["Kevin MacLeod's Sick Jams"]
That's adorable.
["Kevin MacLeod's Sick Jams"]
Which is a great segue into tonight with our recap.
Ha ha!
So natural, wow.
Was it?
In last week's episode, you guys had previously killed a wanty demigod.
Slayed him in front of all his followers and then fled the scene with some arrow sticking out of you.
You met up with Balfourin. You then kidnapped Balfourin.
You snuck your way out of the city through the woods. You met up with a Medusa.
You talked to her.
Ended up not fighting.
For now.
And left some statues that would tell her this is not the way. Well, no, that one died.
Ha ha ha!
Peace is an option. There were some other phrases.
That's your resident Bardell put on some of the statues.
So you don't have to be the monster they say you are.
Peace and love are the answer and there is a better way. That one was pretty sugar smashed.
You tried.
At least she now has company.
On your journey through the rest of the woods you asked, hey Balfourin, what are you up to?
Because you realized he became conscious and was riding steppers and he is currently writing a book called Balfourin, a captive's tale.
He's not even tied up. He's just there.
Riding the dragon.
We told him he could leave if he wanted.
Riding the dragon.
You then encountered three lizard men who were escorting one of them chained up to an unspecified foggy area.
You chased them into the foggy area. You killed the two lizard men escorting the chained up one.
You then realized the chained up one was a bad guy.
You tossed him into the creepy hanging tree in the woods and pulled a noose to ring for assistance.
That was a mistake.
Which conjured several death spirits.
Sorry everyone.
Del tried an interesting idea of trying to convince him to kill the little tadpole in his head that was trying to kill him.
And the death spirit saw a vision of future Del and said he needed to kill him before he could come to pass.
Then some things happened and an ominous warning were yelled as you fled from the phantoms, being unable to slay them.
Del, should you wear the demon amicon?
That's where we end up.
You running away from the foggy demon.
I walk closer back to the fog.
No!
If I promise to stay away from the demon amicon, will you kill these things in our heads?
No, no! Why are you going back?
I just need to know.
I don't think you're going to get an answer that you're going to enjoy.
Excuse me!
Your man of silence.
Hello?
Can I pick Del up?
Del, should we be concerned with that?
Just want an easy way out.
So we can get back to fucking around.
I mean, we can do that whatever we want.
Is that what we're doing right now?
You two can.
I'm on a time limit.
I'm feeling rather gaunt and pale and a bit bluish.
That's an oddly descriptive description of how you're feeling.
That's how I feel.
Descriptors that you described.
She's so blue, she don't know what to do.
This episode on Blue's Clues.
That was VeggieTales?
I was close.
I was hearing it in Steve's voice for some reason.
Same era.
She was so blue, I don't know what to do.
Good times.
I'm glad that we're here.
I miss VeggieTales.
That was from the silly song, Madam Blueberry, if you feel like Googling something else after listening to this.
With who?
It was the Blueberry.
Madam Blueberry.
And I Believe Larry.
And Bob, the Tomato.
What was that song that was playing the other day that was exactly VeggieTales?
But it was a modern pop song.
What?
Oh, there is an album of VeggieTales sing country songs.
It was not that.
It was by somebody famous.
The beat drop was like, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp.
I just looked it up and started singing VeggieTales and he was like, oh my gosh.
No, you're right.
You're not talking about it.
Yeah, it went perfectly.
Yeah.
If a squash can make you smile.
Sorry for that segue, everyone.
I'm not.
Alright.
Steven, you're pleased with someone to kill a very specific entity living inside you or met with silence.
Alright, I'm going to read it then.
As soon as I find it.
No, you're not.
That's still a bad idea.
Read it.
It has the word demon in it.
No.
Read it.
Do I hear an alignment shift coming?
One thing Del loves.
It's a good book.
I do love books.
My intelligence score doesn't say that, but.
Mine does now.
I'm kidding.
What if it's just a typo and it's the daemonomic and it's all about actors from the 1990s who like to dance.
Is there more than one of those?
We have to read it to find out.
There we go.
It's all coming together.
You've seen through my plan.
I don't believe in the banning of books, Jeff.
Do you believe in the banning of tadpoles?
I look forward to seeing how this plays out.
Oh boy.
Everybody else was nervous about that.
Jeff, how do you create an alignment shift on your character?
I think you just go in and edit it, don't you?
Yeah.
That's just future reference for Del.
Casually takes us in.
Or maybe wah-wah.
The future will tell all.
Del, I'm going to pick you up and carry you if you don't keep moving.
We got places to be.
No, let's go.
I'm going to take you up.
Coco T poses as she lifts the ground.
Team Rocket's blasting off again.
With her now levitation.
Yeah, I levitate for effect.
It's not going to take two hours to start moving this time.
You can feel here a little bit of an offering gets pulled jerkily forward by Steppers.
Because Steppers does not have a saddle.
He has armor plates.
He does.
Which are just as uncomfortable.
Sorry buddy.
Tubby elf man.
We can drop you off somewhere, I'm sorry.
I don't believe you.
Continues writing.
The ventress is warm.
You shouldn't, old man.
Wouldn't you like to know, Wonder Boy?
Anyway, how far away are we from Mushroom Hollow?
Mushroom Hollow Kingdom.
It is roughly one-ish now.
You are pretty close to Lagoon Hollow.
You are to the east of it.
You will probably get to Mushroom Hollow just after sundown now.
We can go tell that one lady that we killed her god.
Let's book it first and then come back later.
Because I have a mystery that I need to solve about that place.
Okay.
I have a mystery to solve about a place north of here too.
Do you think we'll die?
Probably.
If we will.
Categorically.
Yeah.
I just want to find out about this lantern in there, but I don't want to delay us either.
No, I think that we definitely are all going to die.
But my music will live forever.
Yeah.
I mean, one could say that, but should one?
Yes, every chance I get.
Let's go talk to Garl.
Okay.
You heard Balfour and Muttering.
Consumed with their future and remembrance,
my captors led me deeper into the heart of the swamp.
I fear for my life and safety.
Your work's going to live forever too.
You're probably going to outlive us.
I need something to outlive me and remember my plight.
Balfour, you can leave whenever you want.
You can go back if you want.
We just didn't want you to die.
How long do you think I will survive out here in the swamp by myself?
We're going to take you to Mushroom Grove.
He can't abandon me in a volcano.
He can't leave.
We haven't drugged him yet.
What?
Well, that's why we're going to Mushroom Hollow.
No, we're going to drug Dell.
My captors seek information that is used to obtain,
feeding me some sort of a narcotic.
You're exactly right.
I don't know what they seek to learn, but I will not reveal it.
Bro, you're the one that's going to learn something.
It's going to open my way up.
How many mushrooms have you already had today, Dell?
I checked my bag.
That looks like one mushroom.
That looks like a man who's...
Three, I think.
Maybe.
Was it one?
I thought you had one.
Let me check.
I thought you had two, and we needed five.
I thought I left at least one.
I had less than three, because I left one with Savari.
I have two.
I left one with Savari.
You still have two, as far as you know.
I left Savari with drugs.
Drugs?
Drugs.
Dell, here's a question.
Here's an answer.
Okay, give it to me.
Fried pickles.
All right.
Very good.
Breaded mushrooms.
Jalapeno poppers.
I don't know what we're doing, but I like it.
What was your question?
How many mushrooms is too many?
Is that the question you were going to ask me a long time ago?
Yes.
Okay.
Then you gave me an incorrect...
You said fried pickles.
Ten.
That is too many?
Yes.
What are you basing it on?
So if we see Blitter Gold at five, who do we see at ten?
Marl...
Platinum...
Gold.
Glitter...
Sparkle Platinum.
He's a unicorn.
Sparkle Bold.
Let's get there.
I believe the Star Wars.
Quest updated.
It's definitely in my little pony.
Still furiously writing.
Give Del ten mushrooms.
I'm so excited.
All right, we're walking, right?
Walking.
Yes indeed, we're walking.
Don't worry, we'll lay you down and we'll be there with you the whole time.
We definitely won't abandon you.
I know, you guys would never roll Perception of Love.
Now let me down.
Oh no.
That's a solid eight.
That's okay.
Are we in the forest yet?
Eight is enough.
No, you're still in the forest.
You do, however, notice a faint glow emanating from your belongings as you near the moon run.
I know.
And then as you pass it slowly fades and you remember the vision you had, the woman pleading for help.
Oh right.
Murdered in the swamp.
Guys, there's a murdered person we need to help sometime soon.
Yeah, she'll still be murdered later.
You're right.
I just, I'm so sad.
I cradled my lantern for comfort.
For myself.
Roll Survival.
Five.
Corner of your outflow, burst through flames.
I have my flame resistant blanket on though.
Oh, oh look at that.
Look at that.
Then that changes everything.
Never mind, you're okay.
You briefly see the flames lick the corner of your blanket.
And panic internally for a moment before you pull it away and it is not caught fire.
Thanks Gwen, I say to no one.
It's sponsored by.
I forget what my blanket does.
Did I do the same thing?
Yeah, what does my hat do?
I forgot.
Your hat does nothing.
Oh.
Your hat's just a hat.
Oh yeah.
Yours is heat resistant.
I believe yours was like lightning resistant or something.
That sounds like a thing.
It was like sound, thunder resistant.
Well, let's just say it was thunder.
Okay.
Just to have it done.
Thunder resistant blanket for now.
Now we have it on record.
I remember it was emblazoned with you playing in front of everyone and there was like fireworks.
It was this one.
Yes.
Yep.
Yes, that was the one.
Music notes and fireworks and.
On a cliff.
I can only imagine Flooglass washing Coca as this flame like pitters out and like taking
off his hat and going, huh, what do you do?
And having like a vision of Gwen going, it does nothing.
Huh.
It does nothing.
Keeps your head warm.
Do I get cold resistance?
No.
You're already poison resistant.
What more do you want?
Cold resistance.
I just said.
Slowly that will be resistant to all damage.
You see, last week I confused the real player with pretend player.
This week I confused pretend player with pretend player.
Who knows what will happen next week.
Aren't all the players real?
Yep.
This is all real.
This is the imagination.
We're all playing houses and humans.
Oh man, I wish that were true.
Anyway, there's some like Sims player in the sky going and then these four meet for D&D
tonight.
It's going to be great.
You can get back on track.
Roll survival.
There's no way to bring that phrase back to the start.
We're half.
All of us were just just coca-living through this.
I'm reading my notebook.
I trust you guys.
18.
Why would you just trust us?
16.
You guys make it quite a ways without it.
And you notice that the swamp eventually gives way to drier land.
You can feel the humidity is dialed back from a few hours before and you can tell you're
back in the forest.
Cocoa you feel much more at home.
I'm a gnome now.
You're a gnome now?
Yeah.
I don't want to still be a snake person.
I thought you said, oh, no, no.
And I was like, what?
Oh, no, that's not what we do.
I can be a gnome too.
And I bundle up my three cloaks and I kneel down and put a stick in my head.
So I've got a pointed head now.
What did you roll for survival?
16.
Del, you are furiously reading your gnome language book.
So you do not hear what the coca and the fluglas hear.
But as the sun is beginning to set and you know you are drawing closer to mushroom hollow,
you hear a sound you've encountered before.
There's a lone howl from in the woods.
Followed by a second and then a third.
Not more wolves.
Gosh dang it.
Steppers, let the man down and come here.
As Balfour and tumbles off the back of steppers, the steppers just leaps forward.
Don't protect the man.
Cornelius runs next to Balfour and just starts to grind his horn.
He's become so metal.
He has fought so many things and lived.
He's a whole personality now.
If he ever returns it will be like this battle scarred warrior returning home.
Where have you been, eyepatch scar across one eye of sea things.
Things you wouldn't believe.
He puts the wild in Feywild, okay.
Like that.
We're under attack so can I?
I don't know if I rolled an issue.
Can I stealth?
Sure.
I don't know if it's gonna do any good.
That's going to be 22.
22.
Yes.
What are you rolling stealth for?
It was odd to hear you issue commands and then as I turned to look at you for more,
you're gone.
Patriots can all underseat you.
Okay.
I'm still walking and reading my book.
Can I roll perception to see?
Sure.
What the situation is.
I'm going to yell in your head mentally, Dell, stop reading.
Zero and drop.
I rolled a net one.
I am flat on the ground.
You have lost sight of your entire team.
You think you're alone in the woods.
Guys.
I just trust my something ability so much I don't even have to roll.
Or just my fear of wolves.
I'm okay if I stay at this level of mind flayer because I get to yell at you completely silently.
We don't even have to keep.
We don't even have to use the sending stones that we don't ever remember.
That you two never have.
I always have mine.
One of us has the other.
I don't take it.
Steven, I don't take it for granite.
I don't have it.
Granite.
This is a rock.
I am going to let my own wolf out.
Stepper's stand.
When I return, we will all roll for initiative.
He's talking about the dog.
My props are so good.
All right.
Roll for initiative, everyone, if you have not already.
My head cannon is that this name is terrible Timmy of the tiny turtle.
I said five.
Initiative?
Yes, and roll with disadvantage.
12.
Oh, man.
Wait, all of us?
No, just because you rolled an at one on perception right before this happened.
Wow.
What the heck?
Six.
He rolled two fours.
I rolled two fours.
Like a dummy, I wrote the numbers you said, but not the names of the people who rolled it.
I was a five.
For I am a four.
Del, you were actually on first.
Oh, my.
I'm not prepared for this.
Oh, man.
Jeff, we can accept the board randomly.
Is this how we are?
Sounds good to me.
I'm just up a tree.
We really should have slept at some point.
Yeah, we're almost done.
I have full health.
Oh, yeah.
I'm at like 15 percent.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm a little over half.
I'm probably three quarters, but I was attacked by the god.
I was attacked by a god.
I was too, but.
Jeff, I don't have any spells left.
Can I just not be in this fight?
No, Stephen, you drew flowers.
Stephen, considering how the last fight between you and a bunch of wolves went, I don't want
to be in this fight.
I will stay.
Do I feel like I'm hidden there?
Roll stealth for me.
Are you in a bush?
What are you trying to move?
It's grass.
You can just protect Belfie.
It's grass and two flowers.
Alright.
Roll stealth.
Probably not.
What are they smelling?
They're smelly.
Spell for it.
Eight for my stealth.
You think you're stealthed.
You feel pretty secure in this low grass that reaches up to about your knees.
So I will.
I will give inspiration to.
Oh God.
What do you think?
Jeffrey, you prince among men.
And then I will just stay down here and pull out my rapier and ready in action to attack.
Who's that?
Thank you, Del.
Up to me.
Who's that guy?
Is that Belfry?
Yeah.
Okay.
Who's that guy?
Del, you got a friend over there.
I got him.
Okay.
I'll need the virtually useless wizard.
Are those wolves as well?
Those are wolves as well.
There are four wolves.
My favorite number.
I love those crocodiles.
They're just, they're just there.
This is.
Oh, oh, they moved up forward.
Very fast.
They did.
They both attack you, blue glasses.
You are the nearest thing on the ground to them.
Technically speaking though, one will move at a time because this is D and D and they're
wolves such as pack tactics.
Doesn't really matter.
Does the 23 hit you?
Yeah.
Yeah, it does.
Seven piercing damage.
Oh man.
As this first wolf comes lunging out of the underbrush and just bites into your thigh.
That's unfortunate.
I need you to make a strength saving throw.
Wolves are always the things that get us.
We can fight gods all day long, but give us a, oh.
Nat 20.
As this wolf bites into you, you are shocked and you feel the teeth pierce into your thigh.
And as he tries to wrestle you to the ground, you grab him by the face and I'm going to
let you throw him five feet in the direction.
Oh, cool.
Nat 20 strength check.
I'm going to just throw him.
You know what?
I'm going to let you throw him 10 feet.
10 feet?
Yeah.
With the help of Stun.
Does it get bonus damage if he hits an object?
Sure.
Why not?
I'm going to throw him in.
Roll a d4.
Roll a d4 for damage.
Yes.
Nice.
Three.
Nice.
That's the second best.
As he hits the tree.
Very good.
As this other one comes running up after his buddy and tries to bite you as well.
No.
They're rolling very well.
Does a 23 hit you?
Yeah.
Geez.
And a max damage of 10 piercing damage.
Oh my god.
As you throw this other one against the tree, you immediately feel that feeling swell like
I'm so strong.
As this other one comes and just bites you in the back leaping over and just like chomping
down in your collarbone area.
Oh.
Looking bad.
I need you to make another strength saving throw.
Oh, it's caught.
I rolled a nat 1.
As I roll a nat 1, because none of my friends are around me, you all hear a coca dough.
What the?
Language.
You hear it from somewhere in the woods.
You just hear that in your head.
This wolf just straight up throws you then roughly 10 feet and then just lunges and stays
on top of you into the ground underneath him.
These two wolves are going to run and attack steppers.
Cool.
Love it when that happens.
Don't you just love to see it?
No, Jeff.
How about a seven to attack steppers?
No, that's not going to help.
How about a?
Them.
12 to attack steppers.
Still no.
Yeah, both of these wolves run up to get steppers and they're just fighting in armor and hard
scale.
It's almost like steppers was built for this.
That's my boy.
Boy.
He's unfazed.
Mildly irritated at best.
Flu Gloss, it is now your turn.
You have been knocked prone.
Okay, well I'm going to use half my movement and stand up.
I'm sorry, coca.
That's okay.
I didn't want to be in the tree anyway.
I'm going to ready my stripper fang and my dagger.
Perfect.
And I'm going to roll a hit on the fang.
Can I use a different?
Take your other dice out of your tray.
They're stopping.
So I don't think I get a second attack because I rolled in that one again.
Use like any other dice in there.
No, I'm going to make the executive decision that I don't get a second attack.
You stand up.
The loneliness in the woods sinks in.
You're alone.
Tapped by wolves surrounded.
Oh my gosh.
You lash out with one tooth and this wolf just effortlessly bites into the side of your serpent fang sword.
And you almost hear a faint crack.
As he lets go and starts to stare you down.
Nice.
Coco, it is your turn.
Oh my goodness.
I'm not going to yet.
I will cast Halo of Thorns and try to hit this guy here but towards the back so it doesn't hit steppers.
Hit childs.
I'm going to wait for the interference to be over here.
Okay.
What do you mean?
I mean you.
What do you mean?
Add 23 to hit.
Yeah, that'll hit.
And then that'll be a d10, d8, and a d6.
2, 4, 8 plus 3 is 11.
So 11 damage for the first one.
What's it look like when you kill this one?
Oh, sweet.
Just right, like right through the neck.
And then the 4 here also applies to this one.
Okay.
Because that's Halo of Thorns for you.
Nice.
Maybe that doesn't have a...
Yes, 5 feet.
You see the two wolves trying to bite at your little pet dragon.
My boy.
You pull back an arrow and it gleams with white and you fire it and it just straight up skewers.
You see the arrow pierce through the wolf and into the ground as a yelp goes out and
then it explodes and thorns a shoot out, spearing the next one.
It looks like he's been attacked by a vicious spiky porcupine.
Del, it is now your turn.
I get my second attack as well.
You do, in fact.
I'm sorry.
I just did.
It was just so cool.
It's okay.
Is this one dead then?
Yeah, that one's dead.
Beep.
Goodbye.
Does a plus 8, 17 hit?
Yay, sorry everybody.
You guys don't even need my inspiration.
Five total for the other one plus the four he got before.
I don't know.
I'm the one who's almost dead.
I almost needed it for that.
You can see as the second arrow shoots at this guy, he takes a step as this rating arrow
starts to phase away and you can tell he is strongly limping and bleeding heavily.
He looks real rough.
Can steppers bite him as his action?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry my turns take ten years.
Go for it.
End of all commanders.
Eight plus, I don't know if that's going to work for him.
Inspiration doesn't work for buddies, right?
Plus, I'm so sorry.
Six, so 14?
14 will hit.
Oh, awesome.
Okay.
He just gets two, he gets two d6 now.
Eight.
It looks like the steppers killed this other wolf.
Mildly irritants turns into angry aggression.
Then he picks him up by the neck and just murdles him into the ground.
Much like that crocodile viciously thrashed Flu Gloss a few episodes ago, steppers grabs
this wounded wolf by the throat and just throttles him in the air before slamming him in the
ground and that wolf is no longer with us.
His oldness because of my animal handling being a negative one.
It seems like I'm beaten up by animals quite often.
You are?
Animals a lot.
I believe that.
It is now the wolf's turn.
No, it's my turn.
Yeah, you're right, it is now his turn.
I can distract it.
Yay, no.
All of my people died.
All right, Flu Gloss, can you queue up the...
The sense.
Yeah.
Yes.
I will now stand and I will look at this wolf and I will say, your mom is a...
Vicious mockery.
Wisdom save 16.
That's a free.
All right, that's 2d4 psychic damage.
Free.
Four, four psychic damage and it has a disadvantage on its next attack roll.
The wolves seeing their buddies so viciously murdered next to them.
And also haven't been viciously...
And be mocked and feeling no longer into the fight as much as it was.
It's going to try and turn and run away from you, Flu Gloss.
You can check me with opportunity if you so desire.
Meanwhile I'm like half on the ground.
Like bleeding out from my leg going, yeah, you better run.
I'm going to throw a dagger as it runs.
20.
Yep.
I think it's a...
D4 plus 2.
Six damage.
You see it.
It has somewhat of a lobbed throw from your, I've been knocked prone twice and you give
it a good toss and it flies and briefly goes, ah crap.
And it just so happens to arc in the same path the wolf is spinning and it just pierces
it right between the shoulder blades.
You hear as he grinds his shoulder into the ground as trying to limp away very slowly.
Yeah.
This other one...
You run.
Also turns and runs.
Flu Gloss is your turn.
It should be so desire.
16.
So what happens?
Don't repeat the battle music.
A beautiful ballad plays in the background.
Flu Gloss finds his will to live.
A slow motion dagger.
And that was what it hit.
20 more wolves.
Briefly we all thought this would be a beautiful moment where nature continues on.
For my first, I'm going to throw two daggers.
Are you throwing at the one that you had just hit?
Yeah, same one.
It was 20 to hit?
16.
What's it look like when you kill this guy?
He hit one and all.
First dagger goes flying and lands from the last, from the turn previously.
I go nice and throw another one and get some...
I'm really in it tonight guys.
Have you ever seen a professional play Rantos?
It's very similar to what's happening.
It's just lobbed and dropping and skewering this poor wolf as he tries to flee.
As the second knife plunges into his back, he just collapses out of the ground, unmoving,
as his buddy just comes barreling past him.
I have one more dagger.
You have one more dagger.
23.
6 damage.
In this very grenade style of just art knives flying through the top.
This other wolf just barreling past his friend here, and he hits the ground.
This other wolf making a dash for his life.
You see it clips into his shoulder and you can see it hover there briefly as he starts to lose his step.
As the knife fizzles, he continues to run.
Koko, it is your turn.
Would I be able to see over being up in this tree, or would I have to move?
You would have to move if you want to get a final shot.
I will alight down to the ground.
And I will shoot the wolf. The poor guy is just trying to live his best life.
17 plus 8.
Yup, that'll do it.
Why are we doing this?
1 plus 3 is 4.
Plus 6 is 10 total.
What does it look like?
Nice.
Bye bye birdie.
Murder this blue-do-wolf.
I'll just put him out of his misery, just right through the neck.
I wouldn't call this murder, I'd call this self-defense.
As he limps and continues to run into the wood, you fly down from your perch in a tree, your radiant arrow drawn,
you can see the skewer of light illuminate the tree's casting shadows as it pierces into its heart.
And this wolf falls.
Oh man, hey guys, dinner though.
That's great, you have 10 minutes to use that, why don't you skin these things or something?
Okay yeah, I'll skin all of them.
I'll try to get some meat or something off of them.
I'll say with 10 minutes only, you can skin one of them with your inspiration.
Okay, that's fair.
As this process is going to take a lot of time.
I'll skin every single one.
You have 10 minutes.
I was hoping that if I timed that right, Jeff would forget that time existed and just be like,
yeah, one roll is fine for all of them.
I don't have any more in the civil center, but I can just do whiskey.
Just straight whiskey.
We usually just do straight whiskey.
We usually do.
I laugh because...
And it's wonderful.
I know.
I have stuff when I go home.
Do you?
But it's alcohol free.
That's why that full bottle that was full a couple of days ago is now full.
You're so low.
Do you?
Yes.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay, I just go home and drink my non-alcoholic alcohols alone in my bedroom.
Washing my fish, swim back and forth.
That is the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks, Steven.
You don't have to.
You're all coming to come in tonight to watch me drink it alone.
There's no one here besides you.
What am I supposed to roll for this wall?
Survival?
Please get me out of this conversation.
Either nature or survival.
With advantage because we're in the forest.
And inspiration.
Please get me out of this conversation.
That's going to be a charisma level.
That's a natural one.
If you're rolling for nature, I believe you do have advantage now that we're back in the woods.
Okay, go ahead.
Okay, how about a 15?
What a 15?
It's not your best word.
You do come out with a primarily intact wolf pelt.
And a pretty substantial amount of meat.
Good.
I'm happy.
How much will this feed us for a time?
It could pretty solidly eat tonight.
I would question meat kept.
Well, I'm planning on cooking it.
What do we rest next?
To like jerkify it and then...
I would take a while.
If it's eight hours, that's like I don't have time to smoke something, right?
Says I, who's never eaten meat a day in my life.
It'll be smoked to a degree.
To a degree.
Steppers eat a lot. It's fine.
Yes, steppers will have a delicious meal.
So, you guys want to make camp here or are you dragging?
I'm going to grab a few sticks, put them together and use my tinderbox to create a bonfire and just pass out.
How many hit points do you have left?
Three.
Three hit points.
Guess we're making camp.
I almost died to a wolf twice.
I could do Healing Word a couple times.
How much longer do you want to take to get to Mushroom Hill?
Maybe two to three hours away from Mushroom Hollow at this point.
Do you want to make it two to three hours?
That's a snore.
It's just left hitter in.
That's okay.
We have to fight a draw.
What time is it?
It's like the afternoon.
Six to seven?
The sun is setting, but...
Okay, you know what? I'm going to be halfway through making this fire and I'm just going to close my tinderbox and go, okay.
Belfrom, what's your favorite color?
What color can I say that will make you let me go?
You can go if you want.
You want to be... I mean, we're in a slightly safer place.
We just got attacked by wolves. Do you want to make it to civilization first?
We're heading to a city.
My favorite color is turquoise.
Turquoise?
Yes.
Please don't kill me.
I'll pick the blue flower and give it to him.
Why?
It's closer to turquoise than the yellow one.
What do you want to get out of this?
Your happiness.
Alright. I have a turquoise goo. I'm going to give it to Belfrom.
No!
Belfrom, I have a gift for you. You want me to drink this?
I wouldn't. It's for my own players later.
It depends. What is the blue one doing in here, Jeff?
I wrote it down, but I don't have my book with me.
I believe it's blue, yellow, and green, right?
Yeah. Or black. What is black?
Red, blue, and gold is what I wrote.
What?
Red, blue, and gold.
The blue was the armor.
Oh, football has to remember that.
Koka wrote it down canonically.
Roll a history check for me.
I think...
16. Yeah, you remember it was the armor bottle.
You also remember Garo Bitterbull mentioning it was cursed.
Oh, right!
Oh, yeah!
Cool! I thought that was the mind flayer goo we took.
Yeah, actually. You can go ahead and drink that. That's for you.
Wait a minute. I wouldn't. I would. Maybe not you.
I think that is a gift. For all you've done.
You owe them that one.
Oh, gosh.
To drink it?
Alright, I am...they're thirsty.
And as he pops it open, he tries to drink it.
And it doesn't pour out at first.
And it all drops like a big glob onto his face.
And you briefly see Garo...
As he thrashes and drops off of steppers.
And briefly, it seems to almost fade into his skin.
Now we don't get to use that.
What did you do?
That wasn't juice!
Belbrin, I said drink it, not absorb it.
I said try!
I hate you!
I hate you so much! You're trying to kill me!
How was it?
This is gonna be a chapter in my book!
This is research, Belbrin. This is important.
You can...I don't care!
Why did you do that, Fubo?
He clings to the color!
He climbs up back on the steppers and just like flops over.
Punched over his head.
Head off one and feet off the other.
Kill me if you must!
We don't want to kill...why did you do that?
Let's just get the tower.
Well, I really wanted to drink the gold one, but now maybe I don't.
And this was to make sure.
He's gonna tuck the flower in like behind his ear.
I'm just...
Belbrin, I have...
Is he trying to stop me? Because I'm doing it.
Well, at this point he might as well be a prisoner, isn't he?
He definitely wasn't previously.
But now...
But we're really playing into the facts that he's definitely a prisoner now.
I'm the only one that hasn't done anything to him!
I'm giving him a flower!
How many of those mushrooms did you set your head?
Why?
I need to remember numbers.
Don't worry.
I'm about to take down my office.
He's thinking about our healing...
We didn't heal all the way or something.
What?
He was saying he needed to remember what that thing does.
Oh, yeah.
And that's what I think we remember.
That's about it.
Good job, Del.
That is right.
Okay.
Can I roll perception to see what it did?
Sure.
To Belfort.
I roll.
Two.
Belfort looks sad.
Belfort is a sad boy.
Good, that's what I wanted, Jeff.
Thank you.
Why is this happening?
I was just trying to save him.
No.
The boss is weirdly sadistic.
Apparently.
Yeah.
That was the episode I was talking about.
Your Belfort is insane.
I love that, though.
I love it.
Are you coming, Belfie?
I have a choice.
Yes, that's why we are asking you.
You can stay here.
I'm alone.
You just saw the wolves attacked.
How long do you think I would survive out here by myself?
Exactly, that's why we're trying to get you to come.
We're trying to help you.
You just can't help some people.
As you say that, you briefly hear,
You just can't help some people.
Oh, no.
Nope, nope, nope.
I grab blue glass by the wrist and start marching on.
What?
Nothing, let's go.
What happened?
Nothing, let's go.
Nope, nope.
I'm not doing this again.
What's happening?
Tell them what did you do.
What did you do?
Noop, noop, noop, noop, noop.
Syphilis.
Noop, noop, noop, noop, noop.
Noop, noop, noop, noop.
I don't think that's a whole world perception for me.
I know you know, but...
That was really funny.
Do I get a second perception?
Yeah, a little bit.
You guys have started to head, you know you're heading back towards...
41.
Seven.
18.
It's a little dark and Del, you can kind of make out generally where it's coming from,
but blue glass and coca, you can make out the roughly mid-calf height little mushrooms.
Smiling with their little faces looking at you.
Going, noop, noop, noop, noop, noop, noop.
Bye, what are we doing?
We're not touching them this time.
Bye.
No.
We're not touching them this time.
Noop, noop, noop, noop, noop.
Blossom.
I'm about to roll head.
No.
I'm about to roll head.
I'm just dragging him through.
Have you heard the new single by Del the Masked Bard?
Yeah, he's really great.
I love that guy.
We should all listen to his music.
Yeah, he's really great.
We should listen to his music.
Noop, noop, noop, noop, noop.
In my head, it's just one mess that's on that loop.
Why, what are we doing?
Noop.
And as you proceed through this cacophony of sarcasm,
you eventually see the familiar metal leaf entwined streetlights
looping over with the little frogs on top,
eating the moths as they approach the lights.
And you know you're in Mushroom Hollow.
Look at those frogs.
The streets are pretty empty at this point.
There's not a whole lot going on.
Most people turned in by this point at Mushroom Hollow.
It's roughly 8.30-ish.
Turned into what?
Frogs.
To frogs.
The list isn't home, no.
They've gone to bed, dude.
Or at least are at their homes.
I would like to go check on our inn.
What was the inn called?
The Era Kroakrin.
It's the Era Kroakrin.
There's no sign or anything.
There is no sign.
Well, there is.
It was like the toadstool.
Kroakrin is called the toadstool.
As you approach...
The Era Kroakrin.
The toadstool.
No, the Era Kroakrin.
Kroakrin.
Somehow combines both frog and bird.
Yep, that's correct.
That is not what I said.
I thought that was your whole joke.
No, the Era Kroakrin.
Like the Era Kroakrin, but also the Era Kroak.
I thought you was up to way.
No, I never said Kroak.
Stephen is upset.
Stop modifying my joke.
I thought that was your joke.
I'm sorry.
I thought that was the joke.
It's almost funnier now that I know it's not.
You see the swinging sign with the simple red and white polka dotted mushroom as you approach.
Is the door still barred?
And does the inn still have a barred in it?
As you pull on the door...
If I remember right, you left out the back door after somehow barring this door with a chair.
I think we all went... yeah, something like that.
As you pull on the front door, it is locked.
Cool.
I think you can fit through that window as it... grung... again.
Um... well I'm a gnome now, can I fit through it as a gnome?
Yeah.
Uh, roll... I guess how are you trying to get in?
That is a ridiculous word to spell that.
Anyway, this is how I imagine the symbol for a heart.
The window is made to... you can easily reach up and grab the window sill and pull yourself up at gnome height.
Um, would one of you guys like to help me get in?
Yeah, sure.
Can I just jump through the window? I'll give you inspiration again.
Thank you.
I appreciate the trade.
Uh, roll...
Let's say... dexterity.
And uh, fluglass also roll dexterity.
Oh, is fluglass the one helping me?
He's just jumping through the window.
I'm helping you.
Are you trying to jump through the same window or another window?
What?
Are you trying to jump through the same window or another window?
I'm gonna find a different window.
Uh... roll a 14.
Do I get advantage for her helping me or...
Yeah, it's advantage for her helping you.
Okay.
Okay, much better. 14.
You rolled for a 12.
Uh, fluglass... it's a little snug for you, but with a 14 you're able to kind of arch in and squirm your way.
And you do end up getting through the window, but you land a little rough inside.
I helped you.
With you being out of size, you are more easily fitable through this window.
And you're able to... you still roll and you land a little awkwardly, but you're still on your feet.
He is inspiration.
You don't need this.
Plus, she was gonna make a 12 too.
I gave you advantage.
I know, so you don't need this.
I'm laughing at the hilarity of it.
Mechanically, game-wise, it didn't make sense for you to have it.
I'm gonna cut out me laughing at this for so long, because it really wasn't that funny.
No, no, keep it in.
It's all just...
Scream.
It was like watching you go, so you don't need this.
That's so funny of me.
I don't want you to have to find another stupid skill thing to do just to use my inspiration.
I know, it was just like the slow take away of it was what got me.
Uh, you are both in the bar.
Uh, roll a perception for me.
Fluglass.
11.
Oh, no, never mind. 9.
I went the wrong way.
I rolled a 10.
A dirty 20.
Fluglass, you have a great view of the underside of these tables.
Which is not a view many people get even as gnomes.
Is there any gum?
There are a few pieces of gum.
Okay.
And you become briefly fascinated with them.
Uh, Del, you notice the place seems to have changed slightly since you got here.
I don't like that.
But nothing noticeable.
You just notice like, hey, some of these things have been moved a little bit.
And you see there is a knife sticking out of the top of the bar.
There's a tiny dagger.
Okay.
Uh, Fluglass, there's a dagger over there.
You want to go check it out with me?
Can someone let me in?
Yeah, in a minute.
You want to go check out this dagger with me?
Del, how'd you get right side up?
Fluglass.
Um, I had help.
Otherwise, I could not have done this.
Can you help me?
Can somebody help me into the building?
I help up Fluglass.
And I walk over to the dagger.
Uh, on it, you see there is kind of a scrap of paper that you can tell has just been torn off of something.
And on it, you see written, I drank the rest of the booze.
I'm not coming back.
Go off.
There was more booze?
Guys?
Can I search for more booze?
Sure.
Um, would that be perception or investigation?
Let's say investigation.
Del?
Del, come over the door.
Seventeen.
Uh, you can tell that every bottle you pick up is empty.
I'm gonna throw it at the wall.
I'll go look for Savaree.
As you throw it and it crashes on the wall, you can hear an odd sound as like the shards of it hit the ground.
And it seems like this is not the first time that a bottle has been thrown against this wall.
As there are piles of various shards of glass underneath the spot.
This is a throwing wall.
Glad to aid in the tradition.
I would like to climb through the window as well, if I can, since no one opened the door for me.
If I have wings, does that give me any kind of advantage?
I would actually give you disadvantage.
Yes, we forgot to go to sleep. Let's go.
You guys are rude. You said acrobatics?
I'm gonna go hop in bed.
Dexterity.
Oh, just straight dexterity.
Oh, we didn't need it.
Oh, it's like 17.
Who has the wolf meat?
You start to squirm, and you get about halfway.
Steph, what are you just gonna...
Steppers.
You're gonna go 17?
And then as you kind of relax, the rest of you slide through.
I'm gonna go open the door and see if the steppers can come in.
Steppers walks in and Balfour bonks his head on the top of the doorway, because it is not designed for a double tall.
A double tall.
He just goes, aw.
It's like if a horse tried to walk in with a person.
I didn't even realize. Is Balfour like twice our size?
Nobody's riding steppers.
He's riding steppers.
No, no, no, but he's an elf.
I'm like four foot five. She's like four foot five.
I don't know what you are.
Nobody does.
He's only like a smidgen taller than you.
Okay.
He's a short, fat little elf.
Okay.
Riding a horse.
I guess I've just never realized.
Now he's riding a medium sized dragon.
Just, aw.
Aw.
You're doing this to yourself at this point. You could have ducked.
No, I'm not.
Balfour, welcome to our home.
So dirty.
Why is there so much glass on the ground?
Hey, we need to save place.
This is not sanitary.
Can we kick him out?
We didn't, we didn't come into your house, your, your, your tent and make fun of you.
Yes, you did.
No, we didn't.
We said thank you for your help.
You came into my tent and you asked me a lot of questions and then you mocked my life's work.
We preserved it.
No, we were very happy.
You said I'm a failure.
No, we didn't.
You said I'm tall.
No.
We said none of those things.
That one did.
Koka, get the recording out.
We assisted you in ending the world so that you could write a documentary.
I left our knighted out mirage with you to protect you twice.
And then I said I would continue writing and you kidnapped me.
You led me on a dragon through the swamps.
You almost had me killed by wolves.
You actually passed out from fear.
There was a Medusa thing, I think.
She was nice.
There were statues of people that looked oddly realistic.
I didn't know you were awake for that part.
I was terrified.
And now I'm in this dirty...
...hovel.
Flulas, quick, make him a drink.
Don't forget about the blue thing.
How do you feel, by the way?
Shanty.
You see him start to write synonyms for dirty houses in his book.
What am I doing?
Making him a drink.
Making him a drink out of the nothing alcohol?
The brews kit that you have?
Oh, I do have a brews kit.
Yeah.
You're the only one qualified to make anything here.
You're right.
You're the only one with a liquor license.
I actually have proficiency in it, too.
Hey, we can win proficiency.
There's really nothing to make other than what you brought in here.
I set it up on a table, and then I go, now what?
I'm not the one that has proficiency in it.
Proficiency can only take me so far.
Can I pour some water into it for my water skin?
I drop a mushroom in there.
Oh, here we go.
Now we're talking.
Wait, what else do I have?
We're making absinthe.
Mushroom vodka.
This is about to get good.
Can I pour in one potion of healing into this brewer?
Sure.
Okay.
Roll.
Great use of that.
Yeah.
Roll for brewer?
I don't know.
Roll for brewer.
I guess survival?
Okay.
Fantastic.
It's going to be a potion of friendship because we all participated.
A nine.
But I have proficiency.
Can I roll with advantage?
Yeah, with proficiency you'll get advantage.
23.
That's much better.
Okay.
And I'm removing one potion.
My inventory.
You see, this mushroom seems to absorb quite a bit of the liquid.
Oh no.
In this brewing process.
As you continue to cook it, it then seems to shrink and start to dissolve as this concoction
starts to continue to cook out and get strained.
And it takes on an oddly red from the healing potion, but from the bluish purplish tint
of the mushroom that Koka added, it takes on a somewhat light purple color.
Like a reddish purple.
And in the darkness, you can see it's faintly iridescent.
Neat.
What can I do with said information?
Can I start handing it out?
I'd like to...
I'm just gonna start looking.
I know, Del wants some.
Yeah, he wants some.
While he's doing that, can I look for a bottle with a cork or a closing that's just around?
Yeah, he'd find one easily.
Okay, I want to put mine in there and keep it for later.
Next time we have to fight Sting out.
Are you dishing out?
Are we eating glasses or what's going on?
I'm just putting my portion in there.
I'm just gonna pour, I mean, four glasses.
Okay.
My glass goes in my bottle.
I mean, I would imagine how much would there be?
Like one bottle's worth?
Because I used a healing potion.
Yeah.
I mean, you'll have enough to give, everyone will have...
About a wine glass.
Okay.
Mushroom beer is what I'm adding as.
So like one dose.
Yeah.
Okay.
Get us ready to see God.
You didn't know for that.
We need more mushrooms for that.
I pull out a magic bean.
What else are we gonna add to this thing?
That's gonna happen inside of you.
It's crazy.
I don't know why you haven't played with this before.
I should not have gone inside.
That's what I wanted to know.
I've had this in my pocket the whole time.
This is the game, you guys.
Put a bunch of random crap together and see what Jeff will let us have.
This adding my wolf...
No, I'm not gonna add any more.
You can do whatever you want.
I can imagine it.
Let me see what I have.
I have the tables for everything.
I'll put together some kind of weird hybrid.
I don't know.
I don't really have that much else that I could add unless you want a wolf meat flavored,
an acid sack perhaps to flavor it.
I could throw some blood of the chosen one in there.
Don't eat that at all.
Actually, yes, do that.
That would be great.
I'd be eating the blood of a Debbie Gallagher.
How many other potions do you have?
Like two?
What's that?
How many potions do you have?
I have the ointment.
I have two doses of ointment.
The three goo.
Well, now it's two goo.
And now it's two goo.
Because you wasted one on this elf that ate us.
I did not waste it.
I tested it.
Yes, we definitely...
Throw that in with the magic bean.
With the goo?
Yeah.
But the...
No.
Did you already put the bean in there?
No, I'm still holding it.
Oh, I don't want that in there.
It has to go in dirt to grow though.
Okay, so bean, dirt, and mind player goo.
That's the rules of the magic potion brewers kit.
Three items.
Throw them in there.
If it doesn't make anything, it just pops back out with all three ingredients still.
Separate, right?
That was the face of Noah.
That's how it works in Dragon Quest.
I don't have anything else to contribute.
I just want my mushroom beer for later.
Do you really want to waste the bean in this?
No, I don't.
Because like...
I mean, kind of, but still.
Stepping back and looking at this from the bigger picture, do you really want to use
this bean for this?
Because I'm totally down if you want to throw it in, but I think one bean has like three
health.
Yeah.
And I have three health.
No, I have like 14 beans.
What?
He has 14 beans?
Throw it in.
Are you serious?
Oh my gosh.
14 beans.
Yes.
We can go crazy.
Why?
How much did you spend?
This is such a bad choice.
I don't remember.
We don't record this.
It was a surprising amount of money.
I was shocked that you threw everything you had in beans.
You were rich at one point though.
The nuclear option.
Jeff, what do you think of what happens when we throw a bean into a psychedelic mushroom...
Beer.
Whatever.
I already know it.
I'm going to take detail notes.
Because I'm going to roll some things and then laugh.
And then fold up that paper.
Well, you do that, I will be right back.
And I'm very excited to see the results.
You guys are stupid.
You're going to die.
Oh man.
Side question.
Are you guys drinking the special magic mushroom juice you made?
No, I'm keeping it in my bottle.
You're keeping it.
I haven't heard of it.
The other two in your group are doing.
I might keep mine too.
Do I have something to keep it in?
Do you have anything extra?
There's bottles all around.
Yeah, there's a bunch of them.
Oh, sweet.
You can easily find the bottles.
While we're at it, could I take a couple just to keep in my bag in case I find something
interesting along the way?
Sure.
Sweet.
I just like to provide.
Or, opposite of provide.
I like to harvest.
I'm ready to.
We're inside a very special place to us that...
That's true.
That would make it extra potent.
If things go wrong...
Through the power of friendship.
We're home.
It's not like we're out in the middle of a field where nothing could go wrong.
That's right.
Right, we're in the middle of civilization where other people live.
This is a temple to Sparkle Platinum.
Or, our patron.
The true god.
Our patron Sparkle Platinum.
The patron of positive health.
Gary, Sparkle Platinum.
What does he look like?
Give me a pen.
Write this down.
It's a corn joke.
It's a corn joke!
We have an official name.
He's a very large rabbit.
With three horns.
Okay.
And he's purple.
Oh, it's a...
Don't throw a bean in.
This is looking like Clifford but wrong.
It started out as cute, turned out as a cursed image.
They always do.
Jeff, I have a full jar of blood.
Would I have to use the whole thing if I wanted to add a drop?
No.
I'm going to add a drop of...
Chosen one blood.
Just a drop.
You have one drop floating in a bottle.
Inside of your brewer's kit right now.
Okay.
Throw it in there with the mushroom and the...
He's like a goat El Mirage.
Yes, yes he is.
This is not the best thing I've made.
No, this is the best thing.
Delia, you okay with that?
Here you sparkle platinum.
Throw some blood in our drink tonight.
We're celebrating.
I was going to save it until we could have somebody tell us what it might do.
The blood?
The beer.
The magic mushroom beer.
I put it in a bottle like cocoa.
Oh, we're already done?
Oh yeah, you made that batch.
Oh!
You're starting on round two.
Never mind, I just put that back in my bag then.
I thought we were still going.
Yeah, you have a cup.
The other two have found bottles and corked them.
What do you want to do with your dose?
I'm going to drink mine.
First, roll a d4 for me.
A d4, sure.
Is there no type of drug we will just do?
I haven't done a single drug.
I'm not doing drugs, I'm drinking a healing potion with a mushroom in it.
With a drugs in it.
With a drugs.
Okay.
Three.
You get five health back.
Now roll a d100.
Oh gosh, the one night that I didn't...
Every time you said that, Jeff, it's been like the only night that I haven't.
I got five health back?
Yeah, this is worth it.
You have 10.
A d100.
Sorry friends.
35.
You know it's funny you have 34.
35.
Roll a d10.
Same one, buddy.
Three.
You are three years older.
What?
Oh wow.
Is there any visible change?
She just used her nose.
Not really, not for years.
Not for a dwarf.
You just feel a little more mature.
And you briefly think to yourself, am I younger than my sister?
There's one thing that we needed that potion to do.
Make one of us more mature than we were before.
I doubt it.
I set my glass down and I go, real estate sure is high this month.
You know what real estate is?
Sorry, that mushroom hit me hard.
So did life apparently.
Excuse me.
That mushroom hit me hard.
This effect is not going to go away.
So if you want to add three years to your...
Wait, this does not go away?
Oh wow.
You want to add three years to your character sheet.
This was worth it for the five hit points back.
Oh my gosh.
If that was me, that would be half of my remaining time on the server.
Boy, imagine if you had a drink and you were three years closer to death.
Just remember, you rolled a d10.
Yeah.
That would have made Coco a 90 year old.
Oh wow.
Or a 70 year old, I guess.
Yeah, you're right.
So that... oh no.
Okay.
Do you share this with me at all or anybody that you know?
What do I feel, Jeff?
As I'm now three years older.
You drink it and you briefly go, you know that wasn't half bad.
My back kind of hurts.
I'm sure that'll go away.
It doesn't.
And it doesn't.
That's what I said about my appendix the day after my birthday last year.
It didn't go away.
Life is pain.
It doesn't go away, you just get used to it.
And then it gets worse.
Whenever you go to the doctor and they're like, what's your scale of pain on a one to ten?
And it's like a baseline five.
It doesn't get better.
I forget how old I was conically.
It says in there somewhere, you put it in.
I don't remember.
Yeah, no, this this episode.
Oh, I'm now 33.
There we go.
So old.
Yuck.
You can't be that old.
33.
Yeah, I'm 33.
Huh.
Do they age like differently, like younger?
Yeah, dwarves age slower, don't they?
Oh, yeah.
The average lifespan of a dwarf is pretty long.
Okay.
So I guess that makes sense.
We talked about this.
I know, I forgot.
I forgot.
Remember Gwen's like a hundred and seventy something.
That's true.
And she's like, I'm still young.
Still young, dude.
So I wouldn't really feel anything.
No, it really wouldn't impact your day to day life.
Let's do it again.
Are you going to brew up another batch?
No.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm a tired old man.
It's been three years without sleep.
Free birthday.
Yes.
And yes, I am expecting gifts.
All of them being money because I'm old and I need it.
You're an adult now.
I prefer gift cards.
Do we know that he aged or no?
No perception for me.
Twenty one.
Sixteen.
Would anything change physically?
Would my hair grow extensively because I aged three years and two minutes?
Let me consult the thing I half read before I...
Fair.
No.
Okay.
Weird.
Just three years closer to death?
Time has shortened your lifespan.
Oh no.
Keeps on slipping.
Three years older.
To the future.
Who would have thought that this was the most real part of the campaign?
You sit there with a drink in your hand.
Your brother sings a ballad but nothing stands out to you a whole lot.
Weird.
You see Balfour and look up from steppers and go, what happened to you?
You're so old.
You tell it to me.
A tear falls from my eye.
Now that I'm older I'm going to fall asleep at the table.
Does this sound about right?
Sure.
While watching your stories.
You slow down and your head flops back and there's a loud snore as you are asleep.
Hands crossed right on top of your stomach.
You lean back in your chair and you are gone.
You are gone.
As I sleep, both of you notice a tear falling from my eye.
I walk over and just kind of like...
And then we just kind of poke.
As you do that you hear a...
This is getting too real.
I hate this, Jeff.
Why did you do this?
You rolled a 35.
Why did we do this?
I'm a 34 to a 35.
You age.
Oh, it's just those two?
Oh no.
What was 36?
So many other things could happen.
Just out of curiosity.
Oh sorry, 35 to 36 is that.
I'm 34.
Maximize the damage of your next damaging spell you cast within the next minute.
Oh wow.
So just this one was permanent.
I could have aged 10 years.
Oh my gosh.
Yay, wild magic.
It's wild.
It is wild.
Oh man.
We need to give Korn a joke.
34.
Can't cast spells.
Should we go to sleep?
Yeah.
Can I take my long rest?
Sweet.
Before my long rest I feed the critters.
I like to try to start smoking...
Not...
No.
Wait.
I like to start smoking.
This seems to be like the most appropriate time to start smoking.
No.
As well.
I'm not hungry.
I'm in a run down bar with nothing to drink.
Just kill the snake god.
Anyone needs a quick light.
It's me.
It's not what I wanted.
We have a captive.
I have an ear in my worm.
No, a worm in my ear that's slowly slapping my life force.
Oh, would I become...
Oh gosh.
I'm going to say no.
Okay.
Three years of chat.
I need you to roll...
I'm three.
Yeah.
A thousand sum of unconstitutional saving rolls real quick.
Real quick.
Let me know when you fail six to five times.
16.
18.
I do.
15.
19.
Stop wasting all these good rolls.
You beat him for the wolves.
11?
11's still good.
Okay.
But it's fine.
Another 11.
The magical arts only affected your physical body and not the worm.
Oh, thank goodness.
Anyways.
Which worm didn't age for years?
Fuck it.
It's very hard to get around, Stephen.
I take out my mushroom beer and I pour it in my ear.
I don't do that.
Interesting choices.
He thought about it though.
He dumb raises a bottle.
Slowly puts it back down.
I take a sip.
Cheers to you too.
You both hear a...
What?
Who's it?
No smoke in my house.
You're taking to smoking?
The wolf meat is what I was trying to get at.
I'm just...
That's extremely...
Hey man, you got some of that wolf meat?
I can really use fakes.
We're good at this game.
We're professional.
We are the epitome of professional.
This is why everyone's clamoring to hygrids.
I'm going to have a hard time finding another song next week.
I've done just nothing.
I don't know what you mean.
You've put up crazy potions.
Witchy woman.
Are you going to drink that?
No, I'm going to save it.
Actually, I guess we do know what it does now.
I don't need to check it.
You don't?
You know he felt better and then had his back slid.
We know that it's completely random.
No, we don't even know that.
It's an aging potion.
Cool.
You don't know that.
We don't know what it does still.
I'm not going to drink it until it's random.
Alfred thought he looked older, but that's pretty much it.
Yeah, that guy's an asshole.
You see Floogas get up to go take a step outside and you see him go...
My hip didn't lock up before.
I stumbled away for those listening at home.
Shuffled.
I shuffled away.
Why does my rib hurt?
My ribs never hurt before.
Must be getting ready to rain.
The air's drier now.
I related to that too.
Wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the humidity.
Now it's root for the wind.
Wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the wind.
The two seasons of the Midwest.
Windy and death.
Feed the animals.
Give Gedith a gold.
We've done a lot of things today.
Borrow his ring of protection.
Smoke meat.
As you get it, the gold you hear today.
Yes!
As he shwoop, back into the thing.
Is that part of your feeding?
Yeah.
He gets one gold every night.
And then I feed everybody else.
The steppers can probably just eat raw meat, it's fine.
As we all settle off the night, if you could all give me a constitution saving throw.
Jeff, I just did five.
Oh my gosh, but then this one's a six.
Oh my gosh.
You're kidding me.
So you're at three.
You're at two now.
I pass one finally.
Oh my gosh.
For 15.
Del, I need you to take the feat of early Sanromorphosis.
How do I add a feat?
If you go to proficiencies at the bottom, there's a manage feat.
Spell the F-E-E-T.
Features and traits at the bottom.
Not F-E-E-T.
Del is in control of this feat at all times.
I think because I'm using the mobile one, it's not the same.
I'll figure it out for you.
Here, you go to character sheet on the website.
Oh, gotcha.
And then you go to the feats and whatnot.
And then it lets you pick more.
I want you to know, Jeff, I couldn't quite decide what to pick for my feat when we leveled up last time.
But I saw the eldritch ones were all related to like...
Yeah, that's features and traits.
And it says manage feats.
What do I get, Jeff, for number three?
What do you mean number three?
I give my roll to six.
Oh, nothing.
Unless that's a pass.
No.
You have to fill another one.
You have to have a slight headache when you wake up.
Is that from the drink or from...?
It's hard to tell.
You're older now.
Booze affects you quicker now.
Oh, man.
I'd say this is a recent 31-year-old.
Not as strong as you used to be.
Your liver's seen too much.
You wake up very early next morning because you guys all passed out around nine.
My old people blew us.
Too soon, Jeff.
So it's roughly six in the morning when you all wake up.
Six a.m.?
Six a.m.
I'm sleeping in.
You're not going on early risers?
No.
I've been in one night each three years.
That bottle of potion hit me harder than anything else.
The iridescent, faintly purplish drink you had had some sort of ill effect.
For both of your references, I would be worried if it did that to a dwarf.
We don't know what it did to you.
Who has a liver the size of his head.
You're like putting on some of that like six backup organ.
Yes.
Dwarves know for their drinking.
That's one sip and goes, I feel older.
I look older.
That's weird.
When other people make good Star Trek references.
Such crisp, Steven.
That's the power of Star Trek.
Me and me want to be Jeffer over here.
Use the Force, Floodloss.
You go to hell.
Kevin Conroy died today.
That was a segue through a lot of things, but there is a connection.
It's Star Wars, Mark Hamill, Mark Hamill played the Joker.
See, I saw the post also by Mark, Marky, but I don't know who that is.
He voice actors.
Oh yes, I know who that is.
I had to look at his face to see who it was.
He was the voice everyone thinks of when they think of Batman.
I recognize the visage of Sam.
You wake up early in the morning.
I'm making breakfast.
I'm going to.
I feel great.
I feel like this is the first day I've ever woken up without a headache or something terrible happening.
I am making some eggs.
I'm going to cast Prestige agitation as much as possible to clean up as many like five foot areas as I can.
In the time that we have.
Before breakfast this year.
It takes a little bit.
The inn looks somewhat respectable.
The pile of shattered glass is now clean.
Tables look dusted.
The knife is no longer in the top of the bar with the paper strapped to it.
Once you removed that you saw on the back of the piece of paper it is sprawled.
I hate you.
What did you find there?
Oh nothing.
Just a little love note.
From who?
Grump.
That weird guy.
Glump.
Was his name.
No.
Yes.
Stop that.
He's right here.
No.
He wrote it out for all of us.
See.
He wrote me a note.
I pulled it up and I put it in my pocket.
Not the love interest I thought it would be.
But alright.
Someone for everyone.
Sorry Jeff I didn't mean to hit you.
That's okay.
I didn't advise kicking your DM under the table.
My toenails are like climbable tree talons right now so I was like I hope he's not bleeding.
Or RP chocolate.
He has talons.
Oh man.
It's after all the Inlook doll is in love with a frog.
Somewhat respectable.
There's still no boots and no food.
But it looks clean.
I'm proud of us.
Nice work y'all.
Thank you.
It's a good use of a canter.
Given the lock down.
I'm going to roll survival for me.
Wine shot.
You're making breakfast.
Making bacon pancakes.
Ten.
We're in the forest.
I'm kidding.
That's our wisdom.
With a combination of smurred wolf meat and other rations you make a decent breakfast.
Gordon Ramsay wouldn't give it a thumbs up but it's edible.
That is as cocoa.
Very angry barter.
Specializes in cooking.
The College of Chef.
What an interesting bard idea.
There is um.
Another chef to like eat.
But no there's actually a homebrewed subclass of bard.
The College of Culinary.
Pinterest believe it or not has tons and tons of good D&D resources.
And memes.
I'm not going to play another bard but.
If you did.
That's not your backup.
Steve the Zexkirt is a barbarian we all know it.
That's true.
It's an accurate statement.
I don't know that listeners at home.
I would just like to hear Stephen yell I would like to rage.
He did.
I don't need to come up with my own tagline.
I mean in the text I can let it.
Yeah.
I texted I would like to rage earlier.
I would like the big mad.
Rawr.
Anyway.
It's early in the morning.
Breakfast is served.
Del are you just storming out the door and heading for.
As soon as as soon as we're going to finish eating yes.
I'm not even I'm just going to stand up.
Put my plate in the sink.
Because I just cleaned this place.
Thank you.
I appreciate your sacrifice.
Rinse it off put it in the dishwasher.
I'm going to yeah.
Kip's garden.
Edit that so it sounds like all of us knew that.
You immediately leave the house starting down the street because you know where Kip is.
You've been there multiple times.
Wait where are you going.
Kip.
Coco where's Del.
He's getting Kip.
Come on let's go.
Who's Kip.
The guy who got us to glitter bowl last time.
Who?
The guy come on.
I don't know who you're talking about.
Stop sounding like dad in his forgetfulness.
Let's go.
Do they lose sight of me at all.
Well after I walk out the door.
No briefly yeah.
I'm going to take off my cloak flip it inside out and turn it into something else.
Alright.
Perception check.
Stealth.
Perception.
Icarilopin.
Wow it was almost a 14 and then it was a 7.
Stealth with advantage because you've now changed the entire way you look.
Are we at a 5?
It's the same.
Technically you're in town.
Okay.
I thought since it was like a nature town maybe I could finagle.
18.
7.
Aw man.
16.
I'm going to call Messiah.
Del you are gone.
As they turn to look for Del.
Oh Del is leaving.
They poke their head out the door.
He's gone.
We still know where Kitten is.
He gone.
He's gone.
I'm just kidding guys I'm over here.
You derpy.
I take my cloak back off.
I'm right.
Get that bleep.
I do somewhere.
That was fun.
Bird swears.
You see a couple people give you guys funny looks as you head out of the door.
I'm going to go.
Oh I get that.
They give you funny looks as you head out of the inn that no one ever stays from.
It's our inn.
I'm going to waved at the neighbors as we walk in.
It's our crook.
It's our... did you say it's our POCEDEN?
It's our... a crook inn.
Oh boy the joke's just kidding.
More words keep adding to...
Anyway this thing's got more evolutions than a Pokemon.
Straight up a Digimon now.
Our croak in...
It no longer resembles the original.
It's a Dian.
When a little lizard turns into like...
It's Malatang with a farm head down.
A woman.
Have you even seen Kings?
Have you seen Digimon Relations, Calli?
At one time.
Okay.
I just remember watching the early Digimon.
And dude, you're weird.
I know about it, I just never saw as much or got into it.
They're Digimon. Digital Monsters.
They're the champions.
I like Pocket Monarch myself.
Surprisingly enough, still running as a TV show.
Really? New episodes.
Wow.
That's crazy.
And just like Pokemon, still coming out with video games.
What? Really?
Ghosty look of Digimon.
It's...
Banana Pancake Crazy.
Not sponsored by Digimon.
Don't want to be.
I mean, I'll take anybody at this point.
Muna and I just played the Pokemon TCG for the first time.
Nice.
I was a...MGG guy.
Back in the day, so I never played Pokemon.
I was a Yu-Gi-Oh guy before, Digimon.
Baddaw.
I never Yu-Gi-Oh.
Ah yes, here's a great example.
Patamon.
That looks...wrong.
Turns...
As you would expect...
Into an E.
Ohhhh.
And then...and then...
It gets better.
Wait, doesn't it turn into a woman soon?
No, that's the cat one.
What?
Rat to human to machine to god.
It's so...
It's so weird.
This is the random fact portion of the episode.
Digimon makes no sense,
but surprisingly watchable.
As someone who briefly went, I remember the show when I was a kid.
I went, this was deep.
Is it? Yeah.
The next season when they age up,
and they're all like, oh yeah.
We used to be Digimon,
and there's like the next generation,
and they go back and they're like, hey my pet!
Whatever, and they're still like, every season
like the original guys are still there.
And they're like in college,
and adults with kids. What?
Why are you still here?
I'm uncomfortable with that idea,
because it shows reality.
Not the escapism I signed up for.
Hold on, wait.
I think I found the one that you were thinking of, Steven.
What's your favorite one?
I always enjoyed the one flower one
that then turned into a Caxus with boxing gloves.
Which I always thought was a dumbed down.
Tanaman,
he's like a radish,
who turns into a Cactus,
she's bothering us,
who then, wait for it,
turns into a woman.
Lillimon.
Because...
Because why not?
That's what they said. They said why not.
That's a Pokemon.
Never stop to ask if they should.
They always asked if they could,
not if they should.
Where were we?
We were chasing after Belle.
Going to Kit.
Correct.
I played a very funny joke on you guys.
I'm three years older.
This memory's going.
Why does two to be fair?
As you guys head down the street,
there were some funny looks when you leave, but eventually you blend in.
It's still pretty quiet,
it's still pretty early.
Wait, I'm starting to blend in.
Oh crap, I gotta do something.
Please don't.
You look like a gnome, right?
Yes.
Yeah, he blended.
You start to head down the road,
and you know where to hang the ride at the end of the street
to head to Kip's Mushroom Stand.
And eventually you take a few steps off the beaten path
and you find Kip.
Kip is...
Hmm.
Kip has fashioned
a large
beanbag-esque chair.
That he is partially asleep in.
Okay.
Just in the middle of his stand,
his roadside cart
with multiple tiers of mushrooms.
And he's just kind of in a big
floofy
bag.
Laying on it.
Bless you. Jeff, have we caught...
Bless you. Jeff, have we caught up
to Del at this point?
Yeah.
I'm gonna hand Del
the meat slice
from the...
Bless you from the guy.
The meat slice?
Yeah, we took a chunk of the snake.
Oh, you're gonna give him the god meat?
Well, I mean, if Del's gonna go
tss tss, you glitter gold.
It doesn't have to be meat.
You had... someone else cut off
a piece of meat, though, didn't they? Both of them
cut off meat and he also took blood.
Yeah. Yeah, we already have a piece of meat.
There's two meats. Did you cut meat?
I think... no. You cut the tail, I thought, as you
left. Um...
Did I? Cause you were like, just in case
that other piece...
Oh, no, you're right. You were the one who had
the meat. Yeah, cause you filled up a pile of blood.
Oh, did you not get a meat slice?
I guess not. I just hit the blood.
Oh, no. I remember one of us cut some
meat. I thought you both did.
We needed two individual
pieces of meat. Yeah, we did as much as we could
cause we don't know how many different DDDs
were gonna be going. Yeah, that's true.
We also need to get
these worms out of our heads.
Definitely. Delton of them.
Well, he did take a shining to you, it seemed.
I just happened to be the one that ate the mushrooms first.
You're glitter gold? Mm-hmm.
Didn't he say something about he had
something in store for you or something?
Oh, I mean, I'll take them.
I know we can both take them, too.
Well, let's do it. Koka, are you in?
Koka, what do you think? You guys go for it.
I'm gonna just not. Both of us
or one or the other? I mean...
Koka, you're the
leader. No, I'm not. We're a team.
Koka, who do you want to take the mushrooms?
Who do you want to be high off
their mind?
Del, I think... Who would you rather see
on the ground?
Myself.
Okay, Koka's
doing it. No, Koka's not doing it.
Give the mushrooms to Koka. No. I'll take
mushrooms, but I'm not gonna eat them.
Kimp was it? She's doing it.
Nope. Kimp is asleep on the
beanbag chair.
While he's asleep, can I just start harvesting?
Do we have to pay for these or are they just
free? Oh, no, you have to pay.
Generally. We have to pay generally?
We didn't pay last time. I don't think we paid
last time. I gave them to you last time.
I think I just got a free cart. He's not
a strong businessman.
Is there a sign anywhere? Like,
Ten Cents Mushrooms?
There's really
not. You can see
there is a money box.
There are really no signs.
Are they saying in the money box?
Is the money...
No, it's just on the cart. There's just a
wooden cart and it's got little
shelves and on each of the shelves there's just
mushrooms that seem to be growing out of the
cart almost. Interesting.
And just in the middle section of the cart
there's a little wooden box
with a slot cut in the top of it.
Oh, so you can't see how much is in there? No.
We honestly wouldn't even
know that he sells them.
He's never actually asked you for money.
He just kind of went, yeah, let's do this.
So if we did just take them, it's not like
we're even doing something wrong
because we don't know we're stealing.
Is this a meta discussion or are we actively
talking about trying to get out of being caught stealing?
No, this is
meta. Our characters
don't know
they're stealing if we just take them.
There's no moral ramifications.
I'm going to
make a perception check to see if I can see the money box.
Okay.
I rolled a nine.
I'm going to eat a mushroom. I rolled a nine.
What was that?
It is pretty apparent.
No signs, no. You notice there is
a box in slot. You can put together
whatever you think of it. I put like five gold in there
and take like five mushrooms.
Uh, food glass.
Roll a D100 for me.
You're going to age again. I hope so.
One of them is got
90.
That's 80.
No, that's a 10.
This is
zero, so 80.
It's a D10.
That's a 10.
I rolled a 90.
I don't know if that's how that works.
I think that's how it works.
Food glass, you are under the impression that you are invisible.
Oh my god.
And upon eating the mushroom,
it's almost like bats will
kip up. You just kind of go,
ugh, there's a bird eating
my mushrooms. I'm not eating any
mushrooms. The bird
isn't eating my mushrooms.
Birds hate mushrooms. Yeah, I don't like
them. Yucky. Oh man, whoa.
Hey, Kip.
Hey, it's you! It's me!
It's us! Yeah!
It's the guy who, yeah!
It's Del, the Mast Barre, Pergene of Severo Jackson,
one of the greatest part of our generation.
I don't know who that is.
The recipient of this year's
blessing of the
Lunar Dragon. And also,
Net Positive!
The great adventuring crew.
Koka, the ranger,
extraordinaire, and Flu Blast,
the roguish
window jumper.
You guys, can't even see.
You guys like a band or something?
I'm gonna go do, kind of like that, yeah.
I'm gonna go do bunny ears behind him.
I'm gonna go,
he has no idea.
I think he's got the
invisible one.
That's funny.
Almost doesn't seem to register you there.
So what,
what are you
two doing?
We're here to see Garl.
Why? Well, we
sort of talked to him about a thing
and he said he'd do a thing if we did the thing.
You talked to Garl? Yeah.
Whoa. Yeah, I know.
We talked to a god. We did.
He must have had so many mushrooms.
Yeah, we did. We talked to him and then we
went and we killed a different god.
And we brought a piece of that
god here to give to Garl.
Dude!
We're legit.
We're like the big leagues now.
Right?
That's a lot.
It was a lot. That's a lot for
a stupid band, man.
We're pretty, we're pretty
metal.
That was some kind of crazy show, I bet.
It was the
best show. It was, it was
on fire. It was fire. If you guys play
here, if you two should play here, just totally
let me know. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
We're not working on it. Everybody's gonna be
the show of
blood. Where did you come from, man?
Whoa.
You just appeared out of nowhere. Oh, no, I didn't.
Look, guys,
where did you come from? How did you get there, man?
I'm, no. You weren't there
before. I know. You were just right there.
You were over there eating those mushrooms before.
You weren't there anymore.
Oh, you had a mushroom? Yeah.
That's a fault. Dude.
Can I have another? Yeah,
alright.
Roll the 100.
Oh,
oh, no. Oh, no.
Dude.
What did you roll? Gas. 36.
You feel
roll a 10.
I feel.
You feel. Stop.
Six.
You feel another six years older.
Oh.
Kid just looks at you and like, whoa,
pokes you in the corner of the eyes.
You got wrinkles.
Two's enough for me. Oh, man.
Yeah,
these mushrooms will play around, man.
Sometimes they give, sometimes they take.
I'm gonna lay down. That's gay.
You see, he just kind of reaches back and grabs
one and bites into it.
Ken, can I clarify
that I'm not six years old?
You are not actually six years older.
You just feel like it for the next five minutes.
Oh, so the brewing made it stronger.
Oh, interesting.
Oh, wow. Oh, no.
Dang. Wait, so I could have
actually been invisible.
Yeah.
Like forever.
No.
Kip bites into one and you see Kip
just boop out of the bag.
Kip is gone.
Did he go invisible?
Did we see him?
And then you briefly hear, whoa,
from behind you guys.
He's just standing there eating
the rest of the mushrooms.
He gets away from behind.
That is not what I've been told before.
I see you there.
I love these.
Yeah, all right, I'll find a third.
All right, roll me 100.
31.
My 100
He really likes the 30.
What's up, Jeff?
Um, food glass.
Yeah.
I say from the floor.
After laying down
for my second.
I find it funny because I don't really know how to
play out a fake version of this.
So I'm going to have to play out a real version.
Oh, you are
gone. I'm gone.
I'm going to get back to you in a second.
What do you mean I'm gone? You take about a
mushroom and you just
What do I see? You are gone.
I don't want that.
Wait.
I'll go back to you.
Okay.
We lost? Mainly because this
is the greatest thing that you could have possibly
rolled. Can I speak?
Nope.
Wait for it.
Del and Coco.
So, glass is gone.
He's with girl. No.
I don't think that's how that happened before.
Where'd your friend go?
Where did he go? You can't see
him either?
He must have had one of the good ones.
What does that mean? A arrow. Does he come
back? Maybe. I hate that and I hate you.
He sometimes come back.
I'm going to start eating mushrooms too.
Del, no.
Del, why?
We have to go after him.
That's the worst
plan possible.
That is the most
druggy thing I've ever heard.
Oh no, we gotta go
after him, dude.
Gotta get your friend back, man.
89? Yeah. You think you're invisible.
Perfect.
Wherever I'm going.
I'm going to eat another one.
They won't see it coming.
It's just me and you now, bird lady.
Can I take mushrooms?
I'm just going to start taking, I'm just going to take
five and shove them in my bag.
I got 74.
No, I don't want to eat these mushrooms.
74, Del?
Yes.
You now believe
that Coco has been poisoned
and she's reaching
to touch y'all's mushrooms. It seems
like she just takes on a somewhat green
tint to all of her feathers
and she just looks sickly to you as she's
scooping these mushrooms into a pouch
and slapping them out of her hands.
Why? Coco!
What? Are you okay?
Not anymore! I cast
I don't know, something.
I start picking my mushrooms
back off the cart and start putting them in my bag.
Guys, it's just a
really bad trip.
It's fine. I'm not even on drugs.
She's poisoned. Well, yeah.
That's what happens when you eat
the mushrooms.
Coco! What?
You're
poisoned. I feel fine.
Come on now,
slap her. Ow! Why did you
do that? Get to your senses.
What are you talking about?
I'm panicking! Why?
Because you're poisoned. Why do you think that?
We will pause here
as we go to Flu Boss.
Flu Boss?
Uh huh.
You
bit into your mushroom. Uh huh.
I did.
Incredibly.
Now I'm gone. And all of a sudden
everything fades away. Oh, okay.
And all
you see
is
silver
and purple.
Oh. And blue.
And you're floating. Oh.
Wow.
And you can see
floating
rocks off the distance.
Stars floating above
and below you.
Oh. Oh, wow.
I'm
gonna hug a star.
And as you think this,
you start to float toward the star
you're looking at. Oh.
And you're
soaring weightlessly in this expanse.
Wee!
Oh.
So pretty.
And you see a shooting star fly
past. Oh!
Wow.
This is great.
Coca?
You are alone.
Duff?
Get it?
As you look down,
you find yourself vaguely
translucent.
I'll deal with that later.
I have the same energy as
that's going in the vault.
I don't know what to do.
Much like a
real trip I would imagine.
I don't know what to do. What do I do?
I've never been high.
You
are pretty sure you are
somewhere else entirely. Oh.
Okay. You can't feel
the ground beneath your feet anymore.
I'm going to start kicking.
Nothing. Oh, okay.
As you kick, you start
your whole body starts to rotate
and you feel your upside down.
But you really can't tell which side is right side up
anymore. At least it's a good workout.
You flail
and float and spin. Might as well get some cardio
in the middle of space.
Never mind, I'm tired of that.
I'll just float now.
Is there any more stars?
Yeah. Alright, I'll go to another
one. As you think about that, you start
to head toward that star. Yes!
Can I take
a piece of the star? As you're flying
in that direction, you start to reach out toward
what you think you probably touched a star, awesome.
You're back
in the material plane.
You're falling.
Roll and falling.
Where is he? Do I see him?
Do I hear him shout?
Hold on.
I rolled
really good.
Acrobatics?
12.
You're reaching out, you're flying toward a star and all of a sudden
you're two feet from a tree as you're
dropping in the middle of the air.
You fall about six feet with a heavy thunk
as you hit the roots.
And as you yell
for a cocoa, you turn around and see your brother just drop
out of midair.
Lugos!
Are you okay? No! Where'd you go?
I don't know! What?
Lugos!
Cocoa's poisoned!
I just revert to bird speech
and start screaming and burn. I hugged
a star! What do you mean
I scream and burn?
I hugged a star.
What does that mean? I don't know.
Tweet tweet tweet tweet!
Tweet tweet tweet!
There's a lot of stuff there
and I hugged it.
There's
stuff here. I'd make the grandie bird
scream. AHHHH!
Guys, it is way too early
to begin this endo-in, man.
You gotta space it out.
I'm not even high!
That's some kind of warning.
I'm just neurotic.
And...
I guess X is on the mushroom.
What happened to spacing him out, Kip?
What are you stressing about?
Jeff, can I ask what
the roll was
that I got? It was like a 37.
No no no.
I mean... What happened?
What was the description?
Kip eats on the mushroom and he feels
you see any
little worry lines in his head just fade away.
It's fine, it's fine.
Calm emotions on himself.
Jeff, I'm eating another one too.
Roll the 116. I would love to tell you
but I can't.
What's your roll?
66.
It seems to you
that
you're eating three bolts of lightning.
Shoot out of the starlight sky
and strike everyone around you.
Oh geez.
I'm lighting face down for reference.
After falling
down the sky?
Literally. Fluke Loss has disappeared,
reappeared, dropped, hit the ground, and then lightning
flew down and struck him.
Does he look like he's breathing?
Roll Perception.
No, roll Medicine.
I'm not.
I'm not breathing.
I will cast Healing Word
at... You rolled in that one.
Yup. Fourth level.
The highest I can.
Oh my gosh.
Guys, really.
Please do it.
I'd like to again
tell you, Kip, I am
not... I have not consumed
mushroom today.
You heal 18.
I'm going full health.
I want you to know that Kip's second mushroom
hit me so hard.
Koke, are you okay?
I'm still fine.
I'm still a little stressed out.
Wow. Even damage?
Everything.
That's why Kip just went, it's fine.
I cast Healing Word
at first level on Koke.
You heal six. Thank you.
Kip? Can I get some?
Totally.
How much?
First level for you too.
Eight. Nice.
As this is going on,
can I reach up after being face down
to grab another mushroom?
Sure.
Whoa buddy, whoa.
You took a bad trip.
This is my fourth. I'm not going to respond to Kip.
He doesn't need the second spec.
You're stressing me out.
I'm stressing myself out.
Please roll a 37.
I rolled a five.
Please roll a 37 again.
As you hear Kip say,
whoa, buddy, take it easy.
From behind Kip,
oh no.
It appears to you
that a tiny robot
similar to Giddith
walks out from behind his mushroom stall.
And just looks at you.
The intense look, Jeff.
I am going to stare at it
and raise
two hands
after being face down.
I'm going to raise my hands
and go
to the robot.
He's making a hand gesture like he's going to play
rock, paper, scissors.
Rock, paper, scissors.
This feels like the high thing to do.
You see a robot.
I love this. This is beautiful.
This is like a scene from Modern Film.
The Modron
holds up his hand
in a motion similar as though he's going to play
rock, paper, scissors.
They both chose rock.
They both chose paper.
I can't make this up.
They chose rock and then scissors.
No!
After five rounds, the Modron
wins.
The Modron then
quickly runs a lap around the mushroom cut
and goes, tap with you.
Roll a strength check for me.
It was paper to rock, by the way.
18.
As I yell, why?
The Modron just kind of wraps
his arms around your waist.
But he's not able to bring you down.
And as this happens, Kip goes, whoa.
Little robot people.
Oh, wait.
This is the weirdest morning I've had in a while.
Wait, is it real?
After a while, the Modron
fizzles away.
And just kind of disappears
into smoke.
I just saw a little man
in one eye and wings.
And he was also a robot.
Awesome.
I'll have my fourth now.
Alright, roll a d100.
You guys are stressing this poor bird out.
And birds can die from stress.
62.
She won 37, too.
You can join.
I'm going to count you guys.
I am 85, no matter what.
Del, for the next minute, you shout
whenever you speak.
You've gotten this one before.
Alright, who's next?
I can see who's got
the pipes in the band.
Del, you are so loud.
Please take the volume down, Del.
I'll take my last.
Oh, sorry, I'll start with his breakdown.
I'll take my fifth.
Alright, we'll do another d100.
44.
Alright.
I'll let you know what happens.
What?
Wouldn't I get to see Glitterdome
this time, too?
This is my fifth.
It's not a guarantee,
brother of mine.
Oh, I guess you're right.
Del, I'm almost there.
Almost to what?
I'm right behind you, buddy.
Stop shouting, both of you.
I'm not shouting, I'm talking in my normal
speaking voice, 21, Jeff.
Del, I bet I can
yell louder than you.
Is that what you got, too?
No, I know that.
Pretty or so pretty.
You gotta shout it still.
You feel like you have an edge
over everyone else.
You already did.
Like, you are just
a step ahead of everything.
Yeah.
What?
I got this, guys.
Don't worry. I've heard that before.
Yep.
Because I was there. I was there before, too.
Is this how you guys
start every day?
Yeah, pretty much.
We can hang.
I would prefer we didn't.
This is our start, our middle, and our end.
Usually I start with one, so I really dial
it up until you guys are straight to five.
Yeah, we're at five
the whole time.
We're always
five. I'm usually six.
Because I am
a step ahead, I feel.
Do you need another?
Yeah, I do.
I can see Callie editing this episode
and cutting out this past
session. I have a feeling this episode
is going to be ten minutes long.
I can see Callie cutting out
this.
I'm not.
And she just adds in her own voice line,
she says,
50 minutes of in-game drugs
to you,
and here's glitter gold.
That's if Koka
edits the episode.
I enjoy this.
Coming to you live.
Due to licensing,
we have to not air the
last three minutes of this episode.
If you would like to, please subscribe to
our Patreon.
To get that content here.
Would you like to see the things not
fit to get with your Spotify?
For the sake of our
careers. Here's Spotify
after dark.
Use the sound of a rabbit chewing
bamboo. Net positive after
hours.
Oh, Tally, you okay?
I'm totally
fine. Oh, man.
Dude, I went to another world.
Did you?
No.
You had the wrong one.
No.
You're not going to get to see glitter, man.
No, these are the right ones every time.
These are the ones, these are the ones
that lead you to, this is the path.
Did you see the robot?
No, the robot's not
on the path. What?
Yeah, no, if you see the robot, it's like
You saw the robot?
Yeah, exactly. He's never seen glitter gold
either. That's not true, man.
Yeah, I mean, he saw him the first time,
but I've seen him, like
the first, first time.
Del, Del.
Yeah. I'm older now.
I'm wiser now.
And let me tell you, I've seen
things. Yeah, I'm wiser
though, too, because I had the
Lunar God, the Lunar Dragon
gave me his blessing
that made me super wise.
Dude, I was almost an
Illithid twice.
I'm almost an Illithid like right now.
Me too.
This is my second time. We can all
talk to each other in our brains.
Oh, man, I'm doing it right now.
We're not even talking
that loud this whole time. What?
What?
Oh, that's true.
You can all communicate telepathically now.
Jeff can't even strut.
Nice.
And we've stayed in character even while everyone else is
in there.
Yeah, we're both at five now, right? Yeah, you're both at five.
Can I plug in my phone? Where's Garl?
Who?
This is it. Garl glitter gold.
Del, you're slurring your
slur. Yeah, I do that like
because I'm
because you're old.
As you point at Del and say that.
I meant that
for Del.
As you say that.
You broke
Steven.
It feels like
you
just appear next to Del.
Hi, Del.
Hey.
Yeah, Coco. You knew.
You saw a flugelust, just walk over to Del.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Did you guys see how I did that?
With your feet?
How'd you do that, man?
Would you like to know, weather boy?
Mushrooms.
I can do that spell.
You see, life can be hard.
It's not like a mushroom.
It's not like a mushroom, Kip.
It's not. I've heard you say it.
It's not like that at all.
No, he's right.
Because like the world is up
here, but then like there's all this down here
that you don't even get to see.
It's there though.
When I die first, I'm
telling mom.
Del, where are
those beans?
Are they eating beans now? Yeah.
Here's a
fun idea.
Get a little, get some dirt.
Like water it.
And then I'll eat it.
The wet dirt?
Yeah, and the beans.
No, you're not going to do that.
No.
That would be a lot of rolls.
This is a bad idea.
Let's do it, Del.
I'm not a big fan of beans, man.
No, man, you're going to love this.
They don't got the nutrients.
Beans? They're high in protein, buddy.
Where's the mushroom?
Are we supposed to be looking for garl in our
diary? Are we looking for... Oh, are you looking for garl?
Yeah.
Del, start planting gold.
What?
We have something
that he wanted us to get for him.
We've got worms. Where's Gus at these days?
Excuse me.
We have a...
The worms.
We have
monsters
inside our heads.
Demons.
Don't we all, man. Don't we all.
I'm trying to
play a high
pour. Guys, really don't mess
around. It's like
eight in the morning. We gotta
get those... No, all we do is mess around.
We gotta get those demons out.
Let's get real quick. It's a 24-7
party over here. You guys need more of the mushrooms
to get those demons out, man. Let me tell you.
Golden Glitter. That's a good idea.
Platinum Sparkle.
Who? Bronze Shimmerhead.
Gary Platinum Sparkle.
He's the...
the step above garl.
Ah.
That doesn't
sound right. Man.
That doesn't sound right. No, it's totally right.
Hey, where's... where's... where's...
where's Gus?
Oh, he's...
Um...
I don't know.
Should've waited for Gus.
Can we come back
and do more later?
I always got more mushrooms, man.
Why don't we just wander into the forest?
That would pull off for us last time. Can I have a sixth?
Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Roll a d100.
Uh... 18.
Uh, you're pretty sure you have a
long beard made of feathers.
Steven got that once.
That makes me sneeze.
Go good.
I'm more like you than we thought.
Why do you say that,
Brother Deer?
Yes, you have a great face.
I know. Yeah.
You're a nifty beard, man.
Wow.
Hey, don't make fun of him. I know.
I wish I had one.
I'm not gonna do that.
What?
I want to bite your hand.
Reaction for me.
I should've known.
I see that
go to bite my hand like eight times a day.
Except I'm never high.
No, it's just who he is as a person.
As Gus says, maybe someday
he reaches for the mushroom, bites it, and he just
is gone.
Oh, man.
We just needed Gus.
We could just walk into the forest and find him.
Like, surely someone will, one of you
will get a trace of him somehow.
There was footprints before.
Jeff, I'm gonna try and stand up.
Stand up.
I'm gonna wander into the forest.
Which direction?
Just, um...
into it.
Just a second.
Straightforward.
Just past the stall.
Straightforward.
You rolled a d20 to tell you that?
Yeah, I want to know what direction.
Out of 20 directions?
Sight.
Yeah, kind of like 10 being straight,
20 being behind me.
Okay.
Head straight into the woods.
What are you guys doing?
I'll follow.
I'm gonna pick five more mushrooms and just like, pop them
as we're going.
Del wants to see all of the
combinations.
Bell, roll a d100.
He wants to see every god.
We're gonna see every option.
If we don't see him soon, 15.
You regained five hit points.
Hey!
There you go.
Now we've all been healed while we're already at full health.
Yes. Perfect.
I'm glad that we, you know, all of us,
even Kit.
Wasted all of our spell slots on them.
Nice.
You just follow through us for
a minute or two.
And then all of a sudden you hear
pfft!
Whoa!
Oh my gosh, not again.
Guys!
He's following us.
Where is he?
He's like 20 feet up in a tree.
Guys.
I don't know how I got up there.
I was in this big purpley
space.
And I walked up the
top.
You saw that too?
Did you see the big shell?
Whoa! There was a shell?
I wanted to touch it.
Dude, I touched a star.
I hugged a star.
That was a big metal
shell, man.
It was all purggy.
There was like these little tentacle-y things
going out of it. I went up to touch it.
And I ended up in this
tree.
I was like, I can't keep getting down.
Have you ever been there before?
It was twice.
Where?
No idea, man.
Okay.
I'll hit the tree with my spear and try to knock it down.
I call it my special floaty space.
My special floaty space.
I'm bending
your special floaty space.
Maybe don't say that.
Kelly, cut this out.
I have not been to
his special
floaty space.
I can't even get through that.
Gross.
And yet, here we are.
And yet, you made it there anyway.
I start hitting the tree with my spear
to see if I can knock him out.
I'm so good at
strength.
Nine.
And
Kip loses
all grip on the branch as he's in and falls
20 feet to the ground.
I was going to try to catch him, but that feels
like some self-inflicted
Kip is unconscious.
I'll leave him that way.
He's fine.
He's just unconscious or the
he took almost maximum damage
from 20 feet fall.
I'll leave
I'll leave him a single
mushroom in case it'll restore hit points
somehow by his mouth.
Maybe it'll revive him.
Tumbles fit just straight
out of the tree.
And he does that where he lands on his upper
chest and his feet arch back and
almost touch his head as he just
pops.
He likes
blockions.
I think
he does move.
Hey!
What's up? Golden glitter girl!
Are you there?
We have
blood for you.
You want
some blood?
I'm just going to say out loud in Tinda
Forest.
There's a pause.
Before eventually you hear
well it's about time!
Oh, down there!
Do I hear or see?
It takes you
a little bit longer
until you see
this short
golden skinned, red haired
in a nice golden suit.
Oh no!
A nice little upturned red mustache.
Walk out from behind the tree,
look at you guys and go
I wasn't going to think you'd turn into some
well, alien people.
Well, we're getting there.
Yes, some of you faster than others
apparently. I can do this now and I love a
tate.
I mean, yeah.
And then he just starts to float.
Neat. Isn't that cool?
I agree.
I know.
Hey,
can you take the things out of our heads now?
Maybe. Did you do the thing we discussed?
We did. Did you kill it?
We did.
It's dead.
Alright.
We have this though. Del, do the thing.
No.
Show him the thing.
I don't need to see a business card.
Oh, that's what we call them.
We should tell people that.
Here's our card!
That's way better than saying
do the thing.
Oh my god.
Here's our card.
Here's Del for the beat tube.
What?
Get your
hands off of me, Koka!
Where's the snake tail? Good lord!
Where's the snake tail?
What?
The snake tail that you took!
Listen, I just want to be friends.
Oh my gosh.
No, Del.
You do not have my consent. That took me a second.
That's not what I meant!
I can only imagine
Koka saying that even to us.
Having no idea.
What I've heard.
She just said, kill me!
No, I meant
...
Where's the meat tube, Del?
Excuse me? Swig it around, lift up your own
I'm looking for the tail!
I don't consent!
I want you to notice, Stephen,
your reaction confused me
so thoroughly.
I was like, what are you talking about?
Oh my gosh.
I'm suffering.
You see a slight
smirk from Gawrl as he watches this happen.
But again, to be fair,
she's a bird?
That's true.
She had no idea!
She just said,
I'm sorry.
She just said
I love you, buddy.
Thanks, bud.
No, there's just
There's
No, they don't.
There's just one thing for everything
and that's what happens.
That's how it do.
That's how they all do.
We're gonna move on.
Come back in here.
Leave it all with him.
I will not be doing that.
No, that was
No, we can't. No, no!
No, leave that in!
I have people that know me listening to this.
Nobody's listening to this.
Yeah, like Dharma.
How hard they will laugh when they hear it.
When they hear Calla yell
out of dead silence,
Del, give me the meat tube.
No!
Just think of it this way.
They will hear you in complete innocence
while all of us react.
Oh my gosh.
It's not like I don't know.
It's just I wasn't thinking of it that way.
I was legitimately like, where is this cylinder
of sick tail that we took?
Perfect cherub who would never
think that way ever.
At this point, Garl looks at the three of you
and goes, are you guys done
cavorting?
Alright.
I like your funny words, Magic Man.
Cavorting me.
Oh my gosh.
I'm hurting.
We pull out
the piece
of the chosen one.
The slumbering one.
That was taken from its tail
in order to give to Glitter Gold.
It was a snake, that's why it had a tail.
This is not a snake, but
I mean it is.
And there are absolutely no inappropriate
jokes that can be made with that
phrasey.
Period.
Moving on.
Please, somebody.
Move on.
Alright.
I'll leave you
with that one on the table.
Guys, I just want to play D&D.
I'm hurting.
Here we are.
Having the best of times.
I mean I'm suffering from intense allergies.
This is not getting
better.
Did we give it to Glitter Gold yet? Yes, here.
Oh my gosh, you know what?
Our wording can't get worse.
Carl takes the lead.
No!
Seth!
There is no good way around this.
We're too far from our record. You designed this
counter.
If I had
to be fair, the amazing DM abilities
to shrug
all of this
for this moment.
You give me too much credit.
This is just
the most amount of serendipity
that I can contain
in one section.
I'm ready for my TPK now.
Literally no
combination words.
For I youth
the tiny man of the
steak meat.
Now we spend the best 20 minutes
accidentally making
inappropriate jokes like that.
The joke started from Callie.
Of all people.
I think I'm like the
second least likely person at this table
to make an appropriate joke.
Oh my gosh.
It's been
almost a year and a half in the making
that we got here.
This is quite literally
the foot pain guys.
It's been leaning out.
Oh boy.
I need to go wash my hands again.
At least the last several months have been building
toward this moment.
This phrase that that man said
promptly got me.
I can't wait until my daughter is old enough to listen to this.
Oh my gosh.
Del, give me the meat too.
That was less bad
than what Stephen said.
It was.
I'm not going to be able to not reference that
at least one at a time.
It's so much worse though.
I vote we leave all of this in.
That is my vote too.
This is the whole episode.
This is the moment where all the fans
realize.
Callie's brain went roll for speech.
Matt won.
Give me the meat too.
I'm a bird.
We don't have those where I come from.
Anyway.
Wait, what do you mean?
I say thinking I'm a bird to my sister.
When you're older you'll understand.
No, now I'm more confused than ever.
And you're older.
Yes, and I am.
And you're older.
By nine years.
For the next ten minutes.
And it's only three.
Okay, yeah.
Can we get the things out of our head now?
And I don't just mean the meat.
He looks at it.
Interestingly.
This has never happened anywhere.
And he just kind of goes, huh.
Can you stop just staring at our meat?
It's making us nervous.
I expected more.
But this is how it's going.
I can't help it now.
But this is just...
I suppose it's going to be rated X.
You see, I had fought the World Serpent long ago.
Listen, it's cold.
We were in a pool earlier.
I killed it a while ago.
Why is it red?
Is this what you wanted?
This is what you asked for.
Yes, but...
I don't know.
Me and the World Serpent go way back.
This is so much more weird.
And...
Ah.
This is just the same.
Ah, well.
And he just kind of throws it over his shoulder.
What?
Guess you have to live and let live sometimes.
You just can't get the good times back.
Anyway.
He just kind of turns to walk away.
Hahaha.
Um, we had a deal...
I'm not even asking. I'm lying.
What?
You were going to get these things out of us.
If we did this.
Oh, right.
I believe the terms of our contract were
you bring me a piece of the World Serpent.
And I would help you play a trick on the Moon Flares.
It's true. We never did specify what that trick was, though.
Okay.
This is the trick we want.
We want these things out of our heads.
And then they'll be like, aha!
Into the caliber of
Garl Glittergold.
We need to up it a little more than simply
altering fate.
Oh.
So, and he rolls up his sleeves.
Here's what we're going to do.
I'm going to remove the pesky little
parasitic vermin in your heads.
Yay!
And you
are going to deliver a special little gift
from me
to the my...
well...
to the roundabout.
To the Mind Flayers.
Okay.
I don't really like what they did to Aurini.
Please.
We were upset about it, too.
You take one of mine, I wipe out your existence.
Thanks, man.
Absolutely.
I accept all the terms and conditions.
And you see he reaches into his pocket, and
almost cartoonishly, he pulls out a
bowling ball
sized sack.
Oh!
He goes, alright, you're going to take this
and
you are
going to deliver this to
Ebnobs little
student
in the basement.
Student in the basement?
Yes. Who is that?
Nah, I'm sorry about it.
Give this to him, and he'll know what
to do. And...
Then I imagine
you'll probably have to take it to who
this was removed from.
It'll make sense.
I wouldn't look in the bag.
Okay. Do you?
I don't really want to look in the bag.
Is there a time limit on this?
I mean...
I imagine if you go too long
it'll
probably give away the element of surprise.
How long is
too long, because I'm going to be
really wanting to procrastinate for a while.
Looking at this
one, maybe
only had a few days left. But you
got some time. Depends on
what you want to do. Wait, so to clarify
we get the worms out when?
Now.
Oh, gotcha.
Okay. I understand everything that we
that you just said there. Okay.
I'm back on the same page.
Out of game, I thought
he meant the actual
clock was still ticking.
I'm okay. I'm sorry. Out of game, the actual
clock is still ticking. It's right there.
It keeps lighting up.
Three hours in.
Much like our key. Yes.
And we've only
traveled
five miles. I need to put
allergy medicine in my D&D
bag. Yes, you should.
Anyway. Alright.
I understand I'm on the same page.
I got it. I'm down
for this. Fantastic. So
who would like to start?
Who's first? I'll go first.
Alright. Go with me.
Okay.
Your hands are
awful. Awful soft.
Yes. It's a
three-part moisture resumen.
And it leads you over
to a
stump.
If you'd like to kneel down and put your head on the stump.
Okay. Oh, boy.
And now what?
Most people hold their head up before they ask.
And he pulls out
a large axe.
Ugh.
Hey, Coco, what's going on?
You're going to feel some pressure.
And he brings it up.
And he drops it on your neck.
Um.
Is he dead? I have a new character.
Here.
Let me...what happens?
Uh.
Your head is briefly separated from your body.
What?
Oh, I guess I can't make
any sound, can I? And then he
pulls the axe out.
And he goes...
He looks at you guys.
Coco's
beak is just wide open, and her
pupils are little tiny dots.
The faces that other people make when they see
this is always just the best part.
And then he reaches and he takes
your head by the hair and he puts it back on your body.
And then he kind of spins you around really quick.
And you're gone.
Ah!
Ah! Oh. Ah.
I feel younger.
And older.
But a bit younger.
That's not what I usually hear.
But it's fine, I'll take it.
I also can't hear Coco yelling at me
anymore in my head.
Yeah, now that the um...
Thank god.
The worm has been dealt with.
It wasn't yelling that much.
What? Now that the worm has been dealt with.
You probably won't hear her yelling as much.
At least not inaudibly.
I like talking to you
in the head sometimes.
I didn't like the impending death,
but I felt like it brought us
together closer in some things.
That's a trade-off.
So who's next?
I just march up to the stump and
slide my bird face into it.
What happened?
I blacked out for a moment.
Oh, you'll see. You'll see, brother dear.
Flugas, you see
Gauglet of Gold spin this
somewhat comically
large axe.
It is roughly as big as him.
And as he spins it, you can
almost hear laughter.
As he brings it up over his head and just drops it onto
Coco's neck.
And Coco's head
rolls a little bit away.
And briefly,
Coco's body stands up
and walks around a little bit.
And briefly, Coco's body stands up and walks around a little bit.
Chickens do that.
They're birds like Coco is.
And Gauglet looks up and goes,
We got a runner.
Grads your head and
puts it on your body but it's backward and you have to give your head a spin
really quick.
And eventually you're righted.
You seem fine.
You were briefly kneeling and then you were standing.
Well, that was fun. I have a headache.
You're not green anymore.
Is she still green?
I wasn't green. I was never green.
I definitely thought I was green because of the mushrooms.
My skin was blue but no one can see that.
Never green.
The opposite.
Try levitating.
Can she?
No.
Del, no.
Incontinence is a side effect.
Your turn, Del.
Motions to you, Del, and to the stone.
Down I go.
As you put your head down,
he just kind of leans down on you briefly and goes
It's the tension that really brings it all together.
And then he stands back.
And again you hear that weird laughter as he spins the axe before he raises it.
And then brings it down on your neck.
And you guys briefly see a
from the next stump of Del
a whitish-gray-skin tinge.
As his body takes on a somewhat medium shape.
I was actually dead for a second.
We were all actually dead for a second.
Yeah.
And then Garlskins, huh.
You don't see that every day.
And he goes and kind of rolls your head over to your body.
Wakey wakey.
And as he like rolls you over
a couple of times he just kind of shoves you really hard
and you tumble on the ground and then you wake up.
Yeah.
What was that?
Oh, that was just me being me.
So what was death like?
I always like to ask.
Haven't experienced it yet.
I saw a purple space and I hugged a star.
That's not right.
No.
It's worth a shot.
I'm sorry.
I saw my parents.
They were colleagues for me.
Yeah.
They were like, we love you so much.
We miss you.
We're so glad that you're here.
Now we can really get started.
Like we got all these, this whole multiverse to explore.
And we have all these things that we want to show you.
And we've just been waiting so we can get started
because we want to take you.
And then I was pulled back.
I was like, oh, I'm so excited.
I was pulled back.
I don't have parents. That really doesn't help me.
Coco.
I was running somewhere. I don't know where.
I hate exercise.
I'm so weird to look forward to.
Ah.
Still a ways off.
Anyway.
Don't forget.
You know, the thing.
We should probably do that soon.
This has been a time.
Where's Kip?
Presumably.
Under the tree he fell from when he came out of a mushroom.
He went to the purple space.
Fell.
Saw a turtle.
He does that occasionally. I'll find him.
And he just kind of wanders behind the tree.
Disappears.
What?
I say through a doll.
For some reason.
Bye, girl.
I say to Del, I guess.
Say bye.
I don't know why I might say diecast after I've made you that whole thing.
Bye, girl.
Don't you think so, girl?
How many mushrooms did you have?
I don't know. None?
Did anybody make me eat any when I was dead?
No.
But I didn't have any.
Okay.
That would have been such a great idea.
All her head was off. Just stuff it with mushrooms.
That would have led to a very painful wake up.
That would have led to a very painful wake up for you tomorrow.
Why, are you going to bite off my meat tube?
I'm editing that out.
Very intentionally.
Just in case, every night I'm going to...
Morph...
into an androgynous...
At this point you hear a...
voice from the woods.
What did I just see?
Belfie!
We're alive!
Dude, are you still here? I thought you were in the inn for breakfast.
Why did you follow us? I had to use the bathroom.
Why did you leave?
Why did you come here? I can't, there's no...
restrooms in the inn.
So I tried to find a private place,
and then I...
What? Do you want a hug?
No! Okay.
Did you all just die?
Yes. Yes!
Don't worry, you don't have to do that.
It's okay, it was just for us.
Did you see he pulls out a smaller notebook
from his back pocket and starts writing?
I hate it here.
I hate it.
I hate it so much!
We're going to Deep Shield,
do you want to go there?
No, do not invite him!
Did I just find your ever-smoking bottle?
Is this the ever-smoking bottle for you?
Now you know how it feels.
I don't know what I've been here before, I don't know where I am.
What did you say?
I don't know what I've been here before, I don't know where I am!
I don't know what you said! Wait, let me cast...
You're going to burn a spell slot for this?
No, I've got a feature.
I only get to use it once a day, but
universal speech.
As an action, I can choose five
creatures within sixty
feet, the chosen creatures can
magically understand me...
Oh, you can only understand me.
That wouldn't help to cry-speak.
Alright, well I wasted that, now I'm going to cast Tongs.
We're not doing anything else important today, right?
I mean, we're not on a time
clock anymore for the first time in like
three or four hours.
Yeah, we're going to do some dumb stuff now.
I mean, we kind of...
We've been in a few days.
Which one of you took the bowling ball?
Okay.
Clearly.
I cast Tongs.
The responsible adult took the bowling ball.
What happened?
Yeah.
As you cast
Tongs, Balfran just stills going
I don't know where I am!
I hate everything!
Balfran, go back to the inn
and write about mushrooms.
Don't go back to the inn, just go
fucking any place.
Don't read a book about mushrooms!
Dal, we have to help everyone, remember?
I don't know where I am, you brought me here!
Help!
Did we get a map at some point
or did we just show the map?
Uh...
You didn't get a map at one point.
We got a map at one point. I show them, you are
here, we're going here,
here is where you were.
Would you like to...
Here is where you should go. Go anywhere.
That's so far!
You have not been kidnapped, Balfran!
You can go where you want.
I'm gonna go!
I don't want to be here anymore.
You three will kill me.
No we won't! You just died!
And if you came back, you're a tiny man in a gold suit!
Do you want your books?
Yes! Where do you want them?
Do you want to stay at the inn?
Just dump them on the floor. No!
Dump them on the floor! No!
Let's go back to the inn! We charge!
No we don't!
You've taken everything!
We're trying to give his everything back!
Have we though?
Have we?
He was living in a tent!
We're giving him a house!
I don't think...
I don't think we're giving him a house!
I feel...
I feel like this is a great opportunity.
And...
You should be grateful.
You know what, Balfran?
You know what?
What?
You're not staying at the inn. You're out.
Where am I going?
This is your eviction.
You've evicted me already!
You took me from my home!
And then we offer you a new one!
You took me away!
Did we leave the tent there?
Yes, you left his tent!
You took him and his books!
Oh shoot.
That's unfortunate. How much is a tent?
Where's that furballed man?
Well he was wandering, right?
He was a laundry salesman.
Is there any place that sells tents?
There's the jewelry store!
You can stay with Kit!
I don't want to stay with that man!
Have a few mushrooms, you will change your mind.
Drugs solve everything.
No, they don't, though.
I don't believe in drug use.
God, the most annoying fucking character...
Doesn't do drugs.
Jeff, here's a question.
I made four of those glasses of the stuff yesterday.
Did he not drink his?
No.
What happened to it?
Just add the bar?
I will be sure to pick that up.
He didn't drink it?
Nope.
The last thing you gave him to drink...
Was a cursed item.
Was an item that popped into his face, briefly he couldn't breathe, and then absorbed into his skin.
He's probably suffering from dehydration and hallucinations.
Your ungratefulness will be your end.
Now get out.
This has been a rollercoaster today.
You know the best part about this?
We've accomplished almost nothing.
Hey, no, we got the bugs out!
This is the most important thing!
Yes!
But that was just a side effect of the last five episodes coming to a culmination.
Yes, we are finally free!
I'm not gonna turn into a mind flayer!
We can do whatever we want!
I don't know, I almost at this point wish.
We would have not been able to play our characters.
It would have been Jeff playing more people.
We would have been just sitting here eating snacks.
Hi Jeff, what do we do today?
I don't know, you kill three people and eat their brains.
Nice!
Same thing we do every night.
Are we mean or high to take over the world?
Nevermind.
So for so many episodes, Jeff was in charge of the story.
We are back in control.
What Jeff? There's mind flayers trying to take over the world?
Or we're getting back on the boat and going back to the other side of the sky?
Where there's no magic, cause why? I don't know.
I don't know.
I still want to find out about my lantern's backstory and the vision I have.
Alright, let's go there!
Immediately!
We have to tell Kinect all about this.
And then he'll be like, did you trick the mind flayers?
And we'll be like, no, we came back here to tell you what we did.
He was like, I'm setting on this big quest to stop the mind flayers and save the world.
Did you?
No.
We completely missed our opportunity.
We fought a snake?
We killed a minor god.
If we do this right away, we're gonna get swept up in the next part of the main quest.
Here's what we do.
We're never gonna get to 100% completion.
We're gonna be able to kill the rats in the bakery again!
That's definitely a repeatable quest.
Balfour, what do you think we should do?
I don't know.
No!
Give us something.
Um...
Take... take... take me somewhere safe?
Deep. Shield.
Is it safe there?
Yes!
Isn't that where the monsters are?
No.
Roll persuasion.
No.
Nope.
I don't believe you.
You don't have to.
Tell you tell them.
It's full of monsters.
It is.
A rolling cesspool.
Just things dying constantly everywhere.
That sounds like where you three belong.
Yes. We belong there.
You don't.
You undying snake killing...
...kidnappers.
Drug dealing kidnappers!
I haven't done a single drug.
Run as fast as you can.
I don't know where to.
Chilonia's nice this time of year.
Yes. Go to Chilonia.
It's all the fish.
There's a really nice turtle guy there that can maybe turn you into such a not a dick.
Tell him how you really feel.
It just smells like fish all the time.
You smell like fish all the time.
I haven't had a shower in days.
And neither have you.
Hey, hey. I bathe every morning in the dust.
That is how the bird can stay clean.
And I prestidigitation myself three times a day.
Because it's a kind trip. Why not?
Flooglass casually scrubs snake blood off of his cloak.
Because he doesn't have magic.
You get dusted too. Don't worry.
It's not gonna get out of bloodstains.
Dirt and blood kicked both in the cloaks.
And Del who looks oddly clean.
I'm the bard.
I have the face of the sword to this day.
I have to look nice. My charisma score is just nuts.
Mine's a negative two.
What is it, Del?
It is twenty.
Is it really?
As of the last level up here.
Ask me how much mine is.
What is your plus on that?
Negative.
Oh my gosh.
That's still higher than my strength score.
Oh brother.
I think that you have a higher strength than I do though.
What's your strength? Seven.
Oh, I'm thirteen.
I too am thirteen.
I don't know how that works.
Yeah, we're gonna go to the back to the inn.
And I'm gonna drink his potion that he very ungratefully left.
For your eight mushrooms.
I'll just stay at the inn.
No you won't.
I don't want to go with you anymore.
I'm gonna die.
What?
I'm seeing you all die.
We've seen a lot of people die.
You don't want to stay at the inn too long.
We've killed a lot of people too.
There's an evil drung that likes to come in there and fight people with broken glass bottles.
So I'd be careful saying that.
Of course there is.
Why wouldn't there be?
I mean if you fight him off maybe he'll say alright.
You left me in the building with an anchoring knife wielding frog.
Well no he's not in there right now.
He just could be at any moment.
Where are you from originally?
I hid everything.
What?
Hold on.
I don't know.
I know where it is.
Jeff I know that we just
fought a giant snake.
But this is
an abomination.
This is the
big bad.
This guy makes me want to learn
heat metal.
That's amazing.
He is from...
I hope that's not the other thing
you guys didn't do.
Nice.
Honeyfall.
He's from Honeyfall.
Is he saying that? Yeah.
Okay go back to Honeyfall.
Can you also show us where on Honeyfall
where on the map Honeyfall is
so we can never go there.
I'm more like you there.
I love you.
And he kind of sniffs
and holds the map
and goes where is it?
He points
to your map
Deep Shield
Lunaris
Honeyfall.
No!
That was so
genuine. No!
Sorry you wanted to go next.
Yes!
I'm going back to the other one.
That was so genuine.
What do we do now?
You know that is
too far. You should not go there.
Oh god!
I now know
exactly how Michael Scott
feels
whenever Toby is around.
It's however it feels
about the smoking bottle.
Jeffrey, are you crying?
I love the scare song.
Oh my gosh.
That's where I live.
Where are you happy to go?
You know I'm sure things have quieted down
over in the snake
place.
I can't go through the sponge by myself.
You can get
somebody.
Somebody will take you.
You're just
such a charming fellow.
I know.
I don't have anybody.
God I hate you.
I'm not even going to.
I'm going to wait forever
to the continuation of this.
Thank you.