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Welcome back fabulous people to the Prosecco Queens podcast.
I'm your host and forever dreamer, Teresa.
And here we sip on some bubbly, or right now in my case some tea, because it has been a
rough week over here in this household from some sicknesses and some stresses and kids
home and it is truly needed.
So you dive deep into whatever you need to while we discuss the topics that matter.
So it's officially the third episode of 2025.
And today we're continuing this series while talking about something that's so close to
my heart, self love and acceptance.
We'll explore where those nagging feelings of unworthiness come from and how to kick
that monster of unworthiness right to the curb.
So settle in and let's toast to self love and growth.
Alright let's start with the big question.
What is self love?
What is it really?
I'm not just talking about bubble baths and face masks.
Although let's be real, those are freaking amazing when you can.
Self love is about recognizing your worth, embracing your flaws and showing yourself
the same compassion you'd give to your best friend.
It's a practice, not a destination.
And trust me queens and very importantly kings, it's worth the work.
I can tell you from personal experience how hard this is to do.
I've spent so much time not realizing that I need to be my best self to take care of
others and since I've spent most of my life in survival mode, I didn't even realize that
I was giving everyone else the power to change my thinking as opposed to straightening my
crown and taking my power back.
So what I'm about to say is seriously going to age me but in the original movie Footloose,
you know the one with Kevin Bacon.
Kenny Loggins, basically the singer-songwriter of all 80's movies, has a song called I'm
Free.
And as I've gotten older, it's one of the songs that have become an anthem to me that
I didn't appreciate much when I was younger because in it he says, Heaven helps the man
who fights his fears, loves the only thing that keeps me here.
You're the reason that I'm hanging on.
My heart's staying where my heart belongs.
I'm free.
I wish I could play it for you and since I can't, I urge you to go and find it because
it's definitely an anthem.
I tie these words into my life because we are free in most senses and just a side note,
I know it's been a rough couple of weeks, we got to stick together.
We need to stick together because we need to create the life we desire and realistically,
individually, that starts with you, taking care of you, taking care of me, being your
own best friend and loving all of the parts of you and we will always be so much less
than perfect but once we are able to recognize our imperfections, we can embrace them, adjust
them and then love them.
But let's address the elephant in the room, this monster of unworthiness.
It's sneaky, isn't it?
It whispers things like, I'm not good enough or I don't deserve happiness.
So where does this feeling come from?
Why do so many of us carry this heavy, invisible weight?
Well, let's rewind to childhood forebomit.
Many of us internalized beliefs based on how we were treated or the messages we received
growing up.
Maybe you had a critical parent, family member, culture bias or a teacher who pointed out
your mistakes more than your wins or perhaps you grew up in a society that set impossible
standards.
It didn't start with social media but that definitely doesn't help.
Unworthiness can also stem from comparison.
Think about it.
How often do you catch yourself scrolling through Instagram seeing someone's perfectly
curated life and feeling like you don't measure up?
Spoiler alert, their life isn't perfect.
Nobody's is.
But that comparison trap is one of unworthiness's favorite playgrounds.
Here's the truth loves.
Those feelings of unworthiness, they're not facts.
They're stories we've been told or stories we've told ourselves.
And guess what?
You have the power to rewrite those stories.
Let me say that again.
You have the power to rewrite your story.
But here's the thing.
Those feelings of unworthiness don't just live quietly in our minds.
They creep into our personal lives and relationships, manifesting a self-sabotage.
Think about it.
How many times have you pushed someone away because deep down you felt you didn't deserve
their love?
Or maybe you avoided going after a big goal because you thought, what's the point?
I'll just fail anyway.
Or one of my favorites, one of them that hits the hardest is that open quote, fit life.
I'm going to eat better an exercise.
And then after a couple of days we're back to bad habits.
And now it's worse because we feel like shit that we failed.
Probably one of the reasons I have yet to become a stand-up comedian.
The monster of unworthiness in action.
Lanting seeds of doubt and creating roadblocks we don't even realize we're putting up.
Trust me, I can be the poster child for that as well.
So what is self-sabotage?
At its core, it's when we undermine our own success.
Happiness or well-being.
It can look like procrastination, avoiding opportunities, staying in toxic relationships,
or even overworking ourselves to the point of burnout.
Self-sabotage is a defense mechanism, a misguided attempt to protect ourselves from failure,
rejection, or pain.
But the irony is that it keeps us stuck, far away from the life and relationships we truly
deserve.
I am currently reading a book from a relationship expert Matthew Huzzy called Love Life.
And he tells the story in Chapter 10 that Matthew uses the story of a client of his named Lisa.
Despite her elevated status, Lisa lived with a deep feeling of unworthiness that showed
up in her relationships with men.
This unworthiness motivated her to prove that she could attract somebody others found highly
eligible, a personal accomplishment that would finally help her feel like she had arrived.
But when these men treated her poorly, it didn't convince her that such guys might not be a
good candidate for her investment.
It only confirmed her fear that she wasn't good enough for someone like that that made
her try even harder to win their approval, regardless of how much she suffered.
A vicious circle of self-abuse, and one that made her a target for bad types.
With her insecurity leading the way, she had become disconnected from her own experience,
looking not for someone who could make her feel happy, but for someone who could make
her feel enough.
What our ego wants and what our heart needs are often two very different things.
The word ego is often associated only with an inflated sense of self-importance, but
ego can just as easily arise from the insecurity that makes us desire that importance in the
first place.
The same ego that says I'm amazing is the very voice that can be saying I'm worthless
a day later.
These are simply two sides of the same coin.
It's all ego.
There are entire books on this subject, and mentors like Eckhart Tolle are wonderful teachers
of it.
I thought this was a good passage because it remains with the theme that unworthiness
is one of the ways self-sabotage becomes such a massive player in our lives.
We continue to believe that we are only deserving of the things that hurt us, but we can't
figure out why or how to get over it.
Lord knows that is something I struggle with every day.
So how do we combat self-sabotage?
First we need to recognize it.
Start paying attention to patterns in your life.
Are you consistently avoiding certain tasks, pushing people away, or doubting yourself?
And don't forget those intrusive thoughts like the what ifs and the worst case scenarios.
Once you've identified those behaviors, dig deeper.
Ask yourself, what am I afraid of?
Often self-sabotage is rooted in fear, fear of failure, fear of success, or even fear
of being vulnerable.
The next step is to challenge those fears.
Remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes, that you don't have to be perfect, and that
you are worthy of love and success just as you are.
Finally, replace self-sabotage in behaviors with self-supporting ones.
Instead of avoiding a challenge, take a small, manageable step toward it.
For example, you may not see me on a stage during stand-up anytime soon, but this is
a wonderful way to put myself out there.
Instead of isolating yourself, reach out to a friend or loved one.
Every time you choose to support yourself rather than sabotage yourself, you're resilient
and strengthening your self-worth.
Okay, so how do we fight the unworthiness or worthlessness monsters?
Let's break it down into three steps because you all know, let's face it, we love a good
list.
Step one, call it out.
When you catch that voice in your head saying you're not good enough, pause and ask yourself,
whose voice is this?
Is it yours or is it someone from your past?
Once you name it, it's easier to challenge.
Step two, flip the script.
This negative self-talk with affirmations or affirmations as I discussed in episode
one of season three.
And so we're talking about those again.
Yes, I know it feels cheesy at first, but affirmations work.
Start with something simple like, I am worthy of love and happiness.
Or why does love and happiness come so easily to me?
Say it out loud.
Write it on sticky notes.
Put it on your mirror.
Build yourself the reminders that you're enough.
Step three, take action.
Build yourself love muscles through small intentional acts.
Maybe it's setting a boundary, celebrating a win or even just allowing yourself to rest.
Each time you honor yourself, you're telling that unworthiness monster, hell no, not today.
And if you have a setback today, there's always tomorrow, God willing.
In this same book, Matthew talks about how to rewire your brain and there is a passage
which I thought was deep and on the money.
And I quote, intentional action is what reorders our way of being.
It is a war of attrition against our old ways.
When something is not working for us, we need to laser in on that thing.
And once identified, resolve to stop doing it and do better going forward.
In other words, this passage says that when we want to change how we live or behave, it
takes effort and determination.
It's about being aware of our problems and actively choosing to change for the better.
And remember, my kings and queens, self love isn't about being perfect.
It's about showing up for yourself flaws and all.
Every step you take, no matter how small, is a step toward accepting the incredible,
unique, and totally badass person you already are.
Before we wrap up, I want to leave you with a little mantra for the week.
So repeat after me.
I am enough.
I have always been enough.
I will always be enough.
And just let that sink in and wash all over you.
All right, loves.
That's it for this week's episode of the Prosecco Queens podcast.
Thank you for joining me on this journey of self love and acceptance.
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend, leave a review or tag
me on social media at Prosecco Queens podcast.
I'd love to hear your thoughts and your own self love stories.
And if you have a story to tell and would like to be on the show, I can also be reached
at Prosecco Queens podcast at gmail.com.
Don't forget I'm also on YouTube, so please subscribe.
Please join me next week where we will have a brief discussion on shame as a delusion.
Until next time, have a great week.
Keep sipping, keep shining, and remember, you're worthy of all the love and joy this world has
to offer.
Cheers to you, my Prosecco Queens fam.
Peace out.