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Oh God. Oh my God.

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Peter just made a fellatio miming motion.

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Yeah, I think the people understand what I made.

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A mess in my pants.

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Gross. This is how we podcast.

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I worked my absolute balls off to leave work kind of early

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to get over here to talk about some Nicolas Cage movies.

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Hey, we can we can get into it.

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This is this is the part I'm taking my pants off and it's fine.

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Right. Pants are off.

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Pants are off and welcome to Cage Match, a roundabout way of meeting Nicolas Cage.

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I am your host, Sean, with my co-host Nick and our producer Peter.

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Hello. And our very first ever special guest.

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Hi, I'm Adam.

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So how's it going, Adam?

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This is my first time being on a podcast.

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So well, this is our first time making a podcast.

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So welcome. You know, some some nerves and some other nerves

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around the fact that it's centered around movies that I love and an actor that I love.

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Yeah. So so talk about that a little bit like why of all the Nicolas Cage movies

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are these two relatively high on your list?

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I would start by saying that National Treasure 2 is maybe not high on my list,

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but like Nicolas Cage as Ben Gates is high on my list.

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I just feel like these two roles are great for him.

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His putting on air quotes style of acting lends itself

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really well to these two characters in different ways.

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Both of these movies are sparkly entertainment with not a ton of substance,

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which, again, I think just lends itself really well.

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So Nicolas Cage, did you not pick up on the underlying

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themes of corporate America greed?

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OK. I mean, that is a great segue into our first film

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and connecting to the last weekend conspiracy theories.

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Mm hmm. Let's talk about National Treasure 2.

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Oh, we said both movies, but I don't think we said what they both were this week.

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National Treasure Book of Secrets and The Sorcerer's Apprentice.

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We have a bonus Brockheimer Bonanza this week and a double turtle top.

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Cool. What?

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Same director.

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So, yes, National Treasure 2 Book of Secrets starring Nick Cage

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as Ben Gates, Diane Krueger, daughter of Freddy Krueger as Abigail Chase.

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Cut that joke. That didn't work.

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I wrote that down for nothing.

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Justin Bartha as Riley Poole, John Voight as Patrick Gates,

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Helen Mirren, Emily Appleton and Ed Harris as Mitch Wilkinson.

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Adam, you want to tell us what this movie was about?

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First, I want to say that I think it's amazing that they got Helen Mirren

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and Ed Harris and John Voight.

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John Voight wasn't the first one leading out of the original National Treasure.

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Ben Gates is just now doing tours about what it's like to have rewritten

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American history, so to speak, by finding a giant treasure based on American history.

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Ed Harris shows up and implies that a relative like Ben Gates,

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great, great, great grandfather, great, great, great, great.

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Was part of the conspiracy to kill Abraham Lincoln, assassinate him

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when the Gates family had always believed that he participated

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in attempting to prevent that.

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I do want to briefly talk about Mitch Wilkinson and Harris's character.

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So in terms of a villain, let's just get evil Ben Gates,

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Benjamin Franklin Gates.

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Is that his fucking name?

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That's his full name.

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Benjamin Franklin Gates.

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Oh, yeah. You didn't know that?

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His art. So, so.

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I haven't seen the movies.

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Ed Harris shows up and being like, well, I have the like remaining piece

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that proves your grandfather was a traitor to the country.

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But Mitch Wilkinson, the anti Ben Gates, who is the great, great grandson,

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somewhere in his line, he had the Senate from the spawn of

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he is the spawn.

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He is the spawn of a Confederate of the Confederate general Albert Pike.

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So you have these like warring Confederate and not union and union.

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When and it goes to this whole thing where when they find out about

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the city of gold and Patrick Gates is freaking out, like,

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what if the Confederates found the city of gold?

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Like, can you imagine like what would happen if they found it?

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If they found it as if it's a concern now?

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That's I think my like they never had to go down this road.

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Beef with this movie is like this whole thing is, well,

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what if my great, great grandfather was a Confederate sympathizer?

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Oh, boy, that's going to ruin everything for me.

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My life is fucked.

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It's like, but really, is it so he I do like so he kidnapped the president.

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Yes, that that affected him so much that he was like in a scene was like,

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I'm going to kidnap the president.

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I mean, I do like I'm accused of being a Confederate sympathizer.

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What do I do? Kidnap the union president.

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That'll set everybody straight.

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And why does he have to kidnap the president of the United States?

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Because he's he's got to find the president's book.

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The book of secret.

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There we go. We got our secrets.

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Yeah. I mean, just the logic

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in how all of this happened was absurd.

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And I really loved it.

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I will say we haven't covered the first National Treasure yet,

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but after dog eat dog, I needed a palate cleanser.

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So I watched it for funsies.

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Can say without a doubt the plot and treasure hunt

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and mystery of this movie is a lot simpler than the first one. Yes.

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This movie kind of makes sense.

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So unless the point you want is to how he proves

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the innocence of his great great grandfather, because they never do that.

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Yeah, no, it actually doesn't explicitly say how he is not guilty.

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It's just like, OK, you found gold.

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Congratulations.

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Like, oh, I found this thing.

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It's like I scored a touchdown.

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OJ Simpson was.

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Not guilty.

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It's like, I mean, loosely connected.

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Wow. Eight episodes into our first OJ reference.

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I'm surprised. Impressive, actually.

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Are these well, I'm sorry that both National Treasures are Disney, though, right?

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Yes. OK. Both Disney, both the same producer, both the same director.

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I do know that the only reason number two like number there was never any slate

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for number two, like they were just making the first one like box office made

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like four hundred and fifty eight million dollars or something.

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And they were like, let's just put together a script.

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Geez, people watch this.

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And they and we did. And we're talking about it now.

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Yeah, that's exactly right.

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This is great publicity for them.

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And hey, they got a Disney Plus show coming out that has none of the original cast.

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Oh, that's going to I can't wait.

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But page 47. I know.

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I want to know what that is.

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Nick probably knows. I can't tell you, though.

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The producers of the TV show have said if they get a second season,

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they plan to bring in characters from the movie.

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They have like explanations as to where they've all been.

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Nick Cage doesn't do TV.

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Has the cage ever done television?

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This seems like something we know in a cage podcast.

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He doesn't.

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And very specifically, when he was asked about National Treasure, the show,

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he was like, well, they decided to make a show.

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So I guess that's it for me.

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I mean, good on him.

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He doesn't need to do TV.

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He doesn't feel like a guy who goes to work every day.

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Not for less than five million dollars.

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And that'll only get you like 10 days tops.

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Anyway, so he has to kidnap the president.

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Yes. I think that's where we left off.

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Yeah. So he's planning to kidnap the president.

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We've missed a lot of points here.

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Well, this is what we do. Quick summary. Quick summary.

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We had one episode where we talked too much about the movies and it was dumb.

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Yeah. And I yelled at I did this movie or this guy.

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This isn't about actually talking about the movies.

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It's just how dumb we are.

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Yeah. So he he he swims across a river

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to Mount Vernon with an original map of Mount Vernon

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and finds the president and was like,

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Oh, Mr. President, I know you're a fan of history.

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Look at this thing that I have.

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And he was like, that looks like an original map of Mount Vernon

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drawn by George Washington.

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He's like, you know, that's very funny, sir.

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It is. Let us go look at these underground tunnels.

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Kidnaps the president briefly, briefly.

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It's not really a hijacking of human

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and the president more like sequestered patriotism.

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The president did walk into it, by the way, during the kidnapping.

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The president admits that there is the Book of Secrets

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and they go to the Library of Congress

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where he has all the information on where to find this book.

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Obviously, the entirety of North American law enforcement showed up

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and they get away because, of course, in a car chase scene.

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Let's see. After that, they go to Mount Rushmore.

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They go to Mount Rushmore, Mount Nickmore.

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So it turns out that Mount Rushmore was a cover up for the city of the gold.

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Yeah. Yeah. They erased all the landmarks.

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So that way you wouldn't be able to see it.

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We are making it a place that everyone goes to.

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Ed Harris shows up, tries tries to hold people at gunpoint.

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I'm not Rushmore. Nick Cage talks him down.

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They all go into the depths of Mount Rushmore together.

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At which point he holds them at knife point. Right.

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So many points.

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They find the city of gold and that proves his ancestors' innocence

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and the president asks him for another treasure hunt.

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That will change everything.

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That will change. That will change everything.

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I think it's going to disprove the Kardashians.

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I think that's what page 47 is all about.

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It's like they're not even real.

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They're the real lizard people.

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This movie starts off with some amazing work in exposition.

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Like it cuts to five days after the Civil War ends

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and Ben Gates's great great grandfather is hanging out

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partying with his son at a bar because he's a good dad.

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And I am thoroughly bummed that they didn't go the cheap way out

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and just give Nicolas Cage mutton chops and play his own great great grandfather.

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I don't know. I'm upset that they covered up the real way

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President Lincoln was killed. Which is?

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He was hammered in the ass until he died.

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Yeah, it was a literal hammer and they hammered him in the butt.

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Speaking of historical fallacies in that scene.

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Fouls.

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I know what I'm saying.

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When they're shooting that scene when John Luke Sputnik is going to shoot

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Lincoln in the head, which I'm shocked that they actually kind of showed that

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for this PG 13 romp.

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There's a electrical light bulb that you can see.

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Well, I was going to say nobody was trying to learn anything from this movie.

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I could be wrong about that.

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Nobody should have been trying to learn anything.

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This correct.

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This is I want to turn off for two hours because I'm tired

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and work won't leave me alone.

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If your mind's on something and you can't go to sleep,

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this is a really, really good way to distract you from the thing that you should be thinking about.

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I want to ask, does anyone find it in poor taste at this point that

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John Voight co-stars in a film about American conspiracies that didn't age well?

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Also, it's some of his worst acting.

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I mean, that's everyone's worst acting.

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It might be Justin Bartho's best acting, though.

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Correct.

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So Riley Poole, the helpful, quirky sidekick and co-star of the first film,

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got majorly bumped down in terms of usefulness in this film.

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Well, yeah, there were no electronic locks or anything outside of breaking into

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the Buckingham Palace.

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Well, I was going to.

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Oh, well, yeah, there's that.

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I was going to say breaking into Cage's ex-wife.

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It's also Cage's house.

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Well, yeah, but they're separate.

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And he said he's moved out.

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He's living with his dad.

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But I do love that it starts off with Riley on a book tour, selling a book about

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the adventures of the first movie.

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And my favorite line of this film is this blonde chick walks up to the signing

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at a Borders Books that'll date this movie, walks up, picks up a copy of a book

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called The Templar's Treasure and says, The Templar's Treasure, turns the book

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to the camera and then goes, Is this a book about the Templar's Treasure?

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There's two romantic plots sort of in this, like between different characters.

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And he didn't get one.

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And that was sort of no, the Ferrari.

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The. Yeah.

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And also learning to love himself.

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Yeah, he was he was the real dude.

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And off camera, he was the real Sean of this movie.

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He certainly was demoted as a character.

245
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:29,080
And all he had was his Ferrari that got impounded his Ferrari and his book that

246
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,080
nobody would read.

247
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:35,080
I like that he had to carry the cardboard cut out of himself down the street

248
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,080
afterwards.

249
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,080
I probably would have abandoned that thing.

250
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:41,080
I mean, he's got other borders to go to, though.

251
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,080
Yeah, I'm sure.

252
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:47,080
I like how none of the people, none of his his best friends, none of them have read

253
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,080
his book. Oh, yeah.

254
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:52,080
Even later in the film, when they need to use his book for plot purposes, they have

255
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:56,080
to like open the envelope that it's in because nobody cares.

256
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,080
Yeah, they used it as a reference tool.

257
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:02,080
That was like that was like the only reason his character existed in this entire

258
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,080
movie. Yeah, it fucking bugged the shit out of me.

259
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:10,080
How many times there was something that had to be like talked about or explained

260
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:14,080
or, you know, narratively given to the audience.

261
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,080
And they're like, oh, here's a book.

262
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:20,080
And so Nicholas Cage is reading a book, but he's flipping the pages pretty quickly.

263
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,080
So he's not reading the book.

264
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,080
It's like, you know, this story just fucking tell us.

265
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:29,080
Yeah. Riley with this thing is like, I've got to show you.

266
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,080
I can't tell you. I have to show you.

267
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,080
And then Nicholas Cage opens the book.

268
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,080
But Riley just tells us anyways, it's like you fucking telling us right now.

269
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,080
You didn't need your book. You didn't.

270
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,080
You're just being a prick about it.

271
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,080
It's like your book sucks.

272
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,080
Nobody wants to read about something.

273
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:46,080
Jay did Chapter 13, I believe is what he said.

274
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,080
I mean, he was trying to sell more books, even if it was just to his friends who

275
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,080
already had copies that they didn't want.

276
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:56,080
Yes. This is why I will never write a book, because none of you people will read it.

277
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,080
And I'll be upset.

278
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:02,080
We already know. We already have Chuck Tangle, man.

279
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:08,080
There is the sequel trope of taking the romantic leads from the first film and breaking them up.

280
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:12,080
They definitely started out the movie kind of being like, oh, we don't like each other.

281
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,080
Like she changed the code to get into the house.

282
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:19,080
But I mean, the next thing they have together, she's trying to help them.

283
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:23,080
Yeah. Well, like when they actually team up in.

284
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:32,080
So they eventually get to Buckingham Palace and when they team up there and he's about to do his Mission Impossible style, break into the Queen's office

285
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:43,080
and she shows up and he has to like make a big fuck all see probably the best scene in the movie because it's the most Nick Cage scene where he's just like high kicking his way down the stairs.

286
00:15:43,080 --> 00:16:03,080
Yeah, it's like, oh, oh, but they do introduce a second red herring love interest to kind of make Nick Cage mad played by Ty Burrell, Hollywood's best cut, because Ty Burrell always shows up in these roles where he's the boyfriend of the main characters like ex-wife.

287
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:06,080
I'm specifically thinking of Edward Norton's Hulk.

288
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,080
He was Doc Sampson.

289
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,080
His name was Doc Sampson.

290
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,080
Dr. Doc Sampson is an incredible Hulk character.

291
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:14,080
Well, he played it so well.

292
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,080
He's such a nice guy.

293
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:20,080
Honestly, honestly, honestly, though, he did.

294
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,080
His performance was some of the best acting in this movie.

295
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,080
He was just Ty Burrell.

296
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,080
I mean, can you call that acting?

297
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,080
Can you call anything else in that?

298
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,080
I've we've won.

299
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,080
I won't. I won't speak ill against Helen Mirren.

300
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,080
Helen Mirren does show up.

301
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:39,080
She is the ex-wife of Patrick Gates and Papa Gates.

302
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,080
Yeah, I'm like, hey, it's Helen Mirren.

303
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,080
And then there was no accent.

304
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,080
And that threw me off.

305
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,080
I'm like, that isn't Helen Mirren.

306
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:49,080
Also, like they could have just why did she need an American accent?

307
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:52,080
They could have just had her be Helen Mirren and it would have been fine.

308
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:57,080
Yeah. The historian in America couldn't have been from fucking anywhere.

309
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,080
Like, there's no reason that she needed to have an American accent.

310
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:02,080
I mean, it's not called international treasure.

311
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,080
Idiots.

312
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:11,080
It would be kind of weird, I think, if their specialist in like extinct

313
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,080
Native American languages was not American.

314
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:21,080
It's like I don't specialize in extinct African electrical installations.

315
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,080
Helen Mirren's cleavage really is an international treasure.

316
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,080
You know, I'm not going to cut that.

317
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,080
I know. And I don't care.

318
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,080
I want her to know I will.

319
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:31,080
I will marry this woman.

320
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:38,080
Jerry had a roundabout way of meeting Helen Mirren.

321
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,080
That is that is really what this is.

322
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:48,080
So they Ben Gates had figured out that there might be a clue on one of the three statues of liberty.

323
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,080
Because there's three because there's three.

324
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,080
We actually learned something.

325
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:54,080
I didn't know that. I didn't know that either.

326
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:59,080
I actually they said these are like, OK, New York, Las Vegas.

327
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:08,080
So they go they they go to Paris and they're Riley Poole is rocking a drone.

328
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:17,080
And then they get pulled over by the cops and the cops translate the clue of the photo they taken off of this statue of liberty.

329
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:23,080
Then Ben Ben Gates does the because the clue was these twins stand resolute.

330
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:29,080
And he's like twins resolute resolute twins.

331
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:34,080
There's a ship, the resolute in the 1800s.

332
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,080
Oh, you're going to like this.

333
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:40,080
And then just like goes on this stupid like Jeff Goldblum style.

334
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,080
I fucking hated this.

335
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,080
It was so bad.

336
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:48,080
And they're like, we have to go to Buckingham Palace and get into the Queen's study.

337
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,080
The resolute desk.

338
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:54,080
Because they're so they break into the Queen's study and the Oval Office eventually.

339
00:18:54,080 --> 00:19:01,080
But going back to what you were talking about, Sean, where they're in Buckingham Palace and Abigail Chase.

340
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,080
So she just randomly shows up.

341
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:12,080
What's weird about that is before he knows that she's there, he's just like splashing whiskey all over himself because he's already prepared to make a scene.

342
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,080
Yeah. Then just kind of rolls with that.

343
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,080
Is he still going to end it up in the drunk tank?

344
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,080
I mean, that was over the balcony.

345
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:35,080
I think that we've I think that we've really missed talking about the resolute desks and how they broke into Buckingham Palace and the Oval Office and figured out the puzzle of the desks and then like distracted.

346
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,080
It was. Yeah, but they distracted enough.

347
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:44,080
Like they distracted enough people in the White House to break into the president's desk.

348
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:48,080
Well, I mean, Ty Burrell got, you know, a makeout scene.

349
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:54,080
He did. And he and again, that scene was some of the best acting in this movie just on his part.

350
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:59,080
Again, did you not hear Helen Mirren's not British accent?

351
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,080
I'm giving Helen Mirren a pass on this.

352
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:04,080
She obviously was going to be the best actress in this movie.

353
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:10,080
I do want to talk about the Mount Rushmore Dungeon, though, because dear God, I want to run that in D&D.

354
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:16,080
Oh, yeah. I mean, the puzzles and the like traps and things like that.

355
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,080
Clever and fun. I liked the pendulum.

356
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,080
The pendulum like it's there.

357
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:25,080
They have to stand on four corners of this thing that's on like a point, otherwise they'll all die.

358
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:28,080
And like, I want to run that.

359
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,080
I guess it's more of a fulcrum table.

360
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:34,080
Yeah. Any any of my D&D players stop listening to this podcast right now.

361
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:40,080
No, but I agree. Like the Indiana Jones kind of fun of that zone was interesting.

362
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:48,080
Yeah, I liked even though it's like a dumb, you know, oh, my arm goof. Like he did shove his hand in the stone hole.

363
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,080
Oh, it was so bad.

364
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,080
The hole fisting or what?

365
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:58,080
Just like so. OK, so they're being they're being held at gunpoint by Ed Harris at Mount Rushmore.

366
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,080
And then Nick Cage is like, no guns.

367
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:04,080
We can go together and we can discover this together, but no guns.

368
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,080
And Harris is like, OK, buddy.

369
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:11,080
And they go up somehow, they get on top of Mount Rushmore, which I'm pretty sure you don't just do.

370
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:18,080
And they have some some clue about the cloudless rain cloudless rain.

371
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:25,080
This scene and and Nick Cage is like pulling out bottles of water and he's like pouring it on the top of Mount Rushmore.

372
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,080
Water change the color of the water changes.

373
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:34,080
Use the water and everybody's pouring water out until an eagle forms and Abigail Chase is like, I found it.

374
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:37,080
I really enjoy it. It's just a random hole.

375
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:42,080
Just Patrick Gates trying to tell Helen Mirren, use the water.

376
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,080
And she's just holding a water bottle.

377
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,080
She's like, what do you think I'm doing?

378
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,080
It's like, I've got water.

379
00:21:48,080 --> 00:22:01,080
So I do want to talk about as we get deeper into Mount Rushmore and get like right before right when we find discovered the city of gold at Harris's Wilkinson is he apologizes like, sorry, I ruined your great great grandfather's name.

380
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:09,080
I just wanted to make up for my family's history and like have my name go down in the history books all about, you know, saving my family's name.

381
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,080
Like, why didn't you just ask, buddy?

382
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:15,080
What is your end goal? Your end goal is you discover the city of gold.

383
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:25,080
Your city, your family's name goes down in history as having discovered the city of gold and murdered a family and their bumbling sidekick.

384
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:28,080
Also, well, you don't tell anybody that you brought a family.

385
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:32,080
You can tell them, but you don't tell them that you brought a family underneath.

386
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:35,080
But he's going to bring them to the city of gold eventually.

387
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:39,080
And then there's Gates, the Gates family and and pool.

388
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,080
It was also it was also never.

389
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:57,080
Also, they'd been shooting out them the entire film was it was it ever made clear, by the way, or was it simply just suggested in that scene that like your great great granddaddy definitely didn't do the thing I've accused him of.

390
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:02,080
But it was the only way for me to get you to find this treasure for me.

391
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,080
Or was it like he did.

392
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,080
But I also had to bring that up so you'd find this treasure for me again.

393
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:11,080
Why didn't you just ask? Well, also Gates would have totally looked for this.

394
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:17,080
Also, why did Ed Harris use a southern accent in some scenes, but not in all of them?

395
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,080
Because they couldn't afford it throughout the movie.

396
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:28,080
They made it pretty clear, I think, in the beginning that the Gates relative wasn't actually involved in conspiring against.

397
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:33,080
Well, I think they made it clear because you're supposed to root for Ben Gates and family.

398
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:39,080
But like they can't they can't just say like, I mean, as a plot point here, like the writers can't speak.

399
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,080
Oh, that's not true.

400
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:45,080
Like Ben Gates has got to prove it by finding a bunch of gold in Mount Rushmore.

401
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:46,080
Sure. OK.

402
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:54,080
So the burden of proof is still on future person, even though the audience is very clearly aware that it was never.

403
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:58,080
But did we ever get that full confession from from Wilkinson?

404
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,080
Well, and even if we did, he died.

405
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,080
I don't think Wilkinson ever even knew.

406
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:06,080
Like, what does that sheet of paper say? It had names.

407
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:10,080
Yes, all the other names were involved in the plot.

408
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:14,080
But it's like it doesn't say these people like explicitly.

409
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:18,080
I saw a thing when I was looking up information for this movie.

410
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:26,080
The next word on that page, like before it was burned, is master like puzzle solver.

411
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:33,080
But that still doesn't prove in the present that his great great grandfather was a dork.

412
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,080
Yeah. No, but with amazing money shops, he loves Sudoku.

413
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,080
Puzzle solving is genetic in the cinematic world.

414
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:44,080
I mean, except except it skips a generation because John Voight is terrible at it.

415
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:53,080
It's never established. But what do we think the the like real life timeline of this plot is a week or two?

416
00:24:53,080 --> 00:25:02,080
Well, you think that. But when we would think that when they go to the White House Easter egg roll to break into the Oval Office,

417
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:08,080
there's a shitty kid who's just like Ben Gates, your grandfather or your great great grandfather assassinated Lincoln's like, no, it was John Wilkes Booth.

418
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,080
It's like, well, you're great. And there's this whole thing.

419
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:14,080
Then they get into a legit debate. Yeah. But he's like in Wilkinson's book.

420
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:18,080
I'm like, this has been a week and Wilkinson's published a book.

421
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:24,080
How do you how do you account for the fact that every bridge leading out of D.C. was closed, but the one that he needed.

422
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,080
All right, child, go away. We're done.

423
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:35,080
I want to go back to, again, the timeline of this, because it feels like it just happened over a couple of weeks or three weeks or whatever.

424
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:40,080
And Patrick Gates and and Helen Mirren, who is Ben Gates' mom.

425
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,080
And I don't recall. I don't even know if they ever said her.

426
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:47,080
Yeah, it's Emily. But it doesn't matter. No. Yeah.

427
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,080
So she and and John Voight just hate each other.

428
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:57,080
They haven't spoken in 30 years. And by the end of a couple hours together, they're just like making out on Mount Rushmore.

429
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:01,080
To be fair, they almost just died. Right. And also made out for less.

430
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:08,080
Also, that fulcrum scene, they weren't part of they weren't on the big fulcrum table and they didn't have to go diving for the ladder.

431
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:11,080
They did a geriatric Indiana Jones. I understand that.

432
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:19,080
But nobody had to go onto the fulcrum who designed this booby trapped city of gold that you could just like bypass the fulcrum.

433
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,080
You could just go the other way. Yeah.

434
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:24,080
They did have to swing across the gully. Yes.

435
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,080
And they didn't know they didn't know the fulcrum was there. It's not like they jumped on it.

436
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,080
The floor fell out from under.

437
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:34,080
That's fine. But why are there how many how many more routes are there to get to the city?

438
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:38,080
I mean, yeah, I mean, like you really do have to just kind of shrug and say, yeah, whatever.

439
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:42,080
I don't care. I mean, that's kind of how I watch most Nick Cage movies.

440
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:47,080
I mean, I get invested at the so at the end, they're all I watch now at the end.

441
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:54,080
Ed Harris and Nick Cage have to like open a slew for people to get out, but it can't stay open.

442
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:59,080
Otherwise, they'll all drown and it has to stay behind because only one of them can live.

443
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:03,080
So say I helped discover it. Like I want my name to go down his tray.

444
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:08,080
Fine. Nick Cage and family are going to go tell people and get help.

445
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,080
You can at least try and swim back up.

446
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:16,080
They weren't that far underground where you couldn't have just like it's like when your car if your car's on water.

447
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,080
We've all watched Mythbusters.

448
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:24,080
Once the water level gets to a point where it's equalized, swim up, just wait for help.

449
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:27,080
Yeah. Or at least try. I don't know. He could have survived.

450
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:32,080
You're right. You're right. This movie is unbelievable now that I'm thinking about it.

451
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,080
All right. How about some quotes? Yeah.

452
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,080
I think we're done with this. Adam, you've heard our podcast before.

453
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,080
Did you have a favorite Nick Cage quote for this movie?

454
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:47,080
I did only because it was it was so ridiculous. It's the scene where he's being held hostage.

455
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:51,080
Ed Harris is not going to let anybody go until he's gone first.

456
00:27:51,080 --> 00:28:00,080
So either everybody drowns or he gets out first. And then for no reason whatsoever, everything just changes.

457
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:04,080
And now Ed Harris has got to hold it open so that nobody can drown.

458
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:11,080
But before all that happens, Ben Gates, he's got to he's got to hold this this thing that keeps the wall up.

459
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,080
So water keeps flowing and doesn't fill up this room.

460
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:21,080
And his parents are freaking out. And he grabs Abigail Chase and he goes, you make my parents leave.

461
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:26,080
You make my parents leave. And it was just awful.

462
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:34,080
I love that because it's just like I wish there was somebody I could keep around my parents' house

463
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:38,080
when I was living with them, obviously, as a teenager.

464
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:43,080
But just be like, your job is just to make my parents leave.

465
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:48,080
Just make my parents leave. I really feel like they did that now.

466
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:54,080
Sometimes I really feel like they did their best to give Riley Poole kind of just like the goofball quotes.

467
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:58,080
And they didn't. It's it. They're all Nick Cage. All of them.

468
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,080
Now, well, that shoe horns into mine.

469
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:04,080
There's a scene in Buckingham Palace where they've just come up the dumbwaiter.

470
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:09,080
OK, it's not mine because they've gotten out. It's Nick Cage and Abigail.

471
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:20,080
And they run into like a florist and he's holding like a jug of flowers and he oh, the flowers have stamens.

472
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:25,080
But he does he does it in Nick Cage, British accent. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

473
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:29,080
My favorites after the Oval Office scene.

474
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:38,080
So like to distract Ty Burrell's character, Abigail Chase is like, oh, they do this like lost earring thing.

475
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,080
And so they're looking around for it.

476
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:48,080
And in the end, once Nick Cage has solved the puzzle box of the table and everything and they've had their makeout scene

477
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:53,080
and Abigail's like, oh, you know, you found my earring and this and that.

478
00:29:53,080 --> 00:30:01,080
And Nick Cage just in the fakest fucking excitement ever goes, Connor rocks.

479
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:08,080
But he's just like rolling his eyes and like hating that he has to say, oh, man, Connor rocks. Yeah.

480
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:12,080
Also, Connor's just a bad like a nerd.

481
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:18,080
He's just the fucking like what art curator for the White House or some shit like that.

482
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,080
My favorite, Connor rocks.

483
00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:28,080
My favorite quote is when Abigail and Ben are having their fight in Buckingham Palace and Ben gets on the banister

484
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:34,080
and like rides down the stairs and gets like gets accosted by security in his talk.

485
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,080
It's like, have you been drinking, sir?

486
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:42,080
It's like went down and just in the most offensive way, it happens like went down the pop for a pint.

487
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:46,080
And when they're like starting to rough him up and like really like get off the banister, he just goes,

488
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:50,080
I'm going to detain a bloke for enjoying his whiskey.

489
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:53,080
Just that up at the end really killed me.

490
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:56,080
Yeah. Bangers and mash.

491
00:30:56,080 --> 00:31:02,080
Bangers and mash starts reciting everything kind of British he's ever heard.

492
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:07,080
I have only one fun fact for this film while filming out Mount Rushmore,

493
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:10,080
a local high school would always have their prominent Mount Rushmore.

494
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,080
And because Disney was shooting, they couldn't.

495
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:21,080
So Disney paid for a new venue, paid for door prizes and gave scholarships to the valedictorians of that year.

496
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:27,080
That's a fun, nice Disney story when you normally hear about how they're just kind of copyright Nazis.

497
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,080
So speaking of Disney movies.

498
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:32,080
Oh, what have you got for us?

499
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,080
I do want to say one more thing about this film.

500
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:41,080
Turtle Tob directed this, who also directed Cool Runnings, Three Ninjas, The Meg and Las Vegas.

501
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:44,080
So let's talk about another Disney movie, The Sorcerer's Apprentice,

502
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:49,080
directed by John Turtletob, who directed Cool Runnings, Three Ninjas, The Meg and Las Vegas.

503
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,080
And Phenomenon.

504
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,080
I don't I saw that. I don't know what that movie is.

505
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:56,080
Oh, it's actually kind of good. It's very charming. Yeah.

506
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:58,080
Who's in that? John Travolta.

507
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,080
As you're going to say, John Turtletob, kind of.

508
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:05,080
Who also directed Cool Runnings, Three Ninjas, The Meg and Las Vegas.

509
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:09,080
And also and also the actress that was in the movie Michael with John Travolta.

510
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:14,080
So The Sorcerer's Apprentice starring Nicholas Cage as Balthazar Blake.

511
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:17,080
Great name. Alfred Molina as Horvath.

512
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,080
Also a great name. Great cast.

513
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:23,080
Jay Baruchel. How do you pronounce that?

514
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:24,080
Bacchanel.

515
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:28,080
I think it's French Canadian as Dave.

516
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,080
Dave. David.

517
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:35,080
Teresa Palmer as Becky and Toby Kell as Drake Stone.

518
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,080
Fuck yeah.

519
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:40,080
I don't know, Nick, do you want to do you want to give us a quick run through of The Sorcerer's Apprentice?

520
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:45,080
Sure. So way back in the day, a long, long time ago.

521
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:52,080
Yep. Long, long time ago, there were three Sorcerer's Apprentices, Apprentices.

522
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,080
Apprentice Apprentice. Merlinians.

523
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:58,080
I mean, one of them is more Lennian. No, I mean, Morganians are another.

524
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:02,080
There's two or one that goes to Morganian nature.

525
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:05,080
God damn it. Do you even watch the movies?

526
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:08,080
I do. OK. So there's.

527
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:13,080
Twice three apprentices to Merlin called Merlinians.

528
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:19,080
Apprentice. You know, as somebody who's been an apprentice, I'm going to say it's apprentices.

529
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:23,080
As someone who pretends to know things, I'm going to say apprentice.

530
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:27,080
Proceed. So these three. No, let's keep doing this. This is bugging Peter.

531
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:33,080
Three apprentices, they have like a falling out.

532
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:37,080
One of them is like, oh, you know what? I want to be evil.

533
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:41,080
And so he goes ahead and joins the Morganians.

534
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:46,080
Even better name. So what you're saying is I was technically right.

535
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:50,080
No, and that's not what I said at all.

536
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:54,080
So then there's a fight over supremacy.

537
00:33:54,080 --> 00:34:08,080
Balthazar and his lady love fighting Morgana to some magic while battling with another evil wizard lady who I don't think she had a name in the movie.

538
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,080
Definitely wasn't Morgana Le Fay.

539
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:16,080
They trap her in a Russian nesting doll and then that gets put away.

540
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,080
Merlin dies. His beard was terrible.

541
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,080
I mean, it was literally the worst beard I've ever seen.

542
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:27,080
So Merlin's dying and he's like, oh, fucking Balthazar, take my damn ring.

543
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:33,080
And someday you'll meet a kid who's really going to be good at magic and the ring will identify them.

544
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:38,080
And they'll be the prime Merlinian, which is even better than Morganians.

545
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,080
Like, we're just nailing it on names now.

546
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:50,080
He dies, takes a shitty beard with him, and Balthazar goes on a montage quest of meeting kids that doesn't turn out poorly.

547
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:55,080
I just want to point out it's a montage quest where he wears very reasonable clothing for the time.

548
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,080
Yeah, and when we get to modern day, he doesn't.

549
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:58,080
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

550
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:02,080
And he goes around, meets a bunch of kids, shows them a dragon toy.

551
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:03,080
Nothing happens.

552
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:04,080
And he fucks off.

553
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:16,080
Then eventually, like in the year 2000, we meet this kid who was sleeping in a bed and there was a dog and they go on a school trip and a Buzz Lightyear.

554
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:17,080
Oh, yeah.

555
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,080
So we know it's Disney.

556
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:19,080
Yeah, I'm sorry.

557
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,080
I didn't mean to miss that part.

558
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:32,080
Can I just add that the scene that Nick is talking about where the kid wakes up a dog and they're going on a school trip and it's that's kind of like the real intro to the movie.

559
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:33,080
Oh, yeah. This movie.

560
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:36,080
It's super punctuated by Jimmy World.

561
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:38,080
So he finally gets up.

562
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:39,080
He goes on his school trip.

563
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:43,080
Oh, man, he's on the bus and he's drawn on windows like a shithead.

564
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:44,080
Dron King Kong.

565
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:48,080
How did he get it to line up so perfectly?

566
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:52,080
Jay Berrishel did 9-11.

567
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:53,080
There we go.

568
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:54,080
We got the joke.

569
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:55,080
We're done.

570
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:56,080
Don't sue us, Jay Berrishel.

571
00:35:56,080 --> 00:36:03,080
So he goes on this field trip, young David passes this note to this girl that's like, hey, I think you're pretty cool.

572
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:04,080
Do you think I'm cool?

573
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:07,080
And do you think I'm cool like a boyfriend or a boy?

574
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:20,080
And she's like, they're 10, by the way, they're 10 slightly writes a note or marks on the note and just leaves it on a lamp post for him to come back down and get.

575
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:34,080
So he goes to get it and blows away and there's a chase scene where he's like, it's on a bicycle, it's on a dog's foot, it blows into the mail slot of a door and he goes in and it's the Arkana cabana.

576
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:35,080
Best name ever.

577
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:36,080
Also, shitty kid alert.

578
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:39,080
I mean, I don't think Dave was the shittiest kid.

579
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,080
Also, how bad is that teacher?

580
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:43,080
Because she doesn't yell at him to stop.

581
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:46,080
He just runs away and 20 minutes later she finds him.

582
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:47,080
Oh, yeah.

583
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:51,080
Nobody noticed or cared that he left and he ran away like yelling.

584
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,080
Yeah, like, oh, my no.

585
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:55,080
And nobody gave a shit.

586
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,080
How am I supposed to know if this other 10 year old likes me?

587
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,080
I'm going to fret about this for 10 years.

588
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,080
Hasn't even hit puberty yet.

589
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:02,080
What a waste.

590
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:06,080
Also, somehow my voice is going to get higher when I get older.

591
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:09,080
I identify with that statement.

592
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:10,080
So fuck you, Sean.

593
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,080
Are you the J Bear, Sean, of this podcast?

594
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:17,080
You mean successful?

595
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,080
Oh, do you think we could could get J Bear, Sean, this podcast?

596
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:21,080
No.

597
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:24,080
Do you think we could just get the cast of The Sorcerer's Apprentice on this guest?

598
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:25,080
Possibly.

599
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:28,080
Because I would love to meet Alfred Melina.

600
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,080
You know what? If we have enough money, he would do it.

601
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,080
We might be able to get the guy who played Drake Stone.

602
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:34,080
OK, cool.

603
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,080
No, we cannot get Toby Kebbell gets work.

604
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:42,080
He was the primary evil monkey in Evil Chimp in the second plan to the apes.

605
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:45,080
Well, I saw also he played fucking Dr. Doom.

606
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:49,080
Yeah. In Fan Force, that is a weird casting.

607
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:51,080
Toby Kebbell pulls.

608
00:37:51,080 --> 00:38:01,080
Huh. So this note goes into the Arkana Cabana where David runs in and, you know, he's looking around and eventually he breaks a bunch of shit.

609
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:03,080
Well, yeah, we're not there yet.

610
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:07,080
Well, he was rubbing up on a lamp and Nicholas Cage pops down.

611
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,080
He's like, hey, have you seen my note?

612
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:12,080
And Nicholas Cage was like, we don't do notes here.

613
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:17,080
And then he was like, I blew in here by coincidence.

614
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:22,080
And then it's just like this moment where Nicholas Cage is like a coincidence.

615
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,080
How coincidental.

616
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:29,080
So Nicholas Cage is like, I got to go upstairs and get something.

617
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:30,080
You just chill.

618
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:35,080
Chill. And so he busts down with this ring and he's like, check it.

619
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:39,080
Then David's looking at it and it becomes a dragon and it wraps around his finger.

620
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:44,080
Real weird. And they give you a weird close up of it, just like the tail part getting around his finger.

621
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,080
I've been hanging out with you for two hours.

622
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:48,080
Are you this high? I'm not even high.

623
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:50,080
I know. I've been hanging out with you for two hours.

624
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,080
No, no, no. He's he's right.

625
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:55,080
Like, you don't remember this scene. This is what I do.

626
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:57,080
This is when I'm rambling. Not smoking.

627
00:38:57,080 --> 00:39:03,080
This is as as the only person sitting at this table that pretty legitimately likes this movie.

628
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:06,080
I'm mad at all of you right now. I love this movie.

629
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:10,080
I mean, yeah, spoilers like I kind of thought both of these movies are pretty good.

630
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:14,080
I really enjoyed this movie. Skip to the end, Nick.

631
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:18,080
You can't skip to the end. Morgana Lafay dies.

632
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,080
Good. You did it.

633
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:26,080
OK, so I you know, I may have told you the ending, but stick with me because I've got some more good stuff.

634
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:31,080
Good. The ring puts itself on David's finger and then Balthazar is like, fuck.

635
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:34,080
So hold on. I've got more things to get you.

636
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:38,080
So he goes away and he's like, don't touch anything. And David's like, OK, so he's not touching anything.

637
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:42,080
He's fucking with his hand with the ring and like there's a thumping sound.

638
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:48,080
It's like, oh, fuck, what's that? He keeps walking around and then the fucking Russian nesting doll

639
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:51,080
bursts out of this hidden compartment in the wall.

640
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:59,080
And it's like, well, that sucks. And he's like looking at it and then it like splits open and all these roaches come out.

641
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:04,080
Wait, I have a note for this. My note says, does your note say interrupt the summary of the movie?

642
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,080
Yes. My note says, right.

643
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:10,080
Right. A pun for Alfred Molina made made out of roaches.

644
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:13,080
Fuck you. You didn't do it, though.

645
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:16,080
No. Fuck you.

646
00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:23,080
Alfred Molina shows up. He's like, oh, where's Balthazar?

647
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:27,080
Nicolas Cage comes back down. There's a scuffle.

648
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:32,080
It ends up with things being on fire. Wizard fights, people getting thrown around.

649
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:37,080
Nicolas Cage and Alfred Molina getting sucked into this urn, which will hold them for 10 years.

650
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:40,080
It's magic. Then David runs away.

651
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:45,080
He gets outside and he's freaking his classmates are all there in the whole hullabaloo.

652
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:52,080
Jar fell on him and it looked like he peed his pants and everybody made fun of him for being a pee pants. Awesome.

653
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:58,080
End of movie. Yeah. So this they they tease him and whatnot.

654
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:03,080
So hard he has to move. This is just good. This is good stuff.

655
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:08,080
It's good content. Bullying children. He throws the nest and down into the gutter.

656
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:12,080
Yeah. Gets rid of the doll and cries like a wiener.

657
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:18,080
Ten years later, he wakes up. Same dog, different bed. He is a physics student.

658
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:28,080
He's going to do things. So he like helps out this English class, meets this chick who happened to be the chick that he wrote the note for, which he never got to see the answer to.

659
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:37,080
Big Blue Balls moment for him. It doesn't seem likely, but she lets him tutor her on some stuff, which kind of just turns into dating.

660
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:51,080
And that's pretty unbelievable because I mean, she was pretty attractive in the cast of like if I had to say who was the most attractive person in the cast of this movie for Melina and a close second is Becky Barnes.

661
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,080
Did you guys see any of the other things that she was in?

662
00:41:54,080 --> 00:42:03,080
She was in a movie with Topher Grace and Dan Fogler and Anna Faris called Take Me Home Tonight. That's a good movie.

663
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:13,080
I do want to point out, like when she's introduced, we have 10 year old Dave, then it cuts to him being 20 and his roommate is a horn dog and she's like, you got to meet chicks.

664
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:20,080
No way, man. Bennett fucking rules. I loved his roommate. His speech about the gray wolves.

665
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:21,080
Gray wolves. Yeah.

666
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:29,080
They're pack animal. They do these things and they do it because they have to mate. He did it by rhyming the whole time.

667
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:39,080
Then the next scene is like Dave setting up his notes to give this lecture. His notes get blown away when the door opens and there's a uncomfortable.

668
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:50,080
He's picking up his notes and looking up a girl skirt scene. Yeah. And it just happens to be a girlie at a crush on a 10 that he's never not had a crush on, which is weird.

669
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:53,080
Have you not heard of incels?

670
00:42:53,080 --> 00:43:06,080
So he teaches Becky like some physics stuff by Tesla coils. And that's cool. Builds this relationship while also training with Balthazar.

671
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:13,080
Oh, wait, I didn't even talk about how like he re he becomes a sorcerer's apprentice. Yeah. Since it's been 10 years.

672
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:23,080
Oh, that 10 years of the the urn that I mentioned, Alfa Malina pops out of the urn. There's a really great moment where he's like, was I first?

673
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:31,080
And then this lady faints and he's like, I was. So he just picks up the urn and like walks to a fucking window and just pitches it out.

674
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:40,080
And it's like, that's brilliant. If I was the first person out of an urn and I was like, well, Sean's next. I'd pitch it out the fucking window.

675
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:45,080
You're a dick. We're friends. Yeah, but it looked really cool when Alfred Malina did it.

676
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:49,080
Give me the minute recap and then I want to hear what Adam thinks about this movie in general.

677
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:57,080
Agreed. This is the Nick minute. Ready? So Nicholas Cage reunites with David. They start training.

678
00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:04,080
David's trying to balance this whole like work love life situation that he's got going on, but it's not going super well.

679
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:11,080
There's a whole scene where he's trying to get ready, like in his lab, and it's a mess because the dog pees on electrical cords.

680
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:16,080
Dick ass dog. So he does the whole Sorcerer's Apprentice thing from Fantasia, cleans it up.

681
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:21,080
They're like, OK, well, we got to get ready for this fight. David's like, I'm a terrible sorcerer.

682
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:25,080
They go out and they fight all these other like shitty sorcerers. David loses the ring.

683
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:29,080
Nicholas Cage goes to fight Morgana. Kind of sucks at it.

684
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:35,080
David shows up with Tesla coils strapped to a car, shocks everybody and sexes the world.

685
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:40,080
I didn't say it was going to be a good recap. I had a scene I wanted to ask Adam about.

686
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:43,080
So this movie practical sick ass magic fights. What do you think?

687
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:48,080
Like visually, what do you think of this movie? I really like this movie. I think it's really fun.

688
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:54,080
I don't think it's really asking a lot of its viewership other than to just be entertained.

689
00:44:54,080 --> 00:45:02,080
I thought they did a I thought they did a good job of you're talking about the the China, the effects and the visuals.

690
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:05,080
I thought it was I thought it was pretty good.

691
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:13,080
There were some characters and scenes that maybe were questionably racist, but glossing over that, they paid homage to.

692
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:18,080
That's what this podcast about. What was questionably racist about it? Paid homage to like, can we excuse it?

693
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:22,080
They paid homage to like a history of wizard stories and magic.

694
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:25,080
They did at certain times a bad job of it. I don't know if anybody remembers,

695
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:33,080
but like in the opening scene when Alfred Molina is killing Merlin, Balthazar shows up to defend him, but he shows up with a sword.

696
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:37,080
And it's kind of like that's that's a weird choice of weapon for a wizard in that opening scene.

697
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:47,080
I thought the big homage to magic stories was how much Alfred Molina looked like a fat budget professor snake.

698
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:51,080
You're not wrong. Shitty greasy hair.

699
00:45:51,080 --> 00:46:01,080
I super think that this is a great role for Nick Cage's acting style because he can sort of talk in monotone the whole time and not try that hard.

700
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:05,080
And he is a prominent character, but not the hero.

701
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:07,080
I'm a huge fan of the author Christopher Moore.

702
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:13,080
One of the things that I love about his books, the protagonist is always a beta male who like just kind of wants to sit in the background.

703
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:18,080
I'm kind of shy and I'm awkward and I have anxiety. So like I identify with that a lot.

704
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:23,080
But those characters always have to be the hero. And in this Dave has to be the hero, even though he doesn't want to be.

705
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:30,080
So Balthazar knows that he can't be the hero. So he just gets to be like, Dave, Dave, we're going to learn magic.

706
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:34,080
You should write now, Dave. Dave, we've got a lot of work to do.

707
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:41,080
Dave, put on your shoes. And it's a great character for Nicolas Cage.

708
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:46,080
I just thought this whole movie was cast so well. Writing fine. It was fun.

709
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:53,080
Visually, I thought it was really fun because certain things they never give explanation where it's like a sorcerer's best weapon.

710
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:57,080
The plasma bolt. It's a Hadouken. And we all played Street Fighter.

711
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:04,080
What a subtle forward punch. He puts on his ring and he's just like putting his hands together, being like, I can't do it.

712
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:08,080
And he's like, plasma bolt, Dave. Who is this movie for?

713
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:17,080
Adam. Correct. This movie did not do well. This movie starts off as a 10 year old might learn magic. And that would have been a fine kids movie.

714
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:23,080
But it skips ahead 10 years. He's a 20 year old. He's got a horny roommate.

715
00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:29,080
And it's all about him having never gotten over that crush from year two in school.

716
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:34,080
Yeah, they aged themselves out of their audience like immediately. It's weird.

717
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:41,080
But keep in mind 2010, we were probably on like movie five or six of the Harry Potter series.

718
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:50,080
There were those like Percy Jackson movies like we we go through these cycles of like there's a specific genre that can be really hot right now.

719
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:57,080
And I think they're step siblings. OK. Like that's a genre of movie. Oh, I know.

720
00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:05,080
You know, documentaries I watch, I think, I think in that decade, there were just kind of a lot of like let's make wizard movies.

721
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:09,080
So it might have just been a generic, hey, this genre is really hot right now.

722
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:14,080
Let's make a movie about this. I mean, we've already got this kind of from right.

723
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:20,080
Asia, right. Well, like, let's expand on that entire film on a vignette from Fantasia.

724
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:26,080
Disney does. I'm thoroughly convinced that at one point in the scriptwriting process, this was a Harry Dresden movie.

725
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:39,080
Slowly, because Nick Cage spends the entire opening scene where he's going through the centuries of trying to find the primer Linnean, where he fought countless amounts of wizards and trapped them in the dark hold.

726
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:49,080
But he's always wearing period accurate clothing until he opens Arkana Kibana and he's wearing a century old duster and a magical old hat.

727
00:48:49,080 --> 00:49:03,080
And if anyone here has ever read a Harry Dresden book and looked at the cover, you know exactly what I'm talking about, including the uncomfortably described high fitting tight denim pants.

728
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:08,080
Keep it tight, baby. The rest of his outfit was just as good, though.

729
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:13,080
Button up shirt under a vest. And then he's got arm warmers like wool arm warmers on.

730
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:21,080
There was definitely a look they were going for to make him look like a wizard. I think that is undercut by him just looking like a normal dude.

731
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:27,080
The costumers just kind of got the word eccentric. And that was their like whole direction for this.

732
00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:30,080
So that's that's something I really did enjoy about this movie.

733
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:43,080
It was like the script was fine costume like they focused hard on costumes and I really liked how they focused on the use of mirrors as magic and like how mirrors can kind of fuck you up.

734
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:48,080
I will give you if you get thrown inside of a mirror like you're going to die. We better get out of this mirror.

735
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:54,080
So I actually thought there was a lot of intentionality behind the type of magic that they were trying to imagine for the viewer.

736
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:59,080
And I really appreciated that. I thought that side of it was not that lazy.

737
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:03,080
Oh, no, the magic fights were awesome. Yeah. Well, yeah. And there were a lot of practical effects, too.

738
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:16,080
I mean, they did a really good job of doing that versus just CGI. And part of his costuming was because of that, because Cage really wanted to do a bunch of hand gestures for magic where they wanted him to have like magic bracelets or some shit.

739
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:23,080
Instead, they decided that like, oh, yeah, he's going to do these gestures like whoever was the visual designer on the film loved their job.

740
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:27,080
And I'm low key jealous that I can't do that. Yeah.

741
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:30,080
Nick, who was your favorite best boy and grip?

742
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:39,080
Sean is always my favorite best boy and grip. Thanks. That award always goes to me to tie this back in the cage much real quick.

743
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:44,080
There is a mustache cop saying, yeah, it was a good one, too. It was great.

744
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:53,080
I'm going to put this in bad cop. I'm going to put this in the bad cop camp just because he is actively racist as part of his caricature of being in New York cop.

745
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:59,080
Yeah, some of them had a little too much saki. Yeah. He's like, well, saki is actually Japanese there, chief.

746
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:04,080
It's like I was in character. Mike, your character was racist and it didn't matter.

747
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:09,080
I do like that he turned it around and was like, I was in character.

748
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:17,080
I do love Balthazar Blake. Speaking of just sorcerers in this, let's talk about Toby Kells Drake Stone.

749
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:22,080
This man freaked my mind. Chris Angel. So this was Chris Angel.

750
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:26,080
So first time through that movie, the intro to that character was kind of off putting.

751
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:31,080
But when you sort of get the backstory, the character makes a lot of sense. What is the backstory?

752
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:41,080
Well, and also promote magic, the gathering. Yes. When the backstory was introduced after more of a found him and was like bringing him on to like, you're going to help me with this.

753
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:44,080
And he's like, kind of look at the state of you. What the fuck's wrong with you?

754
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:53,080
He was like, my master left me at 15. I was alone. What was I supposed to do? Basically saying like I knew the magic that I knew. I knew the magic that I was taught.

755
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:58,080
I had nowhere else to go. So he turned himself into a quote unquote medium magician.

756
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:06,080
That man had to play Wonderwall. But it also it also made it super believable that he was easily manipulated for any purpose.

757
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:08,080
Sure. Yeah. He was absent of father figures.

758
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:16,080
Presumably he wanted to get back into training as a real source or not just as like a master of cheap tricks on stage. Yeah. He's got things to prove.

759
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:22,080
I do love when he menaces Dave in the college bathroom and does the bully.

760
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:29,080
I'm going to pick you up by your shirt collar and then just walks away and Dave is still up there just hanging by your shirt collar, even though he's not being held.

761
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:35,080
He's like, and Dave's like, what is this high school? Yeah. You're a dickhead and I'm here for it.

762
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:42,080
Sometimes little things in these movies kind of get away from me because I'm not sober because you're high.

763
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:46,080
So I'm not always at my best when I watch these the first time.

764
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:49,080
One of my frustrations with this movie is that they do this.

765
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:55,080
They do this really wonderful buildup and good backstory of character and and character building and everything.

766
00:52:55,080 --> 00:53:01,080
And then once we're about starts recruiting, they just kind of like move it forward at rapid pace.

767
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:07,080
Releases sorcerers from releases, but we don't get to feel a lot of like those relationships.

768
00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:12,080
And then we just move on to this giant fight scene, which is dope.

769
00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:21,080
Except that's suddenly when the romantic relationship starts to come to fruition at a moment when it absolutely shouldn't.

770
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:30,080
Yeah. The timing wasn't great. And and also like now she believed like Dave has been just kind of a weird shithead to her the entire movie because he's like,

771
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:33,080
I can't tell you that I'm a sorcerer in training.

772
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:41,080
So this is not a good time for you to come into my weird basement of Tesla coils and mops and why are there so many mops down there?

773
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:45,080
So it's like 80. OK, here's a concern with this, too.

774
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:48,080
And I'm going to get to it before Sean this time.

775
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:51,080
It's an abandoned subway terminal or something.

776
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:55,080
And there would be some kind of janitor closet.

777
00:53:55,080 --> 00:54:02,080
Disney explanation. There's mops there in a janitor's closet, a perfectly reasonable place to find a mop.

778
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:05,080
A mop. Yes, a mop.

779
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:11,080
I was a little or I have been a little annoyed by the way it just felt like the writers were like, oh, we better wrap this up.

780
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:15,080
Let's have a big fight scene and also let's make the romantic relationships work.

781
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:17,080
So let's just tie this in real quick.

782
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:21,080
I'm literally doing that to you guys right now.

783
00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:31,080
When Morgana is released and she's using for the listeners at home, these sorcerers use like vibrations and electricity to create their magic.

784
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:39,080
So she's using like the antenna towers across all the skyscrapers in New York to create this, like, I don't know, giant vortex of magic.

785
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:45,080
It's science. And Dave tells Becky, like, you got to get to the top of that building.

786
00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:47,080
He's like, or else we're all going to die.

787
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:51,080
And I'm a sorcerer. I'll try and save us. But I understand if you don't want to.

788
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,080
And she's like, but if I don't, we're all going to die.

789
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:56,080
And then there's just like, you just trust him on this?

790
00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:59,080
To be fair, she was just kidnapped by a sorcerer and saw a bunch of magic.

791
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,080
Well, that's because we don't have time to go back.

792
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:04,080
Because Peter's trying to make us wrap this up.

793
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:11,080
And because I did not come here to not talk about the final boss, I demand that we talk about the final boss.

794
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:13,080
So they meet in some park in New York.

795
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:20,080
Morgana has been released and she comes out of and I do not remember the character's name, but she's in Nick Cage's girlfriend's.

796
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:21,080
Like Veronica.

797
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:24,080
Veronica. Yeah. She's in Veronica's body.

798
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:31,080
And Nick Cage is there and he like throws a weird pool spell where he can dip in and out of manufactured pools.

799
00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:33,080
It's kind of kind of cool magic.

800
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:37,080
So he's kind of like hiding and he's seen and he does.

801
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:44,080
He touches four heads like nine times and then he sucks Morgana into his own body to release Veronica from that.

802
00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:51,080
Then Dave shows up and now he's got to fight Balthazar, who's got a Morgana host and for no reason at all,

803
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:55,080
because like Dave does not want to start firing plasma bolts on Balthazar.

804
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:58,080
Well, he also doesn't have his ring, so he can't.

805
00:55:58,080 --> 00:55:59,080
He doesn't have magic.

806
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:01,080
For no reason at all.

807
00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:06,080
Morgana just leaves Balthazar's body to fight Dave on his own.

808
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:12,080
When being like occupying Balthazar, that would have made her harder to defeat.

809
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:18,080
And so because Dave is the prime Merlinian, he's able to cast.

810
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:19,080
Hadoukens.

811
00:56:19,080 --> 00:56:24,080
He's cast magic that no one's ever seen without his ring and he defeats her.

812
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:26,080
And it's pretty great.

813
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:33,080
Before Balthazar takes Morgana out of Veronica, when Veronica is raising the dead of every Merlinian ever,

814
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:42,080
that magic is horny, like she is in the circle, like just fucking twerking to like summon the dead.

815
00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:48,080
The horniest use of magic is actually David when he takes down Morgana,

816
00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:53,080
because there's all the lightning from the Tesla coils shocking her.

817
00:56:53,080 --> 00:57:02,080
And then he's just up there like fucking rapid fire, just fucking busting all over like plasma bolts.

818
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:05,080
And she's just like taking it. She's like, ah.

819
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:11,080
Oh, and then I forgot he matrixed Balthazar back to life because he can start hearts.

820
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:13,080
I have some real fucking problems with that.

821
00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:20,080
Enough first aid classes and I've been trained on how to use like the little shocky paddles.

822
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:23,080
It's OK. We're not a first aid podcast.

823
00:57:23,080 --> 00:57:25,080
No, we're a conspiracy podcast.

824
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:27,080
And sorcerers are real.

825
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:33,080
Yeah. And just the fucking government's been hiding them from us. It's page 47.

826
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:41,080
He just fucking goes to town on Balthazar's chest like just fucking plasma bolt, plasma bolt.

827
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:44,080
Don't fucking die. Plasma, plasma, plasma bolt.

828
00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:46,080
I'm going to fucking save you. Plasma bolt.

829
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:50,080
And he doesn't check like his pulse ever.

830
00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:53,080
Well, he was already dead. We know that because Veronica is like he's dead.

831
00:57:53,080 --> 00:58:00,080
If you're trying to revive somebody like the little shocky paddles,

832
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:07,080
you're going to check between shocks, because if you continue to shock somebody who's alive with all of that,

833
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:13,080
it fucks them up and probably would have killed them. So he's terrible at first aid.

834
00:58:13,080 --> 00:58:18,080
What do you got? You don't have plasma bolts that could fix everything. You don't know.

835
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:21,080
You're right. What's a plasma bolt do to a body?

836
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:27,080
Randomly unleashed plasma bolts into the fucking circulatory system.

837
00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:34,080
It should be said that it was moments before was used to kill the most powerful sorcerers on the moon.

838
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:37,080
I just want to point out. Blasted them away.

839
00:58:37,080 --> 00:58:40,080
How about quotes, fellas? Quotes.

840
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:43,080
Adam, what's your quote? I got two. I got two.

841
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:49,080
The first and I don't know if this was meant to be like any kind of self-awareness or whatever.

842
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:57,080
But when he's he brings Becky down into his weird dungeon and shows her his Tesla coils and he said,

843
00:58:57,080 --> 00:59:00,080
and I just thought it was funny because of this podcast.

844
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:06,080
I think you better step into my cage. Nick cage. Oh.

845
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:11,080
And then he I don't remember which character he was talking to, but he had said, Becky show.

846
00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:15,080
It's like it's like her thing. And it's very early on in the movie.

847
00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:23,080
And I just liked that because it makes me believe that this is really all the if you have.

848
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:27,080
All right. So I've got one for this one. Nick cage talking to Dave.

849
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:37,080
He's warning him about Maxim Horvath. He says, I don't know, unless you want him to turn you into a pig that just loves physics.

850
00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:42,080
The first one is so Balthazar is trying to like train Dave to be like, you can't fall in love.

851
00:59:42,080 --> 00:59:45,080
It's it's bad because they're going to use it against you.

852
00:59:45,080 --> 00:59:53,080
So when Becky shows up to the underground Tesla lab and Dave's just like, hey, let's I'll meet you upstairs.

853
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:59,080
It'll be cool. And this weird sorcerer shows up and he's trying to like like, I'm your uncle Balthazar.

854
00:59:59,080 --> 01:00:05,080
We're supposed to hang out today. And when Balthazar finally gives up the gun, like fine, go hang out with your girlfriend.

855
01:00:05,080 --> 01:00:09,080
He's just like, I just remembered I have to go into town and pick up your anti itch cream.

856
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:15,080
But my other favorite one is when he shocks Balthazar back to life, Balthazar wakes up because Dave's just like, you idiot.

857
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:21,080
You can't die. And Balthazar, like when he wakes up, he's like, I had a dream.

858
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:26,080
You were insulting me, Dave. Repeatedly.

859
01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:34,080
And Dave goes, me? Pretty weird, huh? And Balthazar just goes, no, kind of makes sense.

860
01:00:34,080 --> 01:00:39,080
I mean, it's not like a rip and good quote, but I think it was something that I really enjoyed.

861
01:00:39,080 --> 01:00:49,080
And it was nice because I felt like it tied a lot of the jokes up until this point in the movie together in that there's the scene where in the bathroom,

862
01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:59,080
Balthazar traps Horvath in the Hungarian mirror trap and Horvath in the fight is like, oh, blah, blah, blah.

863
01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:05,080
So they're old fashioned, like pretty, pretty antiquated little trick you got going here.

864
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:11,080
So then later in a chase scene, so they do the Hungarian like mirror trick again at another time.

865
01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:23,080
But like when they're breaking into Drake's room or his apartment, Nicholas Cage gets all like mesmerized by, you know, stuff like plans and stuff out on Drake's desk.

866
01:01:23,080 --> 01:01:38,080
And he goes walking in and then he like gets kind of stuck in this rug that's turning into like quicksand and he's like falling in and he's just he just says the Peruvian or Persian like sinking rug.

867
01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:40,080
I think it's the Persian quick rug. Yeah.

868
01:01:40,080 --> 01:01:46,080
He's just like Persian quick rug. And he calls me old fashioned.

869
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:49,080
I liked it just because it was like, you know, you got to have a callback.

870
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:53,080
So at this point, you know, Adam, you're a guest. What would you pick between these two movies?

871
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:59,080
On all accounts, I'd pick Sorcerer's Apprentice. I think it's I think it's the I think it's a more fun movie.

872
01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:03,080
It's more fun to watch. It's a better it's a better movie. And I think it's a better Nicholas Cage role.

873
01:02:03,080 --> 01:02:10,080
So hands down for me, that's the one that should move forward. I know that that carries zero weight, but it should move forward.

874
01:02:10,080 --> 01:02:16,080
I think National Traitor 2 is the better Nick Cage role because he caged out so much more.

875
01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:20,080
It's down to you, Nick. No, I'm all Sorcerer's Apprentice.

876
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:30,080
And there is also still a cage moment if you go back to when Dave is making fun of the wizard shoes and he's all like,

877
01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:34,080
I want to wear your old man's shoes. And then it just cuts to Nicholas Cage.

878
01:02:34,080 --> 01:02:41,080
He was just like taking him back and gives you like this wild eyed like what? Yeah, it was good.

879
01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:45,080
I think it was a great role. No, I think it was a great Nicholas Cage role.

880
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:49,080
I would like to say face here and say I love both of these films.

881
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:56,080
I just enjoyed the more unhinged nature of National Traitor 2 a bit more because nobody cared for this for that movie.

882
01:02:56,080 --> 01:03:01,080
I think Sorcerer's Apprentice is just the more complete, better movie.

883
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:08,080
I will agree with that only because it didn't get a sequel. Well, the script is also just better.

884
01:03:08,080 --> 01:03:15,080
Prime Merlin Ian. OK, they chose shitty words, but it's a tighter script.

885
01:03:15,080 --> 01:03:18,080
I agree. Like I love both of these films so much.

886
01:03:18,080 --> 01:03:23,080
I watched both of them multiple times and I will continue to because they're hilarious.

887
01:03:23,080 --> 01:03:26,080
There was more. Oh, oh, oh.

888
01:03:26,080 --> 01:03:33,080
And yeah, the secrets that came across more as a lack of quality script, which I mean,

889
01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:36,080
we're not here to talk about quality scripts because if we were, I mean,

890
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:42,080
we talk about the quality of the script every episode doesn't necessarily determine what's better.

891
01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:46,080
Our army of one has gone forward as opposed to adaptation.

892
01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:53,080
So if we're talking about a quality movie, if our argument is quality of script, it is a quality of script.

893
01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:57,080
I love this. Yeah, we've always been Sorcerer's Apprentice.

894
01:03:57,080 --> 01:04:04,080
It's Sorcerer's Apprentice. This might be the only part of this that isn't cut of mine, but thanks for having me on everyone.

895
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:07,080
Thank you for it. Thank you for coming, Adam. This is a lot of fun.

896
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:09,080
We really enjoyed it, Adam.

897
01:04:09,080 --> 01:04:14,080
So next episode, we've got Red Rock West and Dying of the Light.

898
01:04:14,080 --> 01:04:18,080
Does Red Rock West star Barbara Walters?

899
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:20,080
Wabawawatles.

900
01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:21,080
Red Rock West.

901
01:04:21,080 --> 01:04:22,080
Wabawatles.

902
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:24,080
Is she alive?

903
01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:27,080
My brain went to Barbra Streisand and you kept going, what?

904
01:04:27,080 --> 01:04:32,080
I'm like, what's he talking about? It's a weird Barbra Streisand.

905
01:04:32,080 --> 01:04:38,080
It's a weird feature about the nose. She can't pronounce ours.

906
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:43,080
All right. Well, OK, is Barbara Walters alive and well is the first thing that can move on Google.

907
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:45,080
Is the answer no?

908
01:04:45,080 --> 01:04:49,080
One day ago. You're good at Google. This is bad Googling, Sean.

909
01:04:49,080 --> 01:04:53,080
I should have just said Barbara Walters. It's not bad Googling, it's bad podcasting.

910
01:04:53,080 --> 01:04:55,080
Ninety-three years old, she's alive.

911
01:04:55,080 --> 01:05:02,080
OK, great. So Barbara Walters, when you listen to this episode, please rate, review, subscribe.

912
01:05:02,080 --> 01:05:04,080
We need it. Thank you.

913
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:07,080
Toss some dirt down in the comments.

914
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:16,080
You know, it only took like five weeks, but finally somebody won that bet as to who takes their clothes off first.

915
01:05:16,080 --> 01:05:20,080
Hey, it was you. It was always me.

916
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:25,080
Everyone shut up for a second. I have to open a sparkle, buddy.

917
01:05:25,080 --> 01:05:49,080
There's your outro, Stingfeder.