Hello, everyone. Welcome to What's the Buttons?
Podcast of gaming and things. Go on, beardy man.
All the things. All the things. All the games.
Last episode, we spoke about Battlefield 6. Episode
before that, we spoke about Battlefield 6. We
might as well go free for free, possibly squeeze
in some Battlefield 6 this time around. And you
might be thinking, well, why do we want to do
it for a third episode in a row? Well, that's
because the early access beta come out yesterday.
And you didn't get a chance to play it, did you?
No. No, I did and have. And I can tell you firsthand.
It's good. It's good. It's really good. It looks.
Incredible. Every sound that gets made sounds
incredible. I revived 15 people in one match,
all with the paddles rather than grabbing hold
of them. Basically, I was getting angry because
you might understand this. I haven't played an
FPS in a long time and I'm not considered old,
but I'm probably getting into the realms of I'm
nearly 30. You know what I mean? And everything
starts going downhill once you hit 30. Don't
I know it. Eyes, mobility, all of it. I'm still
fit for work, though. I'm still fit for purpose.
And this was one of the first times where I was
just getting angry because I was like, I'm shit.
I am shit. I launched into a game of Conquest.
Big, large -scale warfare. No kills. 20 minutes,
no kills. So that was good. Smack bang at the
bottom. And I was doing that standard thing that
everyone does. I was flicking through every class.
Engineer, support, sniper. I was like, none of
these are working for me. Kept dying, kept dying,
kept dying. And then I found my calling. And
it was being support. And it's helping people
and saving them. And you want to know why I did
that? It's because every fucking time I was dying,
which was very frequently, no cunt was picking
me up. I was fuming. no one because obviously
when you die in battlefield it comes up doesn't
it tells you how close the nearest medic is or
person line symbol yeah it tells you how many
meters away they are and there's people there
and they're just running past me i thought no
i'm not having it so i decided to take up the
call and fucking save lives and that's exactly
what i did and it's just there's something about
someone's downed and you either fucking charge
the paddle up and go which you've been able to
do for a while now um But being able to grab
them and all and then fucking drag them away.
But you can also go prone when you're dragging
them away and then you fucking inject them and
then they get back up and then they die again
and you fucking grab hold of them again. Destruction
is fucking good. The vehicles feel good. The
guns feel great. The headshot sound feels great.
The only bit that's like, it's not off -putting
because it is immersive. is that when you kill
someone and it's not a headshot, it doesn't really
make a noise, so you don't know. All that happens
is the standard, their name comes up along the
side and it says, like, you've killed them, and
then gives you your XP for it. But other than
that, there's no, like, you're not really aware
if you've got the final shot unless you see their
name. But it's just, it's so much fun. It's so
much fun. I only managed to get in an hour yesterday.
But what an hour. It's just so much fun. The
one thing that I am sick of seeing though is
everyone slide cancelling. Slide cancelling and
jumping about because it does not work. The movement
is not the same as Call of Duty. It's not the
same shit. But I'm also now seeing more and more
videos pop up on my Instagram feed. And this
happened with 2042 as well. It's COD streamers
playing Battlefield and then saying how fucking
cool it is and all this new shit. It's like,
fucking hell, man. Yes. It's always been like
this. This is exactly what happens. This is what
Battlefield is. It's different to COD. Like,
fuck me. Yeah, so good. Beta comes out tomorrow.
I've seen... I just watched before we started
this someone cheating. Cheating on a beta. How
low do you need to go? Jesus Christ. Even that,
while I was talking about streamers, I can't
remember the names, nor can I be arsed to call
them out even if I did. I have seen a couple
of clips from streamers where their aim is just
far too snappy. You know what I mean? I know
there's people out there that are really fucking
good at aiming, but I'm talking headshot kills
and then snap. straight over, killing someone
else and snap back. I haven't really seen that
in Battlefield all too much. That seems a bit
weird. I've seen some very cinematic moments,
which I think Battlefield is all about. I saw
a geezer with another mate of his. They weren't
talking enough and I just saw the footage. He
was in the squad or whatever. The geezer's gone
down. There's a tank at the end of this alleyway.
So he's like dragged his mate back, res'd him
or stimmed him or whatever it is you do. And
like laid down some covering fire whilst the
geezer's getting out. He's thrown a couple of
grenades or whatever it was. standing in the
way of his mate the tank's got him he's gone
down he's just like laying there bleeding out
took one last look at the tank and as he like
turned the camera around the tank blew up yeah
he was like oh what a hero sick innit it just
felt like it wasn't even me doing it obviously
but it just felt like a cinematic moment and
you can't get that in Call of Duty no them sort
of moments are like organic and dynamic I see
one just before we just before you rocked up
and it was it was a guy in a building and Someone
must have sent an RPG or some form of explosive
at the front of the building and it got him.
But he went down and as he's down, the entire
face of the building crumbles away from him,
like the entire thing. But as it's crumbling
away, someone's come up and grabbed hold of him
and is pulling him away from it and then fucking
gets him up and then end scene. And it just says
absolute cinematic. It's like... It's crazy.
It really is cool. Really, really cool. Battlefield,
baby. I know that when we played 2042, we were
all saying very much the same thing. But it just
feels so good. But Battlefield 2042 had no destruction.
You couldn't blow anything up. That is what makes
Battlefield so good for me. It's intuitive. It
makes you want to... I can't remember the map,
but there was a big old building in front of
me and it was one of those where it's got multiple
doors on it, but only two of the doors are open.
So naturally, it makes everyone funnel in and
then it's just all out fucking warfare on the
other side. So what I ended up doing, I just
sent an RPG through one of the fucking other
doors instead and just blew the face of that
wall off and just put a massive hole in it. And
it's that sort of shit where... You're right,
in 2042, you wouldn't have stuff like that unless
it was specified areas that were designed for
destruction. In that one hour's worth, or maybe
it's an hour and a half's worth of gameplay,
the amount of times where I've come across someone
in a building and I can't get them, so I thought,
I'm taking the front of the building off. I'm
just going to launch something there. That window,
I'm going to make ten times as big as it was
five seconds ago. And then I'm going to see if
I can kill you. And I just think it's mental.
Here's a thing I saw yesterday, 2042, blowing
up a random... It's not like a... Just a van,
camper van. It's not one you can drive. It's
just a piece of the scenery. Throwing a C4 on
it. Same camper van in the other one. Fucking
doors off, whole thing's gone free. Actually
explodes as well, yeah. He's falling on it. But
something as silly as that makes the game better
and different. Because that's what Battlefield's
always been built on, as I said. Making maps
different each time you play them, so... you
want to i've already i've told the story a thousand
times i'm sure i've said it on the podcast about
when me and my mate were hiding in the roof of
a building and the geyser kept coming back and
trying different things and eventually just come
back with a tank and blew the building up like
being able to think out problems and okay well
they're they've got that side of the building
covered let's blow a hole in the wall and go
around the other side i mean it's like and then
the map looks different from last time you played
it that's that's the dynamic And that's what
keeps games successful because that will get
clipped and put on TikTok and then that gets
more eyes on it and then more people go and buy
it because it looks cool. That sort of stuff,
the dynamic gameplay is what really matters.
For an early... So the open beta is tomorrow.
So what is that? That's the 9th and the 10th.
And then there's another beta the following weekend.
I don't know if there's one the weekend after
that as well. Just two weekends. But if you pre
-ordered it or you're part of the lab or something
or you watched an hour's worth of stream when
the live stream was on for the multiplayer, you've
got a code that allows you early access to the
beta, which was started yesterday and today rolling
in. So I'll get four days' worth of beta access.
until next weekend so bearing in mind it's been
well now because it come out four o 'clock yesterday
so it's been 24 hours all -time peak for an early
access beta 334 and a half thousand players was
the all -time peak yesterday so that'll be why
when you was logging in there was queues but
they were quick man because i logged in um at
like half nine in the evening to just try and
get a game in um And when I started it up, 5
,500 in the queue, and I was in a queue for about
two seconds. So, fair play. And so far, I haven't
come across many issues. I'll play a load of
it today. I am going to play zero of the game.
Absolute zero. I'm not going to play it. Because
I know I'm going to get it. Oh, you're not going
to play any beta? No need to. I know I'm going
to buy it. I mean, your progress carries on.
Does it? Yeah. I might play it then. I just see
you get an exclusive skin. I'm pretty sure the
progress does. Or does it? If it does, I'll play
it. If it doesn't, I won't. I mean, it is what
it is. I know I'll buy it, man. It's Battlefield.
And if it's going back to Battlefield hell. I
know and loved it. And that's what I'm hearing,
then I'm all for it. Oh, sorry. Ignore me. I'm
absolutely wrong. Apparently from gamespot .com,
progress from Battlefield 6 open beta will not
carry forward to the full game. That's cool.
That's fine. I kind of like that, though. It's
going to be a different game. It's going to be
more finely tuned and stuff. I know 2042 was
exciting because of two things. One, that trailer
was sick. And two, we hadn't had like Battlefield
in years. So it was like, okay. Because all we
kept getting was any Battlefield was all like
Battlefield fucking World War I. Yeah, yeah.
Where's the modern shit? I wasn't too keen on
the 2042 little jump forward and all that. If
you're going to do stuff like that, I feel like
you need to go right far into the future rather
than like 10, 15 years because it's just, what
are you going to do in that? You know what I
mean? So to go back to like a more modern setting
with the destruction. And it's, from all I'm
hearing from people that I trust, that it fucking
looks good, plays good. And what I've seen, I'm
100 % getting it, because Battlefield was always
my jam. This has a campaign as well. Yeah, I'm
not too fussed about that. I will play it, more
than likely, but just give me back some Conquest.
And a Battle Royale, as much as I don't like
them. Yeah, but as I said before, Battle Royale
with Destruction, it's going to be such a different
beast. It will be interesting. But... Like you
said, I played a game of Conquest, didn't get
no kills. That's part of Conquest, man, because
Conquest is like you're trying to capture objectives.
You're giving yourself mini objectives and stuff
like that. It's more tactical than, like I say,
a lot of COD players I've seen say, oh, the multiplayer's
good. I like the multiplayer, but that Conquest,
man, that hits different. That's a different
gravy. As you said, it's always been like that.
Conquest has always been the main game mode for
Battlefield. The little multiplayer maps are
more like little skirmishes if you fancy something
different. I remember that prison map on Battlefield
4 was just mental. Yeah, archaic. 60 versus 60
on a tiny map. Pure warfare. So it says for the
beta... You get to play the maps, Siege of Cairo,
Liberation Peak, the Iberian Offensive maps,
along with the Conquest game mode, Closed Weapon
Conquest, Breakthrough, Domination and King of
the Hill modes. And then the second weekend will
include all the maps from the first weekend,
plus Empire State. As for modes, all the weekend
one modes are coming back, along with Rush, Squad
Deathmatch, and more. The last game I played
was Breakthrough, and that was good. I like that.
Because game modes where there's an actual objective.
I've always found Battlefield is far more objective
based than it is just fucking getting kills.
If you're playing Conquest, you could be getting
50 kills. But if you haven't helped capture anything
or defended anything, your kills mean nothing.
It's of no benefit. The last game I played, which
was that breakthrough, and that was the one where
I got 15 revives. with the paddles and was just
healing everyone constantly I was I think I finished
8th in the table and that was I got like 3 kills
3 or 4 kills but I was I was capturing defending
and healing everyone at the same time so playing
playing your role yeah I was being a medic I
was I was healing people I was keeping them up
that's exactly there's far more benefit in a
in a firefight for if you're behind behind a
wall, whatever, and there's four of you and two
of you have gone down, there's far more benefit
in getting those two up than there is in just
trying to fucking relentlessly attack and then
just end up being the same as the two that are
on the floor dead. Pick people up. Let them fucking
crack on. Get some assists going. Add a shitload
of assists. You'll be able to tell the co -players,
man, because battlefield players have always
raised each other. You're always raised, man.
Just love running around with him. I loved it.
I love picking... Give me an option to revive
someone. 100%. Because there's nothing more annoying
than downing someone and then someone else picking
them up. Because you don't get your fucking...
Well, you get your kill, but not in the same
sense. That satisfaction of... I've done you
in it's like fucking sniping long distance sniping
his mate gets him up and he's like fuck sake
yeah what's the fucking point in 10 minutes trying
to shoot that cunt but the paddle the defibs
are just great man because you can obviously
fucking charge them you just press R2 that charges
them up quick and then sprint out to someone
press R2 again it's literally like a drive -by
you just run past and go boop and then see you
later me and Clarky had loads of clips of Battlefield
4 back in the day we used to run around with
the defibs you used to hold the button you used
to like do that you used to just run up to people
and defib them and defib fucking vehicles and
shit you used to be able to blow them up if you
got them down low enough and stuff because you
can kill people with a defib as well same with
the engineering torch that blows up tanks and
stuff or dismantles them but yeah you can fucking
burn people with them they're great I love it
Yeah, great game. Go back to playing your class.
That's what people wanted from 24 -2, another
thing they moved away from. Like, you're an engineer
or whatnot or whatever it's called with the rocket
launcher. Go blow up the tanks, man. Engineer,
yeah. You should be putting the mines down. You
should be doing all that. It's like, play your
role. Do you know what I mean? Rather than Jack
of all trades, master of none. You can customise
them and jig some stuff around. So like Engineer
typically runs with an SMG. You can swap that
out to a sniper, fucking LMG, whatever you want
to swap it to. But yeah, 100%, let me have a
class. That's the whole point of an objective
warfare game is that everyone has a specific
role to play and it works so much better when
everyone's doing their specific role. That's
why in these... games you have squads yep you
have four man squads because that you're supposed
to be acting as a squad i love it yeah it's not
that long till it comes out man october man like
12th of october or something or six or some shit
like that two months in two days it is the yes
october 10th of october yeah it's not long yeah
get it in me get it all around me and in me yeah
So that's that, basically. What's up next? What
else we got? I mean, WoW had a new patch come
out. New season started. Awesome. That got in
the way entirely. I'm completely torn. So that
come out Wednesday. And that is new zone, new
raids coming, new Mythic Plus pool, new delves.
fucking just all new shit new gear um new campaign
so i played that because i originally thought
that that and the beta were all coming out yes
um on wednesday so i was like fucking hell how
am i gonna pick but no it was it was wednesday
was when that come out and then thursday was
was the beta so i have jumped on that um but
for some reason this time around i've got far
less fomo Than I had before. I saw a comment
and it started, you know when you see things
and they just stick with you. Sometimes it resonates,
man. You know, I told you this before. Yeah.
The only reason, not the only reason, that's
the wrong thing to say on the podcast. One of
the reasons I'm still doing this podcast. I've
carried on doing it with you. It's because of
the money. It's because when I said to Matt,
me and you were going to do a podcast, he said,
oh, another one of your crap ideas, you drive
for a couple of months and then give up. And
that stuck with me. I was like, no, I'll prove
you wrong, dickhead. I even said to him the other
day, three years you can't. Three years this
has been going. Crackpot idea, you said. So yeah,
thanks for that, Matt, because you've kept me
going, mate. No, I love it. That's not the only
reason. Yeah, you've done it out of spite. Yeah,
he said it as a passing comment and it stuck
with me. I get that quite a lot. But yeah, I
just saw someone say, they were like, remember,
don't rush it because you'll be stuck with this
patch for the next eight months. And that is
so true because every single time a patch comes
out, I absolutely obliterate it. And then I've
got an outdo. And then you sit there. So this
week, the new season started. Next week is when
Mythic Plus comes out. And then the raids and
all of that sort of stuff. So they release stuff
progressively rather than just everything at
once. it gets to a point where it all it ends
up being all released so in like a month it's
all going to be out so i can rush as much as
i want now or i can relax take as much time as
i need because in a month's time if i've rushed
everything i was going to be exact same as last
time where i sit there twiddling my thumbs going
well there's not really much to do even though
there's loads to do but i've done what i wanted
to do like i will be in the same position in
three months rushing as i will if i don't rush
and i feel like that i've spoken to a few people
and i feel like quite the consensus is everyone's
feeling way less fomo for that one reason because
there's also another expansion coming like the
announcement for the expansion is coming out
in like soon so there yeah that happened i'm
just trying to say that i'm not as Is it a case
of you rush it because there's FOMO, but also
you know when you, well, you know when you want
to play computer or something and you're like,
I've got to do the washing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you do the washing up really quickly so you
can go and do the other fun thing that you want
to do. Yeah. Do you not be like, I have to do
this because it's wow and this is like my bread
and butter. So let me just do this really quickly
and then I'm free to do whatever else I feel
like. It's like a weight off shoulders. You've
done it. Yeah, I spend like my whole life running
like that. So I'll go, I need to get this, this,
this and this done so that I can enjoy the rest
of my day doing this. And then I need to get
as much of that done so that I don't feel like
I've missed out type shit. So like tomorrow,
I've got a little five mile run before the rest
of the day. Mad. So it's like I want to get,
I enjoy it. but let me get that out of the way
ASAP so I can enjoy the rest of my day type shit
and yeah it maybe is a bit like that with World
of Warcraft where I think right let me let me
do this let me get that let me fucking explore
this tick that off the list and then I haven't
got to worry about it because I've done that
I mean I've already done the campaign day one
so that's that ticked off Well, as much until
next week when they release more of it. What
happened in the campaign, mate? Don't know. That's
the problem with these games, bro. But at the
moment, the writing's shit. The writing's soppy
and wet and not... It's not the type of gritty
fantasy that you want, like the direction that
WoW's gone at the moment. Wrath of the Lich King.
It was always Horde and Alliance. They do not
get on. They are at fucking war with each other,
constantly battling, and that is how it should
be. And then over time, they've sort of joined
forces to fight a greater evil. It's the classic,
that, isn't it? Yeah, but now that separation
between Horde and Alliance... It just isn't there.
So they're practically friends now. They fucking
live with each other and shit like that. So a
lot of people, and I'm one of those people, is
calling for blood. Split them up. Make something
happen where the good guys don't win. Make something
fucking terrible happen. Someone good has to
die here gruesomely. And then we need to have
a divide again. And the Horde need to fucking
hate the Alliance and vice versa. And we need
to start having wars again. We need to split
this apart. I think because they've amalgamated
into one being, the writing's just become predictable
and boring. So when a new campaign comes out,
give me the fucking gear. Give me the gear so
I can do the raids, so I can get the achievements,
so I can quit for another two months. That's
it. Rather than, like you say, Rafa the Lich
King or Mr. Pandaria. when there was a lot of
shit going down that was genuinely interesting.
I feel you. It's just fucking, oh, we've saved
the world, guys, and we should all be grateful.
Let's hug. Fuck off. Fuck off. Look at this salt.
Fuck off. Let me fucking shove this in your sternum.
Like, just get away with that shit. Fuck. Well,
you know what I've been doing. I've been rematching
and trading roguely. I'm impressed with my resilience
to just keep going with these games. Banging
my head against the wall, but also enjoying the
pain. Yeah, yeah. Because I love it. I haven't
played as much rematch. I play every single evening
until I get a win, and then I turn it off. Sometimes
it's first game, sometimes it's sixth game. I
will not turn it off until I win. A win is a
win. I'm not trying to rank up anymore. I'm one
rank from Masters, and I'm content. I don't want
to be the best. Is that your content because
you know it's hard to push the last one? Mate,
it was so hard to get from gold to diamond and
then diamond to... Exactly. So I sat there and
gone, this is too much. So let me just be content
with... No, I'm content because I don't care
to push no more. Do you know what I mean? But
yeah, it is that because I haven't got... I don't
care enough to have the grit to push forward
for it. Do you know what I mean? Because when
you... It's different because when you get...
There's three divisions in each rank, right?
So you have silver, gold, even before that, bronze,
whatever. So I think it's bronze, silver, gold,
platinum, diamond, masters. But each of them
has three divisions you have to go up. So three
in bronze, three silver, three gold, three platinum,
three diamond, three, six, nine, 12, 15 divisions
to go through. But when you get, say you've won
enough in the first three divisions of bronze,
when you've completed your bar, so it says, oh
yeah. You're going up to next division. You don't
go up to next division. You have three games
that you have to play and you have to win two
of them to get promoted. So you can fucking,
and that's the frustration, you can get all the
way to the end, get to your promotion games and
then get ranked in, matched in with some cunt
that don't want to be a goalkeeper and just keep
running out of goal. Decent. And then you're
like, sick. Well, there's my promotion blown
out of the water. Sick. So it's just frustrating,
isn't it? And I haven't got the patience for
that. But then on the other hand, you can have
it where you get a sick team and they just carry
you to fucking win and you're like, lovely, ain't
got to worry. So yeah, I just ain't got the energy
for that. So I'm content just playing it. I don't
want to play competitively or get good at something
because I don't want stress and I put stress
on myself. But I also don't like playing casually
because I feel there's no stakes. So it's a weird
balance. It's a weird balance for me. So yeah,
I played that, but obviously more Rogue Trader.
I'm sure I have many tales to tell. Did you capture
the... I can't remember where we was last time.
So you were... You wanted to... You landed on
a planet. You had another assassination attempt.
And it was from this woman that you wanted to
capture. And then she was going to die anyway.
You were going to kill her anyway because you're
evil, evil. So it was my planet. And the governor
of my planet, one of my planets, one of my dynasty.
Yeah. I had an assassination attempt. I said,
no, not good enough. You should do better. Arrest
her. She was arrested. I went and dealt with
the rebels on the planet. Myself, personally,
got that dealt with. Hired the alien sniper.
She's now in my retinue. Xenos. Xenos scum. Yeah,
Xenos scum. And then, after I'd dealt with the
rebels, I went to execute the governor, the governess,
as I said that Corvus would do. And turns out,
she was a sneaky little bitch anyway. And she
fucking ran behind this force field thing. Yeah.
She already had loads of crazy shit going on
behind the doors. Yeah. So she was naughty. So
my instincts were right anyway. She deserved
to die. So I had to fight my way to her. What
was she doing? Oh, nefarious Xenos shit. Ah.
Trading. She was with the alien. Oh, mate, went
in there. It was all fucking crazy. They were
opening portals and all dodgy shit. I mean, aren't
you involved in alien games? Yeah, but no one's
supposed to know that. That's secret. Like I
say, I've got a member of the Inquisition with
me. They definitely can't know I've got alien
shit going on. He's fuming I hired the alien
sniper. How does he not know that you've got
that going on then? Because it's all sneaky,
isn't it? But also, the rogue trader can... Like
I say, the rogue trader has the ability to bend
rules because he's a rogue trader. So he can
do dodgy shit, but it's just not ideal. But if
anyone else was caught... trading xenos weapons
and stuff it's just treason so he's actually
so so he's not happy he's not happy because you
hired a xenos oh yeah he's dreaming about that
yeah he didn't he didn't like her nowhere near
him but it's tough shit she's a good marksman
yeah yeah um so yeah i did that took that planet
and then i've just been fucking planet trotting
really man i've just been going from planet to
planet fucking shit up and leaving i've had a
few space battles um how how easy Would you say
that it is to... So, Corvus... Does Corvus have
a price? For what? That's a good point, to be
fair. That's a good question. What does Corvus
have a price for? What do I want from Corvus?
So, can Corvus be bought? Is what I'm saying.
For, let's say... Well, no, because you're into
the black market type shit, aren't you? Oh, any
deal I want is shady shit. Yeah. I was a smuggler
anyway. I'm harvesting organs and selling them
off. I'm all into that. Yeah, loads of them.
There's money to be made. But what I'm doing
is I'm masquerading as a nursery. I'm killing
children and I'm taking their organs. Fucking
hell, Rav. That's as heavy as it's going to get.
I'm killing children and taking their organs.
That's like Warhammer shit. That is the sort
of weird shit they're into. It's fucked up. That's
what's going on. And that will resonate with
you because you have children. Yeah, but then
that's putting the awkward thing between me as
a father. How much roleplay are you really prepared
to do? Corvus being fucking sack of shit. So
you've landed on this planet and it's just a
fucking... It's a standard... We're farming carrots,
man. Just carrots, yeah? Just carrots. We're
just making carrots. We're growing carrots, selling
them off. I'm just a humble farmer, but... Corvus
turns to his smuggler friend and says, that's
code for ginger kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll
be exactly what's going on. You've got fucking
ginger kids of the carrots. All sorts of... Side
note. Side note. Did you know that cauliflower...
No, sorry, broccoli flowers. What do you mean?
Broccoli flowers. I'll show you. I don't know
what you're on about. Broccoli. I know what you're
saying, but I can't fathom it, what you're trying
to get at. Broccoli. Flower. Flowers. Buy broccoli.
Here we go. Oh, why is it giving me a shit photo
of it? There you go. It's broccoli. Flowers.
Yummy. Into yellow flowers. Yeah, yummy. I mean,
I don't know if it's the same sort of broccoli
that you would eat. I'd eat that. But apparently
broccoli... So I'm tempted to get a broccoli.
Grow it. But I've gone off topic. I'm growing
carrots and broccoli. Right. We've landed. And...
I don't know. Because what was the other geezer?
Wasn't there a geezer where you're buying his
vegetables or whatever, but also buying Xenos
weaponry off of him? No, this is why I landed
on that planet, because it's my harvesting planet.
So I went there to get resources sent to the
planet to give them food, and he was going to
give me Xenos shit. I'm another harvesting planet
for you. Yeah. Carrots and broccoli. it's a madness
um and then because you're the rogue trader obviously
i want to appease you because otherwise i get
my my planet gets blown up and i'm gonna die
and i'd rather not have that yeah so i'll invite
you around for a cup of tea but obviously you're
quite a perceptive person i would imagine being
a trader or someone with you one of your entourage
is quite perceptive when you take a seat you
can see into the kitchen through a door Like
the door's slightly cracked open while I'm making
cups of tea. There's just a fucking kidney on
the table. There's no animals or farm life here.
It's purely vegetables. And it's just and kidney.
Bloody, looks relatively fresh kidney. Now, is
that going to get questioned? Or would you leave
that? The trouble is, you're running a big risk.
Because if this is my planet that is doing vegetables.
Yeah. And you're doing this behind my back. There's
already a problem, isn't there? I should be made
aware of this, regardless. You shouldn't be.
You've already lied to me. Yeah, but you're sadistic.
So how am I supposed to bring that to the table?
Corvus, I know I'm thinking of a side hustle.
Look at these lot. Yeah, but Corvus isn't sadistic.
To people that know, Corvus won't be known. He's
early in his rogue trader. The only Corvus they'll
know. if they know him at all, he's the smuggler
pirate he wrote Corvus, who's a bit of shit,
really. He's a bit of a naughty boy, but he definitely
wouldn't be interested in harvesting people.
You wouldn't be interested in harvesting people?
Corvus wouldn't, no. Corvus twisted by this entity,
maybe. You know what I mean? Yeah, but Corvus
is twisted by that entity. Yeah, and that's what
I mean. That's why he may be... But regardless
of if he is, you've already fucking... Done this
behind my back. So just by that merit, you're
in trouble. But could I claw that back? No. Because
you're on my planet doing shit with my resources
behind my back. I'll give you 40 % of the profit
for the next two years. No. It's all mine. It's
my fucking planet. Yeah, but it's not your kids.
They're not my kids, to be fair. Anything on
the planet belongs to me. Yeah, but I've bought
them from a... They come off planet. And where
are they living? What do you mean where are they
living? Where are they now? Oh, mate, they don't
live here, Corvus. Yeah, but they're on my planet
now, taking up space on my planet, therefore
they're mine. Parts of them are on your planet,
I'll admit. At this point... There's sections
here that shouldn't be here. At this point, I'd
say, Abelard, remove his testicles. Testicles?
Yeah, I'll remove your testicles immediately.
pound signs how much can I get for my own balls
50 -50 you can have one we'll sell these goldens
off you'd be in trouble. Yeah, but I reckon that
100%, if I go, you can have 100 % of the profit
for the next six months. No, you don't tell me
how much I can have and how long I have it for.
The only thing you're begging for is your life.
Yeah, but surely, but that's the thing. It's
a fucking war hammer. I know. It's dark. I know
it's dark. And what I'm doing is dark and sadistic.
What I feel like might go, surely must go in
my favour is that if you're this big, bad power,
well, I know you're not fucking big. But metaphorically,
you're a big pad and powerful rogue trader who
has a massive, massive ship or whatever. So everyone
must be begging and begging for their lives.
So surely, surely, surely just some random fucking
farmer who's got the bollocks to harvest kidneys
on a planet that you own. turning around and
trying to negotiate and going well you ain't
having half of my have half of my shit i'm keeping
the other half surely that's worth some form
of of of merit you're trying to barter with a
demonic being which is mental so who's more mental
you as a demonic being or the humble farmer that's
prepared there's nothing humble about what you're
doing mate exactly it's as dark as it comes exactly
understand the this is this is just the start
Jesus. Give me some of them weapons and we'll
see what happens. That weird alien filth you
got in the corner, I'll have a piece of that.
Give me her fucking tail. You don't talk about
her like that. But you see what I mean? She'd
already have you in a headshot lined up. Yeah,
but surely this means something. You wouldn't
pique your interest a little bit to have this
mental farmer as part of it. Maybe he's not just
a farmer. He obviously isn't. But you wouldn't
be interested slightly. You'd go, maybe I can
mould this. Abelard, remove his teeth. Give him
a gun. Your teeth would be removed. If I just
start removing them myself, I'll fucking take
them out. Tenner, tenner. Corvus smucks. You
know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. That's
interesting. If you were playing Rogue Trader
now, and that was a scene that... Next week,
if that happened, you'd be bringing it up on
the podcast. You'd go, I land on this planet,
and I met this mental farmer. He was killing
kids, and I confronted him about it, and he started
giving me aggro. and barter him with me. And
now, I know that conversation would end. You'd
go, he's now part of the crew. No, no, it wouldn't.
It would. He'd be dead. No. And I'd put someone
in his place to carry on the work he was doing.
No, you can't. No, you can't. No, he wouldn't
be part. He wouldn't be part. What, you'd take
out, so you'd kill him. Not because of the bad
shit he's doing, but because he's trying to barter
with me. You know, the bad shit is irrelevant.
Yeah. The demon entity Corvus is like, yeah,
lovely. Yeah. Money and fucking Xenos shit. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. But, The fact that you're trying
to barter with me, unacceptable. I would have
thought that the bollocks would have meant something
there. You've got the bollocks. I'm not going
to have it, but you get to keep your life just
for having the bollocks to barter with me. Absolutely
not. No, no. The sheer front of him would mean
he would be dead. It would be worth a go, though,
wouldn't it? You already know you're going to
die. If you've been caught out by a rogue trader.
If you see the rogue trader shit put up, you're
like, fuck. I'm done. It's curtains for me. Finish
your cup of tea and then you probably would.
All right, fucking have it then. Come on, let's
go. You're going to kill me anyway. Begging for
your life is probably the worst thing you can
do. That's probably the best way to go about
it is having some bollocks, but in this case,
no. That is a pathetic way, isn't it? If you're
on your hands and knees begging to, please don't
kill me. No, you're already going to die. Stand
up. Punch him. There's not much more powerful
politically than the road trader. I think the
inquisition, the main inquisitor, is more powerful
in terms of legal power. Obviously, the road
trader's weak as shit. A space marine would kill
him. But politically, I'm the fucking Don Daddy.
I'm one of the Don Daddies. I'm just going around
doing whatever I want, mate. I'm boarding ships.
I'm murdering people. I'm fucking blowing ships
out of the sky. I'm taking parts. But who keeps
you in line? Nobody. Me. So what's the purpose
of that? What purpose are you serving? To build
the fucking, the imperium of man. I'm going out
charting uncharted places, claiming planets.
This is mine now, which serves the, imperium
of man because there's more man doing man shit
plus most road traders aren't possessed by an
evil entity I couldn't I couldn't fathom the
idea so so I'm a homeowner so like this land
that we're on this is mine yeah if I want to
fucking blow this up I can blow this I mean obviously
I can't blow this up but if I want to go out
there and start digging a hole I'm going to dig
the fucking hole it's mine But I can't understand
the idea of pulling up to a planet and just going,
I'll have that one. I'll have that one and that
one and then we'll take that one. The whole thing.
Which country do you want? All of them. All of
them. I'll take all of them. I'd imagine that's
what supreme leaders do. That's why wars are
had. Genghis Khan. I'll kill everyone and I'll...
Dominate everything. I'll have that. Mr. Genghis,
they're not going to give you... I'll just kill
them. Yeah, I'll just... There'll be no one there
to say no. Imagine being that mental, though.
Obviously, people are like that, but being like
that, you go, that Evian, can I have that? Have
a sip of that? No. Well, you're going to die.
Yeah, you're going to have to die. You're going
to have to give it to me. Because I'm thirsty.
Yeah, because you're going to die. Just claiming
planets left, right and centre. Well, yeah. It's
not what I wanted. It was the gift that was given
and bestowed upon me, you know? I didn't want
this power. And then, obviously, the entity was
like, oh, let me in. And Corvus was like, oh,
go on then. Would you interact differently if
you weren't engaged with a demonic power? Oh,
yeah, you would still be dead, though. Gotta
be putting a stop to that immediately. You sick
fuck. You fucking sick fuck. Oh, really? It would
be like... What, you think... No, yeah, Corvus
is a smuggler, mate. He's not fucking... Mass
murder of fucking... That's sick. You're going
to sit there on a high horse. What do you mean?
You're shagging an alien for a start. I just
traded a few weapons, bro. That was all I was
doing. Oh, yeah. Harmless. You're harmless. I'm
not slaughtering innocents. Well, you are because
you're supplying weapons. What do you think the
weapons are doing? Yeah. Killing other people.
Yeah, but if I'm selling chainsaws, and then
I sell a man a chainsaw, and then he goes and
kills someone with it, it ain't my fucking fault.
I'll give a man a chainsaw. I'm not culpable
for that. Yeah. I'm just making a few quid. Do
you know, I grew up on a death world, bruv. It
was the best I could do. So why the fuck would
selling kidneys be the thing that throw... Why
is that? Is it the kidneys or the kids? It's
definitely the children. You can't kill kids,
bro. No, you can. Very easily. You're a fucking
monster. You're a monster. Very easily. Like
a knife through butter. You're a fucking monster.
Corvus would shoot you square in the face, mate.
No fucking way. He'd put stocks out immediately.
They'd be released. See, that's out of role.
I feel like it's your outside of role play getting
involved with that. I feel like that's what that
is. Corvus wouldn't do that, bro. Yeah, but I
think that's because you wouldn't do that. I
think if that happened in Rogue Trader, even
as demonic Corvus, I would find that hard to
go along with that because it's too dark for
me to even pretend that it's, you know. I know
it's not real, but I'd feel bad pressing that
button. I'd be like, I can't do it. It's too
much. Would you like to also kill the children
and harvest their organs? No. no and the demonic
ending he's like yes no no me Ashley not Corvus
Ashley here no no we're fucking not in fact I'm
turning it off I'm just turning the game off
never play it again I hope that don't happen
you're playing Warhammer though that's the type
of shit that would go on in Warhammer yeah it's
fucked up it's a good game though yeah you know
what I mean as long as that shit don't happen
let them get the five couple of birthdays that's
too dark for me bro that's too dark for me maybe
I'd be good in this universe yeah you would maybe
that's I just want to preface I don't want to
kill children yeah you know what I mean no definitely
not I don't want this to I don't want in another
three years if we've become supremely popular
I don't want this episode to be resurfacing out
of all the episodes and then just have that clipped
that I like killing children and harvesting their
organs. Well, you've just fucked it. That will
get clipped. That bit, yeah. That little bit
there. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Yeah. So, rematch
and Road Trader. That's about it. That's all
I do, man. Yeah. That's all I've got going on.
I don't even know what I'll do when I finish
Road Trader. Probably be sad. Let's see. Oh,
I did do what I said I wasn't going to do. I
did buy that collector's edition. Which one?
Oh, that's good. Warhammer Dark Heresy. Oh, you
did get it, yeah? Yeah. Nice. Couldn't help myself.
What I did, because I said it was $60 for postal
packaging. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you pausing?
No, no, no, we're good. I'm going to have to.
Jesus Christ. Collector's edition. Got it. The
little pause. Got it. Yeah, got it. I went back
on it. It said $60, didn't it, for post and packaging.
And I was like, I'm not fucking paying that.
And then it was coming up at like $350 or something.
I'm not doing that. Yeah, yeah. But then when
I put it in and went to checkout. Converted it
to pounds. And I was like, oh, that ain't that
bad. That ain't nowhere near as bad as it sounds.
Did you not convert it before? No, because it
just sounded a lot worse. So I was like, I'm
not doing that. I'd be amazed how many purchases
would actually get made if they didn't just,
if they, like, yes, it's still coming from America,
but just convert it to pounds for me or whatever
currency is my currency. Because there's loads
of stuff I've looked at, like Funkos and shit.
I mean, I'm put off by the postage of a Funko
anyway. But American ones where, yeah, we see
it and it's like $150. You go, fuck that. It's
like 90 quid. yeah well 100 quid or whatever
whatever the conversion is probably way more
now um that's cool though when does that turn
up no idea hasn't got a release date so um yeah
what i have my money what do you mean it hasn't
got hasn't got release date what you probably
2026 sometime what you pre -ordered it through
ebay no pre -ordered it through their website
sorry for some reason i thought it was ebay that
you'd done it i was like who the fuck does that
No, not eBay, bro. No, on their actual website.
I'll get something cool, though, because it's
like Alcat Games. They've done some massive games
like Pathfinder and, oh, is it Warhammer Rogue
Trailer? They're quite like a, they're a niche
company, but they're, people that like them,
they're very well thought of. People that like
CRPGs like Baldur's Gate and stuff, everyone
loves them. And, yeah, so it's, what I've done
is essentially kind of like. like a kickstarted
it but it isn't a kickstarter it's just pre -ordered
again because I've done it I get my name in the
credits that's cool very cool right that's very
very cool so yeah that's going to be and did
you just put like Ashley Harris Prince Ashley
Lemon Squeezer Ebenezer Fridge Freezer yeah that
works HP sauce that works yeah so yeah I'm excited
for that and actually interestingly enough the
It's the same sort of game as Rogue Trader, so
it'll be a CRPG. But it'll be through the same
sort of universe, same systems, star systems
and stuff. Different planets and that, I imagine.
But you'll be playing as an Inquisitor. Oh, that's
cool. That's very cool. So I'll actually be...
What else can you do? You'll be law -abiding.
I'll even be above the Rogue Trader, man. So
I'll probably come across some rogue Traders
and be like, shut up, dickhead. Yeah, shut up,
scum. You do as I fucking say, right? You will
harvest the organs. Whether you like it or not,
I'm telling you to do it. Patreon. Fantastic.
See you later, everyone.