1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,760 Welcome back to the Mental Plateau podcast. 2 00:00:02,760 --> 00:00:04,060 My name is Shreyas Girotra, 3 00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:07,680 and I'm a junior at Heazel Federal High School in Illinois. 4 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:09,220 Today, I'm on a mission to highlight 5 00:00:09,220 --> 00:00:10,900 the importance of mental health, 6 00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:12,920 and we have a guest who's been sharing his learnings 7 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,660 from his experiences and his journeys from health. 8 00:00:15,660 --> 00:00:18,940 Mark, a musician, mental health advocate, and YouTuber, 9 00:00:18,940 --> 00:00:21,100 has reached over 35,000 views online 10 00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:24,380 and makes it impact society every single day. 11 00:00:24,380 --> 00:00:26,660 With that said, I welcome Mark Elholt. 12 00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,220 Let's get right into it. 13 00:00:28,220 --> 00:00:31,220 ["Mental Health"] 14 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,180 So Mark, please tell us about yourself. 15 00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:44,060 Yes, thank you very much, Shreyas, for having me here 16 00:00:44,060 --> 00:00:46,600 because very happy for what you're doing. 17 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,700 Mental health is a very big passion of mine 18 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:53,900 because, mark my words, mental health awareness saved my life. 19 00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:56,980 I'm somebody who, growing up the majority of my life 20 00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:58,740 and my youth, I was struggling 21 00:00:58,740 --> 00:01:00,860 with my mental illness quite a bit, 22 00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:03,540 but I didn't know how to acknowledge and be aware of it, 23 00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:07,420 mostly because of the society and everything, 24 00:01:07,420 --> 00:01:08,420 the stigma that it has. 25 00:01:08,420 --> 00:01:11,300 I didn't know how to talk about my mental illness. 26 00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:13,140 And growing up in my youth, 27 00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:15,940 struggling with my mental illness and never addressing it, 28 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:21,940 apart from various sexual traumas in my life, at age 19, 29 00:01:21,940 --> 00:01:24,980 I did actually attempt a suicide. 30 00:01:24,980 --> 00:01:28,460 I had a suicide attempt that I was not successful with, 31 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:31,660 grateful that I survived my suicide attempt. 32 00:01:31,660 --> 00:01:35,260 And after that, I've never attempted again and never will. 33 00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:38,360 And I've actually realized and accepted my mental illness 34 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,580 and my post-traumatic stress disorder. 35 00:01:40,580 --> 00:01:43,060 And ever since, I've been actually going to therapy 36 00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:44,260 and treating my mental illness, 37 00:01:44,260 --> 00:01:45,580 and I've learned how to love myself 38 00:01:45,580 --> 00:01:46,820 and be happy and prosperous 39 00:01:46,820 --> 00:01:49,460 and live a really well-balanced life. 40 00:01:49,460 --> 00:01:51,640 That's why I wanna share my history with people 41 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,420 so anyone else can struggling, 42 00:01:53,420 --> 00:01:56,900 can be able to find those resources and help themselves. 43 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:57,820 I love to hear that. 44 00:01:57,820 --> 00:01:59,500 And I'm happy to see how you were able 45 00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:02,500 to get over those obstacles of yours and excel from that. 46 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:04,340 And one thing that you mentioned that I really like, 47 00:02:04,340 --> 00:02:06,340 it's like during the pandemic, 48 00:02:06,340 --> 00:02:07,900 that idea of the stigma of mental health, 49 00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:09,820 we really worked on that as a society. 50 00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:11,820 Before that, during like the early 2000s, 51 00:02:11,820 --> 00:02:15,020 even during the 2010s, 52 00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:16,740 there was a lot of stigma around mental health, 53 00:02:16,740 --> 00:02:19,500 but that pandemic gave us time to think 54 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,420 and really balance it all. 55 00:02:21,420 --> 00:02:23,380 But clearly, you've been on quite a journey. 56 00:02:23,380 --> 00:02:26,580 In my mind, it's the perfect example of resiliency 57 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,440 and having a broke mind. 58 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:29,740 Can you share with our listeners 59 00:02:29,740 --> 00:02:32,360 on how this story has made you stronger? 60 00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:36,780 Yeah, I really think it made me stronger 61 00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:39,220 because I eventually was able to realize, 62 00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:40,080 I'm not doing well. 63 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,580 I'm struggling with some things and I'm not happy. 64 00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:46,820 And so far, society hasn't been able to actually help me. 65 00:02:46,820 --> 00:02:49,740 I haven't been able to find a way to talk to friends 66 00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:50,580 or people about it. 67 00:02:50,580 --> 00:02:53,180 I was worried the way people would judge me. 68 00:02:53,180 --> 00:02:55,260 I was able to actually get over that. 69 00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:57,540 I was able to stop worrying about what society 70 00:02:57,540 --> 00:02:59,740 and friends and people would think about me. 71 00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:02,300 I was able to dig into myself, 72 00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,980 dig in and realize something's not right. 73 00:03:04,980 --> 00:03:07,400 This is not good and I'm not happy. 74 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,160 I need to figure this out. 75 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,420 And then being able to address it 76 00:03:12,420 --> 00:03:14,460 and basically accept the fact 77 00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:16,500 that I do have mental illness, 78 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:17,460 it made me stronger 79 00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:19,900 because once I had a label to it, know what it was, 80 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,580 I was able to actually find ways to address it and help it. 81 00:03:22,580 --> 00:03:25,220 I was able to find ways to medicate myself, 82 00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:26,980 to do things to help it, 83 00:03:26,980 --> 00:03:28,940 which actually once, 84 00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:31,020 I see for a long time I was afraid about getting a label, 85 00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:32,420 but once I got the label, 86 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,800 it actually helped me be able to stay stronger 87 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,500 and know how to fix the problems 88 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:37,760 because I knew what it was. 89 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,080 I could actually know what the problem was. 90 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,700 I could find the root of it, the cause 91 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:45,020 and how to address it to help make it better, 92 00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:46,720 which actually made me stronger 93 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,740 knowing I could investigate what I wanted 94 00:03:48,740 --> 00:03:50,600 and I could give myself what I wanted. 95 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:53,200 I love that idea. 96 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,800 And one thing that kind of relates to that 97 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,720 is the idea of having support. 98 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,240 No matter what situation is in, 99 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,840 or whatever, no matter what situation you're in, 100 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:03,840 it's important to have people 101 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,920 who you talk to on a common basis, 102 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:09,160 get your mind out and be able to spread your own idea. 103 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,720 And throughout our lives, 104 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,720 there's always a variety of challenges in space, 105 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:13,800 it might that be physical, 106 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,600 like, oh, saying you're gonna come out to work, 107 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,160 just being able to find the right people 108 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,000 or getting over your own mental obstacles. 109 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,200 So throughout everyone's life, 110 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,840 there's been many challenges to overcome. 111 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:27,440 And for you, despite that being mental, physical, 112 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,800 what's been that biggest hill for you to climb? 113 00:04:31,700 --> 00:04:34,440 So the biggest hill, it all comes down to mental 114 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,240 because even though I had, 115 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:40,560 so after my suicide attempt, to be completely honest, 116 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,880 my suicide attempt resulted in a traumatic brain injury 117 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,620 that also resulted in total blindness 118 00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:47,460 for the rest of my life. 119 00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:50,440 And going from 20-20 vision to total blindness, 120 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,240 it was difficult for me to learn 121 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:54,680 how to physically do everything over again. 122 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,700 And also going from 20-20 vision to total blindness, 123 00:04:57,700 --> 00:04:59,640 it was much more difficult for me to learn 124 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,800 how to operate in society. 125 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,640 I had to completely relearn how to do everything 126 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,160 and how to function in society. 127 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,800 And so socially, that was a much different feature. 128 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,260 But the one thing that it all came down to, again, 129 00:05:11,260 --> 00:05:13,960 was the mental health, that was the most important 130 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,900 because losing my vision, it was difficult, 131 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,480 but all I had to do was just have to learn 132 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:19,680 how to do things a different way. 133 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,720 The physical manner of it wasn't too difficult. 134 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,280 It was more the mental. 135 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:27,600 It was actually trying to find the resources 136 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,660 and the way to learn these new ways to do things 137 00:05:30,660 --> 00:05:32,400 and just questioning, am I doing it right? 138 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,440 Am I doing it wrong? 139 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,480 Is there a better way to do it? 140 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,180 And when I was struggling finding those ways, 141 00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:41,660 it was easy to beat myself up and be hard on myself 142 00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:44,960 and just be wondering why it's being so difficult. 143 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,560 Even though physically it was a struggle 144 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,120 with the mental strain, that the physical, 145 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:50,920 it affected me even more. 146 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,760 And same thing with learning how to operate in society. 147 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,860 It was difficult, but when I'd come home from doing things 148 00:05:56,860 --> 00:06:01,220 or being social, it made me mentally just really wonder 149 00:06:01,220 --> 00:06:03,820 how I operated, how I acted, how people judged me 150 00:06:03,820 --> 00:06:05,640 and how they watched me, 151 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,660 or if I did things the right way or not. 152 00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:10,080 So even with all the changes, 153 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,820 it all actually mostly came down to the mental. 154 00:06:11,820 --> 00:06:14,600 The mental was the thing that actually affected me the most, 155 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,000 which is why over years I eventually realized 156 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,720 I needed to address my mental health 157 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:23,380 because it was really deteriorating for a period of time. 158 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,980 I really agree with the idea 159 00:06:26,980 --> 00:06:30,680 because it's important to have a strong mental foundation 160 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,360 in order for us to focus on things outside of ourselves. 161 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,760 And one thing that I noticed in yourself 162 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,280 is how you're so adaptive. 163 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:38,980 No matter the issue that's presented to you, 164 00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:41,840 you were always able to bounce back and excel from that. 165 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:45,680 So considering that you've faced a variety of challenges 166 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:46,920 and you're always adaptive, 167 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,520 how has that concept of acceptance influenced your life 168 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:53,240 and how have you tackled the obstacles you've encountered 169 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,160 and what's your take on speaking up? 170 00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:00,080 So acceptance is a really, really big thing. 171 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,280 When my mental illness, 172 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,240 or when my suicide attempt first happened 173 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,800 and my vision loss happened and everything, 174 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,900 I really didn't want to accept everything that came with it. 175 00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:12,080 I didn't want to accept I attempted suicide. 176 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,480 I clearly have some mental illness going on. 177 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,760 I didn't want to accept my vision loss. 178 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:18,560 I just pretended like it was another day. 179 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,340 When I got out of the hospital, 180 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:23,840 I just acted like it was the same thing. 181 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:26,700 And when I wasn't accepting my mental illness, 182 00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:28,200 I was doing a lot of the same patterns. 183 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,640 I was actually acting and doing things a lot of the same way 184 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,540 and having the same results and just not getting it. 185 00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,880 I was still feeling really depressed 186 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,600 and not happy with a lot of things. 187 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,440 And then basically that's how, 188 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,840 yeah, with a long time, it took me to finally accept it. 189 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:49,400 When I accepted the illness and learned how to treat it, 190 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:50,880 then I was able to find medications 191 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,740 and find ways to help myself. 192 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,740 And same thing with losing my vision. 193 00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:56,020 When I first lost my vision, 194 00:07:56,020 --> 00:07:58,720 I tried to do everything the same way that I used to. 195 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,720 And when I would not be successful, 196 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,560 when I was failing at things and not getting far 197 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,200 and doing well with it, 198 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,400 it was easier for me to just be like, 199 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,240 what's wrong with you? 200 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,240 Why can't I do this right? 201 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,800 And then I had to like, whoa, no. 202 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,640 Except the fact that you're blind 203 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,280 and that you have to do things a different way. 204 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:16,140 When I accepted I had to do it a different way, 205 00:08:16,140 --> 00:08:17,960 I found a new way to do it 206 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,560 and I actually was able to be successful. 207 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:21,900 When I was just trying to, 208 00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:23,360 when I wouldn't accept my blindness 209 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:24,800 and wouldn't accept my mental illness, 210 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,920 I tried to do things the same way, 211 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,020 it just, it would put me back even farther. 212 00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:31,980 So accepting it helped me learn new ways to do it 213 00:08:31,980 --> 00:08:33,080 that would actually be helpful 214 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,680 and I'd have success in the end. 215 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,760 I really agree with that idea of acceptance 216 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,280 and as a high school student, 217 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,680 I'm able to see those ideas obviously on a scale 218 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:44,480 because with that transition from e-learning 219 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,960 to in-person learning, 220 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,680 we just had to be really adaptive. 221 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:52,360 And I think that the idea of school, 222 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,200 it really develops those necessary skills 223 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,760 of being adaptive and resilient 224 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,160 and having that problem solving mindset. 225 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,440 And that's definitely things that we use definitely 226 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,760 later in life and that plays a monumental role. 227 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:07,160 So what was one pivotal moment that marked 228 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,560 that turning point in your journey 229 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,880 that was kind of funded from your growth mindset 230 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,440 and your ability to be adaptive? 231 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,640 So the one thing, the big pivoting point 232 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:20,780 was basically that my mental health is about me. 233 00:09:20,780 --> 00:09:23,640 I don't have to worry about my family, my friends. 234 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,200 I don't have to worry about society 235 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,120 and the way they judge me. 236 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,120 I don't have to worry if I'm right or I'm wrong. 237 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,400 If my friends are right and wrong, 238 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,840 my mental health is about me. 239 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,120 I am the person. 240 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,300 So like when you go to get your physical health, 241 00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,880 when your ankle is broken, you know exactly what you need. 242 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,480 You can say, doctor, my ankle is broken. 243 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,300 You take care of yourself. 244 00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:44,360 So with my mental health, 245 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,240 I realized my mental health is about me. 246 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,680 My mental health is about me. 247 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,520 There was a period of time 248 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,640 that I was actually working with a therapist 249 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,480 that was detrimental to my mental health. 250 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,260 It was very unhelpful. 251 00:09:57,260 --> 00:09:59,000 The therapist, they disagreed with me 252 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,420 about a lot of things. 253 00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:04,520 They even refused to talk to me about one of my traumas. 254 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,620 There was something that happened at one point in my life 255 00:10:06,620 --> 00:10:08,100 that was very traumatizing. 256 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:12,020 And they actually, they disagreed with me 257 00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:15,760 and they personally supported the person 258 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:19,800 who traumatized and did these bad things to me. 259 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,260 They were personally friends with them 260 00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:23,920 and they would take their side. 261 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,640 So they would refuse to talk to me 262 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,520 about some of my personal trauma. 263 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,600 So it made me think I was wrong. 264 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,160 It made me not wanna go to therapy. 265 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:34,240 It made me feel just uneasy. 266 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:35,200 I didn't like it. 267 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:39,440 I felt like I was being basically told that I was wrong 268 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,480 and that even though it was about my mental health, 269 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:42,960 I was being told to think a certain way 270 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,120 and do things a certain way. 271 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,660 And I realized at one point, this is my therapy. 272 00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:48,520 This is about me. 273 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,000 This is what I need. 274 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,400 I chose to go to therapy 275 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,660 because I need to talk about stuff I need to talk about. 276 00:10:54,660 --> 00:10:57,160 And my therapist refusing to talk to me about things 277 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,580 and having a biased opinion, 278 00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:00,640 I didn't think that was fair. 279 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,000 It wasn't fair to me as the client. 280 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,240 So that's when I realized, you know what? 281 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,880 I love myself and mental health is about me. 282 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,080 I was able to cut ties with that therapist 283 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:13,080 and basically tell them I no longer needed their help. 284 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,600 And I personally did some digging around 285 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,760 and found my own therapist. 286 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,840 And once I found them and we connected well, 287 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,160 is when I actually grew the most 288 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,480 and was able to utilize therapy in a good way. 289 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,000 Because for a couple of years, I hated therapy. 290 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:25,840 I didn't wanna go to it 291 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:28,400 just because someone else had a biased opinion. 292 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,280 They wanted to argue with me about things. 293 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,440 And I didn't wanna be told I was wrong in therapy, 294 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,200 be told what I can and can't talk about. 295 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,880 So I was able to know my mental health is about me 296 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,320 and I did this for myself. 297 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,080 That's great to hear and I'm happy to see 298 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,600 that you've been able to develop 299 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,760 such a beneficial relationship with therapy. 300 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,480 And that really highlights that other idea 301 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,840 that you shouldn't really let people suppress you 302 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,920 no matter what stage of life you're in. 303 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,440 It's always necessary that you leave no stone unturned 304 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,120 when you're mentally or not yourself. 305 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,680 It's important to have a clear mindset 306 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,960 so you can process things the right way. 307 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,160 And processing things is really important 308 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,920 when you're trying to understand the highlights 309 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,260 of your life or also points where you need 310 00:12:09,260 --> 00:12:11,080 to work on yourself personally. 311 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,120 So what's been those highlights of your life 312 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,360 or what's been that one achievement or single thing 313 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,560 that you've been most proud of for yourself? 314 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,800 The one thing that I'm most proud of is 315 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,540 that I was able to accept the fact 316 00:12:24,540 --> 00:12:25,880 that I have mental illness. 317 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:29,680 I have codependency and abandonment rejection issues 318 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,500 because of my youth growing up. 319 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,640 Basically with my biological mom, 320 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:37,080 when I was five years old, she walked out of my life 321 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,680 and my family wouldn't ever talk to me 322 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:40,560 or tell me who or where my mom was. 323 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,520 And they wouldn't talk to me about the abuse 324 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,360 that happened in my childhood. 325 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,780 So I was already traumatized as a kid. 326 00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:48,800 And so I just, I felt like the whole world 327 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:49,680 just didn't love me. 328 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:53,720 I basically felt unloved and I just really, 329 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,760 all I ever wanted to do was just make other people 330 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,160 happy so they would just come back 331 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,900 and actually show me that they did love and care. 332 00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:01,900 But the thing I'm most proud of is I accepted the fact 333 00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,920 that that was a mental illness, 334 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,820 that it was codependency and abandonment rejection issues. 335 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,200 I'm most proud of the fact that I was able 336 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,840 to learn how to love myself and know that I don't need 337 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:13,260 other people in my life. 338 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,480 Nine years ago, I found out about some things 339 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,900 about my life and about my background I didn't know about. 340 00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:21,880 And I was able to actually cut ties with some people 341 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,940 that were very narcissistic and abusing me 342 00:13:23,940 --> 00:13:27,320 and taking advantage of my kindness. 343 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,880 And I was able to cut ties and basically move 344 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,480 into this apartment right here by myself. 345 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,280 I cut ties with my family, basically, 346 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,240 and moved into this apartment and been able to survive 347 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,880 and live on my own just because I learned to accept the fact 348 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,680 that I love myself. 349 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:44,560 I just, all I needed to do was just learn how to love myself 350 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,400 and do the things that make me happy. 351 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,560 And after doing that, that's when I've been the most happy 352 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,160 and proud in my life actually, the things I'm doing. 353 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,760 So I'm sorry to hear that you have to go through that, 354 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,880 but I really liked how you were able to bounce on that 355 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,200 and focus on that idea of self love. 356 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:02,720 And especially during such moments, 357 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,320 it's hard to find yourself. 358 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,200 It's hard to see through all that darkness, 359 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,460 where's the light and understand where to start. 360 00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:14,040 But definitely, as you mentioned, 361 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,040 there was a lot of things that you were able to use 362 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,320 to help yourself like therapy, making bonds, 363 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:20,660 cutting out the wrong people, 364 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:24,040 cutting out specific people, also expanding your support 365 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,600 groups in North Shore that you also have a variety 366 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,000 of good people as well. 367 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,360 So going off that idea of having people to talk to 368 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,640 or just trying to get through your own problems, 369 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,920 what role has therapy played in shaping your learnings 370 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:36,920 or your personality? 371 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:40,760 Therapy is basically somebody 372 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,260 that's really just helped save me. 373 00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:48,400 It's been the most, it helped me learn so much about myself 374 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,000 because for a while I didn't really want to know 375 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:51,840 about myself. 376 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,720 I was afraid about the things I was going to learn. 377 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,240 I was worried about people judging me. 378 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,400 I just, I was kind of insecure. 379 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,000 I just didn't really trust myself. 380 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,720 So I was like, I didn't want to learn things about myself. 381 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,080 So I didn't really ever explore things or talk about things. 382 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:07,280 I just, I would shut things off 383 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,660 and just not want to think about it. 384 00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:12,240 But that's when going to therapy helped me so much 385 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,200 because at least once a week for an hour, 386 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,880 it lets me be able to just process the stuff 387 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,360 rattling around in my head. 388 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:20,440 Cause I would always have a lot of thoughts 389 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:21,440 circling around in my head 390 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:22,680 and I just didn't know how to process 391 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:23,520 or what I felt about it. 392 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,960 I would just bury those thoughts. 393 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,760 And it really had an effect on me. 394 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,120 It would come up in different places, 395 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,760 but it's good for me to be in therapy, 396 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,200 for me to talk about that stuff. 397 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,560 So it's not rattling around in my head, 398 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,200 driving me crazy and keeping me up at night. 399 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,840 It helped me be able to learn how I think 400 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,540 and how I feel about things. 401 00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:43,640 So I can not just be questioning, 402 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,480 like what am I feeling? 403 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,280 What am I thinking? 404 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:47,600 Cause as a man, 405 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,280 I didn't really do well with my emotions before. 406 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,040 I used to just run away from emotions 407 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:52,240 and didn't know how to deal with them 408 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,800 and want to deal with them. 409 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,400 So when they came up, they would weird me out 410 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,400 and I didn't know how to deal with them. 411 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,760 So I would avoid that kind of stuff. 412 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,720 But in therapy, it helped me be able to learn 413 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,480 how to process my emotions and know what they are, 414 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,620 what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling 415 00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,660 and how the behavior can affect me. 416 00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:08,720 When I'm thinking a certain way, 417 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,240 how I act a certain way. 418 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:11,080 And if I don't like that, 419 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,780 I can realize to act a different way. 420 00:16:13,780 --> 00:16:16,720 So it really helped me learn so much about myself, 421 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,400 what I needed and what I don't need 422 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:23,120 and just how my background shaped me and who I am. 423 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:24,680 I completely agree with that. 424 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,160 And those ideas really resonate 425 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,840 with what I see everyday life too. 426 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,120 Because on technology, even on our phones, 427 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,220 we see these apps coming up like Better Home 428 00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:34,200 in which you can just like reach a counselor 429 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,440 at any time of the day 430 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,860 or you can just phone a friend, you know? 431 00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:40,600 And we even see those resources in academic settings too 432 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,640 because now in schools they're implementing such things 433 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,260 like social counselors, 434 00:16:44,260 --> 00:16:45,800 which are available for every student. 435 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,680 So these forms of therapy 436 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,000 are starting to spread every part of our life. 437 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,960 And that's really beneficial for all of us 438 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,300 because as we said, as you said, 439 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,120 we're definitely against avoidance. 440 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,240 Confrontation is the main solution. 441 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,760 Sometimes it may feel better on the inside 442 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,200 to avoid things temporarily. 443 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,520 By the end of the day, that thing's gonna keep on nuts. 444 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,080 So as you said, for you, 445 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,600 therapy is definitely a large goal 446 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,960 and helping you work on yourself 447 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,120 and understanding your feelings and emotions. 448 00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:18,040 And that same thing is something that we see 449 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,320 on the outside world as well. 450 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,320 And it's definitely a beneficial thing. 451 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,760 Also moving away from this in terms of hobbies, 452 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,320 knowing that you're quite a music fanatic yourself, 453 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,360 how do you view the significance 454 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,320 of engaging in such small hobbies or large hobbies? 455 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,600 Hobbies are really important 456 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,840 because in mental health we call that self-care. 457 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,040 So I like to call it self-care 458 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,280 because it is really just caring for yourself. 459 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,520 When you call it a hobby, it's just kinda eh, 460 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:48,120 doesn't seem very appeasing, but self-care is awesome. 461 00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:51,440 Because basically, even when you call it a hobby, it is, 462 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:55,080 but those hobbies just make you feel like you have reason, 463 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,000 like you have purpose, 464 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,280 they give you happiness and enjoyment, 465 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,840 they give you some fulfillment in life. 466 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,920 It's like when I go and play some drums 467 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,080 or do the things that I love, 468 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,400 it gives me a good high energy. 469 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,680 It gives me like an energy of things that I'm doing 470 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,400 that I enjoy and it's easier for me 471 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,000 to wanna go do more of that. 472 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,640 It makes me feel good, it gives me my feel good juice. 473 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,080 So I wanna refill my feel good juice, 474 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,720 I wanna keep doing that. 475 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:18,960 When you don't have hobbies 476 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,560 and you don't have things to do, 477 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,000 all you wanna do is refill your juice, 478 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:23,820 but you don't know how to. 479 00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:25,080 Basically, you're just sitting on the couch, 480 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,760 you're like, I wanna feel better, but I don't know how. 481 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,920 You're like, I can go do this, but what's the point? 482 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,560 When you don't have hobbies, you have low energy 483 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,280 and you feel like there's no reason to go do anything. 484 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,800 And then when you're not doing things, 485 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,480 it gives you even more of a reason 486 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,120 for that habit to keep perpetuating. 487 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,940 It's easy for you to just say, there's no point, 488 00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:45,480 I don't care enough. 489 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,920 When you feel like you don't have hobbies, 490 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,600 then you'll tell yourself you don't have reasons 491 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:49,940 and you don't care enough 492 00:18:49,940 --> 00:18:52,380 and you'll just keep doing the same thing. 493 00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:54,960 When you find hobbies and things that you enjoy, 494 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,840 you'll keep doing them and you'll keep finding more hobbies 495 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,600 and things to keep you busy that you do enjoy. 496 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,160 When you're not actively engaged in hobbies, 497 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,160 it's kind of depriving yourself. 498 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,020 It's almost telling yourself, you know what? 499 00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:09,360 I'm not happy, I'm not gonna do anything 500 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:11,240 because I don't feel like being happy. 501 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,400 You'll stay in the same place of not being happy 502 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:15,900 because you're choosing not to. 503 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:17,800 I completely agree. 504 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,760 And that idea of self-care, it's really important. 505 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,460 And I like how you mentioned that it's not really a hobby, 506 00:19:23,460 --> 00:19:27,540 it's self-care because that goes to that base of motivation. 507 00:19:27,540 --> 00:19:28,960 You're not having that motivation, 508 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,120 then you're not really feeling yourself. 509 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:35,560 And if those small things are big things in my mind, 510 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,520 like just doing simple things like sports 511 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,480 or just enjoying music or talking with friends 512 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:44,080 or socializing, that really influences your motivation 513 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,080 or as you call them that, feel good juice. 514 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,000 And I really liked the idea that you mentioned 515 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,640 of how it's important to do what you enjoy. 516 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,400 Throughout life, we always have these people 517 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,440 who are influencing our ideas of what we should be doing 518 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,800 or what other people are doing. 519 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,600 And we always feel that we should be somewhat 520 00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:59,960 following the flow. 521 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,760 But clearly, as you demonstrated, as I agree with, 522 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:06,600 it's important to kind of follow your own path 523 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:11,080 and do what you enjoy, what refills that motivation. 524 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,240 So how has mental health impacted your overall well-being, 525 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,860 happiness, self-care, or even daily routine? 526 00:20:18,460 --> 00:20:20,180 It's changed me so much. 527 00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:22,780 I'm basically a completely different person. 528 00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:26,340 I've learned to be able to accept my illness 529 00:20:26,340 --> 00:20:27,180 and what it is. 530 00:20:27,180 --> 00:20:29,400 I noticed when I have extra little episodes of things, 531 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,000 I can acknowledge and know what they are. 532 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,840 And I can know what's causing it. 533 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,520 And I know how to be able to treat it and help it. 534 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,660 I've been able to find the things that actually 535 00:20:39,660 --> 00:20:42,600 make me happy, that help me just be able 536 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:44,360 to have a good sleep schedule, 537 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:47,400 to actually have a good schedule for the day. 538 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:48,920 Because I used to just basically wake up 539 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:49,880 and be like, what am I gonna do? 540 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:50,720 I don't care. 541 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,600 And not really have much of a schedule. 542 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,720 I would just wherever the day brings me. 543 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:58,320 But therapy helped me just know what's good for me 544 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,720 to have a schedule, to have things that I enjoy 545 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:04,760 and that I like doing, as well as just a purpose. 546 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,840 I really like that idea. 547 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:11,080 And throughout our lives, while we may have school, 548 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,880 but during the summer, students may feel 549 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,320 that they have a lack of routine. 550 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,760 And as you mentioned, that leaves you feeling blank. 551 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,840 And it's important to fill that in, small things I enjoy, 552 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,760 and test yourself out in different areas. 553 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,600 If you have a free weekend here and there, 554 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:29,600 try to drive some advice from online on fixing yourself 555 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:33,000 in terms of mental health or just communicating with friends. 556 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,280 And as a student myself in junior year, 557 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,680 sleep schedule is very important. 558 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,240 And often we find that being taken away from lessons 559 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,960 because of the variety of homework assignments we have, 560 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,840 or how we're just academically overloaded. 561 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:50,840 So I definitely agree with the idea of feeding this stuff 562 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,480 or like feeding yourself or like fulfilling yourself 563 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,400 to achieve such ideas of wellbeing and happiness. 564 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,160 And that's all built together by the ideas 565 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,320 of having self-care and a daily routine. 566 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,520 So personally, what questions do you find most meaningful 567 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,560 about your mission to promote mental health awareness? 568 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,200 And what inquiries have others approached you with? 569 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,520 So a good question that comes up a lot 570 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:17,720 when people are talking to me, 571 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:22,560 they basically, they will ask me if I regret my choice 572 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:25,800 19 years ago for my attempt at suicide. 573 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:26,960 And it goes both ways. 574 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,080 Actually, I regretted it quite a bit 575 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:34,200 because that day suicide was not what I was trying to do. 576 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,360 I didn't make the mental conscious actual choice 577 00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:39,320 that I'm trying to die. 578 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:40,680 I didn't realize what I was doing. 579 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,320 I didn't realize the day it happened, this is suicide. 580 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,640 I'm trying to kill myself. 581 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,040 I didn't think I'm trying to go. 582 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,720 I basically thought I'm trying to do something 583 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,800 that actually to show people that I'm hurting 584 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:53,640 and that I need help. 585 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,520 I wanna do something to show people that I wanna be loved. 586 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,960 I wanna do something to show people 587 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,320 that I want them to care about me. 588 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:04,360 And I want people to feel guilty and have regret. 589 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:08,560 So basically doing a, 590 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,000 I have a lot of regret for what I did 591 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,120 because I didn't make the realization 592 00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:15,800 that what I was gonna do was gonna change my life forever. 593 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,600 But at the same time, I don't have regret 594 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,320 because if my attempts never happened, 595 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,120 then maybe I would have never realized 596 00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:24,160 how much I was struggling. 597 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:27,120 Maybe it's possible for the rest of my life 598 00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,000 I would have been struggling with my mental illness 599 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,480 and never treated it. 600 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,000 It's very possible as a suicide attempt 601 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,960 or something else could have happened down the line. 602 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,280 So I go back and forth about it. 603 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,400 I have regrets because I never wanted to do that ever. 604 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,360 I didn't wanna change my family or my life 605 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:45,640 or anything about myself, but it actually helped. 606 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:47,600 It helped me realize something 607 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:48,680 and help be able to do something 608 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,160 to change myself for the better. 609 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,240 It helped me be able to treat my mental illness 610 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,480 and be able to help myself. 611 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,360 Happy to hear that you were able to help yourself 612 00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:58,440 that every day. 613 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,320 And I kind of agree, I really agree with that 614 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:06,880 because everything happens for a reason in life. 615 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:08,040 Everything happens for a reason 616 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,320 and that doesn't mean you can't change it. 617 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:12,800 At the end of the day, 618 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:14,960 all things are supposed to work towards your own path. 619 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:18,120 Everything is supposed to somewhat benefit everyone, 620 00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:19,400 but especially you. 621 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,800 It's supposed to make sure that you're enjoying yourself. 622 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,280 And while there may be down points, 623 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,480 just know that at the end of the route, 624 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,120 there's also gonna be a high point. 625 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,000 And there's a lot of A's that come with that. 626 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,360 Communication can help you get those low points 627 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:37,760 for computation or just getting help. 628 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,520 So with those ideas of having those A's 629 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,800 help you get those low points, 630 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,000 what value do you place on communication 631 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,480 and computation in your life? 632 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,240 Communication is really important 633 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,160 because that actually had a lot to do 634 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,600 with my attempt at suicide at age 19. 635 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,760 Because communication and confrontation, 636 00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,440 they were tied in together. 637 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,000 I had a hard time communicating to people 638 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,080 what my needs and wants and desires were 639 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:06,320 because I felt unloved. 640 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,120 I didn't feel important. 641 00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,880 I didn't feel good about myself. 642 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,560 So I had a hard time speaking up about things. 643 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,600 And just when I wanted to speak up about something 644 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:20,600 and say something, I would assume it was confrontation. 645 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,880 It's because I just assumed people didn't like me. 646 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:26,280 I assumed people didn't wanna hear what I was gonna say. 647 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,440 I assumed people weren't gonna care about my needs and wants 648 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,200 and that they would get shut down. 649 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,040 I would just automatically assume 650 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,320 there was gonna be confrontation 651 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:37,320 when I wanted to say something I needed to. 652 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,680 So I didn't say it, I would avoid it. 653 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,240 I would avoid communicating 654 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,000 because I automatically assumed confrontation. 655 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,720 Because I assumed people didn't love me 656 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:48,320 and they weren't gonna wanna hear what I had to say. 657 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:49,800 And then they were gonna react in a way 658 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,160 that I wasn't gonna like. 659 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,080 I was worried about them responding to me 660 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,560 and just basically telling me they don't care. 661 00:25:55,560 --> 00:26:00,560 So I didn't do well with confrontation 662 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,080 and I got a lot better about that through therapy, 663 00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:04,920 realizing communication is important 664 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,480 because I had a hard time communicating things to people 665 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:10,080 and that's why my suicide attempt happened. 666 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,800 I eventually learned how to communicate with people 667 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,440 and I learned how to communicate with words 668 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,160 rather than body language and trying to do things. 669 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,360 Because that's a very, very common thing 670 00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:21,800 for people who are struggling with things 671 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:23,440 who don't know how to communicate. 672 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,400 They try to do it all through their body language 673 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,000 and all through self harm. 674 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,480 And yeah, I knew a lot of my communication issues 675 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:35,000 were problematic because of my childhood growing up. 676 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,720 I didn't come from a very nurturing background. 677 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:41,160 My parents didn't show a lot of love and caring and support. 678 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:45,520 So it wasn't easy for me to ask questions to my family. 679 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,600 It was always easy for me to just, 680 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,200 this is how it is and just bury thoughts and feelings. 681 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:52,800 Yeah, it's important that we move away 682 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,560 from the idea of assuming and that we make sure 683 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,840 that people know that we want to be confronted 684 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,640 and that we take that first step towards confrontation. 685 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,600 We can truly share our thoughts. 686 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,760 And that's why we see in the community today, 687 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,880 inside people are moving towards being more open. 688 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:09,720 We go on and stuff. 689 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,280 There's new apps like these days as well, like Be Real. 690 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,600 We see that as an app that's trying to ensure 691 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,040 that people are really showing their true self 692 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,520 because on other social media apps like Instagram 693 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:22,360 or even Facebook, we see people somewhat fabricating their life. 694 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:23,800 Like they're just showing the highlight of that, 695 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,800 which makes people think that, 696 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:27,880 oh, it's just me who's facing the issue 697 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,920 and not others who really relate to me. 698 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:33,600 And I really liked your idea of how we should not really assume 699 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,240 that people don't want to listen to our ideas. 700 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:39,240 Everyone can really work on themselves 701 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:40,120 by listening to others. 702 00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:44,400 And when you tell others about your own issues, 703 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:48,080 they feel that you are really opening up to them. 704 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:49,280 And that's something they like to hear 705 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,360 because that means that they understand 706 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:52,840 that you guys have a strong bond 707 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:56,800 and that's a beneficial relationship for both the people. 708 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,760 So given that, what's some final advice 709 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,320 or takeaways that you have for our listeners today? 710 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,080 My take or what I want people to take away from this is 711 00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,560 don't worry about the judgment. 712 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,120 See, when I was growing up, 713 00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:12,720 basically I thought mental illness 714 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,040 basically meant that you're insane. 715 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:16,240 Like you're completely crazy. 716 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:19,720 I heard like a mental illness terms loosely used 717 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,520 like anxiety and depression and stuff, 718 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:23,880 but I never knew what they were. 719 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,480 I just heard those terms loosely used 720 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,760 and they had a really bad connotation 721 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,200 because of society and the stigma. 722 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:32,280 But everyone, I want you to know, 723 00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,440 don't bundle all of those terms into one group 724 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,760 and call it crazy because it's not. 725 00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:37,640 It's far from it. 726 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,240 I have complex post-traumatic stress disorder, 727 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:44,440 anxiety disorder, insomnia, post-traumatic stress. 728 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,840 I have abandonment rejection issues, insecurities. 729 00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:50,320 I got a lot of issues, but I don't call myself crazy. 730 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:51,920 I just, I have issues. 731 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:53,280 I learned what they are. 732 00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:54,120 I know what they are. 733 00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:57,040 I found ways to medicate myself and to go to therapy 734 00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:00,800 and be exceptionally happy and prosperous. 735 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,080 I don't call myself crazy because I'm not. 736 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,520 I'm completely sane and I'm doing wonderful. 737 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:10,120 That's why if anyone's struggling out there with anything, 738 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:11,760 don't think that if you're gonna talk to someone, 739 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:14,120 you're gonna get labeled crazy, because you're not. 740 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,920 It's literally, having anxiety is the same 741 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:19,760 as actually having acid reflux or indigestion. 742 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,280 When people have physical problems, 743 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:23,440 they approach it all the time. 744 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:24,760 Don't ignore your mental health. 745 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:28,640 Mental health is just as important as physical health. 746 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:31,760 So yeah, if you're noticing some things 747 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:32,680 and you don't know what it is, 748 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,920 it doesn't hurt to talk about it and ask what it is 749 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:36,800 because I never knew what mental illness was 750 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,040 and that's why eventually I never treated it. 751 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:40,640 I should have asked around a long time ago 752 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,480 when I noticed I was struggling with my sleep 753 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:44,360 and the way I thought about things. 754 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:45,560 If you notice you're struggling with things 755 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,200 and you want to know if there's a way to help yourself, 756 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,400 ask about it because you don't have to be struggling 757 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:51,800 and hurting like that. 758 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,200 And just if you have a mental illness, 759 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,240 it doesn't mean you're crazy 760 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,000 because you can be able to be better and happier. 761 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,720 So don't be afraid to treat your mental health 762 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,360 the same way you're gonna treat your physical body, everyone. 763 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,520 It's very, very important. 764 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:05,600 And I've learned to accept it and love myself 765 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:06,640 and be happy and prosperous. 766 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:07,920 I want you to know you can too. 767 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,360 I don't want you to be struggling. 768 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,320 I love that idea that I truly think that's amazing advice 769 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,400 that we just need to love ourselves 770 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,200 and we need to ensure that we can be open with everyone. 771 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,880 But yeah, I think you really framed that whole entire idea 772 00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:22,360 of mental health quite well 773 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:24,200 and how we should really communicate 774 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,640 and that's the key to self growth, 775 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:27,800 that's the key to self care, 776 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,320 that's the key to having a balanced life. 777 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:33,600 But overall, Mark, I truly cannot thank you enough 778 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,360 for not only sharing your time with me, 779 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,360 but also with the rest of the audience. 780 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:38,960 Sharing your story here today 781 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,320 allows for people all around the world 782 00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,200 understand that they're not alone in the obstacles 783 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,840 they encounter and that there truly is support 784 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,720 in every single corner. 785 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,040 I really enjoyed discussing with you 786 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,560 and I was inspired by your ideas of self care 787 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,760 and confrontation and voicing messages like yours 788 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,240 words towards the mission of not only the best of us all, 789 00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:59,520 but also a bigger non-profit organization 790 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:01,840 about community rights as we change the world 791 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,400 through service in every single way. 792 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,880 Once again, Mark, thank you so much for your time 793 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,800 and the message you gave. 794 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,960 And overall, remember stay healthy as a whole 795 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,240 and mental wellness plays a role. 796 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:15,080 Thank you. 797 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:32,280 My story.