I'm ready.
Don't even start.
I will fucking stand up and leave if you say what you are burning to say.
Don't even as a joke.
What?
You think I won't say it?
No, you won't say it.
Oh.
You won't say it.
You won't do that to me.
You wouldn't do that to me.
I'm ready.
You wouldn't do that to me.
I will leave.
I swear down.
I swear.
You can't leave.
Of course I can.
You can't.
Do we want to push it?
You can't because you've already hit record.
Oh, yeah.
I know.
You do this to me every time.
You try and like fake me out like you're not recording.
It's bait.
It's obvious, babes.
It's obvious.
It's called a soft intro.
Louis Theroux does it on his podcast.
So if Louis, if it's good enough for Louis, then it's good enough for me.
Yeah.
Please.
Me, you, us, them.
And not, see, everyone's going to think that I'm just mean when actually they have no idea
how when anyone says I'm ready, it just sets you off onto a fun.
I won't say it.
But I will explain to everyone that it is a song from SpongeBob.
Please.
It's too late.
Don't say it.
Don't do it.
Did you know that of all the Funko pops that they've done, you can't get a doodle bob Funko
pop.
You have to have one custom made, which you can get on Etsy for like 50 quid.
Looks very cool.
Holding a pencil.
You know the one that, oing, oing, oing, oing.
Yes.
I'm not actually a SpongeBob fan.
Never was.
Wasn't a SpongeBob kid.
Are you mad?
I wanted to choke him out.
What?
SpongeBob?
Even in my youth.
I can tolerate it, but.
Yeah, you don't like SpongeBob.
His merch was everywhere.
You couldn't move for it.
SpongeBob is the goat.
I fucking love SpongeBob.
I know.
As I say, my feelings.
Don't get me wrong.
I watched quite a lot of it, but did I enjoy it?
No, not really.
What was your thing then?
Say I had SpongeBob.
What did you have?
Dexter's Labrador?
No, probably Grim Revenge of Billy and Mandy.
Yeah, very good.
With a massive nose.
And then big round noses.
Yeah.
Well, they all look different, didn't they?
Grim had a big chin.
They did all look different.
And Mandy had like a real round head.
Yeah, that was a good one.
Samurai Jack.
No, weren't your thing?
I love Samurai Jack.
Because you didn't watch any Disney show, did you?
Or like Disney XD?
No, I was Cartoon Network.
Purely Cartoon Network.
Yeah, did you ever watch Shnobs?
It wasn't animated.
No.
What was the...
Mourning of the Vampire?
No, well, everyone watched Mourning of the Vampire.
Arthur.
Yep.
My parents are aliens.
Yeah.
What is it?
Courage?
Courage, Cowardly Dog?
Yeah.
Cow and the Chicken.
Did you watch Watch My Chops?
With a talking dog.
Yeah, watch my chops.
Watch my chops.
What's the one?
The Foster's...
The doggy smoke, you said?
The Foster's...
What's the Foster's one?
Oh, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.
That's the one, man.
I remember sitting there when I was a kid, like,
straining like I was having a shit,
trying to get an imaginary friend.
That's how lonely I was.
I actually...
I know I had one.
He was called Mr. McFluffles.
Ask anyone that knows him.
Mine never come to fruition.
No, no, he was here.
And he was like this.
Oh, he was tiny, was he?
No, he was my hand.
But he wasn't.
He was a spirit that possessed my hand.
Like Mike Shinoda's sock puppet.
Basically, yeah.
And one day he went to Peru and never came back.
Was he like socket or something?
He never came back.
Never come back.
Honestly, you asked me a lot about Mr. McFluffles.
Because this is a trip, because I
reckon a lot of the people that listen to us
are of the same age range.
Sort of if they're about in the 20s.
So I reckon we all watched some of the same cartoons together.
Undoubtedly.
Well, I suppose if you're British,
I think a lot of the stuff that was on that CITV,
I think that's.
Because cartoons now are fucking weird.
Sorry, mom just sent me some pictures from the range.
What is that?
Oh, it's a dog bone.
That looks very sus when you do that.
The fuck is that?
It looks like a dick in a packet.
It's great.
I know, I think they're dog treats.
Oh, a meaty ham bone.
Do you want that?
No.
For the dog?
No.
Don't trust it.
No.
It's only £1.29 though.
Exactly, which gives you even more cause for concern.
We don't need that.
No, I think that was too big for her.
Yeah, we don't need that shit.
Well, no, I would like to give her some actual stuff.
Why?
Because it just screams cheap shit.
Is it made out of bone?
What is it?
It's a ham bone.
I don't want it.
Not interested.
OK.
We'll get some of that root shit.
OK.
What's it called?
Oh, root shit.
I can't think of what it's called.
But it's always on TikTok shop.
They said a fucking pickle kits and then this shit for dogs.
Yeah.
Because it crumbles.
It doesn't splinter.
Oh, yeah.
It's great.
So this is a bit of a weird one.
Yeah, go on.
Obviously, we're recording this at, what's the time,
like 5 o'clock on a Saturday evening.
Well, we're recording it late because one actually
was at Centre Parks.
He's had a lovely time.
And on Friday, normally, I get home quite early.
So does Ash for the pod.
However, I got home rather late on a Friday.
So by the time I got home, I was fucked.
I was so tired.
And then today, I've been working.
So hence why we're recording it quite late.
But also, today is technically the anniversary
of what's the buttons.
It's just fucking a chop of itching your brain there,
ain't it?
Fucking hell.
It's so violent for you, G. I don't want to sniff.
Did you just rub it on your leg?
When I was working with Connor today, yeah,
I fucking, he cut a bit of-
No, I didn't rub it.
When I was working with Connor, he cut a bit of conifer.
And I went to catch it.
And I was looking up.
And rather than catching it, it went straight up my nose,
like fully up my nose.
And so it went up my nose and then bounced off my face.
And I got a lid on a fucking visor, so that did no good.
But I felt the conifer up my nose.
And I put my finger up my nose, and I could feel the conifer.
I was like, oh.
So I couldn't get it out.
So what I did is I obviously covered one nostril
and then just like sneezed.
Oh my god.
And what happened was I didn't see the conifer.
But what was there was this massive bogey.
And my hands obviously covered in mud and shit like that.
So I could feel it on my face.
So I rubbed my face.
And then there's quite a big bogey on my finger, right?
And then as I've rubbed it off of my face,
Mary's come out to ask if we want anything.
And there's just this, so obviously she can't really see
what's going on.
So I rubbed it on my leg.
And then thinking that was the end of it,
I picked up, I was still talking to her,
I picked up the pole saw.
And as I picked it up with my left hand,
as I picked it up, I looked and there's a bogey.
I keep squishing against the pole saw.
Sorry, Connor, there might be a bogey on your pole saw.
I was like, I don't know where the conifer went.
It was just this massive bogey.
I was like, oh dear, that's not very good.
Oh no.
Yeah, I don't think she clocked it.
But it weren't great.
Oh no.
We were saying that this was the anniversary.
I don't really know where that.
Oh yeah, so go on.
Yes, yes, yes.
Sorry, we got off track.
This is technically the anniversary of What's the Buttons.
We started on the 24th of June, a year ago.
However, the way that we are working it is,
rather than having a, we're not doing anything anyway,
other than for the patrons.
Sorry, everyone else.
But we were gonna do something on the 52nd episode
because then it marks a year's worth of podcasts,
but the podcast has been older than a year.
So happy anniversary and all that shit.
We'll do the same again next week.
Do you know, and you won't, and don't worry,
it's not a typical, oh my God, I can't believe you don't know
because really it's kind of irrelevant.
But do you know what else is the 24th of June?
What else is the 24th of June?
Yeah.
What else happened on the 24th of June?
You don't know?
Go on.
We met.
Oh, is it?
Is that when we met?
Yeah.
Yeah, so happy five years of knowing each other.
Is that five years since we last met?
Since we last met.
How you been?
Great.
Fucking hell, I'm very tired.
That's cool.
I suppose it's irrelevant because ultimately
you're with someone else and then we didn't actually
meet up again for about two months later.
I was with someone else and then I dropped
like a fucking sack of shit.
I said, no more you please, I want this one.
And then I DM'd Steph.
No, that sounds terrible.
That's basically what happened.
No.
And here we are almost five years on, still working.
Actually five years on.
Oh, I see what you mean, yeah.
Yeah, but we didn't get together straight away, did we?
That makes it sound terrible.
It does.
And no, to clarify, no, nothing happened
for like two months.
Not even any flirting.
Apart from we spoke about your Assassin's Creed tattoo.
Yeah, we were gamers on the offset.
It's the only time my Assassin's Creed tattoo
has ever pulled someone.
And it was me.
And it was straight away as well.
Literally it was the first, it will forever be
the first thing I ever noticed about you
was the black flags that were on your hand.
It was like, oh.
Yeah, with all the things that people have asked me
what it is, Pokemon Trainer.
No.
Is that a Pokemon Trainer?
Fuck off.
I ain't even gonna bother explaining it.
I know you were the first person to properly guess it.
Which I don't know if that means it's a bad tattoo
or if people are just uneducated.
Because you don't see Ezio that much
because obviously on the inside of the arm,
whereas Jacob is on the outside.
So you see Jacob more.
Well, we didn't have Jacob yet.
I predate Jacob.
Shit, yeah, I didn't have Jacob.
Because that's what cracked it off
is that I said that I was gonna get another Assassin's Creed
tattoo and then you sent me a picture of the poster
on your wall and I was like, shit,
I'm getting exactly that poster.
No, you had it.
You sent me a picture of the tattoo
and I said, oh shit, that's on one wall.
This is a gaming podcast.
This is gaming.
Gaming-oriented.
I can't remember if in the last podcast episode,
me and Ash spoke about the Assassin's Creed
Mirage gameplay trailer.
I don't think we actually did
because Starfield took up most of that.
And then Outlaws took out the rest.
And then Outlaws did take out the rest.
I have Mirage Collector's Edition on pre-order
for the cheap sum of 130 pounds.
That's not bad.
I think that's very cheap for it.
Considering the game itself is,
I don't think it's a full on 70 quid game.
I think it's like 50 odd quid.
What is it?
So you get the statue and a map and a,
I think you get a broach or a pin.
You get some cool shit with it.
And the statue is Basim on a ruin.
So Mark's got it as well.
I didn't realize Mark's got it to sell it.
Oh, he's got the balcony.
I thought Mark had got it
because he wanted a Collector's Edition.
No, he's got it to sell it.
So you little scalping prick.
But I can't blame him because he,
I mean, it will go one or two ways
when it'll either be worth a lot of money
or it's gonna be worth exactly the same as what it is now.
And also, Collector's Editions don't always mean rare.
Like I got the Black Flag Collector's Edition
quite a time after and it was still available
and it was on shit, you're not like 40 quid.
Well, look at the Jacob Fry statue
that I got you on Christmas.
No, they are quite rare.
No, the Jacob Fry wasn't.
It was rare.
It was rare, but no.
Yeah, the Eevee's way rarer.
I'm so sorry, I'm so gassy.
You just keep burping.
I know, but no.
The Jacob Fry was a lot cheaper than the Eevee.
Yeah, but that's-
It was moldy, admittedly.
That's why it was cheaper.
Fucking mold.
Oh, screw him.
When that turned up, when that turned up,
I was trying to hide it from you and then I opened that box
and I had a look at it and I was like, oh my God, no.
Oh my God.
You asked Lucy because she come in
and I was in a panic trying to clean it.
She was like, what's going on?
I was like, it's fucking moldy, it's moldy.
And obviously she knows all the Detail wipes
and shit like that are.
So I think I went through like 20 different wipes
because all the nooks and crannies and the cape and fuck.
And it was just mold everywhere.
Do remind me to check that actually
because I will check them when we go in
because I am-
Oh, conscious that there's more mold.
Yeah, because you can imagine it spreads
to all of our other figures.
Oh, good Lord.
I keep forgetting that Ellie's there as well.
Yep.
Wasn't that like 40 quid?
Yeah, and this is the thing.
So you might have people that bought that thinking,
oh yeah, that's all about me.
That was without a box though, wasn't it?
No, it is boxed.
Oh, it has got a box.
Because I did what I did with my Unity ones,
Arno and Elise, which was kept boxed neat
but took them out of the boxes
because they were so fucking big.
But what I will say for Assassin's Creed figurines,
being the owner of five, I think five, six, anyway, six,
I don't know, is, I think look-wise, they look amazing
for what is often a very, very good price.
Certainly if you get it from them straight away,
not resale.
But my black flag Edward,
which was there's several versions of Edward,
I got the one that is, he's like hanging off
the mast of a ship.
Yeah.
And it's got a cord thing that he hangs off of,
thus impossible not to display him with that.
Anyway, so naturally, got it out, put it on display.
There's no keeping it in the box
because the box was opaque and he was in,
it wasn't something that you could keep in the box.
Yeah, I think figures are the one thing
that I won't keep in the box.
Well, yeah.
But you know what I think, you can keep them,
and that's what the other ones were like,
where you can see them and they look nice
through the box, whereas this one completely didn't.
Anyways, over the years, which I'll give it, okay,
it was on display for about eight years.
It hasn't been displaced since we moved here.
It bent.
The thing slowly over time became angled
and you can't like, but not in a way
that you can sort of bend back.
Also the one, so Arno and Elise and Jacob and Evie,
they can be displayed separately or slotted together.
Yeah.
Well, Arno and Elise, again, over time,
so I used to display them in my old house separately,
like about six inches away from each other.
But now, in fact now they're not connected either
because the base is bent as well.
That's gonna sound ridiculous.
It is.
Just FYI, we had a pause there, but don't worry about it.
But yeah, the base is bent as well.
I only slightly like, but I'm a bit miffed
because I've stored them fine.
Yeah, I'm not really sure why it's done that.
Ultimately, it's one of those ones where
there's some things I think that you keep in mind
because you think, oh, maybe one day I might sell them.
And then some things like I genuinely don't give a fuck.
Like if I'd have kept it in a box and would it have been,
but you know what I mean?
It easily could have anyway.
And then I wouldn't have had explained
how I liked for all those years.
Well, just because it's in a box doesn't mean it's.
No, like your J.K. and Frank of Grimaldi.
Yeah.
Although I don't think that was boxed.
I think they put that back in the box.
You don't think so?
I don't know.
Where the fuck did it get like that?
You know?
No, no, no.
I just wish you'd take a picture of it for me.
What, the mold?
Yeah.
I don't know why I didn't really
because I could have got some fucking claims going there.
You could have absolutely got a fucking refund, mate.
Yeah, I know.
This is what, you know what you said yesterday
how I'm a natural born leader?
I know.
Maybe I am because when you told me the story,
I was like, God, I wish you'd have loved me.
I know, I know.
Well, I can only apologize.
But yeah, so the,
I actually ordered the Collector's Edition
before I saw the,
before I saw anything to do with Mirage
because it's like, it's so cheap
and I just, I have faith in this one.
Yeah.
And it's been confirmed that they have gone back
to their roots, which is what they,
what Ubisoft was saying they were gonna do.
And one of the ways that they've done that
is with the map size.
So the map size is apparently being likened
to that of Revelations, Revelations and Unity,
which they're not small, but they're not massive.
They're not Origins, Odyssey, Valhalla sized,
especially not Valhalla sized,
which I think is fantastic.
And when I saw the gameplay trailer of it,
I thought, yeah, this is exactly
what Assassin's Creed should be.
Didn't see everything I wanted to see.
You only saw melee combat with the hidden blades.
Would have been nice to see combat with a different weapon.
Swords.
But ultimately it looked very good.
The parkour looked decent.
It looked how like Assassin's Creed 2 and Revelations
and things like that looked, it did very much look like
it had gone back to where they began,
which I think is, I think that's the direction
that they should stick with.
One of the cool things that I saw,
which I don't really understand how it works,
but I quite liked anyway, was the dashing ability.
You guys did talk about this.
I remember you saying it.
I remember saying, yeah, I remember talking about it.
That it was like part of the Animus type thing.
Obviously that's all we've seen from Mirrors so far.
And that comes out in October, end of October.
We see Sean and Rebecca.
I'm imagining that.
I swear we see them and then we were like,
who the fuck are they?
Because it didn't look like them at all.
Or we're watching something else.
That wasn't from Mirrors though.
That was Valhalla.
Valhalla was it?
When we saw them and we went,
that's fucking nothing like them
because we're so lost in the storyline.
Haven't seen you guys since 2009.
There's three Assassin's Creed's
that we've just completely negated.
So yeah, I mean, I'm excited by it.
I think it'll be interesting.
It's not like, I don't think it'll be like
game of the year type shit.
I think it's just, it will be very exciting for me
because you've had so many years of Assassin's Creed
being your absolute favorite game
to not giving an absolute shit about it
because of what it would become
to hopefully being able to pick it back up
and going, yeah, this is fucking sick.
This is exactly what I wanted type shit.
So I'm excited for that.
I think that'd be very good.
Yes.
And right now, playing Final Fantasy.
Final Fantasy 16.
It's good.
Oh, it's good.
Cinematically, it's fucking fantastic.
It's a first, go on.
I was gonna say, whoever paced that demo,
like whoever chose that.
Oh, they did a-
Very, very clever.
They did such a good demo.
Basically what happened was
I've never played Final Fantasy before.
I wasn't in Final Fantasy online for a brief period
when I was trying to fucking find a void for World of Warcraft.
I've never dipped my toes in that genre.
And it was Sam, one of our patrons that messaged
and said, play the fucking demo.
Demo's free, play it.
So I downloaded it.
It was like an 18 gig demo, something like that.
And what it does is normally when you play a demo,
it will slap you somewhere in the middle.
Some juicy shit's going on.
A lot of the demos that I've played,
yeah, they haven't put us right at the beginning.
They've put us at a somewhat juicy bit.
So when I played this demo
and you are right from the beginning, it's so good.
It's so good.
Like you say, visually it was such a cool demo.
It weren't long.
It was like, what, 30 minutes, an hour?
Are you joking?
You were sat there for like two and a half hours.
Oh, was I?
Yeah.
Oh.
Two and a half hours then.
Yeah, you actually got in, figured it
and it was probably about coming up five o'clock
and then yeah, maybe about half seven.
I've been saying the same thing to everyone
that's been talking to me about it.
The way that I know, yeah, the way that I know
that my brain loves it is the fact
that this is the first Final Fantasy
that I've ever picked up and played.
And I was sitting there explaining the lore to you
from a demo.
So I was like, yeah, this is how I know I'm interested
because normally I'm not a lore whore
but I do pay attention to some lore.
I like to know what is going on.
But this time around, I knew it was something special
because I was remembering people's names
which I'm terrible at.
So I was like, yeah.
Well, I mean, I suppose it's not difficult
to remember the Clive.
Oh God.
Kenneth, Joshua.
And then-
You know, a great hero, Clive.
Good for all the Clives in the world.
And then you just got like Garuda
just thrown in there like proper random names.
Sidilophilus.
Sidilophilus and Neil.
The mighty champion Dave.
It's so random but it makes it so easy
to remember their names.
Clive, the protagonist, I was like,
like Sam said, he's like, who the fuck picked Clive?
Who picked Clive?
But for some reason it works.
I don't understand it, it works.
Yeah.
But yeah, I spoke to Ash about it.
One thing that I really like about it
and I've never seen it before,
I can't remember what it's called.
And when I voice noted him about it,
I said the same thing, I can't remember what it's called.
But the law thing that you can-
Active law?
Yeah, the active law thing.
Button thing, yeah.
Active time law or something like that.
That's it.
Where you, whatever scene you're in,
there's only a very few cut scenes
where you can't activate it
but you can activate it during most cut scenes
or while you're playing whenever.
And you hold down the touch pad
and it brings up the aspects of the scenario that you're in.
So say you're in a cut scene with Clive,
Kenneth and fucking Joshua.
It will bring up those three people
and you can click on them and it will give you
a brief summary of what the law is so far
with those people.
And then it will give you the places as well.
So if you're in a certain city
or whatever location you're in,
it will have that on it as well.
So you can click on that and you can see the law
from that as well.
So it just gives you that brief synopsis
to kind of keep you in the loop of your plan
and you think, I don't really know what is going on here.
You can just quickly hold down that touch pad
and have a quick skim of what is going on.
And I don't think you don't have to utilize that
all the time, which I haven't,
but there's definitely been quite a few times
when I've used it and gone, oh shit, yeah, like that.
That makes sense and that makes sense
from a person that's never played Final Fantasy before.
I was like, yeah, that, that.
Like now I know why this is happening
and I just think it's a nice addition.
Yeah, it's very good.
Kind of like the Amazon X-Ray, isn't it?
Which again, don't often use it,
but it will be like when you pause it,
it will tell you like exactly who's in that scene
and who they are.
And I did think that was very clever.
The combat feels really good as well.
I really like the combat.
It's just hack and slash type shit.
I think, and I-
You need to stop saying sick him, Torgl.
That makes more to choke him.
I feel like there's a setting to probably switch up.
So there you get-
Good boy.
There's accessories on there that give you
like special abilities,
whether it be, some of them are like plus five strength
and shit like that, but you get all these other ones
that will, this is where it feels somewhat cheating.
So obviously you can dodge attacks and things like that.
Kind of like Elden Ring.
Again, like what Sam said,
but there's this accessory you can get
where either it will slow down time
and give you a prompt to dodge on an ability,
on an incoming attack that you can dodge.
Or there's one where it will just automatically
dodge for you.
So you don't have to dodge.
If it's an ability, if it's-
Which you definitely have equipped.
Yeah, if it's something that can be dodged,
then it will dodge for you.
And then there's another one where obviously
there's different combos.
You can equip this one and it will make every single combo
a button mash of square.
So you keep mashing square and it will just throw out
random combos for you.
I thought you were doing very well
considering you're so early on in the game.
And then there's another one where it will make Torgal,
who is one of your companions, his big old dog.
Because Torgal, you can manually toggle him to attack
heal and do something else, can't remember what.
There's an accessory that you can equip
where he will do all of that automatically.
So you haven't got to worry about doing that.
Obviously I've got those three things equipped.
I had the one where it slowed down time
before you could dodge.
And then I thought, well, let me try the other one
and see what that does.
And it's just, just keep pressing square.
So basically in a boss fight, you just let it play itself.
Yeah, but I feel like,
I feel like with this game,
because I know that Final Fantasy is very story driven.
Yes.
It's the same with the MMO.
That's like when you ask for reviews on it
and stuff like that, that's one of the main things
that people say is that the story
is one of the most enticing parts of the entire game
because the lore was just so rich.
And I did look at the play time for Final Fantasy 16
and I won't say what the actual play time is
in case people don't want to know,
but it did say that you can cut that time down drastically
if you skip the cut scenes.
So that tells me that,
well, it did say in the article
that the majority of it is cinematic.
Same with Guardians of the Galaxy,
which I absolutely love.
I love because then it feels like you're watching a movie,
but you're playing it.
If anything, that gives me more immersion
in what I'm playing because more cinematics,
less play time, not for every single game, obviously,
but I think for games that are heavily story driven,
those cinematics really help you to build a picture.
And I feel like,
I don't know if it makes me sound really lazy,
but I feel like that makes me really want to play it
even more because I know that for the however many hours,
I'm not going to be playing for most of it.
How can I be watching a cinematic?
It just makes me feel safe because I'm in a cinematic.
No one can help me.
And I know exactly, you have such a instant reaction
when one comes on,
because I'm so often sat behind you
and just I'll be on my phone or doing something
and sort of watching as well.
And the second, the pan of it begins,
you instantly put down the remote,
scoop, like, relax back.
And you're like, here we go.
Sometimes you'll flip through your phone.
Yeah, it depends, yeah.
If it's one, then they're just sort of talking
and nothing's like crazies going on.
It's just so fun.
You've got immediate reaction.
Yeah, I was going to hand rest.
Hand rest from just button mashing square.
I'm sure later down the line,
there's all different accessories that you can mess around
with and stuff like that.
But for now, for now, I'm more than happy
to just be button mashing square.
I mean, you can manually do combos and stuff like that,
which a lot of the times, to be fair, I do,
because it picks the combos at random.
So there's ones where you would want to do certain stuff,
but it's not going to do that,
or it's not going to do it soon enough.
And to be fair, the reason why I picked the accessory
that automatically dodges for you
is because while I was doing combos,
you can't dodge whilst doing a combo.
You can't cancel the combo and dodge.
It has to finish the attack that you're doing.
Not like, how do I explain it?
If it takes four masses of square to get a combo off,
if you're on the third mash of square,
then if you're in the middle of that animation,
you can't just dodge out of the way
and cancel that animation.
It finishes the animation, which means that
if you haven't timed it properly, you're going to get hit.
And I was just getting bored of doing that,
so I was like, fuck it, just do the one
that dodges for me automatically.
I'll just have that.
I always think if,
I'm not cheating because they put it in the game.
They put it in the game for it to be used.
Just like Elden Ring with the mimicked here,
they put it there for me to use it.
So fuck you, Ash, if you want to have a little win.
Like you did with the fucking mimicked here,
because I'm going to use the motherfucker.
That's exactly how it's going to work.
So they give me the tools, I'm using them.
So far I'm having a great time.
It's very fun.
Looks very good as well.
Does look very good.
Obviously I'm playing in frame rate mode,
not fidelity, because I don't want to.
I don't want that 30 frames.
Fair enough.
Yes.
Indeed, sorry, I'm trying not to die.
I don't know if you can tell.
It's just naughty.
The hay fever will be getting me.
What's happening in my life?
Tears of the Kingdom.
Yeah, going hard.
I can't remember when I was last on where I was at.
I think you did set- What, in Tears of the Kingdom?
Yeah, I think that it was like I was going to reset it.
And then I- Reset it?
Like as in, that was the last time I was
spiked on the podcast. Oh, you mean on the podcast.
I thought you meant on Tears of the Kingdom.
Yeah, I think one of the last times was
that you were going to reset and get mini-
I was going to have to.
I think great decision, great decision.
Honestly, he's a burden.
What, mini eggs are burden?
Love the guy, but they,
I feel really guilty leaving him in places,
but it's not like, you know, like,
I feel like I can't really remember if Red Dead did do this
or if I'm imagining it, but I swear in Red Dead,
it didn't really matter where you were.
If you whistled your horse, it would come.
Yeah, I think that's how it works.
Yeah, it just like spawned your horse.
Yeah.
Yeah, you meet his away and it run up to you.
I'm pretty certain.
Yeah.
Well, in both of them, in Breath of the Wild,
and Tears of the Kingdom, it doesn't.
If you're too far away, you're too far away.
That's fucking annoying.
But there's lots of stables
and you can call it from any stable.
Yeah, but then you've got to constantly put it
in a fucking stable.
No, no, no, you don't.
You can leave, it can be on a muck and mountain somewhere.
And if you're at a stable, you can call it to that stable.
Oh, right. Oh, okay.
I see.
And it used to be, so there was a stamina hack
in Breath of the Wild.
I say hack, it was more of like,
well, I suppose it was a hack.
Yeah, that's what I was looking for.
Where if you like whistled for a horse,
you could run without depleting your stamina.
And basically the horse wouldn't necessarily come
because if it was too far away.
Yeah.
And it used to be like,
it seems Minion couldn't hear your call.
It used to pop up.
Well, so far in Tears of the Kingdom, you whistle,
nothing, it just, nothing comes up, but he doesn't come.
And then, yeah, like, bless him, he's not blessed,
I don't mean that.
But there are, I haven't,
I'm really, really glad I did it.
And actually, I think it would have spoiled it.
I was right, it would have spoiled it if I couldn't
for some reason.
But yeah, I just haven't, you know,
every time I ride somewhere, I'm like,
fuck, I can't fast travel now
because I'm just going to leave you here
and this isn't a very nice area.
Oh, Jesus.
But no, I'm joking.
This isn't a very nice area.
I mean, well, you never know.
But this isn't upper class enough for a mini egg.
I'm loving it.
And like at the minute I'm going around
collecting all the armors,
because they very much have like a,
you can get by if you really, really want to,
but you're supposed to constantly change your armor
to suit what you're doing.
You're supposed to drink potions,
you're supposed to cook meals.
Like, it really helps you.
It's the same shit with Elden Ring.
You don't have to, but it makes your life easier.
It makes it more fun.
Yeah.
And like, I love finding the armors.
I'm really, really enjoying that.
Do you think the, we've spoken about it quite a bit.
Do you think all of the glitches and stuff that you,
and the exploits that you've seen on TikTok
have somewhat spoiled it for you?
I wouldn't say spoiled,
but there's times when I'm angry, not angry.
You know what I mean though, but like annoyed,
because all of the things I've seen,
they're basically only able to do that
because of the dupe glitch.
Yeah.
In the sense of, you could,
but you'd be fucking grinding your life out
to get that many, like I was shocked at.
So when you use all of those devices,
the wheels, the fire, the flames, whatever,
you have those little battery cells.
Yeah, yeah, I see that.
And you know, in like every video, they've got fucking loads.
Each one of those, it's like,
you need a hundred crystallized charges.
Is that each one of the three blocks,
or is that each block?
Each, each, each block.
Each block with it, no.
Within the three.
There's a, yeah, like a little battery with three chunks.
And for one chunk is a hundred crystallized charges.
And for a hundred crystallized charges,
it's more Zonite.
And to find Zonite is not that easy.
You get that from killing stuff in the depths,
mining in the depths,
and killing any of the robot ones called constructs,
anywhere, they're on all three really.
Yeah, I was really, really shocked
at how much that actually takes.
And like when people, you can build a house
in a place called Tarrytown,
which you help build in Breath of the Wild.
And even that's like 15, what is it?
15,000, no, what's 1,500, 1,500.
1,500 rupees.
So, which is quite a lot, especially like early on.
So all these people that you can see,
and they've got this house,
but they've got like four hearts.
They're not very far, or like certainly shrine-wise.
Yeah, and I'm just, it did.
I don't mean like, yeah, there's an element of like,
oh, I kind of wish it didn't happen
so that the playing field was a bit more level,
because really, you're seeing something,
you think, oh, that looks really cool,
but you can't really, really recreate that at all.
You're seeing all this really cool, yeah, like you just said.
You're seeing all this really cool shit,
and then it's making you want to do that
in Tears of the Kingdom and go, oh, this looks fucking sick.
And then you realise it's actually,
well, technically a cheat.
Yes, really, yeah.
Which they continually patched.
What I, I started to get really pissed off with it,
and it happens with so many games.
You get all these fucking annoying,
cunty streamer type children on TikTok.
Hey guys, I'm gonna show you today how you can get,
they all have the exact same intros.
They all look exactly the same.
They all talk exactly the same.
Everyone knows the kind of people that I'm on about.
And for about a week, my TikTok,
and it wasn't because I was liking them
or watching them loads.
They were just fucking spawning out of everywhere
of all these people saying like,
there's this exploit and you can do this and do it.
Oh, they patched this one, but with the latest patch,
you can now do this and blah, blah, blah.
It's like fucking, just play the game, cunt.
Like just play the game properly,
because surely for me, I don't find that enjoyable.
When you load up GTA and then you bang in those cheats,
it's fun for about five minutes and then you go,
all right, well, the challenge
is completely stripped out of here.
This is no longer any fun.
Yeah, when I got the Minecraft Xbox edition, Xbox One,
but not the cool one that looked like a block of dirt.
It was the white one, but it had Minecraft on it.
And someone realized that on the Xbox version,
when it was obviously quite new,
that there was a juked glitch with the chest.
You could do this thing, I can't remember what it was.
And me and Lou did it.
And obviously you do it with like diamond or whatever.
And then, yeah, it was like really boring.
We're like, I was about two hours after that,
we were like, well, I'm never playing this again.
Because you've done it.
The ahead of the curve achievement
that I got the other week on World of Warcraft,
a couple of years ago, it become a new thing
where you could pay in gold
to have a group boost you through it.
Where they would be saved to the last boss
and then it'd be like, I don't know,
like fucking 250,000 gold,
which is a lot of people would go,
and it's not a lot of money, but it is.
And you pay them and then they'd boost you through it.
You wouldn't even have to do anything just down there.
And I did it once because I really wanted the mount.
And I was like, the guild that I was in,
I was like, it's not gonna happen.
So I paid for it and it was so boring.
It was so boring and having that amount.
And yes, it looks cool.
It looks very cool.
One of the coolest looking mounts I've got.
But I was like, I haven't earned this at all.
Yeah, it does feel different.
I don't like this way.
I was the head of the curve that I got with hoofs and hoes,
which is the guild that I'm in.
Represent.
We earned that and we did that properly.
And that felt good.
Got fuck all for it.
But that felt good to achieve.
Yeah.
And I just feel like you glitching your way
through the game, talking about Zelda,
to get all this shit.
Yes, they make for very funny videos.
Make for great TikToks.
And it really drives up the hype for Tears of the Kingdom.
Not that it needed it, but anyway.
Yeah, I just feel like it gave,
it's given a lot of people a false sense
of what the game truly is like,
because you're watching someone
who has effectively got everything they could ask for
straight away.
And has the creative ingenuity
to create these crazy things.
And you play the game and it's like,
actually no, you can't do any of this without glitching it.
But then, well no, you can.
You just have to actually play and grind.
Which I'm kind of like, that's okay.
Because I think there's a, what game is it?
Is it Ocarina of Time?
No, you think you get them anyway.
No, what's the one where you have to rent your shit?
Whatever one, there's one of them.
Is it Non-Major's Mask?
No, that's one where the moon's gonna crush the earth.
It's really scary.
I think it's a link between worlds.
It was like a 3DS one.
You have to like, initially you have to like,
rent your stuff off this guy.
And then every time you die,
you have to like go and rent it again.
And obviously, so when you die,
and then you've got less rupees,
because you rented it to him.
And it really like, it's a whole system.
But at the start, it's like way too expensive
to buy your own version of it,
without having to rent to him.
Because they don't want you to fucking start the game
with all of the stuff, so that it doesn't matter,
so that it becomes inconsequential.
So, yeah, it's one of those weird ones
where it's like, I'm okay,
at the same time as being annoyed.
Like I was quite shook.
You know, you see, shooked?
I was quite shooketh.
I was shooketh.
You know the one, and it's auto build,
and they just, it's the last one on the wheel.
I've actually only just got it.
And basically it remembers things that you've built,
and you can call it,
and if you, as long as you have the materials,
it will do it, right?
No.
That costs, the zoneite that that costs,
I won't fucking spend it.
This is where like the difference
between you and I comes into play,
where you know how like,
I'll hoard all the potions and you'll just drink them.
It's a bit like that.
I'm looking at it and go,
mm, it'll be 16 zoneite though,
so I'm not gonna do that kind of thing.
Because obviously I need that zoneite
to turn into crystallized charges
to get me a fucking batteries going.
So yeah, I'm quite glad that I didn't do it,
because I do think there's a potential
where it would have gotten better of me
and I would have done it.
They had the same thing with Elden Ring
with rune farms.
Obviously you used runes to level yourself up.
To which I actually did.
Oh you did with that weird like rock thing?
At the end.
I did it at the end after I'd done
six separate playthroughs of the game.
So don't be coming at me.
I mean you definitely didn't do it that far in,
like that many playthroughs.
You did it at like,
you hadn't finished it when you did that.
No I had finished it.
No I had.
Before I did any rune farms,
I had done at least three playthroughs.
Oh no.
I had.
Right, so when you and Ash had the bet for an hour,
that was your first playthrough?
Yep.
Yeah, you definitely didn't.
You definitely did it before that.
What?
No.
Fine, yes you did.
Because I didn't watch again.
No I didn't.
After that?
No, okay.
I promise you, to be fair,
you can look at the fucking,
at the clip of it,
I'll be able to tell you,
I'll be able to show you that I, no,
I did not do the rune farm before that.
I did at least three playthroughs.
Allegedly.
Oh you're smoking a joint.
I did, I did.
And then it was the big bird
that I did the rune farming on.
So now it's like level 99 max everything,
everything is maxed up.
But I didn't spoil the game for myself
before doing that,
like a lot of people did.
Allegedly.
No I didn't, you fucking watched me.
Exactly.
No you didn't, because I was in the annex one.
Yeah, and that's the thing,
after you finished it,
I didn't watch again,
but I watched you rune farm.
Yeah, yeah.
You did it for ages.
Yeah.
And that was before, but anyway.
Yeah, no, that was,
what, you think I was rune farming
before I'd done one playthrough of it?
Definitely not, definitely not.
Me and Ash did the fucking,
No, I believe, fair enough, yeah.
Ash was with me when I completed,
did the first playthrough of it.
We did, we did the,
He was on the phone, yeah.
No, we did the Elden Lord.
The Elden Beast, sorry.
Yeah, but you know when you had the bet thing.
Yeah, Melania.
Yeah.
Yeah, I hadn't rune farmed then,
because it weren't fair.
Because he, I'm pretty sure he asked me
if I'd been rune farming and I hadn't started yet.
I hadn't done it yet.
But after that I did.
Fair doos.
And I won that bet by the way.
He just chickened out of it.
Kill us, yeah.
I spoke a big,
Wasn't there a pizza bet that didn't happen?
Oh no, you did get the pizza.
No, we did get the pizza.
I can't remember what that bet was.
Oh, it was the quizzes.
It was the games, yeah.
It was the quizzes.
The Melania one was he tried,
I don't know if he had killed Melania.
I think he had killed Melania.
And he said how fucking difficult she was.
Because you were like rinsing stuff.
And I give it the big bollocks
and went no, I'll be able to do it in under an hour.
And then I did.
Yeah.
I did, like, I think it was bang on an hour.
Yeah.
And then he was like, no, you didn't.
I went, I fucking did.
And then yeah,
I got the clip recording me screaming
and almost bouncing the controller off the ceiling.
Because she was such a bitch to kill.
Oh.
Was that one that was like two parts?
She had two phases, yeah.
Oh my gosh, she was so fucking annoying.
And then that like Elden Ring sensation let me solo her.
A player who just had a pot on his head
and he was walking around in his pants
and he would join your game and then just solo her.
You just stand around and he'd do it for you.
And I think he ended up with over a thousand kills
and they like made a statue of him
and everything and like give him a plaque
and all that type of shit.
It's crazy.
Very cool achievement for someone who has the patience
of a saint to just constantly fucking rip this one boss.
Very fun game, Elden Ring.
I really liked it.
Never been, it's been a very long time
since I've been so captivated by a game
such as Elden Ring.
So good, so, so, so, so, so, so good.
That mimic tier was a joke, an absolute joke.
I loved it.
The PVP of it was really fun as well.
It's just an overall great game, 10 out of 10.
Have they announced any DLCs?
Go on, get that sniffing love, go on.
No.
They did do, bring out sort of like an arena.
There was this big old pot that you could find.
Yeah, the pot guy.
Yeah.
And they sort of like, sort of like wall glitched
their way into it and then there was speculation
it was gonna be arena and then it wasn't,
it was turned into an arena for,
specifically for PVP battles.
And then they haven't, I don't think they have
announced what the DLC is, but the DLC is on the way.
Now Ash has said that obviously they take,
they're notorious for taking ages with DLC,
but when it does come out it's,
El Perfecto.
So I don't think there is, DLC will come,
but it just hasn't arrived yet.
But when it does, I'll load it back up.
I won't know any of the buttons.
My dodging capabilities will be fucking shit as they were
when I first started playing it.
I'll get angry and then I'll get in the swing of it.
No, muscle memory.
It'll be muscle memory, I think.
That game definitely helped me become better
at dodging stuff because it was either dodge or get fucked.
Yeah, great.
Fantastic.
Beautiful.
And now it's over.
It's not though, is it?
What?
We've still got time.
I went to, I went to Nerd Base for the first time
in a long time.
Me and you both went.
Did we?
We went together.
We went together and we had a slap up breakfast.
We had a cooked breakfast.
It was decent, wasn't it?
It was nice.
And I went in there with the,
obviously I'm a signed whore now.
I don't want anything unless it's signed by the person
that either plays the character or made the character.
And that's quite bad.
And I went into Nerd Base knowing
they don't specialize in signed stuff.
And I was like, wouldn't it be good if they had signed
Bonko's, but what they did have that was signed
was a signed Aowyn poster in a frame
and a signed Galadriel poster in a frame.
And they're only 40 quid each.
So I snapped those motherfuckers up.
And then I got a Tops Lord of the Rings binder.
Movie cards, collectors, storage binder.
And it's the, this is the entire collection for 35 quid.
And we couldn't work out whether it was 35 quid
for the binder or it was like 35 quid for the cards inside.
It was 35 quid for it all.
So bought that.
And then sure enough, Magic the Gathering announced
or released their Lord of the Rings set.
It's just, my Pokemon card days are over for now.
Not forever, just for now.
And Magic the Gathering has not drawn me in yet.
However, they do look cool.
They do really look cool.
They look decent, man.
They look decent, but they obviously got like
Radagast and stuff in here.
So it's like, it's like the entire universe.
I haven't, I tried to Google the full set
to find out how big it actually is.
I could have found out,
but I don't think I could be bothered.
I clicked on like two different articles
and just couldn't, no one was telling me.
I was like, oh, fuck it.
What is there gonna be more cards released?
I ain't got a clue.
I don't know how Magic the Gathering works.
I don't really know how Pokemon works.
I don't know how any of it works.
All I know is that it keeps popping up
on nostalgia's TikTok shop.
I'm just selling them.
But obviously everyone's trying to get hold
of the one ring, isn't they?
Which is-
Just get a box, huh?
Cool.
Maybe.
I earned some money today.
Maybe or will later.
After we get our dominoes, maybe I will.
Do you want dominoes?
Why are you giving me that face?
I don't know, do you want dominoes?
I don't know.
Let's go and get it though.
I'll get it delivered.
I don't think I can hold out
and get it delivered again.
No, we're not getting it delivered.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
What, by them?
Yeah.
That dominoes?
Yeah.
Them lot?
No.
I ain't dealing with them.
They're a mess.
That dominoes is a mess.
It's a joke.
The other one down the road is decent.
Top tier quality.
That one can go fuck itself.
Or?
What are the other two big issues?
Go on.
Fuck, what are they called?
Imperial Kitchen.
What are you feeling?
Ooh, what are you feeling?
Yeah, what?
Tikka masala?
Oh.
Better than the dominoes.
More sustainable.
Closer.
Arguably healthier.
Possibly.
Fresh.
What we won't be getting is the triple cheeseburger again
because I nearly died eating that thing.
Jesus Christ.
What from old Chippy Boy next door?
Fuck me.
That cunt was huge, wasn't it?
Oh.
It was good.
Oh my God.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're no longer talking about games.
We just indulge you with this fucking food.
This fish and chip shop that's down the road from us,
why did we go there?
Because we fancied it, I think.
I mean, don't get me wrong, the chips are good.
The chips are good.
We drove down there because somebody asked for them.
No, we phoned it in.
Oh, we phoned it in?
We phoned in that motherfucker.
No, we didn't.
Yeah, we did.
Did we?
Yeah.
How terrible.
I think so.
I thought no, no, no, we didn't know.
We drove down to get it.
I went in there because remember,
I was standing there for fucking ages
while they were doing these burgers.
Why is that just like a rule with a Chippy?
You just, oh, I wonder if they do a chicken kebab though.
I'm not going to that Chippy.
No.
I don't want to.
No.
Because these burgers were lips and assholes, weren't they?
Yeah.
There was no, the meat content of that was low.
Those burgers tasted really nice until you,
until you got about a quarter of the way through.
Yeah. That's because hunger will do that.
I know.
Hunger provides that.
I know.
Yeah.
But once you saw the puddle of grease
that was falling in the tray
and it was a fact that we finished them off as well.
No, I didn't.
No, no.
Oh, I finished mine off.
I know.
I don't know how you did.
I honestly feel like I looked Beth in the face.
They were so large for no reason.
I had sent a picture, you know when it was?
Wasn't it when my lot were up north?
Yeah, it was.
I remember I sent a picture to our group chat
and they were all like, oh.
Yeah, it weren't good, was it?
Oh.
It was one of them where the,
the structural integrity of the bun was ruined
by the pure amount of grease that had seeped into its pores,
into its yeasty pores.
And when a burger turns into that kind of sloppy mess
and you still continue to eat it,
you know you've got a problem.
I had a problem.
It was no Bleeckers.
Don't even say it in the same sentence.
I'm sorry.
But Bleeckers isn't, Bleeckers is a bit greasy,
but it's that good kind of greasy.
Oh, mate, that's not different.
You know what I mean?
It's that good shit.
We do have a rail card now.
We could just go quick.
Yeah, great.
Let's bang ourselves into London.
You take a dog off a tube.
When I come to London.
I just,
so we're going to get,
we're going to have to.
Yeah, because you've put it in my mind now.
We're going to have to.
Yeah.
My Lord have mercy.
You know what as well,
the Lowe said Lowe likes a prawn puree,
which she says isn't spicy.
But the one I got from there was quite spicy,
but you know that spice where you can't stop,
stop going back for it.
It's like prawns in like a red thing.
So a spice that hurts, but you like to hurt.
With like a, like on top of like a,
almost like a wrap.
I hurt myself today.
Go on.
That was Johnny Cash.
Was it like a wrap thing,
which was quite,
it was decent.
Should we be,
should we be a bit experimental?
Like get the staple and then.
You want to share a take at masala?
We always share.
To be fair, yeah.
Yeah, we do.
Yeah.
Because did you not say to me the other day
when you went out?
It was too much, ma'am.
And the four of you all got the exact same thing.
What a waste.
We all got a take at masala.
That was only because bearing in mind,
they invited me around to their house
and I somehow took charge of the dinner arrangement
because they asked me,
should we have like a piglin type thing,
like pick.
And you said no.
And, or should we just have our own dishes?
And I said, well, I'm having my own dish.
I know.
And then they all followed suit and said,
all right, we'll have our own.
So it's on you.
It's your own doing.
You suffered at your own hand.
And they said, what are you having?
And I said, I'm going to go for the take at masala.
And then they all went,
oh, oh, take a masala sandwich.
We all got a take at masala, all of us.
And it was.
I hope that you feel shame.
I don't feel shame.
I feel great, but it was far too much food
for one man to consume.
Yeah, because you're supposed to pickle.
You have an entire portion of rice.
Tell me dear listener, are you a pigler
or are you a single dish?
When we say pigler,
we mean you order about 10 different fucking dishes
and then everyone picks bits from that dish.
Like we did with Chinese the other day
and it was too much.
Gavin is, yeah, I tried to warn you.
I did.
You were like the captain of the Titanic.
You know what I mean?
I can only apologize.
I.
Or the captain of the Titan.
Oh, too soon.
Um, Gavin and Stacey, Gavin and Stacey demonize pigling
with the joke with Smithy about he orders his own stuff
because everyone's iron up his boners.
Yeah.
But like don't demonize the pickle.
No, yeah, but yes, but he, yes,
but he's coming from a point of view of a fat fucker.
So he wants his own food.
Yeah.
He doesn't want anyone eating his.
Exactly.
But that's what I'm saying.
He wants to eat his boner.
You can just get, get one.
Like I, as someone who I'm like a reformed
Chinese takeaway hater,
cause I used to like it when I was little
and then I got like Dicky belly.
Mark hates Chinese.
Yeah.
I wouldn't eat it for like years,
not in like a bratty way, just in like a,
it was an understanding that I wouldn't eat it.
So I'd always get a chicken and mushroom pot noodle
when everyone would have a Chinese.
And then I branched out into like, they did like a,
it was basically chicken nuggets and chips kind of thing.
It was called a six a from golden express.
And it was crispy, like thin, crispy chicken
cut into slices with a lemon wedge.
Didn't have the optional squeeze,
which I did all over everything.
And then it kind of grew and grew really
from my six a and chips.
So then I'll be like six a and chips
and a bit of those mushrooms.
Cause I like the look of them.
And then it was six a chips and a go on.
Then I'll have a little bit of sweet and sour
like grew back out.
And then we still though,
the whole time we lived at that address
from the point where I began eating Chinese,
we'd always get six a.
It was always get Steph six a.
There we go. That fucking that bar.
Oh, barbecue pork on rice.
I think that was number 54.
She's ass.
Should we just go there?
Mark doesn't like Chinese.
And I am 100% convinced it's because he won't branch out
from what he fucking eats because he's a picky eater,
which isn't his own fault.
But he, he'll probably have a dig at me now
because I'll probably say he gets the wrong order.
But I think if he was going to get a Chinese,
he would get chicken balls and rice or no,
he could get chicken balls and chips.
That's what we get.
That's okay.
Yes, but that's all he would get.
He won't, he won't understand the fact
that there's a billion different dishes
in our Chinese menu that are so fucking tasty
that he would enjoy, but is too scared to,
I like what I like.
Ash is the same.
I like what I like.
Why would I change it?
Because-
How did you find out that you like what you like?
Exactly. By trying something new.
Because you fucking pricks won't adventure
and try something else new.
This is what happens.
We're not getting a masala.
We're gonna get something else.
Cause it might be the next masala.
Maybe we'll get a masala.
Yeah.
Get off.
Or a korma.
No, I want a masala.
I'm done with kormas.
Well, they're basically the same to me.
They are tastes.
They're very similar in taste.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, but they're not the same though, are they?
Yeah, one's red and one's orange.
Let us know what's your favorite takeaway
and what you would order.
Mark doesn't like Domino's.
Well, he does like Domino's,
but he prefers, but he's a Pizza Hut man.
See now, right.
I love a Pizza Hut when you sit down.
When you go in and have a Pizza Hut.
Yeah. Discussing in the world.
Yeah.
I could eat that anytime.
Pizza Hut takeaway.
Maybe it's because I have never lived in a,
what I deem to be a successful proximity to a Pizza Hut.
I've never in my life lived near enough
to still be at peak temperature that's enjoyable.
That's because Pizza Hut doesn't exist anymore.
Pizza Hut just isn't there.
No, they are. Of course they are.
Name me the closest Pizza Hut.
There's two Domino's within a fucking 15 minute drive.
Oh, I see what you mean.
Yeah, no, around here.
No, not really. South and east of us.
But Basildon.
Basildon is there.
Where I used to live,
it was next door to where we used to get our Indian from.
Yeah, but the proximity of that is crazy.
For us, maybe, I don't know what it is,
but it's just like fucking leather when you're trying to eat
because it goes cold and like, oh, tough.
It's not as bad as the Papa John's fucking garlic dip.
No, right, but I agree with you.
That's disgusting.
I don't even know.
There's garlic butter in a fucking...
Yeah, because they call it garlic butter.
Do they call it garlic butter?
I think so.
I was literally about to say they call it garlic dip
when it's actually butter.
But even then, if it is garlic butter,
that shit is not butter.
No, it's like oil.
It's fucking awful.
Anyone who comes on here and says,
eh, Papa John's is the best pizza,
you can go and fuck yourself.
No, now, I'm gonna throw my hat in the ring here.
Papa John's was my port in a storm
because Papa John's was the only man
who would deliver to my old house.
Domo's, get fucked.
Pizza, absolutely no way.
Even though they delivered to my school,
which was 10 minutes further away.
Oh, Donald Ding Dong wouldn't fucking...
No.
Wouldn't deliver to your house.
I was forsaken by every pizza establishment in the area.
There is no way.
Apart from Papa, and he literally,
and they do the pizza sauce dip, and that is...
Rub.
If I am around someone's gaff, and they say...
They use to have chicken pizza with raita sauce.
They say, what is raita sauce?
Like raita?
In the Indian, like yogurt sauce.
Excuse me, say that again?
It's like R-A-I-J-A.
If I'm around someone's house and they go,
oh, we're having pizza,
and then fucking the Papa John's man,
you come down and go, I'm good.
No, I'm actually part of the Papa John's defense league.
I go, I'm all right.
Bad rap, he gets a bad rap.
You're part of the PDL.
Oh, Steph, head of the PDL.
That's great.
No, Papa John's is fucking wank.
Leave him alone.
I don't know how that fat prick is still in business.
I don't understand how Burger King is still a thing.
Oh, comrade got a fucking Burger King today.
Send me a picture of it.
They taste like fire.
Where did he?
Why Burger King?
How are they still a thing?
They're obviously a front for something
because I'm with you on that.
Oh, it's flame grilled.
No, it just tastes like charcoal.
Your food tastes like shit.
It's awful.
You know, and like one time,
and I remember for years,
there was one in Lakeside that's finally gone now.
Obviously the drug ring in Lakeside
just moved on to a different place.
Maybe Robert Dias across the road.
And I used to always go in and ask for,
it was like a Caesar chicken wrap,
and they'd always go, no, don't do that anymore,
but refuse to take it down off the scene for that thing.
And then my mom asked for like a fish burger thing.
And you could see it was a really, really open kitchen.
And this guy, he opened the freezer,
picked one up, dropped it, looked at it.
No, there's no way.
No, no, no, because I'm now like eyeballing him.
I'm like, he picks that shit up, puts it in the fryer.
No, he just kicked it under.
I was just kicked under.
Kicked under some raw fish.
And then picked up another one.
And then that was like the last thing.
And then one time I was on a motorway
and that's how they get you in it.
You're desperate.
You've got nothing.
Your mom would go to a burger thing
and order a fucking fish sandwich.
Of course she would.
She'd get quite, I mean, I, side note here,
the filet of fish from McDonald's, I like,
but I cannot fuck with the fact that they give you
half a slice of cheese.
Half a slice of cheese.
I fucked with it as well.
I was literally about to say half a slice of cheese.
You're fucking violating me.
And I need about three to feel satisfied.
Yeah.
Half a, who, who?
Why?
Oh, Ronald McDonald.
Who, who, who head office thought that?
The fucking burger is a square.
I know.
There's no burger that McDonald's do
that would fit a fucking slice of cheese
more perfectly than the filet of fish.
And they're like, yeah, no, that's ripping it off.
So why are you giving half a square?
Because when you see them make it,
don't cover the whole burger.
It needs to be just centered in the middle.
Yeah.
What the fuck are you doing
with one little squirt of sauce on the cheese?
I don't get it.
Fuck you.
Why are you doing it?
No, it is bad.
When we used to work with a guy called Sam
and he used to work at McDonald's
and we used to always nag him on that one
because we'd go like, give us your trade secrets.
And where does the other half of the cheese go?
I don't know.
Fucking have a little snack?
What was really depressing is that one time
we actually went to his McDonald's
that he used to work out and you went, hi guys.
And everyone ignored him.
No one said hello.
He was like, I know that person.
I know that person.
You all right guy?
No one said hello.
I was like, oh, that is upsetting.
But yeah, we'd always say, why the fuck?
Don't they put just one slice of cheese?
Who's gonna know?
Put one slice of cheese on that motherfucker.
Who is gonna know?
And I would always be too scared to be like,
can I have a whole slice of cheese please?
If they're like, yeah, and I'm gonna spit in it.
You know what I mean?
I don't wanna anger anybody.
Yeah, see, I think we are one of the people.
So I feel like, it's not like we're,
we are not above the workers at McDonald's.
I don't see myself as above those people.
I am with them.
So I feel like if I asked for a whole slice of cheese,
they're not gonna spit on it
because I'm being snobby and going,
go on, just give us a whole slice of cheese.
I think they'll go, it's okay, it's all right.
Give me a whole slice of cheese.
My general belief isn't that McDonald's workers
spit in people's foods.
I don't think that at all.
But I think I just have that like,
I worry that I'm gonna add unnecessary tax to their day.
I don't think anyone gives a fuck.
Unnecessary weight on their shoulders by-
I got told off for giving too much ice cream once
at the ice cream parlor I used to work at.
You're fiddling with your dick.
No, I'm sorry.
Because-
The squishy poo that Connor gave you.
Oh, it's in my drawer.
And the squishy bed end is in the van.
Strange, innit?
It's already melted, innit?
Yeah, go on, sorry.
No, I used to,
because they charge like four quid for a scoop in a cone.
So I used to just fucking do massive scoops,
put extra scoops on there.
I don't give a fuck.
It's not my business, I don't care.
And one time I come across the order book
that had all the prices of everything that they order in.
Motherfuckers, they were ordering in
like these massive like 20 litre, like tubs of ice cream
for like five quid a pop.
It's like you're selling a scoop for four quid.
So after that, it was fucking, the gloves were off.
I was just scooping all kinds of motherfuckers.
And then they pulled me to one side
and they said, the owner's taken note
that your portion sizes are too large.
And I said, I've seen how much you pay for them.
I might make them smaller.
And I didn't.
And then I left not long after.
But while I was there, people were getting fat ice creams
and I was putting some big whippies.
And Mr. Whippy Machine was getting fucked up by me.
I was putting some big boys out of that by the end.
I've become a pro with that shit.
Oh God, you know how difficult it is to put a whippy?
It's harder than it looks, I tell you.
It is difficult.
The last time I used one of those,
obviously like a public one, was again in Pizza Hut.
And I was all polite and I was with Low
and I was like, you go first, Low.
What, you had to do it yourself?
You know, the ice cream factory.
The what?
The ice cream factory.
What was that, a restaurant?
Inside Pizza Hut.
Fuck, have you ever been inside a Pizza Hut?
We've been inside one once.
I felt dirty.
Oh God, oh no.
So in Pizza Hut, you get a free salad bar.
I know, because we went in there and you went,
you're gonna go and get some salad?
No.
No, you don't get salad.
You get fucking sweet corn on bacon bits, croutons
and like thousand island dressing.
Potato salad.
Yeah.
I think that's why I ended up getting some pasta.
Oh my God, oh this hurts me.
Anyway, but you also get ice cream factory,
which is an equally grotty station,
nine times out of 10.
Maybe it's because we were grew up, I don't know.
But it's quite grim to look at, but it's lovely.
And then what they is, what it is,
is the other side is the kitchen
and they just wheel this like ancient ice cream machine
sits the other side of it, like an ATM.
And you go up with your little bowl
and there's all the little sauces.
Basically, Pizza Hut, you work for Pizza Hut.
Yeah.
So the time you go there, you get your own drink,
you get your own food.
The only thing they do is,
and actually if you're there for the buffet,
you also get absolutely everything.
I've always complained about that kind of shit.
You go with your bowl and then you pull the debris down
and out comes your ice cream.
And then there's toppings like fake off-brand Smarties.
Sometimes they did actually use to have a deal with Cadbury's.
You used to get some Cadbury's bits, no longer.
Chocolate chips, sprinkles, whatever, hundreds and thousands
and lots of all different sauces for your, you know,
there's no limit to this.
You can have as much as you like.
Yeah, but they know what they're doing
because you get to a certain point
and you go, I can't do anymore.
Yeah, your blood sugars spike into an alarming rate.
But anyway, so the last time.
Got the damn betas.
Yeah, and I don't, I'll be honest, in my adulthood,
I don't normally go in for ice cream factory.
I be, isn't that?
But I was feeling lucky.
Steph eats one ice cream
and basically becomes a fucking human rocket.
It's not good.
And not always though.
No, it's always.
It's not always.
It's always.
I had the creamy sauce on the Chinese the other day
and I was okay, I was good.
I was fine.
What, that fucking creamy chicken?
Yeah, I survived it.
Probably ain't even cream that's in that.
Anyway, and anyway, I was like, oh, Lowe, you go first.
And I did the classic.
She did it, showed absolutely no signs
of an issue whatsoever.
I go and then run out.
That's nice.
And then I was going, nevermind,
because it's always empty or quite often empty.
Yeah, because it's a front for something else.
The same woman there all the time, bless her.
And she was like, no, it's all right.
You're like, no, no, don't worry.
And then you kind of just awkwardly stood
in the middle of this restaurant
with this tiny little red bowl.
But I got some and I did eat it and it was very nice.
Absolute prime for stirring into like a slush
because it's almost slushy anyway.
You know, when you used to stir ice cream
until it melted into like a soup.
Yeah, I still do that to this day.
Yeah, okay.
So you would absolutely love the ice cream factory ice cream
because it is ripe for that.
It's a perfect consistency and flavor for doing that.
Same with.
Probably because there's literally like no actual milk in it.
Excuse me, can I have a soft serve please?
That's what they're calling it.
Soft serve.
Are you saying that?
That's what my Nana says.
It must be an old person thing.
I'll have a soft serve please.
Oh no, they just call absolutely everything a 99.
Yeah, shut the fuck up Nana.
Just ask for some ice cream, mate.
Can I have a 99 please?
Yeah, that's four pound 20.
I brew for Finn.
We have gone way off board here.
My grandma calls it.
I for Bruton.
I've a Bruton.
I for Bruton.
I don't know why they can't.
I boo pro Finn.
You brew for Finn.
Do you want some I brew for Bruton?
I brew for, I can't even say it anymore.
Great.
So we've been what's the buttons?
This is a gaming podcast.
This is a gaming podcast where the last 10 minutes
has been solely about food.
Oh, we're gonna get an Indian takeaway, haven't we?
This is fantastic.
Naan breads, poppadoms, the whole fucking.
I can't wait.
We'll go to the Patreon episode.
But what about food?
Great.
No, I know, but can we do it after?
No, what is the time?
Are you hungry?
What's the time?
It's half six.
Yes, yeah, we'll eat and then we'll do the exclusive.
We won't do the exclusive though.
We'll probably end up doing the exclusive tomorrow.
Come on.
Okay.
All right.
Are you not hungry?
Well, not massive.
Because I made you a bang up lunch.
Yeah, but I will eat.
Because they do sometimes take quite a long time.
Patreon.com forward slash what's the buttons,
five pound month, you get all this exclusive shit.
There's loads of exclusive episodes on there now.
I think it's heading into the thirties now,
which is quite decent.
So if you want some of that,
give us your fucking hard earned money
and then you can enjoy our voices for even longer.
But see you later motherfuckers.
This has been what's the buttons.
I've been racing, you've been.
Boris Johnson.
Oh, Boris Johnson's left nutsack.
Gary.
Literally why?
Why not?
Right.
Bye.
Au revoir.
Uru.
Yes.
No, you say Uru.
That's the outro.
We might not have an intro, but that's the outro.
Or maybe a Uru.
Uru.
Uru fuck the tories.