fucking bored.
They just make sex tapes.
She actually got famous from the sex tape.
She wasn't famous before that.
Yeah.
That really did blow her up.
Ray J is that's Maya's.
Who the fuck is Ray J anyway?
It's my brother.
I think Maya.
You remember the singer Maya?
No.
Let me see.
Is Ray J Maya's brother?
Dude, the whole sex tapes on TMZ now.
Jesus Christ.
Let me see here.
Oh, no.
He's the he's the brother of Brandi.
If you remember her.
No, you don't remember her.
No, no, you're the old man here.
Sorry.
What is that?
Fucking back in 2000?
Yeah, I think I think she was begging like 2004.
I don't really remember why to K.
What was that like?
Oh, man, we really thought it was the end.
You thought it was the end.
I remember it like as bad as 2012 because I remember 2012 people were like killing themselves
and shit now, dude.
So I remember as soon as the ball dropped, everyone was like my fucking power went out.
Oh, my God.
But you don't believe me.
Why did it go out?
Power went out, dude.
And I had this glow in the dark wolf shirt on.
It was like the most white trash thing that I own.
And so like I just that's like one of the few things I remember.
And my shirt glowing in the dark and we thought it was the fucking end.
But my dad just shut the power off the main breaker just to freak us the fuck out.
Oh, my God.
It really happened.
Oh, here it is.
That's hilarious.
Here it is.
Let me see if I can find the if I can find the spot where he's just like, bro, if you're
jerking it to this, bro, you see those YouTube videos where people like prank their family
members and put on like the news of like it's like pre recorded about there's like a nuclear
bomb headed towards the US, you know, that's like not funny these days, though.
I mean, it wasn't funny back in the Cold War days either.
Right.
There's like a period of time where that was OK to do.
And right now, if somebody did that to me, I might fucking my head for the hills.
Yo, next time I don't have a podcast, we'll do that to Ali.
We'll pretend a warning pops up on all our phones, except his.
Yeah, we got to figure out a way how to do that.
I'd be fucking hilarious.
Can we hack into the government database and get all my guys?
For God, I did that shit.
That shit was fucking weird.
All right, watch this real quick fucking.
He gets up and watch what he does.
It's fucking real weird.
What the fuck man, pretty good shape.
All those black guys are.
Oh, here it is.
The womb, get them on the fucker.
This is like a low death.
It's like 420.
Oh, you didn't even look that great.
It's fucking weird.
Let me see you shake that thing again.
Let me see you shake that thing.
I don't know, man.
Dude, she's like skinny in that.
Yeah, this is like what she's like.
Fucking like 26.
Wow.
Probably younger than that.
That shit's fucking crazy.
Now she's like, looks like a fucking distorted goblin creature.
Yeah, you see here.
Fucking weird, bro.
This is him eating their pussy.
Fuck.
I don't really care about that.
I just see it flashing entirely glasses.
I can see it from here.
Where the fuck is the time when he's just like, bro, if you're going to go, go hard,
bro.
He just fucking like starts like, oh, like, bro, go hard, bro.
Oh, but you know how the government has like Amber alerts or like emergency broadcast things
that they send to everybody's phones?
Yeah, I feel like they have like control over phones.
I feel like we should hack into that and send one to Ali Mac being like, this is an alert
for a nuclear meltdown.
Oh my God, dude.
How could we do that?
We got to send it from like some number, like some fake number.
I guess we got to look this up.
There's guy I love doing shit like that.
We all get it all at once.
Yeah, I feel like he's too smart to fall for that though.
I'd be like, he'd be like, oh, yeah, he's not.
He's not going to listen to this episode.
Let's be real.
This would be a good place to be though.
What if only people that were in basements survived?
Like happened like, well, I think of a nuclear bomb hit like Albany.
I think we would be outside of the radius.
Oh, it'd be pretty damn close.
It'd be close.
We'd be like in the radiation radius, but no, we'd be, um, I would be depends on the
size of the bomb.
I would in in Manan's, I would be in the, the, the, uh, the vaporization area.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
I would be like, I'm going to try and IP me.
Um, and then when I fucking move to Albany, I'm going to be fucking dead dead.
Yeah.
But I don't think it's a target.
It is.
Um, but I mean, it's actually number, I looked it up.
It's number 14 on the hit list.
Number 14.
Because if you think about it, Albany is a trade, like it's like a, is like a hub point
between Boston, New York city and Philadelphia.
Like all like there's highways that lead to Albany from all of them and Montreal and Buffalo.
Right.
So if you blow up the main hub, you can't get to all these other places because you'd
have to drive through radiation.
You're not wrong.
Yeah.
So that's why wrong because it really is like the connection point.
I mean, you can go through Connecticut to go from Boston to New York, but still like
you hit like the main hub points.
Like yeah, sure.
You can go on that highway, but then you get the fucking like Albany or fucking like Buffalo
or New York.
You're going to go through fucking insane amounts of radiation.
So basically, uh, you're cutting the fucking arteries to get to everywhere.
So it's basically like you cut Albany out.
It's like cutting out a main like fucking junction point for fucking arteries.
So man, I wonder, see, so I want to see this.
Also the wonderfully arsenal is still on the list, but that's like in like the thirties
or twenties.
I'm sure it's like way lower than that.
No, because we, we have, um, wait, hi.
I mean way higher in the list.
Yeah.
Because the waterfully, I feel like it's less like it's one of the, it's the only place
in America that builds battleship cannons.
Like the only place because it used to be like, there used to be other arsenals that
did it, but they closed down so many arsenals that the only arsenal that can build cannons
of that size is in waterfully.
Yeah.
So what I mean, I feel like they probably have a little bit of a stockpile and how many
are they really going to need?
Also, also in, in they have, I guarantee you there's some fucking weird shit going on in
the arsenal because I've lived next to the arsenal my entire life.
There is more trucks.
You have so fucking UFOs in there, dude.
There are more trucks going in and out of the arsenal now than there has ever been in
my entire life.
Like you go past like, you're in up for fucking world war three.
Like cause like you ever been through like the, like the back area of waterfully, like
where you go by like the old abandoned factories.
No.
You know where scholar heights fire department is?
No.
Fuck.
Do you know where the like mobile station is and like the cutoff between waterfully
manance like that, like little area like scholar flats, like the big park there?
I think I, I think I kind of know.
Yeah.
I think I told a story before.
Yeah.
So basically you turn, you turn left there and you go down that road and you go past,
well, there's no abandoned factories now.
They all got torn down cause they're building apartment things there, but you go past them
and you go across the bridge and you actually go across the arsenal.
And for my entire life, since I was a kid, there's like, you know, like four trucks,
maybe like four trucks there.
There was like the entire lot is filled with different things.
And I just see people unloading fucking things off it constantly.
And this is just a rotating thing every fucking day.
Wow.
So I'm like, something's going on there.
Like they keep on being like, yeah, the arsenal, you know, it's one of the lower quality, like
who, who, like what better place to do fucking weird, like insane, like, like more like classified
things than a fucking shitty town and fucking upstate New York.
Right.
Like, like everybody's like, that kind of stuff goes on all the time, but like, it's
kind of like the whole thing where it's just like, it's like, um, you're not going to fucking
think like area 51 is going to have like all like the cool, because everybody fucking knows
that place now.
How many people besides people who live around here know what the fucking water fleet arsenal
is?
Right.
Like I guarantee you, I guarantee you they're doing some real shady stuff there because like,
I like, like what I said though, like if you, who the fuck's going to know about a shitty
arsenal?
Bro, they got fucking radiation coming out of there.
They do.
From the UFOs.
They actually, um, water fleet New York, you can actually look this up, has way more earthquakes
than any place around in the capital district.
Really?
But this is like, it's an open secret pretty much, like from the people who worked in the
arsenal and stuff.
There's actually a bomb testing thing underneath the arsenal.
And when they blow up a bomb, it actually shakes the city.
Oh my God.
What?
No shit.
My grandma who had a cancer, she lived right next to the arsenal.
Really?
Yeah.
But like, like they, like everybody knows because like if like the city shakes, you're
like, Oh, they're doing another bomb like underneath the arsenal.
Like it's, it's, the water comes out black from the taps for five minutes, but it's pretty
much like a, it's, it's like a, it's an open secret type thing.
Like it's like, you're not supposed to know that, but if you've lived in whatever Lee
enough and you're like the city shakes, like fucking twice a month, that's not natural.
You felt it?
Yeah.
I remember going to my grandparents house as like as a kid and seeing that big, huge building
and I'm like, that looks fucking scary.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
That's fucking crazy.
I never knew all that about the water.
Really?
Our song.
Yeah.
Wow.
This might get redacted.
Well, we're here to expose an untitled park.
No, I'm saying like the government might fucking take down this episode being like, you guys
know too much.
I mean, how, how far below, uh, like they blow up fucking nukes underground.
No, no, no.
It's more like, like shells that they blow up underground.
If they have a fucking hadron collider, dude, that fucking particle particle accelerator,
but also the city hasn't been shaking for the last 10 years.
They're making fucking portals, bro.
They're making poor.
Everybody knows that there's that fucking wormholes to there's that bomb thing.
Other fucking galaxies.
So everybody, everybody knows about like the fucking making wormhole.
Let me finish.
I'm telling you, tell ports to find resources in other galaxies.
Everybody knows that you're probably not wrong.
No, I want to hear.
We'll get back to that Casey.
So Tyler, what are you saying?
Everybody knows about like the bomb thing underneath the city.
But it hasn't been shaking for like the last 10 years.
Like there hasn't been like an earthquake earthquake in more of late in 10 years.
You're not just going to leave that there under there without doing anything.
And especially with the new weapons and shit that we have, they might not even make fucking
like shock waves or anything.
They might be testing shit down there that we don't even fucking know about.
Yeah, bro.
Particle accelerators.
You know how much space you need for a particle accelerator?
It's like a fucking like the size of like three warehouses.
Yeah, they fucking did it in fucking Sweden.
Yeah, it's a fucking it's a dude.
That is the craziest fucking thing.
Have you ever seen the fucking like CERN like fucking building?
It has a fucking it has a statue of the Hindu god of destruction in the fucking courtyard.
What is it?
Put his fucking head in a particle accelerator.
He got fucked up.
It's a oh yeah, but it's CERN.
They have a statue of the Hindu god of destruction in the fucking main court, like courtyard of
the fucking place where people are like this could end the world if this fucking works.
My God.
And they're like, yeah, we put the Hindu god of destruction there.
It's just like what the fuck guys and then they had like this fucking thing.
If something goes wrong, it could end the world.
No, no, it was kind of like, you know, Oppenheimer thought that like it could ignite the atmosphere
when you started when you fired a nuclear bomb.
It's kind of like that thing, but they thought they might be able to make a black hole.
And if they made a black hole, the entire world would just get sucked into it.
Dude.
Yeah, that's like something that they're like actually afraid of.
So they're like, we're going to flip the switch anyways.
Oh my God.
Dude, did you ever hear the story of the time traveler that they found inside the complex
for the hydron, the large hydron?
Clearly.
That's fucking spooky.
Yeah.
I said that he was a time traveler from like, like, no, it was like a hundred years ago
or something.
A hundred years in the past or a hundred years in the future?
A hundred years in the past.
Hold on a sec.
Let me look this story.
Dude, it's a dark episode, bro.
We got to get some spooky shit going.
A time traveler.
Come on.
We got time travelers from the past.
Large had a hadron colliders, fucking black holes, galaxies, Milky Way's.
Did you guys ever hear the story of like the fucking like transmission that we got from
space?
Yeah.
What's that?
What did it say?
So we got like we got like a like a thing that's like constantly sending out like things
in the space to see if anything like responds to it.
And I think in like the 70s area, we got a transmission back, but it was just like fucking
like static.
But nothing natural makes static.
Yo.
So something sent us a signal back, but all we got was static.
But static is an electronic thing.
We don't have natural static.
That's not a thing.
So something sent us a message back because we keep on sending out a message.
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah.
It was just that.
But even getting static from space that's supposed to be quiet constantly is fucking
insane.
Like something sent us.
They might have tried to send us like a message to us, but it got like jumbled up because
it fucking came from like however far away and all we got was static.
We send out a message in every single language, like just constantly like it's like a beacon
almost which aliens they wouldn't understand any of our languages.
They might, you know, make any sense.
I know it doesn't make any sense, but like, you know, why not?
You know, I mean, I suppose you can use like the like they use the Rosetta fucking stone.
You have a bunch of languages.
You can like piece it together.
Yeah, that's what they mean.
That's what they they're doing.
They just keep sending out that message from every language in that we have just kind of
constantly sending it out in the space.
Dude, I feel like humans are getting brave with trying to like put messages out there.
I don't know if you want to know what's out there.
Just imagine you like not even space.
Just imagine you're in a dark woods.
OK, it's like a vast dark woods that you don't know if you're alone in the woods or not.
But you just it's just so vast that there could be anything out there.
And you see a light flashing and like a sound coming out.
It's like mirroring and you mean, you know, we mean, you know, we need to see that.
Would you go to fucking check that out or would you kind of be like, I'm going to stay
the fuck away from that because that's where I fucking check that shit out.
So like, I think it's crazy because like it's just imagine you are like if we found something
like that in space, like just imagine as humans, like we're like, OK.
And then like one day we start getting a fucking message from out and like fucking like a galaxy
away or something that's just going like sending out a message.
And it's just like a bunch of jumbled up like fucking sounds.
We're like, what the fuck is that?
And it's just constant, like just keep sending it out.
I'd be like, bro, what the fuck is that?
But you know how scared we would be?
Fucking we got that like just like if you're not like an intergalactic spacefaring species,
let's just say you're like humans, like you're at like the same level that humans are like
you can get messages from space, but you can't really like go out and explore.
Just imagine if they got our message.
Right.
Like how would we feel if we got their message?
We'd be like, holy fucking shit.
Yeah.
Every I think every every non spacefaring species, if there is species out there that
are like, you know, alien and shit, everyone that's not like intergalactic, like I think
they're just as scared as of us as us of things that are out there in space.
Because think about us.
We're always like, dude, space aliens are fucking scary.
Like things that are out there that aren't human.
It's like you can't even comprehend like not human, you know, and like they're like they're
like they're not blibblorb or like whatever, you know, like blibblorb.
They're not blibblorb.
So it's a fucking crazy thing.
They probably look at us.
They probably know that we're here.
Right.
And they see that we're still killing each other.
And they're like, yeah, those are fucking barbarians.
Like, just leave that place alone because they're not even like they're not even near
advanced enough like for us to even like start.
The crazy thing that I was thinking about.
They'll try and fuck us.
Like, you know, the crazy thing that I was thinking about, like if we ever become like
a like spacefaring species, which I think we can do, I think that that not in our lifetime,
but like eventually we can get to like, you know, space travel like to like other planets,
maybe even other galaxies way in the future.
Within the next 20 years.
I'd say in our lifetime if we live long enough.
Right.
So I might like I'm saying we might colonize the moon.
I think the moon is going to be the first one because it's so close and we can kind
of get supplies back and forth to it.
And then Mars would probably be the second one, but I think once we start colonizing
other planets, it's just going to do like, you know, kind of like the the Industrial Revolution
boom type thing where like, oh, we can start doing this.
How do we do it faster?
How do we do it better?
How do we get the supplies there fast?
And if you can start getting supplies there faster, then you can start getting people
there fast.
Yeah.
See, that's why Elon Musk is he made space travel so cheap.
Oh, fuck Elon Musk.
I fucking hate that guy.
Well, no, he I mean, that's whether you like him or you don't like him.
I mean, I don't like him.
That's that's what he did is he made reusable rockets.
Yeah.
So that he literally cut the cost of doing a launch.
But like 10 billion or something.
Well, we got a fucking down to 10 percent of what it was.
Yeah.
We got a fucking farm on Mars.
Donald Trump.
Twenty twenty four.
Fuck your feelings.
So like the crazy thing is, though, like like if we start doing that, we might be the space
bad guys, you know, like all these other like like like species have become peaceful and
stuff and they started like doing that.
And we show up and we're just like Earth, motherfucker.
Give us your shit.
World War Three is going to be in space.
Where do you think it's going to fucking take place?
It's going to take place on fucking spacious.
So Donald's fucking Mars.
I said I think I've said this before, but Donald Trump made the Space Force for a reason
like you don't just make an entire branch of the military for no reason.
Yeah, he he knew something.
They showed him something.
Yeah, there's something out there that he's like, we need defense in space.
Right.
They're probably like, sir, we we've been in contact.
We've been meaning to have this conversation with you for a while.
And we're just waiting till you were mentally ready for this.
Why don't you step into this gift room here?
We'll have a conversation about it.
And you just go in there and it's just a thing going.
Turns out looking like that kid at night.
It just looks like you got flashback.
He just goes, yes, we have to make the Space Force now.
We have to do something.
Yeah, they showed him all the pictures of all the different breeds of aliens.
Yeah, we've known about these guys since the 1920s.
These guys have been visiting us for 400 years and these guys are relatively new in the past
10.
Or they have like a holographic like thing where like you had to like meet with like
the leaders of like the other alien shit.
And I think Donald Trump is like this.
Nice to meet you.
That's why that's why fucking Biden got all fucky.
Like when he got into office because he saw the alien and shit and like the aliens had
to talk to him and they're probably just like, oh boy, you got the oldest of you to fucking
do this shit.
Like, is it because he's an elder?
Like is he is like our elders like looked at as like why it's like, well, yeah, like,
well, kind of.
But this one just fucking retarded.
I'm sorry.
It's 20, but like like I guarantee you, like we might be like the space like fucking like
like what the fuck was his name?
Like fucking mongrel fuck space mongrel.
Like we'd be like space like fucking mongrels.
Like we'd go through just fucking kill, take what we want, fucking colonize planets and
shit and be like, fuck you.
But like I think that Earth as like as like as a general thing, we conquer things like
that's just what like Earth like people from Earth is divided, though.
We're not all working together.
We're fighting.
If we eventually got to the point like where we were working together, we think we have
one single government.
I think that the stars belong to humans.
But do you think the world should have one single government?
No, but I think eventually we will, though.
I think that we're pretty close with the United Nations.
I think that one world government could be a good thing or it could be a completely horrific
thing because it's always going to be divided.
It's always going to get divided.
Yeah, but they have fucking like shit like I guarantee you, like when we start fucking
colonizing space, we're going to say this galaxy, it's going to be the new frontier.
Like the galaxy belongs to humans type shit.
And like we're going to like we might go to a planet and there's like a bunch of like
peaceful like little aliens on it.
And we just fucking Mercom like we did to the Native Americans.
Right, right.
Of course.
And we're just going to be like, yep, this is ours now.
They're going to be like, yeah, give us your shit.
And we're just going to club them like baby seals.
Yeah.
God, humans are fucked up.
But I think we do that.
And then like, dude, dude, like the rest of like the spacefaring species will be like,
who the fuck are these guys like these new kids on the block?
And then they're going to try to be like, all right, let's fucking triangulate to where
these fuckers are from type shit.
And then they're going to come here.
Like if aliens, if we start doing that shit and then aliens find Earth, it's going to
be a problem.
Damn.
That'd be like a really fucked up Disney movie.
There's this fucking species.
Well, it's kind of like Halo Star Wars.
No, it's one of the blue people.
Avatar Avatar.
Yeah, it's kind of like that.
That's actually exactly like that.
That's what I have.
That's the premise of the movie.
Exactly what you're talking about.
Yeah, we keep like humans are ever, ever conquering.
Like we just want we want more.
Right.
We constantly want more.
Like it's like we want to do this.
So we're going to fucking do this shit.
Right.
And but there might be things out there that it's like fucking like, you know, we we we
we stab a giant in the toe type thing.
It's like we don't know what we're doing.
We think it's like a bunch of like little weak things.
But what if that's the planet of just like they're hatchlings or something?
Yeah.
And then they're like, that's not actually us.
Those are our fucking kids.
And then it's just like those things are like fucking like eight feet like fucking like fucking
like the like the elites from Halo just start showing up and shit.
Fuck.
Dude, because, dude, it was really cool.
I watched the movie like about just like a standard Marine in Halo.
It wasn't like a Spartan or anything like just like a standard person that's like you
and me.
And the way that they showed elites in that is like a fucking horror movie because elites
in the game are like fucking eight foot tall, like eight feet, like nine feet tall and gigantic.
And like like as Master Chief, you're 12 feet tall in armor.
Like you don't really like think about that, but you're 12 feet tall in the armor.
But like just imagine like an elite's look, you know, you know, kind of like your size
when you're when you're a fucking giant dude.
Just imagine being half that height and seeing the same fucking thing.
Right.
And like, you know, like the little grunts, like the little guys with the shells running
around.
Yeah, those are like normal people size.
Those are five, seven.
Each one of those things are five.
Dude, those things are taller than you.
Right.
And then you're looking at me like, oh, look at these little things.
Those things are as tall as you.
The little thing with the shells on the back.
Yeah.
They just splatter.
Yeah.
They're like in the way.
Yeah.
Those things are fucking five, like five, seven, like five, 11.
Like that's their area.
Like, so like just imagine one of those fucking things.
That's my height.
Like, you know how scary just a fucking grunt would be.
Yeah.
And then you look at a fucking elite, you'd be like, oh my God, that thing's a demon.
For the proof of my promise.
They always used to say, I think that was the first or the second one.
Where are you?
There are those who said this day would never come.
What are they to say now?
I forget who says that.
It's like the arbiter or something.
No, the arbiter.
The arbiter was like, I think it was a fucking the prophet, the prophet.
Prophet.
Yeah.
They fucking I loved Halo.
It was so well written.
Dude, Halo was like my childhood game, man.
It really was.
I loved Halo.
Yeah.
The silent cartographer.
Yeah.
Such a good fucking level.
Yeah.
Dude, there's fucking one.
They're fucking the elite speech.
Hold on a second.
Like it was fucking awesome.
Like, dude, like the game was so well written.
Yeah.
Just the idea that there's this like this ring shaped planet that's like made by some
species and they don't know who it was, but it's a weapon.
Here it is.
Yeah.
I'll let this load.
When we joined the covenant, we took an oath according to our station, all without exception
on the blood of our fathers, on the blood of our sons.
We swore to uphold the covenant, even to our dying breath.
Those who would break this oath are heretics, worthy of neither peace nor
mercy.
Even now, they use our Lord's creations to forecast the fire.
We shall grind them into dust and continue our march to glorious salvation.
Dude, this fucking is...
When I was fucking eight years old seeing this, I'm like, this is cool as fuck.
This armor suits you, but it cannot hide that mark.
Nothing ever will.
You are the arbiter.
The will of the prophets.
Is this which Halo?
This is two.
Oh, okay.
Their lives matter to me.
Yours does not.
That makes two of us.
Dude, they did such a phenomenal job on that game.
Dude, Halo 2 was probably my favorite one.
They never made a Halo movie, did they?
They made a Halo series that had nothing to do with the fucking show and it was sucked.
I don't understand why video game movies aren't more popular.
Because they don't follow the source material most of the time.
They split off from what?
They just don't even follow...
They use the characters and that's it.
They write their own.
I wanted a Halo show since I was a fucking kid.
Then Paramount Plus got a Halo show and I'm like, okay.
Then the guy who wrote the Halo show, he goes, I never even played the games.
We're going to make our own story.
Yeah, so they pick these directors that just don't even care about the products at all
or some of them actively hate the product that they're doing shit with.
If you're going to do a video game movie or a video game TV show or something, get somebody
who fucking loves it.
That's the biggest thing with Star Wars and shit.
They got people who hated Star Wars to write the new movies and shit.
How's that going to work?
You can't write something for people who hate...
That's why Star Wars flopped recently.
It's getting worse and worse.
You can't take an IP that people have such good memories with and they love the original
story of it.
Then be like, we're going to make our own story with the characters that you care about
and we're going to fuck up the characters that you like and put our characters at the
forefront.
It's like, what the fuck?
We like the story because of the people in the story type shit.
It's fucking insane.
I've been waiting for the Metal Gear Solid movie and luckily, the guy who wants to play
the main character is obsessed with Metal Gear.
Really?
Obsessed.
Yeah, what's his name?
He's in one of the Star Wars.
Which one?
Sir Isaac...
Newton?
No, not Sir Isaac.
What am I saying?
Sir Isaac.
Something Isaac Scott...
Oscar Isaac?
Wait, what's the...
Oscar Isaac?
Is that him?
That might be.
Hold on.
Let me see.
Because he played Moon Knight and shit.
He also played Poe in the new Star Wars movies.
Metal Gear movie.
But dude, I just know they're going to fuck it up.
Oh yeah.
It's like the first...
This guy.
What's his name?
Oscar Isaac.
Sir Isaac.
Sir Isaac Newton.
Yeah, Oscar Isaac.
Oscar Isaac.
He's actually really good at doing...
He's a really good actor.
Well, I think he's going to be a really good Solid Snake.
Right?
But it keeps getting delayed.
I mean, he's a little dark for Snake, but that could work too.
Yeah.
Like, Snake's super pale, isn't he?
He's fucking really pale, if I remember correctly.
It depends on which Snake, he's kind of different in the different games, but dude, the first
one is the one I'm obsessed with.
Oh yeah, the original.
Because dude, that game...
S.P. and I simulator.
It just captures a feeling.
It's just this...
I played it, it's good.
It's this feeling of loneliness and this feeling of loss and love.
It's just such a...
It's so dark and morbid and romantic at the same time.
Yeah.
Dude, it's just a fucking weird mix of flavors.
And that's what made that game so awesome, even though half of it was stolen from the
movie Escape from New York.
It's like, that movie, you realize he took a lot of the shit from that.
But it's a lot of the stuff that's like...
So would you say that Metal Gear is your favorite game?
Oh yeah.
Well, besides Flight Simulator.
Yo, I'm so pumped for Flight Simulator 2024.
Yeah.
Well, traditionally they always came out with a new one every four years.
A lot of people are pissed.
Because they're supposed to work on it for 10 years, like GTA.
But then all of a sudden they didn't fix half the problems with the new one and said, hey,
we're coming out with a new one.
As long as they fix everything in the new one.
Right, right.
Do you get to keep the plane from your last one?
Yeah, you do.
I have one plane that's like $50.
Oh yeah, better be.
Right, yeah.
So they said it's all going to transfer.
But yeah, anyway, back to Metal Gear.
It's like, dude, there's this one part in the game...
Shut the fuck up about planes.
No, I don't want to piss Tyler off.
I know that also nobody else...
That's a very niche thing and nobody's interested in it.
But dude, there's these love stories that come along in Metal Gear Solid.
And one of them is with this chick called Meryl.
She's a meter and she's doing sit-ups in her cell.
She's also a prisoner of war.
Then you fight this Russian sniper.
Sniper wolf.
Yeah.
And dude, it's such a...
As a 13 year old kid playing this game, you have to shoot this beautiful Russian chick.
Right to the scope.
Right.
You don't want to.
But you have to.
And it's just like, she's sitting there bleeding out this fucking mega hot chick.
I used to bring the pamphlet from the game to school and show my buddies.
I'm like, yeah, look at how hot this fucking Russian sniper bitch is.
But yeah, it's just such a strange mix of emotions.
And then it brings in horror aspects.
Yeah, with Psycho Mantis.
Psycho Mantis.
Yeah.
And it's just so isolated and lonely in Alaska.
And it's just this weird, strange, just violent love story.
Violent love horror story.
You know who's fucking hot?
It's fucking quiet from Metal Gear Solid V. She's fucking bad.
I don't know which one she is.
Oh dude, I got to show you her.
You'd love her.
Yeah, see after the first one, I never really...
Because one, I didn't have a PlayStation 2, so I didn't keep going with it.
But I didn't like a lot of the places that the later Metal Gears went.
Like the walking fucking guns.
The walking guns.
You know what I mean?
It's just fucking weird.
It just got strange.
It went off the rails.
It really went off the rails when demons and shit started coming in.
Yeah, if they just stuck to all the stuff around the first one.
That's a literal scene in the game.
Oh my.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
She doesn't talk either.
Huh.
I think she's got her tongue cut out or some shit.
That's a little weird.
She's hot though.
Yeah.
She's hot though.
Would you date a girl with no tongue?
No.
No?
No.
That's a deal breaker.
That's a deal breaker?
I'm sorry.
So you know what my deal breaker is?
This is a weird jumping off point.
I don't care if they're blind, but if they didn't have eyes, if they were just like the
skin thing, I couldn't do that.
Just stitched up.
Yeah, I couldn't do that.
All the way across.
It depends, dude.
I mean, what if she was like a smoke show?
If she wore sunglasses all the time, maybe.
I mean...
Just like the people that do the fucking, the glass eyes or whatever and they kind of
look real type things, I guess that works.
But if you're just walking around with fucking skin for eyes, that freaked me the fuck out.
Even if you have a banging-est body and the coolest personality ever, I'd be like, you
don't have eyes.
That's real scary.
Yeah, that is rough.
I mean, there's some hot disabled girls for sure.
Do you ever have those reoccurring dreams?
Ever since I was a kid, I had a reoccurring dream.
Pull that up on Reddit.
What?
Oh God, no.
It's a hot disabled girl.
Oh no.
No?
You pull it up on Reddit.
I think I will.
Yeah, because I always had this reoccurring dream where I lost my arm.
I just keep having this dream where I keep losing my left arm at my forearm area.
Right here.
Hey, let's interpret this.
It's so fucking weird.
I've had it since I was a kid.
It's always like... Since you were how old?
Fucking like six.
He's afraid of losing the ability to jack off.
It's my left arm actually that I keep getting cut off.
Well, I mean, if we want to psychoanalyze this...
You're ambidextrous.
You're ambidextrous and you were forced to use your other hand.
Yeah.
All right, now the thing that makes you Tyler...
God's punishing you.
... is using your left hand.
Your brain is different.
Left-handed, yeah.
And your body's saying to you, we were given this gift and we've neglected it.
Being left-handed, you utilize... We need people that are left-handed and use a different
side of their brain.
We all need people.
I actually shoot left-handed.
Do you?
Yeah.
But the thing is, I shoot left-handed, but most guns are made for right-handed people,
so I have to shoot right-handed.
So which arm is it that you lost?
My left.
Dude, I mean, you can't tell me that wasn't a great psychoanalysis.
That is, yeah.
I mean, the nuns forced me not to use my left hand, so I had to use my right hand.
Right, and your body is like, no, we're supposed to be using our left hand.
Yeah.
Damn, dude.
Oh, damn, dude.
All right, let's take a break on Total Podcast.
We'll be back.
Damn, dude.
Oh, welcome back to Untitled Podcast.
Dan doesn't have much time, so we're going to do a quick head-to-head on Jeopardy here.
Dan's got his fucking caffeine.
He's ready to go.
We're here.
We'll give a three-time returning champ from last time, Tyler.
Dan wins.
Tyler wins.
And Dan's also a three-time returning champ.
Dan wins.
All right.
Battle of the retards.
I did say that this was the...
We're going to wear that word out this episode, then we're not using it again.
Welcome to retard town, population us.
We are politically correct after this episode.
That is not true.
Retard Jeopardy.
You ever like come to...
Huh?
What?
All right, we got Dan and Tyler.
Woo!
I'd jump the boat.
I'd dunk in donuts?
Categories today.
All right, your categories are sports.
Oh, God.
Broadway.
Oh, God.
Religion.
Oh, yeah.
I'm fucked there.
Breaking Bad.
Okay.
Maybe.
Potent Potables.
And rappers.
Might be okay with that.
This is a good split.
Tyler gets the first pick.
Of course.
200.
The only two Catholic presidents.
What is JFK and what is Joe Biden?
Oh, yes.
The fuck, man.
I knew JFK, actually.
Yeah.
Joe Biden's Catholic.
I don't own him, but yeah.
Tyler's pick.
Let's do religion.
Four?
What is Judaism?
What is...
Peace is forbidden in this religion.
What is Muslim?
What is Islam?
I couldn't even think of the name of it.
Really?
What is Judaism?
I already said that.
Dude, it's not going to be a good one for me.
I'm already tapped out.
Fuck.
What is Judaism?
I don't know.
Fuck.
What is Hinduism?
Yeah, Brahman.
Oh, yeah.
Tyler's pick.
Let's do religion again.
I'm just going to say the same thing, Tyler.
For 600, Siddhartha Gautama was the founder of this...
Buddhism.
What is Buddhism?
Yes.
Correct.
I don't like it.
Dan's pick.
Potho balls.
I don't like it.
Dan's pick.
Potho balls.
200 Chardonnay comes from this country. What is France?
Yeah, that was at the same time. Yeah, that really was at the same time.
You want to split that? Yeah, let's split that.
Split that? Oh, it was 200? You get a fucking 100 each?
Yeah. Jesus Christ.
Dan's pick. Pome portables. Let's wear it out.
400. Liquor commonly served in Japanese. What is sake?
Oh, God. Sake. Sake.
Got me. Thomas Pick. Religion.
For 800, the majority religion of the Philippines.
What is? What is Christianity?
Catholicism. Oh, damn. Yeah, baby. Catholics for the win.
Thomas Pick. Religion. For a thousand.
These religious views are somewhere between theist and atheist.
What is agnostic? God damn. Yep.
Zippity doo dah. I need some... Let me light up.
All right. Quick pause. Why Dan lights up the... Sake.
Yeah.
What? I thought you were going to light up a thing.
What? I thought you were lighting up incense or something.
No, cigarette. I need some nicotine.
Whose pick is it? It's mine.
All right. What do we got? Sports, Broadway, Breaking Bad,
Pome portables, and rappers. Rappers.
Rappers? This rapper's real name is Jared Higgins.
Oh, my God. Gerard Higgins. Who is Ludacris?
What is 50 Cent? What is... Not X. It's not X.
Jared. Who's Ja Rule? No.
It's Juice WRLD. It's SoundCloud Rappers. Let's be real.
It's Casey. Shut the fuck up, Tyler.
44. M&M is from this city. What is Detroit?
God damn. Oh, yeah.
Bro, I'm off my game. I need some drugs, dude.
We rappers. For six. Tupac was killed in this American city.
What is LA? Yeah. I was going to say Los Angeles, but...
Oh, what is Las Vegas? Was it Vegas?
Yeah, it was Vegas. Was it?
Yeah. Yeah, boy.
Dan with the fucking six hundred points. Rappers.
Vegas. For 800. Oh, God. Joking.
Double. You got 1300 points.
Oh, I have to wager. Yeah.
All right. 300. 300?
Yeah. Childish Gambino's real name.
Oh, come on. Oh, man.
Come on. I know this one, bro.
Fuck. Come on, dude. You don't know his name?
I have no idea. Can I just say the name without him getting it?
Yeah. It's fucking Donald Glover.
Does he know? I have no idea.
It's Donald Glover, bro. I have no idea.
So Dan lost 300. Damn.
God fucking. You didn't know Childish Gambino's real fucking name?
No, actually, I don't know one song by him.
Dude, he's really good. I'd look into him if he...
Dan's pick. You like that shit?
It's my pick? Yeah.
That's potent potables. Potent bottles.
For 600. Give me a smelling salts first.
Come on. Diamorphine is also known as this drug.
Oh, what is fentanyl? No.
Dye-morphine. Dye-morphine.
Phenagin.
Dye-morphine.
Is phenagin a fucking painkiller?
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. Hold on. What is methadone?
What is...
It's heroin.
Oh, fuck. Weird.
Interesting.
Oh, fuck yes.
Dan's pick.
Potables. Let's get this done with.
For 800. Website on the darkwood. Commonly used to buy and sell.
What is this? God damn it.
Who got that? Highlands?
I don't know.
Let's split it. If you want to split that, I'll split it.
Let's split it.
You got 400 each.
What's the score?
Dan has 1400. Tyler has 2300.
I'm sick of it. Tyler kicking my ass all the time.
Dan's pick.
Potable. Let's get it done with.
For 1000. Two drugs mentioned by Future in the 2015 song Mask Off.
What is molly percocet?
God damn.
Molly percocet.
1000 points.
Is that over?
Yeah, it's over and it's my pick, retard.
Rappers.
Rappers for 1000?
The single Heartless by Kanye West came off of this album.
What is graduation?
Off of this album.
What is Kyle's drop out?
What is Heartless?
The song Heartless came off of this album.
Yeah, I thought Heartless was its own album.
No.
Fuck.
808s and Heartbreak, bro.
I wouldn't have got that one.
What we got?
I got Sports Broadway Breaking Bad.
Let's do sports for two.
Two. Final score of the 1980 Olympic hockey game.
What is four to three, baby?
I'm fucked.
What is four to three?
I don't even know what the question was.
Micah Rizzioni, baby.
Tyler's turn.
Sports.
For a number of vampires in a regular season MLB game.
What is three?
I have no idea.
What is one?
What is two?
What is four?
Yeah.
I have a four.
I'm like, is there one at each base or like one in that shortstop area, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, because there's one at the home plate, one at first, one at third, and then there's
like one at each base.
Yeah, one at like shortstop.
Yeah.
Yeah, one at second base.
Yeah, sports.
For six.
God damn.
It's over for me.
You got 3,700.
200.
This sport was invented by Dr. James Naismith.
What is basketball?
I know exactly where it was.
What the fuck, bro?
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
That's correct.
I actually know where the exact court where he made it is.
Is it in Massachusetts?
You've actually been there, Casey.
Have I?
Silver Bay is where basketball was invented.
No, why?
Yeah.
No, it wasn't like Massachusetts.
I thought it was Springfield.
No, no, no, because he had it there, but the first basketball court was in Silver Bay,
New York.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, I played on the basketball court.
Wow.
Yeah.
How many sports we got left to all these sports, the world record time to run the 100 meter
dash by Usain Bolt was this time.
Six seconds is going to be the closest closest to the right answer.
Ten point six seconds.
What is twelve point two?
What do you say?
Twelve point two.
What do you say?
Ten point six.
Yeah, that's for Dan.
Yeah, nine point five eight.
Oh, shit.
He's fast.
Dan's pick.
Breaking Bad.
Fuck you.
For 200.
Walt regretfully chokes out this dealer with a metal padlock.
Oh, my God.
I actually never seen Breaking Bad.
I've seen Better Call Saul.
I've never seen Breaking Bad.
Yeah, I don't remember.
All right.
That was crazy.
Dude, I haven't seen this since 2013.
I've seen Better Call Saul.
All right.
What were the other ones?
Broadway and sports.
Fucking Broadway.
Like the plays.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
The only reason I'll get those is because my girlfriend was a drama girl.
Jesus.
Fuck.
So let's keep going.
Breaking Bad.
So you're fucked with that one.
I got no way to come back with this.
Walt is diagnosed with this.
I'm not sure.
Okay.
Four.
With this stage of lung cancer in the pillar.
Stage four.
Stage three.
Because it could only be.
I said stage four.
I said stage three after.
Dan's pick.
No, I got that one.
Breaking Bad.
What?
I said stage three before you did.
You said stage four.
I said stage four, then I said stage three.
All right.
Rewind it.
I didn't hear it.
I'll give you a...
You're so far ahead anyway.
I'll give you 400 points each.
I'm not sure.
I'll give you 400 points each.
All right.
Dan's pick.
Breaking Bad.
Heisenberg uses this kind of acid to dissolve the bodies.
Hydrochloric acid.
Yeah, fuck you.
What is, uh...
Fuck, I...
God drinking it, I had it on the tip of my tongue and you said that, it fucked me up.
What is Lye?
That's a base actually
That would be hydro floric acid
It wasn't hydrochloric acid yeah hydro floric hydro floric acid stronger all right fine
dance pick yeah breaking bad
800 before he was a hit man Mike worked as a police officer in this city. What is Tucson, Arizona?
What is Albuquerque, New Mexico
What is Chicago
Think about how he taught you he's got an accent right what is Boston Walter
Chicago
Philadelphia
Philadelphia accent
Dance break breaking bad
You got 2600 I'll wager fucking a hundred
Just the escapes of this state after the series oh fuck Colorado. What is Colorado?
He says Colorado
That was Alaska
Dance big
Is there any more breaking dead nah, oh you got Broadway and
Broadway and sports
Uh, Broadway and sports. Uh, we'll say Broadway and what is Phantom of the Opera?
For 200 adaptation of the
1995 animated what is that a lion king god damn it. Oh, yeah
I'm off my game tonight
Tyler fucking wins
Fucking wins
Wow
That was aggressive. Sorry. So Dan just hit the table and
Screwed up her entire operation
No, Tyler's pick yes, we'll finish out sports sports
uh
Lionel Messi joined this american football club in 2023
What is what is the nfl?
What is what is t-mobile you didn't hear this in the news
America now. No, what team is he playing on the pale a ball? What city what city bro? What is fucking detroit? I don't know
I don't want soccer. I'm not gay
Uh, Miami
Inter-miami, okay. Uh, let's do uh broadway for 400
Uh, this takes place during the french revolution is lay miser base
Is
I'm getting smoked. I'm getting smoked over here. Uh tyler's let's just go down the fucking
600 set in the roaring 20s this musical. What is the Phantom of the Opera? What is the great gatsby?
Oh
What
Set in the roaring 20s this musical is about gamblers who like playing craps. Oh fuck. I don't know
There's guys and dolls
For 800 what is cats?
What's cat this broadway show was written by the creators of south park. What is the book of mormon? Oh, Jesus fuck
God
and finally 401 000
The skylark sisters are characters in this music. What is hamilton?
Jesus fucking christ
I'm gonna go home
What's the score it's like 5000 to 1000
Uh
Tyler's got
6800 I gotta start taking that bite of vitamin b again. I start snorting
Tyler's got 6800 dan's got 2500
I'll give you my bet
Uh, let's see. Yeah, what's the what's the thing? Uh, care category is uh video games. Oh boy
I'll bet I'll bet that
How much how much am I ahead?
5000 ahead
You got 6800. I don't even have the wager because
You can't win
Let's see. All right. I sent you my wager
No, you can win
How if I bet something?
Well tyler the more you bet the more money you win so what's the money there's no point
Tyler the more you bet the more money you win. I didn't know
I didn't know that I knew that much about broadway
Dude, that's I don't know anything about broadway dude, literally literally my girlfriend literally saved me with that one
Uh tyler
Tyler you gotta bet you gotta bet a little more than that. I'm not betting you gotta bet a little bit more than that
You gotta make this interesting
Oh, is he writing a new wager
Is he is he writing a new wager
All right the question for uh
final jeopardy is in
the uh
The game guitar hero 3
Yo, the final boss is uh the devil. What is his name in guitar hero 3?
The name of the devil that you battle at the end
I have no fucking idea. Damn dude
I never play guitar hero. Oh my god. You need to come over here and we're gonna fucking shred
Never play that bro. You were gone from mohawk when we were fucking shredding guitar hero every fucking shit
Oh, dude, we should shred some fucking guitar hero. Yeah, now you gotta work
um
Next week next week. We'll shred guitar hero
You still got your ps2. Let me give you a hint
It's like it's like a regular name like it's like he's like the devil but he has like a like a regular name
Dan dan texted me
No, it's like it's like bob it's not bob but it's like a name like bob or something
Well, look what I just saw you
Oh bob, well, you know, it's not bob. So it's something else. It's something else not bob
Dan's thinking
He says what is john?
It's not that
It's lou dan lost it
It says what is lou that's correct. He bet 1000. Oh, think about it dan god lucifer his name's lou
But that's not a common name. Yeah, it is lou's a super common name. I mean for older people, but it's not like bob
Common tires won 70 700
Why do I know so much about stupid trivia I don't fucking know
It's fucking awesome. Actually
Dude, like dude my girlfriend's like I have such weird random access memory that I could just like go on like what's needed
It's incredible
But not for things that are anything useful like in fucking medic school. I couldn't remember any of that
I can tell you how many legions there are in fucking warhammer like that
But that makes for a much more interesting person. Yeah
Than somebody who can spit out random facts about there in fucking star wars entire backstory
I can fucking like, you know stupid shit like that
Hey, uh
Everybody thank you for listening to the untitled podcast episode 45 like the best president that we've ever had
um
If you look in a mirror put a piece of paper on it and then put a piece an item behind it
And uh, tell me your results in the email because really fucking scary. Oh, can we check the email by the way?
Yeah, we'll check. Oh my god. Let's check the email real quick
Um, but yes
If you are looking at a mirror put a piece of paper in front of the mirror and put like a pair of car keys behind
It or something. You will see the car keys behind the mirror. How the fuck does that work? I don't know
I'm getting smoked in this fucking trivia. I mean it's just i'm
At least you're not alley mac who hasn't joined us for uh,
We got an email from apple says please join us for a special event from apple park. We didn't get anything
Lust we didn't get anything from the church of latter-day saints. No, actually
Even the fucking church of latter-day saints isn't even i'm gonna reach out with this email to some people. All right
Because they know that nobody would actually contact them to get contacted
Like they're like, yeah, this is a fucking this is spam
Listen if you like aliens and us flows and fucking large hadaron colliders and ghosts like us on facebook
We'll talk about some ghosts next time this month
Uh, and uh as always be kind to yourselves
Tyler and each other we out
For all we know robots have souls, we just don't know if they do or don't how do you know?
Have you ever been a cyborg or a robot?
You think we were the first ones to inhabit this planet fuck no
No, no, we are jumping down this fucking rabbit hole. Yes, we are there's people out there with some really dumb thoughts
Extended episodes
You're telling me that they didn't die and become ghosts
Oh, they're killing they're killing all already born babies and sell them to the chinese aliens
Somewhere in china, all right in some base what the fuck there are super soldiers that are at least nine or ten feet tall
So then they are extraterrestrials they are aliens
You
Before my eyes while holding their pulse feel them die of this virus you feel bump bump bump beep
Nothing, they're fucking gone. I've seen it happen. I think that the government has
Taken it to the next level with the birds
They know what birds are going to cross paths with you that you are going to be able to raise and they are going to make
Them so fucking real they're going to sink money into them because they know that if you put that motherfucker in a cage
They're going to be able to convince you that they can fuck real you can cut it open
You're going to see blood cuts. No surgery, but let me tell you their technology
Which by the way, big brother is the overlord
If we're only living in the third dimension
No
George soros is an actual nazi collaborator. Okay, i'm not fucking lying. It's fucking real
Okay, look it up. Look it up
He says that he was doing this shit george soros actually worked with the fucking nazis during the holocaust
He says that he was doing it just to survive, but he fucking loved he was having a great fucking time
Why are you doing this shit george soros is the fucking devil? Okay, he's not fucking doing this shit
George soros is the fucking leader. He's the actual fucking leader for all this shit
He's fucking put down a whole bunch of shit
Just don't fucking get it
Donald trump the fucking word person out there
The actual fucking leader it's george soros bill gates fucking elon musk and everyone out there everybody
That's