This is going to be fun, man.
This is going to be a blast.
Cheers, everybody.
Oh, I love that.
Is the red light on?
Red light's almost always on.
So welcome back to Tales from the Service Industry.
I'm your host, I'm Bill.
Tonight with us, we have Ms. B.
Hey, guys.
Liz.
Hi, team.
And joining us is Graham.
How goes it?
Thanks for joining us.
Glad to be here.
So, Graham, typically when a guest is a first timer on the pod, we ask them to give a brief
overview of their career, whatever you're comfortable with sharing, what you have done
in the past, what you are currently doing in your role.
My hospitality career path is kind of an odd one, actually.
I know someone who owns a small little boutique hotel, and for years, he was telling me, you're
going to be good at this, like, just come work.
I think he just wanted someone he trusted at the hotel.
He's a vet, actually owns like, I don't know, 15 animal hospitals or something.
He was retired.
I thought you meant veteran.
No.
I thought that too.
Sorry.
That's why you said, oh, nice.
He's a veterinarian.
No, he kills animals on a daily basis.
From the goodness of his heart.
From the goodness of his heart, yes.
Do you have to clear that up?
Isn't that bad?
That's awesome.
Yeah, that's the puppy dog, right?
We're animal lovers here on this pod.
Me too.
That's why I'm friends with veterinarians.
Yeah, fair enough.
We love the vets.
We love all of the vets.
All different kinds.
But yeah, so he owned that place.
He's going off the rails real quick.
Yep.
Like I kept saying, no, like I got nothing to do with hospitality.
I was working actually at a pharmaceutical company before.
I was like, this is crazy.
I'm not going to go sit there overnight.
And he was like, you can study.
I was going to school at the time.
He's like, you could just study overnight and just get to learn everything.
And then when you get comfortable, you can start running it.
And you're like, nah, bro.
I was like, no.
Don't want it.
For years.
And then I finally got sick of where I was and I was like, you know what?
I'll give it a shot.
And at that time he had fired the people that he didn't like and hired a management company.
So he was like, hey, try to get a job with them.
Like I'll set you up with an interview and work with them a little bit.
And then once my contract's over with them, you can come back and try to run it.
I was like, cool.
So that's how it started.
I was like, all right, I'm willing to learn whatever.
And I had an interview with them and halfway through the interview, the guy goes, we were
doing Dr. So-and-so a favor by taking this interview, but I think we're actually going
to have a real interview.
Like halfway through.
Oh, a whole.
So he called over another guy and then we ended up having like a two hour interview.
They started me off at a pretty busy hotel.
They didn't have a position available at the time.
So I started at the front desk and they were like, you're just going to learn everything.
You're going to sit here for six months, do this for three months and blah, blah, blah.
I was like, perfect.
I ended up getting stuck at the front desk for a couple of years.
Cool.
Yeah.
The tracks.
And then three months turns into three years.
Yes.
Tracks.
Also, this was a couple of years before COVID.
Okay.
So when it was finally time to start moving up or switching over and they were like, oh,
we think you're going to be great at sales.
Like we want you to start with this.
And I started training with salespeople, COVID hits.
And hotel closes.
It did not.
It was like an extended stay hotel.
So then we had like 20% occupancy.
But there's nothing to sell.
There's nothing to sell.
Exactly.
We're just maintaining at this point.
They let go of almost everyone except myself, the front desk manager, the GM and like two
housekeepers and one maintenance dude.
So we got to learn everything.
Like I was doing night audit two nights a week, the rest normal.
And it was just bizarre.
My sleep schedule is all over the place, but I got to learn a lot.
And yeah, that's kind of how I got started in hotels and started with sales.
And then I left that company.
Then a year later, they called me back to go into management sales.
And then that's where I met this gentleman right here, had an interview with him and
then Bill.
And then, uh, and is there another gentleman in the room we didn't know about?
Just clarifying, you know, so they don't think I'm crazy.
Too late.
Yeah, we know you.
Yeah, exactly.
But other people don't.
So let me try to seem normal.
All right.
Fool some of the people all the time.
That's literally my job.
Did I mention work in sales?
You sell the dreams.
Not even that.
No, no, he's good.
No, no, but you have to finish the phrase.
Oh, normally it would be ops lives the nightmare.
But no, but here's the thing is that he and I think very similar and he and I have.
Yes.
And he and I both have an ops background.
So when we're talking about groups and how it's going to impact the hotel, there's conversations
about how is housekeeping going to handle 80 room departures on Sunday for a turn where
we've got another group coming in.
Yeah.
So I like Graham style.
I love that.
So my favorite part of my job though is watching him deal with all the guests that I don't
have to deal with any longer.
Not being in operations and just watching it.
Like the leisure transient guests.
It's so much fun actually watching the situation from outside versus being part of the solution.
I'm so glad that entertains you.
Yeah.
It's my favorite.
That's my breaks are that.
Whereas Bill has to deal with those guests and your groups.
Yeah.
And my commentary.
Your commentary.
Yes.
I truly, Graham knowing you just for a few minutes and knowing Bill for a few years now,
I don't know how you guys get anything done working in the same office.
Isn't it just YouTube guys?
Yeah.
I don't know how you get anything done.
Like can you give me a salary just to come like hang out with you guys?
That'd be freaking great.
I'll come for free.
We do need a coordinator.
A coordinator.
We do need a, we do need a coordinator.
Make me an offer.
Fortunately, it would be an offer you could review.
Yeah, definitely, definitely.
But that'd be like me and Ms. B. We used to work together and I didn't get shit done.
Those were the good old days.
It was great.
We would always just go bug each other in each other's offices.
We used to close a blinds in your office.
Yeah.
It's a serious conversation.
Nope.
We're in a meeting guys.
No, we get a lot done, but it's a good relationship because like when there's a group or whatever,
it's literally one of those, Hey, you got a minute?
Sure.
Sit down.
Yeah.
I can hear him stand up around the corner.
I gotta say it is nice that your GM is so accessible.
Like if you need assistance, you have a quick question.
It's not like I haven't seen him in a few days.
Let me send them an email and try and get a meeting scheduled.
No, I think we've emailed each other maybe like three times in the past two months.
There's no point.
We just have a conversation.
Hey boss.
Exactly.
We just like pop in.
Hey, question.
Yeah.
And he knows if it's a work related question, it's, Hey, you got a minute?
And if it's a, he just stops typing.
He's like, what's up?
Take a seat.
Exactly.
But do you even have to take a seat or is it just like rolling in your office chair?
No, it's you got to, yeah.
There's a wall.
No, there's furniture carpet.
So we could visit them someday, but we're going to surprise them.
We'll be able to find it.
Oh, we'll find it.
Or do we just act like a second floor?
Or do we just hear you?
No, we'll just act like an aggravated guest.
I need to speak to the GM.
Yes.
And the director of sales.
We've got a longterm guest that knows my office.
It's so funny.
Oh, wait, we could just ask.
And they just think that they can come like every time they want to talk to me.
I didn't know about this.
Like he told me about them, but I didn't know that they just pop up like this and they knock
on the door.
And of course I go open the door.
She doesn't know who I am.
She's like, is Bill here?
I need to tell him something.
All right.
I made her cockney, like she's not that British.
Just say, I'm sorry, this is my hotel room.
Who are you?
Should have just yelled that in Arabic.
But did you see the do not disturb sign on the door, ma'am?
Oh my God.
I don't need housekeeping service.
Are you here to clean the rooms?
Just hand her my laundry.
I expect it by tomorrow.
Do you have any extra towels for me?
I did put in that request.
Are you here to fix the toilet?
You're going to need gloves.
But do other internal employees just pop in your office?
No.
That's so nice.
If an employee comes to my office, they come in through the office, not from the bat cave
outer door.
And he knows who's coming up the stairs by the way they come up the stairs.
Oh, you know them by their steps.
He'll say hello.
So and so while they're halfway up and based on their shoes or steps or cadence.
It's D all the above.
It's like, I know who is carrying keys.
I know how people walk.
I know who like drags their feet.
I know the people that look at the stairs and go, oh, so funny.
It's so funny because now I start recognizing it.
But I can agree.
I wear like a key fob to get around, but I also have a dock box key and it's a very distinctive
rattle and people announced me when I walk in the door.
I'm like, I wasn't making any noise.
And they always say like, it's your key fob.
I can hear it.
See, I just make an entrance.
And then they know it's me.
Miss me here.
Hello, Lucy.
My boss has actually sent me like memes and gifs and stuff of just how I enter a room.
You're just Kramer every door.
Basically, I like just announce myself.
I'm always so dramatic.
I just go in.
Oh, you're not going to every time you went to a room, it's just like a scene and scene.
I still attest we would not get any work done if we all work together.
100% would be the best.
It would be the best.
I think we would get plenty of work done.
And fun.
It would just be less stressful.
Mandatory happy hours for the team.
That sounds wonderful.
Now, this week has been rough.
This week has been one of those kind of like F in the A sort of weeks.
Love that.
So much so that you do.
Thank you.
Thanks.
I'm not the only one.
Thank you.
I told them I had a sore throat yesterday.
He's like, you did work at West Hollywood.
God damn it.
I need a cough drop.
Not whatever.
Anyway, continue.
So much happened this week that I legitimately cannot remember.
Yeah, that happens.
Like notes.
No, I started to take notes and then I gave up.
It was too much.
How about we start with today?
Work backwards in the week.
Work backwards.
Let's go.
Today was a very interesting one.
Started this morning around 8 a.m.
Get a phone call from the monitoring company that the fire alarm is going off at the hotel.
Pull station had been yanked.
Turned out it was one of our contractors.
Yeah, they were taping off stuff because they're painting.
OK.
I pulled it.
You let someone else paint.
Not helping, Liz.
Sorry.
Wait.
So the thing where you pull for fire.
Yeah.
So he was taping.
So he was masking off like lights and switches and stuff like that.
Fire alarms.
Yeah.
The pull stations because they got to stay red.
Right.
What a ding dong.
Are you like super careful if you're that painter putting masking tape over?
I don't know.
Fire alarms.
One would think.
Like I'm going to be super gentle here and careful.
But the fire alarm is going to go off.
Yeah.
It's going to cost us a couple hundred bucks because we had to have the monitoring company
come out and replace the pull station.
Oh, an angry guest.
And the fire department is just going to think you're ding dongs.
Fortunately, they didn't roll.
They called us.
We were able to tell them it's a false alarm due to construction work, et cetera.
OK, that's good.
So that's how you started your day today.
Yeah.
That was the start.
What a great, good morning, Bill.
That's not even what I was talking.
I forgot about that.
Oh, what were you talking about?
Uh, the email.
The guy that was the smoking in his room.
Oh, yeah, no, no, no.
That was afterwards.
Yeah.
That's just normal crap.
Come on.
No.
Oh, no.
I just read the email laughing the whole time.
Bill's going to have fun with this.
OK, do tell.
Well, you know what?
Where's my bag?
I brought let's get the pass on.
I brought notes.
Do you want the pass on?
No, no, I actually printed out the email that I sent to the sending hotel.
Oh, beautiful.
Bill likes to print out collateral for us to review.
I'm aware.
It's great.
I'm not going to lie.
I was laughing the whole time.
I was laughing the whole time I was reading it.
Not because the situation is funny, because I knew Bill's reaction is going to be great.
She just saw multiple papers and she's like, let's get it.
We brought receipts.
Oh, this is actually a couple of weeks worth of silly stuff that happened at the hotel.
I'm excited.
I mean, I think last we spoke, you were like, I've got some stories, but we'll save it for
next time.
So you're locked and loaded.
Oh, I don't even remember what those stories were.
I'm going to have to go back and review my grant.
I might be able to help.
I'll help.
But these are funnier.
OK, so I get a phone call today from the front desk saying, hey, I need you to come talk
to a guest.
Great.
This guest has been with us for a week and a half, booked in on an associate rate.
When he first checked in, the form was semi-legible.
Definitely not an original printed form at the time of check in, but reasonably legible.
Every time he extended, he had to make a new reservation, which means he had to provide
a new form because he has to check back in.
Right.
Was it like crumpled?
No, no, no, no, no.
Like blurry.
Like copied and copied and copied?
Like a picture, like a print of a picture.
Copy generations of photocopies.
The last one that he had provided was so bad that you couldn't even read it.
And every time he checked in, the front desk was saying, you know, we need a better copy.
And he was getting pissed about the fact that every time I have to check in, I have to give
a new copy.
Right.
So he comes to the front desk and he wants to know why they're telling him that he can't
extend.
And I said, well, every time you check in, front desk is telling you we need a better
form, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, says, well, I've got all these problems.
So he shares with us this long list of his complaints on an associate rate.
Oh, yeah.
Namaste.
Three, two, one, go.
So he runs at the mouth and he's telling me about all these problems.
I'm listening and I'm listening and I'm listening and I'm trying to be cool, but I'm already
irritated with this dude because to your point, yes, you're on an associate rate.
The form clearly says when you were traveling on that form, you were a representative of
the company.
Right.
So guy's behavior is terrible.
He's giving me the rundown on all these things that are wrong and I'm listening and I'm already
like, you're a jerk.
Yeah.
So I said to him, you know what, let's address each of your concerns, but let's go back to
the beginning and let's start with the form that you began the conversation with.
Like that.
So I said, you know, every time that you've checked in, the form has been degrading.
The front desk supervisor spoke to you about it, made it very clear that we needed a better
form.
He's like, well, I can't give a better form, which I find.
Find your original email with the form.
Well, you see, I said that to him, but he doesn't have that email.
Who deletes emails?
Right.
Especially with a form.
I'm favoriting that.
You're like, uh, let's see, I'm going to do that and then I put a calendar reminder when
it expires so I can unfavor it.
Literally.
No, I know.
Mine is good through July.
But you're a good traveler on a associate rate.
I do have a story on that.
This person was not.
Yeah.
I'll table it.
Yeah.
We'll put a pin loop back.
Yeah.
Love that.
So this person sucks.
He performs and he starts getting upset with me and he starts to swear.
Let's go.
And I don't really like that.
It's like, I get it that people can be frustrated and I don't, I don't mind if a few profanities
slip out about the traffic or about your flight, but when you make it personal, totally different
story about your hotel or about you.
No, even, even me, I'm thicker skinned, but when you start picking on my associates, no,
Papa bear comes out.
The conversation between me and this gentleman devolves very quickly.
He's talking about how last night he came back to his room and the door handle was like
pulled off the door, which I thought was interesting.
That just doesn't happen.
Yeah, no.
Sorry.
So what did you do to it, bro?
Yeah.
He's wanting compensation.
Didn't he bring the door handle?
No, no, no.
He didn't bring the door handle down, but he told me that he wanted compensation.
This is hotel gossip, Graham.
That is hotel gossip.
That's what I understood from the email.
That's why I was like, no, no, no.
He didn't, he didn't.
He didn't bring the door handle down.
So the whole thing starts to devolve and he starts to swear even more.
And I'm like, look, you want to keep swearing.
The conversation's over.
So I start to see red and my professionalism starts to slip a little bit.
The guy keeps talking.
He wants me to answer.
Every time I opened my mouth, he starts to talk over me.
I got so frustrated at one point that I found myself treating this guy like a five year
old.
Good.
Deserved it.
Like Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith.
You clapped at him.
Yeah.
Three times.
I was so pissed with this fool.
No, no, no.
We saw.
No, no, no.
We saw.
I want to hear this.
I ain't going to cut it.
We're going back and forth and back and forth.
He said something in a slip that I realized is the root of his problem.
Okay.
And that is this small dick.
Close.
Okay.
When that form that we had was so illegible, I went back a couple of forms and I found
the contact information for the GM of the issuing hotel.
So I sent an email that just simply said, is such and such person a current employee
at your hotel?
Because we've received this form and I included a form of how badly washed it was.
And I said, you know, we've received this form and it doesn't feel right.
There's red flags.
So I just want to make sure that this person is actually employed.
Cause you know, the form will come back with the serial number that says it's a valid form,
but we've been finding forms that are fraudulent, even though they're valid.
Does that make sense?
Like it's issued by an associate.
It's a valid form.
And they'll change the name and.
But they're like selling the form.
So it's fraudulent, but it's valid.
Which is another story that we have from last week.
Yes.
That's another story.
I know there's too many of them.
I'm glad I remembered that one.
That one's a good one.
That's a great one.
This one's anger full.
That one is just odd.
Just put a pin in that too.
We'll favorite that one as well.
Yes.
So basically I caused this guy some grief when I reached out to that GM because he makes
a comment about how we're meddling in his life when he's yelling at me, when he's pissed,
you're getting involved in my life and it didn't quite dawn on me at the moment.
And then I had to put two and two together and I came up with four.
And that's how I realized that contacting that GM has probably caused this guy to be
upset.
Oh yeah.
And so while he's yelling at me initially, he takes his phone out, does something and
sets it on the counter down below.
He's recording you.
Yeah, totally.
And I even call him out on it.
I'm like, I don't appreciate you recording me.
He goes, here's my hands.
You can see my hands.
Oh, bull crap.
Won't answer the question that he's recording.
Just like, oh no, no, here's my hands.
I'm like, look man, I know you're recording, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And he's like, oh, well you're recording too.
And he points to the cameras.
I'm like, well, security cameras.
That's for the safety and security of all guests and associates at this hotel, you ding
dong.
Yeah.
And he's like, you're recording your voice too.
No, I'm not.
That's against California law.
It's a two party state.
Both people have to agree to be recorded.
So no, we don't record audio.
Whole time he is recording audio.
I realize that I've brought some of this on us with that email to that GM.
Right.
I asked him who issued you the form.
Oh, here we go.
And he gives me the name.
I said, great.
What's the relation between that person and you on the form?
He says, I don't know.
Well, you probably should because that's supposed to be your family.
What do you think the relationship is?
Really?
Between the person on the form and him.
What is it listed at on the form?
Oh, brother or sister.
Oh yeah, brother or sister.
Closer than that.
Mother, father?
Spouse.
Oh.
Challenge here is that the name on the form does not match the name that he claims is
his girlfriend.
Oh, okay.
What?
So he got his hand caught in the cookie jar.
That's what I think upset him the most because he got ratted out because he was passing fraudulent
stuff that caused me to check into it, which set off alarm bells there, which got back
to him.
So what pissed me off is that he starts going off in the lobby.
F you this, F you that, all sorts of terrible stuff, ends the conversation walking out telling
me, f**k you and suck my dick.
And his aunt works at the FBI.
That was a nice little jab.
They love saying that.
Which makes no sense.
You know, and the whole time I'm talking to him, he's talking about how I've already called
corporate.
Go for it.
Really?
I'm not going to be able to find their number.
I'm going to be able to find their number.
So apparently corporate had talked to him and corporate basically told him to go kick
rocks.
So is the associate getting in trouble with their hotel?
I don't know.
Cause it could be the associate giving the form, oh, I guess to their spouse.
No.
Well, that's what this person was listed as.
But it could be the person that just got ahold of this form doing the fraud, not the associate.
Like is there an instance where the associate just doesn't know what's going on?
Yes.
Associates family or something.
They issued it to their spouse.
That are the a-holes and not the associate.
And then sold it and then sold it.
Well, I don't know about that and I don't really care, but what I did say to the GM
was beyond issuing the form, this associate is not at fault for the behavior of this guest.
My concern is solely focused on the guest behavior.
Yeah.
That was very nice of you.
Well, it's honest because I don't know what actually happened at their property.
All I see is what's happening at my property.
So I sent all this off to their GM.
So one of his gripes was that we asked him for a form every time he tries to check in.
Read the form, dude.
Not only that, but I don't know.
We're going to check your ID and ask for a credit card too.
And he was pissed off about both of those.
How often has he stayed at your hotel?
Six reservations, eight nights in the last four weeks.
Four weeks?
Yes.
Eight nights in four weeks?
Yes.
And he said the fact that we were holding incidentals on his credit card.
Good God.
He was upset that he quote unquote had to repeatedly move rooms, even though he requested it.
Booked separate reservations.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, because the door is broken according to him and he wants to move rooms.
Complained about the bed, complained about the door, complained about a shower, complained
about all these things.
Doesn't want it fixed, wants to be moved.
This guy complained that he had to show his ID at check-in.
Yes.
What a doucher.
Why do you need a new form every time?
They know who I am.
But we need a valid form.
On the form.
That's it.
And one of the things that he countered me with with the forms, because I was telling
him, the form is, it's illegible.
I can't read it.
He goes, well, you accepted it.
That's your problem.
Oh.
No, that's not how this is going to work.
If I fight you, it becomes your problem.
I want to work with you.
She's fine to work with.
Oh, she will cut you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't want to work with you.
No, you're fine.
It's other people.
You cross me.
And laughed the entire time.
Oh.
Something else that he said that I kind of got a kick out of is one of the things that
he was upset about was being disturbed by employees making noise, trying to get into
a room.
By working?
No, no.
He said.
He was disturbed by them just working.
Yeah, that they were making noise and that they were trying to open the door because
there was a dead body in the room.
Oh my God.
No, no.
Here's the thing that's funny about this is that I didn't put two and two together,
but I'm the one that told that guy at the time that we were working on the door that
the lock had a dead battery.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Dead battery.
Dead body.
Yes.
Do you think he was on drugs?
I smoked a lot of weed, but he didn't smoke in the room.
We only smoked in his car.
Are you his partner?
I'm the spouse.
You're the spouse.
That would have been such a fun interview.
It's not my name on the form.
No, Liz.
No, no last name.
Just charged the hell out of him.
Please.
Yeah.
How much authorization did the credit card have?
Smoke fee, inconvenience fee, you fee.
I just wanted him gone.
I literally just wanted him gone.
Just go away.
Did you boot him?
You had to have evicted him.
Well, no.
He was due to check out today, but I told him, I said, look, at this point, you are not being
extended and you will not be welcome back to the hotel.
Period.
He says to us, well, what are you going to do about it?
I said, what?
He goes, yeah, anybody can make a reservation.
Cancel it.
Good luck checking in.
Yeah, you can make the reservation, but you have to come through the front desk and they're
not going to accept your reservation.
Like you said, everyone knows you.
Bye bye.
Here's the thing that really pissed me off though, is that out of all the nights that
he stayed, seven of them are on an associate form.
One of them was on points.
Guess who gets a survey.
Oh my God.
He got a survey.
Yes.
Mother.
Forker.
Exactly.
Do we have the survey?
Yes.
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
I didn't even see this yet.
Wait, can we do a guess that rating?
No, because you know the answer already.
It's true.
It's just fun.
So what is it?
Is it at a five or 10?
It's a one.
Apparently he does not recommend.
He would have given you a zero if he had the opportunity.
If his spouse didn't find out.
Oh, so my response and all there's a couple lines of fluff as I introduce and blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
You know, usual pretty much.
This is Bill.
I'm very important.
You can fuck yourself.
Oh no, please enjoy the next paragraph.
I said, as I certainly understand the frustration of having to change rooms due to the issues
you noted in your survey, none of these are related to the reason you were asked to leave
the hotel.
The reason you were advised that your reservation would not be extended and future reservations
would be denied is directly tied to your behavior, threats of job loss, suing the hotel, recording
my staff and myself without consent, your admission of recording other guests and your
displeasure with the hotel adhering to processes related to the associate rate form, which
made up the bulk of your stays with us.
I'm sorry that you found our adherence to policies set forth by the brand and preventing
the verbal abuse of staff to be unfavorable.
And I wish you the best in future stays at a hotel other than ours.
No, wait, wait, wait.
I feel like you needed to end that with love, Bill.
Did you add no.
Oh, but we've talked about this.
Adding the notes.
You can only see them at your hotel.
Oh, no.
The notes on his profile.
Oh, no.
There's notes on his account that everyone will be able to see.
Way to go.
Love that.
Good job.
So he's not making my Christmas card list.
Do associates like can they open cases on associate rates?
I mean, anyone can.
Yeah.
Yeah, but you don't really want to open that kind of warrants because you're always going
to be the one that's going to get like, oh, you're an associate.
You should know.
And then they're going to go through the list of things.
That's what that paper is all about.
It's telling you how you're supposed to act at other hotels, how this is going to come
back, how it could affect your job.
Like I know people that lost their jobs because their cousin trashed the room on a friends
and family.
That's why I'm very stingy with my form.
Only my sister gets it.
Even if they're such like nice people and they're good or whatever, but like their family
members literally trashed the room.
They're like, we got to let you go.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
Do you want to hear my ding dong story of my recent check in on an associate rate?
Okay, so I took a little staycation the last three, four days.
I went to a hotter dryer place and I voluntold myself to open.
That is a 5 45 AM start.
Right?
You're a champ.
Oh, well, because we are boat rentals.
We're fully committed on the day and I really don't want to take out boat rentals.
I don't want to do the safety spiel.
I don't want to clean a boat.
I'm going to give my rockstar employees that opportunity and their opportunity to get tips.
I don't want it.
I don't want that 10 bucks.
Very kind.
So I gave them all like the mid to closing shifts and I was like, no, I'll open knowing
I had this trip in mind.
Well, okay.
My dog sitter, you know how good she is.
She couldn't take my dog until 8 PM.
I was like, all right, that's an 8 PM drop off.
That'll get me to my vacation at like 10 30 PM.
I opened so I woke up at 4 45.
That's a long day for me guys.
I love my sleep.
I am normally in bed by 8 30 with my glass of wine, with my book.
Like I am winding down.
So I had a full fricking day at work.
I was busting my butt and I finally like get home pack and like it's too late to take a
nap.
Like I just need to get to 8 PM, drop the dog off.
I get to this hotel at 10 30.
I'm checking in.
Realized I didn't print my form.
Everyone does it all the time.
I have talked about it on this podcast numerous times.
I am the model guest sitting on the associate rate.
I forgot to print the forking form.
Oh, so, but I had a plan.
All my, my two hour drive, I had a plan.
I was like, all right, what am I going to do?
It's just better.
It's too late.
Print it there.
Exactly.
So I go to the front desk.
She's stressing about this.
I'm literally stressing because I think it's a privilege to stay on an associate rate and
I don't want to put people at jeopardy for their jobs.
Thanks for not bringing your dog.
We appreciate that.
No, no, I wanted a vacation.
I love her to death, but like she had a grand old time.
Okay.
She made friends with a husky and a corgi, but she was fine.
Yeah.
Scandalous.
Okay.
That's my dog.
Oh, that's what upset you.
If I said that about you, you'd be like, yeah, she was getting a little bit big husky energy.
Okay.
Anyway.
So I go to check in and it's the night team.
Like they're pretty chill, right?
I don't know if I'm speaking to like a PM or a night audit.
It's a big property.
So there are still like four people at the front desk.
I go kind woman greets me.
I go up and I'm like, I I'm here to check in, but I have an associate stay for him.
Is there a business center where I can print the form because I don't have it printed.
That's the first interaction I have with her.
And she goes, no, it's okay.
Like it's totally fine.
Credit card and ID presented to her.
And she gives me this little slip and she goes, just email the form.
This email is the longest email on the face of the freaking planet.
It is six words.
So here's the hotel's email.
Yes.
And it didn't make sense.
Like it was just the hotel name controller, did it at whatever.com.
So only slightly better than tales from the service industry at Gmail.
It was worse.
Okay.
And again, it was late.
I had been up for umpteen hours and she goes, just forward me the form and I don't take
screenshot.
Oh, look at you.
Don't take a screenshot.
I forward the email with the attachment and I send it and she goes, okay, I'm just waiting
for it to come through.
And she goes, can you check if it like sent?
I was like, Oh, sure.
Type it in wrong.
I typed in the email.
I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
I typed it in wrong.
She was okay.
Well, like, can I just see it to see like the form number to get the ball rolling on
her hands?
So I zoom in, I show her and I'm like, do you need it?
Do I need to zoom out?
Do I need to zoom in?
Like, what am I doing?
Like, please take mercy on my soul.
Like I'm so embarrassed in this moment because I'm so again, so privileged to be staying
here at a nice property on an associate form.
And I'm finally like, I'm delirious at this point.
I can't type these freaking words.
I just give my phone.
Can you type it in for me?
Just keep it.
Keep it till tomorrow.
She literally says, do you want me to type it in for you?
No, I got it.
I got it.
It was weird.
It was 10 seconds away from me and like, yeah, here you go.
But I finally take my phone.
I said, I, you know, I was so worried about that interaction.
Like they're going to think I'm a fraud.
They're going to think my form is fake.
That's how I think.
But like knowing my form is legit.
Then you're going to try to justify yourself, which is going to make it worse.
I'm like, I can't make a peep.
Like I'm not going to do anything.
I'm not going to talk to anybody.
I'm checking out right now.
Nevermind.
I don't need this vacation.
I'll zoom in my car.
Oh, I felt like such a ding dong.
Cause I, but I offered to go to a business center and she's like, no, it's okay.
You should have sent me the business center.
You should have sent me the business center girl.
Like I was psychotic in that moment.
I needed a keyboard to type this up.
I could barely see my phone.
Like I couldn't see that.
I couldn't see the little letters.
It was ridiculous and such a bad interaction.
You're talking like it's four in the morning after a night out.
It's like nine 30.
We're barely going out.
Yeah.
10 30 barely going out.
Could not be me.
Ms. B back me up there.
Have you visited other like any other country or city?
I have.
I just don't, I just don't go out.
I'm more of a day drinker in bed by 9pm.
Day drink is fun.
So but again, after I got over that fricking interaction, I had a grand old time.
Did you see that person the next day or anything?
I started walking down the hallway one day and I was like, oh my God, please no.
I would have went right to them.
Hey, it's me.
No, no, I couldn't.
I didn't want any emails sent to the GM of the hotel.
I know I was so scared.
I actually enjoy awkward interactions.
Carl would have given me so much.
They must have thought like I was on something in that moment.
No, it happens all the time.
It's okay.
I left a voicemail to a nearby company that we're trying to get them as a client and I've
been trying to reach this person for a little while and I finally get their number.
They're the director, their number ain't just public.
Exactly.
I finally got it and this is like a huge thing.
Like it could be potentially a very, very good contract for our hotel.
I start leaving a voicemail, you know, introducing myself.
Did you tell him you loved him?
It probably would have been better if I said that.
See, it just clicked with it.
Now I know who he's talking about.
I'm kind of distracted a little bit.
Usually kind of prepare like what I'm going to say in a voicemail.
Like I just run it really quickly in my head.
Like, hi, my name is so and so blah, blah, blah.
It's very professional, very brief.
My number, my email, bye.
For some odd reason I decided, I don't know why I was like, okay, you know what?
I'm going to go meet them soon and make it a little personal or you know, something kind.
You're going to like go stop by and say hi?
I don't know.
Exactly.
Like I was planning on doing that anyways, but I wanted to just introduce myself and I
said something along, actually not along the lines.
I was trying to make it better.
I literally said, and I was nodding his head because he was in the next room listening.
Yes.
And I'm going to tell you Bill's reaction in just a second.
And it literally said, and hopefully we can mutually benefit each other.
And I hang up and I go, you offer it.
So I get up, I come around the corner and there's a chair across from his desk.
I walk in, I sit down, I look at him.
My hand is still on the phone in the, in the like, I'm just looking down.
I hear him coming in.
I'm just, I'm not looking up.
I think I just offered like favors to this woman on the phone.
And Bill just sits down and goes, so how was that?
Pretty much.
So how'd that voicemail go?
No I packed, I packed up.
I went home.
It was like 4.45.
It was almost five anyways.
I'm done.
I'm done for the day.
I don't even want this contract.
Did you ever hear back from her?
No I called back the next day though.
And I get like, I guess their secretary or something and they're like, oh so and so like
she's out on business.
Like she's going to be back next week.
Can you delete the voicemail?
But we got your voicemail.
You're literally like, she said we got your voicemail.
Like everyone heard this voicemail in the office.
But the director did not?
Not yet.
So apparently she got it now.
I haven't called back.
I'm going to try to reach out and see.
I'm literally going to start it with, hey I'm the one who made a proposition.
That's the only way I can start it.
I can't start it any other way.
I can't pretend that this was just regular.
Just got to lean into it.
Is that your opinion?
No, that is not.
That is not my opinion.
I would pretend it did not happen.
We were joking about it afterwards being like, we got to pull some mission impossible shit
and like break in and clear their voicemail servers.
I didn't hang up right away because I'm like, okay, there's going to be a thing that I press
nine to delete your last message because you're an idiot.
That needs to be an option.
You're just staring at the phone like, come on, come on.
So there was like a five second period of nothing after.
Wait, so you proposition her and then going up and you just breathe into the phone.
So we can mutually benefit each other.
Oh my God.
Please, please.
I almost spit my wine everywhere.
I can't wait to pick this lady.
No, no, no.
To your benefit, this is how I listen to voicemails, right?
I get the gist of it.
I'm writing my notes and if they're like, okay, I think you did, I delete it.
Like I got the message.
Like I got your name.
I got your phone number.
That's not getting deleted.
They're keeping it as evidence.
That's a keeper.
Yeah, that's evidence.
To never work with your hotel.
Exactly.
I cried.
So what you're saying is you guys aren't getting your next bonus because you won't get that
contract.
I'm getting that contract.
It's like a thing.
No, no, I'm like, that's a thing now for me.
Like I'm getting that.
It was one of those places.
No matter who you have to benefit.
No, it's such a huge.
Personal goals.
Exactly.
That's it.
If I don't get any other contract, that's such a big spot that in the interview I mentioned
that place.
I was like, I think this would be a great thing to go after.
And they're like, great.
If you can get that, this is awesome.
Just first, first, benefit each other.
Benefit whoever I have to mutually benefit.
Oh man.
I got to know your clientele.
Well, not too much.
Not to benefit each other.
Well, no, I don't think you want to know our clientele because lately we've been having
some winners.
You got me more for us?
Let's get into it.
Like just little snippets.
So like this one, uh, the other night, 2 45 AM guests tried to check in acting erratic.
We believe they were high, but here's the best part.
She's in the lobby trying to check in wearing only a jacket and panties and she's bleeding
from open wounds on her face and hands.
Oh my God.
Well full coverage panties.
That's what you're like.
Forget the bleeding.
That's what I'm wearing.
When you said bleeding, I figured from the other end, I was like, oh, she's bleeding
from wow.
No, no, no.
That, that I, I need more wine.
Yes.
Refill me too.
Yeah.
On, on the fly.
Just a pussy boss there.
Are we joking?
Well, I'm not, I'm not.
Well, we're definitely not mutually benefiting each other.
That's her damn shirt.
Um, now ironically, as crazy as all that was, she had a valid ID, she had a valid credit
card and it was a valid reservation.
Where'd she put it?
I don't want to know.
In her pocket, in her secret pocket.
Oh God.
What are they called?
What do they call it?
Thank you.
Or prison purse, either way works out.
It depends on the person, whether they have a pocket or a purse.
It depends.
Pockets in the back, purses in the front.
All right, go on.
I thought this was a professional podcast.
Not tonight.
It's not.
No, we're going off the rails tonight, Bill.
So that woman checked in and caused nothing but problems.
She got evicted.
The panty, the panty wearer got evicted.
The panty wearer got evicted.
She got in in the first place.
Valid ID, valid credit card.
She checked in with pants on?
No.
Wait, what?
No, no.
She checked in with a jacket and panties on.
She checked and you, okay.
I mean, as shady as all of it is, she's fulfilling the requirements to check in.
Unlike Miss B, we don't discriminate.
No pants required to check in at your hotel.
There's no sign.
Classy establishments.
There's no sign.
I would literally tell her, no, get out.
And you're talking about activations for children.
No shirt, no shoes.
No service.
No mention of pants.
See, that's why I'm asking.
Hold that thought.
Oh, God.
Wonderful.
Also, I'm asking if the panties were full coverage or not.
No, no.
Hold that.
Yeah, because last night's report, there was a topless woman at the smoking area.
Lovely.
Oh, can I put a pin in that?
Sure.
Some of the other fun ones this last week.
Here's another one.
Guest comes to the front desk at 1130 at night, high and drunk, yelling at the front desk
auditor.
High and drunk.
Demanding a room with more beds because they have more than four people staying in their
room.
I don't think that's allowed.
Max Auk is four people?
No.
Yeah, no, it's not.
Night auditor had to chat her down and she only quieted up when the night auditor reminded
her that you are an associate.
Wait, she actually was the associate?
Yes.
Oh, my God.
I think she's looking for a job if anyone's taking resumes.
I strip down the room before I leave.
I take the trash, put it in the corner.
You're talking about after you check out?
Yeah, after I check out.
I thought you were talking about her.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, no, no.
I'm not.
So I did that as well.
I took notes from a previous episode we recorded.
I strip the bed.
Yeah, it's so easy.
I put all the linens in a pile.
Leave a tip.
Thank you note.
I did not do that.
At least you did.
It's nice.
It's a nice gesture.
We get it.
We work in the same place.
I also have a reason there was no cash in my wallet for this trip.
Strip club.
No.
That's another little story.
Yeah, she said no, not like dismissive as if like this could have been a thing.
Like this normally is a thing.
I'm strip club friendly.
I would go to a strip club.
I had my bachelorette party.
Remote pod.
In a strip club.
I have been.
Full biscuit or no?
Sure.
But they don't serve alcohol over the biscuit.
You have to have booze.
I need booze.
You're just like, ma'am, let me just get this story out real quick.
I'll be right with you.
I'm all for all biscuit, but I want a drink.
So there needs to be like serious pre-gaming before that.
Pre-function.
At the other strip club.
And this Liz is why you keep coming back.
What's my nickname?
You're the resident.
It better not be.
Okay.
You said full biscuit like six times.
I was like, if he says full biscuit right now, this is my last pop cast with you guys.
Oh my God.
Graham, thank you so much for your time.
Graham crackers, full biscuit.
We're all good.
You know it's.
Sorry.
Anyhow, I'm going to go ahead and say that.
I'm going to go ahead and say that.
We'll have to talk to you later.
Wait.
Any, has he built?
You have a piece of paper in front of you with a lot of words on it.
This is another fun one that happened this last week.
Guests checks in again.
They fulfilled the requirements with a photo ID and a credit card, but they were smelling
like cigarettes.
Weed, alcohol, peered to be on a substance gets checked in, goes to their room.
Comes back to the lobby.
A short time later meets with some Rando guy that walks in off the street.
They go in the corner and hand something back and forth.
And then they come to the front desk asking for change for a hundred.
My God.
That's a mutually beneficial agreement.
Yeah.
Another one that was fun this last week
is the guy that checks in.
He was worried about the safety of his car.
So the night auditor told him he can park
in the front of the hotel.
He comes back later and he apologizes.
Okay, fine, whatever.
So the next day, one of my housemen comes down
to the front desk and he's really upset.
Apparently he just got yelled at by this dude
because this guy went to the room
that was next door to this guy's room.
It was a departure.
Houseman goes in, strips all the linen, closed the door.
The closing of the door set this dude off.
So this guy rips open his door and starts yelling
at the houseman for making so much noise.
So disruptive.
So disruptive for opening and closing a door.
How dare you.
Later that-
Not like the previous guests coming
and going at their leisure.
No, but then later that night, he goes off again
because we check somebody into the room next door to him.
Cause you know, hotels, we sell rooms.
So this lady checks in, opens her door, drops her luggage,
the door closed.
This guy goes off on her.
Starts pounding on the wall.
Hard enough that the pictures that are
on the other guests wall, like on the other side-
On the ladies side.
Get knocked off the wall.
Oh my God.
He's pounding on the wall that hard.
What a lunatic.
She picks up the phone.
She calls the front desk cause she's afraid
because this guy is pounding on the wall.
Before any of us can go up and confront this dude,
he comes to the lobby and he's going off
about the fact that we are intentionally harassing him.
Checking people in next to him.
How dare you?
Lunatic.
Yep.
So he was told in no uncertain terms
that it's time for you to go.
At which time he then threatened my front desk agent
and just started acting like a total fool.
So we called the cops on him.
Good.
In stereo.
That was good.
What do you think?
What kind of berry was he?
Raspberry?
No.
Oh, I was going to say raspberry too.
He was not a blueberry.
Blueberry elite.
And then when the cops show up,
he's a very different person.
Of course.
Oh, I don't know why she called the police,
but you know, if I have to leave, I'll go ahead and leave,
but I don't know why she called the police.
What a loony tune.
Did you open a case against him?
Of course.
Good.
This week has been cases.
How many cases have you opened this week?
Too many.
Yeah.
Lost count.
Like every time I go downstairs,
they're typing up, like the AGM is like,
oh, click here and this is how you open it.
Like she's teaching someone else how to open a case.
She's training how to open a case.
Because she can't keep up.
Yeah.
No, my favorite thing from last week was I go up
like a little bit late,
Bill's already in the office talking to someone on the phone.
Attendance points right there.
And I hear him going, sir, okay, let me,
okay, let me just, sir, okay, let me stop you right here.
If you're gonna continue speaking like this.
And I was just like, I put my backpack down
and I just sat.
I was like.
Didn't even open up emails yet.
You were like, nah.
I didn't do anything.
I didn't take my jacket off.
I was just sitting there just smiling.
Like I gotta hear this.
I could hear him sit down.
It was wonderful.
And just silent.
It was just the tone of voice.
And you know.
Yeah, cause he was like, sir.
You know he's just listening to you.
Oh yeah.
Sir!
Yeah.
So this dude was a director of front office
from a property in Rhode Island.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So he's calling me on a Monday to complain about the fact
that we didn't quote unquote let his brother check in
a week earlier and has the balls to tell me
that I need to call his brother and apologize.
No, sir.
My mouth is agape.
I'm sorry.
That is not gonna happen.
So I told the guy, look, you know what?
I need to look into this.
Give me a few minutes.
I'll call you back.
It's been a week and a half.
I asked him, did you call him back?
He's probably back in Rhode Island.
Oh, like it's been a week and a half since the call.
Yeah.
Since 20 minutes.
I thought you meant it's been a week and a half
since his stay.
No, no, no, no.
Like his bro's back in Rhode Island.
So he's chilling.
The guy, we didn't let the guy check in
because his form was illegible.
It was completely blurry.
Oh, well then.
And it wasn't even a form.
It was a photograph of the form.
No screenshots.
No, no.
Yeah, no screenshots.
But it's like, if I had-
Oh, a photo of a printed form.
Yeah, like if I had 10 times too much caffeine,
it was so blurry.
It was completely illegible.
So yeah, this guy wants me to call his brother
and apologize.
For his bad form.
That's hilarious.
Yes.
Well, bro, why don't you just give your brother
like a new form?
I don't know.
The other thing that I didn't understand at the time
and do now is that the reservation was made
three or four days in advance of him checking in.
So when did you send the form?
Because I mean, it should have been pretty easy
to replace the form.
Okay, so how long are these forms valid?
90 days?
Too long.
No, it's like 60 days now.
It's still too long.
No, no, no, no.
Oh, so if I do a form for myself,
it's just good for whatever?
I think it is 60 days.
I swear it's 60 days.
No, it is 60 days.
I'm about to travel and I was like,
I gotta do it from here, here, and here.
Can confirm it is 60 days.
So in 60 days, how many times have you printed
and taken a picture of the form?
How does it become that illegible in 60 days?
It doesn't.
Like that's crazy.
It doesn't.
And he was upset because the front desk supervisor
said to him, sir, I'm sorry, the form is very blurry.
Do you have a legible copy?
And the guy went off on her.
She didn't turn him away.
No, no, no.
Didn't turn him away, just simply asked
if he had a better copy or access to a better copy.
Dude loses it on her, starts swearing up and down,
then storms out of the lobby.
So after he was gone for a few minutes,
she just canceled the reservation.
Totally.
Done.
But this guy calling me, telling me
that I need to call his brother and apologize.
I'm like, no.
You could have laughed, but that's not happening.
No.
I would have played along with it.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, please give me his number.
I do apologize.
Please.
Do you have his email?
Yeah, it's like when you get a scam call,
like somebody hit your car, sir,
and you're going to have to pay.
Like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Someone hit my Mercedes?
Like, oh, I love doing that when they call.
They're like, oh, I'm so and so from the power company.
We're going to turn your power off
unless you put $500 on a one-time used credit card.
Give me, I'll give you, if I give you $1,000,
you double my wattage.
Can you give me your personal address?
Because I don't trust companies.
I need this to make sure this goes to your personal address.
Like any of us drive Mercedes.
That's my point.
That's a joke, I know.
So do you guys want to hear about the other guests
I made a report on and actually kicked out myself?
Yes, bring it.
Yourself?
Kicked them out myself.
You had that cop hat on?
Oh yeah.
Did you have the megaphone?
I unfortunately left the megaphone in my office.
Did you bring Tiny Taylor as backup?
Tiny Taylor was right to the left of me
while I did my thing.
Okay, story time.
This story starts with Mr.
Smith. Smith.
Oh, we need to think of something better.
Jones.
All right, Mr. Jones. Williams.
Williams.
Mr. Jones.
Williams.
William Jones.
Okay, so this guy comes to the desk
and he wants to check in.
It's super early.
The desk agent is like,
yeah, we don't have anything right now.
If you want to come back a little bit later,
we usually have rooms around two, check-ins at four.
He kind of like is super upset about it.
And, but he's like, okay, fine.
So he comes back around two, like on the dot
and was like, okay, I want to check in.
And we had a room ready, just a standard room.
And he's like, well, I'm a member.
So what can you get me?
What kind of upgrade?
And it's my anniversary.
So what are you guys going to do for me for my anniversary?
What level of Barry?
Congratulations.
Blackberry.
Just right above.
So like barely, like not even a status.
Like you maybe have stayed like three times.
He's barely out of the strawberry phase.
How many roommates?
Seriously.
Not even organic.
Like eight?
Yeah, no.
Okay.
So he's like, I'm a member.
It's our wedding anniversary.
What are you going to do for me?
And she's like, you can purchase a romance package.
Here's the information to purchase it.
I love that upgrade.
And then the agent says,
then he begins telling me the details of his life.
We have six kids.
We're not that romantic.
Yeah, apparently.
I don't want to bug that package.
We're not romantic.
We don't mutually benefit each other.
I'm going to have to do stuff.
No.
I've already got six kids.
I don't need to say that.
Yeah, we're done.
Let me continue that sentence.
I'm just trying not to get kicked out of the house.
The guy tells this sweet little front desk agent,
he tells her, yeah, we have six kids
and I'm going to put another one in her tonight.
Oh my God.
So it's the desk agents just kind of like, okay.
This is like a Gwen's review about the guy
that gave the negative review
because he was giving it to his wife
and causing noise complaint.
I heard that one.
Okay.
And then he asked her again
for something to be sent to the room,
which she said you would have to purchase a romance package.
He then asked for a late checkout,
which the agent said you can call in the morning
and see what's available.
And he just kept bothering her until finally she said,
he left.
Then he came back at 3 p.m.
and told her that he just spent $30,000
at the Blank Hotel booking my wedding.
It's going to be in two weeks.
And she's then told him,
didn't you say it was your wedding anniversary?
Brought six kids in and you're now, sorry.
Yeah.
And then married.
It's too late.
And then to which he says,
yeah, it is my anniversary.
And I asked, so is this an engagement anniversary?
And he's like, yeah, that.
And then he again mentions how he spent $30,000
to book that hotel.
And would it be possible
that we send them an anniversary gift?
My friend is my number four.
Right?
Yeah, which wedding is this?
You could be celebrating a wedding anniversary.
Dude, it was just odd.
And then he went off.
She says in her notes,
he went off about how he had a 30 carat ring
and he gave her a 30 carat ring.
She's like, he said it at least four times.
30 carat?
I see what, that's like, I don't know,
like $300,000.
No, this guy's nuts.
But why would you advertise that?
No, he's nuts.
To begin with.
You're just asking to get robbed.
Even if I did, like I would not.
You're just asking to get robbed.
Be like, yeah, we barely made it here.
Right.
I have a really random question.
Is this the historic hotel
that we have spoken about today?
Okay.
So then, he again, he comes back to the desk
and tries with the other agent,
but the other agent obviously told her
everything that's going on,
trying to get a late checkout,
trying to get something sent up to the room,
to which she repeated the same thing.
You can call the same,
you can call the day off for a late checkout in the morning.
It depends if we have it available
and you can buy a romance package.
Especially if you can get a $30,000 ring or 30K ring.
Just end it with a re-sentence with,
and you can buy a romance package.
Yes, just any chance for an upgrade.
She said he grabbed his keys and left,
but then five minutes later came back frantic,
saying the elevator had dropped on him
and he had video proof.
Oh no, he's fishing.
At this point, he smelled strongly of alcohol
and was sweating a lot.
He showed me a video which just looked like an elevator
with no movement going on
because he didn't use his key to activate it.
So basically he went into the elevator
and then it was just going up and down to people's floors
because you didn't put your key there and hit your floor.
So that was in the afternoon.
So all that's just kind of like weird, right?
Odd.
Just odd.
Inconsistency.
He just was quirky and weird and just seemed to toss it in.
The five minute drunk thing though is wild.
He was fine and comes back five minutes later.
She's like, he came back like five minutes later.
Who knows, maybe her perception of time was off.
Okay, let's even bump it up 20.
That's still weird.
That's the best time to sell him the romance package.
Mm.
She tried.
So then. Here's a bottle of wine.
For the romance package.
I'll throw in this bottle of wine.
You want extra towels?
When you purchase the romance package.
So then later that evening, the PM team has gone home.
The night auditor's on around 2.30.
The guy comes stumbling in and he's arguing loudly.
Still drunk.
Not working.
Sorry.
So he's arguing loudly.
Security has to go over there and be like,
hey, is everything okay?
To which he says, yeah, we just got into a disagreement.
They're like, okay, are you guys okay to go up to your room?
They're like, yeah, we're fine.
They get into the elevator.
The night auditor's doing his thing.
Security kind of like hears like weird noise
coming from that area.
So he walks over there and he can hear someone clearly
like in the elevator, but he looks and it's not moving.
So he hits the button, it opens,
and the guy and the girl like just like pour out.
And he's like, you guys good.
They're like, oh my God, we were trapped in the elevator.
It wouldn't go anywhere.
And he's like, did you use your key?
And he's like, my key?
And he's like, yeah, you tap the key and you hit your floor.
Oh yeah, yeah, we did that, but it still trapped us.
We were trapped and was like losing it.
And he's like, because of that,
my wife and I got into a fight.
He said that him and his wife were fighting in the elevator.
Wait, wife or fiance?
No, he switched to wife now.
Okay, and so we're in the-
30 year anniversary.
Yeah.
After six kids.
Yeah, and their wedding's next week.
Literally, so the night auditor comes over.
It's the night auditor and security.
Congrats.
And they're like trying to-
Baby number seven.
And they try to like go help them back up,
but the elevator won't go.
So now it won't work.
What did they do to it?
They went to Narnia.
So obviously we don't know that yet,
but so they go help them use a different elevator,
get them up to their floor, right?
A short while later, the guy comes down,
they see an ambulance come,
the guy gets in the ambulance and leaves.
What?
And my team's like, what the f-
Just happened?
I am so lost.
Like he gets in the ambulance,
like he hops into the ambulance.
Welcome to our life.
Like it's an Uber, he just hops in.
They don't come out.
Apparently, the wife comes down,
who's also plastered and said,
yeah, he had to go to the hospital.
He didn't buy the bromance package
and he got the cheap pills from the CVS across the street.
I guess.
So he's gone.
No, no, no, not even the CVS.
He went to the gas station.
He got it from a my friend.
My friend, you take this one time, my friend.
Baby number seven, eight and 14 will come out tonight.
Ah.
Quaddruple.
Six tuplets.
You have no idea what was actually wrong with this man.
He just got in an ambulance.
No, it continues.
Oh.
He goes away in an ambulance.
Wife somehow disappears.
So now she's gone.
We don't know where the hell she is.
And we're like, okay, it's probably done.
He's probably gone, right?
She's benefiting herself upstairs.
Yeah.
So then a short while later,
a different woman comes up to the desk.
Different woman, she went.
She bought the bromance package.
No, she went for herself.
For herself.
Oh my God, guys.
She wanted the rose petals and the champagne for herself.
Do you, possible.
Do you blame her?
Anyways.
So a different woman comes up to the desk and says,
can I get a room key?
My boyfriend's in there, 1002 Smith, you know, this guy.
And we're like, yeah, your name's not on the reservation.
So we can't give you a key.
She like is ripping into them.
He told me to come here.
This is the room number.
Ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da.
We refused to give her a key.
So she's like, well, can I at least leave a note?
And they're like, sure.
So with she then, they give her a piece of paper.
She writes like a whole fork in love letter on this paper
saying, you told me to come here.
I came.
They won't let me in.
I miss you.
It was a mistress love letter.
Basically.
And then she leaves it with the front desk.
She like seals it in an envelope and everything.
And they're just like, when he comes back,
can you give it to him?
We're like, sure.
We're like, we're never going to see any of these people again.
So then quiet.
Ah, great.
Morning comes.
Chief goes and checks the elevator.
They broke the fork and elevator in two different places.
But what?
By trying to forcibly open the doors.
They were trapped.
Because they didn't, they guessed
they thought they were trapped.
So they tried to forcibly open the doors
from what the repair techs said.
Because we, by the way, the elevator was down all day.
That's not alcohol.
That's PCP.
It's entirely.
You think?
Well, he did go to the hospital.
My guess is he was highly intoxicated, hallucinating,
thought he was dying and something like that.
Hopped in an ambulance like it was a ride chair.
But he called his own ambulance.
You're here for me.
Let's go.
Literally.
So we got the estimate today.
The damages were around $4,000 to the elevator.
I was going to say, elevators are not cheap.
That even seems like the low end for me.
Speaking of elevators.
I'm sorry.
OK, put a pin in that.
Put a pin in that.
There's more.
For next week.
No, no, we'll throw the elevator story in there.
Elevator's quick.
So we think that's the end of it, right?
No.
The guy comes back, comes to the front desk,
and is saying how he, again, needs a late check out
and won't stop bugging for a late check out.
We've told him no a million times.
So after the hospital visit.
Yeah.
It said, I was up all night, so I need a late check out.
So we said no.
And he won't take no for an answer.
So they're like, Miss B, you got to come out and handle this.
And I had just gotten the news about the elevator.
And I said, let's go.
So I go to the front desk.
You're like, Mr. Smith?
He's like, yeah.
I said, hi.
My desk agents have spoken to you multiple times.
They have refused your late check outs.
And now on top of refusing your late check outs,
I'm letting you know.
You need to leave right now.
Not only were you not extending your reservation,
because then you tried to extend,
we're not giving you a late check out.
And you're not welcome back here at this property again.
What?
Why?
And I said.
Because you didn't buy the romance package.
Yes.
You didn't buy the damn romance package.
And not only did you give my staff a hard time last night,
you broke my elevator.
And then your mistress came.
And then someone different than your wife came
and was giving the front desk a hard time.
Submitted a love letter and gave him it
and would not leave, because we wouldn't give her your room
key.
And I said she had your room number and last name.
She left a letter.
And he's like, oh, that's my boss.
And we're like, OK.
And I give him the letter.
He opens it.
He then pretends to fake cry and tears up the letter
and throws it in the air in the lobby in front of me.
Please tell me you taped it back together.
Just posted on the wall.
I'm just like, I would have.
I want to know what that says.
But literally, it was the most melodramatic, fake,
terrible acting you've ever seen in your life.
Just tell the next guest, if you put this together,
you get a free night of the romance package.
That's the criteria.
With double the champagne.
Double the champagne.
So told him, no, you broke my elevator.
And no, you can't stay.
You're never allowed to stay here again.
Get the out.
And he was like, seriously?
And I said, yeah.
And he's like, you can't do this to me, this discrimination.
And I said, OK, I guess why I ignored that.
And I said, you have two options.
Ooh.
One, you leave right now and I never see you again.
Option two, I call the police and you leave a different way.
And he's like, really?
Go ahead.
He said, let's go.
And I pick up the phone and I start
to pretend to dial numbers to which he then sprints out
the front door.
So he ultimately took option A.
He did take option A. Someone actually followed it.
Graham, for a little bit of background,
we've told this on the podcast numerous times.
Bill's famous for it.
I'm going to give you two options.
Option A.
Oh, I'm familiar.
Oh, no, he's already familiar.
OK.
Option A is.
I started giving options in my negotiations.
Way to go.
Not being serious.
Way to go.
You always take option A. That is always
the smartest decision for you to make, is to take option A.
There's always option B. And there's sometimes
a hidden option C. There's more?
But there's more.
Jesus.
Forking Christ.
There can also be hidden option D.
She's selling her shanty wine.
That was with her story right now.
That's my favorite option.
But there's more.
Pump the brakes.
Let B finish.
So he leaves.
But then we start to get calls from someone
saying he's his friend, who sounds exactly like him.
And it's like, yeah, my friend just got kicked out.
You guys said that he broke his elevator.
Can you prove it?
Can you send me the video?
And my agents are like, what the fuck?
And I'm like, I'll take the call.
And I said, hi, Mr. Jones.
Whatever we name him.
And he goes, uh, no, this is his friend.
I said, OK, friend, I only speak with Mr. Jones.
So why don't you have him give me a call?
Calls again.
Yeah, I'm his friend.
How dare you hang up on me?
I said, is this Mr. Jones?
He's like, no.
Click.
Time three.
Calls again.
And I'm like, is this Mr. Jones?
Yes.
How come you can be hanging up my friend?
I said, because I don't speak to your friends.
And I said, you have something to say.
Your friend's not the guest.
You can talk to me.
And I said, you know why you got kicked out?
If you have any questions.
Well, I'm not calling you for that.
I'm calling because I had a bag there and it's missing.
So you guys stole it.
And I said, what?
And he's like, yeah, yeah, you guys stole it.
And I said, OK, you can go ahead and file a police report.
But there's nothing else I can assist you with.
Click.
If you want to give me your half of the claim check,
we can open an insurance claim for you.
However, if you purchase a Roman's package.
None of this would have happened.
But we went up to the room.
So keep in mind, he didn't have any stuff with him.
He just stormed out the front desk.
So I thought he'd be coming back.
We went to go check the room.
He had nothing in there.
So then we're like, OK, we're checking out the reservation.
The two people didn't bring anything?
Apparently not.
What happened with the original woman?
No idea.
She just left.
Gone.
She had the bag.
She had six kids to go home and take care of.
She had six kids.
She had six kids to go take care of.
So we checked the room.
Nothing's in there.
So we were going to go check out the reservation.
Card declines.
Of course.
Because he went to the bar and he charged all these things.
So declined for we got we had 265 left that didn't go through.
I was like, bad mother.
And then I'm like, whatever.
My accounting knows because she was there
during part of the drama.
She's like, we'll just keep hitting the card.
We'll wait for days when it gets paid.
We'll take that money.
I'm like, let's go.
So I think it's done.
It's afternoon.
And then I get a case.
Of course you do.
Motherfucker opened a case with the brand against me.
And I was like, let's go.
Against you in specific or the hotel in general?
No, the hotel.
Says we stole his things.
We accused him of breaking the elevator.
Your wife slash fiancee has your thanks.
I wrote him an email reiterating everything
we'd stated at the desk and put as per our conversation
at the desk, you are not welcome back to this property
ever again because of XYZ, the way you treated this app.
But I'm not outlining it all.
Emailed it to him.
Saved it as a PDF.
Attached it to the case.
Then went on a rant in the case, everything
that he did, all the damage he caused, and all that.
And the last part of this is then I opened a case
against him in return.
So.
Oh.
Bork that guy.
So that was yesterday.
So we're still waiting to hear back
on the open case against him.
And the charges.
They never get back to you.
They never tell you what ends or what they do.
They just do their things.
They just expected their reply very quickly.
They probably just close it.
I'm just kidding.
Probably.
OK, I have a very tidbit of a funny story
because I just.
Topless woman.
Yes.
I witnessed some of it and heard snippets of the story.
I did not actually.
Legitimately a topless woman?
Yeah, yeah.
Please, Liz.
Do you want to get into it?
Yes, let's go.
That's what she said.
So this is actually a story from Mother's Day.
So I go into work.
We have to go to the security gate to get keys, whatever.
And it's 6.30 in the morning.
I'm kind of just wandering.
Yes, my clock.
That is also very early for me.
So part of our opening duties, we open the fitness center.
And part of that is we go to the front desk
to get copies of newspapers.
And it's Mother's Day.
We're dead in the fitness center.
I don't see a soul until like 7.45 in the morning.
And.
It still sounds so early.
Seriously.
To go to the gym.
I know.
It's just talking like 7.45.
Like it's midday.
I know.
I'm barely.
My alarm is going off at this point.
I'm sorry.
To get to work at 9.
I live like nine minutes away from work.
I live nine minutes away.
And my alarm goes off at 6.15.
Ew.
What do you.
What is wrong with you?
What are you doing?
OK, so I like my morning cup of coffee,
like sitting on the couch.
I roll out of bed with my hair in a bun,
put on some clothes, and I leave.
I go on a walk with a dog.
She bakes bread in the morning for the village
so the children don't go hungry before she gets to work.
She has to mill the wheat.
The alphabet to her dog.
I make my yogurt parfait.
Oh my god.
Yeah, by milking the cow.
I type on.
Churning the butter.
Like what do you mean?
I also check on my plants outside.
God.
Yeah, some mornings I like to drink my coffee outside
on the patio.
OK?
Judge me.
I can run.
Anyway, so it's really early in the morning.
It's probably 6.30 at this point.
And I have the head of valet there at some point
in the night security guard.
I just happened to be there.
I was lucky in this convo.
And they're talking about a guest.
I'm just sitting in like, I wish I had popcorn in this moment.
And they're like, hey, this guest in 120
is close to eviction, da, da, da.
And I just shut the fork up.
And I'm just like, I'm not supposed to be in this convo,
but I'm going to sit here and listen.
So the valet manager is like, dude,
are you close to evicting her?
And the night security guard is like, yeah.
I wanted to evict her last night because of her antics
overnight.
In the back of my head, I'm just like, go on.
Oh, antics.
Please tell me.
What antics?
So this girl is acting crazy throughout her stay.
I guess she had already been there like three weeks.
She had already been causing ruckus on the security reports,
blah, blah, blah.
But this night in particular, it was a Saturday night.
Security night guy goes, yeah, at 3 o'clock in the morning,
she was on her balcony topless.
And you're hanging over your balcony topless,
like dancing and doing all of these movements
and hanging your breasticles over your balcony.
So Miss B will know these specific rooms that
overlook a valet and security.
The security gate has a full front view of these rooms.
They're looking like, OK.
So I just envisioned the security guard at like 2, 3 AM
in the morning, looking up from his computer
and looking over cameras to just see
ta-tas looking at him in the eyes from 50 feet away, let's say.
And they keep talking like she's crazy.
She will not get sleep.
She'll just go in the lobby at random times
throughout the morning, day, night, and just dance
in the lobby.
Dance in the lobby.
And the valet manager is like, all right, one more peep.
We've got to get her evicted.
And I'm like, one more thing?
Ta-tas over at the balcony is not
enough to get her evicted after so many nights of antics.
So my department is kind of in another building.
I have to walk across the valet circle
to get to HR, accounting, front off, basically everything.
Cafeteria, which is, I think, where
I was headed in this moment.
I just forgot we're here.
It was a long day.
We have talked about this.
It was a long day.
You got distracted by ta-tas.
No, I did not see ta-tas, unfortunately.
Is that dancing?
I'll get into it.
So I think this was at like 1030.
I was headed to my lunch, which 1030 in the morning.
Headed to my lunch.
I'm barely having my coffee.
I know.
Graham, by this time, I was like four coffees deep,
including the one I sat at home and had
at 5 o'clock in the morning.
Yeah, I'm psychotic, OK?
And I'm headed to lunch, and I see this woman.
And previously, I had no idea what this guest looked like.
But a couple feet away, I was like, dude,
this is the crazy lady.
Old blonde.
You just knew her?
This is the crazy lady.
You just knew it when you saw her?
I just knew it.
Old, white, and blonde?
Mid-50s brunette, but white, yeah.
Wow, normally they're blonde.
She has a drink in her hand.
Of course, 1030 in the morning.
She's in the valet circle.
So your cousin was drinking in the lobby.
Yes, go ahead.
It was my sister.
That's where I got the form from.
But I'm walking across the valet circle,
and she is in full heels, jeans, jacket, hair and makeup done.
Mind you, I don't think this woman has slept more than two
hours dancing in the valet circle.
1030, yeah.
To instrumental classical music.
Just balk in the background.
Literally.
So she is just dancing by herself, drink in her hand.
I'm like, I do not want to interact with this woman
to save my life.
That's the one person I'd want to interact with
at 1030 in the morning?
I don't.
How's it going?
I really don't.
100%.
No, no.
The music that she's hearing is not the music you're playing.
But I am tired already at this point,
and I try and walk the long way around her.
But valet circle is only so wide.
There's only so far away you can get from this woman.
And she does make eye contact with me.
I am just like, hi, how are you?
And I run away.
And then in the lobby on the way to the employee cafeteria,
I see a front desk manager.
And I go up to him, I'm like, is that her?
And he goes, yeah.
We're waiting for someone to come here
to finally evict her after all of her antics.
And I'm like, OK, I'm just going to keep
walking in the cafeteria.
So this woman, full tatas over the balcony,
doesn't get evicted for eight hours later.
Free the nip.
This isn't just seeing a nipple through a shirt.
This is truly shirtless.
The vine of like barbecue all over.
Security asked for a double shift the next day.
That night security guys, all work overnight though.
No problem.
I'll volunteer.
So come to find out she had been dancing on her balcony
and dancing in valet, the lobby, the pool, the restaurant.
Alone.
Good for her.
Is she still there and where are my keys?
Bill's just dancing to the same song
that she's listening to in her house.
I don't know what you're listening to, but I'm in the groove.
If I ever saw Bill at my property doing that,
I would just turn a blind eye.
Just I don't know you.
I don't know you.
Just call security immediately.
No, I wouldn't.
Have a great time.
So that is my random story of a topless woman over a balcony.
Can you just imagine that my friend going,
I heard there was a lady here upstairs,
Liz, in the room next door, please.
Liz told me.
Liz said it on the pot.
Don't you have listeners in Egypt?
Yes, I do.
So funny.
Go find them in Egypt.
I told them I'm going to take cards.
We got to bring.
Yeah, you have to take business cards.
Yeah, for 100%.
Can we narrow down the area?
Can we have a shout out to our listeners in Egypt?
Let's give a shout out.
Yeah.
Keep it clean, because I can't translate.
Just yelling.
FBI knocking on your door in 30 seconds.
I didn't know what he was saying.
From all the listeners in Egypt right now,
I'll see you soon.
And hopefully, Bill, Liz, and Ms. B,
will break you in the next hearing.
Bye bye.
And make sure to rate, review, subscribe.
Bill is going to Google translate this.
You can't.
It's like Google Voice Translate.
You can't.
For those of us that are not bilingual, what is that?
I just said for everyone listening, Egypt, Bill, Liz,
Ms. B just wanted to say hello.
And they're looking forward to you listening to them next time.
Awesome.
Yeah, well, there you go.
I kept it pro.
I was curious.
I wasn't criticizing.
So he asked them if they would like
to enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement,
he will be there in X amount of days.
And all they have to do is buy the romance package.
I should have said that in Arabic.
I should have said that.
Well, I'll start the romance package.
But is the country of Egypt, how many English speakers
are there?
Everybody.
I mean, yeah, if you went to school,
you'll understand if you speak English.
I went to a British school in Egypt.
I grew up there until I was 12.
God, I got it.
So I came over asking for rubbish bins and rubbers.
Love that.
Rubbers.
Yeah, erasers.
And where's the lift?
My first day in school, I asked for a rubber
in the middle of class.
And I got in trouble.
And your 13-year-old classmates were like, bruh.
The whole class was laughing.
And the teacher was like, you can't say this here.
I know you're new.
And I was like, I just made a mistake on my paper.
I don't know.
I just want to take away my mistake.
I'm sorry, rubbers don't work like that.
You're already here.
Your parents should have used it for a mistake.
This is not a mistake you're going to raise.
But a rubber might eliminate a potential mistake.
Anyhoozy, does anyone else have any last-minute things
to add to this phenomenal episode?
Yeah, I should include at this point
before we sign off that we had that little technical glitch.
And so if there's a disconnect in the joke or a reference,
forgive.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Anyway, on that note, let's wrap it up here.
So ladies, Graham, thanks so much for being here.
Thank you.
We kind of got off the rails.
I haven't laughed this hard in quite a while.
Just a little bit.
And make sure to follow us on socials.
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Scroll all the way down to the Contact Us
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Thank you.
What Graham said.
Retweet.
I cursed all of you guys out.
And we will see you again in about two weeks.
Bye.