We need to get this out of the way so I can run.
Yeah. Walk before you can run. Got to do a little
10K, nothing crazy. Just get this bit out of
the way where we talk about games and all the
other stuff that we're going to do. Bank holiday
weekend. It's a three -day weekend. Comic -Con,
D &D, gaming. That's my three splits. We've got
Comic -Con tomorrow. That's going to be fantastic.
I was at New Cross today and we drove past a
bus stop and there was a geezer from Halo sat
at the bus stop. And I was like, that's really
out of place because no one else is dressed up.
And I was like, why the fuck are they there?
And then I realised Comic -Con starts today.
So that's obviously why they were there. And
yeah, I'm very excited. Very, very, very, very
excited. Going to get there for nine o 'clock,
early doors, bosh, straight in, walk around,
see the shit, buy some shit, go home. It's great.
I'm excited for you, man. It's going to be a
cracking time. And then we've got... On the Sunday.
Oh, my God. I know. I've got to run a half marathon
before that. Oh, God. So, I'll be fine, fuelled
up, ready for kebabs or whatever the fuck we
order from... From wherever. I'll be sitting
down as much as possible. Yeah. Decent. Yeah.
And that's that. That's that. We've been playing
the same shit. We have. We can't talk about it
yet. Why? Because we'll wait until near the end.
Because then people say, if you haven't played
it, we can just turn off now. If we talk about
it now, people are going to jump in and people
are going to stop talking about it. That was
kind of my whole thing. Yeah, I know. I haven't
really got much else to say. We're going to have
to. Nah. I can talk about FIFA. Go on. I finished
my second season. First season in the Premier
League. Yeah. Finished fourth. Who was you playing
as? Portsmouth. Portsmouth. Finished fourth.
First season in the Premier, you finished fourth.
Uh -huh. It's not bad. It was fucking amazing,
to be honest with you. It was very good. Amazing.
So, does that mean that you then qualified for...
Go on. You can do it. Europe. Champions League.
Correct. There we go. Bang. Correct. I'm learning.
I was like sixth for a lot of it and then a couple
of results went my way and I looked at the table
and I was fourth and I was like, oh shit, I might
sneak in the Champions League here. And I did.
Portsmouth in the Champions League. Portsmouth
in the champ. Yeah, that's quite something. Yeah,
well, bear in mind I had like eight million when
I come up with something to spend. Not a lot.
Now we've qualified for Champions League. It
is 90 million. Go and spend it how you please.
Is that what they give you if you qualify for
that? They got a lot more than that. But what
they distribute as a transfer budget is obviously
not going to give you all of them. That's like
a prize money for just getting fourth. Yeah,
I've got a couple of young lads coming through.
Reggie Welch. Oh, he's like 16. He is a bags
man. Yeah. He is bagging. Yeah. He is bagging.
Reggie Welch. Reggie Welch, yeah. He's going
to be... That's a horrible last name. Welch.
Yeah, it's like that hooker girl, isn't it? It
sounds like... Have you ever seen someone throw
up a ball of spinach? No. It sounds like what
that looks like. Welch. Okay. Oh, he's just throwing
up some fucking Welch. I don't care what he does
in his spare time. He bags goals. He bags goals.
Goals go in because of him. Well, I've had a
South Korean up front for... the first two seasons.
He's been all right, but when he's been injured,
this little young lad's come in and he's bagging.
He reminds me of a young Michael Owen, if you
remember him. Yeah, I've just sent some scouts,
man. I've got a six foot four, 16 -year -old
Brazilian breaking through. Fucking hell. He's
massive. He's fucking massive. I can't remember
what his name was, something really cool. Well,
he's now playing for Portsmouth. It's Pompey,
yeah. They don't start, so they just come on
when they need to. 6 '4", Brazilian, 16 -year
-old. Fucking hell. He's not even finished growing.
He's a unit, mate. So that's my season done.
I'm excited to step into the transfer market
and see what sort of players I can acquire. but
I turn it off before I'll ever think about it.
Because, you know, you can convert this to real
life stuff. Who do I like in real life? Yeah,
I need to work on this. Can't just make hasty
decisions. There's a lot riding on this. Oh,
yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm quite happy with the
squad as it is, but we're going to be competing
against the best of the best now. You know what
I mean? I managed to sneak a 1 -0 against City.
Yeah. But early on in the season, I got battered
by Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool. They were all
just schooling me. All over you. Yeah. But now
you've got that big boy budget. Well, that's
not really a big boy budget though, is it? 90
million. Not in this day and age. Which is mental,
isn't it? When you think about it. That's not
huge. I remember when the record signings were
like two, three mil. And it was like, oh, world
record signings. I think it was Rio Ferdinand
went to Leeds. I think it was like 30 million
or something he went for. That was mental money,
bro. I wonder if I can ask the AI. What is the
world record football signing? Neymar, 200 mil.
The world record for a football, soccer, signing
is Neymar's transfer from Barcelona to Paris
Saint -Germain, PSG, in 2017. The transfer fee
for Neymar was 222 million euros, 200 million
pounds. That's mental, isn't it? 200 million
pounds. But that was nearly 10 years ago. That's
eight years ago that happened. And that still
hasn't been broken? It hasn't been broken. That's
a hefty fucking... Was he that good? Well, Neymar,
yeah, he's an unbelievable player. The thing
is, right, you've got players like Declan Rice
now at Arsenal. They didn't win nothing. I believe
that he could still step into any team in the
world. I think he could go Real Madrid. I think
he could go Barcelona. And you've got Trent Alexander
-Arnold. You know who he is. Liverpool. Liverpool.
Born and bred. Played there for his whole career.
20 years he's been there. He's only 26 or whatever.
27. He's leaving, isn't he? Yeah. But he's going
to Real Madrid on a free. But... And it just
got me thinking. Like... Barcelona have got a
young lad coming through now. Laminia Mal. You
heard of him? Mm -hmm. Came on in the Euros.
I remember. And it was like, I thought, oh, it's
all just, you know, he scored a good goal, but
it's just, you know, here's what it is, 16. Yeah.
Probably just fade into... I didn't even realise
you could play at 16, if I'm honest. I didn't
know that was a thing you could do. I'm pretty
sure you can play when you're 15. I think you
can play whenever, as long as you're good enough.
Because when they won, I thought, he's going
to go and do some illegal shit. That's what's
going to happen there. But he come through and,
yeah, he's kept it going. And I watched him play
the other day and I was like, oh, no, he is actually
the real deal. He is something ridiculous. He's
still 16 or whatever he is now. And it got me
thinking, Barcelona and Real Madrid fans are
the only fans in world football that can have
a young talent come through and be like, sick,
we've got him for 20 years. Because there's not
another team in the world that Real Madrid and
Barcelona can't attract players from. Do you
reckon, yeah? 100%. We've got Trent Alexander
-Arnold. He's a born and bred Liverpool fan.
He's won all the trophies with Liverpool. He
could go down as a Steven Gerrard club legend
at Liverpool, but he's chose to go Real Madrid
because he's Real Madrid. It doesn't matter.
Yeah, if they call you up, you go home. It's
always Real Madrid or Barcelona. They're the
only two clubs that people are just like, oh,
but it's them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're the
only fans that get that luxury. Like when Declan
Rice came through, like, oh, he's amazing, but
he's going to go. you just know he's going to
go. Whether it be Arsenal, Real Madrid, Barcelona,
whatever it might be. When he was at West Ham.
How long was he at West Ham for? He was there
for a while though, wasn't he? Yeah, he was there
for years when he was young. He joined our academy
when he was probably, I don't know, 10, 11, I
don't know, something like that. Because that's
one of the key things, isn't it? Because I've
been watching the new season of Welcome to Wrexham.
Obviously they're now, it's very cool because
I've followed them quite a lot through. through
the season hoping that they would get promotion,
which obviously they have now in the championship.
So it's cool to watch this season on the documentary
because it's just loads of people saying, oh,
will we get back to back to back, blah, blah,
blah. And you're like, you fucking do. So it's
nice to see it. But one of the big things they
talk about on the last episode is building their
academy. is one of the main focal points of their
spending for heading into the championship is
they need to bump up their academy because that's
where a lot of their talent comes through. And
I didn't realise that was a thing, if I'm honest.
I thought it was just, here's a load of money,
go and buy some decent players. I've never actually
thought, where the fuck do the players come from?
Where are they made? Just pick them up off the
street. Academies are massive. Yeah, like West
Ham, that's one of our nicknames, the Academy
of Football. Because we produce players, Frank
Lampard, Jermaine Defoe, Michael Carrick, Joe
Cole, Glenn Johnson. John Terry even played for
us when he was young. We've produced all these
world -class, Rio Ferdinand, all these world
-class players that have gone on to do amazing
things. And they all come from your youth team.
But the youth team is huge, especially for smaller
clubs. For example... say I don't know just pick
a team out of nothing Stevenage for argument's
sake they produce in there through their youth
team their catchment area they're going out scouting
like Sunday League football and youth football
and stuff like that they'll sign a young lad
he plays he's really good and then I don't know
say someone like fucking Tottenham come in and
they're looking at him alright well Give us a
couple of mil. Imagine Stevenage getting a few
million pounds for a player. That's from their
academy. You know what I mean? And that's what...
The youth football is what makes a lot of clubs
keep running because their players get... Like
a money -making thing. You either get a decent
player in your club or you get an expensive player
that you can sell off. Exactly. So it's like
a balancing act. So you'd be like, all right,
I don't want to sell this kid, but if we sell
him, we can fucking go out and buy another player
and we can play these... pay these players wages
for the next five years because they're only
on fucking 800 quid a week or whatever. You know
what I mean? We can improve the youth facilities.
Like youth teams in football is huge. And yeah,
we used to have one of the best ones. Unfortunately,
not so much nowadays. But yeah. Do you deal with
much of that in Football Manager? Yeah, yeah.
All of it. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Youth academies
and... And on FIFA, you send scouts out looking
for youth players and then you can sign them.
I've got like 14 -year -olds in my academy. I
can't sign them to the first team until they're
16. But they're playing like youth football,
so you get to keep an eye on their ratings and
their stats going up and if their pace is going
up or they're shooting, passing, yadda yadda.
And they get taller and stuff. I hope that fucking
Brazilian don't get any taller. Huge cunt. Fuck
you now. Jesus Christ. 7 foot 17. Yeah, if he
keeps growing, the league is in trouble. But
yeah, it's part of the fun, man, because at the
end of every season on Football Manager, there's
a certain date where you get a message from your
assistant manager and he says, here's the most
recent influx of youth prospects to the team.
And then you can go through your youth players
and be like, he looks good. He looks like he
could. Because obviously you're looking at the
stats from, the stats are shocking, but if they're,
say he's finishing, he's like 12 out of 20 on
Football Manager when he's... 14 well that number's
just going to go up so you think by the time
he's fucking 20 in six years that finishing from
12 could be 20 so you look at them stats and
think well them ones are going to go up so you
focus on his training to be a striker do you
know what I mean it's great that's the part of
the fun you nurture these players into professional
athletes and then they go on and they're amazing
and they're great and then you sell them because
you need the money and they score against you
in the Champions League final Does that happen?
Of course it does. Of course it does. And that's
the fun of it. You're like, oh. Or you do that
and you nurture a player and you sell him on
because you need the money and then you win something.
Your club comes into money. You get to buy him
back and bring him home like a homecoming. Welcome
back, son. Does that happen often? Buying a player
back after selling him? In real football? Yeah.
Yeah, it has happened a lot. Yeah, it has happened.
We've had loads of players back. We had Joe Cole
back. That must be so fucking annoying though.
It's almost like pawning. Yeah, they have their
good years with the other club and then you're
like, oh, come on then. Come back. Have your
last payday. Yeah, yeah. Just from the start.
I think Declan Wise will come back one day. You
reckon, yeah? Yeah, when he's like 35, I think
he might finish his career at West Ham. When
he's done his time, yeah. When he finishes his
career at West Ham, maybe. Because he's actually
a Chelsea fan, Declan Wise, because he was at
Chelsea's academy, got released because they
said he wasn't good enough. Yeah, yeah. Joined
West Ham's academy. Imagine that. And now look
at him. Yeah, yeah. One of the world's best.
He could easily fit in Real Madrid's centre midfielder.
He's a geezer. The GOAT, for me. He's the only
West Ham captain I've ever seen lift a trophy.
Probably ever will be as well. Never mind, Dave.
Never mind. This is a gaming podcast, by the
way, not football. It was about FIFA. Kind of,
yeah. It was, I guess. I know. There'll be plenty
of people that will like that conversation. What
else have I been up to? Fuck all. No, I've been
playing PlayStation, man. What else have I been
playing is what I'm after. I've played that that
shan't be named. It must have been entirely Expedition
33. Entirely. Did you see their messages on Patreon
the other day? Yeah, and I saw you shutting them
down because you didn't want to hear anything.
I said, I'm not going to bother reading these
then. If I went in there and you two had already
been chatting, I'd have been like, ah! Yeah,
no, yeah, I can't. I can't help it. What's that?
Yeah, we're going to have to talk about it. Yeah,
we're going to talk about it. Obviously. Yeah.
I'm not looking forward to it. What did I see?
I sent you something on Instagram. Did you see
it? No. Oh, no, I didn't. No, I see it and I
swiped it away. What? I was busy. I was busy.
I was busy. What did you see? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You know who actually told me about that before
you sent me that? It was Mark, of all people.
We're thrilled to announce that Bandai Namco
Entertainment Incorporated and A24 are teaming
up with writer and director Alex Garland to bring
From Software Incorporated's world -renowned
video game Elden Ring to life as a live -action
film. We're truly excited to bring the world
of Elden Ring to fans in a new form outside the
game. Stay tuned. The path ahead is only beginning.
I think... That will be fantastic. I don't know
what they're going to follow. Are you going to
follow the perceived story? Where are you going
to go with that? We're definitely going to see
Radan. We're definitely going to see Melania.
You can't have neither of those being involved.
Are you going to see bosses from Shadow of the
Erdtree? Probably not. But... what the fuck are
you supposed to turn that into a live action
I've no idea because I don't understand what
was going on anyway there's a whole story that's
what I'm saying yeah there's a tree there's a
beast just if it's in front of you I'll kill
it yeah I wanna what I would like to see is a
is that fucking weird mechanical creature that
like opened up and then sucks you in and it's
like that the sarcophagus thingy with the spikes
and takes you to the volcanic manor yeah yeah
yeah i would like to see something like that
because i don't even understand how that works
how the fuck does that work i've no idea um yeah
that's very interesting be very cool that's that's
one of the one of them going to be one of the
more decent live actions i reckon if it's done
right which i would imagine it is do you think
maybe bill's gonna have anything to do with it
who was that george rr martin Maybe. Maybe it's
kind of up his street. He did write the law,
didn't he? Yeah. So you'd like to think that
it would be the case? Henry Cavill. Fucking get
involved in it. I love him, but he can't be in
everything. He can. Give the geezer a rest. I'd
like to see who they would make a protagonist
and what kind of protagonist they would be in
that. Very interesting. You'll just have to keep
an eye on it. You won't fucking hear anything
else for the next year. It's going to be Bella
Ramsey, I heard. You reckon Bella Ramsey as the
fucking Tarnished? The Tarnished. The Chosen
One. It'll be cool. It'll be very cool. It's
interesting. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just picturing
it. I can't see what... I couldn't even imagine
where you would begin. Fuck knows, because whilst
there is a story, there's also different endings
to that story. I'd imagine they won't tell that
story. I imagine it would be like before the
shattering or something or whatever it's called.
Yeah. It'd be like, we're done before he was,
you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even think
of that. Yeah, there's nothing tying them to
the campaign, so to speak. Speaking of campaign,
it's out next Friday. I know. Night rain. I know.
That's going to be fun. Is that coming out? Do
you know how expensive that is? That's not full
price, is it? No. I think it's like 40 quid or
45 quid. Whatever it is, it's Eldon Ring. Do
you know what I mean? You just throw money at
it. It's going to get purchased. It's going to
get fucking done. I need to... It's not going
to happen because I'm stuck in Scotland for three
days, but I need to get Expedition done so that
I'm free to play other shit because it's just
taking up everything. Stop trying to force me
onto Expedition. You're going to have to. How
long have we been recording? Long enough for
us to be talking about it because I haven't got
anything else to talk about. It's my main subject
matter and you started by saying we can't talk
about it. Unfortunately, if you haven't played
it and plan on playing it, I highly recommend
you do not listen further because it's like an
impossible game. I just wouldn't bother playing
if I listened to this part. But you are making
me nervous. Why? Because I know how shit you
are with saying things you shouldn't say. And
I'll be subconsciously picking away subliminal
messages from you about stuff. I can't even look
at you when I'm going to talk about the game
because you might do a little grin or something.
Has it happened yet? Exactly. See, straight away.
Exactly that sort of stuff. So, yeah. So, I feel...
How many hours in are you? Ten, maybe? Okay,
yeah, sweet. So we can talk about everything
that you've done. Right, yeah, so that's what
I'm going to say. We will only talk about the
stuff I've done. Agreed? So far, yeah. Agreed?
I must be. We'll only talk about the things that
I have done. Yes, go on. And we don't talk about
any mechanics that I don't talk about. We don't
talk about anything, any party members. You only
mention characters that I know. You guide it,
and I'll fill in the blanks, the spoilers. So
where do you want to start? Well, I don't know,
do I? It's all right. The game's all right. The
game's all right. It's good. It's good. It's
good, isn't it? It's good. I see like, you know,
it's very good. But it's also taken a lot from
other games. So it's not like a... So whilst
it might be very fresh for a lot of players,
I'm like, I have seen this stuff before. But
it's very niche, isn't it? Like the levelling
up your companion, like talking to them and spending
time with them. I still don't know what that
does. Yeah, that's in, like, Persona. I can't
think of a top med, but most of it is basically
taken from them sort of games. But, yeah, obviously
the big reveal, the big shocker, we'll just get
straight to it, was old Gustav getting shanked
up by the old fella. Weren't expecting that at
all. Nah. Gustav. Gustav, yeah. Poor old Gussie.
R .I .P. Yeah, that was... Or is it R .I .P.?
See, this is what I mean. I have no idea. This
is why I don't want to talk to you. I have no
idea. But yeah, I'll tell you what, when that
other fella turned up, old Verso, I was like,
yeah, I'd much prefer playing as you anyway,
bruv. I prefer playing as Verso than Gustav.
He's fucking sick. You know who he's voiced by,
don't you? Who? It's Clive out of Final Fantasy.
Oh, is it? It's Ben Star, man. Who's ringing
you? It's my fucking mother. Fuck off! Talking
about Expedition 33. I'm only joking. But we
are. His abilities are a lot more fun. Yeah,
the abilities are cool. He's also a lot more
fucking powerful. Yeah, he seems pretty hard.
I like the big marshmallow geezer that you can
ride on. He's amusing to me. He makes me lol.
He's very fun, I like him. He's the most powerful
being in the entire universe of that game. Do
you need to answer it? No. I'll be honest. Up
until, like Sam said about it gets good after
you've been within paintbrushes, whatever they're
called. Oh, the gestrals. Gestrals, yeah. Up
until that point, I was just running. I was just
like, just get me out of this shit. I was doing
my head in. What, in the gestural village? All
of that shit. I was like, this is boring. It's
not amusing. It's just irritating. There's loads
of stuff to do in the gestural village. I just
got out there. It's pissing me off. Oh, you missed
out on loads of shit. Nah, bruv. I done an arena
and then I was like, gone. The arena's fun. It's
just, I don't want to talk to paintbrushes. Just
fucking move on. Yeah, the only bit that I did,
because I liked that area, but the only bit I
didn't like is that the ADHD kicks in in that
if you give me the ability to talk to someone,
I need to go and talk to them in case I'm missing
something. And then when you've got an area filled
with about 100 people and I can talk to every
single one of them, it's like, oh, my God. So
now I have to go through and speak to everyone
to work out what's going on. And sure enough,
I did. So, yeah, I think by the time I'd left
that place, I was done with it. But I had rinsed
it for everything they had, basically. Yeah,
no, as soon as I could leave, I was like, get
me out of here. I actually need to go back and
fight Gorgra. I did try fighting her. She fucked
me up. She one -banged me. Yeah, so I need to
go back because I'm pretty sure I can go back
and fuck her up now. Yeah, so as soon as I could
get out of there, I got out of there. And yeah,
Sam said, yeah, once you get out of there, it
gets better. And I was like, fuck. Because at
that time, I was liking it. I was enjoying it.
But it was a bit slow. And I was like, come on.
Like, what am I missing? Yeah, what's happening?
Because everyone's loving this. And I'm not seeing
it. At the moment, it's very like. and now it's
getting a lot more it's getting a lot darker
it's a lot more like it definitely has a like
a a point where it and it's not it's not too
basically sort of like when Gustav gets shanked
up that's when it teeters into yeah I can see
what people are on about because I probably share
the same feelings as you is I thought it was
really good when I first started playing it but
there were aspects where I was like it's good
but everyone's saying this is absolutely amazing.
And I was like, where is that? Because it's good,
but I wouldn't be sitting here going like, fucking
hell, this is like the best game in the world.
But it is very fucking, once you get over that
tiny little hump, and it's not like it's a make
you stop playing type hump. It's just somewhat
mundane. Impatience. Yeah. Once you get enough.
once you get enough pictos and level your characters
up enough and shit like that and enough abilities
that's when it really starts to get fun because
you can fuck around with so much different stuff
or you don't have to but when you've got the
basics it's just a bit slow yeah yeah as soon
as I could get out of there I got out of there
I liked I was in it for too long. I started to
get annoyed with it. But when I first went into
that underwater bit, I was like, this is fucking
sick. Because I know you probably don't. I wear
headphones. The music in that game is mental.
So good. So fucking good. Good playlist. Getting
me all gassed and shit. But, yeah. But then,
like I say, the enemies, like you said, oh, you
always find the same enemies. And I was just
getting bored of seeing the same fucking enemies
with, like, wooden faces and shit. Yeah, yeah.
But now, where I'm at, I'm seeing, like, the
cool shit. I'm seeing people with massive swords.
And I'm like, this is more the stuff I want to
see. I don't want to fight paintbrushes. I want
to fight demons and winged monstrosities. Do
you know what I mean? oh there's some mental
shit yeah so i'm i'm i'm enjoying when it's like
that i enjoy it much more and i'm hoping it like
continues down that trend uh of like being more
adult to see what you see what i mean where when
we when we last spoke about it where you're saying
you weren't you weren't a massive fan of the
whole i don't know what you called it where you
have that that that realism um factor of like
this is a real world that's been changed into
a fantasy world so i mean where i said it's not
It's not so much as what you think of that once
you get out of the fucking tutorial. I'm still
trying to work out what the fuck I'm sitting.
Because it's like Paris, but then you're not
in Paris. But then there's loads of parts of
Paris knocking about. Everyone's fucking talking
French. The last thing, and obviously don't say
anything, but the last thing that I heard before
I turned it off, they were like, oh, we've got
to go to Monaco's fucking train yard or something.
And I was like, Surely you mean Monaco, right?
No, Monaco. It's not Monaco, no? No, it's Monaco.
Have you gone there yet? No, I'm in the camp.
Okay, yeah. So yeah, that was the last thing
because the last thing I actually did was we
were crossing some bridge or something. I think
we just buried Gustave's arm and then that big
fucking thing with a sword came and then we plummeted
down and then we fucked him up in there. Two
phases. I must say, some of the bosses... They've
fucking whooped my ass, man. Yeah, oh yeah. I've
been fucked up a lot. Took me a fair... That
fucking cunt with the lanterns, bruv. Yeah. I
was getting annoyed. The delay on the attacks
is fucking something else, man. I thought Elden
Ring was bad. Some of this shit is proper. Yeah,
like, yeah. Yeah, some of them is testing my
patience a little bit. I can imagine that only
gets worse. Yeah. But, yeah, no, I am enjoying
it. I do really like it. I can see why people
are... Very high up on it. But obviously I know
I'm still well early on. I know there's loads
of mad shit to come. Combat's fun. I've only
just started actually paying attention to what
I'm doing. Because before I was just like, what
does the most damage? Press that one. And now
I'm like, I'll use that to fucking expose and
then that to put a mark on it and then that to
fucking set them alight. And then I'll use weakness
to fire and then set them alight. Obviously,
you're probably going to have different party
members to me. I've got Shadowheart. Or whatever
her name is, Elle. Is that Lunae? No, that's
the, you know, the one that's very sad about
Gustave dying. Oh, uh... Melanie? Mel? L -A?
I don't even know her name. Melanie. And then
the other, the Chinese girl with the symbols
on her. That's Lunae. Yeah, so I've got her.
And then you've got Sire. So, the, that, that,
that, uh, Shadowheart, and then... And then,
yeah, the woman with the cards. Yeah. But I haven't
once used her. I haven't even bothered putting
her in the party. I literally got her, done the
tutorial with her, and then she's never come
out. I did that when I first got her. I played
her for a little bit, and then I was like, yeah,
you're not really my cup of tea. And then recently
started using her again, and she is fucking good.
But then I've swapped her back with Luna, because
Luna just has so much more AOE, fire and shit
what i've done is it's not going to spoil anything
because it's nothing to do with the with the
story at all is i've turned um luna into a glass
cannon there's a pick toe that you get which
is called glass cannon i can't remember where
i got it from um but it basically just makes
her do a shit ton more damage but also take a
shit ton more damage so now she's just fucking
she's exactly what a sorcerer is just does fucking
silly silly numbers but one little hit and we're
in trouble. And it's just fun. I've got her as
kind of like that, but she's half healer. Mael.
Mael is her name. Half healer, half fucking flame
witch because I've got her doing that. There's
an ability where she constantly inflicts burns
upon all enemies unless she gets hit and then
she gets stunned, which is a pain in the dick.
Yeah, that's an ability that I was really excited
to use and I haven't seen it in its full potential
because I always use it and then just immediately
get fucking... Get whacked, yeah. Just get tunnelled
and then get hit. So it just ruins it. That happens.
No, yeah, it's good. I have used it and once
you let it tick up a little bit, then you start
putting weakness to fire on, it gets a bit gnarly.
She pairs up really well with Mael because with
her abilities, she has a shitload of fire as
well and then makes shit. weaker to fire so pairing
the two of them up but then when you come across
something that is resistant to fire then it's
obviously it's a fucking problem you have to
keep putting weakness to it I haven't used a
recoat thing to change any of my abilities I
haven't really fucked around with any of that
just because I can't be bothered it sounds weird
I've got all my companions none of them use healing
abilities None of them. Really? Yeah, I don't
use any of them. I was, because I was having
to, but I'm at a point where, for some reason,
I just haven't needed to, if I'm honest. No,
I fucking have. I've been to Trugsville. Yeah,
I don't know. Trying to get them, because I'm
addicted to parries. Parries are fun, man. I
parry more than I dodge. And then Verso's got
that other thing where you smash R2. Very cool.
Where you smash R2? Yeah, where someone does
a big black shadowy thing and you have to press
R2. Oh, yeah, yeah. A gradient counter is what
it's called. He's the one that introduced it
to me and it's only ever happened from him. I
didn't know others could do it. Yeah, everyone
does it. I've never seen it happen to anyone
else. Yeah, it's the same shit. It's just really
cool. When you have a flurry of attacks and you
parry all of them and you get a counter attack
off the back of it. Then you do the jump and
then R2. It's very, very fun. It's very satisfying.
Are you supposed to press R2 on that counter?
Yeah. When you jump, you have to press R2 to
attack back. Oh, fuck, I don't. Oh, yeah, no,
you've got to press R2, bro, otherwise you don't
do no damage. No, you do. Do you? Yeah. Oh, no,
you definitely have to press R2. It comes up
saying R2. It literally says R2 when you jump.
What, when you're counterattacking after a parry?
No, after you jump. Oh, after you jump. Sorry,
I thought you meant after you parry. Oh, no,
no, no, no. Yeah, a flurry of parries, and then
on the last one, if you parried all of their
abilities... Yeah, that's all I'm at. You hit
them back. Oh, yeah, no, yeah, I know what you
mean with the R2 thing. Yeah, it's one of those
where I just didn't feel... If you put it on
paper for someone like myself, you lay out the
aspects of that game and then say it's turn -based
combat, I'd immediately be turned away. It's
almost like if you throw a survival in my face
and then say, here's the building mechanics,
I'd go, no, thank you, see you later, I'm done.
But pleasantly, pleasantly surprised. It's just
so much fun. And the story is good as well. Yeah,
it's very fun. It's very fun. I like looking
at stuff. And it is varied, having been to quite
a lot of the, because obviously you get into
that outer map. The map's very cool. Yeah, where
you venture around and shit like that. Having
been through a fair amount of it, it is all pretty
unique. I can't really say that I've gone into
one world and then another one and then be similar.
If I'm honest, they have all been very their
own world. But I would urge, if you haven't,
to go into all the places that you're able to
go into. Just have a little bit of an adventure.
Because I was sort of beelining a little bit.
And then decided yesterday to venture around
more. Spent like two or three hours just going
in all the different shit. Because obviously
when you open up the map, if it hasn't got the
name on it, then you haven't been there yet.
which is an easier way to fucking know because
obviously if you hover, I would like it if you
hovered over if it had come up with a fucking
legend of what it is that you're hovering over.
But yeah, go and have a look at some of them
because there's just like, like weird alternative
stuff that isn't a requirement, just side mission
shit that's a lot of fun. Yeah, I went back to
a place yesterday because I didn't realise. Because
the first time I come out of that map, because
you do all the first shit, and then you do that
shit with Esky, or whatever his fucking name
is. Yeah, CKSK, I don't know. And then you go
through the tunnels, and then you fight that
boss, and then Gustav dies, and then you end
up here. And I was like, oh, I didn't realise
this map was connected to this water. So I went
back to the original map, where I went to a cave
that said danger. Yeah. So I went back in there
and then it was just one of them weird fucking
sucky penis, like Daryl's penis monsters. Penis
monsters, yeah, yeah. And he was like, give me
some skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did
you give him some skin? Yeah, give him some skin.
I gave him some skin and then he was like, come
back after I've rested. But I don't know how
long he needs to rest. I just left and then went
back in and he was ready. Oh, was he ready? Yeah,
he just leave the area and go straight back in.
Do you need to give him more skin? No. Oh, I
need to go back in there then. Well, I won't
carry on what I was saying. No, go on. What happens?
Because I'm going to go back in there anyway.
Nothing, really. You go in and he's just massive.
Yeah. And then he's like, here's a gift. And
he gives you a gift. And then I was like, I think
the gift was shit. To be honest with you. Like
a picto or something like that. It was something
crappy. It wasn't even good, whatever it was,
if I remember. It could have been. It could have
been one of them tint things which are useful,
but I don't think so. I think I've almost maxed
out my tints. And then he was waffling about
some boring shit that meant nothing. And then...
He was like, yeah, I'll either say the same thing,
attack or leave. And I was like, I really want
to attack him. But he was massive and I thought,
I better not. You didn't attack him? No, I walked
out. I'll attack him. Yeah, you attack him. You
let me know if it's worth it. I'll go back and
kill his ass. I'll attack him and see what's
going on. Yeah, they're annoying as fuck, them
things, man. They just eat one of your characters.
Yeah, and it pisses me off because when it goes
to eat you... And then when it does, obviously
it's slow motions. And I always think, well,
I must be able to counter this then if it's going
slow because that's what happens just before
you're about to parry or something like that.
But you can't. Fucking does my head in. I'm guessing
you can't because I've never avoided it. Yeah,
I've never avoided it either. Every time I just
get eaten, I'm like, great, I guess I've just
got this weak -ass fucking character now. They
do a pretty good job from what I've seen so far
of putting you in a map. with various enemies
and obviously if you if you don't know the enemies
and you don't know the abilities so trying to
dodge and parry them is quite difficult on on
the first initial combat but they so chances
are you're going to get hit a fair amount until
your next checkpoint but they do a pretty good
job of giving you enough checkpoints or at least
giving you the ability to just heal yourself
because i've never come across a time when i've
died and i've not basically been where i died
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've had to run for all
the shit again. It's never happened yet. So that's
fucking bad, to be honest. It is decent. Because,
yeah, there's a lot of enemies. I'm just like,
how the fuck am I supposed to beat them? And
then I go and fight them again. I'm like, oh,
they're well easy to dodge. Because I know now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it don't take long
to start building up the muscle memory. And then
you've come across an enemy you fought ages ago
and you're like, oh, fuck, I forgot. Mimes? Yeah,
they're weird as fuck. You have come across mimes?
Yeah, they're weird as fuck. Have you beaten
them? I think I beat one. They just gave me some
clothes or something. Yeah, you get the old baguette
clothes. Yeah, some weird shit. A little beret
and a fucking baguette on your back. Yeah. They
look cool. I haven't got any of them. I beat
one. And the little balls as well that you have
to put in the slots. Oh, they're annoying. They're
fucking annoying. Yeah. They've all got little
quirks to them. They're alright. You just burn
them and they die quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've had one get away. I don't know if they ever
come back. They don't come back. Once they get
away, they get away. Because they just give you
resources. The mimes, the trick to them is that
you've got to break them. you've got to get them
broken and then that gets rid of their shield
and then they just they just fucking they just
drop like flies but before then they're an absolute
they're an absolute fucker I won't tell you what
it is I won't tell you what it does or how you
how you get about defeating it but there's there's
one one boss that I did like a mini boss thing
and it was a cunt a proper just kept wiping dying
dying dying uh because i weren't basically i
weren't using my brain to really work out what
was going on and then once i did work out what
was going on it was still fucking hard man um
and i i managed to kill it but i was like this
this is going to be a fucking nightmare for some
people it was like the lantern boss man you kill
it the first phase is a doddle and then you go
into second phase and then It took me ages to
realise I was supposed to be shooting the fucking
lanterns. Because I had a feeling I was supposed
to shoot the lanterns in the right order. It
was fairly obvious. But then I was waiting until
I had enough attacks to actually do it in one
hit. I didn't realise that when you hit the right
lantern, it didn't take one of your actions away.
So I was just like, oh, if you've got one action,
you can do fucking five lanterns or whatever.
So yeah, when I realised that, it was easy. Yeah,
because it uses your AP. Yeah. Yeah, he had some
fucking irritating moves. It's all like the big,
I'm all right if I can see the weapon coming
at me. It's fine. But it's when it's like charging
up an orb of power or something. It's a fucker,
isn't it? I don't know, when's the orb coming?
When's it coming? When's it coming? It's fucking
pain in the ass. And I really struggle to see
who's being attacked. If it happens quickly,
I'm like, I don't know who I'm supposed to be
looking at for that. Yeah, I'm exactly the same.
When there's an enemy where, yeah, those lanterns
come up and they shoot a beam of light at you,
but they shoot it so quick. And it's in a flurry.
And then you get caught up. So there's an enemy
where it's like main combo. It will hit you like
nine times. So that's a lot. So then you'll be
like, you'll parry one, parry another, and then
get hit. But then it's thrown off your groove.
So you're now trying to parry, but you're off
time. So you're just getting fucking hit and
hit and hit and hit. And then eventually you
give up. You go, all right, well, let's go again.
And that happens to me so many times. It's like,
It's like I dodge or I parry properly and then
once I get hit, it's like my character in the
actual game has been thrown off balance when
they haven't. It's just me that's gone, oh, fuck,
and then just messed up my timing. But when you
parry, it just feels nice. A lot of it, I have
to use audio cues, man. I'm listening in the
headphones. It's really so much easier for any
attack because it always goes like... And you
just wait for that and then you press the button.
I've only come across one, one ability one attack
so far that it was fucking winding me up and
it was basically just a one shot regardless and
I don't no you can't you could parry it because
I parried it once and then thought no it's just
too much of an aggro I'll just keep trying to
dodge it but it was it basically like this thing
would wind up and then hold itself And I don't
think there is an audio cue for it. And it would
just fucking swing out as fast as you like. And
then if it hits you, you're just dead regardless.
And yeah, that's quite a fucker. But that's also
from a normal enemy in the area. So it's not
even coming from a boss. I've just got to deal
with this throughout most of this area. Have
you done any of the paintbrush? volleyball and
stuff that's pretty fucking weird I did the I've
done one where I had to shoot things off of a
raft back at him yeah where volleyball they call
it and then you've got the different levels I
did that the highest level one of that was quite
fucking tough I couldn't do that one I'd give
up it was a fucker it just took too long to get
back into it if I failed I just got annoyed because
that's the one where he shoots the barrel over
and then you've got to run and then hit it back
It's not a barrel, it's a fucking paintbrush
geyser. It's a little baby geyser. Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah. And you've got to hit it back. Yeah,
I've done that. There was one that I did that
was really fun where no fall guy, not fall guys,
that game that a lot of streamers were playing
where it's just the geyser that's trying to climb
up as high as they can. There's that is in there.
And that was fun. But I found that, got basically
near the top and then fell off and then come
all the way down the bottom. I was like, right,
that's me done for the night. Switched that off
and then come back to it the next day and then
did it and it was quite cool. I fought a boss
yesterday in the sea. He fucked me up. It doesn't
really tell you. It's just like you'll know if
you're not ready. Is that the big like siren?
I don't know what it is. Big fucking stone giant
thing. And when you fight him, you're just on
a platform and he's like leaning out of the sea.
Yeah. And his head spins around. He gets like
20 attacks in a fucking row. Yeah. There's a
gimmick to this or I'm just not ready. So I'll
leave it. I tried to kill him and I just get
fucked up. I know that if I, cause I've got a
picto that lets me play first. So, so I'm, I
don't, I always get the first hit regardless.
If I hit something and their health doesn't even
move that's why I know I'm out of my depth I'll
go right with this isn't this unless I get absolutely
perfect dodging on on everything then I'm I can't
be asked I'll go back when I do some actual damage
to it. There's a cool boss I can see floating
around on the map miles away Yeah, I can see
already in the maps or in the certain zones there's
some things you've got to break. So there's plenty
of going back to places to look for stuff and
all that shit when you get new abilities. But
yeah, I'm enjoying it, man. I'm looking forward
to seeing where it goes, the twists and turns
that I'm sure are to come. I've got an idea of
what the story, of what I think is going to happen.
What do you think is going to happen? Probably
way off. Well, I think that fucking... I think
Gustave or Verso or whatever. I think they are
that old geezer. I don't think that old geezer
is like an entity upon himself. Oh, you reckon,
yeah? I reckon. Because he's like... I'm pretty
sure he's even got the same fucking scar as that
Verso coming down his eye. They've got the same
scar. But yeah, I think there's going to... And
there's some futuristic shit as well, man. In
one of the little expedition things you can pick
up. The voice notes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of
them was talking about driving a car or something.
I was like, what? Oh, were they? Yeah, it was
like, oh, yeah, we drove the car down and I was
just like... Oh, maybe I didn't pick that one
up. There's obviously some fucking... you know,
weird futures. I don't know. I don't know. It's
weird as fuck. Yeah, because they've avoided
the gommage, which is what they, which is what
the paintless does to fucking kill everyone.
Yeah, I don't even know. It's all very confusing
to me. I really don't know what's going on. I
think I'm not supposed to know what's going on.
I think the same because I'm trying to, I'm trying
to fully understand everything and that, yeah,
there are, yeah, I can't, it's like the little,
the, the, Renoir is his name, is the old geezer.
Whenever he pops up. I'm like, I can't understand
what you're doing or why you're here. I haven't,
because obviously Verso doesn't fucking talk
about it. Is it all right to ask everyone else
fucking questions at the camp? Yeah. Delve into
everyone else's shit. The minute you put it back
on him, he's like, that's none of your business.
What do you mean it's none of your business,
man? The first thing, when you speak to Quinton,
the big marshmallow man. he says, oh, you haven't
told them, have you? And he's like, no, I haven't
told them. And he's like, good, don't tell them.
It wouldn't surprise me if fucking Verso ends
up being the bad guy. Yeah, I think I'm on the
cusp of knowing whatever that is, but I don't
know what the fuck. I don't know what the story
is. There's something going on. Yeah, there's
something happening. And that fucking curator
as well, man. What's up with that motherfucker,
bro? He's creepy as hell, bro. He goes down into
his little cave and he's just standing there
like... Standing there with no face. And then
the weird house that you go in. I don't know.
It's fucking weird as balls, bro. And I just
come to terms with the fact that I'm not supposed
to know all will be revealed in time because
the game starts you with Gustav and doesn't say,
oh, you've only got one arm because... And you
just go, oh, he's got one arm. I'm adamant that...
Channel's electricity, so... I'm adamant that
Gustav, it's not the last that we're going to
have seen of him. I'm almost certain of that
as well. Because he seemed like such a pivotal
character and then to just kill him off like
that. But then that also makes it impactful,
though, if it is. It does. I kind of hope he
is gone just for that impactful reason, but I'm
not sure. They have... I don't know if you're
interested. You could be, you couldn't be. But
they did... They announced today, Claire Obscure
Expedition 33, that their clay edition obviously
sold out mega quick. Um, but they've been working
to get more of them, but this time they've got
more of them. Um, and they have managed to create
more, but obviously without. So here it is. I'll
just read it because I'm just fucking talking
shit. I can't, I can't do it. I'm an idiot. Uh,
duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. basically the monolith
set is now available for pre -order here blah
blah blah set includes a monolithic music box
the expeditions journal art book and the steelbook
for those who come after handshake but basically
they've remade it for people that want it but
without all the you don't get the game you don't
get the digital shit you just get the stuff and
it's like 99 quid I think 99 quid isn't bad and
you get that as one of the things oh that's fucking
cool the Pinterest oh that's very cool and you
can pre -order that can you yeah Oh, it's tempting.
It comes with a monolithic music box. The Expedition
is a journal, art book, a steel book. It's now
available for pre -order. I can send you the
link if you want. It's very exciting. Yeah, send
me the link, please. And I'll have a little gander.
But yeah, I'm in two minds because I'm like,
ah. I want that and it's affordable, but also
do I like the game enough to buy that yet? I
need to see if I like it more first. I like the
game enough to buy that, if I'm honest. I need
to see. It's a very cool statue. Yeah, I do like
this statue and that's the most important part.
Also, I feel like from a development team of,
what, 30 or is it actually 33 people? Fucking
take the money. It is mental. They deserve. Just
from what I've seen, graphically, performance,
fidelity are... visuals, fucking music, sound,
voice acting. Everything is like perfect. So
for a team of that, you know, if Ubisoft could
pull something like that off, you'd be like,
well, it should be. Yeah, you should be able
to do that. This is your standard minimum. For
them, it's like fucking, that's incredible. Does
that count? Does it count as an indie? Yeah,
yeah. The geezers fucking, they got people off
Reddit to do shit. Yeah, they're very indie,
mate. Another... They have managed to snag Shadowheart
and Ben Star, though. I don't know how... How
indie that... Yeah. Well, I mean, if fucking
Baldur's Gate 3, if that's classed as indie,
then we can throw this in as fucking indie and
all. I imagine this has been in development,
you know, alongside the end of Baldur's Gate
development. So when Shadowheart and Clive or
Ben Star has probably been... these voices. They're
probably still doing the other games as well.
Yeah, yeah. So they had no idea the level of,
you know, they probably got paid like 20 quid.
Oh, we'll have a go. Yeah, we'll give it a crack.
Why not? Claire Obscure Expedition 33. It's too
long of a name to be a good game, but yeah, go
on then. That's my one. The name's too weird
for it to be good. Yeah, I don't know what the
Claire Obscure bit, oh no, I did, sorry, I did
Google it. Claire Obscure is, oh, it's a French
translation. for claire claire obscure meaning
i did here we go claire obscure refers to uh
the use of strong contrast between light and
dark in art it's a french term that translates
to light dark and is the french equivalent of
the italian word I'm not Italian. This technique
is often used to create a sense of volume, depth,
and mood in a painting or drawing. So it's very
fitting for the game itself, having been all
about artwork, essentially. Yeah, that's the
only bit I don't like. Everything's art. Everything
is a fucking painting. Yeah, well, that's the
theme. Yeah, I know, but it's annoying. Just
have some realism in there. I don't want everything
to be a fucking crayon. Do you know what I mean?
Everything's a... And gestural's done you in.
I like the gestural, man. When you hit something,
you fire ink out your hand. What's that all about,
Ruff? Is that what that is? Well, I guess so.
What else could it be? I don't know. Because
when you aim it, it sounds like keys jangling.
Yeah. But I always thought it was like you formulating
some kind of gun and then firing that. No, there
is no gun there. That's what I'm saying. It's
just ink. I'm pretty sure it's just ink. That's
what I... It's a good theory. I'll Google it
but that's a good theory because I didn't think
that and I also barely use that. No, I don't
but I have been in the last fights just to stun
them before you go in to hit them because they
don't move when you hit them, do they? Oh, what?
What? You know when you're running around the
open world and you shoot them and it stuns them
and then you can run up and hit them and then
you get to go first like a surprise round. Oh,
is that how that works? Is it, oh, I don't need
to bother because I've got that play first thing.
Yeah, but does that mean, but that's just a picto
for one of your characters, isn't it? Yeah, but
when you unlock it, then everyone can have it.
Oh, right. Because it's a bit of a wasted slot,
though, because you can just sneak up on him.
Yeah, but it's a cheap picto, you know what I
mean, when you can get the passive of it. Yeah,
yeah, I know what you're saying. So I'll just
do that. Anyway, that's that. Apology. If the
people that switched off listening because they
didn't want Expedition 33 spoilers, obviously
you won't be listening to this. So you can go
fuck yourselves. Everyone else that did listen,
thank you very much for listening. Thank you.
I'd like to think that by next... Well, we'll
have more to talk about next time. Be very exciting
because I'd like to think that you're sort of
at the level where I am now. And then I maybe
have finished it. maybe because I've been very
good and not googled the play time of it I know
how long do you don't tell me oh powers in my
hands for once don't tell me because I'm keeping
an eye on my time count I'm at like 20 something
hours so don't look at me like that because I
don't know what that means see you later everyone
uru goodbye