Oh God. Oh my God.
You can always bleep out whatever I say, it's fine.
I haven't bleeped anything yet.
Oh, can I get a cool duck noise whenever I say something offensive?
Like only if you make the noise. OK.
You know, a couple of duck noises now, like run a couple.
Here's a. So like, give me a fuck, a crap, a shit.
I mean, those are all the same.
OK, so give me a motherfucker.
Give me one at a time.
Oh, fuck.
Crap. Shit.
Dickbuttballs.
That's good. I mean, I know how often you say dickbuttballs.
Yeah, it's a thing I do.
Awesome. Hi.
Welcome back to Cage match, colon a roundabout way of meeting Nicholas Cage.
I am one of your two hosts, Nick, sitting with my second of two hosts.
Sean. Wait a minute.
I got that backwards. Yeah, but I went with it.
So I'm Sean and I'm going to tell you all the racist,
terrible things I keep in my head.
This is they've not been drinking today either.
This is dangerous.
No, I'm Sean and that's Nick.
And I don't have a racist bone in my body.
With our.
Fuck you guys.
How's it going?
How's it going, Peter?
I have to think about all these clips.
I'm going to move around to make this sound not terrible.
Fuck you. Impossible.
That was that was comedy gold.
It was something.
But yes, this is this is the podcast where we use
horror life decisions in comedy to decide what is the best
all time Nicholas Cage film.
Mm hmm.
Before we get into it, speaking of more horror
like decisions, I would like to read you something sent to me by my ex spouse.
Thank God, I thought it was your poetry.
This is in response to something that was said in the last last episode.
They say, I unequivocally fucking hate mouth noises.
So put that in your podcast pipe and smoke it.
Thanks, dear.
There's some mouth noises for you.
Don't do it.
But anyway, yes, this week we have a treat for you.
The cage match this week is The Wicker Man
actual film and Birdie other actual film.
Yeah, no fake films today.
No, no, we're just going to talk about things that you can go out
and watch for yourself and formulate your own decisions.
I mean, no, don't formulate your own decisions. Listen to us.
Well, obviously, our decisions are correct. Yes.
But you can watch them and be like, those guys are smart, good looking.
They'll maybe listen to this podcast before you decide
whether or not to watch any of these movies.
I say always watch and then listen and argue.
If you watch the or watch the movies before you listen to the podcast,
then when we say things that you don't like,
you can just destroy us in the comments section.
Right. Or yell at your neighbor as is.
Yeah. Just shout it out. Your neighbor.
All right. So Birdie Birdie was a real enjoyable movie for me.
I really enjoyed it. I liked it a lot.
I thought it was a good watch, something I'd never heard about.
No, I mean, it's as old as us.
Yeah. As old as you two.
Yeah, no. 1984 Birdie, Matthew Modine and Nicolas Cage
play childhood friends who go to go to Vietnam.
When they come back, Birdie thinks he's a bird and Nicholas Cage Al has to.
That's a great wrap up of it.
Yeah. Really only talking about like a quarter of the movie.
I mean, that is that is the premise of the film that surrounds the other stuff.
There's two guys, their childhood friends.
They both end up going to Vietnam, one enlisted, one drafted.
One of them comes back with more severe
or, you know, more visibly severe PTSD
and the other comically bandaged,
comically disfigured, I would call them.
Oh, I was thinking Birdie's is more visibly severe PTSD.
Oh, you don't really get like Al's PTSD so much until.
I thought you meant more just the physical.
The form the deformity of Nicolas Cage.
No, because like it just brings more, I think, to the table.
Like Nicolas Cage, like his face is bandaged when he was in Vietnam.
He was hit with a bomb like or an explosion.
And that ended up like fucking up his face.
You kind of meet his character in the present times after his surgery.
The doctor is like, oh, you know, he's a little bit of a
butchered man, and he's a little bit of a
man and he's a little bit of a
bastard, and it's like, oh, you know, you can get these bandages off
when you come back from seeing your friend.
Well, we did a skin graft.
It's going to itch. Cool.
And your ear might fall off.
Yeah, and they kind of like treated as like, oh, you know,
your wounds are only skin deep.
Well, as you progress with his character in this timeframe,
is PTSD and you see like it's, it affected more people differently than
just thinking they're birds.
Yeah.
Not everybody came out of Vietnam thinking they were a bird.
Just, just birding.
Quote us, quote us on that.
Yeah.
Well, I'm sure you guys probably saw this when you did your deep dives, but, um, I
was fascinated by the fact that he actually pulled out some of his teeth for this role.
Two of them.
Yeah.
Without anesthesia.
I didn't read that part, but that tracks and I like it.
Two teeth removed without anesthesia to give himself more of a bombed face.
This guy as an actor, we're talking about Nicholas Cage.
Nicholas Cage is just, he commits.
He's a craftsman.
Yeah.
This is why I kind of joked about it during the adaptation episode.
I can't believe he didn't just gain 50 pounds.
Oh, he also lost 15 pounds.
He lost 15.
Which I mean, that doesn't sound like a whole lot, but if you see him at the beginning of
the movie.
Right now, it's, it's rough.
At the beginning of the movie, like Nicholas Cage is fucking jacked.
Yeah.
Like in high school, the character is a wrestler and you see him lifting weights at one point.
And he's like, he's fucking cut.
I do enjoy the first time we see Nicholas Cage as a high schooler.
He's hanging out with actual teenagers.
Oh yeah.
It is just shocking the juxtaposition of 14 year olds with adult Nicholas Cage, who is,
as Nick pointed out, cut.
Yeah.
He's got those deep cum gutters.
Those gutters.
Didn't you guys have like one person at your high school who was just like weirdly an adult?
Yes.
His name was Rocco and he drove, he drove an IROC and he.
Incredible.
He was dating the hottest blonde chick in school.
Like he was the stereotype.
Oh, we just had a guy who was 14 who had like full on male pattern baldness, like had no hair.
Not like alopecia, but like just widow's peak all the way like back of his ears.
Sure.
That's the guy who gets you beer.
Yeah.
Let's get back to Birdie or whatever.
So we never learned Birdie's actual name in the film.
No, he's always just Birdie.
I thought for a while his name was just actually Birdie and his mother hates his obsession with
birds and like fucking named the kid.
I mean, a lot of great physical acting from Matthew Modine just sitting by toilets hunched over.
Just burden about.
Al even calls him out on his inability to hop like a bird, fly like a bird,
eat like a bird, drink like a bird, shit like a bird.
Have we actually like accurately said what this movie's about?
I think so.
Dude thinks he's a bird and he's in a mental institution.
That's the part we left out.
OK, so he's in a military hospital.
Military hospital.
They bring his buddy, Alan, played by Nicholas Gage to help him kind of like see if they can
jog anything out of him because he's unresponsive.
He just like squats around and like those weird bird poses and.
Oh, yeah, they don't the hospital doesn't know about the whole bird thing.
Yes.
No, he's unresponsive.
And the movie is just a series of like flashbacks taking place from Al's point of view, basically,
as he meets and develops a friendship with Birdie, how everything kind of relates back.
So how like kind of like his fall into birdness.
Birditude.
The flashbacks are just kind of cut in to the story of Al trying to help his buddy kind of.
Well, there's some interesting juxtapositions they add there because a lot of these stories are
completely disconnected.
Kind of.
Well, OK, like the flashbacks don't necessarily lead to the next flashback,
but the flashbacks do tie into what's going on in like real time or like current day time, knowing
about the the baseball baseball hit over.
Yeah, Birdie's mom would keep all the baseballs that came over their fence,
but no one ever saw them again.
Yeah, Birdie couldn't even find them.
I'm trying to remember the connection with the car.
Well, because they talk about his arrest history, Al's arrest history,
when he goes to visit because they're kind of feeling him out for whether he needs to be in a
mental institute.
Yeah, that doctor is a dick.
Yeah.
Oh, that doctor is a dick, but his secretary fucking rules, dude.
I wish I could just hang out and like spit on shit all the time.
Oh, I mean, I don't want like Vietnam PTSD, but pretty cool secretary.
Pretty cool secretary.
I mean, we just how shitty is that you're like you're told you're going to visit your friend to
help him.
And all the while, you're just everyone's telling you, hey, maybe you're crazy and should be in
here.
That seems like a lot.
I thought one thing with the car situation that was interesting is that Birdie is like pretty
passive.
Yeah.
I mean, he's adventurous, like he jumps off the fucking grain silo or whatever.
But then it's a refinery.
Oh, so he doesn't seem like somebody who wants to fight.
And then he gets so mad at Al's dad in that scene.
I think he's like he's very focused in his passion with things like most of the time.
It's birds.
But preceding the scene with the car, you've got Birdie and Al.
They dress up like pigeons.
Birdie makes him a pigeon suit.
They dress up.
They go to a refinery.
They're stealing pigeons or capturing pigeons.
OK.
Their friendship develops initially.
Because of a bit.
Yeah.
And it just becomes this thing.
So Birdie is catching and training pigeons because he thinks it would be cool.
Al gets into it because some kid says that he thinks it would be cool and he would pay for one.
And Al's like, OK, that's cool.
But then he starts talking to Birdie and becomes friends with him.
The kid's name is Mario, who is a piece of shit.
Oh, anybody named Mario is a piece of shit.
Well, because the way Birdie and Al meet is Mario's like, hey, that that bird kid's out on the porch.
He's got my pocket knife.
So Al goes up and he's like, I got a splinter.
Can I borrow your knife?
And Birdie pulls out a pocket knife.
And Mario's like, that's my knife.
He's got my knife.
So Al proceeds to start trying to kick Birdie's ass to get the knife back.
When it turns out it was stolen by another kid and then sold to Birdie.
And it's like you.
I was like, you told me this guy stole your knife.
I was like, no, I just said he had my knife.
I'm like, fuck you, Mario.
Fun bit in that scene when Al is trying to like grapple Birdie, he like Birdie keeps kind of slipping out.
And afterwards, once they've kind of realized the confusion and gotten over it all, Al's like, hey,
were you ever do you wrestle?
Are you a wrestler?
Because Al's a wrestler.
And it's my one defining character trait.
Yeah.
And Birdie's like, no, but I think it was later that year.
Matthew Modine appeared in the movie Vision Quest, which is a wrestling movie.
Weird connection.
That's all.
It's also been in like three Vietnam movies.
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
Modine has been.
Yeah.
Full metal jacket, this and one other, which I can't remember what it was called.
Did you see that he actually entered or auditioned for the owl role?
Yeah.
And then was surprised when he didn't get it.
Yeah.
It's like, like you have big introvert energy.
You need to be Birdie.
Going back to the whole car story, though, I mean, was Birdie's fascination
because Birdie's fascination with birds is their ability to fly initially.
So is his fascination with the car when he gets so pissed off on Al's dad
sells their car, the car that they rebuild, is that because the car was his way out of
Philly that he just wanted to like explore and leave and couldn't.
And then because he becomes so much more introverted and starts living in his little
bird coop that he's built into his room more after the fact.
I took it more.
OK, so I'm going to go back to what I was saying in the preceding flashback
with all the pigeons and everything, there came a moment where they're stealing pigeons
or catching pigeons.
He is falling off of a refinery silo thing and decides like he can jump off and make
it to the sand pile and be OK.
He gets hurt in the process.
His mom freaks out afterwards and she destroys his pigeon aviary and everything.
So like takes away all of his like toys, basically.
Yeah.
My thoughts are that in the next flashback, when they start talking about this car,
it's like a sort of behavioral thing, like somebody who gets so into something
and then is told like, you can't have that.
You can't like talk about it.
You can't do it.
They've taken away everything.
You just throw yourself so far into something else that now it's like, well, I can't bird
without being bitched at by my mom because parents just don't understand.
And so I'm going to go super hard on this car with my buddy.
I mean, he tries.
He tries to be a normal person ish, but almost always for Al's sake.
Yeah.
Al wants him to do this thing with him.
He can't like he's being grounded from being a bird.
So most of Al's ideas involve finding finding boobs.
Oh, yeah.
He loves a good boob.
He loves a good boo.
A lot of a lot of groping in this film.
I mean, not a lot, but do I think kids in the 60s were touching boobs?
Yep, I do.
Yeah.
Do I think they use the language that we see in the film?
I mean, there's no real rough language.
No.
At one time, there's a question of like, oh, you two were friends.
You hung out a lot in school.
And it's like, well, we're not queer for each other.
It's like, OK.
Yeah, that's about it.
Around the time of Vietnam.
And he doesn't say it in a hateful fashion.
He's just like, well, we weren't we weren't lovers.
Did I think it was a poor representation of filmmaking from the 60s?
Filmmaking from the 80s?
No, I've seen way worse.
I do love, though, just this era of film has such great abrasive ambient music.
Oh, are you dogging on Peter Gabriel?
I am not dogging on Peter Gabriel because it is just a it is a thing in movies of the 80s,
specifically around this time, where just ambient music for a scene is never just like it's.
A lot of electronic, a lot of just loud in your face music that is all there.
OK, this is actually really important.
Peter Gabriel was originally lined up to produce the music for this and
his agent or whatever is like, he doesn't have time for that.
He he takes way too fucking long to make anything.
So they end up kind of just getting him to do the score and they do it by having him
go back through things he's recorded previously and just has around.
And then they used brand new computer technology.
So this is the first time it was like,
like largely embraced in the film industry to use this technology to make it.
So he started that.
This is the the progenitor.
All right. That's pretty cool.
In that same vein, the there's a scene after Bertie goes to the prom, touches his first boob.
Presumably.
I mean, he gives it a nice little like like undercut, like lift and drop,
but goes home to his bird, sleeps in the coop, but has his dream of flying
and that flying scene throughout the neighborhood and around.
That was also the first time like the flight cam had been invented.
Yeah, the invention of the sky cam.
Yeah, it also only worked in the first take and didn't work in like subsequent takes.
Yeah, because they couldn't get it to like go the wires right.
So they had to switch back to a steady cam on an improvised boom
because they wanted it to be faster than the original sky cam shot.
I read that as well.
I mean, but this is also like the progenitor of like Sam Raimi's Spider-Man.
Yeah, no, there's great technology and advances being made in this little, like,
12 million dollar indie movie.
In the background, a lot of these scenes, you see Bertie working on his wings.
Yeah, that's a fun scene.
They go out to to the dump and Bertie has his ornithopter.
Ornithopter wings ornithopter wings.
He's been building a small one that flies around his classroom
while he's talking about how cool bird wings are.
And so I was like, that's you know, that's a pretty big drop.
And Bertie's explaining gravity and how he won't like pick up that much speed from falling.
I'm like, Bertie doesn't understand gravity at all.
But they need a certain amount of speed to get him going.
So he gets on the handlebars of Al's bike and Al starts like, oh, no, it's it's Bertie's bike
because he specifically says, don't go over the edge.
I don't want you fucking up my bike.
It's true.
So and then Bertie is airborne.
Yeah, he glides down the hill.
Yeah.
And then crashes into sewage.
Yeah.
Dump pond and dump pond like that dump pond going down the old dump pond.
Going to get some dump fish.
I got something even for this scene.
OK, go for it.
Yeah.
So when they shot this scene in the dump with Bertie going over the edge and everything,
they were like, OK, this is an issue.
This is initially there were concerns about shooting at this landfill because of the
methane smells and like the general uncleanliness of it.
But when they do the scene where he flies off the edge, they were like, OK,
this is pretty rough.
This is dangerous.
We're going to have him land in this pond.
And they tested the water and they were like, that is just straight up toxic.
We can't have Matthew Modine or a stunt man or anybody contacting that.
So they dug their own manmade pond inside of the dump for him to land in.
That's how little money this movie was made on that they just shot an actual dump.
They shot in Philly and Santa Clara, I think.
Yeah, I think that's right.
Interesting.
Yeah.
So let's go back to Bertie in the hospital.
Al is increasingly getting a bit more erratic.
He is told they're just going to ship his friend off to be drugged in a hospital
somewhere for the rest of his life.
Yeah.
Al's being his own sanity is being questioned at the time and they're just going to ship
them off back to base.
So he is getting more abrasive and angry at Bertie and at himself.
Yeah, time's running out for Al or in Al's mind.
And his Hail Mary is to call Bertie's mom and have her mail all the baseballs
that she'd kept over the years because she must have been burying them.
They're pretty dirty.
So they showed up like, oh, that is a that is a lot of spite, lady.
Yeah, it was a suitcase full of baseballs that he just pours out over the floor.
And it's like, Bertie, look, it's the baseballs.
Your mom kept them.
I'm like, that's I mean, everything about that's weird.
Yeah. And it doesn't really get the response he wants.
I mean, it kind of leads to it.
I mean, it really isn't until like they are alone and they're about to after Al
threatens the nurse and gets very I'm not going to leave here.
You know, you're going to have to force me to leave.
And she runs off to get the orderlies that Bertie's finally just like pipes up and he's
just like, calm the fuck down, buddy.
Yeah. Yeah.
He just comes out with like, oh, I haven't been so long.
I haven't been speaking because I didn't feel like I needed to.
It's like, well. Oh, yeah.
Then the doctor shows up and it's like, he talked, he talked.
And the doctor's like, no, he didn't say he did.
Bertie talking.
Bertie doesn't say shit.
And the doctor, like, runs out.
It's like, why can't you fucking say anything?
Like, I have anything to say.
Yeah. Fucking guy doing it all for you, bro.
I don't know.
So then, you know, this is interspersed with some non flashbacks for both of them.
And then they're on the run, like through the hospital.
Bertie, who's been crouched this whole time, hobbling along
and they make their way to the roof.
And Bertie takes his final flight.
Yeah. Bertie climbs up onto the lip, the edge of the roof.
And Al's at the door, like trying to barricade it and looks to see Bertie, like,
lift his arms and it's like, Bertie, no.
And Bertie jumps and Al runs to the edge, shocked and wide eyed.
And it cuts to Bertie being just about four feet down on another landing
and being like, what credits?
Yeah. Yeah.
What do you think about the ending?
I thought the ending was just a fucking cherry on top.
I did. I love the ending.
Nick, you got a quote?
I got a couple here.
So I need to pull it up.
All right.
I was really a big fan of when Bertie presents Al with his pigeon suit,
like a suit made of like pigeon feathers from their coop.
Like, and Bertie's like, this way they'll think you're one of them.
And Al just goes, but I don't want the pigeon to think I'm one of them, Bertie.
When Al is trying to talk to Bertie about how great boobs are and Bertie's just like,
I don't see what's so great about them.
It's just like a cow's but in the wrong spot.
And Al's just like, what?
No, you're an idiot.
I enjoyed that.
I don't have the actual quote.
I'm not going to read it to you.
I also did like when they're at the shore and Bertie gets obsessed with how long he can hold
his breath for.
It's like, count for me, Al.
And Al's just one Mississippi, two Mississippi.
And like Bertie just stays under the water for a long time.
It's like 14 Mississippi, 15 Mississippi.
It's the 15th Mississippi, Bertie.
You have 15 Mississippi.
That's 15.
I don't remember the exact moment this happens.
I think it was in the Insane Asylum, but he...
Bertie says, Al, I flew.
And then the cage goes, you flew?
How you flew.
How you flew was good.
I do have just one more I want to share.
It's when it's in the Insane Asylum and it's when they're like going to take Al away from
Bertie and Al's just shaking.
Bertie was like, it's time to start flapping your wings and beeping, Bertie.
That's good.
This movie was pretty good.
It was.
It was a great movie.
It's very enjoyable.
I think it really suffered from their attempt at getting it into awards.
They gave it a limited release.
I actually had one last piece of trivia.
Al's last name, Columbata, is a reference to the genus or species of pigeon,
Columba or Columbus or something like that.
Interesting.
So it's a direct reference to a bird.
So it's a direct reference to birds again.
That's cool.
So someone's paying attention.
Yeah.
This is the informational podcast.
This is a science podcast now, and we're giving you all the hard sciences.
Brief sidebar.
Did you notice in the credits for Bertie that they listed all the birds?
Yes.
The birds got listed in the credit scene.
I didn't.
And that's awesome.
Herd has a stunt bird.
Yep.
Well, they also had, I mean, it was like a shit ton of animals that were involved.
There was an actual animal handler in the movie who handled like there was like 84 pigeons,
some 14 canaries or some shit.
A bunch of dogs.
Like cats or something for some reason.
Yeah.
It was wild.
It was a real animal film.
Animal lovers.
So the Wicker Man.
So the Wicker Man, California Highway Patrol officer Nicholas Cage.
I just rewatched this this morning.
I already passed on his name.
Ed Mayless.
He.
Latin for male or derived from the same prefix for male, which is funny because of the island.
Yeah.
I mean, it's pretty hand fisted.
Yeah, it is.
After Neil, which is also what I call masturbation.
It is ridiculous.
Who are you, Nick?
Do we have to talk about Wicker Man, though?
Yes.
Like we could just do a two hour podcast on Bertie.
No, no.
I mean, you can.
That could be that could be how this one goes.
I'm going to low key say right now, I love Wicker Man.
OK, we're continuing for them.
All of its terrible.
Yes.
So like way back at the beginning, though, there's the truck stop.
Yes.
Which makes no sense.
It is important.
Aaron Eckhart is in the background in one of those scenes.
Like, what the fuck?
This movie has weird.
There's weird cameo.
Yeah.
OK, so he goes and gets like a little girl drops her doll out of a car.
I can go back.
Oh, you want to hear what I have to say about this?
Yeah, I do.
I'm not just here for comic relief.
Yeah.
So like, it's kind of important.
Like you get to set up a lot of mental instability questions.
I'll talk through this with details and we'll see where we get.
Nicholas Cage, chips cop.
He's just riding around being a chips cop doing cool motorcycle maneuvers,
which is to say riding straight.
I do like the one guy pulls over, though.
He's like, no, I pulled you over and the guy was just like, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, that's how I respond to cops.
Few words as possible.
Yeah, I know what you pulled me over.
You're a dick.
And there it is.
We got a lot of love for the boys in blue here.
The blue man group, right?
Yeah, obviously.
Anyway, you're saying.
So he's riding along, goes through a couple of routine stops.
You get to him following a station wagon.
Little girl throws a doll out the window.
He's cool.
He can lean over and pick up a doll while riding his motorcycle.
Let me tell you, that would be very difficult to put your weight off that far
to scoop something up off the ground while riding on a motorcycle.
Also, it's it's road trash at that point.
Yeah, you pull them over for littering, you ticket them and say, go pick up your day.
And all well.
And then when he like gives a girl back her doll, she immediately like throws it out
the window again in front of him.
But when he goes to pick up the doll, you hear that of the truck that slams into the
station wagon.
No, there's so much still.
God damn, Sean.
Why can't you just watch a movie and remember things?
Nick is our context guy.
So he gives the doll back.
He kind of like, you know, is cool.
Like, hey, I'm a motorcycle cop.
Oh, it's all right.
Kids do these things.
Why did you throw it out the window?
And she's like, I was bored.
And it's like, you're a shitty kid.
And then she throws it out the window again.
And he goes and gets it.
And immediately, like as he turns around, the car is panicked by a fucking semi,
which then catches on fire.
Not the semi immediately.
Yeah, that station wagon is made of wicker.
Yeah.
And so he tried with her wagon wicker wagon.
I'd read that wicker wagon.
So he's like trying to get this like kid and everything out of the car.
And he like smashes the window and the kids looking at him like she's still bored.
And it's like, well, that's weird.
And then it exploded.
Well, the kid and the lady disappear from the car.
They're not visible in the car anymore.
The camera cuts, cuts back and it's like, oh, where are they?
And then it explodes throwing Nicolas Cage back.
He continues to have throughout the movie flashbacks going back to this moment.
But then like sometimes in the flashback, there's people in the car.
Sometimes there's not.
When he talks to his partner, he even asks, did they ever find the people?
Yeah.
And no, no, we've got a mental stability question.
This scene is important because it starts to bias us about the narrator.
This movie has so many unnecessary red herrings in it.
Oh, yeah.
I know.
It's like to set up this mystery.
And part of it is just whether or not he's insane.
He takes the he takes a ferry to Washington.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was more than a ferry ride, but I've been on our ferry system.
It doesn't go down to.
I was on it today.
Los Angeles goes up to Washington to find this island.
Somerset Isle.
Now, summer's.
I don't know.
I'll say that was the one word.
Yeah, some of them.
They changed because they didn't think Americans could say summer aisle.
Summer aisle.
Yeah, the original is summer aisle.
So he's on the he's on the ferry and he's like clutching the letter and he sees a girl with
pigtails that looks like the girl from the truck or who was hit by the truck
and also kind of looks like the photo of the girl he's going to find.
And he sees her from behind and he's just staring and then just she's on the outside
railing of the ferry just outside the glass and then out of nowhere semi-truck just plows
her out.
Yeah, this guy.
Yeah, so this guy's got like, OK, I got to take you back.
More PTSD.
Even is a PTSD moving in.
We really have done a good job of pairing these things together accidentally.
Yeah.
So before he even goes back to Washington or goes up to Washington to investigate this,
before he gets the note and everything, we have a scene with him at home.
He's taking medication like he's medicating himself because of everything.
It could be.
Well, it's not pain because he was never physically injured.
Thrown from the car.
Yeah.
OK, so like maybe he so maybe he like sprained a butthole or something, but he was not physically
injured in such a way that he needed to be taking pain medication.
So he's taking medication now because of just the trauma of seeing people explode in front
of him.
But we don't know if he actually saw people explode in front of him because we've got
an unreliable narrator and his female cop friend stops by and like checks on him and
whatnot asks if he's going to go for detective, which this man is a terrible detective.
Yeah, he should not go for detective.
Yeah, so he gets a visit from her female cop.
That's how she's credited.
And so he goes in like next we see him go into the.
She delivers his mail.
I mean, she's there to deliver mail that was delivered to the precinct.
Yeah, and that's how he gets the letter.
Sorry, I missed that.
What a handwritten letter by his ex fiance that her child has gone missing.
So he gets this handwritten beautifully.
I was I was also going to be a papyrus, but it's not.
No, it's it's cursive.
Sorry, millennials or Gen Z.
Who doesn't read cursive these days?
So but he's off to summer's aisle after this rides a pilot who delivers a male pilot who
delivers supplies over to the island and they're very, very secretive.
We all have secrets and doesn't want to help.
So he rides him with a hundred bucks, gets him over there where he is,
goes introduces himself to some of the locals.
It goes well.
A couple of ladies who never heard of the child.
Oh, and a bunch of dudes carrying a bleeding sack that's just wriggling.
Yep.
And nobody will say what's in the bleeding sack.
What was in the sack?
And then when he goes to open the sack, it like shakes and he jumps back and doesn't
look in it and we never know.
And and then he just takes his luggage and walks away.
No, it shakes because they shake it at him.
OK, wait.
They were doing they were messing with them.
So did you watch the theatrical version?
The actual version.
Have you seen the uncut version?
I have not because you can't rent it.
Yeah.
OK.
You tube to the uncut scenes.
Yeah.
Because I was curious in the uncut if there was anything more about that bag.
Was it a shark?
I don't know anything about it.
I don't think it was a shark.
I just think it was just a mess of them.
But it was bleeding.
He's a he's a fucking cop.
How did he not look?
He's not a good cop.
And OK, that goes.
He's not a good guy.
I wasn't the very next scene because he goes up to he's on this island
that has no hospitality and doesn't want strangers there, walks in there
and Sister Beach, who is a piece of work.
First thing she says, I'm like, oh, you're a detective.
Yeah.
Oh, you're Detective Malice.
And he doesn't pick up on the fact that he is expected.
No, it was pretty heavily implied that like word is getting ahead also on his trip.
Like, oh, this guy's arrived because I mean, private land, nobody ever goes there.
It's not expected that people go there.
It should be.
It should be expected that word gets up.
The island is way bigger than you think it is.
It should be a lot smaller, but this island is insanely large for what it is.
But you could also see where the plane lands from the boarding house.
Maybe it's the size of Bashan.
I think Bashan's a good.
Let's make this more regional than it already is.
Yeah.
Let's just talk about our one tiny little island.
Also, they were expecting him specifically.
It's a quick cut, but they said like so and so or whatever at this
at the guest house or whatever.
He doesn't know where fucking anything is.
Nobody gave him directions.
I could be like, oh, yeah, man, why don't you just run up to like,
you know, for a movie, this Ethiopian play movie.
I'm assuming you're not going to vote for you.
You're defending it.
A lot.
Devil's advocate, man.
I like to talk.
But either way, his his lady friend, former lady friend, is Willow.
Sister Willow.
She can't talk there.
So she leaves him a note in his room that, you know, she's being watched
and they need to meet secretly.
So they go and meet secretly.
And again, she just says there's a spot out by this thing
that we can meet privately where nobody will look.
Out at the point, Ed, go, go there.
Yeah. And he's like, I know where the point is.
So he knew where the boarding house was.
No, the movie is poorly written.
This is a good detective.
No, the movie is poorly written.
But OK, let's start with OK, let's stop getting this noodly too.
So we can get to the good stuff.
So going back to my whole thing about that, how there are so many weird
red herrings in this film, there are twins of almost everybody.
Like they're just female twins.
Well, it's not necessarily.
I don't think it was supposed to be intended to be taken as like there's twins of everybody.
I think it's their way of showing that, like, inbreeding was a big thing
because they had a stable of males that they bred with.
So people that would have just looked like they were related because they're fucking related.
But they're all about the same age and walk in a creepy, shining type.
We're going to walk in unison mode.
Well, sure.
I mean, you live on an island.
You got to have a hobby.
What about the the old lady twins, the blind ones?
OK, well, those ones were actually unsettling.
OK, not only are they twins, but they're old.
So fucking throw them in the sound.
I don't I don't need any of that.
We've already given up the go that that Nick Cage is the sacrifice.
So the whole time he's on the island, he starts seeing the girl
and starts following around like he's in the first night he's in his room.
He looks out the window and he thinks he sees her
and like chases after her into a barn where he almost dies
because the floor gives out under him.
Is that the people on the island just fucking with them
because she is alive and she is in no danger?
Are they just like, yeah, this will be fun.
I did like the trap door gag because it's like, oh, he's in a barn.
Oh, you don't see anybody.
Don't see anybody.
How do we do a jump scare?
Take the floor away.
Yeah, like fucking dumb.
But he proceeds to just start harassing everyone on this island,
like throwing his badge around and like it matters.
Sister, be fucking California.
Sister Beach is the first one to point out like this is Washington.
Yeah, they like to remind him of that.
Yeah. And he doesn't care.
You are way out of jurisdiction.
And he goes to goes to the schoolhouse to find Willow and meet Sister Rose,
who's teaching a class about and asks the class what men's position is.
And again, twins answer in unison, phallic symbol, phallic symbol.
Which hilarious.
Also not wrong.
All the art in the room is B centric.
Yeah, everything about the place is B centric.
You get bees on the.
We forgot to point out that he kills a bee at the at the end.
Oh, by the way, he's allergic to be because he's allergic to be.
Yeah. And he goes to a like a honey centric economy.
Yeah, honey. Yeah.
Honey pot.
So yeah, he's got and he's got like funny, like, you know,
ep B pens like funny, funny branded epi pens for if you get stung.
I'm assuming you didn't want to get sued by Martin's whatever his name is.
Oh, Martin Martin Screli.
Yeah. The farmer, bro.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wasn't he like, fuck that guy.
Big on the. Come at us, really.
Oh, yeah. But here's you.
Here's how you can tell the budget, budgetary difference of these two films,
because in Bertie, they had to film an actual at an actual landfill
in the Wicker Man.
The one shot of summer aisle you get is bad, like CG,
like Mist Era CG.
I love the water met in the middle.
Yeah, because it was bad.
Mist Era CG and like a lens flare.
OK, Sister Rose played by Molly Parker, who was on Deadwood.
I don't know if you guys watch that one.
Oh, he's good. She was great on that.
And she she plays like such a boring character who's so contentious for no reason.
You really got to narrow it down if you're going to say boring character.
And then immediately after meeting Sister Rose, he like is getting directions on the road
and he meets Sister Thorne, who is the twin for no reason for no reasons.
Like, didn't I just meet you at the school?
I was like, no. Oh, but Sister Rose is also the one who is the first one to admit that
the child exists.
Well, kind of.
She doesn't admit.
Eventually, after he like, you know, takes the school ledger.
Open up the fucking Rowan's desk.
The little girl's name is Rowan.
Open up Rowan's desk and there's a fucking crow in it.
And then the other kids were like, oh, we put that there because we were wondering how long
it would sit in there.
It's like I've seen birds in boxes and stuff before.
They're not quiet.
They don't sit there.
Wait, we just watched a whole movie about him.
Yeah. Also, don't ask why I've seen a bird in a box.
So, you know, he finds the ledger of class, finds out that Rowan exists.
Yeah, she was a member of this class.
Calls all the students little liars.
Like even when he was showing photos of Rowan around earlier, people would just be like,
haven't seen her.
And he's like, you know, it's customary to look at a photo before you tell me if you
haven't seen her.
Yeah, that was great.
Sister Rose tells him there was an accident and, you know, they buried Rowan.
The like only actual clues in this film amongst all the other like, again, just so many red
herrings that add up to nothing because it's not even like they tied themselves up to make
it interesting.
They're just there to fuck with him.
And at which point he's already on the island.
He willingly came there to save the girl, but they keep playing with him because they
have to.
I think this is a meat tenderizing.
Make him a juicier sacrifice.
Yeah, yeah, like the more anguish he goes through.
Yeah.
Suffering.
Usually like you don't want an animal to suffer like that.
Yeah, the adrenaline spoils the meat.
You don't eat roadkill.
But I think in the Wicker Man situation, like the suffering is what gives you the good
honey.
OK, so they beat him up because the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Yes.
Nice.
He eventually sees Rowan's room.
And under her desk, she's carved all this whole they're coming to kill me stuff.
He's like to ask the mom's like, have you seen that?
That's troublesome.
And mom's just like, children.
But let's not also start talking like he's doing detective work.
No, he's not.
This guy is a terrible already.
So yeah, but you also talk about it like he's uncovering clues.
I mean, he is.
I mean, I think they're almost given to him.
Like, again, that's a bad cop.
They're like, OK, have you looked under the desk, though?
And he's like, Oh, I haven't looked under the desk.
Oh, this is troubling.
Oh, no, that's just kids.
What they have to shovel.
Yeah, I know.
All evidence into his face.
So bad.
Oh, when he's when he's eating breakfast, there's a little store
bought honey bear.
He's like, don't don't you guys make honey?
And the girl's just like, I'm just fucking work here.
But she also goes on to say, like, our crop failed last year.
Like, we didn't have any honey because our honey was cursed.
That's when he sees the photos of all the girls from previous summer
festivals, because they just display that shit where people eat breakfast.
The previous year.
Like, look at these kids we've killed.
But enjoy your flapjacks.
The previous year's photo is missing because it got broken the night before.
Mysterious.
The glasses.
Yeah, the night before the glass broke.
Yeah, the night before the glass is just all on the floor.
It's like, yeah, this movie sucks so bad.
It does.
So he finds out the doctor takes all is the only one with a camera on the island.
Apparently, photos grabs all the kids.
So he goes to the doctor and it's like, I hear you're the town photographer.
She's like, why do you want your photo taken?
And he wants, you know, it's like, oh, I'm looking for last year's photo.
It's like, oh, it's in the end.
It's like, no, it's not.
It got broke.
And it's like, oh, well, I have the negative.
I'll get you a copy.
Also, why didn't he just be like, I can look at negatives.
Just bring me a foot.
I know how cameras work.
They're fucking inverted.
Because he wanted to snoop because he goes snooping.
Yeah.
But as he does, he does the Scooby Doo twinkle.
He's been pushing this.
I'm a cop narrative for so long, though, that it's like, why not just be like
fucking slam your badge against the desk again and be like, hey,
let me just see the negative then.
Because it's a bad movie.
I OK.
I can't I can't get over this one.
She's like, pretty humdrum island here.
Close's book that says secrets of the ancients.
Oh, yeah.
Our terrible rituals.
They keep talking about like there's these two festivals, two festivals.
We talk about these.
There's the festival of life and death or like the harvest and death.
No, because the second is about rebirth, which is where they're all fucking.
That's the origin.
Oh, yeah.
Those blind twins are fucking getting down with weird boil boy.
OK, yeah.
All right.
Talk about the house.
Talk about boil boy.
Yeah.
So I'm getting the order of operations fucked up here, but they don't matter.
Yeah, he goes.
He eventually wants to call the mainland again, so he tries to go get the go to the pilot
and the plane is out there and he's calling to it and the pilots are responding.
So he's like, I'm just going to wait.
And he's sitting there and while he's on the dock, he looks down and sees Rowan
under the dock because he.
Right, because the dock has windows in the floor.
He was told she was a great swimmer or she liked to swim.
So he looks down, sees her, goes to the end of the pier, jumps off to swim back under
it.
Well, he he does what any good cop would do in this moment, removes his gun badge ID
and like places it all in a pile, too.
Yeah.
But goes finds her like finds her body and is like holding it underwater and shaking
her and then wakes up on the dock from his from his dream.
Yeah.
And looks down and then her body is in his hands and he wakes up again.
Oh, double dream scare.
And what I wanted from the scene, what I was hoping for and praying for was he looks
down, is shocked at the body and then semi truck runs the boat over.
Ah, jump ahead a little bit to grave digging.
Well, before we get to grave digging, we have to get to him walking through the bee area,
the bee, the way they harvest it.
We don't know, but we do, because for someone who is deathly allergic to bees, he's just
walking by all these bees, not paying attention to when he's rolling his bike, when he rolls
it right into a hive.
Also talk about that bike.
That bike was great.
I mean, it was a fixie for sure.
It would have only been better if he had rolled up onto somebody's porch, grabbed the bike
and just growled at them and then rode away on it.
Episode three.
But yeah, so so he wakes up in summer isles house.
The doctor has summer's aisle, summer's aisle house, summer's aisles, summer's aisles,
summer aisle with an apostrophe at the end, but no less.
I've always hated that.
The English language is garbage.
And the first thing he does when he gets making up rules as we go, kind of like this podcast.
There are no rules.
First thing he does when he gets out of bed after being told that they didn't use his
EpiPen, but they use the old ways is make sure all the bullets are still in his gun.
That'll come into play later.
And he meets summer isles for the first time.
A dumb dumb.
Yeah, he meets summer isles for the first time when he first thing he asks is for permission
to dig the grit, dig up the grave and is immediately given permission to do so and then proceeds
to just be shitty to an old woman who is, you know, questionable in her own right.
Admittedly, the old deserving.
So that he's he's getting like shittier and shittier with summer, summer aisle and, you
know, summer's out.
God damn it.
I hate both of you.
Men are for procreation and we won't be subjugated by men.
All right, fine.
You're, you know, a weird cult.
Don't care.
So let's hit the beats from here out.
Right.
Like he goes to exhume the body.
Hold on.
I want to point out that he gets permission to exhume said body broad daylight.
He waits until fucking nighttime to actually dig that shit up when it's all spooky and
that's brave time.
That's that's that's you can't you can't you know, you got to do if you if you look
like a Nicolas Cage, if no one's going to question some night digging, you night dig.
Well, let's talk about that night digging because he's wearing a full suit and tie.
Yeah, yeah.
He's always wearing a full suit and tie.
So he's doing some night digging, digs up Rowan's coffin and inside is a doll with a
burned face.
But how did it get burned?
This question will never be answered.
It's again, it's just the island.
It's just the people fucking with him.
Yeah.
So from here he goes and he fucks with a bunch of children wearing masks.
Well, yes, because he's just like fucking with the people.
Fuck it.
I'm going to find what I need.
And he just starts going like house to house kicking indoors, demanding to see the children.
But everybody's getting ready for the festival.
So they're all wearing like woodland creature masks.
Yeah.
Animal masks.
He steals another bike from Sister Rose.
He's got a crow get up going.
Sister Thorn now totally gone.
Yeah.
Pulls pulls a gun on Sister Rose to get the bike.
Yeah.
Gets to go to the beach, finds the pilot.
Finally, because when he gets back to the beach, the plane has been sunk
and he finds the pilot who's been murdered missing an arm and has like some.
He has a wicker bits shoved in.
Wicker bits shoved into this flesh.
Kind of like, you know, a wicker man of sorts, which is a word we haven't heard at all in this film yet.
He goes back to the house and Sister Beach is talking with one of the old biddy he met
when he first got there and how the old biddy had dealt with the pilot.
The old biddy excuses like, I'm going to let myself get ready and leaves.
Sister Beach opens her smart mouth without saying a word.
Nicholas Cage just fucking socks are in the face.
She just goes down like a sack of potatoes because they were talking about Sister Beach's
bear costume for the celebration for the festival.
Right.
And the cage starts.
The ladies were talking about it pre Nicholas Cage intervention.
Nick Cage starts looking at the bear costume like this will be a good disguise.
And Sister Honey comes out of nowhere screaming and like jumps on his back.
They they tangle for a bit and then karate kicks her in the face into the wall of photos.
At this point, the festival is in full swing, which again, I'm going to remind you,
he is going to be the key component of yet.
People are trying to stop him at this point.
The mystery is bad.
The black or the berry tenderize meat, baby.
Yeah. So yeah, he gets he gets bared up and he goes to the festival willows there.
And he said, you know, I thought I told you stay home.
She's like, I can't. It's the festival.
Summer's Isle is painted up like the weird space racists from that episode of Star Trek
where you're black and white on one side or white and black opposite.
And they ate each other with racism.
Then she's doing her little like, whoo hippie dance through the fields.
Yeah.
Leading leading the townsfolk to where there is Rowan
about to be burned at the stake.
And finally.
And yeah, we finally get there.
That's when, you know, Nick Cage bears out and runs up, grabs the girl, grabs the girl and run.
But Rowan runs off.
He chases Rowan and she runs into a field where everyone's waiting for them.
And Rowan runs up to Willow and goes, did I do good, mommy?
And that's when like the pin drops and it was all a setup.
And this is where Summer's Isle is like, you have an appointment with a Wicker Man.
Yeah, this is where we pieced it all together because before this we were just along for the ride.
We didn't understand.
Very puzzling.
Yeah, it was a mystery.
And the whole premises they needed.
Well, galleons nights to come up with his own accord to save a child, which he did come up with his own accord.
They do also talk about how the the blood bond makes it stronger and better.
So, yeah. Well, because he's Rowan's father.
Yeah.
Which OK, yeah, that's like a big reveal.
And then all of a sudden he's just like, my baby, my child.
Oh, I know he's fucking hammers that one down.
It's like, how did you not expect that to be your fucking kid from the beginning?
He gets he pulls out his gun.
He's like, starts yelling people to back off because they start advancing upon him.
Oh, he kicks a couple more people.
Kicks a couple more.
Yeah, he does.
And then, you know, eventually showing off that Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
You know, when they all start actually advancing upon me, like pulls the trigger and nothing happens.
Like he was going to shoot Rowan, right?
Not Rowan.
I'm Willow.
Well, he's just going to shoot some bitches.
Yeah, he's going to start just popping off like a good cop.
I do like Sister Beach does show up and she does have like she just has a slight bruise.
And then, you know, it cuts to black and you just start hearing bones breaking and him
screaming about his legs.
Yeah, which in the unrated version is where you would see the torture scene where the bees.
It's actually fucking gnarly the way they break his knees.
So this movie, they were afraid of actually getting an NC 17 rating because of the violence in it.
And they dialed it back.
And actually, weirdly, how they ended up doing it was they just took out the video and left the audio.
And then they just pour a bunch of bees and a fucking swimmer's helmet.
So they can wear it.
Yeah. So then they take him to the wicker.
We see the Wicker Man.
They string him up, pull him up there.
There's a bunch of goats, pigs, chickens that are going to be sacrificed with him.
And then so he gets hoisted up to the head and Rowan lights the sacrificial pyre.
He's like, No, baby, don't do it.
Don't do it to daddy.
Don't don't burn me.
There's no.
We have a well established relationship.
Yeah. I mean, that is kind of the flavor they're going for.
And yeah, they burn the Wicker Man.
And then we cut to what, 10 months later.
So this scene actually is only in the unrated version.
Interesting.
The are sorry, only in the rated version.
The theatrical version in the unrated version.
You don't get this like post scene.
So there's this weird like, yeah, if I read this, I'm like,
what did they do instead?
Just he burned.
That's just the end of the movie.
Which is the proper end of the film.
Not even like some bees.
No, there's no James Franco in the originally scripted film.
Yeah.
The most problematic part about this James Franco.
Yeah.
And Jason Ritter, James Franco and Jason Ritter just graduated
the police academy there at a bar and they find they see Sister Rose and Sister Honey
across the bar.
They sit down for a drink.
Rose takes.
That's Willow.
Willow.
Yeah, no, Willow takes Ritter off to get them drinks and Honey's like,
can I go home with you?
And it starts again.
The Wicker Man.
Then more papyrus happens and then the movie ends.
All right, let's do quotes because I mean, this movie is fucking absurd.
Yeah.
I don't really have a quote on this one.
I have a scene that I really enjoyed the best.
I mean, we touched on it.
It's when Nicholas Cage goes in near the end and takes the suit from Sister Beach
because it's not so much like this scene just fluidly happens.
He doesn't like come up and like look and then they're standing next to each other
and he decks her.
It's like he comes in, then there's like 10 seconds of him walking across the room
and just cold cocking her like there's this step, step, step, wham, and she's out.
And then like Honey comes in and fucking karate kicks her into the wall.
And then he just goes on this rampage of just beating the shit out of the women on this island.
And I don't endorse beating women, but when they're psychopaths
who are trying to burn you alive.
Oh, you're a Connery defense.
Yeah, you get one free punch per woman.
That's the rule.
One per woman.
Don't edit this out.
This is not going in.
This is my favorite part of the movie.
You got to put it in.
Look, I'm not.
OK, I mean, my favorite part is also somebody getting punched in the face.
And it's when he's in the costume, he's in the bear costume, runs up to his daughter,
Hootie Punch.
Was it a woman?
OK, now you have to keep it in.
Yeah, you can't not keep this.
So he runs up to her and he's like, don't be frightened.
I'm here to help.
An entire stranger in a bear costume, cold cocking a woman in front of you.
And it's being like, I love you.
Yeah, to be fair, he thought she was going to be burned at the stake.
Yeah.
Oh, OK, I do have a quote when he is looking for Rowan and like kicking in doors.
And it's the first house he goes to where he starts like demanding to see the children's faces
and the mothers like, do you have permission to do this?
And he just turns and screams at her.
You have my permission to stay the fuck out of the room to stay out of the fucking way.
Oh, so what I gather is all of our favorite moments happened within moments of each other.
That's like, oh, no, I mean, this movie is wacky and I'm here for it.
You know what? I'm going to take Nick Cage up his word.
He is proud of the acting he did in this film and he was mad that it wasn't advertised as a black comedy.
Yeah, I mean, that's fair.
I'm going to take a word on it because it's funny as fuck.
And I had an amazing time watching it twice.
So, yeah, I mean, let's get down to it then.
I'm going to make my case that this is a more cagey film.
There's more screaming.
There's more caging out.
One is one is a better film.
Yeah, I know.
We've had this exact argument before.
I know.
I think the tables are just flipped.
Yes.
The Wicker Man is so funny and so dumb and I I have so much fond memories laughing at it.
I think I would be more inclined to agree if we had watched this before Left Behind.
But at this point, the fucking floor is out like the basement is out.
There's no I've seen bad movies now.
Yeah, I've seen real bad movies and this isn't as bad.
It's not.
Left behind.
It's not even a quarter as bad.
It's less behind.
It is funny and I do enjoy watching it.
I would enjoy watching it again.
I could watch it right now.
Birdie is a birdie is a special time movie birdies.
Yeah, birdies a movie you watch with your art house friends.
It's a lot of it's a good one to watch.
It's not fun.
No, I don't know that Wicker Man's a fun movie.
I mean, maybe when we watch it next, we'll just be drunk, but it's going to be the next one.
I think we have a winner.
This movie slaps.
It wins 100%.
I don't know.
Tiebreaker.
My endorsement is not nearly as strong as Peter's.
Sorry, Nick.
I think you're right, actually.
But in terms of watchability, like, no, it's the same we made.
Not that we have to stick to our own rules.
No, the rules are made up and they don't matter.
I'd rather watch Wicker Man against another movie and see how it airs out.
What's up next, Peter?
Oh, it's a ghostwriter and dog eats dog.
Dog eat dog.
Yeah.
So we get some weird mustache Willem Dafoe and ghostwriter.
Which is a very spiritual movie, according to Nicholas Cain.
Any last thoughts?
Or are we good?
Don't punch women unless they want to burn you alive.
Then punch women.
But you only get one.
Only one punch.
I'm sure I'm sure Sean feels the same way.
Fuck seafair.
Yeah.
Bunch of mouth breathers gopping at the air.
I love seafair.
We found our post.
All right, hang on.
Sorry.
You cannot.
Do you remember the chocolate rain guy?
And he explained, you know what I'm talking about.
He explains how, like, to make sure you don't get, like, breathing noises on mic, he goes, like, off.
Yes.
Turn my head away to breathe.
And then sing.
Whatever these words are.
It's like sing, drink your fucking drink off mic.
I'm trying.
Just because you turn away over the mic doesn't mean you.
Yeah.
Move it away.
Here's your volume levels.
I'm just going to go over here.
OK.
If you want to take a drink, look at me in the eyes and make a drinking motion with your hands.
OK.
I will turn your mic off.