What's the buttons podcast? In. I'm in. I've
pressed it. Good to go. Hello. I'm back. Question
of the day. Have you ever exploded a stress ball
in front of your boss and covered a computer
and yourself in sticky liquid? Do you want to
tell them what kind of stress ball it was? It
wasn't just any stress ball. It was a bum bum.
It was a bum. It was a bum in a bikini. Yeah.
Yeah, me and... me ash and and the director of
the company we work for having probably one of
the most serious conversations we could have
outside of a formal setting and ash is sitting
down next to me and then i just hear this like
and i look like i just looked over and he's just
covered in liquid all over the computer over
the laptop all over your trousers the desk and
it was the stress ball It's getting to you. It
went pop. I've never seen that happen. And it
was just so funny. It was very funny. But it
was the moment of shock where it happened, it
burst. And then I looked down and I didn't look
up for a good five, ten seconds. The realisation
of what had just happened. Yeah. And I think
it took our director about two seconds to realise
what happened because there was just silence.
He just stopped talking and then nothing. I was
looking down and then he just kind of burst out
laughing, which made me feel better. I thought
you'd open up a can of drink and it just fizzed
everywhere. But no, it was a stress ball of gooey
liquid. And there was a lot of it in there. There
was a hell of a lot. They managed to pack them
fuckers about a litre's worth of goo in a...
pocket sized ball so safe to say I'm a bit stressed
at work at the moment no stress balls no more
stress balls but it's a good moment because no
one was hurt and something I'll remember for
the rest of my life yeah everyone's a winner
really yeah decent that's all I got anyway I
know that Mark has been been waiting for this
um i don't think i ever officially announced
it but um today's like a weird one because it's
friday the 13th but not like your traditional
oh halloween time it's just a the 13th and it's
falling on a friday so i guess it's friday the
13th everyone as it was last month yeah yeah
that's why it's a bit it's a bit weird um but
i said to myself because mark was talking about
it um and i was like fuck it i was like you know
what i'll play a horror game in in the spirit
of friday the 13th and i absolutely hate them
with a passion i've always wanted to play them
and play them through uh and get that bug but
i fucking hate them so i've never done it and
then i was going to buy a game called um visage
Visage. Visage. It looks fucking terrifying.
And Mark said to me, he was like, I've had that
in my wishlist for ages and I still haven't bought
it. So I was like, right, well, if you haven't
bought it, then I know it's bad. And then it
was, funnily enough, it was Mark and Steph. And
they were like, haven't you got Resident Evil
7 already on the PlayStation? And I was like,
yeah, I do. So I was like, fuck it. I'll download
that and give it a crack. I hate it. I hate it.
I'm just under five hours in. I know at a push
you can get the game done in six hours, but I'm
not there yet. So it's about a 10 -hour game
for me. So it's not very long, but it sucks.
You say that. Where are you in the game? Because
I can tell you right now if you're even close
to getting to that time of being able to finish
it. The mum with the long arms and legs. Oh,
the spider bitch. Yeah, spider bitch. No, you're
fucking miles off it. You're miles off it still,
bro. Miles. I can't do it. Well, no, I will do
it. I'm going to have to do it. But it's just
horrible, man. It's really, really not nice.
But Mark keeps saying to me, you'll enjoy it.
Once it's done, you'll enjoy it and you'll want
to play another one and you'll want to play another
one. And I can kind of see where you're coming
from because once you get that frill. of it and
you get over that hurdle of, I'm not going to
get hurt. It's just a fucking, like the, the,
the geezer with the chainsaw, the dad, I'm going
to assume he's dead because when I last see him,
he was just a pair of legs on the floor. So I
don't, so I don't know if he's fully dead because
I thought he was dead before that. And then he
come out, I've killed him fucking three times.
So I, so I don't know. I'm going to assume he
comes back in some form of capacity. Fuck knows.
Um, but, uh, I just remembered another bit you've
got to do as well. You've got miles, bro. See,
this is what I'm saying, because I spoke to Dean
about it, fucking thingy Dean, and obviously
he loves horrors, and he was saying, he was like,
yeah, he's like, the problem with horrors is
like, this day and age, they're not scary enough.
He was like, they don't do anything for me. But
he was like... Resident Evil 7 he was like that
was pretty scary I mean if you're fucking saying
it's scary then then what the fuck Mark's also
said to me he asked me where I'm at and I told
him the spider bitch and he just said yeah have
fun oh yeah great that's fantastic are you fighting
her or I'm about to she's a hard boss I've already
fought her because you fall into that pit and
then she's sending like bugs at you and I've
fucked her up in there and then obviously You
then see her long arm stretch out and grab the
lamp and then fucking she disappears. And I remember
seeing clips of her on TikTok and stuff. So I'm
not completely oblivious to the outlay of the
game. I know that somewhere towards the end,
you're in a boat with Mia. But I don't know all
of it. I know there's different endings. But
there's definitely a lot of shit that I'm doing
where I have never seen it before. So I honestly
have... no idea what's happening but it's a weird
one Jack that bit where you do kill him and he's
just a set of legs I can see how that would be
scary but once you realise you can just cheese
that encounter with the pillar that's in the
middle so I just kept fucking slowly moving around
that and he couldn't attack me it weren't too
bad but he's not scary he just follows you whereas
But the other things that are going to... Those
fucking mould people things, those black things,
I nearly lost my shit. You know when we first
played Elden Ring and I rung you up and I was
like, I cannot do this. I've had enough. That
happened. Because it's about ten of the fucking
things. I'm shit at aiming. And then I spoke
to Mark about it and he was like, no. He was
like, just run past them. He was like, you don't
have to kill them. He was like, conserve your
ammo. He was like, you don't have to kill everything.
So you don't get anything for killing them. And
sure enough, that's what I did. When I went back,
I fucking... I killed that one that's in the
container thing to get some keys. Got the spider
key or whatever it was. And then just fucking
ran through the furnace bit. And then unlocked
the door and then boom, they disappear. So that
was nice for me. I'm easing into it more. But
it's just shit. It's really shit. I've got a
shotgun. I've got a flamethrower. I've got a
pistol. And I don't feel safe. You're never supposed
to. I don't feel safe at all. It's just everything's
fucking... It's just anxiety. But whenever I'm
playing it, I'm trying to relive the TikTok videos
in my head to just give my mind a bit of comfort
to try and remember scenes that were scary so
that I'm not fucking scared when they come up.
And so far, it's not done me any service. It's
done me nothing. And Steph's away for five days.
Yeah, there's no way you're playing it now, sure.
There's no fucking way. Well, I'm going to have
to. I played it on my own yesterday because I
got to the mould, people. Kept fucking dying.
And I was like, I cannot be bothered. I'm not
doing this. And then I sat myself down and went,
no, you need to... You can fucking ask Steph.
I was getting well pissed off of it. And I turned
it off and I said, no, I'll come back to it refreshed.
And usually that's the point where I don't come
back to it ever again. And I go, I'm safe. I
can just play World of Warcraft. I'm busy. I've
got things to do on there. I was like, no, let's
continue. Let's keep going. And then, yeah, obviously,
Manister gave me those tips. So I went back onto
it. And then, yeah, when I got home yesterday,
I didn't want to play it. I was like, I cannot
be bothered. So I stuck about two and a bit hours
into it of playing it. There's no way people
play these for fun. They don't play them for
fun. Some people do. But they need help. Yeah,
I know. They need therapy. They need psychoanalysis.
Because it's just, how are people enjoying this
shit? There's nothing fun about this. It's dark.
It's scary. I feel alone. I'm playing it with
all the lights on and the radios turned on. I
need to feel safe. You don't even put headphones
on. Nah, bro. I ain't fucking doing that. I ain't
doing that. That's the real thing. I'm not doing
that shit. It brought me back to the geezer when,
was it me and Steph that did an episode? It was
me and John. When I was talking about that streamer
that does a YouTube channel about his camper
van and the life he lives out of his camper van.
And then he did that one video where he live
streamed him playing fucking Slender Man in the
middle of the woods with a headset on in the
middle of the night. And he only did it the once
and I can fucking understand it. Yeah. Now he
just does the camping videos. Yeah, it's not
the games don't scare me. The enemies don't scare
me. It's the fear of dread that I get. And I
don't know what I'm dreading because whenever
anything pops up, I'm not like, oh, I nearly
died. Or, oh, you're terrifying to look at and
you're making me scared. It's the... The dread
of the unknown. It's the anxiety. Yeah, it's
like, especially the first person ones. When
you're just walking along, you just feel like
there's someone behind me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whenever I open a door or I look in some cupboards
or do something, I think I'm going to spin around
and something's going to fucking grab me. That's
the problem. It's more the fear than the dread
as opposed to the actual scary bits. But it's
just the initial fear. If I get jump scared...
And then I die or whatever. I know the next time
I'm sweet because I know exactly what's going
to happen. Exactly. It's just the jump scare
of it. There's nothing physically that I'm looking
at where I think, oh, I'm terrified of what I'm
seeing. I'm not. You've just scared me because
you caught me off guard. But everything I'm looking
at, like the spider bitch, she's grim, but she
also looks kind of cool. I'm not scared of her.
Yeah, it's just a fucking... It's a tough old
game. Tough old game. Yeah. Speed run it. I'm
not doing that. I'm going to finish this one
and I'm not picking up another one. That's it.
Just so I can sit there and say I've done it.
The fact that I thought I'd be able to play it
in VR when I first got it was madness. No way
I could do that. That sort of shit would give
people PTSD one day, man. You can't do that.
I got as far as the ladders when you go downstairs.
in the crawl space or whatever it is no sorry
when you go when when you're the filming the
geezers in that vhs tape oh yeah and then they
go downstairs and one of them's fucking his eyeballs
and popped out of some shit i got as far as going
down them stairs and that was it yeah down them
ladders doing that in vr is fucking yeah it's
naughty yeah because i can imagine that bit when
Mia comes up the stairs the first time in VR
would be fucking terrifying it's horrible because
it's like obviously it's full on first person
as well so it's grim and unlike the game where
you're playing it outside of VR you can fully
fucking look round and everything so fuck doing
it in VR you just have to shut your eyes that's
what I was doing And then I was like, this isn't
even remotely enjoyable. I'm not doing this.
I've been watching, I'm on like part five of
someone playing the new Resident Evil. Because
I knew, I love the games and I've played most
of them. But I'm just, I can't put myself through
it. And I'm not, as I say, I'm not scared of
it. It's the dread of playing it. And it's just
weird. I'm not a scared man, but I don't like
the uneasy feeling. So yeah, it's... I'm watching
it and it doesn't bother me at all because I'm
do you know what I think it is I think it's the
vibration of the controllers because I know something's
happening that's fine I know something's going
to come around this corner but because I know
I can watch a film nothing really ever makes
me jump no matter how scary it is so I'm watching
a scary film I'm anticipating it so I'm just
waiting oh there it is oh god woo But when you
know something scary is going to happen in a
game, you're waiting for it. But then that vibration
gives you a physical sensation. And that's what
I think makes me anxious. The vibration itself
is not the thing. It's the physical along with
the visual as a combination makes me jump or
whatever. And, yeah, I don't like it. I said
to Gem, I'll buy the new Resident Evil for her,
but you have to play it. I'll sit there and watch
you play it. But she said no. Not that she's
scared, she just hasn't got time. Because I'm
a massive loser and she's an adult. But it's
easier to watch someone else fucking play it.
That's what I mean. Because you end up dealing
with the shit. Exactly, but I'm still, it's no
different. All I'm just doing is not holding
the controller. It's exactly the same. I know,
but you lose that sense of immersion. That's
what I'm saying. It's because you're holding
the controller and it's fucking vibrating. That's
the physical part of it. Other than that, there's
nothing. I could sit next to her and play with
a controller that's not turned on. It wouldn't
bother me. until it makes a vroom. The bit that
gets me is when I'm being chased. When I'm being
chased and I can't see what's chasing me and
I can't turn around to have a look, that's what
gets me. I always, I panic. I go, oh my God,
oh my God, oh my God. And then fucking, yeah.
I think, but I also get enjoyment out of those
moments because they're always funny because
you get that burst of exhilaration and you're
like, no, I'm sweet. It's like a constant up
and down. That's why I have so much fun playing
Dead by Daylight. Because when you're getting
chased, it's fun. You're a screamer, though,
aren't you? Yeah. When everything happens, I
don't make noises. Yeah, no, I'm flat out fucking
loud as you like. I think because it helps me
find the funny side of it as well. But also throughout
just pure panic. But you do that in every game.
It doesn't matter if it's a fucking scary game
or not. You'll be playing Battlefield and you'll
be like... Where the fuck are you coming from?
Fucking hell. It's funny. It's vocal, man. It's
funny when you do it. Vocal, vocal, man. Well,
we expect that to be finished by next Friday
then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'll have it done.
I will have it done. Well, you're going to have
no excuses because you're off work, fucking.
You get that shit done, man. Yeah, I've got Monday,
Wednesday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. You'll
bang through that. There's not... There's a fair
bit left, but... Eight in the morning with all
the curtains open, all the lights on, music blaring.
Yeah, I'll jump on it. Thunderstorm. Right. Dark
clouds overhead. Fucking grim game. Black cat
staring through your window. I'll have it done.
Don't you worry. Good. Well, I'm not playing
nothing. Nothing. I keep trying and then I'm
like, do you know what? I'm not interested. You
look fucking tired. I'm mentally fucked. Mentally
fucked. But I just want Crimson Desert, man.
That's all I can think about. Nothing's appeasing
it. You kicked off because you saw jetpacks.
Yeah, I'm not fond of that. I mean, I watched
a slow motion of it and it looks like it's the
York geezer. So I'm assuming the bird's got the
fan or umbrella that she glides around with.
He's got the jetpack and Matey Bob's got the
crow fucking spin or whatever. Yeah. So, yeah,
as long as I don't have to be the orc geezer
all the time, it's not a big deal. It's just
fucking stupid, isn't it? So stupid. It doesn't
even fit with, like, lore. Well, I suppose it's
their lore. Oh, yeah, I'm looking at the geezer.
But if you could make it, like, I don't know,
a jetpack, but it fitted with, like, fantasy.
It was, like, dwarven -made fucking... Made by
flames and fire. It just looks like bright blue
fucking Spaceman jetpack. It's stupid. It pisses
me off, that shit. It ruins it. At least those
additional characters, you don't have to play
them. Yeah, as long as I don't have to play them
and I don't have to get in big robots. Someone
just said, what even is this game? Yeah, I've
actually read that comment myself. Someone said,
exactly what I've been craving in a game for
quite a while. Haven't seen anything that felt
close to it. in years yeah but what even the
fuck is it like what is it I don't know that's
the exciting part what is it's a action RPG guarantee
it's not even an RPG it's a single player open
world action adventure game it's actually do
you know the world's so big it's because it initially
was made as an MMO yeah and then they pivoted
from it yeah So I'm just hoping for some good
old -fashioned fun times. I like existing in
a world where you can just roam around and have
random events and just feel like a badass, like
Geralt, just killing shit, and then hop on a
dragon and burn a city down. Yeah, but you can
do that. That's what I mean. That's what I'm
looking forward to. That's why I bought the...
Excuse me? That's why I bought the... Oh, yeah,
they don't know that, do they? I bought the...
I pre -ordered it yesterday. Yeah. On the PlayStation
Store. Yes. Yes. Exactly. I did. Have you seen
the collector's edition? It looks pretty cool,
though. It's got a lot of diorama of a dragon
and that. Yeah, yeah. Reasonable as well. very
reasonable from a price point standard it's probably
pretty for what you're getting it's probably
the cheapest collector's edition I've ever seen
like the cheapest and that's why I bought it
here comes the dogs about to kick off see they're
happy about it as well yeah like liking it to
sort of value for money in terms of Assassin's
Creed Mirage which is also the cheapest collector's
edition that I've ever bought and what surprised
me is that they're not They're not hard to come
by. No. Which is quite unique for such a... And
the best bit about that collector's edition as
well is that investment purposes, it's going
to go through the fucking roof. Probably, I think
it's predicted that it's going to be more valuable
than the Baldur's Gate free collector's edition.
Yeah, true. So anyone that buys that collector's
edition for Crimson Desert, 100%, that's a good
investment. Very smart person. and thank god
i got it for cost yeah yeah thank god it weren't
mega expensive yeah and i just uh yeah i basically
i got someone else to buy it for me um and i
said look out of goodwill gesture you can keep
the game yeah i'll download that myself yeah
that's where we're at uh so yeah i'm looking
forward to that um next friday well actually
it's next thursday but it comes out at fucking
10 o 'clock at night thanks thanks for that So,
yeah, it'll be next Friday. Yeah, 10 o 'clock
at night is fine. Just fucking boot it up. Crack
on, mate. Fuck off, mate. I'm not fucking doing
that. Are you mad, Rev? None of these cunts I
play WoW with keep doing that as well. What time
do they get up in the morning? Yeah, yeah, I
had this conversation this morning. Right, John,
he went for a run this morning, complaining because
he was up so early. Half five he was up. Child's
play. Yeah, it's ridiculous. That's fucking child's
play. That's a lay -in. What time do you normally
get up, mate? Half six. Fucking hell, that's
a weekend lay -in. Yeah. That's tasty. Like,
what the fuck? But they, especially John, he
has a habit of fucking half nine at night. You
want to play do some mythic? No. I'm in bed.
Yeah. I'm in bed. Oh, I've just got home. Quarter
past eight. You want to jump on? No, mate. No,
I don't. I'm in my pyjamas. I ain't fucking doing
anything else. I played for six hours while you
were still at work, mate, because I work a normal
time. I started to, I start to get a bit anxious
when it gets to like nine o 'clock. If I look
at my phone and it's like 9 .05, I'm like, oh,
I ain't got long left. I need to turn this off.
If I'm still, if the PlayStation is still on
at 10 o 'clock, I'm like, I fucked up. Yeah,
I'm exactly the same. Me and Steph are in a habit
where when she comes home from work on a, On
our later shifts, we have dinner and we watch
Daredevil. And we normally make it through one
episode. But by the time we're sitting down and
having dinner, it's like quarter to nine, nine
o 'clock anyway. And then, yeah, every single
time. I go, how much longer is left of this?
Because it'll be like 35 minutes past nine. Oh,
it's 20 minutes left. I go, no, I can't do this.
I did it last night. I went, nope, can't do it.
And she was like, no, go on, just see what the
next scene is. And then ended up finishing it.
So I feel like my body's getting used to it,
but I'm slowly fucking, I'm getting to bed and
going to sleep, and it's like half ten, or I
put my alarm on and it starts saying five hours
rather than six hours, and you go, oh, fuck.
It was not fucking when I went to Gem's dad's.
We were dog -sitting, and we had the kids around
there. There's nothing to do, obviously. You're
around your in -laws' house. I ain't got no fucking
PlayStation with me or nothing, so I think I
was reading or something, and she put Mobland
on. And I was reading my Kindle and I kept looking
up and I was like, oh, this is actually quite
good. So I put it down, started watching it,
watched a couple of episodes with her. And it
was getting later and later and later. And I
think we, I don't know how many episodes there
were, like 10, say. And it got to like, we were
like five in or something. And she was like,
let's watch them all. I was like, are you fucking
dizzy? We've got children upstairs asleep. Because
I worked it out. If we watched the rest of these,
we'd be going to bed at like four o 'clock in
the morning. She was like, yeah, I'll get up
with the kids. I was like, all right, fuck it
then. All right then. So yeah, we banged out
the entire series of Mobland in one evening and
went to bed at about quarter to four, I think.
And what time did you get up? To be fair, I got
up about nine. No, decent. She got up a bit earlier.
Yeah. Paid the price. Yeah, so I'm not adverse
to it, you know. On Sunday nights, I really can
never sleep for some reason. So it's not unlike
me to be still awake at like 12. You have the
Monday scaries. Sunday scaries. Sunday scaries,
sorry. So, yeah, I'm normally still awake at
gone midnight. Sort of like when Countryfile
comes on. You go, oh, fuck. Fuck, it's that time.
But I'm not doing anything active. You know what
I mean? I've turned the PlayStation off. The
normal time I would. And I just get in bed and
put YouTube on. And, yeah, and then I'm just
laying there for two hours. YouTube Premium.
Oh, yeah, obviously. YouTube Premium, advert
free. I'm not a fucking scrubber. Have a listen
to as much as you want. I'm not a fucking scrubber.
Free of advertisement. Oh. Yeah. So, yeah, and
sometimes on the Mondays I wake up fine. I'm,
like, wide awake. And then other times I can
go to bed at 8 o 'clock and I wake up feeling
like a sack of shit. I want to... Because he
doesn't pay for the patron, which I find pathetic.
Also, Andrew wanted a shout out. And I won't
say his last name because I won't want to dox
him, but we both know Andrew. And on the phone
to me, he was like, yeah, do a shout out for
me on the podcast. And he was like, make sure
it's not the patron. You tight cunt. I can say
that because on this platform, I'm not in work.
Can't hold that against me outside work. I don't
know. I'm going to keep it in there. There's
a little part of me that's like, maybe delete
that, but I'm going to keep that in there. He
knows it's in jest. The fucking general manager.
You can't. He said it again. No, it's fine. It's
fine. But he knows. He knows the situation. £4
.50, you can have the patron, man. You can have
access to that. You want a shout out? I did say
to him, I said, you want a shout out, you pay
for it. I need to speak to him, actually. I want
to take him to the theatre. What? Yeah. So...
I really like Game of Thrones. He really likes
Game of Thrones. Yeah. One of the coolest stories
in Game of Thrones. Oh, thingy Baratheon. Robert
Baratheon. Robert Baratheon. And the way he won
the throne. Yeah. But he's only coming in play
form. Yeah. And I'm like, that's really shit.
Yeah. But also, I know he'll love it. And I want
to see it. He'll absolutely love it. I can see
it now. I can see it now. But then I'm thinking,
am I suited for that? Do they sell popcorn? He
can lend you a cardigan if you're worried about
appearance. Yeah, I might need cardigan. Yeah.
What do you mean do they sell popcorn? What theatre
is it in? Do you know? I don't know. I don't
even know if it's made. I don't know. What do
you do? Do you drink wine? Do you have them little
eyeglasses you hold up to your eyes to watch?
What do you do? Do you get them big foam fingers?
I can help you on this because I too have been
to the theatre. Me and Steph went and saw Hamilton.
Is it going to be that sort of thing, or is it
more a play? It's a theatre production, so it's
the same shit. And this is how it went. Think
cinema, but shitter chairs. Still comfy, but
shitter. You've been to a Panto, haven't you?
He's behind you. But you've been to that sort
of thing, yeah? Same set -up. Exactly the same
set -up. but it's not a pantomime. There's not
fucking Harry Hill dancing around on the stage.
This is Robert Baratheon. Food -wise, there should
be a bar there that serves drinks, and then food,
you're sort of at the mercy of... Every now and
then, they'll put out a little ice cream stand
thing, won't they? Or popcorn and shit like that.
They do do popcorn. There's sweeties and stuff
there, but be prepared to spend a pretty penny.
Nachos. I don't know if you can get nachos and
shit. What sort of establishment are they trying
to run in? I don't know. Well, put it this way.
Me and Steph sat through Hamilton, which is like
three hours long, maybe four hours long, on a
complimentary box of fucking chocolates where
there was like four chocolates and a glass of
champagne and neither of us drink. So we were
severely dehydrated. It was not a fun experience.
The play was great. The headache wasn't. We left
that theatre feeling fucked. And that's where
we discovered Bleaker's after, which was like
the best burgers ever. I don't know whether it's
because they were really good or because we were
borderline dead. Same sort of thing. So that'll
be fun. But also, he doesn't pay for this, so
don't start taking him out on theatrical dates.
You know what I mean? But I want to see it, man.
Yeah, no, that's sweet. That's sweet. Let him
fucking throw it on the card. Business meeting.
It's an entertainer. It's an entertainer client.
It's a mobilisation meeting. It's an entertainer
client. I'll be the client. You be the boss.
Yeah, bang a different high -vis on and crack
on. Yeah, well, that's what I want to see. But
yeah, he wanted to shout. I don't know where
I was going with that. That's where I was going.
Fucking Dean. I was chatting to him and he's
obviously, I told you, he's slagging off Eldon
Ring. Yeah, that's unacceptable. Heinous. So,
I won't read through the entire conversation.
Mark's just texted me. Probably going to do 10k
tomorrow, man. Foot's been hurting today after
yesterday's run. You fucking puss. Cheers, Spider
-Ham. He's meant to run 10 miles with me tomorrow.
Now he wants to run six. I'm going to have to
run four before. I don't know who's worse, you
or him. Both are atrocious. Why? Do something
else. Fucking run in. Just do something else.
Look at the voice notes this geezer sent me.
Go and do some paragliding or something cool.
Here we go. He was talking to me about Elden
Ring. He said, on a side note, I hated Elden
Ring. The dogs are playing around. Yeah, they've
got the zoomies. Considering I put... Because
I said to him, I said, Elden Ring was sick. I
said, you saying it weren't... Who's he going
to mention Bloodborne? He said, considering I
put I hated Elden Ring, I think I already answered
the question. You're meant to be management.
So I told him to fuck off my WhatsApp. And I
said that he had a deadbeat opinion. He said,
the world felt empty and easy as you can just
grind to level up your stats. Plus, how can you
go from the best combat system ever played...
best combat system I've ever played from Sekiro
back into the dodge and attack formula from Bloodborne.
And I said, you are mental. To which he said,
play Sekiro, then tell me Elden Ring is good.
And then I hit back with, empty and easy, it's
one of the most fought out and interesting worlds
ever created, you dumb cunt. And then he said,
I got platinum in Bloodborne and Sekiro, nearly
400 hours in Sekiro alone. The game was too easy
for a man of my skill. The world was too open.
I said, it's an open world. And then he tried
to dig it out, saying that the previous titles
weren't open world. I said, what, so that means
that they can't, they just can't be innovative
like that anymore? I thought Elden Ring was great.
And I think his opinion means fuck all. His opinion
held some weight, because he platinum Bloodborne
and Sekiro, which is no mean feat. But then,
I've also played and completed all of them, and
I... Lay down the gauntlet to you, Dean Warwick.
And I say, challenge Consort Radan and then come
back with an opinion. That's it? Has he played
Shadow of the Erdtree? Obviously not. I doubt
he's even finished Elden Ring. The fucking thick
prick. Let's have a look. Have a look. Oops.
I did say to him, I said, have you finished it?
What did he say? I think he said yes. Oh, well,
there's your answer then. Yeah, but has he done
the DLC? No chance. If he didn't like it, he's
not going to. The DLC's a big old part of it.
Where is he? What did he say? Did I say... I
said, stop comparing it to anything. I said,
mate, did you even finish the game? I don't think
I actually listened to these. Yeah, when you
go from, like, Bloodborne was similar to Elden
Ring. It was more, it was semi -open, but it
was more linear. It was a linear game, but, like,
you could go through bits that would take you
to other bits and rah -rah -rah, yeah? Sekiro
basically switched up the formula. So it was,
there's no levelling system. You either beat
this fucking boss or you are stuck. There's no
grinding, there's no stats. Like, plus it focused
more on parry combat. The parrying and the combat
system in Sekiro was unbelievable. It is the
best combat sword fighting game that I've ever
played in my life. Then they basically did a
360 and went back to that same dodge and attack
fucking formula again. It's like in an open world
setting, which made it just, it felt stale and
old. Like it was just ridiculous. Fucking silly
sausage. I mean, what he's saying is not, untrue
but also fight consort are done and try and out
level that dickhead it's not happening get good
or you don't incredibly hard boss and there's
a lot of things in that that is you know pass
or don't pass you can't just beat the game without
beating certain bosses and yeah some of them
are fucking tough as old boots me old son do
you know what I mean how hard His prime consort,
Radan, is widely considered one of the hardest
bosses FromSoftware has ever created. He is exceptionally
fast, aggressive, and has few openings featuring
high damage, complex combos that often end in
blinding, screen -fitting light explosions, particularly
in Phase 2. Well, I've found Dean Warwick's Elden
Ring. Mm -hmm. He has two trophies. Yes. What?
Arrived at the round table hold. Yeah. and defeated
marget the fellowman so he did the first boss
and that was it that's it that's all he's done
so he hasn't even finished it he has no opinion
hasn't finished it he hasn't even got to the
open world no i know he has no opinion what the
fuck he hasn't even got part what so he did the
first boss and then thought i've seen enough
I'll tell you what happened. He probably got
stuck on the tree sentinel for fucking a few
hours and then worked out that you haven't actually
got to kill him first fitting. No, he must know
that because he's a veteran. What the fuck? See,
now tell me that his opinions are valid. Now
you tell me. Well, yeah, but then the same thing
can apply. You can be a... Because he'll school
me on Sekiro. He'll school me on Bloodborne.
They are much harder games. Yeah, but how can
you have only put in... How can you have put
400 hours into Sekiro and then only put, what,
two into Elden Ring? And then think, yeah, no,
I've seen enough. Would you not be interested
enough to see, especially with the hype that
was surrounding Elden Ring, for good reasons,
it was valid. Would you not look at that and
go, yeah, no, maybe I need to... Like what I
did. was getting my ass handed to me and then
thought no I need to sit down and it's one of
the best games I've ever played in my life he
has beaten Bloodborne and Sekiro and Platinum
and both so his opinion is valid a lot of people
that love FromSoftware games don't like Elden
Ring for the same reasons It's just the way it
is, and their opinion is valid. I love Elden
Ring just because it's a fucking amazing world,
and there's not many games that truly do what
it does in terms of every little nook and cranny
can have something and be useful. It's not just,
oh, you've collected one out of 20 letters, or
you've found five pigs out of 40. It's like,
oh, a fucking whole new weapon that I would never
have found with different movesets. armor and
spells and anything can be anywhere and that's
exciting because it keeps you looking around
on track whereas most games just get boring with
collectibles so it's one of the best worlds for
sure but if you've if I feel like he's got his
opinion holds weight but if you haven't you haven't
experienced even a percent of Elden Ring then
you can't have an opinion on Elden Ring is what
I would say so until you carry on this path tarnished
then then unfortunately your Elden Ring opinion
is invalid he hasn't even seen any of the shit
that goes down in the round table man no I've
seen nothing Margaret is literally like You can
go and beat him within fucking 10 minutes if
you want. You just sprint straight to the castle,
job done. Margaret the Blood Omen. Yeah. And
then after that, you go through the gate and
then the world starts opening and then you think
you've done it and then it opens again and again
and again and again. And you're like, what the
fuck is this? And then you go down an elevator
and you're like, what the fuck is going on? Even
the optional fucking bosses. Yeah. Bless you,
Belle. That entire boss is just fully optional.
That's a cunt. All of that, yeah, and the fucking,
the mini -bosses you have to, well, not even
mini -bosses, just full -on bosses that you have
to fight on the way up there. Fucking hell. I
hated that. One thing I don't like that FromSoftware's
doing a lot in their most recent games in Elden
Ring and the like. is they just constantly got
bosses doing these fucking annoying delayed attacks
they like wind up their attack and then you're
just waiting just stand there waiting for any
movement and then they like move halfway and
then hit you they never used to do that you used
to be able to time it properly i don't know how
the fuck and people do don't get me wrong they've
done no hit runs of elden ring and stuff but
i don't know how you're supposed to time such
so many delayed attacks it's like how people
um do penalties yeah just fucking fake run up
and then bang. Yeah, it's very, very annoying.
I don't like them either. Lies of Pi, Lies of
P or whatever was very, very bad. I know it's
not from software. Pinocchio. Obviously, Inspo
was particularly bad for delayed attacks because
they're a cunt. They're an absolute cunt. I think
that's part of the thing though with boss fights
especially in Elden Ring for me is learning those
boss mechanics. and getting it down to a fine
art. The first phase of Consort Radon, I had
down to a fucking tear. I could do it with my
eyes closed. Second phase, I just limped my way
through that. The second phase is a fucking joke.
How people do a no -hit thing on that is beyond
me. There's no rhyme or reason. There's shit
everywhere. Yeah, everywhere. You dodge his attack,
and then these fucking lightning beams come down.
You're like... There's no, like, tell, oh, they're
going to come here. They just appear. They're
just there. And you're like, what the fuck was
I supposed to know? I honestly don't understand
how you're supposed to beat that. Yeah, it's
ridiculous. And then what was even worse is that
you get his weapons after, and they're shit.
It takes so much effort to get through that first
half as well. Like, you have to lock the fuck
in. And then you get there. And then the first
attack kills you. And you're so demoralized.
You're like, really? Because he's not like the
normal bosses where you can chug them down quick
sharp and get to the second phase again. He is
like, he's a meaty boss. He's got a lot of HP.
And he has a straight up fucking, you get hugged
by him twice, you're dead. That's it. Yeah. You're
just fucking dead. Get that debuff and then they
give you, she picks you up, gives you a little
kiss and it's game over. Yeah. He sucks you in
with his fucking ball of electricity or the lights
or beams get you or his fucking whirlwind gets
you. And then I swear they had an algorithm where,
like I'd say, I had his first phase because I
did it about a thousand times down to a fine
art and just every now and then they'd introduce
a move that I've never seen before. Or they'd
swap around the move set. Yes, I agree. And it
would completely throw me off. And I'd go, what
the fuck? And then you wouldn't see it again
for about an hour. And then it would slowly make
its way back in round. Fuck me. Sucked. And Dean
Warwick has never seen that and probably will
never see it because he's a fucking puss. But
then he also is a very stubborn man. I told him
for years that Witcher 3 was the best game ever
made. He poo -pooed it, poo -pooed it, poo -pooed
it. He played it, poo -pooed it. Told me how
shit it was and how stupid I am. And then years
after the fact, he's like, I got it so wrong.
It's literally the best game I've ever played.
So until he really sets his mind to it. And let's
have it right. Games like Elden Ring, you really
have to be in the mood for that shit. Yeah, you
can't just pick that up for a bit of fun. Especially
when you go to fucking Caelid. Yeah, it's just...
Some horrible shit. You just have to be in the
mood to lock the fuck in, man. And nine times
out of ten now, I ain't. I ain't got it in me.
I still want to buy the first Berserker Kazan.
And I'm just like, I haven't got the energy to
go through it. No, fuck that. I remember playing
the demo for it. I loved it. I just can't be
arsed. I loved the demo so much. I finished it.
And I never finish demos, ever. I feel like...
It's almost like, for me, From Software did the
best possible thing, but also the worst thing,
for me specifically, in that they made a game
so incredibly good that it brought the likes
of me into the fray who have never properly played
a From Software game. And it was so incredibly
good that I never want to play another one again.
Ever. It took everything out of me. I mean, the
fact that you... we almost had to put in training
sessions to get back into the groove of things
for Shadow of the Erdtree. It's bonkers. The
fact that you've got a collector's edition for
Shadow of the Erdtree is bonkers. The fact that
they threw Prime Consort Rodan or even Commander
Gaius. Did you do Commander Gaius? Gaius on a
horse. On the fucking pig. Yeah, yeah. He's a
fucker and all. He was the last thing I killed
and then I turned it off and never returned.
Yeah, because you can only find him if you go
and emote at a random painting or something.
Who's going to find that shit? Yeah, I finished
the DLC and then everyone was saying that he's
like the real end game because of how hard it
is. Found him, kept dying, kept dying, finally
killed him and then I was like, I'm done. I've
done everything I want to do. I've completely
finished. I tell a lie. I have played some stuff.
I started playing... Go on. Dragon Age The Veil
Guard. Okay, good. I packed that in rapid. Why?
Oh, mate. It's so boring. Yeah. Don't get me
wrong. I don't think it was met with good reviews.
No, it wasn't, but it's improved and it was free.
Remember it came out on fucking... Came out on
PlayStation Plus like three months after it came
out. Yeah. Now, don't get me wrong. It's disingenuous
of me to say it's boring. It's not boring. One,
I wasn't in the mood for it. You know, it's a
biggish game. And two, it is everything everyone
said. They just force feed the fucking dialogue
to you like you're a child. Yeah. It's like...
I remember that was one of the big, big problems,
wasn't it? Honestly, it was like... oh we gotta
watch out for the dark spawn and there's like
the dark spawn yeah you mean them demonic alien
fucks that come from the portal of the never
region it's like like just give me some credit
like let me work it out for myself oh whoa how
are we gonna get through this door it looks like
there's a big crack over there it's like just
let me work it out man it's so shit so i got
annoyed with that and bought avowed and how are
you getting on with that i've stopped playing
that That is shit. Really shit and boring. But
once again, I'm doing that a disservice because
the game itself... How much did that cost you?
About 30 quid. But it's like... It's not bad,
but it's really not captured my attention. It
really needs to because it's, you'd probably
quite like it because it's made by, it feels
very, very out of world. Out of world. Because
obviously it's obsidian. I was interested by
it when I first see it and then I thought, nah.
No, it's genuinely not bad, but it's just, you
know, the reason it's, I don't like it, it's
not interactive enough. So what I mean by that
is you'll go in a room and there'll be mountains
of stuff everywhere. Bookcases, tables, fucking
all sorts of shit. And there'll be like one item
to pick up in there. Yeah. And that annoys me.
And it glows. So you're like, I like to look
around and my environment will be like, oh, what's
this under here? Oh, look, there's a sword there.
You don't get none of that. It's just very like,
oh, he's one item in this massive fucking...
Someone said, the excessive dialogue is nearly
ruining the experience. I'm scared to engage
with any NPC because I worry it will be a five
minute, five minutes of trying to skip through
unnecessary dialogue. That's how I feel with
playing any Final Fantasy game. What game's that
talking about? Avowed. Yeah, see, that's another
issue. And that's with Dragon Age as well. I
never ever, you know how much I love the stories.
I never skip shit. I find myself just tapping
through shit. I'm like, this is boring me. And
normally, even if it is boring me, I stick with
it. I can't do it with this. I cannot do it.
That's how I felt with Alan Wake. I was like,
especially with Alan Wake 1, Alan Wake 2, I'm
still fucking chugging through it. Backburning
now because of Resident Evil. But even with the
dialogue on that, I was a bit like, oh. Fucking
boring. Never before has a game left me on a
cliffhanger on the last game, only to go wrap
it up with the next. It's like they got bored
with their own story. This is for Dragon Age.
The only issue I had is that the dialogue can
get corny and sometimes repetitive or too modern,
but overall I like the story, the journey, and
I liked Rook, so it cancels out. The combat is
fantastic, I'll give it that. The actual gameplay...
Really good. Is it turn -based? No. No, it's
not. No, it's just action RPG. The combat's really
good. Character creation is amazing. My character
looks sick. And the cut scenes that he's in and
that, it feels very real. He was the character
that was supposed to be made for the game. Perfect.
But one of my big problems I don't really want
to talk about on here. I'll just use the normal
world. It is so woke. It is ridiculous. And it's
like... I'm all for do what you want, but you
are forcing this shit down my throat. I know
it was a problem, and obviously me and you are
on somewhat different sides of the table when
it comes to that sort of shit, but even I agree
that Dragon Age, when all of the clips, and I
saw fucking loads of them when they first came
out, it was fucking just shoving it down there,
but also to its own detriment as well. Oh, yeah.
Like, if you're going to... introduce that sort
of um stance or not even stance just wording
um then make it organic because there are ways
to do that to make it fit in with the story and
not feel like it's been fucking rammed in there
what it felt like is um You know when you watch
a YouTube video and even though you've got premiums
so you don't have adverts anymore. Here's today's
sponsor. Yeah. And then when you click on it
it says jump ahead because it's fucking everyone
always skips through it. It seems like that where
it's like we're quick. We have to fucking get
this in here and then let people deal with it.
Do what you need to do. I don't care. Live and
let live. I don't give a fuck what you do in
your private lives. I don't give a monkeys. It's
just not. You're force feeding something that
is in into a fantasy game. It doesn't make sense.
That's the problem. It doesn't make sense. The
writing is so bad. Yeah, I don't even think it's
the fact that it doesn't make sense. It's just
boring. In this instance, on this game, the dialogue
of it is just fucking boring. You know what I
mean? You can keep it if it's interesting, but
the writing of it, and that seems to be the consensus
for... what most people think when it comes to
this game is that just story wise and dialogue
wise it's very very very boring the gameplay
is fantastic the actual combat and the enemies
and the graphics it's got mixed reviews and then
Avowed is sort of again Avowed has somewhat decent
reviews yeah like I say I don't I feel like I'm
too burnt out to play anything like that I've
come from Divinity Original Sin 2, which is on
par with, like, Baldur's Gate type of game. Epic
story, amazing, perfect, blah, blah, blah. I'm
in this weird lull now where I'm like, oh, I'm
waiting for Crimson Desert. Let's get a small
little RPG to play just to tide me over. So I
tried Dragon Age. That made me just fucking,
I just couldn't handle it anymore. It wasn't
in the mood, so I longed that off. But I still
want to play something similar, so that's when
I got Avowed, and that weren't tickling me. So
I just give up. I feel like I probably would
enjoy Avowed, but having not too long ago completed
Outer Worlds 2, I just know that I wouldn't be
as bothered as I probably would be. But it does
look like a game that I would enjoy. It's not
bad. It's not bad. I wouldn't say the gameplay's
bad or anything's bad about it. I just wasn't
interested. I found it very boring. And I'm starting
to feel like I'm just more... I'm like a lazy
gamer now. I feel like a little turn -based thing's
more my thing. I can be methodical and I can
just sit there and read. I think you're burnt
out. I agree. That's what I think. I think you're
capable of playing anything, but you're burnt
out. I am very burnt out. Mentally, in the real
world and game world. You need a rejuvenation.
I need just to... Yeah, but that's what I'm...
I'm worried that's going to happen with Crimson
Desert. It's going to come out, but I'm not...
I'm on this, but because I'm excited for it,
nothing's filling the void. Welcome. to the world
of management. Well, it's not that. It's just
games. I get this every now and again. I have
a lull, don't I? We all do. We've been doing
this for over three years now and there's been
multiple times. I remember there was a couple
of episodes where we was like, we both hate gaming.
It's a gaming podcast and we was like, you're
not going to get any gaming out of this. I'm
not feeling it at the moment and that's why I
was like, I'll just get back on my space hype.
But then I downloaded all the space games. I
put Returnal on for probably 45 seconds and ran
through, shot a few enemies and just turned it
off. It's one of the worst feelings ever is when
you're a gamer and then there's no games whatsoever
that are tickling you at all. You sit there and
you just think, well, I can't do anything. What
am I supposed to do? This is what people do that
don't game. How boring. That's what you're right,
because I'm forcing games on myself. Genuinely,
I think I could suffer Dragon Age story just
for the combat. The combat's great, and the enemy
design and all that. It's all cool. I could suffer
that and just think this is a good action game
as opposed to an RPG and just kind of not really
give a fuck about the rest of it. And Avowed
is kind of my cup of tea. It's like Skyrim, essentially.
They're the people that made Fallout New Vegas.
So they've made some good RPGs in the past. And
it feels very Obsidian -like, and I could easily
play that. But nothing I put on is making me
interested. Nothing. I bought Slay the Spire
2 the other day, which is very good. It's a game
that I highly recommend to you, but you're never
bothered with. The second one's finally came
out. What did it come out to? 500, 600 ,000 concurrent
players on Steam on the same time that Marathon
had, like, 80. It's max peak. This little indie
dev has just smashed it. Embarrassing. So then
fucking stop gaming. What else can I do? Nothing.
Let the buzz come back. Just stop. Read some
books. That's what I have been doing. Read some
books. You can't force the games. That's the
problem. You can't force it. Because then it
takes the fun out of it. But then I feel like
I've got nothing to look forward to. Whenever
I'm here, I'm like, I can't wait to get home
and play such and such. Can't wait to stop. Yeah.
But now I'm like, what am I going to do again?
Yeah, I know what you mean. I know exactly what
you mean. I know how you feel. Because I was
like that not even a month ago. Yeah, and then
you found that space game. Yeah, literally. Literally
that. Was on a lull from well because it was
off season and we were waiting for midnight.
And then, yeah, I just wanted to find something
that I could play. And then fucking Elite Dangerous
comes out of the woodwork and it's fantastic.
It's one extreme to the other because I'll be
like this and then... And then you'll be all
over everything. Next week I'll be like, I've
got like five games that I want to play and I
can't play them all and it's annoying me. But
at the moment I'm just going to play nothing.
Maybe I'll do some painting. Or go back to the
drawing. We did the drawing. I drew that today.
A middle finger. You can say it. Yeah, I couldn't
think of what to say. A middle finger. I drew
a middle finger today on a post -it note and
put it on Lucy's desk. Yeah. And she said, oh,
I forgot you were as good at drawing. So maybe
I should go back to drawing because I am pretty
fucking sick. Yeah. But no, I won't. Or Warhammer.
Yeah, that's what I meant by painting. I'm not
going to start painting pictures. No, painting
Warhammer. But once again, I can only do that
if I'm involved in my space theme. Boring. And
I can't go into my space theme with Crimson Desert
coming out next Friday. No, agreed. So I have
to stay in my fantasy, but nothing's fantasising
my fantasy. So I'm kind of just stuck. I don't
know what to do. It's over. Join us on the Patreon
where we figure out Ash's problems and then we
solve them. And you can listen for the small,
small price of £4 .50 a month at patreon .com
forward slash watch the buttons. Money, money,
money. See you later, everyone.