Hello, welcome to What's The Buttons. This is
episode something and weird one. Rhys isn't here
today. It's just me. Me, me, me. Can't have it.
145. Hey, nice. No, episode 146. Wow. 146 is
what this is. And I feel like the listeners will
be pleased to know that this isn't an episode
about Battlefield 6 for the sixth time in a row.
Correct. Because... gamescom yes it's quite a
cool one yes actually there's some there's some
tasty shit to delve in on that one so feast your
eyeballs and ear balls on that silk song you
watched it after i watched it i did did you enjoy
it i did did you watch all of it i did Two hours
worth. I skipped through the shit. Yeah, so did
I. Because I completely forgot until Steph mentioned
it. Obviously, live streams, you can just pause
them. Yeah, man. So I paused it, potted about,
did a couple of bits I needed to do and come
back. And I was like, right, skip, skip, skip,
skip, skip, skip, skip. Keep that, skip that,
keep that. I was mainly interested in the World
of Warcraft. I thought you might have been. That
was exactly why I was watching. And that was
fantastic. cinematic trailer yeah man i didn't
listen to anything they said but no they've got
the um new cinematic trailer and then uh blizzard
announced a load of shit alongside that so there's
um there's a new allied race coming um basically
just looks like a mixture between a troll and
an elf yeah you can give or take player housing
um the you can pre -purchase the next expansion
Of course you can. It's quite nice. I'm actually
waiting to see what the collector's edition holds
because I've never bought one before for World
of Warcraft, so I could be tempted. Depends how
much it is. Depends what's in it. They almost
always come with a figure, which is quite cool.
And then, yeah, just a shitload of info come
flooding out. One of my favourite things, transmogrification's
going to be free. No longer have to pay for it.
Was it not anyway? It costs you gold. Thousands
of gold. You've got fucking billions of shit.
Yeah, but it still costs money and it never should.
You go, that's a pointless gold sink. So that
was very interesting. I'm excited for that. I'm
excited for Silk Song, which is basically Hollow
Knight 2. Yes. I played the first one. Very good.
I love a Metroidvania. It's been seven years.
Seven years? Yes, since the first one. I believe,
because someone wrote in the comments, this was
announced when I was 12, and I'm now 18. Jesus
Christ. Obviously, that's six years. Grim, isn't
it? So, yeah, I don't know if that Hollow Knight
came out seven years ago, or it was announced
seven years ago, but one or the other. And, yeah,
that looks fucking sick. Although I'm not sure
if it's coming out on PlayStation yet. I'm not
sure. Very excited. Nevertheless, because I'll
have a system to play it on, I'm sure. steam
deck probably warhammer what did you think of
that one yeah i saw that is that what you were
saying i was excited for yeah and then once i
did a little bit of research i was like oh maybe
you won't be so excited about that oh no no i
am you are but i've never i've never played dawn
of war but dawn of war 2 i believe is like renowned
as the best warhammer game ever maybe apart from
rogue trader is like people love that but they're
different style of games so yeah I will be up
for that, but I think that's going to have to
be a PC job because I think it's Steam only.
Yeah, I think you could be right. But I think
that's the sort of game that can run on a laptop
fairly easy. It looks like it. It's a fucking
RTS, isn't it, or whatever? Black Myth Zhongqui?
Yeah, sick. That looked good, man. I wasn't expecting
that. Everyone was saying that this was the next
one. after wukong had just come out so just obviously
i don't know the law yeah of uh the wukong yeah
this story is part of it or whatever and so yeah
they they said that he was going to be the next
character in the black myth series and yeah um
i'm all for it although i do want to do more
with the monkey boy because he was great still
haven't played it i should i should really jump
on it so good maybe now that that's been announced
it might lower the price of wukong such an amazing
game Resident Evil Requiem also looked pretty
decent I skipped a bit through that just because
I'm just like I don't know show me some cool
shit there wasn't really a lot she just followed
her mum a bit I just like the horror shit yeah
I do but I don't like playing them I don't like
playing them but I like watching them and seeing
their stuff coming out there was more from Ghost
of Yotai one that really excited me that probably
wouldn't have excited many people was Den Shattuck
don't know I might skip that one that was one
where I really thought that it was Hi -Fi Rush
2 because it just had the same art style and
everything and I was like oh my god and then
no it's something different so yeah that piqued
me but only because of Hi -Fi Rush and then yeah
there was just a lot of there was a lot of Asian
prevalent games so oh shit Lords of the Fallen
2 was another one They look quite cool. Yeah,
I like that. Swords of Legends look pretty fucking
decent. Onimusha, Way of the Sword. Played that
when I was a kid, so that's a madness to come
back. Look quite fucking decent. Yeah, there
was quite a lot. Silent Hill F, Kronos. I think
there was a few where they said that you could
play the demo for them straight away as well.
There was also some stuff on Unshrowded. bringing
out a new update, which looked quite cool. I'm
just scrolling through the list of everything
that was announced on that stream. And then there
was a little bit more on Outer Worlds 2, which
was decent. All in all, it was a good two hours
worth of watching. You know what I mean? It's
a lot. It's a lot of games to swallow and be
like, yes, because I'm excited for all of this
shit. Yeah, yeah. Because obviously it ran through
for the whole weekend. Not weekend, sorry. Wait,
no, it is running this weekend as well, isn't
it, Gamescom? Oh, I believe so, yeah. Like I
say, there's more announcements been coming all
week. So like I say, I found out about Silksong
yesterday. I don't know how much of it is televised.
I think most of it is the people at Gamescom,
like the journalists then announcing what they've
seen, yadda, yadda, yadda. Yeah, there's quite
a... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's about it, really.
Yeah. Anyway, see you next week. This game's
gone fucking covered until 2026. You know what
I mean? We'll sort that one out. It's not really...
There's not really a whole lot to run into because
a lot of the announcements and everything, they
were like two minutes worth of an announcement,
like, say, a trailer, and then that was it. There
is a DLC coming to Cult of the Lamb. Yeah, I
did see that. Which looked quite cool. I did
see that. It's always nice to see Carl the Lamb.
That popped off, man. We nearly had a review
code for that. We did, didn't we? Yeah, I remember.
I was on the 406. I sent the email at McDonald's.
And then they emailed back saying, you just missed
the date. I was like, man. If they're, I mean.
Should do that more often, but I just feel like
we're not important. Well, if we're on the subject
of that, I've been playtesting. a game called
The Irony. This is true. What a lovely segue
that was. Did I not tell you about that? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, you sent me a message, yeah. This
is very true. Decent. Yeah. That's that done.
Sorry to the developers of that. It's... I want
to describe it properly because... So, a lot
of people have been comparing it to almost like
a side -scroller Dead Space. Okay. which it kind
of is. It's a pixelated, gory, just a fucking
scary mess of a side scroller where you can take
people's limbs off and then attach them to yourself
and make yourself more and more powerful. It's
weird because when I got an email from them,
because I requested to be part of their playtest
a while ago, and then they emailed me a couple
of days ago and they were like, oh, well done,
you're in the playtest. But in order to play
the game, which is only on Steam, you have to
join their Discord. So I joined their Discord.
And it's just really weird to see all these hundreds
of people. playing this this play test but then
in real time being able to give feedback and
then seeing the developers also replying in the
discord saying oh we noticed that you said this
we've done this and tweaked this and done that
this is quite a cool idea um general feedback
so far from the game is that it is pretty decent
um has has a lot of potential i haven't finished
the playtest yet but I also haven't looked through
the discord to see what type of playtest it is
whether it's a longevity thing where you have
like two hours to play it or if it's here's 10
levels so complete those levels I'm not 100 %
sure on what the fuck is going on all I know
is that I'm going up and down the map and there's
these horrible humanoid robotic things that are
trying to kill me We like horrible humanoid robotic
things. Yeah, but it's weird because you have
a gun, you have this ratchet thing, W -A -S -D,
up, down, left, right, and it's just weird playing
a game like that on PC as opposed to playing
it on PlayStation because the only other side
-scrollers I've really touched are things like
Little Nightmares. Is it a side scroll or is
it isometric? Are you looking down, going up
and down, left and right? No, it's side scroll.
I'm just going left and right, up and down. Cool.
I don't know. What I need to do is finish it
to be able to give a real decent... That was
horrible. Did you hear that? Did I hear that?
That was so loud. It made me jump. they probably
won't hear that but it was so loud i'll be surprised
if the noise from my headphones don't go in that
was terrifying developer um silo pom S -Y -L
-O -P -O -N. It says, you are a nameless mercenary
dispatched to the research facility Underdog
Corp. Survive the horrors of this dangerous facility
twisted by human experimentation and uncover
the hidden secrets within before they consume
you. I'm pretty sure I read that out last time.
Was it last episode we spoke about it a little
bit? I don't think so. No? I don't think I've
ever heard you talk about it. Maybe I didn't
then. So I'll read this out. It says, you play
as an inspector dispatched from a private military
company to investigate Underdog Corp, a derelict
research facility long since consumed by illegal
human experimentation. Inside, you encounter
test subjects enhanced with violent mechanical
limbs and lose parts of your own body in the
struggle. So a cool thing is when you load the
game up, it has the difficulty setting. And rather
than being like, easy normal hard whatever it's
got um your body standing there and then every
every difficulty you lose a limb so like the
hardest difficulty you're basically a nugget
which is quite cool um i started with the easiest
difficulty but i would like to go back and then
switch it to one of the harder ones to see if
it actually starts you with a missing limb because
as far as i can gather is you do lose limbs and
you can take limbs off of the things that you're
killing and reattach them. And the point of it
is kind of like your dark urge, is it? Run in
Baldur's Gate? Right, yeah. The one where you
just become completely evil. It's kind of like
that, where I can keep putting limbs on myself,
but every time I put a limb on, I sort of give
in to the... To the darkness of what this is.
So it's that balance of, do I want the power
of it but lose my mind? Or do I want to stay
away from it and struggle against these enemies?
Yeah, so it says, to survive, you rip their prosthetics
from their corpses and graft them onto yourself.
Each replacement makes you stronger but less
human. Remain human or become what you fear.
The decision is in your hands. What's it called?
It is called The Irony. and it says die over
and over is what it is what it's called um obviously
there aren't any like reviews on the page because
it isn't it's still in i love i love the art
style that's that's my jam it's cool isn't it
it is cool i mean one thing that really threw
me is that the email that i got for it it gave
you the required specs for it and it said the
recommended specs it was like you need 30 gig
of ram i was like you definitely don't need 30
gig of ram for this So I don't know where they've
got that one from, but I will have it done by
the next episode that we do because it is interesting.
Playing horror isn't naturally my thing. It's
one of those types of things where I'm always
enticed by it, but the minute I start playing
an actual horror, I go, no, I can't do this.
I don't want to do this. So I will power through
this. It's a survival Metroidvania, man. And
I was just talking about how much I love Metroidvania,
so it's right up my street. It's cool, man. I
wonder if you could get that on Steam Deck. That
looks like the perfect Steam Deck game. If you
requested for a playtest of it. Because I think
they are still open. Yeah. That's about it. I
love it. That's all I'll say on that. Speaking
of Dark Urge playthrough. I feel like my deeds
in Warhammer are catching up to me. I feel like
yesterday they caught up to me. I've played it
for 115 hours. Yeah, I love it. 115 hours. I'm
doing every possible thing. Pretty good. Brother.
Yeah. That's mad. Yeah, I love it. I fucking
love it. I fucking love it. Yeah. But nevertheless.
You love it so much. Sorry to interject. Don't
tell me how long the game is. No. The big ginger
beast that is our DM made a new D &D group. Group
chat for all of us. And then is deciding on new
dates for when we can next play D &D. Did you
answer those dates, by the way? Did you answer
those dates? No, I didn't. No. Brilliant. Because
I have to wait for my wife's rotor before I can
commit to it. I understand that. and obviously
we were talking about D &D, and then Ash jumps
in, and what the fuck was it that you said? I
want to get this right before I start slating
it. Let's call it Dungeons with Dragons. So he
put that in, and then you said, Solax killed
himself off -screen, Solax is Ash's D &D character,
due to his love for dwarves. He couldn't admit,
so just offed himself. And I said, is this D
&D Solax versus World of Warcraft Solax? And
you said D &D. And I was confused. So I replied
back with a eh. And then you said, sad end to
his tale, but 40 ,000 years later, his great
ancestor, Corvus Crow, has taken to the stars.
To which Connor said, off his fantasy trend.
And that's when I went, oh yes, he's in his space
era. So yeah, and you said he gets it. But of
course you'll still play. Of course I'll still
play. I understand that. But is it going to be
an impactful... That's how much you've given
in to the devil. This is why... The chaos god.
My wife is almost certain that I'm either autistic
or ADHD. No question. Because... No question.
Gun to my head. Because... This is like a trait,
apparently. When they like something, they hyper
-fixate and focus on it, and they can't... Yeah.
When you look into it, the reason is that you
get so into it, you want to absorb everything.
Yeah. And everything else that is not that, you're
just like, is shit. What was you reading when
I pulled up? My codex. Your codex on how to play
your army in Warhammer. That cost me 40 quid,
though. That's how expensive they are. And guess
what? They update all the fucking time, and you
have to buy another one. Because they change
the points and shit. Can't you just Google it?
I don't know. Fucking ridiculous. I've been reading
it for weeks at my lunch break. Is any of it
going in? All of it's going in. Yeah. All the
lorries, all the numbers, I've fucking got no
clue. Leave that to Connor. Do that on the fly,
but leave it to the old rain man. He's got that.
But yeah, I like it. He's definitely autistic.
I think we all are. Yeah. There's something wrong
with us collectively. Yeah, that's cool, man.
But yeah, it's caught up with me. Basically,
all my deeds, all my terrible deeds. So I've
just been willy -nilly. I've been doing some
crazy shit. I can't remember where we last left
off. I know I had that. So a long time ago, I
made a deal with that station and then basically
stole it off of another rogue trader. You've
got Xenos with you now. Yeah, see? Yeah, I traded
Xenos weaponry for food, which was a thing. And
then I landed on that planet, and then I killed
that governor. Dealt with all that. But then,
I don't know if I mentioned it, I had the opportunity
to send that station grain. But we'd also discovered
some fucked up shit, like cannibals on the place
where the grain was. So we basically had the
option, you know. I chose to send infected grain
to this station, which I later discovered, i
.e. yesterday, that now there's a cult of harvesters
on there eating everybody. So the grain has now
made everybody cannibals, essentially. So yeah,
that was one of the things. So there was cannibals
on this planet? No, I've turned them into cannibals.
But you said there were cannibals beforehand,
and that's why you sent them infected grain.
No, no. There was a cannibal cult on the planet
that I killed the governor on, which is my own
planet. Yeah. Which I had to clear to get the
food to send to this station for the deal for
the Xenos stuff. And, yeah, they was like, oh,
some of this is grains corrupted. I was like,
send it to them. Fuck them. And, yeah, now it's
turned out they've made loads of cannibals and
they're eating loads of people and shit. So that
weren't great. What else has happened? I've been
everywhere. I've destroyed planets. I've fucking
killed aliens. I've killed humans. There was
a fucking, on one of the planets, there was like
a cage filled with Xenos. And yeah, like for
amusement, you can press a button and electrocute
them. But then, you know, you've got perception
and stuff. And it's like, oh, you can see that
these aren't aliens. These are just regular humans.
So I just held my finger on that button just
to electrocute him for fun. Yeah, that's nice.
Did it kill them or? Oh, yeah, yeah. Then he
went and got some more and I did it again. Some
pretty dark stuff. I've done some dark, dark
stuff. I've basically just murdered my way through
and any bad option possible I've picked. And
yeah, yesterday at my... inauguration inauguration
I don't know what the word is you know when you're
like celebrated inauguration yeah some ceremoniously
I finally got what the fuck was you being inaugurated
for to be the actual rogue trader like because
you know I haven't got the official I've got
the title but I haven't had the official official
title yeah yeah declared so I was there on my
home planet Dargonus everyone at the Von Valencia's
palace everyone was there celebrating my great
deeds I meant to send you a picture, but I skipped
the dialogue too quickly. And it was like, you
get to say something. And I was like, yeah, do
as I say, or you'll die in ways you wish you'd
never known. And they're all screaming in fear,
but also hailing my name. All that horrible stuff.
And then I met two other rogue traders. One was
the guy that I stole Footfall Station from, which
is now infected with cannibals. Yep. He asked
for it back. I said, get fucked. I'm keeping
that. Why don't you want to give that back to
him? It seems like a weight off your shoulders.
It's mine now. They're still sending me stuff.
And then there's another stone -cold bitch. She's
a right cunt. I didn't like her. She's rude as
fuck. So I told her to fuck off, basically. And
then, after all that bollocks, I went to my chambers
to rest for the night. And the person that escorted
me got zapped by some power and fucking paralysed.
Turns out my mate... Heinrich von Van Callox,
my Inquisitor friend. Yeah. He had bought the
Grand Inquisitor with him, hadn't he? Oh, good.
Yeah. That's good. And he was like, oh. So this
was the person that you pissed off by employing
the Xenos? Yeah, yeah, he didn't like that. He's
pissed off by everything you're doing, pretty
much. Yes, but I've made him do some questionable
stuff. So sometimes... It comes up with blue
writing. And when you do blue writing, it means
whatever you've done in the past is like a consequence
of your actions. And you click on that blue writing
and it says, Henricks is doing this because you've
made him a little bit more callous for your actions.
Yeah. Yeah. So he's twisting a little bit. But
yeah, I was like, oh, hello. What are you doing
here? What's up? Yeah, and he was like, I think
we need to have a little chat. So this was a
grand inquisitor. He's the main, yeah. I think
there's like leader of the inquisitorium, but
in different sectors of space. So this is the
boss of the boss. He's the boss, yeah. He is
the boss of this fucking sector of space, basically.
And he's the one that bestows you as a rogue
trader? No, he doesn't bestow me anything. But
he is like... above the law yeah he he can so
even so you're above the law as a rogue trader
but he is above above the law he's above me yeah
he's the only person really you have to be like
okay and he's rocked up zapped your mate and
gone we need to have a chat but not all of the
dialogues voice acted like i'd say 90 of it ain't
so when it's voice acted you're like oh oh shit
he was like ah mr von valancius let's have a
chat he's got a cool voice he looks hard oh shit
So my initial reaction was, Henrik, you traitorous
little bastard. And then an option was to point
your weapon at him. So I did that. What, the
grand? Yeah, I pointed my weapon at him. I said,
looks like a trap, smells like a trap, probably
is a trap. Yeah. I wouldn't do that. I was like,
I won't. Well, you pointed the gun at him and
he went, don't bother. Don't bother doing that,
son. So we need to have a little chat. And I
was like, about what? Imagine the power of that.
He's just gone, nah. Yeah, he's so cool. Put
the fucking gun away. He's so cool, man. You've
blown up planets. Yeah, no, I didn't. Yeah. And
he's just gone, nah. Yeah. What happened? He
was like, yeah, we need to have a chat about
your deeds. You know, basically, and then it's
like, oh, is this an interrogation? He was like,
oh, no. You'd know if it was an interrogation.
This is just a chat. And he's like, oh, you're
so menacing. Yeah. Oh, you're so menacing. Do
you know that I've been infected by a warp entity?
Do you know, you know? But no, yeah, he's just...
Oh, he won't know that? No, he don't know. Oh,
he doesn't know. He doesn't know. He just thinks
I'm a bit of shit. I mean, is your warp entity
maybe going to jump in on this? I don't know.
This is where I turn it off. I had the chat with
him and then I turn it off. But, yeah. And then
it was like, yeah, we'll have a chat. And then
he basically just lists. all the bad shit that
I've been doing. He came with receipts. Yeah,
he came with receipts. And then it was like,
you basically just come up with, you know, your
answers for why you did what you did. Yeah. The
first big decision I made was the first planet
that we landed on that got attacked by like chaos,
like demons and shit. What you're supposed to
do with anything heretical or chaos spawning,
you're supposed to just... Burn it, blow it up,
you know. Heinrichs was saying, yeah, we need
to blow this planet up. And I was like, nah,
you know, it's costing too much resource. Let's
just leave it. Which, if you leave it, obviously
is terrible because it's turned the planet, as
he said, and I quote, into a demon planet. I
remember us having a conversation about you just
leaving that planet rather than blowing it up.
Yeah, so that... Because the missiles would cost
too much. They didn't, but that was my excuse.
Yeah. So, yeah, I left that and I was just like,
well, I wasn't sure. I'm new, basically. And
then he mentioned Footfall Station and how some
grain that's been coming from my planet Janus
is... Something wrong with it. Yeah, it's my...
I don't know, mate. I can't be in charge of everything.
It's just grain. I'm dealing with a whole load
of shit. You want me to look at the grain? And
then all these Xenos, the Dracari, they're pointing
their fingers at me, basically saying that I'm
an ally of another Xenos, which is... No, heresy.
Yeah, heresy. There's no way. No, boss, no way.
No. Don't be so silly. Me? No. He basically didn't
believe a word I said. Oh. Come on. Give me some
grain. And he was like, look, in reality, I could
have you dragged... to the inquisitorium and
be inquisited basically now but i advise you
to take all the words i've said to you um i'm
not going to tell you what i mean but you can
take what you want from what i've discussed with
you i'm not a very lenient man um but just heed
my advice basically we are watching we will continue
to watch um and i hope that you are on the right
side when it comes to the crunch basically and
then he gave me a item because everyone else
had bestowed gifts upon me of course and then
he gave me a little item um just a little headband
thing or something uh oh no no he gave me a ring
actually he gave me a ring that says that i can
call in some inquisitors whenever i need assistance
so Yeah, he just told me not to break it. I don't
know how it works because I haven't used it.
But it's an ability that I get to call in some
inquisitors, which will be cool as fuck. I also,
because I've done so many heretical actions,
my heretic stat has gone up. And now I've got
a new ability on my bar that allows me to increase
anyone's stats for like plus 20. for two rounds
and then after that they fall prone. That's a
demonic fucking ability that I've obtained. I
also, I forgot to mention, had a chaos altar
delivered to my private room behind my bedroom
and I prayed to it. It got delivered so I was
like, what is this? I prayed to it and it gives
me stats. and there's two little people in there,
they must be like, what is he doing? And I just
go in there, pray, and then fuck off out. What
do you mean there's two people in there? Two
little guards in there. What, with the altar?
Yeah, in my secret room. So why would they sit
there and think, what is going on? Or they weren't
part of it, you placed them in there? No, they
just came with it. I don't know what they're
doing. So why would they be querying what you're
doing? They obviously know what it's fucking
about. No, because they're just normal crew members,
but I guess they're just too scared to say anything.
But yeah, I just go in there, pray. What do you
mean? No, I'm confused. So this altar's rocked
up. yeah so we've had this delivery ding dong
we're here yeah signed for this did did and did
it and it come with two people well they were
just in there oh they were just there they were
there and I was like I guess you stay here and
then every time I go they just stand there guarding
it I guess yeah but it's just weird to me that
I've got two crew members that are just allowing
me to pray to this demonic fucking thing well
what are they going to do you pay their wages
exactly I guess imagine that they go home they
go home they go look alright honey dinner's lovely
he's doing it again he's fucking praying I don't
know I don't know what's going on with the boss
but he keeps doing it and then they'll be like
she's going you've got to say something and you
go no we're in this lovely house I've been promoted
this is the furthest I've ever got I can't say
something to her I'm just going to have to keep
watching you can't what if he gets you to start
praying I won't pray I can't pray. I won't be
doing that. But it does look fun. But he keeps
doing it. He's getting powers. It's just about
how is the day? You just head in your hands.
He keeps praying. I don't know what he's doing.
He keeps praying. He keeps praying and getting
bigger. Every time I go to my room, I pray to
that thing. It gives me more health. And then
I fuck off out. Yeah. Does that reset every day
or something? I don't know. I just like doing
it. Yeah. I just like praying to it. It makes
me feel good. But it doesn't tell you what you're
praying to. Yeah, it's like a chaos fucking alter.
It spoke to me a few times. It's weird. It's
basically saying become more heretical. Yeah,
do more. Ignore what the Grand Inquisitor has
told you to do. But then when the Grand Inquisitor
was quizzing me yesterday, just all I could think
of was that. As if you could see me praying in
my bedroom. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. You say you're
watching, but you ain't watching everything,
are you? Yeah, but they think they know everything,
man. And they're fucking crazy. They're inquisitors
a lot. They're crazy, bro. Do you know what their
motto is? Go on. Innocence proves nothing. That's
the Inquisitor's motto. That is on their, like,
badge. Innocence proves nothing. Yeah. And they're
basically, like, the judges of the world. They
are everything. They're the SAS. If people...
I was listening to a podcast on the Inquisitors
on the way here, and it just basically said that...
If you look too far into Inquisitors, you're
trying to find out about them, you'll die. Yeah.
They'll kill you. And then they'll place heresy
shit around you. So they're just like, oh, he's
done some bad shit. So Inquisitors offed him.
You just know nothing about them. And they've
got different divisions. They're just so fucking
cool. Sir, please stand. We found you're in court
today for the suspected murder of six people
with a grenade. The jury's found you innocent.
But that, I don't care. We sentence you to death.
Yeah. You're found innocent, but the sentence
is death. You are innocent, but I don't like
you. So I'm going to ignore that. Oh, yeah. But
you're a judge. I don't care. There was also
like a court room that I have to attend sometimes
for some reason. He's got to go to court. No,
no, I've been to court and I was the judge. And
they just bring all these people up in this fucking
elevator. You mean you were the judge? Yeah,
I don't know. Some von Valancius dynasty shit.
And they just bring all these people up in the
elevator and they're all pleading their cases.
And whatever they say, I just scroll to the bottom.
Deaf. Deaf. And it's like, oh, this one's clearly
innocent. Kill them both. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just
literally just a tyrant. I am a fucking tyrant
and I'm horrible. Yeah. But then yesterday. It
was a nice bit with me coming out because I like
my senshau, my, like, bodyguard, my main guy.
Yeah. I like him, and I met his granddaughter,
and I was really nice to her because I like him.
So a bit of Corvus is still in there, but he
is... So she's probably thinking, fucking hell,
must be something special. Yeah, but I like my
senshau, and I've got my shadow, my kibella.
She's like a blade whisperer. She just fucking...
If I had a kill count for who's got the most
kills on my party, it's her, bro. Yeah. She is
fucking ditzy. She just jumps around fucking
cutting people's heads off. So are you going
to heed the warning of the Grand Inquisitor?
No! Of course I'm not. I have believed that your
Chaos God will probably step in because they
won't want you dying. Yeah, yeah, that's what
I mean. I'm not fearful. I just wanted to see
what was happening. I expected that they would...
Yeah, but will they fucking be able to deal with...
Will the Chaos God be able to deal with... a
grand inquisitor yeah it's god's mate like if
the war if the warp opens and all these come
out there's going to be trouble and i'm going
to be in the warp side you see that dark darth
vader i'm on that side you know what i mean i'm
a naughty boy yeah you know i don't i don't plead
to no one apart from them i'm like yeah whenever
they talk to me i'm like yes master yes no worries
i'll do whatever you want me to do because it's
just cool in it and he's corrupted yeah Yeah,
and now my ship started talking to me as well.
It's weird, bro. Warhammer's so weird. You sure
you're not going mental? Nah. The ship started
talking to me, and then it put itself into a
body and was following me around. And it was
like, it's called itself Nonos or something.
What, the ship is an entity? Yeah, yeah, it's
got an entity in it, apparently. And what does
the ship want? Well, it doesn't know, because
it doesn't know what it is. We finally started
speaking to it, and it was like, yeah, we don't
know what we are. Oh, we? Yeah, yeah. We don't
know what we are. As a collective, not what I
am, just what we are. We don't know what we are.
Because the Adeptus Mechanicus are a race. I
know the Adeptus Mechanicus. Yeah, you know who
they are. I do. Yeah, so they're like tech fucking
shit. So they think like all machines have spirits.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the ship spirit wants to
talk to me, so I spoke to it. And then, yeah,
all of a sudden it's like, yeah, we don't know
what we are. And he's like, oh, was you responsible
for all that shit when the shit went wrong? And
they're like, yeah, we were just having a look
and that. so yeah now it was like basically do
you want to destroy it as heresy or do you want
to just investigate and obviously i want to see
what this shit is what the ship yeah like the
spirit within the ship yeah now it's put itself
in the body it was like yeah we like we like
talking and listening but now we like moving
about as well i'm just like this is going bad
well this this isn't adeptus mechanicus speaking
this is the ship yeah so adeptus mechanicus have
come to you and said look corvus i know you're
busy I'm very busy. You're like, they open up
your courses and you're, I don't know, you're
strangling someone in the corner. They go, Corvus,
I don't want to interrupt. I'm sorry. But the,
you're not going to believe it. Well, you will
because it's this, but the ship's talking. The
ship wants to talk to you. Yeah. Can you do that?
Warhammer is normal, man. Yeah. Ship wants to
talk to you. You want to, you got five minutes?
Of course. Yeah, sweet. So you were then talking
to the ship. Why do you need the Adeptus Mechanicus
to talk to the ship if the ship can already talk?
Because they're the machine. They're the people
that make it happen. Yeah, I don't know. We've
done some oogly boogly shit. The ship now wants
to talk. They stand in front of machines and
do that thing with like balls with smoke coming
out. So you're talking to the ship and what the
ship's gone, look, I know this is odd. I don't
really know what I am. Did you not tell it? You
go, well, you're the ship. Yeah, but it's not
the ship. It's the spirit within the ship. It
doesn't know what it is. I want to know what
it is. And if it's naughty, I want it on my side.
But you should see the state of this ship, bro.
There's cages everywhere just filled with humans.
I've got literally... I thought you were a slaver.
It started off in my room. there was some incursions
and it was like, what do you want to do with
them? I was like, put them in cages and put them
in the bedroom. So now they're all in cages,
and I just walk past them. They're like, have
mercy on me. I'm just a worm. And then I just
fuck off. They're everywhere, dotted around.
But now they're everywhere, all over the main
deck. There's just cages of people and aliens
and shit just hanging up from the roof there
on the floor. Just cages everywhere. Even in
my bedroom, there's like this fucking goopy shit
appearing, like it's getting a bit warpy. It's
fucked, mate. It's gone. Downhill. Because Inquisitor
basically knows that I've fucked up and I've
been naughty. And he said to me, look, all I'm
saying basically is now's your chance to turn
back. You know what I mean? And there's no turning
back. I've done too much. You know what I mean?
There's no coming back for me. So whatever the
bad ending is, it's mine. Yeah, I've done it.
But what is really cool is the next Warhammer
game, exactly the same as this, called Dark Heresy,
you play as an Inquisitor. That's cool. So you've
gone from Rogue Trader and now you're going to
go up to Inquisitor. You'll get to experience
what this poor Inquisitor is having to deal with.
No, stop doing that. Stop eating the goo. We
need you to fucking make corn. I think, yeah,
apart from the Chaos people and the Rogue Traders
and that, I think the coolest faction I've seen
so far is the Inquisitors. They are just... Did
the Inquisitors not board your ship and just
go, fuck me? What the fuck? Well, yeah, but the
Rogue Trader is allowed like... He's allowed
a lot of stuff. He's allowed to fuck about with
Xenos. Like, if any other person is found fraternising
with Xenos, then it's like, yeah, it's just heresy.
You're just dead. But the road trader's like,
oh, he's probably doing it for the better good.
It's like royalty. It would piss off so many
people. You go, right, you can't look at carrots
the wrong way, otherwise I'm going to take your
fingernails. You go, right, is there a reason
for that? No, it's just what I'm telling you.
But he can do whatever he wants. Yeah. You go,
well, why is he allowed to do whatever he wants?
Because I said so. There's no rhyme or reason.
I've got a girlfriend as well. Her name's Jay.
J -A -E. Jay. Yeah. She calls me... Shagging
Jay. Yeah, she calls me Shireen. Yeah, we woke
up... Shireen? Shireen. Oh, Shireen, she says.
I don't know. Some smuggler. Where have you found
her from? She's a smuggler. This is smuggling
your nuts into her arse. Whispering sweet nothings
into my ear. I managed to get her a document
to become a trader. So she's like a trader in
her own right, which is like a massive thing.
She basically has a lot of leeway now. She's
my girlfriend, man. I gave her a ship the other
day. but people keep telling me that she's taking
me for a ride but did she ask to be your girlfriend
or something or did did you ask her to do that
no he just started kissing and that yeah and
then okay when we went to like a party and then
we woke up naked in bed apparently i crashed
the ship into the hangar but it's me i can do
what i want yeah um so so you're you're being
done over for a fool here Yeah, but I know he
is a little bit, I think. He hasn't worked it
out yet. Yeah, but it feels kind of like, what's
that word? It's like romantic, but silly. So
I'm a fucking demonic entity, essentially. Yeah.
But I've got a girlfriend. So she grounds me.
I'm a world destroyer, torturer. But I've got
a pug. Yeah. That's basically it. I like my pug.
That's basically it. She loves me for who I am,
man. She's always got my back and she's got a
fucking cool weapon. Has she seen your altar?
No. You need a killer. It's behind the bed. You
need a killer. The altar's behind the bed. It's
where the bed is. She's going to rat your ass
out. I'm telling you now, she's going to the
Inquisitors. She's going to see all the dodgy
shit that you continue doing. She's ratting you
out. I think she'd like it. Brother, they said
we're always watching. So they've sent her to
fucking tantalise you. I've got Heinrichs with
me at all times. And he's one of my favourite
companions because he's hard as fuck. So I always
bring him. Probably much to my detriment. Can't
you interrogate him? Well, I haven't spoke to
him yet because he said, oh, we're going to have
an awkward chat, aren't we? I was like, yes,
we are. But the trouble is, he's one of the most
powerful characters I have. He's just fucking
sick. I think I'm turning him a little bit because
he's saying now, oh, you've made him more callous.
I love the idea that there's this inquisitor
with you who is so against everything that you're
doing. Mate, he is fucking narrow, just straight
no. Still remains with you and then has ratted
on you to the only entity that stands above you
other than a god. And I love that his response
to that is just, Bit awkward, innit? Bit awkward,
mate. You pushed me to do this, but I'm not going
anywhere. I live here. Well, no, it does say,
you give the option, you say, oh, are you taking
your pet back, basically? I'm Rick's. Or is he
staying with me? Oh, what, the Grand Inquisitor
calls him a pet? No, I called him a pet. I said,
are you taking your pet back? Oh, you said that
to the Grand Inquisitor. And he said, basically,
it was up to me. Yeah. You can either keep him
or you can come back with me. I was like, I'll
keep him. You're awful. Because I'll keep him
for two reasons. One, I feel like I can twist
him. Yeah. I feel like I can. I feel like I can.
Because he's on the edge, I reckon. And two,
if he fucks about, I'll kill him. He's done the
equivalent of in something like Elden Ring, where
you've attacked something and the health bar's
gone down. and you go right that means it bleeds
so it can die he's admitted that he's calloused
so therefore his mind can be turned exactly that
you wouldn't be saying that if something more
sinister wouldn't happen so something's happened
in your brain so therefore it can continue to
happen on a bigger scale And if I can get him
on my side, oh, we're laughing, because he's
a powerful, he's a Psyker, which is like the
Psyker, he's basically the Jedi, essentially,
is the way I think of it. And yeah, some Psykers
can literally boil the liquid in your body alive.
I think that's what he's got. So he can just
like, basically just boil you from the inside
out. I want that on my side. Imagine you come
down as a Grand Inquisitor. And then the geezer
that you stuck with the road trader to just keep
an eye on him has then turned. You go, for fuck's
sake. Yeah. Come on, man. He's bigging him up
as well. You're making my job hard. Look at the
paperwork I've got to do. Look at this. He's
bigging him up, man. He was like, Henrik, you've
done such a good job. Oh, you're so good. You're
a great little boy. Oh, what a good spy you are.
Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Yeah. I'll see how the
chat goes because I might stick him out the airlock
tonight. We'll see. I don't know what the options
are. I love the constant, it's like playing table
tennis. It's just the constant change of direction.
It's great. I might send him out into space to
have his eyes blow out of his head. You can do
it on your companions, man. Multiple times you've
had your companion, you can just be like, you
can just have a falling out and just kill them.
And you'll be like, oh, but I've got 100 hours
with you. I don't want to end your life, but
it would be fun. Yeah. It would fit the character.
But I don't want to do that. Because then I'll
find the game odd. See, the problem is that when
you first started this, we had a long old chat
where we delved into your mind of roleplay. And
Corvus... has been taken by a chaos god. So therefore,
you don't do what you as Ash would do and you
don't do as what Corvus would do because Corvus
has been corrupted. So you do what corrupted
Corvus would do. Correct. Now, as far as I'm
aware, I would have thought that corrupted Corvus
would have taken revenge on someone that had
betrayed him. Now, is grassing not betrayal?
I'm just saying, have we delved out of roleplay
because you've grown a connection over 115 hours
with this Inquisitor? No, because whilst he is
snitching and the snitches get stitches, he...
was always an Inquisitor. He wasn't a newsflash.
He was always a snitch. I knew he was an Inquisitor.
I knew he was on the ship. He even told me when
I said I was going to leave the planet to become
a demon world. He was like, I'm going to tell
the Grand Inquisitor about this. And I was like,
I don't care. And then when he's there, you're
like, I do care a little bit. He's quite big.
Is he a big geezer when he comes? He's a big
geezer, mate. He's fucking whammo. He's got long
grey hair. He's got fucking skulls hanging off
his armour. If I Google one, will I be able to
get a rough... idea of what they look like. His
name's Xavier Calcazar. Well, what fucking...
How much of a cooler name can you get than that?
It's not the Grand Inquisitor, is it? No, that's
Star Wars. Yeah. Well, I don't know. He might
not be called the Grand Inquisitor, but he is
the leader of that Inquisitor. If you put in
X -A -I -V -E -R Calcazar. X -A... This is Xavier.
I -V -E -R... Calcazar. Xavier Road Trader. Yeah,
just don't read anything. Just look at an image
of him. Oh, God. Yeah, he looks intimidating,
doesn't he? He's a big boy. He is intimidating.
He's got one hell of a fucking skull shoulder.
He's cool as fuck. His voice is sick. Yeah. I
love it. And yeah, that's what I'm dealing with.
But like I said, I'm not scared. Because, you
know, when the warp opens and the demons come
flooding out, I'll be on their side. The Lord
is an NPC. Oh, good Lord. He's a Lord Inquisitor
acting on the Coronus Expanse. That's the system
that I'm in. My name is Xavier Calcazar and I
have the honour of serving as a member of the
illustrious Ordo Xenos. The head of the Coronus
Expanse Conclave and the Lord Inquisitor of this
region, it is my unending task to ensure this
sector's readiness to meet external threats and
resist internal corruption. I am the external
threat and the corruption. You're both of those
things. It's just given you a second chance.
And I've said no, I don't want the chance because
I am... That is mad. I hope that I can turn into
a demon or something, but we'll see. We'll see
what happens. Once again, Corvus' story continues
and long may it. This is... Oh, God. Yeah. So
this is... What I'm reading here is it going
through basically what you've just said. During
this conversation, players can decide to retain
Heinrichs in their retinue or not. Yeah, don't
say no more than that. I won't say any more than
this. The white signet of the Inquisition. Yeah,
that's the ring he gave me. That's the ring.
Yeah, yeah. But he said don't get it dirty. Now,
I don't know if that means, oh, because I'm corrupted,
I'm going to start making that ring dirty or
if I keep using it. There's different types that
he could have given you. Oh, is there? Would
you like to know them? Might as well. So you've
got the white signet of the Inquisition, the
scarlet signet and the black signet. So you said
you got the white one? Yeah. Do you want to know
what the other ones do? No. Okie dokie. They
might give some shit away. You said you got the
white one. This ring symbolises its owner's closeness
to the Lord Inquisitor. I bet it does. I bet
he's listening to me for it. Inspires the owner's
companions and adds weight to their orders. I
might have to fucking throw that into space and
all. The wearer gains 15 persuasion and the Inquisitor's
command ability that can be used once per combat.
It grants 20 momentum. That's quite cool. To
equip White Signet of the Inquisition, players
need to meet the following prerequisites. None.
Definitely ain't going to be a paragon of the
Emperor, am I? You can just have it. Have it
and use it. I'm a piece of shit. And more tales
of the demon Corvus, I'm sure. You can just have
it. What a fucking... I love it. I absolutely
love these little segues. into what's going on
I just I just love it I need to start writing
down because there's so many things I do and
I think oh that'd be fucking that's a good story
and then I just forget them yeah because there's
so much it's just constant oh this has happened
burn them this has happened throw them out the
airlock this has happened Fucking laser him.
Whatever the bad option is, he picks. Yeah, yeah.
Because he's a piece of shit. He is a piece of
shit. But he's working. He's entertaining. He
is becoming more and more. I don't think he can
become worse, but I'm sure we'll try. Yeah, I
mean, I didn't think he could get worse after
the last couple of episodes, but it turns out
I thought that living goo and pestilence growing
in the underbelly of the ship was pretty bad.
Yeah, your main theme of decoration being cages
of people are probably one step up from pestilence,
I guess. It's fucking disgusting. I don't know
how they deal with it. Looking around, they must
think, oh, this geezer's lost it. There's nothing
they can do. Nothing. Can they not mutiny? No.
Wouldn't it be ridiculous? Yeah, but you're one
man, one scrawny little f***ing rogue trader.
I hold the warrant of trade. Nothing gives you
more power than the warrant of trade, apart from
the Inquisitor. So, you know, I point and they
do what I say, basically. If I say to them, if
an option comes up to be like, crawl on the floor
and eat maggots, they will do it. No one ever
says no. They can't. You are in the most powerful
position possible apart from being the Lord Inquisitor.
The only person above them, I assume, is the
Emperor, who's dead anyway. No, the Emperor's
not dead. The Emperor's not dead. He's just resting.
The Emperor. He's just resting. Fuck the Emperor.
Give him the souls. How about that? Was it 1
,000 souls a day? Well, more than that. It was
a million. A million psycho souls. A million?
Yeah. Warhammer numbers are mad, bro. I thought
it was a couple of... How many psychas are sacrificed
to the emperor in Warhammer? Didn't listen. Didn't
listen. I'll have to type it, and while I type
it, how many psychas are sacrificed to the emperor?
It says... It says... No, it is a thousand. A
thousand psychas die, slash get absorbed into
the emperor per day. You see that? So when I
was actually getting into a little bit of Warhammer
lore, it actually did go in. Yeah, I'm sure it
was a million. But yeah, a thousand a day. A
thousand's still a lot. It's a lot, isn't it?
That's a lot of people to... If you put a thousand
people in a room, that room's full. Yeah, I reckon.
I reckon, mate. Good maths, that. If you draw
a circle, it's round. Yeah, that's a lot of people
to just... Goodbye. And psychers, they're powerful.
they're psychics do they do that voluntarily
oh that was another thing the inquisitor said
to me actually he said i know that you've got
uh for example he says i know that you have a
that hasn't been sanctioned by terror terror
being earth and if you're a psycho with psychic
abilities you have to be sanctioned to be able
to like live normally and not be like killed
or whatever because you're too powerful i know
that you've got a unsanctioned psycho on your
ship idratlas but yet i choose to do nothing
why because not everything requires his intervention
but when it does there's trouble he's just showing
that he knows he knows everything and he could
do whatever he wants yeah But he will when he
chooses to, and he won't when he chooses not
to. So you're his bitch, basically. I am his
bitch. Well, he thinks so. Yeah. He probably
knows what's going on. No, he doesn't know. Because
if he knew, I'd be dead. Would you, though? Would
you, though? He wouldn't allow that. Unless he's
manipulating me. Are you positive on this one?
Oh, yeah, yeah. 100%. 100 %? Yeah, yeah. Unless
he's naughty, too. Maybe. Who knows? I mean,
there's no... Let me go home. I want to play.
No smoke without fire. Well, here we go then.
Hope you enjoyed that, everyone. See you later.
Ooroo!