The most powerful bite ever recorded thus far by an animal is a saltwater crocodile
with a biting force of 3,700 psi which I've just explained to Ash is 16 and a half thousand
Newtons and to tear apart a steak with your mouth you need about 150 to 200 Newtons. Now you might
be thinking why am I saying this? Well we've just been discussing about how I reckon
I could fight my way out of an anaconda
and Ash doesn't seem to think I'd be able to do it so we got on a whole journey of
of talking about animals and I think the listeners will agree with me
that you could rip your way out of an anaconda. How? You're squashed you're completely you can't
you can't move your fingers because you're that constricted but all your body's going to be
constricted so you've got your lungs just crushing your body you can't breathe. Is it crushing though
or is it just swallowing? So I mean in that all right right right I'm at Colchester Zoo
and lo and behold anaconda's got out Steph's run off she's left me for dust I'm done.
So this anaconda swallowed me from the feet up all right so that's that's the position that
we're in. Is it is it crushing me inside or has it expanded itself to accommodate me and I'm I'm a
bit crushed but I'm still you know what I mean it's not snapping bones from how hard it's crushing me.
You you couldn't move you would the the snake is not that large you're going in and it's
it's expanding only to the size of your body so it's very very tight. To be fair though
their fangs are hooked they're like that obviously you'll all people listening will be able to see me
making the image with my finger so I'd imagine it's swallowing you it ain't swallowing you quick
like how you chomp down some spaghetti it's quite a slow thing so would you not just start hitting
it in the head but you're not that's not what you said you said you'd be able to fight yourself out
of an anaconda that had swallowed you I think I would I think I wouldn't get the you couldn't
move your arms you couldn't get any punching power but I don't think because it hasn't got any arms
is it there's no arms no legs no limbs thank you David Attenborough it's just a worm with with teeth
so what I'm saying is I don't even think I'd let it get to that point if I'm being swallowed
from the feet up it is a slow process of it fucking wiggling its way up and swallowing me
you're telling me it's going to get through six foot one six foot two on a good day of me
and I'm just going to sit there letting it happen that's not what you said maybe you couldn't but
that is not what you said you dig it in the head yeah but yeah but you can't because you're inside
the anaconda is what you said yes and I reckon that if I was inside the anaconda the problem is
the problem is is that we haven't got all the facts we're not as informed as we need to be
because I don't know how crushed in I am because if I can wiggle my knees a bit I reckon I've got
the power in my knees to rip through it there's no wiggling you are you're stuck you are fucking you
can't move your arms are crushed against your arms in your chest and your legs are stuck you can't
you can move your toe maybe that might be about it I've got if I haven't if I haven't cut my toe
nails I'm cutting my way out of that I'm telling you I'm getting out I don't think you're getting
out if you're fully submerged inside a fucking anaconda's belly you're done for bro you're done
you're done out here G yeah you ain't getting out alive you're dead you snake poop you're gonna be
slowly digested even then surely you'd start ripping you'd start ripping the guts out with what
yeah I don't know your mouth you're dead bro you're burning with acid the stomach acid is just
melting you down I don't know I don't know I feel like we're more powerful than we we we are powerful
so I reckon we're the snakes belly so I reckon with a decent punch you can KO a gorilla
oh fucking not a chance not a fucking chance a gorilla sat next to me I reckon even that
I reckon even that that little gorilla there that was animated unreal that would knock you the fuck
out look that is not fucking about I'm not saying that you'd win a fight I'm saying if you got a
decent punch on it on its chin left hook or an uppercut you're googling it if you could knock
out a gorilla could a human knock out a gorilla no no an unarmed human being could not beat a
gorilla in a fight simply put gorillas are far too strong for human beings to overcome even if
mike tyson could land a hit on a gorilla he would not knock it out yeah but fran it francis and
garu has the most powerful punch recorded who is a ufc fighter um I don't think he fights anymore
he might do I'm not sure but he has the the the he has the hardest hit ever recorded and I believe
it's the equivalent of 90 something horsepower is the strength of his punch what the fuck
I open tiktok look what come up it's a gyro gun section about beating up a gorilla
that's just proven that's just proven that's fucking it's not even listening to you is
listening to me I only got out to show you this and that crazy he's fucking wasn't I was a gorilla
beating the shit uh beating the shit out of a seagull in it slamming it against the tree
like a solid minute in it it's just batting its head against the fucking tree
yeah that's because you googled can you knock out a gorilla no you maybe and then they've
straight away they've sold your info straight over to tiktok that was a quick transaction
wouldn't let's bang up a video joe rogan talking about having a fight with a gorilla yeah but yeah
you got no hope mate they're fucking there's something else other who do you think would win
a fight between a gorilla and a bear I think that's what he was talking about you know
I think so fucking bugs a gorilla or a bear what kind of bear are we talking though are we silver
back gorilla is that what we're going with yeah that is joe rogan talking about it
so
man
so
yeah you got no hope bro I just watched it in that clip I just watched a gorilla fight a gorilla
let me tell you that gorilla couldn't beat the other gorilla look at the look at the
scrap really little little three second scrap that's about to happen little bangers going on
I'm still working out the youtube game this is tiktok oh yeah look look at them look fucking
no bro you got no hope but a bear a big old grizzly bear yeah who you going with I'm
I think I'm going with the bear yeah I think the bear beats the gorilla because you got
because you got to remember that bears bears are fucking huge a big grizzly bear in its prime
they are fucking massive bigger than a gorilla standing tall with that
they won't hear that carry on where was it carry on with your explanation then I'll tell you what
it says because a grizzly bear stands they're like nine ten foot tall when they're standing
on their rear legs on their hind legs and those claws that they have are fucking massive and
they're just raw power and they have a thick as fuck hide trying to get through their skin is
near impossible they are so so powerful and they've got a massive bite force as well I think a gorilla
has got a stronger bite force than a than a bear but I just don't think that a gorilla's got it
what's google saying it says grizzlies have size weight and aggression on their side silverbacks
have muscle strength and reach on their side whilst a grizzly would likely win in a battle
between these powerful opponents don't discount the strength and determination of a silverback
gorilla defending itself I just feel like a gorilla obviously like Joe Rogan just said they
have their fangs so they can do a bit of damage over that's not their main source of damage they're
they're blunt damage isn't they they want to fucking smush you whereas a bear is all of the above
it's going to rip you to fucking shreds it's going to punch you in the face
and then it's going to eat your dick with its big old teeth I just I wouldn't want to do it
obviously I I'm all for animals I hate hunting I hate people that hunt I hate that shit unless
you're going to eat it don't shoot it but for science I want to see these two airlifted into
a field like I'm speaking hypothetically he wants a gulag with a grizzly bear and a silverback
I don't actually want to but you know it would be a fucking interesting watch wouldn't it now I'd
pay per view that shit fuck all these boxing bollocks grizzly bear and a silver because
wouldn't I know that they did it with with midgets and a lion what they they I can't remember where
what country it was but it wasn't that long ago where they had like 30 midgets or something in a
in an arena with a lion to see who would win and the lion cleaned up in like two minutes
I think that might be the closest you can get obviously I don't want it to happen but I just
I'd love to see it like even just a fake YouTube video I'm gonna have to watch one though you know
they must have fought someone must have caught them fighting before I don't think they they
they live in the same areas I don't think but a bear and a gorilla imagine that as a game
you get to pick what animal you want to be and then it's just a constant stream of like arena
fighting seeing who's gonna beat who constantly so fascinating animals what about a hippo versus a
bear why it's hard isn't it because they're fucking animals obviously hippos versus a bear
hippos are dangerous hippos are fast as well man they are very fast so are bears you've seen that
fucking hippo chasing people that's yeah don't fuck around does it fucking catching up bro
ill a speedboat I think they can they can run like 20 something mile an hour on land as well
they ain't slow and they're bite force let me google the fucking bite force of a hippo
surely that's gotta be that's gotta be bite bite force of don't expect any gaming on this
we're fully locked in animals versus animals here uh what is this
bite force of a hippo in psi I don't know sorry it's just google's doing made in hippo bite force
psi is 1820 psi it's less than that crocodile yeah the crocodile was 3700 and what do we say
uh bear see it depends on the bear though doesn't it bear bite psi is a bear is 12 000 12 000
12 000 oh sorry 1200 1200 and the hippos 1800 it's not about the biting with a bear though is
it it's about just fucking raw strength that bear could just fucking hold things down and
just claw it yeah but a hippo's oh yeah I'm not saying that the bear's beating the hippo but I'm
just saying it's not all about biting hippo versus someone's people have googled this before of
course they have since adult hippos can hold hold their breath for 30 minutes the brown bear won't
be able to survive obviously grizzly bears are capable of fighting of being fierce killing machines
but they're only the ultimate predator when they're on land well that yeah because that's a point in
it uh you're taking a hippo which is I know is obviously lives on land but its natural state is
in water that's where it thrives so you're taking it out of the water and put it on land with a
grizzly bear it's only fair right two grizzly bears two hippos what the fuck one in the water
one in the yeah we got one fight in the water and then one fight on land well then one the bear wins
on land and the hippo wins in water yeah but does it I would imagine so reading on I've lost it
oh wait I found it again um the grizzly bear didn't why is it talking as if it's already
happened the grizzly bear didn't stand a chance when this animal battle entered the water is this
what is this actually happened hippos are highly aggressive unpredictable and often charge other
animals or even humans a hippo would win a fight against a polar bear the hippo is larger stronger
has better offensive powers this is top trumps and a defense that would allow it to last longer in a
battle than a polar bear honey badgers are lethal honey badgers they are in call of duty
they're are they in call of duty the gun honey badger do you know what a honey badger is yes
an animal yeah they're quiet they're I think I was reading something like that
they're ferocious because they they can't feel pain the same way that other animals feel pain
or they can't process it properly so they don't they don't understand when they're hurt
so they just keep going and going and going and going and that's why they're so aggressive
but they're only little they ain't got they fight nothing bigger they well they fight lions
yeah they're just getting eaten no they don't this is what i'm saying honey badgers don't
honey badgers are known for being vicious fearless and aggressive
black apart from a silver gray and white mantle which will attack anyone who threatens them
will attack anyone who threatens it um their skin is hard to penetrate and its looseness allows
them to twist and turn on their attackers when held the only safe grip on a honey badger is on
the back of the neck the skin is also tough enough to resist several machete blows this has been
tried and tested they're machete resistant all right i know an animal that would beat a bear
i've discovered one is it a land animal yes elephant correct yeah i get it yeah go on they
can't have it they ain't got a bite force bears and elephants are both mammals but the bear is
much smaller and lighter than an elephant an elephant is in a herbivore that weighs up to 12
thousand pounds and stands 12 feet tall and a bear is a carnivore that weighs up to 900 pounds
it stands about five feet tall 12 000 pounds an elephant to a bear's 900 yeah they're big man
man very very big all they need to do is fall over on one and then you're dead but they're scared of mice
i don't think they're actually scared of mice are they not
elephants are aggressive when they've got young when they've got babies around them they are
they are very aggressive extremely powerful extremely powerful me and stef have um because
i've had a week off we went to the natural history museum and the science museum uh the other day
and she had never been to the natural history museum before so obviously had to go in there
and they've got uh i would imagine they're not the real ones because a lot of the stuff in there
isn't actually real it's it's replicated off of the real versions of whatever it is and they had
um the largest elephant tusks ever recorded and they were fucking huge and they said it's so rare
i can't remember the exact size but i said it's so rare for them to get to this size because poachers
obviously come and and take the tusks before they can get to to this size um but they were fucking
huge man i'm gonna guess that maybe they're like 15 foot long massive fucking things we smartened
it just some of these stats how much do you think an elephant can carry can carry seven tons seven
tons it's the equivalent of 130 adult humans equivalent of an articulated lorry is what it
fucking jesus they can run at 15 and a half miles an hour bears can run bears can run up to 30 miles
an hour yeah have you not said fuck me i'm running faster than me wait have you not bear running
um there's a um god where is it it was a fucking tick tock i see of a bear fucking running and i
oh jesus it was like solidifying that you would not be able to outrun one of these bears because
they are fucking quick but yeah they're almost guaranteed to lose in a fight against an elephant
but you know it's a worthy opponent isn't it let's be honest trying to find this video of a grizzly
bear running now i'm not going to be able to find it am i i just think you'd be fucked as as humans
you really would be done in well i know we're like apex predators but we really shouldn't be
yeah only because we're smart enough and we've got weapons to keep our distance that's the only
reason that we're apex is because we're clever and because we use tools on a on a base human
so you take peak peak human being muscle and everything and and athletic performance and all
of that it still ain't nothing compared to some of the other shit that's in this world no you know
what i mean it's just the bear man just the average bear you got no hope you have to get very lucky
against the smallest of beasts well yeah i don't think i could take a dog to be honest with you
i think a dog kills me if we're fighting so you know you reckon you can take on a dog well it
depends what the dog is do you think you could kill you think just you hand-on-hand combat not
like no surprise sneak attacks you're put into a ring you and a fucking german shepherd you think
that that dog's already aggressive and and you haven't started fighting yet and then you both
like launched together at the same time that dog's beating you bro that dog's grabbing you around the
throat ripping out your fucking see my my nana's got two german shepherds i love she's had loads
in the past and they're one of them's called soldier and he's the nicest dog you'll ever meet
but i was talking to stef about it does not understand his own size he's fucking huge and
that cunt comes running up to you and he will jump on you he just knocks you straight to the ground
he's massive but i've always found that with big dogs i can play a lot rougher with them than i
can with of course little dogs i'm not fucking pinging a chihuahua across the field but i'm
confident in my ability to take a chihuahua i'm not gonna lie but i reckon i could take on a
german shepherd no not if it's already if you're sneak attacking it yeah if you're if it's not
aware it's about to fight and you get the upper hand grab it around no i'm getting a headlock
i think you've done it straight on straight on there's a german shepherd running towards me
i reckon i'll be able to take it no chance because it ain't it doesn't have the force in its jaw
to rip my limbs off it will do some fucking damage but i don't think it'll be enough to
stop me from getting hold of its neck and just snapping it i think it i think it would bite you
enough for you to let go of whatever it was you're about to do and then it just ripped your throat
out i think dogs are trained to not trained but an aggressive dog will go for the throat
so i think if it goes for your throat i think you're fucked if you're putting a ring
and there's fucking 20 meters between you and you're both bearing your fangs at each other i
think the dog wins you know what i mean we can't beat dogs unless i unless i get with a haymaker
before it makes contact it's running towards me and it jumps up to fucking pants on my face
yeah bang i fucking just side swiped it and it's on the floor i've gone in guillotine straight in
ref comes out one they're doing you for stamina as well you're running a 100%
100 mate i'm running out of puff just running to this fucking podcast room let alone fighting a
german shepherd yeah i don't think i don't think we could take on dogs so we're lucky that animals
haven't figured out a way to use tools properly yet i can barely take on bugs yeah well yeah i know
you was in incap incapacitated by a few bumps on your skin you got a few spots and had to go
hospital that's how weak we are i weren't doing good leave me alone leave me be i i yeah bugs are
a whole nother level for me i can't do bugs i mean a mozzie would kill us a bad mozzie with a dizzy
with a dizzy disease we're done we're toast yeah but you could also kill it very easily oh yeah i
know slap you're dead but they're we're talking like well it's so silent it's a silent killer i'll
just be sleeping and go i'll wake up when i'm dead bugs in themselves oh man this natural history
museum looking at the bugs in there some of them bees have seen them bees attacking people hornets
and shit just bees fuck me fuck me man i can't do it man bugs yeah that's just little spider will
kill you i think bugs terrify me because they just they just no brains it's all chemical they're not
they're they ain't fucking real man bugs are just weird there ain't a fault that's going on and that
thing's fucking noggin it's just running on pure instinct and chemical reaction it ain't got no
fucking remorse if i'm being chomped on by a grasshopper i don't know what praying mantis whatever
there's a massive praying mantis that's got hold of me it ain't feeling no remorse because it's
killing me they're horrible any bugs are fucking grim i want to sit forward just in case there's
a praying mantis behind me i can't do them i can't do the bugs i really can't they're grim
what is the worst bug that if it was massive would be the worst it's gotta be spiders and actually
slugs massive snow yeah but slugs ain't gonna do much of that and snails ain't gonna do much
yeah i know but just to see that'd be freaky but yeah spider if spiders become big we're all fucked
if spiders become there are places where there's spiders where they are the size of dinner plates
yeah i'm talking like the size of cars oh oh you're talking about big giant fucking animals
if there was a bug that i just couldn't deal with and they were they were that big spider is up there
it's like she lob or sheet whatever it's called in lord of the rings she lag she lag whatever
she something um yeah they're they're fucking lethal but humans or well you see king kong movie
ain't you you know where they end up in the fucking crevice and then there's a massive crickets and
shit i couldn't and they're all fighting them off no yeah if i had a gun at that point i'd turn it
on myself and put a couple rounds in my head because i ain't fighting them them big cricket
them big cricket things no yeah yeah absolutely not and then them fucking centipedes and shit
that were running around like fucking cunts i couldn't do it i can't do it what do you think
of bugs patrons because i can't fucking stand them do you like indiana jones no and the temple of
doom never seen it there's a bit where he puts his hand in a hole and his little bugs crawling up
no it's awful it's fucking awesome it's just it's the ones that have loads of legs man i can't
it's wings wings wings wings i don't know the name of it let me just google big bug with wings
big bugs with wings and we'll we'll have a look see some of these horrible fucking creatures
dragonflies they're sweet cicadas they can fuck off them fucking things harmless absolutely harmless
no absolutely not big fuckers you're like fun with wings i ain't whatever the fuck this is look at
that thing look at it you said to me last time you scared of moths or something i can't stand them
yeah and you've got more tattooed on you that would make a cool tattoo but if that thing
the size of it and he's just holding it like it's a normal being giant flying bug with fangs
discovered in china let's just rewind for a second and remind where we're on this subject
you the man that's scared of moths thought he could fight his way out the inside of an anaconda
yes yes because they're different i'm telling you bugs are different they're a different kettle of
fish man they are oh look at look at the size of this cunt right here look at that atlas moth no
thank you sir the size of that doesn't do anything for me it does for me if that's flying in the
windows i'm leaving don't don't get me wrong i wouldn't like a massive one but i'm exiting out
the room i wouldn't run away from it it's just a bit at that point it's just a big bird isn't it
it was just a bird yeah but it's just i think i'll tell you why i don't like bugs why i hate them so
much they're unpredictable i know what i know what a seagull is gonna do you're gonna nick your
chips it's gonna nick my chips but it ain't gonna come for my throat is it really and truly if it
does it's fucked up that's right that's an animal i feel i could take one of them anyway i'm taking
a seagull on but but a bug i've got no idea what's going on in its head no they don't you can't work
on anything if i if i plonk a dog here there's a robin there if i plonk a dog right here we can see
how the dog's feeling if i go and get ruth she's gonna grab onto your legs so we know we know how
she's feeling you can see it in her face if i put a giant fucking praying mantis here you ain't
figuring out what it's doing i'm not taking my eyes off it because i'm i know you're not taking
your eyes off it but you ain't going to be able to see if it's upset or anything that's what i mean
i'm not taking my eyes off i don't trust it maybe it's anxious it doesn't want to be here as much as
we don't want to be here but we don't know that we don't know that so he's gonna hit us with its
with his fucking claw things and he's gonna hold us and then our brains out
i just can't do it they're so grim this is why i'd love to go to places like japan
china indonesia i'd like to i'd like to go to places like that but you get your revenge there
because they eat them i know they eat them but that but they eat them that's scary though the
fact that they eat them means that they thrive over there there's enough of them for there to
be a whole market to match produce them and eat them so that must mean that there's loads of them
knocking around so i don't want to come into contact with them i was lucky when i went to
australia didn't see fuck all nothing everything was fine but it's just not something that i can
cope with yeah i'm not i'm not massively fond of bugs i can see why they have um arachnophobia
settings in games and then i don't get that personally i've never been that frightened of
a bug to not be able to see it in media yeah yeah media form i'm fine if it's in front of me i can't
do it but yeah watching it i'm absolutely fine i'll be like oh that's gross but i could understand
it because some people are fucking terrified of spiders apparently it's the way that they move
i yeah i am i wouldn't say i'm terrified of spiders i'm i'm not i'm not a fan of them and i can't pick
them up but if there's a spider in the gas gems like ah can you get rid of it and i'll get a bit
of paper and a glass and i'll chuck out a window but i couldn't pick it up with me depends how big
it is it doesn't matter how big it is even if it's little i'm not picking up my hand if it's house
no i mean putting a glass over it if it's house spider one of them big ones i ain't going near it
oh no i'll glass it you have one time actually you're glassed it no one time i was sitting on
the sofa headphones on everyone's in bed uh and i was playing playstation and i kid you not this
fucking spider just sprinted across in front of me like it was making a mad thought i thought i was
just i don't know how's the time now's the time and i was like uh it was fucking huge and it scared
the fuck out of me and it sprinted out into the hallway so i just grabbed this glass nothing else
just a glass and i fucking dive was you home alone no no everyone was asleep in bed and i dived on it
and i put the glass on it and it was honestly and it was like fucking yeah it's a glass the glass
started cracking i didn't know i mean it was in there and i was like fuck that i didn't know what
to do with it so i left it i fell asleep what i wake up to oh it wasn't there was it everlyn
in the morning what's this glass
was she holding it no she just saw the glass i thought she was gonna spider was still there
pick it up yeah she just knocked it over when she come out in the morning wake up she's standing
there with the empty glass yeah what was this on the floor oh fuck lockdown where is it yeah
no fucking hell man yeah it's a paper trick because i can't hurt them i'm not i can't hurt bugs or
anything i can't do anything like that but i also i'm terrified to pick up big spiders yeah see i
don't want to hurt them and it's very rare that i do but i don't it's an instinct that kicks in
with big spiders where the last time i i had a had a serious encounter with one is i went to go to
bed and i saw one of the motherfuckers run across my room and i went no i can't i cannot go to sleep
knowing that that thing is running around and it ended up going under my bed and the way that i
found it is i shone a torch under the bed and the light bounced off of its eyes oh my yeah it bounced
off of that fucking thing's eyes right so what i did is i got the only thing that i could and that
was deodorant and i sprayed that fucking thing with deodorant until it come running out of that bed
and it come running out the deodorant it must have been fucking immune to it because it weren't
getting it and i'm terrified of them i'm screaming and genuinely screaming i can't do them and i
shit you not this thing you know how we spoke about before where you bat a moth and that moth
is now magnetized to you it won't fucking leave you alone you bat them off away from your face it's
constantly trying to get down your throat this is what this spider did i attacked it with deodorant
and it had the audacity to attack back i genuinely it fucking ran from under the bed straight towards
me and out of fear it was fight or flight i just stomped on it i but i didn't know what was going
on i didn't know that i was capable of doing that because i was so fear-stricken and it was getting
cloaked it was literally it was probably like from here to my boots running towards me full pelt
and i just went and then just stomped on it and you heard it crush into the carpet it was huge
i didn't pick it up i just fucking just into the carpet there's a dead spider down there upside
down one see look even that even that itself it might just be the skin of a spider i think
that is the skin just shedded its skin in itself it's just it's just too much another thing they
just take their skin off and go and leave replicas of their cells hairs on my back are fucking standing
on end of tucking my t-shirt in so i don't crawl up my arse crack i can't do it look at them yeah
yeah i agree this spider's fucking horrible i'll pick them up i'll get rid of them if i have to but
yeah oh you ain't catching me holding my tranches with the snails are decent don't mind them
would you lay in a bath and have tarantulas poured all over you for a million what they do when i'm a
celeb oh for a million quid there ain't a lot that i wouldn't do for a million quid would you if i'm
honest would you let an anaconda swallow you and try to fight your way out am i giving tools no
you're confident you could do it with your toenails if i have a couple months to grow the nails out
i reckon i'm slicing through no but if you throw money in the way there's a lot of stuff that
people would do you for a million pound you have to sleep in this room all right door shut locked
for the whole night peach blackness with a it's just a room full of bugs
like all sorts of bugs all of them yeah loads spiders that big flying thing that i sent a picture
of then it's dark as well pitch black and you're just laying in loads of them oh this is fucking
everywhere all these spiders all on the roof everywhere they're covered completely covered
in bugs this is fucking making me feel grim um have i got a blanket yeah but the blanket's covered
bro oh that's covered as well yeah well the whole room is covered so you're like laying there you
can put a blanket over you but the blanket's got bugs under it on it the mattress has got bugs
everywhere am i am i already in the room and then the bugs are being entered into the room or the
is it already a bug-infested room that i've got so the imagine the it's this room i'm on the other
side am i able to walk in and get settled in and then the bugs come in or the bugs already in here
and i've got to come in i would say we will be quiet and you can get in and get let me get in
first the bugs are going to be coming through a tube they're just going to be like hoovered
hoovered constantly direction into the room so what are we saying from from from six to six
six or six trust me you ain't getting no sleep because they're going to be everywhere
and you can't relax because you'll be laying there get off me oh get off me and you can't see
it's pitch black you don't even know what's fucking on you i'm doing it i'm not doing it
i'm not doing it i knew i'd get you i'm not doing it yeah even if even if i had a nice duvet that i
could completely like engulf myself in and then tuck all the sides in completely tuck it so
nothing's getting in absolute maybe then you your brain will be telling you something's on me
something's on me yeah something something would be on me but i'd be covered by it you know you
know how you put the covers over your head the monsters at night can't get you you know what i
mean no you don't have your feet out the bed because then the fucking thing under the bed
ain't gonna grab you as long as they're under the covers there's some form of um comfort there
you're going protected by this blanket or this duvet i feel like that's what would be like because
if there was ever a moth that entered my room when i was in bed the only thing that i would do is get
under those covers and stay under until i could sort of work out where the moth was what you what
you actually like that scared the moths even now so if i'm off come flying in here now you drop your
mic and run out there potentially really i'm over a moth depends how big it is that's one up there
there's a little spider up there the little moths and shit i'm fine with it's them binds where you
can fully hear it flapping its wings i can't i can't do them i'm not a fan of things flying
around my ears yeah they have to die yeah that's my that's my mentality with bugs and anything like
that if i will only attack it if i fear that it's gonna it has but it has the potential to cause
harm to me or others around me then i'm not interested in it you know i won't i won't round
me squash animals or bugs or whatever you want to call it if i can enter this room and but i suppose
that defeats the object of it because if i can completely cover myself in a duvet or something
so that they cannot come into physical contact with me you're saying that and you're hoping but
mate they're bugs they're gonna get under this fucking tight fucking there's no way you can hold
a duvet down tight enough that ants ain't crawling in under there and shit and even then you pitch
black so you're gonna feel you're not gonna be able to tell you're gonna be saying jump my leg up it
won't be but you're like oh fucking hell and then you'll jump and then a bit of the duvet will come
ah no and then they all start coming in yeah no and then you get the duvet off you but don't
max and there's all bugs flying around anyway and oh they're just everywhere it's a fucking bug fest
and then the lights come on at six o'clock the next morning and you realize it was all just a
figment of your imagination i was just playing bug sounds into the room do i get the money though
yeah i still get the money if if i did it and then the buzzer went off you're done come out reese
i don't even think that you would have time to unlock the door i think i'm just i'm just fucking
oh yeah just smashing through the fucking thing yeah they're not they're not for me man
now bugs ain't for me no i'm not a fan i'm not a fan of bugs let us know in the comments what you
think about bugs give us your thoughts on bugs there's only one bug i think that i realistically
will kill on sight um and i don't do it very often one because i can't and two i just don't
but there's two actually flies and wasps flies because they just carry diseases and just get away
from me i can't kill them because they're too quick um and wasps if you're coming up anywhere near me
you want to hurt me i'm gonna whack you wasps i leave alone completely because i don't want to be
buzzed but flies i got very good at getting them with a t-tail not like whacking them but fully like
whipping them with the end of a t-tail i got very good and then for a little period
very ironic considering what we've just spoken about i had a spider farm
and it's just a little pot and you make your own habitat and then you can keep a spider
you just go and take a spider off the street or something like that obviously you had to
feed the things because it's in a in a container so you had to feed it flies or whatever and you
had this tiny little pot like a little fucking what you're pissing to when you do a drugs test
and i used to use that to catch flies and there was somewhere i'll catch them midair like with the
with the thing and then putting the lid on it fucking mr meows yeah i got decent with it
but yeah i used to have a little spider little spider farm thing it didn't last massively long
i got really impressed because one of them started making a web and everything i was like yeah this
geese has got some home and i got bored of it and swapped it out for another one
basically god at that point you've created Noah's ark pretty much yeah i was the one that was
feeding it and i was the one that was giving it sanctuary until i belted it into the garden
and then forgot about it it got eaten by a bigger spider nice that's that well yeah thanks for the
thanks for the patreons thanks for your money and this has been satin um star wars Jedi survivor is
very good 10 out 10 there's our gaming knowledge you've already heard that look you had a whole
podcast of gaming knowledge sometimes we just got we just got to let loose you know this is stressful
let us know if you like this different take on the patreon uh of animals and insects not necessarily
be this but you never know we might talk about something else i just talk shit for a little bit
do you want just games tell us because you're the ones that control this whole thing
we have no saying it whatsoever we we are your puppets touch us we are but your blank canvas
fill us in fill us up fill us up and on that note um are you here next week why would not be what's
next week oh just another week speaking of next week here's some gaming news for you fucking
Zelda tears the kingdom comes out next week so you know Zelda tears the kingdom comes out and stef
obviously hasn't finished breath of the wild not through lack of trying she just can't bring herself
to finish it and obviously she the the tears of the kingdom switch arrived and we took it out the
box to make sure because it arrived fucking dented right so i thought i was fine there'll be loads of
padding in the box there ain't literally where the fucking screen is there's probably like two
millimeters worth of fucking cardboard and then it's the outside world and that's where the dent
was so we kind of had to switch it all on and make sure it was all working it was all sweet um but
stef has said that she ain't touching tears of the kingdom until she's like completely breath of the
wild and she's only going to do tears of the kingdom on this switch because obviously it's
very fitting but her birthday is the 8th of june and i did say to her you can have this switch now
because she got it last week um but she's for some reason refusing so it's just sitting in the way
next to my laptop how can she teach me this level of patience i don't fucking understand it either
i'm like if i could pay 100 pound now to pay tears of the kingdom a week earlier would because i've
not even that bothered about it but i got it for her birthday and well obviously tears of the
kingdom ain't on it yeah i know but you're saying that she's not going to play tears of the kingdom
on anything but that console she's going to wait till next month yes to play this brand new game
she's waited fucking years for i don't know how she's doing bearing in mind she's got the very
first nintendo switch that come out so obviously this one's an oled as well so it looks so much
better than the one that she's already got and it will feel absolutely brand new and all that shit
and i said to her i said it's a birthday present but i said you can have it because it's here
i got a week off be perfect time to to get get suited to it no no but i've told her multiple
times you can have it so now i'm gonna call her bluff and she ain't fucking getting it till the
eighth i admire her patience i wish i could have an inch of that i wish i could have it but i just
know i haven't it genuinely makes me feel genuinely sad that i'm probably gonna have to wait four or
five years for the next star wars jedi survivor fucking game and every time as i've said before
when something like this happens i the next god of war the next star wars i worry that i'm not
gonna be alive the next time this game comes out four years is a long time to stay alive what do
you mean what do you mean anything could happen i could get cancer i could get hit by a car i could
fucking die at work with the dangerous things that we have to do this is very true there's a lot of
danger in the world fun fact i nearly died twice this is what i mean so there's you know three four
years is a long time to wait so i worry i might die before i get to see the conclusion of calcas's
story never mind about your family that you'll leave behind and all of that the podcast will
be no more it's just you won't be able to see the next star wars calcas's journey must end
i must see the end does it end i imagine so it's a trilogy i guess so calcas just in
actual like live action he is the he the geezer that plays him is the geezer that you see in the
game and there's a lot of rumors that he will appear so is calcas just in any movies or anything
no he's like a new story he's completely but there is a lot because it it is set at the same time as
the obi-wan kenobi series so there's a lot of there could be potential tie-ins of him popping
up anytime during the asoka series or anything it could pop up anything and he's like an actor
essentially so he could definitely play his part incredible he's very incredible i love it i want
to play star wars not me now all right i'm gonna leave you there you little fucking maggots
i've had enough i've had enough of you you've heard our little conversation
you've heard my fascination with bugs let us know what you think and we don't don't don't hold back
oh one more thing go on sam parks my friend i'm sorry you have appointed sam aladis as your
manager i find it very funny so ha ha ha ha enjoy the worst football you will ever see under any
manager be it in the premier league or the championship i hope you stay up who does he
support leads oh yeah we're united and uh yeah you think they're playing yellow they're playing
white but nevertheless sam aladis is now their manager i hope he keeps you up but if he does
or doesn't if he stays there you will enjoy the worst football you'll ever see i'm sorry just
looking at the premier league table i'm trying to get a bit more into football now okay okay i've
been talking to mark about it quite a bit and the people at work and they're not having it because
of how much i don't like football so everyone thinks i'm taking the piss when i start talking
to him about stats and things like that but i am i am interested in it i was following west down
for quite a bit because there was a horrible part of me that kind of wanted to see them
get fucked over wow just because of the connection i don't know why
anyway maybe it's like a bruise that you like to push i don't know i'm gonna bruise on an apple
until your thumb goes through it but you're doing fine now anyway it doesn't matter well
not really i know i could end up with egg on my face and we could go down at leeds expense
ah so you've got not on forest leads and lester all on 30 yeah and then you're 34
it's close so it is how many more games are there to play four oh so there's a potential 12 points
up for grabs still they're still tight south hampton yeah but yeah i just wanted to take
that moment to laugh at sam but also say my condolences but also show some empathy because
i do feel for you because i've been relegated and it hurts um so yeah i just feel for you for sam
alice basically hopefully keeps you up genuinely hopefully stay up but uh whatever happens the
football's gonna be shocking so uh yeah all the best with that and uh thanks to all the other
patreons we love you lots fucking flies thanks for all your messages thanks for all your money
what are you laughing at just i thought that would have been a good ending just thanks for you
man let's go all right