WEBVTT 00:00:00.490 --> 00:00:04.129 I've had a lot of really good talking points 00:00:04.129 --> 00:00:09.150 and thoughts that have been around the idea of 00:00:09.150 --> 00:00:13.330 community today. That's been very appropriate 00:00:13.330 --> 00:00:15.630 because that's what we're talking about in a 00:00:15.630 --> 00:00:18.570 lot of ways today, or the need for the community. 00:00:20.530 --> 00:00:24.350 We are in a series called Control Alt Delight. 00:00:25.050 --> 00:00:28.129 Greg helped lay out for those of us who remember 00:00:28.129 --> 00:00:30.910 what it was like to. need control alt delete 00:00:30.910 --> 00:00:32.829 back in the day when things didn't auto save 00:00:32.829 --> 00:00:36.590 for you and you just had to, like things just 00:00:36.590 --> 00:00:38.850 got really backed up on a computer and you had 00:00:38.850 --> 00:00:41.469 to start over again. That was a sad time, everyone. 00:00:42.869 --> 00:00:46.090 We didn't love it. Also, by the way, this is 00:00:46.090 --> 00:00:48.429 apropos of nothing, but I did not know about 00:00:48.429 --> 00:00:51.850 fall spring until I moved to the Midwest. Do 00:00:51.850 --> 00:00:53.670 you know what I'm talking about? Because today 00:00:53.670 --> 00:00:57.390 is harsh and I'm not loving the wind this week. 00:00:58.759 --> 00:01:01.100 I just want to just remember that it was nice 00:01:01.100 --> 00:01:03.799 last week, but there is hope ahead of us. Okay. 00:01:05.040 --> 00:01:09.319 So any of you who have ever written anything, 00:01:09.540 --> 00:01:14.019 a poem to a story to a thing, you're always encouraged 00:01:14.019 --> 00:01:18.739 when you have this task ahead of you to write 00:01:18.739 --> 00:01:23.540 what you know, which is great until you're handed 00:01:23.540 --> 00:01:27.599 the message on marriage for the week. And if 00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:29.750 you don't know. I've been single my whole adult 00:01:29.750 --> 00:01:35.370 life. So this is an interesting task. And it's 00:01:35.370 --> 00:01:38.310 all good, right? But it's making me laugh. So 00:01:38.310 --> 00:01:40.450 I'm just leaning into this. I'm leaning into 00:01:40.450 --> 00:01:44.370 this aspect. And I have been a little nervous 00:01:44.370 --> 00:01:47.230 about this message because hearing a happily 00:01:47.230 --> 00:01:49.430 single person talk to you about why you should 00:01:49.430 --> 00:01:51.750 delight in your marriage or find delight in your 00:01:51.750 --> 00:01:53.909 marriage when you want to scrap it is... About 00:01:53.909 --> 00:01:56.569 as fun as hearing a non -parent say to you as 00:01:56.569 --> 00:02:01.629 a parent, well, have you tried? Yes, Janet, I 00:02:01.629 --> 00:02:06.530 have tried. But even though marriage is not my 00:02:06.530 --> 00:02:10.270 area by expertise or experience, the idea of 00:02:10.270 --> 00:02:14.729 belonging to each other is familiar. And I do 00:02:14.729 --> 00:02:18.289 know something about what that means. So now 00:02:18.289 --> 00:02:20.189 I've given it all away. That's the sermon, everyone. 00:02:20.310 --> 00:02:24.830 We're good. Go home. But we'll take it for what 00:02:24.830 --> 00:02:27.810 it's worth today, and I believe that Jesus has 00:02:27.810 --> 00:02:33.830 some words for us in this. Side note, well, maybe 00:02:33.830 --> 00:02:37.169 not for a Gen Xer, but we can't have a message 00:02:37.169 --> 00:02:41.289 about marriage without acknowledging the most 00:02:41.289 --> 00:02:44.669 perfect movie of Rob Reiner's career, perhaps. 00:02:44.729 --> 00:02:47.590 I don't know. It's debatable. But The Princess 00:02:47.590 --> 00:02:51.150 Bride. Thank you. I think you know where I'm 00:02:51.150 --> 00:02:54.639 going with this. we must go forward and say together, 00:02:54.879 --> 00:03:00.199 marriage. Marriage is what brings us together 00:03:00.199 --> 00:03:04.620 today. And if you say the next part, love, true 00:03:04.620 --> 00:03:12.699 love. And I am really interested in the sector 00:03:12.699 --> 00:03:15.319 of people in this room who are like, what just 00:03:15.319 --> 00:03:22.379 happened? I enjoy that. I will not pretend to 00:03:22.379 --> 00:03:24.740 understand marriage this morning. I'm going to 00:03:24.740 --> 00:03:28.460 let you know that. And I say that like other 00:03:28.460 --> 00:03:31.199 times I may try to, like this morning, like I 00:03:31.199 --> 00:03:35.879 qualify that. But tomorrow, there are things 00:03:35.879 --> 00:03:39.520 that I have certainly observed over time that 00:03:39.520 --> 00:03:42.060 do give me at least some unique insight into 00:03:42.060 --> 00:03:46.219 people's lives who are married. By this time 00:03:46.219 --> 00:03:49.139 in my life, I've watched friends get married 00:03:49.139 --> 00:03:54.680 to people that were clearly a poor plan. I've 00:03:54.680 --> 00:03:57.680 watched more than a few friends struggle with 00:03:57.680 --> 00:04:01.280 deeply stressful and dividing moves, the death 00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:06.599 of a child, infertility, infidelity, major medical 00:04:06.599 --> 00:04:10.199 crises, conflicts with parents and in -laws. 00:04:10.300 --> 00:04:14.080 That's real. Those are some of the bigger ones. 00:04:16.599 --> 00:04:19.639 But it doesn't just take the big things to hit 00:04:19.639 --> 00:04:23.519 a marriage hard. We all know how bad something 00:04:23.519 --> 00:04:26.800 like a hairline fracture can be, right? One can 00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:29.399 even still walk on it and never even know it's 00:04:29.399 --> 00:04:32.220 there. They may sense something's not quite right, 00:04:32.300 --> 00:04:35.540 but truly, how often do people here experience 00:04:35.540 --> 00:04:38.120 something in their lives and think, ah, it's 00:04:38.120 --> 00:04:39.839 probably fine, I'll just see if it works itself 00:04:39.839 --> 00:04:43.019 out. And then in a few days, you've just gotten 00:04:43.019 --> 00:04:46.459 used to... this new level of discomfort. This 00:04:46.459 --> 00:04:49.959 is now your life. You just live that way. Because 00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:52.360 it's inconvenient to go get it checked out. It's 00:04:52.360 --> 00:04:53.920 inconvenient to take the time. I don't have the 00:04:53.920 --> 00:04:57.240 time. I can't right now. It's fine. It's probably 00:04:57.240 --> 00:05:00.680 fine. It'll probably work out. This is the more 00:05:00.680 --> 00:05:03.779 frequent kind of situation I see, where these 00:05:03.779 --> 00:05:08.000 small fractures occur. They go unaddressed, and 00:05:08.000 --> 00:05:11.660 eventually they do require, almost inevitably, 00:05:11.920 --> 00:05:15.339 major intervention. But by that point, people 00:05:15.339 --> 00:05:19.240 are often too tired, too exhausted of the thing, 00:05:19.379 --> 00:05:23.759 have spent too much time trying to survive the 00:05:23.759 --> 00:05:28.199 buildup of the things to keep going. And so they'd 00:05:28.199 --> 00:05:32.839 rather just start over. So control, alt, delete 00:05:32.839 --> 00:05:37.439 happens. And I will add this caveat here. There 00:05:37.439 --> 00:05:41.860 are times when, for one's own and also additional 00:05:41.860 --> 00:05:46.180 children's, safety, that is the needed move. 00:05:46.480 --> 00:05:48.899 That is real, and let's, for today's message, 00:05:49.060 --> 00:05:52.939 assume that in the scenarios I'm speaking of, 00:05:52.980 --> 00:05:55.360 people are not in danger. If you are, and you 00:05:55.360 --> 00:05:57.720 do need help, please seek it. There are real 00:05:57.720 --> 00:06:00.939 reasons why marriages dissolve, and I am talking 00:06:00.939 --> 00:06:03.220 about examining the fractures before they get 00:06:03.220 --> 00:06:07.829 to that point today. But as followers of Christ, 00:06:07.949 --> 00:06:11.490 we are connected to something much deeper. And 00:06:11.490 --> 00:06:15.050 in a world of division, remembering that we belong 00:06:15.050 --> 00:06:19.129 to each other is critical. So today we're going 00:06:19.129 --> 00:06:21.470 to be reading from 1 Corinthians. And thank heavens 00:06:21.470 --> 00:06:23.029 for that, because if I was going to have to go 00:06:23.029 --> 00:06:24.490 through a whole message and not be able to give 00:06:24.490 --> 00:06:26.689 historical context on something, I was really 00:06:26.689 --> 00:06:30.230 going to find myself in no man's land. A number 00:06:30.230 --> 00:06:33.009 of Paul's letters, and even some that were written 00:06:33.009 --> 00:06:35.910 by Paul but dated later, are addressing deep 00:06:35.910 --> 00:06:41.069 levels of division. The fishing net grabbing 00:06:41.069 --> 00:06:44.720 the early church. creating the early church, 00:06:44.819 --> 00:06:48.019 was gathering all kinds of people up from various 00:06:48.019 --> 00:06:50.500 different layers of humanity. There were the 00:06:50.500 --> 00:06:52.500 socially strong and the socially disadvantaged. 00:06:52.699 --> 00:06:55.240 There were racial and ethnic divisions. There 00:06:55.240 --> 00:06:58.819 were layers of the now empire of Romans having 00:06:58.819 --> 00:07:01.680 taken over and rebuilt a city that was once a 00:07:01.680 --> 00:07:04.819 major Greek force that they raised to the ground 00:07:04.819 --> 00:07:07.279 about 100 years before when they were just a 00:07:07.279 --> 00:07:09.439 republic. That doesn't add layers of complications 00:07:09.439 --> 00:07:14.230 to a society at all. It was a city that was taking 00:07:14.230 --> 00:07:18.149 in Rome's Jewish refugees. It was a major port 00:07:18.149 --> 00:07:20.629 on the Gulf of Corinth because no one wanted 00:07:20.629 --> 00:07:22.569 to sail around the south of the Peloponnese. 00:07:22.649 --> 00:07:25.790 It was incredibly dangerous. And so this young 00:07:25.790 --> 00:07:31.589 church was placed in this city, and it was going 00:07:31.589 --> 00:07:35.889 to have a time figuring out how we belong to 00:07:35.889 --> 00:07:40.470 each other. They were not set up for it in the 00:07:40.470 --> 00:07:45.050 world. And so it is no small thing to reflect 00:07:45.050 --> 00:07:49.689 on the words of Jesus some decades before, echoing 00:07:49.689 --> 00:07:53.350 around this young church, saying, a new command 00:07:53.350 --> 00:07:56.689 I give to you, love one another as I have loved 00:07:56.689 --> 00:08:00.910 you, so you must love one another. By this, everyone 00:08:00.910 --> 00:08:03.829 will know that you are my disciples if you love 00:08:03.829 --> 00:08:07.850 one another. Or that when Jesus very specifically 00:08:07.850 --> 00:08:12.339 prayed, In John 17, my prayer is not for my own 00:08:12.339 --> 00:08:15.420 disciples alone. I pray also for those who believe 00:08:15.420 --> 00:08:18.399 in me through their message. And that's what 00:08:18.399 --> 00:08:21.639 the church in Corinth had become. It's the church 00:08:21.639 --> 00:08:24.199 that had become the church because of their message. 00:08:25.300 --> 00:08:29.079 That all of them may be one. Father, just as 00:08:29.079 --> 00:08:32.440 you are in me and I am in you. May they also 00:08:32.440 --> 00:08:35.039 be in us so that the world may believe that you 00:08:35.039 --> 00:08:37.519 have sent me. I have given them the glory that 00:08:37.519 --> 00:08:40.399 you gave me, that they may be one as we are one, 00:08:40.480 --> 00:08:43.860 I in them, and you in me, so that they may be 00:08:43.860 --> 00:08:46.539 brought to complete unity. Then the world will 00:08:46.539 --> 00:08:49.440 know that you sent me and have loved them even 00:08:49.440 --> 00:08:53.919 as you have loved me. Didn't Jesus know it? He 00:08:53.919 --> 00:08:57.759 saw. And so while we may be thinking, if we're 00:08:57.759 --> 00:09:00.259 talking about marriage, and we're going to read, 00:09:00.830 --> 00:09:03.210 then we must be about to read the most common 00:09:03.210 --> 00:09:07.269 marriage passage ever done at weddings from 1 00:09:07.269 --> 00:09:11.730 Corinthians 13. But we are not. We are not reading 00:09:11.730 --> 00:09:15.429 this chapter because it's the context in the 00:09:15.429 --> 00:09:19.830 chapter before that is critical. So today, I'm 00:09:19.830 --> 00:09:22.289 going to invite you to stand or give attention 00:09:22.289 --> 00:09:24.850 to the reading of God's word as you are able. 00:09:25.169 --> 00:09:28.659 We're going to read from 1 Corinthians 12. We 00:09:28.659 --> 00:09:33.879 are reading from 12 to 27. If you would like 00:09:33.879 --> 00:09:35.919 a Bible and you don't have one with you, there 00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:39.639 are Bibles on the table. Otherwise, you can pull 00:09:39.639 --> 00:09:41.279 it up on your phone. If you put in 1 Corinthians 00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:47.320 12, 12 through 31, it will come up. So it says 00:09:47.320 --> 00:09:50.080 unity and diversity in the body is the headline 00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:53.600 it has been given by later scribes. But just 00:09:53.600 --> 00:09:58.860 as a body. though one has many parts, but all 00:09:58.860 --> 00:10:02.960 its many parts form one body. So it is with Christ, 00:10:03.039 --> 00:10:06.679 for we were all baptized by one spirit so as 00:10:06.679 --> 00:10:10.960 to form one body, whether Jews or Gentiles, slave 00:10:10.960 --> 00:10:14.580 or free, and we were all given the one spirit 00:10:14.580 --> 00:10:17.720 to drink from. Even so, the body is not made 00:10:17.720 --> 00:10:21.090 up of one part, but of many. Now, if the foot 00:10:21.090 --> 00:10:23.590 should say, because I am not a hand, I do not 00:10:23.590 --> 00:10:25.929 belong to the body, it would not for that reason 00:10:25.929 --> 00:10:28.470 stop being a part of the body. And if the ear 00:10:28.470 --> 00:10:30.850 should say, because I'm not an eye, I don't belong 00:10:30.850 --> 00:10:33.289 to the body, it would not for that reason stop 00:10:33.289 --> 00:10:36.029 being a part of the body. If the whole body were 00:10:36.029 --> 00:10:38.110 an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? 00:10:38.230 --> 00:10:40.250 If the whole body were an ear, where would the 00:10:40.250 --> 00:10:44.509 sense of smell be? But, in fact, God has placed 00:10:44.509 --> 00:10:47.029 the parts in the body, every single one of them, 00:10:47.149 --> 00:10:50.600 just as he wanted them to be. If they were all 00:10:50.600 --> 00:10:54.059 one part, where would the body be? As it is, 00:10:54.080 --> 00:10:56.879 there are many parts but one body. The eye cannot 00:10:56.879 --> 00:10:59.580 say to the hand, I don't need you. And the head 00:10:59.580 --> 00:11:02.299 cannot say to the feet, I don't need you. On 00:11:02.299 --> 00:11:04.080 the contrary, those parts of the body that seem 00:11:04.080 --> 00:11:06.440 to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts 00:11:06.440 --> 00:11:09.159 that we think are less honorable, we treat with 00:11:09.159 --> 00:11:12.779 special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable 00:11:12.779 --> 00:11:16.100 are treated with special modesty, while our presentable 00:11:16.100 --> 00:11:18.799 parts need no special treatment. God has put 00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:20.919 the body together, giving greater honor to the 00:11:20.919 --> 00:11:23.259 parts that lacked it so that there should be 00:11:23.259 --> 00:11:27.139 no division in the body, but that its parts should 00:11:27.139 --> 00:11:29.779 have equal concern for each other. If one part 00:11:29.779 --> 00:11:32.659 suffers, every part suffers with it. If one part 00:11:32.659 --> 00:11:35.919 is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now 00:11:35.919 --> 00:11:39.100 you are the body of Christ, and each one of you 00:11:39.100 --> 00:11:44.870 is a part of it. Let's pray. the ways that you 00:11:44.870 --> 00:11:47.710 would have us here today, open our ears and help 00:11:47.710 --> 00:11:51.490 us be good listeners. Help us intake your word 00:11:51.490 --> 00:11:57.710 and let it be something that lives in us, fully 00:11:57.710 --> 00:12:01.190 alive and active, and that you would recall these 00:12:01.190 --> 00:12:04.330 things to mind as they are needed, that we would, 00:12:04.330 --> 00:12:07.690 in fact, see each other in new ways today or 00:12:07.690 --> 00:12:11.429 deeper ways. And that you would help us recognize 00:12:11.429 --> 00:12:13.929 the collective of the body of Christ that is 00:12:13.929 --> 00:12:18.070 here and the one that we are a part of worldwide. 00:12:18.490 --> 00:12:25.269 I pray this in your name. Amen. So here we find 00:12:25.269 --> 00:12:30.409 Paul carrying on this unavoidable message of 00:12:30.409 --> 00:12:34.429 Christ, trying to remind them that they are one. 00:12:34.710 --> 00:12:38.529 They are a body of people. They belong to each 00:12:38.529 --> 00:12:41.149 other. Whatever their status, whatever their 00:12:41.149 --> 00:12:44.490 gender, whatever their race, they belong to each 00:12:44.490 --> 00:12:47.830 other. And for some of them, I imagine this was 00:12:47.830 --> 00:12:51.889 not good news. They didn't quite like the idea 00:12:51.889 --> 00:12:56.750 that they were connected. I think some of them 00:12:56.750 --> 00:12:59.610 really did think, well, I'm a hand and I don't 00:12:59.610 --> 00:13:02.990 need an arm. I'm a shoulder and I don't need 00:13:02.990 --> 00:13:10.299 the torso. That's a weird idea, right? It's such 00:13:10.299 --> 00:13:14.740 a good visual to understand the body of Christ, 00:13:15.000 --> 00:13:17.620 who we are as connected to each other. Because 00:13:17.620 --> 00:13:19.919 it is ridiculous when we think of any of those 00:13:19.919 --> 00:13:23.940 parts functioning independently. It's nonsense. 00:13:24.059 --> 00:13:27.320 And yet, how frequently does that occur? Where 00:13:27.320 --> 00:13:29.519 when you really dig into someone's thinking, 00:13:29.740 --> 00:13:33.480 you're like, oh, you think you are a solo entity. 00:13:38.120 --> 00:13:40.779 So the most dangerous or perhaps what becomes 00:13:40.779 --> 00:13:44.720 the most fragile fracture point I see when working 00:13:44.720 --> 00:13:48.740 with or walking alongside couples is the one 00:13:48.740 --> 00:13:51.379 that says that you two are on different sides. 00:13:53.519 --> 00:13:57.259 It's often hard because when that is realized, 00:13:57.419 --> 00:14:01.779 it often feels so surprising to the couple. It's 00:14:01.779 --> 00:14:04.960 the, how did we get here? I married this person 00:14:04.960 --> 00:14:09.080 because we were so aligned. So many young couples 00:14:09.080 --> 00:14:12.000 I talk to when dreamy -eyed about their future 00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:15.759 partner often cite, we agree on everything as 00:14:15.759 --> 00:14:17.840 one of the reasons, I love the laughs in the 00:14:17.840 --> 00:14:21.240 room, as one of the reasons they know this person 00:14:21.240 --> 00:14:23.740 is for them. And you're like, oh, you sweet thing. 00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:28.659 You're 20. Of course you do, Declan. Neither 00:14:28.659 --> 00:14:31.379 of you know who you are yet. Give it some time. 00:14:31.960 --> 00:14:35.159 You start growing at different paces. Your interests 00:14:35.159 --> 00:14:38.100 start developing. Really. And you're looking 00:14:38.100 --> 00:14:40.179 in different directions. Agreement isn't always 00:14:40.179 --> 00:14:42.139 a good thing, but it does feel like the safe 00:14:42.139 --> 00:14:44.919 thing. And so that's why often people look for 00:14:44.919 --> 00:14:49.120 that. And then they realize, oh, we're not in 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:53.860 the same side right now. Sometimes those misalignments 00:14:53.860 --> 00:14:58.419 are very manageable and even comical to couples. 00:14:59.200 --> 00:15:03.179 Sometimes, though, they are as giant and consequential 00:15:03.179 --> 00:15:05.539 as a Cubs and a Cardinals fan living in the same 00:15:05.539 --> 00:15:10.909 house. Or bears and packers. Or the 1990s Buffalo 00:15:10.909 --> 00:15:13.549 Bills and Miami Dolphins, which I have some experience 00:15:13.549 --> 00:15:16.549 with. It was not my house, I shudder to think, 00:15:16.649 --> 00:15:18.769 but no way would a Floridian and a New Yorker 00:15:18.769 --> 00:15:20.370 be together. One can't live with snow and the 00:15:20.370 --> 00:15:24.590 other can't live without it. And this is a fact. 00:15:25.409 --> 00:15:28.370 But when particularly young people want to get 00:15:28.370 --> 00:15:30.590 married, and I know that they are about to say, 00:15:30.730 --> 00:15:33.750 for better or for worse to each other, I want 00:15:33.750 --> 00:15:39.039 to say, and I have said, is the worst? What do 00:15:39.039 --> 00:15:44.299 you imagine that being? What do you think the 00:15:44.299 --> 00:15:50.139 worst is? Because whatever it is, you are always 00:15:50.139 --> 00:15:54.279 sure it won't happen to you. Or you are sure 00:15:54.279 --> 00:15:58.299 that you can weather it if it does, because when 00:15:58.299 --> 00:16:00.440 you're in love, you're certain that that is strong 00:16:00.440 --> 00:16:04.360 enough. And you two will face it together, hand 00:16:04.360 --> 00:16:08.460 in hand. Until you are facing each other, unsure 00:16:08.460 --> 00:16:11.919 of who that person is anymore. And where did 00:16:11.919 --> 00:16:15.639 that fracture begin? How did we get here? Where 00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:19.460 did things begin to separate? And thinking about 00:16:19.460 --> 00:16:22.379 the church in Corinth, the people came in to 00:16:22.379 --> 00:16:25.399 the church with their brokenness, with their 00:16:25.399 --> 00:16:28.200 fractures. They came in fractured with their 00:16:28.200 --> 00:16:30.940 biases and their prejudices, with their position 00:16:30.940 --> 00:16:33.659 in the social strata, hoping to still be held 00:16:33.659 --> 00:16:37.649 in place. I'm thinking about how the Church of 00:16:37.649 --> 00:16:40.990 Christ is referenced as the Bride of Christ, 00:16:41.190 --> 00:16:44.909 and how many of us have come in with our own 00:16:44.909 --> 00:16:47.970 brokenness, with much of the same biases and 00:16:47.970 --> 00:16:49.789 prejudices that the early church encountered, 00:16:49.990 --> 00:16:54.370 just a different year. This actually makes me 00:16:54.370 --> 00:16:57.269 really hopeful, because often there's the thought 00:16:57.269 --> 00:16:59.049 that when two people enter into a marriage, they 00:16:59.049 --> 00:17:03.039 enter into it aligned. And facing the same direction 00:17:03.039 --> 00:17:05.220 and on the same page, committed to each other 00:17:05.220 --> 00:17:08.880 as they stand as one against the world. And the 00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:10.920 fractures often get realized when the revelation 00:17:10.920 --> 00:17:15.500 is that those are just illusions. And you found 00:17:15.500 --> 00:17:18.180 that you're with someone who comes with their 00:17:18.180 --> 00:17:21.119 own existing fractures already. And that they've 00:17:21.119 --> 00:17:24.339 been walking on those fractures their whole lives. 00:17:24.339 --> 00:17:28.559 And now this marriage is revealing them. But 00:17:28.559 --> 00:17:31.930 here's what I know about belonging. I am broken, 00:17:32.069 --> 00:17:36.349 and Jesus knows this. And it is not a surprise 00:17:36.349 --> 00:17:38.609 when I entered the body of Christ that I came 00:17:38.609 --> 00:17:43.049 with my brokenness. And it is God's work in the 00:17:43.049 --> 00:17:46.170 belonging that often is the agent of healing. 00:17:47.569 --> 00:17:51.450 God has designed it this way, and it offers me 00:17:51.450 --> 00:17:54.490 strength where I am weak, or it offers me help 00:17:54.490 --> 00:17:58.390 where I'm broken. It's a reminder that I do not 00:17:58.390 --> 00:18:02.420 have to be... good at all of it, whatever it 00:18:02.420 --> 00:18:05.559 is. And that's a wonderful relief. I do not have 00:18:05.559 --> 00:18:07.799 to be good at all of it and it's not a shame 00:18:07.799 --> 00:18:11.440 to me when I'm not. It means someone else has 00:18:11.440 --> 00:18:13.519 an opportunity to be strong and awesome where 00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:17.680 I can't be. Plenty of fractures of my own led 00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:20.579 me to also believe that being independent of 00:18:20.579 --> 00:18:23.279 anyone was the better and certainly the safer 00:18:23.279 --> 00:18:28.650 choice. Or that I couldn't come into the body 00:18:28.650 --> 00:18:31.569 of Christ until I was fixed, until all things 00:18:31.569 --> 00:18:34.809 were healed first, that God didn't want me until 00:18:34.809 --> 00:18:39.450 I was okay. And I think that is something to 00:18:39.450 --> 00:18:41.809 be mindful of for those heading into marriage. 00:18:43.069 --> 00:18:46.230 You are going in as broken people, and those 00:18:46.230 --> 00:18:48.930 things will be revealed. You cannot hide them. 00:18:49.789 --> 00:18:54.410 But in the belonging, there is an agent of healing 00:18:54.410 --> 00:19:01.029 for that. I joked with Cindy the other day, I'm 00:19:01.029 --> 00:19:04.349 a terrible adult. I need all sorts of scaffolding 00:19:04.349 --> 00:19:07.369 around me to hold me up, to remind me of things, 00:19:07.690 --> 00:19:10.069 to organize in certain ways that make sense to 00:19:10.069 --> 00:19:11.769 the rest of the world. I'm very detailed and 00:19:11.769 --> 00:19:16.309 very organized, for me. I like my systems, but 00:19:16.309 --> 00:19:18.589 if you introduce me to a system, I'm like, I 00:19:18.589 --> 00:19:23.690 don't, that's binary. I don't read binary code. 00:19:27.160 --> 00:19:30.559 I'm more prone to work towards hyper -independence. 00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:34.559 That's the world I believed I needed to build 00:19:34.559 --> 00:19:39.400 for myself. But I'm not the only one who functions 00:19:39.400 --> 00:19:41.940 this way. In a society of hyper -independence, 00:19:42.039 --> 00:19:47.859 belonging is often seen as a weakness. And that 00:19:47.859 --> 00:19:50.400 you need to fix yourself before you can belong 00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:53.380 to things. But we are not meant to function this 00:19:53.380 --> 00:19:57.039 way. It is okay that I don't have it all managed 00:19:57.039 --> 00:20:01.660 and handled. I can't. I am so grateful for the 00:20:01.660 --> 00:20:05.119 scaffolding, for the body of Christ, for the 00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:08.420 help, for someone being a hand or shoulder or 00:20:08.420 --> 00:20:11.200 elbow while I exist as a foot or the other hand. 00:20:11.440 --> 00:20:14.220 It allows me to just be really good at the things 00:20:14.220 --> 00:20:16.740 I'm designed for and the things I can be good 00:20:16.740 --> 00:20:19.579 at. And it leaves me not having to be ashamed 00:20:19.579 --> 00:20:24.819 that I'm not good at the other things. In the 00:20:24.819 --> 00:20:27.380 last few weeks, I've been super grateful for 00:20:27.380 --> 00:20:29.640 the scaffolding because my car needed repairs. 00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:34.099 And people came through in very practical ways. 00:20:34.460 --> 00:20:38.559 And some of them were very big. And I'm deeply, 00:20:38.700 --> 00:20:42.009 deeply grateful. God used the body of Christ 00:20:42.009 --> 00:20:44.430 to provide for me where I could not. And it's 00:20:44.430 --> 00:20:48.069 in moments like that that I experience more healing 00:20:48.069 --> 00:20:52.950 of the fractures because I recognize I didn't 00:20:52.950 --> 00:20:55.029 have to fix it myself. There was a community 00:20:55.029 --> 00:20:59.210 I could ask for help from where I normally would 00:20:59.210 --> 00:21:01.170 have been like, I'll figure out how to rent a 00:21:01.170 --> 00:21:04.970 car. I don't want to bother anybody. I'll figure 00:21:04.970 --> 00:21:09.549 it out. And God is like, you have people that... 00:21:09.930 --> 00:21:12.250 that want to help you figure it out. They are 00:21:12.250 --> 00:21:15.529 here for you. And over the years, I have learned 00:21:15.529 --> 00:21:19.970 not to be ashamed to ask for help. And when people 00:21:19.970 --> 00:21:22.289 can, they will. And when they can't, they'll 00:21:22.289 --> 00:21:25.369 just say they can't. And that's not a problem. 00:21:25.549 --> 00:21:29.529 That's real. But in the greater community, I 00:21:29.529 --> 00:21:31.950 start learning that asking for help is okay. 00:21:32.589 --> 00:21:35.750 That my hyper -independence is not necessary. 00:21:38.380 --> 00:21:41.339 And so when choosing a life in Christ, there 00:21:41.339 --> 00:21:47.859 is a belonging of another kind. There's a specific 00:21:47.859 --> 00:21:50.059 kind of belonging in the body of Christ because 00:21:50.059 --> 00:21:53.220 it's what we're designed for. We realize that 00:21:53.220 --> 00:21:56.339 hyperindependence doesn't have a place. It doesn't 00:21:56.339 --> 00:22:02.299 work. You can't be a hand only. That's not possible 00:22:02.299 --> 00:22:04.640 when you realize there's just a bigger body that 00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:07.809 you are a part of. And so there are various degrees 00:22:07.809 --> 00:22:10.150 of that kind of belonging, a whole spectrum. 00:22:10.269 --> 00:22:13.049 And marriage is a kind of belonging. But the 00:22:13.049 --> 00:22:14.769 greater point is when we become members of the 00:22:14.769 --> 00:22:17.150 body of Christ, we not only belong to each other, 00:22:17.190 --> 00:22:19.130 but we have things we bring to the table too. 00:22:19.589 --> 00:22:22.029 And we have things that we lack. We are both. 00:22:23.509 --> 00:22:26.569 And that's good. That's the point. That's the 00:22:26.569 --> 00:22:29.869 design. Why is this element important in marriage? 00:22:30.029 --> 00:22:32.329 Well, because marriage is a unique kind of belonging 00:22:32.329 --> 00:22:35.710 as well. It is intentionally a long -term kind 00:22:35.710 --> 00:22:37.809 of belonging where unique things are grown over 00:22:37.809 --> 00:22:40.650 time, where partners grow not just in their gifts 00:22:40.650 --> 00:22:42.369 and what they bring to each other, but what they 00:22:42.369 --> 00:22:44.910 learn to also receive from each other. It becomes 00:22:44.910 --> 00:22:47.430 a model. And I will be clear, if you are single, 00:22:47.670 --> 00:22:50.089 marriage is not the only place or the only way 00:22:50.089 --> 00:22:53.930 that this happens. Again, I've been single my 00:22:53.930 --> 00:22:57.119 whole adult life. If that... point were true 00:22:57.119 --> 00:22:58.759 if marriage was the only place that that would 00:22:58.759 --> 00:23:01.579 happen that would mean God is cruel and he's 00:23:01.579 --> 00:23:05.900 not so marriage is a kind of belonging but there 00:23:05.900 --> 00:23:09.180 is a vast array of what belonging looks like 00:23:09.180 --> 00:23:13.420 but marriage is a specific kind of belonging 00:23:13.420 --> 00:23:15.960 that asks you to soberly and prayerfully consider 00:23:15.960 --> 00:23:20.039 how you belong to each other it asks you to examine 00:23:20.039 --> 00:23:24.039 the fractures in your life in ways that understand 00:23:24.039 --> 00:23:26.619 that the lack of care to heal those fractures 00:23:26.619 --> 00:23:29.880 will affect others deeply, and for the long term. 00:23:30.539 --> 00:23:33.940 And it also reminds one that the effort and energy 00:23:33.940 --> 00:23:37.480 used to heal those fractures can lead to a lifetime 00:23:37.480 --> 00:23:42.960 or a legacy of blessing for others. And that's 00:23:42.960 --> 00:23:46.460 a beautiful idea. That's really powerful. And 00:23:46.460 --> 00:23:48.279 that puts a different perspective onto the discomfort 00:23:48.279 --> 00:23:51.369 or the pain. that has the ability to take one 00:23:51.369 --> 00:23:53.609 or many to the point of wanting to scrap it all 00:23:53.609 --> 00:23:58.390 and hit control, alt, and delete. In a society 00:23:58.390 --> 00:24:01.349 that has become less resilient, more interested 00:24:01.349 --> 00:24:05.509 in comfort, more conflict averse, we do see more 00:24:05.509 --> 00:24:08.150 people scrapping something in favor of their 00:24:08.150 --> 00:24:12.430 choice for hyperindependence. I encourage you 00:24:12.430 --> 00:24:15.029 to deal with the pain and discomfort early on. 00:24:16.839 --> 00:24:18.859 When I moved to the Quad Cities, I lived in a 00:24:18.859 --> 00:24:22.779 first -floor apartment in a house. In most of 00:24:22.779 --> 00:24:24.579 the apartment, there were dropped ceilings, but 00:24:24.579 --> 00:24:29.240 my bedroom had a plaster ceiling. And I noticed 00:24:29.240 --> 00:24:33.480 that a thin line was starting to go across it 00:24:33.480 --> 00:24:39.420 one day. And over time, I watched it grow like 00:24:39.420 --> 00:24:45.299 it was going to fix itself. Y 'all, we all know 00:24:45.299 --> 00:24:49.440 what happened. We know. It didn't fix itself. 00:24:49.539 --> 00:24:53.440 And I was home when the whole ceiling fell. It 00:24:53.440 --> 00:25:00.039 was, yeah. It was, of course, a giant mess. And 00:25:00.039 --> 00:25:03.160 honestly, I can honestly still almost taste the 00:25:03.160 --> 00:25:07.519 plaster in the air. It was like, it's very powdery. 00:25:09.400 --> 00:25:12.519 Rarely do things like that get better on their 00:25:12.519 --> 00:25:16.279 own. You need to deal with them early. It is 00:25:16.279 --> 00:25:20.799 uncomfortable, but they only get worse. And the 00:25:20.799 --> 00:25:23.880 truth is, even if we are very independent and 00:25:23.880 --> 00:25:26.839 still need to recognize that interdependence 00:25:26.839 --> 00:25:31.440 is what we've been designed for, within the body 00:25:31.440 --> 00:25:34.000 of Christ, I need to recognize that it is a key 00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:36.160 and built -in feature of the life and community 00:25:36.160 --> 00:25:40.140 I've chosen to be a part of. If you've been baptized, 00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:43.619 You have made this declaration and the community 00:25:43.619 --> 00:25:46.480 has made the declaration back to you. This is 00:25:46.480 --> 00:25:51.839 a part of it. We are choosing to be long together. 00:25:53.160 --> 00:25:56.259 And so whatever fractures exist, whatever pains 00:25:56.259 --> 00:26:02.099 exist, we trust that the community, that Christ 00:26:02.099 --> 00:26:03.859 through the community is where the healing is. 00:26:04.380 --> 00:26:09.400 It's where the growing is. Within the body of 00:26:09.400 --> 00:26:11.099 Christ, I need to recognize that that's a key 00:26:11.099 --> 00:26:14.220 and built -in feature of the life and community 00:26:14.220 --> 00:26:16.599 I've chosen to become a part of. When we become 00:26:16.599 --> 00:26:19.079 followers of Jesus, the church comes with it. 00:26:19.640 --> 00:26:22.640 The church comes with it. Not just Jesus. He 00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:27.519 gives you this, too. That's the point. Not just 00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:30.759 this now, but the church universal and historic, 00:26:31.140 --> 00:26:34.859 which I find also very cool. We talked a lot, 00:26:34.940 --> 00:26:37.039 like we just did the Nicene Creed, if you, you 00:26:37.039 --> 00:26:40.619 know. a few months ago. And we are still benefiting 00:26:40.619 --> 00:26:45.019 from those who felt that coming up with a collective 00:26:45.019 --> 00:26:48.099 statement of belief for the body was important. 00:26:49.440 --> 00:26:55.079 That was in 300 A .D. And we are still, as a 00:26:55.079 --> 00:26:57.900 church, benefiting from that body caring for 00:26:57.900 --> 00:27:04.619 us. And so, full of broken and on their way to 00:27:04.619 --> 00:27:08.160 healing people as it is, We belong to each other. 00:27:10.059 --> 00:27:12.279 And so we are left with the understanding of, 00:27:12.339 --> 00:27:14.900 I can accept this and learn to make healing and 00:27:14.900 --> 00:27:17.420 growth and support a part of my way of life, 00:27:17.500 --> 00:27:20.740 or I can work against it. There really isn't, 00:27:20.740 --> 00:27:25.900 there really is no in between. I don't know if 00:27:25.900 --> 00:27:28.000 anybody has ever read any of Frederick Bachman's 00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:30.539 books, Anxious People. He just came out with 00:27:30.539 --> 00:27:32.619 a book called My Friends. I just finished that 00:27:32.619 --> 00:27:37.750 one. I love his writing. My Friends is gorgeous. 00:27:37.849 --> 00:27:39.829 It's about finding the people that you belong 00:27:39.829 --> 00:27:43.849 to. In fact, really, I'd say all of his books 00:27:43.849 --> 00:27:46.309 are really, that's the main theme of them, is 00:27:46.309 --> 00:27:49.730 somehow a form of belonging or not belonging. 00:27:50.029 --> 00:27:51.730 In some of his darker books, like the Beartown 00:27:51.730 --> 00:27:53.950 series, it's very distinctly about when fractures 00:27:53.950 --> 00:27:57.069 and divisions occur among a community that believed 00:27:57.069 --> 00:27:59.329 it held on to belonging but hadn't dealt with 00:27:59.329 --> 00:28:03.529 its fractures, hadn't dealt with its pain. He 00:28:03.529 --> 00:28:05.509 writes so beautifully and poignantly and sometimes 00:28:05.509 --> 00:28:08.630 being almost silly and absurd about it, but they, 00:28:08.730 --> 00:28:11.390 at their core, their books are about belonging 00:28:11.390 --> 00:28:19.549 to each other. I understand the reality that 00:28:19.549 --> 00:28:23.009 getting to certain points, you decide, I'm done. 00:28:24.170 --> 00:28:29.569 I'm done. For my own sanity, I want to just strike 00:28:29.569 --> 00:28:33.009 delete on this. And when that's the case, one 00:28:33.009 --> 00:28:35.289 of the very last things you want to remind yourself 00:28:35.289 --> 00:28:39.130 is that you need perhaps that other person or 00:28:39.130 --> 00:28:43.069 other people. When threatened or in pain, we 00:28:43.069 --> 00:28:45.450 often swing to the side of independence. I'll 00:28:45.450 --> 00:28:48.670 show them. Sometimes almost becoming childlike, 00:28:48.690 --> 00:28:51.009 which we're never all that far away from, to 00:28:51.009 --> 00:28:53.990 be honest, right? How far are any of us away 00:28:53.990 --> 00:29:00.140 from? I can do it myself. But I think... That 00:29:00.140 --> 00:29:02.160 when the work is put into the healing and the 00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:04.460 growth, the idea of deleting as the option becomes 00:29:04.460 --> 00:29:07.980 re -evaluated. I've seen a lot of marriages pulled 00:29:07.980 --> 00:29:10.259 back from the brink through all manner of things. 00:29:11.279 --> 00:29:15.799 Some of them looking like this is the end. And 00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:18.019 yes, having two partners committed to Jesus and 00:29:18.019 --> 00:29:20.440 the growth and the commitment they made is a 00:29:20.440 --> 00:29:22.720 good understructure to have. But it's not always 00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:25.099 been present in the places where things have 00:29:25.099 --> 00:29:26.900 turned around. And a lot of restructuring has 00:29:26.900 --> 00:29:29.680 had to happen. A lot of things have had to be 00:29:29.680 --> 00:29:36.220 fixed and healed. Again, I'm not married. I can 00:29:36.220 --> 00:29:38.380 only speak to what I've seen and look to some 00:29:38.380 --> 00:29:40.440 words of Jesus and the apostles for encouragement 00:29:40.440 --> 00:29:43.420 and direction. There are so many aspects I just 00:29:43.420 --> 00:29:46.839 cannot cover in this one message as well. But 00:29:46.839 --> 00:29:49.259 I do believe in belonging and in being committed 00:29:49.259 --> 00:29:52.740 to growth and healing and not just walking on 00:29:52.740 --> 00:29:56.150 the fractured leg hoping for the best. not just 00:29:56.150 --> 00:29:58.549 watching the crack in the ceiling develop, hoping 00:29:58.549 --> 00:30:02.230 for the best. I believe in each of us being a 00:30:02.230 --> 00:30:04.789 part of a whole and how much those things, how 00:30:04.789 --> 00:30:07.450 much those in dedicated long -term commitments, 00:30:07.750 --> 00:30:10.269 where you've spoken promises to each other for 00:30:10.269 --> 00:30:12.349 life, have made a specific kind of dedication 00:30:12.349 --> 00:30:14.410 to not just yourself, but the hope of someone 00:30:14.410 --> 00:30:17.750 else's future. And so I'll offer this as something 00:30:17.750 --> 00:30:20.049 to consider when you find yourself looking at 00:30:20.049 --> 00:30:23.069 the delete button, which we have all done, we 00:30:23.069 --> 00:30:27.799 will all do. But again, I encourage you to reevaluate 00:30:27.799 --> 00:30:32.740 and consider what fractures may be there that 00:30:32.740 --> 00:30:38.319 need some healing. Look far back and recognize 00:30:38.319 --> 00:30:41.839 that the community and the belonging is where 00:30:41.839 --> 00:30:46.200 the healing is designed to happen. That is how 00:30:46.200 --> 00:30:49.720 Jesus has designed it for us. To whatever degree 00:30:49.720 --> 00:30:52.940 you find yourself belonging to others or to another. 00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:58.599 And so let's pray about that. Let's ask Jesus 00:30:58.599 --> 00:31:06.519 to guide us closer to belonging in him. Jesus, 00:31:06.599 --> 00:31:10.680 thank you for who you are and that you have, 00:31:10.759 --> 00:31:14.099 in fact, already created this unique kind of 00:31:14.099 --> 00:31:21.480 body of healing, this agent of healing in the 00:31:21.480 --> 00:31:26.839 church. and the greater body of Christ, both 00:31:26.839 --> 00:31:31.519 universal and historic. And for the work that 00:31:31.519 --> 00:31:34.660 needs to be done today, for those who are considering 00:31:34.660 --> 00:31:38.180 the fractures in their own life, what that means, 00:31:38.619 --> 00:31:43.859 what that's meant for those who have been hurt 00:31:43.859 --> 00:31:46.859 by unhealed wounds in our own lives, unhealed 00:31:46.859 --> 00:31:50.660 pain in our own lives, what that means for... 00:31:52.170 --> 00:31:56.750 The long -term future of others. And how to care 00:31:56.750 --> 00:32:01.769 for each other. I pray as a church, too, that 00:32:01.769 --> 00:32:06.269 we would recognize that even though in some ways 00:32:06.269 --> 00:32:09.630 this is pinpointing marriage, but the church, 00:32:09.869 --> 00:32:13.549 the body of believers, also walks alongside those 00:32:13.549 --> 00:32:17.609 who are in relationships like this. And it is 00:32:17.609 --> 00:32:21.930 also our job to be agents of healing. for those 00:32:21.930 --> 00:32:27.150 so it's not isolated to one point but that it 00:32:27.150 --> 00:32:29.230 is a community that is looking to heal and grow 00:32:29.230 --> 00:32:34.190 together and so when we are around those who 00:32:34.190 --> 00:32:37.509 are in pain whether it's things that we're aware 00:32:37.509 --> 00:32:40.670 of or not may we be committed to each other as 00:32:40.670 --> 00:32:43.869 well in belonging to pray for each other to care 00:32:43.869 --> 00:32:46.230 for each other to provide for each other to be 00:32:46.230 --> 00:32:51.009 discerning and aware to be wise to be in tune, 00:32:51.130 --> 00:32:59.190 to check in with each other, that with all these 00:32:59.190 --> 00:33:03.470 ranges of belonging that exist even in this room, 00:33:03.670 --> 00:33:08.089 you would help us belong to each other with care 00:33:08.089 --> 00:33:11.069 and responsibility and ultimately, as 1 Corinthians 00:33:11.069 --> 00:33:15.730 13 goes on to say, with love, that all of this 00:33:15.730 --> 00:33:19.009 is nothing without love. And so increase our 00:33:19.009 --> 00:33:23.109 love. and increase our sense of belonging. We 00:33:23.109 --> 00:33:25.109 pray this in your name. Amen.