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Oh god. Oh my god.

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Fuuuuck!

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Fuuuuuuuuck!

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Josie took Wallace down to the vet today.

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Like we had noticed something like weird next to his butthole the other day and I was like, oh that's...

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Is this like an anal gland situation?

7
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No, no, no. It's not like that. And I was kind of looking at it and I was like, I don't know, maybe that kind of looks like a tick.

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And I was like, I'm going to take him down there to the vet and they took care of it.

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But it was like she wasn't sure of the vet.

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She's like, I think... this is weird. I think it was like a leech got attached and then dried up and just was there.

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And it's like, oh, that sucks.

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Gross.

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Yeah. Too much butt work being done on him today.

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Too much butt play?

15
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Yeah.

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A lot of butt stuff. Poor Wallace.

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Yeah. But he's okay. We put his vest on him and now he's just laying out.

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He's probably going to go outside and eat some bark or something. He'll be fine.

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Yeah. He knows how to treat himself.

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Yeah.

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All right. Well, welcome back to Cage Match, colon around about wave meeting, Nicolas Cage.

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I am Sean here with my co-host Nick and our producer Peter.

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And we're all sad.

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We are sad because this week we are reviewing 2017's Mom and Dad and 2007's Next.

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You know what? I have a prediction for our immediate future.

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It's going to be bad.

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No, rewind it back. Now it's going to be good.

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No, because we watched these movies twice.

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This wasn't the funnest week for us.

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No, it's not a fun collection of movies.

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And it's not even like not fun the way 9-11 wasn't fun.

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Because I think we came out of 9-11 like generally feeling pretty decent about ourselves.

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But man, it's hard to come out of these last two weeks with any kind of like pride.

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My only takeaway from this week was they were short.

35
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Yes.

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So I was doing my rewatches today. I just got done with Mom and Dad.

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And when I went to start up next, my rental had expired and I was not paying another $4 to watch it again.

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What a blessing.

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Yeah, let's just jump right into it.

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Let's start with Mom and Dad, which this week I wrote a synopsis for.

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Hooray.

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Parents be crazy.

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Yeah.

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Okay. Yep. I mean, not wrong.

45
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No, just for some reason, parents start killing their offspring.

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That is the premise of this film.

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That's about how it goes.

48
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Yeah. Yeah. It's like a little bit of the happening with Mark Wahlberg, the Shyamalan sort of thing where all of a sudden people are trying to kill themselves.

49
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Instead of themselves, it's their kids.

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I said I was going to say a nice thing about this movie.

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And Mark Wahlberg isn't in it.

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Hey, that's true. It was better for that.

53
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Too bad.

54
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Mark Wahlberg as like a science teacher is like a bridge too far for me.

55
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Nick Cage as like a car salesman or whatever he is in this. Totally fine.

56
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Mark Wahlberg as a pop star was a bridge too far for me.

57
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Yeah, true.

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You're a big dick porn star. Didn't you do that too?

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He did.

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That tracks. That's about right.

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Okay.

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So Mom and Dad 2017.

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What was the name of the director again?

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Ryan Popov.

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Ryan Popov.

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That's not right.

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Brian Taylor.

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Brian Taylor.

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I knew that wasn't right.

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You were close-ish.

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Yeah.

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Who we will be watching again as he directed Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance.

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He also directed the Crank series.

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And what else was there?

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Another like oh and he did a bunch of the show Happy.

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Yeah.

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So this guy has a great pedigree for like frantic action.

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Mm hmm.

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Which isn't served well in what's supposed to be a through like horror thriller.

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As you started to say thriller, you just kind of have third.

81
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And I was like, is this supposed to be a 3D movie?

82
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Did I miss something about it?

83
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And it wasn't.

84
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No.

85
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I'm still just as disappointed, no more or less disappointed in this movie.

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I think the highlight for me was as I was watching it, I texted Nick and I said, am I going to see a baby get murdered?

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Oh, I swear I kind of stopped my initial watch and I'm like, this is tomorrow.

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Sean's problem tonight.

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Sean does not have it in me.

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So Nick Cage stars as Brent Selma Blair stars as his wife, Kendall and Ann Winters, their daughter, Carly.

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They also have a son who is a kid.

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So fuck him.

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And the grandparent shelf at some point.

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Yeah, there's the boyfriend, too, I suppose.

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Oh, yeah.

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And the only reason I even mention Ann Winters, because the whole time I was watching this movie, I'm like, where the fuck do I know her from?

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Like, was she in Color Out of Space?

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No, it's another ditzy blonde.

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No, she was in the most recent season of The Orville.

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Oh, OK.

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Which is a really good show.

102
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A shitty cameo was Dr. Oz.

103
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Fuck that guy.

104
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Oh, man.

105
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Dr. Oz.

106
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OK.

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So real quick, daughter.

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That's pretty quick.

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Yeah.

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I'm trying to I'm trying to I'm trying to get through this one.

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Brent and Kendall, they're sick of their humdrum lives.

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They don't really they're not really getting on with their kids.

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And, you know, things aren't great.

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Brent used to be, you know, king shit of Fuck Mountain.

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Opening credits, they use the footage of him getting or younger him getting tits in the face while like doing donuts.

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And it totally looked like the high character from Raising Arizona.

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Yeah.

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Oh, yeah.

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It really did.

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Nailed it. Nailed that high look.

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And then, you know, suddenly parents start going crazy, killing their kids.

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Carly's got to get home with her boyfriend to save her little brother, her nine year old brother, who why isn't he in school?

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Very good question.

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And never answered.

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He's too stupid.

126
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Yeah.

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Well, fucking there is a part in this movie where I'm like, finally, we get a fucking good kid with his head on his shoulders.

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Nope.

129
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Oh, no. A terrible kid.

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Yeah.

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Terrible kid gets home to get her brother before her parents get home from work.

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Parents show up, attempted murder ensues.

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What do you want to talk about, Nick?

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I want to talk about what it was that he found and put in the firebird like I assume it was a cat or some kind of a bunny.

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I thought it was like a baby bird or something.

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Yeah. Crows were tearing it apart.

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I don't know.

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They never show you.

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But like he just like Nick Cage just gets upset because obviously his firebird smells and there's a dead animal in it.

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Let's be real.

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That firebird definitely smelled beforehand.

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But I think it smelled like something coppery or something.

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I don't know.

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Yeah. I thought it was like a hand.

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I like in my head cannon.

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It was a hand.

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He found a hand and the kid was just dumb enough to put it in a box and try to feed it like Froot Loops.

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You hear it for a minute.

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Oh, I never heard it.

150
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Like when he first puts it in there and like he brings it like Froot Loops.

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Does he put it in the box and it's just like, oh, oh, I'm really certain I heard like a cat mewing or something.

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But I could be wrong.

153
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Does a cat mewing sound like?

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Oh, was that the noise it made?

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I think so.

156
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I'm fairly sure it did.

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Can you should probably rewatch it and find out.

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Yeah.

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Guess what?

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You get to.

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We don't know that yet.

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Strong case to not do that.

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And then we get to the actual action part of this movie.

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Like the back half is the actual like trying to kill kids scene, which I would say for the most part,

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they're pretty successful at killing kids.

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Yeah.

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Lots of people kill lots of kids.

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Yeah.

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There's a lot of like giblets of children.

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Brent and Kendall.

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Yeah, there's not a lot.

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You don't see a lot of kids.

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Viscera.

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No, there's a lot of like the leftovers of like bloody keys being held in the air, being brought down in stabbing motion.

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We see one girl get like suffocated, suffocated in a garbage bag.

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One thing that I thought was kind of interesting, I don't want to give too much credit to anything in this movie,

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but like one thing that I thought was kind of interesting was the fact that like after killing the kids,

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they have all these parents being like interviewed on TV and shit.

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And they're just like, I feel great.

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Yeah.

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Like I don't I'm real sad for everyone else, but I feel good.

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Yeah.

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It's like, oh, that's really that is creepy.

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Yeah.

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Like you just are driven to kill your progeny.

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I do want to say I know you don't want to say anything good about this movie.

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I want to say one great thing about this movie, and that's Nick Cage line reads.

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Yeah.

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He goes full cage in this movie.

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Yeah.

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This movie is full of just like out there lines.

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He gives them to us pretty hard.

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Yeah.

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Especially when he's talking to the kid and like he just says weird shit like.

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Right.

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Like telling your nine year old about like getting all that ass in the car.

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And and this there are flashbacks to pre insanity and the way Nick Cage talks to his nine year old kid about like,

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you know, this car was a pussy magnet.

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Yeah.

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Yeah. Language to add.

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I'm sorry. Chick magnet.

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And that scene ends with the line.

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Again, this is before any insanity.

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If you ever touch that car again, I'll kill you.

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Smiles and then just stern face.

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Yeah. There was so many.

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Oh, God.

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This was such a well directed and put together movie.

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I feel so good about this.

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What?

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I positive affirmations there.

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What's going to get me through this?

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I feel like I'm going to be in a movie.

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I'm going to be in a movie.

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And alcohol.

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I should have brought more sparkle buddies.

217
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This week's episode brought to you by alcoholism, because otherwise we wouldn't be here.

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No, this is fine.

219
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I was just going to say, like, this movie is just fucking ridiculous.

220
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Like you got the boyfriend who you're introduced to in the beginning because like he has to go take his like PSA tease,

221
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which is just ridiculous because it's like taking the PSA tease and then like the test.

222
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Taking it. I mean, obviously they take it pretty seriously.

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It's the PSA tease after all.

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And then like all these parents are out there like waiting to kill their kids at the end, just like staring through the windows.

225
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And that's kind of weird.

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Yeah. Like why did doors stop them so much?

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Yeah, they weren't very content to just stare like they're in the nursery at the hospital as well.

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Just like watching and breathing.

229
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Yeah.

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Just all this like bottled rage of these fathers looking at their infant children.

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And it's like, open, open the door.

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Yeah, because it wasn't locked because he when he leaves, yeah, the door closes and then they open it again.

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Right. They're like, oh, that's doors.

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Fuck. But he like takes this test and he leaves and like, I just want to talk about this character because this character, I think, upsets me the most

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because they make him sound like he's just some big smart kid.

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And then every time he's on scene, he's just like completely washed away. Like they go back to Carly, Nick Cage's house.

237
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And this is after like the parents have started freaking out.

238
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They're like trying to find the brother and get out of there.

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And Nick Cage shows up and he gets all pissed and he's like just in Damon's face.

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Like, what are you doing here? I know what kids your age are doing.

241
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Like best not be diddling my daughter. He didn't say it, but it was implied.

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And he's like chasing the kid and then like wallops him and like kills him.

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And you're like sitting there like, oh, that's fucked up.

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And obviously he's not dead because he's going to come back later in another scene fight.

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So this kid gets shit kicked out of this entire movie.

246
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He's the only kid we actually see viscerally get fucked up.

247
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He gets his arm cut by a broken bottle, gets his head smashed into the tile floor, gets a coat hanger through the cheek.

248
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:59,000
Oh, yeah. Then gets a meat tenderizer to the head, knocked over a banister, hits the stairs on the way down

249
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:03,000
and then cracks his head on the couch before hitting the floor.

250
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,000
Yeah. And apparently he wasn't dead then either.

251
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:10,000
No, he gets to come. He gets he gets back at the mom though with a shovel later.

252
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,000
So good for you kid. There was a shoveling.

253
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,000
I guess I'm glad he didn't die.

254
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,000
Like the first time I watched it, I was so upset with this movie.

255
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:21,000
I didn't even notice that he came back and like hit the mom with a shovel at the end of the movie.

256
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,000
I was just like, yeah, fuck this.

257
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,000
Like, why do they keep bringing him back and just killing him?

258
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,000
And I guess I drank enough. I didn't care anymore.

259
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,000
Speaking of quote unquote surprise characters.

260
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:37,000
One of the other things that I texted Nick about when I was watching this is I was like, please tell me that

261
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:42,000
the grandparents are the ones that come and save the day by killing the parents.

262
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I forgot about the grandparents until like two minutes before the doorbell rings, because I'm like, wait,

263
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,000
weren't they supposed to have dinner with the grandparents?

264
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,000
What's that going to look like? Ding dong.

265
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:56,000
Like, yes. Yeah. Instantly maced in the face and stabbed.

266
00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:00,000
OK, so you yourselves are trying to kill your kids.

267
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:06,000
It's been all over the news and you're aware that people are trying to kill their kids.

268
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,000
Would you not stop to think that when your parents showed up?

269
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:15,000
Wait a minute. Well, I don't think they actually think about the condition of killing their kids.

270
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:19,000
But the mom does listen to a radio report about it when she's driving home.

271
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,000
Yeah, I think it kind of goes in and out.

272
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,000
Like, yeah, I think they all have the brains like real bad.

273
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:27,000
Yeah. Yeah. When they're all fogged up, I don't think it matters to them.

274
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:31,000
Peter, I thought you had a really good idea this week about like let's talk about, you know,

275
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,000
how these movies could have been better. Yeah. How would you fix these?

276
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,000
One of two ways. And they're both involved the same thing.

277
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:41,000
So there's a lot of like put on like the flashback scenes.

278
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:47,000
One of the better like scenes in this film is when Brent is trying to build his rumpus room

279
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:51,000
and like winds up smashing the newly made pool table.

280
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:55,000
And he completely has this freak out about how, you know, he used to score all the time.

281
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:59,000
And now he's, you know, now they're just mom and dad.

282
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:04,000
If you would have had the insanity kind of build up rather than just going straight to murder kids,

283
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:09,000
but start normal, kind of what the color outer space did where over the movie,

284
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:13,000
they're getting shorter and shorter with whatever is going on with them until it just turns into a rage

285
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:17,000
because why are you trying to make us care about these characters when they're just supposed to be psychopaths?

286
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:22,000
So do that or the other solution, remove the B plot and just be a slasher.

287
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,000
Just have mom and dad be crazy and let's not know anything about the parents.

288
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:31,000
Yeah, I would prefer it that way because I think if you tried to ease into it,

289
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,000
this movie would end up being like an hour forty five, an hour fifty.

290
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:40,000
And that's it probably could have been about an hour and ten. Yeah, it could have.

291
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:46,000
There were tons of scenes that didn't need to be like the whole building the pool table scene.

292
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:50,000
Yeah, I don't know. There were some good cage moments throughout that, which.

293
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,000
Yeah, I mean, it gave us really do need those performance.

294
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,000
Yeah, we need it for this podcast specifically.

295
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:02,000
But the movie gives us the elements we want.

296
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,000
We get some like good Nicolas Cage freak outs.

297
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:13,000
We get like obviously a hyper violent kind of just wackadoodle movie, which who doesn't want that?

298
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:16,000
Except the violence are kept right before an act of violence happens.

299
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,000
It cuts to a flashback of mom and dad being good parents.

300
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,000
Mike, no, just give us the fucking action. Yeah.

301
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:27,000
I never really cared like what was falling apart inside of their family.

302
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:31,000
I just wanted to see like because that had nothing to do with their current situation.

303
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:38,000
Yeah. In fact, the only time I was kind of on board with this film is the last five minutes when grandma and grandpa show up.

304
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:47,000
And then you have like this Tom and Jerry style chase where Nick Cage is chasing his son and grandpa is chasing the cage with a knife.

305
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:57,000
And the movie more or less ends with mom throwing grandma in front of the firebird as it's like peeling out of the garage.

306
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:02,000
Yeah, the kid does a real sick like whip it just like not Nick Cage is driving.

307
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,000
Oh, yeah. That's right. And he is technically a son.

308
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,000
Yeah. True. Grandpa's grandpa's on the roof.

309
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:13,000
So grandma goes ass over tea kettle over the car in slow motion.

310
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,000
And then grandpa like then the firebird crashes in one of the car.

311
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:20,000
Grandpa goes forward and head splatters open. Yeah, that was a melon for sure.

312
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:25,000
Yeah. And I'm like, all right, this is finally saying what's on the box.

313
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:35,000
I bet there was some kind of MPAA thing about like killing just just killing children throughout the whole movie.

314
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:40,000
And that's why they didn't want to show it. Like you can't have that much violence against children.

315
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:48,000
So that's why the only violence we like actually see short of that one girl getting suffocated with a plastic bag.

316
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:53,000
That is probably the most graphic scene of like kid murder. Right.

317
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,000
I mean, yeah, it's just everybody getting chased.

318
00:16:55,000 --> 00:17:03,000
The only other violent like actual violence you're like really confronted with there is the cop beating up a parent,

319
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:10,000
which is weird because the cop was just going ham on a parent and like didn't even care that he was punching their face in.

320
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:14,000
So that violence actually didn't add up with the rest of the movie.

321
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:19,000
But what did add up with this movie? I will say the I mean, if you're going to present us with a world,

322
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:23,000
at least make everything fit and stick high in the rules of that world.

323
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:27,000
So true. Again, the only kid we really do see get fucked up.

324
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:31,000
It's also the only minority character in this movie.

325
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:37,000
Yeah. The black the black kid is the only one we see visibly like horribly get fucked up.

326
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,000
Yeah. He keeps getting hurt.

327
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,000
But the coat hanger was wild. Yeah. The coat hanger was wild.

328
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,000
That was one of the few notes that I had in this thing.

329
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:53,000
After the initial Nick Cage freak out, he trips over one of the kids toys and the daughter and brother are in the basement.

330
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:58,000
Mom's trying to get in with a saws all because it saws all which they say a lot.

331
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:02,000
Twice. But she she Nick Cage has it a couple of times towards the end.

332
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,000
She really hacks at that door with no skill at all.

333
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:12,000
And then they're trying to get a saws all blade to go into something that angle to start fucking terrible.

334
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,000
But then Nick Cage is like, like, you got to do some right.

335
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:19,000
You got to do it yourself. And he goes upstairs to go get his gun, which isn't in the box.

336
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:26,000
You hear two shots and mom starts screaming and you see the nine year old in the basement with the gun.

337
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,000
And I'm like, awesome. They have a gun.

338
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,000
This will be over quickly. Two shots.

339
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,000
And then the gun is gone. Yeah. They never have it again.

340
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:40,000
Yeah. Yeah. The parent then the parents try and like gas the kids like which I thought was clever.

341
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,000
Yeah. And then I liked the home alone style booby trap.

342
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:52,000
The daughter made like taping matches to the back of the door over like the strike paper, which blows up Nick Cage, which is pretty fun.

343
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,000
But then they go to be more burned. I did too.

344
00:18:55,000 --> 00:19:01,000
And then they go into a crawl space to get away from the explosion and somehow wind up in the attic.

345
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:08,000
Yeah, they did some kind of like climbing in that wall, some kind of plenum space got them to the attic.

346
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:12,000
I do want to just quickly talk about the ending of this movie, please.

347
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,000
I want to really slowly talk about the ending.

348
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:19,000
So the ending of this movie.

349
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,000
So actually, we need to draw this episode out.

350
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,000
So please go slower.

351
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:33,000
So after mom gets shoveled and Nick Cage passes out after hitting a car, it cuts to Nicholas Cage and mom being tied up in the basement.

352
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:38,000
The kids are there just watching leave. It's daylight out now.

353
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:42,000
Go away. Go anywhere because no one else is trying to kill you.

354
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:49,000
But the kids are there and, you know, there's and the daughter saying all the, you know, parents like, you know, we want to trust you, but you're making it hard.

355
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:52,000
And brother's like, I love you, mom.

356
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,000
I love you, dad.

357
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:57,000
Mom's like, we love you more than anything.

358
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:04,000
And then Nick Cage is just sometimes we want to credits. That's how this movie ends.

359
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,000
Yeah, I didn't like it. Yeah.

360
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:11,000
As soon as I saw that, because again, the last five minutes of this movie, I was on board.

361
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:17,000
And then that happened. I just text Peter. I fucking hate this movie.

362
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:21,000
I mean, like from a fundamental perspective, like it's shot well.

363
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:27,000
Like the core is done, you know, in a pretty effective way. This director is really good at like frantic action.

364
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:31,000
Everything's well constructed. Just not well written. Yeah.

365
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:37,000
Oh, I would also take out all like the static because apparently there's like static on TV and static on the radio.

366
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,000
And that's what seems to trigger people. Yeah, but it's just confusing.

367
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,000
But it doesn't do anything. It doesn't add to anything. Yeah.

368
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:49,000
There's no real indication of what causes it. And that's frustrating. Yeah.

369
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:53,000
So just in terms of world building, doesn't do anything. Yeah.

370
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,000
In terms of character doesn't do anything.

371
00:20:55,000 --> 00:21:05,000
I would rather like if they took out all of that static and everything, if they just kind of like shrugged and said, I don't know, maybe just every parent in the world had had enough.

372
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:17,000
Yeah. It's like this is the day that they're just like, fuck, like one person did it like, oh, well, it starts out with that person who leaves their car on the train tracks and like lets their car get run over with their kid in it.

373
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:28,000
They can make it a purge situation, which is I thought we were going to get because I thought that's what it was going to be like the blurb of this movie is, you know, a brother and sister have to survive 24 hours, you know, while their parents go insane.

374
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:36,000
But they never don't not go insane. Right. You guys mentioned we never see what happens after 24 hours because it just doesn't get that far.

375
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:42,000
So you did mention the doctor Oz cameo, which super weird. Yeah, but accurate.

376
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:52,000
Yeah. The other super weird yet accurate cameo is when they're watching the news and there's the panel of three people on like CNN or whatever.

377
00:21:52,000 --> 00:22:00,000
The middle one bald guy bald Irish guy. I'm like, who the fuck is that guy? Why do I know that guy? That's Grant Morrison, the creator of the comic book Happy.

378
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:08,000
He also wrote X-Men, Animal Man, Justice League, like prolific comic author. And I'm like, all right. He worked with dude on Happy.

379
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:13,000
That kind of makes sense. Weird cameo. But what I loved is he's supposed to be like a talking head on a news program.

380
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:24,000
And he's just wearing his like normal Grant Morrison leather jacket. I don't have anything like about this movie that impressed me.

381
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:31,000
What about the best line? So, oh, it's what? Nicholas Cage talking to the boyfriend. Yeah.

382
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:38,000
And then he's just, you know, confronting him in the kitchen about like, you know, kids and this and that.

383
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:45,000
And, you know, I know what you kids are all up to. He's like, now the world you kids are living in, the things you've seen on the Internet.

384
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:52,000
Mouth to dildo dildo to ask, ask to ask. Hi, Brent. Anal beads.

385
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:59,000
Good. It's a good line. I love asked to ask. Yeah, I like mouth to dildo.

386
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:04,000
It's like that's one that I think I'll have to start Googling because I haven't seen enough of it.

387
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:12,000
And this movie says I need it. I really liked when he's smashing up the pool table and singing the hokey pokey.

388
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:20,000
That's not my quote. My quote is when mom first gets home, goes to the door to try and like coerce the kids out of the basement.

389
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,000
And she's being like, it's OK, honey. It's OK.

390
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:34,000
And come on out and Nick Cage just runs up the door, starts banging on and screams, you mother, your motherfucking mother said, open this door and motherfuckers.

391
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:44,000
You're going to open this motherfucking door, followed by him breaking down, crying on the floor next to the door.

392
00:23:44,000 --> 00:24:03,000
Carly, Joshi. The only quote I had for this is after his dad attacks him, he's just shouting, get your claws off me, you fucking filthy dinosaur.

393
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:11,000
Yeah, that was good. All right. So Venn diagram.

394
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:16,000
What do you guys think? It's a bad movie. Bad performance.

395
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:24,000
Fun line reads, fun insanity like him screaming after the leg stab was like really funny.

396
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:31,000
This would be a great movie for just clips. Yes. Show some clips to somebody like just watch a couple of clips and you'll get enough out of this movie.

397
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:36,000
You'll be like, OK, I kind of get it. Yeah, there's probably like a cage supercut from mom and dad. If not, I'll make one.

398
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:41,000
Fuck it. Why not? Yeah, I mean, it'll be like five minutes long. Yeah. Max.

399
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:46,000
Max. That's the best parts of the movie. So you're welcome. Yeah.

400
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:51,000
So, yeah, bad, bad, bad all around. Yeah, it's too bad.

401
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:57,000
I feel like this this one really had potential in my mind to be something fun and campy.

402
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:01,000
And it it just missed like it needed to be campier.

403
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:06,000
Yeah, my expectations were way off on this one.

404
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:12,000
You know, you see something blind, you just don't know. So it looked a lot better on paper. Yeah.

405
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaking of things that look worse on paper next.

406
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:22,000
I don't know about that one, Sean. Let's take that again. That was pretty rough. Go back in time. Two minutes.

407
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:26,000
No, this is this is me predicting the future and me trying out material.

408
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:31,000
I thought that was his best. It's like everything. All right. Now, here's what I actually wrote.

409
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,000
Next up.

410
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:39,000
Can we just get Horn back to be the co-host on this? Yep.

411
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:47,000
This is my this was my idea. You're stuck with me. No, that's fine. He can take my spot.

412
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:52,000
Who could replace that? No one farts like I fart.

413
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:58,000
Next, Nick Cage plays Chris Johnson, a.k.a. Frank Cadillac.

414
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:03,000
Jessica Biel is Liz Cooper and Julianne Morris. Kaylee Farris.

415
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:12,000
Nick Cage plays a off strip Vegas magician whose whole schtick is he can tell you what's going to happen before it happens.

416
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:18,000
Yeah, he can tell you what's going to happen in his life. Yeah. Before it happens. Within two minutes.

417
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:26,000
Within two minutes. And that's the whole conceit of this film is he can predict the next two minutes of what's about to happen to him.

418
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:34,000
And that's the only rule in this movie, which again, the only rule. Remember this because it'll never come up.

419
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:45,000
Yeah, I mean, that in and of itself could be interesting, but then they come up with this dumb fucking plot that makes no sense and doesn't involve two minutes in the future.

420
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:53,000
So the FBI wants Frank Cadillac or Chris Johnson, I think just call him Frank Cadillac.

421
00:26:53,000 --> 00:27:01,000
Frank Cadillac wants Frank Cadillac to help them predict where a stolen nuclear weapon is going to go off and where it is in L.A.

422
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:06,000
They know he can only predict things two minutes into the future, but they want him for this.

423
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:11,000
Well, they don't really have like the whole scope of like his power.

424
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:16,000
No, but it kind of is cracking the code, but she she cracks the code that is no more than two minutes really early.

425
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:22,000
Oh, just yeah, you got it on your laptop. Go back in time.

426
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:31,000
The whole embarrassing. So the whole premise of this film is the FBI is trying to like capture this guy to predict where this weapon is going to be.

427
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:36,000
Don't worry about it, because that is never comes up.

428
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:41,000
It does at the end, but it doesn't. The main movie is about.

429
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:45,000
Don't worry. Time travel. The main movie is Nicholas Cage.

430
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:49,000
Travel won't fix that sentence. Time travel.

431
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:53,000
Yeah, that sentence describes this movie perfectly. God damn it.

432
00:27:53,000 --> 00:28:00,000
Jessica Beale is a woman he has seen in visions from further than two minutes ahead.

433
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:04,000
He meets her immediately, woos her terrorist show up.

434
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,000
I mean, he took a couple of shots at wooing her.

435
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:11,000
He gets punched in the face. He I don't know, is a dick. Yeah.

436
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:17,000
I do like how he doctor strange to that one and his best.

437
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:26,000
Yeah. His best outcome for it was just, I don't know, better just let him punch me in the face after saying some creepy shit about being her future.

438
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:30,000
Yeah. Yeah. OK. I mean, some credit to this movie.

439
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:34,000
I really do like the way they use the two minute loop, like the two minute predictive thing.

440
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:41,000
Sometimes, sometimes like when he meets Jessica Beale for the first time, he goes up to her, tries to talk to her, and she just completely blows him off.

441
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:45,000
And it cuts back to him just staring her from the bar.

442
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:49,000
She's like, fuck off. And like he does it a few more times and she keeps telling him to leave her alone.

443
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,000
And one point he just starts to stand up and she's just like, no. Yeah.

444
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:57,000
And then her boyfriend, Kendall, walks in. That's a connective tissue of this.

445
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:01,000
There's two people named Kendall. His name was Kendall. His name was Kendall.

446
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:06,000
I sent you a text like her ex's name is Kendall that confused me because I thought you were talking about Mom.

447
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,000
No, Dad. No. She had an ex named Kendall.

448
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:13,000
And as Grandma and Mom and Dad said, Kendall's not even a real name. Yeah.

449
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:16,000
Oh, we talked about the doesn't work. Hold on. Hold on.

450
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,640
Hold on. Can I talk about the

451
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:24,800
him being at this diner every day, like at the exact like what?

452
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:26,840
Six, 10 or some shit like that.

453
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:28,740
Six, oh eight. Yeah. Here we go.

454
00:29:28,740 --> 00:29:29,600
Twice a day.

455
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,840
And he's just housing martinis.

456
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:35,740
And I'm sitting there thinking, boy, I hope he doesn't like martinis.

457
00:29:35,740 --> 00:29:39,240
But in his vision, he was drinking a martini.

458
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:42,700
So now he's like, I guess I got to drink a martini or else it can't happen.

459
00:29:42,700 --> 00:29:45,240
You cannot get a good diner martini.

460
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:47,540
No, he's that's our next podcast.

461
00:29:47,540 --> 00:29:49,540
Like a diner martini.

462
00:29:49,540 --> 00:29:52,600
Actually, that kind of is our next podcast. Sort of. Yeah.

463
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,400
Something with a moons over Miami.

464
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,240
Exactly. Themed to it.

465
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,700
Has a mini pancake. Oh, wait.

466
00:30:00,700 --> 00:30:02,340
Go back in time.

467
00:30:02,340 --> 00:30:04,140
Two minutes, two minutes.

468
00:30:04,140 --> 00:30:07,300
Hey, Nick, in two minutes, you're going to knock over your sparkle, buddy.

469
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:11,180
No, my beverage.

470
00:30:11,180 --> 00:30:12,800
We'll be right back.

471
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:16,000
Well, this is about exactly how I thought it was going to go.

472
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,300
I'm having a blast.

473
00:30:18,300 --> 00:30:20,740
So here we are. Two minutes back in time.

474
00:30:20,740 --> 00:30:22,900
No, no. Sparkle buddies have been spilt.

475
00:30:22,900 --> 00:30:25,240
Now, I saw this sticky.

476
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,580
No, it's not.

477
00:30:26,580 --> 00:30:28,300
This is two minutes in the.

478
00:30:28,300 --> 00:30:31,540
It was sticky in the past, too.

479
00:30:31,540 --> 00:30:33,940
Hi, I'm home alone a lot.

480
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:38,880
Hey, guys, I just had a vision of the future in this episode.

481
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,540
It's not going to be that good.

482
00:30:40,540 --> 00:30:42,600
I don't know. I think we're nailing it.

483
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,340
Well, welcome back to Cajumat, calling around about way of meeting Nicholas Cage.

484
00:30:46,380 --> 00:30:47,880
Today we're talking about next.

485
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,800
Yeah. And how scene Martinis.

486
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,000
I'm your host.

487
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,580
We're Hornback.

488
00:30:54,580 --> 00:30:57,280
Wait a minute. Can't use that

489
00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:58,440
doxing.

490
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,540
We're back in time.

491
00:31:00,540 --> 00:31:01,940
Two minutes.

492
00:31:01,940 --> 00:31:03,800
OK. Necky Martinis.

493
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:04,980
He meets Jessica Beale.

494
00:31:04,980 --> 00:31:09,300
There's a whole plot point about her teaching on a reservation.

495
00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:12,500
Yeah. Why did they do that?

496
00:31:12,500 --> 00:31:18,980
It was to set up the FBI using the photo, like the traffic

497
00:31:18,980 --> 00:31:24,100
cam to get the permit number for her reservation access

498
00:31:24,100 --> 00:31:26,580
so they could track her by that permit.

499
00:31:26,580 --> 00:31:30,100
They could have just been a license plate.

500
00:31:30,100 --> 00:31:32,340
No, there was no license plate on the front.

501
00:31:32,340 --> 00:31:34,500
Yeah, I understand that there was no.

502
00:31:34,500 --> 00:31:37,280
They could have just written that there was a license plate on the front.

503
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:38,600
That's how movie making works.

504
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,180
But then there's no obstacles to overcome.

505
00:31:41,180 --> 00:31:43,140
And we don't know that she's a nice person.

506
00:31:43,140 --> 00:31:44,880
Yeah, because we got to know she's a nice person.

507
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,100
Yeah. I also can.

508
00:31:47,100 --> 00:31:50,080
It gives her the reason to be here when she blows up later.

509
00:31:50,540 --> 00:31:55,640
OK, yeah. My favorite part of this movie is when Jessica Beale just explodes.

510
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,080
OK, that was great.

511
00:31:57,080 --> 00:32:00,100
And also the I laughed so hard.

512
00:32:00,100 --> 00:32:04,040
The news reporter just sitting there and the cameraman is like unflinching.

513
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:08,880
He's like, we're going to keep filming the spot where the body was. Yeah.

514
00:32:09,540 --> 00:32:12,640
And the news reporter is just like having an emotional breakdown

515
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:16,040
because she just saw somebody explode and the cameraman's like,

516
00:32:16,500 --> 00:32:19,100
I don't want to miss a thing.

517
00:32:19,100 --> 00:32:21,180
How often do you see someone just explode?

518
00:32:21,180 --> 00:32:25,840
I don't know. But I think the director for the news program would be like,

519
00:32:25,980 --> 00:32:29,740
hey, man, shift that camera to the other side, like just pan

520
00:32:29,740 --> 00:32:34,600
so that like the reporters on the other side of the shot, it's like, oh,

521
00:32:34,940 --> 00:32:37,580
you're not looking at an exploded lady anymore.

522
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:40,680
I don't know.

523
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,700
That's when like the card has to come up with the elevator music that says,

524
00:32:43,700 --> 00:32:45,540
you know, you know, we'll be right back.

525
00:32:45,540 --> 00:32:47,280
We're experienced technical difficulties.

526
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,840
Yeah. Like news bursting at the seams or something.

527
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:54,140
Yeah, something really out of like this thing at the seams is rude.

528
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,100
That that's what I was going for.

529
00:32:58,100 --> 00:33:05,040
Hmm. So also in this movie, there's a group of European terrorists.

530
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,540
I got a real question about these guys.

531
00:33:08,540 --> 00:33:10,840
They're loosely Russian, right? Yeah. French.

532
00:33:12,940 --> 00:33:16,480
I was watching this with subtitles on because maybe they're terrible.

533
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:17,800
But it's like there.

534
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:21,180
It's always speaking French, speaking French until one part

535
00:33:21,180 --> 00:33:28,400
where someone is definitely speaking German and the subtitle said foreign language.

536
00:33:28,780 --> 00:33:33,080
What was with those guys like they obviously knew Nick Cage

537
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,540
had some kind of power, right?

538
00:33:35,540 --> 00:33:40,640
Because they were trying to like get to cage also and like trying to assassinate.

539
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:44,380
Well, they why did they know originally it was just they wanted him

540
00:33:44,380 --> 00:33:47,340
because the FBI wanted him and that but they didn't know why.

541
00:33:47,340 --> 00:33:49,180
And then suddenly they knew why.

542
00:33:49,180 --> 00:33:52,380
Also, why is Colombo in this movie?

543
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,940
I've never seen Peter laugh this much.

544
00:33:57,940 --> 00:34:00,780
I can't stand this shit.

545
00:34:01,780 --> 00:34:05,140
Oh, my God, you're a red dude.

546
00:34:05,140 --> 00:34:08,180
This movie is so fucking dumb.

547
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,940
And it feels so long to for an hour and a half.

548
00:34:12,940 --> 00:34:15,740
It is so goddamn long, man.

549
00:34:15,740 --> 00:34:18,080
All right. Then where are we?

550
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,720
Has he used his time power to fuck her yet?

551
00:34:20,980 --> 00:34:22,520
That's about where we're at. OK.

552
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:23,940
Like, yeah, yeah.

553
00:34:23,940 --> 00:34:26,480
Yeah, they get a cabin, a stabbing cabin.

554
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,440
And then he's like, I'm going to sleep in the car because I'm a nice guy.

555
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:30,820
And he does. Yeah.

556
00:34:30,820 --> 00:34:32,920
But he tosses in turns and she feels bad.

557
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:34,180
So she fucks him. Yeah.

558
00:34:34,180 --> 00:34:35,980
More or less, that's how that story goes.

559
00:34:35,980 --> 00:34:39,440
Yeah. She's like, oh, man, this stranger can't sleep in the car.

560
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,020
Better bone down.

561
00:34:42,020 --> 00:34:45,680
And then the FBI approaches her when she goes out to get breakfast foods

562
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,380
and is like, you're dating a sociopath.

563
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:52,180
That egg McMuffin is for a psycho.

564
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:58,460
He's he's using his magic mind powers to get in your pants.

565
00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:00,780
So she said he did do that.

566
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,620
So she has to drug him, but she has to drug him

567
00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:08,080
exactly two minutes after he goes out of the room.

568
00:35:08,860 --> 00:35:11,480
For us, he knows or else he'll know.

569
00:35:11,720 --> 00:35:13,620
Yeah. But wouldn't he know?

570
00:35:13,620 --> 00:35:17,120
Wouldn't he like see two minutes in the future when he like drank

571
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:18,880
and then started feeling woozy?

572
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,260
I guess they said it takes five minutes to work.

573
00:35:21,260 --> 00:35:23,220
Again, the rules don't make sense.

574
00:35:23,220 --> 00:35:26,420
But then she doesn't want to drug him and tells him the truth.

575
00:35:26,820 --> 00:35:31,320
And he proves that he's a magic man by like saying the lines of tea

576
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:33,760
of whatever's going to be on TV and then changing the channel,

577
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:38,120
which doesn't I don't think that would make me feel less

578
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,480
like you were magic raping me.

579
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:41,260
No, not at all.

580
00:35:41,260 --> 00:35:44,320
But I'm just saying that's a cool way to show off that you have a power. Yeah.

581
00:35:44,720 --> 00:35:50,380
And then we get to the terrible CGI train rolling down the hill saying,

582
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,380
Oh, man, that was so cool.

583
00:35:52,380 --> 00:35:53,620
It was so many barrels.

584
00:35:53,620 --> 00:35:55,920
Also, that's where it goes from like

585
00:35:56,820 --> 00:35:59,960
using like HD cameras to just using 35 millimeter film

586
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:03,180
because it was over 110 degrees and they were worried about

587
00:36:03,180 --> 00:36:06,420
ruining the equipment and the heat because 2007.

588
00:36:06,420 --> 00:36:11,320
Yeah, which I'm like, OK, this scene was definitely filmed for three day.

589
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:15,020
So there's this whole like was this movie filmed for three day?

590
00:36:15,020 --> 00:36:16,420
Probably 2007.

591
00:36:16,420 --> 00:36:17,320
Oh, man.

592
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:18,440
Seems like it would be. Yeah.

593
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,880
And that whole rolling down the hill when all the logs come down.

594
00:36:21,140 --> 00:36:24,740
But then the only scene that was like three diable.

595
00:36:24,780 --> 00:36:26,980
Yeah. It didn't stop them.

596
00:36:26,980 --> 00:36:28,980
They were mad about three day.

597
00:36:28,980 --> 00:36:32,120
OK. The French terrorists are there again.

598
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:34,640
And again, there's like a cool thing where he's running down the hill.

599
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,740
He doesn't know they're there, but like, you know, the guy takes a shot

600
00:36:37,740 --> 00:36:40,780
and he like just leans back right before we hit him. Right.

601
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,920
He gets the sense while he's running, he learns that they're there.

602
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:50,080
But oh, I want to say like the two times Nick Cage avoids

603
00:36:50,580 --> 00:36:54,980
danger on the hill before he gets to the bottom are so great.

604
00:36:54,980 --> 00:36:57,980
Like they take the shot at him with the sniper

605
00:36:58,180 --> 00:37:01,120
and he just kind of like does a sweet like lean back,

606
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:03,880
like just at the last second, like

607
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,040
and let's say fly past his chest.

608
00:37:06,380 --> 00:37:09,280
And then the second time when all that shit's coming down

609
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,040
and he like runs up to this one point and he stops

610
00:37:12,220 --> 00:37:16,440
and then he just does that like super dramatic like Thor Neil like.

611
00:37:17,540 --> 00:37:18,640
Oh, yeah.

612
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,340
It is like the train goes over.

613
00:37:21,340 --> 00:37:23,780
Yeah. Oh, no, that's when the cars rolling past him.

614
00:37:23,780 --> 00:37:26,080
Yeah. The car, the Jeep flips over.

615
00:37:26,380 --> 00:37:30,180
And why couldn't you have just like run up there and be like, OK.

616
00:37:30,420 --> 00:37:32,420
Yeah. I ducked down now. Yeah.

617
00:37:32,420 --> 00:37:33,940
No, I noticed that too.

618
00:37:33,940 --> 00:37:36,220
Can we just talk about how sick his golden jacket is?

619
00:37:36,540 --> 00:37:38,180
That jacket's pretty rad.

620
00:37:38,180 --> 00:37:40,580
During my day, I had to talk about the meme then,

621
00:37:40,580 --> 00:37:45,280
because this is the movie where the Nick Cage bird hair meme came from.

622
00:37:45,620 --> 00:37:49,480
So in my research for this movie, that golden jacket is a reference

623
00:37:49,540 --> 00:37:50,440
to the Philip K.

624
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:53,980
Dick short story, The Golden Man, which this movie is supposedly based on.

625
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,580
That is 100 percent not true. Random guy on IMDb.

626
00:37:58,020 --> 00:38:00,480
Well, it's oh, OK.

627
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:05,740
The Dick story is about a man who can see a limited range into his future.

628
00:38:05,780 --> 00:38:07,040
Yeah, that's it.

629
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,740
That's the entire basis.

630
00:38:08,740 --> 00:38:11,180
I know. I'm just saying the fact that someone on the Internet

631
00:38:11,180 --> 00:38:13,480
said the jacket is a reference to that.

632
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:15,240
Oh, they said the jacket.

633
00:38:15,240 --> 00:38:19,240
Yeah. His his gold jacket is a reference to the golden man.

634
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,880
Pretty sure the reference to the golden man is the fact that he can see

635
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,440
into his own future. Yeah.

636
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:25,780
Yeah. So he gets to the bottom of the hill.

637
00:38:25,780 --> 00:38:26,820
Internet people are dumb.

638
00:38:26,820 --> 00:38:31,020
Saves the FBI agent from being crushed by the series of events he started.

639
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:33,880
The series of events he started more than two minutes ago.

640
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:35,980
They capture him.

641
00:38:35,980 --> 00:38:38,380
And again, at this point, they know too much in the future.

642
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,780
Their plan for getting him to figure out where the bomb is going to go off

643
00:38:41,980 --> 00:38:43,140
isn't terrible.

644
00:38:43,140 --> 00:38:45,220
They're just like the news is going to cover it.

645
00:38:45,220 --> 00:38:47,920
So we're just going to put on CNN and force you to watch it.

646
00:38:48,240 --> 00:38:51,820
Yeah. But I mean, again, the two minute leadway is like, yeah,

647
00:38:52,140 --> 00:38:55,380
nobody's going to be able to stop the nuke within two minutes.

648
00:38:55,380 --> 00:38:57,720
But the thing that killed me about this entire thing.

649
00:38:57,720 --> 00:39:00,680
So like he has this vision of Jessica Beale, right?

650
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:02,120
In this diner.

651
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:07,480
And he's going there every day at six or eight or whatever the fuck twice a day.

652
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:12,580
And it's because he only sees his own future in the two minute increments

653
00:39:12,580 --> 00:39:17,180
except pertaining to her where he saw the stupidest fucking concept,

654
00:39:17,180 --> 00:39:20,080
because then all of a sudden he can see deeply into the future

655
00:39:20,380 --> 00:39:24,680
because she getting blown up that he sees on TV happens.

656
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:26,660
Oh, well, in the future.

657
00:39:26,660 --> 00:39:28,320
It was a couple of hours. Yeah. Right.

658
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,060
So it's like, what's the point of this two minute bullshit?

659
00:39:31,060 --> 00:39:32,620
Just don't do that.

660
00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:35,820
Yeah. Well, I mean, they needed to adhere to the original story

661
00:39:35,820 --> 00:39:38,160
for artistic credibility.

662
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:41,080
Yeah. Credibility was the big concern with this movie. Yeah.

663
00:39:41,420 --> 00:39:45,580
So the whole time I'm watching this, I'm like, this would make a really good

664
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:49,620
2007 USA like programming

665
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,660
12 episode like serial.

666
00:39:52,660 --> 00:39:53,920
Think of a burn notice.

667
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,420
I knew you were going to say burn notice. Go back two minutes.

668
00:39:57,420 --> 00:40:00,160
But just like, you know, where you have a guy who can see, you know,

669
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:03,420
who has to just solve like crimes of the week. Pretty cool.

670
00:40:03,420 --> 00:40:06,160
And I'm like, and you could show him like having to like sit there

671
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,380
and like make every decision and see what those two minutes are,

672
00:40:08,820 --> 00:40:12,380
which we kind of do get at the end where they have like a multiple man style.

673
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,420
He's like, I got to find her and he starts walking down a hall

674
00:40:15,420 --> 00:40:17,980
and then he splits into two people as he's like predicting

675
00:40:18,260 --> 00:40:19,920
which way he's going to go.

676
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:23,920
But then those people start predicting where they're going to go. Yeah.

677
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,880
So he could see into the future forever, essentially.

678
00:40:27,220 --> 00:40:29,720
Yeah. Within a two minute mark.

679
00:40:29,720 --> 00:40:34,960
But then don't they stack like if I make a version of me at a minute, 59.

680
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,160
Does that get two minutes?

681
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,260
See what I'm saying?

682
00:40:40,180 --> 00:40:45,420
You would only be able to go back to the point where you made that one.

683
00:40:45,620 --> 00:40:49,080
So you pretty much to be able to go back to that original point,

684
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:52,120
he had to search the whole building within two minutes.

685
00:40:52,620 --> 00:40:53,340
All those times.

686
00:40:53,340 --> 00:40:56,120
So because it was really also sounds unfeasible.

687
00:40:56,120 --> 00:41:00,620
It was less like he was making additionals of himself.

688
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,680
He was just making different choices and different choices.

689
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:06,840
Overlap all of the choices at once. I understand.

690
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,080
I mean, yeah, I think that part actually was kind of cool.

691
00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:12,040
That worked. I like using the audience, Sean.

692
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:15,620
They rely on us. They do not restrict adherence to facts.

693
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,420
OK, the only thing that I like from one of those seeds,

694
00:41:18,420 --> 00:41:20,380
maybe it was when he was escaping from the feds,

695
00:41:20,380 --> 00:41:24,080
but he like runs out into a hallway and if a dude with a baton

696
00:41:24,180 --> 00:41:27,080
like just wings it down a hallway, the guy's like running across

697
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:28,080
and just gets nailed.

698
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:32,880
Well, again, like a fun way to use this power for an action movie is just,

699
00:41:33,380 --> 00:41:35,040
you know, what's going to happen before it happens.

700
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:40,040
So, yeah. Did you see The Edge of Tomorrow with Tom Cruise and Emily?

701
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:42,680
I know of it, but it's actually a pretty fun movie.

702
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:46,980
And, you know, it's a time loop situation where like he dies,

703
00:41:46,980 --> 00:41:49,520
he comes back to life, he runs the same thing again,

704
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,020
he gets slightly better, he dies, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

705
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,740
Like I think in that scene when they're fighting the terrorists,

706
00:41:54,740 --> 00:41:57,520
they could have done more of that, like seeing the failures

707
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:02,020
and then coming up with cool success versus just like him,

708
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:05,220
you know, like slyly being like a sniper up there.

709
00:42:05,220 --> 00:42:07,480
Oh, we should say that the terrorists have Jessica Biel.

710
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:09,280
That's why she gets blown up. Yeah.

711
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:12,280
But we should also say that Groundhog's Day

712
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:15,420
is a way better version of this movie. Yes, absolutely.

713
00:42:15,420 --> 00:42:18,420
So they're trying to find Jessica Biel all Groundhog Day.

714
00:42:18,420 --> 00:42:21,880
So he's he'll help the feds find the bomb

715
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,780
if they help him save Jessica Biel.

716
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:29,720
So they're in this warehouse killing terrorists, finding Jessica Biel.

717
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:33,820
As soon as she's safe, they're like, oh, the bomb's probably here.

718
00:42:34,020 --> 00:42:36,720
They open up the container. It used to be and it wasn't there.

719
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:39,380
They're like, where's it going to be? And then Nick Cage goes, Oh,

720
00:42:40,620 --> 00:42:41,820
I messed up.

721
00:42:41,820 --> 00:42:43,420
I made a mistake. I made a mistake.

722
00:42:43,420 --> 00:42:46,020
And then and then you see L.A. get nuked.

723
00:42:46,340 --> 00:42:49,020
That nuke CGI is so fucking bad.

724
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,820
Remember, you can see two minutes into the future nuke delay.

725
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,020
For authenticity. Yeah, right.

726
00:42:55,020 --> 00:42:56,740
Remember, you can only see two minutes in the future.

727
00:42:56,740 --> 00:43:00,820
And then suddenly he wakes up in the bed in the motel

728
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:04,940
with Jessica Biel before the FBI showed up.

729
00:43:04,980 --> 00:43:09,520
Yeah, because he just saw like her whole future and it's like, oh, fuck me.

730
00:43:09,740 --> 00:43:11,180
I don't understand this movie.

731
00:43:11,180 --> 00:43:14,420
No, because what he does is he goes outside, talks to the Fed.

732
00:43:14,980 --> 00:43:16,240
She has to be left out of it.

733
00:43:16,240 --> 00:43:20,680
She says, OK, they get the car, drive off, and that's the end of the movie.

734
00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:22,720
They never solve the nuke problem. True.

735
00:43:23,180 --> 00:43:24,920
What? I thought there was more after that.

736
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,040
No, that's the credits.

737
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:29,840
Yeah, the credits that would go backwards, which I thought was kind of cute.

738
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:35,320
It would be cool if they truly went backwards, but they only ran down

739
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:37,220
and being from the end.

740
00:43:37,220 --> 00:43:38,820
I stopped watching. Good point.

741
00:43:38,820 --> 00:43:41,720
I rewatched the credits just to make sure I know.

742
00:43:41,740 --> 00:43:46,420
So the whole premise of this film is they want him to find a nuke.

743
00:43:46,940 --> 00:43:49,320
The nuke goes off, but that's only a dream.

744
00:43:49,420 --> 00:43:51,780
So he's going to help them.

745
00:43:51,780 --> 00:43:54,320
So the movie ends at the start.

746
00:43:55,220 --> 00:43:58,820
Well, at the middle, the middle, it ends at the fucking.

747
00:43:59,220 --> 00:44:01,280
So at least he has that going for him. True.

748
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:03,840
But that's it.

749
00:44:04,580 --> 00:44:07,080
This had to have been a TV pilot at one point, probably

750
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:10,520
or a script for a TV pilot at one point, because that's just a dogshit way

751
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:12,120
to end this film.

752
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,620
All right, Sean, you've got two minutes to give me a better movie.

753
00:44:16,780 --> 00:44:18,840
Get rid of the plot, get rid of the nuke plot.

754
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:21,820
The government just wants him because of his power.

755
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:25,440
They know for reasons Jessica Beale is a key part of it.

756
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:28,020
So they kidnapped Jessica Beale and he has to use his powers

757
00:44:28,020 --> 00:44:30,120
to break into their facility and save her.

758
00:44:30,740 --> 00:44:32,980
That's it. That's a better movie.

759
00:44:33,620 --> 00:44:35,580
Nick, you've got two minutes to make a better movie.

760
00:44:35,580 --> 00:44:38,120
I mean, I can do it in less time.

761
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:42,680
This weekend, I watched 2004's Daredevil with Ben Affleck,

762
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:45,280
and that was a better movie than this.

763
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:46,880
So just make Daredevil instead.

764
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:52,080
Yeah. Oh, and last night, I watched the Snake Eyes GI Joe movie.

765
00:44:52,340 --> 00:44:55,240
Oh, it was also terrible, but better than this movie.

766
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,680
Fair enough. Just they don't make me think.

767
00:44:58,080 --> 00:44:59,820
Rest in peace, Ray Stevenson.

768
00:44:59,820 --> 00:45:02,340
He wasn't in Daredevil, but he was the Punisher at one point.

769
00:45:02,340 --> 00:45:06,540
Hmm. Hmm. It was also Volstagg of the Warriors three and the Thor movies.

770
00:45:06,940 --> 00:45:08,280
No connection to this film.

771
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,380
I just wanted to be like he was a good actor. I liked him.

772
00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:13,240
So, yeah, that's how you make a better movie.

773
00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:14,940
You just make something else.

774
00:45:14,940 --> 00:45:16,380
Yeah, you make something else. Don't do this.

775
00:45:16,380 --> 00:45:20,180
But also the original script didn't have the terrorist subplot in it.

776
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,680
The original script was just him running from the government,

777
00:45:24,180 --> 00:45:28,640
and then they added the terrorists to put in a villain of this film.

778
00:45:28,980 --> 00:45:30,540
That's the only thing about the government.

779
00:45:30,540 --> 00:45:33,240
Yeah, not in this country.

780
00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:36,240
Also, originally, there were 10 bombs.

781
00:45:36,240 --> 00:45:38,280
That's too many bombs. Yeah.

782
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:40,880
I like the point that they don't do anything with the first bomb in this film

783
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:42,200
anyway, like the bomb.

784
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:44,400
The bomb is irrelevant to this movie.

785
00:45:45,180 --> 00:45:47,640
Nobody goofed up, but it was a dream.

786
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:48,940
Had a boo boo.

787
00:45:48,940 --> 00:45:51,600
It was a future dream possibility.

788
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:54,200
Yeah. Maybe the way dumb.

789
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:56,240
Yeah. Yeah. This movie was terrible.

790
00:45:56,240 --> 00:46:00,200
Yeah. Quotes when he's described when he's described to Jessica, be on his stage

791
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:01,640
and ends like Frank Cadillac.

792
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:06,540
I just combined two things I loved Frankenstein Cadillacs.

793
00:46:07,540 --> 00:46:08,980
It's a good way to go about it.

794
00:46:08,980 --> 00:46:11,700
Like if I had to name myself, I would probably name myself

795
00:46:11,700 --> 00:46:13,340
after things I enjoyed as well.

796
00:46:13,340 --> 00:46:14,840
What would you pick?

797
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:19,000
If I had to choose two things, Ruebarb or Barcelona.

798
00:46:20,300 --> 00:46:21,480
I do like Ruebarb.

799
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,140
I've never been to Barcelona.

800
00:46:23,140 --> 00:46:24,500
Neither have I. Actually, I like it.

801
00:46:24,500 --> 00:46:28,800
The Barcelona Olympics were by far my least favorite, so fuck them.

802
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:32,600
And I probably choose like Donkey Show Honeypot.

803
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:33,720
That's pretty good.

804
00:46:33,720 --> 00:46:35,860
Yeah. Quit Kaiser so saying that.

805
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:38,520
I can't help it.

806
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:40,560
So I'm looking at things in Peter's basement.

807
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:44,120
If we were at Donkey Show, if we'd stop recording in Tijuana,

808
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,920
we wouldn't have these problems.

809
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:48,000
But I'm not back.

810
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:51,160
Not allowed back in America yet.

811
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,600
Yeah. So Mike or Mike, well,

812
00:46:54,100 --> 00:46:57,560
Nick Cage is just like explaining to the fucking feds

813
00:46:57,560 --> 00:47:01,960
and like how to go about this like extraction.

814
00:47:02,260 --> 00:47:06,500
And one of the guys like tries to like, OK,

815
00:47:06,500 --> 00:47:08,340
so we're going to go in and do this.

816
00:47:08,340 --> 00:47:11,860
And Cage is just like, if you could just be quiet

817
00:47:11,860 --> 00:47:15,440
and do exactly what I say, I'll save your life.

818
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:18,600
It's like, oh, God, such a dumb line.

819
00:47:19,300 --> 00:47:19,960
I loved it.

820
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:22,200
So I want to talk about real briefly

821
00:47:22,740 --> 00:47:25,640
how your brain tried to save you from how bad this movie is

822
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:29,500
by rearranging the order of things to where this movie had an ending.

823
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:33,000
Yeah. Yeah. Your version was actually your version was better.

824
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:35,800
I thought there was an ending after the non-ending. No.

825
00:47:36,740 --> 00:47:38,440
Like your brain was just like, this is dumb.

826
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:40,280
We don't we don't agree with this reality.

827
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:42,540
We'll make up our own. Yeah.

828
00:47:42,940 --> 00:47:46,100
So the other connected tissue of both these films is they don't end.

829
00:47:46,240 --> 00:47:48,340
They don't have endings.

830
00:47:48,340 --> 00:47:50,640
Two characters named Kendall and no endings.

831
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:52,840
Well, no satisfactory endings.

832
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:55,040
They just the grandpa got an ending.

833
00:47:56,740 --> 00:47:58,380
Yeah, that that melon went.

834
00:47:58,380 --> 00:48:02,840
Mm. So, Nick,

835
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:04,920
what do you want to suggest to go forward?

836
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,140
Because I'll probably just agree with whatever you say.

837
00:48:07,240 --> 00:48:08,940
Mom and dad.

838
00:48:08,940 --> 00:48:11,280
Oh, I was going to say next. Yeah.

839
00:48:12,220 --> 00:48:17,340
You know, mom and dad just has more Nicholas Cage performance I can enjoy.

840
00:48:17,380 --> 00:48:20,620
Yeah, the movie sucked, but at least I've got that.

841
00:48:20,620 --> 00:48:22,640
It's got some great nothing.

842
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:25,720
And it's got great full full on cage.

843
00:48:25,740 --> 00:48:29,040
Yeah. So for just for the sake of full cage,

844
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,380
I will bequeath my vote for next.

845
00:48:32,420 --> 00:48:36,040
Unless unless you just want to move Primal forward.

846
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,320
No. OK. I'd rather watch either of these.

847
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:40,640
I'd rather watch either of these movies again.

848
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:42,420
That's actually a lie.

849
00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:44,440
You're just digging in your heels.

850
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:45,940
You're just being mean now.

851
00:48:45,940 --> 00:48:48,620
Yeah. Did you like I just being hateful.

852
00:48:48,620 --> 00:48:50,480
I didn't like Primal at all.

853
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:51,820
Nobody liked Primal.

854
00:48:51,820 --> 00:48:55,240
I mean, I liked Primal, but I think Adam liked Primal.

855
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:57,840
Yeah. Adam, what does surprise me?

856
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:01,420
Adam's got like a real primal kind of like aura about him.

857
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:05,280
Adam liked his. Adam enjoyed his time watching it with John.

858
00:49:05,780 --> 00:49:06,680
That's fair. Yeah.

859
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:08,440
And isn't that what this is all about?

860
00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:10,920
No, that's what's watching movies with John.

861
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:13,180
I hope that's season two.

862
00:49:13,180 --> 00:49:15,840
Boy, I hope after we finish this, we kidnap John.

863
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:18,220
Let's watch a movie with him.

864
00:49:18,220 --> 00:49:19,340
No, but I mean, season.

865
00:49:19,340 --> 00:49:21,380
I mean, part of I mean, part of season two is us watching,

866
00:49:21,380 --> 00:49:22,980
getting to watch these movies together finally.

867
00:49:22,980 --> 00:49:23,920
For sure. Yeah.

868
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:26,480
Which will makes which will make mom and dad a lot more palatable.

869
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:28,540
We'll watch half of these movies together.

870
00:49:28,540 --> 00:49:30,080
50% of them will be eliminated.

871
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:33,040
I mean, the movies that go forward, obviously, like Primal.

872
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:34,540
Yeah, I know.

873
00:49:34,540 --> 00:49:37,340
Now, I'm just going to bring Primal and I'm going to put it in.

874
00:49:37,340 --> 00:49:40,240
It's going to be like every time I make it's like, God damn it, Nick.

875
00:49:40,240 --> 00:49:41,580
Is this primal again?

876
00:49:41,580 --> 00:49:45,440
It's like every time I try to trick Pete into watching Fast and the Furious four.

877
00:49:46,340 --> 00:49:48,040
I just put it in.

878
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:51,380
Amazing. I want you to do the effort of like actually cutting

879
00:49:51,380 --> 00:49:54,280
the beginning of the regular movie that we think we're going to watch.

880
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:56,740
And then after the like intro credits or whatever, it's just like,

881
00:49:56,740 --> 00:49:59,540
God, just fucking primal.

882
00:49:59,540 --> 00:50:00,880
Yeah. All right.

883
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:03,680
We're Jack. So right, Jack.

884
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:06,140
You heard it. A million.

885
00:50:06,140 --> 00:50:07,080
You heard it here, people.

886
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,680
Mom and dad is the winner.

887
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:11,980
It's so good.

888
00:50:11,980 --> 00:50:14,180
We definitely watch it now.

889
00:50:14,180 --> 00:50:17,380
I mean, about these films, it does have the most enjoyable five minutes.

890
00:50:17,380 --> 00:50:18,680
Of both these films.

891
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:20,140
Agreed. Yeah. Yeah.

892
00:50:20,140 --> 00:50:22,640
I want to talk about one more thing in next real quick.

893
00:50:23,180 --> 00:50:24,340
So he's a stage magician.

894
00:50:24,340 --> 00:50:25,940
That's how he earns his living.

895
00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:30,080
But then he also hustles casinos using his two minute power to read cards.

896
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:33,180
He's got to get out of the casino because he knows they're on to him

897
00:50:33,180 --> 00:50:35,180
because of his two minute power.

898
00:50:35,180 --> 00:50:38,380
So he escapes the casino and a fun little like predicting

899
00:50:38,380 --> 00:50:38,880
where he's going to go.

900
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:41,340
Yeah, that was kind of fun. Steals a car.

901
00:50:41,340 --> 00:50:42,180
That part was dumb.

902
00:50:42,180 --> 00:50:44,040
Goes to see Colombo.

903
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:45,780
Yeah. Who might be his dad?

904
00:50:45,780 --> 00:50:48,740
Absolutely no clue about the relation.

905
00:50:48,740 --> 00:50:50,680
Yeah. But goes to see Colombo.

906
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:52,980
Peter Falk, rest in peace. He's dead, right?

907
00:50:52,980 --> 00:50:55,580
Yeah. OK. Dead to me.

908
00:50:55,580 --> 00:50:58,480
He knows what he did.

909
00:50:58,480 --> 00:50:59,740
Solve this mystery.

910
00:50:59,740 --> 00:51:03,340
Real complicated opinions on Colombo going around here.

911
00:51:03,740 --> 00:51:04,640
The cops are chasing him.

912
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:05,240
There's this whole thing.

913
00:51:05,240 --> 00:51:08,680
I'm like, the man collects a paycheck in Vegas.

914
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:09,880
He works for another casino.

915
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:13,180
You know, he does, because when they are watching him on the camera,

916
00:51:13,180 --> 00:51:14,840
they'd be like, isn't that Frank Cadillac?

917
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:16,420
He works over at Blah Blah Blah.

918
00:51:16,420 --> 00:51:19,780
Why are you putting in all this effort when you can just show up at his job tomorrow?

919
00:51:19,780 --> 00:51:22,280
Go get him. So fucking dumb. Yeah.

920
00:51:22,740 --> 00:51:27,180
Hey, so next episode, though, we've got some interesting stuff.

921
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:32,720
A number four seed against a 13 seed with Conair and Rage.

922
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:35,820
And my younger brother is our special guest.

923
00:51:36,340 --> 00:51:37,580
So that should be interesting.

924
00:51:37,580 --> 00:51:40,220
These are very special guests. Yes.

925
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:43,080
These are three things I know nothing about.

926
00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:46,140
Conair. You've never seen Conair. Never seen Conair.

927
00:51:46,180 --> 00:51:48,340
Oh, yeah, that's right. We did talk about that.

928
00:51:48,340 --> 00:51:50,740
I think you missed Conair and The Rock.

929
00:51:50,740 --> 00:51:53,040
Yeah, that's fucking wild.

930
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:55,040
I can understand not watching The Rock.

931
00:51:58,220 --> 00:52:01,040
It was one of those things like I didn't, you know, fucking wonder.

932
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:03,980
What did Conair come out? 1997.

933
00:52:03,980 --> 00:52:05,240
I don't know.

934
00:52:05,240 --> 00:52:09,240
Hmm. If I had to guess, I think the three movies I watched the most growing up

935
00:52:09,820 --> 00:52:12,080
were Men in Tights.

936
00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:12,720
Hmm.

937
00:52:12,720 --> 00:52:16,920
Uh, maybe Conair. I watched Conair a lot and Stripes.

938
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:19,980
Oh, yeah, we talked about this a little bit in one of the other episodes, I think.

939
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:22,020
Go back two minutes.

940
00:52:22,020 --> 00:52:25,320
Well, fuck any last thoughts or should I do my little outro?

941
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:26,580
And then you guys outro.

942
00:52:26,580 --> 00:52:28,420
Don't don't watch these movies.

943
00:52:28,420 --> 00:52:30,360
Don't go ahead. Watch them.

944
00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:33,320
Yeah. Just also know that they suck shit.

945
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:36,560
If you want to watch Mom and Dad, it's on Hulu.

946
00:52:36,660 --> 00:52:39,120
Yeah. More.

947
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:41,360
I know what we're going to be cutting out of this episode.

948
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:43,520
Let's go back two minutes.

949
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:44,560
Good night, everybody.

950
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:46,360
Rate review. Subscribe.

951
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:48,860
Thank you. It really does fucking help us.

952
00:52:48,860 --> 00:52:50,820
We are on Reddit at Cage Match Pod.

953
00:52:50,820 --> 00:52:53,920
We are on Instagram at Cage underscore match underscore pod.

954
00:52:54,860 --> 00:52:58,620
If you are interested in supporting us, we are on Patreon at Cage Match.

955
00:52:58,660 --> 00:53:03,980
And thank you to our Sparkle buddies, Josh, Sean, Josie, Rico, Matt and Adam.

956
00:53:04,260 --> 00:53:09,520
And to our cage dancers, Ira, John and our new dancer entering the stage.

957
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:11,720
Freeman, love you, Freeman.

958
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:13,880
Thank you for your support.

959
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:14,920
Yeah, thanks for listening.

960
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:17,480
Podcast. Oh, damn your ass.

961
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:20,180
I know it's fucking wild. Really bad.

962
00:53:20,180 --> 00:53:22,280
I don't think it's going to stop. No, it's not.

963
00:53:22,420 --> 00:53:24,120
All right. Let's go take pictures. Bye, everybody.

964
00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:26,020
Good night. My ass.

965
00:53:26,020 --> 00:53:29,580
Yes. Go back two minutes.

966
00:53:29,580 --> 00:53:31,380
Oh, no.

967
00:53:32,780 --> 00:53:34,780
Bye bye.

968
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:40,660
Peter started again.

969
00:53:43,060 --> 00:53:47,020
Hey, Peter, to save us time later when we do knowing in a month,

970
00:53:47,480 --> 00:53:51,680
can you just take our review of next and just change

971
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:55,060
every time one of us says next to knowing?

972
00:53:55,580 --> 00:53:58,060
Yep. That was a good clean shot on knowing Nick.

973
00:53:58,060 --> 00:54:00,880
Can I get one knowing?

974
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:03,620
Knowing knowing good.

975
00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:07,720
We'll see you next month. Knowing.

976
00:54:08,820 --> 00:54:12,560
So what did you eat today?

977
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:15,760
I did a Spanish roast pork with a Roman.

978
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:17,860
No, this is all that.

979
00:54:17,860 --> 00:54:20,360
So the hatred and bile of these movies trying to get out.

980
00:54:20,420 --> 00:54:23,880
Yeah, no, because it's not getting out the front the front hole fast enough.

981
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:26,320
The movies were no good. I had to put something good in me.

982
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:29,240
Fair enough. Ah, as to ask.

983
00:54:29,340 --> 00:54:32,240
So I have I have a funny as to ask story. Oh.

984
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:36,080
So back back when I was married to previous guest Meredith,

985
00:54:36,380 --> 00:54:38,680
we had a joke where we were, you know, were you guys married before?

986
00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:40,280
I hadn't heard that.

987
00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:43,980
We used to joke around like do like a butt bumping and be like, hey, but stuff.

988
00:54:44,540 --> 00:54:48,020
So one day we're at a dinner party at their mom's house

989
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:51,940
and just walk by and, you know, I do that and we both get hit.

990
00:54:51,940 --> 00:54:54,880
But stuff, we do it quietly because, you know, there are guests

991
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,480
and Meredith's mom goes, what's butt stuff?

992
00:54:57,480 --> 00:55:00,880
And Meredith turns to their mother and goes, it's anal sex, mother.

993
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:03,120
In front of the entire kitchen.

994
00:55:03,120 --> 00:55:31,120
Her kitchen. Oh, I do, too.