It's perfectly synced.
He said something I don't know, maybe think about it.
It might be the first time we have sung as a warmup on the pod.
I will say I did miss this.
I know me too.
Welcome back to Tales from the Service Industry.
Tonight I am with three great hosts.
We are here with Liz, Miss B, and Mike is returning with us last season.
Hola, everybody.
Welcome back.
Yeah, welcome.
Woohoo!
I'm so happy to be here.
Great to be back.
I am too.
Now, I know that we had said originally that we would be back in the middle of January
and we swung and missed that one.
Just by month or 30 or 40 days.
Yeah, by like 30 days or so.
Whatever.
Who's counting?
Exactly.
Unfortunately, life kind of got in the way of all of us and in the way of the podcast,
but we are here and we are ready to tell some stories.
We have been compiling them, so.
Yeah.
I guess that's the positive side of being delayed on getting back to recording episodes.
We are coming off of Valentine's Day, which always provides interesting stories.
Oh, yeah.
I was going to say you mean National Singles Awareness Day.
Oh, that is painful, but yes.
Sorry, did that stab you in the chest or me?
I think that was both.
Okay.
Fair enough.
That was right between the shoulder blades, maybe.
Oh, back step.
Yeah, a little half twist.
Tonight we are powered by Red Wine again.
Yes.
Well, we're not sponsored by them, but we are powered by.
Tonight we've got Grand Cru's Pinot Noir and we are about to start on Oak Farm's Zinfandel.
If things go off the rails, please understand that that is a byproduct of Red Wine.
I'm not complaining.
All right.
So, since we're talking about Red Wine, I know kind of the 30,000 foot of one of the
stories.
So, let's do this.
Liz, why don't you kick us off and share your story of boating?
Yes.
Boating under the influence of BUI.
And I didn't know what that was until about a couple weeks ago.
Okay.
So, as everyone knows, we have watercraft rentals at my property.
We had a gentleman approach the desk and inquire about said boat rental.
We accommodated, of course.
We did think it was kind of strange that he was going out alone, but it's like, okay,
you're on vacation, you're at this luxury property, do what you want to do.
Yeah, okay.
So, if he's going to go meet people at a restaurant, just going to go stroll, like, vibe out and
have a great time on this boat for three hours.
Suspish.
That was our first red flag.
And we thought, okay, if the dude gets bored, he'll come back early.
We'll credit him for the rental time that he didn't use.
No problem.
But an hour passes by and I have used a boat repair company previously that manager calls
me on my cell.
Huh?
Why is Gerardo calling me?
He goes, uh, hey Liz, uh, I have your boat here at the boatyard.
Oh no.
I was like, what are you talking about?
I'm thinking he has me confused with like another property, another boat he's repairing.
And I say, I only have one boat out.
Is it boat number two?
And he goes, yeah, and this guy is tanked.
Oh.
And I'm like, you've got to be kidding me.
He goes, Liz, like he cannot operate this boat.
Like I took the keys out.
You have to come and get him.
Like, I don't know what to do.
I'm like, okay, I just keep him there.
I guess restrain this man.
Basically, call it cops.
I wanted to go and assess like what was really going on.
So I call security.
I'm like, guys, I just have a really serious situation that I need your director for.
Can you tell me if he's on property?
So I finally call a cell and he's like, I'm on a call.
Okay, bro.
I need your help.
Like right now, um, this guy crashed our boat at the boat repair place.
Don't know what state he's in.
Don't know what state the boat is in or the other boats that he crashed into.
And this really isn't their responsibility.
Like we have to get down there.
He's like, okay, I'll be right there.
So I grab another guy who is huge, like six, six, like freaking football center ready to
tackle anything.
If I need help, like I'm going to bring the muscle with me.
So we go down to the boat yard and the gentleman is still sitting in the boat and he's kind
of just like leaning back, just chilling.
Eyes look kind of glazed over.
I'm like, there's no alcohol in the boat at all.
Drugs.
I look for powder.
Huh.
Yeah.
Interesting.
So he's just sitting there, like not looking at anybody.
And we're like, well, if we think he's drunk, like we're going to call the cops.
Yeah.
So we do, we call the cops and we're kind of investigating and getting everyone else's
story.
And they're like, yeah, he crashed into this boat and this boat and crashed into a wall
apparently at the boat yard.
And thank goodness I've seen boats with much worse damage.
It was minimal.
But then this guy starts spouting off to the boat repair manager.
Shut the f up.
You don't know what you're talking about.
I'm not drunk.
Like you're restraining me.
You're keeping me here.
And he's yelling, like really yelling.
So I look at the director security.
I go, dude, where are the cops?
Can we call them again?
So calls dispatch again and this guy's still raising his voice in the background and they're
not telling us what their timeframe is.
And he goes, I'm so sorry, but like, can you hear this man yelling in the background?
Oh my gosh.
Cussing up a storm, racial slurs to these people.
Oh, I guess getting bad.
And they're like, oh, okay, we'll be right there.
And not like five minutes later, I have never seen like water sheriffs.
What do you call them?
I don't know why am I blinking?
Oh my God.
Do they like roll up in a boat?
Harbor patrol.
Harbor patrol lights and sirens.
Code three on the water.
On the water.
Whoa.
That's cool.
So that was cool.
And it's awkward because you're like on a dock and like trying to figure out where do
I tie up?
How do I get to this guy?
So it was like a 10 minute process of them tying up their boats to get to his damaged
boat that he is still being like blocked into.
Wait, so we see in the boat this whole time?
In the boat the whole time because because he was so trash.
They didn't want to get him out of the boat because the dock was very unstable.
We were afraid he would fall in the water and drown.
Oh, I'm just picturing now Captain Jack Sparrow in this boat and like, here I'm never getting
out.
So Bill to bring back what the hell accent was that?
I know I was trying to know it wasn't Captain Jack.
Dill is not a diarish.
Well, he sounds Irish.
I don't know.
I don't know if that joke did land it or not.
But anyway, I'm thinking I can't save this man if he falls in the water.
Like he the man driving the boat is also a heavy set guy.
I can't save him.
What am I going to do?
Toss him one of those cheap orange life vests that have to be legally in every single vessel.
That's all I could do.
So I'm like, I'm not going to have a death happen in front of me.
Like yeah, keep the guy on the freaking boat.
So Harper Patrol starts questioning him and he's not really answering them like glazed
over.
And I'm like, what is this guy doing?
Like what is he on?
Yeah.
Did he have pills in his pocket?
Like what did he mix to get what is in front of me?
Because it doesn't feel like just alcohol.
So they finally they finally get him off the boat handcuff him right away.
Oh, awesome.
Wait, so did they carry him off the boat?
Like then how did they get him on the dock and all that?
With assistance.
Good.
Yeah.
And they like linked arms like let's go buddy.
Let's get out of this boat handcuffed right away.
40 feet.
And they escort him to a nearby bench that is not on the dock and start questioning him.
Sorry if you had anything to drink today.
Can you tell us what happened?
How'd you end up here?
And the entire time he thinks he's at the hotel.
What?
Yeah.
He goes, I think I'm at a blim blim blim waterfront luxury property.
Like what are you saying to me?
Okay, I guess I did have an accent.
But we had to continuously say like, sorry, we're not there.
I thought he saw other boats that look the same or was just like, oh, this is my stop.
Let me pull in here and like, and then he starts spouting off to the cops.
I'm not drunk.
Get away from me.
And cuss word, cuss word, cuss word.
Yeah.
And you know what the hotel, other security agents are having to deal with his mother.
What?
How old is this guy?
42.
So they finally tell the mother, like, look, this is where he is.
You can go.
We're not taking you there.
That's all we can tell you.
He's a grown man.
He's an adult that made a decision.
Yeah.
Or multiple decisions.
Multiple poor decisions.
Get it?
Poor.
So the mom comes to this boatyard, but she can't interact.
And again, he's a full adult talking to police officers.
And about every three minutes or so, he just spouting off.
He's very high and low.
Yell at everybody and then be mellow and be like, I don't know what you're talking about.
That is gracious.
So come to find out.
He did get arrested for a B U I boating under the influence, which is essentially the same
thing as a DUI.
You're operating a motor vehicle, which you again signed a liability agreement to agreeing
that you would be under the legal limit.
Yeah.
So how much damage did he cause?
Well, the original quote to our vessel was about $8,000.
Yeah.
Does he have to cover that?
Yes, but the incidentals didn't go through.
Right.
The $75 hold.
We tried.
I estimated about a 3500 of damage at first and we tried to run his credit card.
Of course, it got declined.
Oh, of course.
Yeah.
So he was on pain pills.
Yeah.
And his mother was caring for him.
Not very well, but she wasn't on the hotel reservation.
It was only his name.
Obviously, she rented him a boat.
She's helping him.
But her thing was, why did you rent him a boat?
He's on meds.
He's not in the right mind.
We're like, how would we know that?
Ma'am, he's a full grown adult.
Like he filled out.
Mind you, filled out the paperwork.
Perfect penmanship.
Wow.
So I'm like, did you pop a pill and then think I'm going to boat ride?
Some of that stuff takes a while to kick in.
Yeah.
Approximately 30 minutes to an hour because it's only lasted on the rental.
Oh my God.
Wow.
So he was unfortunately taken away to jail.
Makes sense.
She had to bail him out.
Newport jail.
The...
She had to bail him out the morning after.
Nice white cushions.
With a martini.
Refreshments.
Room service in the cells.
No one's offered me a water yet.
This is getting two stars.
Steam towels.
Sorry, sorry.
Come on.
So then she came back to us and said, I can't afford this.
I'm taking care of my son.
He shouldn't have ever rented the boat in the first place.
So she did end up working with us.
I say the damage was $8,000, but that's basically fix this whole entire piece of the boat instead
of patch it.
Just replace this whole thing on the boat instead of, nah, you can bend that back.
So we agreed on a price and I told our accounting team and our management team.
So yeah, first experience for me, a boating under the influence arrest.
Wow.
It's kind of fun to have people hooked at your property though, right?
Watch them go out and handcuff.
Dude, that's awesome.
So cool.
So yeah, that was a crazy, crazy thing I've never had to deal with, but nope.
No one's fault, but his made a bad decision.
Oh my gosh.
Or his mother left him out of her sight.
42 year old man, you never know.
Gotta keep him under watch.
Mom probably should have cut him free many more years ahead of 42.
Oh my gosh, that's so wild.
But yeah, that's my crazy story that I've had the last couple of weeks.
I think that's one of the things of our industry is that like, how's this going to come back
to me on me is the main freak out.
Yeah, that's true.
And it's probably why our industry people don't last forever.
They're like, I'm out of here.
Very true.
It's my fault.
Not only that, but it's like when things do go off the rails, and even if it's a small
thing, it's like the guest wants maximum everything.
Yeah.
Like, oh, my remote control didn't work.
I want my stay comp for a remote control.
Yeah, no seriously.
I mean, it's a little bit hyperbolic, but effectively it's the same thing.
I mean, I've had people that, oh God.
Well, we had an incident the other day.
Rumitant went in, threw away a few items that were in the refrigerator.
It was $20 worth of drinks.
Guests wanted like everything comped.
How about we start with getting you back your $20 in drinks?
Yeah.
I mean, I'll even throw you a few dollars more to make it right.
You know, it's like, come on.
People are greedy.
We've talked about this before.
I do not understand why it is that people have the perception that the hotel industry
is one that you can just barter with.
So kind of on that note.
This was on Valentine's Day.
I have a new hire and it was her second day when we were in the back training on our
operating system and we were listening to videos.
Like it wasn't that quiet back there.
And I was explaining things.
All of a sudden they start hearing screaming.
So I don't even say anything to her.
I just take off running and run to the front desk and go out there and I'm like looking
and there's this guy literally yelling louder than I think I've ever heard at the top of
his lungs at my front desk agent.
And I immediately go around the desk and stand up from the guy and just like look at him.
Are you serious right now?
And the guy kind of looks at me and he's like, who are you?
And I was like, I'm the hotel manager.
What are you doing?
And he's like, well, I'm talking to him right now.
I said, no, you're not.
You're talking to me.
Why don't we go ahead and take a walk?
I'm not going anywhere.
And then I'm like, okay, you have two options.
Option A. Welcome to Bill's World.
You go ahead and you go take a walk.
You calm down.
You come back and we can discuss whatever it is you're upset with.
Option two, you don't and I kick you out.
Which is it going to be?
Well, you always take option A. Option A is the best option.
I mean, come on.
Look, for anybody out there, it doesn't matter what industry.
Option A. Take option A. Yes.
If anyone ever gives you option A or B. Take option A. Yes.
To which they take hidden door number C, where they, you know, continue.
I love that this is now a thing.
Yes, it is.
More than that, I love that it started out with option A, then went to option number
two, and then went to option number C.
Oh yeah, that one.
Thank you, Grand crew.
Yes.
Great.
Your Pinot Noir has gotten us to where we are right now.
For that.
But so this guy is so angry.
Well, his wife with him and she kind of like calms him down for a second, but you can
still see his angry.
She's like, look, I'm really sorry.
My husband's just really upset.
We reserved a suite and we talked to someone and they said we were going to get the
presidential suite and this is not the presidential suite.
And I said, okay, well, let me look into that.
And then he starts yelling again.
And I turned to him and said, sir, I can understand you're upset, but being upset does not give
you the right to abuse me, my staff or raise your voice in any way.
He said, I'm not abusing you guys.
And I said, you're yelling.
And to us that is abuse.
Well, I was yelling at that guy to which he points not to mirror my desk agent to a
guest checking in next to us, to which it was a smaller little Asian man who then just
looks during the headlights like, what the hell did I do?
And he had the presidential suite.
No, the guy was just in there and just looks like, what did I do?
And I look at him and I was like, no, no, no, we're not doing this.
And later he like walks away and I was like, why are you yelling at anyone?
He said, he looked at me funny.
And I was like, you're joking.
No.
And this like little sweet little guy was just like, what the hell did I do?
And I was like, just go to your room, go to your room.
And so I kind of deescalate the guy a little bit.
And I was like, all right, we're getting off track here.
We're going back to those two options.
I said, option A, you know, and I refresh the options.
And the wife is like, look, we don't want to cause any trouble.
But what your colleague was giving us was $100 off our room rate because we didn't get
the presidential suite.
And I said, honestly, that's more than I would have given you guys.
You're in an awesome room.
And I won't take that offer that he gave you away the $100 a night.
That's the best you're going to get.
So you take that right now or you leave.
Those are the only two options to which then walked away and they're like, we'll go ahead
and take it and store it off.
So he learned.
Yeah.
He learned about option A.
Yeah.
And I guess his wife kind of like calmed down or something because I was like, done.
No.
And at that point, honestly, at that point, I wouldn't have given him anything.
I would have told him that offer is off the table.
Well, well, I mean, I kind of said that to a point, but then his wife was apologizing.
And I was like, you know what?
I don't think this is going to work out.
I think you guys should find another place to stay.
And she's like, no, no, no, we're really sorry.
We're sorry.
He's all excited.
No, done.
Right.
Once you make that decision, stick by it, get them out.
Can I ask though, what room were they put in?
They were put in a better room than the presidential.
Seriously.
So our presidential is just big, but like it's not even that big.
It's like a quarter suite.
It's not.
It has some more furniture and things like that.
But the suite they were put in is the next floor down and it's still a big room with
like a living space, but it has an outdoor patio and like a balcony, like a sitting area.
Outside.
So it's a better room.
And we were trying to tell him that, but he just wouldn't stop screaming.
And so they went up there and I told the front desk and I said, I'm like, if I hear one
peep from him, he's gone.
Only one peep, one peep to which 10 minutes later they just came down and said, yeah,
we're really sorry that we, we yelled, we think we're going to go.
And the guests just deskied and it's like, I think that's a good idea.
Have a good night.
Perfect.
But yeah, it was what you were saying, this entitlement and this bargaining, like they
were yelling to try to get a better deal than $100 off.
And I'm like, I wouldn't even give you that.
Why don't you get out for a better room?
Yeah.
That's ridiculous.
Yeah.
Entitlement in our industry is always it with the guests.
Like I said, the bartering program, be like, come here and be like, how much are you in
150?
I'll pay 130.
They're like, you know what?
That sounds like a sweet deal.
Let's do it.
I guess for mine to piggyback off of that is the entitlement is one of the biggest issues
inside is the front desk was always the room key and the name on the room.
Oh God.
It's the date.
They're not registered.
And all of a sudden I had to buy flowers for people before because they're just screaming
wanting room key.
You explain to them, be like, I don't know you.
You don't know me.
You're not on the room.
I don't know what situation we have.
You know, we had a situation in a previous hotel that someone gave out a key to an unregistered
guest.
He went up and stole the kids from the room.
Are you?
No.
Stole the kids.
Yeah.
If you guys would have been in Garden Grove area in 2016, you know, the Amber Lurch tried
to escape beyond the on-board with a gun and five kids.
Oh my gosh.
I wonder what goes into that story because this is a Valentine's Day guys.
Oh.
So here is the story.
Well, we'll save that one.
Are you?
Yes.
We'll save that one for another one, but that's pretty much the story.
So this one is a good one.
So lovely little lady checks in.
She wears nice dresses several years ago on Valentine's Day and she goes, I'm going to
have multiple visitors.
Oh no.
She just estimate her age was around in the 60s.
I think it was 66 years old.
So you're thinking like grandkids or like friends.
Multiple visitors on Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I did think that for the nanosecond until this woman goes, they're going to be
younger men.
Someone's got a kink.
This seems different on Valentine's Day.
Are you like grandkids?
Well, I mean, mathematically, 30 goes into 70 more times than the other way around.
Oh yeah, it goes into.
But um.
So I'm working the front desk.
First guy comes in, his name's on the room, he gets a key, goes up.
Probably about an hour later comes back down, hands the key, woman comes back down.
She's like, I'd like to add another name to this room.
Oh my.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
She didn't just call.
No, she came down and wanted to make sure.
She was so sweet.
She bought a couple snacks from the gift shop, seemed a little bit.
Well she needed snacks for her party.
Yeah, I mean, no alcohol didn't seem like, we sold alcohol but she didn't purchase it.
You didn't know.
She's like, it's going to be another gentleman here.
It's like, you guys are always so nice.
Sweetest girl in the world.
Aw.
And she's like, but she did say she's like, suddenly guess will be rowdy to get up there.
Just keep them down here.
She's like, it's all exciting.
It's all in good fun.
So she went back up again.
Yeah, I hope they're all having fun.
Yep.
She checked in around three o'clock.
So about seven o'clock because my shift started at three.
I started a question and I was like, why are these guys going up here?
You obviously, my mind goes, other which way?
About seven, 15-ish rolls around and this guy's like, I need to get in that room now.
I'm like, whoa, your name's on the reservation.
She's like, you know who's going up there.
There's multiple guys going up there.
I need to get in that room right now.
I'm like, okay, who are you?
Oh my God.
No one answers in the room and no one's answering.
Like, can't get in the room.
So he's screaming at me.
He wants another room immediately.
What the?
Wait pause, Miss B, who do you think this man is?
Like her husband or brother?
I was thinking her son.
He's probably mid-30s.
I was thinking her son.
Okay, yeah.
Remember there's been, so about every hour, right?
Seven, so about at man number six.
Oh no, man number four or five now.
Oh my God.
Yeah, each of you are impressed.
Yeah, I don't know.
I thought you didn't even put up a sweatshirt.
She had to be, yeah, she was 66, 67 based upon because I had a great deal to check her
in.
So the guy was really angry.
So finally I call and get an answer.
She's like, I'm so sorry, sweetie, I'm coming down to solve this.
So I stopped right here.
I'm like, look it, I had my doubts on this room.
I'm not going to be quite honest.
What's going on?
There's a lot of guests here.
We're getting a lot of foot traffic.
I knew them.
My hotel's protected.
She's like, I'm going to tell you what I do.
Oh no.
I was like, okay.
She's like, these men have wives that are illegal in other states and I translate for them.
And she's like every day on Valentine's Day offer this surface.
Oh my God.
And the person who was trying to get up there was trying to speak to his wife who did write
a letter saying that she wouldn't be available over the phone during the time and he just
got the letter and was running up.
Wow.
Oh my God.
We're not confused.
We're horrible people.
I am so confused at the moment.
She was translating letters?
Translating just talking to them.
I guess they have wives who they don't know how to correctly translate over the phone.
She makes a connection via the phone.
You don't get it?
I think Grand crew has been powerful too hard this evening because I'm a little lost.
Oh, I get it.
That's so sweet.
It was sweet.
It was a night balance I'd say.
Didn't mean it, but it all made sense afterwards because she did have a microphone thing set
up.
That's kind of like a meeting space.
I still think they were making dirty movies.
I'm a translator.
I'm a translator that.
Oh my God.
That's a great powder story.
Bed was not even used.
All right.
Well, you don't have to use the bed.
She's 66.
She's not going to phone the floor.
She was because you look at the idea headed as like 66, you know, but it's weird was that
she had so many visitors.
Okay.
But what's even weird?
Why a hotel room?
That's what I can quite figure out.
Like why are you and I even felt bad when you told the story of the guy one in the room
like, holy cow, this is heartbreaking.
Go talk to your lover.
That's in another country that you can't communicate with.
I think the reason I was lost on all that is that I was waiting for the left turn to
be something really, really.
No, I didn't want to go.
We talked about loves and I thought that was a very beautiful story.
That was great.
Obviously, we can't tell the hotel or have the other one that we worked at, but it was
really nice and it did make sense.
And actually was confirmed by one of the gentlemen stopping by later on.
He was excited.
He actually brought the flowers to the girl.
I get to talk to my wife.
Yeah.
Wow.
Weird.
No, the hotel that Mike and I were.
I'm a romantic apparently.
The only one in the room.
Shut your mouth.
No, the hotel that Mike and I worked at was not that hotel.
We didn't get the warm and fuzzy stuff.
We got the down and dirty.
We got the down and dirty stuff.
Got any good stories?
Valentine related or down and dirty related.
One of my favorites.
We got a call from this woman that was complaining that her sink was clogged.
This is at the hotel that you and I worked at.
And so we go up to take care of the clogged sink.
Yeah.
She's got her vibrator sitting right there on the side of the sink.
No shame.
Did you try to put that away?
Did you try to unclog it with it?
That is like no filter for guests.
I remember when I went up, this was my first hotel, which would have been in Michigan.
It was a full service property and this was back in the day.
I mean, you guys were even alive.
But this is when you could still purchase videos or movies out there.
So it was like the $89 porn package.
Anyway, let's do that.
What?
So I get a call saying his movie's not done only because it's used to.
That's expensive.
Yeah.
It's expensive.
And like usually people watch it for five minutes.
They didn't watch it and then.
That's great.
Return it.
They fight it at the desk when you have to print it out.
And you're like, you did purchase it.
You can't get it for 30 seconds.
I get the call saying his movie's not working.
It's because sometimes it gets stuck in the beginning about opening.
I don't know what it was, but sometimes they don't open.
So I go up there to assist to see if I can reset it and open the door.
It's like, oh, you haven't told their TV's like my porn's not working.
Being honest.
I'm like, this is super awkward.
Where is no shame.
Well, you just sitting on the chair room trying to like trying to make it work because it's
on a TV.
You might have just wanted to watch.
Oh my God, I'm just picturing and being like, dang it's from the boy.
So canoeing with Bert Reynolds here or something.
Squeal like a pig.
I find it did want to resetting and working.
But after that he just.
And then would you say.
Run away.
Works.
No, yeah.
Have a great day.
Enjoy.
And this guy was like, make sure I'm not charged twice.
I'm like, you jerk.
Yeah, he was jerking something.
Plan on being your in room support for your porn.
Oh my God.
Oh, Valentine's Day story about the sex toy.
So I get a call from lady said she left the sex toy in her room.
She didn't mean to leave it in there, but it's called how'd she say.
She.
Yeah, because it has a name.
I had to look it up.
We all looked it up.
We actually got to see it, but it's called an octopus arm.
Anything.
Are you kidding?
No, three and a half feet in length.
I don't know how you get it in your head.
Get it out.
Didn't ask questions.
The octopus.
Okay, moving on.
So I got a call first day.
She left inside the room.
So before I could pick up the phone, I got a call from the housekeeper's supervisor.
Someone said, we don't know what's underneath the sheet, but we believe it's a dead dog.
And I'm like, hmm, would it possibly be room?
And I give the room number.
I think it's 334.
Yeah.
She's like, yeah, why?
What's up?
I'm like, someone said they left something inside their room.
Is it on the bed?
You got to come see this boss.
You think it's a dead dog?
I was like, it's not a dog.
I'll come get it.
It was.
It was like squirrely.
And it's almost three feet in length.
So we're like this long, like a cone shape, but it was swiveled.
It's like an octopus arm.
I think that's the name of it.
An octopus arm.
Yeah.
Front desk, Google it.
Crazy.
I was going to say, it must be you have a lot of Googling to do.
I do.
So much homework.
Are you Googling?
Yes, I'm going to Google this right here right now.
Come on.
Is that what you've been doing on your phone?
Is that your favorite toy that's been found in a room?
You know what?
I think it is.
It's been located just like the plane over here.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
This one is actually just recent.
Sorry.
Like I don't really give ages about the story to say it, but this one actually just happened
where this Valentine's Day.
We have a houseman work for us.
Amazing guy.
He's just one that just wants to do his job.
Always really happy to do it.
And so he's coming down and he's changing out his gloves.
He says, oh, boss had to change out the gloves.
I had lube all over it.
I'm like, why'd you, what's his name?
Like why'd you got a lube in your hand?
He's like, oh, had to remove the large blow up doll that was in there.
That's full of lube.
Oh my God.
What?
I'm like, let me see where this is going.
So I called the housekeeper supervisor.
She's like, no one told me.
It's like housekeeper.
So it was a thing in the housekeeping department.
They had to get it out of there.
It was probably about four feet.
Four feet?
Yeah, life size.
They had a real good Valentine's Day.
Oh my God.
It's really weird.
Petite life size.
No, not petite at all.
This one was very large.
Oh my God.
Yeah, an older Asian of disability.
What?
Yeah, really big.
You have hole in mouth and bottom part.
Whoa.
And full of lube.
I mean, tell them, well, actually, I really thought it was based upon the gloves and the
sheets, full lube.
But anyway, he threw in the garbage.
Why did he do that much?
Sorry.
All of the orifices?
Orifices.
Sorry.
He threw it out in the dumpster area.
And then by the time he did that.
Isn't that where he's supposed to put his lube?
Absolutely.
Yep.
And then he's like, do you see there?
Yep.
Just in.
Just.
Yeah.
Dear and her boys.
Sorry.
Go on.
Don't worry.
There's real people.
Listen to this.
That probably happened to him.
Oh my gosh.
I left that below excise doll on there.
Oh my God.
Oh no, Mary.
With a lot of money.
Do you know, one of the housekeepers actually did say that those are expensive.
I'm like, how do you know?
That makes me weird.
Wow.
But just the amount of lube in this thing.
I was like, why did you just pour it all over?
Like just not know where it went or what?
Anyway.
I'm crying.
And put it in the dumpster area.
And the taking back part about all of this, surprising enough, the whole story, was when
two homeless people decided to steal it out of the dumpster.
And the only thing I could have.
It's only slightly used.
The only thing is the point of view from them to us is seeing nine people staring out windows
at different positions.
That's the bloop doll.
It's one of your first parking lot.
If you guys can remember this Valentine's Day here in the Inland Empire, you know the
winds were high, so they didn't hold onto it.
So wind up in the next door neighbors, one in the Costco parking lot.
Oh no, she must have been so shocked.
You're kidding.
Flying away.
Oh no.
Did it open mouth?
Help her fly.
Oh my God.
It's so funny.
Okay.
I think we have to have an unofficial rule moving forward with these that we don't actively
Google results during the podcast.
Are you in a rabbit hole?
I'm not in a rabbit hole.
You're in an octopus hole?
The octopus was in a hole.
The gel luminous.
Gel luminous?
Gel luminous.
It's anime inspired.
Oh, I see.
Gel luminous, it's anime inspired.
Let's see what was this one.
The kraken.
Wait, are they still like arms?
Yeah, there's an arm length.
There's an octopus.
This thing was huge.
Octopus tentacle version.
I just don't know how you could like, I mean you gotta really work it.
Like I'm trying to, like you gotta, it's not gonna go just in.
Oh, oh, oh, no.
I have a theory.
Is it meant to like be double ended for multiple people?
Okay, we're talking about love in the air.
Valentine's Day.
Back to it guys.
Love it.
I'm gonna go with the full service property.
The previous concierge that was leaving, he reminded me of this couple.
This couple is a gentleman who works at a pharmaceutical company.
He travels work for a living.
Okay, gotcha.
So he did warn me.
The second day, he's like, oh, you're the new guy.
He goes, I just want you to know that me and my wife always like to spice it up.
So sometimes we come dressed in costume.
Oh.
And we don't bother anybody.
We just have a few drinks.
The drinks are complimentary.
You just fill out your own slip.
You make your own drink or I can make it for you and you get your derbs and you move along.
And so.
Wait, make your own drink?
Yep.
It's all complimentary.
It was.
I'm not sure if they still do that.
They charge now.
It used to be complimentary.
Well, and post COVID, you're not touching anything.
Oh, we rubbed off the face.
So.
Oh, okay.
Anyway, continue.
Sorry to interrupt.
And so it would happen once a week and it usually was a Friday because like that was
like their day, I guess.
That was their spicy night.
It was their spicy night.
It was.
Brinky Fridays.
What day of the week?
And I thought, you know, it's gonna be like maybe playing stranger.
I was like, what's going on?
I was give wasn't given a warning on what all it was.
The costumes.
Immaculate Hollywood style.
Like I walked in and he had, yeah, he had Navy outfit.
She had a 1950s nurse outfit.
It wasn't.
And even with the Navy, it was really with the Navy outfit.
He looks so regular to the T. Some guys like, thank you for your service, sir.
And the guys like, oh, no, thank you.
Staying character.
Like, do you admit like, bro, it's just a costume.
Yeah.
What do you say to that?
But I think you have to play along with it.
You're in character.
You're in full costume.
All the way.
And they used to stay perfectly in character.
If he was a naval officer, she was a nurse.
If he was a doctor, she, I think they had to follow the storyline.
Yeah.
To the T. Until one day they were there.
Sexy night.
And this guy walked in with a straight up bear costume.
Okay, that's taking it to another level.
Fuzzy.
A furry.
Yeah, like a furry.
Like a furry.
Didn't really know what it was.
And they proceeded to talk like this.
Shut up.
Completely awkward for a solid two hour.
Was she a bear too?
She was a bear too.
She was a blue one.
He was a brown one.
Sorry.
She was a blue bear.
Like a bear.
Like bright blue.
Like a lighter blue.
Okay, okay.
And that's not.
It had to be expensive.
No, but that loses it for me.
It's not authentic.
No, that was the only time they did out of the characters because they did.
They did returning.
They did returning military person.
He had a military outfit on.
No, they, no, they did do Star Wars once.
They were very big in the costume and care and it always was meet there because the,
the.
Well, if you have, I'm sorry, I'm stuck on this bill.
For those listening.
For the last 20 seconds, Liz and I have been looking at each other sideways.
Like we got to say something, but you gotta let him roll with it.
Are we still on the bear?
But I thought you were making fun of me.
I was.
Okay.
So the gentleman is in a brown bear costume.
But I'm thinking like very realistic looking like a true bear.
And this girl is like in a bright electric blue bear suit.
It's just not realistic.
I'm trying to think of like making it feel real.
It's not real.
That one was not real.
He didn't look like Chewbacca.
Am I so like off-pacer?
No, it's it.
No, moving on.
I'm sorry.
The brown bear did not look that real.
That's it.
I didn't really have like the darkness to it.
How long did they do this before they got banned?
No, they never got banned.
So it's a light chocolate.
No, they still do it.
Hopefully to today.
I thought there was a healthy relationship.
I was like, why are we still on the color of the bear?
He's still there.
He used to come in there every single day.
Niceest guy in the world.
And he used to.
So like people leaving always look like weird.
He's always like, it's just a lovely couple.
They always role play. Don't worry about it.
Well, he just broke that clever.
But yeah, it was a nice story to like those that couple that constantly had to spice up the relationship.
It's good for them.
Good for them.
Yeah, they never bothered anybody ever the whole three years I was there.
So it sounds like the man of steel really performed.
There's a phrase that I heard from a comedian and he says there's a foot out there for everybody.
Like there's a kink out there for everybody.
Everyone's into something.
Yeah.
So that truly proves that role play.
Good for them.
Pop for every lid.
I did watch that.
That's a better way of putting it.
And my mother says that this weird.
That's funny.
Good times guys.
Anybody have any A-holes of the week?
You know, I always do.
But let's let someone else share.
A-holes of the week.
I'm trying to think.
I've got one.
I'll throw this one out there and you guys can marinate on your stories.
Yeah, go ahead.
So I get this guy that comes down that is upset and he's yelling at the front desk.
This front desk calls me to come down and talk to this guy.
So I go downstairs and the guy immediately starts going off about the eff in this, the
eff in that, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So I said, you know what?
Come with me.
Let's have a seat.
I want to hear what you have to say.
So I take him away from the front desk.
We sit down on the couch and I said, you know, please share with me what your concerns are.
So he tells me about how the first room that they had eff in stank, they moved to a different
room.
That room smelled like ass and it goes on and on and on.
Just belligerent and a jerk.
Lovely.
Yeah.
One of those kind of people that you just don't want to deal with.
No, or help.
No, because I know that everything that's about to come out of this guy's mouth is, I'm not
going to say a lie, but it's highly embellished.
It's being embellished.
Yes.
So he tells me how he's a platinum member and how he wants compensation.
Of course.
Now he's only been there one night.
I said to him, I understand that you're unhappy.
I can certainly understand that this is inconvenient.
I said, but you know, based on everything that you've shared with us, truly the best thing
for all parties is that if you would have contacted the front desk, let them know that
you were dissatisfied at the time, we could have helped make things right on the day of
your check-in.
We could have made it right from the beginning.
He starts going off again about effing this, effing that.
I'm a platinum member, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I want compensation.
So I said, you know, let me take a look at your account.
I'll be back with you in just a minute.
So I go take a look at the account and the room rate on the account is really low.
It's a L and R, a locally negotiated rate.
It's a local company that does a lot of business that comes through the hotel.
So I go back to the guy and I said, you know what, I apologize for what happened.
I want to make it right.
I'm going to go ahead and take your room charges off for last night.
He looks at me and goes, that doesn't help me.
Oh, oh.
I said, I'm sorry.
He goes, my company pays for the room.
That doesn't benefit me at all.
I hate when they say that.
So you're not actually a platinum member.
Well, like, come on.
Yeah.
So there's that aspect as well.
But then this is what he says that frustrated me and ultimately led me to open a case against
him.
Oh, I love it.
He looks at me and he goes, you're going to give me points because that's how I take
my family to Hawaii every year.
Oh, crap.
And I'm thinking to myself, whoa.
So you're, wait, but you're getting rooms paid for by your company and that gets you
a vacation to Hawaii every year.
Well, to me, it sounds like he just threatened them and then with the points he gets compensated,
he takes his family to Hawaii.
Like he's making a career of threatening and terrorizing.
Correct.
Detective Miss B.
And that that's done it too long, but that is a violation of the rewards account.
The corporate part or the constant complaining part?
I mean, ultimately it's both because the, the payment source and who gets credited for
the points should match and they don't because it's being paid for by the company, but it's
going to his points account.
Unless your name is on your company card.
Correct.
Which it was not.
Of course it wasn't actually.
Was this recent?
Yeah.
This is last week.
Did you call our friend?
No, I did not call on this one.
Oh, so.
Okay.
So you opened a case.
Yeah.
So I opened a case against him.
I mean, I'm not going to know whether or not anything happens to him, but at least you
feel good about the situation and you can sleep at night.
No, I haven't saw him yet.
So no.
Oh, shit.
But it's not because of him.
No, it's not because of him.
It's just, it's me.
Hospitality rules are written pencil anyway.
That's true.
Well, I mean.
Light pencil.
People believe it is.
So my A of the week, um, we're switching up genders was a female and she came down
to the desk.
Oh, wait.
So would this be the B of the week?
Yes.
The B of the week.
Oh, I like that.
Miss B is B of the week.
Um.
Whoa.
Sounds like a new segment.
Right.
So this lady came down and she was extending her reservation and she asked to use points
and so we're like, oh, okay.
And she was extending, you know how we can automatically like create a certificate at
the desk?
Great.
Finding dandy.
She goes up on our way.
Uh, my front desk agent was having trouble attaching the certificate to the reservation.
She's like, she was telling me, she's like, yeah, I can't attach that.
It's not like letting me.
And I was like, why don't you go ahead and call support.
So she tries calling them.
And this is like all afternoon.
She's finally gets a hold of them.
They're like, um, we can't help you with this.
You need to talk to a rewards support or whatever.
And she's like, that's weird.
Why do we need to talk to them?
Then they are like, um, somebody's going to call you.
Hmm.
Red flag.
And it was just kind of weird.
And then around five o'clock, no, six o'clock, I get a call and they're like, um, your rewards
finally came back.
They're like, the reason the certificate wasn't attaching was because it was flagged fraud.
And I was like, what do you mean?
I'm like, we, how is that?
And they're like, well, we issued the certificate and then whoever's account it was flagged
that they didn't do that.
And we're like, Oh no.
And so, so the guest is currently occupying the room, not paying for it, not using points.
Yes.
So, uh, I tell the desk, because I'm not there anymore.
I was like, go ahead and call the guest and let them know that we need a method of payment
for their room or vacate because we don't have a method of payment for their room.
She doesn't pick up.
And I was like, well, keep trying.
And so they call and they tell her that.
And she's like, I don't know why you guys are calling me now.
Why didn't you guys figure this out earlier?
I do have a method of payment for everyone.
But I think very entitled and whatnot.
And was like, she probably waited until like after business hours to flag it.
Probably.
I don't know.
So it was just, she was giving my agents the run around and they weren't very firm in
saying like, just give us a method of payment.
And so it goes around and around.
And then I get a call from the agent.
They're like, she wants to talk to you.
I was like, I'm home.
I was like, but there's no manager there on duty.
I was like, all right, like text me your number.
And I star 67 it or whatever to block my number.
And I was like, hi, this is the manager.
But she's like, yeah, I don't know why you guys are bothering me.
And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, we need to stop.
She's like, I was like, you came up to the desk, you spoke with my agent and you were
Dean points to stay.
Right?
Like, yeah.
And I was like, well, whoever account that is, they reported it as fraud and said they
didn't authorize that.
Well, it's my aunt's account.
It's fine.
I was like, yeah.
And I said, okay, is your aunt and I say the name.
And I was like, can I get her, can I get her number to speak with her?
She's like, no, I'm not going to give you that.
She's like, that this is a family matter.
And I said, I'll tell you what the matter is right now.
Right now you have committed fraud and you're occupying a room you haven't paid for.
And I'm going to call the police because I don't want to deal with this anymore.
And that's what I said.
And I'm saying all this and I'm at home.
My husband's sitting there right behind me.
He just did.
But he was sitting there looking at me like, oh my God, this lady like getting all excited
back there.
But I was just ripping it.
I was like, no, we're done.
Did it happen?
We're done.
Didn't it happen to be Valentine's Day?
Close enough.
But she was like, but then immediately the attitude went away.
And she's like, oh, no, please don't call the police.
I'll be there soon.
I'll get my stuff out.
I said, it is currently, and by the way, this had dragged on for hours.
And I said, it is currently 7 30.
I'll give you till eight.
If your snuff's not out by eight, I'm calling the police.
And she's like, OK, OK, OK.
And apparently she's like ran back or whatever and got her stuff.
I wouldn't even have given her that.
Well, I gave her 30 minutes.
I wouldn't even have given her that.
I grew up till 30.
I don't believe Bill's very cold.
Oh, would you have faith to be like, I've already called the cops.
They're on their way.
Oh, I already did say that.
You did?
Oh, yeah.
Like I have already made a phone call.
Yeah.
So we weren't able to get a hold of her for a bit.
So I called the police and I said, I called the non-emergency number for our county.
But I talked to them and I told them what was going on.
And we're like, she's not leaving.
And you know, she's not paying.
I'm like, OK, we'll be there shortly.
And so by the time I was able to hold her, I was like, I just want you to know I've
already called the police.
This is done.
I'm done.
And that's when she started to do the new, please.
But yeah, so she eventually got her and got out.
But the interesting thing was, so you know how she was staying on points, she couldn't
get a credit card to go through for her incidentals.
So I, of course, and these are always the red flags.
Of course, making the exception.
And I took in cash, cash, but for like triple the amount.
So she had had cash, hundreds of dollars in cash that she put down.
And when she was talking, she's like, is it am I going to get my deposit back, that cash?
And I said, when you check out, you will come down to the desk.
A supervisor will go up and inspect that room.
And I said, I'm going to be nice.
I'm only going to charge you a half day rate.
And I was like, but we're keeping that.
Did she pick up the rest of the money?
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Oh yeah, they always do.
Yeah, they always do.
So that's my B of the week.
Don't you ever wonder what are these people doing staying in this hotel?
Oh, they go right into the next hotel next door.
Do the same thing.
Interestingly enough, I'm always curious.
But remember when Andy was here, we were talking about that guy that was scamming hotels on
certificates as well.
Yeah.
You know, they'll just keep.
That's a good story.
They'll just keep doing it until they get caught.
The sad thing was, and I'm still confused about this.
You guys obviously know that my significant that there's a nurse and this person was claiming
to be a nurse and that they were working at the local hospital.
But a lot of the stories didn't match up.
No, no.
A lot of stuff she was saying, like didn't.
Oh yeah, well, it's like, I'm not a shift right now.
It's a 12 hour shift.
I can't come and get myself out of the room.
I said, that's fine.
Then we'll go ahead and lock the room and, you know, the police will escort whoever's
in the room out.
Oh, that's fine.
I can leave right now.
And I thought you weren't there from her story.
I got the feeling that the kind of nurse she was was the one that dressed up with a fake
outfit and had lots of cash on hand and did role play.
Yes.
All right.
A.O. the week for me.
Not a big deal because we go through this a lot, but I got a call where I didn't want
to put on an incidental card.
Shocking.
For those non-listeners who doesn't know incidentals, it's to cover any charges you could make to
the room.
We do require, all hotels are different.
Usually hotels are about $20 to $50 extra added on your card.
Only.
Only or could be 20%?
I've never had mine under 100.
Yeah, I was going to say that sounds cheap.
Okay.
I think other constituents are getting ripped off.
And it is returned if nothing is placed on the room.
In six to 10 business days, depending on your banking institution.
Oh my God.
We had a very nice agent at the desk who was asking for the credit card, guest was reluctant
to give.
So she came by and she's like, Mike, we have very upset guest at the desk and he doesn't
want to give a credit card and we'll check him in.
So that's very good of her.
So I go out there and I was like, sir, would you take her card?
He's like, well, I never did this before.
You must be the only person ever did this.
This is just outrageous.
And I was like, well, we won't be able to check you in.
So I can cancel out the reservation and no charge and we'll go from there.
And I was like, oh, it's a prepayment, sir.
So we're still going to have to keep the money.
And he's like, well, you're an A-hole.
And I was like, okay, well, no, I'm just not going to let you stay.
And he's like, he's like, he's like, fine, I don't want to stare anyway.
And he's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, before I go, I'm going to get my money back.
And I'm like, you know what?
It's best that you call Hilton, explain the whole situation that you call me an A-hole
and everything.
And you have a nice night, sir.
There's walked away.
Mic drop.
I love it.
Mike did the mic drop.
This is just some of the best.
Yeah.
But I'm sorry.
When was the last time these people have stayed in a hotel?
This is every day.
All day.
All day long.
This was this today.
I just don't get it.
And we authorize, she's like, you guys authorize me for $300.
My company's paying for the room.
And I said, well, there's a $75 night incidental hold, 75 times three.
That's $300.
What?
I've never had that happen before.
And they said, if you've seen any hotel, any hotel, or have you rented a car, both
of those two are, it's a guarantee.
I think your math is a little off my speed.
75, wait, how many days?
Four days?
That'd be four days.
I often consider myself a little bit of a hodgepodge of the hospitality industry because
I started with full service properties.
So, with commonly people who stay with those full service properties, well, I've been
in the select service properties and actually worked for two star properties.
I've been to extended stay properties, which are very similar to a Motel 6, very different
clientele that people just live there.
Your rates usually between $16 and $90 a night.
You could have actual kind of clientele you get from that type of lower end hotel.
Well, also, they know what they're getting.
Yes.
It made it very easy.
There's 90 rewards program for those hotels.
No.
You check in, you check out.
Your reward is that you don't get hepatitis while you stay there.
Well, you still might, but.
The one thing I found out about that hotel, they don't authorize for incidentals.
What?
You check in, they use a little program called Hotel Get.
Just take your word on it.
Yep.
You pay exactly if the room's 159, you do the transaction right there.
Car goes through, key goes up there.
The TVs are literally bolted down by seven bolts to the desk.
You really have to break the TV to rip it off.
I will say, I stayed at one of those properties once in my life.
And you got hepatitis.
No.
I was coaching a water polo tournament and I didn't want to drive like the two plus
hours back, like two days in a row.
I was like, let me just find a hotel like 30 minutes outside of town.
And it was.
Now you have a crew of people that work at the.
No-tel Motel Star Hotel.
A two-star Motel, maybe a one-star.
And I kid you not, I did not sleep that night.
I couldn't.
The walls were so thin.
I could see under the door.
I was just scared.
Yeah.
I would have rather like slept in my car, to be honest.
But yeah, they I checked in and they were through like a window.
Yeah.
Not even no lobby like through a window.
And they were like, okay, cash or card?
People pay cash for the.
A bullet proof window.
Did they have the drawer that slid out?
Yes.
Like a gas station.
Yes.
Like the Taco Bell.
That's what you have.
It's weird.
You don't usually get used to it.
I mean, yeah, to be asked like cash or card.
I was like, card, card.
Do you take cards?
Well now you have friends that work for nothing but the big box brand.
So you don't have to risk your safety.
Well now I just make good enough money.
Even if it's a lower end hotel, it's higher end than that.
Bulletproof glass.
I think there's a little too much red wine going on tonight.
Yeah.
What kind of railing?
Brought together by Oak Farms.
Valentine episode.
Yeah, railing.
Got it.
Clink.
There have been so many puns that I've held back on too.
Oh, I know.
I've bitten my tongue a few times.
Birds of a feather here.
Birds of a feather.
One thing I did walk into for Valentine's Day, at least over 400 candles.
Oh, I was going to say 400 times.
What?
Candles inside a room.
400?
People do that.
They just covered everywhere with these little candles.
It's just a fire hazard.
Like with fire.
Oh my God, people are huge.
Yep.
When you get scared with candles, like in your own house?
Yes.
I literally, literally, trying to go to sleep and I knew there was a candle in the bathroom
and then I was having like daymares of the house burning down and the baby dying so I
had to go blow it out.
Wouldn't that be technically a nightmare?
Yeah.
But it was daytime.
But you were going to sleep?
Taking a nap.
I'm allowed to take naps.
Just a mother without them in the two-year old.
Okay.
When baby sleeps, mom sleeps.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
For all the people that are like single that talk about vacations and you know, I'm going
on vacations for like three weeks.
No, your life is a vacation.
Once you have a kid, your vacations are like three hours.
Naptime.
Three hours.
My kids never slept that long.
Oh, my kids did.
Oh, so lucky.
Yeah.
The hour and a half max two is mommy's nap time too.
You didn't train her good enough.
So we just totally stole your thunder.
I'm sorry.
No, no.
I had no thunder.
No, that was it.
I felt so weird.
I was like, they're going to burn this place down.
I was like, there's some kind of satanic rituals going on here.
I'm just saying I'm a mother too.
Dogs don't count.
Yeah.
For children are different.
Dogs are different than cats.
Yeah, I know.
They're better.
Dogs are better.
Yes.
I'm in concurrence.
Okay.
Dogs are better than humans.
Not my dogs.
Dogs eat stuff.
They eat everything.
Yeah.
And they're still better than humans.
No, I have an angel baby.
Miss B can confirm.
She has an angel baby.
Sorry guys, Tam Gent.
Where were we?
Dog mom, probes.
Like I remember when my accounting agent liked to roll a fake cockroach inside her drop envelope
and I was there doing deposits and I was like, it's all some director asking me, I'm like,
what the hell's wrong with you?
And I'm like, do you know what's it's fake?
It's totally fake.
Don't worry about it.
Everyone go back to school.
It's cool.
I had a housekeeper.
I had a housekeeper rattle up a stuffed possum in a blanket.
And so I freak out.
I get emotional.
Okay.
And so I was unraveling and a possum came out.
I literally jumped and hurtled myself on the wall.
That's funny.
And the housekeeper came right down with a broom and she's like, who are we killing,
Mike?
Who's in there?
No, I'm jealous.
How do we even find our way back?
I don't know.
We've left on this one.
I never got to tell my Christmas story.
That was the worst thing ever.
And I really want to tell the world because it's happening at our hotel.
Well, you know what?
Let's go there then.
I want to hear it.
Tell it now.
Okay, guys, I don't want to lose you guys, but this really happened at our hotel.
I'm so excited.
I still have it on my old iPhone.
Which hotel?
Our hotel that we worked at all three.
Can we let us say it?
So we got a gentleman who walks in.
It's July-ish.
He walks in.
He's got a red shirt that says, if you don't ask, you don't believe, he's got white suspenders.
I remember this.
I'm so sorry.
I remember this.
This is all true.
Okay.
Well, Miss Liz doesn't.
So there you go.
So he's got the glasses really small.
He's got a great cut beard.
Can you repeat what his shirt says?
If you have to ask, you don't believe.
It's red.
He's got white suspenders.
White beard.
Shut the light there.
I'm sorry.
This really happened.
And so parents hate me till today because I tell this story.
He's got a black engraved belt all around with gold trim.
He's got big black boots.
He's got white suspenders.
The whole thing.
He'll get them.
He walks in there.
He goes, I'm going to need a room for Christmas Eve.
I'm going to be on this Western hemisphere and I may want to take a nap.
Are you kidding me?
No.
My name is Saint Nicholas.
I was like, okay.
He was peeking now.
I was on the far.
Everyone's staring at him.
I'm like, okay, like, do you say, do you say, hello, sir Nick?
Can I have your photo ID and credit card, please, sir?
That gentleman hands me an ID and it looks real.
It says he lives on 1200 North Pole Way.
Okay.
I asked him, will there be any radio?
Oh no.
Mrs. Claus is going to be in the North Pole.
She doesn't come with me.
Do you have any vehicles?
No.
The reindeer will be on the roof with the sleigh.
Denbray character one time.
Not one time.
I was fully convinced after seeing the idea that this is Santa Claus.
Fully convinced.
This isn't a mall Santa.
This is real happening here.
I'm not like so.
Okay.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
beard and all.
Everything.
And the glasses had little designs in them.
The belt had the gold trim.
Like little snowflakes engraved.
Like this wasn't no cheap, yes.
This wasn't no cheap Santa.
Okay.
Did he have a hat?
Was he bald?
Did he have hair?
Nope.
He had bald and little red hair on here.
Okay.
Continue.
Sorry.
He makes his whole reservation.
He's just going to be in the West Harms.
He's going to slip for a couple of hours because he's got to give presents.
I imagine everybody else.
We make the reservation.
He leaves.
He calls back and asks for me in particular.
He gets transferred to my office.
I remember this.
He cancels the reservation.
He's going to push through.
And I said, all right.
I don't need a nap.
I need to deliver presents.
So I go, sir, if you're really a real deal.
I was like, how do you really deliver all those presents?
He goes, it's quite easy.
Think about it.
Who's really nice through the whole year?
He goes, think about that.
My job's easy.
So he delivers presents to all of the children who are actually nice all year and all the
other people are faking it.
So there's not that many.
It's the real Santa.
I meant the real Santa.
He walked inside our hotel.
To my money.
The real Santa happened there.
A dead son.
He did not break character once and he knew everything to say.
It's true.
And the thing is, didn't he give you a business card and we kept it?
I remember this.
I was like, never throwing this away.
Where is it?
I have follow up questions.
Go ahead.
The driver's license looked real.
Completely real.
Is there any way to verify that?
No, because as an R system, you can't swipe it.
Usually like if you're at the two stars.
We're not bartenders.
You can swipe it.
In the back, it had a black strip on it.
It had information of any like ADA give everything to the T.
Okay.
His credit card.
I didn't get the credit card for the reservation because of the type of hotel it was.
No, no, no.
No, because we're at this hotel.
I just didn't get the credit card to hold the reservation.
I was kind of like star struck.
I don't know why.
So did he pay for the reservation?
Nope.
Because he's just booking it.
So he's going to pay when he gets there.
He was just okay.
For Christmas.
For December 20.
So he stopped into the hotel.
Prior to the holiday season.
Correct.
That's always wearing the shirt that says just a shirt.
That says if you have to ask, you don't believe.
Okay.
And you were like, okay, I'll make red shirt.
White shirt.
I remember.
I'll make your reservation.
You are all set for December 24.
Bye Santa.
And everybody that I question about this, I've checked mall Santa's in.
Mall Santa's don't stay one night.
They stay a week.
This was Santa Claus.
And do you know what the best thing is?
I tell every kid this that doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
And I'm like, you have to.
I've met him.
I met Santa Claus.
He's never gone to your house.
Yep.
He walked into our hotel.
True that.
I guess there was only three options though.
That he was either A, the real Santa.
You always take option A?
Yes.
Sorry, I didn't ruin it.
Option B is completely insanity.
Option B is that he was a fake.
Or option C.
Metal hospital.
Crazy.
He was a husband from that hotel in Michigan that you worked at that they would stay in
character.
Oh my God.
He came to visit you.
He came to visit.
He was like a second or third cousin.
That was like, oh my God.
That found you.
That's what it is.
It's option C.
That's the way it's the way it's the way you never see coming.
Actually, everyone who's ever listened to the podcast, it's not option A. It's actually
option C.
No.
That's the one that's taken.
No, no, no, no.
Option A is the best option that you give.
True death.
Option C is the left turn unexpected.
Unadvertised option.
Yeah.
We know what you're saying.
We know.
We get it.
I'm sorry.
It's too much wine.
Slam it on the grapes.
We met Santa Claus.
He walked in there and I'm positive.
I'm convinced.
And like, it was so crazy how like he had an answer right away spot on.
He leaned into it.
Not faced.
Guys, he probably lived in the hotel.
I have a picture.
I ran to the security.
Remember the security room that had the court at him coming in?
I'm like, this is Santa Claus.
He was dead set on it.
Did you ask for a photo?
No, I didn't ask for a photo.
It was it went really fast.
I should have grabbed the credit card to see what I was working with.
That's my only question.
Like the ID, like you can fake.
North Pole Citizen Bank.
I mean, a fake ID these days only cost like 80 bucks.
Yeah, I know.
I had a pretty good one of Elvis.
You know, pretty good one of Elvis.
Because I was from Michigan.
We did Elvis festival.
And I'm going to defer to Liz's.
Yeah.
Have I proved that I'm absolutely deranged in this episode?
Yeah.
Spot on.
Why do you think I keep asking you to come back for these?
The strangers not like related to it.
Is that why?
Yeah.
And it was clear as I'm witty and funny and good company.
Yeah.
And range.
Yeah.
Translation is your are kind of weird.
Yeah.
Exactly.
You fit in.
Well, when I share about the podcast, the sort of the octopus tentacle.
Anyway, when I share about the podcast, they're like, oh my gosh, what do you talk about?
And I literally say, I'm just there like to throw in some drabs occasionally.
Like I don't, I don't have a lot of hotel industry stories.
I just have good commentary, I guess.
So, they'll end up inviting me back all the time.
I think this is the time to wrap it up.
Yep.
So, I mean, I have had absolute blast with you guys tonight.
Thank you so much.
So much fun.
It was a blast.
It was good meeting you too.
It was great meeting you and Miss B, it is always a pleasure to catch up.
It is.
I feel like, you know, we just kind of rehashed them the holidays.
It was amazing.
Especially Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day and a Christmas wrap up.
Who could ask for more?
Best episode ever.
Who could ask for more?
Well, to all those listening, thank you so much for downloading us again, for streaming
us again, for finding us on YouTube, Spotify and Apple and, oh goodness, just about anywhere
you can find a podcast, you can find us.
So, thank you for listening.
We will be back again in a couple of weeks.
Bye friends.
Bye.
So, yeah.
We'll see you next time.