Oh, God. Oh, my God.
It would be not a cage match without the christening of a fucking Sparkle Buddy going off.
Also, speaking of Sparkle Buddies, thanks for being patrons and hooray
for our new top level tier patron.
Not sure what that is.
Yeah, Ira stepped on your name.
We're really appreciative of that.
We don't know what we're giving you for being in that tier.
Thank you, Ira.
Also, get fucked, Rico. Now someone pays us more than you.
I don't want to hear shit anymore.
I'm going to cut that.
Suck it. Suck it, Sean.
No, I promised I promised Rico a shout out where I was going to talk mad shit about him today.
Oh, did you really? Yes.
Oh, then definitely we're keeping that in.
How many how many patrons are you guys up to now?
We've got five patrons.
Oh, lovely. So they covered.
Is it five? I don't know.
We got more than that. No, six. We've got six.
Yeah. Yeah. Because there's that Matt guy.
Yeah, Matt. Yeah.
Just talk dismissively about our patrons.
Yeah. Now we got who fucking cares.
The people we like.
And then there's that Matt guy.
And now we got Ira. Thanks, Matt.
Yeah. Fuck you, Jeremy.
I don't think Jeremy listens.
I sort of feel like.
Wait, my friend, Jeremy, he does not.
Yeah, see.
Neither does Andy.
I'm sad about that one.
He'll catch up one day on a road trip.
Yeah. I don't know.
Andy listens to us talk all the time.
That's true. He's he's done his time.
We don't give our best content.
No, that's right. Podcast.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Sorry, everybody.
I wish I could just be talking about eating ass for everybody here.
But listen, man, you can talk about eating ass.
Just going to get cut.
Didn't we talk about it last episode?
Well, we did.
Yeah. You and me, we did talk about eating ass and drinking piss.
Oh, yeah.
What fucking millennials.
So, OK, for everyone who's listening to this,
I had covid for the last episode, so they do a special episode about me.
And I'm just hearing all of this now.
OK, this has to do with the previous movie.
What was that one called?
The Humanity Bureau. OK.
You know, I was really worried that, you know, I wasn't I was going to listen
that like, man, do I not provide any of this podcast?
And apparently I do, which is to not talk about drinking piss and eating ass.
Listen, man, you would have been right there drinking piss with us.
I mean, I'm constantly down to talk about eating ass and drinking piss.
Just usually I'm not miked for it.
I think this might be our strongest episode yet.
Yeah, we're already pretty good. Let's wrap it up.
I'd like to thank our guest, Eric.
He was fantastic today.
Wait, we're not there yet.
Fuck you, Eric. Shut up. Shut up.
All right. Hello. Welcome back to Cage Match.
Colon, a roundabout way of meeting Nicolas Cage.
I am Sean here with Nick. I'm Nick.
And hi, I'm producer Peter.
And we have a special guest today, our buddy.
My name is Eric. I did covid too.
Yeah, Eric and I were covid buddies.
Yeah. How was how was covid for you guys?
Great. Ten out of ten. Good covid.
It was my first covid. Same.
Well, a great job holding out this far.
But I had a hell of a run.
It was it was fun.
I wished my family away and they stayed gone.
Yeah, you have a reverse family, man.
I did. It was great.
I started with the family and I ended up in my apartment in the city.
I don't know what to make of all this.
I thought we gave up talking about conspiracy theories with the 9-11 episode.
Bringing all your covid crap in here.
So today's today we have Eric on to talk about his favorite holiday movie,
The Family Man.
You know, it is.
Which he just got done bagging on to a second ago.
So this is going to be great.
We're going to have him recreate it since the microphone wasn't on yet.
Yeah, it's not as great as what I remember.
I'm not as excited at you know, after rewatching a couple of times.
What since I jumped in last week before we were supposed to record.
Got to rewatch again this morning.
It's a good it's a good movie.
It's just there's not it's not that exciting.
There's not that much there's opportunities for more slapstick,
but they just never do it.
So we're talking about that.
And Peggy Sue got married to pseudo wishful time travel films.
Yeah. So I mean, what I'm thrilled about is that it really does open us up
to the concept of multiple timelines in the NCU.
So really anything fucking goes.
It's phase four, baby.
This theory works.
Early and mid late well mid career early and mid career.
Similar premise that just happened to pan out with the seating.
And again, just another weird everything kind of lines up situation.
Speaking of the seating, Peter, what are we doing here again?
Right. So cage match.
This is a roundabout way of meeting Nicolas Cage, wherein Nick and Sean
are going to evaluate 64 Nicolas Cage movies head to head.
March Madness style, whatever you want to call it.
And we will determine the best cagey is most enjoyable rewatchable movie
that we possibly want to do.
And by the end of it, we're going to watch our favorite movie with Nicolas Cage.
Oh, I like how this is escalated.
Yeah, now I have to say that every time.
I thought we were just going to get tattoos of the movie poster on our butts.
But oh, yeah, I mean, yeah.
Well, I know you're in Peter.
It'll be your first tattoo.
I'm into that.
Awesome. All right.
Now there's stakes.
Yeah, it's going to be really weird when we meet Nick Cage now.
What's going to be super weird, especially because mine's a face tattoo.
Oh, no face on the face.
You need the face off tattoo with the with the crack being the split.
Oh, that would be amazing.
That's actually pretty good. Yeah.
So Eric, what's the family man about?
We start off with Nick Cage and T.
Leon. I'm terrible.
So Nicolas Cage plays Jack Campbell and T.
T. Leonie plays Kate Reynolds.
There you go. They're at the airport when they're college sweethearts.
He's about to go off to London.
She begs him to stay.
He goes on.
Cut to Nick Cage apartment in the city.
Not tidy, tidy blackies is what he's wearing.
The power undies.
Oh, yeah. Oh, while he's singing opera. Absolutely.
Hell, yeah. Living his best life.
I mean, he's just he did still keep it tight.
I'll give him that. Yeah.
He's in a penthouse.
What is far as Nick Cage bodies are concerned?
Harry. This was my first note from this movie.
Sternenbush.
It's bad.
We're tracked.
We track these films based on the amount of chest hair Nick Cage has.
You guys really don't want to see the spreadsheets that I keep.
So what? Nick?
Nick is what is Christmas?
He's brokering a big deal at his firm.
He's he's the president of the company or something along that line.
He's he's at least number two behind the behind the old man.
They break from the big Christmas meeting.
Hey, you know, yes, we're working on Christmas, but we're going to make a lot of money
and goes into Bodega to get some eggnog to dribble on his.
He's going to dribble that on his lady later. Right.
Oh, yeah. That was my favorite quote in this one actually was dribbling.
Nog. Yeah.
Well, so this woman is like he's oh, you should come back over tonight.
He's oh, it's Christmas Eve.
He goes, so I'll pour eggnog all over you.
Right. But I didn't know he was going to like he goes to the bodega
and he's like eggnog.
You know, you don't make fresh eggnog for that.
You don't go out of your way for that one.
Some people do.
And yeah, and I think you should, because that's the good stuff.
But she wasn't really worth it, I don't think.
OK, so he goes for the eggnog and that's when he runs into Don Chidell,
who is cash.
Captain Planet is Captain Planet.
Sketch was the best.
I don't know if you guys remember that.
I did. Tree tree.
You're a tree.
They're all trees.
So what Don Cheadle is trying to cash his lotto ticket.
His name's cash.
He's dressed like I thought he was trying to reaffirm stereotypes.
He was. That's why he was dressed like Jamie Kennedy in Malibu's Most Wanted.
There's a reference for you. That'll date us.
Which was great.
We're all almost 40.
Nick Cage comes in there, saves the day.
He's never a bad guy, right?
Why does he save the day?
Because he's going to cash his lotto ticket and the Asian bodega owners have a problem with that.
Yeah, he gets a racism and he's not allowed to cash his lotto ticket because of the racisms.
In their defense, he does pull his gun immediately.
Really quick.
Smoke your blunt first.
And then, you know, he's got the cigar handy.
I feel like this is an opportune time to mention this movie was directed by Brett Ratner.
Yeah. Famous of the Rush Hours.
Okay, I thought he also did Malibu's Most Wanted.
Oh, no, he's just a terrible human being.
I don't know. I love the Rush Hour movies.
I do too, but Brett Ratner is not a good person.
But Rush Hour.
Allegedly.
Okay.
That's how you can get Nick on board anytime.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's wiggle room.
Allegedly.
So Nick Cage stops the violence.
He wasn't going to rob the place.
He just wanted to cash his lotto ticket.
But he was going to go buck wild, I think.
And that's when Don Cheadle, he hints that he's magic at that point.
And he's like, you got something coming.
You got something coming, Jack.
He hints that he's magic?
Yeah.
Well, so Jack, like, you're not wrong.
I mean, Jack's like, you know, you shouldn't be doing this.
You should be like, if you work real hard, you can make something yourself.
And he does the whole white savior thing.
And Cash is just like, oh, you're trying to save me?
You got everything?
And Cage is like, yeah, I got everything.
And it's like, all right.
Well, remember, you asked for it.
Yeah, totally.
Then he goes to sleep that night, wakes up in someone else's bed.
He's got a wife.
The kids run around, full chaotic family situation.
It's Christmas day.
What if?
I'm just going to ask this question into the wind.
What if instead of seeing his life, if he had stayed with Kate or come back,
not gone to London, what if he just traded places with Don Cheadle?
And then we got a movie of Nick Cage just gang banging and living the struggle
while Don Cheadle gets to drive around the Ferrari.
So you're like trading places.
You're just talking trading places?
Yeah.
I mean, if we have to talk about trading places or Scrooge,
we're pretty much just talking about Scrooge at the moment.
OK.
His assistant when he's still like the big hotshot executive.
Oh, with the Mark Davis hair.
Yes, exactly.
That's Mary Beth Hurt, who formerly was married to William Hurt,
but then married Paul fucking Schrader.
Oh, gross.
So that's it's a trader returns.
That explains the haircut.
She can't afford a better one.
That was a five million dollar haircut.
That's the budget.
Well, what?
So where were we?
We're in a family scene.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nick Cage is gang banging downtown.
Yes.
So wakes up in a house in Jersey,
which is terrifying for a man in the city.
Terrifying for anyone, really.
I mean, I've been to the New York airport.
That's my entire Jersey experience.
It's the worst airport that I've ever been to.
Hayden agrees.
He understands.
Is Hayden a patron?
No.
OK, we we actively bleep his name out.
Yeah.
He's had enough chances to be whacked out.
Yeah.
Ever since ever since he like stood behind me while I was watching
a leave in Las Vegas, he's persona non grata on this podcast.
Nick Cage wakes up in Jersey, freaks out, doesn't like it, runs off.
He's gone all of Christmas, which doesn't go over well with the family.
Tries to go to his old apartment.
Everybody's you're crazy.
He runs into Cash again in the Ferrari.
Cash has his Ferrari.
Has Nick Cage's Ferrari.
Shows him, tells him the rules.
You're going for a glimpse.
You get a little trip back to see what how things could have been.
And what?
Then he gets to live his life in Jersey for a little bit.
He hates it at first, comes around, finds it fulfilling at the end,
and then doesn't want to go back to the playboy lifestyle is is the long and short.
Yeah.
That's the film.
And it has just as many jokes as that synopsis.
They don't do much.
They don't lean into the comedy aspect of the weird like body swap.
They really could do a lot more with that.
I agree.
So here's my immediate question.
I can't think about body swabbing without penis swapping technology anymore.
Yeah.
Genital swap.
Speaking of which.
All right.
I'll just talk about this now.
Travolta was supposed to play this role at one point.
They have the same penis as we've discovered in episode one.
Yeah.
At least in girth and length.
Do you guys have have you guys ever met your penis twin?
I'm sorry.
What?
Identical dicks.
You've never.
I dictical.
Polydictal.
No, that's what you get as a thumb.
Oh, Jesus.
I don't like that.
How utilitarian it would become.
No, I think if anything, I just want like a hand on my chest.
I think that's what I want.
Because then it could like hold my phone for me and simplifies everything.
Sandwich hand.
I thought you meant that in like a tender way.
Someone just touching your chest.
No, no.
Just growing out of my sternum to help while I'm lacking off.
I mean, sorry, quacking off.
Family podcast here.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
This is definitely for the youth.
Yeah.
So, but no, my question about any of these movies is there's been a Jack has been raising
a wife and kids.
The daughters, the only clue is into that this Jack isn't her dad.
What happened to that track in the meantime?
So is this a parallel universe or is it is it just like a coma dream?
I think it's more coma dream.
Yeah.
So there are no consequences to his behavior.
No, those kids only on his soul out of existence when he went back to his real life in the
city, right?
The kids were just no longer a thing.
It was a fever dream.
Which is, you know, and he leaned into that a little bit when he tried to do the affair
with with the lady that's always given him the eyes at the Christmas party.
Evelyn Evelyn Evelyn.
Yes.
He's like, Evelyn, give give me give me her exact address.
I'm going to start my affair now.
I do love how he said that.
Also, I love that Jeremy Piven is not the douchiest person in the movie.
No, he is zero, bro.
He's a good friend.
He's there.
What are you doing?
You're going to mess up a good thing.
Whereas, like, if any of you wanted to start an affair, I'd be like, let's do this.
I need this for you.
Let's let's make it happen.
Eric has lived vicariously through a couple of fair adjacent things I've been involved
with.
It's definitely all the excitement in my life.
Don Cheadle is a magical black man.
Oh, good.
I'm glad you said it.
Yes, he is a magical black man.
I thought someone already said it in this podcast.
I thought we were tiptoeing around the fact that he's black.
He does make magic.
I mean, is Don Cheadle not black?
You don't get to ask those questions anymore.
This is the 21st century.
Come on, man.
This is all getting cut up.
Almost certainly.
So Don Cheadle is a magical human.
He's probably touched by an angel.
Yeah, they didn't really what?
He's not he's not an angel.
He says, Jack, this impressed people high up in the organization.
It's just like, I don't know, he's just in like a super he's just got a supernatural
job.
It's got some great perks.
He gets to drive other people's Ferrari use.
You know, he gets to punk their asses in their Ferraris.
Yeah, he probably works for the TVA.
And this is actually tying Nick Cage into the MCU.
I got you know, there's variants and stuff.
I got it.
Yeah, we're there.
It's a low key thing.
MCU, NCU.
Yeah, it gets confusing now.
Yeah, it was never confusing before, but it's confusing now.
Now that Nicholas Cage is involved.
Oh, an all Nicholas Cage movie.
Just Tyler Perry's the shit out of it.
Back in our running days, what was the the movie universe we wanted to make with all
the Rob Schneider characters?
The Schneider verse.
Yeah, everything is a Schneider Schneider cut the animal, the hot chick.
Eric, why did you like this movie?
What?
Yeah, what originally made you so interested in this was a Christmas movie that my brother
and I would enjoy together every year.
And my brother, who is a crazy person, just loved it, loved it more than anybody else.
So so I don't know, we'd get together, we'd watch this movie.
And over the years, just really built up, built it up in our heads that it was bigger
cage, that it was more cagey than than it was.
But it's really not.
It's just kind of like, it's a solid family film.
It's also a solid two hours, which it didn't need to be.
Yeah, absolutely.
But like, I don't know, you know what he learned lessons, they were valuable.
He, you know, found out what he wanted in life.
I feel like he was forced to find something in life that he was fine not having.
Because as soon as he wakes up in Jersey, the first thing that happens is a giant dog
jumps on the bed, and then two kids come into the room screaming, jumping up and down.
It's Christmas. It's Christmas.
And all I can think is, this man has made every right decision up until this point.
Don Tito's character is an asshole.
I'm also the only single person at this table.
I'm just saying his life in the city seemed so much better than before he had kids.
Well, right.
And he spends most of the most of the film just trying to get back to life in the city,
try and integrate it into the family life.
Can I can I have both things?
Tries that out. It doesn't work.
Because mainly T. Leon was being manipulative there.
That was one of my favorite quotes. It was great.
She's like, I support you, Jack.
If you need the kids to give up a life that they love.
Oh, yeah. Good dig.
I was like, oh, man, this is a trap, Jack.
Don't do it. Don't bite. Don't bite.
I got a question for you guys.
There's a lot of pajamas in this movie.
Pro anti pajama.
I got a question for you guys real quick before we answer that.
Pajamas or pajamas?
I just go with PJs.
I'm not going to pick a set.
I would say pajamas, but I don't know why.
I do like pajamas because I like saying pajama.
Yeah, pajama.
But if you say pajama, you can act more Jamaican,
which I know you've been trying to do.
Yeah, no, it's the only person here with like skin pigmentation.
That's you know what?
Yeah, it's fine. I can say pajama.
Yeah, pajama.
Because we get me canceled.
Because we hope you like pajama too.
Okay, what was your?
Eric, what are you pajamas or pajamas?
Before we get into this serious question.
I want to be a pajama person, but I think I go with pajama.
Okay, when I have to, but I'd like to change that.
So what the fan?
There was a lot of pajamas in this movie.
There's a lot of pajamas.
It took them a while to get comfortable sleeping with the one that got away,
which I thought was weird.
This is your this is the one that got away.
I apologize.
She has the shower scene and he's just like, Oh, no.
Yeah.
I mean, she was really getting into it in that shower too.
It was a little much.
That ass crack is clean.
She she was elbow deep scrubbing that thing out.
She was committing to the shower scene.
She was frothing frothing that ass.
It's no nothing.
That ass is frothing.
Oh, yeah.
It makes a different sound when it's frothing.
More concerning one.
So what in the end?
He doesn't want to go back to to real life.
He has to go back to real life.
The kids are dead at that point.
Never existed.
Fucking terrible.
Yeah, it's really there.
It's children.
They both are and aren't.
You loved these things and they're gone.
Yeah, never existed.
Oh, I never could exist too at this point.
Oh, yeah.
No, that egg and those sperm are long dead.
Left in the womb of some some barren flight attendant.
Well, and that's where he goes back.
He finds her.
He finds her at the end.
He convinces her not to get on a plane to go to Paris.
It has that great scene from every film pre 9-11.
He just like shows up the airport and runs right to the gate.
Yeah, your speech.
And man, I mean, hands off to her for not being like you are a crazy person.
She did the same thing in the beginning.
Well, right.
But he goes into this alternate life speech.
It's like, oh, yeah.
Well, that is a life we could have had together.
How about the guy who was like just over her shoulder through the whole thing?
And he's just kind of like side eyeing back at them like the fuck.
Why am I still standing next to these crazy ass white people?
See, here's the only way that makes sense is if she also got a glimpse of like cash
pool double duty.
No, I think that she's just like, you've really thought about this.
We haven't talked in 13 years and suddenly you're talking about kids we never had.
And I'm about to go to Paris.
No, I'll stay and have coffee.
He paints a pretty picture.
I mean, does he?
Kind of.
But still, if I were her, I'd be like, he's crazy.
I'm getting on the plane.
Yeah, somebody takes him place.
He by like immediate when they first met and she's like, hey, maybe maybe you meet with
me in Paris, you know?
Yeah.
If you're in Paris sometime, say hi.
Yeah, I would have just gone on a plane.
Yeah.
The way he looked in that scene, too, it's like she obviously never expects him to be
able to afford to go to Paris and like a car heart jacket and stuff like you are stuck
boots on laced and everything.
I like that when he entered that apartment, the first thing he does is he just knocks
over a thing of marbles and then there's movers like carrying a couch out.
And Kate's just like, oh, don't worry about the marbles.
And it's like, what?
I can worry about those marbles.
Those motherfuckers are going to die.
That was a perfect time for slapstick.
She clearly doesn't care about her employees because it's Christmas and she's making her
ex personal assistant like, well, that's not her employee.
That's her ex employee.
You know what?
You're right.
I know.
That's why I do this podcast to be right at least once every other week.
The details, man.
Yeah.
What's your favorite quote from the film there?
Let me get to my note.
One of them was when he got the dirty talk wrong.
They're on the stairs.
They're about to do it.
They're covering cake.
Yeah.
And he goes with, you're a bad girl, baby.
You make me so hot, which I thought was a great try.
Yeah, it was good.
It's like that's I like that she gets like, what did you say?
Yeah, absolutely.
And he's just laying there like, you make me hot.
Yeah, that's hot.
Come on.
I'd say my favorite one is when he's back in his apartment in the minivan and like the
security guard isn't letting him in.
And Tony's a real day.
And then the woman he like the old lady he flirts with in the elevator.
Mr. Peterson.
Mr. Peterson's like, like, who are you?
Who are you? Well, we're on the court, a co-op board together, Betty.
And we fought side by side for garbage disposals.
And every morning we share quasi sexual witty manner.
Yeah, it's weird, too, because she's just like an old lady.
It doesn't seem like something in character for him to even be making those passes at her
because he's just so up his own ass.
Yeah, I liked it, though.
It was fun.
Yeah, just like what?
You know, when you get a lot of me in on that.
And she's just like, you couldn't satisfy.
I think that's just what is what rich people do.
You can you can flirt like really aggressively, just like having a work flirt.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
My favorite quote came after Cash gives Nick the little bell and he's like, what are you
going to come if I ring this?
And Cash just looks at him.
So he gets home and he's got the bell and he's standing in the kitchen and like things
aren't right and he's just like ringing the bell.
And then the little girl comes and like says, I like it and takes the bell.
She's on her new bike.
Yeah. And rides away on her bike.
And he's like, that's mine.
She took my bell.
It's like, you said defeated man.
Hey, I need that back.
Your bell that summons the magical Don Cheadle and you're better than me.
Everybody knows that I'm full of woke speak.
Say sex worker, Nick.
Sex worker.
Oh, you're going to enjoy our sidebar episode.
I wish Don Cheadle could have been a could have been a pimp.
Oh, man.
I would win two on the nose.
I do.
I do like that when he's like first getting in with that.
If he had gone from gangbanger to pimp, it's just like, wait a minute to, you know, bodega
clerk.
I do like when he's first getting in with the kids though.
And he's just like, you're not going to start crying.
I don't think I can deal with that right now.
Yeah.
That little girl was cute.
Yeah.
She stole scenes.
Yeah.
No, this was this is definitely in the good kid camp along with handpan.
Yeah.
Pan pan in this kid.
Pretty good.
Oh, I did have to see a little kid pee out of his penis though.
Oh, yeah.
That was authentic.
Yeah.
They were straight on.
Do that.
So did anyone find out how long he was glimpsing for?
It seemed like a long time.
Yeah.
It took him a while to learn his lesson.
Like the better part of it.
He did like most of a bowling league.
Yeah.
So it was eight weeks because it was between Christmas and it was right after Valentine's
Day.
That seems like an adequate amount of time to learn such a large life lesson.
Again, I don't learn things quickly.
He needed the lesson is that Jeremy Piven is a fucking bro.
Dude.
And how cool was his little like home bar and everything?
He had like little titty mugs and stuff like that in the back.
Yeah.
Jack was not adequately impressed.
Yeah.
Jack.
Man.
Jeremy's like, check this out.
This is a proper dude war.
Yeah.
And Jack is just like, yeah, yeah, cool.
Cool room.
Yeah.
Room guy.
Nice job, Arnie.
Yeah.
I like when he leads off and like Nick Cage is looking kind of like out of place in the
room and he's just like, I had to move the Barka lounger.
People were saying it was too weird in the middle.
Okay.
That obviously that's why Nick Cage seems so out of place right now.
It's because the Barka lounger got moved.
So when Jeremy Piven is just trying to go and like hug his buddy, Nick Cage is like,
I'm going to fucking punch you.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, I thoroughly enjoy Jeremy Piven.
He could show up in just about anything.
And I'm like, all right, I know what I'm going to get here.
I didn't this time.
This time he was different.
I rewatched the Entourage movie while I had COVID.
Oh, that's a choice.
It just happened.
I just the movie.
Absolutely.
You had brain fog for sure.
Oh, my goodness.
It wasn't a lot of fun facts.
No, there's really not much.
Like there was the Travolta connection, which I thought was interesting.
And yeah, eight weeks is how long he was in a coma.
Well, in a coma, he comes back on Christmas Day.
So it's not like he was there was never an injury.
It was.
I'm just saying that's how most of these movies go, including our next one.
Piggy Sue got married.
Good segue.
Sean, the master of segues.
Amazing at segues.
You guys only have to do one movie without me.
You don't have to segue.
I feel like we still did have a segue in our episode.
Probably was.
So Peggy Sue got married starring Kathleen Turner as Peggy Sue.
Nicholas Cage is Charlie Bodell.
And that's really about it for main cast and Jim Carrey's on this.
There were a lot of people in this.
There were, but yeah, none that played like huge part.
Who was your favorite third player in this?
Because you mentioned there was Jim Carrey.
Who else did you who was your favorite?
I really connect additional cast with.
Oh, man, it was toss up between Michael and Richard for me.
Michael was such an intense artist and Richard.
Kevin O'Connor, a dumb genius.
We do have Joan Allen back.
That was my picture.
I love Joan Allen, Archer's wife and face off.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah, like she's back.
And in Left Behind.
She was in Left Behind, too.
Yeah.
Remember, she was the wife who got abducted.
I mean, she didn't take it away.
Yeah.
I mean, she just complained about her daughter not being Christ loving enough
and then disappeared.
God bless you, Joan Allen.
He did and took her away.
So, yeah, that was a fun one.
I mean, like there's so many people on this.
Yeah.
This movie's got a lot of people.
So it's directed by Francis Ford Coppola.
So it's got Sophia Coppola in this.
That was my favorite.
Every movie she's in just proves more and more how she can not act.
She can't.
Oh, my God.
She's a great director or at least a fine director.
But she's a director as an actor.
I'm going to walk that one back.
Did she act in this one?
Did she?
Yeah, she was on a little bit.
Oh, did she act?
OK, that's a loaded question.
I'm just saying I don't really remember any lines.
Oh, no.
My favorite line of hers was when Peggy Sue comes back, sees Nancy,
the youngest Sophia's character, and she's like, oh, so happy and like hugging her
and everything.
And Sophia is just like, teenagers are weird.
That was a great read.
That was actually really good.
That was actually better acted than Sophia Coppola.
Yeah, I know.
I bring this kind of energy to the table.
So the whole premise of this film is Peggy Sue is going to her 25th high school reunion.
Which is an odd number.
Yeah.
Do they do?
Is that did that used to be a thing?
I've never been invited to one, so I don't know what the actual.
I was going to ask about that.
You can probably get one every year if you really want to try.
Yeah.
So she goes to her 25th high school reunion, taken by her daughter, Helen Hunt.
So life's going great.
Her date's her daughter.
She just broke up.
It's kind of like taking your mom to prom.
Exactly.
Listen, man, you didn't have mom prom?
Mom prom rom com.
Wait a minute, that implies they're going to get romantic later.
No, no.
These are the kind of adult documentaries I watch.
They're wingman.
We've all been on Pornhub.
So life isn't going well.
Her husband, Charlie, played by Nicholas Cage, plays it Charlie.
That's terrible.
Terrible impression of the.
God, he's so fucking bad.
Can we talk about the voice?
We will.
You're going to recap this first.
So her husband cheats on her.
She goes to her high school reunion.
He says he's not going to show up because it's so important to her.
He shows up and then she is around reunion queen and while on stage has a heart episode
and then wakes up back in high school.
I do like how they subvert the whole adults playing teenagers thing by just not even pretending
that they're not adults playing teenagers in the film.
Oh, yeah. They just go for it.
Well, because they're adults at the beginning of the film.
I think they just made everybody look a little older for the beginning so that they could
just play their own age as teenagers later.
You know, it's like, well, you look younger.
I got to say, like I baby powder in here.
Yeah, right.
I mean, it's hokey the way they do old aging, but there's a part of me that really appreciates
that versus like digital ageing or aging.
Yeah, I'm kind of I don't love the digital stuff.
But Disney has been really involved in.
Yeah. And you know what, Disney, you do you.
You don't want to see a geriatric Harrison Ford play a geriatric Harrison Ford who looks 20.
I mean, I'll take it because I fucking love the Indiana Jones movies.
But an 80 year old running doesn't look like a 20 year old running as evidenced in Nick Cage's fight scenes last week.
For those of you who aren't Sean and know what I'm talking about.
I haven't heard it yet. Sucker.
But yeah, so she wakes up and she's back in high school in her senior year before she married Charlie and gets to do it all over again.
But knowing what the future holds, she invents pantyhose to try and make a quick buck.
She will. She spouts off all these ideas.
I don't think she ever actually accomplishes anything.
She's I mean, the only thing that really matters is we have a reverse big situation where she sleeps with a teenager.
Fuck yeah.
OK, so because you because you brought up big now, I'm kind of I'm into this.
Hang on, hang on.
But the production's life of this movie is weird because it was in production for a really, really long time before it ended up going to Francis Ford Coppola.
And originally, it was going to be a Jonathan Deming movie, which would have been a very interesting, probably better movie.
Francis Ford Coppola made Jack. Yeah.
So it's kind of like the same thing.
Kind of. But then he ended up having these creative differences and then it went to Penny Marshall, who was the director of big and League of their own.
Yeah. Oh, this was going to be her first like major film.
Right. And the reason I got to see that issue is the reason I got taken away from her is because the budget start to explode and producers were like, we don't trust an untested director to make this film.
I don't know why it even needs that much of a budget.
It's a good point.
I mean, what was this? What year was the vehicles like managing the fleet for that drastically different looking vehicles?
1986. OK, 86.
Well, they did some weird stuff for this film.
So in the scene where she's like in the car driving through her hometown, which was Petaluma in Santa Rosa, were used for this film.
When she was like in the car back in high school driving through the town, it was a local.
It was a San Francisco radio station on the radio and they paid the radio station to change their programming to fit what they wanted for the film.
So that was a live broadcast in the film that she was listening to.
That's weird. Yeah, that seems so unnecessary.
I know it's above and beyond for sure.
I mean, it's Coppola. Yeah, we should trust him because he made Jack.
And he also remember that time Robin Williams had to buy pornos for the first time in that movie.
He also asked. He also let his nephew play this character.
Yeah. So Peter, you wanted to talk about Nick Cage's voice choice in this film.
Yeah, please. Can we talk about that?
Because like the horny Muppet kind of aspect of it was really fucking me up.
I wrote down Proto Gary. Yeah.
So Nick Cage may have been playing one character his whole career.
He's got two voices. He's got bad Boston cop, which is for any regional like dialect.
And then he's got Gary voice for everything else.
And then Nick Cage. So yeah, he three voices.
I'm an arithmetician. He chose this voice.
He based it off pokey from the Gumby show, accentuated by the fact that he wore prosthetic teeth to have an overbite.
These are good choices. I like it all.
Coppola wanted to fire his own nephew from this film and Cage convinced him that this was a good choice.
You know what? Peter, Peter warned me about the voice.
And once once I got hit in the face with it, at first I was like, given a benefit of the doubt.
It was like this, you know, he's doing a high school version of himself.
He's a high schooler.
And then but then at the end, he is an old man and he's still doing the same damn voice.
So that threw that right out the window.
Some of us don't get the convenience of like having our voices age.
Some of us are stuck like this forever.
So I didn't realize the Gumby connection and my note for Jim Carrey's first appearance in this was Jim Carrey.
So young, not yet gumbofied.
But then he does do that shoulder thing when he's talking to the nurse or whatever.
Oh, well, I mean, that was like in the beginning, wasn't that like in the blood drive?
Have you guys ever given blood? I got a blood drive story.
Yeah, go for it. Oh, man.
So in high school, we had a blood drive and it was in the library there at school.
So I went and it's the only time I've ever actually been able to give blood.
So I did it and I'm sitting there. I'm like, oh, man, this is pretty neat.
I've never done this before. Would it be cool if I held the bag and the nurse is like, oh, yeah, you can hold the bag.
And so I'm holding it and it's just filling up with my own blood in my hands.
And I'm looking quite hot. Yeah. I mean, it's weird.
It's you think it would come out body temperature and you wouldn't notice it, but it's much warmer.
But I guess if you pee on your hands, it's about the same to blood is pee.
And so I'm sitting there like looking at this bag filling up in my hands.
And I look across and there's this girl who like they were just putting her feet up
and there like the little towel for her head because she was having trouble.
And I was looking at her and then I looked down at my bag of blood.
Then I looked at her and I just like slowly put the bag of blood up on my face
and I just like pretended to not on the corner of it while it was still filling up with my blood.
And so she passed the fuck out. She just immediately fainted.
And I just went back to holding my blood bag and then the nurse came and like took care of the girl.
And then I had a cookie.
You were like a national treasure and a crime at the same time. I don't I don't get it.
Oh, I mean, in the national version, we see does commit crimes.
Yeah. So that's the only time I've given blood.
I have I've donated blood and then ran a foot race the next morning.
That was good. And that was the worst decision of my life.
Remember that time you thought you could go running after you had a vasectomy?
That was nearly the worst decision of your life.
Good thing you have a wife to set you straight.
I don't know. Maybe not. He went to bed on Christmas and when he woke up, she wasn't there.
Neither were his kids.
It's true. I was home alone. I thought I broke my toe.
I almost locked myself out of the house when it was 11 degrees outside.
Yeah, it's dangerous not having a wife sometimes.
I think we could we could use Eric. We can remake home alone, but with like an adult man.
This actually tracks pretty well. You've got a little Culkin in you.
Oh, I just be in my PJs the whole time setting booby traps.
Oh, Marissa and the kids are terrified when they paint cans swinging from everywhere.
Yeah, it will be a more realistic story.
They actually come back from the airport when they're like, why the fuck isn't Eric here?
They go home to get you and it's already booby trapped.
And you're just beating the shit out of your wife without you knowing it.
Setting off fireworks in the house.
The local Facebook page is just going crazy where those fireworks are gunshots.
So Peggy's got my dog poop in my garbage again.
Peggy's got married. So she goes back in time.
The first thing you know, she's a high schooler.
First thing she does is make herself a stiff drink.
Oh, yeah. She goes straight for the whiskey.
She goes straight for the liquor cabinet.
I like that. She's like, they're like, are you drunk?
And she's like, that would explain things.
She was like, it doesn't matter. I'm dead.
She got right into it the same way.
Nick Cage got right into it when he went to that Christmas party in the last movie.
Straight for the bourbon.
Straight for the whiskey and just like two back to back.
I do give Nick Cage's character credit because it took him
it took almost eight weeks to finally sleep with his wife.
And Peggy Sue as a 45 year old woman was immediately like, I'm going to sleep with a 17 year old kid.
Tried to get with Nick Cage and then he was like, I don't know if I can handle this.
OK, hang on. We got to talk about that scene because that's my favorite quote.
Oh, obvious.
Do you want to do a reading? I have it here.
Do you have the whole thing? Yeah.
Oh my god, I kind of do.
Wait, no, I have. OK, I have part of that.
So why don't you do you do that part?
So and then we all say the line together.
What you mean? You mean sex?
And of course, you want to have intercourse.
Last week, he said, what time is it?
Holy cow, it's late.
And then I don't have all the exact quotes.
She's like, oh, I have to bring out, bring out lucky Chucky.
Bring out the love machine.
You're throbbing thrill hammer.
Your thing. Oh, I don't remember that.
Yeah. You mean my way?
You mean my way?
That's why in the movie, it was amazing.
And he's so terrified when he says it to my way.
Just he made so many great choices in this film acting wise.
When he sneaks into a room later in the film, the yellow, he's got the sneaky fingers.
Oh, what the fuck was that?
He was going to put a pillow over her face.
I totally thought he was going with the pillow.
And then he takes her down in the basement.
What's in the basement?
But no, when he's like he's on her like outside her window, like tiptoeing, and he's doing like these creepy, like, oh, yeah, extended, extended fingers like curling.
Sneaky fingers.
OK, we have to talk about her grandparents.
Yes. Her.
They mean the cult she gets almost sacrificed to.
I feel like that out of nowhere.
They were like, we need to end this movie.
Yeah.
We'll just like give her to her grandparents who just know what to do.
They're like, oh, this is fine.
We'll send it to the future.
We have Irish time travel.
I don't know.
That seems like a perfectly normal lodge activity.
I've experienced some lodge activities that had about the same amount of theatricality to them.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, it's not a lodge without a hat.
That's true.
They would perform these kind of just silly rituals as a reason to get together before they drink and watch stag movies.
They're still going to watch stag movies.
Yeah. Play cards.
Her grandfather did.
Why was that still the plan when his granddaughter was there?
It's like, oh, my granddaughter is coming around.
We're going to do this weird little thing and then I'll bust out the pornos and start playing a little hold them.
She can sit in the car.
She can serve us drinks because it's the 60s or whatever.
No, I actually wrote this down.
They were going to play.
There's a lot of part cheesy talk.
And I wrote that down because I wrote down.
I still don't know what part cheesy is.
Oh, it's the horniest game.
I don't know that we've actually talked about any of these movies.
Well, I was going to talk about something about this movie.
So, again, we have a reverse big.
So she she says, we told some jokes.
She says it's pretty good for us.
She says in the future she had a crush on this one kid.
He's in a poetry.
He wears a leather jacket.
He drinks coffee at night and corners cafes.
He also had a burrito at Disneyland one time.
That was the smart.
That was the smart kid.
The smart kid was just like times like a burrito.
Michael was my favorite is as far as the time travel trysts that she went back to revisit because of his endgame.
Do you remember?
Oh, yeah, he wanted to live in a commune.
Yeah.
Amory, baby.
I've got this other chick, but I love how immediately he just gets upset.
He goes like polygamy is legal in Utah.
Not polyamory polygamy.
Yes.
He wanted sister wives.
Absolutely.
And she's like, you love having this was 1986.
Sorry.
You'll work together and I'll be happy.
You can each darn one of my socks.
That's half the work for each of you.
I mean, that's a good deal.
But yes, I like every guy she knew when she was trying to change her life in the past was just like, no, let's get married.
You'll just be my wife.
Yeah, that's what she was fated to do.
I guess that's just life or relationships in the 60s from my experience as being a teenage girl from the 60s.
Yeah.
So when did you guys know that Richard was a genius?
Was it when he was going to write a book about kites?
I mean, they just told you he was a genius from the outside.
Yeah. But when was it really made real for you?
When did it sink in?
Because for me, it was when he goes, I'm writing a book about kite design.
Kites, huh?
Yeah.
Someone's got to monetize that.
That would sell really well on like the ocean shores kind of like boardwalk right next to a corndog.
Get your book about kites.
Yeah. No, don't buy a kite.
You're set to make your own.
Oh, yeah. Nick Cage does some singing.
That's where one of my favorite quotes comes in.
I think after he does a song, she's talking about Richard or something.
And he goes, who needs physics when we've got chemistry?
That is good.
It was amazing.
Speaking of his music career, I do like how she tries to like set him on the right course to have a great career.
They don't get together.
She writes him a song and then later on he comes like pretty good song for a first timer.
But it changed all the yes to ohs.
She loves you.
Oh, oh, oh.
I think the the scene where she's watching him with the quartet.
Yeah.
And she's like, oh, God, he's kind of good.
When he didn't she didn't expect him to see him play performing with the R&B.
No, this is the earlier one.
We love the secret band.
Yeah.
His secret band was pretty good.
That was pretty good.
But yeah, with the quartet themselves, I just I couldn't get over like one how fucking corny he looks.
And then to the ending to that song killed me.
Bye bye.
Yeah, I think that we now have an outro.
But man, he had some fucking moves.
His hips were doing things that my brain couldn't comprehend.
He was making love.
So at what point in Peggy Sue did she it took like until the end of the movie until she was concerned about her status.
Like in the past, you know, she she was in the past and she was just not.
Well, she thought she was dead.
Was that it? Yeah.
She like she the whole time she's like, I bet it doesn't matter.
And then they do the are you dead test when the smart.
The kite can't stand in front of a bus in front of a bus.
The bus goes through. You're dead.
Yeah. Good call.
What about much different film?
Just stand in front of a bus.
And that will prove everything.
That was his second book.
Or sorry, that was a fire truck. And I love the fire truck.
Oh, yeah. Just like doing that.
The like Austin Powers steamroller thing.
They're like, get away. Get out of the way.
She's like, no, just like that.
No. Sorry.
I don't know if I'm dead or not.
And so, yeah, eventually they this film she wakes up.
Apparently it was like a heart murmur.
She had like a heart episode.
So she actually was in the hospital when she wakes up and Charlie's there and she forgives him kind of invites him over for dinner with her family.
No, she chooses not to change anything in her life.
So this movie has a much more downer ending.
Oh, no, come on. It was great.
She like asked him if he was still with that bimbo.
And he's like, oh, like I got tired of of translating everything for like basically.
She was dumb and I got sick of her.
And like, let's get back to let's get back together now.
I guess she actually says to him, you can move back into your house with your kids.
Just open arms.
Just I don't know.
She had a stroke at the reunion and she's like, I forgive you completely.
Well, she just she went back in time and realized that just like no matter what, she was just going to be a housewife.
So might as well be a housewife to the pseudo celebrity, the appliance king of Charlie.
What did you think of his performance overall?
Chef's kiss.
I mean, he convinced Francis Ford Coppola to let him do it.
Oh, yeah. That's a great that's he's performed somewhere.
So Francis Ford Coppola, he saw that when it started and he asked him to stop.
Is that how it works? He hated it.
The crew hated it.
Kathleen Turner really hated it.
She didn't feel it was her job to critique another actor's performance.
So she complained to Francis Ford Coppola, who Nick Cage had convinced to let him do this.
So they just let it happen.
And she just let that play into her disdain for Charlie.
That's fine.
Well, then what? How did she get back to her normal time frame?
Because what? Grandpa was going to send her back.
They had sex.
And then Charlie.
Charlie Black.
Yeah, I love that.
She toss a bag over and throw her in a van.
That was such a surprise for me.
Well, then there was like a lightning storm or something.
And then she just woke up.
Well, like they had sex and her child was conceived.
So the timeline was fixed and then she woke up.
OK, so this is like a hot tub time machine situation where you have to keep the timeline accurate.
Yeah.
OK. Unlike the family man where those children never existed.
Apparently, when she went back in time, it did happen because the poet kid.
He writes a book about fucking her.
Yeah. Well, he like, yeah, he he dedicated a book to her, even though in high school they were they never talked.
That's the proof.
Time travels around.
Apparently, all you need to do is have like a heart attack during your 25th high school reunion after being crowned Reunion Queen.
That's totally real.
That had some fucking Carrie vibes to it, too.
I don't know if you guys felt that.
Oh, man. Yeah, I did not want them to leave the reunion.
I was having so much fun at the reunion.
If my reunion looks like that, so I'm pretty sure I'm not invited.
But like whatever I'd like to go if it's all cocaine or just like trying to sleep with.
Yeah. Yeah.
In high school, whatever, whatever Walter wants, Walter gets.
Hell yeah.
Whatever Walter wants.
Walter gets.
We talked about kind of the making of it and who was originally supposed to do it.
Apparently, at one point, Steve Gutenberg was considered for Charlie.
Would have been fine.
He wrote about this.
And here's the fun fact.
The fun fact has nothing to do with Peggy Sue got married.
The fun fact is Steve Gutenberg talked about this in his autobiography, The Gutenberg Bible.
I read that his autobiography is called The Gutenberg Bible.
I'm like, I'm going to talk about that on my podcast.
I have to buy that book.
So I thought that I read that Kathleen Turner got an Oscar nod.
This was her one Oscar nod for her one Oscar nominated performance.
OK, I almost I thought that she won.
But that's not the case.
She did not.
She was nominated.
That I thought was surprising enough.
I thought she did a great job.
I thought the performance was good.
Movies were in the 80s.
Yeah, it was fine.
Outside of the voice being an issue, apparently Nicholas Cage and Kathleen Turner had other headbutting
because she claimed that he was arrested twice and had stolen a dog.
Allegedly.
I hope he sold that dog.
So, Eric, which movie do you think should go on?
Like, honestly, what I keep in mind that it doesn't matter what you think.
I came in with a clear favorite.
But like, I think Peggy Sue is more fun to like watch again and again.
All Stand By Family Man is like a good Christmas movie, overlooked.
But I think Peggy Sue is just more it's wacky.
All right, Nick, what's what's better cage film?
So the real opinions are that no, he's right.
Peggy Sue Got Married is a more entertaining movie to watch.
It definitely has jokes and doesn't take itself overly seriously.
Yeah.
What Family Man is only serious.
Yeah, it's not a lot of it like for it's not a romantic comedy.
There's not that much comedy or romance.
The Family Man.
It was a fine watch.
I'm glad I watched it.
And for a feel good holiday film, it's kind of a downer.
Yeah, I'm OK with that.
I think we should have more depressing Christmas movies.
We should go back in time and make we should make a Labor Day movie where somebody dies in the 9-11 accident.
And that's like how the movie concludes.
When does Labor Day happen?
There's a movie starring Batman, starring Robert Pattinson, where it's just about two teenagers in love.
And the film literally ends with him like going to see his father's office and he turns around and there's just a plane coming to the building.
That's a weird way for Twilight to happen.
I don't I don't know these movies.
I can only assume he's been in The Lighthouse, Twilight and The Batman.
Well, we did have a Harry Potter.
We did have a lot of Harry Potter.
What?
He was he was the one who died.
Yeah, he was. He got killed and motivated everyone to be like, oh, Voldemort.
Yeah. Before he was in a Twilight, he was in a Harry Potter.
So yeah, I think it's pretty soon got married is definitely the more entertaining watch.
Oh, my argument for the family man was to be like, it's more of an actual Nick Cage film, but it's not the better.
I would call it the better film.
I just don't think it's like more fun or like rewatchable.
Yeah. If I want to enjoy a performance by Nicolas Cage, I'm going to definitely choose the sex pest film,
which makes you got married.
The reverse sex pest film. And it's about time.
Did you guys get is that an allusion to the pest with John Leguizamo?
Yeah, so good.
The sex pest. Just Leguizamo on a sex journey.
Did you guys get to talk about the Mario brother movie?
Right. Yeah. Why not?
Do you see it when he gave it to that goomba?
OK, we're calling it now.
So that's your outro, Peter.
Our next episode is City of Angels against Kiss of Death.
That'll be an interesting one.
Hey, if you want to be a patron and pitch dumb ideas to Sean, you can.
That's not part of the SparkleBuddy tier.
It's part of the SparkleBuddy.
For five dollars a month, you can corner Sean at the bar and just tell him all your awesome ideas.
No, no.
So Josh. For ten dollars a month, you get his phone number.
You all can corner Sean anytime.
Ira, you get to text him late at night by being into the cage club.
Thank you.
Please rate, review and so hold on down below.
We've decided that five dollars are SparkleBuddy's is ten dollars of the inner cage.
Oh, the inner cage is good. Nice.
It's like inner circle, but cage.
There is totally an episode of Baywatch where Hulk Hogan had to fight Rattoradak Piper for the.
Goodbye, everybody. Thank you for listening, Eric.
Thank you for being here. Thanks for having me, guys.
Thank you. Appreciate you being here.
Cheers. Happy covid.
I hope you guys enjoy it now, too.
I got everybody a gift for having me on the show.
I hope you like covid. It's all I got.
I already had it.
I was really bummed when like things don't work out with him when she breaks up with him that he doesn't go and invent grunge music early.
Just go straight from barbershop to black hole sun.
Yeah. Can you imagine if grunge actually came out of central California?
Like it's just kind of sunny and shit.
Things aren't bad. It's like there's nothing.
It goes environmentally terrible.
It goes from grunge to smash mouth.
Yeah, just directly.
I watched the core the other night.
Did you really? Yeah, actually.
Yeah, we watched it last night. So it was our Christmas evening movie that we watched.
That must be after I left. Yeah, it was after you left.
It was pretty fucking awesome.
I could not believe there were so many people in that movie.
It's got everybody. I'm assuming this is a call back to the last episode.
No, no. Oh, because I know you and I have talked the core.
Yeah, I talk about the core all the time because we fucking rules.
And I was like hinging when I saw it.
And then I was like, it's two hours. It'll be like 11 o'clock when it's done.
Well, better just put it on.
And I did not regret it. It was so weird.
What? Why? Everything pays out.
Like, why do they end up with a huge fucking geod?
I don't know, man. It doesn't matter.
They get broken down and they're like, all right, we got to get out for a little while.
Yes, they're drilling to the center.
It's like, good thing our suits can handle this atmospheric pressure.
Welcome to Peter and Nick talk about the car.
So yeah, this is a podcast.
Our next podcast is going to be just us watching the core weekend week out.
Yeah. Next time somebody gets COVID, this is the plan.
We're just talking about the car.