1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:29,840 Hello my lovely Prosecco Queens and Kings, I see you too. 2 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:36,400 Welcome back to another episode of the Prosecco Queens podcast where we sip, spill, and sometimes 3 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:41,920 take a hard gulp of truth. Because let's be real, not everything goes down as smoothly as a good 4 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:47,280 glass of bubbly. I'm Teresa, your host, the forever dreamer, your friend, and your partner in this 5 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:53,680 wild ride we call life. And today, oh today, we're diving into a topic that's equal parts liberating 6 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:59,280 and uncomfortable. This following episode is based on the experiences I have lived and some of those 7 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:04,400 people around me, the constant struggle I face every day to see things for what they are and to 8 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:10,720 try and adjust. Remember, I am in no way a therapist or medical doctor. Duh. So I encourage you to 9 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:16,000 seek help if anything I speak on is triggering in any way. We're talking about something that we 10 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:22,640 all have worn at some point and some of us may still have on. Those famous, fabulous, and sometimes 11 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:27,920 dangerously deceptive rose-colored glasses. And what happens when you take off the rose-colored 12 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:33,520 glasses in your life? You know what I mean. The ones that make your ex seem like a misunderstood 13 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:39,360 poet instead of a walking red flag. The ones that make you think, oh my kid would never do that right 14 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:43,600 before you get a call from the school. The ones that make you believe that people's intentions 15 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:51,600 always match their actions. Yeah, those glasses. We're talking personal, parenting, relationships, 16 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:57,120 and the outside world. Where do these glasses come from? Why do we wear them? And what happens 17 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:03,360 when they finally come off? More importantly, what do we do next? So today we're taking them off. 18 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:08,960 For good. We're going to talk about where these glasses come from. While we cling to them like 19 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:14,240 they're designer frames, the real danger of not recognizing them, what happens when they finally 20 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:20,080 come off, and the sweet, sweet freedom that follows. So grab your glass of prosecco or your 21 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:25,200 coffee or tea or let's be honest, your emotional support water bottle and let's get into it. 22 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:30,960 So let's start with the obvious. Where do these glasses even come from? Let's be real. None of us 23 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:36,320 are born seen life clearly. For most of us, it starts early. We come into this world squinting, 24 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:41,120 screaming, and completely relying on the people around us. And in those early years, 25 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:47,120 we're handed a pair of rose color glasses by the world. Society, family, culture, and even our own 26 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:52,160 need for security shaped the way we see the world. Maybe we grew up believing love conquers all, 27 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:57,120 that people always have good intentions, or that if we just try hard enough, we can change someone. 28 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:02,480 Sound familiar? For some of us, it starts with fairy tales, you know, the happily of rafters, 29 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:08,160 where the prince is always charming and the villain is always obvious. For others, it's how 30 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:12,400 we're raised, being told to see the good in everyone, to get the benefit of the doubt, 31 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:17,920 and to believe that people mean well. And let's not forget society, which loves to romanticize 32 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:23,040 the struggle, love conquers all, family is everything. And if you just work hard enough, 33 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:28,800 people will change. Those glasses aren't just accessories, they're survival tools. They help 34 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:35,280 us cope, keep the peace, and sometimes keep us from facing painful truths. But here's the kicker. 35 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:40,960 When we refuse to acknowledge we're wearing them, they go from helpful to harmful. They're not 36 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:46,160 reality. And when we don't acknowledge that, we set ourselves up for some serious disappointment, 37 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:51,280 and sometimes even danger. Picture this, you're driving a car with a dirty windshield, 38 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:56,160 but you keep convincing yourself the road is clear. You can still move forward, 39 00:03:56,160 --> 00:04:01,760 but eventually something or someone is going to get hurt. So why do we hold onto these glasses 40 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:08,240 like our lives depend on them? Well, one word, comfort. Seeing the world the rules color glasses 41 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:14,080 feels good. It makes us feel safe. It allows us to believe in the best version of people, 42 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:19,280 of situations, and of our own choices. It also gives us an illusion of control, 43 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:24,160 because if we believe hard enough, if we love enough, if we just keep trying, 44 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:30,800 things will turn out okay, right? Wrong. The hard truth, keeping those rose color glasses 45 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:37,760 on for too long doesn't protect us. It blinds us. In relationship, rose color glasses let us excuse 46 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:43,520 bad behavior because they have a good heart. So it blinds us to toxic relationships. It blinds 47 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:49,360 us to people's true nature, and it blinds us to our own bad habits. In parenting, they make us 48 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:54,640 believe our kids are immune to mistakes we made because kids are so resilient. And in the outside 49 00:04:54,640 --> 00:05:00,560 world, they convince us that ignoring problems makes them disappear. And if you didn't know before, 50 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:06,240 I hope you damn sure see that now. And that, my friends, is where the real danger lies. 51 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:11,200 And then one day, bam, the glasses fall off. And if you're lucky, you'll see things for what they 52 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:17,760 really are. Now, that is not an easy process. And the transition is truly painful. It will take grief 53 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:23,600 and processing that grief to cope and move on. Oh, honey, this is the moment when reality smacks 54 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:29,360 the crap out of you. First, it stings like stepping into bright sunlight after being in a dark room. 55 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:36,400 It's uncomfortable. It's painful. And sometimes it's downright infuriating. And trust me, I can vouch 56 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:42,240 for that. You might feel betrayed, embarrassed, or even angry at yourself for not seeing things sooner. 57 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:48,720 But then, oh yes, then comes the freedom. Because once those glasses come off, you stop living in 58 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:55,600 a fantasy and start building a life based on truth. You stop excusing, enabling, and waiting for change. 59 00:05:56,160 --> 00:06:01,760 Instead, you take control. The freedom to set boundaries without guilt. The freedom to stop 60 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:08,160 making excuses for people who don't deserve them. The freedom to trust yourself, your gut, your instincts, 61 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:14,720 your experiences. And most importantly, the freedom to see the world as it is, not as you wish it was. 62 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:20,080 Because that, that's the power. Now, let's talk about a tricky little thing called empathy. 63 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,920 Now, we know I've talked about empathy in other episodes, and if you haven't heard them, please 64 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:29,760 go back and listen. Trust me. I believe it's worth it. So why does this fit in with this theme? 65 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:34,640 Because if you're part of the Prosecco Queen's fam, I know you've got a big heart. And big hearts, 66 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:39,520 they come with big blind spots. I've expressed in many of my episodes how I allowed my rose 67 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,760 color glasses to literally make me believe that not only could I change and control everything 68 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:49,360 around me, but I believe that if I did that, then the partners in my life would want to change for me, 69 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:55,440 and for us, and for the lives we built. I fought and fought to literally my own detriment. And each 70 00:06:55,440 --> 00:07:00,640 time I had to really learn the hard way that it doesn't matter what you give of yourself 71 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:05,200 and how hard you fight because you can only do so much for someone else. Seeing people for who 72 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:10,400 they are instead of who you thought they were can be truly a heartbreaking eye opener. You only live 73 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:15,840 for them, the memories of the past and the dreams and visions of the future. And this does not apply 74 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:22,480 only to relationships. This is to everyone and everything in our lives. We are all completely 75 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:28,160 imperfect, but that's where the self-awareness comes in. And some people just don't get it, 76 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:33,120 and some only when it's too late. Most people only make changes in their lives if and when 77 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:37,600 something hits them directly in their pockets or directly in their households. This usually is only 78 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:44,800 true with somebody who actually has and displays empathy. Empathy is beautiful. It helps us connect, 79 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:53,200 understand, and love. It makes us kind, patient, and forgiving. And like I said in my last episode, 80 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:57,920 there is really not enough of that in this world that we're living in now. But here's the problem. 81 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:04,320 When it's displaced and misplaced, it becomes a weapon against us. And when paired with rose-colored 82 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:10,320 glasses, it can be dangerous. There's a difference between understanding someone and accepting their 83 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:16,400 behavior. And well, that brings us to how many times have you justified someone's behavior because 84 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:21,360 you quote unquote understood why they did it? How many times have you excused red flags because 85 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:27,200 they quote unquote didn't mean to hurt you? Empathy can make you overlook red flags. Empathy 86 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:32,240 can make you excuse bad behavior because you quote unquote understood why someone is the way they are. 87 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:37,840 Empathy can make you put yourself last in the name of being nice or because you felt bad for 88 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:44,720 someone else. Empathy should never be an excuse for enabling bad behavior, period. And that leads me 89 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:50,960 to something crucial. So listen carefully because here's the difference between character and behavior. 90 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:57,920 Character is who someone truly is. Behavior is what they do. Seems kind of obvious, right? 91 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:02,800 Because someone can have a good heart and still make bad choices. We're all human. 92 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:09,200 Someone can mean well and still hurt you repeatedly. That's a little different. And someone can say 93 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:13,840 they love you, but their actions will tell you the truth. And God knows I've been there more 94 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:19,920 than I'm more times than I want to even admit. And guess what? Behavior is what affects you. 95 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:25,280 Behavior is what dictates your experience. So no matter how good someone is deep down, 96 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:32,160 if their actions hurt you, that matters. When the glasses come off, we stop making excuses for 97 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:37,600 people's behavior just because we believe in their character. And that, that's another way we take our 98 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:43,680 power back. So what happens when the glasses are off? And we can finally see a little clearly. 99 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:50,000 Well, like I've mentioned before, you set boundaries instead of making excuses and enforce 100 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:56,000 said boundaries. No more of making any excuses for people's actions. And unfortunately, this goes 101 00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:02,000 for your kids as well. And I'm definitely learning. That's really easier said than done. But it's 102 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:07,760 important. You stop waiting for potential and start embracing reality. I've always been the 103 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:13,120 biggest culprit of this. Give yourself grace. You didn't know what you didn't know. But now, you do. 104 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:19,760 Surround yourself with clarity. Choose people who show up, not just people who say the right things. 105 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:26,240 People who hold you accountable. People who help you see things clearly. And trust yourself. 106 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:32,880 You are not being negative or cynical for seeing things as they are. That's wisdom, baby. It's 107 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:37,920 not easy, but it's worth it. Because living in truth, even when it's uncomfortable, is still better 108 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:42,800 than living in a beautiful lie. And look, if you ever feel yourself reaching for those glasses again, 109 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:50,560 because it happens, just remember this, clarity isn't cold. It's kind to yourself, to your future, 110 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:55,440 the life you deserve. And sidebar to all of us parents out there that struggle with rose color 111 00:10:55,440 --> 00:11:00,080 glasses with our children. Let's try to remember that no matter how good of a job you may be doing, 112 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:05,040 our children are their own people. And we cannot control the choices they make. All we can do is 113 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:10,560 hope we give them the right information, love, and safety that they deserve. And to us moms who 114 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:15,440 have unfortunately inadvertently allowed our kids to grow and see and experience things maybe they 115 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:20,800 shouldn't have, try to forgive yourself and do better. Talk to your children. Let them see you're 116 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:26,480 human. And just as you hope they learn from their mistakes, we can learn from ours. They didn't come 117 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:33,520 with manuals and we didn't either for our parents. Alright, my loves, that's our episode. I hope this 118 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:38,480 gave you something to think about, whether it's a relationship, your parenting style, or how you 119 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:42,880 view the world. And if you're feeling a little exposed right now, well good. That means growth 120 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:48,480 is happening. As always, if this resonated with you, if you're feeling some type of way right now, 121 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:53,680 let's keep the conversation going. Dm me. Share this episode with your bestie. And if you haven't 122 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:58,240 already, subscribe and leave a review. Join me next week where we have a special interview with 123 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:03,040 Lauren Fondriest, a professional dating coach, where we will talk all things from online dating, 124 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:08,240 situationships, clearing your own way to love, and much more. As always, I can be reached on all 125 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:13,920 social media at Perseco Queens podcast. I can be reached via email at Perseco Queens podcast at 126 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:19,120 gmail.com. And you can also listen to these episodes on YouTube and subscribe at Perseco 127 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:23,920 Queens podcast. And most importantly, remember, you will never see the world through rose 128 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:30,880 color glasses. You will not see the world in full color. So until next time, keep your glasses full, 129 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:46,800 your standards higher, and your vision clear. Peace out.