Allow me to cast your minds back to Battlefield
2042. Do you remember? All too well. Remember
the excitement when we saw the trailer and the
geyser fucking jumping out of the jet with the
rocket launcher? And the tornado. We were so
hyped up. It was amazing. And then what did we
all do? Every single person pre -ordered it.
Because we thought this was amazing. Then we
advertised this. And then the game released and
it was fun for all of about a week. And then
fell flat on its arse. I think it's alright,
kind of, now. But, yeah, we were burnt a little
bit. Battlefield 6. Welcome to What's the Buttons?
Blah -de -blah -de -blah. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Battlefield 6 trailer come out yesterday. Thoughts?
Thoughts on that? I'll be honest, I was excited
for it. I looked at it and I skipped all the
way through it to the end. I need to see gameplay,
bro. I don't care about cinematics. There's pointless
trailers, man. Gameplay is in... It's the 30th,
I think. Yeah, something like that. That's what
I'm interested in. Although there is gameplay
out there already. Yeah, yeah, I've seen a lot
of the leaks. I've got a release date. Do you?
October 6th. Is that what you reckon, yeah? And
that's what has been leaked. That's what's been
leaked. So much of it's been leaked. By a very
credible guy that doesn't really get anything
wrong. Because I think there was quite a lot
of content creators that got access to Battlefield
6 and obviously they all had to sign NDAs. October
10th, sorry. I'm pretty sure most of them have
not listened to the NDAs that they've signed.
And that is why there's so much fucking info.
Basically everything. Even the name. The name's
quite boring. What is the name? Battlefield 6.
That's fine, man. That's fine. What is it setting?
Is it just like modern day shit? Or is it like
fucking a little bit in the future? Because it
doesn't fucking say it. I want to say that it's
modern day shit because it's in America, isn't
it? America's being blown up to fuck. It's always
America, isn't it? Which, to be fair, I was just
about to say, it's not something that you really
see actual America being blown up. It's normally
Americans blowing something up. So there's that.
I'm with you in terms of I'm not really going
to get excited until I see gameplay of what's
going on. Know what I mean? I know exactly what
you mean. I didn't bother. To be honest, I was
very excited, but I kind of got let down when
I realized it was no gameplay. I was just like,
well, I'm kind of not bothered then. Because
this one's going to have a Battle Royale as well,
isn't it? Is it? So that's really boring. I'm
so sick of Battle Royales, man. Hopefully they
don't put all their focus into that. they brought
back the class system so like you know the assault
are just ARs again and all that sort of stuff
from Battlefield 4 but Battlefield 4 for me is
the best and then Hardline was good but not Battlefield
4 yeah it just got progressively worse yeah I
feel like I feel like you're in a in a in the
gaming industry same with most industries to
be fair supermarkets fucking movies all that
shit everyone's trying to compete with everyone
and everyone almost ends up following everyone
you go oh fuck it is fortnite oh yeah here's
apex legends here's pub g fucking h1z1 here's
all these war zone everyone's like fucking hell
battle royales are the big thing let me let me
jump into them and i feel like it's all it's
all just got so fucking bland it's so bland And
I would hate to see Battlefield 6 go down that
path of, like you just said, putting resources
into the BR mode as opposed to actual Battlefield
itself. Because right now, you know how Call
of Duty used to sit at the very precipice of
first -person shooters on multiplayer first -person
shooters? I don't think they're there anymore.
No, no, people are sick of it. Yeah, it's like
a really shit Fortnite. So it's too, like Mark's
been saying for the last week, he saw a clip
of Beavis and Butthead kicking a robot in the
nuts or something from Warzone. And he was like,
what the fuck is going on? I couldn't give him
answers. I ain't got a fucking clue. He's like,
I thought I was watching a Fortnite clip, but
I wasn't. It was Call of Duty. And I feel like
if you're Battlefield, ignore the Battle Royale
stuff. Don't bother trying to compete with that.
Because now the first -person online shooter
genre is up for fucking grabs. Because who could...
Other than Call of Duty, which isn't sitting
at the top anymore, who's running that? Who is
running that? Nobody. Nobody? Not that style,
anyway. No. It used to be Battlefield or COD.
That was just sort of... Most people fucking
ran over to COD, but when 2042 came out, you
knew who was... main in cod and who was actual
battlefield players because normally the people
that were really were the ones that were playing
cod that's not saying they're bad bad players
it's just the the gun feel and everything is
very different to battlefield and to call of
duty it's much more tactical yeah they're large
-scale wars that take oh the good old days man
playing battlefield 4 and then jumping in the
game and then it taking like an hour This feels
like an actual... I've took D all by myself.
There's tanks rolling in. This is an actual war.
That was the feel. I want that back. I feel like
that should be the focus. I don't know... And
also, what can you do with a Battle Royale to
make it stick? The only thing that Battlefield
has on the Battle Royale genre which would make
it exciting is... if they can bring their destruction
in and make things blow up. I believe they are.
That would be, you know, if someone's camping
in a building and you can just see for a hole
in the wall, that sort of stuff makes endless
clips, endless dynamic gameplay. Not necessarily
going to swing someone who don't like Battle
Royales like yourself back over, but it would
make much more interesting than just the same
buildings with the same people in the same rooms.
Do you know what I mean? As I say, I always go
back to when... me and clarky were playing battlefield
one i think it was and this guy kept trying to
come in as we were like camping this this uh
this farmhouse we were in the attic or the roof
and the only way in was up a ladder and this
guy came in so we shot him he came back again
and shot him again came back again threw a grenade
up there or something he downed me or whatever
clarky finished him and then res'd me and then
the next time he come back because we were sniping
out the window he comes rolling over the hill
in a tank and then just blows the fucking house
up yeah like that's cool as fuck makes perfect
sense yeah because you're just like I'm trying
everything you get angry because you keep getting
killed by the same guy let me get rid of your
camping spot let me just blow up the building
like that is great and I'll never I always remember
that and that's what made Battlefield much more
interesting than Call of Duty to me yeah no I
agree I agree with you I'd like to see more of
that more of that sort of stuff Which, as far
as I'm aware, is what they're doing. They're
leaning heavily into the destructible map. Which
is, yeah, that's exactly what you want to see.
You've definitely got the fucking engine for
it. If you were able to do it years and years
and years ago, there's no excuse as to why we
can't do it now. It was great because, especially
like the multiplayer, sometimes you'd have the
smaller maps or whatnot. And the maps would always
look different because people blow holes in different
parts of the walls. You'd be like, oh, I can
jump through here and blah, blah, blah. In COD,
it's the same map over and over again. Like Battlefield
had that destruction pinned down. No one else
has done it even since to that level. So, yeah,
if they can do that again on modern technology,
they're already on to a winner, I think. would
like to see a campaign. There is a campaign.
That's what the trailer is. That is campaign.
That's what I read. Yeah. That is campaign trailer.
Pretty sure that's what I'm reading now. The
first trailer of Battlefield 6 debuted earlier
today and revealed the first look, although none
of it was actual gameplay. Battlefield 6's trailer
appeared to demonstrate a look at the game's
campaign. Battlefield 2042 didn't even have a
campaign, so this is an exciting return to form.
It appears that the game will at least partially
take place in the United States as the trailer
showcases an explosive battle in New York City.
The story revolves around a PMC known as Pax
Armata on a mission to destroy NATO and its allies,
suggesting a tense global conflict. And then,
yeah, October release date leaks. No last -gen
release. So, PS4 and, what was that, Xbox One?
Yeah, Xbox One and PS4 are being left behind,
which makes fucking sense. And then, yeah, blah,
blah, blah. Yeah. Battlefield 6 Battle Royale
mode will arrive months after the base game.
Yeah, I saw that article as well. Makes sense,
really. Or does it? Yeah, that's what Warzone
did, wasn't it? Call of Duty came out and then
they released it months and months after. But
yeah, I think it's all up for them. They've got
it in the palm of their hands. This is the time
to bring Battlefield back. You're never going
to have a better time. Because Call of Duty will
regroup and get stronger, I'm sure. Because,
you know, they're only as strong as their fan
base. And if fan bases are no, then they're going
to be like, all right, I mean, we need you. Yeah,
if you're running with sort of no direction because
you haven't really got a whole lot of competition
there and then another game comes out like Battlefield
6 and everyone's jumped ship and heads over there,
then you kind of know you've got all shit. No,
everyone wants to be playing something like this.
Maybe we should be leaning more towards that.
Yeah, Battlefield tried the skins and all that
stuff, didn't they? Giving them Santa hats and
all that crap. Yeah, yeah. Tried all that. That's
not what people want most of the time. There
is a place for skins and stuff, but make them
unique or make ones that make sense. You can
have a John Wick and a Terminator and stuff,
but Beavis and Butt -Head and Homer Simpson and
stuff, it just depends what you want from your
games. COD is... COD is arcade -y, always has
been, and you're going to have a new breed of
people playing it, like coming from Fortnite
to Warzone. When Warzone came out, there'd be
a lot of Fortnite kids that had gone, oh, what's
this new Battle Royale that's popping off, going
over there, and they're going to be the demographic
that are buying all these skins because they're
accustomed to buying that shit on Fortnite. So
it makes sense that COD followed that trend,
especially if their profit margins were spiking
because of it. They're only going to follow the
money. you can have old heads moaning about it
it's not military anymore but if they're making
money they don't give a shit do they yeah but
Battlefield knows what it needs to do I think
and hopefully they do it man because yeah although
I'd rather Battlefield 6 just died straight instantly
before it even came out and they just went psych
it's not really Battlefield 6 it's Battlefront
and then just give me Star Wars yeah imagine
that rip me find out you'll get gameplay End
of the month. And then that's when you decide
whether you do the old pre -order or not. Oh,
my God. Well, they have to include other shit
before you go and give it a pre -order. Because
it's not exactly going to sell out, is it? No.
I'm playing a new game. Oh, I'm excited. Can
I guess? Can we guess? Can you give me clues
on that? Yeah, go on. Give me a clue. I can't
just go off the rip. Okay, that's fine. Do you
want me... Give me a genre. I'll give you a genre.
Okay, dokey. Oh my God, let me fucking... Genre
is... Adventure game. Yeah, adventure game. On
what system? PS5. At what price point? It cost
me £7. But that's not the... The normal price
is about 25 quid. Give me the studio. Critical
hit games. They haven't made any other... They've
made other games, but nothing that would scream
at you. Is there guns? Or is it fantasy? So far,
there isn't any guns. What's the setting? Basically,
cyberpunk -esque world. So I think, I believe
the year is 22 something. So it's far in the
future. There's like, you know how skyscrapers
are like 10 ,000 foot high and then there's a
civilization on the ground level where like how
we are now. And then there's all flying cars
like 500 stories up and then more shit like that
sort of, like a cyberpunk sort of universe. Has
it got ghost in the name? No. I know what game
you're talking about, but I don't know the name.
I think I know what name. You know what game
we're talking about? I think so. Go on. No, but
I don't know the name. What happens? No, I haven't
played it, but I think I've seen the game that
you're talking about on the store. You may have
done. But I don't know anything about it. But
if you tell me the name, I'm almost certain I
know it. Nobody Wants to Die. Yeah. That's not
the game I was thinking of. But I have heard
of that. Yeah. Oh, you don't know the name. No,
there is another Cyberpunk game out. It's something.
I can't remember what it's called. It's not Cyberpunk.
No, I know. It's just the setting is that futuristic.
Yeah. Let me get a fucking... I want an overview.
I want a proper overview so I can give you a
little blurb sort of thing. Let's have a look.
Nobody Wants to Die is an... adventure game in
a first -person perspective in which players
interact with other characters and investigate
crime scenes to gather evidence players can interact
with and question characters with a choice of
multiple dialogue options investigation involves
the use of several tools to locate items and
evidence of a crime scene including a reconstructor
it sounds very boring when you read it like this
do you want me to read you the plot instead The
game is set in New York City in the year 2239,
in a future where technology has developed a
method to provide humans with eternal life by
storing a person's consciousness in a memory
bank and switching them between bodies. The player
assumes the role of James Carra, a detective
in the Mortality Department, who is investigating
a series of murders perpetrated by a serial killer
targeting the elite of the city. Kara is instructed
by his boss to report the latest murder as an
accident. He decides to investigate further.
The game features multiple endings based on player
choices made throughout play. So I don't believe
that it is a very long game. I wouldn't expect
it to be for a 25 quid price point standard and
definitely wouldn't expect it to be for 7 quid.
Graphics are really cool. I think from what I
read before I bought it, there isn't really any
combat, or if there is, it's extremely minimal.
This is a narrative game. Kind of like Detroit
Become Human, but less movable. I just watched
the trailer. It's first person. You're walking
around actually interacting, whereas that game's
more like just... talking and stuff quick time
events really and it's so far it is very fun
everything I read on Reddit was people saying
this game is amazing I just wanted something
that could give me a story something that would
actually be interesting to talk about And so
far, it is pretty interesting. I'm not far in
at all. But so far, what has happened is you're
a detective who was on some kind of medical leave
and you're trying to get back in the game. I'm
120 years old, apparently. Everyone's fucking
immortal. There's like a body auction thing.
You know how now if you... Right now, did you
opt out of the organ donor thing? Don't know.
Did I? Right. So you'll be an organ donor. That's
fine. Unless you opt out of it. It used to be
the other way around. You'd have to opt in to
being an organ donor, but they changed it not
long ago where you have to opt out now. So you
die. I'm still alive. I need your liver. Give
me your liver. It's kind of like that, but with
your body. So when you die... We'll take that.
And then every Friday down the corner shop, we're
going to auction off the bodies to people that
want to bring their loved ones back and put their
consciousness into a different body. It's a bit
dark when you think about it. But that's what
they do. Every Friday or something, they have
a body auction. All different price points, all
that shit. Much like cars and stuff like that,
there's different tiers of bodies. oh, we've
only got the cheap shit out the back or you want
the premium stuff. You want the Henry Cavill.
Yeah, like, what do you want? Cost you. What's
going on? So that hasn't been explained a whole
lot, but I know that that is there in this world.
And yeah, I'm on some form of medical leave trying
to get back into the force as a detective. And
the police chief is like, we've got this. case
but it has to be off the books and they was like
that's the only way i can get you back in is
by keeping it off the record so i'm on this case
and uh yeah someone someone's been been murdered
um basically i end up going going into this tower
and when you go all the way up um these doors
open and there's just a massive cherry tree and
it's the last surviving cherry tree in the uh
there were at a point now where like horses are
extinct and shit like that i know this because
when i'm walking around this room there's like
a statue thing of a horse and someone like my
partner that i'm talking to um she she's referring
to them as like a mythical creature because she's
not old enough to know like have seen a horse
before um so you kind of get the gist that normal
life isn't doesn't exist anymore And yeah, there's
just this big fat geezer that's dangling with
a rope around his neck from the tree, burnt to
a crisp. The tree is on fire. And so far, what
I've done is I've had to investigate what the
fuck has gone on. Determined that there was another
geezer that's forced this guy to essentially
hang himself. And you use the reconstructor.
which is what they were talking about, where
it's like this ring gauntlet thing, and it basically
allows you to almost turn back time and reveal
what's happened, and you have to, like it says,
find clues. So you'll come up with this bar,
and there'll be a gold bit, and if you slide
back to the gold bit, something pops up that
you can step into, and then that's how you discover
another clue. Sounds like the system in Cyberpunk
when you watch the footage back. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Period. Yeah, there you go. Kind of like
that. And yeah, the more clues you find, the
more you piece the puzzle together. And what
I've managed to deduce so far is that at some
point this geyser was standing there and there's
this electrical box on the floor and he's opened
that up, pulled some wiring out. wrapped like
wrapped it around his neck and then walked around
the tree someone's pushed him over and then smashed
his head whoever's done this is like wipe their
prints of it so so in the in the in the what
you're seeing you can't see the the murderer
so to speak so you just see this geezer just
fall over and then just get his head fucking
slammed into the ground and then he runs upstairs
and then you see him get pushed off the banister
and then boom he's hanging From the tree. And
that's basically as far as I've got. And then
you radio into the police chief. And he's like.
It's an accident. Put it down as an accident
bruv. And you're like. It ain't a fucking accident.
He's hanging from a tree. I've seen him get stabbed
up. And then pushed off a banister. And he's
like. No he didn't. He was like. If you. If you.
Like the police are coming. If you don't mop
up this scene. You're fucked. And the geezer's
like. We've been mates for years. And you're
going to do me like this. he's like yeah click
and then it pops up with the option where it's
like either leave the crime scene exactly how
you found it or reverse it to a point of your
choosing and it gives you that obviously I reversed
it I'm not going to do what he's telling me to
do because where's the fun in that so I rewound
it to a point where he's still hanging but the
tree hasn't blown up and is still alive and isn't
on fire and he's not burnt so you'd be able to
identify who this geezer is and yeah that's kind
of as far as I've gotten there's things that
happen in between that but that's more or less
the gist of it and when a dialogue option comes
up every now and then there's a section where
it's got a padlock on it So I kind of have to
work out how you unlock them because there's
been a couple where I've obviously said the right
thing to unlock that. And that's where I get
that Detroit become human side of it where you're
interacting certain ways with dialogue to progress
it. And then it comes up with a little thing.
You know how sometimes it's like a butterfly
or some shit to denote that a change has happened
in the story. It pops up that this has had an
effect on the story or some shit like that. So
it's just an exciting, easy, switch -your -brain
-off type thing, but at the same time pay attention
because it seems to be an interesting story.
I just wanted something where I didn't have to
interact too much. It's a graphic novel in video
game format. Yeah, because I really enjoyed that
with Detroit or Until Dawn or the Anthology series.
where like obviously they're they're more horrors
um but there's something about those types of
games where you're you're not it's an action
game an adventure game but you're you're not
doing everything you're kind of just unlocking
a series of cinematics but that's that's what
you know what you're getting in for not something
like final fantasy where you get a six hour long
movie fucking just to just to progress to a next
mission um So yeah, it's quite enjoyable. I don't
know the play time. I will Google it though because
I like to spoil it for myself. Let's have a look.
Play time. Can't be long. It's not long at all.
Five to eight hours. So you're pretty much done.
Pretty much finished. I've done half an hour
so we're about a third of the way through so
it's almost over. Oh, wild. But shit like that
for seven quid. Yeah, yeah. And it looks really
good. Yeah, I just watched a video of it. It
looks pretty... Yeah, it's a cool game, man.
So that's what I'm... That's what I'm dabbling
into at the moment until the next patch of World
of Warcraft comes out. And then I'm gone. I'm
fucking... I'm fucking gone. What are you looking
at me like for? Nothing. I've just been playing
the same shit I was playing last week. Can you
remember what they are? Rematch? Yep. And...
What was you playing last week? You filthy, filthy
man. Rematch and... Ah, Outlaws. Nope. You stopped
playing Outlaws. I haven't even started playing
it. You haven't started playing Outlaws because
you're too busy playing fucking... You got it.
You got it, man. Well done. What are you fucking
playing? Rematch and... Do you want me to tell
you? Yeah, but I do know what it is. It's Warhammer.
Warhammer Darktide. No. No, Warhammer... Rogue...
Rogue Trader. Correct. That's the one. Warhammer
Rogue Trader. Yep, still plodding along there.
How's that going? What's the playtime for that?
Let's have a look. Oh, stop it. Don't tell me.
Don't ruin it for me. I won't. Warhammer... Go
on, carry on. Yeah, I'm loving it. It was just,
you know, just going along, doing my thing. Same
as I was in Baldur's Gate, making terrible decisions.
I'm sure my character's going to come to a horrible
end. That was on Deal, and I was having a look
at that, and it looks quite cool. Yeah, I love
it. Obviously not my thing, but it does look
quite cool. Wow. I've made a deal with a fucking
chaos god, obviously, because I'm a sicko. Yep.
Standard. That is your... I'm lying to the inquisitors
of the fucking Lord Emperor himself. I'm fucking...
I went to the bows of my ship and just basically
ordered everyone to just... We're starving. All
right, less food. We're running out of oxygen
in here. We haven't got enough purified air.
Less oxygen. Basically, the geysers are running.
I'm like, what are you doing on my ship? What's
this oxygen problem? He's like, oh, well, we
use three cycles. I was like, make it one. Why
are you doing this? Because it's fun, isn't it,
to be an arsehole? I'm not an arsehole. The way
I see it, and I've said this before, I'm a really
nice guy. I'll help old ladies across the road.
I'm very polite. I say, I hope you have a wonderful
day to people in the street once, you know, we've
conversed or in the shops. So if I can't be a
fucking horrible cunt in a video game, then I
never will be. So I may as well make a most of
it. Yeah, that's true. And it's hard, isn't it?
Because the trouble is with Alcat games, which
is the ones that make the Baldur's Gate kind
of likes, they're probably like the leading pioneers
of... the CRPG, other than Baldur's Gate being,
like, the standout AAA version. But they're the
ones that consistently pump stuff out. They have,
like... They have, like... You'll have, like,
three options in the game. So you'll have, like,
dogmatic, ironclad, and, like, heretical. Obviously,
there's other options you can pick, but if you
start down one of them paths, you kind of want
to go all in on one of them paths, because...
What is that? It's like a dialogue choice. So
it could be like, what do you want to do with
this person? You could be like dogmatic. You're
for the emperor, so take his food. Rage yourself
up. Or you could be like a heretical and just
be like, let the dogs eat him. Whatever. You
know what I mean? It's like that. So you kind
of want to pick a path and stick with it because
once you get to a certain point in these games,
The leveling up system always splits and you'll
get into an ascension where whatever you've picked,
whatever your lineage is, if you're a heretical
or a bad guy, in D &D terms it would be neutral
good or lawful good or just chaotic evil. Once
you've picked one of these paths, you will ascend
and you'll be able to choose certain things,
but you have to have enough of a rank in this.
in this thing so yeah just kind of worth sticking
with it and you know there's definitely been
some options where i'm like i'm not comfortable
picking the heretical um option here but i've
kind of you know i've chosen my path and early
on like pretty much at the beginning of the game
it kind of forced me to make a decision whether
i wanted to make a deal with a fucking chaos
god so i was like well if i'm gonna do that then
I've kind of sealed my own fate, haven't I? So,
yeah. Bit of a cunt. What's the most controversial
thing you've done so far? What's the worst thing
you've done so far? It's Warhammer, bro. There's
been a lot of bad shit. I'm God. You've died
and you've come to the pearly gates. And you
want in. And I've got a book here. I've got a
list here of all the shit that you've done. And
I'm picking through trying to find the worst
thing that you've done. Any excuse to not let
you into my house. What the fuck's... Out of
that list, what's a couple of things that I'm
going to pull out of there? Well, I'm just going
to say one because I don't think you need more
than the one. I'm already not liking this. Go
on. Well, I wouldn't. I'm worried if you're nervous.
No, it's not nervous. Just when you say it out
loud, doesn't it? It sounds pretty bad. Go on.
I left an entire planet to die for the people.
What do you mean? What do you mean? I had the
option that basically this whole planet is just,
it's fucked. Yeah. The planet gets invaded. And
then like the good version is, you know. We can
put them all out there in misery, man, and basically
nuke them. They have to die. Yeah, I think you
can save some people, but I said I'm not going
to bother saving anyone. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you
can basically nuke them in a roundabout way,
like destroy everyone, because they're getting
taken over, so they're just going to be tormented
souls. They're going to be fucking used at these
fucking aliens, fucking whim, essentially, used
as tools. Yeah, I was just like, that's a waste
of resources. The numbers don't add up here.
Yeah, the numbers are numbering. I've got one
nuclear missile. Yeah. I've got hundreds, but
I don't want to spend one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, you have to align with some fucking satellite
thing and then blow up this. It's literally just
a dialogue choice, but there was a lot of unhappy
people aboard my ship. It was just like, whoa,
what do you mean? It was just like, yeah. We're
going to leave him. I'm off to bed. So you went,
what's your character? Have you got a name? Yeah.
What's the name? Corvus Crow. Corvus Crow. Mr.
Mr. Crow. We've been running the numbers. We've
done what you asked and we've, we've, we've,
we've cut down the, the oxygen purification cycle
from three down to one. Yep. Just FYI, everyone's
now at a level where they're very dangerously
close to death. Yeah, for sure. I'm just letting
you know that. We've done an inventory take,
a stock take. We've got 100 nukes. Realistically,
we only need maybe like 70 of these nukes. The
planet that's below us, any chance of us using
one to sort of... do some lesser of evil and
put these lot out of their misery. It's just
one. We've got plenty of spare. Plenty of spare.
Since we cut down the oxygen and now everyone's
just eating bacon rashers, we've got a surplus.
Let them burn. Let them burn. Don't put them
out of their misery. Okay. Put the nuke back.
Put it back. Yeah, but I say, it's just one of
the emotions. I don't... particularly want to
pick, but because I've already made the deal
with a god, I'm kind of like, you know, I'm sticking
true to... The thing is, they're already going
to... They're going to die anyway. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. So why bother wasting your time? You see?
Yeah, no, I'll probably be with you because that's
a lot of effort. You go, I've got to do this.
And are you in charge of that planet? Are you
in charge of those people? I'm in charge of the
spaceship. The spaceship. I was down there doing
some business. Yeah. Planet got invaded. I fought
my way off it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know.
You're in a corner shop and you've picked up
a Lucozade Sport and a packet of Quavers and
you've... Cadbury's Chocolate Bar, why not? Marvellous
creations. And you've purchased these items.
You're sweet. You have no ties to this person
whatsoever. You're in some random... You're in
North Greenwich. Nice. It's got no fucking...
No connections with us whatsoever. And you've
paid for your items and as you're about to leave,
Someone's petrol bombed the place. Not your problem.
As far as we're concerned, you've gone in there
for one thing, well, three things, technically.
Food. Food. Yum. Three items of food and drink.
And you have purchased said items and then left
the store. So the fact that someone's come in
and petrol bombed the place, that's not your
problem. Shopkeepers burning alive. Again, it's
not your problem. You could. Pour the Lucozade
Sport over him and put him out. But then why
waste the Lucozade Sport? Firsty, man. Firsty.
You could buy another one after, but at the same
time, that's an inconvenience because now the
shop's just burnt down. So where am I going to
get another one? I'm going to have to go to another
shop. And what if it happens again? There's a
problem here. There might be a pattern unveiling.
So I'm with you. Really, it's not your business.
It's not my business. It's not your business.
I'm trying to make it my business. Yeah. Who's
trying to make it your business? Well, everyone
on the ship's got something to say. But why have
they got something to say? I'm a big deal. But
you're the captain. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not the
captain. I'm the rogue trader, bro. So why can't
you deal with these lot? I did deal with it.
I said to them, literally, someone... I came
back up from that bottom of the deck and then
I went and spoke to my master of arms and I explained
to her the situation down there. I said, you've
let that get out of hand. And she said, I have.
I'm sorry. Yeah. Please punish me accordingly.
So how did that punishment go? There was many
options. One was like 100 whips. Yeah. Boring.
Yeah, there's loads of different stuff. I just
took the nice version, which genuinely was. Yeah.
And I said, you punish yourself accordingly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do what you need to do.
She said she was going to go and flail herself
in the flailing chamber. whatever that is yeah
so i said best of luck and then i said and i
said see you in my quarters because she she said
she saw a scar on my neck and she was attracted
to it yeah and we had relations relations yeah
and then i think after that i like that from
a from a leadership point of view where you come
upstairs and you go you've let that get our hand
You know what I mean? Everyone's pissed off because
you as the leader have refused to do what is
the lesser of two evils. And I love that you
just palm that off to someone, a delegate, and
go, you've done that, now fix it. Well, I've
already fixed it. One cycle of air purification.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No food rations. Yeah. Can
we bring this down to a 0 .5? Yeah. Because we
will if we can. Well, the problem is, after I've
done that, it come up saying that the lower sections
of the ship is now so disgusting and putrid and
oozy that it's kind of like a festering ooze
of disgust. So I've actually got some buffs in
ship combat where it doesn't burn so much anymore.
And if I get invaded by chaos, the putrid scum.
will help defend the ship. What do you mean help
defend the ship as in repel everything? Yeah,
they're fucking morphing into fucking chaotic
goo monsters. I came back up with a rash. Oh,
the actual crew? Yeah. I came back up with a
rash that I had to deal with. They come up saying,
you've caught a rash from being in the pestilence
for so long. Find a way to deal with your rash
or take minus 10 dodge fucking... accuracy and
something else forever. So you've allowed your
ship to get into such a state that pestilence...
No, no, no. You need to understand that a rogue
trader void ship is not a fucking ship. Let me
Google it. Google what a fucking void ship, rogue
trader void ship looks like, bro. It is a fucking
planet itself. It has places you would never
even visit. Oh, that's big. Yeah, yeah. That
is big. Let's ask Google. That's a big old ship.
What is the average crew size on a Rogue Traders
Void ship? That is a big old ship. Jesus. Yeah,
no, it's quite... Big old cannons on the front
of it. Oh, it's powerful, bro. So they have a
crew of 26 ,000. That's just the crew. But they
have, like, entire... that live below and it
just gets worse and worse as you go down the
decks you're in charge of all of that no no I
just deal with the main stuff but I had a problem
arise and I was like Mr Road Trader sir don't
you go down there and deal with it I was like
get out of my way I need to see to my people
yeah but you are you are the big cheese I'm the
cheese and I went down there holding my nose
and ugh filth it is bad man it is bad there's
like there's people I found I walked into a room
filth it is filth I walked into a room and there's
loads of people turned around startled they were
like ah and I caught them fucking playing around
with guns and that and they were like oh you're
the rogue trader what are you doing here and
I was like that's fucking right I am the rogue
trader what are you doing and they were like
oh just you know playing with guns and that you
shouldn't have guns But I like it. So now basically
just give these thugs weapons and just allowed
them to rule that zone. Because I thought, good
ingenuity on your behalf. Sourcing weapons. You
know, well done. They're the kind of people I
need. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Savages. Are you not
worried about them forming a mutiny? No, because
it's a long way to the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I've got a chaos god on my side. So, you
know, if anything's about to go wrong, I'll just
go, oh, chaos god, save me. I don't know if that's
how it'll go, but... So, pestilence has birthed
in the lower bowels of your void ship. Yeah,
it's disgusting. There's, like, vats of yellow
liquid and all sorts. It's gross, man. Is anyone
dealing with this, or...? Yeah, I've got a guy
down there. He's trying his best. He's got a
lot to deal with. He's got a lot to deal with.
He's got a lot going on. There's a 25 ,000 person
crew here. And I've sent one bloke into the pestilence
to try and just clean it up. The janitor. It's
grim down there, man. They're burning people
alive because they smell and that. It's mental.
Yeah. There's trains running down there. Everywhere
you walk, people are trying to kill themselves.
It's crazy. What, really? Yeah, yeah. They're
trying to jump off a fucking, jump onto train
tracks. Someone jumped into a fan. Why don't
they just go up? You can't just go up. It doesn't
work like that. Well, I don't know. I've been
born into these luxuries. Well, you've managed
to fucking go down. Yeah, because I'm allowed.
I've run this shit. Is there a lift? So there's
a lift. Yeah. Ding! Good luck getting up there,
mate. How does that work, though? Who's watching
the lift? Many, many guards. Armed response units.
So it's a prison? Essentially, yeah. You wouldn't
want to live down there. The reality is, in like...
So why bother having that sort of class system?
Because what good can come from that very bottom
floor? Because... Why not bring them all up so
that they can be a bit better? Sacrifices must
be made. Some of them are getting eaten, I'm
sure. It's a bad... You know how dark Warhammer
is. Yeah. When you play a game like this, you
realise it is much darker than you really thought
it was. It is fucking disgusting. There's people
that have fought this shit, wrote it down, and
then someone else has made a game of it and then
made their own spin on stuff, and you're like...
Have you had these thoughts, you maniac? Let
me press that option. Yeah, yeah. Most of the
time it's just to see what happens. You're like,
surely not. Oh, yeah, you did. It's gross, man.
It's disgusting. But yeah, much like my boy Rain
Dolo, I'm sure I'm coming to a terrible end.
But Rain Dolo done it for sacrifice. I feel like
Corvus is... In my head, Corvus... Because you
have to choose your backstory and all that stuff.
So I went, oh, he was born on a death world,
which is a horrible place. Yada, yada, yada.
Born on a death world. Yeah, I don't know what
a death world is, but they're not very nice places.
He was born on one. He was a smuggler. Then he
become a... What do you want to call it? A crime
lord, essentially. He was tortured at some point.
You have to give yourself positive and negative
traits and they give you different abilities
and stuff. So, yeah, I'm... you know i'm a bit
of a bit of a nasty geezer but i had like a heart
i had a code that i lived by and then yeah when
i made this like deal with this day i kind of
feel like he's been corrupted a bit now so he's
not really himself anymore anyway so these decisions
aren't really his own But what's interesting
is, do you know what Corvus... So you're just
blowing that off like that. So you're just going,
well, it's not me. Well, it ain't me doing it.
It's Corvus, isn't it? Yeah, but you're defending
Corvus by saying, well, it's not him, is it?
He's obviously been corrupted by something. Yeah,
because he... So this is not him. Because he
has. My Corvus... that I created in my own brain.
Yeah. He was like more of a Han Solo. You're
like a naughty smuggler. He'd do stuff for a
few credits here and there. I'm a naughty smuggler.
Yeah, you know, he'd do a bit of arms dealing,
no arm done. But, you know, when he became, when
he got corrupted by his thing, now he's doing
things that, whoa, that's a bit unlike you. I
love that you've come up with this random character
and have that backstory and then, and then have
gone so deep into it as, He's now corrupted and
the character that you created has been taken
over, governed by your own actions. I love these
games, man, because I get so into it. I make
my own characters and then they'll live forever
in my memory. So can you go down... What happens
when you go down into the pestilence? What do
you mean? Do you start... Well, you get a rash.
I got a rash. This time I got a rash, yeah. I
don't normally go down there. It's only because,
like, I basically had some fucking deaf cultist
woman go, yeah, you're fucking, you're such and
such. It's just these people. I was flying in
the void ship. I got interrupted out of the galaxy
map saying, sorry, fucking such and such wants
to have a word with you. I'm like, who is disturbing
me? You know, I'm fucking, I'm... I'm playing
with my toys. I'm on my throne. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The throne just turns as well, like, on a rotor.
So sick. And then these fucking deaf cultists
just walk in, prisoners fucking bound by their
hands, walking in a line. As they're walking
down the fucking carpet leading towards me, either
side of them, we've got these deaf cultist women
fucking spinning around with swords in their
hands, cutting them. There's just blood squirting
everywhere. I was like, oh, you're messing the
floor up for stars. And then she was like, oh.
you're the rogue trader, I want to worship you
and be your shadow, I was like, you're fucked,
she's hard as fuck, she's the best character
ever, I didn't realise she was a DLC character
that I bought, but, nevertheless, so she was
like, yeah, I'm death cult, blah, blah, blah,
I'll be your shadow, and then you get to have
her as your party member, I was like, yeah, alright.
And she was like, oh, yeah, you want to see the
spider temple that we come from? It's in the
bottom of the ship. You've got to find it. So
that's why I went down there to have a little
look. There's a fucking spider temple. Yeah,
there's a whole temple dedicated to fucking...
This is mental. Like I say, the game... I listened
to a podcast on the way here about Warhammer
lore. It's just mental. As I say, I can't believe
people come up with this shit. It's disgusting.
It's fascinating, but disgusting. Whenever I
think of Warhammer, one of the only things that
springs... One of the things, sorry, that springs
to mind... straight away is the the is the the
baby angels yeah those things the fetuses that
are angels they're supposed to represent like
the um the cherubs of like yeah christ but they're
just dead babies that have been I don't know
if they're dead or they've been like taken from
still mothers or something. I don't know. It's
a weird thing. Stillborns with fucking wings
that can fly around and just run errands. It's
like the servitors. You get someone and you're
like, oh, fucking, you're useless. Turn him into
a servitor. Yeah. And then you're just someone
that is like moulded into a door and you just,
the rest of eternity, you just, you're still
conscious of what you're doing but you can't
do anything. Your sole purpose is just to open
this door. Yeah. I work with people like that.
Honestly, it's fucking wild. Imagine that. Imagine
that. Your whole life you've got up to this point,
you're finally on the rogue trader. I know servers
aren't on the rogue trader, but you're... Where's
a server? Where are they located? Everywhere.
Everywhere. All right, fine. Fuck it. They'll
be on the rogue trader. They've met you, Mr.
Crow. And you go... You don't get to call me
that. Okay, sorry. Rogue trader. Boss. Rogue
trader's fine. But imagine you turn around and
you go, you are so fucking useless. This is your
job. And you go, oh God, at least I'm getting
a job. What is the job? Wipe my ass. That is
your job. You go in that toilet. You stay there.
And every now and then, I might come in and have
a shit. And when I do, you need to wipe it. That
is it. Three wipes minimum, we'll see how the
day goes and if it gets progressively worse.
If it's a ghost wipe, we go two. You understand
the rules, I've laid the foundations, now you
fucking build upon them. Stay there. Mental situation.
That sounds like a good job for someone in Warhammer,
to be honest. It does to me. You've got to be
grateful for that. Yeah. Oh, what job did you
get, Darren? Oh, I've got to fucking... I've
got to scrape the guts off of the floor and the
pestilence level. Oh, what did you get? I've
just got to wipe someone's arse every now and
then. That'd be a good job. It's a messed up
world, man. So what do you do, though? What do
you mean? What are you doing? Just being a nuisance.
Yeah. What do you mean? What's the purpose of
the game? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the end goal
here? What the fuck are we supposed to be doing
here? So, the game, you choose your character
and your background, yadda, yadda, yadda, create
them, and then the game starts that you're on
a massive void ship, and it's like, oh, yeah,
finally, we tracked you down, yadda, yadda. You're
a long -lost descendant of the Rogue Trader,
which is, I can't remember her name, but she
is the Rogue Trader, essentially, and then something
terrible happens, and she dies, and then... you're
basically just thrust into the rogue trader spotlight
so you have to continue what she was already
doing so you go down to this planet and do this
and that and you rogue trader is essentially
just they're like they've got the keys to the
kingdom and you can go around and basically do
what you want you don't really have to answer
to anyone which is you know a rarity in this
universe there's other rogue traders but not
many of them um and you're you basically get
to chart uncharted worlds and solar systems and
stuff and just make them your own. You just ownership
over them. A rogue trader is a human who has
been licensed by the Imperium to travel freely
across the galaxy and trade with aliens. You
don't have to like... So you don't have to...
You can go to a... I've met people to trade with
and stuff. You don't have to buy stuff off them.
If you've got enough... I can't remember what
they call it, like respect or whatever. You just
get to take. Yeah, yeah. I want that. And they
go, all right. You go, there's nothing you can
do. It's not like you... Because I'm going to
die anyway. I was going to fingers being like,
I don't want to spend that on the medikits because
I've only got 20. No, no, you don't spend. You
just take. Interestingly, do you know what Corvus
means? No. Crow. So my name is... So your name
is Crow Crow. Crow Crow, basically. Oh, Crow
Crow's coming. Crow Crow, yeah. There was a question
on Reddit and it said, why are rogue traders
called rogue traders? Someone said they absolutely
are traders in part at least. What makes a rogue
trader a rogue trader is their access to the
warranty of trade, which is the document they
and their lineage has at some point been granted
to essentially freely roam, trade and explore.
They're very much pulling on the sort of explorer
slash adventurer trope. and exist as a somewhat
unique perspective on the imperial regime, given
their somewhat free status within it. They're
not solely traders, certainly, and could be likened
to sort of conquistador types, or something of
that sort. The rogue part of it doesn't necessarily
refer to their roguish characteristics, though
those are occasionally there too, but rather
their considerable autonomy within the imperium.
They are, for all intents and purposes, independent
actors to that degree, free to raise their own
forces and pursue their own campaigns slash interests
more than most within the Imperium. So within
a world where it's just absolute chaos and war
and everyone's like heresy, they're free. Yeah,
basically, my last thing I did before turning
it off last night was... So they don't answer
to anyone? They answer to, like... The Imperium?
Yeah, I think maybe, like, the head of the Inquisitorial
or, you know, the God Emperor himself, but he
doesn't talk, obviously. But, yeah, I don't really
know. But the last thing I did before I turned
it off was we escaped that system. And what I
love about these games is your decisions matter.
So when you get to the first system... When you
first start the game, there's loads of planets
or ships or stuff you can go and explore. But
when you go to these places, depending if you
go to them first or last or second, different
things will happen. And it will say, this has
happened because you arrived here later. If you'd
got here earlier, it doesn't say this, but if
you'd got here earlier, it would have been completely
different. So, you know, there might be... a
war going on but because you arrive so late everyone's
dead and it's gonna make it harder for you to
fight your way through but if you get there early
you can back them up in this fucking cakewalk
you know i mean so that's really cool but yeah
the last thing i did we escaped that system where
that planet got you know taken over by whatever
it was chaos and um went into a new system going
down to a planet where another rogue trader is
who i've got a liaison with and I had the option
of announcing my arrival as a rogue trader. I'm
arriving. Big deal. Parties and all that. Or
going in incognito under the radar. Obviously,
I'm Big Balls Corvus, aren't I? So I was like,
I'm fucking arriving, man. Here I come. I land
on the planet. Someone made an attempt on my
life. So I fucking murdered everybody. Yeah.
And then I saved it. So I don't know what's going
to happen now. Someone tried to assassinate you?
Yeah. How did they try to assassinate you? Well,
they come on and surprise, motherfucker, and
then they all start shooting at me. And you survived
it, obviously. Yeah, man, me and my motley crew,
we don't fuck about, bro. Got some weird alien
navigator. You have to build up your crew as
well, you know. I've got a navigator they're
called. They have like a fucking third eye, which
stays shut because if it ever opens, you just
die. But they use it to navigate the warp whenever
they're, they basically drive your shit. She's
out with me. She's got long arms, alien fucking
looking thing. I think she wants it the way she's
going on. No, there's options. You know, she's
been like, you can be like, oh. I know people
look at you differently, but I like looking.
I was like, no, no, no. There's no aliens here.
Come on. You know, fuck it. You don't want to
shag the aliens? Maybe. I don't know. We'll see
how she goes. But at the moment, she's just scary.
Yeah. She's got three eyes. What is it called?
What? Do you know what that alien's called? I
just want to see it. No, it's not. It's humanoid,
but she's got really long arms and long fingers.
If I type in alien navigator rogue trader, would
I be able to come up with something? Yeah, just
put in navigator rogue trader or something. The
bird, I can't remember what her name is now.
Oh. Yeah, but what's really cool that I really
appreciated was at the end of that planet that
I was on, a boss arrived just as we were about
to escape. You made her sound disgusting. She's
just a normal... Well... Relatively normal looking,
just really tall. Really long fingers, really
long arms, like a spider. Yeah, those fingers
are long. There shouldn't be that many bends.
Yeah, it's weird. It's hard to explain. She ain't
as normal as she looks. That would wrap around.
You know what I mean? That's wrapping round.
And then it's the third Iron Man. If that opens,
we're all in trouble. But yeah, there's a bit
at the end of the planet that ended up getting
destroyed. We're about to get off and then the
fucking boss basically turns up. But it's a fucking...
It's a Space Marine, but a Chaos Space Marine.
But you don't really see Space Marines other
than with other Space Marines. So when you see
one come to attack you... Mate, they're fucking
huge, bro. They're huge. I just thought Space
Marines were just like, you know, they're big,
but... When you see them next to me on the game,
it's intimidating, man. So you've got to fight
a Chaos Space Marine. Yeah, I fought a Chaos
Space Marine, yeah. What, and you won? I fucked
him up, man. Yeah, it's pretty wild. They're
cool as fuck, but yeah. Because Chaos Space Marines
are the ones that turned, aren't they? Yeah,
yeah. Yeah, they're the naughty ones. yeah yeah
I look forward to hearing more about it to be
fair I look forward to playing it it's great
it's fantastic very interesting more pestilence
to come more pestilence sweet fucking we're off
then yeah on to the patron yeah boy patron alright
see you later everyone ooroo ooroo