Here we go. Fuck it. We're straight on. It's
been, what, almost a year since you was last
on? Some would say far too long. Far too long.
I've moved house since you was last on. What
has happened in that time? I'm furiously trying
to go through Spotify to see exactly when you
were on, but I don't know if I titled it. It
was summer, because I remember it being quite
sunny. Was it summertime, yeah? Well, I think
so. It was quite sunny outside. I don't remember
that, because the little dog, she was inside.
This is fantastic. So it's Ash's birthday today,
hence why we've got Daddy Daryl on, which is
fantastic because it's a new fresh flavour. Fresh
flavour. You know what I mean? I have no idea
what we're going to talk about, but I don't feel
like we need to plan it at all. Why plan? We're
ready for it. We're ready. Why plan? We're just
off the cuff. I mean, what a journey getting
here. How do you do that every day? I'll never
know. Why? And we almost fucking die. Lebanese,
I decided he was going to put full fucking...
Slam the anchors on. Full anchors on just because
a police van was overtaking the other side. He
did that really annoying thing where you see
the brake lights and then you think, oh, they're
slowing down at a normal rate. And then they
just plant the fucking foot to the ground. And
I was like, oh, my God, it's coming up quick.
Yeah, I saw your van. I always leave enough distance.
I'm a class driver. Yeah. I saw it stop suddenly.
I thought, oh, well, he's hit him. And then I
was like looking in my rear view going, oh, well,
we're all in. At least it's a sunny day. At least
it's not raining. I don't even know how you would
sort that out insurance -wise. You go, right,
he slammed his brakes on. I've hit him. And now
I've made the van behind me slam. He hasn't hit
me, but someone else has hit him. I said to Mark,
though, it was like that. It's like why people
do extreme sports. It's like the adrenaline from
I'm about to have a crash to then absolutely
nothing happening. And I was like, oh, my God,
I'm so happy. Yeah. I'm so happy I don't have
to sort out that insurance. I haven't got that
stress of that. Fuck. I can take photographs
and submit it. Set on the roadside. Phone the
firm. That's the worst one as well, isn't it?
Phoning the firm to tell them that you've had
an accident and then getting into the yard on
fucking Tuesday. They won't go, oh, you came
with a crash. You've had a crash. You've had
a crash, haven't you? You shit it dry. And now
we've got the lovely moment of we've completely
avoided that. It's amazing. Yeah. Now I'm choking
on that Ribena. That's good to say. That done
me in. I got... Have you been doing much gaming?
Have you been involved with that a whole lot?
Since last summer. I've got Fallen Order. I've
got... And I started that and it is double decent,
to be honest. But it's one of those... It's a
game that I... quite like because you do a little
bit of gameplay then it cuts away cut scenes
and does a lot of it now i like that because
there's nothing worse than playing a lot of the
game and having a lot of cut scene a lot again
because it disrupts the flow whereas you know
if you ain't got a lot of gameplay you're just
like gonna get past that challenge that quest
and then you're gonna have like a couple minute
cut scene it's quite nice and uh yeah it's leading
in i've not i mean i've only spent an hour and
a bit on it i'm still in sort of like the training
phase for old What's his name again? Cal Kestis.
Cal Kestis. Yeah, that's the... Did you play
the last... Survivor. Last Survivor? Not yet,
so I'm going to play Fallen Order first, then
Survivor. Yeah. But, yeah, it kind of goes hand
in hand because there's a lot of stuff coming
out now, isn't there, from, like, Star Wars or,
like, Andor and those different kind of stories
and avenues. And it's really interesting because
it's not just lightsabers and blasters. There's,
like, a lot of storyline. I don't know if you're
up to date with the Andor stuff. But, yeah, like,
the politics and the spies that went behind it.
And for me, it's... I'm just like, actually,
I'm a Star Wars geezer and I spend money on it.
I really enjoy it. But yeah, that's kind of like
Call of Duty because obviously you just want
to get in a fucking mess. Fortnite's doing a
massive Star Wars collab again. I mean, I'm not
into Fortnite at all. I know you ain't a massive
fan on it either, but I messaged Ash about it
yesterday because obviously he's a buy anything.
I said, well, it's going to fucking suffer. He
was like, oh, again? Fucking not again. Also,
In line with us going to Nerd Base on Monday,
I think they're doing a massive sale on all their
Star Wars stuff at the moment. Yeah, I saw them
post today saying that they were reducing a lot
of their... I'd imagine it's just like old stock
and influx of stock because they've got a shitload
of Star Wars stuff. Yeah, loads. Shitloads. So
I think they're doing like a Star Wars day. Oh,
is it? I'd imagine our luck, it will be on the
Monday when we go, which would be quite cool.
I've never... I tried getting into... star wars
and i just i just can't seem to get myself into
it which is really weird i feel like it's almost
like for me um trying to delve into warhammer
i just feel like there's so much lore and there's
there's so much shit that i've already missed
out on and you look at it and you go ah so when
you when you see a lore map of warhammer and
all the different fucking things that you go
by and books and shit like that and you go i'm
i'm not touching that i have no idea where to
fucking get involved with that and i suffer with
that if there's too much to do i'm just no no
thank you and probably probably now is the ideal
time to get stuck into the star wars before it
branches off into like all sorts of mega avenues
because you you should imagine in five years
time ten years time yeah it'll probably be like
boy i'm not quite as big yeah that's been going
for a time and time and envy because because
you because obviously like in my head it was
like oh well you've got the movies and then it
cuts out there but obviously it isn't you've
got the movies and then you've got the fucking
series on Disney and all the different yeah the
books yeah yeah yeah canon and all that sort
of stuff it branches it like where people have
gone crazy on their own and done bits yeah Yeah,
man, it's mental. But yeah, that'll be good.
A bit of nerd base on Monday. I bought the Attire
Fighter bust. I'd put it on there. Yeah, yeah,
I liked it. It was very cool. Ash will probably
go crazy because I don't know if I'll put it
on there. I don't think he did, no. He loves
that kind of shit, man. He's just moaning at
me again because I never send him anything. But
to be honest, Gaze is so... You don't talk to
me. No, he's so boring, though, isn't he? Gaze
has got a couple of nippers. I was going to invite
him to Nerd Base on Monday. Oh, let's do it.
But you know what the score is. Old Jem can't
get the time off. He's lost out on a bet. Do
you remember? I don't know if you would have
listened. At some point on one of these episodes,
me and Ash made a bet about, I said GTA 6 would
be delayed. And he said GTA 6 wouldn't. Did you
remember what the bet was? It was a monetary
value. Can you remember? I don't remember the
money. He texted me because he was like, I don't
know what it was, but basically he's lost the
bet because it's been delayed to 26th of May.
Yeah, it was always going to be delayed. Yeah,
of course it was. One, it's probably got a lot,
they've got a lot to produce, but they haven't
done anything with it, you know, since those
little clips came out. They haven't done anything.
Yeah, but I don't think they've needed to. No,
but communication is like... Well, the thing
is, we spoke about it on the pod. which is when
we made that fucking bet. And we were talking
about advertisement and hyping up of games and
the amount of effort that developers and everything
put into marketing their shit. And I feel like
we come to the consensus that Rockstar's so massive
that they just haven't got to do that. You think
that you've had one trailer... It was hyped up
before there was even a fucking trailer. And
then that little bit got leaked, which I still
think was done on purpose. And then you get one
trailer and then a million YouTube videos five
minutes after that's released saying, like, here's
all the things that you missed. And then that
was it. But you talk to anyone about GTA 6, they
know what it is. They know what's supposed to
be coming out. They know who fucking makes it.
They know as much shit as you can know about
it. And that's all done from... nothing so it's
like do you need I'd love another trailer but
do you need one I don't well you don't need it
but that's not to say you know what you shouldn't
at least communicate with your audience like
you don't need to do a lot of things but the
way you win people on side and you know they're
gonna you know They're going to sell out and
it's going to be annoying. It's going to be the
biggest game in the world. Yeah, but I still
think a little bit here and there. Because they
said, I feel like one of the last communications
from them was them reassuring everyone that no,
it was releasing this year. And I was just so
adamant. I was like, no, no chance. Because I
feel like that's just become the norm now for
most games is, here's a game, here's a reveal
trailer. fucking couple months later here's a
release date for said game and then you get maybe
four months before the release date and you go
oh no we've got to knock it back we've got to
knock it back because we want to take our time
with it I feel like you had the you had the the
cyber punks and the no man's skies where those
games released and they were just shit because
they were undercooked and then patches after
patches to fix it and i feel like you've now
shifted to the other side where everyone's just
more comfortable to delay their games because
they go well if you want it perfect you're gonna
have to wait it's still still not gonna be perfect
when it releases no god no god no i don't did
you ever play gta 5 yeah did you ever experience
the online servers when they first went live
fucking travesty so obviously they released the
released gta 5 main campaign all that stuff And
then the online came available a couple of weeks
after the game released. And the servers were
a fucking shit show. Because obviously every
person that had bought GTA was then flooding
into online. And they were a mess for a solid
week, which was massively impactful in terms
of launching your online service of a game when
no cunt can get on it. It'll be the same shit
for this as well. Guarantee it. Because every
company makes that same mistake where their servers
just aren't big enough to compensate for how
many people are going to be interested. Yeah,
because I suppose you're going to have that mega
drive. Well, no pun intended there. A mega drive
and then you'll get that drop off. But I'm not
that technically minded whether or not they've
got so many servers. easy it's to just drop off
after that drop a few services or whatever that
costs lots of money but they're not as if they're
going to lose money it's going to be mega people
are going to like you like yourself people are
going to take the day off people are going to
buy if I'm not taking the day off I'm phoning
in sick just listen now if Armit or fucking anyone's
listening to that Andrew there's a fucking third
strike I'm taking that fucking day off it's not
happening they'll probably take the fucking day
off it won't be happening this year anyway will
it No one's going to be here. Guarantee it. But
it's... Yeah, it's just... It's just going to
fucking take over. The amount of money... I think...
All that just so you can smash a prostitute in
the face. With a dildo. Yeah, exactly. If I can't
do that, then it's not worth having. Run a mother
over with all her kids. It's the closest to South
Park that you're going to get. 100%. Great. It's
the closest to... You know when you're doing
something and in your head, you're like, I'd
love to fuck... just smash the just take a hatchet
but you can do it there you go there you go it's
a sandbox for serial killers you can do whatever
you want to do why haven't they done a request
you know like they took sort of 5 ,000 people
and they just said like what's like your ultimate
like fantasy of like sex drugs rock and roll
and murder yeah yeah like if they said back to
you if they said Mr Langdon we want you to come
up with like a little you know A little bit within
GTA. And we want you to murder someone. Who would
it be? They want you to fuck someone. And then
they want you to impregnate someone. What would
you say? So let's go with a murder first. Who
are you murdering? So they've come to me and
they said, we're going to implement this into
the game. And you can murder someone. How? How
you would murder someone, not who I'm murdering.
How and who? Hmm. See, they normally like to
go for celebrities, don't they? And then change
their name a little bit so they don't get done
over. Hmm. Who would I want to do? There's this
really weird guy called Nick Acardo. All right,
Nick Acardo or someone like that. I don't know.
Really weird guy. He did a lot of mukbangs and
shit and got really, really, really fat. Really
fat. For some reason, I just really detest him.
I don't know why. And then he went media silent
and then come back really, really slim. But he's
a really weird guy. Kill him. Kill him. He's
going. How are you doing? I just don't like him.
And I can do this in the game. So they'll implement
it like a mission. Oh, God, how would I kill
him? So let's say in this game, he's still fat.
yeah he's still huge let's call him he's fucking
20 stone he's a big boy which to be fair for
america is quite standard yeah so let's bump
him up he's 25 stone he's got um oh let's say
let's say he's got one of those you know them
You know them wheelchair things, the mobility
scooters that have the big basket at the front
of them. He has to roll around on one of them.
He can't fucking run. He's got pre -diabetic
legs. They go all red and horrible and he can't
walk on them. He's got them blister patches on.
He's like that, always fucking whinging. Well
does him a favour. And you've got to try and
assassinate him in this game, in GTA. But you've
got to do it inconspicuously. He can't come back
to you. So where do you catch him? Yeah, he's
local. In the supermarket. Oh, of course he is.
He's grabbing food for his mukbangs, isn't he?
Oh. He's grabbing food for his mukbangs. Here
we go. Well, one clip of him that really stuck
in my head, and it's him making a shitload of
noodles. Like ramen noodles, but I'm talking
a fucking big bowl of it. Bucket full. Bucket
full. Table full of fucking noodles. He's obviously
not eating them all. Noodles of noodles. Noodles
of noodles. So in this mission, we find him at
the... The noodle section. Right? And obviously
he's doing another mukbang video. So the whole
shelf down on the front. Whole shelf covered
in noodles. Right? He's filled up his basket
and he's got another two carry -ons. You know
like a Harley Davidson where they have the carry
-ons on the side. Little fucking leather buckles
and shit. And they're filled with ramen noodles
and all. I'm getting he eats a lot of noodles.
He eats a lot of noodles. Let's get around to
the killing. Come on. Weighted down, right? Now,
from the supermarket to his house is on a slight
incline. All the weight is transferred to the
front of the fucking buggy. Yep. So, we're going
to follow him as he goes down. And... Come on,
lad. Let's get it out. How am I going to kill
this geezer? I want to tip him over. Yeah? I
want to tip him over. In a truck or... I'll tell
you what we'll do. Kick him. From the back. We'll
kick him from the back, flip him over. All right,
this is what we need to do. Under his own weight,
he's now crushed, suffocating himself. This is
really weird. This is really weird. I want to
see your imagination. I know, this is kind of
crazy. Kicked over, suffocating under his own
weight. One of his fucking chins is... One of
his chins is... What I've brought with me is
boiling water. Oh, go on. Here we go. But the
boiling water isn't going on him. It's going
on the noodles. Yeah? Right. So now, I'm making
the ramen noodles. And then while he's on the
floor, being squished under his own weight, I'm
just stuffing him full of ramen noodles. Yeah.
Just putting them in. Because I'm not using a
weapon. I haven't inflicted anything here. I
have... Jesus is just eating. He's falling over.
He's eating. He choked on his fucking noodles.
I'm just shoving noodles in his mouth. Yeah.
And he's gurgling noodles. More noodles. More
water. More noodles. The packets. Sashay and
the packets on him. One down his arse crack.
That's my trademark. When they leave a joker
card on their chest or a rose or something like
that, this is my one. It's a pack of ramen noodles
sashayed down the ass crack. What flavour is
yours? Chicken and noodles. Chicken noodles ramen.
Chicken noodle ramen. Chicken salt down his crack.
Chicken salt down the butt crack. Yeah. And I've
just choked him with noodles. Yeah. He's dead.
We walk away with a pack of noodles. How you'd
implement that into a GTA mission, I'm not 100
% sure. That's not for me to decide. You've asked
me for an idea as Rockstar. I've given you one
that's fucked up enough to go into that kind
of game. You know what I mean? If I can pick
up a vibrator and beat someone with it, then
choking someone to death with noodles isn't really
that far -fetched. Sounds crazy as I say it.
Doesn't sound crazy on paper. Yeah, doesn't sound
crazy enough for GTO, but I like it. I like where
you went. It's pretty nutty. Less violent, but
violent at the same time. You've got to keep
it somewhat PG. Dark, isn't it? You went to a
dark place to do that. Yeah, that's an actual
person in real life that I've come up with an
idea on how to kill them. Yeah. But that's what
I'm saying. That's what GTA is about, though,
isn't it? It gives you the freedom to go and...
You can see all these people. They must be in
dark places when the devs sit down and they think,
right, let's make this game. Yeah. And they have
to think, what the fuck can we do? Yeah. Because
there are some dark shit in GTA. And now they've
got to step it up because we're used to the old
game, which is exactly the same as what it is.
How do you make that better? You have to go darker.
I laid there last night before I was going to
bed. It was about 20 past 10. And for about 15
minutes, I was just scrolling through a page
on Instagram of people dying. Just people dying.
I don't know why. Just like some geezer got cut
in half by a train. I mean, like, electrocution.
Dark. Absolutely nothing. I went, oh, switch
that off, go to sleep. Yeah. So they're going
to have to do some mental shit to get anyone
to go, this is a bit much. Yeah. And it's controversial,
this shit at the moment as well, because the
world's gone woke. Gone mental. Gone well woke.
So, I mean, like, they're, like... Go on. They
get... I mean, it's going to upset people. And,
well, they... obviously don't care but yeah you're
gonna i like that because you've gone so far
left and then gta is obviously gonna go so far
right so how is it you're gonna you're gonna
get a lot of um like south park what can we do
to trigger people here yeah because we don't
give a fuck you're still gonna play you're still
gonna buy it yeah so what can we what can we
do to to kiss the line but not fucking go over
it in a way that's gonna like impact us as a
company you go what can we do to really take
the piss that's why i've been like when they
put other celebrities and stuff in there but
they they change them to a point where you you
know who they are but not they're not exactly
like one of one in someone so it's like i know
who you're taking the piss out of yeah but there's
nothing that person can do because they haven't
it's not you and i feel like that's the kind
of shit that they would go down with but i it's
funny it is funny because it's just you're not
taking shit seriously for five minutes you're
playing a video game but that video game is taking
the piss that's why i love south park yeah you
know what i mean yeah and gaming is a massive
way to do it because you know you come home from
work and you're just like right I want to immerse
myself into something and GTA is going to be
there because it's just GTA is not the game that
you want to be able to take anything serious
it's a fuck around game obviously it's a sandbox
the campaign is going to be great yeah ultimately
you're just like right I'll get to A to B but
during that time what can I do yeah I can throw
acid on a small child Where are they going? I
can take my double -barrelled shotgun and I can
go over to the phone box. I can ram some prostitute
in there and blow her head off. Like the old
fucking get a prostitute in the car, have sex
with them and then kill them and get your money
back. And some. Put them in a dumpster. I'll
take that back. Profit. Hardcore profit. Thank
you very much. Boys bouncing all over the floor.
Yeah, that's how it is. yeah you know and then
back to your point as well yeah they probably
haven't needed a lot of marketing because you
know podcasts like this and people that's what
they're talking about but i do think you should
have a little yeah it would be sorry i really
really would would have loved to have seen um
maybe we'll get it now that we've got a release
date a gameplay trailer or just another trailer.
It's been over a year since the last one, which
is a long old fucking time for something of this
caliber to not receive anything back. So yeah,
a little bit of transparency, but I suppose it's
good that that is a date. 26th of May, 2026.
Yes, it's fucking miles away, but this is your
date. So they've now got all that time, which...
You can see all the lining. They must be doing
some mental shit to have to wait that much longer.
Another year on top of what is already... Sorry
to interject. Go on. Is this a Patreon one? No.
Oh, we're fucking dishing out some good shit.
What, you want it for a Patreon one? No. We can
make it. I can make this. We're going to both
go. Look, the people are getting. No, don't.
No, don't now. Because I'm teasing them. Yeah.
I've teased this audience now. So the better
stuff. Yeah. So they're like, fucking hell, this
is great content. Ash, I'll put that word in
there for you. Because I know you love content.
Because we are content creators. I said quality
content. Quality content. Not just content. Yeah.
This is the best content. Hardcore content for
the people. Yeah. And then. For all you tight
little bastards out there, you can't pay these
guys so you can get what I'm coming up with next.
If you think, if your little tiny brains think
that you're going to get it for free. GTA, like
that little snippet there where we went dark,
noodle killing. That's arguably the weirdest
thing that I've said on the podcast. I feel like
that's the kind of stuff where backlash happens
if you're bigger. But we're not. No. So it don't
matter. It don't matter. Doesn't matter at all.
Most of the people listening here won't know
the geezer. No, don't matter. It does not matter.
But get yourself. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I want
to have a shout out as well. Not to anyone, but
to myself. So, yeah, I know I've got some good
feedback from the last pod. So any single ladies
out there, and I know there's fucking thousands
of you listening to this podcast. It's Lumberjack
Smazzer 718 Instagram. Get on there. Give me
a like. What feedback was you getting? Fuck all.
So maybe this time I'll get some. Hopefully.
And some. Get some. Get some. So follow me. There's
exclusive content on there. Everyone loved it
last time you were on. You know that's one of
the most favourited episodes out of the entire
genre. I've also written a book as well. It's
called Don't You Know? Don't You Know? Yeah,
I've written a book called Wanking for Retards.
It's pictures only. Standard. The pig's out.
I thought Mark Manister was in there. Yeah, so
have a look at that. It's in Waterstones at the
moment. Top three, I think it is. Right next
to... Foxy's autobiography yeah just go in there
and ask for Daryl's yeah wanking for retards
honestly go in there if you can it'll probably
be sold out so make sure you go in there and
ask for it and yeah I'm sure they've got one
behind the counter so yeah Also, Daryl Guy on
Facebook .com. You want to drop your bumble or
anything else? Yeah, I'm on bumble. Can you search
people on that? No. No. I'm on bumble and hinge.
So if you're a fit young lady, or even if you're
not fit, just give us a fucking swipe. Need to
get some. Because that's what's happened since
the last time I was on, unfortunately. Broken
up, am I? The one that I really thought was the
one. Absolutely gutted. Absolutely gutted. Absolutely
gutted. But obviously, you know, players are
going to play. I think that was that EA Sports
players are going to play. Don't hate the game.
Hate the player. Yeah. It ties in well. Yeah,
there you go. There's my pitch done. Book done.
Book done. Lonely. Media done. Content in there.
Yeah. Yeah, ladies, as I say, I'm a handsome
guy like myself. It's the gift that keeps giving.
Don't delay because I'll have to turn gay. All
right, so make sure he's gone. He's gone. Taxi's
going. He fucking lives here and he's gone. Don't
delay. Sorry, I'm going to take a drink. Okay.
Okay. Peace. I don't know what I expected. I
don't know what I expected anything else. What's
worse is that this is such a toned down version
of yourself and what we are able to... accumulate
within a group chat this is so this is so don't
turn it up we don't need to do that i'll keep
it there for you guys but obviously the patreon
you guys are gonna get wicked stuff yeah uh pictures
as well going to be doing pictures myself. Oh,
yeah. And your review. Yeah. Review pictures.
I haven't posted that review in there. We're
going to do a quiz on there as well. Obviously.
Yeah. Well, if you plan this patron. Yeah. Okay.
So quiz on there. So nothing. Get yourself on
there. You missed out. Patreon .com forward slash.
What's the button? Not for patron because they've
heard the word. They've heard the word. Everybody
knows about the bird. I was playing. Wolfenstein
yesterday. Do you know what Wolfenstein is? Wolfenstein?
I've seen the cover, but not played the game.
It is, so there's, well, there's actually quite
a lot of games. There's quite a lot of deep lore
that goes through it, but the alt collection
is what I bought, and that's four games comes
with it. It was like a tenner on PlayStation
Store. And originally, I was playing Wolfenstein
on the Steam Deck. and having a lot of fun but
trying to play a first person shooter on a steam
deck is quite fucking small it's quite annoying
so it didn't grab me as much as i thought it
would but i thought for a tenner to have all
of them um i was like fuck it let's go for it
and it's really really fun so it's a basically
a world where the nazis won is what happened
your um Oh, that's decent. You're an American
soldier who was in the middle of a war fighting
the Nazis and basically you more or less get
blown out of a building, go into a coma, someone
saves you, like a Polish family saves you, and
then you more or less become a vegetable for
a long time. You can't discern how long, but
you're conscious, you're sat in a wheelchair,
but you're having to be fed and everything, you're
fucked. and you're in this like care home where
this family is caring for loads of individual
people and um one day the nazis come in um and
without warning they start taking some of the
patients because they've got some evil doctor
that wants to experiment on them um so that happens
a couple times and then the next time they come
um they basically say We don't need this place
anymore. We're shutting you down. Thanks for
your service, but you're done. And then they
start killing all the patients. But you've sort
of got yourself to a point where you're well
enough. You can start to move and shit like that.
You're feeling in yourself now. And the scene
goes is that there's a nurse that's feeding you
whilst the Nazis come in. So they come in and
then it all kicks off. There's a knife on the
table. So you take that knife and then... as
a nazi fucking killing everyone and then he gets
his way to you and then you jump up and you stab
him in the throat anyway you fight your way out
of this um mental institution and then uh end
up having to save the family that was running
it and then that's when you find out that it's
fucking i think it's like it's like 16 years
or something has passed so you've been fucked
for that long um and you're with this family
in their house and you've got better and you're
like, we need to go and fucking fight the war.
And they're like, what war? The war's done. It's
over. And he's like, well, what do you mean?
And they're like, the Nazis won. It's over. You're
done. And he's like, well, where's the resistance?
And they're like, there isn't one. They don't
exist. They used to and they've been captured.
They're done. And he sits there and he's like,
what the fuck happened to America? And they surrendered
eight years ago. so they're there they are completely
done and they're not just your typical nazis
they're um like they've got robot dogs and big
armored machinery and amped up a lot of the soldiers
have like these weird electric vial things on
the back of them um so they're like uh like super
nazis basically and you're currently what i'm
doing is um They're trying to break out of the
resistance that they have held in jail. And it's
just really fun. Most of the games have really
good reviews, unlike Steam. And I was trying
to find a game where... You know when you just
want to play something where you can switch off
but still pay attention? Something that's easy
to play. And I normally find that a first -person
shooter is that kind of game. But Call of Duty...
things like that i'm just not massively interested
in whereas wolfenstein i was like fuck it let's
let's give it a go and it it's it is really good
it's gory um like shoot someone in the side they're
dead but their rib cage is all fucking exposed
and shit like that um it's a game that i reckon
you'd quite enjoy because it's very um it's very
militant and a fun premise because you're just
killing fucking nazis stabbing them in the throat
cutting heads off i haven't found any rocket
launchers yet i'm not massively far maybe like
four or five hours standard guns, but you can
akimbo a lot of guns and shit like that. I wonder
when it's actually... It must be set in the 60s.
Wolfenstein. Wolfenstein. Oh, here we go. We're
going on fucking... Go on Google, lad. Wolfenstein.
The new order. When did it actually... When was
it set? I mean, that's the actual release date.
I don't need to know when they fucking released
it. Because they've got an order that you should
play them in, which ties in relatively well with
what we were saying about Star Wars, in that
when I bought the collection, I had to Google
it to work out which ones I should do, and they
do a chronological order, or they do just a release
date order. And everyone on Reddit was saying,
just do the release date order. And it's funny
that we were talking about fucking Star Wars,
because there was one post where a guy was saying,
like, Star Wars has kind of ruined... the ordering
system for a lot of games tv series movies and
stuff like that by having to because you you
can watch star wars by release date but it's
better to watch it by chronological is that right
yeah yeah so because you're getting the whole
story the story of it yeah so this person was
saying like that's bled into other game like
other things where it doesn't doesn't nearly
have as much impact I feel like that's why I
struggled to stick with Star Wars because I tried
to watch it in chronological and it was just
so boring yeah it impacts it because everyone
was used to you know 3, 4 and 5 and then now
you've taken some of that away because the characters
you put in 1, 2 and 3 So, yeah, I can see how
that would... I don't get why they released it
in that manner. It just would have been funding,
wouldn't it, at the time? You reckon? It's just
like that, yeah. Well, they thought Star Wars
was going to go absolutely nowhere anyway. It
had a really small budget. Yeah, yeah. That's
why George Lucas actually made so much money
out of it because he sold all the rights, but
he kept the merchandising. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because he knew that if it did... go how big
it is now and wasn't it wasn't it Harrison Ford
he said he didn't he just wanted a stake in the
was it Harrison I'm not too sure I swear there
was there was someone in in like where they rather
than getting paid for the movies they took a
percentage in the profits from the franchise
so now I've just made an absolute fucking fortune
and we'll still continue to make a fucking fortune
because Star Wars is is huge I can't really work
out. Yeah, set against a backdrop of alternate
1960s is what it says here. We have the little
description. It's a very, very good game so far.
And like I say, it's just something nice that
I can switch off from. Yep. That's kind of key.
And then the weekend time, you want to settle
into something a little bit more story -driven,
don't you? You've got a bit more time. You know,
you've got over the fact that your work is not
going so great and you want to battle the fuck
out of someone. So you just get in and you go,
right, that's it. Well, I was very tempted to
get Elder Scrolls Oblivion, the remaster, because
I never played Oblivion. I'm guessing you never
played it. No, I need to dabble in a bit more
stuff. Because that's meant to be really, really
good and really nostalgic for people that have
played it, but then also really good for people
that haven't played it. Because Steph's got it
on Xbox and she was like, we'll just play it
on that first before you try to buy a remastered
version. But the remastered version is really
fucking good. Not just like where it looks a
little bit more fine -tuned. It's very clever
how they've done it. So the graphics have been
overhauled and done on Unreal Engine 5, but the
actual game itself is still running on the same
engine. So it's like two engines mixed into one.
So it's still kind of clunky and characterful
as how it was when it first came out, which was
quite a while ago, but with all these brand new
graphics. And yeah, where Steph was like... play
it on the Xbox first if you want I'm such a graphics
whore where I'm like no because I won't enjoy
it nearly as much if I know that I can play this
looking better for 50 quid I'd rather pay the
50 quid and just let me fucking let me enjoy
that otherwise otherwise I would have played
Oblivion before the remaster had come out it's
one of the it's one of the first remasters one
of the the most recent remasters has come out
which i feel like is an actual fucking remaster
we spoke about a couple times like the last remasters
and shit like that where you go you're not you're
not remastering a game how you're supposed to
be how i expect you to remaster a game 100 you're
doing shit that doesn't need to be done it's
just a clear cash grab yeah yeah whereas this
feels a little bit more i mean people would have
wanted elder scroll six including myself but
oh if it draws people in that have never played
that game before then it kind of is like a new
elder scrolls if you've never played oblivion
then you go right well then there is this brand
new game that isn't brand new but it's brand
new yeah you can't you gotta help a new audience
like mcdonald's you know i mean they're not stupid
what do you mean where they come from What do
you mean? But, like, their company has been going
so long. Yeah. How do you get new customers?
Like, you don't want to, because the people...
Well, you make your food addictive and cheap.
Yeah, but how do you entice, like, even this
day and age, you've got all these people that
are like, no, Tarquin only eats fucking organic
vegetables. Kale and grass. Yeah, so you've got
to tie them in. Yeah. They remastered a fucking
burger, didn't they? Or they make a... introduce
Minecraft. Yeah, there you go. They remaster
a fucking meal. And different toys and shit like
that. Remaster the meal. That fucking Stormzy's
meal which is basically just a chicken nugget
meal. Like, but. there you go you're not getting
any McFlurry there you go bang there's the Stormzy
meal boom shakalaka I want I want me I want me
nugget man all be a nugget I thought that I thought
that when I say that I was like it's just it's
just a chicken nugget yeah that's all they fucking
do it's like nine nuggets and some chips yeah
sometimes you get a legit burger like I don't
know whatever a ranch burger whatever burger
they can come at that moment like they've remastered
basically a fucking double I've never heard that.
And they just banged in some barbecue sauce.
We've remastered our menu. Off you go. But that's
how you get, you know, variety. They're getting,
that's how they're getting new customers coming
in, new kids growing up, getting used to getting
addicted to basic ears addiction. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. To fucking McDonald's. Same as, you know.
Same as games. That's why these people are interchangeable,
you know, like marketing and spin people. They
move from like the Bank of England to McDonald's.
Well, that's weird. It's literally just the same.
Yeah. And computer gaming. You don't need to
play computer games. You just need to know the
art of like, how are we going to get people in?
Because they're suckers. Yeah, how are we going
to make money? Yeah, yeah. But ultimately, you
can damage your product a little bit or you can
make it really, really good. I feel like accessibility
is another way where, If people make their games
more accessible and easier to play, then you're
more likely to get a bigger player base. MMOs
suffer with that a lot. Specifically something
like WoW, which they, in their latest patch that's
coming out, they released a load of info on it
yesterday. And one of the things that they're
bringing into it is obviously with the game itself,
every class has a rotation. Much like... Much
like how we would play D &D, every character
has its own spells and abilities and you know
what's right for the right situation. In something
like WoW, a class will have a specific rotation
where if you follow that, you're going to get
the biggest output from your character. And if...
If you're not switched on and you're not paying
attention or you're just not interested in that
kind of stuff, you're not going to get what you
want out of the game because it's not going to
be as enjoyable because the combat is like 90
% of the fucking game. The other 10 % is huge,
but ultimately it's a role -playing game about
killing things. And with their latest patch,
what they're bringing out is basically like a
rotation assist, I think is what they're calling
it. And it basically... it will flash the ability
that it thinks that you should use. So you'd
use one ability and then it will flash on your
action bars what ability you should use next
and then so on and so on and so on. At the cost
of, it's called a global cooldown. So if you
press an ability in WoW, I think it's two seconds
and then you can use another ability. In Final
Fantasy, it's 2 .5. Don't know why. And this
feature will increase that by, I think it's like
0 .5 of a second, which basically means that
at high end content, it's not going to be viable
because you're not going to be able to get the
output of someone who's just doing it normally
because that 0 .5 of a second means quite a lot
in the long run. But that's like a way in terms
of accessibility that would draw in newer players
because you go, right, well, this isn't so daunting
anymore because the game's telling me, what i
should be doing because once you get past like
the tutorial stage of something like wow it doesn't
tell you fucking anything at all you want to
find out about your class you either sit there
and you go through all the spells and you read
them or you go and watch a guide on youtube or
use any of the other fucking websites that you
can use um and if you're trying to get into an
mmo and you've never touched one before that's
fucking daunting especially if you don't know
anyone if i put world of warcraft in front of
you now and said right spend a week playing that
get to max level, and then fucking let me know
how you're getting on. You're going to be swamped.
Because you're going to go, I don't know what
the fuck to play. I don't know how to play these
characters. I don't know what this does. Blah,
blah, blah. None of this makes sense. Much like
when we first made our D &D characters. They
didn't have a fucking clue. I still barely have
a fucking clue. Well, I think now you actually...
We're getting there. Yeah, definitely. It's becoming,
I think because we played it so close together
from the last one as well, we actually got more
out of the last one. We're now getting used to
the character and what they can do. I actually
had a blinder on that. Sorry. We've gone straight
into that. I've got a text here from one of our
listeners, Mr. Wayne King. He said, what's...
What's next for your D &D, your next session?
What are you looking to achieve out of that?
So, Wayne King, this one's just for you, and
Mr. Lingen is going to answer this one for you.
What are you looking to get out of there from
Wayne King? What Wayne King has asked this? Yeah,
yeah, he texted me. What do they want from the
next session? D &D session, like, what were you
after? Where the fuck are we? We have... There
we go. That's the ice cream man. See you later.
On cue. Bye. Where are we? We've levelled up.
We are about to... You can't fucking remember
either, can you? We're in the village again now,
aren't we? We're back in Wyvernhoe or whatever
it's called, aren't we? Yeah. We spoke to the
mayor. We got some cash. Yeah. And then we fucking...
I think that's around about 8 or 9%. Yeah, we're
still in there because we sort of hit a... Not
a slump, but we was tired, weren't we? We'd killed
a lot of shit. We had killed a lot of shit. The
session before that, we spent a whole fucking...
Like seven, eight hours moving 200 foot in a
castle. Yeah, which was blinding. It was great,
wasn't it? It was mega. Really, really good.
And what we're doing for time -wise, because
I don't want to spill all the beans for these
paupers, we've got to make sure we spill over.
We can cut it. Nah, well, should we tie it off?
Because we've got to answer Mr. Wayne King's
message. We'll answer that and then... We'll
throw the D &D in the page and then we'll make
Mark suffer and listen to it. Remember, listeners,
your voices don't go unheard. If you text me,
your questions are going to be unheard. So come
on, text in the room. No one has your phone numbers.
No one has any of our numbers. 07 -9969, ice
cream, double... Patches, chopped nuts, mate.
You should have seen the bird in the ice cream.
No. We'll end it there. We'll end it there. See
you later. See you.