1 00:00:00,860 --> 00:00:02,180 Mm-hmm. 2 00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:15,280 Mhm. 3 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,600 Mm-hmm. 4 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:35,380 Welcome back fabulous people to the Prosecco Queens podcast. 5 00:00:35,380 --> 00:00:39,680 I'm your host and forever dreamer, Teresa. 6 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:44,680 And here we sip on some bubbly, or right now in my case some tea, because it has been a 7 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:51,160 rough week over here in this household from some sicknesses and some stresses and kids 8 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:54,700 home and it is truly needed. 9 00:00:54,700 --> 00:01:00,440 So you dive deep into whatever you need to while we discuss the topics that matter. 10 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,520 So it's officially the third episode of 2025. 11 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:08,560 And today we're continuing this series while talking about something that's so close to 12 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:11,480 my heart, self love and acceptance. 13 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:15,680 We'll explore where those nagging feelings of unworthiness come from and how to kick 14 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:19,300 that monster of unworthiness right to the curb. 15 00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:22,400 So settle in and let's toast to self love and growth. 16 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,160 Alright let's start with the big question. 17 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,800 What is self love? 18 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:27,800 What is it really? 19 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,280 I'm not just talking about bubble baths and face masks. 20 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,760 Although let's be real, those are freaking amazing when you can. 21 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:39,720 Self love is about recognizing your worth, embracing your flaws and showing yourself 22 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,960 the same compassion you'd give to your best friend. 23 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:45,720 It's a practice, not a destination. 24 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,960 And trust me queens and very importantly kings, it's worth the work. 25 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:53,280 I can tell you from personal experience how hard this is to do. 26 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:58,440 I've spent so much time not realizing that I need to be my best self to take care of 27 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:04,320 others and since I've spent most of my life in survival mode, I didn't even realize that 28 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:09,400 I was giving everyone else the power to change my thinking as opposed to straightening my 29 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,880 crown and taking my power back. 30 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:17,600 So what I'm about to say is seriously going to age me but in the original movie Footloose, 31 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,680 you know the one with Kevin Bacon. 32 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:25,000 Kenny Loggins, basically the singer-songwriter of all 80's movies, has a song called I'm 33 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,000 Free. 34 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:29,600 And as I've gotten older, it's one of the songs that have become an anthem to me that 35 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:34,520 I didn't appreciate much when I was younger because in it he says, Heaven helps the man 36 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:39,640 who fights his fears, loves the only thing that keeps me here. 37 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:41,760 You're the reason that I'm hanging on. 38 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,160 My heart's staying where my heart belongs. 39 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:45,660 I'm free. 40 00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:49,720 I wish I could play it for you and since I can't, I urge you to go and find it because 41 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,520 it's definitely an anthem. 42 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:57,280 I tie these words into my life because we are free in most senses and just a side note, 43 00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:01,040 I know it's been a rough couple of weeks, we got to stick together. 44 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:06,480 We need to stick together because we need to create the life we desire and realistically, 45 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:12,920 individually, that starts with you, taking care of you, taking care of me, being your 46 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:17,880 own best friend and loving all of the parts of you and we will always be so much less 47 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:24,640 than perfect but once we are able to recognize our imperfections, we can embrace them, adjust 48 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,320 them and then love them. 49 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:30,960 But let's address the elephant in the room, this monster of unworthiness. 50 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,960 It's sneaky, isn't it? 51 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:39,520 It whispers things like, I'm not good enough or I don't deserve happiness. 52 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,000 So where does this feeling come from? 53 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,320 Why do so many of us carry this heavy, invisible weight? 54 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,040 Well, let's rewind to childhood forebomit. 55 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:53,080 Many of us internalized beliefs based on how we were treated or the messages we received 56 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:54,600 growing up. 57 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:59,680 Maybe you had a critical parent, family member, culture bias or a teacher who pointed out 58 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:04,280 your mistakes more than your wins or perhaps you grew up in a society that set impossible 59 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,280 standards. 60 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:09,240 It didn't start with social media but that definitely doesn't help. 61 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,920 Unworthiness can also stem from comparison. 62 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:12,920 Think about it. 63 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,240 How often do you catch yourself scrolling through Instagram seeing someone's perfectly 64 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:19,920 curated life and feeling like you don't measure up? 65 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,520 Spoiler alert, their life isn't perfect. 66 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,600 Nobody's is. 67 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:29,400 But that comparison trap is one of unworthiness's favorite playgrounds. 68 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:30,920 Here's the truth loves. 69 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,560 Those feelings of unworthiness, they're not facts. 70 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:38,440 They're stories we've been told or stories we've told ourselves. 71 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:39,480 And guess what? 72 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,480 You have the power to rewrite those stories. 73 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,080 Let me say that again. 74 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:47,560 You have the power to rewrite your story. 75 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:48,840 But here's the thing. 76 00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:52,120 Those feelings of unworthiness don't just live quietly in our minds. 77 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:57,800 They creep into our personal lives and relationships, manifesting a self-sabotage. 78 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:58,800 Think about it. 79 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:03,040 How many times have you pushed someone away because deep down you felt you didn't deserve 80 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,040 their love? 81 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:08,160 Or maybe you avoided going after a big goal because you thought, what's the point? 82 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,760 I'll just fail anyway. 83 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:14,600 Or one of my favorites, one of them that hits the hardest is that open quote, fit life. 84 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,600 I'm going to eat better an exercise. 85 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,320 And then after a couple of days we're back to bad habits. 86 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:23,480 And now it's worse because we feel like shit that we failed. 87 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:26,240 Probably one of the reasons I have yet to become a stand-up comedian. 88 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,320 The monster of unworthiness in action. 89 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:32,600 Lanting seeds of doubt and creating roadblocks we don't even realize we're putting up. 90 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,680 Trust me, I can be the poster child for that as well. 91 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,800 So what is self-sabotage? 92 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,800 At its core, it's when we undermine our own success. 93 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,920 Happiness or well-being. 94 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:47,760 It can look like procrastination, avoiding opportunities, staying in toxic relationships, 95 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,920 or even overworking ourselves to the point of burnout. 96 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:56,280 Self-sabotage is a defense mechanism, a misguided attempt to protect ourselves from failure, 97 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,920 rejection, or pain. 98 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:03,000 But the irony is that it keeps us stuck, far away from the life and relationships we truly 99 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,000 deserve. 100 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:08,200 I am currently reading a book from a relationship expert Matthew Huzzy called Love Life. 101 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:13,600 And he tells the story in Chapter 10 that Matthew uses the story of a client of his named Lisa. 102 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:18,200 Despite her elevated status, Lisa lived with a deep feeling of unworthiness that showed 103 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,280 up in her relationships with men. 104 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:24,400 This unworthiness motivated her to prove that she could attract somebody others found highly 105 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:29,680 eligible, a personal accomplishment that would finally help her feel like she had arrived. 106 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,840 But when these men treated her poorly, it didn't convince her that such guys might not be a 107 00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:35,840 good candidate for her investment. 108 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:39,520 It only confirmed her fear that she wasn't good enough for someone like that that made 109 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:44,880 her try even harder to win their approval, regardless of how much she suffered. 110 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:49,760 A vicious circle of self-abuse, and one that made her a target for bad types. 111 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:54,720 With her insecurity leading the way, she had become disconnected from her own experience, 112 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:58,160 looking not for someone who could make her feel happy, but for someone who could make 113 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,880 her feel enough. 114 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:03,980 What our ego wants and what our heart needs are often two very different things. 115 00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:08,720 The word ego is often associated only with an inflated sense of self-importance, but 116 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:13,360 ego can just as easily arise from the insecurity that makes us desire that importance in the 117 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:14,520 first place. 118 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:19,800 The same ego that says I'm amazing is the very voice that can be saying I'm worthless 119 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,040 a day later. 120 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,960 These are simply two sides of the same coin. 121 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,040 It's all ego. 122 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:29,560 There are entire books on this subject, and mentors like Eckhart Tolle are wonderful teachers 123 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:30,560 of it. 124 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:34,120 I thought this was a good passage because it remains with the theme that unworthiness 125 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:39,480 is one of the ways self-sabotage becomes such a massive player in our lives. 126 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:44,360 We continue to believe that we are only deserving of the things that hurt us, but we can't 127 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,240 figure out why or how to get over it. 128 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,360 Lord knows that is something I struggle with every day. 129 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:53,800 So how do we combat self-sabotage? 130 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:56,200 First we need to recognize it. 131 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,600 Start paying attention to patterns in your life. 132 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:04,400 Are you consistently avoiding certain tasks, pushing people away, or doubting yourself? 133 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:09,640 And don't forget those intrusive thoughts like the what ifs and the worst case scenarios. 134 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:13,880 Once you've identified those behaviors, dig deeper. 135 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,080 Ask yourself, what am I afraid of? 136 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:23,320 Often self-sabotage is rooted in fear, fear of failure, fear of success, or even fear 137 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,400 of being vulnerable. 138 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:29,160 The next step is to challenge those fears. 139 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:34,720 Remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes, that you don't have to be perfect, and that 140 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:38,360 you are worthy of love and success just as you are. 141 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:43,400 Finally, replace self-sabotage in behaviors with self-supporting ones. 142 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:47,120 Instead of avoiding a challenge, take a small, manageable step toward it. 143 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:51,680 For example, you may not see me on a stage during stand-up anytime soon, but this is 144 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:54,360 a wonderful way to put myself out there. 145 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,480 Instead of isolating yourself, reach out to a friend or loved one. 146 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:03,560 Every time you choose to support yourself rather than sabotage yourself, you're resilient 147 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,560 and strengthening your self-worth. 148 00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:11,400 Okay, so how do we fight the unworthiness or worthlessness monsters? 149 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:15,280 Let's break it down into three steps because you all know, let's face it, we love a good 150 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:16,680 list. 151 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,120 Step one, call it out. 152 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:24,760 When you catch that voice in your head saying you're not good enough, pause and ask yourself, 153 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,080 whose voice is this? 154 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,840 Is it yours or is it someone from your past? 155 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,960 Once you name it, it's easier to challenge. 156 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,520 Step two, flip the script. 157 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:44,360 This negative self-talk with affirmations or affirmations as I discussed in episode 158 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:47,880 one of season three. 159 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,880 And so we're talking about those again. 160 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:54,900 Yes, I know it feels cheesy at first, but affirmations work. 161 00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:59,120 Start with something simple like, I am worthy of love and happiness. 162 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,680 Or why does love and happiness come so easily to me? 163 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:04,080 Say it out loud. 164 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,080 Write it on sticky notes. 165 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:07,080 Put it on your mirror. 166 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,400 Build yourself the reminders that you're enough. 167 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,960 Step three, take action. 168 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:17,240 Build yourself love muscles through small intentional acts. 169 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:23,320 Maybe it's setting a boundary, celebrating a win or even just allowing yourself to rest. 170 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:28,880 Each time you honor yourself, you're telling that unworthiness monster, hell no, not today. 171 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:32,520 And if you have a setback today, there's always tomorrow, God willing. 172 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:37,260 In this same book, Matthew talks about how to rewire your brain and there is a passage 173 00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:39,760 which I thought was deep and on the money. 174 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:45,040 And I quote, intentional action is what reorders our way of being. 175 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:48,860 It is a war of attrition against our old ways. 176 00:10:48,860 --> 00:10:52,680 When something is not working for us, we need to laser in on that thing. 177 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:56,600 And once identified, resolve to stop doing it and do better going forward. 178 00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:01,480 In other words, this passage says that when we want to change how we live or behave, it 179 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,080 takes effort and determination. 180 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:08,640 It's about being aware of our problems and actively choosing to change for the better. 181 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:13,960 And remember, my kings and queens, self love isn't about being perfect. 182 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,760 It's about showing up for yourself flaws and all. 183 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:22,560 Every step you take, no matter how small, is a step toward accepting the incredible, 184 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:26,800 unique, and totally badass person you already are. 185 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:30,560 Before we wrap up, I want to leave you with a little mantra for the week. 186 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:32,280 So repeat after me. 187 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,000 I am enough. 188 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,920 I have always been enough. 189 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,160 I will always be enough. 190 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,640 And just let that sink in and wash all over you. 191 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,680 All right, loves. 192 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:46,320 That's it for this week's episode of the Prosecco Queens podcast. 193 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,800 Thank you for joining me on this journey of self love and acceptance. 194 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:54,520 If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend, leave a review or tag 195 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:58,200 me on social media at Prosecco Queens podcast. 196 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,440 I'd love to hear your thoughts and your own self love stories. 197 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:04,880 And if you have a story to tell and would like to be on the show, I can also be reached 198 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:08,320 at Prosecco Queens podcast at gmail.com. 199 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:12,040 Don't forget I'm also on YouTube, so please subscribe. 200 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:17,920 Please join me next week where we will have a brief discussion on shame as a delusion. 201 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,000 Until next time, have a great week. 202 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:24,640 Keep sipping, keep shining, and remember, you're worthy of all the love and joy this world has 203 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:25,640 to offer. 204 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,640 Cheers to you, my Prosecco Queens fam. 205 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:55,640 Peace out.