I've had a lot of really good talking points
and thoughts that have been around the idea of
community today. That's been very appropriate
because that's what we're talking about in a
lot of ways today, or the need for the community.
We are in a series called Control Alt Delight.
Greg helped lay out for those of us who remember
what it was like to. need control alt delete
back in the day when things didn't auto save
for you and you just had to, like things just
got really backed up on a computer and you had
to start over again. That was a sad time, everyone.
We didn't love it. Also, by the way, this is
apropos of nothing, but I did not know about
fall spring until I moved to the Midwest. Do
you know what I'm talking about? Because today
is harsh and I'm not loving the wind this week.
I just want to just remember that it was nice
last week, but there is hope ahead of us. Okay.
So any of you who have ever written anything,
a poem to a story to a thing, you're always encouraged
when you have this task ahead of you to write
what you know, which is great until you're handed
the message on marriage for the week. And if
you don't know. I've been single my whole adult
life. So this is an interesting task. And it's
all good, right? But it's making me laugh. So
I'm just leaning into this. I'm leaning into
this aspect. And I have been a little nervous
about this message because hearing a happily
single person talk to you about why you should
delight in your marriage or find delight in your
marriage when you want to scrap it is... About
as fun as hearing a non -parent say to you as
a parent, well, have you tried? Yes, Janet, I
have tried. But even though marriage is not my
area by expertise or experience, the idea of
belonging to each other is familiar. And I do
know something about what that means. So now
I've given it all away. That's the sermon, everyone.
We're good. Go home. But we'll take it for what
it's worth today, and I believe that Jesus has
some words for us in this. Side note, well, maybe
not for a Gen Xer, but we can't have a message
about marriage without acknowledging the most
perfect movie of Rob Reiner's career, perhaps.
I don't know. It's debatable. But The Princess
Bride. Thank you. I think you know where I'm
going with this. we must go forward and say together,
marriage. Marriage is what brings us together
today. And if you say the next part, love, true
love. And I am really interested in the sector
of people in this room who are like, what just
happened? I enjoy that. I will not pretend to
understand marriage this morning. I'm going to
let you know that. And I say that like other
times I may try to, like this morning, like I
qualify that. But tomorrow, there are things
that I have certainly observed over time that
do give me at least some unique insight into
people's lives who are married. By this time
in my life, I've watched friends get married
to people that were clearly a poor plan. I've
watched more than a few friends struggle with
deeply stressful and dividing moves, the death
of a child, infertility, infidelity, major medical
crises, conflicts with parents and in -laws.
That's real. Those are some of the bigger ones.
But it doesn't just take the big things to hit
a marriage hard. We all know how bad something
like a hairline fracture can be, right? One can
even still walk on it and never even know it's
there. They may sense something's not quite right,
but truly, how often do people here experience
something in their lives and think, ah, it's
probably fine, I'll just see if it works itself
out. And then in a few days, you've just gotten
used to... this new level of discomfort. This
is now your life. You just live that way. Because
it's inconvenient to go get it checked out. It's
inconvenient to take the time. I don't have the
time. I can't right now. It's fine. It's probably
fine. It'll probably work out. This is the more
frequent kind of situation I see, where these
small fractures occur. They go unaddressed, and
eventually they do require, almost inevitably,
major intervention. But by that point, people
are often too tired, too exhausted of the thing,
have spent too much time trying to survive the
buildup of the things to keep going. And so they'd
rather just start over. So control, alt, delete
happens. And I will add this caveat here. There
are times when, for one's own and also additional
children's, safety, that is the needed move.
That is real, and let's, for today's message,
assume that in the scenarios I'm speaking of,
people are not in danger. If you are, and you
do need help, please seek it. There are real
reasons why marriages dissolve, and I am talking
about examining the fractures before they get
to that point today. But as followers of Christ,
we are connected to something much deeper. And
in a world of division, remembering that we belong
to each other is critical. So today we're going
to be reading from 1 Corinthians. And thank heavens
for that, because if I was going to have to go
through a whole message and not be able to give
historical context on something, I was really
going to find myself in no man's land. A number
of Paul's letters, and even some that were written
by Paul but dated later, are addressing deep
levels of division. The fishing net grabbing
the early church. creating the early church,
was gathering all kinds of people up from various
different layers of humanity. There were the
socially strong and the socially disadvantaged.
There were racial and ethnic divisions. There
were layers of the now empire of Romans having
taken over and rebuilt a city that was once a
major Greek force that they raised to the ground
about 100 years before when they were just a
republic. That doesn't add layers of complications
to a society at all. It was a city that was taking
in Rome's Jewish refugees. It was a major port
on the Gulf of Corinth because no one wanted
to sail around the south of the Peloponnese.
It was incredibly dangerous. And so this young
church was placed in this city, and it was going
to have a time figuring out how we belong to
each other. They were not set up for it in the
world. And so it is no small thing to reflect
on the words of Jesus some decades before, echoing
around this young church, saying, a new command
I give to you, love one another as I have loved
you, so you must love one another. By this, everyone
will know that you are my disciples if you love
one another. Or that when Jesus very specifically
prayed, In John 17, my prayer is not for my own
disciples alone. I pray also for those who believe
in me through their message. And that's what
the church in Corinth had become. It's the church
that had become the church because of their message.
That all of them may be one. Father, just as
you are in me and I am in you. May they also
be in us so that the world may believe that you
have sent me. I have given them the glory that
you gave me, that they may be one as we are one,
I in them, and you in me, so that they may be
brought to complete unity. Then the world will
know that you sent me and have loved them even
as you have loved me. Didn't Jesus know it? He
saw. And so while we may be thinking, if we're
talking about marriage, and we're going to read,
then we must be about to read the most common
marriage passage ever done at weddings from 1
Corinthians 13. But we are not. We are not reading
this chapter because it's the context in the
chapter before that is critical. So today, I'm
going to invite you to stand or give attention
to the reading of God's word as you are able.
We're going to read from 1 Corinthians 12. We
are reading from 12 to 27. If you would like
a Bible and you don't have one with you, there
are Bibles on the table. Otherwise, you can pull
it up on your phone. If you put in 1 Corinthians
12, 12 through 31, it will come up. So it says
unity and diversity in the body is the headline
it has been given by later scribes. But just
as a body. though one has many parts, but all
its many parts form one body. So it is with Christ,
for we were all baptized by one spirit so as
to form one body, whether Jews or Gentiles, slave
or free, and we were all given the one spirit
to drink from. Even so, the body is not made
up of one part, but of many. Now, if the foot
should say, because I am not a hand, I do not
belong to the body, it would not for that reason
stop being a part of the body. And if the ear
should say, because I'm not an eye, I don't belong
to the body, it would not for that reason stop
being a part of the body. If the whole body were
an eye, where would the sense of hearing be?
If the whole body were an ear, where would the
sense of smell be? But, in fact, God has placed
the parts in the body, every single one of them,
just as he wanted them to be. If they were all
one part, where would the body be? As it is,
there are many parts but one body. The eye cannot
say to the hand, I don't need you. And the head
cannot say to the feet, I don't need you. On
the contrary, those parts of the body that seem
to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts
that we think are less honorable, we treat with
special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable
are treated with special modesty, while our presentable
parts need no special treatment. God has put
the body together, giving greater honor to the
parts that lacked it so that there should be
no division in the body, but that its parts should
have equal concern for each other. If one part
suffers, every part suffers with it. If one part
is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now
you are the body of Christ, and each one of you
is a part of it. Let's pray. the ways that you
would have us here today, open our ears and help
us be good listeners. Help us intake your word
and let it be something that lives in us, fully
alive and active, and that you would recall these
things to mind as they are needed, that we would,
in fact, see each other in new ways today or
deeper ways. And that you would help us recognize
the collective of the body of Christ that is
here and the one that we are a part of worldwide.
I pray this in your name. Amen. So here we find
Paul carrying on this unavoidable message of
Christ, trying to remind them that they are one.
They are a body of people. They belong to each
other. Whatever their status, whatever their
gender, whatever their race, they belong to each
other. And for some of them, I imagine this was
not good news. They didn't quite like the idea
that they were connected. I think some of them
really did think, well, I'm a hand and I don't
need an arm. I'm a shoulder and I don't need
the torso. That's a weird idea, right? It's such
a good visual to understand the body of Christ,
who we are as connected to each other. Because
it is ridiculous when we think of any of those
parts functioning independently. It's nonsense.
And yet, how frequently does that occur? Where
when you really dig into someone's thinking,
you're like, oh, you think you are a solo entity.
So the most dangerous or perhaps what becomes
the most fragile fracture point I see when working
with or walking alongside couples is the one
that says that you two are on different sides.
It's often hard because when that is realized,
it often feels so surprising to the couple. It's
the, how did we get here? I married this person
because we were so aligned. So many young couples
I talk to when dreamy -eyed about their future
partner often cite, we agree on everything as
one of the reasons, I love the laughs in the
room, as one of the reasons they know this person
is for them. And you're like, oh, you sweet thing.
You're 20. Of course you do, Declan. Neither
of you know who you are yet. Give it some time.
You start growing at different paces. Your interests
start developing. Really. And you're looking
in different directions. Agreement isn't always
a good thing, but it does feel like the safe
thing. And so that's why often people look for
that. And then they realize, oh, we're not in
the same side right now. Sometimes those misalignments
are very manageable and even comical to couples.
Sometimes, though, they are as giant and consequential
as a Cubs and a Cardinals fan living in the same
house. Or bears and packers. Or the 1990s Buffalo
Bills and Miami Dolphins, which I have some experience
with. It was not my house, I shudder to think,
but no way would a Floridian and a New Yorker
be together. One can't live with snow and the
other can't live without it. And this is a fact.
But when particularly young people want to get
married, and I know that they are about to say,
for better or for worse to each other, I want
to say, and I have said, is the worst? What do
you imagine that being? What do you think the
worst is? Because whatever it is, you are always
sure it won't happen to you. Or you are sure
that you can weather it if it does, because when
you're in love, you're certain that that is strong
enough. And you two will face it together, hand
in hand. Until you are facing each other, unsure
of who that person is anymore. And where did
that fracture begin? How did we get here? Where
did things begin to separate? And thinking about
the church in Corinth, the people came in to
the church with their brokenness, with their
fractures. They came in fractured with their
biases and their prejudices, with their position
in the social strata, hoping to still be held
in place. I'm thinking about how the Church of
Christ is referenced as the Bride of Christ,
and how many of us have come in with our own
brokenness, with much of the same biases and
prejudices that the early church encountered,
just a different year. This actually makes me
really hopeful, because often there's the thought
that when two people enter into a marriage, they
enter into it aligned. And facing the same direction
and on the same page, committed to each other
as they stand as one against the world. And the
fractures often get realized when the revelation
is that those are just illusions. And you found
that you're with someone who comes with their
own existing fractures already. And that they've
been walking on those fractures their whole lives.
And now this marriage is revealing them. But
here's what I know about belonging. I am broken,
and Jesus knows this. And it is not a surprise
when I entered the body of Christ that I came
with my brokenness. And it is God's work in the
belonging that often is the agent of healing.
God has designed it this way, and it offers me
strength where I am weak, or it offers me help
where I'm broken. It's a reminder that I do not
have to be... good at all of it, whatever it
is. And that's a wonderful relief. I do not have
to be good at all of it and it's not a shame
to me when I'm not. It means someone else has
an opportunity to be strong and awesome where
I can't be. Plenty of fractures of my own led
me to also believe that being independent of
anyone was the better and certainly the safer
choice. Or that I couldn't come into the body
of Christ until I was fixed, until all things
were healed first, that God didn't want me until
I was okay. And I think that is something to
be mindful of for those heading into marriage.
You are going in as broken people, and those
things will be revealed. You cannot hide them.
But in the belonging, there is an agent of healing
for that. I joked with Cindy the other day, I'm
a terrible adult. I need all sorts of scaffolding
around me to hold me up, to remind me of things,
to organize in certain ways that make sense to
the rest of the world. I'm very detailed and
very organized, for me. I like my systems, but
if you introduce me to a system, I'm like, I
don't, that's binary. I don't read binary code.
I'm more prone to work towards hyper -independence.
That's the world I believed I needed to build
for myself. But I'm not the only one who functions
this way. In a society of hyper -independence,
belonging is often seen as a weakness. And that
you need to fix yourself before you can belong
to things. But we are not meant to function this
way. It is okay that I don't have it all managed
and handled. I can't. I am so grateful for the
scaffolding, for the body of Christ, for the
help, for someone being a hand or shoulder or
elbow while I exist as a foot or the other hand.
It allows me to just be really good at the things
I'm designed for and the things I can be good
at. And it leaves me not having to be ashamed
that I'm not good at the other things. In the
last few weeks, I've been super grateful for
the scaffolding because my car needed repairs.
And people came through in very practical ways.
And some of them were very big. And I'm deeply,
deeply grateful. God used the body of Christ
to provide for me where I could not. And it's
in moments like that that I experience more healing
of the fractures because I recognize I didn't
have to fix it myself. There was a community
I could ask for help from where I normally would
have been like, I'll figure out how to rent a
car. I don't want to bother anybody. I'll figure
it out. And God is like, you have people that...
that want to help you figure it out. They are
here for you. And over the years, I have learned
not to be ashamed to ask for help. And when people
can, they will. And when they can't, they'll
just say they can't. And that's not a problem.
That's real. But in the greater community, I
start learning that asking for help is okay.
That my hyper -independence is not necessary.
And so when choosing a life in Christ, there
is a belonging of another kind. There's a specific
kind of belonging in the body of Christ because
it's what we're designed for. We realize that
hyperindependence doesn't have a place. It doesn't
work. You can't be a hand only. That's not possible
when you realize there's just a bigger body that
you are a part of. And so there are various degrees
of that kind of belonging, a whole spectrum.
And marriage is a kind of belonging. But the
greater point is when we become members of the
body of Christ, we not only belong to each other,
but we have things we bring to the table too.
And we have things that we lack. We are both.
And that's good. That's the point. That's the
design. Why is this element important in marriage?
Well, because marriage is a unique kind of belonging
as well. It is intentionally a long -term kind
of belonging where unique things are grown over
time, where partners grow not just in their gifts
and what they bring to each other, but what they
learn to also receive from each other. It becomes
a model. And I will be clear, if you are single,
marriage is not the only place or the only way
that this happens. Again, I've been single my
whole adult life. If that... point were true
if marriage was the only place that that would
happen that would mean God is cruel and he's
not so marriage is a kind of belonging but there
is a vast array of what belonging looks like
but marriage is a specific kind of belonging
that asks you to soberly and prayerfully consider
how you belong to each other it asks you to examine
the fractures in your life in ways that understand
that the lack of care to heal those fractures
will affect others deeply, and for the long term.
And it also reminds one that the effort and energy
used to heal those fractures can lead to a lifetime
or a legacy of blessing for others. And that's
a beautiful idea. That's really powerful. And
that puts a different perspective onto the discomfort
or the pain. that has the ability to take one
or many to the point of wanting to scrap it all
and hit control, alt, and delete. In a society
that has become less resilient, more interested
in comfort, more conflict averse, we do see more
people scrapping something in favor of their
choice for hyperindependence. I encourage you
to deal with the pain and discomfort early on.
When I moved to the Quad Cities, I lived in a
first -floor apartment in a house. In most of
the apartment, there were dropped ceilings, but
my bedroom had a plaster ceiling. And I noticed
that a thin line was starting to go across it
one day. And over time, I watched it grow like
it was going to fix itself. Y 'all, we all know
what happened. We know. It didn't fix itself.
And I was home when the whole ceiling fell. It
was, yeah. It was, of course, a giant mess. And
honestly, I can honestly still almost taste the
plaster in the air. It was like, it's very powdery.
Rarely do things like that get better on their
own. You need to deal with them early. It is
uncomfortable, but they only get worse. And the
truth is, even if we are very independent and
still need to recognize that interdependence
is what we've been designed for, within the body
of Christ, I need to recognize that it is a key
and built -in feature of the life and community
I've chosen to be a part of. If you've been baptized,
You have made this declaration and the community
has made the declaration back to you. This is
a part of it. We are choosing to be long together.
And so whatever fractures exist, whatever pains
exist, we trust that the community, that Christ
through the community is where the healing is.
It's where the growing is. Within the body of
Christ, I need to recognize that that's a key
and built -in feature of the life and community
I've chosen to become a part of. When we become
followers of Jesus, the church comes with it.
The church comes with it. Not just Jesus. He
gives you this, too. That's the point. Not just
this now, but the church universal and historic,
which I find also very cool. We talked a lot,
like we just did the Nicene Creed, if you, you
know. a few months ago. And we are still benefiting
from those who felt that coming up with a collective
statement of belief for the body was important.
That was in 300 A .D. And we are still, as a
church, benefiting from that body caring for
us. And so, full of broken and on their way to
healing people as it is, We belong to each other.
And so we are left with the understanding of,
I can accept this and learn to make healing and
growth and support a part of my way of life,
or I can work against it. There really isn't,
there really is no in between. I don't know if
anybody has ever read any of Frederick Bachman's
books, Anxious People. He just came out with
a book called My Friends. I just finished that
one. I love his writing. My Friends is gorgeous.
It's about finding the people that you belong
to. In fact, really, I'd say all of his books
are really, that's the main theme of them, is
somehow a form of belonging or not belonging.
In some of his darker books, like the Beartown
series, it's very distinctly about when fractures
and divisions occur among a community that believed
it held on to belonging but hadn't dealt with
its fractures, hadn't dealt with its pain. He
writes so beautifully and poignantly and sometimes
being almost silly and absurd about it, but they,
at their core, their books are about belonging
to each other. I understand the reality that
getting to certain points, you decide, I'm done.
I'm done. For my own sanity, I want to just strike
delete on this. And when that's the case, one
of the very last things you want to remind yourself
is that you need perhaps that other person or
other people. When threatened or in pain, we
often swing to the side of independence. I'll
show them. Sometimes almost becoming childlike,
which we're never all that far away from, to
be honest, right? How far are any of us away
from? I can do it myself. But I think... That
when the work is put into the healing and the
growth, the idea of deleting as the option becomes
re -evaluated. I've seen a lot of marriages pulled
back from the brink through all manner of things.
Some of them looking like this is the end. And
yes, having two partners committed to Jesus and
the growth and the commitment they made is a
good understructure to have. But it's not always
been present in the places where things have
turned around. And a lot of restructuring has
had to happen. A lot of things have had to be
fixed and healed. Again, I'm not married. I can
only speak to what I've seen and look to some
words of Jesus and the apostles for encouragement
and direction. There are so many aspects I just
cannot cover in this one message as well. But
I do believe in belonging and in being committed
to growth and healing and not just walking on
the fractured leg hoping for the best. not just
watching the crack in the ceiling develop, hoping
for the best. I believe in each of us being a
part of a whole and how much those things, how
much those in dedicated long -term commitments,
where you've spoken promises to each other for
life, have made a specific kind of dedication
to not just yourself, but the hope of someone
else's future. And so I'll offer this as something
to consider when you find yourself looking at
the delete button, which we have all done, we
will all do. But again, I encourage you to reevaluate
and consider what fractures may be there that
need some healing. Look far back and recognize
that the community and the belonging is where
the healing is designed to happen. That is how
Jesus has designed it for us. To whatever degree
you find yourself belonging to others or to another.
And so let's pray about that. Let's ask Jesus
to guide us closer to belonging in him. Jesus,
thank you for who you are and that you have,
in fact, already created this unique kind of
body of healing, this agent of healing in the
church. and the greater body of Christ, both
universal and historic. And for the work that
needs to be done today, for those who are considering
the fractures in their own life, what that means,
what that's meant for those who have been hurt
by unhealed wounds in our own lives, unhealed
pain in our own lives, what that means for...
The long -term future of others. And how to care
for each other. I pray as a church, too, that
we would recognize that even though in some ways
this is pinpointing marriage, but the church,
the body of believers, also walks alongside those
who are in relationships like this. And it is
also our job to be agents of healing. for those
so it's not isolated to one point but that it
is a community that is looking to heal and grow
together and so when we are around those who
are in pain whether it's things that we're aware
of or not may we be committed to each other as
well in belonging to pray for each other to care
for each other to provide for each other to be
discerning and aware to be wise to be in tune,
to check in with each other, that with all these
ranges of belonging that exist even in this room,
you would help us belong to each other with care
and responsibility and ultimately, as 1 Corinthians
13 goes on to say, with love, that all of this
is nothing without love. And so increase our
love. and increase our sense of belonging. We
pray this in your name. Amen.