The following program is intended for mature audiences and may cause cancer in at-risk populations.
Fewer discretion is advised.
This program is intended for mature audiences and may cause cancer in at-risk populations.
Welcome to Untitled Podcast, motherfuckers.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Episode 35.
Big 35.
Casey's dying tonight.
Casey's dead.
I think it's going to be a little shorter than that because Casey looks like he's going to die.
Casey's been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
I'm committed to the fans. I have two days to live.
So we're going to get him some rest tonight.
The next episode is going to be live from the ICU.
Also, it's his birthday, so he's having a little shit birthday.
Happy birthday, Casey.
Thank you.
28 years old.
Oh, Jesus.
You're too old, man. You're going to be 30.
Dude.
Shout out downswing.
We know you listen, Chris.
I pray for endless sleep.
What the fuck was that?
I'm thinking about doing this. I don't know if I feel like doing that tonight to my nose.
The smelling socks.
That might be good for me.
Actually, no, I'd probably throw up.
No, do it, bro. It'll work you up.
Do it.
Happy birthday, motherfucker.
Oh, shit. All right.
Casey on the red line.
Oh, I'm good.
Casey on the red line. There we go.
Did that make you feel better?
That was surprisingly refreshing.
Refreshing?
Yes.
All right, boys.
So I got a topic to start off on this shit.
What are we talking about?
So you know how rent prices are out of control right now?
Like fucking rent prices, housing prices.
Let's hear the stupid ass take, Tyler.
This is not a stupid take.
So there's a thing where ever since women have been able to own property and work in the workforce and stuff, the prices of everything has gone up.
That's not a joke. That's like an actual statistic.
Why though?
Like a lot of shit has also happened.
This isn't like an anti-women thing.
This is an anti-like fucking landlord thing.
Anti-capitalism thing?
Sort of, I guess.
But like it's a fucking it's definitely what are you doing, bro?
Oh, you're getting the medicine ball.
Oh, so like like it's a fucking thing that happens with this shit.
Like the companies realize that because there's two incomes coming into these houses now, they can upcharge everything.
Like that's like an actual thing that they did.
They're like, hey, we realize that there's now multiple incomes coming into every single house.
And they're like, OK, since there's multiple incomes, let's raise the price of literally everything.
But since when?
This is capitalism now.
Since when?
It is.
It's like progressively getting like worse because instead of like doing that,
instead of having two people who are like married in like the same house getting that, they're like, oh, everybody has jobs now.
So we're going to raise the price of literally everything.
So it's just getting worse and worse because the more it's it's a it's a it's a double edged sword.
The more people who have jobs, the more expensive everything is.
Well, I mean, you know, rent, it's going to be whatever people are willing to pay.
Yeah.
Well, it's not necessarily like the landlords like who's they though that's raising the rent.
The fucking landlords, the fucking government, like raising taxes and all that shit.
Goddamn Democrats.
Fucking Democrats.
Fucking liberals.
Fucking Socialists raising you.
Ruin fucking everything.
I fucking hate liberals.
They're like a fucking disease.
They're like working.
They're ruin everything.
Fucking Democrats aren't raising the prices.
It's the fucking conservatives.
The conservatives are not raising the prices, brother.
Look at the fucking recent shit.
Like if you look at the actual like recent like the two corporations are run by fucking liberals.
Republicans.
No, no, that's not true.
That's not true.
No, look at Google.
Actually, let's let's take a look.
Biggest companies in the look at every single company.
I don't trust it all.
Look at every single company that has a rainbow flag on this month.
Those are ran by liberals.
Yeah, I'm sure Warren Buffett's big, bigger liberal.
They're they're they're placating to him.
I don't know.
He might be actually Warren Buffett strikes me as the kind of guy that wouldn't have political opinions.
Warren Buffett just seems like a guy who's going to go to hell and I'm going to be happy that why he's an asshole.
He looks like he looks like one of those guys like wiggles his fingers when he's talking about things like he's very excited.
So he like wiggles his fingers like an old guy.
He's like talks like the price is what you pay, but the value is what you get.
That's what he talks about. I never based out stocks.
I buy off the price.
He just wiggles his face value.
Coca-Cola is good value.
That's why I bought Coca-Cola.
I bought all the shares of Coca-Cola.
I feel like Warren Buffett had to do insider trading.
He really he had to.
I don't know.
We had to.
There's no way to make that much fucking money off that without insider trading.
Stock market genius.
Dude, all stock market geniuses.
So what if he did all stock market geniuses are definitely fucking stock market is fucking rigged.
It is absolutely.
Look, this so all right.
Everybody's pensions are invested in the stock market.
Right. Yeah.
So what did you put like a little bit of money not to get off from what you're saying, but you put a little bit of money.
That's pretty much all I had to say about from your pension.
Yeah. Right.
And then there's people who manage the pension fund and they invest it.
Right. Sure.
So they invest it in the stock market.
OK. So they take your money, put it in here and hopefully it grows to more than what you put in.
Yeah. Right.
So a lot of these people that manage these pension funds are like fucking school teachers.
Yeah. They have no credentials.
They they don't not like a degree in like economics or like they're not even fucking accountants and school teachers.
At our old job, our 401k was in like the fucking market and like I looked at my 401k and it fucking tanked like fucking five thousand dollars like the year that I left because they fucking invested it shitty.
I'm like that's like almost all the money in there just tanked.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm like so I just fucking put how much money on my paycheck every single week into that just to have it all fucking get tanked.
Yeah. It's ridiculous.
Well, so 401k's have made more millionaires than pensions ever had.
Like 401k's actually they're good.
But it's just like, dude, you got it.
Unfortunately, you got to play into the scam, you know, and the stock market's rigged a little bit, a little bit rigged.
It's not it's not 100 percent right.
But if you have a teacher managing a pension fund, right, say they're managing the pension of I don't know like fucking firefighters or something.
Right. Yeah.
Managing the firefighter pension fund and some guy who works on Wall Street is like, hey, put your money in here.
Right. And then we're going to collapse this.
Right. But we're going to short all the stocks.
So you get it.
We have insurance policies on the stock.
So when it tanks, we get paid out.
Right. Yeah.
And then I'll give you a kickback.
So you put somebody who knows nothing about like anything to do with money in a position where they can be influenced and you can do shit like that shit like that happens all the time.
Oh, yeah. Now all these fucking firemen are firemen.
Yeah, they're they're all fucked.
I mean, I don't know how there's theirs is usually through the state.
Yeah. And that's like a really well funded pension like New York State one is.
Yeah. But other states are dear six, baby.
Like the California pension fund is like fucked.
You know, it's like terrible.
So what I'm like, you know, this is completely off topic right now, but we are talking about upgrading the studio so we can start doing YouTube shorts and shit.
Yeah. Like I was thinking about it.
And like if we get like like a couple polls like that, like go across like on like like roller poles, you can put curtains on it and go around like having to two long ones and two short ones.
And it's basically just like a box that it looks like.
We'll have the stuff hanging up on there and then we could have a camera there and a camera like here kind of like that, like zooms in on us.
We could use our phone cameras as like our looks like I'm making porn in my basement.
Yeah, that's exactly why the fuck is there a Mike Erizzi own a jersey hung up in the back of porn?
Fuck is going on here easily.
Just take a couple like two by fours and then get some two by twelves.
Yeah. Right. Staple some curtains.
Then just make a box.
What kind of curtains should we get? What color? What color would be a good curtain?
Like the purple Joe Rogan curtain.
Remember that? The classic?
Yeah.
You can get a themed curtain.
I wish I could get my hands on that curtain.
There's probably like semen and shit on there.
Who knows? It probably smells like weed.
Dude, I guarantee you, I guarantee you Joe Rogan fucking jerks off in his fucking studio.
Why not? I would.
He's definitely jerked off in his studio.
You think so?
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.
I don't think he jerks off.
I have another chair.
I don't think everybody does that.
I can bring like a decent chair in for like my chair and then like, you know, if we could all bring in like fucking chairs and shit.
And dude, it would be like we could make this place look pretty fucking professional.
Like.
Dude, he's talking about like redoing your basement.
He's like an interior designer. He's like getting ideas.
I'm like, I'm looking at it.
I'm gonna make it look better.
No, I'd make it look nice and then we could hang up.
We could use wiring to hang up the want to believe sign, the live sign, the Mike Arizioni jersey.
What else?
We could just reupholster Casey's basement.
Yeah, I was like, hey, I'm doing it for free.
You want to finish my basement?
We could finish it.
Dude, we could finish just this little area.
This little area, yeah.
That would be dope. That'd be pretty easy too.
My brother's done that to his basement. Half of it's finished. The other half isn't.
Yeah.
We could put a door up. That's no problem.
Or we could do it over there.
Right, if you wanted to make this separate from there.
Yeah.
And then just finish this little area here. That'd be dope.
Yeah, and then we could actually do stuff.
Or finish that too.
We would probably have to do something with some walls here that go across or the thing where it goes under there.
Yeah, well, right here you just do drop ceiling.
Yeah.
That's easy.
So you just put up some of those, you put the lines up with wire to the joists here on the floor.
And then it makes a grid.
And then you just put the ceiling.
Casey's like, do I get a say in this?
Casey's like, I get a free finish basement.
Yeah, that's dope though.
Over there, they just do, you can do slanted ones. Or you can box it in.
Yeah. Or you could actually just leave that open. You'd box that in, kind of leave that side open type shit.
Yeah.
Or do that. But yeah, we could make this look semi-professional and then we could actually start making YouTube clips.
And if we did that, I think doing YouTube shorts is the way to fucking get traction.
Dude, or just the fucking way it is makes it...
Gritty.
Yeah, it's legit too.
Yeah, it's gritty.
Just like, maybe move that stuff over there.
Yeah.
I like the punching bag. The punching bag is nice.
Yeah.
We should all bring in artifacts to put on the wall type shit because we have the I wanna believe sign, but I think that encompasses all of us.
The Titanic CD.
Oh yes, we should make that train.
Like a platinum record.
Yeah. We got the Mike Rizzioni jersey from me. I could get the CCCP jersey for fucking Casey.
Fuck that joke.
I gotta add something. What if I contribute... I've contributed the hoverboard.
Yeah, the hoverboard. Dude, I play with this thing all the fucking time.
So, our friend Mr. Trump is indicted. Going to fucking trial.
What does indicted mean, Casey?
Means he's charged.
Damn. What does that mean?
Charged with a crime.
Charged with a crime. Does that mean he's convicted of a crime yet?
Not yet, dumbass.
What was he charged with?
He was charged with 71 counts.
Yeah, he was like hiding confidential documents.
Tampering with classified documents.
Not releasing shit to the public.
Classified.
I actually heard that he turned down a plea deal.
I thought it was your college.
Because he didn't want to accept the plea deal because it would make him look guilty.
Vamo Scott.
He wants to be crucified.
Makes him into a martyr.
Yeah, it solidifies everything he's been saying.
So, you know, these people think they're really doing the right thing, but they're really just weaponizing the justice system.
Weaponizing autism.
They said that they were going to go after him before, like Alvin Bragg said they were going to go after him.
He was going to go after him before he was even the DA.
So that's what we call prejudice.
Oh my god.
Right? When you make up your mind about something before you even have...
So he said he was going to go after Trump before he had any evidence against him on anything.
That's called prejudice.
And that's what black people have been saying that the justice system has been doing to them since the beginning of time.
That's what both parties do to each other.
He just proved it.
Casey, back the mic up a little bit. I can hear it cracking.
Look, these fucking politicians, alright, it's just like a fucking football game.
Right? It's like football teams.
I'm fucking sick of it.
I just want to see these fucking people's...
I want to know them by the top of their heads.
Because I want their heads down doing paperwork.
Doing their fucking jobs.
I don't even want to know their names.
I don't want to see their fucking faces.
I'm fucking sick of these people.
They're a fucking illness, dude.
They're a terminal illness to this country.
Oh my god.
Breaking news.
The Albany Empire has kicked out of the Arena League.
Albany Empire? Who the fuck is that?
They were an arena team.
I want to hear the rest of your rant. We can go back to that.
Well, dude, I don't even want to fucking know these people's names.
Nancy Pelosi, why do I know her name?
Even Donald Trump, why do I know his name?
I don't want to know their fucking names.
I mean, you should know the president's name.
I don't want to know his name!
Do your fucking job!
Go in your office, do your job.
Bro, he has an office and he's never in it.
He's always somewhere else doing something else.
Joe Biden's getting ice cream.
Get in your fucking office and do your job!
Donald Trump played the most golf of any president.
Wow, that's so...
Dude, I'm talking about everybody.
All these politicians, they're fucking...
They're just like, ugh.
Bro, that's why we should have a fucking direct democracy.
We're a president, Sparey.
What is that? What is that?
That's where everybody votes and we don't have representatives.
Dude, they do not want that idea in people's heads.
The president's got a special...
Yeah, exactly.
That is the worst thing.
They don't even want people to think about that because we could instantly have voting on our phone now.
Exactly.
Everything, with fingerprints, right?
But then people would be like, it's rigged because people can hack it.
I don't like the digital voting.
I don't.
I really think that voting should be like the paper voting and it should be counted.
Do you guys believe that this last presidential election was rigged?
Yes.
I don't know.
I don't think so.
I don't think it was completely rigged, but I think that there was some fuckery done with it.
I don't know.
I'm going to say that Joe Biden...
Because 3,000 votes just don't come out of nowhere.
I'm going to say that they...
Here's what they...
I don't know that it was completely rigged, but I know that there was nobody at Joe Biden's rallies.
No.
Nobody.
Do you know anybody that went to a Joe Biden rally?
No.
Nope.
We're in a liberal state.
We're in one of the most liberal states.
But the thing is, they don't have to campaign in New York because they already knew they're
in no...
True.
Yeah, they're only going to the battleground states.
True.
But show me, pull up a video, find a picture of one audience at a Joe Biden rally, and
I guarantee...
There's like seven old women.
Dude, I guarantee that you will not find a fucking full crowd.
You're going to find just like a dispersed...
Bro, he had 3 million followers on Facebook.
Donald Trump had like 50 million or 100 million?
Donald Trump had like 40 million, 43 million.
How many of those are bots?
Let me look this up real quick.
It's not that they're bots.
It's just that nobody likes Joe Biden.
It's like, I guarantee that there's like YouTube celebrities that have more than Donald Trump.
That's not saying that people like Donald Trump.
He's not making that up.
Everybody knows who he is, but just Joe Biden's a wet fucking rag.
It's like...
And the problem is, is like the president doesn't really have any control, so I really
don't give a fuck who the president is.
He has more than that.
He has 87 million followers.
Okay.
And Joe Biden, right?
I'll look that up.
During his presidential campaign, had 3 million followers.
Three fucking...
That means that in New York City, all right, so three tenths of fucking New York City in
the entire world followed Joe Biden.
Something's wrong.
Something's really fucking wrong.
Joe Biden has...
Let's see how much he has now.
I'm checking right now.
Is that the same as the POTUS?
No, it's the Joe Biden page.
Because I think the POTUS just goes to the next one.
That's what I was saying.
I don't know how that works out.
Dude, maybe a fucking pepper would help.
At Joe Biden.
Yeah.
Dude, you're in a bad kind of way when you think a pepper might help you.
Dude.
Fucking do it.
Let's go.
Joe Biden has 37 million followers.
All right, so now he does because he's the president.
Yeah.
All right, so maybe because he's the president.
That's why.
And it was also...
I mean, Donald Trump's also a very polarizing figure, so a lot of these follows might be
from other countries too.
Right.
I mean, but dude...
Nobody's going to be following Joe Biden from fucking the UK, but they're like, oh,
the Donald Trump dude seems like a lunatic on TV.
Did you ever see the Joe Biden wake up guy?
Joe Biden wake up.
Night 11, 2000, 2001, Joe Biden wake up.
Yeah, we did that on VR chat.
Yeah, dude, it's so funny.
What was that?
Yeah, like, just put that on real quick.
We only need the audio.
I mean, the guy looks like a fucking psychopath, but Joe Biden wake up is one of the funniest
things every year.
Joe Biden, Joe Biden, 9, 9, 11, 2001, Joe Biden.
Jesus.
Sounds like some terrorism.
Did Joe Biden wake up in Skyrim?
Joe Biden wake up fucking meme.
Yeah, that'll do it, I think.
That'll do it.
Dude, can you imagine a fucking job like a fucking politician?
Can you imagine that?
No.
You just go to work and you find reasons to fight with somebody so you don't have to do
your job.
That's like literally all they're doing.
It's like, you know how like in school, like when a distraction would come up, right?
And you wouldn't have to do like the assigned classwork.
The teacher's like, oh, there's a fucking fire drill.
They're just creating fire drills so they don't have to do their fucking job.
Hold on a second.
Listen to this.
Biden, wake up.
Joe Biden wake up.
You've done a lot of other things to cover.
9, 11, today's the 7th day.
What happened in 2001?
Biden, wake up.
Joe Biden wake up.
What the hell is that?
They're repeating now?
9, 11, today's the 7th day.
What happened in 2001?
Biden, wake up.
Joe Biden wake up.
What the hell is that?
They're repeating now?
9, 11, today's the 7th day.
Well, that's something, Tyler.
What is that thing?
That's a dude.
That is something else.
God, he looks like a fucking terrorist.
All right, so what were you saying, Dan?
About what?
About the politicians just going into work.
You were saying it was like a fucking fire drill.
Oh, it's like a fucking fire drill.
Bro, they literally, like all these issues that come up and they can fight with each
other and shit, they're just creating distractions so they don't have to do their actual job.
Right?
That's like, oh, thank God there's a fucking fire drill.
I didn't want it to take this fucking test.
Right?
That's all they're trying to do.
All this shit is just distractions from them, like, you know, the national debt.
Right?
Taking care of that.
That's a big fucking problem.
How many trillions of debt are we in?
Who fucking cares?
We're not going to pay it back.
Fuck them.
Like, maybe we should do something about that.
No, who cares about the Chinese debt?
You think that we're going to ever pay that back?
We're never going to fucking pay that.
Dude, fuck China.
Fuck their ass.
We'll fucking shoot a nuke at them.
Dude, I just remember being in fucking debt.
Guess what?
You don't have to pay a debt back if the country doesn't exist.
That's kind of fucked.
I don't think that's going to happen anymore.
Yeah.
I just remember, I just remember, I just remember.
Don't laugh too loud, Tyree.
They're listening.
I don't care.
China, fuck you.
That's coming from Tyler Lee.
Deduct my credit score, please.
They're not going to be able to find it.
They'll be like, look up this Tyler Lee.
And they're like, they're all named Lee.
Everybody here.
Lee?
Like, it's like the Spider-Man thing where they're all like pointed at each other.
They're like, Lee?
Lee?
Dude, I just remember fucking being in political science in college and it just would get me
so angry.
And I was like, I was interested in politics, but then I went to school for a little while
and you realize just how fucking ass backwards like all the systems are and just the bullshit
that goes on, like the fucking filibusters and gerrymandering that they do of like voting
districts and shit.
Like it's so sweet.
Like they do so much fucking shitty stuff.
You go to the filibuster, you literally just go up on the fucking platform and read a book
just so nobody else can do anything.
Social credit score deducted.
It's like, these are fucking people that I vote for.
Like we really just want to disagree that bad.
I put on my filibuster shoes today.
I'm wearing sneakers.
Fuck you.
It's like that quote.
It's like people like watching things be made should never watch like somebody making sausage
and making laws or something like that.
What the fuck?
I can't say I've heard that.
You've never heard that?
No.
No, I didn't.
Yeah.
It's like, it's just saying that it's like a fucking messy process.
It always is a messy process.
It's not even messy.
It's just like a fucking waste of time.
You ever like fucking get like caught up.
It's just high school drama on an adult level.
That's exactly what I was going to say.
You ever get like caught up in like a drama that you have like no fucking stake in, but
like you're just kind of there by proxy and people keep on like being this like, what
do you think?
I'm like, I don't fucking care.
I don't fucking care.
Wait.
Yes, because you work with fucking women.
What do you?
No, I mean patients.
No, because dude, listen, listen, the whole thing like is true.
Like you know, like the meme.
You work with women.
You know, like the meme where like fucking like it's like women after the smallest argument
and it's just like the two ladies like looking each other in the hall with like dirty looks
and it's like men in the biggest argument of their life and like five minutes later
just show some shake in their hands and like do it thumbs up to each other.
Like I've gotten into fucking literal fistfights with some of my friends and then 15 minutes
later I'm like, bro, that was a fucking hard ass punch.
My fucking roommates fought in front of me over how we, how the one kid was scaring off
the hose with how much he was drinking.
So my other fucking, and he was just, no, he said, I remember what he said now and the
dude is like a misogynistic prick and we didn't really know it at the time, but he's just
like, man, we never get any fucking, it's like we only get fucking like beat ass hose
in this house.
Like what the fuck is going on?
And I remember like, I'm not, not saying names, but my other roommate was like, dude, what
the, he's like, so it's just me and fucking Alex's responsibility to get fucking girls
over here.
Then you creep them the fuck out and they never show up again.
Like and you're going to fucking bitch it off about it.
And they fucking got into it.
Is that the one with the airsoft?
No, no, no, this is the other two, the more sane ones.
Oh yeah.
And then we were like, oh, then like 20 minutes later I'm driving them to Cumbies because
I'm sober and those two were fucking blackout drunk and they're like fucking making up and
like laughing and having the time of their life in the back of the car while I drive
them to Cumbies to get a pizza.
And then we crushed that pizza and then those two like split a handle of vodka and I went
to bed.
Dude, remember that one time when I went over and like I made mac and cheese for everybody.
So that was fucking solid.
Oh fuck, I forgot about that.
That was so good.
Wasn't it?
Yeah.
So like me and you fucking killed two bottles of vodka between the two of us.
No, it was a bottle of vodka.
It was the it was the crystal skull vodka.
Oh, it was rum.
And then it was rum.
Yeah.
And like we killed two bottles between the two of us.
Yeah.
And then fucking we I was like fucking toasted.
And then one of your roommates came home and like, why the fuck is there so many dishes?
And then they start arguing with each other.
And I was like, no, he didn't argue with anyone.
He just started.
Oh, well actually, yeah.
The other roommate that was responsible for the dishes did come in.
He was saying it and he was kind of like just so angry about it.
But I think it's because he was trying to be passive aggressive because he thought they
were mine.
Yeah.
So I was just sitting there and like, this is fucking awkward.
I'm like smear.
Oh, fuck.
Said his name.
I'm like, dude, those aren't mine.
Those aren't mine.
And then the other kid walks in and he's like, the fuck man.
Like, and then they also said you used every fucking pan in the house for one breakfast.
What the fuck are you making?
And I was doing, I was doing fucking, I was staring at a lamp for a good like half hour,
just like staring at the light bulb and a lamp.
And then like your buddy goes, the fuck's wrong with him?
You just go, yeah, he's just plastered and then I just go.
You said like very drunkenly, you're like, I'm going to clean your whole basement in
the morning.
And I'm like, you don't have to do that.
Why would you do that?
It's not even messy.
I'm going to do it.
I wake up and my fucking basement is spick and span.
Like cleaner than when I moved in.
I'm like, what the fuck did Tyler do down here?
And then I fucking spent at this for an hour and a half.
I did it for a half hour.
I woke up at fucking 5 30 a.m. fucking cleaned up your basement and just dipped out fucking.
Everybody else like woke up.
They're like, what the fuck use?
I was plastered, went to sleep, woke up, clean the entire basement and like the living room
area.
And then I left.
The thing that might be the only time I've ever seen you drink.
I don't really drink that much.
I know that.
And the one time we were playing Minecraft and you were talking about one of our senior
chief supervisors, one of our previous chief supervisors.
That was a fun night.
Not for me, but for everybody else, apparently.
Step on me.
I will pay you money for one lick of that delicious pussy.
Like, what is Tyler?
Wow.
I was off the rails.
We have a Twitter page now.
Like us on Twitter.
Like us on fucking Twitter.
Wait, wait, let's let's do this.
My favorite segment.
Let's check the fan mail.
I can guess.
You like us on Twitter.
I was titled Pod 73.
I saw Dan.
What did you write?
Your podcast gives me cancer.
I think I said your podcast gave me cancer.
Oh, you send in fan mail?
No, I just I was on Twitter.
So do we get any fan mail, Casey?
I love doing this segment because we never know.
I'm lying.
Is anybody out there?
Even if we get like spam mail, read that out.
Dude, when we get a fucking when we finally get somebody that we made it, it is going
to fucking we made it.
That's going to be the biggest fucking ego bump I've got in my life.
We get one email.
My Internet is ass today.
We should we should put the link to our email in the description of this video or this podcast
link in the description below.
The most important part of this podcast, if anyone is listening, is that we need to know
that you exist.
So if nothing else, send send.
We'll call it a fucking email test.
Just let's see if it's working.
Just send us something.
Somebody send us something.
Why does this have said your podcast gave me cancer?
I want my money back.
Why does that three retweets?
Somebody did.
I don't know if it tells you.
I thought I told you who retweets it.
It's got three retweets.
Dude, that's awesome.
Dude, check if check if you can see who retweeted if it was like just a stranger.
I can't just as free.
Wait, so what if you click on Wes follows on Twitter?
Oh, yeah, Kanye West did follow us on Twitter at Kanye was retweeted by the Untitled podcast
and that doesn't say the other.
I'm sure this is definitely Kanye West.
Two retweets.
So just two randos retweeted you.
It's fucking weird.
So the other account that retweeted it might be private.
Dude, remember that video with the French girls?
Yeah, that was a weird video with the tits.
Ellie Maxlick, here we go.
What are we fucking talking about?
Oh, I'll show you.
Just give me a second.
Also, hold up.
I have something I got to say.
What do you have to say?
I have to say what the fuck is up with these goddamn furries?
I know we touched on them.
Did you see?
I didn't know that these people existed.
They all have these fucking weird ass fucking like little fucking personality names on Facebook.
Like they have these alter egos and it's the weirdest fucking thing.
These are grown ass people.
I'll tell you what.
Of all genders.
I think furry should get the wall.
They have existed.
They have existed throughout history at all times.
And the reason that they never got out of control like they are today is because...
Are you serious?
How long does furries go back?
It goes back...
Well, I think that's why they invented the guillotine.
It's for furries.
A fucking man.
Good!
And it used to keep them in check.
And then other people that are thinking about doing it, it's just kind of a deterrent.
You know, they're like, well, I don't think I want to go down that road and figure it
out.
I want to dress up like an anime fox in the fucking 1600s.
Dude, it is attention seeking behavior.
That's it.
It's like I'm not getting attention in any other aspect of my life.
So I'm going to go do this thing to get attention.
That's what it is.
That I can hide behind a suit and we can all be fucking weird together.
That's it, man.
They're all hiding behind masks.
Do they all fuck?
I have to imagine they fuck.
There's a weird fucking fetish with them.
Because when I clicked on that one profile, it was like on a suggested friend.
I clicked on their profile and in their friends list was a furry.
I went to that furry and all of their friends were other fucking furries.
And it's like they all had furry profiles and it's just weird.
And it was like, what the fuck?
Like there's this community be like, oh, I'm here with I visited Scarlet Fox today and
we had a romp in the field.
It's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
What are we doing here?
Like how fucking detached from reality are you?
Do you think what you're doing is OK?
You want to fucking go home and get treated like a goddamn care bear?
Like what's what's going on here?
How soft is that?
How do you not realize how fucking deranged that is?
Autism.
Like, yeah, but how fucking autistic?
And there's dude.
And it's like this.
This isn't even NPC.
We allowed it to happen, bro.
Yeah.
Fucking allowed it.
We need in that instance, we need to fucking bring bullying back.
That needs to be told.
They took the walls out of Yellowstone.
That's why we don't have that.
And then what happened?
What happened when they took the walls out of Yellowstone?
I don't know.
All the all the all the prey animals overran the place and got out of control.
You got to bring the wolves back.
We need some wolves.
That's why we don't have a direct democracy, because one in ten people are so fucking stupid.
Yes.
They can't think for themselves.
Yes.
And I think that I think it's actually gone up to one in eight people.
The founding fathers were like, yeah, let's not have that because like we need to have
some smart people in control.
Right.
It's now one one point five and ten people are so stupid that they can't do any task
without being counterproductive.
Think about that.
If they said, I look, I just I'm going to pay you 50 bucks to go over there and move
that pile of rocks over here to this ditch.
That's all you got to do.
One in ten people rocks ditch and do it repeatedly until the pile doesn't exist.
That one in ten people could not do that without fucking it up.
They're counterproductive.
Actually they counterproductive doesn't just mean that they couldn't do it.
They carry the rocks like in a different direction.
Right.
Throw them off a cliff.
They would start adding rocks to the pile.
They start eating them.
They start.
Yeah.
They counterproductive, completely counterproductive.
It's fucking wild.
One in ten people.
One, two, three, four of us here.
Dude, I think actually I had a guy just like this at my old landscaping job.
He'd help my boss who has bad anger issues like real bad.
I have a ton of great stories about this guy.
But regardless, we have this one dude, he's a custodian for a local school district in
a city and he is just dumb as rocks.
Is it one of the cities that we work for?
Yes.
He was part of my fire department too.
Is this a deaf guy?
No.
His public service job is a track.
I honestly think my boss did this as a form of catharsis because he'd only ever call him
in on a busy day.
The thing is because he knew if he yelled at me or another coworker, we'd quit.
So he brought this guy in as an outlet for his anger.
He put this guy in a skid steer this day and he's like, alright, so buddy, I need you to
not take this anywhere near that hill in the backyard when we do it.
He laid it out plain and simple for him.
He told him, fucking stay out of the backyard, don't go on the hill, whatever.
So we start mowing the houses around the block.
Probably 45 minutes goes by and we're like, huh, he should have been wrapped up with what
he was doing back there.
Like, what have we heard from him?
We fucking go in this backyard and sure as shit, as we go in the backyard, he fucking
tips the thing over and the skid steer rolls like 30 times down the hill.
And my boss sees it happen.
He gets in the backyard right after I do and he's just like, you just see like the veins
on his fucking head blowing up and he's like, I'm gonna fucking kill him, Alex.
He's laughing to me.
He's laughing to me before he walks down the fucking hill to talk to me.
I'm gonna kill him.
Oh, I'm gonna kill him.
Fucking goes down.
He's like, Hey, are you all right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I'm okay.
He goes, you stupid motherfucker.
I told the only direction I gave you was to not go in the fucking backyard with the skid
steer.
Where do I find you?
I wouldn't trust you to operate a fucking toothpick.
And the dude, 45 year old man in the skid steer just burst out into tears.
Oh man, that's sad.
He's like, damn.
No, it's not.
That's not.
He's so fucking stupid.
You were given clear directions.
The only directions you were given, he had a simple task.
It was literally as simple as, Hey dude, unload the stuff that's on this trailer into this
little part in the backyard that is nowhere near the fucking hill.
And it was laid out in front of all of us.
I think he wanted us to see that he said it.
So confident he was gonna fuck it up.
Thanks brother.
Holy shit.
Oh my God.
You don't feel bad for those people though.
They were told not to do that.
It's not like this guy is retarded or anything.
He's a functioning human being.
He might be.
No, no, he's not.
That's definitely counterproductive too.
That is very counterproductive.
Did the skid steer run after that?
No.
It was fucking upside down and like all fucking mangled and shit.
It's honestly a wonder he did not get like really fucking hurt.
This wasn't a small hill.
This was like a fucking embankment.
Tyler has taken the Lord's seat.
He's taken the Royal throne.
I feel like I'm Jamie in fucking Joe Rogan.
He's taking Casey's seat.
You feel like Jamie?
No.
No, this is Jamie.
He's got the whole fucking setup here.
Yeah, he kinda is Jamie actually.
He's kinda Joe Rogan and Jamie.
No, we're fucking better than them.
We don't compare them to us.
No, we're more like-
We're better and if you don't fucking like it listeners, fuck off.
No, because I'm the Alex Jones.
We all know that.
I'm already Alex Jones, baby.
So I got a plumbing job done today.
It's one of the weirdest fucking things I've ever fucking seen done.
He had to tear up my basement because like my fucking things were underneath it.
I might just picturing like a porno.
Yeah.
They had to jackhammer the cement?
They had to jackhammer the cement.
Yeah.
Oh, it's a slab?
Is that the idea?
Yeah.
I feel like I'm a fucking Johnny Sins plumber over here.
I feel like I'm a king right now.
Yeah, you might not wanna get too close to my microphone.
And just like that, Tyler has now contracted Casey's C-Diff.
That's not how germs work, Casey.
Don't you know terrain theory versus germ theory?
Damn.
Germ theory has never been proven.
Tyler now has Casey's C-Diff.
The basement is on contact precautions now.
What are you some sort of healthcare professional over here?
No, no.
That's just how germs work and stuff.
No, I'm a politician and I think we should wear masks down here.
So back to the filming thing.
Went downstairs and he's just like, yeah man, your plumbing's fucked.
Like what do you mean it's fucked?
He goes, like this was a couple weeks ago.
That's a really descriptive diagnosis.
Thank you.
And he just goes, yeah, whoever the fucking retards were that fucking owned the house
before you, dumped a shit ton of grease down here and they fucking destroyed this pipe.
So I had to fucking get the entire fucking pipe from my fucking kitchen to like the main
line redone.
So we had to fucking like jackhammer half of my fucking basement out.
I feel like he might've just told you that.
Because that's what, anybody can tell me that and I'd believe them.
He showed me the pipe and like he lifted up the pipe and he poked his finger into it and
it crumpled the pipes underneath it.
I'm like, oh, you're not lying.
He goes, no man.
Huh.
So.
They dumped grease?
Yeah, like cooking grease and shit.
Like instead of like disposing of it properly.
Oh, so what did it stay in the pipe?
It stayed in the pipe and it just destroyed the bottom of that pipe.
You're not supposed to do that?
No.
I do that all the time.
Yeah, your pipes are probably fucked.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh shit.
As long as you don't put a ton of it down there, it's not bad.
No, but like these people like cooked with like grease like every day it looked like
because he goes, dude, this pipe is coated in grease.
Oh my God.
It solidifies and it just sticks.
Yeah.
Wow.
So like I had to get that shit done.
Sorry to mix this with the water.
Is it a, it was a drain pipe?
It was like, it was from my kitchen.
It was a sewage and drain pipe because like.
It's old anyway, because it's cast iron probably.
Yeah, it was cast iron.
So he goes, yeah, man.
And at first I didn't know if the housing insurance would cover it because we just switched
providers like a couple of months ago.
So we're like, fuck.
And he just goes, dude, it'll be like fucking like 15 to 20 to get that shit taken care
of.
And I'm like.
So I got to get on the plumbing fucking game.
I could jackhammer a pipe out and put a new one in.
Yeah.
And I could do that for like $400 of parts.
Yeah.
But he's just like, yeah, man.
And I'm like.
20 grand.
And I talked to my insurance company.
We had to do like all that shit.
And they're like, no, we'll cover it.
And I'm like, fucking thank God.
I don't have that money right now.
So like the insure.
Like I had to pay like 500 bucks like type shit, but like still like paying $500 or 20
grand.
Yeah.
20,000 bucks for that job.
God damn.
I'd do it for fucking.
I'll do it for five grand, dude.
Yeah.
Like I'm like, fuck this shit.
And like he's doing that.
And he starts talking to me about guns while he's doing this like whole thing.
He's like, yeah, man.
I like doing a black powder hunting.
I like to shoot squirrels and shit with it.
And he goes.
Like a fucking musket?
Yes.
And then he showed me a fucking picture.
Yeah.
He put my blunder bus in my bag.
Dude, he showed me a picture of like one of the squirrels that he hit.
And it's just fucking half of it's gone.
Yeah.
Like the top half's gone.
He just goes, yeah, we got that one pretty good.
And it's like.
What do you want?
Well, yeah.
He fucking shot a musket ball at it.
I think it's going to destroy anything it hits.
But like he kept on talking to me about guns.
And he's just like, yeah, man.
My dream gun.
And like he told me his dream gun.
And I have his exact dream gun.
So I'm like, maybe I could sell this to him and I don't have to pay for anything.
Yeah.
Man.
He's thinking about what gun he's going to buy next after he gets your fucking money.
Yeah.
That's what he's like.
I mean, he's a, he seemed like a cool guy.
And like we got quotes from other like fucking plumbers and stuff.
He was the cheapest.
I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
Wow.
But like he has good reviews and shit.
And like, you know, I have a pretty good feel of people and he was, he was solid.
But I'm like, holy shit.
That's a lot of money.
Maybe I should go for fucking plumbing.
Dude, plumbing, you make a shit ton of money, but you're always on call.
That's the only thing.
Like you're on call.
Like you're not.
I'm not on call.
I know I took a point.
I'm not on call 24 seven.
Like when I'm at home, I don't give a shit.
Somebody dies in front of me.
Unless like it's something that I can do.
I'm like, wow, that sucks, buddy.
Yeah.
And it does.
It does kind of suck because like you're always like, even if you're not the boss, your boss
can call you at like any time.
Like, hey, we need this job done.
Oh, fuck that.
I mean, they do.
They do make so much fucking money.
Yeah.
Like I think a welder makes more money.
Do they?
Yeah, I think it's comparable.
It's like comparable.
Yeah, man.
But well, things actually fucking fun.
I would do welding over plumbing because I don't want to be covered in shit all the
time.
I'll fucking use a welder.
I just, I worked in that warehouse back when I was like 22, 23 and all the guys that worked
in that warehouse all had welding certificates.
Damn.
And they all worked in the warehouse.
Why?
I don't know.
They had to have made more money welding.
Yeah, but apparently there weren't any jobs.
I mean, our buddy from our old employer does that.
Yeah.
Who?
Wait, you can't tell me.
Yeah.
But he does-
Pretty Josh.
Yeah.
He does welding?
Yeah, he does welding.
Yeah, he got out of EMS and started welding.
Smart.
He's a miserable sack of shit.
I saw him go from a really nice guy to working at Mohawk for three years and he just fucking
was done.
He was done.
Do I know him?
He's like, I need to-
Yeah, he actually worked at Altamont for a while.
Really?
Yeah.
He's Canadian.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He said he was going to do that.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
But underwater welding is where the real money's at though.
Yeah.
But dude, remember that fucking story I told you?
Yeah, I don't want to think about that.
Getting sucked in like a fucking flushing toilet.
Yeah, that'd be rough.
And then banging on the pipes.
No!
Let us out!
We're alive down here!
No, we're not sending anybody.
Because friend of the podcast, Tyler, not me Tyler, other Tyler, Peckus, Peckus erectus,
he was trying to do underwater welding and then he just became a car salesman.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think he realized how dangerous it was.
One of the scariest videos I've ever seen is this guy who he's doing some welding project
and there's some problem with his O2 supply.
And the way that this guy's rig worked was that his air supply was also his line back
to where he came from.
Oh yeah, sure.
So you could very easily get disoriented down there without that line because you can't
pull yourself back in.
Like it's pitch fucking black.
You're practically at the bottom of the ocean.
So actually it is on the bottom of the ocean.
Jesus.
It's not like fucking middle of the ocean though, but it's fucking deep as shit.
You can't see anything.
No lights getting down.
So when that line gets cut, you're fucked.
You don't know where to go.
And your comms cut out.
All your, like everything you have in there.
Like your connection to the above world essentially ceases.
So somehow in like some freak accident, like when one of the other divers was coming up,
like the dude's fucking O2 line snapped and like, like I said, again, that's his radio.
That's the power to his helmet light.
That's fucking his breathing.
So essentially he's just lights out, but he had a camera that was on him, which was just
fueled by the suit itself.
So the dude has footage of it on him and he was down there for like 45 minutes, not breathing
air and thankfully he made like a full recovery.
And like, you see it from like his chest camera cause he gets disoriented.
He doesn't know where he's at.
He walks over to another platform.
Cause there's like these two platforms.
They were working on like this small like sub platform.
I don't even know what they were doing down there.
Like it's just some sort of mechanical work, but he went back to the main structure, even
though he was like fucking delirious and not even able to like breathe air.
He's pretty much just nice.
Yeah.
He's yeah.
He's just breathing his own exhalations back in again and he fucking makes it over to the
other platform and climbs up it.
Cause he knew that the crew above him would come down looking for him, but they'd have
no idea where to look for him.
Yeah.
So he's like, fuck.
You figured they would have like a fucking like thing that they could like an emergency
light, like that could like be blinking or some shit.
They do now reactive because of this, but it's crazy though.
Cause you see, like you see the whole crew like give up hope pretty much.
And then they're like, holy shit, he climbed on top of the platform.
Like that's gotta be where he's at.
They go over and you see through his camera, just like a light from one of their helmets
coming up on him.
Dude, that has to be one of the best fucking like feelings ever though.
If you're fucking down there and here's like, Jesus.
Yeah.
Cause they, they get them back like in like the diving bell thing.
Like it's, it's more than just like a little like pool to jump in.
It's like an actual structure that is like a room.
And so they yank them up and they start like fucking the video doesn't show the compressions,
but they do compressions on the guy and then he just fucking, they get Ross like it down
there.
And he just like, holy fuck.
Like what happened?
It's like, dude, the habitat I was talking about that they put over the pipe.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
It might've been that it's whatever they are.
They're working on it.
There's a way to get out on the bottom.
Yeah.
And it's into the water.
Yeah.
It's just, it's so creepy though.
Cause you hear this dude just like, cause it has like some of the mic from them and his
voice is all high because of the nitrogen that they need to pump in.
Cause of the pressure, but you just hear him like, Oh fuck.
Oh fuck.
Like where the fuck am I?
And then you just hear like, and you like hear him like try to control his breathing.
And then he just slowly just like, it's really fucking slow.
Oh damn.
And then the rest of the time they show his camera footage.
I don't know if it was either him not making any noise or if they just muted it, but you
don't fucking hear anything.
And it's like, do you think this dude was down there?
Did you get decompression sickness from that?
No, he probably put them in the fucking, they probably put them in the hyperbolic chamber.
No, cause that, that chamber that they're in is the same pressure down there.
Like it's a long-term operation.
Yeah.
Right, right.
So that's the thing I was talking about.
They put one of those over the pipe and it was pressurized.
So the pipe was plugged, but then the plug failed on the pipe and all that pressure inside
the habitat got sucked right in.
Yeah.
Created a vacuum.
Yeah.
And suck them in.
And then they talked about this scientist that was underwater for the last like three
months.
No.
Like they did, like he was trying to do a study to see like if being underwater, like
it is a anti-aging and stuff.
Like he, like it was like for medical research.
I can tell you it's not.
It actually was.
They, they, they went back and they tested like his, like, his like DNA and like his
cells and stuff.
They said it was actively younger than it was.
Well, the only way that I think it would doubt that would make any sense is like, cause you're
shielded from radiation.
There's constant background radiation from the sun, from the earth.
I was going to say the human body can only regenerate certain types of like he wasn't
like, he wasn't like, he wasn't like underwater, like, like just swimming underwater.
Like he had like a habitat underwater.
Yeah.
Like it was like a submarine, but not quite a submarine type thing.
Yeah.
Essentially just in a big floating pressure chamber.
Yeah.
David Blaine did that like in the middle of New York city.
I love David Blaine.
Yeah.
He's the man.
The way he talks.
He's so like, he's so out of it.
When I was like 10 years old and I watched David Blaine, I said, that's what I want to
do when I grow up.
I want to be a closeup street magician.
What was the other dude?
Chris Angel.
Fucking Chris Angel, bro.
That dude was a tool.
I fucking hate Chris Angel.
Chris Angel would like show up with like fucking cards and be like, check it out.
Is this your fucking card?
And then the person's like, what?
He just flicks the card at him.
He's like magic.
He's like the precursor to like the cringey YouTube prank channels.
He was just a douche bag that would just approach somebody and be like, you're part of my card
trick now.
Do this.
I saw David Blaine a couple of years ago here and he held his breath underwater for 17 minutes.
Here?
Yeah.
Proctor.
You can train yourself to do that.
I saw him walking down the street before the show.
Really?
Oh shit.
Did he levitate?
Yeah.
No, he was floating.
No.
I always have dreams that he doesn't walk.
He just floats down the street.
No, dude.
The way that you do that is actually really fucking stupid.
Like I can show you how we fucking did it.
Show me how he did it.
So I feel like I'm not going to.
You just raise your leg.
You line your feet up like this and you put your one foot like this on the ground and
then you go like this.
Oh, that's it.
That's it.
That's all he did.
Yeah.
Cause like, oh stop.
Like you go like this.
How come?
He does it like he has shoes that don't show creases on it.
So like if you go like this and you're just looking at it from like another thing, he's
literally just going like that.
Like, like if you look at it from certain angles, cause he's really good with like the
angles, but if you look at it from a certain angle, it looks like I'm levitating.
Maybe, maybe he just lifts the front of his shoe.
He leans on his heel.
Like does like one of these.
And then lifts the other foot.
Yeah.
And he's just like, he goes like.
I don't know.
It doesn't look anything like he's levitating.
No, but like the angles that he does it at.
I feel like I, there's something else going on.
We learn how to levitate.
I saw this Chris Angel thing that fucked me up as a kid where he like saws this woman.
You try to like pulls this woman's hands and legs at the same time and it splits in half.
And then the woman starts crawling around on the ground.
Like where's my legs?
The legs are like just hanging there.
That's awesome.
But it was apparently just an acrobat and a midget or someone with no legs.
Oh and genius.
Yeah.
See that's crazy.
You can like really fuck with people because the brain is like expecting like a certain
thing.
Yeah.
And it wouldn't calculate that to be a possibility.
Yeah.
It's like midget in a fucking box.
It's all smoke and mirrors.
It's like, so if you had like enough time to like devise something like.
Out of there, yeah.
You can do anything to like fuck with people.
I mean it's like even like, even like, I don't know, like a fight or something.
If you just do something that's completely like.
So I got a story to tell about that specifically.
I got into an altercation with somebody and I realized that I was going to lose if I fucking
fought this guy.
That's happened to me a lot.
So I was, I was yelling at this guy and I go, you want to fucking do this bro?
He's like, yeah, you really want to fucking do this?
I pull my fucking pants down and have my dick hanging out and I go, let's fucking go bro.
Let's go.
He's like, no man, fuck that.
And I started chasing him down the street with my fucking pants.
Tyler, I'm sorry.
I don't believe this story at all.
Dude, that was real.
I swear.
This did not happen.
I swear that that's real.
I definitely did that.
That is fucking real.
I swear.
No fucking universe.
Dude, that actually fucking happened.
You want me to whip my dick out right now?
I'll show you.
I don't want to see that.
That's how you're going to prove anything.
You want me to commit penalty decency?
I'll do it right fucking now, bitch.
I'll whip my cock out right now.
What is that going to prove?
Proves that I'm not, I'm not unwilling to show my cock to people.
All right, okay, I'll give you that.
It will, it definitely will prove that.
Yeah, I mean.
Oh fuck, you want to go to Nudist Colony?
Oh my god, bro.
No, I don't.
Dude, like, just think, like, with all the technology we have though, like, there's so
many fucking crazy things that you can do.
Like before, like, when I was-
Like reverse your vagina into a penis?
Right, yeah, that's like a crazy, woo, expensive magic trick.
It's like a $150,000 magic trick.
It's like you want to see a penis turn into a vagina?
I don't know why I opened my Facebook and this is what fucking came up.
Oh Jesus Christ.
What does it say?
It's Sandy Cheeks in anime.
Wait a minute, this ain't karate, this is anal sex.
That's kind of cool.
But, um, yeah, it's like, okay, so say-
What the fuck.
Say like a cop goes to- like when I used to prank people back in the day, right, I wanted
to make a UFO, I had to use like balloons and shit.
It's like, dude, now we have drone swarms.
You can like literally like-
You have drone- I was watching a video of a Ukrainian getting attacked by a Russian
drone.
It's fucking scary.
Dude, yeah, they like drop grenades.
Oh, you see the one where there's a fucking drone that comes right up to a Russian soldier
and the Russian soldier's like negotiating with the drone saying like, I'm away from
my guys.
Like he's using some fucking hand language, I don't fucking know.
It didn't look like fucking American sign language, but he signals to the drone that
he wants to surrender.
Like he does not want to be part of like the war whatsoever, but if he knows if he goes
back he's going to get shot with the Russians.
So the drone fucking leads him to a safe spot where he then just surrenders to the Ukrainians.
It was pretty fucking wild because you just see him and he's looking up and he's like,
this thing's probably going to fucking shoot me, but like I'm not fighting.
Maybe he waved a flag?
Where do I go?
Did he wave like a surrender flag?
No, but you can see he's in like this ditch which almost looks like it's like in the
middle of like a no man's land almost if you think of like World War I trench warfare and
he's just like, I don't want to go back.
Like I don't want to fight.
I will surrender.
Just get me out of this safely is essentially what he signals to it.
Let's talk about that.
Would you surrender if you knew it meant you were going to live?
Yes.
I mean, I don't think yes, because then you just die if you don't.
It completely depends on the circumstance.
If it's a war over some fucking oil or some shit, fuck that.
I'm not going to just get murdered.
You're going to go down as a pussy.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm not the pussy pussy.
This isn't the but what's going on through this soldier's head?
Probably.
Like it's not like don't get me wrong.
There are people that support the war in Russia, but there's also a huge backlash of it amongst
the people that are in the military.
Like this is probably a war.
This guy didn't want to be fighting to begin with.
Damn.
Like it's like he doesn't give a fuck.
Like if it's like why the fuck would I have an allegiance to a country that just fucking
invaded this one and forced me to fight it?
I know people in this country, part of my family's in this country in a lot of instances.
Like it's not like a tough sell.
Yeah.
So yeah, it's like we all have like friends and shit that live in Canada or at least I
feel like everyone at least I have no friends in Canada.
Let's just for the record, I have no friends in Canada.
Like the other the other side of my family tree going associated with those.
No, they're fucking attacking you.
My my.
Shut the fuck up.
My fucking great grandfather, no great grandmother's side.
No, great grandfather.
Yeah, he his whole family split over to Canada.
Not too long after that generation went out.
So like the other half of my family, when I go to family reunions, it's a bunch of fucking
Canadians.
I'm sorry.
They're not French Canadians.
They're the cool ones.
It's all right.
They're like the letter Kenny Canadians.
Yeah.
So basically like Americans.
Ali Mac, do you want a chance to redeem yourself?
No, no, I don't want to play the fucking game.
Fuck you.
I don't.
I don't want to fucking play who wants to be a millionaire.
Wait, we'll get back to that.
I wasn't done.
I was going to say we got we got a good fucking flow going on.
I wasn't done.
We were talking about Russia.
I heard a statistic today from Robert Kennedy Jr.
He said he's talking about one of his it was either his uncle's or his dad's speeches.
So either JFK or Bobby Kennedy.
Yeah, probably JFK.
And he was talking about how he admired about I think it was JFK, how he was compassionate
towards like other nations.
He tried to put himself in their shoes.
Oh, Bobby Kennedy was evil.
So it's definitely fucking JFK.
So they're trying to talk about or they're talking about a speech he gave where he explained
to the American people that the Russians weren't bad.
Right.
Because they're trying to develop nukes.
So there's this like all this crazy like scare going around that the Russians were going
to get nukes.
He's like they have a right to defend themselves.
And then he said like, don't think that America won World War Two.
The Russians gave up one in seven people in World War Two.
Yeah, but they also had the shittiest tactics of all times, aka just fucking throwing bodies
at it.
That's what they've always done.
For America actually has fucking tactics.
Russia's just like send the meatball brother.
Right.
I mean, but they're Vikings, dude.
Like, that's what the fuck it's like.
They are not Vikings.
They are Vikings.
Russia is not Vikings.
Russia is not.
Bro.
No fucking way.
Bro, Russia literally means the Rus Viking tribe.
That's where Russia comes from.
They're not Vikings.
They're fucking snow people.
They They are Vikings.
They're one of the Viking tribes.
The Norse is fucking Vikings.
The fucking Russians are fucking snow people.
Bro, they're Vikings.
Look at them.
They're snow people.
I can't.
Like I can't explain it any better.
They came from the Rus Viking tribe.
They're snow people.
That's why they call them Ruskies.
So anyway, the Vikings would literally they're just barbarians
They would just go in and fucking even when they knew they were outnumbered
I know we talked about this but they would just fight to the fucking death. That's what they do. They just yeah
They're hand-fisted about it. They're not elegant. They don't you know, they're not tactical. They just fucking
There's meatheads, yeah
Have you ever heard of the siege of Jadetsville? No
So fuck I all have to I'll have to fact-check myself on this
But essentially what it was is the UN dropped a bunch of Irish military
Soldiers off in the middle of this one country. I can tell how this ends
You'd be pretty surprised though because everybody's like you're sending you're like why the fuck are you sending the Irish?
They haven't been involved in an armed conflict. Are they allowed to have alcohol?
I well I well actually that changes things they actually they're the only
People genetically that act they actually get smarter when they
Believe me
No, it's true to a certain extent
I'm Irish and I'm fucking stupid when I'm drunk. That's because you don't drink enough
I'm more German than Irish though. Yeah, so it so the results of what happened here essentially was well
The reason they selected the Irish was because they were dropping them into this sensitive area of fucking Katanga in
1961
There was some conflict about like the mines and how like there was I can't fucking remember like
This militia took the mines over and it like controlled a whole bunch of the economy
There's something it was some fucking conflict. I can't remember what it was about
But the reason they brought the Irish there was because they've only ever defended their own country
They haven't attacked another so they're like they're the ideal peacekeeper and it's like that's kind of fucking bullshit because like
They just haven't had the resources to attack another and it was this was more or less just a scare tactic of the UN saying
We're gonna fucking put people there like we're taking action on this the peacekeepers are going in
So what this militia did the Irish were actually also Vikings?
Carry on the the militia is like alright bet we're fucking Chinese
Chinese were also Vikings were not all the English were also Vikings. Hey, some of the English were okay. So anyways
Get through this quick. I promise I'll be done. So the the fucking militia here just decides. All right
We're gonna fucking attack you guys and the Irish weren't expecting that whatsoever
So when this came over that's like really where Ireland's only fucking
Only fucking casualties came from and I don't believe anybody died. I'm pretty sure they
Okay, so they had they had five Irish. Yeah, none of them died. They killed
300 and wounded a thousand of the militia
Holding this fucking spot that was just like a couple worn down buildings in the middle of this completely flat landscape
Like there was wait, wait, wait, I've heard this story before. Yeah, it's like a movie. It was called
Well, they were fucking attacking to
So there the Irish company was
155 and then in support there was like another 500 Irish and
Indian and Swedish soldiers that were at like a nearby base and how many and they didn't come until late in the siege
They wounded so okay. So sorry, let's let me give the total strength here
it was three approximately three thousand of the Katanga mercenaries and irregulars led by
Belgian French and Rhodesian mercenaries and they actually had a close air support jet and this is in fucking
1961 that's to show you how powerful these fucking mercs are
So they attack and the these approximately three thousand with a fucking jet attacked
155 Irish and then 500 support soldiers that came later the ending of this war well battle was
300 of the militia died and a thousand were wounded and
The casualties and losses on the Irish side was three Indians three of the Indian support troopers were killed five Irish were wounded
and
the way that this little story here ends is a
The Irish ran out of ammo
They used all of their ammunition and at that point they surrendered because they're like
All right
Well, we're gonna die like we might as fucking well. So the mercenaries just came out
They had a fucking gentleman's handshake battle was over and then they got to they killed that many people
Yeah, and they got uh, they got detained in Katanga for like I want to say
It was it was a handful of years and they finally got them back into Ireland and they were seen as like fucking pussies
Because the story was never really told of like how many people they killed and fought off
Everybody just saw them as they surrendered to this fucking militia how fucking pussy of them
And then after every single one of them died
Like this real story of like what actually fucking happened there came out
But like they were looked at as just these fucking massive pussies for the whole time and it's like they fucking killed
Like 30 to one there they ran out of ammunition that the the UN was not offering support because the whole oh no
I remember how this started to the fucking UN
Then sanctioned like this check at a school to see if there was a presence of militia there and it went wrong
So they fucking bombed this building the UN did and it killed a bunch of innocent people inside of the building
So then the militia is like, alright, fuck the UN we're killing them
Damn
And that's what started it so but like this troop was not part of that or the corrupt fucking UN politician that was running it
But it was a it's a deep story. You should look into it. It's pretty fucking Irish
I or a but like would you call them?
Get what back to the who?
Yeah, you're thinking of Scotland
Unifying Ireland
English still have the fucking northern half of Ireland because they're fucking assholes
Do that? Yeah, they're Protestant the Protestant Irish are
Ran by the English and like they have the northern part of Ireland the Catholic Irish had the southern part of Ireland no shit
Yeah, damn. What a mess. Ah
What a mess
Jeopardy
Huh? Well, we got who wants to be a man or Jeopardy we got a returning champion
This is Jeopardy, right? Yeah
Dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna. Yeah, you should just have the fucking NFL free game song play instead. Welcome back to Jeopardy
here with the
People with collective IQs of 70
We got a returning champion
Hello Daniel, I should have been ready to win again I guess
I have a feeling is gonna be
We got we got our number one
Oh, no, it's fair. Hopefully hopefully do bad the last game actually. No, I did bad the last
I didn't do bad the first game
I can get these fucking things on me
All right, bro
So we got the and why you got the fucking
Get your categories here. You got rock bands
bodies of water
famous quotes
potent potables and
Don Juan's bachelor pad
What's in that one things relating to Don Juan?
Okay
Dan pick our first category. I'll take
Potable
200 alcohol is made by this process
This is distillation. I heard what is fermentation?
What is distillation? Well, this distillation is actually distilling alcohol to make liquor so far
I'm actually distilling alcohol to make liquor. So fermentation is actually making the alcohol. Thank you
Who said for a special we both did but he got it fucking distillation you said
After I did not that was a lie. That is a false lie. You are liar
That's not as believable as your public indecency story. I will public indecency right now fucking gimme potent
whatever it
Street name for an eighth of an ounce of cocaine or mouth. What is eight ball? Oh shit
Rock bands bodies of water famous quotes
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself
What is FDR? You got 600 bucks 200 200
Free at last free at last. Thank God Almighty. We are free at last. What is MLK? Oh Martin Luther King
Did you know that
Six fucking quotes for six be the change you wish to see in the world. Where's John Lennon?
Oh, who is who's Paul McCartney?
We're timing this out that was Gandhi Oh Gandhi
Yeah, that's incredible
In hysterical for 600 name of a beer his brother was also US president. What is Billy beer?
Bush was anhyzer. What is bush?
Bush a name of a beer. Wait, what's Pabst? Guinness Sam Adams?
Fuckin NPCs
This drug was synthesized in 1938 by Albert Hoffman
This drug was synthesized in 1938 by Albert Hoffman. What is he wrote?
He rode his bike home from work after trying to after trying it for the first time. What is
Alimakka?
This is recorded
Fucking did you hear me before the questions over?
It's like what is Alex D as soon as he says Hoffman Alimakka guess the points pick a category
I like fucking why don't we do more potent? What bubbles for thousand? The fuck is my vape?
Marinol is a synthetic form of this drug. What is marijuana?
Rock bands bodies of water famous quotes Don Juan's bachelor. Give me bodies of water
Bodies of water for 200. Color of the Chicago River has died once a year. What is green?
Let's do quotes
Quotes for 800. He who doesn't wish to fight in this world where permanent struggle is the law of life has not the right to exist.
Who is Muhammad Ali? What is Joseph Stalin? What is Joseph Stalin?
Muhammad Ali he was the conscientious objector right?
No. Oh yeah he was. But who is uh fuck.
Who is Anne Frank? Who is Hitler?
Hitler? Oh wow my guess could not have been the opposite.
Fucking hell. Holy shit. I was in the ballpark.
Bodies of water rock bands famous quotes. Quotes? Quotes.
For 1000. Pope hat. Friends Roman countrymen lend me your ears.
What is Julius Caesar? Karl Marx.
Who is Marcus Aurelius? Who is John Lennon?
No not that. Fuck not John Lennon.
That was Shakespeare. I was thinking of Russian. That sounded communist.
What do we got? Rock bands bodies of water Don Mon's bachelor pad.
You mean dipped into the. I feel like you gotta say that. I feel like that's cheating.
Three members of this band were killed in a plane crash in 1977.
Who is Alabama?
What is John Denver's band?
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.
Leonard Skinner. Leonard Skinner that's what I meant.
God damn it.
Alright our host just left. That's what I fucking meant.
I couldn't think of the name Leonard Skinner. God damn it.
Nobody died in Alabama.
I swear they look the same. Yeah I think he's having some problems.
I think this might be the end of this.
Hopefully not. I want to see where this game goes.
We got an even competition here right now.
I don't know if it's that even. I should have known that Leonard Skinner. God damn it.
Did Leonard Skinner die?
There's Alabama.
That's what they look like right? Holy shit.
Leonard Skinner. Van Zant is the guy right?
I don't fucking know. Leonard Skinner.
I know fucking Travis Barker was in a fucking plane crash.
Harrison Ford was in one too.
They're all. Mark Hamill was in a fucking plane crash.
Not a plane crash a motorcycle.
That's a conspiracy we should talk about.
They're all worried about our fucking cars polluting.
Oh planes produce way more shit.
Nobody fucking talks about airplanes.
Do you know how many gallons of fuel a fucking 747 holds?
It's gotta be like at least 900.
900 what? Gallons. 54,000 gallons.
Really? No shit.
What the fuck am I saying 900? That plane is fucking colossal.
It's got four engines.
How long can you do multiple flights with that or do you have to refill after every flight?
Well it depends on how far you're going.
If you're going from New York to Florida.
New York to Florida? You can make that trip four times.
The wings are just filled with fuel right? Yeah.
Wings are filled with fuel. Yeah. That's what a fuel tank is on a plane.
That's how big it is. It spans the length of the wing too.
I think we already know the conspiracy on that.
It's because rich people fly planes and they don't drive cars.
They want our planes taken away. They want our cars taken away. Right.
So that's the conspiracy right there.
So think about 54,000 gallons of fuel. I think that's right.
I'm going to look it up right now.
It might even be more. I would be surprised.
Fuel capacity of a 747.
I think Casey Arbelais is not doing too hot right now.
The jeopardy music. He's going through it right now.
Oh I'm sorry. It was 57,284 gallons.
That's an odd number. Let's make the tank 57,284 gallons.
I can't even imagine that much fuel. Imagine getting down to that last gallon.
It's got to be stressful.
You can just look at your fuel tank and just see like a fucking gallon get deleted every second.
Oh my god. Bro. It's like you rev the engine and you just see it just disappear.
Really? It's like that's like the quickest way to turn fuel into fucking nothing.
Like what? How many how much how many gallons is a fucking like F16 hole?
It's probably like 8000.
I thought you meant just like eight gallons.
It's only 25 horsepower.
But here's like the planes over the US at like any given time.
Jesus Christ.
Think of all that fuel just being dumped in the atmosphere.
Bro, are you OK? Over us. And then we're like why is everybody autistic?
Casey, you look like shit.
Casey's got black bags under his eyes. He's like vomiting.
Casey, are you OK though?
Did you throw up? Yeah.
Oh damn.
The pod goes on.
I ain't fucking leaving. I ain't fucking leaving.
Tyler's next pick. Or somebody's next pick.
What are the categories? Rock band. Rock band.
Rock band for four. Rock for four.
John Paul Jones played bass in this band.
What is Rush? Rolling Stones.
What is Grateful Dead?
What is Quack?
It's Fish.
What is the Grateful Dead?
It's Led Zeppelin, bro.
Fuck! I was going. God damn it.
What is Rock Band? I knew that.
Rock Band.
This heavy metal band formed in Des Moines in 1999.
What is Korn?
No, what is Slipknot?
Oh, Slipknot.
Yes!
Tyler Roots!
Fucking Rock Band.
Rock Band. Oh shit.
He got a daily double.
200!
$200.
His alter ego's name is Ziggy Stardust.
Oh, what is David Bowie?
Oh, damn!
Damn! I couldn't move a dick!
I knew that one too, but it's going to take a little bit longer for the kids to start.
Tyler's pick.
Let's finish out Rock Bands.
The name of this band comes from the last name of two founders.
The first names are Tracy and Axel.
What is Guns N' Roses?
Jesus.
Kids, I'm fine!
Tyler.
We'll go with Bodies of Water for four.
Bodies of Water for four.
Largest ocean by volume.
What is the Pacific Ocean?
The Atlantic Ocean.
Pacific.
I was like, if you got it wrong, there's a safe net.
The Indian Ocean, of course.
I'm trying not to be last right now.
That'll be Lake George.
Hey, four times.
We'll go with Water again.
You can fill it four times with human piss.
For 600, Africa's largest lake.
What is Lake Chad?
That's a country.
That's a lake.
What is Humbumbwe, English?
Wait, was this River?
No, it's Lake.
Africa has lakes? I didn't know that.
What is Lake Africa?
What is the Nile River?
That would be Lake Victoria.
Yeah.
What?
Are we done with Bodies of Water now?
No.
Let's do Bodies of Water then.
This bay is off the coast of India.
This bay is off the east coast of India.
What is the Pale Bay?
What is the Ivory Bay?
That would be the Bay of Bengal.
Nope.
Let's go Bodies of Water.
Nobody's going to get it.
For a thousand, number of states that have a Pacific coastline.
What is three?
What is two?
What is four?
What is five? What is six?
What is three?
I'll give it to Ali Bek.
What?
No, it's California, Oregon, Washington.
California, Oregon, Washington.
Oh, Washington. I forgot about that.
Oh, fucking Alaska.
Hawaii.
That doesn't fucking count.
That's horseshit.
They don't count. They're not real.
Have you ever been to Alaska?
Have you ever been to Hawaii?
That's right, because they don't exist.
Ali Bek, one category left. Don Juan's bachelor's dad.
Alright, send me in for 200.
200. This volcanic state joined the Union in 19-
What is Hawaii?
Are you fucking kidding me?
How the fuck is that?
Is that what Don Juan's basement is?
Is it just you free-balling questions?
No, no, there's a poster of Honolulu.
There's a big Hawaii.
Do you like if Ali Bek the points for bodies of water?
I don't know.
Probably.
I mean, my first guess was four, and then I think I threw five out in the confusion.
I got a fucking one.
Alright, who's pick is it?
Yeah, it's Tyler's. He got the last one.
Just keep going down the five.
Dude, that was like two questions ago.
This classic video game takes place on the Wampa Islands.
What is Spyro?
Spyro.
Oh, fuck.
Alright, I need to remember.
It's fucking-
That was wrong, I'm sorry.
It was wrong?
It wasn't Spyro?
It was Crash Bandicoot.
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!
God damn it!
Oh, mother fucking-
I should know that because my girlfriend just beat it.
Really?
Yeah, she's just been playing there for like fucking months.
I've never played those games, but that's the only other option if it's not Spyro.
No, it's Pac-Man.
Dan's pick for, uh, going for 600?
Don Juan's Palace.
Oh, shit!
You got a thousand dollars.
You have a thousand dollars?
Daily double.
You got a wager.
A thousand?
A wager of 200.
Send it in, bro.
300.
The game's almost over.
OSA stands for this medical condition.
Osteoporosis.
Sleep apnea.
Really?
Fuck.
It was his question, dude.
Obstructive sleep apnea.
So you got 600.
I didn't know that at all.
I was gonna say, oh, obstructive sleep apnea.
I was just thinking because of the
fuck, Dan.
Uh, 800 dollars.
I mean, he's the one that created the character.
You should be getting all these questions.
That's why when you said why, I was like, fuck.
This random snack did not have enough potatoes.
Let his bring us.
So it didn't have enough potato content to be considered a potato chip.
No way.
Are you serious?
That's so fucked up.
Why is everybody sick and fat?
Because it's not fucking food.
A thousand.
A one thousand dollars.
The PS1 was released in America in this year.
1996.
1992.
1994.
1993. What is 1995?
Oh.
1995.
What?
1995.
1985.
Alright, we're back.
We got cut off the end of Jeopardy because
Tyler blew out the mic.
I didn't blow out anything.
That Noah Fives' win. It's not recorded.
Yeah, we gotta go back to that question.
Yeah, so the question, the final Jeopardy
question was which country
had the most troops in World War II?
Which was fucking Russia.
Tyler and Dan said Russia.
Ali Max said Japan.
But I wagered the correct
amount.
I got nothing.
I wagered everything. Anyway, Tyler won.
He went to...
Tyler wins.
But there's no proof.
There's no proof.
The proof is in my heart.
But if you go back and listen to it, you'll see that
I said LSD before Ali Max.
Yeah.
Tyler wins still.
Tyler, you fucking heard me say
LSD too.
No, I said that after
I already guessed.
I did after I guessed LSD.
Who said meth?
We're gonna find out.
No, he said meth.
I said LSD.
He had no fucking reaction.
And then I guessed MDMA afterwards.
Well, we're gonna find out.
It's recorded. So we'll know.
We'll see when we go back.
But the important thing is Tyler wins.
Allegedly.
There's no proof of it.
There was also drama with the last question.
I won't get into the story.
But we got a formal request
to change the rules of overtime.
Jeopardy here on the podcast.
I'm ready for another game now.
Yeah, fucking dial up another.
I don't think he has. I don't have any more questions.
Yeah, he'll have to do it again.
I think it's time for Skitzo review.
What the fuck was that?
No, I just played the epic theme.
Oh.
Very delayed.
We got a fun Skitzo music review.
Or video or
fucking movie review.
Oh yeah, we're doing the one that we said before?
Yeah, we are.
It's one of my favorite movies. One of my favorite characters.
Oh my god, let me get the fucking
soundtrack out here. That's fucking awesome.
Great movie.
I gotta fucking take a piss.
Me too.
Skitzo music review.
And then come for the Skitzo review.
I kinda have to take a piss.
You gonna take a piss?
Someone give me some zoom.
You're gonna want to go to Memorial Hospital, Casey.
I'm gonna
I'll start this, you guys.
Try to guess the movie when you come back.
I'm gonna fucking piss my pants.
You too.
You take the bathroom, I'll take the bathroom.
I'll fucking keep going outside.
So now it's only two of us.
Skitsafrenic movie reviews.
Skitsafrenic movie reviews!
We're talking about a good one this week.
Oh, I love this movie. It's a classic movie.
I used to watch this like every single day when I was a kid.
Yeah, I fucking love this one.
The old one. The Johnny Depp one is fucking weird.
The Johnny Depp one is weird.
If you can't guess the movie that we're talking about, it is now.
Willy Wonka and the Tower of Factor.
Great fucking movie.
So we start off in the ghetto of fucking England.
Do you think these guys have seen it?
Oh boy, everybody's seen Willy Wonka.
But we start off in the ghetto.
The absolute fucking slums of England.
Fucking Charlie was in the ghetto.
Charlie, our boy Charlie, fucking doesn't have a dad.
His fucking grandparents sleep in one bed.
Like all lined up next to each other. It's real weird.
His mom's working her fingers to the fucking bone.
And this Charlie Bucket fella.
This Charlie Bucket fella.
God damn, what a guy.
So Charlie Bucket is this poor,
poor street urchin child
from Victorian England it looks like.
Even though it's not.
It's like England in the 60s or 70s.
He's American though.
No he's not.
Charlie, like the actor's American, but he's supposed to be English.
Oh, well in the movie they were American.
No they weren't, they were English.
They had American accents in the movie.
They had American accents, but they were English.
They were British, but they had American accents?
Yeah.
Wait, but everybody in the movie that was talking
had an American accent.
Yeah, but Augustus Gloop was supposed to be from Germany.
I know, but they were in America.
Mike TV was from
United States.
We'll get to that point.
It's a fucking massive people.
So, fucking, we're in the slums of fucking
whatever Victorian England looking ass.
It's not supposed to be like a specific country.
It's supposed to be just like old timey.
Old timey like, you know, slums.
We'll see if we can figure it out.
So our friend Charlie Bucket is
looking at this fucking factory.
And he looks up at it.
That explains it.
And he is like, man,
I wonder what it's like in there.
And you can just see the fucking wonka
fucking lights lighting up
on the fucking smoke stack.
It just goes wonka on it.
He's like, damn, that's crazy.
Did we talk about how his fucking
uncle, I mean his grandfather
is just degenerate?
Yeah, we'll get to that point.
So Charlie always is looking up
at the wonka factory.
And the wonka factory is like
this big ass factory and it makes the best
chocolate in the world.
So Charlie is going to school
and all that shit.
And he's just dreaming about that factory.
Always. Just daydreaming about that factory.
Golden ticket.
No, not yet. The golden ticket comes in later.
So Charlie is just dreaming about
that factory. He ends up going,
hey, and then in school his teacher is just
like, hey, poor kid, how do you
make fucking something in chemistry?
He's just like, I don't fucking know, I'm poor.
He's just like, that's right, you fucking poor.
So then he goes to the fucking candy store
after fucking, oh no, there's a radio
report. The radio report was just like,
no, no, that was later.
But fucking, he goes to the
candy store after school every single day.
But he's fucking poor so he can't get anything.
And like fucking,
so he keeps on fucking, like
all these kids are like, dude, the fucking
candy store operator is just fucking handing
out candy to kids. Like just
fucking for free. He's like candy for you.
What is Willy Wonka? Yeah.
So he's fucking
throwing candy at kids. And Charlie's just like,
please sir, can I have a candy? He's like, do you got any
fucking money, kid? He's just like,
no sir. He goes, go get the fuck out of
my store.
I feel like this is the best
movie to do a schizophrenic
movie. Cause it's like it was
written by a fucking schizophrenic
apparently. So then he's just like, okay. And he goes home
and his family's just like, hey, we're poor.
We only have one bowl of soup for the whole family.
And he's just like,
and Charlie's like mom. And they all sleep in
the same fucking bed. Yeah, they all sleep in the same bed.
And Charlie's mom is just like, Charlie, happy
birthday. And he's just like, okay.
But then he goes, but then like a radio report
comes along and there's like, there's five
golden tickets out there in
the chocolate
bars. And if you get the golden ticket, you get
to meet Willy Wonka himself.
I don't know why I turned into Ronald Reagan there for a
second. Fucking Ronald Reagan.
So he's fucking doing
that shit. And then he's just like, and then
his family gets him a chocolate bar. They're like, open it, Charlie.
See if you got anything. And he's just like,
okay. And he opens up his fucking
chocolate bar. He's just like, I won.
And they're like, really? He just goes, no, but that's
what it would have sounded like if I did. And I'm like,
shut up Charlie, you fucking loser.
His grandparents have been in bed for
20 years. His grandparents have been in bed for 20 years.
And his fucking goddamn
fucking grandpa Jo
fucking grandpa Jo is
a human piece of garbage.
Fucking grandpa Jo has been laying
in bed while his fucking daughter is doing nothing
for the past 20 years. Yeah, while his daughter is working
herself to the fucking bone. He sees one
golden ticket and he's a spry as a 20 year old.
Oh no, this gets, this is later.
So fucking Charlie goes back to school
and like, you're just seeing like
people fucking get these fucking tickets and they're
scumbag. Get his chocolate bar.
There's this fat kid from Germany
who's called Augustus Gloop. He gets
a golden ticket. He eats part of it.
I thought we said that there was
no countries involvement.
And he's from Germany.
Then there's
Mike TV, who's this fucking weird ass
looking cowboy kid who's like, I get a real
gun when I turn 10. Fucking shit.
And he's like a real scumbag.
There's Violet, who
fucking, is Violet the one that chews gum?
Yeah. Yeah, so there's Violet, who just
like chews gum all the time. She's like, I've been chewing
on this one for the last 12 years.
It's just like, you weren't alive for 12 years, sweetheart.
Fuck you. And then fucking
the last, the other one was fucking
oh fuck, what was her name?
The fucking rich chick. Oh
ah. You're thinking of the same person.
No, no, no, there's a different one. There's the rich chick
and then there's Violet. Yeah.
The rich chick. Oh right, I know what you're talking
about. Oh fuck, what was her name?
I can't fucking think of it. Yeah, her mom's a fucking
Karen too. Yeah, her mom's a fucking
Veruca. Veruca Salt.
Yeah, that's her fucking name. So Veruca
is that, and then Charlie's just
like, well there's one more ticket. And then
like fucking his grandfather gets him another chocolate
bar and it's fucking nothing. He's just like, well, I can
at least eat the chocolate, but I'm gonna share it with
Grandpa Joe, even though Grandpa Joe doesn't
deserve shit because he's an awful human.
Yep, he's the whole reason my family's in this mess.
Grandpa Joe's gambling
problem and his pipe tobacco smoking.
That's literally what he says.
So fucking. Didn't his grandpa
have some weird fucking fetish with
the Wonka Factory too? Yeah,
he had a weird Wonka Factory fetish
thing. So he's fucking doing that shit.
And fucking, he fucking
goes outside and he's walking down the street
and he finds a fiber in the fucking
snow. Oh yeah, and the other thing was
nobody had met
Willy Wonka up to this point. Yeah, like
he's like a secretive fucking weirdo.
Total introvert weirdo
fuck Wonka. Yeah.
So he fucking, he picks up the fiber and goes
to the fucking, he goes to the
candy store. He's just like, I'll buy a candy bar.
He's like, okay. And he opens it up
and it's the fucking golden ticket. He's just
like, I got, I got
the golden ticket. I got it.
And he's fucking running down the street and some
fucking lady comes out and goes, I'll pay you $50
for a kid. And another one's like,
I'll give you a hundred. And he's like,
the one guy grabs me and he goes, don't sell it to anybody.
You go straight home and tell
your mom. And he goes
home and he's just like, I got a golden ticket.
He's like running back
home. I got the golden ticket.
Yeah. Yeah.
And breaks into a show tune for a little bit.
Yeah, breaks into a show tune, runs home, goes
back to his house. He shows the golden ticket to his family.
Then Grandpa Joe, who's been in bed
for the last 20 fucking years,
jumps up and starts doing a fucking
jig. And you know, instead of taking it, and you
can take one person with you, you can take one
person to the factory with you. Instead of taking his
fucking mom, who's fucking sacrificed
so much for this kid. Working her ass off.
All the entire thing. He's like, I'm
gonna take Grandpa Joe. And her mom's like, I'll go fuck
myself.
So they go to the fucking- Yeah, take the fucking bum.
Yeah. Who's been living off of welfare
his whole life. So the fucking
bum is doing this shit. So he fucking-
So they go to the factory. And
they're like, oh boy, there's waving random
country's flags throughout like the fence
line. It's really fucking weird.
But they're all waving random flags. And then
you see this man come out. He's walking
with a fucking cane. He's wearing a purple fucking suit
and a fucking brown top hat. So we're talking
about the new one. Yeah. No, no, no.
This is an old one. Oh shit. Yeah, he wore a purple suit and a
brown top hat. It was like a fuzzy brown top hat.
Oh, right, right, right. Yeah.
So he's walking with his fucking cane.
And he sticks his cane into the fucking-
into the concrete. And then he keeps
walking. And he does like this weird thing
with his hand. Like he's trying to grasp for his cane.
Yep. And then does a somersault.
And he goes, ha ha! And everybody's like,
yes! Yay!
We love you, Willy!
You're the best!
And he just goes, welcome to the factory.
Yeah, there's really no reason he should be a celebrity
whatsoever. But the whole fucking
world is infatuated
with this guy. Yeah, so he fucking-
like he goes inside. And like he's
like, alright. He's like taking like the fucking
things. And like the fucking- like kids
all come up to him and they give him the
fucking golden ticket. And then they
get into the factory. And there's this big ass
fucking contract on the wall.
And like it gets smaller and smaller
as it goes down to like microscopic.
And like the parents are like, hey, you shouldn't sign
a contract without reading it. The kids are like, fuck
you! And they just all sign the contract.
And fucking he is like,
alright! So here's the coat
room. And they all put their coats
on it. And then they're like, where's the entrance?
He goes, oh, it's just down the hall. And the fucking
hallway gets down to like a microscopic level.
It just keeps on going. And they all have to like
crouch down. And he just goes,
hold on a second. Like he plays a fucking-
plays a tune on the fucking little piano.
And then the wall opens up.
And this fucking place!
Oh my god! It's like fucking
a wonderland. There's just fucking like candy
grass everywhere. Everything's
made of chocolate. The horrifying
chocolate river. The horrifying chocolate
river that we'll get to in a second. Fucking
but he's just like, everything's edible
here. Everything.
Even the trees.
Even the grass.
Hell, even the water is.
Everything. And like Willy Wonka's
this terrifying like demon
like individual. Yeah, he's got some
problems for sure. Like he's like definitely like
got like a demon trickster vibe type
going to him. And he's just like,
everything's, everything
here is edible.
And he just starts singing. He's just like, ding!
Ding! Ding!
Come with me.
I think he's he died again.
I don't mean to interrupt you.
In a world of pure
imagination. And in the meanwhile
while he's singing this creepy ass song
the kids are like punching like pumpkins
and shit. And like eating like the
insides. And like cannibalizing
the entire world. They're just destroying literally everything.
And then Willy Wonka's skipping around
and like poking trees with like
this fucking canine shit. And like
there's this candy pouring out of everywhere.
And then like fucking after his little musical
number fucking everybody
looks over to the corner and they see
these little fucking midgets come out. And they're all
orange and shit. And they're like
orange with green swirly hair.
And like they're like, Wonka! Wonka!
What's that? And he just goes, oh!
They're Oompa Loompas. And they're like, what
the fuck's an Oompa Loopa?
And they're just like, oh they're Oompa Loopas. That's just
what they do. Like they go out and
they work for me.
They love coca beans. And they're like
brother,
you're enslaving midgets.
He has a slave
midget tribe that works for
him. And there are a lot of them.
There are a lot of slave midgets that
Wonka has working for him. A lot
of slave midgets.
For our younger listeners,
hopefully above the age of 18,
imagine like the minions from like Despicable
Me. But worse. But way
worse. And they're humans. Way more
terrifying. Yeah. So
fucking, while they're talking about that,
the fat ass German kid just goes
and he
starts drinking the water. And he's just like, don't touch
my chocolate river! And he's just like,
but it's delicious. He's like, stop
touching it! Oh my god!
I have to, oh man! And
like the fucking kid drops into the river
and he's just like, my chocolate!
Oh my chocolate!
Oh my god!
This was the tubby kid, right? Yeah.
Yeah, he's done after this, I think.
Yep. Casey is laying on his
back. Yeah. We'll finish
this schizophrenic movie ruined, I think we're done
because he's out of this. Oh boy. I wasn't even
paying attention. I was looking up like the hidden backstory
to Willy Wonka. Yeah, so
Willy Wonka does that and he's just like,
so fucking, he can't swim
in the chocolate river because he's fat.
And then like this fucking like vacuum cleaner
thing just comes along and just
sucks this fucking kid up.
Weren't they like trying to like purify
the chocolate? He like touched
him with some shit. Yeah, with the fucking vacuums or whatever.
And the kid didn't get out in time. And then the
vacuum just sucks his ass up. He had a very
similar experience to Dan's
diving story. Yeah, but with chocolate.
To which story? The diving
story, but it's with chocolate instead. And that happens
with a kid. The kid gets pressurized
into the chocolate. Oh, yeah, yeah.
He's going,
that's exactly what happened. Imagine
he dies in the tube. Yeah.
He's like still alive, stuck there for days.
So he's like in the tube and then fucking Charlie
fucking, Charlie Bucket's fucking
shitty grandpa Joe comes in. He's just like,
you ever want to see how a bullet comes out of a gun?
Watch, the pressure is building. And then Willy
Wonka's just like, oh, the suspense
is killing me. And like everybody's just like
Wonka, a kid's gonna die. He just goes,
I don't know. He might.
Well, you know, maybe.
And everyone's like, Wonka
what the fuck, man? He's just like, I don't know.
Wait, is it going to the fudge room?
It might go to the fudge room. But if it's going
to the other room, oh no.
That's bad.
Everyone's like, what the fuck does that mean,
Wonka? Like stop talking of fucking
Riddles, bro. Like
we're gonna die here.
Now's the time to make the campaign.
We really should not have saved that fucking
Weaver, fuck. Soon as
Lunatic. So he fucking gets sucked
up. And he's just like, and he goes
and he blows a fucking whistle. He's just like
Like the fucking
The midget slaves come over
And they're like, can you go find that child?
And they take the mother away
with the fucking midgets.
And the midgets- And we're gonna see what fucking
What fucking filtration
system your son just got disintegrated in
if you want to come with us real quick.
So he fucking is like, okay!
Anyways, well
The midgets are now dancing
and singing a song about a child dying.
Which is horrifying. And there's like
a lot of them singing.
And they're fucking like
dancing and shit. And the midgets dance
every single time that there's
like a child that gets fucking
murdered.
And fucking- So he's doing
this shit. And then they go to the next room.
And in order to get to the next room
they have to go on this fucking
boat. And they have to go on
the boat, the
Hudson River of chocolate.
Yup, a dark ass tunnel.
And they have to go into this fucking
tunnel. And then like fucking the tunnel
starts going real scary and shit.
The tunnel starts getting real fucking
spooky.
And he's like
The river's flowing
And we never
know where we're going
Is it raining?
Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane
blowing?
Are the fires of
hell glowing?
YES!
OH MY GOD YES!
And the fucking like background is like
the chickens getting their heads cut off and shit
and snakes and cockroaches and
people are screaming. And by the end he's going
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I want off this ride. He's like absolutely
Okay and stop
And they end up in like just a normal place like what the
fuck. He doesn't acknowledge that for the rest of the
movie. That just happened.
I don't remember that part.
Yeah, dude, it was fucking scary, man.
Chickens getting their heads lopped off?
Yeah, dude, look it up. Like, you'll fucking see it.
Like, you should see, like, chickens' heads get cut off and shit.
Holy shit.
Dude, and then they go to the next room,
and, like, it's a fucking- it's a room where, like, it's like the development room.
Like, it's like a fucking bunch of development shit.
And there's a fucking thing, and he's just like,
Alright, this is my development room.
He's like, how about you children try this everlasting gobstopper?
And he's just like- and everybody's like,
Alright, and they're like, Wow, that tastes pretty good.
And they're like, Yes, this lasts for fucking ever,
because somehow I use demon magic to make candy that lasts forever.
I can use demon magic for anything, but I'm using it for fucking candy.
So then, like, the kids all get one,
and they're like, Hey, the one kid's just like, What the fuck's this?
He's like, Don't touch that, that's bad! Don't do it!
And she's like, No, I'm gonna touch it, I'm gonna eat it.
And he's just like, I warn you, don't do that!
And then they're like, No, I'm gonna do it.
And she eats it.
And then she's like, Wow!
And it's like, This is breakfast!
Oh man, I'm tasting lunch now!
Oh, that's a really good dinner!
And she's like, Wow, blueberry pie!
And it's like, Blueberry pie, that's really good, it's the richest blueberry-
And then she starts blowing up.
She starts blowing up and turning blue.
And the guy's like, Violet!
You're turning violet!
And then she just fucking turns into a giant balloon human,
which probably made an invasion flood as for somebody.
And they fucking did that shit, and he's just like,
Violet! You're turning violet!
And then the oompa loompas come out, and they start doing the weird dance thing again.
While this kid's like actively floating away.
No concern, they're breaking into tunes.
Yep, and they're just busting it wide open while this fucking kid gets rolled into another room.
So then they fucking go to another room, and it's fizzy lifting drinks.
And they're like, and then he's like, Nope, nope, nope, this isn't ready yet either.
But then fucking Grandpa Joe, scumbag Grandpa Joe!
He's like, Hey, Charlie! We should drink this.
He's just like, No, Grandpa Joe, no.
He's like, Yeah, we're gonna do it.
So then they drink it, and they start floating.
He's just like, I'm flying! Oh, man!
And they look up, and there's a fucking ceiling fan that's made out of blades or some shit.
And then he's like, Oh no, we're flying too close to that!
Oh, fuck! Oh, we're gonna die!
And then he burps, and he starts floating down.
He's just like, Stop, Charlie! Burp!
Who the fuck comes up with this shit?
So they fucking go down, and they end up going to the next room.
And like, that comes in later.
But fucking, they go to the next room, and there's just a bunch of chickens.
Roosters, roosters, geese?
Geese. Geese and geese.
Yeah, geese and geese.
And like, geese are leiths.
And like, the rich kid's just like, I want a goose!
I want a golden goose!
And then the fucking guy's just like, Alright, Wonka, how much for the goose?
He's like, Oh, they're not for sale.
He's like, No, Wonka, how much for the goose? I'll pay you anything.
He's like, No, they're not for sale, faggot.
And then he's just like, Alright.
And then she goes into this musical number, and how she wants it now, and how she wants everything now.
And then fucking steps on the fucking platform that tells if it's a good or bad egg.
And it ends up being a bad egg.
And he's just like, Oh, she was a bad egg.
And then fucking falls down the thing.
And then he's just like, Wonka, where'd she go?
He's like, Is it Tuesday? I don't know.
On Tuesdays it goes to the incinerator.
And then he's just like, Oh, man!
And then he jumps down after her.
And he's just like, Well, that's unfortunate.
Anyways, on to the next room.
And the oompa loompas start busting the oompa loom.
So they just die.
And that is not acknowledged.
Charlie and his grandfather are unfazed following this fucking maniac factory.
This is actually a fucking horror movie.
It really is.
It's like Saw.
They're all designed like fucking Saw traps.
And then these kids are just getting murdered.
Yeah, they do it to themselves, but it's also like fucking, they almost flew into the fucking fan.
They get sucked to God knows where.
So they fucking end up doing that shit.
Then they go to the next room, which is like a TV room.
And he's just like, What's this?
He's like, It's Wonka vision.
He's like, What the fuck is Wonka vision?
And there's a massive chocolate bar.
Just a massive chocolate bar in the center of the room.
And they shoot it with a fucking laser.
It goes into the fucking TV.
And he goes, This is for commercials later.
And he's just like, Well, if you put it on the TV.
And he goes, Why don't you just reach into the green bean?
Grab it.
And he's just like, The fuck?
And the kid's like, Yeah, I'll fucking grab it.
And he grabs the fucking chocolate bar.
He's like, Wow, that's crazy.
And the kid's like, How about I go into the TV?
And Wonka's like, Don't do it, kid.
Don't. You're stupid.
He's like, No, I'm going to be in the TV.
He gets shot with a fucking laser and then disappears.
And everybody's like, Where the fuck did he go?
He just goes, Look up.
And there's just a bunch of pixels going across the fucking ceiling.
He's like, Oh, that's him.
There he goes.
And he's just like, Look, Mom, I'm in the TV.
And they're like, Oh, my God.
He's like, Well, we're still kind of working out.
The kinks here.
They take the kid out. And the kid's like microscopic.
And she puts them in her purse.
And then leaves.
And Wonka's like, All right.
Anyways.
It's honestly fucking horrific.
He goes, On to the next thing.
So they go to the next thing.
And then it's just a room. He just goes, Okay, the tour's over.
They're like, What?
You can go home now.
He's just like, What do you mean the tour's over?
He goes, Uh,
The exit's that way. You can just go down the hall.
The tour's over.
He just goes, You're a fraud.
You're a fraud.
He just goes, No, I am not a fraud.
You stole
fizzy lifting drinks.
You floated up. And now the ceilings
have to be sanitized.
And he just goes, You broke your contract.
I'm through with you.
You are done. Good day, sir.
Good day.
How do you remember this shit?
I said good day. I said good day.
And then like,
He's like, You're a trickster.
You're awful.
And Grandpa Joe's like, Get out of here, Charlie.
We're leaving. We'll leave this fraud
to his own fucking things.
And Willy Wonka's like, Fine. Go. Out.
And then Charlie comes along.
He pulls out the fucking everlasting gobsocker
that he was going to sell off to another
company.
And he just puts it down on the table.
And then fucking Willy Wonka just does it in like
the creepiest fucking hand motion ever.
He just picks it. He grabs the fucking thing.
And he just goes,
So shines a good deed in a weary
world.
And then like fucking everybody's like, What?
The fuck did you just say? He just goes,
Don't you get it, Charlie?
You won! I was testing you
the whole fucking time!
I knew you were going to win! I just knew it!
And Charlie's like, What the fuck is going on?
You just mentally scarred me for the
rest of my life, man!
I passed because I just disregarded
the deaths of four other children.
That's why I passed. He's like, You own
the factory now! He just goes,
He just goes, Can my mom and
family move in? He's like, Yes, Charlie!
They can all move in! You are
my fucking legacy or some shit.
He is like, We have so much
to do! We have so much to-
We have so little to do, so much time!
He just goes, Actually, scratch that,
reverse it. We have so much to do
in so little time! And he runs down the hallway
and he goes into this elevator and he's just like,
I never pressed this button before.
And it just shows like a fucking glass ceiling
and he's just like, What the fuck is that? He just goes,
It's a wonkavator. Let's get in. It's a glass
elevator. And there's a button that just
said- The elevator terrified me, too.
And he just goes,
I never pressed this button before.
So he presses the button, and then
it just starts fucking skyrocketing.
And then he's like, What the-
What's going on? And he just goes,
Oh, we're gonna go through the roof. And he just goes,
Is the elevator gonna
stay together? He's just, I don't know.
He's just like, Maybe.
He's like, Bro,
I know as much as you.
Dude, it's coming up real fast!
He's like, I hope we make it.
And he fucking crashed through the fucking
ceiling. And he just fly over this
Victorian England town. And it
looks like a fucking little thing on a fishing line.
And then the credits roll.
And that's the end. That's the end. That's it. They don't
talk about the children that fucking died,
or anything. That's it. Willy Wonka.
Yup, those kids.
Those kids ate shit.
Willy Wonka. Those kids got
fucked up.
He's literally developing arms inside
of this factory with the laser vision
thing.
Like, there's some questions that need to be asked.
Where did he get the fucking slaves from?
Why the fuck is he okay
with killing kids? What the
fuck was on that contract?
And what the
fuck was that tunnel? And what the
fuck was the tunnel? Like, there's a lot of
questions. It's like fucking, it feels like Aperture
Laboratories from fucking Portal.
It's just not good.
It's bad vibes all
time. You have enslaved alien
workers.
Very advanced military
technology. Dying kids.
Yeah, it's a real fucked up
weird thing. Casey, you are
not looking hot right now.
So I think it's time to
boot it up. I think we wrap it up.
Alright guys, thanks for listening.
Happy birthday Casey. Happy birthday Casey. We hope
you feel better buddy. You look like you're
over the hill. Dude, all I want is an email from a listener.
Please.
All we want. Even if
you fucking hate us. Even if you're never
going to contact us. Sign us up for a scam.
Something. Just give us an email.
Dox us. Like, okay maybe not
that. No, it's out there.
Yeah, fucking dox us.
We'll take it. Take my bank account
information. Not mine please.
Allymack volunteers
to be doxed. No, I do not volunteer
to be doxed. Anyways, thank
you guys for watching. As always,
be kind to yourselves. And each other.
We out. Goodbye.
For all we know,
robots have souls. We just don't know
if they do or don't. How do you know?
Have you ever been
a cyborg or a robot?
Do you think we were the first ones
to inhabit this planet?
Fuck it up.
No, no, we are jumping down this fucking
rabbit hole. Yes, we are.
There's people out there with some really dumb thoughts.
Extended episodes.
Where the fuck did this yearman come from?
Where the fuck did Stonehenge come from?
You're telling me that they didn't die and become ghosts?
They're killing
already born babies and
selling them to the Chinese.
Aliens exist as
somewhere in China.
In some days, there are
super soldiers that are at least 9 or 10 feet tall.
Anthropocastatron.
They have dread
as super soldiers.
Then they are extraterrestrials. They are aliens.
I do not
recognize the alien compare.
Motherfucking
Before my eyes,
while holding their pulse, feel them die
of this virus you feel bump bump bump nothing they're fucking gone I've seen
it happen I think that the government has taken it to the next level with the
birds they know what birds are going to cross paths with you that you are going
to be able to raise and they are gonna make them so fucking real they're gonna
sink money into them because they know that if you put that motherfucker in a cage
they're gonna be able to convince you that things are fucking real you can cut it open you're gonna see blood
guts no circuitry but let me tell you their technology is out of solution
which by the way big brother is the overlord
George Soros is an actual Nazi collaborator okay I'm not fucking lying
it's fucking real okay look it up look it up he says that he was doing this shit
Soros is the fucking devil okay he's the actual fucking leader for all this shit
Donald Trump the fucking word person out there
the actual fucking leader
you